My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 246: Face 2 Face: Hot Beans

Episode Date: April 7, 2015

Here's our live show from this past weekend in beautiful Minneapolis! We discussed a lot of important topics, made a lot of really great friends and absolutely, completely fell apart there, towards the end. Suggested talking points: Baby Pants, Two Dad Jokes, Disney Companions, Tim Curry Family Secrets, Live Show Black Hole, Ghost Puke, Beard Auction, Antiques Roadshow Hacks, Hate Pizza, Bad Texter, Food-Skin Jacket, Zayn Replacement

are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? I wish I had more things to pull out of my pocket. Can I ask a serious question before I sit out? Jacket on or off? You know what that this is a no jacket required show my friend. Welcome to my brother oh wait like welcome my brother my brother be holy

okay we're gonna start again for the top. You guys pretend we just came out and not too not familiar okay. There's a sleeping baby by the way Sydney's back there now so don't worry about being quiet for the baby anymore y'all I want y'all wild out. I appreciate that thank you thank you that's a cool night for me so I do appreciate it. Welcome to my brother made advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McRoy. I'm your middleest brother Travis McRoy. I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McRoy. Like Chilean minors emerging from the depths of the Twin Cities here we are in Minneapolis.

Juicy Lucy? Is that a thing? What? I didn't have a lot of preconceived notions about Minneapolis before I came but then I showed up and everybody here is so nice. Justin I would say the greatest audiences in the world live here in Minneapolis. No I'm serious we had or you're staying at the beautiful courtyard in Marriott. Please don't come. I can't recommend it enough when we're not there. Right next to our hotel there's a place called the Town Hall Brewery that we had some great cheese curds. Some really great local brews. Some great local brews. I'm traveling with a baby as you know. We had some great

local babies. Sydney was a bit worried about how she was gonna get home she wanted to leave in the middle of the show if her baby turns into a disaster which was prone to happen. Welcome to Parenthood and I said you just get an uber home. This is a few weeks ago I should mention. She said well what about that show we saw where the guy was using people's uber data and pretending to be an uber driver and then killing them and I said well I mean that's fair I don't want you to be killed so I'll abandon that plan and I was recounting this story to Travis or yesterday and I said you know what how did he do that

because that doesn't make any sense and Sydney said well he hacked into ubers system and at that point I realized wait a minute are you talking about the first five minutes of that episode of CSI cyber we watch? Sorry my dear wife who's ripped? You remember the documentary? Ripped from the headlines by Patricia Arquette. I'll take that thank you. So that was fun. The other fun thing that we had this morning this is a 100% true Minneapolis story for you. We were we were having breakfast we tried to find someplace to have brunch and then we're just like ugh it's cold we're just gonna go down to it's called the bistro but it's in the

ground floor lobby of a courtyard in Marriott so it's not really a bistro. I was a super dad and I asked him to blend up some strawberries. He's a super dad because he forgot to bring baby food. When some lose some I guess and they blended up some strawberries with some wala superfood juice or something like that and she got about three bites in I looked to the right for a second and she just grabs the cup right on to my lap now this isn't a funny story it was sad because it was all over the table and it was all over the crotch of the only jeans I brought that okay that's all right no way on tour right now we're on

a four-day tour you're you're you are a one-jeans packer that's that's I live my life one jeans at a time but I live your life one jeans the frequency of your jeans is not an issue because you just got the one so let me get the end of the story so I my my dear sweet daughter who I hope is listening to this sometime in 2030 when podcasts are outlawed dump the front of my only outlaws have podcasts the front of my crotch is covered in red and Griffin without missing a beat but also not with any help whatsoever looks at me and says you know I've got a Judy bloom book you should read

that's a pretty good that was a cool trap let's do the thing where we do the advice okay so if you haven't listened our show before we take your questions and turn them alchemy like into wisdom has anybody not listened to the show of cool welcome welcome I didn't do that during saw bones that's always a good hey are there's anybody who has listened to the show before anyone here from Minneapolis who anybody here from South Dakota yeah what's up surprisingly I knew that if you brought us cookies so I read the question okay thank you now pump the break South Dakota trying to sound a little North Dakota

oh he's shit let's just name more states Ohio I'm a fun loving young man but since I'm one of the more responsible people in my circle of friends I love to say the occasional lame pun and I'm often labeled as the dad of the group how can I ditch the dad persona and show my friends that I still know how to party and that's from not lame in Lakeville are you here yeah great hold on I'm getting some dad let me see I'm gonna do my dad's sinking okay you you appear to be a very young man you look like one of you look like one of Mumford's sons not Mumford himself I don't I don't want to see them anymore

yeah that was a perfect shameful fade can you give us can you just sort I know I'm putting you on the spot right now and I apologize and if you don't want to do anything just remain quiet and it'll be wicked uncomfortable but can you like bust us out like an example like a slice of your uvra your lame puns is what he means wait hold on just come on up yeah yeah there's a microphone right here now come on first no he's doing on come on up come on ride the snake here we got a microphone there perfect exact middle of the aisle to write the middle good

crowd control anyone here from Minneapolis I'm gonna ask that in Chicago too okay so here he comes to the stage what's what's your name pal no oh no it's hot it's hot second Travis yeah nice nice the middleist brother pretty great I gave you a little I gave you a little bit of stalling time what you got we got we have a hypothetical restaurant okay full of menu items with punny names okay yeah Fleawood mac and cheese yeah solid that's um that's I mean it's it's not on point but that's what makes it like great it's what makes it really good notorious BLT that's super good that's pretty good I tell

that one that's good do you got one more that's comedy rule threes Ashley any help here come on Ashley Ashley wants no part of this dad help I think no you know what no that's good comedy rule twos it's a new thing I'm working on where I just say two things and listen we're millennials we can't wait for a third thing yeah just come up after the show just what you will do a private pun session and you can where you gonna where you gonna get puns from government okay thank you very very much everybody okay we're backstage we'll jump back to talking about your thing I swear to God this was not like plan we didn't pick

this question because we found this is a great spirit there's like a word of the day calendar backstage that I think somebody here at the theater may be made because there's like a picture of a person pointing at you and it's full of amazing puns like guys so good it's a word of the day count it's a pun of the day count yeah where do you learn to make ice cream Sunday school which US president was least guilty Lincoln he was in a scent we thought this would be funnier this one's the best this one's the best in my opinion why I can cut a piece of wood just by looking at it it's true I saw it with my own eyes that

shit awesome I think I think I think lean into it right because now you can wear like calculator watches and that's a cool look Travis can I tell you something it's totally awesome to be the lamest person at the party it's like a rip cord when you're at parties that you don't want to be at anymore like no one no one has ever looked at the lamest person at the party leaving early and said oh no come on no one wants the cool dude to leave they're like you got to stay but when the dad of the party leaves it's like great now we can get to some shit listen Travis it's exhausting being a trendsetter

don't be like me it's I gotta stay up in the latest looks I got listen latest music you fucking ruined your jeans today and in lieu of them you wore black basketball shorts with like a nice sweater and like your nice shoes with like almost knee-high white socks a fanny pack spontaneously sprung from you you're wearing a very bright salmon colored doctor who shirt I remember every goddamn detail of your own soul here's the worst part about that is that last night Travis and I went down to the lobby trying to secure some Johnson 's baby wash down on the air and again forgot to pack it but I guess dad of

the year etc etc and they told us there was a gas station nearby so I walked to a gas station that was not nearby it was over and overpass about a quarter mile away wearing a salmon colored doctor who Dalek t-shirt maybe I want on a two day ride huh navy blue huge basketball shorts and brown like dress shoes these these bad boys that I'm wearing right now with shorts and white socks on the way two Chinese ladies laughed at me but this morning trendsetter saw those two same Chinese ladies wearing pink doctor who shirts so I don't know what's your game ladies do you guys want a yahoo yes it's not public quite it's just the

it's for us this one was sent in by Ashley Shannon thank you Ashley it's by yahoo answers user Ariana Rose who asks is it possible to have a Disney character with you all day on your birthday at Disneyland I'm going to Disneyland for my birthday for free and I just wanted to know if it's possible to have a Disney character with you all day like going on the rides with you and having food with you all day can we all agree that they're like it's a there's such an age question to this question where it's like a weird bell curve where if you're like six that's totally fine to ask this question and if you're like

26 right now in our modern day and age it's like yeah I get why you ask that question I get it you basically you're paying for companionship yeah we can all agree that the number one best pick would be Gaston because I bet that you can't party right but no one drinks like Gaston sure no one spits like Gaston in a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston he's a specially good at expectorating everybody oh my god we have to pay to have that on the show thank you I'm saying you won't get Gaston for all day for all day you can get fucking flotsam from the little mermaid you can have a like shriveled up more a eel like

what's up happy birthday you get the really racist guy from Pocahontas I just don't know sandwiches do you want to go to Mexico at Epcot you mean with the Aztecs no I do not I will stay here at the world of tomorrow that was that guy was that guy Foghorn Leghorn he was like Foghorn Leghorn meets Tim Curry it was actually a perfect oogie boogie and you just didn't nail the landing Tim I wish Tim Curry would go to Disney World Justin I know the best place for a nice cheese pizza classic it's in Italy in Epcot unsurprisingly we'll go on spaceship let's go hang with my homie the dream master him and his little

