My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 248: Face 2 Face: Bumblefoot

Episode Date: April 20, 2015

Here's our live episode from Milwaukee, recorded earlier this month. You've probably heard of this episode, because it's the one where everyone in the audience got married to each other. Enjoy listening to us lose our minds! Suggested talking points: The Dells, Baby Axl Rose, Chex Candle, Dog Walker Remnants, Husband or Son, The History of Ron Perlman, FWBs, Reunion Virality, PROPOSALFEST

Hey everybody, this is my brother. My brother me. I'm Justin etc. We do all that shit later But I wanted to step in real quick before you start listening to the show. It was recorded live at Milwaukee's Beautiful Turner Hall. It gets really weird at the end So make sure you check out the whole thing and if this leaves a taste in your mouth For wanting to a good taste that you want to taste more of our live performances a taste station if you will a taste station And you live in the Pacific Northwest you could do exactly that Travis. Tell them how Well, we've got three shows one in Seattle jerking off

What are you jerking off? And that's why you didn't respond quickly. Why is that where you win? I don't know. I thought I heard some jerk noises. Go ahead Travis. Go ahead. Okay. We've got three shows one in Portland Then Seattle then Vancouver The links you're looking for our bit.ly forward slash mb mb am Seattle bit.ly forward slash mb mb am Portland and bit.ly forward slash V-A-N-M-B-M-B-A-M It's the end of August is when we're gonna when we're going to visit ourselves upon you PNW By the way, the Vancouver show and the

Seattle show are reserve seating. So don't sleep and Portland's almost sold out So super don't sleep on that one. Yeah, I don't sleep on any of them But anyway, here's our our Milwaukee episode. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you Milwaukee for the good times if you know what I mean We had sex with Milwaukee Here we go and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby

I It's familiar But not too familiar But not to not familiar It's a new place And the girls didn't want us What's up Milwaukee? Woo!

What did you do? What did you do? What did you do? Let's start this show with a fucking confession. What did you do? What did you do? I left my computer upstairs. You left your computer upstairs.

Why would you need a computer for a comedy podcast? I don't know. It's all up here. Okay. What's our first question, Justin? My brother forgot his laptop. There are 600 people watching. What do I do?

Oh my God, there's a lot of people out here. So what's going on, guys? I really liked what you were doing, the sound check. The sound guy was like, it's going to sound a lot different when there's, this room is full of meat baffling. And I was like, that's great. Yeah. I just, that's our first check of the night and it was stolen.

So let's see, you already stole the Millie Waquay. You talked about the Wisconsin Dells. No, we didn't finish talking. The Wisconsin Dells. Here's the funny story. Have you ever been to it? I was about to call it, I was like, if you haven't, go right now. Yeah.

It's amazing. I was about to call it the pigeon forge of Wisconsin, but. Wow. Okay. Yeah. A lot of people have made that announcement. Right. I thought it would.

Someone real anti-pigeon forge. Yeah. I know they're not anti-dells because how the fuck could you be? They got a wizard quest. They have a place called, yeah, some wizard quest fans in the house. Some questos in the house. The most direct titling of an adventure ever. Ghost boat.

Ghost boat? Or was it boat ghost? No, it was, it was ghost boat because the boat ghost is a dead boat. Yeah. Sure. There was a place called Sinchiladas. Not making that up. Yeah.

They're not BS. That's true. I can curse on this one. I forgot. Shit, shit, shit. Yeah. It's funny because the people who were in the car, Travis and I were up front navigating and driving and the people who were in the car who were not us, when we got off of this

exit, the baby had to eat. The baby had to nurse. We had to stop. Babies. Babies. So Sidney says, we, whenever you guys could find a stop and I looked like a heroic dad because we pulled off almost instantly because it was seconds after seeing the wizard quest billboard.

Well, that's, you were praying, Jesus God, somebody need anything. So, yeah, we pull in and everyone in the car who's not us is like, wow, can you believe we just pulled into a stop? I was just going to say, not even a wizard, just like sort of OJ, just like, just keep going. Just say it's a mile. It's a mile. It's a mile.

A mile. A mile off the road. And we weren't even going to stop. We just wanted to pass it. Yeah. We just wanted to drive past wizard quest and we also did pass by the Paul Monion Lumberjack show. It was, listen, the whole place looked like a fever dream.

There was a building that had on top of it an octopus fighting a King Kong with no sign as to what the building was like, you're going to go, oh, yeah, it's actually, it's an Apple Bees. It's like a fucked up Lovecraftian Apple Bees. I want to break open this local brew real quick. The hardest, the hardest thing to process about those Constantel is I saw maybe 30 people in about two hours who I hand on a Bible would swear the thought going through their head was, I'm having a fun day while at the gift shop.

I bought my wife a magnet and it said, this is just the Wisconsin Dell episode. The magnet said, good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go shopping Wisconsin Dells. I thought this was ironic and I have bad girls want to buy fun. Because that's what they have for sale. So I bought it and I brought it to my wife like this and I had to return it. And you'll never imagine. I wish I could have taken a snapshot as the poor 18 year old shop girls face at the Wisconsin

Dell's gift shop. As I said, as I said the sentence, my wife didn't think this was as funny as I did. And I exchanged this joke magnet. Apparently I got the joke already. It's all used up a new joke, please. Can I exchange this $3 and 50 cent magnet for a different $3 and 50 cent magnet? You can't just read them in the store like, hey, get out of here. You can all the jokes up.

