My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 243: Lenny Kravitz Marinara Breast Milk

Episode Date: March 16, 2015

Happy MaxFunDrive, everybody! This is our first of two pledge drive episodes, and it's extra-long, meaning we have way more time to talk about haunted dolls and Travis' unhealthy relationship with food. Also: Lenny Kravitz Marinara Breast Milk. Suggested talking points: Babypizza, Precog Wendy's, Mayonnaise Boys, Angel Lover, Photography Class, Food Faces, Burning Man Bartering, Chicken Memory, Fabric Secrets, Katie/Frida, Whip-Its Master

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother and my brother, me and advice show for the Modgernera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy, and it's time to pay the piper. I'm the middle-est brother, Travis McElroy, and I agree with the statement about the piper. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and look at how sticky my hands are,

gonna put them right in your pockets and get all that sweet change out. We're the sticky band at the podcast. It's a max fun drive, that means a long episode, some of which is begging, but a lot of it is comedy still. Well, comedy, I use air quotes. I don't like to think of it as begging as much as I like to think of it as self-serving suggestion in the fiduciary sense. I mean, is it begging when the waiter brings the check to the table, Justin? I don't think so. That's comedy check. It's time to pay the comedy check, and you all said you would split it,

but then Deborah had the comedy salad, but Stephen had the comedy T-bone, so do you split the comedy evenly? It's hard to say. Uh, do you tip off our comedy tax? Who knows? Listen to my brother and brother and brother and me. It's like going to a very expensive comedy dinner with you and a million to two million of your closest friends, and you all said you would split the check except some people dine and dash, and you just gotta assume everybody else dine and dash, and you are picking up their part of the tab. And by really fancy dinner, you mean like a ponderoso once a month. And by millions, I meant significantly not that, but...

And it's fun because every year we talk about like what we need the money for, and we always say like, you know, kind of general stuff, like make the show better, and we have a very specific need this year. Yeah, I'm buying pizza right now as we speak. The two very specific needs. From our wife and baby, and they're like, are the donors payment method? Credit card? Nope. No dice there. Checking account? No, don't have it. Donors? Donors, can you can you supply us with this sweet Italian podcast fuel that we call pizza? The other reason that we discussed before we started was that we need to hire a team of lawyers. Okay, we need flavor defense because everybody, everybody is constantly coming for our flavor.

And we tried to mail our flavor to ourself and then not over in the envelope so that we could prove that in court. That doesn't hold up in court. Didn't hold up. Does not work. The uh uh uh yahoo answers, those were funny. You know who else thought so? Every fucking person. Everybody in and everybody else is doing sad libs now. Well, that one that that particular is that guy. I saw it I saw it on comedy bang bang. It was on Nerdist. It was on midnight. Everybody's doing sad lives. Hoda Hoda was busting them out. Hoda's doing some sad libs. And then today we see this like all of a sudden vice and NPR in the past two days have both gotten on haunted dolls. I feel like I've heard about that somewhere before. Yeah, I know. And and and and people send us these links

gleefully like guess it's catching on and I see those links. I think fuck. That's a not now a thing we can't do anymore because now it's a thing. Like you see those links. We're not getting a cut of that. We don't get a slice of that. You see those links as negative food in your baby's tummy. Are they stealing from us? No. Is it just the that we've holistically as a culture like the time has come for haunted dolls to be widely known and we just like it was so amazing that we couldn't keep it to ourselves. Does Terry Grose listen to my brother my brother me she's chomping our flavor 24 seven. Occam's razor. Occam's razor. Occam's razor is that Terry Grose TG is chomping our Flav 24 seven and we need a team of flavor defense lawyers to get her into jail. We need to

get the firm of Flav and Flav. Yeah, to protect our Flav. I want her breathing stale air in a jail. Some more fresh air for you, TJ. I said it's the next fun drive every year. What is that? Can you explain what that means to people? I'm about to if you can just wait. Great. It's far they voice. I every every year. Okay, let me back. You have forgotten what we do. We're part of the maximum fun network, which is a network of beloved podcasts us. Jordan, Jesse, go stop podcasting yourself. New additions like baby geniuses. The flop house. Flop house, you know, so many others. We're part of this podcast network. And every year, once a year, we come to you, the listeners and say, Hey, can we have some support for the stuff that we're doing? Right?

That makes sense so far. And then that's basically it. If you've been enjoying the shows, you know, we ask that you maybe give a little bit a monthly donation to help support the network. And in return, you're going to get a ton of really great stuff. We'll be telling you about this later we'll tell you about all the cool stuff you can get. There's a lot of cool stuff. And we will we'll tell you how to donate it's maximumfund.org slash donate spoiler alert. But we'll be breaking in later to tell you about that for now, though. Let's go on with the show. Hey, I'm inspired Griffin. I'm inspired. Let's start with the Yahoo this time. Whoa. Whoa. I know, right? Whoa. This is the opposite day. Let's start with the Yahoo this time. This is fun. This is fun precedented.

Also, you don't have the email open, do you? I'm trying to finish ordering the pizza. You're fucking going on a pizza adventure. No way. I'm going to sit here up. Let me zest my baby for a second while you do your dumbass show. You zest your baby on your own goddamn time. Yeah, that's my favorite Dr. Spock book, by the way. It's it's post five p.m. I am on my own goddamn time. I'm trying to feed my baby. Can you try to feed our delicious pizza? I'm trying to get my baby delicious. Wow. Listen, we're trying to get this baby flavor blasted in here and Griffin's copying your swag. Do you know how much focus it takes to be on the Pizza Hut website and order a full baby bottle of marinara? Justin, I thought that you guys were breastfeeding marinara. It's us.

It's so it's genetically it just didn't fan out for us. How about a yahoo? Can I tell you the best part about the Pizza Hut dot com experience at the end of the ordering process? Step number three is do you want this order as soon as possible or do you want this out of future time? I'm getting pizza. I am anticipating that in three hours time I will be a hungry boy. That's not that's like that is so crazy to think that anyone you order pizza when you have nothing left to lose. Like it's so crazy to me that anyone would like get out in front of this. Can you do it three days time and say like bring me a pizza on Thursday when I'm least expecting it. All right, Griffin, give me a I have a little questions now, by the way. The bizarre has been

ordered. Our national tragedy has been averted. Okay. Hit me. This yahoo was sent in by Ashley Shannon. Thank you Ashley. It's by yahoo answers user shades. Who asks? Wendy's drive through service time too fast. Weirdly timed considering our previous conversation. Is it possible for a drive through service to be too fast? I went to a Wendy's restaurant and had forgotten because I haven't been in about one and a half years. How do you go that long without some sweet Wendy's in your mouth? How fast the drive through service is? Is it odd that as soon as you get to the pickup window, your meal is ready so fast that you don't have to stop a step on the break. Just fucking give me a crispy chicken hand grenade right in the window right in the driver's side. And on top

of this, the cashier at the first window oddly knew what denomination of money I was going to give and had the exact change ready when I got to the window. Wait okay it's spinning out of control. This is ridiculous. Is it weird that I go to a prescient? We go to a pre-cog Wendy's. They have three red-headed teenage girls in tanks and they just every every few minutes or so their eyes pop open. He's gonna want the nugs. He's gonna get the nugs. Spicy chicken deluxe. And then every so often one of the three will be like it's probably a junior bacon cheeseburger. It's like no. No, no, delete that. It's a spicy chicken sandwich. Looks like we've got a Hyundai Elantra pulling around 2003 Hyundai Elantra and here comes a little brown ball down the machine.

Okay. He wants diarrhea. Surprise that's every bow ball at the Wendy's. I get it. It not only freaks me out because witchcraft obviously. It sort of shatters the illusion that this food is being at the very least resuscitated to order. You know what I mean? Like I am under, I am not expecting- Somebody gets the pedals out on your junior bacon cheeseburger like. Clear. No, hold on. Do you guys expect that the person working at Wendy's like when the burgers ordered you like you know what? I know what I was taught at Wendy's U. I'm gonna reinvent the burger on this one. I'm gonna need a solid 20 to 30 minutes. No, but let's split the difference. I also don't think there's any chargrilling going on. What if the meat is the bun? You're crazy Randall.

Well that's that's how I mean that's been like KFC and Taco Bell's basic M.O. Just like crazy Randall do whatever. Yeah crazy Randall like oh god a bit of taco but shells all cheese and the meat's all cheese and it's cheese all through. It came to me in a flavor dream. Don't make you can't cook anything with KFC with a hole in it because Randall will try to stuff a potato wedge in there. Yep. Yeah. In crevice. I don't want I'm not pretending that there is an artisanal like level of craftsmanship going on but when it's instantaneous it it just I can't I can't get over fast. It's too fast. The food is too fast. Do you think it's not so much it's not about the food quality for me. I just don't like the idea that I'm not unoriginal like I kind of like them

to have to make it special for me. Well that's what is it is it kind of the thing where it's like no like sentence no combination of words has ever not been said and they say like we've said so much that there's no new way to say anything like everyone's ordered everything from this Wendy's and that's how they even know like the change it's like okay it was 1381 he's going to give me a 20 like I've just got a drawer set out with like six dollars and 19 cents to hand back to him. Lenny Kravitz marinara breast milk. That's been said that was in no that's garbage that was fucking it that was the first I first time he birthed that concept into into being the bigger concern is how furious is the food. That would have been a good thing to say 17 minutes ago.

You edit that into the first time you said it was too fast. Yeah and what I'll do is I'll also take Lenny Kravitz marinara breast milk and make that be the first thing anybody hears when they turn on the episode. Okay I'm gonna actually edit that into the beginning of every episode we've ever done all 243 episodes all gonna kick off it's gonna be the Lenny Kravitz breast milk reverberated back through time. Yeah preceding Bob Ball's opening monologue we're gonna have a Lenny Kravitz marinara breast milk just as like a teaser of things to come and now the singularity has occurred and now we can move on. I got a question my friends and I've developed a bit of an unofficial rotation for hosting dinner get-togethers they are always a blast my friends are

all great hosts and awesome guests and never show up without some food or booze and toe. It worked out perfectly until one couple invited everyone over and sent out the message that rather than contributing to the alcohol or food everyone who tends should just pay them 15 bucks a piece what the fuck they would take care of all the drinks and food stuffs themselves I think this is some ghoulish shit if I wanted to conduct or some ghoulish shit if they have ghoulish If I looked at the high quality goons you're paying for that would be $30 please yeah bad news just by listening to that goof you don't have to give us another quarter if I wanted to conduct a business transaction for my dinner I'd go to our restaurant suddenly just skis me out of about

forking over cash to my friends for the meal they've prepared am I crazy that's from neurotic guests in the Midwest of course you're not crazy your friend is charging you tickets to enter their home yeah this is just across the board terrible it's it's this is a this is a pot fuck is what it is you're getting screwed over it sucks it it's it's terrible because like it is literally taking the idea of like a potluck party which I adore it's like it is like maybe my number one sign of adulthood is it is like my favorite thing is like ooh I wonder what Garrett's gonna bring oh yeah last time you brought some kimchi it was very exotic and exciting I can't wait to see what he brings in this like that that is like my favorite thing because it's you it's not only you get to eat a bunch of

really great food most of the time um is that like you get to cook and you get to prepare and it's such like a it's a way but it's communal it's a way of like showing that you like care about people and that you like it's it is a I don't know it's such a wonderful warm friendship feeling to have all this food that everybody's prepared for each other and this is literally the goddamn diametric opposite of that okay all right can't counterpoint one uh one counterpoint is what if your friends always make uh what if you're a picky eater and your friends always make a bunch of just mayonnaise shit just like they're mayonnaise boys through and through and they put mayonnaise in everything and like a different variations of salads like what if you just hate the things they

make and you're like you know what I'm hosting this at my house I'm gonna I'm gonna uh not have I'm not gonna eat some mayonnaise today no mayonnaise soup for me no way oh no way oh Joshua that will be $15 and I will take that mayonnaise soup you brought because I guess you didn't read the email close enough and I'm gonna dump it right down the sink oh you don't have $15 you can go home you can go right I also made just not fit wanted to like coordinate like kimchi's great but then there's that one party where everybody bought kimchi it's like do we have enough is there other kinds of kimchi that people should bring or or but Justin I would say that the social contract then is like if you are just inviting people over to eat dinner at your house you're volunteering to cook dinner for

everyone like I don't think you get to say like hey I want to have everyone over and cook for you guys and also charge you for it like no hold on either you invite everyone to bring a dish or you're cooking for everybody like you don't get to charge people admission to your house what if I what is the thing they want to get is really bodacious and expensive like ancient grain fed chicken nuggets now I would say that if that's the thing if you're like hey we want to host a luau do you guys want to like go in on a pig a suckling pig and also where do you buy those and how do you cook them then that's a thing that's a deal if it's like Thanksgiving and you're all going in on the turkey yeah that makes sense but just the idea of like we're all going to have everyone over and we

made a pasta dish that'll be 15 goddamn American dollars please the other problem with that is you just entered like a value in equation into the food that you like it should be like you get to pay how much you think the dinner was worth or seven dollars that's great daniel thank you so much here's an idea instead of 15 dollars for this pasta dish that you've cooked up for them at your house you can have them pay 99 dollars and then for the next six weeks they can come to your house and have as much pasta and soda for themselves and a friend as they want that sounds like a terrific because if you're gonna open a goddamn olive garden then fucking do it right no you're not crazy that was not a cool thing for them to do if they want to volunteer to

cook everything that's the deal like I've had lots of friends where it's like we all took turns hosting dinner parties you know as opposed to a potluck like we're gonna do a full on dinner party and invite our friends over cool that's a totally adult awesome thing to do but the adult awesome part of that is saying I've got to a point where I can provide for my friends like not like I've got to a point where I can charge you for friendship who are these who are these goddamn monsters who have not only ruined the the very idea of a potluck forever for everybody uh but also want to spend their entire evening fucking managing their accounts who are like collecting money from friends for anything is the worst so you only do it for big big big shit like group

vacations and shit not for fucking fettuccine alfredo yeah this is a horrible thing I could see the worst I could see where maybe they had a really misguided thought of like we're gonna save everyone the trouble of coming up with something to cook and cooking it and we'll take we'll take it off their hands and cut out the middle man except that like that ruins the fun that's like saying I'm gonna have a birthday party but we're not gonna have cake because I don't want you all to be so exhausted after eating all that cake like oh you've missed the point uh I'm livid now I haven't been to a dinner party I think ever what what I think I have I can't believe that's true you're an American adult you're hunting didn't start really built for that kind of thing

you need to throw on two sweets sir I who who with who I don't know you know people do not have friends Justin hey time out from the podcast real quick hey a quick to you for a fucking st. Elmo's fire intervention with our oldest brother what's going on baby that's my best friend no well like that's all I have anymore I just have a baby I don't have friends talk about what happened to the dinner party what am I guys quick question what am love what do you guys want to know yahoo yes wow really burning through them all right uh this yahoo was sent in by Nathaniel Claxton that's a fucking super sick name thank you Nathaniel that's awesome yahoo answers user diamond who asks I think I am in love with my guardian angel oh no

