My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 225: Jingle Defense Force

Episode Date: November 10, 2014

We're officially on that Christmas Creep, but it looks like the road to this year's festivities is going to be a bumpy one. It's already taken our middlest brother from us - what will Hollywood take next? Suggested talking points: Jingle 2, Dusty Butter, Nugbuds, Netflix Thief, Normcore, Elton John Medley, Buffet Ruiners, Hawaiian Football Girlfriend

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome, my brother, my brother, me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby-est brother, Griffin, fucking McElroy. Alert, alert. We are the Jingle All the Way defense team, and we are here to warn you

that you or someone you love may at some point be exposed to Jingle All the Way 2. You know what, I'm sorry to admit it. I didn't have my defenses up. I had lowered the levels of my firewall and my computer, and I just found out that I've already been cast in Jingle All the Way 2. Man, don't make me choose between my brother and my Jingle, because it's gonna be the Jingle, for sure. For sure, Defo, 100%. Let's just say this, looking at the IMDB page of Jingle 2, and I'm making a list, and I'm checking it twice. Wait, Griffin, are you worried that they'll disrupt the canon of Jingle All the Way 1, that they'll ruin the integrity, or is it like you just hate Jingle All the Way 1,

so much you don't want to see a sequel? Are you on fucking crystal meth? Jingle 1 is a fantastic film. It's my favorite Sinbad movie. And now these motherfuckers, I'm actually a little hoarse, I'm a little gravelly right now, because I literally watched the 30-second long trailer of Jingle 2, which shows Larry the goddamn cable guy, which like he hasn't done cable for a long time, so maybe it's time to revisit that nom de plume. Where are you, the emeritus cable guy? He fucking, the whole thing is the 30-second bit about how he plugs in crystals lights, and it shocks him, and it shoots him backwards. Real great stuff. I'm gravelly, because I literally yelled, you motherfuckers like that, and now I'm hoarse from it. So thanks for that. I've got

choir practice here in 30 minutes. That's shot. Just want to take a quick check on the description of this film. There's many good things about this, including the fact that it co-stars WWE Superstar Santino Morella, but in the description of the trailer, Larry the cable guy is playing the role of Larry, which I pointed out to Justin, he does in all of his fucking movies. He's never, it's never really Larry the cable guy as Dr. Kenneth Hardstone. It's listed here in his credits. Larry, played by Larry the cable guy from Cars One and Cars Two. Yeah. Like, so you might see just from Cars and think, ah, no, screw that guy. No, that's how deep they're willing to go into his like, back catalog, that they are not even going to put their finger on, oh, I don't know, maybe

Tooth Fairy Two? Another fucking disaster. He's also, why not put him down as like one of the, like the blue collar comedy tour, like the thing that he is most known for. Red State He-Haw Boys. This motherfucker is trying to carve out a fucking earnest size niche for himself with his goddamn Larry versus the aliens and a secret service, Larry. Griffin, when you said that Larry the cable guy is basically playing Larry the cable guy in every movie. Did you think I was fucking joking? No, I mean, like, I know he is, but like, did you know that he's literally playing a character named Larry? Yes. 2007 Delta Fars, Larry. Yep. Witless Protection. Deputy Larry's.

Tooth Fairy, oh my God, Tooth Fairy Two, Larry Guthrie. Doug, this is, it's his fucking brand. It's his brand, but you know what? It's also, hold on, hold on, hold on. For making him change it for a Medea Christmas to, if I just be on the set, someone's like, he's playing a character called Buddy in uh, Larry the cable guy is a Medea, because I have to imagine on the set, someone's like, uh, okay, now, uh, uh, Medea, now you're gonna lead into Buddy. Wait a minute, my name's Larry. Yeah, yeah, no, you are. Yeah, you're, no, I'm Larry. No, but you're playing the role of Buddy. My name's Larry. This was such a mistake. Is it the same character in all of his? Oh my God, he is like an earnest

level universe in which he, it's the Larry verse and he just exists. It's the Larry verse and he is the observer. He crosses across, he crosses all planes, but he cannot interact with the human beings they're in. And that's why he doesn't. The fabric of time is nothing to Larry. He can move seamlessly between every different plane of existence. Larry the cable guy is basically just a coalsaw suckered black adder. That's Larry the cable guy for you. He is the beginning and the ending. Everything is Larry and Larry is all things. And now he's using his infinite power to fucking ruin Jingle One. He is the alpha and the omega. Oh Jesus. I'm starting a Twitter campaign. I'm starting a Kickstarter campaign of Patreon. Just fucking everything. Trying to

get Sinbad on board and he hasn't answered me at the time of this recording. So I'm not gonna call him a fucking coward because maybe you will before this thing gets published. But Sinbad, you know what you need to do and you have my information. I reached out to Schwarzenegger too, but I don't think he needs this as bad as Sinbad and I do, which is to say very badly. We're gonna continue to try to reach Sinbad throughout the program, right? Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. Listen, I fucking lost the Battle for a Christmas story too. We all lost the Battle for a Christmas story. This is it. This is the final fucking line in the sand. Normandy Beach. This is it. If we can't do this, then what the fuck are we doing here?

