My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 244: Slimefoot

Episode Date: March 23, 2015

We're wrapping up the MaxFunDrive the only way we know how: By talking about Garfield, urinal footwear and sexual reactions to The Flash. If that doesn't deserve your hard-earned dollars, we don't know what will. Suggested talking points: Super Rich, Garbage House, Cat Enema, Pizza Warlock, Nerdgasm, Japanese Courtesy Sandals, Glamping, Olderwear

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother in moi. I mean me. My name's Justin McElroy. My name is Lord Travis McElroy and I am Duncan Worcestershire, Duke of the Andes Mountains. If you haven't heard the news already, the Maxfun drive hit its initial goal of 2,000 donors with just the first week in the rearview mirror of Arjetsky's.

I believe you mean two milla donors. See, I'm using the metric system now. So in case you're wondering, we are now predicting that we will reach that goal of new the new goal of 4,000 donors and perhaps fuck the old goal. Oh, sorry about the course language. We'll reach the goal of 4,000 donors in about three days and we'll reach 8,000 donors by the end of the drive and we'll finally take our place amongst the super elite rich. I've already been looking at super yachts. I am saving up all of my money to have the person who is mowing their lawn outside fucking constantly every time I record any bit of audio medium. I will have them killed. And you'll be rich enough to get away

with it. Oh, absolutely. And if not, we will be murdering left and right. And if not, I will go to badminton jail. What are you two going to miss the most about being able to relate to our common listeners? Probably being able to eat the simpler cheeses. Yeah, I used to get down on like some craft single slices and that's just not. Yes. That's just not oh my god. Can you guys pay pal me your shares of the max fund money that you already have so I can have this person murdered and I can get one good audio quality recording for once in my goddamn life. Sorry, go ahead. What we were saying. Oh, yeah, we're very rich. What are you going to miss, Justin? I'll miss, you know, right now I can go to the store and I can look at a gallon of milk

and tell you about what it costs. Once I'm among the super rich on the thing underneath it. Once I'm among the super rich, I imagine I'll pick up a gallon of milk and say what from cows because I'll only drink milk from. Is this one gold? Can I get a single fucking sentence? That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to spank a spin off show with my riches and it's going to be called Justin and some silent guys and I'll be able to finish all my jokes and they'll just be like two little Ed McMahon's just yucking it up. That's my dream. But only then will you realize like I miss it. You'll know like absolutely you'll start a sentence and finish it and go well that was kind of depressing. Well, I didn't have an ending. I had no ending to that sentence. I never do

and I rely on 100% confidence that will not happen. No way. No problem. There would have been time though. Ocelot milk was the punchline. That one if Griffin, if you can get it in post. Yeah, I've been very, I've been getting real. That would be the thing we could actually do is pay someone to actually edit it. I am just going to miss hardies, I think. They won't even let you in. Now, excuse me sir, you are far too wealthy to be in here. You're making everyone uncomfortable. The only person as wealthy as you allow in here is Hardy, our owner and CEO. Ed Hardy, the owner. You can go to Shardies, which is a version of Hardy that only serves Swiss shard and Chardonnay. That'd be a good lunch. God, what a good fucking joke. Do you guys want to do some

advice? Oh, thank you all for donating to Max Fun Drive. It's been a pretty killer response. It's sort of blown away our wildest hopes and our craziest dreams. But what does that mean? Does that mean that you should get a free pass? No. No. It's time to knuckle down and get a donation. I have time to knuckle buck. I have time to triple deacus into the super rich. We're over 2,000 donors, which is our original goal. If we get up to 2,500, Jesse and Jordan will, are they going to record an actual episode out on a gross lake? In a gross, gross lake. Travis is going to get a mobim bam tattoo that the Internet is still deciding on what that's going to look like. If we crush it, if we get to 4,000 donors, we're going to do two bonus episodes of every show on the network.

So two extra mobim bams and two extra adventure zones and two extra saw bones and two extra bunker buddies is a lot of extra shit that we're going to do over the course of the year. If we get to 4,000, so if you haven't donated and you need a reason to, that's a good one. So we already decided beforehand that one of our bonus episodes would be the much requested, my sister, my sister and me, where our wives get to answer an episode full of advice. So if you've wanted that one, that would be just one of the many audio delights to tickle your timpani to panic membranes. Not only that, but for every member who signs up or upgrades above the 2,000 goals, so it's already happening, Max Fun's going to donate five meals to hungry families in Los Angeles

to the LA Regional Food Bank. So not only are you giving back to the network, you're giving back to other people who need it way more than us. So it's an awesome thing to do. The heat is on. We'll tell you all about how to donate, what you get for donating. Let me get you a URL though real quick. Let's just get a quick URL. It's maximumfund.org slash donate. We'll tell you all about that stuff, what you get, all that good stuff later on, but for now, it vision. I think that's a word. We are inside the lawnmower now. Whoa, guys, watch out for the blades. Duck, duck, duck. This is like Honey I Shrunk the Kids, but in audio form.

Right. It's a lot cheaper to produce. This is the nice thing. That actually was how Honey I Shrunk the Kids first existed as a radio play in the 40s. And they adapted it into a movie. Not a lot of people know that. It's based on, it came on between The Shadow and The George Burns Show. Look at these minuscule children. It was originally called Sweetums. I enshrinkified these lovable adults we call our kids. And they shortened it into a movie. In the Crest Time Fun, Happy Family Hour. Welcome once again to the Crest Fun Time Happy Hour.

For Sweetums, I enshrink in the lovable adults we call our children. Starring Cary Grant as Wayne Zelinski and Debra Winger. The Immortal Vampire. Mortal Debra Winger, which I mean quite literally as Mrs. Zelinski. As Dracula. We don't know what we're doing here. I've been shrunken the kids again. Advice time is two minutes ago. It's half past advice. My sister-in-law's a notorious re-gifter, even of used items.

She once gave me a partially burned candle, food from her own freezer, and four half-used bottles of dishwashing soap as housewarming gifts. Even when a present is new, she'll tell me it's a re-gift and why she didn't want it. Should I refuse her unwanted junk or would that make me as rude as her? And that's from looking a re-gift horse in the mouth. Why is she giving you her garbage? Is your house shaped like a garbage can? Like that one woman's house was shaped like a boot?

Wait, do you mean the little old lady who lived in the shoe coffin? Yeah, you a little old lady who lives in a basura. Are you Oscar the Grouch? Are you Oscar the Grouch even? Did you even consider that? Actually, at the end, it looks like the email address is Oscarthegrouchatgrinder.com. Grinder.com? I don't think they offer domains. That is weird.

That's weird. He must be on the staff. Let me check the ISP and let me just tap this into my CSI cyber search. Yeah, it says the garbage can. Grinder is run out of a garbage can by Oscar the Grouch? I've always suspected, but now I can confirm that Oscar the Grouch runs the website and sex service Grinder out of a garbage can. This is the worst thing. I don't understand.

Even when a present is new, she'll tell you it's a re-gift and why she didn't want it. Are they saying that when she buys this from a goddamn Lowe's and brings it to your house, brand new since, by the way, she not only re-gifts. New as in unopened. Okay, so not a half-use bottle of goddamn dishwashing. Do you think she's saying it like, hey, this is actually such a tough company, but I already had a toaster and I didn't need it. So I thought you could would like it.

Or is she saying like, I didn't want this. Do you want it? There's some part of me that thinks in our consumption addicted society, there's something very useful about the idea of like, well, here, I'm not making use of this. You make use of it. But really, it's just her garbage. So like it's it's more like, will you throw this away from me? Well, that's the thing is like, I think so for in Cincinnati, there was a time where Theresa and I

had like three waffle irons because it was like one had been given to us. Listen to Braggie McGee. I know. Well, it's that max fund money. One had been given to us and the other two we had already purchased at thrift stores because one was square and one was round, right? Oh my God. You're just sorry, Travis, but that's not a normal thing.

