My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 230: Chipocalypse

Episode Date: December 15, 2014

Next week, we'll be doing our live Candlenights spectacular from our hometown of Huntington, WV -- our cleanest episode of the year. That means this episode, we're getting real dirty, which is uncomfortable for all of us, especially for special guestspert Bill Corbett. Suggested talking points: Candlenights Countdown, Forbidden Attic, Return of the Cod, Mystery Glove, Potato Extinction, Hank Safari, Riff Career, Foreign Billy Joel, Threadbare Garbage Clothes

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place, and the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Just say, hey, I want it. Simply having a wonderful candle night. Countdown is on to candle lights. We've got just 10 more candle lights days, so candle lights, hardcover nights, sweet candle nights. A lot of people seem to be asking when it starts and when it stops. There are obviously more than one day

involved in candle nights. Can you guys offer any insight? By the way, this is my brother, my brother made it by chef from the monitor. I'm Justin, that's Travis and Griffin. I think that the beauty of candle nights is that it starts when you feel like it and ends when you don't feel like it anymore. The way that I track candle nights, and it's an elusive beast, is with my handy candle nights advent calendar, which, oh, I need to actually pop open the current day on. Let me give it just, sorry, one sec. It's another condom. Oh man. This is like the 22nd wine. This is candle lights. This is our, this is not our candle night show. We'll be recording that live in Huntington, West Virginia. You can tell the difference. December 21st. You can tell the

difference because we're not fucking cussing this one. That's one week away. Let's talk about sweet til we go. By the time you're listening to this, if you want to come out, come down to Huntington. There's some tickets left. Go to bit.ly4-canonightslive. Come on out. It's going to be a real special time. Everybody's going to be there. Literally everybody. OJ Simpson. OJ Simpson? That was the first one. That was the first name. Yeah, but OJ Simpson too. What's wrong with me? That was like my pull. You're broken inside. I think I might be broken. OJ Simpson's going to be there. Kato Katelyn's going to be there. All the hits. All the great folks are going to be there. Orinthal James Simpson. He's OJ. Also, he's also OJ Simpson. And the Simpsons.

What are we going to have people dress as the Simpsons? And J.O. Simpson. I hate that dude. He's my least favorite of the Simpsons. Worse than the Double Murderer. Wow, not a cool dude. You can at least be in the same room as the Double Murderer. With OJ Simpson, there's a lot of detritus. This is our advice podcast. This has been such a thrilling week. Before we get too much for that, I want to thank everybody who, we had a sort of an impromptu charity drive called MBNBAM Angels, where we tried to fill a bunch of empty stockings from the Herald Dispatch. They published something called empty stockings. And we got it in our heads that maybe we could help some of those folks. And you find people really rose to that call. There were 101 people on the list.

And at this point, 93% of them have had their needs met by you fine folks. So thank you so much to everybody who participated in that. You're awesome. I don't understand people who make, here in Austin, everybody makes a career out of working in a non-profit. But as far as I can tell, it really just takes like eight minutes to change the lives of an entire city. So what the hell are you guys doing with the other... It's not wasting your time and just fix these problems. Just fix them. It takes eight minutes. Just fix the cities. The MBNBAM only did. They looked at this issue and they're like, let's fix this together. Next year, we're going worldwide. Huntington's great, but we're going to see if we can't shine.

I want to make Huntington even better. I want to really fix Huntington. Next year, we're going to get all the MBNBAM angels together to fix the roads in Huntington. Yeah. Next year, just come out with a shovel. That's the new thing. But anyway, thank you to all of you folks. We're going to record some thank yous after we're done recording here. And if you don't get yours in like a week or so, you probably didn't email us. So email us to MBNBAM at maximumfun.org and we'll fix you up. And sit around for after half time of this episode, we have a very special guest. Oh man. Do you want to say who it is or do you just want to like...

They probably figured it out because it was in the show notes. Oh yeah. If not, it's Bill Corbett. He is a wonder. He was really funny too. Yeah, I'm a little funny. Anyway, that's a big show we got coming for you. But first, we're going to do some of our classic stuff. Real patented MBNBAM goofs. Get ready for some classic material because we're going to take your questions and turn them out with me like into wisdom. Here we go. I recently visited a friend of mine who just bought his

first house. I know Justin Griffin are homeowners and Travis moved to LA, but I don't know if he rents. I do. That's none of your damn business. How different is home ownership from renting an apartment? Is it worth it? What should I know beforehand? That's Jeremy in the seventh circle of dwell. It's pretty good. I've never been a homeowner, so I cannot speak to this. I can speak to the renter side of it. I enjoy renting immensely. Okay. But we can see, we can smoke all fucking day long in our house. We can just rip open a carton of marbles and crush the whole box in one day and be like, fuck it. The windows are yellow and it stinks in here. It smells like an elk's lodge. Griffin, have you ever thought of just tearing open the ends of both ends of the

carton and just lighting all of them? Sometimes I do that. Smoking like a giant harmonica? Well, I don't do that. No, but I will just rip it, ignite it, and then just have a grandma potpourri. You know what I mean? It's really the final level of adulthood. You may think that you are ready for it when you actually buy a house. You are not ready for it because it's still very bizarre to me that there are whole areas in my house. If I open a door to them and I look at them, I don't know what they do. I don't even know what they are or why they are. I had a thing. Do you live in the Winchester house? What are you talking about? You open a door to a closet and you're like, what is this? No, I'm talking. Okay, I'll give you an example. A couple of weeks ago,

I went down to turn the furnace on for the first time. I guess it would have been a month or so, go now. I go down and turn the furnace on for the first time and I see this thing called a humidifier that's built into the system there that, as far as I know, I've never used. I was like, whoa, I could be having more humid air this whole time, but I didn't really know how it works. I turned some things and opened a valve and did all that business. I was like, hmm, okay, humidity, oh boy. I go down three days later. My basement carpet is fucking soaked, like literally standing water in my basement carpet, water everywhere, because this thing just, apparently it's like humidifying jam is just spitting water randomly. So I ruined my house.

So you just boarded up the basement and you called that one the last? Yeah, I don't have that room anymore. It really is a weird island. It really is weird. How many times have you been in your attic, Justin? Twice a year, once to get the Christmas lights out and once to put them back. Okay, I've been in our attic twice, once when we like right when we moved in and then again, when our HAC unit up there stopped working and that was after that we had roofers come and replace every single shingle on our roof a month after we moved in. Hell leadership fucking rules you guys. And I realized that in nailing those new shingles in, they had turned our attic into a fucking Hellraiser pain box because there are infinity nails coming

through the ceiling. It's like a goddamn iron maiden up there. So no, I don't think I will ever be going into that room again. Thanks. What on earth were you planning to do about your broken HVAC unit when you went up there? I thought I was. What was your plan? Did you think there would be a switch that said broken and you would just flip it to fixed? Is that what you were hoping for? He was going to reason with it. I went up there, I was using my phone as a flashlight and I had a fucking hex wrench from an IKEA cabinet I had bought. Were you ready to do battle with it? I just seen what I could do up till surveying the, you know what? Yeah, honey, I tightened a couple of hex bolts and started working again. Apparently just all the hex bolts were loose. You're laughing?