We're answering people's questions and turning them alchemy like into wisdom. We're gonna try. That's what we came to do. What's the right place to keep your ketchup? The pantry or the refrigerator? America is not the best country on earth anymore. The fucking fabric of our nation is eroding. Larry the Cable Guy fucking destroyed a racing Christmas off the calendar and this fucking person even considering putting it in the pantry. Okay, wait, hold on. I just wanted for those of you not well versed in Jingle all the way to it is Jingle all the way except they've swapped out Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad for two other people trying to find a gift. It's all sold out. Yeah. He wants to find it.

He's on an adventure to find it. You're not calling me down. I need two dads in a no holds barred battle to be the best father and make this the best Christmas ever. Just I need you to I need you to make some ocean sounds for me or something. Do you want me to talk to you in the ASMR? Yeah, no, nobody wants that ever again. Actually, after last week. Where are we? Finish the question please. I'm dying. What are you mom and I wearing hockey bands? That is pretty much the I mean like you get it just but like his wife says helps to stay fresh longer in the fridge in the fridge. But he's once in the pantry because why would I want cold ketchup on my hot food? It's called contrast look up you fucking it's the best cold at restaurants. Why would I keep it cold at home?

Yeah, everything at restaurants is fucking gross. Everything they have there for public like sharing and consumption. If you see butter open butter on a tray and use or a dish and you think like ooh, they have exposed butter on a dish that must mean this is a fancy restaurant. No, that means that's dirty butter. That means that's dirty two-year-old butter. Dusty butter. Don't use that. You can use salt, I guess. I'm Dusty butter. Thanks for coming to my roundup. I've seen a few songs maybe have a few good old gospel tunes and they're gonna meet my whole family. Here's my little brother, Dusty Butters and he's on the bench. I'll take it away, Dusty. Was it Dusty? Dusty. Just remember here at Dusty Butters, the butter's been on the table since

1958. Actually, my grandpa did it. Other than a few unpleasant races outbursts, he's still my hero. And you can throw the butter right on the floor. The butter on the floor. Dusty Butters. Don't let grandma slip. She'll stick around for the peanut butter roundup. That's a dessert. That also served on the floor. Here's the thing that the restaurant's gonna go through a bottle of ketchup a lot faster than you will. Especially if I roll around because I'll turn that shit into dunkables. Yeah, I would love to see a scientific survey on the extent to which people will demolish a restaurant ketchup bottle like just completely bathing their dish in ketchup versus at home when you're like, I don't know. I don't really need that much. Right. I buy one of those giant

Heinzers from the Costco and I use it at a pace that is so slow that I could collect enough of that ketchup skin from the top of the bottle to form a child. I take this conundrum one step farther and you know those things that say how basically like every jar of everything says refrigerator after opening? You're not understanding why you wouldn't just refrigerate it to begin with so that the first time you use it, it is also cold. Like if you refrigerate it till the first time you use it, it means the first time you use it, it's bad. So I'm weird about this. I will keep ketchup and mustard in the fridge but like hot sauce like a buffalo sauce or like a hot sauce I'll keep in the pantry except for sriracha which I keep in the refrigerator. I'm just making it up.

We're all playing Calvin Ball with our fucking dippers, aren't we? No, I could justify that, Justin. Do you want to hear my theory on why you do that? Go. The mustard and the ketchup and the sriracha, they're all for dipping and topping. The hot sauce is for mixing into sauce that you put onto food and therefore bake it so it doesn't matter if it's cold. That's not true. I use buffalo sauce for human. Well then fuck. I don't know what you want me to do here, Justin. I'm trying to justify your weird behavior. Just put everything in the fridge. You spend a lot of money on that refrigerator. People spend a lot of time inventing it and it was designed to keep shit fresh. You know, Teresa and I in moving to LA we took like a refrigerator size

downgrade and now we have to like, it's a very like Sophie's choice, like what goes in the fridge. It's not at all like Sophie's choice. Well, I did just lose a full jar of pickles the other day because I got pushed off the top shelf by some leftovers. It made me real sad and it took 45 minutes. That made quite a mess. We were in quite a mess. Stop it. Stop it. Are you also, writing jingle all the way too? I am. They gave me a good deal. Just out of a bitch. Do you guys want a yahoo? Hold on. Wait, that joke wasn't kosher. Now do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, please. Let me relish this for one second. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. This yahoo was sent in. Guys, this is going to be a

plastic episode. I can already tell. This yahoo was sent in by Rachel Sperling. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo! Interviews are Devin who asks, can you give me step? Oh, sorry. Can you give me step by step instructions on smoking weed? I have no clue what to do. This is in general health care. I'm starting to really get into how people categorize their yahoo barf. They're ephemera. I mean, here's the thing. We laugh, but I kind of get where this dude is coming from. If you give me a bag of weed right now, I would not know what to do. I would probably end up making it into edibles because I would not know. You'd fuck that up too. Even that is an intense process. Right. Yeah, because you got like, boil it in olive oil and you got to extract it