god it's an impeccable Tim Curry you do an amazing impression of what you think Tim Curry sounds like my our dad can't do a sick Tim Curry the only thing I can think is that our dear departed mother must pitch in Tim Curry that we never heard it's a recessive I've isolated it the Tim Curry impression gene here's a look at it here's a secret to doing a Tim Curry I'll give it to you guys right now the secret don't give away our family secrets the secret is to just do it and then go awesome perfect I've been saying that was Tim Curry when you so you just have to say cheese pizza cheese pizza thank you for the for the

for being so kind about our Tim Curry we live in a Truman show like bubble in which our Tim Curry impressions are fantastic one of you yelled you're terrible this is the stage with collapse every time my co-worker says cool beans a part of my soul dies what should I do I like that in it in and out where who I'm a justice of the piece who sent this question in okay can you give us like an idea of the frequency always cool beans cool beans cool beans to you sister I assume he's the pope yeah or a cult leader is this a business is this like a serious business place that you work at the if you're a homeless thing

she just said it's a bank and she says it in a cup that's about as good as like you could you should get Charlie out here and see what she can do yeah she loves being up in front of people could you counteract it by using hot beans to describe a negative scenario Travis can you give an example of how hot beans would be like this oh yeah Steve's funeral was this weekend weekend right I wasn't able to make it how was it it was pretty hot beans pretty hot beans it was did you his widow couldn't stop crying and I was just like oh man hot beans I thought it was gonna be like I thought it was gonna be like a really cool beans

way to say goodbye at least lukewarm beans at least those beans work they were you know Lars von Trier film this weekend it was I mean I'm not gonna admit it was hot beans it's hot beans it's bracing it's like you just got up and dumped hot beans everywhere what if every time she said cool beans you adopted a fanciful hobo voice like cool beans what would anybody want cool beans you need a nice trash fire oh if you're a pasterno oven and get those beans are going you can put your beans on a cheese pizza every okay so we've done 13 if this is our 13th live show which explains why so terrible and I think how many this is

our 13th whoa yeah and every one you guys do your fucking Tim Curry impression and it's if you chart it like it's like a black hole in the center of the show that the rest of it just gets sucked back down and I think we all know what the black hole in the center of our live shows are speaking of our earlier we were talking about doing some Minneapolis research and learning a little bit about your lovely lovely city stop and so stop I wrote a little report I'm gonna get meadow right now because Justin you birthed this no I try to stop it I tweeted last night 23 hours ago exactly if this tweet gets a

hundred faves I'll let Travis McRoy do a sad lives in Minneapolis tomorrow night please all caps do not fave this honeypot that's a fucking bait to him minutes later 150 faves on the tweet of people who aren't gonna be here at the fucking epicenter they catfished you people like click fuck you mean real though long story short I said well I'm jacking it up to 500 that way we definitely won't have to see sad libs as of this exact moment that tweet has 718 you're all scum raise your hand if you fave that tweet it's on you I'm out thank you I would like to read to you now can we leave are we allowed to the brief

report I have written about Minneapolis a hem Minneapolis officially the city of this is a fucking Wikipedia page you're chopped and you're fucking chopped and screwed the Wikipedia page I'll start again you get paid to do this show officially the city of Minneapolis is the succulent seat of Hennepin County and larger of the twin wangs that's not how it originally 14 the 14th largest metropolitan grundle in the United States containing approximately 3.8 million fanies as of 2013 Minneapolis is the largest jabberwocky in the state of Minnesota and the 46th largest in the United States with 400,070 titty

sprinkles Minneapolis and Mount Doom anchor the second largest fontleroy center in the American Midwest behind Chicago Minneapolis lies on both banks of the Luda River just north of the river's confluence with the Minnesota River and adjoins Funkadocious the state's capital the city is abundantly rich in mangoes with 20 lakes and Wienerschnitzel the Doug Foney River creeks and art varks many connected by Piccadillos in the chain of lakes and the Grand MacGuffin National Scenic Byway it was once the world's anime capital and a hope for blastoise and today is the primary

onomatopoeia center between Chicago and John Cena with Minneapolis proper containing America's fifth highest concentration of fish titties I like that a lot as an integral link to the global economy Minneapolis is categorized as crumb believable thank you I think Justin's just gone yeah we could just do like 30 of those and that could be the whole show do you guys want that I have 29 more oh my brother my brother where they just do sad lips over and over again I hate that show hey everybody started break in but we gotta make money we did make