I used that fucking hex wrench to fix our garbage disposal. So you don't know anything about shit, do you? It is the universal nano tool. So what is it? What is this where we need to know before they get a house? You don't know, you really please realize like you don't know, be prepared to be reverted to like baby state, especially with like buying a house. That process is inscrutable. I still don't know if I bought this house. Our realtor, no one's got rid of me yet. Our realtor would just come to us like, hey, I need $300 for the, I bet, yep, here you go. Take it. It's yours now. I never had that money, I guess. Were you buying the house from the ancient ones? Yeah, it was a deep tongue. I hear the, it's a really, I got a really great deal on this house,

but except for that the walls are full of rats. Yeah. And the seeping floors. There's this floors, well, that's Justin's. Oh yeah, Justin has, I would say from my money, like I'm so happy being a renter. Like Theresa and I have, have often considered home ownership, but like, I don't know. I think what's always scared me most about it is that like the permanence, and I know you can always sell your house, but in this market, it seems like such a permanent decision. Oh, this market, the problem with renting is that you just put your money into a shitter and you're shitting on it and then you're flushing it. It's, it's insult to injury. How are you paying your rent? Huh? Is that how you were paying your rent? I pay it to my landlord,

Mr. Toilet. Yeah, it's, it's an investment Travis in yourself, in your family. Yes. Now I live in Los Angeles where it costs $2 million to get like the smallest home ever. Right. But you get that. And then next year's worth $3 million. You just need that initial investment. And if you need help with money, Travis, I've always told you this, you can come to me. You'll give me $2 million? I will give you, I could probably break you off a couple Gs. Okay. But that's, you know what? You put that in a jar. You guys want a Yahoo? Absolutely. This Yahoo was sent in by Rachel Spurling. Recognize that game. Take your game, take a minute and recognize it. Thank you, Rachel. Ladies, get to know your game. Uh, it's by Yahoo

Answers user Mahalkita Mahalkata. I think that's a Pokemon who asks, Should men start wearing cock pieces as a fashion accessory again? I think you've missed it. I think you missed the word a little bit. A little bit. You were off by a little bit. Um, additional details. Would you wear one? A cock piece? A cock? Should men start wearing dick flaps again? No. No, you shouldn't. But should we? I want to say this. Having worked at the Shakespeare Company, like every time there's something about it that when you wear one of those, you tend to strut. Like it's hard not to just leave. Wow. That's because your gait has an extra flap there that you didn't plan for when

you woke up that morning. I mean, you do have to have very wide thighs or else you will chafe on your cock piece. But it's one of my favorite examples. Jeremy Dubin, every time we had a, like a student matinee in a show that had cock pieces, he would have to get up like first thing, just go out and like give everyone a solid like minute and a half to laugh and just get it out of their systems. Well, yeah. So then they could enjoy the show. But he had, um, I don't want to put him on blast, our incredibly popular radio broadcast, but he had, let's call it an abnormal cod. Yeah. And the things he could do with it, it was like puppetry of the penis. Did you guys know that cod is actually middle English for scrotum? That's not a joke. That's a real thing.

Wow. Learned something new today. Something really useful. So when you call someone a codfish, like Peter Pan does, you're calling them a scrotum fish. Basically, yeah. Peter Pan. Peter Pan, how could you? Um, can we bring this? Listen, fucking like the, the new school of thought for like manliness, which is such garbage bullshit, like with, with fucking fashion axes, right? Like it's so, it's everything is so terrible and so dumb. I could see like, listen, you're, you, if you really want to accentuate your masculinity, put this little parachute over your dick. Like I could totally see that becoming an actual thing. And if you think about like our current like dress, what am I going to have a cod piece on my jeans? On my jeans shorts?

Oh, fuck. That's a look right there. Yeah. That's a lot a lot. I showed a cod piece of my utila kilt. How would that, that wouldn't even work because then it would become pants again. I accidentally turned my utila kilt into pants, into pants with a weird dick part on it. I feel bad. What is a cod piece? Oh, Justin, we've been doing the whole bit. You should have asked us this. We've been doing this for two and a half minutes. You were too embarrassed. I was hoping that through your context clues, I could weave a picture. It kind of looks like a canoe of fabric that you put over your junk. Men used to wear hoes, right? Hoesiery. Yeah. But it didn't really do a great job in that zone. And so like what dudes started to like, when they would sit, I'm reading a,

this is from Art of Manliness, which like, great. I love that I've given this website my business. When dudes would sit down with these hoes, their tunic would write up and it's like, hey ho, my cod is out, is what they would say. Oh goodness, my cod. My dick. Behold, my cod. And so they began to cover up their cod with a little dick tunic. And it was just a little piece of linen that just sort of wraps wraps around it like a little, like a little pup, a pup tent. Okay. Can I just jump back real quick to say that if on the website, the art of manliness, like if it doesn't just say like, I don't know, be like a person, just do whatever you want. Just do a thing. No, then that then that website is dumb. Man, my art of manliness,

you know, my secret to the art of manliness, you just flex when people aren't expecting you to. Now, gentlemen, could you name a situation in which you would flex in which people were not expecting you to? And suddenly it would be very positively all about you. DMV. Okay. Why the DMV? Because people rock past and you're like, that dude is stacked. That dude's rip for days. That dude is manly as hell and look at that cod piece. Oh, there's a point. He's selling it. There's a picture on this article. And there's a picture on this article from Batman and Robin. No. Okay. Do you think that it's like, you know, how when people get really flashy, like sports cars and everyone's like, well, compensating for something,

do you think like the baller move with with a cod piece is to get like just a really little one? Yeah. I don't even care. I don't fucking care. Whatever. This is my tiny dick. One that is so small that you actually have to tuck your actual physical material zone. It's a false flag zone. Your corporeal zone. Right. And then someone comes up and stabs you in it and you're like, nothing. You did nothing. Better luck next time. Where did his dick go? You'll never know. Smooth like a candle down there. Check my butt. And then you look at the butt. What is that? It's a rear cod piece. You fool. You've fallen for my false flag. I've got cod pieces for days. My false flag cod. I'm gonna stab that one.

Right armpit. Holy shit. He's cod's toe to tip. This guy's all Cods. It's like a house of mirrors. You just keep shattering them and there's more. It's like a house of lies with Kevin Spacey's cod piece. House of lies is not the name of this. I think it is. I think that's the Don Cheadle. Damn it. Man, I could have made a reference to Don Cheadle's cod piece and it would have been a great one. You could have made so many references. I could have made all the references. Another question. Hit it. A coworker of mine recently started sporting a single black glove on her left hand every day. Is there a polite way for me to find out why?

Fashion statement, medical issue, aspiring magician. I need to know. Initial details. It looks like a one size fits all cotton glove. No embellishments or markings. As from antsy in Austin. Can I tell you what this coworker is doing right? Create an air of mystery. Yeah, for sure. Is it possible that somewhere under that glove is a cod? Possibly. For days. For days. I love this idea because if it was flashy and showy, if it was like a sequined glove or like covered in rindsense or shit, you wouldn't be that. There's something about just the plainness, the unadornment. You're not trying to draw attention to it. You're like, I have to know.

Why are they doing it? Because it's clearly not to draw attention and yet it is drawing attention to me. Take a lesson, everyone. This is how you do it. This is how you affect something. This is a real gateway to becoming fully a mysterious person. And some people have already gone so far down this road that a glove wouldn't raise an eye. If you saw Prince walking around LA, perhaps shopping at a candle store, and you saw that he was wearing a black glove on one hand, you would not give it a second thought. You would think, oh, it's a print. Well, there's another dude who could also just start wearing a codpiece and no one would be surprised. Well, yeah. Yeah, he could start wearing copies and probably

start wearing a codpiece. I mean, you gotta ask, right? That's why they're wearing it. Well, there's two situations. They're either wearing it because they want you to ask or because they explicitly don't want you to ask. Are they trying to hide the fact they have six fingers? Can I just say like, wouldn't it be crazy if this person was like, oh, I got engaged last night, so I'm going to wear this glove and then someone's going to ask and it's going to be a big reveal. And this has been going on for three weeks and no one's asked. But please just ask. My pinky smells terrible. Please just ask me so I could do the review. Why is everyone so afraid of that? I feel like you have to ask now or it may already be too late because if you wait too

much longer, you're just going to walk up and go, what's with the glove? What's with the glove? Because you've held it back for too long. They're dying for you to ask. Oh, they want you to ask so bad. Just ask them. Just ask this one question about the glove. What if they've been waiting this whole time to ask it on the like the palm of the glove is written, talk to the hand and they're just waiting for that. It's a great bit. It's a power play. It's a long game. Is it a power glove? Perhaps. Is it maybe a power glove? Are they going to maybe play some Rad Racer after work? Or catch ball? That was an NES game, I think. I think it was called catch ball. Catch ball. How about another Yahoo? Man, what if Black Glove is like a thing that's like

worldwide and we don't know it because we're just like not keyed into kind of like it's a red hat kind of thing? No, I don't think it's red hat kind of thing. I'm saying like it's a legit protest about issues. Oh, not not an L.A. related social group. Probably not. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Please. This Yahoo was sent in by several people, including Anthony Delcurti and Sean Moran. Thank you, everyone. It's by Yahoo Answers user whatever. Who has the most Yahoo points I've fucking ever seen? 78,053 Yahoo points. Fucking get out the game. Retire. You're done. And the highest one goes to whatever. Whatever asks. What would happen to our world if all of a sudden potato chips stop being made? Whoa. I'm saying that this is going to lead to a complete and total

just a decimation of our society. Sometimes you just need that crunch and no corn products, no rice products are going to fill the bill. I mean, the fact of the matter is as soon as one thing goes away, even if you're like there's still pretzels, but as soon as you tell everyone like everything else still fine, still plenty of everything else, but there's no more potato chips. Everyone then is going to instantly want potato chips so badly. You're disrupting the ecosystem, right? Like we have to eat potato chips, humans, right? Because the potato chips eat the M&Ms. Right. And if we, if there's no more potato chips, first of all, M&M of a population is going to kill us all. But that won't matter because we're all going to die anyway, because our main food

source is now gone. You know what that means? That the leopard seal is gone because we're fucking dead. And they eat us. They have to eat us. Yeah. Because of that, they also eat penguins. Penguins are going to be all over the place. They're going to be penguins and M&Ms. It's going to be the best apocalypse ever, but we're not going to be around to enjoy it. Because we ran out of potato chips. Because we ran out of, because we ran out of crisps. We don't have any more vitamin and Pringles. We don't. Now, here's the question that I would have for you. If potato chips in this world, crisps aren't crisps, sorry, are no longer made. Are we to assume that french fries are still extant? And if so, aren't people like smashing them with a hammer and then putting them in a

fryer later? Just they do that. Oh, this is such a good question, Justin. Is it that we've suddenly forgotten the existence of, but like how to make potato chips? Or is it like they've all been beamed off the surface of the planet? Because if we fucking forgot how to make potato chips, somebody would fucking figure it out in like half of a second. Like, ah, these french fries are too thick. And God, fry these sinks. But that's the question. Are we talking like they're no longer being made or they no longer exist? Because in this situation where you stomp down some french fries, throw them in a fryer, you pull up the fryer basket and it's empty. Where did they go? The Happening 2, starring nobody. Nobody agreed to do it.

What is it? Just no chips? No, I have to turn this one. I have to turn this one down. You guys hear about the Sony leak where they were thinking about making the Happening 2 where we did all the potato chips. Nicholas Cage was like, this is, no, I'm sorry. This is my first time saying the word. No, I'm gonna worst code. Tap it out. Potato chips. I love potato chips, but this is just too, this is a bridge too far. I promise I'm too busy doing drive angry shot in 4D. So where you can smell it. You can smell it. And we have potato chips in the picture. So I'm going to do that. I signed a non-compete. It's produced by Lays. How fast would technology evolve if the potato chip didn't exist? How fast? Because we

have so much time in our hands because we're not just fucking chomping. We've been dropping stuff constantly because of the grease and the salt, and now we can actually hold our Bunsen burners and beakers and such. My fingers are delightfully non-bloated. Let me type out some code. Oh, world hunger's gone, which is weird because there's no chips. So like, what's the point? But I guess if you want to eat shitty garbage, would tarot chips still exist? Would you still be able to eat tarot chips and like, no, Justin, that's how you tell the future. It's stupid. Okay, what about this? Would Tato skins, the potato chip, those would survive from potato skins. Would that still exist? Those would survive. And let's just say, invest in Tato skin stock right now.

What about Pringles? It's just like compressed potato flakes. Oh, come on. Yeah, actually, legally speaking, they can't call those potato chips. They have to call them crisp because a big potato made it so that they had to do that. So they would probably survive. Melissa Pringle, heiress to the Pringles empire is actually doing 25 to life in jail because she just wouldn't stop calling them chips. They got her. They fucking got her. It was a sting operation. Recently, a good friend has rapidly become my best friend. He's like a brother to me now and vice versa. As such, I've gotten him a book and a t-shirt for Christmas. Nothing extravagant. Do I need to give him advance notice that I've gotten him something? I don't want to feel bad

if I give him a gift and he has nothing to give me. Of course, getting presents is always fun, but this really does come from a place of wanting to avoid awkwardness and not greed. Brothers, how can I give my friend a gift without making him feel shitty? That's from altruistically Etsy. You gotta tell him. Okay, but how? Hey, no big deal. I just want to let you know that I got you a couple things. They're not super expensive, but I just wanted to give you the heads up. For me, where my anxiety tends to rear its ugly head is in situations like this, where something that seemed like such a normal, good idea, but then I'm confronted with having to voice it out loud to someone. I guess the fear for me would be saying, hey, dude,

just no big deal. I got you a Christmas present, and then their response being, why? The best feeling in the holiday season is getting somebody a good gift. The worst feeling is receiving a gift and not having that feeling of getting them a gift. So don't do that. Once you reach a certain age, you've got to start thinking like that. The gift you're giving them is the feeling of satisfaction of giving you a stellar Christmas present. We have emergency gifts on hand. Just try that. Have a nice ball of vino wrapped up like you cared, and then just get ready to give it to them. But is there not something to be said for the idea of just if you feel this way and you guys have become this friends and you felt like getting him a gift, the faith and trust

that maybe he felt the same way? No, absolutely not. No, that's the different society that you're living in. You just described utopia, Travis, and that show got fucking canceled because of free wheeling ideas like that. What if you made it a little more cash than Griffin's suggestion? You were like, I loved it. We need to get together sometime. I've got a couple things to give you no big deal. That just gives them some advanced notice. I like that. Thank you. I thought that was pretty good. I like that a lot. Can I elevate it? Elevate it. Why don't you tell them? I feel like we are best friends now. I feel like we have been elevated to best friend status, and I looked online and they said the best friends because you said the Christmas presents. Because then you're also

in your human society. And then you have elevated it because then you've also given them the gift of saying, I'm your best friend. When was the last time either of you said to anybody, I'm your best friend? I rarely tell other people where my status is in their life. Hey, listen, buddy, I'm the best fucking friend you've gotten this situation. Look around you. This is the best deal you're gonna get. You know what we need right now? To tell each other that we're each other's best friends. Yes. Let's go in a circle. Okay. I'm both of your best friends. Well, you can't have both. You can only have one. It's not how the superlative works. I'm Travis's best friend. God! Damn it. I'm Justin's best friend. That sucks. No, you messed up. No, what? I'm just being honest.

I like Griffin a lot. Griffin's like my second and command. Oh, but that's my second best friend. Oh, that's good because I didn't get either of you guys any fucking Christmas presents. You're my third best friend. Griffin, you're my third best friend. My first one is Hank Mardukas. I hate that dude. Although, can I tell you something? He's also my best friend. That dude's gonna be swimming in Christmas presents. Let's go to the next one. Fucking Hank Mardukas. I hope you die, Hank Mardukas. You're my best friend, but I hope you die. Two words. Hank? Mardukas. No, two different. Going on safari on you, Hank. That's a Hank safari. Two words. No, the two words are free snacks.

Did you guys ever play the Nintendo 64 game, Hank safari? The gameplay was a little bit rote, but the graphics were really ahead of their time. They really realized Hank can lie really great polygons. But patented chips don't exist anymore. You've got to eat something delicious and wholesome, and you can get exactly that from naturebox.com. These are snacks with no artificial flavors or colors or sweeteners. There's no trans fat, no high fructose corn syrup. It's wholesome. It's all to the earth type stuff. You can feel good about giving your family or hiding individual pieces in an advent calendar. I just got an item out. I just got a new box

yesterday. Dang it. Yeah. And I got some. I got some Kung Pao pretzels. What does that even mean? Oh, they got like what they taste like is like really good, really like quality ramen on pretzels with a little bit of Asian spice. So good. That sounds delicious. These are, there's even snacks on there that don't have added sugar or gluten ingredients. I know we're always talking about the peanut butter nom nom, but it's as fun to say as it is to eat and bake sweet potato fries since potato chips don't exist anymore. You can eat those. That's available to you. That's a good stop gap. Justin, how much would one of these boxes cost our listeners?

Free, you impeccable man. You free. Not a red dime. Free snacks. Those are the two words I want you to keep in mind. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother every single week. We hear from listeners who said, thank you. I'm sorry I waited so long. Fuck these snacks are good. Thank you for hooking me up with these free snacks. We package these ourselves. We hand package these free snacks just for you. I code each nom nom and delicious peanut butter one one by one. Each one takes me six minutes. So do the math. Hey, here's an idea. You should sign up for this. Get it in time for your holiday party. Put them out as like little snacks. We have no way. You look so good. Well, I mean, I'm just saying if you could or for a New Year's party.

Or for a mid-January party. But put them out. You're going to look and people are going to be like, you get these Trader Joe's. Where did you get? And I'm like, nope. I got a nature box. And then you could tell them to go to naturebox.com slash my brother. And then you're just spreading the word. The good word. For us. If every person on earth went to naturebox.com slash my brother and got a free box of delicious snacks, that's the kind of worldwide change that I want to bring to the world all wide around it. It's time we take down big potato. If you want to take down big potato, you're going to need some money. They have a lot of lawyers on hand. But you decided you're going to put a stop to their starchy shenanigans. And you're going to need

a war chest. So it's hard to get money. It's hard to borrow it. Nobody's got any money in the world. But if you need to borrow money, somebody else might have some. And you can get a low fixed rate loan at prosper.com. You can borrow up to $35,000. Just use five days. Use the money for anything you want. Pay off high rate credit cards. Fix up the house for the holidays. Stop big potato. It's weird that they put that. It's weird that they put that in the notes that's prescient of them. Wait a second. They've also mentioned Frankenstein's dick. They are the one. How did they know about that classic future bit? If you go to prosper.com slash my brother, you can check your low rate instantly without affecting your credit. Go to prosper.com slash

my brother. And for a limited time listeners of ours, you get a $15 piece of gift card with your loan. So that's just a bonus 50 bucks you can borrow anything you want. Prosper.com slash my brother. That's prosper.com slash my brother. Other restrictions apply. See site for program and visa prepaid card details. All personal loans are made by Web Bank, a Utah chartered industrial bank, member FDIC, equal opportunity lender. Adjust in. He's having an asthma attack. Good. Do you have some messages? Yeah, real quick. Got a message for Alex and Aubrey. Double your pleasure. That's a little stinger I came up with for when a message is for two people. Perfect. Stinger. That's what we need to direct more music in the show. Okay. Well,

this is great because it's from Jazz, who says, that's a sexy stuff. Jazz says, happy birthday, Alex and Aubrey. Here's a list of out of context inside jokes. Entrepreneurial. Wow, that's a fucking word, isn't it? It's a hard half, man. God, entrepreneur. Now you're thinking about it. I am, aren't I? Entrepreneurial. Did I get it? Yep. Got it in one. Entrepreneurial pirate. Mouthwinking. You're a stone cold fox. The old man who talks about dead teens. The colonies are in revolt. Gino or perhaps Gino gets in the pizza with you. I am so sorry to everyone else, but hey, these are the jokes. Love Jazz.

That's probably what it's like listening to my brother and my brother. Yeah, obviously. I skipped one. Frankenstein's dick. Whoa, weird. Got a message from Mr. Kelsch from Cat and Cat says, Eric, ketchup needs to be refrigerated. Why did you need a message for that? Of course it does. Eric, ketchup needs to be refrigerated. Stop saying it doesn't. And that it is better warm, or there will be some divorce. There we go. Love your wife, PSJK on the divorce, but seriously. Cold ketchup is the right ketchup. I got some bowling alley french fries last night because my life is a garbage. Garbage body. I have a garbage body. I'm garbage all over. I played

football yesterday and my glutes, my whole butt is meat. It's called soccer. Yeah. Is football just kicking the ball because you don't have a club? You kick a soccer ball into the hole like golf. Okay. But my glutes, my butt is garbage right now. What was I saying? Oh, right. I had to eat warm ketchup and I wanted to die. I'm saying the divorce. It sounds sad because it sounds like you've worked a really hard time on your guy's love and it's an investment and special. But you got on the right thing. You got to tell a hard line against these fucking monsters. Oh my God, guys. We have talked about potato-based products in literally every second of the show and I'm so hungry for potatoes right now. I would do terrible things to some potato.

A raw potato, I would eat like a golden delicious apple right here. Would you pluck off the eyes? I would bite off the eyes, chew them up, swallow them and then I would eat the potato whole raw. Okay. Would you just swallow it in one go? Because right now we're in big golf territory. Trademark infringement. Hold on. Wait, can we get, would it be a Mr. Potato Head? Because then that's some good void, dog. Yummy, yummy. That's some good, good for. This is all things considered. This is 99% invisible. We're listening to Pop Culture Happy Hour. It's bullseye. The podcast Song Exploder does pretty much what its name suggests. Musicians break apart songs so you can hear the pieces track by track, instrument by instrument,

how they were imagined, created and built into a composition. And all of these artistic decisions are packed into this 11 or 12 minute show. It's really fascinating to hear them explain how they fit these pieces together. The concept is simple but brilliant. Subscribe to Song Exploder at SongExploder.net. You can also find it on iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Folks, you're friends and my brother and my brother may like to play experts on the podcast, but sometimes our own knowledge, our own expertise has limits, believe it or not. Even after 230 episodes, there are still things we don't know. And in those situations we call upon what we have cleverly titled in a handy bit of neologism, a guest part.

230 episodes, I think one thing that we don't know is when to stop. Just when to get out on top. Just get out of the intro. Our guest today is Will Corbett from Riftrax, MST3K, many other, a current playwright, songwriter, cruise director. I'll keep going. Powerlifter. Comic comic book, funny, funny book, man. What is that? Comic book funny boy? Comic book funny boy. I like it guys.

Bill Corbett, welcome to the show program. Thank you. I am a comic book funny guy. I'll embrace that. We have questions. Let's get right to them. Let's help people. I'm ready. Thank you, of course, so much for joining us. Oh, my pleasure, you guys. I love your podcast. Your many podcasts. Read it and weep, Ms. Williams. That's right. Said we wouldn't amount to anything. Aside from, I've been haranguing her lately.

I think in three episodes I've mentioned Ms. Williams. And I don't think she exists. I think she's fictional. No, because I believe she told me the same thing. I remember her saying to me, do you know how many people from Huntington, West Virginia have ever gone on to succeed in the entertainment industry? And I said, no, how many? She said, none, which is not true. Not a hundred percent true. Yeah. No. She needs to be your next guest pert. Yeah. She's dead.

She's shaming. Oh, is she dead? She's dead, Bill. Thank God. How could you? She can't get to you guys anymore. Our most inspiring teacher. I remember being third grade, she said, you'll never be on a podcast. And that's a pretty good pull for 1993. Wait, hold on. Think about it.

I think we just found the evidence that we need to overturn that one patent. So let's circle back to that. Now we got it. We can't forget to circle back to that when we're done recording. We'll be certain to email that patent troll. Here we go. Questions. Aside from continuing to quote, circulate the tapes. What can I do to help foster the skill of riffing movies in any future children?

I may have. It's a skill that has carried me and less enthusiastic friends through many a bad movie, whether in my school days, dealing with my mom's hallmark movie benches, or just because laughing at a bad movie seemed like fun, is the art of riffing something we can pass on? Or should I not worry about it and just hope my kids take to it naturally? That's from Zapp Ralsdauer. Who for for those of you who know that's a that's a MST3K deep cut.

He was the hero of one of our movies. I'm not even sure that qualifies as a deep cut. That that seems like that's, you know, that's being modest stuff. I'm being modest on behalf of the old show. Yeah, the future children. Let's talk about the future children. The potential, the at this point hypothetical maybe kids. The twinkles in this man's eye.

This guy's priority, by the way, for like of all the parenting queries. This is gotta figure out how to teach kids riff. Maybe he's nailed down all the more important ones. And he's moving on to the refinement. He knows how to talk to him about sex. He knows how to talk to him about drugs. But how do you talk to him about bad movies? Got it.

Has the college education all lined up? And you know, I always think, you know, it's just something to take too naturally. I think he answered his own question here. It depends on your goal, really. If you just want to have a couple of laughs with your family and, you know, kids will pick up on your wise assery, no doubt about it. But if you're trying to get your kid a career in movie riffing,

they don't exist, really, aside of about a dozen of us. And it is a weird thing to do. It's a weird thing to just sit there and painstakingly write, you know, I flatter ourselves. But we do write like an alternative comic soundtrack to a movie. So it's more than just kind of hanging around and making jokes, which is fun, too. We tried to do it for an educational short as like a max fun bonus material that I think is still out there. And Jesus Christ, that thing was like a minute and a half long,

and it took us like a month. It was like pulling teeth. It is a bit laborious. Yeah. We are masochists first and foremost. Do you take a dry run first? That's basically just all of you shouting at each other and then honing from there. You know, we used to when we, when during the old show days,

I feel like an old vaudevillian here, back in the 90s, lads. At the height of vaudeville. Comedy Central was still the comedy channel. Well, we actually used to just sit in a room together and look at the movie and just blurt out whatever. It was like a Mass Tourette syndrome. While one poor sap, one of us had to kind of just, you know, record as we went. And we took turns doing that to spread the pain around.

But now for Rift Tracks, we just kind of each write about a quarter to a sixth of the movie in a first draft and take a run at it and then try to mash it all together in some Frankenstein-like first draft. Over your years of riffing on terrible films, rather than in Misty 3K and Rift Tracks, are there any particular mistakes or just bad ideas that you see repeated frequently? And that's from Bevan Blocker, who says that his name is pronounced Bevan like Kevin. Okay, Bevan or Bevan, if I might. If we may be familiar for a moment.

I feel like we've grown close enough, Bevan. Yeah, there's one. I don't know if my colleagues are as obsessed about it as I am, but the idea of the kind of do-nothing personality-less main hero, the protagonist, usually a chunky white dude, you know, who's considered good-looking by some standards of, you know, mostly like 1950s Hollywood. I guess I'm thinking of that time in movie history, where you could just put a sort of bland looking guy in front of a screen, you know, a six-foot-one white guy, and just have him be the lead in your movie, and not have him really have any qualities that are appealing in any way.

Except that he's there. Except that he's there. He occupies physical space. Sure. And he doesn't trip over his feet. I mean, that's about it. It's kind of me that producers like, who's the most handsome guy we know? Like, the most handsome guy we know in real life.

Right, right. I always think it's who's the least weird looking. No one's going to say anything. They don't have that nose or those weird ears. No one's going to be upset by his face. I think that is well put. Yeah, just a blank slate. In the case of Zapp Rouser, though, some casting director dropped the goddamn ball.

Because then- Oh, but he's great. I mean, he's comparatively great. He's, at least he does something. He drinks a lot of beer, first of all. Sure. But he also runs around and shoots guys, and you know. I wonder if people who, like, make and write video games,

they get a lot of their inspiration from that very, like, bland, like, milk toast protagonist. Because I don't know that you also just accurately described, maybe without realizing it. Like, every video game protagonist is just like, uh, dude, who is just like, that's the thing that holds the gun that you shoot the guys with. Right, right.

That's about all that you get out of it. Somebody asked a question on Twitter, and it wasn't, sorry, quite good enough to make the cut. But the question was good. Take that. The idea was great, which is now that, like, watching bad movies has become such a thing that people do, there are directors and studios trying to make bad movies,

like a Sharknado, that kind of idea. And do you think that that is kind of, like, ruining, you know, spoiling the recipe? Because it's like, no, it has to be accidentally bad. Yeah, I think you can tell the difference. And I think people who go to Sharknado or Sharknado 2 know the difference. We actually did a live show of Sharknado,

and we'll probably go on to Sharknado 2. But we have to sort of just switch our gears a little bit and sort of acknowledge that, yeah, they are trying to make a bad movie and trying to have, you know, have one over on us. So we just try to find a way around the edges there. But yeah, I mean, there are these pure uncut bits of bad movie making like the room or birdemic that are just so great in the way that they're bad.

Because you really, you almost could not imagine that. Someone just tried so hard and failed so bad. And so beautifully. The room, especially, I've probably watched that movie, no joke, and I think, I'm in good company here, probably like 30 times. Yeah, at least. Half and half with Rift Tracks and without,

they're both really excellent. But I can watch without Rift Tracks, and it's like, I'm enjoying it. I don't know when my friend Dwight, one summer, got really into Billy Joel as a joke. And then the next year, he was super into Billy Joel, like, legitimately. It's the Billy Joel flip.

And I think I made that switch with the room. Like, I enjoy every second of it. It's terrible. Did you just compare Tommy Wiseau with Billy Joel? You monster. He's the Austrian Billy Joel. He's the something for in Billy Joel. Let's not pin him down.

Let's not pretend like we've solved the grand mystery of life. Mr. Corbett, you guys have done a lot of movies that would traditionally, with Rift Tracks, I think be traditionally considered to be good, good films, even some great films. Yeah. Is that a lot harder to write gags around those,

or is it the same sort of thing? Are you talking about the apple? No, the apple's another one, man. I love the apple. I love it so much. I have to say, I'm with you. You know, I watched that enough time, the apple enough times,

that I just fell into its spell. Some of the songs are really good. Yeah, they're super good. They actually are not bad. Wow, you have it right there, don't you? He really loves the apple. He made me watch it. We watched that the night before Griffin got married.

Yeah, I was like. It was his bachelor party. I was like, no, it wasn't that. I was like super nervous. I was like nauseous for being so nervous, and just I was like, I got what you need. It was that and beer, just like a lot of it. But the movies, too.

Good movies. Writing jokes about the movies. Yeah, good movies. It took a while to adjust to that, because we were never able to do them on the show, and people were kind of clamoring to, for us to do at least more mainstream movies. But then we just, we decided to try a few

that we actually kind of like, like Lord of the Rings. I mean, collectively, we have more or less taste for them, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark. And then we really tried to make a, underline it three times by doing what we call the Rift Tracks Challenge, by doing Casablanca.

And what we wind up doing really is just joke, of course, joking less about the quality of the movie being bad, because that would be a lie. And just sort of roasting it in the old, you know, Hollywood fryer style. And just finding almost like alternative narratives going on in the moment, just, you know, imposing it on them,

whether they like it or not. Here's a question. I'm a writer myself, but I often find it hard to transfer rudimentary ideas from my brain to paper to be fleshed out. Do you have any specific process to get ideas from out, from within? That's from finding a flourish in Florida.

Oh, well, you're already on your way with your mastery of alliteration. Nice. That's 3S right and right. There you go. Just keep up that, pal. Do a whole book of F words. Yeah, there are so many writing teachers out there,

and there's just so much nonsense. And I will probably give nonsense here as well, because I just don't think it's one size fits all. But I can give you a general guideline, which is do it regularly. Just do it every day, if you can, or five days a week. And don't do it for long.

If you're struggling with the real basics, like how do I sit my ass down and write, then just be disciplined, but be kind to yourself at the same time, which is the discipline part is making sure you show up every day and do some. The kind part is don't expect to do whatever that acronym is, the nanorhymo month. That was fun to watch you say.

It felt really good. Travis, you're in the studio with Bill. Did he put some licorice in his mouth when he tried to say that? He looked like a dog that you put peanut butter in his mouth to make it look like he was talking. It was great. I quickly put peanut butter in my mouth when you were not

looking. It was delicious. Yeah, I guess my point is just regular practice. There's no substitute for actually writing. You can't wait for ideas. You can't wait for inspiration. You just have to kind of do it, and the inspiration will come faster through that,

which a lot of writers have said. My little part of it is that don't try to do eight or 10 hours at a stretch. You'll hate it. That's great. I mean, I need that advice. Thank you very much. We had a little...

Or peanut butter, please. That's his reward. Thank you. We had Elizabeth Gilbert on the show, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, who said that you should never try to write in sweatpants and a shitty t-shirt. You should dress like a serious... Is that something that...

Can you write in sweatpants in cozy wear, or do you feel like you need to be a professional businessman? I have to dress in a full tuxedo and towels to... No, I respectfully disagree with Ms. Gilbert. I write in the shittiest clothes in the world. Take that! You were here first, folks. The red...

Between Bill Corbyn and Elizabeth Gilbert. The red bear garbage clothes for me. The garbage of your little feather. I do like her eating and her praying and her loving. God, Travis, as you were saying that, I look down. I am wearing sweatpants and a greetings from Tybee Island t-shirt with baby vomit on it. Yeah, that's just the Justin.

Oh, new dads. It's actually not his baby, Bill. It's designer baby vomit. It just came that way. You pay extra for that. Pay a lot for this. Jockstrap and a t-shirt. That's all you need to write.

I meant to mention, I love your jockstrap today, Bill. Thank you. I have a friend who absolutely hates the concept of laughing at bad movies. For instance, he considers watching a movie like The Room to be a massive waste of time when he could be watching something better, quote, like Transformers. Oh, come on! That's the pull of this, dude. You know, like Trans Brothers and Mr. Corbyn.

How can we get this farcical flick Debbie Downer in the right frame of mind, or is this a lost cause? That's from Bad Movie Buff in Brooklyn. Oh, my God, with the alliteration in here, listeners. We have a pretty savvy audience. This actually, this reminds me the first time Griffin and I watched The Room with my now wife, Teresa, the look on her face was like a combination of confusion and frustration. She didn't know why we did that to her.

Yeah, she just kept saying, what is this? Why are we? No. I'm testing you, darling. Yeah, and it was like, get it? And she's like, no, no, it's bad. She's bad. And then we made her watch it like eight more times and now she loves it.

Oh, it's the idea. But sort of. Stockholm syndrome. Tom, you'll get it, honey. He's from Stockholm. He's cracked it. There is a, there's a real problem with the premise of this question and the Transformers message.

I mean, I don't know where to go with that because if you don't enjoy the room and you do enjoy Transformers, I don't understand you as a human being. It seems like to me like maybe his like through line, like he doesn't like really good movies or really bad movies. And he just wants it right down the center there, like Milk Toast, nothing. He likes the movie protagonist of 1950s version of movies. Sure. Yeah.

And he wants to be beat up by Michael Bay. Um, well, I mean, I guess there's, why would you try to force someone to do that? I guess to marry them if Travis is to be believed. But that's the only reason as a weird dowry. I forget what the actual question was. I snagged on Transformers. How do you fix this broken person? The question if you really break it down to like really parse it is how do you get someone

to like bad movies? And I don't, I think it's a little questionable as a premise. I mean, you're not supposed to, right? I mean, well, but here's the thing is, because I was thinking about this on the way over when I got stuck in traffic is the idea of I didn't start liking bad movies. I started as a kid watching MST3K with dad. Sure. And then through that, like transitioning into liking bad movies.

And I think that it's an acquired taste. You know, it's a thing that's like, you can't show someone who's only seen like current blockbuster quote, good or bad movies and then expect them to like the room and man those hands of fate and get it. Like you kind of got to like clue them in with, we're going to watch something that frames it like, isn't this fun to make fun of? I think you are really onto something. And it, you know, when I was working on the show, my parents would watch and they could

not, they just couldn't get past the movies. They would just go like, man, that movie was really bad. You know, I thought it was just a terrible movie. So I couldn't watch anymore. So the point, we hope we could sort of take you through it a little bit, mom and dad. But yeah, and I don't, I would never force that on people unless I wanted to marry them. Do you feel like you guys like provided a really valuable service to the movie industry, the filmmaking industry where if a movie studio, I feel like made a really terrible movie

before you guys came around, it was just a total loss. It was a disaster for them. But now if somebody makes a really bad movie, it's like, well, at least somebody's going to get some sort of like twisted pleasure at like, like there is a, there has been cultivated among people and appreciation for bad movies that wasn't there before. So at least we've got that. At least we'll bring some modicum of joy to people. Especially now with podcasts and like YouTube.

And it's like, everybody talks about bad movies now in a way that like people weren't doing, you know, in the 90s. And so for example, I was a teenage strangler, was filmed in our hometown, Huntington, West Virginia. So when it was on MS2, 3K, it was like this huge thing of like, it's back. We've done it. And it also puts the lie to your old teacher's thing about nobody ever making it. Take that, Mrs. William.

Well, no, because we're all getting strangled by a fellow native though, right? There you go. Yeah. So I guess. Just puts our town in the best light. We're calling the herd. We're building a staircase of human bodies for Harry Potter. There you go.

Well, you know, I don't know. We've wanted Hollywood to appreciate that service we provide them for years. But so far, so far, nothing. No fungible. I think, you know, we're just not big enough problems you affect their sales. And that's all they care about. And when we have actually negotiated them via Rift Tracks for bigger titles, it is all, it's like diffusing a bomb.

They're very sensitive about it. And we eventually have shook a few, you know, 90s to early 2000 titles away from them with money, just with Kickstarter money. But they're just very concerned about the relationship, the trail of relationships they have in general. I'm imagining that conversation. Like you want to make fun of Casablanca. No, no, you can't.

You can't do that. They're all dead. Come on. Yeah, you're right. My girlfriend and I live about 1500 miles apart. And one of our favorite pastimes is watching MST3K and Rift Tracks together over Skype. Which MST3K episode of Rift Tracks VOD would you recommend for a young couple in love? Amorous in Austin.

I don't, you know, I guess if he's asking me if something that would enhance their love or sexual pleasure, I'm a little scared of that question, frankly. What's the most erotic MST3K episode? The Apple hands down, the Roger Daltry looking guy running around in a loincloth. It doesn't get it more erotic than that. Can you just repeat the chapter with the sex song in it? The song that takes place in the sex. I was drunk at that point of the movie, the time that I watched it.

But I do distinctly remember there being a sex song that somebody sang while having sex. I'm guessing one of your brothers can sing it. Sex song from the Apple. Oh man, it's gonna make me mad. It's a double entendre, I believe. It is a single entendre. It's 1.2 entendres. I'm coming.

There it is. It's the line. Oh, it's very subtle. Oh, I'm coming. Bill, do you think just like if an actor often says like if they're gonna play like a serial killer or a terrible person, they have to find something within them that like they can relate to, like when you guys watch bad movies or choose bad movies, like there's have to be a level on which you like it in order to make fun of it.

Yeah, I mean, we have to enjoy watching it. I don't know if whether that means we like it or not because there are definitely ones that are on our reject pile that we just have no fun at all watching and we just we realize that'll be the experience no matter how many jokes we sling. Is that because they're so bad or just because there's not the opportunity or like, oh, this is so bad that there's nothing? A little of both. Sometimes it's just technical.

Sometimes it's just really, really, really boring and we don't find a way to make some fun around the boringness. I think that's, I actually think that those movies outnumber the good, bad movies. I don't know if you have listened to the Flop House podcast that actually very recently joined Maximum Fun, but they talk about bad movies and they have a scale of movie qualities. Is the movie good? Is the movie good, bad or is it just like not? There are so many movies that just lack any redeeming value, whether it be, you know,

genuine or ironic. Oh, yeah. Well put. Yep. Bill Corbett, thank you so much for joining us on My Brother, My Brother Me. It's been a genuine thrill and dare I say honor to have you on the program. Shucks, guys. What a pleasure.

We're talking to you guys. Where can people find your holiday themed comic book, Super Powered Revenge Christmas? You just put all those words together that you just said and add .com and there's all sorts of ways to get it there, superpoweredrevengechristmas.com. And of course, if you've never seen Rift Racks or MS2 3K, then you're dumb and you should go do that. Those people don't exist. I don't think there is a Venn diagram between those things in this show.

I think that it's just a big circle. I tend to agree. Is there anything else you want to plug? Plug anything? No, thank you. That's what I like to hear. Bill Corbett, thank you so much for joining us and have a great rest of your week. You too, guys.

I guess it's something people say at the end of the day. Whatever. I'm going to do it. I'm taking you seriously. I'm going to go ahead and do that. He was fully planning on having a super shitty Friday and you just turned it around for him. I'm Terry's brother, Jerry Gross, and this has been our interview. Travis, we got a lot of...

Well, first, we should say thank you to Bill Corbett for joining us. What a treat it was to have that cat on. Travis, we got a lot of live shows coming up. That's great. Announced a lot this week. What's the haps? Give me the 411. We already talked about...

311. Okay, great. We already talked about the... Okay. Emmer is the color of an energy. Okay, you guys are the worst. Whoa. We already talked about the candle nights live show.

It's a crazy game of poker. Bit.ly forward slash candle nights live. Also, if you're going to be at the show or if you just have a candle nights question, make sure you email that to us and put candle nights in the subject line so we know that that's what it's about. We also just announced a Los Angeles live show with my brother, my brother, me and Saul Bones on February 6th at 9.30 at the Masonic Temple in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

Tickets for that go on sale to 16th. And that's bit.ly forward slash mbmbamla. And we will also be at San Francisco Sketch Fest with Jordan Jesse Go on February 7th. And tickets for that go on sale... Well, they're going on sale right now. And that is bit.ly forward slash mbmbam sketch fest. And make sure you grab all those tickets. And then also January 6th at UCB Franklin here in Los Angeles at 11 p.m.

Bunker Buddies is going to do a live show with Jordan Jesse Go. For that, we'll be going on sale soon. And we'd love to see you there. It's going to be mine and Andy's first live show. We're very excited about it. And if you want to go to a live show for the adventure zone, it'll never happen because I will never be confident enough to make that happen. And we would have to swear you to silence because we record for four hours

and then edit it down to an hour. You must never know the terrible rules discussing that happens. Oh, Jesus Christ. All the dice rolling that Griffin has edited out. All the dullest complaints. Actually, the sound of the dice in because people like get off on that shit. They've got their ASMR. Speaking of, go check out the adventure zone if you haven't yet.

And then also, which is our D&T podcast that we do with our dad. And then go listen to Sawbones, which is Justin and Sydney's podcast. And go listen to Bunker Buddies, which is mine and Andy's podcast. And then go listen to Big Gulp if you can find it. Here's a little taste of the adventure zone just for people who like haven't tried it out and maybe want like a little sampler box. It's it's basically just like, I have some magic spells at the orcine.

How many points do I get? That's what our dad sounds like. And that's what our dad, if you haven't heard our dad, he is. Can we have a sample of Big Gulp as long as we're giving out free samples? Yeah, sure. This week on Big Gulp, Monstro. Sexiest whale yet? Thanks to Nature Box.

Seeking of free samples. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother. Sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Snacks. That's a fun word. As we head into 2015, it's a good time to think about when you want a birthday message because we'll probably end up doing it two months late. So if you want to wish someone a happy birthday or get your like Kickstarter or

website or something talked about on the show, go to maximumfun.org forward slash jumbotron and all the instructions on how to get in the money zone are there. So go do that and we'll see you in 2015. Do you guys think that 2015 is going to be better than this fucking dumpster of a year? Do you want to know? I had a thought as to what the title for 2015 should be. Yeah, you told us and it didn't really set our asses on fire like I did. You didn't like it?

I would say it. I was a 20-gift teen and it's all about giving to others and taking care of the planet and shit. That's really good, Trav. Thank you. I have one other suggestion. 20-drift teen, fire it up, get behind the car in front of you, go faster as a result of air pressure reduction. 20-drift teen.

Let me hit you with this though. 20-gulp teen. That's a little promotional for my taste. We got a YouTube channel, nbmbam.com slash YouTube. I know. I went, we bought YouTube so fuck you. You want to get YouTube? You got to go to my.

Where's my, where'd my golem style go? Slash city of city slash eocity slash tripod slash angel fire slash YouTube and you'll find all your videos there. Where's all my Beyonce songs? They're all at youtube.com slash nbmbam is our actual address. Thanks again to Bill Corbett, by the way, for joining us on the show. That was a lot of fun and what an honor to have that guy on. Next week is our, next week's our candle nights live show.

Spectacular. It might be up late because we're recording it like late Sunday night and that is way later than I usually edit the show. So maybe a Tuesday episode. Sorry for the, for the lateness. You will get it before Christmas. Oh, you'll get it. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

And again, like our other candle night shows, that'll be clean. So you can listen to it as family and not feel uncomfortable about it. So. And we want to say thanks to John Roderick in the long winters for the use of their theme song. It's a departure from the album, Putting the Days to Bed. Well, it's our theme song. Not really there. So if you're going to steal my fucking game, then just.

Well, you weren't doing it. Well, you weren't doing it. You should listen to the John Roderick's Christmas album too. Who's Rod Rod? Oh, yeah. One Christmas at a time. Him and Jonathan Colton did a great Christmas album that you should listen to. That's going to do it for us.

We're done. We're done. Finally, we love you. We love you very much. This final Yahoo was sent in by Connor Stuxelager. Hell of a name. Thank you, Connor. It's by Yahoo Answers user.

They are suspended. But when they were living, they asked, Do you think Santa Claus is opposed to Obama's death panels? Wow. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie. Ross.

Hi, Carrie. What do you think is creepier? Okay. You jump into a swimming pool. All of a sudden, the water goes away and instead of water, there is the bones of your dead ancestors. Ew. Or our show.

That's pretty tough because we visited a live exorcism. We joined the Ordo-Templey Orientus, where we had to worship a naked lady. Oh, and we joined that Tony-Olamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy. We joined the Aethery Society. We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did.

Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy weird fringe thing, except for thousands more, which we will get to if you listen to our show. I'd still say the swimming pool of my ancestors bones. Well, and I don't even know if people would listen. I guess they shouldn't. But if you want to, we're at Maximum Fun,

and the show's called On Oros and Carrie.