and you got to perform the sacred ritual. Hold on, wait, quick note for my nanny. I bet. Or so I'm told by the TV. It just seems to me like in this day and age, like I've never been. Just as I would not know how to raise chickens, I just know how to eat them. Sure. That is very much how I feel about marijuana. You bet. But like, I think I've heard people say that you're only supposed to have the buds in air. You also have the nugs. Buds are, well, you take the nug and you turn it into a bud and by pruning it? So not all nugs are buds, but all buds are nugs. From what I understand, I bet, it's like a broccoli, but you're not supposed to eat the tree trunk part. Only the leafy

nug buds. Nug buds. Well, it's all clear now. And then you grind your nugs. You're going to need a food processor with a very fine settings and you got to do like, I don't know, man, like two cups at a time. And what most people don't know is there's not a very good like ratio to this. So you start with like a pound and you end up with like half an ounce. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of like leftovers you throw. It's like cotton candy, basically. Yeah. Justin, you have that cotton candy machine. Would you think about, I don't know, that form of distillation? I'd give it a try. I'd have to add some sugar just to get a pleasant mouthfeel, I think. I don't think the weed would necessarily make great cotton candy by itself.

Well, not unless you got that that sweet grass. The last time I smoked weed, you bet. I watched Riding the Bus with My Sister. Oh, Justin, no. The movie, if you ever watched is wildly, wildly offensive. I thought with the help of my friend weed, I thought that it was fucking touching. So I don't know if I could smoke weed again, because how do you top Riding the Bus with My Sister? If someone told me that like the best potency you get from weed is to like put it straight up your nose without any processing, I'd probably buy it, especially if this were like, if I was like 21 and they were like, oh, no, no, no. You just, you sit on it and that's how you, and you'll get high. I'd be like, oh.

Okay. Yeah. Are you guys secretly hoping that marijuana does not become legal on a national level because then you'll be like, oh yeah, guys, did you hear the great news? I can't wait to get all of those nugs and then tear them up and then put them in paper and smoke them like a cigarette. I mostly don't want it to become legal because it's the one thing I'll have to tell my kids about that might make me seem cool a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the only taboo thing I've ever done that's like, well, you know, I was like, fuck it. And I did it. And like in 20 years, my kids would be like, yeah, I'm doing it right now. Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I just got home from school and I'm gonna 420 blaze it. So you passed out graham crackers and orange juice and

some nugs for snack time. I don't get it. What's the big deal? I don't understand. My guidance counselor said it might help chill me out and he gave me some cool records. There's another question. How do you playly ask someone to stop using your Netflix account? When I first signed up, I let my friend who was very vocal about her financial difficulties using for free. Attention. I had no problem with it since we were in college and she ended up becoming my roommate slash best friend. Four years later, we both have full time jobs yet she still used my account even jokes about how she's mooching off me. I know it's a really small amount of money, but it still bothers me. She has no plans to get her account. Now that we're both adults,

am I just being selfish and stingy? That's from the Scrooge McDuck of Netflix streaming. I mean, on the one hand, it's not like she's using it up. Yeah, I mean, does Netflix have the thing where only one person can be using it on one platform at a time? I don't think so. Okay, I share my Netflix account with Sydney's family. I do get a lot of like, did you want to watch some more Glee? No, thank you. Here's some recommendations for things that are like Glee. I'm fine. Thanks. But in this day and age, you can create different profiles like Teresa and I have separate profiles that we don't get that weird crossover. That's a new development. You really like watching weird British horror movies and also

animated children's features. I'm worried about you. I've already been contaminated though. It already has that in its files for me. You could watch all five seasons of The Wire and it would still be like, I listen, are you ever going to get back on that singing high schooler tip? Could you? Hi, I have it. You need to harness the power of your Netflix by watching the most reprehensible content you possibly can until your friend no longer wants to be associated with you. I noticed that you watched all five seasons of my strange eating addiction. Maybe this isn't working out. Maybe we can't share this anymore. Oh my shit. I just figured out how we use this to get famous. More like the snuff films you've been watching. Looking for something goofy and where somebody

gets murdered for real in real life and they filmed it, you might like this. We need to make a movie titled How to Tell Your Roommate, Your Former Roommate, Not to Use Your Netflix Anymore, and then it's just a real boss looking at it going, Hey, stop it. And you only watched that repeatedly for a year. So that's the only thing showing up on your recently. How to murder somebody who is watching your Netflix. That might be two on the nose. The only person I know, fuck you quit it. The only person I know that got something on Netflix is Hodgson got his special Ragnarok on there. So if you haven't watched that, go watch that. Ask him how he did it. There is some poopy garbage on Netflix. If you fucking jingle too, guaranteed gonna be on the

flicks this holiday season. I do not think it's that hard. I think we could probably swing this. Do you guys remember when we used to go into borders and we would go to the computers or we'd search for things and we would search for like how to blow up a border and then we'd leave? God, that's it. That was a simpler time. God, that was really. Impact shenanigans. That was the 90s, folks. That was the 90s. It was different. It was a different time. It was a different. It was very different. I think it was the main thing I could say. Why don't you change your password and say you canceled it? Oh, that's pretty good too. And then ask him if you can use her Netflix that she starts because you don't have the finances for

it. Do you guys want a Yahoo? This Yahoo was also sent by Rachel Sperling. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user. I think that they have been deleted. They asked me and my boyfriend are both emo. Does that mean our children will be emo too? I didn't know that particular people group and no judgment. It still existed. It's still around. If my grandfather was a quarter goth and my meeps was straight edge. If they have four kids, two of them will definitely be emo. One of them will be straight edge goth and one of them will be president of the United States. Guys, we just fucking invented an America's Next Top Model Challenge right now. I mean, maybe. Listen, genetics. I listened to this really fascinating episode of Radio Lab

on RNA. No, come on. Hey, who am I? Everybody. I do actually listen to Radio Lab to fall asleep on long plane rides. It's a great show though. Anyway, they were talking about RNA and how it just informed so many different parts of your life. You probably have a few TCAGs in there that are just like, hey, hey, hey, guess what? You like Panic at the Disco. So I don't see why you couldn't pass out along to your tier spawn. Can you picture 40 year old emo people? Yes. Yeah. What do you think they look like? Gene Simmons. Robert Smith, right? But he's like, yeah, I guess he's legit. He's pro-emo. Yeah. I, what is Norm Core? That's like, people just like, it's the razzle dazzle of cultural groups

of people that are just wearing some jeans. Okay. So wait, it's just like normal. Yeah. And then they put a label on it. Maybe it's a little bit too normal. And it's like, I'm eating my oatmeal. I might put some cinnamon on it because it's Saturday. It's like we fucking, all right, we get it. Like John Green, right? What's that guy up to? What are you planning, John Green, in your pleasant shirt and your affable, your affable personality? What are you up to? That's the problem. He's actually just a pleasant affable person. He's a little too likable for my face. The fact that you know his name means he's, he's been pushed out. Only because I've been keeping my eye on him. Yeah. The fact

that there was something, there's something there to keep an eye on. Let me, let me ask you if you've ever heard of this person. John Horkinson. No, I haven't. You guys just don't know the fucking scene. Here's why I don't trust John Green. This is a multi-part point, but it's really just the one. John Green wrote The Fault in Our Stars. Yep. Before he wrote The Fault in Our Stars, he was making videos on YouTube. After The Fault in Our Stars movie came out, he was still making videos on YouTube. If I wrote The Fault in Our Stars, I would never be on YouTube again. You would have to come find me. Somebody on YouTube has dirt on John Green. Somebody there had, I would net what YouTube, like on computers. Sorry, call me back with

your Steven Spielberg because I wrote The Fault in Our Stars. Oh, I'm actually rich and famous enough to use the rich and famous internet that only rich and famous people are allowed to use. Yeah. Yeah. A true American dog is still updated on it. I've been watching just new strong bad videos for years on the deep, the deep, deep John Green webs. My girlfriend recently got a job as an administrative assistant at a financial firm. At the end of the day, we always exchange stories about her day. The problem is her days and the stories are now really, really boring. She used to be a teacher and waitress and would have funny bits about students or goofy customers. Yesterday, on the other hand, I had to sit there 15 minute

evict about some papers that she misplaced and had to track down. I love her very much, but office stories are even more boring than dreams. How do I tell her? And that's from Inattentive in Illinois. I really liked girlfriend, but I feel like it went downhill in like series three when Aaron Sorkin left. I never made star work at a financial firm. Just didn't have the same pop. Oh boy. You've misplaced one report too many. Shut it down. What happened to this fucking show? Here's the facts, dude. She's not telling you her stories to entertain you. She's telling you her stories to tell you about her day. And this is a universe nobody ever tells work stories to entertain anyone, unless you're like you have a fucking super

dope life and you're like, I don't know, Steve Busciami's personal assistant. I bet you get lots of delicious dirt pies from that. And that's the thing. What's she gonna do? Come home and just be like, hey, how was your day? How was your day? You go. I've got nothing. She's gonna tell you, because this is what she did in the day. And it's your job to go, oh, really? You found the papers. Well, that's good. That's what you're supposed to do. You're not supposed to sit there and go, can you spice it up? I would say that my job is very boring to tell stories from. But I generally attempt to spare Sidney. I don't say like, well, I stared at a collection of LEDs in a box for eight hours and got eight hours older. And then I pushed a series of buttons

on that that changed things on that screen. And I got probably doxed. But other than that, like that's been my day. Well, there's an important thing here that he didn't say. How recently should she get it? Because if it's like three weeks, then she's gonna, now she's like six months, seven months in, eventually she'll go, I don't know. It was another day where like, I was trying to find papers. What did you do? Like, if it's really early on, of course she's going to talk about it. She's got a new job and she's excited about it. You could challenge yourself to try to learn more about the office. How many people in the office can you learn their names and job titles and keep track of their various story lines?

Ask for more info. Get on board. This could be your new season of the office. This could be your new season of the office is her office. Here's another option for you that I just came up with. Thank you, Brandy. The new option is the singer Brandy. Thank you, Brandy. She's here in my office. She just whispered this in my ear. She said, what if the next time, what if you stay so busy that you never have time for work stories again? Maybe she starts a work story and you're like, hold on. Hold on, my queen, my world, my everything. Get in the back of this limousine. We're going to the museum and you just make memories. So many memories together. Okay. Let me challenge you right now. Every day you have something planned.

Let me challenge you right now to come up with three more memories on the spot. Go. You did limo to museum. Go. Limo to museum. Because this guy's going to be feeling more pressure than this. Go, Justin. Go, go, go. Laser tag with kids from the city mission. Terrific. Next two. Gift wrapping at the mall, raising money for charity. You can talk during that. You can't talk during laser tag. We'll give you that one, but over present wrapping you could. You also can't talk in the limousine to museum. It's quiet. Skydiving. Skydiving. Okay. Are you just about to do the fucking lyrics to that goddamn song? No, I don't know what song you're talking about. You could go to a Tim McGraw concert. You cocksucker. Be too loud.

What is your job? What are you doing? Yeah, what's your fucking gig? He's a skydiving museum employee. I work at the skydive museum. Oh, Frederick Henderson was the first person that was like, I'm going to jump out one in some bitches. If you look to your right, it's a playing door. Let's go. Let's go to the mighty time. So we have a new sponsor. Well, it's a little company called nature box. And you know, we said, well, let's give them a try. Well, you just put some twigs and some fucking dirt and a couple butterflies in a box. No, it's snacks. Oh, it's like natural. You eat the butterflies that are

like good for you. You eat the butterflies. Yeah, you eat the butterflies instead of chips. It's a weird new thing that they're doing. You get a box full of butterflies once a month. They're offered a free box of them, like not that impressive considering their butterflies. You could probably just go grab it. You want to go to the trouble of catching the butterflies and making them into praline butterflies yourself. And actually, you know, something my friend, Justin Minster, was getting married next week. I could buy like four or five boxes of these things and just like crack them open at the ceremony. What a wonderful surprise, Obi. It's a multitasker. There's no butterflies in these snacks. They're delicious, wholesome snacks,

but they're like an actual people food. They don't have added sugar in most of them or not. No, most of them, but some of them don't have added sugar and some of them without gluten ingredients. Most of them don't have butterflies. Nearly all of them. You have to look really hard to find the butterflies category. The sampler boxes that you can get for free by starting your free trial at naturebox.com slash my brother. All in one word, naturebox.com slash my brother. Guaranteed, this is a McElroy Brothers guarantee, won't have butterflies in them. Just let me show you larvae. If you want to try these out, they've got the actual snacks like peanut butter nom noms, sweet potato fries. I'm trying to think, you know what? It's been a while

since I've cracked up a fresh box of snacks. I need to re-up my list because I keep eating the same things. I know fresh chips granola is delicious. That's one that I very much enjoy. But anyway, you can get a box of sampler snacks. Just go to naturebox.com slash my brother. Stay full, stay strong. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother and get a free box of delicious snacks. Try to tell me about Prosper. Prosper, well, they've sponsored us before, so you should already know plenty about them, but they're a peer-to-peer lending group. Prosper.com. And basically, if you need a car loan or you move across the country or you've got expensive dental work or something that you're looking for a loan for, but you don't want to go through a bank, Prosper is

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and then sell the contents of those nature boxes. And that's infinite money right there. Yeah. You could get up to $35,000 in your account in three days and a free $50 Visa gift card if you go to Prosper.com slash my brother. Prosper.com slash my brother, get yourself a loan, get yourself a better life. Justin, I'm nervous to ask you to read the legal disclaimer because last time you did a Jimmy Buffett song. I'm hoping you're maybe Jimmy Buffett songed out after releasing your chart-topping single on YouTube today. Yeah, I really hit chart-topping Jimmy Buffett cover. I would be lying if I said I didn't deeply enjoy it. Yeah, it's very good. It's super good. Thanks. I'm really glad you like it. That's at youtube.com slash mbmbam if you want to listen to it. I've

listened to it three times. Here's the legal disclaimer. Other restrictions apply. Aside from program and visa prepaid card details, this card is issued by Center State Bank of Florida in a pursuant to a license from VisaUSA Inc. All personal loans are made by Web Bank, a Utah chartered industrial bank. Remember, FDIC equal opportunity lender. That's amazing. It's amazing. You made me feel it with your slam style and also I could tell that you understood everything you were saying. All the words, especially the letters. Thanks, FDIC. Danny Klein, I got a message for you. We got a Danny Klein around here. He's a lawyer. He's got

the theme song. Danny Klein is the way to go. Call 3-4-6-5-9-9-0. There's some free advertising for you, Danny Klein. This week, the Money Zone is brought to you by Huntington Area lawyer Danny Klein. So if you kill someone at a live show, you're covered. Oh, our live show is giving me such a hoot, nanny. Can we say the name of the person who it's from because I feel like they really fucked it. Stephanie Vigiano. Stephanie Vigiano. Stephanie says, it's been a hilarious and wonderful four years to the guy who has the utmost appreciation of the absurd. Speaking of, Dan inserts his full name into any song as he sings it. Seriously, guys, try it. Rocket Man by Elton John particularly works. Do you mean like Danny Klein?

