My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 245: Bro's Better, Bro's Best Ch. 62-71

Episode Date: March 30, 2015

With Justin moving to an entirely new residence this week, we've compiled another best-of episode for you to reminisce over. Remember the good times? Remember Skulljockeying? Because, like, we don't remember saying this stuff at all. 7:20 - Giant Scott Bakula 13:30 - Earth Girls are Easy and in Submarines 17:15 - Capri Sun on my Jam-Jams 18:18 - Ladyzoo 20:40 - Ghostbustin' 24:40 - Beaches, The Book of the Movie 27:30 - Cool Urinal Usage 41:54 - Spanking Parties 46:10 - Horse Quotes 52:40 - Dean's Office Sex 54:08 - Baby Law 57:13 - Tree Sex 1:01:59 - Screaming Nursery 1:04:27 - A Text from Our Dad 1:05:44 - Skulljockey

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy, no way. No way, hold on. Hold up. I am your middleist and now current oldest brother on the show. Oh, shit. Justin is, do you want to say your name? Oh, I'm Travis McElroy. Thank you. Justin's actually moving this week into a new house in

beautiful Huntington, West Virginia. Into a new palatial estate? It is. Joking aside, it's a massive place that he bought entirely with your Maxfun Drive donations. Thanks, suckers. What you didn't know was Justin was going to use that money to buy a house, gotcha. A house is really the ultimate production equipment you can have, isn't it? He's put up a lot of baffling. Yeah, it's where all your shit is. That house is 100% baffling. Justin won't be able to record this week because internet in Huntington is already pretty shoddy and when relocation is involved, it's just not a possibility. We got a best of episode for you this week. What do we call them? Bros Better Bros Best? Bros Better Bros Better Bros Best, I think.

I don't think there's a third one in there. I think I suggested that as a goof for the first one and I can't fucking believe it's still something we do whenever we run out of material. So, yeah, apologies for not having a new episode. I know it's kind of lame right after the Maxfun Drive, but Justin's got to move and we're actually under kind of a tight timetable anyway because we are leaving here in just a few days to begin our first mini tour. We're going to be visiting. We're very excited about it. Super psyched. Not our last mini tour. Maybe one day we'll do a mid-sized tour. Maybe get up the gumption. And then we'll do a fun-sized tour. Uh-huh. And then we'll do one show every other day for like a month. So we couldn't even be called a tour.

Right, exactly. Yeah, we're going to Minneapolis, Milwaukee, and Chicago this week. We're very, very excited. If you're going to those shows, make sure to send us questions to mbmbamatmaxfun.org. And make sure to put the city you'll be at in the subject line. Yes, absolutely. We want to hear from you. If you've never been to a show before, we do have some audience questions that we do. It's a lot of fun. We're really looking forward to seeing everybody in the Midwest. If you're in the rest of the country, don't get too comfortable. We're coming at you. Coming for you. And thanks again, thanks again to everybody who donated to the Maxfun Drive. It was by far like, it's almost ridiculous to say our most successful Maxfun Drive

ever. Because I think it was like all of the Maxfun Drive donors put together since we joined the network. It was ridiculous. It's insane. Thank you all so much. It's very flattering and humbling to say the least. So yeah, we got a best of episode for you. What's the episode range? Travis, you're the one putting this one together. This is 62 to 71. Ah, yes, the golden age. Mm-hmm. The golden era of my brother and my brother and me. Cool. Travis, do you want to talk about your tat before we get going? Oh, yeah. I got my brother and my brother and me tattooed. Did you cry? Did you cry a little bit? I did not, Griffin. Thank you very much.

But it did hurt like a mother. Yeah, that's tender skin. Yeah, the first, here's what most people don't know about getting a tattoo. Everyone's like, oh, do tattoos hurt? They don't at first. And like at first you're like, oh, okay. I can kind of get down. I understand what this feeling is. And then like two hours later, it's just like your same area has just been pummeled by a needle for two hours. A tender, a succulent area. By the way, Travis, you really should have asked me about the placement of the tattoo, the location, because, you know, I have a claim on those sweet sweet ribs. Oh, I know, Griffin, but I made sure that the meat was not damaged. How did that? Travis said I actually have a deal where if we're ever stranded in a life-or-death situation,

I'm allowed to eat his amazing delicious ribs. I have no idea where that spawned from, but that's like, that's been going for a long time. That's canon. That's canon. That's canon. I want to eat those sweet ribs. That's true. Anyway, God, there's only two of us, and we've only been going for a couple of minutes, and we've already like gone completely wildly off track. If you want to see a picture of that tattoo, I'm going to post it on our Facebook group. My brother, my brother and me, just search that on Facebook and you'll find it. It's really beautiful. It was designed for me by Diana Nock. You should go check out her webpage in Trabid Girlbot and read her comics and see all of her amazing art. I also wanted to say thank you to Graham at the Purple Panther tattoo

in Los Angeles. He did it for me, and it was lovely and wonderful. I highly recommend the shop. Was it clean? Was it a clean shop? It was so clean, so wonderful, so much fun. Everyone there was super nice. That's my main concern is like every time I see a tattoo shop in movies, it's always like there's a drug dealer dying somewhere, and there's like a knocked over candy. No, no mountain dew on the ground. It's very clean. There's a skeleton. There's like two skeletons. All the mountain dew was upright. There were skeletons, but I think they were purely decorative. I also want to say thank you to Travis Dixon, my friend who went with me, and filmed it all. So I'm actually going to have a video of me getting the tattoo.

And what is the tattoo? You haven't said it yet. Oh, it's a beautiful Are you looking at it right now to check? You forgot what it was already? It's on my ribs. I can't see it. I was trying to think of the word because I think the word is like raring, but when like a horse is like raised up. Rearing. Yeah, rearing. A rearing stallion with a banner middleist across it, and it's glorious and majestic. So majestic. Is it like mid dressage? Yes, and it's also huge. It's about like seven inches high. Holy shit. It's pretty big. Okay, that we've prattled for long enough. Thank you all for listening. Thank you all so much for donating. We'll be back in a little bit to tell you about some of our wonderful sponsors.

So we will see you on the other side. So I recently moved into a part with two other wonderful people and trying to come up with a name to refer to it as the ranch, the old place, but nothing is really stuck. My roommate, my roommate and me are getting desperate. Help us, that's from Tom. I think that the ranch and the old place and like the commune and stuff, that's pretty cool. But let me pitch this. What about like an old timey southern plantation name? Oh, wow. Like if you call that like Bel Rouge. Oh my god. I love that. This is my home, Lacroix. Can we just name the house a person's name and then have it sort of be a character in their story? Like this is Steve's the house? This is Dennis. This is my house, Dennis. It's very spacious.

And then you pretend like it's like haunted and you talk to it and like, Dennis, it's cold in here. Wait, is Dennis your butler? Well, it's more like a house spirit. Dennis, your spirit has, your ectoplasm has given me a chill. How can you ever move though? Yeah, you leave Dennis behind. Gotta burn it down. Dennis, as with all friendships, when you have to leave one of your friends, you must kill them. If I can't have you know I can, Dennis. Can they name it? Scott Bakula? Can they name the house Scott Bakula? This is my house, America's, America's Treasury. Scott Bakula. Scott Bakula. I live in him. Hold on. I live inside Scott Bakula. Can we take it to the next level? Okay. Can the three of you, assuming you're not on a long lease,

that you would be penalized for leaving, can you just go live inside of Scott Bakula? Like inner space style? Like inner space style live in his guts. Are you saying they need to invent shrinking technology? Technology. Where do you live? Just send that letter straight to Scott, just PO box Scott. And I've attached some nodes and stuff to his eyeballs so I can read it too. Don't read my mail, Scott. That's weird. All these letters just keep getting mailed to me, but it just says Scott on it. Oh, that's mine. Just eat the letter. I'll get it. If I can control Scott Bakula's body from the inside, starting inner space, quantum leap to day one. You guys don't even know. Leap it again. You're like, oh boy, here I go again.

There are tiny people in my body making me make this poor decision. Scott Bakula's manager would get a call and he said, hi, is this a manager? Yes. This is definitely Scott Bakula. These definitely aren't people inside of Scott Bakula. So wait, wait, wait. This is gone from living in Scott Bakula to controlling it like meat Dave style. Yeah. Like your inside Scott Bakula's head piloting. Exactly. That's exactly the situation. Can you put me in a TV show? What kind? Quantum leap was pretty good. You know how we've been itching to start on quantum leap to the sequel to a TV show? That thing that, of course, people do all the time. If they're

breaking back talents, can't they bring back? I mean, they wouldn't call it quantum leap too. I think they could just call it quantum leap. Quantum leap colon some more. As everyone knows, he took a brief sabbatical and never returned home. He's still out there leaping. That show had a very ambiguous ending. I'm saying it's up to us to shrink ourselves, lift and Scott Bakula's body and control him to create quantum leap too. Still leaping. Yep. Leaped again. How much money, how much salary do you want me to push for, Scott? Just the regular, regular amount. However much I normally get shows. Can we three times that money? Can we triple it and then split it with your and then shrink it? I got a lot of mini mouths to feed. I have mini mouths to feed. I mean,

by which I mean tiny mouths that live inside me. Can we make Scott Bakula giant so that we can have easier? You're saying not shrink down, we just blow up Scott Bakula. Oh my god, you guys have just set up a reality where we can have a battle between giant Scott Bakula and giant gonorrhea. That's one of them. Waging a war. Like laser shooting out of his eyes. He's leaping. Although I don't know why he would have laser technology. He's just big Scott Bakula. Well, you know, bigger. Why not? I mean, if you're going to shoot for the stars, shoot for the stars. Yeah. Don't limit yourself here. We got a dream big. So we're all going to go to Scott Bakula, get inside at once. And what if we just gave Scott Bakula the antibodies to fight gonorrhea and then you

would live inside him and be cured? Oh, okay. So he's like an incubator. He's like a water slide, is what you're saying. Like every person on earth would have to go through Scott Bakula's body and then they would be free of diseases. I don't understand what you're saying. Yeah, Scott Bakula needs to eat everybody. That's what I'm telling you. Giant Scott Bakula, not regular Scott Bakula. So to answer your question about what to name your apartment, Scott Bakula should eat everybody in the world. Glad that we could help with that one. Giant Scott Bakula. Sorry, I meant to say giant Scott Bakula. If regular Scott Bakula eats people, he's a, he's hand-elected. Oh, and then so he absorbs all the gonorrhea and then flies into space and explodes saving everyone on earth

but sacrificing himself. This rain is really weird. It smells like Scott Bakula and gonorrhea in a rain form. Why did we come out today? I share Travis's Netflix account. I have it hooked up to my my ps3 so I can use his account to watch movies and the recommendations that pop up are probably my favorite thing like on the planet. Here's, here's more movies like Earth Girls Are Easy. Thanks, dude. Thanks, Netflix. To be fair, the funny thing is I love really terrible 80s movies and Gryffin loves horror movies. So the recommendations that they come up with is some of the most twisted shit I've ever seen. It usually just gives up. It's like, fuck it, you get kangaroo jack. Watch it.

I hate you guys. You brought my computer brain. I love, I love those recommendations though because it's like, here's some movies like Earth Girls Are Easy. Cocoon. Well, I'm not actually sure that that's 2001 is Space Odyssey. Netflix just because it has space in it. That's not, there's two different things. And also to be fair, real quick, while we're talking to Netflix, I've noticed Netflix that sometimes they'll say shit like recommendations. If you liked Earth Girls Are Easy, check out Earth Girls Are Easy. That's some weak ass shit, Netflix. Netflix, are you sure that I'll like that? Oh, that reminds me. Have you seen Earth Girls Are Easy? I have, Netflix. You know I have. Netflix, I watched it on you. I used you to watch it. You know that. You know this truth.

Can we go see Earth Girls Are Easy? We can't because we just did. Seconds ago. I got a theatrical cut. That's the same one. I watched that one with you. You loved it. This one has even more Jeff Goldblum sex scenes. And he's furry in them. And how about you like that? Oh, you like furry Jeff Goldblum sex movies? Because Earth Girls Are Easy. Perfect. Hey, have you seen DOS Boot? Let me start it up. What the fuck? This is Earth Girls Are Easy again. You just changed the picture. You changed the fuck, right? Actually, now that I've examined it here, I can see where you've just hastily scribbled DOS Boot and crayon over the Earth Girls Are Easy box. And then just darken everything so it looks like it's in a submarine. I was trying to watch the pianist, but I see that you went ahead and you

just loaded up Earth Girls Are Easy. By the way, if someone makes an Earth Girls Are Easy sequel in a submarine, like I would be Earth Girls Are Easy and oh my god, there's so much water, that Earth Girls Are Easy and deeply submerged, like I would watch that. I would watch that movie, I think. Who would be, okay, who would be the aliens? Like before it was Damon Wayans, Jeff Goldblum, and Jim Carrey, who would be like... Oh, Christ, that's such a power pack. That's like the... I mean, you gotta assume... That's like the new Hollywood rap pack, right? You gotta assume that shepherd weasels his way in there, right? You gotta get two scoops of Dax. Gotta get Dax up in there. See, I think Jonah Hill's too big now. Jonah... Oh, he wouldn't fit in the

submarine. Idiot. Asshole. I think Dax Shepard, I think that I think the DL Hugley could use a job. I need one more. Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey, Dax Shepard, and DL Hugley learn that Earth Girls Are Easy and also underwater pretty deeply. They learn how to steer submarines and also how to please a woman. Bring a backup diaper, because who's that driving the submarine? It's Carrey Top. Oh, God, this is a good movie. When does this come out? I really do want to see it. What are you even saying? Are you saying Little Brother's going through fire or puberty? What are you saying? Hey, Mike. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna watch some U-Gio U-Down.

You gotta check this Saturday morning lineup. We got U-Gio. We got Phineas and Ferb and SpongeBob. It's fucking sick. It's fucking killer. I spilled Capri's son on my Jam Jams. Fuck. My whole scene is fucked, Mike. Hey, Mom, throw my Jam Jams in the dryer. Got Capri on them again. Fuck. This wouldn't be so frustrating if I knew how to jerk it. Fuck this. Fuck everything. I wish I was three again. She was so easy back then. I like your idea that banks are lady zoos. That's what they are. They're lady zoos. You go through the drive-thru, you get to see a lady.

You pay your deposit, you pay your APR, and you get to see ladies in prison. Yeah, anybody could use an automatic tele-op machine for anything. You know why you don't? It's because you're going to go see a lady in a prison and you're going to think, all right, I should ask her out. You're going to treat yourself to a little midday alternate reality fantasy about this girl, but you're just stop it. Just go use the tele-machine. Why do you want an extra interaction? I don't get it. I don't get it. So I think somewhere in there we've decided it's not a good idea to ask that. I think we've decided that anybody in any service industry, you should not,

you should not court. Leave them alone. They're working. Leave them alone. Can you just leave them alone? I'll tell you what, here's the message you're sent. Let's talk about first impressions for a second. You order a pizza. So this person knows two things about you. One, you pay for it. And two, you don't cook. So that's not a good start. That's not a good scene. No, it's not a good start. Plus, plus, plus, you have to decide this so quickly. Do you know absolutely nothing about them? No, nothing about them. It's like, it's like mystery day. You look at them for five seconds like, uh, uh, uh, I have to make a split second decision and you do too.

What's with the science right now? We're making connections. You guys don't believe in love at first sight? No. Not when she's driving a shitty rusted out dodge dart and holding the pizza box. Why can't you fall in love with a girl driving? Like you said. Josh, you're throwing a lot of hate. You're throwing a lot of hate this app. I'm just saying that you know nothing about her. She knows nothing about you. I have built entire marriages out of less information than you like pizza and don't like driving to get pizza. You're now with Hawaiian. That must mean you're mysterious, cultured, and you have a sophisticated ballot. Can I appreciate the intermingling,

the delicate dance of salty and sweet? But not to not familiar. Do ghosts see you when you are having sex or when you are using the toilet? I think my house is haunted and I don't mind, but I was thinking that if it was my dead granddad or anyone else I know who has died, then it'd be embarrassing if they saw me naked or doing things with my husband or on the toilet. Hey dummy, here's the thing. Let's play into the premise that your house is haunted with your granddad. Do you think that in the ethereal plane he's really super duper worried about

what you're doing on the toilet? Yeah, that'd be really weird of your grandpa. Was your grandpa like a nasty freak? Is that like something you do? Like poke his head in ghost head style? Like what's going on in here? Sorry, I didn't realize. I won't keep you. If he was a nasty gramps in real life, then I have no reason to believe he won't be a nasty gramps in the afterlife. The idea of a ghost is that after they die, they had unfinished business. If his unfinished business is to peep on you while you're doing it or hitting the toilet, then... If his unfinished business is your unfinished business, then... I can't move on until I watch you do. I can't move on until you make a movement.

I would watch people fuck all the time as it goes, so... Eat your ghost popcorn. What is this question? Of course they fucking do. Are ghosts not allowed to watch you fuck? If you have sex in a room with a ghost in it, the ghost is like, oh, gotta go. This is awkward. Are they just colorblind? They can't see naked people? Don't be a child. Of course ghosts are watching you have sex all the time. You're not allowed to believe in ghosts and hauntings and also believe that ghosts aren't gonna watch you fuck and use the bathroom, because of course they do. The reason the rest of us are out here in fucking same town is because that idea is too creepy. I can't even begin to believe that there are not only ghosts,

but they're watching me do. Do you know why it's creepy? Almost a trillion people have walked the earth. Almost one. Really let that number sink in. A trill of people have walked the earth. The space is gotta be, we are just kind of like a whole lot of ghosts. So what you're saying is the chances that when I am shooting a duke, there is a ghost not only watching me, but occupying the same space that I am. I'm in you, under you. You are shooting at a ghost. You are not only having sex with your wife, you're having sex with like three to four ghosts that are happening in the same space as your wife. We need to deal with this astral infestation. It's really bad. Many of them have gone to hell for watching people use the bathroom. That's the secret about ghosts,

like that's the one rule of ghosts is that you get to walk the earth, but if you watch people have sex or make a BM, or if you actually see a penis or a boob, you go to hell in silly. There's no appeal. I'm suggesting that we can really get rid of these trillian ghosts if we all just walk around with our dicks out. My ghosts. What are you doing? They'll say as I walk down the street with my dick out and I'll just say ghost busted. Busted makes you feel good. Busted makes you feel good, which explains how fully erect I am. Don't mind me. What are you doing? I'm killing ghosts. Well, it makes me feel good. It's finally happened. Finally happened. Griffin's chasing ghosts around with his penis. So did you guys hear Ray Parker, Jr. got locked up for public exposure? We got a

button. We got to get him out. He's the only one who can stop me. There's a joke about me calling my penis slime right here. Give me a second. Okay, we'll just take a break. Okay. Is there anything really wrong with being a character, though? If you name any literary character such as anything from Eat, Pray, Love to the Goblet of Fire, I will impersonate that character. Mystic pizza. Mystic pizza? Oh, that's some spooky pepperoni. Pass the insight. Okay. Um, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Hey, come back here. Hey. Hey. Hey. I'm all skin and undies down there. Come on back. I don't know how we can, how she can use this. She can't just walk around without pants and say, hi, I'm Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants because then. So I got any

other, you got any other characters for me or? All mine are empowered female groups. Divine secrets of the sisterhood, fried grand tomatoes. This is all I got. These are crunchy yet sour. I just learned about growing up. Beaches. What? Beaches and or Moonstruck. Beaches. Moonstruck, I have not seen. Beaches, when beneath my wings? That's all I know. You got stomped. That was not good. I'm not sure. Beaches was trivia. Okay. Was Beaches a book though? I have a literary mind. I thought you were all into books now. You have a stake in them. Um, it proves me Beaches was a book. I have to believe that there is a book adaptation of the film Beaches and I have to believe that I won all the book prizes that books can win.

Best book based on Beaches. And now the 1997 Best Book Award goes to Beaches, the book of the movie with Bette Midler. You can only read it once because once you get to the end, your tears have soaked the book through. Just throw it away. Buy a new Beaches book. Buy two Beaches book. I need your money. Mark Twain, come on up here and accept this award. I'm glad he came out of retirement to write Beaches, the book of the movie with Bette Midler. This Yahoo was sent in by Mike Bernstiel. Thank you, Mike. It's by Yahoo. It's a pretty cool name. Huh? Pretty cool name. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Now that you mention it, it is a pretty cool name. It's by Yahoo answers using PDF Ghost, who says, what are some good ways to look cool at the urinal?

I'm trying to seem cool at work when I'm at the urinal lately while I'm peeing. I've been putting my hands in my pockets. I've thought about resting my elbow on the wall and putting my head against my hand. Just kind of chilling, acting like it's not even a big deal and I'm peeing. NBD. Any other ideas? It's not like I'm trying to hook up with any dudes. I just want people to think, man, that's a chill dude and everyone has to go to the bathroom. So that's where you see the widest variety of people. Bring your office chair with you and just kind of recline. Oh, God, yes. Just roll in there like, what's up? Chill and chill, dude. Oh, and go to the tiny kids urinal. And you know, just like leaning back in your chair and hit it. It looks huge. You have a

Mai Tai in your hand. I don't know how cool your office is, but if you can have a Mai Tai in your hand while you pee from your chair into a child's urinal while your boss watches you, if you can do it hands-free and put both hands up and a gesture that says, what the fuck? It's summer. Chill, dude. And maybe like hang 10. Yeah. And you're just like, if you can do some wall push-ups while you're doing it, like get that, get diesel, get pumped. Is it too complicated to do a touchdown dance? As you're like, when you're done or what? Like as you're doing it. Yeah. I mean, it seems like a premature celebration. Yeah. You don't know how long it's going to go or what if you're gonna go that dribble? If you do a bad job of it. Can you plank?

Oh, you could if you had those like wall divider things and you just laid across them. And you touch your wormy in one of the toilets while you aim down, while you plank on it and you pee straight down. But if there are other people in that bathroom, I mean, if there are other people at the other urinals that you're planking on, that's going to be a scene. That's going to be a whole ordeal. And what if they got one of those big pee troughs? I think there's laying in the trough. That would be perfect. I've seen some people at a Cubs game that just go to sleep in that trough. Daddy, is he planking? Like no, son. No, son. He's half dead. That's JB. He got pee around him. Although, although if you were to look cool, pee on another guy.

Who's the boss? Who's the boss? Oh, wait, you are the boss of this company. I'll go clean out my desk. Sorry about your... Maybe just move your desk into the bathroom. Yeah, don't pee in a urinal. Take dominion back over your urination. Just pee in the middle of a conversation. Hey, Bradley, can you hold on for just one second? Okay, go on. Can you pee in your pants and then put your pants in the urinal while everybody's watching? And wash them in there like a little washing machine? I'll get this later. Or just leave them behind. Yeah, I'll pick it up at five. Hey, Jerry. How are things in accounts?