You're a madman. Well, I didn't do it. My wife did. Say shit to her, Griffin. She's a mad woman. Why she I need as one square waffles stacked atop a circular waffle or else. Theresa and I deeply enjoy waffles. I need a multi shape breakfast experience.

But my point being that if somebody had expressed like if they had said like, I can't find a waffle iron anywhere, I could see where you could justifiably read like for our wedding. One of our friends gave us a set of their cast iron because cast iron is a thing that like you pass along and like it's something that's supposed to be given to other people because it's already aged and treated. It's got that food stank deep in it already. And you want exactly takes a lot of that.

It's a weird thing. It's the one thing cast iron skills are the one thing in your house that you want dirty. Yes. You want to leave some dirt on them. That re-gifting makes sense. A half burn candle and some used dish washing soap bottles. I think we've all been at a place with a candle where you're looking at a new candle and you're like, where do I even start?

Right. I wish there was an easy jumping off point with this candle. Some sort of some sort of origin. Like Dr. Who. Where do I get on board? Right. Well, here it is. Let me let me burn it down enough for you.

What if it's one of those candles that has a $10 bill inside? You guys do have. I mean, I'm sure everybody has had a candle in their house that they just haven't tucked into yet because they're not sure they're ready for the commitment. Right. Or even worse, you light it and then you're like, oh, this smells like cookie farts. But maybe somebody else likes cookie farts. And like, what are you going to do with that candle?

Just throw it away. You burned it once. You give it to somebody and you say, I hate this. I hate this. I hope you like it. But if you don't, chain it, my brother. I live a pretty confrontation-free lifestyle and it works for me. Not always, but most of the time it works for me.

If one of the two of you came to my house with an old shitty candle and a couple half-used bags of bagel bites and four half-used bottles of dishwashing soap, I would say, do not bring those into my house. I do not like I will. The wrap, though. That's a secret. I picture these just in like a kind of torn up like a grocery bag. No, that's the worst part.

Use gifts beautifully wrapped. $45. They're gold flaked wrapped and they spent so much money on the wrapping. Just invest that into the product itself. Get me two unused bottles of dishwashing soap. To fucking take the four bottles, reallocate them into two bottles, and it will at least look newer. What do you do? That's just lazy.

Question asked around. I'm going to tell you exactly what you should do here. This is the thing. In gift giving, it is universally agreed that it is the thought that counts, right? And I think that works both ways. If the thought sucks, which it does here. Exactly. Because basically what this person is doing is saying, I didn't pick out a gift for you.

I gave you something I already had. So the thought is as minimal as it could possibly be. And still on some technical level be considered a gift. So I think you are completely within your rights to say like, I don't want this. This is not a thing that applies to me specifically. This is stuff you have at your house that you're trying to get rid of. I'd rather not take it into my house. Thank you.

Although I will say, I will say it's really satisfying when you're doing like a cleansing of your cleaning supplies. And you say, I have so many goddamn half used bottles of dishwashing soap under the sink. I'm just going to toss them all and start over. And then you have so much more room down there. And this person is giving you that experience from the start. You just put them right under the sink. Look at them, survey your goods and say, no, this will not do.

Put those right in the garbage and go out and buy new soap. As my housewarming present to you, I'm giving you the future opportunity to throw these away and feel good about yourself. Yeah, exactly. This has this candle. I'm never going to finish this. I don't particularly like the candle stink it makes. Have you considered the possibility that the gift is the paper?

Like, have you checked for maps? Have you done a map check on the gift wrap? Or maybe it's like, if you put together the clues and you're like, what does half burn candle plus garbage food from your freezer plus four half empty bottles of dishwash and you're like, oh my God, I know where the Constitution is. Well, yeah, we all do. It's like at our museum. No, you know where the American Constitution is.

Oh, shit. Which one are we talking about? McDonald's land. The McDonald's land Constitution. I took a McDonald's land Constitution once and I got kicked out. We the people in order to form a more perfect burger. That's the Constitution, right? Or the debt club.

Nobody can keep us straight. We hold these pickles to be self-evident. By the way, would you take these pickles or just holding them? They're getting warm in my sweaty palms. All fry guys are created equal. Do you guys want a yahoo? Can I talk about, I know we talk about McDonald's land area episode. Can I say something about McDonald's land real quick?

No, please. It is a really weird makeup of residence in McDonald's land, if you think about it, because half of their population is constituted from like anthropomorphized French fry monsters. Food. Well, there's the fry guys, which are made of French fries. There's the mayor of cheese who has a hamburger. The other half of the McDonald's land constituency is made up of people who are

almost defined by their desire to eat McDonald's food. Is there a food chain of McDonald's land? Like a very grim reality. Like you have a person who's like whole thing. Hamburger is like. He wants to steal. He wants to steal and eat Mayor McCheese's head. That's all there is fucking to it.

Constantly. He wants to decapitate Mayor McCheese. Take that and then nobody would ever see him again because it's a perfect crime. That's the one. That is the last job that he will ever need to do and then he can retire. Every night before they put grimace in prison, they count the number of fry guys there are. Because if there's one missing, you know, he got out and somebody's it's somebody's ass. Do you think that they created grimace as like the embodiment of how you feel after you eat too

much McDonald's? And that is actually accurate, both in like, like physical, just like vested like his look and his name. Like, and then there's a bird woman. What the fuck? How about a little bit of consistency? I was designing the world was eating at McDonald's and there were just 100 pigeons outside eating all the fries scattered around the ground.

Or the nuggets come from her. Every institution looks under her armpit. There's like three more nuggets. Like, good news, guys. Got another delivery. Who are you? Where's the apple pie boys? I don't know about that.

Oh, man. Yo, I'm the shamrock shake. I only come around once a year. Why is that? Who's got accounts for me? Not a good shamrock shake. You would think maybe he would be Irish. No, he's from Boston.

All right. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yes, please. This yahoo. I'm walking here. This yahoo was, this yahoo was sent in by Carrie Poppy, a little bit across the podcast fusion. It's all about synergy here because now we're rich and we know all about things like synergy. It's by Yahoo.

She is from Ono Ross and Carrie, which you should also listen to on the maximumfund.org network. We were talking, there was a, it's quick diversion. We were on a thread talking about different maximumfund shows and she mentioned in passing that Ono Ross and Carrie episodes take anywhere between 10 and 80 hours of investigative research. Can you? Just like us. This, that McDonaldland bit, that took us 12 hours of researching the physical makeup of every McDonaldland creature.

This show would be bi-annual. We could literally, it could be like, man, I can't wait for another equinox. So I can get another my brother, my brother and me episode. Carrie Poppy sent this in, thank you Carrie. It's by Yahoo Answers user. I am trying to look at their name and it says, sorry, something has gone wrong and it won't load. So, yep. Well, that's not at all ominous.

Sorry, something has gone wrong asks, Peter pop off Miracle Water to cure Obie's cat. Hi, my cat Sammy is a male cat. Six years old, but he is very obese because he loves butter. I am Christian. I am Christian and I noticed Peter pop off. Actually, they have misspelled it here as Peter popoof. Peter popoof said on TV that his miracle spring water, which he manufacture, can produce miracles such as riches or cure health problems.

The prophet sent me some of that water after I route him a ladder. Do I pour it on Sammy or should he drink it? I want to ask the people who use this miracle water before. Peter. Here's one thing I can say pretty concretely. It will be equally effective. I also just before we get into the discussion of the water want to point out cats don't have their own access to butter.