And he's one of the best and most caring people I know. Happy anniversary, Danny. Here's to many more. I miss my dogs so much. I'm Danny Klein. It does work. It's a pretty good name. I got a message for Lydia Lee, which is a really fun name to say. It's from your brother, your sister-in-law, and your sister. And he is Danny Klein. He shall be a good man. Here's the message. Is it just Elton John songs that works? Any Elton John song? Goodbye, Danny Klein. Hold me closer, Danny Klein. Got a message for Lydia Lee. Yeah, we're in it. We're deep, deep in the Lydia Lee event. Welcome to your message, Lydia Lee. Welcome, Lydia Lee. Hey, Lydia, have you heard of this Danny Klein fella? A lot of buzz about this Danny Klein guy. It's the

Danny of Klein. Lydia Lee, here's a message for you. It's from your brother, your sister-in-law, and your sister. They say, happy birthday, Lydia Lee. We got you this message instead of Mueller Thurgauss, because we don't know what those are. Clearly, neither the fuck do I. Grapes, maybe? Whatever. Enjoy your day. Here's to many more years of one-stepping and asymmetrical haircuts. You're the best. You kind of sound like the best. I very much enjoyed that Lydia said specifically what she wanted, and these people said, I'm not going to google that. How about it out on a podcast? Hope she listens. Hope she listens to it. Boy, I just googled it, and it's a German, so I can't tell. But there's a picture of grapes, so I'm going to say grapes.

Yeah, good job. You got it in one. We have one more out this week. It's from my friend, Bernie's Show. It's called The Kill Corporation. You can go to www.thekillcorporation.com. It's super cool. Do you have agree events? Want that corner office? Wish your neighbor would stop putting garbage in your can. Contact The Kill Corporation today. Basically, what it is, is the concept of the show is in a world where you can submit your grievance, then they arbitrate, and the loser is killed. Jesus Christ. So that way, you don't have to ever deal with them again. You win, and it's done. On their webpage, www.thekillcorporation, they have a bunch of people submitted testimonials and that kind of thing, and I submitted one,

and it's on there, and it's about me doing a podcast. Go check it out. Did you win? Clearly, you won, or else you wouldn't be sitting there. I did win. There's a spoiler, but go listen to it, or watch it. It's very, very funny. Then watch the show, watch all eight episodes. It really is a super cool concept, and they're trying to, they just need views. You don't have to spend money or anything like that. Just go watch it. It's the easiest thing in the world. It's a really good name, too. Yeah, right? The Kill Corporation. That's cool. The website's neat, too. I've watched some of the first episodes before we started here, and it is cool. I'm going to go watch more. So go check it out. Happy birthday, major box, and prox work, everything. Rockin' man. Rockin'

man. Do you want to do one more before we get back to regular questions? Goodbye, Danny and Clyde. Did you do that one? Okay. I sat on the roof. I kicked off Danny Clyde. He's dead now. Play us a song, you're the Danny Clyde. Okay, well, that's William Joel. That's Dr. William Joel. Can't make a living as a Danny Clyde. Don't let the Danny Clyde go down on me. Can you feel the Danny Clyde? That's really good. I'm Danny Clyde better than I ever did. Don't go Danny, my Clyde. Danny and Clyde's all right, full fight, too.

Okay, that's pretty good. Okay, we're pretty good. We're done. Now we're done. Okay, we're done. Let's get serious about this comedy. Hey, everybody, I'm Emily, and I'm Lisa. We co-host Baby Geniuses every other Monday on Maximum Fun. We interview comedians, musicians, cartoonists, circus clowns, and experts in the field of... Vacations, the afterlife, cool-up recipes, self-improvement, fashion candy, beach boys, girls, turtles, pop twists, women dating, fitness, peasants, thermobiles, conflict resolution, Santa meditation, babies, modern dinosaurs, fully in crop circles with beetles, middle-aged men, experts, teens, life hacking, rhyming, baby talk, personal organization, the name dexter, frasier,

extreme eating, groceries, being a best friend, movement, jam, art education, America's Money is Home videos, stockbroking, spooky stories, genealogy, riddles, Pinterest, IT, magic, revenge, mothering, dogs, ayahuasca, Hollywood legends, street racing, fitting in, celebrity sex, vehicle, personal training, the ocean, dentist in the men, as modern poetry, sugar gliders, Jimmy Buffett, Franks, The Tonight Show with Johnnie Carson, Mountain Dew, theme park safety, dinner parties, butterflies, raccoons, pastiches, and Bob Dylan. Join us every other Monday! I'm a college student, which means I attend a lot of events and meetings. Usually with those events, pizza is offered. My question is, if there are three or four boxes