After you said my wife didn't think this is funny as I was. Did you did she point up and you'd noticed that that is in fact the name of the store? The only thing that comforted me was I just kept telling myself, I can't be the first person to say this sentence in this store. Like, yeah, I get it. I get it. We've all been there. Even though your wife didn't, I get it.

Because another themed magnet they had was a sandal themed. We're in the middle of Wisconsin. I wish you just bought all the fucking magnets and then we could have some jokes in this episode of our comedy podcast. Jesus, please. We're on a goddamn prairie home companion tear Wisconsin Dells edition. Take that, Garrison Keeler. Even Garrison Keeler at this point would be like, fucking wrap it up.

Come on. You are being very long winded, I said for the first time on the show. Who has listened to our show before? We haven't even fucking introduced ourselves. Thank you. Thank you. Wait, no, wait. We could be anybody though because we haven't said our names.

The name of the podcast. This is my brother, my brother, me, and advice you for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McRoy. I'm your babyest brother, Griffin McRoy, the fucking conductor of this orchestra, apparently. You remember? People ask those questions and we're like, yeah, Dix. That's a typical breakdown of our show.

There's an A block, a B block. There's a day new moi. We don't talk about Wisconsin Dells for a half fucking hour. Who hasn't listened to our show before? It's all right. Just raise your hands. Nobody's going to not, nobody's never listened to our show before and also isn't at the Badgers game right now.

Yeah. Who here decided to go to the Badgers game instead of my brother, my brother, and me show? Trick question. Yeah. Tricks on you though because that money still spins. Thanks suckers. Go ahead, Justin.

So what we do is we take questions from people and we give them advice. We turn them alchemy-like into wisdom and we're going to do that for you right now. I have some questions here. Well, I have some questions on my laptop. That's upstairs. I can't fucking believe you did that. Let it go. Now I have questions on Travis's phone.

If you can- I hope I don't get embarrassing texts from my wife. I still don't think- Be funny or- I still don't think that magnet is funny. Sincerely, Teresa. Oh, I just got it. Teresa.

Teresa. Here's a picture of her laughing here. Or screaming. She's one of the two. Question, question, question. We are at that age where a lot of our friends are having kids. We ourselves are not planning on having our own children, but we like to make our house welcoming to parents and entertaining to kids so we can continue to host parties and keep

our relationship with our new parent friends. Any advice for awesome games and activities to keep around for the kiddos as well as conveniences that will make our friends more comfortable? And that's from not the mama in Minneapolis. Nice. Except tonight when we're in Milwaukee. You here? Hi.

You know we did a show in Minneapolis last night. Can I just say, you're a saint. Yeah, that's really cool of you. I don't have a child, but my friends and brother that does, it sucks. Whoa. Kind of a cool thing to say. No, no, no. I mean if you're them.

I mean if you're them. No, not me. It sucks to have a baby. It sucks to have an infant daughter. She's a light of my life. Take it back. Three of Buzzkill. Okay.

Man, all right. Have you tried showing her the room? She doesn't get it. She's like, this isn't funny. I don't. Hey uncle. Is this a Borno? Uncle Travis, this magnet sucks.

You're an idiot. I hate you. Oh man. Wait, where did the magnet go? It's gone forever. What a sweet reality that would be. Every time that magnet left your field of view, it was dead. You guys have been hanging out with my baby for the past three days.

What if you were to, when you're going to go home and prepare an area in your home that's specifically for my child, what steps will you take? Hall of Mirrors. Yeah. That's true. Babies love that shit. Babies do love them shits. Yeah.

Especially if they're different sizes and different heights and you can be like, this is you baby. If you were like your normal size, this is you eight feet tall. They're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Probably exactly right. You got to get them high first. Yeah. Super duper high.

Keep some kind butt around for babies. How about a... I got you some strained weed. Just a... It's from the earth, baby. Don't be a prude, baby. They eat cheerios the same way as stone people. Yeah.

That's actually true. My baby just started eating these little cheesy poops called little crunchies. Holy shit. It's the funniest thing in the universe. She looks exactly like David Hasselhoff in that hamburger video. And sometimes it'll get stuck to her forehead and like, where'd it go? I don't know. I moved on.

Much like the Huff, she just sort of... Friend of the show. Friend of the show, the Huff, she just sort of puts material in her mouth and waits for it to dissolve like a goddamn Venus fly trap. She's a miracle. She's a miracle and she's your everything. I would do like just like a room that's just like a baby pool with like six inches of just standing water in it.

Because there's just a constant seepage, just a constant fluid slime, there's just a fucking constant discharge. So just a good old fashioned baby soaking. Or for humans too, because it's like, this is my nice Oxford. Thank you for the gift. You're Justin's everything and I adore you too. But I need a room that I could just like lay down in and be clean. That is a good question, Justin.

As a father, have you started to alter your wardrobe away from your nice Oxford's to maybe some shittier shirts? Yeah, Justin, from your fucking... I am. From your Nordstrom's finest to... You go from the Margaritaville collared shirt to just a Tybee Island v-neck. See, Griffin got mean. So I was going to say maybe a room of smocks.

We were checking out of our hotel this morning in Minneapolis before the drive. God, I wish this story took place in the Dells, I know. And right before we were about to leave, my infant daughter was naked because I was changing her and I stood her up to look at her and just observe her majesty. And she, a giant pee, right on the bed of the hotel. And at first I was like... And then I was like, that's the most rock and roll thing I've ever seen. You're like Axl Rose, the baby.

It's the only rock and roll thing that has happened to us on this fucking tour so far. That's not true. You and I have that jeweling nosebleed. I've had four nosebleeds today between the two of us and it's our second day of the tour. The second of three days. It was so rock and roll that my brain went, wait, two days? Yeah, no way.