When Bradley Cooper took the limitless pill, do you think he came up with the coolest way to ever use the urinal? Uh-huh. Can you just do what he does in that movie? So you've seen the movie, right? Have not seen it, but does he use a urinal at one point? He uses all the urinals. Uh-huh. All of them at once. Limitless pill gives you five dicks that are very accurate for each one. You know how human beings only use 20% of their dicks? Bradley Cooper uses 100% of his five dicks. He does 500% all the time. That's what Limless is all about.

Is that what it's about? To be fair, if that's what it was about, it would have been a way better movie. Just a ring of dicks and never any dicks around his... Like a Cthulhu. It's a very Cthulhu-esque situation. So I guess those are some cool things you can do. Can you flex? Can you thumb wrestle the guy next to you? There's so many options. Can you thumb wrestle yourself? You can scream at the top of your lungs. Scream not again. Or I finally got it.

Yeah. I got it. Can you open up a window and pee off the window? Just like and put your arms up in a manner that says I don't fucking care, man. I think that part is good. I think that part is non-negotiable. You gotta put your hands up. It's gotta be like, fuck it. Just pee in. And I do love dropping like pants and underwear. Hey, by the way.

Be a girl. I think it's a pretty dope way to win at the urinal. If you're a girl, I think the day is yours. Big Dave, check this out. High five. I got it. You go to the stall and you sit down to pee, but you leave the stall door open. Occupy. No, don't worry. What are you looking at?

Hey, we're all dudes. Hey, all dudes here. I'm just taking a break, taking a, taking a relaxer while I go. This one's for me. This one's, this, this Tucker, this Tucker's for me. Does anybody have an O magazine? I can prove. Got some good housekeeping in here. You guys want to read? Oh, you can't read. You're standing up dummies. You still use urinals?

What a joke. Hi, we're going to end this real quick. We've got some sponsors for this week's episode. And it's some of our favorites. Yeah. If this, what we could, you could even call this a bros better bros best of sponsors. I think that that would be accurate, Griffin. I think that that's absolutely correct. Our first sponsor this week, you know them. You love them. It might be on your genitals right now. Me undies.

Tabasco hot sauce. What are you into? Daisy sour cream. What the fuck? Why did you put, what are you doing? Me undies. It's, it's, you're going to wear underwear. You're just going to do it unless you're one of those weird people that's never wearing underwear. And which case like we get it, you're spirited and everything and stuff, but put some underwear on because it feels better, especially when the underwear you've

got on is me undies. And it's going to keep your balls from rubbing against your jeans. I wore them all day today while I was doing yard work. I was doing some very hot and heavy hedge trimming and I got back inside and my whole body was damp like a sponge cake. And then I took my me undies off and it was like a mummy down there. It was so dry. It was weird. I was mummy like in one zone and the rest of my area was sponge cake. When I travel, I only wear me undies for that very, because you know, you start, you sit on a plane for like four hours.

Listen, we're, we're getting into the nitty gritty right now, but we're going to talk exclusively about genital moisture. But I'm just saying like it keeps your zone very pleasant on long plane rides, long car drives. I'll tell you this, me undies like pop-up store, you know, opened up in, in our neighborhood. Oh my God. And Theresa and I went down and each bought like three pairs. So like I'm slowly turning over my whole underwear wardrobe to me undies.

That's a good call. When I get to the bottom of my me undies in my lineup, it's time for laundry. I don't want to do anything but wear me undies. Here's the thing. Me undies is dedicated to offering the most comfortable underwear that fit great. Don't write up on you and literally pull moisture away. Literally pull moisture away. You can hear the sucking.

You can hear the sucking sound and it's, I won't lie. That part's a little bit upsetting. I wish that they didn't make a loud, like it's hard to talk. It's hard to have a conversation over them. Like I can barely hear you. But after a while it just kind of like tunes out in the background, you know, and you won't even notice them anymore. I sleep to them actually now the white noise of the sucking sound.

It really helps. It's environmentally friendly. The materials they use are sustainably sourced and also they look great. That's the thing. There's tons of different, tons of different patterns. They're for men and women. You can get matching pairs. If like you and your loved one want to do that, it's pretty cute.

You guys go. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to go mean I want you to go to me undies.com. No matter what, go to me undies.com. Because then you can look at pictures of people wearing underwear. That's awesome. But go to me undies.com slash my brother. Not only will you look at pictures of people in underwear,

you get 20% off your first order and free shipping. It's amazing. It's an amazing deal for some amazing underwear. You have no reason not to do it. Go get at it. We also have another sponsor this week. Can I tell you about them? I mean, I already know about it, but sure.

I was more talking to my computer monitor, I guess. Oh, like the general you. Yeah, the royal you. The ghost and the machine. I want to tell you about Blue Apron. Blue Apron is a tasty, tasty meal delivery service that for less than $10 a meal, they'll get you the fresh ingredients that you need to make these delicious meals.

They are going to be perfectly proportioned with step-by-step instructions on how to make each recipe. Well, you're not making the recipe, are you? You're making the food that the recipe details. Well, and I'll tell you this, like Theresa and I love Blue Apron. We pretty much, it's pretty much taking over like our dinner schedule. And I'll say this, man, it says it's for two people, but you're going to end up with leftovers

and like it's going to feed you for like another two meals. It's such a good deal. Double food. Double food. What are you party on? Because they got, they got chili, black and cod with epizote. Fuck, I didn't say that right, probably.

No, I think you nailed it. Chili, black and cod with epizote, grapefruit, avocado, and rice salad. They got lamb, meatball stew. What's your, what's your jam? Man, I tell you what, we just made, they were these, I'm trying to remember what the meat was. I want to say I was like bison, but it was burgers on pretzel buns with this cheddar sauce.

It was insane. So good. Like this is the thing. Here's the best thing about Blue Apron. Not only do they send you the stuff, right? So like everything's right there to make the meal. Like you still get to feel the accomplishment of making the meal. They give you step by step instructions.

It's so clear. It's so even if you know nothing about cooking, they tell you everything you need to do to do it. And then you're like, I made this awesome meal. Look what I have brought. And it really gives you this like very empowering feeling. You can impress, you know, if you're trying to impress a date, it's a pretty solid.

You feel like a food god. You can check out this week's menu and get your first two meals for free, which is fucking bonkers, by going to blueapron.com slash my brother. It's such a good deal, people. Do it. I'm a big fan.

I, our sponsors tend to win me over pretty quickly. And then I'm like, well, I'm just doing this from now on. Like Theresa and I pretty much only wear me undies and eat blue apron. In your undies. In our undies, but we can't get it on our undies. Nope. That stains.

Our next, our next ad is for 199x at www.AGameWithOutMechanics.com. And then vote for it on Steam Greenlight. 199x is a lightly interactive adventure game that explores the relationship between the player, you and Clara, the person you control. It is funny, sad, and everything in between. Catch the fever. I love that tagline.

It seems so wildly incongruous with the game that they're presenting. It's catch, catch and collect all of the Clara's and then trade them with your friends on the playground. Who can battle? Who can, who can, who can level up the strongest Clara? Quick discussion for their website in 199x. You control Clara.

I think it's 1990 X. Like, like a year. Oh, sure. Okay. Um, you control Clara. That's the problem. The doctors say she's delusional, but you know that can't be true.

She doesn't seem to believe it either. The two of you need to work together to find a cure. That sounds pretty cool. I'm going to check that out and you should too. We've got another, and so that's- Can I control Bulbasaur instead? Well, you can always control Bulbasaur. Is that even an option in this video game?

Did they even consider that? I haven't played through it yet, Griffin, so I don't know. But go to www. Did they even consider Kengaskhan? Go to www.AGameWithoutMechanics.com and check it out. One last thing. If you are on the search for a brand new comedy podcast to suit all of your pop culture cravings,

look no further than Almost Famous. This is a podcast that is hosted by Hollywood hot shot Alex Wareheite and esteemed academic Caitlin Sable, as they discuss pop culture, film, television, celebrities, actual real life, and everything in between as they struggle to become Almost Famous. Alex and Caitlin share outrageous personal anecdotes, put a fresh spin on pop culture,

and even make some heartfelt social commentary all while being uproariously funny. Check out their website at AlmostFamousPodcast.com and search Almost Famous in iTunes to subscribe today. Go check them out. Dude, go check them out. Just don't unsubscribe from us, because we feel everyone. We feel our life force waning with every unsubscription.

Speaking of Almost Famous, while I was getting my tattoo, I took a break to walk around and get some blood flowing. I stepped outside with my friend Travis and he was like, hey, look over there. And it was Sam Rockwell and Walkie Phoenix just hanging out at a coffee shop. Man, I'd be a fly on that glass on the outside of the store. It was wonderful because I had my shirt half off,

so the tattoo was still exposed, which also meant my gut was exposed. So Sam Rockwell looked over at me at one point, kind of registered I was there and went back to his conversation and I was like, oh, great. So if nothing else, I know Sam Rockwell, so I'm a beer gut today. Yeah, Walkie and Phoenix unbuttoned his shirt

and showed you his 14 horse tattoos. Mm-hmm. And he was like, ah, good luck, man. I was like, thanks, Walkie. And he was like, do you want to be in my next movie? And I said, Walkie, I'm glad it. And he said, it's cool, man. So Inherent Vice 2, look for it.

Look for it. Walking the line some more. Run the line. A line even further. A line to remember. That was a lot of things. A lot of jokes that we're throwing at you. See, there is some new material in this episode.

Fuck, we're going to have to put this best of episode and the next best of episode, Trav. Oh, remember that time when Sam Rockwell saw Trav's gut? Ah, classic bit. Yeah. Thank you all for listening again and for donating again. We're just going to keep thanking you for donating for the next year, probably, until the next Max Fun Drive.

I hope that's OK. It's all going to bleed together. Back to the goofs. All right, I want complete silence. Griffin, you have to read the whole thing. Let's see how long we can go. OK. Oh, man.

This is Bakka Otaku 30. Good start. Is there some music you can underlay here later when you're editing together? Something kind of nice. Yeah, I'll throw in some Nora Jones. Yeah. That would be great, actually.

Having been to my fair share of spanking parties, I'll happily answer this. Though more information can be found in an essay that I posted on my spanking blog months ago. The link to my blog can be found in my profile, though it'll take some digging to find the correct entry. Unless a party has a specific theme, like teacher-student. Most people will simply wear clothes that are comfortable

and casual. Spankers may tend to wear clothes that are more formal or authoritative. And spankies... Crushed. And spankies... You're an alfalfa. And spankies leans towards clothes that are loose-fitting

or easily removed, allowing faster access to bear their bottom. Skirts are common among female spankies. With pleated schoolgirl skirts being the most common, some girl people will dress in roleplay, though. And there are some parties devoted entirely to roleplay. Yes, you may sit and observe if you don't feel like playing. No one is forced to play. And many parties have the attendees wear stickers

that show the orientation for their night. Top, bottom, or switch. I just threw a can across the room because I was so like, yes, I gave blood today. This is a crazy sticker. And included designation for observer or newbie. As Phil pointed out, you may be encouraged to play, but most people won't be pushy if you're new.

The best parties will give a new person a chance to feel comfortable before they start playing. Most parties do have an entrance fee, or at least ask for a donation to cover costs, or that the attendees bring a... Not cost! Or that the attendees bring a... The aloe vera?

Or that the attendees bring a covered dish to share? Who brought the fried kale? This is... Ow! Fuck! Ow! Not yet! Jesus!

Fuck! Look at my sticker! I'm an observer! Check my sticker, Jesus! I'm a catering to a snack party! Goddamn! I'm clearly dressed in a more authoritative manner. I am the swagger!

I like to wear a trench coat to the parties and tell them that I'm the covered dish. The best parties also offer the most for the least amount of cash, from what I've heard. Shadow Lane costs far too much for what is available. And I went to a Crimson Moon party and can say the same is true for all of them.

Crimson Moon, fuck you! Fuck you, that's made up. The most bang for the... Oh, this is promising. The most bang for the buck, from my experience, is the Texas Allstate Spanking Party. As their entrance fees are always low, yet the party is huge,

particularly the years that it takes place in Dallas. Road trip. Griffin must go. I'm gonna shave down to a mustache. I'm gonna fucking show up to that. Oh, God. Larger parties take place in hotels and resorts. Smaller parties usually at private residences.

I enjoy the seclusion of a cabin party. There's something alluring to me at the public nature of a hotel party. No, shit, you poppin'. There are also icebreaker games to get everyone comfortable when a party starts, so spanking can begin.

Demos, vendors, contests, and special events. Hey, guys. Hey. Just really quick. I mean, I get... Um... Like, what's the... What's the...

Does it go trust falls, then low ropes activities, and then you fucking punish someone... Just punish that ass. What's the court... What is the... Explain to me... You played the minister's hat. No, it's...

No, it's name game. Keep the ball in the air. And then paddle till bloody jumps. Just fucking wail on that ass. Punish that student, and then you go back to low ropes. Is it light as a feather, stiff as a board,

and then cat a nine tails? Yeah. I can never remember. See, I like to use spanking to break the ice before I do something uncomfortable. Like, hey, I'm Justin. Low ropes for this thing. Ask tomorrow money or something.

You want some Sprite? Hey, I have a yahoo. Yeah. Okay. I'd like us to explore. This one was sent in by Terry Dutton. Thanks, Terry. It's about...

Take that thing, but... Terry Dutton. Terry Dutton. Uh, Terry Dutton sent this in. Thank you. It's by a yahoo answers user. Morgan Gretman, who asks. Take that thing.

It's Morgan Gretman. It's Morgan Gretman. Uh, picking the perfect quote, opinions needed. Getting a tattoo at the end of the month, and I thought... Oh, no. I thought I had the perfect saying picked out,

but I've come across a few more that I just love. If I could have all of them put on, I would. Just need opinions on which one sounds slash would look best. I am getting a horse tattoo on my back. Uh-huh. Not sure if it will be a rearing horse or a galloping horse, but here are the quotes I can't pick from. Elegance, beauty, spirit, fire.

Okay. So that's the first one. Not a quote. Not a quote at all. Two hearts, one passion. Nope. Okay. Clifprints never fade.

What? They not? They don't. Together, scientifically proven. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, go ahead, Griffin. Together as one. Wait.

I was going to put this in the tattoo section, but who would know better than horse lovers themselves? I don't want any big, long quotes or anything. Something small and simple, but it gets to the point. It gets to the point of how I'm a crazy person. Is, wait, hold on. Two hoof prints, one passion. Two hearts, one passion.

Which I love, like, what's... Is the passion going? Like, just moving forward quickly? Like, that's my thing. Also, what about the horse's second heart? Uh-huh. Didn't think about that. Time works.

What do you want to bet this person does not in any way own a horse? No, no horse. Really, they want to remind themselves to save up for it. And they think that this is sort of throwing their hat over the fence. Like, if you get this, you got to have a horse spirit. I think you're an asshole. Elegance, beauty, spirit, fire. Hey, the way that you ride a horse is really bad if fire's involved in the equation.

Maybe you leap through fire as you're going to rescue... Oh, I write a... What shitty quotes did they have before that they heard these and went, oh no, that's way better. Now I'm up in the air. Do, uh, did anybody make any suggestions or anything? Uh, a lot of people are down with elegance, beauty, spirit, fire. Yeah, it's very elegant.

A rearing horse would be better. Um, I really like hoof prints never fade, but here are some you may like. Oh, Christ. In riding a horse, we borrow freedom. Do we know? If you want if I, uh... Excuse me, horse, can I give you a couple of freedom? Can I just for a second, let me...

That freedom looks pretty neat. Can I just check it? Pardon me, neighbor. Can I get a cup of freedom? And the horse just looks back and says, you look with your eyes, not with your hands. Hey, I am bone dry on freedom. Can I just mount you for a second and...

Just a little... Can I have some... To ride a... To ride a... Can I finish? To ride a horse is to ride the sky. No, the problem I have with these quotes is that they're objectively untrue. To ride a horse is to ride a horse.

That's all you're doing. It's a galloping bundle of bones and meat, and you're riding it. And that's... Your friends do in fact fade pretty quickly. They barely even think. Like, what are you doing? My horse is made of clouds and fire, and it sucks to be on it.

It sucks to touch this horse. Horses... Horses lend us the wings we lack. What? You're making these up by yourself now. Horses lend us the wings we lack. I'm not making these up, because I'm not a fucking crazy person.

Hey, everyone, quit borrowing shit from horses. Like, they are not good lenders. Neither a borrower or a lender or a horse be. That's my... To see what... For poor Richard. To see what man has made, one must get in a car. To see what God has made,

one must get on a horse. No, to see what God has made, one must get in a horse. Nice... Nice work, Big G. You're really going to screw me out with all these horse parts. Big G, this is some sticky stuff. To be fair, I did think I was going to freeze to death out here.

Oh, thank you. Hey, Big G, I thought you showed up bad on the outside. Hey, horse, can I borrow your... Well, your life. You may not get this one back. Hey, horse, can I borrow your heat guts? So I don't die. I need your guts heat to keep my bones warm.

You're so good inside. Thank you. Here's a... How about this girl? I'm going to build a chair from your bones. How about this girl? To ride a horse is to borrow the entire Billy Joel discography. How do you figure?

Because it makes as much sense as anything else. If your horse was... If this is moving out, then I'm moving out. To fly a horse up in the sky is you are high. You are having a reaction to drugs. This is a different answer. If your horse is a racehorse, you are a great champion. When you ran the ground shook, the sky opened, and mere mortals parted.

Parted the way to victory. We're all meet you in the winner's circle. We're all put a blanket of flowers on your back. Okay. So like a head to toe tattoo. Why were the mortals on the track? Get out of the way. Get out of the way, horses.

I feel like horses are kind of like... Kind of like you were talking about with like cats and other house pets. Can we just leave horses alone? Can we just let them run free and beautiful? And not try to capture their essence with your back meat? It's gotta be rough because anyone can become a cat person just by buying a cat. You can buy a cat nowadays and take care of it for its entire lifespan for like 15 bucks. Like in BD.

Horses, you really gotta go for that crazy. You really gotta, that's a lifestyle change. A crazy, crazy lifestyle change. You can't just casually... You can't take off for the weekend. To be fair, have you ever watched Animal Cops Houston? Yes. It doesn't always require a lifetime.

Sometimes you're like, I bought this horse. It's in my apartment now. Oh, shit. I forgot I had that horse. What? There's a horse behind your barn. You haven't fed it in three weeks. Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck. I haven't gone in that guest room in a long time. Let's do a Yahoo answer question. This one was sent in by Pandapocalypse. Thanks, you. It's by Yahoo Answers user. I'm all yours. Who says, who asks?

Best places for sex in college? Just curious because sometimes it's hard to find a good place. I try to do it in my dorm sometimes, but it's not easy because I would never want to do it in front of my roommate. That would look horrible on my part. So please, what places did you have sex while you were in college? Thanks. Who's got one place to do it?

Yeah, in your bed. Dean's couch. Sorry, Dean asshole. I just had some sex on your couch, Dean. Hey, big man. I just had sex on your couch, Dean asshole. Don't sit on the middle cushion anymore. That one's mine.

Hey, I'm playing that with my own human musk, Dean. Unhuman musk is the name of my college jam band. See those wavy lines coming off, but that's my sex steak. I hate you, Dean. I hate you so much, Dean. Why wouldn't you let me in your college? I'm not a student here. Here's a here's a fun suggestion.

I think it's fun for the whole family. Dress your kid like a doggy and then put it in a cage and then leave it home and go get drunk. What? Party for Halloween. The spirits are out tonight. Me and mom. Go in now and you're gonna be all right and your cage remain for you. Just throw some candy in there.

It'll be fine. Put some candy in the clothes, hang our caves that we made for you. You just re-bend them. You just bend them in the bars. Babies aren't strong. It won't take long. Just go and get drunk with mom. You guys deserve it.

You've earned the night off. It's 10 p.m. Do you know where your baby is? Yes, in a cage. He's in the baby dog. It's okay. He's like you dressed up like a dog. He's a baby dog.

That much is better. The kind of reputable harm you've done to your relationship. I already know about costumes. You've got to get on a retreat and buy a retreat. I mean, go to Shakies and get your drunk. Make sure you take lots of pictures of that too so that when your kid turns 18 and kills everyone he knows, you're gonna show those pictures to the news.

Just throw some alpo in the cage and go get your drunk. Get that drunk. Mr. Siemensen, I'm sorry I'm placing you under arrest. Your son was locked in a cage unsupervised. What the fuck? That's a dog. That's a dog. That is actually your child in a dog.

Well, color me embarrassed, officer. Look at his nose. I have painted it brown like a dog's nose is brown. Officer, you are terrible at improv games. Yeah, you're supposed to say yes. And we buy it. Yes, and. Yes, and my baby's a dog in a cage.

Yes, and do you want some of this beer? I have extra because we have so much in us. Do you want a brusky and we'll forget about this and also forget about the kid. He's fine for another hour or so. Let's go play some foosball. Let's go play. Let's go foos it up, copper.

And then it turns out that the cop is a baby dressed as a cop. You accepted. Baby police, you just got busted by the highest authority in the land. Baby police? Baby police is the highest authority in the land sent to you baby. We are under baby martial law. It's adorable. And also restrictive.

This is a baby police state. All TVs will watch Nick Jr. All things will go boring when you hit them. The cow says, move, you say nothing. I snap my fingers. You pull out a tit. This is baby law. We're on things now.

You know, I would watch a legal drama called Baby's Law where she's about a baby lawyer. Babies don't grow up to be adults because this is what you do. You think about baby anarchy. And which is adorable and terrifying at the same time. This is someone sent in by Daniel McKinney. I'm almost certain Justin just looked at it. It's by Yahoo!

It's his user Garland Garcia who asks, is it legal to have sex with trees on your own property? Oh, oh my. Now, the top answer is unless the tree can be seen by a passerby, it's not illegal. It's not as if there's a precedent to making it illegal. Despite the foolishness of the question, I've decided to address it seriously.

And I appreciate that John Lennon. Just your username. Yeah, I don't think that's accurate. Oh, yeah, sure. If you have a high, here's what's terrifying about this question. And why I decided to discuss. No, I'm accurate. Do you think I meant the answer or the fact that that is John Lennon?

Or the fact that there's no precedent for this? I know, I agree with that part. I don't agree with that that is John Lennon. He's John Lennon's ghost. John Lennon's ghost. He's a ghost in the machine, but he's trapped in Yahoo! answers forever, and he just wants out so bad.

Please let him on another site. He can't find his way out because it's a labyrinth. Take it from me. Our show is really about trying to find John Lennon's ghost hidden in Yahoo! answers. Hidden in the hedge maze of terribleness. This is the closest we've ever gotten. Is this gentleman's concern that a tree would report him to the police?

For tree set, for arboreal sex crimes? I don't think that that's a concern. Then what other law, besides just being completely indecent and public, which is a law no matter what you're having sex with? Wrongo. Wrongo. Here's what I'm saying. Here's what's upsetting.

If your fence is high enough? People could be fucking trees all the time. People could be fucking trees. They could have trees fucking them or each other. They could have grown the trees into a position that makes it look like they're having sex. I'm talking about branches and the burtholes and the fucking man, a nastiness. Is your concern that this is like rampant? I'm saying who knows if you walk by a house with an eight foot fence,

you just go ahead and assume that they are fucking something they should not be. And spray paint on the fence. Tree fuckers go home. And then just spend every night worrying about white ash beetles. Turmites. I mean, I think people are stumping on the reg. You do? I think people are stumping right now, somewhere in this world.

Well, that explains, okay, now I get the t-shirts stumpers have wood. Yeah. And get it now. It's over. It upsets me that we can find loopholes in legal systems to allow this kind of thing. Shouldn't our law service to keep you from doing really upsetting things? Isn't that the whole idea? I want the fucking law and order special victims units like kick in the door and be like,

hey, sex police, don't move. Why do we even have special issues here? Down on the floor, tree fucker. Yeah. Why even have to ask for you if they're not going to stop shit like this from happening? Because, psychically, it's in my brain. Like, there's a tiny, here's what you guys may not realize about my brain, is just by saying that word, saying like tree fucker.

Now in my brain, there's constantly a 24-7 until the day I die, a tiny man fucking a tiny tree in my brain. And he's just shouting, tree fucker, tree fucker, tree fucker, tree fucker. Or tree, man, penis, intercourse, intercourse, intercourse. Like, it can't be stopped. Please stop the noise, but you can't stop the noise. I want fucking iced tea to kick in the door and be like, stop, SVU. And he can't do that in your brain.

He's got to stop. You can't, hold on. I got to incept him in there and get him out. Brain iced tea. Ahhhh! Guys, Gryffin, Gryffin's eyeballs are bleeding. I think he incepted too much. Don't have sex with trees every day.

Don't have sex with... If only to avoid the horrifying half-human, half-tree babies. And also the tics splinters, stop it! Listen, you motherfuckers, dryads have to come from somewhere. Oh man. I want them to walk the earth, and this is the other way to get it done. It may not be pleasant. It may not even be, it's questionably legal,

but if we're going to have someone to bestow upon us, like special tree power and stuff. Dryad magic. Dryad magic. I would like to imagine that dryad babies are just completely like boring and normal people. And you see like a half-human, half-tree and you're like, give me your wisdom. And he's just like, dude, I work at the plant. I got nothing.

No pun intended. I work on my shit models. When you guys were younger, did you ever read The Taking Tree? Take a tree. Give me that sap. God. Oh, that's sad in my brain. Yeah, me too.

This is sad. Hey, this Monday, my wife and I will find out if we are indeed going to be parents. We're excited at the possibility and have started trying to plan ahead things to get. One area we're stuck in is a baby-themed room. We wanted something different from the normal aminal-themed room. Whoa. Whoa, doc. Whoa, animal-themed room.

Nope. Or a single with aminal. And felt that the wise brothers three would provide us with some great thoughts. That's from confounded in K.C. I'm going to throw out, and this is kind of meta, but what about a baby-themed, baby-themed room? Oh, man. And you just paint babies all over the walls. Yeah.

And like with signs like, you are this. Like, I love that. I think that's important for human beings to know what and who they are pretty much instantly. So they can start growing and learning from it. Like, I think you learn from yourself. Maybe instead of a baby, it's like a zygote or like a fetus. And you know, like, you were this, now get better. Ooh, I like that.

What if you took it as an educational thing and you put just a ton of objects in the room that would say, maybe like out loud perhaps with one of the greeting card sound chips. They would say out loud what they are, but they would all do it at the same time, and they would do it 24 hours a day. Chair, chair, chair, chair, chair. Bed, bed, bed. I am drums. I am drums.

Dad's hidden pot. Dad's hidden pot. Pump shoes, pump shoes. Why did you hide your pot in the baby's room, Dad? You had attention to him. just said baby baby baby and Justin Bieber oh that would be that would make for probably a unibobber yeah how was my baby hood I will tell you not great because I'm looking at that lamp and it's screaming in my brain so I could

think of the building was well that's one building of things that won't be screaming today I have to kill the building but now it's screaming pit empty pit empty bit it's just like my heart heart hard can we can we I want to take a brief hiatus here to tell you about the text oh yeah that I just got from my father our father I did you guys me too yes okay so he just sent a text that says in quotes what day is it son what day what could that is that a reference to the hit film we are Marshall I think it has to be oh but it's sponsored on his football day no listen listen let's explain this because people

are gonna think our dad is like some sort of crazy 9-11 guy I don't think he knows it's 9-11 I think the three of us should probably text him I'm texting right now and I'm asking him if he means September 11 okay hold on let's all take a moment we need we need to text him back because I don't want our dad like walking through the day everybody are you excited okay my message is sent I look I've been looking forward to the day for so long yeah seems like it's ten years since this last happened which I mean football I love I love football getting the points scoring points I can all the points this one was

sent in by Jesse Thorn thank you Jesse it's by Yahoo answers user miserable little smug bastard oh oh my who asks ladies already winning ladies if someone pays you three hundred thousand dollars or pounds to sit on a real human skull would you sit on it would you cross your legs if you did you would get an extra 300,000 I have actually asked this question before sincerely Skeletor love Jack Skellington so many questions first off ladies if you pick the three hundred thousand dollars above the three hundred thousand pounds then you are a room yeah I was gonna say conversion rate I think maybe that's it

it's like a deal or no deal thing like you could take the three hundred thousand dollars or six hundred thousand if you cross your legs while you do it or you can get it in pounds and have to spend 10 minutes getting it converted to bank yeah but that's a awkward story to tell the cashier hey how'd you get these 600,000 pounds I sat on a real human skull these well like calcium and tape are you one of those bone jockeys are you a bone jockey yeah you're but your people sick of me hey Carl we got another one look at this one she sat on a human skull she got boned she got me all chuckle chuckle there are so many

questions is this skull inside of skin and muscles of living human being is it a last request kind of thing is this how someone wants to get buried is I'm saying it's a divo video are we talking about a divo is this a divo right now are you pulling a divo on us why why does the price point start out at three hundred thousand dollars I just noticed in the related questions on the sidebar this question by a miserable little smug bastard ladies if someone paid you one hundred thousand dollars or pounds to sit on a real human skull he's driving a hard part what do I have to say to get you on this skull before you leave

today you're offended by this question then ignore it would you cross your legs if you did you would get extra it would be the skull of a serial killer you laugh that out when you brought it to 300,000 who he's trying to he's driving a deal he's trying to make this happen Griffin what is his username again miserable little smug bastard okay miserable little smug bastard he's like he's been negotiating this he's for all his foibles he's a pretty smart negotiator he started low and made a serial killer skull he's like a he's like a Ron Pupil like okay I'll take out it's no longer a serial killer skull just a

regular skull just a real human skull and also this set of sham wow yeah I will throw in a solid flavor injector oh god would you slap chop a real human skull for I'm gonna I'm gonna bump it up to 400k you do have to sit on it before but afterwards I'll slap chop it in the non-existent so just be dust I will sit on two horse skulls for 50k you know I'm gonna go out on the limb here and say that this is one of those circumstances where I would rather that this were not a hypothetical question because if he had some purpose behind this for some reason that makes it okay then him just sitting around wondering Travis the

amount of work that he has put into negotiating just yelling into the internet I it has to have been resolved right it has to it has to have happened it has to have to happen by now do you realize how much money 300,000 what would I not do for three hundred thousand dollars or pounds cuz sit on a real human skull yes ain't on that list yeah I would make this call I would nice and waiting I would turn the person into a skull is what I'm saying I'm such a fucking sucker though because it that first time around when he's like a hundo K I would have jumped at it you're taking I didn't know how to hold off you

got you gotta check the trade magazines what's it going right right now mm-hmm for a yeah you know I actually got a group on for us sitting on a human skull yeah a bunch of my friends and I are gonna do it for for 50k the problem is yeah yeah it's the same skull huge line you really gotta and after a while you know yeah it gets warm that skull is pretty rowdy the thing is is he doesn't even clarify and say like you have to be nude or it has to be set he just wants you to sit on it cross your legs and get off and leave can we let's talk about the crossing the legs thing is he wanting us to incubate this skull like a

like a like a mama bird keep it secret keep it safe you get $300,000 but he doesn't say naked so what he's saying is just sit on just you just roll up in your mom jeans sit on it sit legs get off leave get out of here okay money I need to know can a human skull support the weight of fuck no it's like 14 pounds of we are we are just skeletons with a big egg on top of our necks uh-huh so it's just a big egg in there it's just a big it's just like a big stupid egg in there and it's if a human being if it was like a tiny if it was a baby maybe but oh maybe he's doing that like age-old like seventh grade science experiment where

you have to like build a bridge to like save an egg you know what I mean and like you have to walk across it and see if it was there were so much goddamn dumb stuff in that sense you just say it's a week to tear it apart it was it was a seven layer bar of dumb shit you know an egg bridge you know egg bridge yeah I saw it on you literally mr. was like five different science projects how's it you know an egg bridge and then I'm breaking soda on it and it's a volcano volcano let's stop talking about sitting on spalls because it's make it's literally making my my grundle uncomfortable like just the thought of

trying to perch perch myself on a cranium I don't think it would feel good no I wouldn't think so but you know what you know it feel great I could buy myself a new grundle with 300k a real house Jesus Christ this guy this fucking guy do you think he's a normal in his day-to-day you get to be really nice and well-respected do you think it's Tom Hanks oh couldn't when you believe it if somebody was like yeah he's a great actor and like he's a real sweetheart he's got this one thing all right everybody we're gonna wrap up hope you enjoyed that best-out episode as much as we enjoyed making those like 10 or 11

episodes I don't remember if I enjoyed making those ever either there's there's a there's a pretty good chance I didn't enjoy making some of them no I don't remember what was going on in my life at that point I think I reference my girlfriend Teresa which sounds really weird at this point it's like a weird time capsule to reopen these old episodes but we hope you enjoyed them we want to say let's just start it off by saying thank you again to everyone who didn't donate it to max fund drive it was wildly successful we felt incredibly supported and here's the thing just so you know if you weren't

able to donate but you still would like to become a sponsor become a donor you can do that at any point you can go to maximumfund.org you won't get the pledge gifts but you can still support the network any time you want to so do you not get the bonus content I think you still get the bonus content if not I will fight for you to still get the bonus yeah we will be in your corner but seriously it did the response this year was absolutely bonkers I cannot believe how many people came out to support our show it was it was a pretty amazing past couple weeks and and we have you guys to thank for that so

thank you so much also thanks to blue apron who makes cooking at home easy you can get your first two meals of blue apron free by going to blueapron.com slash my brother and we want to say thanks again to me undies as well for supporting the podcast and my genitals go to me undies.com slash my brother and get 20% off your first order and right now you'll get free shipping what was I just I could just want to say like we hit the genitals thing pretty hard when we talk about me undies but you but usually it's like a goof thing and you said that so casually I don't know why that I just wanted to let you know I wanted to

stop the show and let you know that that one kind of bothered me that was the first one that bothered you yeah I think it was that was a sincere thank you though I really appreciate the support that me undies provides we still have tickets to the Chicago show this coming Easter Sunday come celebrate with your whole family I know you're wondering McIlroy brothers did you know that that was gonna be Easter Sunday when you booked the date and the answer is but anyway there's tickets available bit.ly slash mbmbam Chicago please send in your questions with the subject line

saying which show you're gonna be at I need my yahoo warriors I need my Daven ports need my spurlings need my rays to to step up help me out help me survive because that's a lot of yahoo's that we're gonna need for all yeah it's three shows worth of questions people we need your help have we done I know we did three shows in one day before but this is the first time we're going to three discrete cities that is very excited I'm very excited as well I'm at these shows we've got some beautiful posters the Justin Gray you can see some of his my brother me posters on the maxfun store go to maxfunstore.com a bunch of merch there

just as a side note lots of awesome my brother my brother and me merch some saw bones merch we're gonna get some adventure zone merch yeah we're gonna be we're gonna be filling that up in over the next few months so but go check out his posters there so you can get super excited what they're going to be show specific posters which we've never done before we're gonna have one specific one from Milwaukee one for Chicago one for Minneapolis like and they're beautiful you guys they're fucking awesome they're like they're fucking great I'm ready to buy one so we can ride all over it and ruin it and now that you've

donated to the maximum fun network go listen to the other maxfun shows there's Jordan Jesse go there's judge John Hodgman there's throwing shade there's pop rocket there's rendered there's a ton of really good shows we do other ones just Travis does bunker buddies with his buddy Andy Justin does a medical history show called saw bones with his wife Sydney me and Justin and Travis and our dad do a Dungeons and Dragons podcast called the adventure zone a bunch of people have asked now that we've hit all of our goals and everything we're gonna totally make my sister my sister and me bonus episode happen a lot of people have

been asking about a lot of people got really excited about it we're gonna make this happen people fortunately our wives got excited about it cuz I don't know about you but I forgot to run that hundred percent we said we said 100% a so we heard about a totally she listen yeah I got a I got a message for Rachel that day like so I'm doing podcasts huh yeah I forgot to run you talked about it before but it hadn't become an extant idea we are the fucking worst husband you want to ask our wives it's gonna be I'm really looking forward to it we don't know when that's I don't know when that's gonna go up we're doing so because we hit

these pledge tears we're gonna do two bonus episodes throughout the year for donors one of them is gonna be my sister my sister me and we're also gonna do have we announced with the other things gonna be we're gonna do a freaky Friday swap with some other podcasts on the maximum fun network don't know what that's gonna be yet I got a few in mind but we we will see how it shakes out so that should be very interesting so it's gonna be a pretty bonkers year before I've said bonkers on before we get past it I want to say thank you thank you to John Roderick in the long winters for the use of their theme song it's a departure off of the

album putting the days to bed feels it feels good right it's like a very doesn't really good I think it's I am big pentagon yeah it just flows I think it's like one of those things where it's like those are words of power like let's fremen shit let's throw it back yeah it's a dovahkiin shout let's throw it back to the past and hit you up with that final yahoo goodness thank you all so much for listening we'll be back with probably one of our live shows next Monday it'll I promise at least one of the three of them is gonna sound really good and that'll be the one we throw up first so thank you all so much for

listening and we will see you later this final yahoo was sent by golly a olly thank you golly it's by yahoo answers user question mark who asks did you ever guest star on the golden girls I'm Justin McElroy I'm Travis McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy this has been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad you want me to say that I want you maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported