My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 232: Rim Allen

Episode Date: December 29, 2014

We're wrapping 20-Forward up RIGHT. Which is to say, we are forgetting the theme of the year completely, because honestly, we didn't do a great job of fulfilling it. Ah, well - onward and upward, into The Grift! Suggested talking points: Face 2 Face, Handkerchief Woes, 60 Waffles, Shitty Ringtones, Joey the Giant, Dry Hump Tipz, Keep That Good Smell, Sexy Santa Party, Who Bangers

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother and my brother and me. My show's modern era. We usually come up with something to say at the beginning. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your babyest brother, Griffin McElroy. Did you just tell everybody

what we won't do? My thing for the beginning this week was a little bit of my brother and my brother and me, Trivia, in that we normally come up with something to do at the beginning. Fun facts. Here's the thing we're not doing this week. Do you know why? Because we stay up till like 2 a.m. watching the Pokemon Live musical. That is true, Griffin. Okay, we're all sitting here recording. I'm going to paint a picture for everybody who can't see us right now. Justin's pointing furiously at Travis and the board, just pointed to something up. Are we good? Those levels look much better to me. Yeah. Oh, by the way, if you're just tuning in, this is your second episode ever and you listen

to the channel. In this episode, we curse a lot. Oh, fuck, it feels so good to be back in that fucking saddle. We had hundreds of people who- Six hundreds of people. Listen, we had six hundreds of people who traveled from hundreds of miles away to see our show. Our wives are literally in the goddamn next room and they cannot be bothered. They cannot be bothered. They have a free- Wait, what do you want them to do? Stand in the doorway and just watch us lovingly bullshit at each other? I want them to pull up a couple chairs, get some nog, and make it a real festive show. A personal intimate life. You know what? I could eBay that. A personal intimate live show. Just you and your favorite brothers doing their comedy

show. So intimate. I asked my wife to do a special Christmas hour special with us and you know what she did? She gave me a little finger and she made this noise. So I'm sure that our wives will be stopping in throughout the show to say hi. Come on, family. Maybe sing some songs. Maybe you'll hear them laughing in the background. They're great jokes. Maybe not. Maybe that also might not happen. If you came to our live show, thank you very much for coming to Huntington. We hope you have fun. We hope you can do that again next year. Maybe in a more acoustically treated building or room. A less century old building than that building was. But the show, the audio for the recording was good. Yeah, it was good. But apparently some folks listening had some

troubles hearing it. That was you. We are sorry but we hope the magic of being there made up for it. I heard a lot of people say it was an echo. Guess what? You just got fucking two shows. Two bonuses. Two shows in one. And here's a little tidbit from us to you. There was an echo on stage. Try doing that at all. It was great. It was a lot of fun. Next year we want to have just a festival, candle nights festival, get every podcast in the world to come to Huntington. And sing a song on stage. And sing a song on stage. I just want to be like Stephen Colbert for a second. He can get like Bill de Bozio and like... That was the best thing that he had was Bill de Bozio. Literally I cannot think of a single person that is... George Lucas.

You know what I mean? What's he doing? I'm making that that fern going. We'll talk about this off Mike. We'll get Lucas if you're out there. Get at me. When I'm dining out specifically at restaurants with an Asian flair I tend to prefer my food rather spicy while I love the burn spicy food usually makes my nose run. I know that by no means acceptable blow your nose on a cloth napkin restaurant but I can wipe my nose covertly without making any disgusting noises. Can I wipe my nose? They were saying can. They weren't bragging. I can do it. Don't even wipe my nose. Don't even try to spot me wiping my nose. You're gonna miss it. I'm illusion. Did it go just like us? Linda's face? For restaurant runs. Restaurant runs. Well that's a different thing.

Man, oh the spicy food is giving me the restaurant runs. Yeah I mean both. Why can't it be both? This is I mean what's your alternative just like yourself have a leaky mess on your face? But this used to not be a thing because people used to have like handkerchiefs like on the ready like all the time for this because can you imagine being that restaurant employee that has cloth napkins and be like oh yeah okay snotty McGee on two and then we got snotty Debra on six. In Victorian days you would have usually wood or ivory nose plug that you would put into your nostrils and that would help keep that ladies would sometimes decorate theirs with like sparrows or leaves and shit. Yeah. And they just pop it right pop that bad mamma jam right in there.

That's how that's how Cray Sean got her look. That's how Cray Sean's look was born. Do you guys ever think about old-timey handkerchief days where it was just like a catch-all for all of the plague that you had inside of your nasal cavities and then when they get home and like take that bad boy out of their pocket how wouldn't you just uh I would just uh. It's also not like they had their laundry game on point or anything you know what I mean they weren't throwing oxy clean in there. They never had off fresh handkerchiefs. Did they even have water? They probably did. No water wasn't invented until 1922. Yeah everyone was just super fucking thirsty basically. No they had gatorade. Just have a handkerchief with you that says like my spicy buddy.