The road's tough, man. We're not made for the road. How about a Yahoo answer? Yes. It's Yahoo Answer was sent in by Dave Page, thank you, Dave. It's by Yahoo Answers user Mary, 0% best answers, better luck the next time. Mary asks, found a Chex in a new candle. I bought a candle from Goodwill that came from Target.

It was brand new, never been lit, not even scratches, but after two nights of lighting I saw something in the middle so I dug it out and it was a Chex cereal piece. How did that happen? Was someone eating Chex mix while making candles? Does anyone know? Should I ask Target? I'd post a pic of the candle, too, but I can only do one photo and then fucking, sure enough.

There's a Chex, it's got a little bit of burn on it, it's been caramelized, a tad. That's a fucking Chex dug out a candle. There's so much to unpack here, two quick things, one, is the singular Chex? Is it a Chex? I saw a Chex. I saw a Chex. I saw a Chex. I saw a Chex.

I think it's a Chex. I think it's a Chex. I think it's a Chex. I saw a Chex. I saw a Chex. The other thing, I don't think Target provides support for candles. You bought at Goodwill after someone bought them at Target. Hold on, hold on.

Let's do that call. Justin, call me. Bring, bring. Hi. Good role playing. Yes, hello, Target. Hi, it's me. A real piece of shit.

Uh-huh. Go on. I was about to pose the question that I answered, but I wanted you guys to get a chance to set this right first. Yes, of course, of course. How can I help you? I bought a candle at Goodwill that someone bought at Target first. Uh-huh.

Well, let me say, I was trained exactly for this. Let me do everything I can to help you. What is the issue you're dealing with? There's a Chex in it. Oh, not again. Again. I got to talk to Chexie Steve down on the assembly line. I'm bored.

That wasn't a character. I was just bored over here. You didn't give me a bit. What if you called in and you cost Chexie Steve his job? Yeah. Yeah, listen, somebody who's eating Chex on the assembly line is they make Target Kiddles. It doesn't have a long way to fall. I have blood sugar.

You know that. You know that. I have to eat Chex or I'll die. Okay, but imagine. It could have been Karen, Triske Karen. Your Chex makes Steve and you're fucking grooving over the assembly line, over the cauldron, I guess, and a single piece of Chex. Let's just say melbotose because it's easier to like singularize.

But a single piece of melbotose falls out of your mouth and into the machine. You're not going to be like, stop, stop the whole process. Every fucking second that machine is stopped, that company's losing billions of dollars. Do you guys think that maybe it was just a candle wick and this person's mother has been giving them candle wicks their whole life and calling them Chex? You want a snack? Have some Chex. Chex.

Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Please. Things are hard enough. Let Charlie Bucket have this one last dream. Where he's eating Chex. Cheer up, Charlie. Do you have some waxy poops?

Well, you read a human being question now, which is what I'm calling a human. About a month ago, is this, is this okay? You're doing great. All right. I know how my phone likes it. About a month ago, we hired a dog walker for the first time. The day after he was this year's, this is where out of your alley, you're laughing at your own brand.

Huh? You're a big fan. Oh yeah. Guys. Shut up. Shut up. You're going to love this shit. Yeah, guys.

There's nothing I hate more than people who laugh at themselves. About a month ago, we hired a dog walker for the first time. Can I get some more of that booze? Yeah. I'm reading this. What is it? What is this, by the way? This is repeal reserve rye, extremely limited.

Somebody gave this to us in the crowd. It's amazing. It's wonderful. Thank you, whatever you are. It's really good. I feel bad about mixing it with diet burners, but them's the breaks in the road. Don't know. Diet burners is the best ginger ale in the universe.

We were also given a bunch of burners. Is Mr. Werner here tonight? Mr. Werner's? Vernon Werner? Are you here? About a month ago, we hired, put some burners in there too. You got to cut that bad boy, okay? About a month ago, we hired a dog walker for the first time.

Have you guys gotten that part? Cool. The day after he walked our dog, my wife and I found a sweatshirt in the interway that belonged to the walker. While we intended to email the dog walking company, we had forgotten to do so until recently rediscovering the sweatshirt. It's been a month and we don't plan on using the service again. What do we do, brother?

Send off an email a month after the fact, donate it, throw it away, keep it. That's from charity combustor conversion. Are you, you are here, correct? Hey, how's it going? Okay, hey. Are you wearing the sweatshirt now? That would have been a nice touch. You should have.

That would have really committed to the bit. That would have been dope. I have two questions. Thank you, scraps, by the way. Question one for the drink. You're welcome. Question one, when you say, we intended to send the email, did you, did you? You know how they work, right?

Because, hey, he left a sweatshirt, 10 seconds. Second question. What did he do that you didn't bring him back? He walked the dog counterclockwise. Are there, is this fucking sweatshirt? Were there like letters from the war in the pockets? Wait, what is that change thing? It's a sweatshirt.

There's somebody I paid to do a service for me, leaves a sweatshirt in my house. It's not mine, but it's not theirs anymore. Wait, hold on. What if it's weighted down with emotions? Like that was the sweatshirt I wore when I saw Deathcap for Cutie. If it's, if the weight is provided, yes, that was an emotional concert for me. I lived, I learned, I grew. Can we break the word down for a second?

Like, if you are wearing something called a sweat shirt, and you have any expectation that someone's going to like keep it in a cubby in their home. Where are my piss pants? Oh, I left them at my job again. These are my, these are my good shit khakis. A sentence no one should ever say, that's my finest sweatshirt. I left my jizz bandana at their house. Not again.