of pizza there, how many slices are acceptable to eat? Should I just go with one? I push the boundaries and eat three. That's from Munchen in Millageville. My jam, and I don't know what y'all's jams is, your respective jams, but is to eat until I can't anymore. And that goes for whatever. You know, I was actually, I was thinking about this, and I guess my response is, how many do you want? Start there, and then think about how many do you need, and how many people there are. Because if there's like four boxes of people, and four boxes of people, oh shit, get them out of there. If there's four boxes of pizza and a hundred people, maybe just take one. I have never been to a meeting where pizza was offered. What the fuck? I've never had a pizza

meeting. You've never like done it in college, like you get together a bunch of friends to study and order some pizzas. That's not a meeting. That's a study group. He also says events. Okay, but not meetings. Guys, who's ever been like, listen, we really got to get these reports filed today, and here's some zop for everybody. Nobody's leaving this room until we figure out a way to save this campaign. Who wants veggie? Pass that sweet daddy's ranch. Well, okay, so let's apply it to like donuts. No, why do you want to fucking, why do you think we've already solved this conversation? We have to move on to donuts. Pizza is its own animal. Pizza and ethics are a completely separate issue. I have a thing,

and you wouldn't suspect it because I'm overweight, but I have a thing that whenever there's like group food, like where people have to like line up to get group food. No, no, you're not. Oh, you're trying a little bit delayed. Okay, thanks. I have to hang back. Like, I don't like to wait in line for food. I like to wait till everybody eats and then go up and swoop afterwards. I used to think it was because like, it's awkward being an overweight person lining up for food. Like, I'm waiting for it. Like, I just can't, I got to get in as soon as I can, but now I think it's so I can like kind of get whatever I want and not have to worry too much about it because everybody else had their shot. I used to just take extra because I was so worried

that someone else was going to take extra and not leave any like leftovers to go back. Oh, I'm that person. Oh, the whole time the killer was me. Yeah, I'm an unreliable narrator. Travis's Twilight Zone is a world of Travis's. That's his horrifying. I just assumed that everyone thought the same of me and said like, Oh, this is free. I'm going to take as much as I want. So that way I can make sure someone else doesn't take it all. I'm actually coming to the realization. Oh my God, this is horrifying that at parties and weddings and formal and informal events anywhere on the formality spectrum events, when the when there's like a person who gets up and is like, Okay, guys, thanks for coming. Dinner is served. So everybody have at it. And then they

gesture at somebody as if to say like, you seem like the kind of person that's going to kick this thing off. It's almost, it's almost always me. This literally happened at my friend Clint's wedding where his dad was like set led a short prayer and it was like, Okay, everybody, thanks for coming to this great wedding. Let's get this party. And then he almost like wanked at me like started as if to say like Griffin, you deserve the first play or maybe Griffin, why don't you break the ice here? Well, because you're already standing in line. Am I like do do I just I'm not but do I just have the face of like an eager hunky boy? You do have kind of a hunky boy face. I'm not like that you just have been in general like comfortable being the good time guy face. That's

probably it. I'm not like a super big boy, but I am. I guess I do like sort of give off a hunky vibe. Like a hunky, hunky for life, hunky for life. Yeah, I just want to eat, eat, eat life right off the cob. Eat life right off the cob. So you don't need anyone to cut your life off for you first and then eat it with a fork. I'm saying that I'm saying that this is a valuable position that I fill at a lot of parties, weddings and, and bristles and that like everybody feels uncomfortable. Everybody is a Justin. Nobody wants to be the first person at the table. Everybody's waiting for somebody to break the ice and whenever that happens, do you ever really judge that person? No, of course not. Unless they are a Travis, not you. Do you know what I do judge people when

they are hovering when the announcement is made that food is now on offer? Like you look at the table and there's some hoverables just like chilly. That is solidly pre-Teresa Travis. Yeah. That is a no hand gently laid on the forearm by his loving wife, Travis. As if to say let's be third in line. That's a full blown, tiny tunes Taz, Travis. Yes. Travis thinks he was lucky to meet Teresa, but I assure you we are the lucky ones. The rest of us at the buffet. You guys want a Yahoo? Hit me. This Yahoo was sent in by level, oh man, I actually wrote his name as Drew Davernport. That's a different guy. That's a different person, but now I have to go back and check. Did Drew Davernport send this in? Drew Davernport. Drew Davernport and there's a couple umlauts in there.

Thank you, Drew Davernport. It's by Yahoo Answers user EveningPrimrose who asks, accidentally invented boyfriend? Danny and the Clines. These girls at school kept teasing me about talking to a boy and we're like, pull, pull, pull. What? What? Were they saying pull or were they pulling at you? Well, I don't know. Ooh, and I got so asterisks off. I got so dicked off that I said, shut up. I already have a boyfriend. I'm not the dating type, so they started to ask all these questions. It was end of school. This happened as we were walking home, so I faked a text from my mom and left real quick, but I won't get away so easy tomorrow to shit. I won't get away so easy to Moe's at school.