Like there is no problem where you're like this cat just keeps getting butter and I don't know Where do you keep getting butter, Mr. Mittens? Mr. Mittens, you've been to the store once more. Same question about Garfield, right? Garfield clearly has an affinity for lasagna and you always see him in the strips. He's just got a big like fucking sweaty, sweaty tray of lasagna there. John, did Arbuckle fucking give him that? Did he just make a lasagna and then put it on the floor and say here, let my cat eat this?

You had to prepare that lasagna or go out to the store and purchase it pre-made, preheated and then you get in the store and you say, okay, cat time and you put that lasagna on the floor. What are you doing? The cat is mad. Maybe Garfield signed up for some kind of like evil nature box where they just deliver lasagnas to his door. Can we talk about something related to this? Yeah, please. John Arbuckle is a single man living on his own. What is his, how is his thing going that he's like another big tray of lasagna just for me?

This is what I'm saying. He is consciously making the conscious decision, put lasagna on the floor for his cats to enjoy. Did he win some sort of fucking Stofer's contest when he was 17 years old and now he gets free sweet zon for life? What's going on? It doesn't make any sense. Peter Papoof, miracle man. It's so optimistic though. By the time this lasagna goes bad, I might have met somebody to share it with. Maybe that's his line. Maybe he goes to a bar and says, hey, I got some lasagna at home. Here's the worst part, that line always works and then he gets home, he's like, fuck,

fuck the cat ate it again. Carfield, you can't block me again. Carfield, you can't block me again with your zon eating. I thought we were gonna eat lasagna, never mind, I'm leaving. Do you want me to go to Speedy Tony's all night lasagna button? No, I don't. I want the home good zon that I was promised at the bar. Give me an hour, I'll make another one. No, that's an hour I don't have, John. We're gonna eat, John, you fuck, and then I gotta go. And he does it, she's like, fine, just one, y'all give you one hour and then he makes it,

he's like, ooh, it's a little too hot. I'm gonna leave this out on the shelf to cool, babe, and then 120, we'll eat it. Ah, no, not again. I was trying to eat some hot lasagna, get some hot lasagna, fuck energy, and then I was gonna blow your mind. I needed to carve a load. Peter, Pupuf, miracle water to Cure Obese Cat, are we talking about a topical solution or is this an analgesic? If there's one thing I know about little big kitties, they don't like to have water put on them. No, that is true, but I mean, it is a very obese cat.

The funny thing about this miracle water is that if you dumped the miracle water on top of the cat every time it tried to eat butter, it would probably work. Yeah, or anything, anytime we try to do anything, if you spray it long enough, it'll get the hint, it'll get the net. Oh, no butter, okay. All right, I can dig it. Okay, so when I touch the butter, I get wet, and I don't like that, so I guess butter's bad, cool. What if it's an enema situation? Oh, geezers. No, I'm just, all my butter is my enema. What if the dude came out and was like,

listen, I've invented a miracle water, and I swear. I swear, guys, listen, I swear, promise, I promise it'll work, but. But you gotta put it in your butt. Do you think people would still be so gung-ho about trying the miracle water? Again, I think my arthritis and my wrist is getting really bad from my typing and pro gaming, but if I put some water in my butt via an enema, I'll probably feel better, right? Not in my wrist, but I'll just be a little cleaner down there, I think. So I think it'll still have, I think no matter what, you're gonna like how you feel.

But how will you feel about butter? I don't think that, I'm fine with butter. What if every time your cat tries to eat butter, you give it an enema? That's effective training tool. It'll work. Ask Jackson Galaxy, that's his number one thing. Okay, cat won't subscribe to your couch. Here, let me get out my enema, I keep it like a guitar case.

Let me get out. Oh, I see, you've got, this is great, you've got a kiddie play place right by the window, so he's got lots of different levels to play on, lots of toys, great. How many enemas a day would you say you're doing? Let me know. He does that, but Super Nanny tries to take that trick, and she goes to jail. And everybody gets so uptight. Double standard.

Let me get out my galaxy hose, that's what he calls, do you guys ever think about the fact that Jackson Galaxy, with his guitar case full of hoses and other cat training tools, is basically the cat El Mariachi. Yeah. You ever think about that? He's basically El Mariachi of Robert Rodriguez's fame. Let me tell you the sad thing I think about every time I think about Jackson Galaxy. There had to have come a time when he looked at his guitar, in his guitar case,

and said, I don't even need to bother with the guitar anymore. No, I've never heard him play. Like he made the decision to throw away the instrument and just fill it with cat shit. Yeah. He's so, he's. Brainstorm, excuse me guys. If we reach 4,000 donors, can we do one of our bonus episodes be with special guest spurt, Jackson Galaxy?

Do you think he'd come on the show? I feel like we've always been pretty nice. I don't know, that's a hundred percent true. Nobody's got to listen to all the back episodes, right? Yeah, I don't think he would, I don't think he would vet us, especially hard. If, if, if we do one of our bonus episodes, I think should be just like a night of all the stars we can get on our podcast. All guests spreading at the same time.

So fucking Jackson Galaxy, Scott Bakula, Scott Dracula. Scott Bakula is, is, we've had a 100% success rate with attempting to get people on our program. The only person who's ever said no is, is Scott Bakula's people. Dude hurts, hurts to this day. He's our white whale. Did not have the time. I'll get you Scott Bakula. What if we just keep emailing him every month and pretend like it's the first time you've ever

reached out to him? Hey Scott. Do you still have that schedule again? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying, reach out to him, say, hi Scott. We have an exciting opportunity for you. Do you like advice? Do you like podcasts?

Do you want to reach out to our 35 million listeners? Well, we have an opportunity for you. It's called My Brother, My Brother. I mean, you want to be on it? And he says, no, no, no, no, I'm doing CSI New Orleans. Like I don't need your help with my career anymore. And we say, okay. We did miss that window though, didn't we?

We did. Can we all agree on that? We absolutely missed that window. But just a few months too, which is the fresh thing. I'm saying the month after that, we say, hi Scott Bacula. My name is Griffin McRoy. I'm from podcast called My Brother, My Brother, Me. We have an exciting opportunity for you.

And either we will get him on the show by tricking him, or we will make him think he's gone insane. Either one of those. We have 4,000 donors. I can guarantee that we will gaslight Scott Bacula. Absolutely. We're not going to do that. We're not going to do that to Scott Bacula.

We will gaslight him right into our hearts. If we get to 4,000 donors, we will learn how to pronounce that dude's last name. I promise. I got another question here, Travis, but it's so long. Do I really have to read all of this? It's a good one. It's a rich vein. This is on you, OK?

OK. Do you want me to read it? No. Justin, you got it. No. I don't know how to break tradition here. OK. Recently, I helped my friend.

She's also a Bambino, move into a new apartment where he will be living with a classmate of ours. Let's call her Cheryl. My friend didn't have that much stuff to move, but no, really like one trip in a Toyota RAV4. However, Cheryl had a big moving truck, my RAV4, and multiple trips of her Civic worth of stuff. Here's where the problem lies.

She asked me if I would help since I was already helping my friend move in and she would quote, get us pizza. After a couple of hours moving her stuff out of her old place, her and her boyfriend started eating cold pizza for the night before and offered us some, which we ate like Mambis, one slice each. And we're both around 250 pounds. We then moved all of our stuff to the new apartment. She invited my friend to meet a lunch at an Applebee's like establishment.

There is no place like the bees, but moving on. Even when we sat down, she said something about buying. But when the checks came, she had them split and we each had to pay for our own lunches. I'm right in the middle of being annoyed. I'm right for being annoyed, right? Or was the cold pizza that I get, you know, caveat and tour and inviting us lunch was just because we were there

when they were making plans. That's from contemplating contractual compensation in Concord. That is a really good name. Oh my God, though, I would go into the person's house and start moving them out. I would walk back out of the door and just start carrying things out. And where are you going with my TV? I don't know.