Wait, hold on. What service stands where they have their jizz bandana out of their house? We hired a dog walker. We will never hire him again. It's a tough job. Listen, walking to the dog is stressful, and sometimes you got to rub one out. While headbanging, I guess. Dog, I'll take you on five minutes, give me a second.

Yeah, I've ever seen the back of that Bruce Springsteen album. That's what it was. It was a jizz bandana. Oh, Jesus. Recently, a new neighbor moved in across the street from my wife and me. My wife took her cookies, and I was building her ground. No, took her cookies, not took her cookies. My wife's still my wife.

Welcome to the neighborhood, bitch, why? My wife took her cookies until she'd eaten enough salad. Okay. By the way, quick update, quick update, quick update, quick update. Justin ate some field greens for dinner. I watched him. I was so fucking proud of him. He also made up the term field greens.

No, that's a thing. That's a thing. Also, I talked about Field of Greens, the movie Field of Greens. Now, hold on. That was a good clue. I should, before you go any further, I talked about this on Sawbones. Thank you for listening. Recently my new neighbor moved in across the street from...

I shouldn't say that. He was caring for my infant. Recently my new neighbor... We supposed to be doing that? We're going to get through this question if it's the last thing we do, everybody. D, you guys get the part about the new neighbor. Excellent. Moved in across from my wife and the wife stole some cookies and I was building a girl.

So I waved from our garage. Later that week, my wife and I were walking to the bus and the woman joined us. She asked my wife if I was her son. After a few seconds of awkward silence, my wife said, no, this is my husband. Who should be more offended? Me? Who apparently looks like a 12 year old despite being 31, over 6 feet tall and going gray. Or my wife?

Who the woman thought must look older than her 30 years. That's from Mifton Madison. I have a confession to make. Yeah, it was just you. Yeah, honestly. Yeah. Sorry, we didn't ask... Sorry, that was our fault.

We didn't ask if the person who asked that was in the audience until you felt the need to let us know. That was our... What if they don't know it's me? I should say something. I should say something. Let me say that was not a 12 year old's howl. When you guys were...

When we were going through the questions to talk about during dinner and I was pretty deeply into my big CD. Pull back that curtain. I pulled back the curtain. I heard the line. She asked my wife if I was her son. And what I interpreted it as was the older woman asking if the question asker was her son.

And I couldn't think for fucking five minutes, I was like, who are these monsters that I call brothers who are making fun of this clearly Alzheimer's stricken woman? And I'm like, because I want it to be like this. Excuse me. Is that my son? I don't mean to make this awkward, but... Is that... I think you got my boy.

I think I see what happened here. You got my boy. You got my boy. I want him back. I need him to do chores and such. The reason I was just sitting up here thinking about this. Sometimes I wish we did music because I feel like if you're Bon Jovi you can look into the crowd and make eye contact with people and it's like a real, real moment for them.

For doing a comedy podcast, it's just really distracting because they're not going to mouth the words to jokes for you. Oh, okay, you do this move. Right. What's the next thing I'm going to say? It's probably dicks or horses or something, but... Dick horses. No, you...

I think someone actually yelled dick horses. So who should be more fending? Good work. Well done. Here's the thing. The person who is the most awesome in this situation is the older woman. Fuck yeah. She is.

Are you kidding me? I can't imagine a scenario. I'm a 31-year-old adult person. I can't imagine being that blunt and honest ever to go, hey, fucking stop. Is that your son? Ever. I would do this like how long? What's...

She was like, what is the riskiest, potentially wrongest fucking thing I can say? Because if it breaks bad, never again. Never again. You will never steal this woman's cookies ever, ever again. Maybe that's a countermeasure. Maybe they were shit cookies. Listen, I'm not trying to knock. Are you here?

That was a very beaten down, yeah. I'm so sorry if we've been cruel. When your husband had his interaction with her, did he... Or was she like, what are you doing? And he was like, I'm making a quill. Like that and wave? Like a 12-year-old? I'm working in my garage.

I'm going to cook a strike on a strike. I'm going to cook a strike on it later. I'm making a strike. I don't know how wetters work. How do you spell strike? I'm watching Breaking Bad. I want to take a quick... Sorry to interrupt you guys, us, but, you know, I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to take a quick... Sorry to interrupt you guys, us, but I want to take a quick moment to tell you about our sponsors for this episode. First up is a returning favorite, Warby Parker. Remember Warby Parker? Yeah. You know, for fashion forward prescription glasses that started at just 95 bucks. And that sounds cool and that's a great price, but it gets better.

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I'm jamming on the Asiago cheese crisps right now. Oh, god dang. They're like the greatest savory snack I've ever had. I'm way into Parmesan Pop Pops. You two motherfuckers are living under the Tuscan sun. That's me. Diane Lane up in this bitch. These great snacks are available to you at naturebox.com slash my brother.

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Okay. God damn. Yeah. Spinach, casserole, egg noodles, fennel, spinach, orange, oh my god. These are all. I don't even know some of these words. Spinach. Peary, peary chicken thighs with coconut, plantain, mash and collard greens.

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Yep. Teach a listener for a day. Teach a listener to get Blue Apron. They'll get two free meals and then pay under less than $10 for all the meals. Teach a listener to fish and he'll eat for a day and then get bored with fishing and move on to the next day and be like, wait, oh shit, I should have kept doing that. I'm so, so hungry. I'm so hungry.

