My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 229: A Premium Swallow

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

Listen, we've already got the comedy-advice game on lockdown, so now we're turning our attention toward new, potentially more lucrative dividends. Like, for instance, dad-based fantasy fiction. Suggested talking points: Brand Portfolio Update, The Love Window, Tip of the Dragon Penis, Guv, Lardell's Interests, Sticky Icky Stigma, A Suitable Silverback Womb

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello and welcome to the McElroy Brothers brand expansion quarterly report. I am your oldest chief financial officer, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-ist head of HR, Travis McElroy. And I am digital profit, Shingy. I go by Shingy now because I'm a digital profit. Gosh, what an exciting Q4 it's been for McElroy Industries. We already had the, my brother,

my brother, me, and the Sawbones franchises under the tent pole, big tent pole business, as I say. And we welcome three new franchises into the umbrella that we think. Closing the gap. Closing the gap, opening the kimono, and just checking out the profits on our new properties. We're going to go to Travis. We'll get to your calls in just a second. We're going to go to Travis. First up, tell us about the project he's leading. Just a quick Very excited. Bunker Buddies, the survival comedy podcast. It's looking great. Product integration is through the roof. I'm talking about rice primarily. We have a lot of rice backers. How's your dividends? The dividends are great. My partner Andy and I are just rolling in dividends,

swimming in dividends like Scrooge McDuck. We're very excited about all the dividends. Get any bonds? We've got bonds. How are your options? We have them. How's your bond options? Our bond options, we're going to go see Spectre. All the bond options are there. Travis, that's a podcast about surviving the apocalypse, right? A comedy show about the end of the world. That is correct. Great. I want to just real quick weigh in on a brand. I'm representing here. It's the three of us on this call plus our sweet daddy playing Dungeons and Dragons. It's called the Adventure Zone. That hot property was just launched on Thursday. Big dividends on that one. Huge dividends.

Number one comedy podcast on iTunes. Suck it, Miss Williams. I guess I did do something. Number one dad cast on the net. Number one cast with our daddy ever in history. That's been big. Griffin, you had a brand to talk to us about. I had a whole new brand launching on guy tunes, which is a deep web iTunes application. Not a lot of people have access to. You can only get it with the guy pod. You have to have you have to have the first generation guy pod circa 1998 to listen to it. But despite those limitations, the dividends on this podcast, which I have titled my VOR and Japanese Electronica podcast about VOR, which I have titled Big Gulp. And Griffin, let me say right off the bat congratulations on getting the rights to use

the 7-Eleven logo. Congratulations. I was going to get Justin Russo, one of our lead artistic brand managers or Justin Gray, artistic brand manager for the adventure zone on this one. But you know what? I said, fuck it. Fuck it. 7-Eleven already did the work. I'm going to put them on and slap them on the Big Gulp lunch boxes and on the cups that I sell slurpees out of. It's going to get really fucking confusing. But the dividends though. Is there anywhere anyone can find Big Gulp? Yeah, you have to have a good RSSS reader. You're going to plug. You're going to plug. What are the SS stands for sex? You're going to fall. You're going to plug this into your favorite RSSS application of your choosing the following URL. P.

One more time. Can we get that one more time? P. That's it. There's not a lot of shit in the PSSSS system. So I locked down. Big Gulp, Bunker Buddies, a lot of huge growth. And I think we can go ahead and just try. I guess we have to keep recording the flagship here. I'm honestly, I think we've about running into the ground, but the dividends. The dividends. Check out them dividends though. We're all, we're three Gordon Ramsay's. We're three chunkier versions of Gordon Ramsay, not British. A few months ago, I started dating my best friend. Oh, this is my brother, my brother made some advice show for the modern era. It's our adventure zone fancast.

You will always, you will always be our first baby and we will always love you the most. Let me just a quick message to all my big gulpers out there. We might not talk about four on this show. So, uh, might, might not be, it might be a little unexpected. That's how I hope that's how I thought somebody's first fucking my brother. You fucking even caught. Imagine what. So you said this was funny. David, David, David, it's Brian. You said this was funny and it's just guys talking about their brand. I recognize one of the guys from losing the sheen, but it's not about Charlie Sheen at all. Is it? And I recognize Griffin from a pod. You know what? I shouldn't forget. I said anything. I don't want to mention. I'm going to go back to listening to in case of a emergency.

So many cereal. This, this line of goofing that we've been bringing on has really brought up how bad we are in keeping podcasts going. Listen, I enjoy Bunker Buddies and Adventure Zone and Big Gulp while they last. Yeah. And my brother, my brother and me for that matter. Nothing gold can, no gold dividends can stay. My brother, my brother, my brother and me. No fuck you without you two. I'll buy the goose or my cold dead hands. I'll bring in Ashton Kutcher. I don't care. So this is an advice show. This is the first time you're listening. This is where the show starts. This is the part of the show. The, the, the thing I remember, the, the karma Ryan gag is the first five minutes of every episode of this program ever. Our adolescent is barf garbage.

It's how we, it's how we lure in new listeners. Set the expectations low. That's our, that's our motto here at my brother. My brother, my brother, me, the only podcast brave enough to begin with hazing and that and that's a premium swallow. Oh, sorry. Hold on. No, that's, that's a big gulp. That's how I end every episode of big gulp. I have to fucking do it now. Now I have to fucking do a podcast. I'm going to have to learn how to set up an RSS feed. I'm going to have to fucking create a podcast called big gulp. If I'm open submission, I guess for co-hosts. Can you have one? I just want one episode of big gulp. I'm not asking for the one, but I want it to like be in iTunes and everything.

Yeah. And I want to be number one forever, but I just only want one episode. Okay. Yeah. Big gulp. The Vore show coming from Griffin McRoy and a co-host to be named later. And here's our advice to you, the listeners. Can we just do this show? This feels right. Just every once in a while, making oblique references to your repugnant Vore show. I think my favorite episode was the one on what's eating Gilbert Grape. Oh, man. It was just 45 minutes of Griffin saying, me. Okay. Now. And now. And now we do it. Now we do the day. Now we get to the thing that you've been waiting for. Hopefully. Dim the lights. We're about to dump this melon.

And now the starting lineup of my brother, my brother. Do the damn thing. If we were a sports team, what song would you guys want to come out onto the court with? He ain't heavy. He's my brother. Save the best for last being from night court. A few months ago, I started dating my best friend. He's the best ever and the happiest I've ever been show off. I'm totally in love with him. And I'd like to tell him that. But this project needs some tweaking. We're both pretty goofy and thought grand romantic moment in which I declare my love makes me want to vomit. Sorry, makes me want to actually vomit. Can you think of a good way for me to tell him I love him that strikes a nice balance? And that's from ghost octopus.

Oh boy. I have a question for you guys because I thought about this when I was putting together the question list. Is it as simple as starting the sentence with, hey, I love you. Does that do it or does that make it seem like you're reminding them about a dentist appointment they have? Hey, I love you. Okay, great. Cool. Thank you for that first for the debut of that terminology. That seems a little cash. Yeah, seems a little cash right. I'm not sure about it. It seems a little I if you're like me, you'll say it accidentally and then just try to go with it to like a banker on the phone. Thanks. I love you. I mean, fuck. Sorry, teacher. I mean, fuck. Yeah, I don't know what you do. I do feel like you need to strike a little bit of a balance.

And it doesn't have to be like you don't have to like paint it on an elephant that you stole for them. But I do think it needs to be better than what Travis said. Fair enough. Which sounded a little bleak for my taste. Maybe maybe you just know, you know what, just do it when you feel it. You know what? You're right, Griffin, because the thing is that like whatever defines your relationship, if you guys are goofy together and have a good time, then it will come when you're having a good time. It doesn't have to be a grand romantic gesture. It should be in a moment where it's like, hey, this moment perfectly exemplifies why I fell in love with you. Everything you're doing right now, you're making me laugh till milk shot out of my nose or we're having a great time

doing something that anyone else would think was stupid. This is the moment when I have to tell you. Say it when you feel it. Next time you feel that love for that person, let him know. Let him in. Let him just know it. Let him in your heart. Just let him in your heart. Just say it when it bubbles up and you can't keep it in anymore. Just let it all spill out. Another strategy is when you don't feel a toot coming on. When you feel like maybe after you just had one, and it not immediately after, of course, but maybe give it like a three minute window. And if you feel like you're probably going to be cool for another three minutes, because everybody does it every six minutes, you want to try and split the uprights there and buy

yourself as much breathing room as you can. So like a toot window. Yeah, in the six minute toot window. That's a pretty good call. If you're feeling it also in that window, perfect. The stars have aligned, but that might be too much to ask from your body. Is it a good way to get out of being caught in a toot? Like you just farted in front of him for the first time. I love you. What? Well, now we're talking about this instead of the fart. Got it. Oh, I thought you were saying you'd do it and please can we say toot instead? I thought you meant like you just say it real loud to disguise it. Oh, to cover the toot. Yeah, sure. Have we ruined? We can say it next time you're in trouble. When you do something wrong. Or the next time you're in trouble, like you're

being attacked. I love you and hope that it calls to them and they come to your aid like Superman. Yeah. I'm not a big fan of sitting on it. I think now let me ask you guys this, do you have to couch it in like it's okay if you don't want to, if you're not ready for it? Oh, it doesn't sound like that's the problem. That's what I'm saying. They're already so far ahead of the curve. Like it doesn't sound like this person's going to get spooked. But I do understand what you're saying, Justin. I think just in general, that's like any kind of preface is because I think that with that what you're saying is you do actually have to say it back. I'm saying you don't have to say it back so that you know I'm expecting you to. Here's what I think you should do. Tell them like listen,

no matter what I say in the next 30 seconds, I don't want you to say a fucking word, not a peep out of you. I don't care what you think or feel. I need you to soak this in and process it. This moment's about me. This is about me. This is my moment to shine. Let's drink it in. I want you to sit on this for three minutes and then I'm going to go somewhere and then I'll come right back. I've hired actor John Larkat to tell you that I love you. Don't say anything. Don't say a word. Thank you very much, John. His time is very expensive. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Please. Here's a Yahoo that was sent in by Matt Estavez. Thank you, Matt. It's by Yahoo Answers user Yoville, posted in Arts and Humanities History. Yoville asks, what are the ranks in the

Illuminati? Name all of the ranks or anything they, name all of the ranks or anything they use to describe their self as. Well, there's the bluebirds and the cardinals and the bluebirds are the more advanced Illuminati and the cardinals are the ones that need some help. Is that some redwall No, it's like that's like elementary school stuff. I think that if anyone answers this question, then they're not Illuminati because they would know better than yeah because they would know better than to reveal the secrets. Let me bounce something that Yahoo Answers user, Armour World responded with very helpful stuff from them. They said, the leader of the Earth's Illuminati, so that's a pretty fucking crazy six words right there. The leader of the Earth's