Help? No idea what to do. No idea what the question is. Is this cyber bullying? Did we just hit cyber bullying? Wait, so they were teasing and pulling and then. Taffy. They're making taffy during a leisurely walk home from the academy. And she said, leave me alone. I've already got a boyfriend. Right. And they went, oh. Tell me anything about this boyfriend. And she went, did you guys hear that? It was my phone. I asked my moms, I gotta go. She left real quick. I'm gonna bet that they didn't buy it. Maybe. It depends on how convincing that mom text was. If you reached in your pocket and said, whoops. And then you grabbed onto the back of a garbage truck passing by and just disappeared. And a puff of smoke. Has anyone ever done anything like that and said to

the bullies, no, it's cool. I've already got a boyfriend or girlfriend or you wouldn't know where or something like that. And they went, oh, okay. Well, sorry. I'm sorry that we said anything. Yeah, that fucking college football player. It was kind of that situation. I would say it was the exact opposite of that situation, girlfriend, because he said, I've got a girlfriend. And then he was like, I don't think you do. And he said, I'll prove it. And she was made up. Man, I tell you, whoo. Oh, good. Thanks. Thanks, Google. What? Okay. Out of curiosity, what was that search string? I searched for Hawaiian football girlfriend. New from the producers of jingle all the way to

Was he Hawaiian? Yeah, he was. Thanks. Thanks again, Google. Really saving my bacon. How do you gingerly crab walk out of this situation? You tell him he died the night after you told him about it. Sorry, I'd love to, but he died. Can you stop teasing me? I got a real fault in our star situation on my hands. I told him they were teasing me and he felt so bad about it that he went out to get me some flowers. And while he was out, he interrupted a robbery and save a little boy, but he was shot to death. He went, he felt so bad about it. He went out to get me some ice cream, but on his way back, the ice cream fell off the cone onto the floor and he leaned over to pick it up and he ran headlong into a car.

He and the car didn't make it. You got decapitated. Treasure every moment. Because you never know. Because you never know. Treasure each moment on this earth. Yolo. Yolo. And then say you can still feel his spirit near you and then, and then just pretend to be haunted by him for the rest of your school career and you won't have to worry about having a boyfriend again. There you go. I can't, I, I can't risk being hurt like that again. No. That fucking guy who catfished Theo could have pulled, could have, could have saved him a lot of indecency, but. I can't be a girl anymore. I'm dead. I'm dead. I died. I'm sorry. I died 50 years ago this very night. There's never been a Hawaiian football girlfriend here for 50 years.

What's your Hawaiian girlfriend's name again? Large Mark. That was your first clip. Let's end the show. Yeah, I think that's the only thing to do here. You've been listening to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. We are on Twitter. If you want to follow us there, it's at mbmbam. We're on YouTube. Travel got some hot hits on YouTube, right? Yeah. Well, first of all, if you haven't seen the animated shorts, do that. They're like the best. Thanks Tyler Crowley. They're amazing. We also put up some just kind of short, you know, one to five minute long clips of different bits of the show so that you can share them with your friends and share them on your Facebook page and

share them however you choose to share them and help get the word out. We're not charging for those, obviously, because they're, you know, on YouTube. So if you like something, if you like a thing that we put up there, like the only way we know that and the only reason we have to keep making more of that thing is if you share it with people and lots of people watch it. That's how we'll determine, you know, whatever we'll do next. So make sure to spread those around, put them on your face, facey pages and book looks and if you have any requests, if you stay like, I'd love to have this video clip so I can share it with all my friends, go on the my brother, my brother and me Facebook appreciation group, join that and then tell us about it because, you know, we're just

doing the ones that we feel were good or that other people have asked for. So if there's one you really want, let me know and if you have a desire to like draw any illustrations or fan art or anything, I'd love to put those on the videos. It makes me really happy to use those and give you guys some credit for them. So if you got something like that, you can email it to us or put it up on the Facebook. Is it time to thank John Rodgerick? I never know. Our housekeeping is so robust nowadays. Okay, here it goes. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song, It's a Departure, which is off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. Had a few people ask if we would do the switch I proposed last week to some hot Japanese electronica a la capsule,

but I think we're going to stick with the long winter song because it's really great, but I am still thinking about that forecast. We also want to say thanks to Naturebox again. Naturebox where you can get great tasting snacks. I assume you guys have already gone and checked it out, but if you haven't, please go to naturebox.com. Not for us, but for you. You can sign up and get a free sampler box. Why aren't you doing that? Just do it. Did you already ask for candlelight questions? No. Our candlelight special is coming up December, was it 21st? Correct. In Huntington, West Virginia. If you're going, sound off in the Facebook group. I've seen a lot of people talking about hotels and shit to do. Justin wrote up a blog post of shit to do in Huntington,

so that I'm sure will be very helpful. If you want to send in questions to that show, whether you're going to be there or not, please do that. Just put candlelight in the subject line and we will definitely consider it. Also keep in mind that there is no bar at the City Hall, so get drunk beforehand. It'll make the show way fun here. This final Yahoo was sent in by Ryan Berry. Thank you, Ryan Berry. It's by Yahoo Answers user Wilson who asks, why do people still eat corn on the cob? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother and me. Kiss your dad. Let's go around the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sidney McElroy. Every Tuesday we bring you Saw Bones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas or why we tried to eat mummies for a while, or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximumfun network with Saw Bones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.