Just have it embroidered with the words my spicy buddy and then when you get get really to business everybody will be like you got to drop it you got to pull them out because like then they'll get excited about it. And they'll get excited to see you wipe your nose and that's a hard that's a hard needle to thread. Yeah. I'm sorry it's very distracting. We had several gifts from listeners at the live show. Thank you all so so much. Thank you so much. One of the oddest was um eight VHS copies of assorted uh Eddie Murphy films on VHS. And I was just sitting here noticing that the nine professor the nine professor two uh well they obviously had the same box art. But it's also basically the same as Dr. Too Little. Yeah. Basically it's like

they were just saying hey this is the same movie. Yeah. It's just the same thing again. Let's just keep this branding going. Let's keep this brand going. Yeah. That Murph train will never stop rolling. Never stop the Murph train. I think there's actually nine. I think one might be on the floor. We had some fun with those VHS tapes. I tell you what boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Do we have some fun with those VHS tapes. I made a fort. You want a yahoo? Yeah. I guess. Got yahoo. Uh that was sent in by Adam Bash. Thank you Adam. It's by yahoo answers user uh the I prefer Adam Franklin. Okay. Um I got the Franklin and Vascoo pretty tight. Pretty tight. I'm Adam Rosoli and I'm Adam Isles. This yahoo answers user. I asked my boyfriend gave me a 60 count box of waffles for Christmas.

He seemed so excited about it but I don't want to hurt his feelings and then there's a picture of a ego home style 60 count waffle box. It's big man. It's big. And it's name brand. This isn't your off brand store brand waffles. Yeah. This isn't like yum yum and yum one 60 good time waffles. That's probably a $20 box of waffles. That you think? Yeah. That's a 60. That's a pretty good value. We're talking about we're talking about $23 waffle meals for $1 each. I'm trying to think because I want to say like a regular box of eggos is like what $3 $4. And that only has four and a half eggos in it. So now we're talking 60 so I'm gonna do some okay just tick tick tick so yeah this is you're paying like uh six cents an ounce. This is a this is a tough gift for somebody

who struggles with weight because you get you get a box of waffles right and you're like well I'm gonna treat myself. I'm gonna have a waffle. But then you think well it's time to get my life together. It's time to lose weight. But then you see well I'm not I'm not gonna be losing your weight till this box is empty. The diet starts as soon as I pop my last yeah ego. What you do on your death bed. Yeah. Let go. My soul. Yeah I mean then you gotta at least eat it down to a nice round number. You gotta say well today I'm getting it down to 50. Right. But then you eat one too many 49. You can't stop at 49. No you gotta keep rocking. I like this present because this president is saying hey I'm gonna move into your freezer for a while. Yeah. Like I'm

gonna keep this stuff at your at your place. I don't want to keep these waffles at your house. You know the the she's not well she's not adequately impressed by the fact that it's a tough wrap. That's a tough wrap. You gotta time that. They're not individual waffles Justin. They're in a no no no. He's thinking about their temperature. Oh I see. Right. Right. I don't know what the paper does for insulation. I don't know. What's that inside the freezer. Did Santa leave behind a special present. I hope it's not ahead. So we should check in the freezer. What's that puddle underneath the tree. Did the stand. No that's waffles. Waffles. No. Frozen waffles. I'm just like I get bad at presents I guess. How does it say how long they've

been together. No. Because there's a weird bell curve that I think. Because they are they get worse. You're right. The longer they're in the box. But if you've been together two weeks right and you get over 60 count it's like okay great I wasn't expecting anything. We've been together two weeks. If you've been together like 20 years and he gets you like eggos it's like oh what a fun president because you know how much I love eggos or this is a fun ironic joke but if you've been together like a year and get eggos you're done though. You're not. And then isn't there also a window where it's like whoa moving moving a little fast huh. 60. I'll start at four and a half. I guess you've got a point. If it was 12 waffles there is no there is no that's fine whatever. 12 waffles well

give a person on the street 12 waffles. Right. 60 waffles. Jesus that's a commitment to yourself and to waffles. Yeah that's like that's like a modern version of giving some of your apartment key like hey we're always gonna have waffles for a while. What if there's an engagement ring inside one of the waffles but that you won't know for like four months because that's how long it's gonna take you. Well unless you get in the first waffle. Oh no the object is so slim. Well you say that but somebody's gotta win and it might as well be you. My mother is an older mom I'm 22 she's 60 and she recently received a new smartphone from my father as a belated birthday gift. This is all fine and dandy however some of the AT&T store are turning on to this app with all the obnoxious free