Illuminati is called the Pindar. Cool. The Pindar is a member of one of the 13 ruling Illuminati families and is always male. That's kind of fucked up, but it's 2014. But really, there's probably a good reason for that in this next sentence. The title Pindar is an abbreviated term for pinnacle of the Draco, also known as the penis of the dragon. I was so hoping that's what it would be. The penis of the dragon is probably my favorite Stephen King book. He doesn't get a lot of credit, but I'm deeply into it. Yeah. All hail me, the penis of the dragon. Why are you giggling? Why are you all giggling? You're the worst Illuminati. Scott? Scott Illuminati? Scott Illuminati, I hear you giggling underneath your innate mask. It must be so frustrating to be a member of the

Illuminati as everybody is just spreading out this shit and you want to say like, hey, that's not true. That's not how it's worked. It's Gooch of the Dragon. God. I'm the Goochess. I am the Goochess of Earth's Illuminati. Wouldn't it be hard to be the penis of the dragon and then somebody cuts in line in front of you at the Chinese buffet and you're like, because they want to last the coconut shrimp and you're like, hey, you better not do that. And they look at you. Why? And you just have to stare at the floor and say, I can't. Never mind. But you better not do it. I'm the penis of... I'm the enus pay of the agon-dre. You just make a triangle with your fingers. And then you put that triangle close to your crotch to make it look like a penis tip and then

you flap your wings like a dragon. The shrimp is yours. You win. I'm leaving. There do have to be certain levels of Illuminati. You can't just start as full-fledged on the council Illuminati. You've got to start as junior Illuminati, right? I think there's a surefire. I don't know how anybody finds out about it, but I've seen the yahoos that Drew Davenport's since then. If that cat has not found how to get into the Illuminati yet, I don't think anybody ever will. It seems like he probably would have unearthed it by now. Well, but how would we know? Are you suggesting, Travis, that maybe there's an Illuminati Awana's program, Illuminati Brownies or something? Yeah, you're a Cub Scout Illuminati. You're making Pinewood Derby first and then 10 years later, you're ruling the world.

You're controlling all the bank cartels and shit. How do they know? They're not just going to like first day Illuminati hand you the reins to the American government. Yeah, they won't even admit that you're in it first. You got to be really careful because they want to admit the Illuminati exists until you're a couple ranks in. Sometimes it's just people trying to trick you out of your rent money. So wait, am I in the Illuminati or not? Well, are you the real Illuminati? Six months in, it's like, hey, you didn't show up to our bowling game on Tuesday. Oh, so it is a bowling thing. Fuck, guess wrong again. Shit. Do you think when you start off in the Illuminati, they let you like control a student government and like just see how you do it that first? The first thing

you control is a fantasy football. That's where you start in the Illuminati. But no one can know about it. My name's Scott Jenkins, and I'm running for Huntington High School's tip of the dragging penis. Just a tip please, vote Scott. I'm going to sort down the lunch signs on Taco Tuesday. Vote for me for dragging penis. I've seen you run into halls. I have cameras everywhere. Scott. The principal comes to him in a robe. Tell me what to do. Milk Shake Machine. Next question. My name is Simon. I'm from England. You didn't need this. We knew you were from England based on the name. Is that fair? Maybe based on the accent. Hold on. Nope, nope, nope. I can't. My name is Simon. I'm from England. I'm finishing up my final year in a

PhD program in the U.S., specifically Missouri. Now I'm sorry, Missouri. For my five years here, I've felt this very type of Americans loving the English accent to be true. It is nice to be appreciated, but it also sometimes jarring, even annoying when I'm simply getting a coffee and I say thank you or to only hear, oh my god, I love your accent. I've even tried to put on a Missouri accent. That's what I was doing earlier, you see, at the checkout to avoid this problem. Simon, I am sure it is convincing. My question is too pronged. You call them prongs. That's problem number one. My question is too pronged. Why do Americans love the English accent? Two, what can I do to be honest about my feelings that it's just a voice

and I didn't work for it so it doesn't deserve praise. That's from Simon. Oh, poor baby. Well, for number one. I can't imagine. All the everybody, all the ladies and all the guys are throwing themselves at me because I sound like Benedict Cumberbatch and so are it Justin. Please, brothers, please, brothers who sound like extras from Dukes of Houses. Please, tell me how to navigate this terrible life situation I find myself in. Crikey, shrimp on the bar. You're wrong. Did it bad? So sorry, Simon. As far as number one goes, I always imagine that people really like the accent because as melting pot as we're supposed to be, it's pretty homogenous. Everybody pretty much sounds the same from coast to coast. That's 100% not true. What are you talking about?

As far as like if you go to like Travis, you've got us like you can't just say words. They have meanings. Well, hear me out. What I mean is if you go to like Scotland or go to England or go to Ireland, like any other European country, like there are people coming through there all the time and you hear different accents constantly to the point where it kind of loses its effect, whereas here to hear someone with you are making this shit up from whole cloth. I mean, pretty much. Okay, all right. He finally admits it. It only took us 229 episodes. But wouldn't you admit that like it's more unique here to hear an out of the country accent than it would be in other countries? Than an American accent? Yeah, Trav. That's just how time and space

functions. No, I mean, as compared to other countries, I imagine that that is the case. I am basing that off of nothing but my own supposition. Okay. I mean other countries. Your supposition has to be based on something or else you're just making it up. As opposed to the rest of this show, which is all based on research and facts. No, no, no, you're saying you're saying I get here's what you should have argued. Thank you, Griffin. If you were better, if you were better at this. An English person comes here and drops some dope knowledge with their English accent and everybody gets wet. And we go to England and everyone dries up, dries it right up like a like a like an old crusty flume. I literally couldn't have put it better myself. Yeah, especially the crusty

flume shit. Yeah, you could you are incapable of painting those kinds of word pictures. No, you're right. But it's not. How is it a problem? I guess it is a problem if you live with it. And it's like, I just want to go to the Pigley Wiggly. Is that what they have in Missouri? Yeah, I think that's all right. Anything that's not H-E-B, I just don't I can't comprehend it. And you just want to get like, you just want to get some, I guess, breakfast teas or something. And I guess I just don't see why in what in what reality would it make more sense to like, why would you ever want to like, rather than just say, Oh, thanks, or, or blind me, God, thank you. Rather than say that, why would you want to get into like a, it's a pleasantry, man. But a pleasantry.

Okay, you're talking a lot of heat right now. You're put, you're really pulling a Travis, because I want you to imagine being at the grocery store and having to talk to someone. Okay, I'm imagining it. It's not great, is it? No, but like he, what I'm saying is, why is he wanting to invite a deeper conversation about this? Like, he's not, he's asking how to completely avoid it. No, no, he's not. He's saying, what can I do to be honest about my feelings? That's not what he's not aware. Welcome to America. We don't do that here. We don't do that here. What you, I mean, he's not talking about wearing t-shirts as just here for the crumpets, but please leave me alone. He's talking about like, how can he engage

with people to make them more sensitive about his inability to accept compliments about his accent? You know, people get compliments for a lot of things they didn't work for. I get compliments. Travis gets compliments on his hair. Correct. I get compliments on my, my God-given muscles, and I, I didn't work for him. I just, I'm sculpted that way. Carved out of wood. It's amazing. What do I, and what do I have? What do I have? What do I have? Your beautiful, your beautiful teeth that you consume human beings with. Besides from the most successful podcast. It's just not that, I just don't, I, I agree with Justin on this one. I think that it's, it's, it's just like someone saying, nice weather isn't an invitation to like actually discuss the

weather. I think that's just like, great accent. Thank you. I didn't make the weather. I had nothing to do with the weather. Okay. It's just how it is. Maybe I like the clouds. You ever think about that? You ever think about that? Shit weather. Yeah. That's actually a good point, Travis. It's not as crazy as a comparison as it may seem. I mean, you didn't do anything to invite this. They're just like making conversation and trying to say something nice. It doesn't require you to, to get up in arms about it. Just accept the compliment. Oh, thank you, governor. I appreciate it. Think of it as like, if you wear like a great watch or a great top and they're just looking for an opportunity to compliment something about you to try to like make you feel nice about your day, you know? And

it's like the same as saying, like, oh, I love your shoes. I love your accent. You know, it's that idea of like, they're just saying something nice to be pleasant. So if you don't want them to say anything about your accent anymore, you need to get, and it's amazing how this is the solution to basically every problem we're pitched, just big diesel muscles, just huge, just like just God given half muscles. Oof. One way to get that conversation to stop, but I don't know how to spread the word that you do this, but just when somebody compliments you on your accent, just keep asking for more. Like, you're really needy. Like, oh, go on. What do you like about it best? What words do you want to hear me say? I'll say any words. I'll say all of the words. Do you want

me to call your friend? Check this out. This is what it sounds like when I whisper. ASMR. Y'all want a yahoo? Yeah, sure. Here's a yahoo. Or should I say, Yajru, Sinema Drew Davenport. Thank you, Yajru. It's by Yajru Answers user, Lardell, who asks, yes or no. The things I'm into are interesting. So let's just like shoot down the list real quick and you guys can weigh in and let me know how interesting Lardell's stuff is. Well, let me into your game, Lardell. Okay, let's see. Underground hip hop. I think we can unanimously put these in. Cool. Yeah. If you know how to find that, please let me know. I'm basically just trying to get like surface level

hip hop master. Sure. Thick and sexy women. Lardell. You frascal. Faith Evans. You know what I say? The thicker the woman, the bigger the bite. When I swallow her, digs all. Check it out, every flur's day. Wax poetics. Sure. Is that what he's finding out about his underground hip hop? Probably. Dusty Groove. Either an underground hip hop artist or another magazine. Louisville Cardinals. Pittsburgh Steelers. Again, I don't think these are interesting. Like billions of people like the Louisville Cardinals. Billions of people like the Steelers. Music is my drug. Well, that's just a saying that you sort of did about yourself. Right? Not so much an interest? Not so much a thing that you're interested in. Snickers. Oh. Is this his person's Facebook-like

collection? All I can imagine is that this is the scenario we're looking at. What was this person's name? Lardell. Lardell. Lardell has encountered several people that when he starts to talk about himself, they go, Lardell, you're not interesting. And he says, you are wrong. You're wrong. I'll get the internet to prove it. Some of these things I think are genuinely interesting. Talk radio. The fact that you can actually listen to that. Yes. Congratulations. I'm interested. RIP Biggie Smalls. I'm interested that that's an interest. I'm interested about that interest of yours. I miss Michael Jackson. I fucking do too, Lardell. Now you've hooked me. Bernie Mac. Sure. I'm going to pull a chair beside you and we're going to talk about Bernie

Mac for hours. Fuck yeah. Fuck yes. It's weird to me that Snickers rated above those things in his interests. I'm just sort of popping around here. I love to draw. Again, that's sort of just a sentence, isn't it? Should have just maybe said drawing, but fine. Chili cheese dogs. Lardell, you're hitting a valley, bud. We just came off a sweet Bernie Mac peek and now we're in a valley together. Uncle Sam's jams. Oh, you got me back, Lardell. You got me. You got me back. How are you guys feeling about Lardell right now? Let's take a quick Lardell break and just tell me how you feel about him as a person vis-à-vis his interests. I could just imagine this guy

with his faith Hill poster. Faith Evans. Listening to Faith Hill. Oh fuck. I confused Faith Evans and Faith Hill. Okay. Oh, let me check this out. Oh yeah. Different person. Totally different person. So he's got a picture of somebody on his wall. He's listening to his underground hip hop eat the stickers and just thank you. Just being interested in rest in peace. Speaking small. Just wondering how his situation is. Maybe somewhere in the distance of Mr. 3000, his old beaten up laser disc of Mr. 3000 is playing for the umpteenth time. He seems like a pretty cool dude. I would say that if Lardell leaned over to me and said like, Hey, do you want to talk about how much we miss Michael Jackson? Yeah. A thousand percent. If he said, do you like chili cheese dogs? Yeah, I do. And then

we'd probably start talking about Sonic the Hedgehog. And then he'd be like, Hey, I got an extra Snickers. Do you want one? And then we're like best friend city. Yeah. And he'd be like, Hey, I need to repair a drum skins. You want to come with me to Uncle Sam's jams, which is a musical instrument retailer in Louisville, Kentucky. They're closing soon according to Google. Six PM is the time they close. So make sure you go. Okay. So like closing for the day, not like shutting down because Lardell is the only customer. Uncle Sam's jams. That's an institution. Little disappointed. It's not a jelly retailer, but you don't always get what you want. Knowing Louisville, it should be like a musical instrument and jam retailer. Here's what. Here's

my point. I now know more about Lardell than I do about either of you. Fair enough. I keep it. I keep it pretty close to the best. Maybe it's just that he's the shit that he is into is so much more interesting than the shit that I know that you guys are into. And Lardell, I got to tell you, buddy, I think you only need like two or three things. Oh, maybe that's the problem. Maybe he's got so many things going that it makes everything else seem bland. What'll it down? Pick three of the of the things underground hip hop, thick and sexy women, faith Evans, wax bar, sesty groove, Louisville Cardinals, Pittsburgh Steelers music is my drug Snickers. Talk radio. I love to draw chili cheese dogs. Oh, I'm sorry. There's no space in there. He loves

to draw a chili cheese dog. I would say thick and sexy women talk radio. And I love to draw because but I mean, there's not you left out Michael Jackson left out Bernie Mac. You left out RIP Biggie Smalls. But hear me out just by adding a couple words by adding a couple words. I like to draw thick and sexy women that are on talk radio. Okay. That's a that's a conversation opener. I'm starting to worry that I'm not as multifaceted as I should be. I'm starting to think that maybe I need to certainly not as multifaceted as Lardell. I'm starting to think I need to maybe sit down and write down some down some of my favorite things. I bet if you were to pick out your interests, they would be as varied. No, I can't even know. So you can't even pretend

the problem is I like a lot of stuff a little about like you could combine like 20 of the things that I love to equal Lardell's love of RIP Biggie Smalls. How do you know how deep this goes? Because he's only listed about 25 things. And this is it. This is it. This is it. Are you saying to me he has zero cultural awareness of it if I were to be like, Hey, what do you think of the Iron Man franchise? I have no I have no idea. You know, from Marvel Comics, I still don't. That's kind of weird. Do you watch any TV TV? Is that the thing Bill, Bill Mars on? Because I I know him. He's one of my interests. Have you seen any good movies lately? Not says Bernie Mac died. Unfortunately, no. It looks like looks like you might have scurvy. Yes, just all the

chili cheese dogs and Pepsi and Snickers. I think my other vitamins in Snickers a little bit. I guess maybe some maybe fortified. Do you want to maybe go out and have a salad? I'd sal out. Say that word again one more time. Salad. Sald. Did I? Sald. I can't. Doesn't seem to take. Speaking of green. Let's get it money then. D-E-L-L. Yeah, because I am trying to find him on Facebook. Okay. Pass him around. That makes sense. Great. The hunt is on. Everyone don't hunt Lardell. Hey, you've probably tried Hulu on your computer. Just type in a web address and you are there. Well, this is the specific Hulu web address. It's not gonna. Yeah.

Hulu Plus is like that, but better. Hulu Plus is Hulu Evolved. It's the next revolution of Hulu. It's got all currencies and episodes. Your favorite shows like Modern Family and The Daily Show with Jonathan Stewart. And they've got every episode of South Park, which is a Hulu Plus exclusive. Is it gonna work on my smart TVs or my Roku's or my Apple's? No. Hot. Just kidding. Yes. Good goop. Got me again. Another great joke from my brother and my brother and me family. Yeah, Smart TVs, Roku's, Apple TV's, Xbox, PS4, PS3, PS2, PS1, PS5, whatever you got. Guy Pod first generation. You got a talkboy? I don't really want it. It's a full of web bandits into thinking that you're having a party. You can even watch on your phone or your

tablet or your train or your, sorry, I mean, you're on the train. You can't watch it on a train. Like they won't project it on you. No, you have to run beside it the whole time. Did you up with the screen? Did you see this new episode of the awesome? And that's the train hating you because you've pushed the awesome's Griffin. Oh, that's an original TV show is created by Seth Myers and Mike Shoemaker, say animated comedy series about a misfit group of superheroes. You should also check out Hot Wives of Orlando, which is a parody of Real Housewives, which stars Casey Wilson and Kristin Shaw, which they're just awesome anyways. Can I make a quick recommendation, a quick quick for real Hulu recommendation? And this is selfish because

I don't want this show to go anywhere. There's a show called Marry Me with Casey Wilson and Kim Marino. Kim Marino. It's so goddamn good. It's the best new show on television and you should absolutely be watching it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Can we get Kim Marino as a guest spur? I don't see why not. I want that so badly. Travis, get Kim. You're in La La Land. Go find me a Kim Marino. He lives next door to me. So I'll just go talk to him. Go find me a Kim Marino. Um, I can't watch it. We can follow him all over the city. All the episodes of that amazing show are all on Hulu Plus and we can hook you up with a two week free trial. If you go to huluplus.com slash my brother, all one word. That's a whole extra week on top of the usual bonus, uh, freebie

that they give you. Go to huluplus.com slash my brother, all one word, two week free trial, free TV. Go get it. Uh, this week, uh, my brother, my brother and me is also supported by harrys.com, um, which we've talked about before. So by this point, you should know they revolutionized shaving, like they ship shit right to your door, um, so that you don't have to go to the drug store anymore and have someone unlock that stupid case and stare at you like you're trying to steal razors and they just ship it to your door and it's way easier. Um, the company makes amazing Germany engineered blades. Uh, Justin, you use them, correct? And you're a big fan. I, I do. They actually got me off of, uh, uh, I was using single blade razors and, uh, you know, safety razors

and they got me off because you're, uh, an artisanal bartender living in Portland. Got him. For just $15, you get a set that includes a handle, three blades and shaving cream. That's an amazing value. If you think about how much you would spend at the store getting that stuff, $862. Correct. The blades are half the price of their competitors. Um, and they even offer custom engraving if you want to get your initials engraved in the razor, which is just super high class and fancy. Um, so go to harrys.com and use the promo code, my brother, all one word, and Harry's will give you $5 off your first purchase for all of our dear sweet listeners. So you could get that whole set for $10. Fuck it. Do it. Shave it.

Smooth it. Smooth it out. I got a message for Mertza Golchuk. I fucking crushed it. I crushed the pronunciation of that name. I destroyed it. They did provide a phonetic spelling of it, but I'd still did a really good job and I waited through that. Those, those choppy waters really well. The message is from Jameson and I want to say, can I get a one like message of congratulation from the two? Yeah, you did great. I want to say thanks to Jameson for putting the pronunciation. Very helpful. Thank you. Uh, this message for Mertza Golchuk. Oof. Uh, from Jameson. Jameson says, you are now married. Good job to you and Sarah and me, of course. Now old Unky J is just waiting for you to pick out some baby names. Here's a hint.

Just flip the, just flip the open guessing Mr. Worthy. That's okay, Jameson. Just flip the book open to Jay and look after James. My name is suitable for all kinds of kids, but especially smart ones. Seriously, I will open a trust fund. There it is. Now you got to do it. Now you gots to do it. Mertza Golchuk. I hope Mertza and Sarah are actually planning on having a kid. Otherwise, Jameson just like three dollars. Jameson really jumped the gun. Put a baby in that. Um, I have to kill my cat. Okay. This is it. And this next message is very special for a very special man who's near and dear to all of us, Drew Davenport. And it's from, I think it's, it's the hacker group anonymous.

Oh, great. Or it might just be someone not giving their name. It's one of those two things. Let's go with that. The message is, yo, Drew, we got your penis. Yes. Yo, Drew, we got all your penis J pegs. That'll be five bitcoins. I learned that you're an awesome person and a great friend. I love hearing y'all, Drew's, and seeing the LA live show with you was amazing. I never knew what to get you for your birthday, nor do I actually know when your birthday is. So I thought a message from the brothers would be appropriate. Happy birthday, Drew, whenever it happens to be. Um, hopefully this is maybe you this is probably somebody Drew actually knows. If not, I mean, if it, if it, regardless, it's

going to drive Drew mad, him trying to figure, trying to suss out, trying to ferret this mystery out. Crack the cake. Is somebody gaslighting Drew? Probably. He's worth it, I think. Oh, definitely. He's definitely worth driving and saying slowly over time. Oh, I'd gaslight his brains out. Oh yeah. He's a great guy. I would gaslight him. I don't want to gaslight Drew. Coward. I already started for all of us. So welcome to the lady-to-lady show. Behind door number one, we have fantastic weekly guests like Aisha Tyler, French Stewart, Greta, and more. Behind door number two, we have road trip and sleepover games like would you rather and never have I ever the kind of games that remind you of

being a kid. Door number three brings you fresh hot episodes every Wednesday. You can find them on iTunes and maximfun.org. Now pick a door. Just kidding. They're not real because we're a podcast. You're all winners and we didn't really think this through. Lady-to-lady. I smoke a lot of pot like a ton. Smoke weed every day. Every day. Oh, it actually says, sorry, it actually said every day there. I should have read it. Yes. I smoke a lot of pot like a ton every day. Probably not a ton every day, but I'm also serious and I think respectable person. I'm working on my second master's degree. I've maintained a 4.0 GPA throughout grad school. A 4.20. I see what you did. All right, there. Pipe down.

I spoke with you. Pipe down. Oh, piped. Okay. Let's calm down and hash this out. Stop it. Go. I am in a healthy long-term relationship and I still manage to have a lot of fun most of the time. Well, yeah. How can I get people? That's not it. That's not it for debate. Yeah. How can I get people to take me seriously even though I am now and have been for a long time and probably always will be a huge pothead? That's from Seriously Stone in Memphis. I will say this question is riddled with typograph clears. I will point that out up front. Man, I got a contact high off this email. In this day and age, in 2014, isn't this

a hugely stigmatized thing? Oh, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, especially living in LA now. I know tons of people that smoke weed all the time. Did you just say A stigmatized? Like it doesn't have a stigma? No, it is a stigmatized thing. It is very stigmatized. I mean, I don't give a fuck is the thing. And I don't think you guys do either and we represent the real America. Yeah, but there is obviously, I mean, I don't think that this person would be asking this question if there wasn't a still pervasive stigma about people who smoke a lot of weed. I think they're paranoid. I think they're paranoid about nothing. I think if I ran a small or big business and you came in and you're like, I'd like a job at Google, smoke weed every day,

I'd be like, cool weed. So where are your qualifications? Would they be blazing it in your office? Yeah, they'd be chafing a 420 right there in front of you. I would be like, I'd be like, when can you start? I don't need a bunch of uptight prudes at Google. We're trying to invent the future here. I guess that's the question for the question asker is like, is this an actual thing you're encountering? Like, are your friends in there going like, hey, man, we love you, but you smoke weed too much? Or are you just assuming that everyone is thinking that? I think it's a good question. I mean, how can we be sure? How can we be sure? How can he even be sure? I think that he has enough bone a few days is like a grown up

that he probably should just stop worrying about it. Yeah. I mean, until you get a gig where they're going to start drug screening you, what does it matter? Why do you have to prove yourself to anybody? You have all these things going for you. I just don't, I don't feel like it's holding you back in your day to day life. And as such, you shouldn't let other people's perception, you know what you should do, be a little more open about it, and you can start to change those stigmas. Think about that. Hey guys, I have a confession to make. I just thought of something from dare days that I've never like fact checked. And I wonder if you guys, does smoking weed kill brain cells? Not the important ones. Just like a few old telephone numbers, but I got

all that shit in my phone now. I think that that's probably where that stigma comes from, that idea of like people who smoke weed are stupid and like kill brain cells and they're all burnouts. And it's like, okay, that's not cool. That's not true. That's garbage. Say, say, fuck you, Jim Henson, go eat an ass. You don't know anything. Isn't that like saying that everyone who like has a beer ends up phased down in a gutter, you know, throwing up on themselves? Like, that's not true. That's not true at all. Steve Jobs drank a lot of beer and he invented the way we listen to music now. I think you're paranoid. I think you're imagining things. I want you to drink this Gatorade and why don't you go lie down in my room for a little while?

Y'all want a Yahoo? Yeah, please. I hope we weren't mean. I really don't give a fuck. And I just like, I don't think anyone gives a fuck unless they're like 50 or 60 years old, in which case, fuck them. Here is a Yahoo. And it was sent in by Rachel Sperling. Thank you, Rachel, for crushing it. It's by Yahoo's user, Mike, who asks, how do I convince my girlfriend to stop pooping completely? Wait, I gotta say that Mike has asked this question before on Yahoo. He's asked this question a let's just... No satisfactory answers, I'm assuming. I don't want to be blue, but he's asked this question a fuckload of times.

Before you clarify, I just want you to know, I don't know if he means, how do I get my girlfriend to completely stop pooping? Or how do I get my girlfriend to stop pooping completely? You're saying she gets 60% of the way done and is like... Dup? It's like you barely swallowed me. I know there's no way they air it down poopy yet. Um, here's a... So Mike, extra details. Unfortunately, my girlfriend poops at least once each day and usually twice every day. Wait. Mike, those are not irrational numbers. You know what, guys? I think this is a fakey fake bullshit. Yeah, I think probably it is. Here's a Yahoo, a real Yahoo. Nice try at Rachel Sperling,

trying to trick me. This one is sent by Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. With this legit Yahoo. Asked by Yahoo answers user Thomas who asks, I want to be born in 400 years. I don't like being born in the 1990s. I know I get to grow up and play with iPads and cars and stuff, but I want more. The people 500 years ago couldn't imagine having microwaves or TV or spaceships. I feel like future people will make fun of me for being primitive. I want to live in a world where I can visit grandma on Mars and be back by dinner. I want to order a hoverboard from eBay and have it delivered via drone. I want to choose what color my baby's eyes will be and if it will be a boy or a girl. I can imagine those evil bastards up now.

I can imagine those evil bastards up there right now living in glass domes on the moon, looking back at us 2014 earth dwellers and our non-hovering cars and our non-robotic dogs. Wait what? I want to be there when they announce that NASA has discovered alien life on another planet and broadcast it live on hctv's and every home. Pretty sure they did that already. I want a goddamn robot hand so at the gym I can bench press 400,000 metric tons of steel then use my jet pack to fly back to my underwater home on Venus. But now I just live in a house and go to school. I don't. Okay. What's this question answer's name? Thomas. The best idea that Thomas has conceived of is that in 500 years people will get together

and just be like fucking Thomas. That fool didn't have none of this shit. Look at this dipshit. Look at him. I'm just gonna put my hands on the wheel and steer this car around again. If you'll flip in your hollow books to page 136 you'll see a picture of Thomas the worst person in history ever. Now I'm looking here at Thomas's dog and it looks like this is one's made out of meat. That's correct. Thomas didn't have shit. Teacher how could this meat dog be? Now if you're gonna ask a question raise your robot hand. Oh fuck I punched the school part. I like that Thomas thinks that if he had a robot hand that could lift a bunch of weight he'd still be going to the gym. Yeah. What are you doing? Are you going to build up the muscles on your robot hand Thomas? I don't

think you deserve the future. He wants big muscles to impress his Mars grandma. You're looking fit Thomas. Thank you Mars grandma. You're still so young and sexy even though you're 200 earth years old. I wish you hadn't moved to Mars. I wish you. Can I say something though Gramps? A little inconvenient for me. I mean I do live on Venus. I guess it's on the way but not really it's in the other direction isn't it? I should have thought about that. I miss you too much. I miss you so much Gramps. I miss your sexy tone game. I miss your super super sexy legs. Robot legs. I do miss your meat legs though. Anyway what color you want my baby's eyes to be? We're letting you pick this week. We're being really mean to Thomas right now.

How can we get him to be born in 400 years? We sound like a bunch of people from 2400. Thomas. Thomas. How can we get him born in 400 years? I was about to harangue Thomas for his inability to visualize a future more robust and we'll see in next year's Call of Duty game but uh I I'm having a hard time. Call of Duty sexy grandmas. Visit them on Venus. Shoot them. But I'm having a hard time visualizing a way to solve this problem for him. There's got to be a way to solve this problem. Tarp hits. Really a really cold room. That might work. I've slept with in a hotel room with Justin before and he treats that thermostat like he is suspending himself or trying to turn himself in a jerky or something. I mean here's the if if you could get

in a vehicle going fast enough then time would move slower to you relative to the people on earth and you could wait it out. He wants to be born in 400 years. 400 years. Well first you're gonna have to be unborn. Damn how's that work? Well it's a pretty intricate process but basically you just gotta crawl up into a womb. What? I'm having a hard time finding a womb that can support me. Well that I mean that's why everyone's not doing it. Does it have to be a human womb or a gorilla's womb? I could probably find one that will find a suitable silverback. Here's the thing Griffin. It could be a completely manufactured womb. Can you get in the blue whale's womb from blow hole or what's this? Blue whale what's the story? Where does your stuff connect?

Do I have to go through their weird stringy mouth and get fucking planked in and bring all over here? I don't want to be born in 400 years covered in planked in. Hey blue whale what's your life expectancy? I don't want to have to hop from blue whale to blue whale. Do you live for 400 years like a tree? Oh man what if that was the original plot of cocoon? So all you have to do is feel revitalized. Hold on I'm cutting a giant hole in a blue whale on the trade side. I thought they smelled bad on the outside. So much gushing. There's I thought there would be some gushing but this is just this is an unconscionable amount of gushing. And I was never allowed in in a sea world again. I guess it's time for me to admit I don't know where the whale's womb is. I'm gonna kill a whale.

To feel alive again. I just want to feel alive now don't you feel younger? Help me kill this whale Steve Gutenberg. Was he in that movie or am I thinking of batteries not included? You're thinking exactly of batteries not included. We're gonna get better at this. Give us a few more episodes. Give us just a few. Listen you've been you've you've stuck around for 229 trial episodes. We're gonna get it together. I feel it. The winds the winds they are blowing. That's gonna do it for our comedy show My Brother My Brother Me. We hope that you've had some salvage some sort of pleasure from it. Just real quick to review our brand expansion. The Adventure Zone is on iTunes. Please go subscribe and rate and review that until

your friends about it. Every other Thursday. The launch of any podcast is like the best your best shot at exposure so if you could help us spread the word about that it would be be super helpful for us. The same for Bunker Buddies. I really really love it. I'm very proud of it and I hope you go check it out and then tell everyone rate review. Word of mouth is the best advertisement we have for any of our shows. My Brother My Brother Me, The Adventure Zone, Bunker Buddies, and Sawbones too. If you're a fan of this show and you've never listened to Sawbones you are a crazy person and you should go check it out. My wife and I love it. We listen to it every week. Justin and Sydney host a show about all of the medical. What do you say the

is a marital tour of misguided medicine. There you go. Go check it out. It's hilarious and informative and it's really really great. And don't forget about Big Gulp. It's real. I want to thank John Rodger in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album putting the days to bed. Go just buy that album a few times because at this point we owe them a lot. We said we would get them a lot more purchases than we've actually been able to pull off. So if you could just download it like 10 or 20 times it would be super helpful. We also want to say thanks again to Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus it's an amazing thing and if you haven't gone to check it out then you're probably living. Of course you have though. It's like 400 years

from now technology just happening now. Go to HuluPlus.com slash my brother and you'll get a free extended trial a two week free trial to check out everything awesome on Hulu Plus. What are you waiting for? Is that going to do for us? Also candlelight tickets are still on sale. So go to bit.ly forward slash candle lights live tickets are only $15. There's a special deal at the Pullman Hotel where you can get $99 a night. It's a special rate. So make sure that when you contact them tell them that you're coming in for the MBMB AM show and if you have any questions candlelight related send them to us. Make sure to put candle lights in the subject and if you're going to be at the show make sure you put that in the email as well and have some questions ready for the show

and we'll probably do some audience live questions. And as long as you're in the ticket buying mood there's still a few more tickets left from XfunCon maybe. I don't know we're recording this one actually pretty early so check. Yeah last time I checked it was at 80% sold out so. And this is Thursday so God only knows but if there are any available you should get them because it's super super super fun. Last I heard from as far as MBMB AM merch goes if you want to get any for people for Christmas you should order it like now because it's going to get backed up for the holiday season and you're going to want that before Christmas so make sure you go to that now. You can go to maxfunstore.com and all of the maxfun merch is there. There's saw bone shirts as well that we've

got tote bags we've got t-shirts we've got a bunch of MBMB AM stuff so go check it out. That's going to do us. Yeah. Finally Yadru knight's mystery sent by Dru Davenport. Thank you Dru it's by Yahoo Answers user Jamie who asks did Elvis have hairy legs or smooth silky ones? I'm just a McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. He's been my brother and that's a premium swallow. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hello I'm Taco the elephant magician moral high church here the master of clerical magic. I'm Magnus Burnside the fighter. Did you guys like that? Did you the listener like that? You were just swept up in a

world of high fantasy magic where anything can happen and anything is possible. I am Griffin McRoy dungeon master for the adventure zone and new podcasts on maximum fun in which magic and mystery intertwine for a very erotically charged role playing experience. You can catch it every other thursday here on maximumfun.org for it. It's for Dungeons and Dragons but with family.