money on the live episode you're listening to already but it's all about diversifying your portfolio we owe a lot of people a lot of money and they won't take no for an answer paying us a word picture Justin why we sound so weird right now because we're passing around a microphone and I'm in a robe and we're splitting a seat you and I and I'm straddling the seat and you're sitting on the seat and that's not a joke who's hungry I am for nature box nature box is a snack service with zero artificial flavors or colors or sweeteners no trans fats no high fruit just corn syrup it's nutritious it's food you feel

good about putting in your body important to note that we're in a hotel because we're about to go to a live show this isn't like a thing that we do it just like have buddy buddy hotel nights every now and then yeah go to nature box you can get some stuff like sriracha roasted cashews white truffle popcorn yum peanut butter nom nom yes please or personalized your favorites I think that's a note for us for us to do but those actually are my favorites my favorites are the lemon almond tea biscuits they are delicious and buttery I like the sea biscuit oh wait I wasn't thinking my favorite snack box food

nature's box snack box I was thinking my favorite VHS tape a blockbuster if you go to naturebox.com slash my brother you can get a free trial box of their favorite snack so like that's an awesome deal nature box slash my brother you get a free box free snacks certainly you're reading there on free trial box your favorite snacks so there will be a court involved and jury of your peers and then it's unanimous yummy and that's how it that's how the movie the judge ends with Robert Downey jr. it's not a very good flick also if you want to make a website about how about good this advertising break has been and who can

blame you it's been great I would suggest you run walk run don't walk to square run and then slow down because you're holding a computer and then walk the rest of the way you're going to get exhausted guys it's tonight's show going to be a fucking catastrophe run tell that to squarespace.com it's an all in one website platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website they got beautiful templates there's integration with google apps and getting images and there's a feature called cover pages that is not described here but I'm betting it's really going to change the game of websites you can get a free

trial box of all the internet you want for free with no credit card required to start building your website today go to squarespace.com and use the code my brother all one word and you'll get 10% off your first purchase again that's squarespace.com use the code my brother squarespace build it beautiful sorry the syncing is off let me try it one more time read this next message who's this next message who's this next message for poppy and CJ McElroy yeah it's not what you think it's a completely different McElroy family there's more than one I'm not sure I feel about that I knew there was a guy who played on the Colts that was a McElroy a Greg a Greg McElroy I think he was on

um Joe McElroy Cory Cory Cory McElroy uh this is from mama and papa happy first birthday you cool babies your first year has been an adventure and everywhere we go people love you we've learned how to say twins in three other languages and we're ready to learn a couple more we love you that's the most precious thing and are we related to them and am I everybody in this question's dad Justin I'm getting text and it's vibrating really close to your Pizzone happy uh first birthday this is the most heartwarming message confirm yes or no check yes or no am I everyone's dad in this message thank you who is this next message for Griffin it's for chris leg you I really crush the pronunciation because they provide it and who is it from

Dan I yield oh shit uh Dan I yield writes I'm just kidding is Danielle uh I can't see it because Travis has fucked up the browser thank you Travis Dan I yield says to chris leg you chris please put your clean clothes in your drawers not back into the hampers thank you from your loving wife Danielle and also Sydney please do that as well uh and then it says here you toast it doesn't say that but that's like an extra burn that I added for Danielle to you chris leg you check yourself you toast now back to the show do you guys uh do you want another yahoo um how about oh man there's so many good ones this one was sent in by Sarah Gorman thank you Sarah it's by yahoo answers users sky ye who asks can a ghost puke on you

weirdest thing happened to me one more time can a ghost puke on you weirdest thing happened to me I woke up just now and realized that there was puke on me and next to me nobody in my house did it it wasn't my mom my sister my stepdad or any of the animals it happened in the last three and a half hours because it wasn't warm it was my body temperature what the fuck CSI don't touch anything this is a crime scene this was extremely gross can anyone please help me or the stepdad's birds that's trained go uh what did you say some tell me puke on you have you explored the occult I can feel a cold spot in your room I wasn't in there no but I heard

now uh darling and I mean to be fair I did tell you to not play with the Ouija all right Travis are you telling me that I do a perfect because I can add that to the repertoire now what if Tim Curry and Barack Obama sat down I think my sound a little bit like this here's Johnny that's my Jack Nicholson I can't we can't rule ghosts I mean the rule of thumb for just life don't you can't rule ghosts out no but I guess my question is why wouldn't you start with did someone break into my room like from the outside just complete straighter puke on me and say my work here is done and leave I uh I really have that coming wait let me check I'm gonna see if this