I got a message for Andre Shank here from Isaac Beachy, says, hey, Andre Shank, it's Isaac. This is crazy, right? I think you're griffin' to say whatever I want. No, you can't. You can't. I'm reading it. You can't buy me nothing.

I'm drunk on griffin'. I'm drunk. I'm sorry. I'm drunk on syrup. I'm drunk on power. I'm griffin'. I'm a little baby. A little baby that poops the fan.

This is me. You can't see me right now, but I'm fuckin' Matrix dodging in front of my microphone, like, nope, no, you don't. Nope. I'm pooping my pants right now, poop, poop, poop, ball up in my pants. I think Rush Limbaugh is the greatest. I don't believe in global warming. Griffin didn't say that.

I did. But it's a shame because all of that stuff is totally true. Yep. Thank you. Thank you, Andre, and happy, happy, I guess Isaac didn't have a message for you. He just wanted to control me like some sort of meat puppet. Well, fuck that. I'm my own man.

Let's do another message. This next one is a simple one, and it's a loving one. It's from a brother, Zand Fowler, to his sister, Victoria Fowler, and his simple message of love reads, Victoria smells like farts. Oh, shit. And then, and then, in what I would say, one of the most gracious things anyone has ever said about us, Dan included in the message, that's it, perhaps this is below you gentlemen. Nope.

Oh man, it's not below us all, but Victoria, you're going to stand for that? You've got to stand up to him. Send us $100 to stand up for him. Let's start a flame war on the Jumbotron. Again, it is below me, and I didn't say it because I am starting to hold myself to a certain standard on this show. Okay, here's the last message. It's for Dan Schreiner, and it's from Jobo, who says, hey, Dan Schreiner, happy birthday.

This is a loving message from Jobo, reaching out to you across space and time, courtesy of a McElroy Brothers vocal chords and mouth movements. Never forget how awesome you are, and always remember how much your friends and family care about you. Nerd. My son. And he wanted that message to be sent on April 21, which is a Tuesday, not typically the day that we transmit our love broadcasts to the world around us, but there it is, message

deployed. I did it with, there's been a lot this week of people wanting to control our mouths, like we're some sort of Jim Henson monstrosity. Should we get back to the show? Yes. Here's another, yeah, Drew from Job, Drew, user, level thousand, Drew and Drew Divingport. Thank you, Drew. Uh, it's by YAH, Drew Answers, user, guitar man who asks, I called a man Bumblefoot and

he was angered. Oh man, this is going to take a few tries. Yeah, okay. Starting again, because that's the best sentence I've ever heard. I'm not even through the fucking headline yet. I called a man Bumblefoot and he was angered. I did it in a friendly way though. Was I wrong to do this?

We've all been there. Hey, Bumblefoot, excuse me. Sorry? Bumblefoot, that's our word. I gotta go now. Good night everyone. Travis out. 30 minutes and Travis has retired from the stage.

There is a man I know named Ron who lives near me. I was hanging out in the front yard as my brother was cooking burgers on the Gweel. Ron was walking his dog and as he approached I said, hello there Bumblefoot. I would give anything if that somebody stepped at Ron. Like that guy hasn't gone through enough. Listen man, I get it enough at home. Listen, I gotta- Bumblefoot's already written on my dog, leave me alone.

Bumble, he said, Bumblefoot, what does that mean? I am your elder, have some respect. The funny part is that he is only my elder by about six years as he is 45 and I am 39. Whoa! Okay, quick question. Hey there Bumblefoot. I'm a 30. Excuse me?

What's sweeter? I'm a man. What's sweeter? I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man.

I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm a Bumble man. I'm not a Bumble boy. You call me Bumble sir. What's better?

A 39 year old person calling another 46 year old person a Bumblefoot or a 39 year old person doing that and saying, I have got to tell y'all who answers about this. You'll never believe what happened to me. Dear y'all who answers, I never believed it would happen to me. I've called so many people Bumblefoot and nothing has happened. This is the least sexy penthouse letter I've ever read. I meant for it to be a friendly nickname. Ron took it the wrong way.

Was I wrong to do this? So he's been doing some fucking... Did you say was I wrong to do this? One of two things has happened. Okay. Either he has seen Ron a thousand times and gone, uh, no. No, what is it? No, I can't.

No. Fuck. Hey, uh, no. No, I'll get it. I'll get it. Or he's been trying out nicknames at Ron and Ron's just walking through the door again. And maybe when he, when Ron was like nine, he got stung by a bee on the foot and a kid was like, hey, look at Bumblefoot and Ron was like, no, no, what?

He's like, oh, a Bumblefoot and it haunted him through college and like a girl would be about to go home with Ron and be like, what are you going on with the Bumblefoot? You're like, what? No, no, that's Bumblefoot. Wait, this guy's Bumblefoot? No way. Sex canceled. Griffin.

Griffin, don't interrupt him. There has got to be more to this riff. I have got to get to the end of the vision quest that my brother is taking me on. I feel like I'm watching a whole job Q-Sack movie in my head. You have got to continue. So then Ron grew up to be Ron. He changed his last name to Pearlman. He's been living his whole life as a movie star.

He's grown outside the Bumblefoot name. He's made himself Ron Pearlman. Ron Pearlman, the 45 year old man. Sure. He hasn't held up well. I guess. It's all the goddamn bee stings. Did you just call me Bumblefoot?

I was in Pacific Rim. Oh, God, it got really sad there at the end. I didn't think you could make me care about Bumblefoot, but you goddamn did. You're a real weaver of stories, Travis. I actually have that written in my notebook upstairs. It's on my computer too. We can't. You're the Dean Coons of podcast riffs.

What do you guys want to do? Let's do one other question. And then we'll throw it to the house. Yeah, we'll see you in a minute. My friend and I have, this is good. My friend and I, although it's weird if they're here, but I'm going to go for it. Oh, shit. I didn't even think about that.

Sorry, Bumkin. Do it. We're already on the bus. Let's see where it takes us. My friend and I have recently fallen into a friends with benefits situation right now. Someone in this audience is like, are you here? Wait, hold on. How many people?

I'm in that. That's right. That's me. I forgot I wrote it to you guys apparently. The problem is we're both new to this and don't know what benefits are and are not included. No dental. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Damn.

Raw, straight. No, just kidding. You just protection. This message is brought to you by responsibility. For instance, is it cool to make out and have sexy time? But what's not okay? Please help us clarify our weird, weird friendship. I think you fucked the reading of that question up eight different ways.

You can't do to each other what Justin just did to that question. Okay, here's the beautiful thing. Can I finish? You can restart and do it better. Okay. It's cool to make out and have sexy times, but what's not okay? Dental. Oh, no.

Shit. Stop, stop, stop. I blew it. But please help us clarify our weird, weird, weird friendship. That's from Confundled Cuddle Companions. Oh my God, no. Okay, question, two questions. Are you here and are both of you here?

Awesome. Awesome. I think they were actually here the first time you read that question. They were reduced to ash as soon as we started reading this question. We can still catch the end of the game if we hurry. Let's go. We're out. Here's the awesome thing about friends with benefits.

Oh, God. You've been married for a while, so... Griffin, are you getting a score update? I just wanted to check real quick. The awesome thing is this, is that it goes against what you would think where it actually is like, you can fall on bone, but don't hold hands. Yeah, it's weird, Trev. No, I feel what you're saying.

That's what makes it so dynamic, so exciting. It's why they made two fucking movies about it at the same goddamn time, starting Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, and hold on, I got this. I got this, Mila Kudas, and fucking, hold up, I got this, Justin Timberlake, yeah! Because it's the weird bell curve of that, of like, if you're friends in a relationship, friends with benefits, you only get the two sides, but you don't get that middle. You don't get that intimacy. You don't need that intimacy.

Yeah, it really is like, we're boned, bye. And that's totally cool that you... That second step is so vitally important, but you have to say bye. But if you're dating, and you take it seriously, you can't do that move. You can't be like, ah, we had a romantic dinner, and then we had sex, and say, bye! You can't do that. And you shouldn't say it like Borat, like my brother did. Bye, bye, bye.

It will be home in a couple of minutes. My wife will be home soon. You should go. I just... This will get weird. I got to say, like, I know this is, we're both, this is very exciting, it's very fucking sexual, and it's a very exciting energy that we've injected into our relationship. And I just got to say, this whole thing's got me feeling very nice.

That was fucking horrible. That was the worst Borat, and I've done some pretty good Borat in my years, and that was... Hold on, hold on, let's give, we gave Justin a take to Griffin. All right, let me try again. Ah! You lost all your confidence. Ah! It sounds like you just got bit by a snake.

Ah! Borat. We just woke your baby up, for sure, for sure. No question. Should we go throw it to the audience? What's the score? I can't fucking find it online. Apparently people won't give a shit.

8. What? No. Holy shit. Tie to half. Let's get some dogs. Badgers. Yeah!

Anyone here a fan of the Badgers? Apparently not. Apparently nobody. Two big of a fan. Like 16 people. All right, let's go to the audience. Here's our rules. There's no bummer questions, please.

No bummers. No bummers. We'll know. And no, it could be a bummer, but it'll be fine. The first fucking person we had up last night, well, it might be, stop it. They actually, quote, said, it depends on how you answer. Don't put that fucking shit on us, dog. This is 100% your authorship.

Own it. Own it. Standing your place. Can we get a little bit of house lights? Yeah, we got them. We got them right there. Look, ma'am, right here. Yeah, come right up.

Yes, you. Yes, you pointing at your head. Come right to the mic. This isn't the most fucking Phantom Zone setup. No, the mic is right behind you. The mic is right behind you. You've been treated for doing this shit like a TED Talk. Like a TED Talk.

Have you seen a TED Talk? Proceed with your question and await judgment, just like any TED Talk. Yes, I work in education. I've seen a lot of TED Talks. Okay, fair enough. You just put us in our place. What's your name? My name is Heather.

Hi, Heather. Hi. What's your question? Do you have a question? My question is, my husband had to move to California for business, and I'm going to see him for the first time in three weeks on Wednesday. What should I do when I see him? I don't know.

Kiss him. Oh, you always come with the best lines, Trev. Kiss him on the face. Here's the one thing I'm your love in. Here's what I've learned, and it's 2015. If you see someone and you haven't seen them for a while, and it doesn't go viral, then you don't have anything. Your relationship is- The first thing you should say is, sorry I haven't YouTubeed

you. Now you should, I'm saying like you YouTube the reunion, and if it doesn't have 15 mil by the end of the week, apparently your love is not very special. Do you also have a golden retriever that hasn't seen him in a while? You have a golden retriever that hasn't seen him. Because you'll be rich. Huge. I don't have a black lab border company.

Perfect either. Good enough. No, good enough. Well, I don't know. You might go bacterial. Good night. What? I don't understand.

I didn't fucking get it. What? I didn't get the joke. That's disgusting. Lab? Like lab? Viral. Like they do fucking like virus experiments in a lab?

That was the joke. No, like viral bacteria. Like it might go viral. Anyway. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay. Fuck. Listen, let me ask you this.

Have you picked up any new skills that you can impress them with? Yo-yo? Did you learn the yo-yo? Oh, okay. Thank God. How quickly can you spray paint? Can you get up on a... Do what?

What are you saying? Do you throw up your tag on a local business? No, they do that where you make like a pyramid in front of a moon. It's like you'll never believe what you could do in 15 seconds. Are you having a stroke? Did you just, did you just do like an audio visual version of Illuminati like in our podcast? Hey guys, moon in front of a pyramid.

Get it? Anyway, let's just move on. Don't worry about it. Any star races out there? Anyway, move it on. I'm pretty sure when I see him, he's going to tweet everything we do to you guys. Perfect. Perfect.

Everybody over here, round of applause. Oh, yeah, you sir. Where? Where are we? Right over there. Over here? Yeah, come on up. It's over there.

You're going the wrong way. You're going the wrong way. You're breaking my heart. Well, okay. Go around the other way. You're right. Just commit to it. Yeah, yeah.

You're driving this ship of your body. You're the captain of your body boat. You're interspacing this shit. Yeah. You just go down there. You took the fucking craziest way you could. Good job, Marco Polo. You're almost there.

Just you circumnavigated the crowd. Hi. Okay. Hello. Hi. How are we doing? Good. What is your name?

My name is Cole. Hi, Cole. Hi, Cole. How are you guys doing? Good. How are you? Good. I'm nervous as shit.

Well, I, it's, it's more of a advice question as, as far as in regards to my girlfriend. Okay. Is your girlfriend here? She is. Yeah. She is. Where are you? Cole's girlfriend.

Cole's girlfriend coming here. Yeah. If you're, if you're material to the conversation, I feel like it's totally fair if you're also present. You have to go over there. Yeah. And you only, I'm going to just, Everyone let her pass.

So she doesn't have to do the weird walk around. Let Cole's girlfriend go through so we can ask the questions. I will tell you it's like, because sometimes I worry that I'm saying heinous shit. Cole. Yes. Okay. What is your question? This is my lovely girl from Meredith.

How are you? How's it going? So I have something pretty major that I want to ask her. What's that Cole? Well, in your personal opinion, like, what is the best time to share something just like life changing a major? Oh man. Right now.

Right now. I think like pretty much right now would be a good time. If I was at a comedy podcast right now would be the moment that I would do that. Yeah, Cole. Yeah. Cole, that's, I would do it now. Oh, shit. I want to hear every word, Cole.

Don't you mumble this. Don't keep this private. We're making the whole thing public. Let's do it. Everyone. Hold on. Hold on. Deliver it.

I just want to hear Cole's line. What do you work up, Cole? Baby, I love you so much. You mean the world to me. You're my best friend. You're my family. And I'm so lucky to share my life with you. I'm excited to.

Absolute silence. And I'm also excited to share the rest of my life with you. Will you, will you please marry me? Yeah. Thank you guys. Okay. Now sit down. It's our show.

Next. Okay. Do your thing and then go. Okay. No, they're gone. Okay. Feel bad. Feel bad for the next one.

I was like, my roommate's doing my cottage cheese. And I'm really. From down about it or whatever. I tried to deploy on the wings of love. Technically. I thought it might fucking accentuate your romantic experience. But it didn't work. I love this dude.

Right there. Oh, I got this. I know what you got. Yeah. Go, go. You're falling off. You can't do it. Didn't even wait for the outright.

Yeah. He's going to keep this show going. Hello. Hi. What's your name? My name is William. Hey, William. They call me Hansel.

Okay. Hansel. Okay. Sure. That's my last name. That's your last name. Hansel. Okay.

Got it. Hansel. He's still holding it now. Yeah. Thank you. I, I emailed you about my question and I had the exact same question as Cole. Is your girlfriend or boyfriend here? Yes, she is.

Could she come up to the microphone, please? Yes. Ask it. Ask it. Will you marry me and stuff? No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Marry me and stuff. I have a second question. Never mind. It's all good. Thank you so much. Who else wants to get engaged tonight? I'm not fucking kidding. Only marriages now.

Only marriages. Fuck how many fucking fights we're getting fucking married. Everybody here tonight. Where's your girlfriend or boyfriend? Well, shit. Don't you fucking step on my... I'm on a fucking groove right now. Come on.

I can do fucking anything. What do you got? Well, shit. I didn't think you were saying who else wanted to get engaged. Yeah, of course, that's what I... That's too bad, sir. You're getting engaged tonight. Pick someone from the crowd.

Do we have any tributes who will be engaged to this man? I thought we had a street going. Tell us about whatever you're... What are you doing? He's not going to get engaged, okay? It's over. The street's over. You can stop filming the audience.

Three would have gone viral. Yes, I agree with you, Travis. Three proposals would have gone viral. I'm still holding on hope. Okay. Did anybody video both of them so we can get viral something? Yeah, congratulations. All right.

Get that onto the tube soon, okay? Congratulations to everybody, by the way. Yeah. Okay, so sorry. Wait. Are you looking at your girlfriend right now? Huh? Can you?

I'm looking at my girlfriend right now and saying, do you want to get engaged? What a great time to have that conversation. Oh, she's coming up. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Holy shit.

She's coming up to the microphone. You two, listen. Listen. Look at me right now. Listen to me for a second. What's up? This world is hard. Shut up.

This world is hard. And if you find somebody that you want to wake up every morning and look at, then you grab that person and you cling to him. And you never let go. You're the one, you're the person that I want to spend your life with. Madam, if you don't feel that way about this gentleman, know that this isn't binding. It's just a plot.

We have a lot of other dudes here. We can put you with any one of them. There's a lot of fish in the sea. There's a lot of fish in this room. If you want, if you find the person that completes you, don't waste another second. Devote the rest of your life to them. Have you heard the good news?

We cannot express enough how viral the 3P will go. I don't want to break your justice flow, but Travis, you're filming this in a vertically angled video and it's fucking killing me. Yeah, Travis. Thank you. Yes. Okay, turn this aside for us.

Okay. Okay. Sir. Madam. What do you got for us? Can we cook up a 3P? Do you want to break traditional gender norms? Oh, shit!

What? Do you? Do you? A progressive 3P? A 3 Patricia, if you will. That's pretty good. This is so... Listen, don't...

No, now I'm starting to feel very, very guilty. No, I'm feeling guilty. A little bit guilty. We only vetted the first one. Why don't you guys commit to something less big right now, like a weekend away? Where do you go on a three-day weekend with me? Do you want to commit to something less big?

Do you want to go on vacation this summer? Do you want to go to the rest of the house? You want to go to Flood Rocker? All right, real quick. Wait, okay. We got to pivot our brand real quick. You two are currently living through the most uncomfortable moments of your lives and we're going to get you through it.

We're going to get you through it alive. Tomorrow's going to come and you're not even going to remember it. This is not the only moment in time. It's going to keep going on. It won't always be standing there. You're not locked into anything that's happening right now. Just say what you're going to say and we'll just be up here doing a podcast. We did have our first date in approximately this spot.

A week ago. I'll give you a free poster if you ask him to marry you. That's fucked up. Come on. What the fuck? I don't need a goddamn poster, dowry. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll give you a poster and a chest of jewels.

This is turning on me. We have geese for you. Mr. Travis McElroy. Yes, sir. Magnet or no deal? It's pretty funny. It was a $3. It's a funny magnet.

It was a $3.50 magnet. Am I willing to marry two people for $3.50? I'm looking at my wife. I don't know if she ducked away from the window. I'm going to say yes. Oh, now it's on. Didn't think I'd give up the magnet. Travis is called your $3 bluff.

It's high stakes here, my brother. My brother and me, Milwaukee. We've been standing up here for maybe... Yeah, for 100,000 years. You need to pop or get off the pot. Please do not let yourself be goaded into a marriage by a podcast. You're better than this. And if you do, let it be a better podcast.

Right. I would let Super Ego let me get married, but not us. If Nightfail told me to get married, I would do it and I'm already married. Why don't you think about it? Think about it. And the next time we're in Milwaukee, you can propose then. In six years, you can propose again. Thank you.

Thank you, Lighting Guy. Oh, that's sweet. For the record. For the record? I promised I wouldn't embarrass you in front of 600 people. Fucking crazy. How'd that go? How'd that go?

It's the worst job. It is her birthday today. Oh. Okay, wait, hold on. We can at least do this. Happy birthday. So happy birthday. You did it.

Another year. Congratulations. What's your name? Becky. Becky. Becky. That's the first jingle in four years. Yeah.

Listen, we got rabbit. We have one more question from Greg. Thank you all. You've been great. Give him a big round of applause. I think we're done. Listen, guys, thank you all so much. Thank you to Turner Hall for being so kind to us.

Thank you Milwaukee. Thank you for missing the game to be with us and hang out. Thank you for being such a cool city and being so nice to us. Also want to say thank you to Justin Gray. Justin Gray designed some awesome show specific posters. Yeah, they say this, like they're only for sale here at this show, and they are about this show. So it shows the venue and the city and get them.

Get them. They're fucking rad. We stole some already. They're available right back there. Yeah. Do that. John Rodney? Thank you, John Rodney.

It's been a long winter to do these sort of things. I'm sorry, I'm putting the days to bed. Thank you to Saul Bones for opening for us and being so amazing. Thank you to the person who gave us this bottle that was full like an hour and a half ago. Comedy Juice from Repeal Reserve. Delicious. Delicious stuff.

Thank you to our wives who aren't in Subbans, Teresa and Rachel, for being so amazing. So fucking rad. Thank you so much. Final yahoo for my brother. Final. We're going to think about this and we'll come back to it next week and talk about it like we always do.

Shut up. This final yahoo is sent in by Samuel Ginsburg. Thank you, Samuel. It's by Yahoo Answers. User Jason, who asks, What religion are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad's square on the lips. Hey, wanted to remind you about Blue Apron. Thank you so much to them for helping make this show possible. You can get your first two meals for free by going to blueapron.com slash my brother.

We also want to say thanks again to Nature Box where you can order hundreds of great tasting snacks. Healthy snacks. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother to sign up for your free sampler box of great tasting healthy snacks. And one more time, if you live in the Pacific Northwest,

Seattle, Portland or Vancouver or anywhere around there, we're going to be doing a live show there, live shows I should say in each city. At the end of August, you can get tickets, everything you need to know at bit.ly forward slash mbmbam Portland,

bit.ly forward slash mbmbam Seattle and bit.ly forward slash van van mbmbam. You'll get it. And just so you know, the Seattle show corresponds with packs, but it is not packs affiliated. So you still have to buy tickets even if you already have passes to packs.

But you don't need a pass. You don't need a pass to pass. It's a totally separate thing. Anyway, yeah. Thanks for listening. Okay, bye. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture.

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