ring tones from circa 2006. That's my impression of Crazy Pro. These gems include a Blake Shelton sound like singing your hubby is calling. Give us a taste of that. Your hubby is calling and a woman shouting alert it's your mother-in-law. Oh Christ. Brothers I love my mother dearly but I can't change another one of her contacts to one of the corresponding tones. Help. That's from audibly our rate in Austin. That's my city I don't want to hear that. That's pulling your air. I don't want to beat whole foods in here. Your hubby is calling tonight. Can you why don't you make a deal with her that they're all very annoying so you're gonna put them all into one single ring tone that she has to use for everything. Oh and then she can only use it when you're calling because

then you'll never be around. Let's give a sampler what that sound that would sound like. Three, two, one. That would be pretty good. I think that would be a pretty good ring tone. And if you want to take that and you want to cut that out make a wave file. Yeah. Maybe an m4a file. Attach that to all our contacts. Maybe a jiff. When we call you we want that sound like. This is basically Prairie Home fucking campaign or wait wait don't fucking tell. Yeah. This is sucks and that person at AT&T stores should feel bad. Did they upsell them? Why do you know probably didn't upsell them on this shitty ring tone. No it's probably another 60 year old was like hold up you gonna hold on play us. What do you think about going with that. No put that away put that away. I got something for

you ring ring I'm a phone. Do you like that. I do. I got more where that came from. I do like that. First taste is free. Check this out. No of course it's not the real Tim Allen. I like it though. We couldn't get the real Tim Allen. It's close enough for me I'm not a proud woman. You got text. You are really you really have your finger on my pulse here. We got we got rim Allen. Sorry. Rim Allen. Do you know how it's nephew. Do you know how in Zelda there's I don't know. You've lost it already. I'm just an old woman. There's dark link. That's what rim Allen is. Rim Allen is dark link for Tim Allen. There's a metaphor shadow world version. You got any other ring tones on there. It might have to pay. These are probably like a hundred dollars right.

I'm probably gonna be a hundred dollars for this ring tone app. A hundred dollars a ring a hundred dollars. How many bitcoins is this cost. I hear my grandchildren talk about it. How much would you expect paying bitcoins for this ring tone app. Oh Christ. Four kilobytes. At least four kilobytes. Can you I mean you can delete it. She'll never find it. She won't find it again. She'll never find it again. But then when somebody calls there it's just going to be like. Read another question. Not a lot of people say I got some great yahoos this week but not a lot of people said any yahoos. I guess they were celebrating the Christ child. My desk is located next to both the kitchen and mailboxes at work.

I have a young co-worker who literally every time she walks past my desk asking the sing soft voice how's it going. And actually expects an answer. At first I answered her honestly but lately I've been getting annoyed and we'll just say fine it's going fine or oh you know brothers can you help me come up with some different ways to answer this woman who demands to know how it's going five to eight times a day. That's from it's going freaking fine in Columbus. Bless you we had a genuine my brother my brother and me sneeze on the same. You've heard of your first guys. You've heard of your first can't edit that one over out because we are recording one track. I think this is why people come up with idioms.

I think it's why our dad speaks almost exclusively in idioms at this point. He is basically just a ringtone app of idioms at this point because you just want to have fun stuff to say like how's it going. Fire and frogs here split four ways. That's what that is. You realize that. That's a good jam. Split fire and frogs here split four ways and if you want to get a little fancy if you can nail the execution split four ways and sand it down. Now that's a harder that's a harder you got to nail it this way. It can't be hard to make that frog stand that stands. The thing about firer than frogs here is if you don't know it and you probably don't the person still kind of like chewing on it and you have plenty of time to push them over

and run away. Yeah you can push them into an open trash can and then run because I'll be so confused. Is it possible she's just been waiting for you to turn it around and she's not doing so hot and you don't say like well no how are you and then she's just got a break. She's like oh my god I'm glad you asked it. I'm the worst. I'm the worst. Is she doing like Joey from Friends? Like how's it going? I'm sorry. What's the word? How's it going? He got worse. Joey's melting. Joey's melting. If you had asked us in like season one my brother my brother always says something funny and like this is like nothing. This is a non-issue. Like what season are we in now and when did season one end? I think that channel night special is our season one finale

which by the way thanks for tuning into the thrilling season premiere season two. Someone dies. Someone flies. Save the cheerleader. Save the world. I just feel like this is like she's asking how's it going and she just happens to be the other person that's kind of interested in the answer. Like there's way worse people that you will encounter in work. Like that's not that bad. But you have to give it up for the fact that this person got the worst desk right. It's right next to all the shit. It's a high traffic area. You don't want that. You want a secret cubby hole. How else are you gonna look at funny videos on e-bombs world? Can you just respond like it's going great. Thanks for asking every time and like and try to wear her down. Yeah that's what I'm saying

but you have to do it like a pleasant like I'm not like oh it's fine. Thanks for asking. So like fine thanks for asking. Fine thanks for asking. But exactly the same. Yeah that's not that's that is not going to have the desired effect. I feel like if you drop a five hundred frogs here split four ways and stand it down. Every time she asks you she is going to stop asking you. No because then you're the funny cute one who uses that and now it's a thing between the two of you and you always say like oh how's it going. Fire in front of us. That's our thing. You do that eight times a day for a year you're not a cute funny one you're a cyber man. Oh can you do it just flat like no fact like the frogs there split four ways. Why don't you look her dead in the eye and grab her