interpret it any way you'd like I will thank you I don't need your permission thank you for giving me that option but I've always believed that every person has a guardian angel if you would like to disagree that's fine too but these are just my opinions I'll mention a few things about my angel his name is Eric well hold on hold on diamond I don't want to poke holes too early in your argument this is my angel Eric Estrada he often appears to me with messy brown hair deep brown eyes very tall in a toned body oh he says he's just my neighbor but I know the truth of course he looks good he's an angel have you seen Michael because that movie starred John Travolta he has saved me from danger numerous times I can't tell which of this is you and which of this is

the first person mentioned Michael uh no I did he has saved me from danger numerous times again this is still me talking about John Travolta uh he has saved me Eric has saved this question asked her from danger numerous times and I can be a very clumsy person I was in an accident just over four years ago I apparently passed out for 20 minutes and I came out without a scratch or any kind of pain my truck rolled over six times and it was completely totaled I came out without a scratch another incident happened when uh when I was with a friend of mine he was driving us on the highway and we were in the far left lane a transporter truck almost collided into us but swerved into the other side of the road there would have been a split second left until he hit us I almost died

as an infant when my mother was giving birth to me I was also almost involved in a plane crash in 2010 right before my car accident he tells me that he's always there for me when I'm alone and I feel a strong protective and loving force whenever he's in there I always feel arms wrapped around me when I sleep sometimes we even travel together in my dreams he takes me to different countries that I've never been to because I have always wanted to travel the world oh no I was playing on writing a book about him so that everyone can know how wonderful he is there is a part of me though that can't help but love him on a romantic level I want to know what your thoughts are Eric always says to give that part to myself he's watching out for me always I want to know what

your opinions on angels are even if you do not believe in them thank you diamond is the argument with guardian angels that when something bad does happen it's like well it could have been way worse what they should have gotten there a little earlier you mean well it's just like I just stubbed my toe and it's like thanks guardian angel and guardian angels like if I hadn't been here the chair would have fallen over and broken your neck and it's like yeah what that's amazing guardian angeling you're suggesting that every injury anybody has ever suffered is a lessened version that just doesn't make any sense otherwise I was looking over there I didn't see the chair that one's on me you guys I was watching angels in the outfield again and I

okay so the car thing right if there is the angel was there and he was like the only one that helped protect you the car wreck why couldn't the angel have come like a minute earlier and just been like hey slow down yeah hey look out slow down because he he talks to you other times apparently why was he so mum and they's like why wasn't like you should merge well okay and when you're a baby like can I just say something there are many things about this question that I find upsetting number one among them is that the part the number one among them is that an angel was there in the delivery room when your mom was giving birth to you and he was like hey mama this one's for me and sometimes he spoons you hey everybody Michael

Nicholas K. Shrimps City of Angels listen up mine I'm gonna play a long game with this one I don't want no strings to tie me down you know what I mean I'm not a one woman angel Christopher Lloyd not from angels in the outfield just the real Christopher Lloyd in general back off stay keep your hands this one's mine listen we're ignoring the obvious truth and that is you go if you go to Ponderosa steakhouse uh-huh and you go there every day for every day of your life you're not gonna get the same service every time because there's gonna be some variability in the skill of the Ponderosa waiters they're waiting on you I don't know why I picked this very specific example but I got I got some not sure Ponderosa has waiters but

go on I got the Rosa on the brain we are not a bad man for Rosa not every person if every person in the world had the same job there would be a very large range of skill there would be a variety of talent at that job what I'm saying is that some angels are probably shitty so you're saying we're looking like a goof has been got on Eric and Derek situation and it's like Eric is a good guardian angel and save you from a car crash Derek is a bad guardian angel and let you get kidnapped Eric I think maybe sleeps in maybe and he misses some stuff from time to time but he does it I would say an average job but god damn is he toned holy shit what he lacks in dependability he more than makes up in fuckability I'm just gonna assume that this

woman never watched City of Angels with Nicholas Cage because that put me off of angel romance pretty much Kaiser permanently because I was I was out of it's basically the worst ending to any movie ever and I don't know if you watch that I'm assuming you probably would watch this film there are a lot of cinematic bomb bars that came in your particular tastes like city it's pretty much just Michael and City of Angels but can you imagine if she just found out about it like wait what say that again gotta go and then there's just like a Deborah shaped hole in the wall if you watch the end of that video please diamond yes that's for me using that's what I need I I can't imagine can we all agree though that we would read this woman's book so hard oh my god yes yeah yeah so hard if oh if

she changes don't say it too we'd read passages out loud but don't say that too loud because Terry Grosse will hear if she'll come for your flavor oh you're reading passages from an angel book that sounds great tonight on fresh air angel books let's blow it out let's do this this week on fresh air diamond angels in the sky with diamond or something like that I griffin hasn't thought of the title of this thing yet but I've been Terry Grosse and I I just I don't know what the fuck this has been the shortest fresh air episode ever what if what if like as we're recording this she's doing an episode like people have been chomping our flavor what's up with that let's talk about that right now so hold on let me listen into the bug that I've got planted in

griffin's room something about windy's precogs is there something with that can we do so my producer shaking his head no okay no but I'm gonna go for it anyway that's fresh air that's how we can we say fuckability on the public nope we can't say fuckability Lenny Kravitz marinara breast milk let's take a break this comedy has been too rip roaring yeah it's just too funny it's just too funny if I had one note I guess it would be that it's too funny yeah um Justin let me ask you a question hit me buddy say I want to become a new dude maybe I've been a fan for a long time and the past couple max fun uh you know drives have passed me by and I haven't had a job or maybe times have been tight maybe I just feel a little

stingy that day but this year this year I'm ready yeah but I got one question for you what is the one question that you have and it better be one no don't do add-ons what's in it for me what's in it for big daddy well big daddy I can't with that uh well big daddy big daddy donor good good news big daddy we have a ton of great gifts for you if you want to uh get into uh donating to the maximum fun network this is a monthly donation that you're pledging and remember that this money goes to so many great shows to help us make the shows that you like but here are gift wise here's what you could get at five dollars a month you're gonna get exclusive bonus content what does that mean well you're gonna get bonus episodes for all of your favorite max fun shows

you're gonna get uh if you like my brother my brother than me I'm assuming you do you're here you're gonna get a live show that we recorded in San Francisco in February awesome you're gonna get a go ahead and tell people what it is yeah just just come on out and say it you're gonna get the only extant a non deep web episode of uh big gulp recorded live at the Hollywood forever cemetery uh which is apropos because let's pray to god that it stays buried and uh the the one and only episode of big gulp you're gonna get that you're also gonna get the uh uh uh our friend Lynn Manuel Miranda did a um uh version uh he wrote the lyrics to ghost horse that we uh that we sang uh what it's actually a parody of a song from guys and all but he wrote the song called

ghost horse and he sent us when he first pitched it to us a demo uh mp3 of that song with him singing all three parts so that is actually in there for donors he said it was cool if we include it so uh he's got a hot new show called Hamilton that Paul McCartney went to and Bill Clinton went to but before that he wrote the lyrics to a song called ghost horse for us to sing so you can hear his original demo and that's for just that's just the my brother my brother and me stuff that's just the my brother my brother and me stuff there's a if you like the adventure zone there's a prequel uh episode uh uh before the the storyline that you're super high on prequel right now uh uh uh that's just five dollars a month if you pledge five dollars a month you're gonna

get a boatload of stuff that's just our stuff there's more stuff from saw bones and and bunker buddies and so much more there's a ton of crap in there for five dollars a month ten dollars a month you're gonna get a drive exclusive tote bag how are you gonna carry around all your bonus episodes probably on a iPod or news kind of mechanical device right that's I mean that's because it's but it's bits and bytes yeah so it's all bits and bytes so you can jam those into a bag carry them around for it I'm like toe bags too full of bits and bytes it's hurting my shoulder uh for twenty dollars a month you're gonna get an in-flight power pack this is awesome uh a mobile device charger collapsible water bottle antibacterial wipes and pilot wings all or most wait what now hold on do you

mean the plastic pilot wings or the the classic I don't mean a copy of pilot wings I mean you're gonna get plastic max fun branded pilot are you sure pin on your sure because I would love to as an adult now I really think that I could be better at landing that goddamn hang glider yes I'm positive it's not a copy of the game pilot wings but okay it's still excellent uh 35 dollars a month you get a pair of rocket engraved shot glasses uh do you get uh all the previous levels that is correct hit all stacks all stacks wow wow yeah so at 35 you're getting the rocket engraved shot glasses the in-flight power pack the driving exclusive tote bag and the exclusive bonus content like that's an amazing deal and just think about it like for five and ten dollars that's like one or two

beers out of the bar a month just like skip one or two beers and that's gonna cover it 20 dollars that's like one meal out a month you know what I mean like 35 that's one meal out with someone else a month like 18th 18 thousand dollars that is one fish novelty fish tank large enough to store a small shark that you buy a month one one of those a month you are hardly even gonna miss that money 18 thousand dollars 18 thousand we don't charge we don't charge uh for the show we keep it free but uh if you if you feel like you've gotten something out of it and you'd like to support us and make more um gosh that would just mean the world to us if you would uh go to maximumfund.org slash donate uh you'll feel good you'll feel good when you listen you'll think hey I'm helping

make this happen and if it's something that you want to do and it feels like the time to do it do it right now do it while you listen to the episode if you're driving pull over to the side of the road well don't tell people to do that if you're driving wait until you I'll give you permission to wait until you get where you're going before you can but don't wait too long because this kind of stuff will fly out of your head take care of it as as soon as you're ready to do it and people are gonna be like I'm in really you're gonna start to hear people talking about specifically big gulp uh and you do not want to miss out on that so go to maximumfund.org slash donate and uh and get a ton of great stuff and if you do tweet at us so we can thank you yeah how about a question

Justin yes a question is something I'd love to provide you with Griffin uh I get asked to take people's picture a lot but I always feel awkward doing so I don't do selfies or deal with phone cameras or any cameras at all I get worried that their picture will suck and they might ask me to take another one or just look at the picture silently huh interesting see what you did here I see what an what an unconventional take on capturing the human form when I say I'm bad at taking pictures no one believes me I try to avoid these awkward moments but it seems to be unavoidable I tried to toss responsibility to someone else around me but it rarely works what do I do to avoid these awkward situations you should stop hanging around the

Statue of Liberty just just like with your hands in your pocket like well don't want to fade by needs a little assistance I'm happy to help how often how often does this kind of thing come up okay so can I say something yeah and you're gonna think I'm lying um but but Rachel can attest to this anytime we are out at a place that is even a little bit touristy I always get stuff to take people's pictures now not a problem for me because I'm fucking tight at it basically but then this would be my question government should this person try to avoid these situations or just get better at taking pictures it's literally a one step process of getting better at taking pictures because cameras do fucking everything now they they automatically do

everything that you need them to do you just have to put the human beings that you are capturing in the box so that they occupy two-thirds of the space of the box this and now you're a master photographer congratulations take the human beings point the box at them get them in that box so that they occupy two-thirds of the box two-thirds 66.6 repeating percent of the space now I know you're wondering which two-thirds of them should I do the the part with the face on it and then you want to get the head you want the the extra third to be above them so just but what if they have good features they want to get what if they have a really juicy butt well then you got to do a caricature we got a fucking picture could you take a picture of me no but what I can do is draw you a whimsical

drawing showing you a giant bottom I tell you I do you want to be on a surfboard maybe graduating I got a group I went to New Orleans with a group of my friends and we had a peep we had somebody take a picture of all of us at a bar and they took a picture of my camera I hand me the camera like pretty tight right and literally we were the bottom half and then the sky was the top half hey fucking mark from orc I don't have antennae there you're not looking at the sky saying man I wish we had this at home like you know that part you know what that looks like here's what you do to diffuse it next time somebody asks you to take the picture say I can't do that for you but I would love to paint you I have a studio nearby

okay doesn't let me pitch this ask me uh ask me to take your picture should I actually take my picture no and then just walk away okay and then just escape into the world or just say like I wish I could but I'm unstuck in time and then walk away sorry hologram I guess that'll work for like a lot of sorry guardian angel um yeah I'll say you could see me I'm gonna I bet the two-thirds thing is the part that's messed it up he just keeps getting closer and closer till he's basically like pressing the lens against her face like is this right am I in like photographing is this photo you could also say I'm afraid that you might be a ghost and I would kill you if I took your picture oh that's

how it works that is how it happens oh just say something like oh I've fallen for this before and walk away it's just him going like oh he's probably got a good reason there are so many dumb things you could do as we've established or you can make it so they're human frames occupy 66 of the box on the camera and then press the button that activates the camera it's the easiest it's so it's the easiest thing do you guys want a yahoo please this yahoo was actually sent in by a ton of people um over the course of the past couple weeks and I thought that we should talk about it now thank you to everybody who's in it and it's by yahoo answers user max who asks can you describe your face expression while eating and drinking I am doing a research now

is that it that was it please can you can can you describe your face expression while eating and drinking I am I am doing a research now and there's a question mark I don't know if they're maybe kibitzing on when they'll do the research if this could be considered research if they're the people doing the research or they're participating in the research there's a lot of variables think about it though because when you eat everybody think about your face when you eat because I think about it and I think that I make like a yummy face and I my it's a smile because I'm happy to be eating but I don't know for sure because I never I know that mine because uh I've I've practiced in front of a mirror and been told a couple of times

brow furrowed very focused almost angry defensive um very focused like in the middle distance stare um just trying to get it over with as quickly as possible do you hate eating food Travis no I love it so much that I'm afraid I'll be interrupted that's my biggest concern is that someone may try to talk to me or engage me in some kind of interaction while I'm putting the best stuff in my mouth if I'm eating a really good burger I wish everyone else was dead for that minute minute that minute Travis for that minute I'm not asking for the world you are asking for my burger quickly you just leave me alone for the brief amount of time don't sit there and say like oh you look like someone's about to take your food away yes

I'm afraid of that please just let me enjoy this has anyone ever has anyone I'm I'm gonna fucking diagnose you right now Travis because I feel like your your relationship with food has been a running goof on this show and I want to get to the bottom of it has anybody actually ever while you were sucking down some baby back ribs ever walked up to you obtained the ribs and removed them from your from your grasp no I tell you the real thing Griffin the real truth is that I I am very verbose I like to talk a lot especially when I'm having a meal with friends and what I end up doing is talking so much that I fail to actually consume my food so I've gotten really good that's patently untrue I've never seen I've eaten hundreds of meals with you and

I've never seen that happen well now with you guys okay I'm saying with like people I like and don't talk to you all the time sure right yeah I'm saying you as soon as food is presented to you you unhinge your jaw and place your head over the plate like some sort of fucking moray eel but like when you put gas in your car you're in everything like I wish I could save her this more you're trying to get the gas in your car quickly so you can go on about your day I thought you loved eating I do I want it to go quickly and beautifully and wonderfully and done you're like a you're like a an Olympic ice skater right yes you want it to get in so many ways you're like you want it to be perfect but you also need it to like you don't want to draw it out

any longer than you have to because your legs are going to give out exactly you've nailed it it's like the most beautiful symphony would really like lose its luster on like the 16th hour wouldn't it I think everybody has though like gotten their food taken away at a restaurant when you weren't done maybe you go to the B room and you come back and like oh and there's nothing in that moment more delicious on earth than those like seven chips and half a pickle and like one one bite of the uh the calisthenics have you ever had the moment where they come for your food and then you're like oh wait I'm not done and you speak before you think and realize that the only thing on the plate are like three chips and a half and they're like trying to take you like I know what

and then they kind of look at you and you're like no it's it's fine what's what's worse that or just like hold on one second yeah we're done now they can put that what if they could put that they could fucking time lock that and put it on the menu like for $35 we will give you the last seven chips and a pickle that we took from somebody that they didn't get to eat and it will be so much more delicious you secretly order it from someone else at the table so they like look away for a second look back at you and you're eating six chips and there's nothing in front of them and they're like oh Jeremy no you didn't do this to me again that's obviously mine that's my ketchup mess I made Jeremy no can we I'm into this idea now I'm getting super deep into this idea of like

going to uh uh fucking the the most notoriously slow TGI Fridays in town they take a while to get your food out to you going there ordering a big plate of baby back ribs some fries and and a dish a side dish I don't know what they have there never been and waiting for 40 minutes for my food to get there and then they bring it to the table put it down I stand up put $40 on the table walk out and leave and drive home I guess jerk off because it would be the most incredible tantric experience of my entire life you're laughing Travis because you could never do that I could I would I will give you $10,000 if you can ever go to TGI Fridays order a plate of delicious sweet sweaty baby back ribs and then stand up as soon as they get there and walk Griffin you are so correct because sometimes

just the very thought of maybe I might go out to eat later makes me so happy in a way that most normal people will never experience yeah the idea of having someone bring food to me that I did nothing to earn is very exciting is it kind of wonderful being like a food goblin it is it's so freeing if you can let go of all the mores and everything holding you back about what you think is appropriate about how to eat your life becomes so much better I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but I guess there is some satisfaction to be derived from it I just I feel like you're a prisoner of your own creation no I'm free you're the one trapped in a food prison look in your own life don't just sit there and judge my way of life walk a mile in my food filled shoes

why is there food in there I eat so quickly it falls down sometimes I eat so quickly it falls why are there twizzlers in your Puma's heavy weights someone told you you had to make shoes out of food what food would it be go god damn it I would say probably ciabatta a firm bread or a jerky some kind of firm bread with jerky laces I get one of those big bolognese that they haven't cut up yet uh-huh you always see in meat stores but you never buy them because like what am I gonna do with that but Justin what about the coyotes I'm a bartender slash server and I work with a lot of awesome people if I happen to bring friends or family and eat my bar when I'm not working I of course want to generously tip my friend slash co-worker that waited on us but it always

feels awkward similarly if I have a drink after my shift and want to tip the bartender he or she is uncomfortable about me tipping them as well I've even fallen in the trap of being weird about friends tipping me how I navigate the situation do I only tip them the customary 20% am I required to tip them more because we're friends what do I say when they say oh you don't have to tip me help that's from tiptoeing in Ann Arbor god if only the Japanese style this is probably why japan was like let's flip it why don't we flip that switch because we work together and this is crazy flip the switch guys no more tips this is one of the rare times when I'm forced to I have no idea like I don't even know where to start wait you're saying that literally

everything we've ever advised people on you had some ideas you had a lot of ideas I at least in those scenarios had some kind of gut reaction that I followed and I was like yeah this is what I would do I have like I listen to you read the question and in my brain was going uh because just the idea of like handing someone you because my immediate reaction is just this idea of like well you know what goes into like you know what the process is you know what deserves a tip what doesn't you know what they're actually doing that would earn the money and so you should be the best judge of it so then if you're left going I still don't know like well then where I don't know like yes if they say not to tip them don't tip them yes what if when you start a job at a new restaurant you have to

give every other person working in that restaurant ten dollars it'll be a pretty big lump sum right up front and then when you wait on each other you just hand that ten dollars back and forth and it's like a friend a friendship ten spot and you just pass that back and forth and then when you quit the job because you tooted in the kitchen I've never worked in my life I don't know how anything works in my office um then you cash out no that doesn't make sense uh I was close to something though wasn't I I was really close to something you were tearing on the edge when I was at uh a young man back in high school I worked at the blockbuster video rest in peace uh I thought that I what everybody should do I thought you know people would come in and I would get rid of

their late fees or something and I thought you know what we should do is just have a system of hookups it's like you come to blockbuster and I'll hook you up and then when I come to TGI Fridays you hook me up maybe some free modsticks or I don't have to tip you and I thought that I basically invented bartering is what I had done but I hadn't really realized that I thought that was a great system and like somehow my stupid teenager brain like the system had been put into place so I just started like giving people everybody who I knew like the hookup and just kind of assuming it would comically come back to me pay it forward like that kind of thing like would would would would be revisited the next time I went to their place of business and never ever happened and I got

well isn't that such an awkward moment when either someone comes to visit you at your place of work or you go to visit someone and it's unclear as if there if there's an expected like if someone's like oh yeah come eat at my restaurant and then you get there and like wait is this are they gonna hope is this a deal are they inviting me here and then I'm gonna get a discount should I ask I just want to point out karmically speaking god killed the blockbuster video wasn't god that killed the blockbuster video twas man killed the blockbuster video man couldn't kill blockbuster video their fucking business was perfect god looked at that and saw pride and said you hurt my my baby boy justin and and just sort of destroyed the whole thing god I thought you're saying god saw the

pride and justin trying to rework the structure of humanity through no he saw justin he saw justin fucking giving freely to his fellow man and blockbuster video saying no this will not do you are fine or or uncle sam heard that I had figured out the solution to like ending capitalism and they're like no this is terrible everybody close out blockbuster and fit netflix it's time to release netflix but sir we agreed that would be 2021 nah this kid into west rick dania's cracked the code and they were tripped they were tripped out because then I went to bless by and I started selling people netflix subscriptions like wait a minute he's on to us again justine you should you should really go to burning man sometime I think you really get a kick out of it yeah you

think what do you make do you make something that you could barter with at burning healthy grammars yeah well those probably wouldn't hold up so much in the 115 degree sun dick jokes I don't think those are gonna satisfy I wish I could go to burning man but just bring money and just be the only person there that's allowed to use it because I think that would be I think secretly people would really get a kick out of it because they can like leave burning man and be able to spin it on shit um and also like I wouldn't have to worry about how bad my fish hook earrings are oh god I just did the potluck thing didn't I you wrote I just did the $15 potluck thing and I swear I would never become that type of just like that Griffin ruined burning man

one episode to kill burning man to unseat burning man like 45 seconds of one episode to unseat burning man well you know what if it's that easy to kill then it didn't deserve to live what if burning man like went on long enough that at first I was like well uh I could just trace you these three hacky sacks for like one of those afghans and you're like that's I don't know why I need the afghan burning man but okay let's go for it I think it's cold in the desert at night and then and then like it went on you're like you know what these uh hacky sacks are really easy to carry around maybe I should just say like we could use these to represent like if I have five hacky sacks then that means that like it's worth one blanket it's easier just to keep track of

how many things that we've made or sold sure and then oh fuck 48 hours later the whole thing has collapsed there's a mcdonald's there they've got the whole there's uh I like a sausage biscuit okay that's gonna be two and a half hacky sacks I gotta cut another hacky sack open what are you people even doing with these half hacky sacks I minimum hacky sack wage isn't even enough to buy our own mcdonald's hacky sack food this is this is bullshit well can I go to burning man as long as we're talking about burning there for some goddamn reason can I go to burning man with like a fucking yugioh sticker one yugioh sticker and challenge myself to trade up to a goddamn toyota tundra drive somebody else's toyota tundra away from burning man through a system of yucky swaps

that should be like uh in the least amount of moves like kind of like game show I would watch that it's like I can get from yugioh sticker to toyota tundra in five moves guys I got big news for you what's that wisdom farm wisdom grow some peas with warren g farm wisdom with what with the warren g grow some peas with warren g that's what I thought you said okay have you been to warren g's farm the g ranch the g ranch the circle g his his potato harvest came in really well this year because I think he's really been regulating the fertilize me uh farm wisdom here goes if you add a new chicken to a brood of chickens they'll turn on it as an outsider and peck it to injury or death to avoid this simply wait until all the chickens are asleep and put the new chicken in the coop

alongside them when they wake up they'll assume that everyone around them are their friends and get on fine even the new chicken is fooled by this I was with this until that last part yeah the new chick's like yeah this seems right another weird about this there's like 18 of me here and I don't know what that means but are we cool we're cool hey Steve Fred ginger you and me how long have you been here I don't know I feel like forever yeah that seems right let's be I also feel like I've been here forever that's weird yeah that sounds about good you guys are gonna like peg me to death are you like no as far as we know we've known you for years I understand you guys are joking right now what is the value of chickens having a sense of time

like that seems like the last thing you want those poor beasts to have right I've been sitting here for what feels like a very great amount like a great a great span why can't they just sit and chill oh hello oh hello have you been here the whole time it for me just it's not a sense of time so I'm just more I'm disturbed by the lack of memory just that idea of like any like a chicken goes to sleep it wakes up somewhere else it's like yeah yeah this is it yeah it sounds about right I wish the human beings had this I feel like it would help out with mine and a lot of other people's social anxieties if I went to sleep next to my beautiful wife I woke up who's that sitting in a chair what's up I'm mark hi mark uh I guess uh are we like buds like yeah I guess so I just

woke up here too all right cool do you want to go get friends forever is that what you're saying is that what you're saying do you want some brunch are we on saw now is this no that one that thought wouldn't even wake up in my mind I woke up next to mark he must be pretty tight you must have got to sleep next to mark it's the only thing that makes sense it's a farm chickens have no memory I guess their lives are much like mine you know in a little go on the castle is a surprise every time we know Andy the Franco fans here no no Franco fans just just a couple Warren G heads hey Justin I have another question for you hit me say I've been a max fun donor before say in the past I've been maybe a five or a 10 or a $20 a month or $35 a month donor yeah

and every year it just seems like the max fun content is getting better and better and better maybe I've had a raise maybe it's just been a really good year for me and I just wish I could give more is there a solution yeah there is you just do it you go up in there and you pledge that you're gonna increase your gift and if you increase the your gift let's say right now you're doing $5 a month and you're like you know what I'm gonna get in there with $10 a month you do that you're gonna get the gift associated with a higher level you're gonna go in it you're gonna go in at 10 you're gonna get your tote bag you decide I'm gonna up it to 20 you will get that in flight power pack with the mobile device charger collapsible water bottle antibacterial wipes and pilot wings

with max fun locos on them now say it's been a really good year a really like I just made partner at the farm yeah are they're higher level if I really want to throw my money around like a big shot or they're higher levels if you pledge $100 a month you're gonna get membership in the inner circle that's a monthly culture club where max fun hosts pick something that they love and is really like something very special to them that they want to share with people and you get it in the mail like every month that you get it delivered to you because you're part of the inner circle that's really cool that's at $100 a month for $200 a month you get free registration to max fun con 2016 who's gonna be there it doesn't matter you're going for free and that's $200 you get the

registration the inner circle circle the rocket engraved shot glasses the in-flight power pack and the drive exclusive tote bag and all of the exclusive content that's huge so I think that's pretty huge also Justin at $200 a month Justin will come to your house and dance for you every day not every day just once he'll pay for his own he'll pay for his own travel he will get there and he will perform a dance any style it doesn't have to be seductive but you'll probably want to I can guarantee you he'll commit to it he won't this won't be like a half-assed like oh let me do your dance like he's gonna be up there he's gonna be moving and you're gonna say oh my god I can I finally see what it means to dance he's not gonna he's not gonna be he's not gonna be crying while

he does the macarena no that would ruin it no that would ruin the macarena uh I'm just reading this small print here and everything I just said was a lie just won't come dance for you okay if you want to come uh if you want to donate some cash you can go to maximumfun.org slash donate maybe started listening to some more shows you know we added a ton of new shows you know what we added this year let's say you're already my brother my brother my family you know what we added this year we added a show called Bunker Buddies that Travis does with his friend Andy yes and we added a show called the adventure zone that we do with our dad and we've continued to do amazing shows like Sawbones with Justin and Sidney thanks but I'm saying like we've got new shows like there's maybe

more things that you're listening to now so maybe you want to kick in a few bucks to make that like pay I'll tell you what else I'll tell you what else what's that if you don't kick in more money then our dad doesn't get any of your money that's right we will leave you on the streets where we found it we don't you want our daddy to have some money and and here's the thing that a lot of people miss about this you're you are giving money to help uh maximumfund.org you're supporting an amazing network of shows but when you make your donation you say what shows you love on the network what you say the shows that you listen to your money is going to those shows you're directly supporting the people that create these programs like you're not only supporting a great network part of your

money goes to all the great work Maxfun does and looking for new hosts and making the shows and doing all the great Maxfun stuff but you're literally supporting the shows that that you love so much and it seriously means the world I mean and also like we we would not adventure zone would not exist without without these donations because it has allowed us to spend more time working on podcasts the money has allowed us to spend more time working on podcasts the adventure zone wouldn't exist a bunker buddies wouldn't exist we've been able to do live shows like we've been able to like front the money for live shows I was able to move to Los Angeles specifically to try to develop more and more stuff for my brother my brother me and our other amazing shows it really and not

only that let me also say this because we've been talking about money a lot it means a lot to us to work for a listener supported network it's really great I talked to a lot of people who create a lot of content for a lot of different things and knowing that our listeners are also like supporting our network and knowing that what we do means something to you guys means a lot to us and it's really amazing to be a part of this organization and be a part of you guys because that's the thing when you become a donor you become a part of Maxfun and like we're all in this together we also have challenge donors who are current members who will pledge a small amount of money for each new and upgrading member so like even if you even if you're coming at the

bottom level you're coming at $5 a month like first of all there's nothing insignificant about that that's huge and awesome and we appreciate it but it's also going to kick in a lot of money because there's a bunch of challenge donors who are going to kick in a lot of money for every single new and upgrading member we have so so really think about it because your your donation is essentially doubled if not tripled or quintupled or I don't know the math I'm bad at it but we understand that uh financially it may not be possible for you to donate uh that's totally fine what we would ask though is uh if you can't donate share that link around tell other people to donate maximumfund.org slash donate and say hey I can't do this well healed buddies but maybe you

could throw these cats a few bucks uh maximumfund.org for it slash donate uh we love you just the same no matter what you're still our buds do you guys want to know yahoo yes ladies sure uh this yahoo was sent in by level 9000 yah drew drew a drew davenport thank you drew I feel like maybe shaman we should go back to shaman because it's a lot of drew right is y'all drew just I think y'all drew drew a drew it's it's too much yeah should we call it just yahoo I will figure it out yeah uh it's by y'all drew answers you will run it through the boys in r&d blondies who ask am I the only one annoyed about this at the fabric store and it's not that I'm really annoyed by it but it happens every time already a little mea culpa whoa don't back off don't stick with this and I really

am annoyed by it or that it happens at a fabric store um it's not that I'm annoyed by it but it happens every time and I'm curious to see if others have the same experience I go to the fabric store been going my whole life mm-hmm yep mama lifer uh I pick up my material and once I go to have the gal cut my yardage they ask me every time at every store so what you're making I kid you not this has happened each and every time I visited the fabric shop now I'm not a snoot and kindly say I'm making my halloween costume or I'm sewing doll clothes or I'm dressing as a doll for halloween uh or I'm making curtains for my new place but in all honesty you can't see me playing with my dolls but in all honesty is it any of their goddamn fucking business what I'm using the

fabric how much editorializing was there there Griffin they said damn business okay put that Griffin McElroy filthy mouth twist on it uh think about it again I've never not told them why I'm buying the material but why is it every single time if I was sewing a quilt to wrap my dad my dead cat my dad if I was sewing a quilt to wrap my dead cat up in you know why should they care then you just say I'm making a quilt just leave it in wow you're making a quilt though for what specific for my dead cat you insensitive bastards even my newlywed husband his first time at a fabric shop walked out saying why is it their business what you're making I laughed and said sweetie this happens every fucking time welcome to the club anyways am I the only one that experiences

I love fabric stores love the employees but why is it their fucking business ask what you're making lol let me say from working at coc I did buy a lot of fabric for like sassan stuff this is true you get asked a lot and for me it was always a little bit awkward because I would get to say things like I'm gonna make a blood-slated sheet or like I'm making a fake wall and they'd always look at me like oh okay usually it's usually it's just doll clothes usually is doll clothes and quilts for dead cats next time you come in can you just say doll clothes it's a lot less psychically upsetting for us we like routine here at the Michaels you are hobby art number one hobby here at the hobby lobby is just hearing you talk about the beautiful clothes you're making for

your beautiful in defense of the employees of these fabric stores it's not like there's like a it's not a fast-paced high-energy kind of store you know what I mean so like they're they're excited comes from hearing the projects that you will be worth how much time is it taking out of your day what kind of inconvenience is it to say like I'm making doll clothes okay great just make a sharing like a conversation they you know what they can make in there nothing they can make conversation please let them live vicariously through your creation how come every time I go to the barber they asked me how I want my haircut hold on is it any of their damn business we need to revisit this idea of the people who work at the hobby lobby not being allowed to make things

because I think about that that would pass without instructions no I was in of an employee discount is I went ahead and I grabbed that in my dragnet Justin because I'm imagining now all I can think about is the back room the employee lounge at the hobby lobby just people taking those like styrofoam balls and just seeing what kind of crazy shit they can get up to back there we're doing a random locker check turn out any needles pins it's like a dystopian future back there they can't what you're missing they can't create anything with their hands because they assume that they got no matter what you have like okay no matter what the physical object is that you were creating right anything they probably have the stuff for it at michael's yeah so

any object if someone sees you creating things they have to check you when you go in and when you go out to make sure you don't have any other physical objects because if you did if they're like well what's this wallet this is really nice like yeah I'm I bet you made it while you were here at michael's we have everything is that why all the employees at michael's work in their underwear right that's exactly I never wondered why they have are naked with an apron uh that is why and have wires coming out of their head connected to the central processing unit to prevent thought crime that's that's the thing you can't even create things with thoughts because they were inspired by like the the the macrame what are you making doll clothes oh that gives me an idea no no no no

I mean I mean thank you very much have a great day thank you for shopping at michael's the only thing you're allowed to make a hobby lobby is babies because you don't have it because I gotta have new employees now Justin are you okay are you theorizing that they like sign an agreement it's a very like gulag totalitarian thing or not like gulash is it a sorry is it a psychological torture where they just like I just want to say girlfriend that was a really really funny but you stopped traveling for it that's what he deserved and that's that joke deserved and I love you for that thank you I love you too or is it a psychological thing where they've just been told so many times that they cannot create that they just believe it so intrinsically at this point

there's someone's like why don't you sew something I'm like I couldn't I couldn't I can't please leave just take your fabric and get out don't stir the pot Travis most gorillas have been in captivity for so long they think that freedom is something they dreamed that's a line from one of my favorite movies instinct with kuba good and and I and it's and it's something that I think applies really well to this situation is it possibly a security protocol for in case they are using the fabric to make a dirty bomb or you're not gonna felt a bomb we can tell it's a felt bomb is it or like I don't know a murder robe a ceremonial murder robe and you have to tell them or else it's entrapment what you're making sorry what if the michaels if the michaels employee asks you

what you're using the fabric for and you are intending to make a dirty felt bomb you have to you have to tell them or else it's entrapment know your rights people if you don't know your rights you're not going to be able to protect yourself out there what's that I'm playing taps oh is it for the podcast no not for the podcast for a funeral for a friend one last bit one last time around the old corral because everybody has fucking chomp his flavor we're gonna try it out one last time then it's fucking done and don't ever ask about again because everybody ruined it and you when you told people about it when you told your you when you told your terry gross about this great bit you heard on a podcast jerry gross i'm speaking to you nephew of terry gross when you told terry

about i'm scary gross scary gross is actually a really tight name for like whoever takes alvira's place um just kidding alvira will live forever this doll it's haunted doll watch by the way if you if you can't if you are so saddened by the death of haunted doll watch um first of all haunted dolls can't really die uh second of all there's a haunted doll watch bit in the movement bonus episode so get at it uh authentic haunted doll katie uh frida extremely active very rare spirit very rare spirit's weird to me it seems like those are just one a piece i believe but anyway are you talking about like if you find them in the pack of pokemon cards no i think you say like travis macro is is of course a very rare travis macro oh like you're only gonna find one travis macro one spirit

like why are there multiple multi-pack spirits anyway i got a hollow foil spirit this doll has been a part of my spirit family for nearly a decade can i say can i say i want to say something about haunted doll watch okay what i'm gonna miss the most what i'm gonna miss the most about haunted doll watch is a lot of people ask me like where do you find this stuff just like where where where are you getting this material from literally i've never prepared for haunted doll watch as i've been sitting here i type ebay.com and i type haunted doll and i literally read the first one and it's always the best you type h a u into google and it's such a rich vein it was so easy but now it's too but it was too easy you know you know how it's you know how james dean was too good at

acting so god killed him it's like that or anyway this doll was is a needy and demanding spirit what's the doll's name uh this is frida slash katie and i'll explain that in a second and now feel there are a few that can deal with this special girl by the way i'm looking at the the the reader on her haunted energy and it's up to danger so uh oh justin i hate to ask i'm afraid to ask could you share the link uh yes i can set you all up with the link to see katie frida or you could just google and the first fucking thing you see when you search haunted doll that's the one that you get so anyway uh katie and frida people sell haunted dolls on ebay i'm sure you know that if you fucking read vice or listen to fresh air or whatever but uh we we profile some of those dolls

we're talking about katie and frida katie had a difficult and short life she was born and unloved this abuse created a split in katie's mind she created another self to withstand the torture and abuse this girl's name is frida and is katie's other self personality now i i i hear all you reaching for your fucking buy it now buttons after reading that shit but i do have to warn you this costs 150 to bring this into your life katie frida passed away at six years old from neglect abuse and malnutrition she died in the darkness at night and was very cold uh excuse me are you selling this this is for sale what kind of advertising are you doing with me right now frida has turned doorknobs on both bedroom doors katie has shown me events through dream state that

left me in tears okay so it's sort of a double way of me sort of all the shit that dolls can do which is turning doorknobs spookily and also going on dream adventure what if you're on a fucking dream adventure with your goddamn guardian angel and katie rolls up get out of here katie this is my spooning here is here's my favorite line is it goes through like all this stuff and it's honestly too brutal to read on a quote unquote comedy show uh but the last line is i want to ensure katie is in the best home possible just like fuck you frida i don't care where frida ends up frida can fuck off but no katie is cool 150 if you don't mind please be at least 25 to purchase and rent a car that's not the first time we've seen that warning people aren't like a 22 year old

doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a katie and or frida guys can i like this listing is fucking great if you're not looking at it already uh there are two pictures from the six or seven that are available here that look like they're snap snaps of bigfoot like katie or frida was just like running across the room and they just like managed to snap a pic of her i they're absolutely miserable pictures i love the one with the scanner because it looks like katie is saying you ain't scaring me are you yeah that is let's talk about this ghost allometer because i think i think it's some racist bullshit because this is the scanner this is the these are the this is the metric that the ghost all scanner the ghost allometer uses there's safe caution and danger

so if there's a doll if there's a ghost in the doll there's gonna be a ghost in the doll there's a ghost in like half of the dolls that there are in the world there's no setting on there to be like but it's cool there is a ghost in this but they're totally cool they also don't mention their return policy no no return policy hey listen i bought that katie frida doll um it's like 75 percent frida and i was expecting a 50 50 split this listing for no other reason make sure to stop by and see the picture of what appears to be frida slash katie i'm assuming frida staring into a mirror while standing over a painting of the virgin mary what is that look what is happening i don't see the virgin mary in this picture oh no done done the um haunted dolls griffin was

a haunted doll the whole time is it possible that the resurgence in haunted doll and by resurgence i mean surgeons pre pre surgeons pre mo surgeons haunted dolls in the in the media's eye ever watch for lie is going to lead to one person who buys these dolls up for the sole purpose of destroying them and and making our world a safer and better place possible i hope that that's what happens i mean we're like more likely though is we are fucking kicked right back to beanie baby fever mid 90s yep people are gobbling these things up like crazy they're spending way too much just assuming that they're gonna get the uh the uh the investment back at some point not even got the haunted dolls that come in the mcdonald's kids meals you know what i mean

reflecting all the haunted dolls clearing out the college funds just to buy stefanie slash gordo or whatever the hot haunted doll is that's what i think and i'm my hope is that once the the the the smoke clears on haunted dolls we can swoop back in there it'll be retro at that point or something like we'll be doing it ironically i think that's that's the only hope for more haunted dolls but that's what i think but that at that point katie katie slash frito will be like 36 years old and then she'll be like i just i just would like to like get a job just like i'm like she's like the mayor of portland or something i have a you guys want a yahoo yes yes this yahoo was sitting by dan green who asks nope he didn't ask it thought that right up didn't i spy yahoo

answers user rishi who asks how can i fight well against a guy i took under my wing what to put it simply i need help badly i practice jeet kundo a self-defense martial art i've been going for nearly seven years and i've come a long way since then i'm now the best teen in my class i'm 15 by the way who at eight is like i'm i get in a jeet however a year ago another guy the same age as me started learning and i basically taught him and he was learning the ropes nothing bad about that but when it came to sparring i gave him all my killer secrets to fighting well as we became good friends we sparred more together now he uses all my tactics that i taught and develops it and now he's better than me by far i get completely whitewashed and he masters all the special traps

i learned in an instant whilst i can barely do them with three weeks of solid practice it's also frustrating as now my confidence has dropped because of this and my mind goes blank whenever i spar i can't think of any tactics to use and he just keeps getting better and better by the day can you guys give any advice to me on how i can get my ferocity back all help is useful thank you this is so classic it's a prison of his own creation it's so like it's so obvious what's going on he is the chosen one right it's a classic storyline the person who's worked really hard like trying to become the chosen one and then somebody just like ghosts in and it's like but he gets everything instantly he's not working for it right and i'm supposed to train him

i should have been the chosen one he's the last last dragon yes and he took the globe from you yes so i think you should kill him whoa whoa now i know it seems extreme yeah like the most extreme thing you can do in any given situation but that's the only way that she's going to be able to become the chosen one or he it's it's it's definitely a guy just based on their avatar how can you tell from the avatar are they like spraying on some axe or something i think we have like a um how can give it do me a favor you two go try to get in a fight with a mirror and win you can't do it because they block your blows with their own blows yes but griffin in this scenario the mirror is kicking his ass well yeah because it's a bet it's a haunted mirror oh

what they did uh taskmaster you know on spider man unlimited the cartoon taskmaster is a character that like learns your fighting style immediately as he watches you fight and you like nobody can beat him in a fight because they like he knows all your moves he he watches you fight right and then as he's watching you do the moves he flips it on you and does the moves back on you and better so what i'm saying is he's basically the the terry grows to fighting guys but listen here's how they beat him right spider man switch costumes with somebody else spider man dressed up like uh iron fist and then they did each other's combat moves so he didn't know where it was coming so wait was there a moment when iron fist saw like peter parker like straight up i was like oh great

saw his dick and everything he took his pants off no they all they all know they live with ant may so they all like know the story oh i got you yeah i haven't they so what you're saying justin is the classic like if if he knows what you're gonna do next do the last thing he would expect and if and if like if your normal move is like you go like high high low chop right just like stroke his shoulder quarter circle punch then maybe like you know like this time like go and he won't know what to make of it and then you punch him in the gut but he is gonna know what to make of that you in the middle you will go and he's already gonna know what the fuck you're doing you have to get outside of your own head how's this for a suggestion get

out there to spar and he's like let's go let's go sensei and he's saying that tauntingly oh what a jerk hate that and then he but then you're like oh hold on i gotta piss and you go to the bathroom and then while you're in the bathroom do a whip it and then go back out there and you're real fucked up you're gonna be real fucked up and he's you're not gonna be inside your own head so he's not gonna be allowed in there he's gonna be like all right time to do the thing that i did that you taught me you're like how about this new thing and you hit him and you sit down and take a knife and you hit him with the backside of your bicep and he's like that wasn't effective but i didn't see it coming are you okay you're like really wavering it's like wobbling on your feet it's like drunk

and master shit but whippets whippet master you're 15 you can't buy alcohol but you can probably get some whippets somewhere so many you know has whippets uh folks that's gonna do it for us on our podcast thank you so much for listening to this special length episode uh want to remind you one more time if you like max fun shows like uh us uh jordan jesse go you like rendered you like uh baby geniuses you like bunker buddies you like the adventure zone we're making all these shows for free we just uh would love it if you could but they're not free to make you know cost time cost equipment cost hosting all that stuff uh if you could help us pick up the tab for that it would really mean a lot you can get a lot of great gifts tons of great content for five bucks a month exclusive

bonus stuff that you can't get anywhere else for 10 bucks a month exclusive tote bag and the bonus content for 20 get a mobile device charger a collapsible water bottle antibacterial wipes and pilot wings with max fun logo on them plus the tote bag and all the downloads and bonus content you're gonna love all of it maximumfund.org slash donate is that link and this is also we need you this is also a great time to listen to all the other shows on max fun because everybody's bringing out super long episodes bringing out some of their best material there's a really good time to go listen to the other shows uh I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song instead of parter off the album putting the days

to bed um I feel like we don't thank them enough even though we do every episode every single we should be thanking them three to four times an episode you're right Travis we should also follow us on twitter um at mbmbam and we'll give you all kinds of updates and talk about the max fun drive all week uh all two weeks um and you know and be sure to let us know if you donate so we can thank you yeah um y'all want to finally yahoo yes we do please this finally yahoo is sent in by dave page thank you dave it's by yahoo answers user anta wan grady who asks is it just me or has britney spear's been replaced as one of pop music's top stars i'm just a mackerel i'm gripping mackerel it's been my brother my brother may kiss your dad

square on the left maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hello i'm taco the elephant magician moral high church here the master of clerical magic i'm magnus burnzide the fighter did you guys like that did you the listener like that you were just swept up in a world of high fantasy and magic where anything can happen and anything is possible hi i'm griffin mackerel dungeon master for the adventure zone a new podcast on maximum fun in which magic and mystery intertwined for a very erotically charged role playing experience you can catch it every other thursday here on maximum fun dot org or it's for dungeons and dragons but with family