is okay so this is from October of 2010 not from April Fool's Day because that'd be a fucking great goof just walking like good morning did you see the puke yeah it was me AFD get it did you get it did you get it it's a commentary on how politics made me sick also I hate you and I needed to I needed to yeah I don't know if those three things hit together she night puke her what did I see night I'm sorry hold on I literally one more time can you give it to me again you know that um you know that r.e.m. song might puke what I'm saying is maybe she's a night puke her night puke her perfect that's a sleeper that's

a juicy but song you which by the way Michael's type come on do we have another really super good question uh I think I might have one here my husband Jesse has been growing his beard out for a year now it's large unruly catches everything he eats along with somebody on somebody named Jesse in the audience right now is like fuck it's large unruly catches everything I know which one it is let me talk about Jesse you don't have to point to him I fucking see him can I can I can I finish talking about Jesse for a second it's large it says here he's also a really great guy with a kind soul it's it's large unruly catches everything he eats along with the fact that he looks like Harry from the 1990s show Harry and Henderson's uh his podcast network is going great but

Jesse thorn joke for you he's got a big beard it's just nasty etc etc here's the end of the question which I do want to take a quick break the 1990s show Harry and Henderson's what we're talking about is the tv show not the fucking great movie with John let go the movie I cry hardest at the entire world other than iron giant not the film which has a lot of similarities if you think about it not the tv show which is basically alph anyway tall alph is what the original show is super tall alph this sunday on fox tall alph followed by big wonders I don't know we're just we're throwing spaghetti at the wall I don't know listen empty house I don't know fuck it whatever reverse it there's an end to the question my question to you

I'm I'm intimidated because there's nothing we're gonna say that's funnier than the end of this question what is the best way to auction off my husband's beard as from Kim quick question what you know okay so auctioning off a beard that's complicated because you might get a guy come up to you at the end of the auction when you get the clippers out Jesse and you're ready to shave it off he's like no leave it on I own that beard check the small print I own that beard exactly where you bought it what if he comes in when you're trying to eat some soup or some gas macho and he covers your beard with laminates and nothing happens to it because he owns it I own that beard it's possible yeah I appreciate puking on people stranger things have happened I appreciate you

jumping just straight into we're gonna auction the beard off not how to convince him no no no because and I like that because I think the three of us maybe could have gotten there on one of our patented goof riffs that we like to go on are you just saved us the trouble like you guys we're gonna talk about auctioning the beard right now we're starting at five dollars five dollars five dollars five dollars five dollars five dollars ten ten dollars ten twenty twenty dollars right there right here fifty fifty dollars now don't don't buy them unless you mean it because you know we're gonna make you pay cash right now I got fifty I got fifty because these wait wait do you really have fifty who's fifty fifty fifty dollars for a beard do I have

seventy five dollars for a beard 75 it's like landline like landline 50 going once this 50 going twice this is not binding at all so like what's the what do we do I see fifty dollars you guys can't just fucking do you have your beard let him build a nest we don't have a fucking structure in place for removal pay pal him the money after the show you two settle up which I mean shave your beard and give him fifty dollars buy three and one third posters and just give them to him granddad explain his bag I get a slice there we go perfect that okay we were just handed the smallest pair of baby scissors he sold them from baby Charlie this is Justin's baby scissors that we're gonna use to cut it'll take us 16 hours we'll finish this just as we arrive in Chicago

we just sold a man's beard we are golden gods I'm gonna I'm gonna check in with you every 60 seconds just to see how you feel at that point in time about your money making decisions in life wait honey why can't we afford to pay rent this month I don't know I bought a man's I got caught up in the magic but I got some kindling for a soup scented fire you remember how you said I should get a merkin good news good news I'm finally investing our money not wasting and I'm building a future for me and the kids and you should we get some get some folks up here no not yet let me ask this one that's oh I just is that a touchscreen I just archived it hold on oh shit shut up hold on wait everyone be cool here comes the question here comes how do we get my wife's family to stop

giving us shit we don't need or even have any use for we live in a small apartment with a tiny yet perfectly functional kitchen and they've given us things like electric crittles dessert coups what's that coupes all right all right it's a fucking we get it you went to culinary school rad drop top car that you drive cakes around and a giant plug-in roaster we've literally never used they've also don't tons of crafty shit and clothes we don't need on us they're not rich they just like to express their love and affection through stuff ah fuck them as from too much as from too much stuff in the twin cities now Justin it actually says too much shit in the twin cities did we hit our limit on cursing they were like oh that's it we're done we have our limit

on cursing in 2012 this was you this was y'all who have the uh the stuff problem here's what you get to do this is awesome you get to be like adult two younger friend santa claus 22 year olds love crafty you're saying a 22 year old's gonna get a roaster and be like yeah they won't even know what it does but they won't have one already they're just like pour fiddle faddle onto it while it's turning like i don't and this roaster and it and it makes you're right it's the flavor is more yeah absolutely um this sucks i this i think i well the obvious solution of course uh is to take all of it uh antiques roadshow um a lot of people do that wait wait no i stop antiques roadshow yeah because they're not like oh crafty shit well this is crafty

shit from yesterday no no i'm i'm saying a lot of people do this and it's like a antiques roadshow hack is i read about that on buzzfeed are you tired of enjoying antiques roadshow like all the plebes well now time to find the express lane if you plug your antiques roadshow into a watermelon you'll never believe what happens okay tell me about your antiques roadshow take out your guards antiques roadshow and they'll give you a little lot and you stand there and you pull your shit there and then they come back and they're like all right baker family you're hey where'd you go oh no they left all their shit another one and then they have that is their problem and they have to deal with it it's a pretty circuitous take care of this garbage are you okay and then

oh my god wait this was president roosevelt's roaster it's it's engraved yummy yummy it's chicken time president roosevelt it says it right there he is this the win the spanish-american war is that a thing that he did i like the idea i were two of them so your odds are pretty good i like the idea that the antiques roadshow people will even if it's not old fake it oh this is this is old uh yeah this is definitely this uh this is dazzled tea well might surprise you to learn betsy raw it goes big into bedazzling the original american flag was a bit dazzling not a lot of people know that a lot of people don't know that let's get some people up here i think that help okay uh right here right now here's the one up there is one rule when it comes to the questions

no bombers right they gotta be comedy or bombing we will throw you off the stage come up you got any more diet coke in that can i didn't bring any mixers just uh boos all right man hi hello hi hey how's it going good what's your name we're in minneapolis so am i anyone here else from minneapolis just a quick question anybody asked really projecting tonight she's a lot of fantastic okay sorry sorry what's your name i'm i'm katie hi hi katie hi katie i'm to be fair i'm not from minneapolis no easy katie nice listen i'm not gonna it's the biggest of the twin wings this is a short mic okay what's the question i'm gonna crouch how can i help so um how can i help yeah this will help me one of my part-time

jobs is really super related to pizza okay is that possibly at a pizza place no it's not pizza adjacent do you describe what pizza looks like to blind people it's i eat it i eat it for them and then describe well they can taste the fucking pizza stably better than sighted people that's how that works stop eating boy people's pizza i'm not a job katie you're just a dick i don't even how's the pizza katie money please i don't even have a question i just wanted to point out what an asshole i am okay okay it's a nice it's a nice cheese pizza i need to stand up like a human hey so one of my part-time jobs is very pizza related as i said and as a consequence of that at least two to three times a day i get people posting on my facebook wall pizza related things

like hey look at this pizza decorated car look at this three-tiered pizza wedding cake and almost every time they're like it's right up your alley this pizza thing it's really hard to relate to this because we three brothers don't have anything that we've publicly said we liked or a facebook group where people might post things about that constantly hey i found some horses to be fair you did create the group you kind of asked for it that's true you need to sort of pizza horses are your fault i would love a horse dumpster that i just am the admin of i would like a well that people horse doser dot com horse dumpster dot horse i would love a well in my backyard that people just threw horses down all day sorry so the problem is just people think you're the pizza person now

and you've let you laugh so it's this okay yes it's very job i don't really know why so there are people even that i haven't spoken to for 15 years that just by virtue of knowing me on facebook will post these pizza related things and i don't expect really to be able to get it to stop yeah that's not going to happen but i'm out of responses right like i'm at the point now where i'm like yeah like how about just like ha cool that's like my response it starts to feel disingenuous yeah for sure okay i see your point katie i have two suggestions one just google commonly said words by the ninja turtles and every time somebody posts anything just like calabunga i was gonna say i'm copy pasting calabunga from here on out do that every time okay secondly i can tell you how to make

it stop in your question you stated that it's a but a lot of it is people who you haven't spoken to in 15 years and the thing is and this is real advice you guys stop chocolate you know what i'm gonna say you need to kill them no um no but what it is is it's people who want to catch up do you want to relate to you but they only know the one fact about you and that's the worst part of it i'm a very multi-dimensional person i like a lot of what travis is saying is you gotta batman you gotta start sharing other things push that stuff out you gotta start posting more on your facebook like really excited for this new batman thing go hard you gotta be like can't wait for that new batman movie also fuck pizza i'm done with that pizza week shit also i'm really glad i get that money