Where are you going with my pizza promise? It's being re-possessed because you're terrible. You're late on your pizza, dudes. By tricking you into eating garbage pizza, this person has pulled a goddamn Mother Goose bridge troll trick on you. Oh yeah, oh, this is definitely where you're looking at like a nursery rhyme scenario. Is this person some sort of nymph of the forest

who is trying to trick you into giving her your son or daughter? Oh, you've fallen for my pizza conundrum. Right, by eating that cold pizza on the wrong side of the river sticks, you are now officially Haiti's concubine. I think that's the kind of situation that you've gotten into where they've pulled a food trick on you. What a goddamn disaster. I can't imagine eating going to fucking town at an Applebee's establishment

and just going crazy on appetizers, like having four different appetizers, two different entrees, and six desserts, thinking this is the best day of my goddamn life. There is nothing that makes a Southwest quesadilla steak tower taste better than knowing someone else is picking up the tab. And then you get that tab and all of a sudden the food turns rotten and the fields in your tummy turn fallow. I cannot even imagine that getting the fucking rug pulled out from under me.

You should be on like a fucking 60-minute special with this story. This is some Rescue 911 shit. This is garbage. This is the worst, this is what that show The Jinks was about, that some guy who did this to some of his friends. What did I do? Tricked him all into eating cold pizza. God of it.

They carried my food to on up the stairs and then I crushed their dreams. I have not seen the show. Were we just being incredibly insensitive about a true life story? Don't know. Haven't seen the show either. Haven't seen the show. Probably being very insensitive about a true life crime story, though. Never seen the show myself.

Your first mistake. Good reference, everybody. Just around the horn. Super cool job the three of us referenced. So we did a real good deal. We knew there was a cultural touch shown we hadn't mentioned yet. Didn't have any other info. We skipped a stone cross the surface of it and let it be.

Next up, some great goose about the works of Flow Bear. Another topic which we're well equipped to. Your mistake, of course, was agreeing to help this person move. What? No. Absolutely not. There's no, there's no, okay. Listen, the only reason that you would agree to help a stranger move and they offered you pizza

is that you don't know how to get pizza other ways. And that's pretty sad and scary to me. Now, Justin. Travis. I'm going to contradict you here. Whoa. Well, first, I'm the bin bam first. The problem is this stranger is moving in with a friend of yours.

So you're going to, I could see that this helping them move as an investment in future friendship because it's like we're going to be hanging out at this apartment with a buddy who we're actually there to help move. Investment in future friends, Travis, they're friends that I distance myself from because I suspect they might want to move in the next six months. Are you kidding? This is the only reason people make friends. The debt's already been paid.

There's no reason to pursue a friendship if you already helped the person move. Oh, you're saying that this is your, like you helped this dude move and he's never going to speak to you again. Right. Yeah. This is the end game for friendship. Yeah. Well, you're never going to speak to him again because he lives with just a food monster.

Yeah. Some sort of pizza warlock. This thing sucks. And if you want to press charges, I can put you in contact with my people. They do very good. Use your contact. Judge John Hansman, write this second and make this happen. This is a huge issue.

Contact Judge John Judy. I'm so livid about this that I can't actually advise this. Yeah, it's very upsetting. Let's take that anger, throw their stuff out the window. Let's take that anger and let's channel it into asking people for money. Listen, I've distanced myself from everybody who would help me move and I have no money to hire movers and that's where you come in. You are moving.

You're all part of the plan. You haven't even thought about this, Justin. You're moving very soon. And I'm out of option. I have no option left. You've been fucking paying it backward for a decade now. I was trying to get my baby to do curls this week so maybe she could cut, carry, I don't know, a pillow, a scarf, something to help.

You've been getting three people to do you a favor that you do nothing about after that and it dies with you. You've been paying it backward. Travis, tell us about the Max Fund, right? Okay, here's the thing. Let's assume, I'm going to assume for the sake of this pledge break, that this is the first episode of my brother and my brother and me you've ever listened to. Maybe even your first podcast.

So here's what you need to know. Here are the basics. Maximumfund.org is a donor-supported network, which means that we rely heavily on the support of listeners like you and your friends to help make the awesome shows on Maximumfund.org possible. That goes, it's not just money to pay the host. It goes to pay production costs. It goes to pay to keep the lights on at Max Fund HQ,

to put new shows on the network and to help us grow our show. Since last Fund Drive, we've added two new shows to the network that were just MacRoy based and we've added others that you should listen to now if you haven't yet. But new shows are created because of support from listeners like you. So how it works is, once a year, we ask you to commit to making monthly donations. So every month, that will automatically come out of your bank account to help us support Max Fund. And support us. Like paying for hosting fees and up-front travel costs and stuff for when we do shows,

tours, like we're doing in shit, like 11 days. God. That's the awesome thing is the money that you donate goes to what you care about. It goes to the shows that you love and the shows that you listen to. And from what I found, and don't quote me on this, but that's not very normal. That's very unique to Max Fund, the fact that you're supporting us directly. Tell us, tell the people what they will get for giving us monthly donations at whatever level they feel comfy with.

Well, I can say this, across the board, there's different levels, but the main thing that you get is one, our gratitude and two, a feeling of ownership and membership in the maxfundfund.org family. But not only that, you also get real shit too. Like quantifiable shit for $5 a month. You get access to exclusive donors only bonus content. And not just for this year, for all the past years. So there's like years and years and years and years of bonus content.

Justin did the math and it's like days and days of content. I want to say there's like five bonus bim-bams on there at this point. Oh, at least. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's a, if you like, if you like my brother, my brother and me, and you donate at least five bucks a month to this year's drive, you donate five bucks a month, you will get a live from a brother, my brother and me recorded at San Francisco sketch. The world's only episode of the extant episode.

That's not on the deep web of big gulp recorded in Los Angeles. A demo of a fugue for brother horns performed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the author of the hip musical, Hamilton, who also did a parody of fugue for 10 horns from guys and all. Wait, that's, that's a, he's a Tony award winner. He's a Tony award winner, folks. We spared no expense. He got the, as we reminded him recently, he's got the, and he is so close to the art.

And if you donate to Max on Fun, you could help him win that Oscar. Yeah. Get him that Oscar. 2014, my brother, my brother, me, bonus episode, 2013, 2012. There's another one from 2012 from Max Fun Day, 2011. There's two riff videos that we did of public service announcements. There's 15 minutes of live from a bim-bam from Austin in 2012. It's, there's a line bottle.

And then there is a 45 minute prequel episode of the adventure zone, which is one of my favorite things we've ever recorded. There's how many saw bones? Two or three? Two or, one. One, two or three. Two, two. Two bonus saw bones.

There's a bonus. Oh, and the bonus saw bones for this year is a full length commentary for the finale of Two and a Half Men. Suck it. Perfect. There's a bonus bunker, buddy. There's bonus episode, there's fucking a lot. If you like Jordan and Jesse go, I can't even imagine how many bonus episodes

that show are, are available. And that's just for $5 a month. So like, that's so much. And, and so for $10 a month, you get that and a drive exclusive tote bag that you're only going to be able to get during Max Fun Drive. And then for $20 a month, you get the tote bag, you get the bonus content, and you get an in-flight power pack that contains a mobile device charger, a collapsible water bottle, and a, and a bacterial wipes and pilot wings.

For $35 a month, you get all of that and a pair of rocket and grave shot glasses. Now I've got the tumblers and they are beautiful. So trust me, you're going to want these shot glasses. Now say you've got a little bit more and you're looking to give it a higher level. Well, for $100 a month, you get everything from the previous levels and you become a member in the inner circle, our monthly culture club. And how that works is once a month, a Max Fun host or a Max Fun employee will pick some kind of cultural thing and they will ship it to you.

It could be a movie, it could be, uh, you know, an album. It could be the album Music Evolution by the awesome band Buckshot LaFonc, which is what we sent all of you. It likely won't be that again. No, I would bet. No, this time it will be their self-titled album, Buckshot LaFonc. And they'll send you a note telling you all about it and send you either a physical copy or a download code or something that you can get a hold of it.

Now say you want to do $200 a month. Holy shit. One, I love you so much. That's where we are at with our billions now. Yes, you get everything else from all the other levels plus free registration to Max FunCon 2016. Let me tell you, this is not only great because it makes good financial sense, but two, that shit sells out so quickly.

You don't even have to worry about it. Take a nap on ticket sale day. Take a dirt nap. Well, don't do that. Just take a log nap. And not only that, get it before. So those are all the levels. You should do that.

Find the level that's right for you and do that. But also, there's a special competition going on right now that if you tweet using the hashtag MaxFunDrive, you're automatically entered in the contest that if your tweet is picked as the best tweet, you'll win a free ticket to Max FunCon 2015. Holy crap. Which has already sold out, has been sold out for months. So there's a lot of different things you can get for donating.

We also have challenge donors who, for every new donor that we get, will kick in a certain amount of cash and all of those. There's a bunch of them at this point and they all add up. So if you're a new donor, then we get another chunk of change from them. And also, if you are an existing donor, you can get these pledge gifts if you upgrade your donation. The cool thing about this, a lot of times if you donate to a group or organization, it's hard to tell exactly where the money is going.

With the Max FunDrive, 70% of your donation goes directly to the shows that you say you listen to. 70% of your pledge goes to help run the network and there's a lot of overhead with running a podcast network, believe you me. But 70% of your donation goes straight to the shows that you listen to. Like you are directly supporting them and that's pretty great. The key is to not wait. There's no reason to wait if you're thinking about it now and you're like,

you know what, I do want to support the shows I listen to. I want to support the shows I love. I've got a little bit extra in my budget and I want to do it. Then go now, maxfunfund.org forward slash donate while you're thinking about it. Don't wait because there's only, by the time this comes out, a couple days left in the Max FunDrive. And you don't want to miss out on these great gifts. You don't want to miss out on our gratitude

and you want to get caught up in the action of Max FunDrive. Help us hit that 4,000 donor goal and get all of the other bonus content that could exist if we do that. Just sail away. Come sail away with us. Wait, can you give me the address one more time? I didn't get a chance to write it down. It's maxfunfund.org forward slash donate and then tweet at us so we can thank you.

After you're done donating, take your game and recognize the game of Rachel Sperling, who sent in this Yahoo answer. Thank you, Rachel Sperling. It's by Yahoo Answers user. They are anonymous. The group? Yep, they said President Obama.

Your secrets. No, they said, is there any science to a nerdgasm? Okay, so I was watching The Flash. Major spoilers for The Flash. And then there's a big spoiler for The Flash here. And I'm going to leave it out because I assume that some people listen. Is it that he runs really fast? Yeah, he runs really fast.

And when I found that out, okay, end of spoiler. I had a crazy nerdgasm. It felt so real. I was wondering if there's any science or research supporting this. I'm sorry, it felt so real? I saw him run so fast and I just blew a huge one. What? It felt so real?

You produced a spew me fluid? Do people never think about what they're putting out into the internet? The implied addendum to it felt so real is, it felt so real. I bet. Yeah, I bet. I bet it felt compared to the real orgasms I've had. It was so real. I'm just wondering if there's any science or research supporting this.

I mean, our scientific complex, our American scientific complex is so crazy, corrupt, hello, global warming that I wouldn't put it past us that we're probably spending, probably subsidizing billions of my taxpayer dollars to pay for scientists to watch episodes of The Flash and then there's a control group that's just jerking off. Is it a nerdgasm? Just like, I got really excited to see a thing that I like. And I just real kids. Has anyone ever thought that that's what a nerdgasm really meant?

I think that we, as a society, are doing something now that we should have done many years ago in officially retiring the phrase nerdgasm from the popular vernacular. Once someone thinks that they have experienced this thing that lazy bloggers made up, probably, once you have people thinking they've experienced this phenomenon that is made up and not real, then it's probably gotten reckless. I mean, it's just a portmanteau, people. Or is it a real scientific phenomenon? Welcome to San Diego Comic-Con.

Here is a mop and bucket. We're going to need you to chip in. Oh my god, the Firefly Panel. If you see something mop something. Yeah. At the Firefly Panel, we had to put down fucking plastic sheets everywhere that you will be wading out of the Firefly Panel. It's a disaster in there.

It's a biological hazard. He said, I came to misbehave and you could literally see it coming out the window. Right. It's really, really bad. A lot of us, you'll just came to came. It's really, really bad. This has been a very bad run of sentences that we've had. I love fairly upsetting things.

A lot of very challenging concepts. But don't you think that this is a bigger indication of the issue of people not understanding what a referent, like when someone says something like, oh yeah, I had a total nerdgasm, that there's some small portion of people that go, what is that? I don't have an ass. Well, maybe we're just like being pretty fucking reckless with language. Maybe if we're going to say something, it should mean that like, this question asker is a kind of adult, but they raise a fine point.

Like, if this doesn't exist, if you can't have a nerdgasm, if you can't have a scientific verifiable nerdgasm, maybe it shouldn't be a thing. Maybe don't like so flip it with language. Yeah. Why don't you just say pleasurable, pleasurable sensation? I got really excited. Or just like, okay. I was watching the flash and I ejaculated for some reason.

And I guess that I ejaculated for solid 20 minutes, not the first two, because I totally saw that coming. But then after the first two minutes, it was a solid like 20 minutes of like a slow orgasm. And then I died. Um, so yeah, it's probably a real thing, right? That's where we all land. I haven't been paying attention for the past 10 minutes, but I think that's where we all landed.

I mean, I could say this. I watched the Avengers trailer and I saw a flash of vision at the end. And I ruined three pairs of pants. Yeah, I actually, I didn't because I haven't been able to have a nerdgasm for the past couple of years. Yeah. That's so hard to say that. I've been taking like nerd hormone like therapy to try and get my stuff right.

And frankly, this is the bravest I've ever felt just sort of talking about it. It's just nothing does it for me anymore. I guess when would you say that like you was the last my last nerdgasm? Oh, that's tough. I remember after seeing Iron Man 2, a movie that Iron Man was not in. And I just sort of dried up down there after just walking out of the theater. I just sort of, it just sort of went fallow. Brothers, I work at a very large company with a very lax dress code.

Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait, this reminds me of something. What's that? A great tweet we got yesterday from, did you guys see this? From Terry Gross, apologizing. Saying, I'm sorry for chomping your flay for so many years. No, we got a tweet about somebody who works. It's from somebody who works. FCC building or like somewhere adjacent.

I don't know. They're in the same complex as the FCC. And they ended up in an elevator with the chairman of the FCC. And this happened to them twice. And he gave the FCC chair a plug from a binbam trying to explain what the show was. And he was listening to you on his phone, I guess, without headphones or what have you. And after explaining the premise, the chairman of the FCC said, oh, it's like click and clack for the modern generation.

That is the most flattering thing that anybody has ever said about our show. Unfortunately, the next day, the FCC did crack down on podcasts. And now we're all being. I was going to say, like Tom Wheeler finds out that our show is also distributed through the internet. He might have to turn around on net neutrality. He's like, well, I wanted to be neutral, but look what you've done. Look at how reckless you've been.

Brothers, I work at a very large company with a very lax dress code. Somebody in my building takes things a bit too far. He never wears shoes or socks. At times, I see him in our cafeteria with naked feet. And even worse, there have been times when I've seen him at the urinal. I quit without any barrier between his feet and everything. Tapping out, tapping out. You guys handle this one alone.

I am how can I need to take a walk? How can I let this very casual acquaintance know that this is not OK, even if it does still fit in our dress code? That's from mortified in Madison. You're going to need to accidentally step on his feet a couple of times. Or just don't worry about it, because I think the staff infection will probably get him. I think he's not super long for this world. This was my RA.

Athletes' foot again? That's the third time this week. Weird. I've got staff on one foot and mercy on the other. How does this keep happening? My foot has smallpox? This doesn't seem to make sense. I have a foot buffet of gross diseases.

Somebody must have nerd gassed him all over this place. This was my RA. A lot of challenging ideas. My freshman year, he was known for always being barefoot, like walking around campus, being outdoors. And I asked him about it eventually, and he was like, you know, at first my feet were real tender, but after a while, they really toughen and leather up, and now it doesn't even bother me anymore.

Because that's what you want. Because that's what you've got to have. Basically, his feet became shoes. I only know one other person that's done this, and it's Bobby McFerrin. I saw an interview with Bobby McFerrin, never wear shoes. He says he wants to have rough feet like a dancer's feet. So Bobby McFerrin never wears shoes. He's no tender foot.

I don't care how rough your goddamn feet are. I don't care if you grow a pair of fucking chucks around them, like they're goddamn foot chitin', you put fucking shoes on, you put on Japanese courtesy sandals before you go to use the urinal. What are you fucking talking about? In the Japanese style, put some goddamn slippers on. Slime foot. Hey, welcome to the company's slime foot.

It's Super Duper Casual Friday. I see you're not wearing pants, but you will put on goddamn courtesy sandals or also fucking fire you. Guys, my favorite contemporary Christian band is slime foot. You beat me to it. Oh my god. This is the grossest and worst thing I've ever heard in my life. I don't care if you walk around and you step on goddamn hedgehog quills all day

and you still don't get the net. You put on fucking Japanese courtesy sandals before you step in front of the urinal. What if you actually piss on your foot? What kind of fucking large company doesn't care that one of its employees isn't wearing shoes? Like how fucking chill. Unless your large company- I mean, the answer to your question, the answer to your question, Travis, is Radio Shack.

Like they're just buying their time, right? It's basically senior year of college in there. Everyone in Radio Shack is a severe case of senior items. I don't care. They're just waiting to graduate through unemployment. If there are- By the way, if you listen to this show and you work at Radio Shack, I'm sure it's going to be working.

Or RVs are- It's going to be great. Any place of business that we make fun of constantly. Um, I don't care if there are dozens of nozzles hooked up to, uh, like propane tanks that just sort of line the bathroom and only one person's inside allowed inside at a time. And then when that person walks out, the room is just sort of blasted.

Just sort of flame blasted to kill every living thing inside of it. And dry up every ounce of spume off the floor. You put Japanese courtesy sandals on before you walk in. I don't care if a fleet of fucking micro-bots scour it. Or those scrubbing bubbles. If those things were actually real and did their thing to completely fucking cauterize this bathroom. You're not wearing any shoes.

That's disgusting. Yeah. Let's get on there or not. Because even we have limits. Like that's the fucking worst mental- I'm thinking- This has ruined my day because now I'm imagining the sensation of getting slimy feet.

Fucking dare you to move slime foot. And I can't- I'm- I literally won't be able to sleep tonight. So thank you for this very much. How chunky is this dude? Like how crunchy is he that he's like, nah man, it's God's feet.

Dog, listen, dog. That's God's piss on the floor. Listen, we all piss. Do- I know we all piss. And it's- We don't talk about it. It's totally natural to get other people's pee-pee

on the bottom of my feet. The office is a flat circle. Just walk around. Just get it, walk around. Doesn't even matter, man. Slip, ruin, wet. You know what I mean, dog? You know what I'm saying?

Why are your feet pretty? It's from the bathroom floor. Cool. Because I stepped in all the piss. This is the worst day of my life. This is the worst day of my life. It all mingles together. Everyone's piss is equal, brother.

My birthday. Okay, you're fired from Radio Shack. Get out. You know there have been moments where someone has walked into the bathroom and seen him with his feet in the sink. Sorry, brother. Sorry, guys.

Sorry, guys. Some gum. Do you think that what happened was this crunchy dude, like, didn't want to go in the bathroom barefoot, but he had committed to this barefoot lifestyle and he was like, I can't back out now. They'll all know that I don't really believe in this. And like he had to make it.

He didn't use the bathroom at work for like the first three months. And I was like, no, I just got to get over it. Or else the other horrifying reality is that this gentleman wakes up every day going, doesn't matter. I don't care. Doesn't bother me at all when I step on.

Think about this. Every office has that one guy that throws half-finished sandwiches on the floor. So think about that guy and the shoeless guy in the same office. They, I bet those two cats do not get along very well. No, they've taped off the office and they're like, you can be barefoot on that side.

I can drop food on this side. Don't cross the line, crunchy dude. I'm tired of getting pastrami toes, bro. You got your feet in my sandwich. You got your sandwich in my feet. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This sucks.

And we both suck. My birthday's in like a month. I want you to get me a fucking eternal sunshine of the spotless mind treatment to erase this episode from my mind. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Yeah, hit me. This Yahoo was sent in by Ira Ray.

Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know? Thank you, Ira Ray. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Wow, Yahoo, your site fucking sucks now. It's been a while since I've railed on Yahoo, but like when your goddamn user names won't even show up, get it fucking together.

Let me refresh, see if that fixes it. No, you just made me waistband with. God damn it, Yahoo. Thank you, Ira Ray. And it's by Mr. User and they ask, how can I glam my tent like glamping, but do it yourself? I am going camping,

and I always see this glamorous camping, but I want to glam up my tent, but not make it cheesy. How can I? Well, we've all been there. Oh, man, I stepped in glam. Gotta start wearing Japanese courtesy sandals. Could you point me to your glam pile, please?

I'm just really looking to glam up my tent. Nope, nope, nope. They're asking for a DIY glamping solution. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on, timeout, timeout's about. Earlier in this episode, we had someone who said that they helped someone move an absolute mountain of things,

and all they got in exchange was a single pizza split between them. Right. Cold pizza, single pizza slice. A single split, yeah. Just now, we had someone who is looking to go DIY glamping, presumably by putting a bunch of electronics and fancy things in their tent.

Are people just sending us parks and rec episode synopsis as question, like, is that where we're at right now? Because this is the second question we've had in this episode that has mirrored a plot line from Parks and Recreation. And you remember that episode where Ron didn't wear shoes and everyone peed all over his feet? Yeah, that one. Ever that hit episode?

This question was asked six years ago. So I think it precedes. This is a rich ARG. Yeah. I can't believe that glamping, that very concept, existed in 2009. How about it probably? I had a hard time believing 2009 existed. Yeah.

Glamping. Glamping. Do you know about glamping, Justin? Yeah, it's basically living in West Virginia, right? Yeah, basically everywhere you are in West Virginia, you are glamping. Or camping. This once again, this tries to be very similar

to the nerd gas in question, because it seems to me to be a failure of language. We're like, if you understand that glamping is glamorous camping, I don't understand where the confusion is. Like, there's not a specific thing you do. It's not like, oh, if you don't have blank, you're not glamping. It's like, OK, great. Get an air mattress.

Like, take shit with you. Like, there isn't a manual to follow to glam. No, but there is a breaking point. There's a tipping point. There's a Malcolm Gladwell tipping point, where you're just housing. Like, you bring too much shit with you. You blade down some plumbing. You put down a toilet.

You bring in your TV. You just moved is what you did. And you built a new house. And you're on the grid. You're not even off the grid anymore. You're on the grid. And you're getting your man. You are the grid.

You're the grid. And you're getting mail there. You're getting all of your Amazon Prime delivered to you there. If you have to call the grid to get set up, then you've probably over glamped. But what if you don't do enough, and now you're just camping? And you're like, well, I brought Tiffany's lamp. And they're like, yeah, but that's all you brought. You got nothing to plug it into.

This is just camping, but delicately. Justin, can I ask when the last time you went camping was? That time that Trav invited us out there, out to camp, and told us he bought a bunch of beer. And then the ranger caught him and made him dump out his beer in front of him. Yeah, that was not a good trip. That was a rough one. We haven't been camping since then. Burned a lot of bridges that day.

Yeah. With the park service, with nature a little bit. You know what? I haven't really thought about it. It is kind of a fucked up priority. If the guy charged with preserving this park is like, I can't have anybody getting drunk in here. But if you want to go ahead and dump two gallons of Michelob here into the unspoilt wilderness,

then that would probably be fine. There's probably some. If you're going to get drunk, Mother Earth is going to get drunk. Get it down. I bet some birds probably got real fucked up that day. Last time I went, well, the thing that happened is the thing that happens every time I go camping, which is somehow I just get diarrhea out there and it just sort of happens every time I go out there.

So my ideal glamping solution does not involve bedazzling my flaps. It does involve just finding out, just sort of figuring out what's going on in my tract when I get all natural and stuff. I don't know. I don't know how I can counteract that with like modernity, which is the secret of glamping. But I do wish that I could. I don't know.

Maybe I just have a doctor on him. Maybe that's my glamp procedure. Is it still camping if you go and stay in like a prebuilt cab anything? No, no. Now it's just hotelling, right? If the structure, okay. If the structure existed before you got there, you are not camping or glamping, I would say. I think if you if you've set up your structure, you can fairly call it glamping no matter what

you do after that point. Like if you set up a tent outside your house, you're still camping. What if you just knocked down a wall of your house and put up some flaps? Yeah. Well, that's an idea. What if you built like a tent and then you just put up a bunch of like trash bags to make a tunnel connecting the tent to your house? That would be like, you would never be in the tent.

You would just have the option there available to you. The tent is there. Right. It's tent adjacent. I could be sleeping out there. There's a lot of pill bugs. I don't like that. No.

Or any bugs really, if you think about it. Not a big fan of bugs. But every time Griffin sleeps in the tent, he does get diarrhea. It's guys? Am I allergic to like vinyl housing? What happened? Is it just the knowledge that there is no bathroom close by that just sours me? What goes on?

If Griffin looks through mesh, he has to get it. Maybe that might be it. The sound of crickets, if too loud, the frequency resonates with my tract in a way that I do not understand, but I do not appreciate. I'll tell you what's going to help me glamp. Yep. Having a full-time doctor just come with me. And in order to have someone like that in my retinue, I'm going to need a lot of money.

How are you going to get a lot of money at this hour? Well, I was thinking. I could either just sort of go door to door asking people to give me money and I will explain to them all about my woods diarrhea. Or I can channel our listenership to see if they'll chip in a few bucks a month and help us out, help support the podcast. I promise I won't spend it on natural woods doctors. We will spend it on expanding the show and doing all kinds of cool stuff

with the donations and supporting the Maximum Fun Network. If you go to maximumfund.org slash donate, it's very, very easy. In just a couple of minutes, you'll be able to get set up and then you don't have to think about it. Again, it just automatically pops out of your whatever card you set up to give us donations. And you can really help us out to grow and try and do cool new stuff. We got some cool stuff we want to do with the show and we need your support if we're going to follow through with it. So if you are able to kick in $5 a month, you will get a

shit gaggle of exclusive bonus content that is only going to go out to donors for this year. And every year prior for every show on the network, it's crazy. There's dozens and dozens of episodes of podcast for you to listen to. If you chip in $10 a month, you will get a drive exclusive tote bag. You can put anything in that tote bag. There's no camera installed in the tote bag to tell you what you can't and can't put in it. Because you're an adult now and you have the freedom to decide what to put in your own goddamn tote bags.

There's no tote bag law yet. No, not yet. No gods or kings only tote bags. Listen, this is our last pledge break of this of this Maxfun drive. And this is your last chance to say, hey, these shows are worthwhile. These shows are worth doing. These shows are worth making. The people who make these shows the maximum fun drive jokes aside, not getting rich doing it.

Mainly just kind of do it because it's fun. We would be recording this show with much worse equipment and much cheaper hosting. And probably more infrequently, even without you folks. But it is a sort of society that we form for ourselves. The way you vote anymore is with your money. And if you like the stuff that we're doing here on Maxfun, this is the way you say, hey, I want more of this stuff. Like we've talked about before, the reason we did another show,

the reason we started the Adventure Zone was because a lot of people said, hey, I want this. I want you guys to do that. And people who listen to that show have been coming in in droves, I think, to donate to the Maxfun drive. And if you like what we're doing here and you want it to keep going and you want more of it, this is the way that you make that happen. And I also want to say that every year since we joined, my brother and my brother and me listeners have really brought it to the Maxfun drive.

And it always makes me feel really honored. And I just really appreciate it. And I just want to say thank you. So go to maxfunfund.org slash donate. Pick a level that works for you, $20 a month. You get the in-flight power pack with the mobile device charger, collapsible water bottle, antibacterial wipes and pilot wings, $35 a month.

You get the rocket and grave shot glasses, $100 a month. You get to be in the inner circle, which is our culture club, where we will send you cool cultural stuff that we like. $200 a month. You get the free registration for MaxfunCon 2016. But you don't have to do $200 a month. Obviously, that's a big ask. You just do what feels comfortable for you.

Do $5 a month is like what? Like one Starbucks cup of coffee. If you're comfortable with it and that price makes sense to you for what you get out of our shows, just think about it. maxfunfund.org slash donate. And if you're already a donor and maybe you started at $5 a month in the past and you're like, you know what?

I feel like I could give a little bit more. Upgrading donors count towards our numbers as well. And we appreciate any amount you can give. And also, we understand that sometimes you can't afford to give it all. And I think everyone's been there at some point in their lives. And that's totally cool. What you can do is make sure you tweet about the drive. Talk to your friends.

Tell the people you know that listen to our shows and other shows on the Maxfun network. And say like, hey, have you given Maxfun Drive yet? And like getting the word out, talking about it on Facebook and Twitter, it's the best thing you can do to help get people on board with it. And say like, hey, check out these shows, listen to this thing, and then help support them. We appreciate everything you guys do to get the Maxfun Drive as successful as it is.

Yeah. Thank you all so, so much. And then tell us about it so we can thank you. Yeah, absolutely. Question. When is the right time to throw out a pair of underwear? Should you be waiting until it's unannoyably unrecoverable and ripped and stained? What if they're mostly serviceable with only a small tear or a small mark?

Oh, God. Or just a bit fake? Man, it's a challenging episode. I don't want to be wasteful, but I also don't want to be economical to the point of being disgusting. That's from Pantsless and Perry. That's from Matthew Perry. He's a dirty boy with dirty undercurrents.

When should you put your underwear onto the ice flow and send it out to the death? Shoot it with a flaming arrow as it, oh, gosh. I think rule of thumb is if you would be embarrassed for somebody else to see your underwear, you should throw it right away. But don't, but don't, but don't we all have one or two pairs at the bottom of the rotation that's just like, ah, I didn't have time. That's one that has an ink stain from where the pen broke in my pocket. Like, ah, it's three weeks since the last time I did laundry.

I'm going to wear old ink staining. For Christmas one year, daddy got me, which this story is troubling now that I think about it, that my daddy is keeping me in underwears. But daddy got me a pair of Xbox branded underwear that has the Xbox logo all over it and on the front it says game and on the back it says on. And that pair of underwear, first of all, I should have shot with a flaming arrow while dad had it in his hands handed to me for Christmas. It would have been very dangerous because my dad is allergic to flaming arrows.

But I should have just blown it sort of straight out of his hands right there and then. But I did not. Instead, it has served as like my blue line on the toothbrush head to let me know that it's time to do laundry. Because if I get down to wear my Xbox boxers, I should have done laundry two or three days ago. I have allowed myself to get- It's almost too late. It's a punishment. I have allowed myself to get to a point where I have no clothes left

because all of them have my natural stink sort of boiled into them. And now I have to have the shame and embarrassment of when I bend over to pick up, you know, a wee nun chuck while my friends are over and then they see game on my boxers and they say, what is that a ball about? And I have to explain, these are my daddy Xbox boxers. Can I just say that if in speaking about your underpants, the word stand enters into it, they should have been gone before you emailed us. Here's my, here's a yardstick.

Here's a good yardstick. If you saw those underwear lying on the ground outside, would you throw them in the trash? If so, it's probably pressing. Well, hold on, Justin. If you saw on what's the other side- No, let him finish his terrible, terrible, terrible example. If you saw these underwear outside and you're like, look where I dust these bad boys off. Oh, jeez.

I can't get a few miles out of them. Then I think it's probably okay. I will say this. Now, hold on, Justin. If I see some me undies laying on the ground outside, I do not care the quality of them. I will resuscitate them back to life. It will not require much work because they are stain-proof, tear-proof, moisture-proof. When the apocalypse happens, I'm going to build a bunker out of me undies

and I will be the only living man after that. That's how you go glamping. You're wearing me undies. Yeah, for sure. Welcome to me undies, family time, fun time hour. It's so, it's, wow, it's not moist in here at all. Yeah, I know. I know exactly what I was doing when I started this.

You're welcome. When is the, God, I just, I've got a pretty hair trigger for this stuff now. One of these days I'll throw away my Xbox Boxers. Maybe that'll be our 4000 donor bonus is I will just sort of, how about if we reach 4000 and you make a video of you shooting them with a flaming arrow? Yeah. Can you guarantee that?

Or a calendar with the three of us all wearing them at the same time? What? How do they do this? Let's just, let's just do the flaming arrow thing. I think that once you start to develop holes, that is definitely out. Then they're definitely gone, especially around the waistband. I think that that, you start to get like the waistband pull away, then they've got to go. And I find that it's like a chain reaction, right?

Because the first like a couple years ago when I, and it really helped dating Teresa and her going, Oh, you need to throw those away. Like your balls are hanging out. Get rid of those boxes where once I started doing that, and I was like, Oh, I should just keep doing this. I should just throw away the bet. And then I started like going through my socks and being like, Okay, these socks are like ready to go and throw away.

And it's this wonderfully adult. So then you re-gift them and you give them to your cousin and say, Now you can have these gross underpants and socks. Now these are yours. I have to go. I have a lot of grinder business to get to. Time is a flat circle. Travis, you mean, sorry.

I got a circle back to something speaking flat circles. You did mention that your balls are hanging out your boxers. I am curious how you get holes in the front of your boxers. Is your dick a werewolf? No, no, this was in the, in the taint of the boxers. We're done here. Oh, another great episode of my brother. That'll be $30, please.

Time to wipe off the grease paint. One last time, maximumfund.org. First slash donate is please, please, please help us out. We joke about being rich, but that was just a bit for the show. And you can keep those bits coming if you go donate at maximumfund.org. First slash donate, chip in whatever you can. You know, we don't charge for the stuff on the network because we think people who want it to keep coming will,

will pay money to make sure that that happens. So please take a moment right now. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't regulate. Just go maximumfund.org. First slash donate. Tickets are still on sale for our Chicago show,

for our Midwest mini tour. If you want to go to that, just go to bit.ly, forward slash mbmbamchicago, and you will find a ticket links there. If you are going to one of the shows, either in Minneapolis, Milwaukee, or Chicago, make sure you send us an email with the name of the city that you're going to the show in, in the subject line and let us know. So we can answer your question in a live studio environment.

Don't forget to tweet using the maxfundrive hashtag, so you can be entered to win that free tick to maxfund.com. And if you can fit it in, throwing in the maximumfund.org slash donate link would also be great. Or the mbmbam hashtag because like, it'd be great to know that was one of our people that won that thing. And if you have any ideas for a tattoo, I can get to celebrate our 2500 donors.

Well, you know, I've been thinking about it. I am putting it off. I've been putting it off. I've been putting, what better time? So if you have an idea for one, tweet at me and let me know. And then when the drive is over, I will let everyone know what I've gone with. And then I'll post all kinds of pictures when I get it. Do they get to decide on the part of your body it goes on to?

Dick. Well, I don't think so, only because too many people I think would jokingly say face. And I'm not going to do that. Yeah. Would it be better? Could you, could you get one on your piece that said welcome aboard? So instead of its mbmbam references,

the down periscope reference, would that be better? Well, I think that most people are clamoring for more down periscope references. So maybe what I, the two I'm thinking about right now is middleist in very flowing script. And then either that or a cartoon ghost horse. Please just wow Travis with the design. And maybe he'll get that.

I don't know. Sounds good to me. Also, while the drive is going, go listen to the other maximum fun shows. We do other shows. Justin does a medical history show called Saw Bones with his wife, Sydney. Travis does a show called Bunker Buddies with his buddy, Andy.

And the three of us do the adventure zone with our dad, which is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast that. We just had a Bunker Buddies, Saw Bones crossover episode where Sydney came on to talk to us about plagues and global plagues. Oh, that's awesome. It was very, very fun and very informative. I highly recommend it. So check it out.

But go listen to the other shows of the network too. Jordan, Jesse, go stop podcasting yourself, throwing shade. Rendered is a really good one. I've been listening to that one a lot. You are, I promise you will really dig rendered. So check that out. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie.

That we talked about early in the show. Flophouse. Flophouse, Pop Rocket. There's infinity shows. And they're putting out their best stuff during the drive. So go listen to it. Did you thank Tom Rodger? No, will you do it?

Thanks, Tom Rodger. And long winners for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album for the days to bed. Thanks again to Lin-Manuel Miranda for the, for the bonus song, The Fugue for Brotherhorns. And if you're in New York in like the summer, go see Hamilton. It's amazing and it's great. From this summer through the end of time,

because that show is going to be the biggest goddamn thing ever. It's absolutely astonishing and very like the best thing I've ever seen. So yeah, you're going to, you're going to dig that. Griffin, do you have a final Yahoo? Yeah, it's a, this final Yahoo was sent in by Zoey Kinski. Thank you, Zoey. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Time Lordess.

Finally, the goddamn website loaded. Who asks? Not actually a question. James Spader? I'm Justin McIlroy. I'm Justin McIlroy. Travis McIlroy. Griffin McIlroy.

This has been my brother and my brother and me, future dads wear on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. We're Dave and Graham and we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. We started this podcast back in 2008

before podcasts had to have any kind of concept. So we don't really know how to describe it. It's kind of like going to the barber shop. If your barber knew all about the first season of the show, Elf. It's like a 90 minute massage where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person. It's like the monsters of metal tour. Only quieter, no music and just talking.

It's like a make out session, but without the lips touching they just talk a lot. Download Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or Maximumfun.org.