grab her necktie and pull her real close. Is this all a pound stone? Grab her necktie pull her real close and just get in her ear and say diarrhea. Okay. Every time. A little added effect there Justin went beyond the pop filter. Go beyond the pop filter again. Diarrhea. Can you tell the difference? There's a little bit of pop in there and some diarrhea. You want a yahoo? Yeah. This yahoo is sent in by Drew Davenport. Let's all get really comfortable with each other okay. Thanks Drew Davenport. You are a miracle boy. Uh it's asked by yahoo answers user. That's since he's finally starting to kick in huh. Oh yeah he does not smell like poop in here as much anymore yeah or we're recorded in the same room that my cat litter box is and usually I'm very diligent

about cleaning up but you know it's the holidays you let things slide. You wrap them up as presents. You wrap them up as presents. You feed me your baby. Uh Amy Sue Harris asks I know uh dry hump advice. I know it sounds stupid but for a 15 year old hormone enraged girl who can't go on the pill and whose boyfriend isn't ready it's a pretty smart way to pleasure both of us. This person is 32. Pretty new to our relationship though and I have some questions. How do I position ourselves so it's like his um that's what it says uh is rubbing right against my um so it's more enjoyable and is it better as fast and hard and what's the best way to do it usually I wear tights and he wears jeans. Tips thank you. Valerie clear our schedule we're doing the rest of the show about how to teach

teens on dry humping. My oh hold up hold up hold up hold up is this legal hot waters because it's a 15 year old okay because it's not a 15 year old Griffin this is not worded how a 15 year old would ask when you say things like his a hem and my a hem this is a 40 year old woman trying to dry hump a 15 year old boy. Yeah like hey I need some tips now that'll sound weird if I say I'm a 40 year old trying to hump a 15 year old. Yeah try that might sound a bit weird. Oh I know I'll say I am also 15. Here um let's just give general dry hump advice into the ether and then if it hits the 15 year old if they catch it like dry how long how long can we give dry hump advice to teens before our wives come in at least one is like stop stop it stop it guys stop it no stop it dry scissoring

just like lead off with that that's good for placement you know what I like a nice side by side dry hump where you just rub your legs together like crickets and you get a friction in your jeans yeah fire hazard though you gotta watch out for that oh yeah don't get no sandpaper in there ooh you're saying let's preheat the oven by rubbing your zone to get it super friction hot and then you touch it gingerly against it now that's how you build up sour electricity and then you poke it in the face and shock them some dudes like that that's all I'm saying some dudes are in that one thing is you can put a sandpaper patch on your front of your jeans and that can give you some really good traction when you're dry humping you know what what I like is the old sit and spin

oh yeah yeah where you both sit on sit and spins and just play with them I like the double wrecking ball how does that work let me think if you gotta be on some sort of swing some sort of rope lever attached to the ceiling and the two of you just sort of go like this and you just sort of swing into each other over and over again like that's pretty good you just smash together how about the mortar and pestle and that's where you dry hump but you put some um you put some barley down there and you grind it up when you're done and when you're done you have ground up barley I I like the kind of dry humping where you dry hump so hard that I guess some stuff just got through at least that's what I told my gynecologist wow a lot going on there I think that one of my the weirdest

things about dry humping is I feel like it has it's what are the weirdest things about dry humping there's a thing I want to hear my middle brother say hit me I'm just thinking about like that there must be like kind of that age of you know innocence because there has to be a point where like you suddenly go what are we doing what are we like this is too dry what this is this is dumb and it's like I doubt very much that they're like 40 year old people I'm like hey let's just dry hump tonight like it's because then you're just looking going what are we hey I got an idea to spice things up let's reduce the moisture what's just what are we doing and so it's it's almost like this very innocent but also very weird thing uh you know how much it would please me if they dry hump just

right now for one probably not feel young like a lot just like do you think people ever dry hump for the novelty of feeling young again yeah just like the same way you'd like um go to see a a backstreet boys reunion tour and dry humping dry humping all the backstreet boys in sequence just to feel you wait in one sequence what's the proper sequence I will unlock the pharaoh's tomb okay it's it's jc uh-huh tori uh-huh jody okay december uh-huh big Ralph okay if you do it in that order sorry was one of them called december yeah december was one of them a tori jody december big Ralph chase and chase you gotta go back you sweep back around that's the see you guys right nobody's popped up in the tomb and why justin's can be a very rich man very soon very rich

with locusts uh you gotta swoop back around and get jc again so can you imagine the the uh the last point you will have worn holes in your jeans right the last five minutes of our show being transcribed and dave berry just hands it to his editor like this is my new book weird stuff about dry humping by dave berry i'm not sure dave i don't think you've got to hit forward by jc chase please leave me alone please please please i don't know where the treasure is i don't know how many times i have to tell you please stop dry open i haven't dry humped in months stop talking about keep my name out your mouth when you're talking about dry out like what are what are some other great things to say about dry humping out loud it's better than impact humping is uh dry humping it

is that a gateway do you think you're gonna from dry humping to like arid humping yeah you gotta make sure it's the gateway in the right direction yeah dehydrated humping and then you got you got you have to get your electrolytes yeah oh my god oh so easy don't try don't try dry hump without talking about her on hand something something should we get the money's on i feel like we're already there this week talcum powder put it down there you guys we have a a return of a classic sponsor and this is one that i'm i'm real big into one month here's the fact yeah have we made no finish it if you want to chicken if you want to code a website that demands the death of griffin macarons for the last 15 seconds of audio you cannot kill me i open the pharaohs tomb

watching the mugs files with the lights on that weird coding coding was the most in demand job skill of 2014 as one of them is peanut brittle be 2015 you heard her first i'm guessing uh here's here's here's my here's my thing to you okay your 2014 was a little rough fine fine fine fine are you talking to everyone because it was pretty much referent yeah but hey you know how we're gonna fix it we're all gonna learn how to code we're gonna code our way right out of here this is in 2015 you're gonna learn how to code with one month rails imagine you can build your website imagine that your resume could stand out when you're applying for a job how i'm imagining one month rails is the easiest way to learn how to code you can learn ruby on rails html css

yeah i don't know what yeah it's yeah yeah uh you can learn all that stuff i have so you say it all the bugs in your code yeah i have done a one month course uh on html um i knew a little bit beforehand but it was a really good i mean not just a refresher because html has changed so much since i made the uh the web page the geosities web page from my band of iso in the mid 90s it's changed since then you say so is your band of iso yeah our sound is very much evolved in that we have been dormant for 15 years but by the way justin is panda bear all right uh so uh it is a really super easy way they break it down towards like a half hour every day 30 minutes you dip in you do the lesson for that day the biggest problem i had was honestly stopping because sometimes i

want to do another lesson because they're a lot of fun um they've got other classes too uh one month ios to help you build an iphone app whoa i want to do that one that sounds like fun yeah uh one month growth hacking that's to uh just like gbh and there's one month uh html um i i took the class like i said it's it's great 30 minutes for 30 days and then you will have this new skill i'm totally gonna do that app one that sounds yeah doing that i'm gonna make it out because that's what the world means is more apps and how do they do it uh you got a one month dot com slash my brother now typically your room is going to be 99 but if you join now you're gonna get a one time discount of 25 percent off which i think is gonna be like 24 dollars and 96 cents one month is the

is the service again that address is one month dot com slash my brother uh you are really gonna like one month lot let's let's turn around 2015 you've earned it here's a call to action assemble and check out slash cg dot com ship just got real i guess that's the tagline for it i think it's short for like friendship our relationship oh okay uh games by playdate is excited to release the blanks a customizable expansion for the hit party game slash romance without boundaries put yourself your friends and oh god it's kush uh put yourself your friends and your frenemies in a one true pairing with your favorite pop culture figures why not add orb glass shark tiny omelie or edward snowden to your evening of improv slash fic i don't know who any of those things are what they're referring to

mabimpam won't care that you've got them making pretend romance to shira or rasputen probably true love can't be stopped by time space logic or literary canon hey fuck the shit out of rasputen i don't give a damn games i played it they're they're great they have been big supporters of our show uh and we're huge fans of theirs they sent me a couple games and everything just doubled the goodness of their heart uh there's a shakespeare game that they sent me that i cannot wait to play they made a saw bones game they made 13 dead in drive they made that board game i'm gonna send it back in time kerplunk by the way guys i have 13 dead in drive you want to play some fucking 30 no no copy of 13 dead in drive has ever worked once that is busted it's a combination

of clue and mousetrap and broken shit so check out slash cg.com ship just got real she got another message for toby and it's from zack sasha another message for toby yep he just keeps getting them we've probably done a toby message at some point it's from zack sasha and jake who say dear toby slash dink joe slash swat swade swated swoon shawty shawty congratulations on being born 27 goat years ago you read so many books know so many things and found so much we not zack adore your curls wow your feminine cardigans and your obnoxious t shoes i said t's but your your t's are probably fucked up too your bi-weekly grumpy visits almost make up for you moving out and we're all proud of your literary success and smoke free lungs love love love love love sorry

about sorry about your curls toby it sounds like you're getting your life together visa v smoking i do wish you would smile turn that frown upside down turn that frown upside down you don't have to worry about nicotine stains anymore let's get that smile going hey baby girl hey hey show me that show me that no it's right here show me show me that smile let me try no it's up right show me that smile again show me that smile don't waste another minute on your crying we know we're near the best is ready to begin as long as we got each other we are the world sitting right in our hands baby you and me we gotta be this part's gonna be hard

we just made that up excuse me boys i'm alan thick and all of you are going to prison for a long time i'm canada's alan thick please don't remind anyone i'm related to thick oh my god it's my daughter hi charlie gale charlie gale in her third costume of the day wow you just keep on pooping and spitting pooping and spitting and pooping and spitting uh pooped right through it pooped right through it just like we're doing to this show welcome to the vim van we pooped right through our clothes welcome to the vim van art let's just get 45 minutes of audio containing anything ever all of us just seeing the growing pain seem so i don't know i'm blacked out that ain't a good 90

seconds that was great hey everyone we're the flop house one of the newest additions to the maximum fun podcasting network i'm dan mccoy i'm steward wellington and i'm elliott kailyn what is the flop house you may very well ask we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it a bad movie podcast isn't that like every fifth podcast on the internet i'd answer that by saying one we've been doing this show for over seven years long before the entire premise of our show was a cliche and two shut up sick burn i'd say that our show is more of a comedy podcast a podcast about words that sound like other words a podcast about me singing long irritating songs like this one a podcast about pitches for a ziggie comic book movie or discussions about sex tarps yeah i mean

mostly it's a show about three friends just hanging out and talking about ding dongs that's mostly used to wait what so if you like any of those things subscribe in itunes today or visit maximum fun dot org to follow the show the flop house i work for a small company my only everyday co-worker is my boss's daughter yeah i don't know it doesn't it starring ashton kutcher we recently moved into a small office roughly 10 by 15 and whatever perfume body spray or whatever is just overwhelming to make it worse she's a germaphobe and applies similarly scented hand sanitizer at least every hour i'm sitting next to her right now and i have such a headache because of the smell to be clear the scent itself is not unpleasant but it it's the perfume volume to space ratio

that's causing the problem i've made subtle general remarks she's obviously not picking up on those what's the best way to approach this situation do i confront her about it or do i find a way to make my experience less miserable that's from stunk out in st louis you gotta over stinker you have doubts think the state gotta do it you gotta you gotta fight those waves of force with the fuel in your own and what how you go negative well you take the campaign negative anti-smell yeah well because here's the thing she's already a fan of like the positive smells you know she's doing the sense she's doing the perfumes you gotta go negative you gotta take the campaign negative are you talking about stinky bad smells are you talking about negative smell things that things that possess

no smell and some activated carbon in the air yeah something or maybe just go like steaks like a hearty like a steak salad yeah like you get like a steak you know you get like a more of a savory smell to combat the sweets get a steak candle and replace the pretty stink with the right anger stink yeah listen you could uh you could do one thing i've seen commercials for like like uh for breeze air spray and the commercials you just like grabs the smell out of the air and tackles it and brings it down maybe you could try that because scientifically that makes sense to me the for breeze grabs the stink it makes a bubble around the stink and then brings it down and now you're in the carpet now it's like no no air is that what it's called no air you know

the for breeze no air don't spray too much in an enclosed space because it'll depress your eyes and you'll be sucked out of the chamber can you put a giant air purifier on your desk and then when she looks just give her like a facial expression like yeah pee pee pee pee pee you have an allergy that's not good oh an allergy that's good so good do you know what i just thought of is it better than an allergy because you it's a different avenue okay tell her that you read on the internet that all of these hand scented lotions and perfumes contain this germ that in like 10 percent of people is causing some kind of skin infection or skin irritation oh so you that her comeuppance yeah for for her germophobia is that you're going to force her to lean into

her germophobia okay so you you give me that and i'll be you want to gas like this poor woman i'll be stinky co-worker you give me that and i'll let's just see how it goes okay can i get some coffee while you guys are doing this little play perfect you gotta be here as the boss you have to be you have to be this woman's father you're the drew carry okay listen you you two have a good day working i'll be getting a few rounds of golf and you can't see here's in this fiction the bosses half of the boss's mouth is sewn shut apparently we work for harvey day it was a golf accident have a good work day kitten don't let this man take away your good smells okay so he said that i see me remember what mommy said about a good clean girl smells like roses and flowers and

sound and breathe we asked you to be the drew carry or kind of be in the calling mockery right now okay give me the give me the pitch oh hey did you i read i think it was on facebook man you're like boss the door frame they found it like i'm watching this from the door frame you better nail it point one percent of people have like an allergic reaction it's something to do with like this drug or is like a germ or something they found in these hand lotions okay hold hold on just one second i just googled that you're lying if you're gonna be this boss in my daughter you better have a ring in your pocket wait hold on what you better be proposing marriage if you would dare take away her good smell uh she's got his little flower girl how about a yahoo you're a you're who

out of this office did i just get fired yeah you both did sorry kitten he's too deep in the fiction you should have known not to get embroiled with a man like us we're gonna have to chlorophore tell you how to live your smell somebody put the factory reset on don't let any man steal your smell just since power button for five seconds until the lad you're a strong seara don't let any man steal your smell okay Travis i think you need to take the fuse out of the power box okay okay here we go so sent by mark doresnik and a few other people thank you it's by yahoo answers user Samantha who asks i'm throwing a sexy santa party every year my boyfriend and i throw some sort of christmas party last year we did a kind of dress up dinner party but we were thinking of

doing a sexy santa party this year and having everyone wear their sexiest pjs any why santa then any ideas of other things we can do to make the party sexy here oh we are in our early 20s fucking of course yeah i hope so uh in case that helps i can pinpoint your birth month from this question uh sexy santa party uh santa's already sexy yeah he's a man who is very giving and responsible and takes care of like yeah here's my question how do you propose this to your friend in a way that all of your friends in a way that they don't go do you want to see my big you want to see my like dick is that what's up like i just like i thought a really fun party would be like we all wear see-through clothes and stuff bring ha ha get it b y o b but the last b stands for

bush because i want to see it i want to see it want to see that bush happy holiday happy holidays show me your christmas bush show me your christmas bush and bring a covered dish but you know i hear i was just thinking that i remember some parties like in college that are like the anything but clothes parties are like that idea of like it was a thing where like you people when you're young i almost remember people used to dress sexy to go to things on purpose is that a thing did that happen or am i dreaming it it's like a it's like a it's like a eyes wide shut invitation orgy you can't sense something out saying hey come on give up you got it's got to be veiled it's got to be thickly thickly veiled they have to be like is this going to be a orgy or is it not you

can't be like come on to bring your bush you can't do that you can't put that on an invitation you can't do it i won't let you do it i won't let you do it you can't let me just bring their own bush no uh this sucks bush optional why is it sexy santa if they're wearing pj's you're waiting for santa sexually oh then they call it santa baby now that that could be misleading people to show this giant santa baby do you think santa actually still comes down the chimney of like five houses a year and he picks it based on this very specific criteria like uh oh bush party gotta get down you know well i can't see on the list if he doesn't i think we've proved that he doesn't exist because like that would be the party that i'd stop at come down the chimney like bush bush bush bush

bush cool y'all been naughty if you want you and all your young attractive friends to be basically naked together don't drag santa into it yeah that's what i'm saying this is all pretense to santa into like christmas time follies i want to think that this is like their six year hosting this party and they've put up with boring ass themes for five years just building up like the equity to be able to get all their friends naked i would worry about if you call it a sexy santa party you're gonna have people show up with like just ripped red overalls like to show their muscles coming through and like a like not a beard so much as like a you know stubble like white stubble and just shredded wait why is that a worry man hold on you're worried about starting a sexy

clothes already is that people show but are you just since drooling right now are you just painting erotic fiction for our listeners right about saying that's asmr right there no it wasn't it was asmr right basically no with people have you guys noticed the more we talk about asmr the more defensive people get about asmr and the more demand that there is for it for it yeah it's upsetting y'all welcome you're throwing stones at a glass house right now because that's like your jam and you can't i don't get militant about it though okay well oh you sad now this christmas i received the same gifts from my parents and my boyfriend's parents after they shopped for my amazon wishlist i don't want upset either than by returning the gifts they chose but i also don't need two pairs

the same shoes should i let one of them know i'm returning their gift or should i keep it on the download and thank them each for the gift for returning one of the duplicates that's a ruining our returns do you fucking need our like did you come all the way down to our office for this can i get free money or should i just put things in garbage can't what are you saying what are you talking about i will say how did you get past our secretary let me feel congratulations on opening that second present and pulling it off because that's a that's a challenge every year you open that second present and you have that split second rushes through your brain like oh i got this what do i say oh my god this is so i know i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it and then you pull out of that

nose dive and you're like oh my god thank you so much thank you it's guys exactly what i wanted two i say you keep it you got a backup have a backup have a back my greatest fear in any at any point in my life is that one of my wonderful material possessions will be ruined so we'll take one of your mini belongings and then i'm so knowing that i've got a backup material possession will put me at ease put me at ease and just the having of oh having things having things is so great you've got one whole thing just to do whatever you want with it was about packages it was about tags grinch brings your shit back and it's like we already bought new shit so now we've got two of the shits it's a christmas miracle and this has been travis's grinch we've got so many who bangers

that's one of the things that yo what's up party people i got another another who banger coming at you get on the floor i'm playing with my past that who hash let's give up put your titties on the roast beast put your titties on the roast beast you said that with your mouth don't put your titties on the roast beast that's not where they go we done we done we done listen this has been my brother my brother me an advice show for the modern era we hope you had a lot of fun listening kind of a truncated one but you know it's the holidays and you should just count yourself lucky to gain anything well don't say that handle it travis and therese are late for christmas appointment we're trying to get them out the dough uh so uh thank you for for hanging

in there with this we we appreciate you uh listening to the program and and and laughing along with us and learning and growing uh we hope you had a great uh holiday season we uh thank you to people who by the way bought tickets to uh csnla that show is sold out from what i understand uh believe there are still some tickets to see us with jjgo in san francisco uh so you can buy those uh trav do you remember the bitly it's bit.ly forward slash mb mb am sketch fest okay not okay so you can find those tickets and buy those you want to see us in san francisco and we'll be announcing new live shows probably within a month or so you know uh some folks who came to our um our live show in huntington had actually traveled from areas that they uh

are well that we will be in shortly so that was kind of awkward maybe switzerland yeah maybe switzerland who knows uh but so keep an eye out for that you know if you if you're not a big social media person or whatever just follow us just us and uh we'll we'll we'll uh you know tweet information out information out that you can consume and use however you want uh griffin do you have any thank yous uh yeah i want to thank john rogerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed you can find that wherever fine music sold saw a few people tweet uh pictures of them getting the vinyl for christmas which is very very exciting i also in that vinyl and boy is it waxy um oh i also want to say um the uh podcast that i do

with my friend andi bolt bunker buddies the comedy uh comedy survival podcast we're doing a live show with jordan jesse go at ucb franklin in los angeles on january 6th um it's at 11 p.m and tickets are only five dollars if you go to bit dot ly forward slash la bunker buddies you can get tickets there so we hope you come out and see us it's our first live show we're really excited uh also listen to other podcasts on the max fund network jordan jesse go stop podcasting yourself throwing shade the goose down uh song exploder uh risk there's there's all kinds of free entertainment let's not forget about saw bones saw bones and the adventure zone our new dungeons and dragons podcasts that we do with our dad there's a new episode going up this thursday that i'm very excited

about uh both all three of you guys actually do some really dope shit this episode this was the episode that marks the point where we forgot we were doing a comedy silly game and often you got really into it it gets pretty silly you guys forget some of the antics we got up to there's also some dope adventure shit in there anyway that's this thursday tune in we're only like three episodes deep so it's still there you still have time to get on board it's really fun seeing a lot of people say they've never played d&d before listen to it uh it's got a lot of crossover appeal and if you decide to play d&d's result please tell wizards or the coast so they'll send us some money yeah i guess or at least some campaign books or some campaign books or just march uh you got a noisy

baby in there i hope that we're not picking up the baby's box baby singing yeah baby just spread the word uh that's so that's gonna do for us yelling thick thank you so much uh for for listening to the program uh we hope you've had fun and we're going to miss you we hope you have a great uh this is the last 20 we gotta figure it out this is the last time we're gonna talk to you in uh 20 dirt 14 or no 20 oh my god what was our shit what was 2014 oh no what was it i mean whatever it was we didn't fulfill it let's be honest this year was a god damn 20 forward 20 forward 2014 it was 2014 though if we're gonna watch the bore video that somebody made of a big fox lady swallowing him up and it was spliced in with brace yourselves colonoscopy videos or perhaps an endoscopy daddy

daddy did not like suddenly the subject of war became much less funny overnight uh just like that so we have uh we have votes from listeners uh not that they get to vote for 2015 uh what we're hearing right now here are the here are the the teen choices uh in in order Jim carrey again twins from the modest kids 20 with teen what's that mean seriously does anybody else know that 20 miff teen 20 swift teen okay 20 shift teen 20 bliss teen 20 milk teen never stop getting it 20 lifting raise someone's spirits 20 what if teen imagine the possibilities 20 gift teen share the wealth 20 splifteen oh my god i forgot about 20 splifteen i'm gonna 420 so hard 20 thrift teen okay and the number one and what i think should be the official

20 grift teen the con is on 2050 20 grift teen the con is on all year long so wait we need to fucking get out the blueprints right now and start planning this heist this is the con is on next year in 20 grift teen so we hope to see you there thank you for being with us through 20 forward slash 2014 uh and sorry we didn't do it sorry that we didn't i don't know i feel like we moved forward we moved the ball we moved the change griffin one last time i swallowed lots of men so it's a tie really it's false up griffin um this finally yahoo was sent in by how appropriate drew davenport the beginning and the end thank you drew davenport it's by yahoo answers user ross who asks oh i navigated away from the page ross asks how hard can you twerk

without dying i'm just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hello i'm taco the elevation moral high church here the master of clerical magic i'm magnus burnzide the fighter did you guys like that did you the listener like that you were just swept up in a world of high fantasy and magic where anything can happen and anything is possible hi i'm griffin macaroy dungeon master for the adventure zone a new podcast on maximum fun in which magic and mystery intertwined for a very erotically charged role playing experience you can catch it every other

thursday here on maximum fun dot org or it's for dungeons and dragons but with family