for my pizza job but it ain't what i'm about did y'all see interstellar it was crazy i'm really into space now not pizza so much my favorite thing about interstellar was how little pizza there was in it there was like zero pizza mad damon will govern said oh my god another person did you bring pizza that would have been a way that would have been super good thank you so much let's get somebody from this side yes you first hand i saw go up yes yes yes yes yes yes so i'm trying to get more ginger aleco i'm gonna get top 10 drunk if i don't float out i'm asking you you're my brother oh you want us to go get you ginger aleco do i have time to go get we're in the middle of the show what do you have to wait a minute before he gets up here is this

the show i thought we were just getting them hot getting ready getting you warmed up for the third podcast of the evening ladies and gentlemen welcome to night fail look at that fucking crush hero just uh for those of you listening at home uh ginger ale happened and hi what's your name hi uh i'm mark with a c from the twin city oh good because i was going to say mark really hard mark is your question a bummer uh is no it's not okay great unless unless you don't make it a bummer um well no don't put the onus on us mark it's up to you guys whether this is if your question leads us to a bummer you're equally at fault i thought it was my brother my brother and me not my brother my brother and a guy named

mark because then okay it's also not called throwing shade mark mark what is your question yeah so uh i have this thing where i never text my friends back in a promptly manner cool um it's not it's someone just yelled the word katie there's a real your time's done there's a real creek choir thing happening in this audience right now it's it's a minnesota thing um minnesota people speak out yeah i like that you all don't ever so i don't text people back in a timely manner and it's gotten really bad to the point where like my friends will like one of my friends started like a excel spreadsheet where they calculate how long it takes me to respond back cool great like over there um okay go ahead uh and and a lot of it it's not like i don't want to respond it's more

like i like it's usually like questions like can you hang out tonight can you hang out this weekend and a lot of it's like i don't know yet because i have a job that's like very like random and dynamic and i work weird hours so right i just don't text anything back um and it's starting to feel like i'm the asshole in this situation which i it's starting i am fixing to which is which is true and valid uh but it's more like i i don't know is there a thing i should say thanks down there okay is there a thing i should text is a thing i should do do you just sometimes not respond i just don't respond okay yeah this is my favorite type of question mark because the answer is it's a short answer the answer is text start texting them back yeah i mean thank you no no but i don't

know what to say right because i don't know my schedule all all they're looking for is like recognition that you've received so i guess it's like i'll let you know how about just just a cordial gotcha just like yep you don't have to or just send back anamodicon just a smiley ways every time so like i don't know what that means but clearly he got it he said dog dog pizza pizza and then the poop one so i think that might be a yes i think he might be right yeah just text him back if you don't check the mark wait wait he's lost his life he's very into now embark if you don't sometimes you don't know what to say just text him a link nbmbam.com what team google team google.com team google.com for all your team no just tell them

griffinspacejam.com i feel you i feel you i really do feel you i feel you i really do but you got like tell them about your absence of information that you don't have like that you have that you can't like plan shit yet i want to do that let me see if i can make it work next time you get a text and you don't respond i want you to imagine staring the first person dead eyes just like staring their persona in the eye just staring them dead in the eyes and not saying anything just imagine that's your text response to them just you have to say if you were in your real life in rl you would say a something you take that and you just type it and then and then you're good we fixed your life mark thank you you actually really helped that genuinely helped

Travis you want to pick one you have a pick one oh okay let's see who else has one she's reaching really hard and she's far in the back yeah come on up come on up there's a center aisle if you can get to it oh sunday school i just got it cause ice cream yeah sunday school that was like bad joke inception the best the best punchline for that is french class it's classic honey i shrunk the kids holy shit you get up here faster please jesus i'm dead well in three days all right i'm so sorry oh wait a minute we forgot to make the jump really hold on travis just made the worst good friday goof in the god damn history of speech

we were gonna make a great goof about how this is our good friday no wait great friday no but that's gone now now that's gone hi what's your name my name is lauren hi hi lauren hi um so i have a couple of roommates um in the house that me and my fiance live in okay and one of them cooks quite a bit your fiance here uh yeah he's right there long hey how's it going okay start go ahead um and basically she cooks a lot makes a lot of dishes we're cool with that we can sometimes eat it or we do we we sometimes eat it she's allowed to see anything anyway she leaves the stuff out on the countertop usually overnight and open in the fridge for days no how is she is she an animal like god is she a beast did you allow a wolverine into your home maybe that's the worst thing i've

ever heard and i read the newspaper letters who braggy also it's highlights but go ahead what do we do okay yell at her yell at her really real like this what are you doing that volume is the if you do it any less she's not gonna get the what are you doing you're ruining everything this isn't what george washington is in the founding moments had in mind what if what if she's watching tv she's enjoying some dance moms and you just walk over with an open container rigatoni just dump it on her lap peel the peel the fucking skin off everything and then weave it into a fucking jacket and give it to her for christmas with a no card it says fuck you on it you're the worst i have one i have a clarification question when she cooks this

stuff yes is she cooking it under the auspices of like i am cooking for you i'm cooking for the house or is she cooking and there she makes too much so everybody gets to eat a great question thanks so um her name is hannah she's super sweet um she just fuck you hannah go ahead come on play that hey will you play that for her she listened she listened no play that for her okay i will i think we might have libeled her but go ahead i want this human to know where she's out with me so she just she loves to cook and anybody who loves to cook just cooks for an army what you're describing is she likes to start to cook and then not complete what i would call the most important step finishing yeah somebody just yelled cleaning up yeah thank you thank you yeah we got there ahead

of me while you're right wait wait he's talking about cleaning up i want to nail this in case he forgets the words of the last second i'm gonna give him those words what's it called when you have the shit out and it's dirty it's dirty and you need to do something about it to make it not dirty god damn it cleaning down dirty up no fuck i'll get there i clean up as i could i put stuff away as soon as i serve the plate i put it away brag brag brag it bothers me if something are you reading the newspaper like no polish polish polish uh do you have a house spirit because that might be wait but you have other roommates right this is one of a couple so it's uh me and my fiance um he owns the house we have one roommate who is also here gory a victor but the winner of the

hey out there a victor you're going to nail a board list with house rules up on the door it's just like warm rule yeah clean up you're the martin luther rigatoni cleanup doom doom doom you are going to need to get a martin luther costume yeah do you have one already okay no home should be without for sale over there posters and martin luther costumes has any of this been good thank you and i love your nail polish what's that i love travis's nail polish oh how sweet nobody ever says anything about it uh thanks guys thank you quick quick quick and it is almost over but let me holler at you just one last time thanks to nature box dot com where you can order hundreds of great tasting healthy snacks go to nature box dot com slash my brother to sign

out for your free sample box of great tasting a healthy snacks let's let's uh let's close out i'm excited to get to the final yahoo because it's a fucking transcendent okay so mini apples thank you been great it's been a super good show you guys are like the most fun ever don't forget about the posters they're really really incredible please listen i don't i do not know what we will do with posters that say mini apple a song if you don't buy all of them we're fucked so grab them uh thanks to john rodrick in the long winters views our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed is he here is he here no okay somebody just went hey hey oh shit i was proud about john rodrick i know this part uh thank you to saw bones uh for

doing an amazing job opening for us thank you to everybody here at the cedar cultural center this is like this is a pretty fucking rad venue you guys didn't get to go back in the green room but it's pretty cool yeah there's a baby back there and everything it's a fully stocked baby yeah everybody's been really really nice yeah this has been tremendous thank you guys so much yeah many apples you've been super super super nice to us finally i yeah okay i'm gonna read okay buckle up it's gonna go for a while every episode i'm a brother my brother me we have one final yahu answers question that we will ponder over the next week and then this one's meaty this one's gonna have you're gonna be chewing on this one for a while so there's always stick with us we return

to it next week and we talk about it every every time don't every time we've always done this uh and griffin do you have one to close this out i do i want to read the actual question and this is unprecedented i'm gonna read the additional details too it's really fucking good uh a ton of people sent this in including john jarzimski david jackson zoey kinsky and probably a bunch of other people uh thank you all so much it's by yahu answers user frankie who asks can i get my dad arrested for not letting me drop out of school to become zane malik's replacement in one direction okay nothing okay so i want to drop out of school forever because i am tired of this teacher bullying me today he said i smelled like a horse handbag wtf is he even talking about

i was smelling like aftershave a nice one so i drew up a plan to show my dad i am very serious about this it goes one leave school two be a zookeeper but then i heard about zane so i'm willing to take that vacancy cool trajectory i have got better at faking english accent and i would like lots of girlfriends he didn't even look at my plan he just got mad saying for the last time i'm not leaving school said next time i imagine i will automatically get a slap this is a democracy i'm tired of him saying no to everything can i get a pair at no can i go to manchester with my friend no can i have one more beer no can i have some money no so i started saying no to everything he says to me and he had the audacity to get mad at me and you know you don't tell me no i am the

dad i do this for you i do that for you blah blah blah i'm a massive dickhead blah blah please please arrest him and i will have fun fun i'm just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy i'm good for macaroy remember the ruby kiss your dad square on the lips uh maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported