My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 251: Cycle 2.0

Episode Date: May 11, 2015

We hope you enjoyed the format of the first 250 episodes of My Brother, My Brother and Me, because we just threw that format right in the garbage. Are you ready for the next generation of comedy-advice fusion? Suggested talking points: Chaz: A Talking Dog, Cleaning Up, Spelling Bee Battledome, WWJCD, Brand Ambassadors, Wizard Swears, Closing Time, Blazer

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool? 2.0 4.5 Best winner ever Hello everybody, and welcome to Cycle 2.0 of My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

I'm Justin McElroy, an oldest brother. I'm Travis McElroy, and I'm your middle-est brother. I'm Chas McElroy, your baby. We had to rebrand Griffin. We're trying to pull in a different demographic. It's Cycle 2.0. 250 episodes was season one, and now this is Cycle 2.0 of My Brother, My Brother, and Me. A new chapter begins today. Justin, it's actually now it's Powerade Presents, My Brother, My Brother. Sorry, you're right. I forgot. Powerade Presents, My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

Cycle 2.0, and boys are in the house, but that's been the situation for a while. Travis, what are some of the big changes you think coming in Cycle 2.0 of My Brother, My Brother, and Me? Well, we added a talking dog. We should point out I am the talking dog, Chas. A talking dog named Chas McElroy. We had to really rebrand Griffin, like a lot. Listen, we sat the focus group down for 250 hours. They were in our house for like six weeks. It was miserable. They ate all of my Doritos, and they said, the only feedback they gave us was, A, you need a long-lasting, refreshing corporate sponsorship. And Travis immediately was like, Powerade! And he called up his people at Powerade. And then they were like, of course we're on board.

One thing we're going to need, though, is it too late to introduce a talking dog? And also, we're not crazy about the youngest one. And then we said, two birds, one stone. I got elective dog surgery on my whole body. They basically cut my whole body off and replaced it with all where there were human parts. They took each human part replaced with the dog part. And then I was like, Okay, I'm Griffin the dog. And then the focus group was like, Oh, we've made a terrible mistake. Is it too late to reverse the surgery? Also, are we married to the name Griffin? And I said, I guess not. But yes, on the reversing the surgery thing, I'm a dog for life. You can do a full body replacement once, but any more than that, and you're just playing God.

Anyway, long story short, I can't stop eating my own asshole. I have promises. I want to make promises to the audience in cycle 2.0, my brother, my brother, me. One, the stunts are going to get wetter. Two, the challenges are going to get bigger and wilder. Three, four new judges that will be revealed as the season progresses. Oh, man, these are going to be some juicy stunts. These are not the best stunts yet. Like really wild, wild challenges, wet stunts. All fair up there. Look at this way. Listening to it from home stunts are going to be so wet, you're going to have moist ears. According to, you're going to have the moistest ears.

We talked to the focus group and they were like, you got to drop the quiz section from the show. You got to drop the quiz segment. It's where all of your viewers tune out. And so we're dropping those. It's all stunts now, all challenge games and all trust activities. And we're going to do a lot of team building exercises in cycle 2.0. Going to take me to a low ropes course. I am going to have trouble with it because of my new short, short dog legs. We actually are doing this episode, Griffin's blindfolded and Justin's giving him directions to get around the jokes. So that's, it's just the kind of thing we're bringing. But really, really, really though, isn't that how it's always been? Basically, yeah. Listen, let's get to the advice.

That's one of the things in cycle 2.0 is enough of this kind of thing. But it's going to be, just so you're prepared, advice stunt, then two advices, then two stunts and so on until we've gone for an hour. Physical challenge. Right. Well, that's only, that's only if Travis lies, if Travis ever lies, we have to do a physical challenge. It's going to be very confusing for 250 episodes. But then by 501, we're going to be on some new shit. Maybe I'll get my man body back. I also just, I real quick wanted to say happy birthday to my wife, Teresa, and I will miss her very much since the producers cut her from the show. Yeah, she's out now. But I, I loved her. I loved her with the time we had and happy birthday. Maybe you'll get, maybe you'll

get remarried. This is, maybe that'll be part of the reboot. That will be a twist. No, she's already started dating George Lopez on his show, so. Well, she's dating him on the pilot. We'll see if he's picked up. That's true. You're right. Listen, normally we forget about these bits much like yourself as soon as we record them. But today, if the youngest member of our show is referred to as anything other than Chaz, I will immediately disconnect the call and we'll just have to reschedule another time. We're more in the zone. And by this episode, you mean for the next five years? Well, right. For the next 250 episodes, whichever comes first. Okay, Travis, Chaz, are you ready? Yes. Roof. Ever since I was a kid, I was told how well I clean up.

Whenever I put on something nice like a suit or a dress shirt and style my hair, I get told by people I clean up really well. I always found this offensive. Do I look like a pilot dump before that? Not sure if I should take as a compliment or an insult. That's from moderately offended in Ohio. Find better things to get upset about. Next question. That's a new thing in cycle 2.0. We're going to do 800 questions per episode. Yeah, we're just going to say that to basically everybody. There's another side to this situation. My friend Jeremy Dubin dresses nice every day, like dress shirt, tie, like a dapper vest every day. You're bragging now. Well, so when he wears a T-shirt and jeans, everybody grows concerned and is like, are you okay? Are you feeling sick?

Are you not feeling well? It goes the other way too. It's like, oh, I guess you clean down really poorly. Travis has just described my Twilight Zone hell where me wearing cargo shorts and a Tybee Island, it's five o'clock somewhere T-shirt, invites more conversation than I do in a day-to-day life. When I possessed a human man body, I had a very different problem where I would dress like a pile of dump all the time except when one of my friends decided to get married and put me out and I would put on a suit and I would look like a large, very sophisticated ventriloquist dummy because there's no suits that fit my body that don't make me look like a sick boy. Now, this is not a problem I have to deal with anymore, fortunately. Thank goodness.

One of many benefits of dog body. Of dog body, yeah. I don't think it's an insult, but it's definitely a commentary. I think that like maybe, maybe what do you normally wear? Is this the way of saying like you normally like maybe strive for a higher level like this all the time? Yeah. Or do you think it's just people like usually you only see this in movies when someone like shaves off a big ratty beard. Right, or takes off their glasses and Rachel Lee Cook was always under those glasses. They were always, she was always under those glasses and it's your fault for not being, not having imagination and also she looks really great with the glasses with the fuck's wrong with you. Freddie Prinze Junior. Get the fuck out. FPGA. I think that, you know it's just a pleasantry,

they're just acknowledging that you're wearing a clothing that is one like formal notch higher than what you normally wear, they're just like acknowledging it because otherwise think about like if you just wore a tux and in your head, you're like dundun dundun dun, like everybody who wears a tux at any point singing the James Bond theme song of themselves, and no one paid noticed it, that would be terrible. That would be a bummer. That would be a real bummer. I think they're just like, it's just a pleasant.

You're like, hey, I'm noticing you're wearing something. But it is said in a very diminutive. You clean up real well. It is, it is. It's like an old-timey plus. It's just like a back. Back when, in the old times, when everyone was dicks, right, it's time for us to move on.

You're 110%, that's what I want now. Normally, you're 100%, I would say. Now, you've added an extra 10 on top of that, because you're wearing a cummerbund. Have you guys noticed that people of a generation before us, and maybe even two generations before us, technically, like tend to keep the formality, like one to two, not just higher, constantly, like.

I haven't in speech or in clothes. Like in clothes, I very regularly see old dudes doing yard work in khakis. And they look like they are uncomfortable in the khakis, like to relax. Like, well, I really let it all hang out. I mean, khakis, and tucked in polo shirt. I've been working on this pejorative slang term

for people in generations older than mine. And I just want to bounce it off you guys, and then I'm gonna take it to the focus group and see what they think about it. But how do you feel about calling people of our daddy, or our grandma's generation, shirt tuckers? Because they're the only people left that are still, you know, practicing that particular behavior.

I like that Griffin, because it's got a lot of fun consonant sounds in it. Right, and it's. Oh, he's a real shirt tucker, you know what I mean? There's no, there are two reasons. The only reason you would tuck your shirt in is you're really proud of your belt, and you want people to see that.

But otherwise, you're just. Or you're on mad TV, and you're doing an impression of a shirt tucker. Like a shirt tucker character. Right, exactly. Otherwise, it's just your shirt's touching your pubis at that point, and I don't want to think of it. You're making me think,

every time I see anybody with their shirt tucked in, I just look at them and I go, ugh. Because I think about what's going on in there. You're basically, it's just basically just a griff to convince people your shirt doesn't have a bottom to it. Yeah. And like, we know it does. Like, you're raising the question, does my shirt end?

I don't know. You'll never know. Maybe it's a night shirt. Maybe it goes all the way to my ankle. Right, that's another. Am I wearing for these? It's a onesie, right? It's a button down onesie.

I'm gonna start asking people. You have the shirt tucked in. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Is that a onesie? Does that go all the way down? Go all the way down. Well, can I see your leg cuffs? Take off your pants to prove that's not a onesie.

Shirt tucker. So, I know, off air, I want to talk to you guys about the possibility of me starting to wear a jumpsuit as like a look. I don't see why that's a conversation that can't take place on the show, Travis. Is that a thing I should do? Should we take it to the focus group?

Oh, yes. Like, I think a jumpsuit with like, embroidered like, lightning on it, you know what I mean? And I mean the word lightning, not a picture of lightning. Or the word lightning made out of lightning. Like, oh man, we got that. We got some safety. A little presumptuous, though,

that you think that you could come up with your own nickname and the focus group would be down with it because like, I don't know, if I had my druthers, and yeah, I'm not complaining. I feel like it's gonna be really great for the show, but God, I wish I was a man, boy, person, human person still. Well, but Griffin, when we signed the Richard Famous contract. What did you call me?

I'm sorry, Chas. And there goes the call. Well, the call's been disconnected. At this point, I've disconnected the call. So you're probably hearing different things from my brothers. I'm calling them back now. And we're back.

And we're back. Okay, we're back. Let's not do that again, guys, because I think it's gonna be disorienting. Whatever the listener just heard. Yeah, are we back? Is everybody still recording? I don't want the episode.

Okay, good. How about a yahoo? Hit me, Chas. This yahoo was sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know? Thank you, Ira Ray. It's by a yahoo answers user.

In Cycle 2.0, we sing the whole song. Oh God, we don't have the rights for that. Tulip Blushy asks, I need a good intro for a spelling bee speech. I am running a spelling bee, and I would like a catchy intro to start off my speech. Any suggestions? Y'all ready to start spell?

No, fuck. It's hard. I see why they came to us with this. Cause I thought I was just gonna be able to shit one out, but it's tricky. Get on up and spell. Well, that's not really the start of the speech. Spell it later.

The more I think about it, if it's the speech. Sorry, what is the speech? It's, you know, how before a spelling bee, somebody gets up there to get everybody fucking hyped. I think, okay, first thing, I think you gotta start off saying the word combatants. Like, welcome combatants. Combatants, today you find yourselves in the battle dome.

And you would, sorry, it would have to take place in a battle dome. Oh yeah, you gotta drop like a chain link cage over them. Yeah, that's the part. Okay, so let me start over. Combatants, combatants of Lamar Middle School. Thank you all for coming, parents. Thank you for supporting your children in this endeavor.

Just try your hardest out there. And remember, even if you get kicked off, well, we've got some Capri Sun pouches waiting for you offstage to refresh yourselves. Remember, we're only gonna be able to send three students to the state bee. All that being said, drop the cage. And then the cage would drop.

And maybe one or two students would get caught underneath it, like, and that's just like, that's the rules of the game, baby. Like, you gotta keep your wits about you. Okay, but if you're gonna do that move, I think that Lamar Middle School is gonna have to bring in a ringer, maybe somebody who's won some cage match spelling bees

before, you know? I see, I see. Maybe he's like four or five years older than these other kids. Maybe he's 19 years older. Yeah, and he's ripped and he's bald and like covered in ash, and he's got tattoos made out of blood all over his body. They just spell out F-U-C-K-Y-O-U.

Right, and his teeth are made of steel, rusted steel. He's got a bolt through his forehead. I think, wait, hold on, okay, I'm picturing it. And he's got sharp bone spurs sticking out of his back, and he's kind of like a wasteland monstrosity, and he wants everybody to know I'm in charge of this spelling bee. I think in order to get a weapon,

you should have to spell it. Like if you spell K-A-T-A-N-A, like a katana drops from the ceiling. Oh, that's great. Wasn't that very good? Oh, too late, you've been chewed to death by the wasteland spelling monster. You've been stabbed to death

because unfortunately, sigh is super easy to spell. It's just three letters, you should have thought of that. You know what? I've been taking around the idea a long time. Michael, your word is mercy? I'm sorry, I don't know the meaning of the word. Oh, would you like the definition? Yes, please, that would be great.

Use it in a sentence. Use it in a sentence. No mercy for you, I'm the wasteland killer. Ha ha ha. I have a long kicked around the idea of like, wouldn't it be fun to do a My Brother, My Brother, Me game jam where for 48 hours people make video games, you know, little games based on ideas, concepts,

images, words from My Brother, My Brother, Me. I've always thought that would be a good idea. Now I feel like it has to happen so I can fucking play Spelling Bee Battle Dome. Like, this sounds like a really good game. Sounds like a really good game. Can I add a twist? Yeah, yeah, of course.

I love adding twists to things. That's what Chaz is all about. Well, Chaz is all about putting lemon wedges in his drinks. Second to point, no, it has wetter stunts, bigger challenges, wilder twists. Here's a wild twist. All of the children have to hold an actual bee. And if they let it go because it stings them

or crush it to death because it stings them, the kid's getting stung. But if the bee is released or destroyed, the child is out of the bee. Oh, and all of the contestants have to have bee allergies. Well, no, that would be a significant strength, right? So Terrence gets up to the mic, right? And he's like, what's my word?

And the word is Appalachian. And he's like, cool, let me think about it for like 15 minutes. And the other kids are being stung, but fucking Terrence, not allergic. And his dad- He's just holding his bee by the wing, like, since he was a Zen master.

His dad, who won the Battle Dome Spelling Bee in 1995, knew what was coming and surgically altered the nerves in his hands. So he can't feel a goddamn thing down there. He'll never know the touch of, you know, another person. But he's gonna win that bee. Terrence, it seems your right arm is rotting off from poison, from the toxins of the bee, yeah.

Oh, sorry, they're super nano bees that have all kinds of nano poisons and stuff. They're like the size of a medium-sized dove. You know what I would do? I would be like, I would be the real hard-ass kid. I would just swallow it instantly. Like, that bee's not going anywhere. And they're like, but the bee's probably dead now.

And it's like, you'll have to cut me up and find out. That sounds- And then they get cut open by the wasteland monster. Well, no, he's a pacifist. He's just really good at spelling. And he's super allergic to bees. That's what he wants to be. It's an intimidation game.

He's just trying to make the kids mess up at spelling. He's like a haunted house. Like, listen, the wasteland monster cannot touch you and you cannot touch the wasteland monster. Because if you do, oh my God. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, it's bad. We're not responsible for your safety.

So I think if you just get up and that's the intro. Word for word, everything we just said. Spell, spell real good. Watch the cage. Don't touch the wasteland monster. Oh my God. That last part is the most important part. I cannot stress this enough.

If the cage falls on you, you might be okay. If you touch the wasteland monster, that's it. Just remember, if the cage falls on you, that's merciful in spell to be spelled. That'll be quick. It's a good way to go. And if it goes past the two hour time limit, we electrify the cage.

So- Oh yeah, for sure. Because we have to be out of the gymnasium by three. Yeah, they're having a PTA meeting. They've got a basketball game in here tonight. And we have to put the mats down. Like, you guys, we've got to be out of here by three. Also, the wasteland monster has a night shift

at the 7-11 and he's got to get two. Also, if you get one of your arms lopped off, go ahead and tap out because you're not gonna be able to enjoy that Capri Sun if you lose both of your arms. That's true. Right, you need one to apply pressure to the pouch and the other should apply to straw. Exactly.

What do we got planned for our listeners? What? Well, very wet stunt. You did make a promise. For our first super wet stunt? Yeah. Okay, for our first super wet stunt. I got a cup of water here.

I can pour it on my dog penis. Who doesn't love that? I can get really crazy and sexual with this Powerade bottle. Well, that's what they're paying for. Okay, right here's the first stunt. It's a crowd participation stunt, okay? Right now, right this second, grab the nearest cup, fill it with the nearest liquid,

take a picture of yourself drinking it and tweet it to NBNBAM and we'll retweet them and then it's just like, that's like the first stunt. It's like a big prank. And you get promise points if it's Powerade. What? Yeah. Oh, is the Powerade label, it's prominent?

That would be excellent. Edit this, here we go. Here's your first stunt. Go buy and drink some Powerade. They're gonna love that. Don't drink the first liquid that's close to you because if you're doing lingerie right now, you're dead and that's on us.

Yeah, just take a picture of yourself drinking Powerade, use the NBNBAM hashtag so we know. And the hashtag Powerade, hashtag. The hashtag, the thirst annihilator. Hashtag Powerboys, which is special, it's how they track our efficacy. Powerboys with 3Zs and each one of those that happens, we get like 15 bucks, so yeah.

I met Jackie Chan, he's super awesome. What? My brother was doing a commercial in Hong Kong when he was like five and he was the most stubborn child you can imagine. However, Jackie Chan won him over every day by bringing him a little toy. Do not worry, Jackie Chan is just as cool and kindhearted

as you imagine it being Tim. Not a question, Tim, but I certainly do appreciate. Holy shit. Your email. Can you, okay, Jackie Chan won him over every day. That means multiple days. Jackie Chan fucking stopped by KB Kids Toy Store and was like, gotta get something for Jeremy.

That's what Jackie Chan sounds like. Because that's what you nailed it. What do you think Jeremy would like? Maybe a Super Soaker. And by the end of the week, seven Super Soakers, all signed by Jackie Chan, which makes them more powerful. I, the kid have blank slate disease that like you forgot the day before Jackie Chan

had won him over or was he just like, what you got today, Chan? What are you gonna bring today? Did Jackie Chan have blank slate disease? I have got to win over this little kid. He's a tough nut to crack. Wait, man, you already got six Super Soakers. And now I signed them all of them?

Wait a minute. What a goose I am. Anyway, here's some backflip. Do you guys remember that time in Philadelphia? Yeah. Okay. I can't, after I said that, I feel like we've probably told that story

on the show before. Probably. Anyway, we saw a guy in the streets of Philadelphia who came into our family and said, how do you something the whole family can enjoy? Backflips. And we were down. And he was right.

I did enjoy it very much. It was awesome. I want you at home. If you're listening to this in your car or your office, I want you to take a second, think about the relationships in your life. Jackie Chan every day bought a toy to win over just some kid

that he was shooting a commercial with. Are you bringing that level? Are you bringing Jackie Chan levels of consideration and intensity to the relationships that really matter to you in your day-to-day life? Don't let yourself be outpaced by Jackie Chan. Well, but you don't have a choice because I imagine he's very, very fast.

He's lapsed ahead of you at this point, but you can try to catch up. W-W-J-C-D, that's not particular, that is not different. Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold the phone. Hold the phone. I mean, I don't, I think it was just W-W-J-D. I don't think they were that formal with it.

But still, I mean, either way, no matter which way you slice it. Jackie Chan is Jesus. Well, I'm not saying that. Oh, I'm just saying this. I am. You know what, I am. I'm ready to finally go out on a limb

and just be honest here and say. Sorry, you're saying, are you, so do you extend this to everybody? Is that like saying, oh, this is my friend, American Roots Rocker, Jesus Christ Mellon Camp. Is that what you're saying? This is my friend, J.C. Chasse, who is also Jackie Chan. A good friend and classmate just started

a new campus job as brand ambassador. Sorry, that was a hard word to say. Brand ambassador. Brand ambassador. My good friend and classmate just started a new campus job as a brand ambassador for a local company. We all went to the info session,

but she's the only one who got super excited about it. Now, all she ever talks about is this company and this job, and she blows off school and friends for it constantly. How can I delicately tell her that she's driving everybody fucking crazy? This is from Board of Brands in Boise and the fact that you did not tell us the brand.

What the fuck? Or what a brand ambassador is. De-cubed this emailed. I, it's De-cubed, Stereo Queen. How do you eat school treats? That's this person's tease. I mean, if the brand is Powerade, I get it. They're a wonderful company.

They treat their workers with respect. I'm told. I think a brand ambassador, a brand ambassador is like the person that like, you know, is wearing like an embroidered, you know, like a polo shirt and they come up and they're like, hey, can I tell you about AT&T? Or like, hey, would you guys like to try

some of this Jamba Juice or whatever? And like, they just kind of walk around and like, bring the marketing to you, right? Do they legally have to like, identify themselves? Or is it just like, you're standing next to somebody on the train and they're like, Jamba Juice, heard of it, catch the wave. Oh, are you saying like maybe it's an undercut

where what they do is they do like, buzz marketing where they go into like a bar and they're like, I've heard really good things about Sierra Nevada, right? Yeah, if that's the thing I- I've never wanted to try that for a while. If that's the, what's going on, then I have been a brand ambassador for gold bond,

dryness powder, since I was born. Well, not since I was born, but- All right, listen, this conversation's going great. Want to hear more about how much you miss your Aunt Terri, but I have got to take a GV break. Excuse me, everybody, you just tried this stuff and he's out of this world. I gotta stand up at the table and I sit here for a while.

Hey, where's your shitter? I need to go puff. What are you talking about? I scooted over it. I scooted over a turlet seat and I do a puff so it makes it look like a genie's coming out. You want to give her a try? Take it for a test spin.

Take it for a try, I've got a special- Here, listen, I've got a reusable applicator that I can just pop on there for you. Just make sure that you wash it off in the sink. Don't get any water in the powder because it'll compromise it. My gold ball in Medicaid powder has two trays that you can open.

One's a big one and it says for me and then there's a little one that says for them. It's like for guests. It's like guests, gold ball in Medicaid powder. And the bartender just stares at you and he's like, oh my God, a talking dog. Yeah. I don't believe it.

This night has gotten pretty rough. And then you're like, ah, good one. Got it. Yeah. I guess maybe an email. Ha ha ha ha. Maybe some kind of well-worded note. Yeah, this doesn't seem like a mouth conversation to me.

Ha ha ha. No, because what if she's deep into this brand? What if it's like- We have to pick a brand because this conversation's just too confusing. Okay, pick a brand. Emerald Nuts. Emerald Nuts?

Emerald Nuts, right? Oh, that seems likely. She's nuts about nuts, right? She's losing it. I think you gotta go to her. But if you're like, hey, you need to fucking cut it out with all the Emerald Nuts shit. Like, we're over it.

And she's like, but have you guys tried it yet? And I think it's just a circuitous, maddening cycle. But instead, you leave like an anonymous note that's like, we've heard enough about the nuts. Fucking drop it. Then I think you got subtraction. Maybe a threatening blackmailer. Could you start wearing like paraphernalia

from a competing brand? So you show up in a Diamond Nuts t-shirt and then she looks at you and she's like, well, I was about to tell you about Emerald Nuts, but apparently you- Sorry, I'm affiliated. Yeah, I'm already, yeah, I gave it the office. I already have my nut brand.

I'm dyed in the wool, Diamond for Life. Is there really a brand called Diamond Nuts? And also there's one called Emerald Nuts. Yeah, wait, yeah. No, I think you're having a dream right now, but you're awake. No, Diamond, Diamond of California, they're the ones that have like the little packages

of nuts that you find in the cooking section. And then Emerald rolled up like, what's a good name for our company? How about Diamond Nuts? No, they already did that one. Who got there first? Planters was the OG, but- Well, I mean, that's not a stone though.

Well, George Washington Carver probably had his own brand. I mean, the first pop one of those bad boys in his mouth was like, here we go. He called them Ruby Nuts. These are my Ruby Nuts. I can't believe I'm the first person to notch on these nuts.

These are amazing. I'm George Washington Carver. I invented eating a peanut. Everyone assumed they were poisonous until this point. And also the stoplight. Fuck all y'all. Do we have the money zone? I mean, this whole fucking show is the money zone now, so.

Yeah, it's just a brand heavy cycle 2.0. Let's take a Powerade break, or we don't talk about Powerade for a minute. Yeah. That's what we mean by Powerade break. A power pause. But just know that we're still thinking about it. Yeah, we're still gonna be thinking about it.

Oh yeah, we're still gonna be sipping it in the background. Yeah. And you need something to, what's the reverse of wash down? Dry up. If you need something to dry up before you wash down Powerade, make sure you reach for Nature Box Snacks.

This is a snack subscription service. With wholesome stuff, you can feel good about no colors, no sweeteners, no trans fats, no high fridges, corns there. Trust me, you're getting plenty of all those from Powerade. They have some new snacks to tell you about. I am going to add these to my list right away because they sound amazing.

Many Belgian waffles. Drawberry lemonade fruit stars and sweet and salty nut medley. Oh my God, the first movement of the sweet and salty nut medley. We'll bring a tear to your eye. Spring, I think it's called spring, it's interpose. If you want to try Nature Box and you should,

if you haven't, you should go to naturebox.com slash my brother. You can get a free trial of some of their favorite snacks. If you have not done this yet, what do you wait? It's free. Like just go get the free snacks. Maybe they were awaiting the arrival of many Belgian waffles.

I don't know if those are going to be in the trial box. I can't make any promises. It is impossible to say, but maybe, I don't know. Maybe they were just waiting for something to make their mouth water and the very idea of there being little Belgian waffles that don't have any fruit toast in them is just, that's enough.

Look all through them, tear them apart. Look in every engine of them, you won't find a single bit of fruit toast in there. That address again is naturebox.com slash my brother. Go get some of those free snacks. Now, in PowerAid's electric lightning blue fructose stew, you're going to find a shit gaggle of fructose, holy shit. It's like 98% fructose, 2% blue food coloring.

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What if I were to tell you, I only have $10. That's all the money I have in this world. Good news, Chas. If you go to harrys.com, you can get $5 off the starter set with code mybrother. That's all one word. You should. Sorry, Jeff.

I was going to say, it's good for men and women. My former wife, now George Lopez's girlfriend loves it. So like, you should try it out. I'm done. I'm tired of fishing my razor blades out of Powerade's laser blast razor slash, which is a red drink that is like drinking a child's volcano science fair project,

but with razors inside of it. I'm going to switch to this new service today. harrys.com, get $5 off the starter set with code mybrother. That's all one word. Start shaving better today. I also think just Harry's, if you're listening, maybe there's something there where you could do like, start shaving and start saving or something like that.

I don't know. We'll workshop it. We'll figure it out for you. Don't worry. I have services we offer here. I have a message blast for Jonathan and Colleen, the Northwest Embassy Ambassadors. Official titles, these people are apparently

the presidents of the Northwest. The message is from Kristen and the Sally's. Sally's, this one's really tripping me up. These dog eyes of mine just can't read. The message is, here it comes. Lashley birthday haiku. Your birthdays have come. Your 20s almost over.

Glad we can share them. Is that our first haiku? Is that our first? It's lovely. There's no, what is it? There's no season words in here. If you're gonna do a haiku, I would have wanted a spring season word.

A supple, throw that in there maybe. A brook, put that in there and then it would have been a proper, but I see you just haven't, you've chosen not to do this haiku in the Japanese style. And I get it. That's fine. I get it, it's fine. You're trying something new.

This is sort of a transcontinental fusion. And I'm into it. I'm really into transcontinental fusion right now. Anyway, happy birthday, Jonathan and Colleen. Congratulations. Do we have another one? No. But we do.

We do, oh man. It's over here behind the couch, Justin. I was saving it for you. Fantastic. This is a message for Kate from Christian. Christian says, happy to your anniversary. Although we can't go on the amazing race, I'm still excited to travel the world with you

and have even more incredible adventures together. We make a great team. Thank you for your support and all the effort you put into making this long distance thing work. Also, I will beat you at Dominion someday. Love, Christian. How sweet. This is a sweet message.

Dominion's a, that's a hard game to pick up. I feel a game. You feel a game? Yeah, it's a board game. Speaking of games, should we talk about the amazing race just real quick for like 15 minutes? Sure, go ahead. I've never watched an episode, but go for it.

Here's what's up this season. They took six teams, all dating couples, or married. All couples, pre-existing. Other six teams, they done matched them up. They said, you and you, you're in love now and you're gonna travel the world and you're gonna compete in wacky wet stunts and challenges and it's gonna be amazing

and all of you are gonna fall in love and at every pit stop feels like, so did you all fall in love yet? And they're still like, no stop asking. How much of a bummer is that? Or you just had to like stack up a bunch of watermelons and it took you six hours and you're really sweaty and really fucking frustrated.

When you get to the pit stop, you barely eeked it out. Skin in your teeth, made it to the pit stop and feels like, so did you two kiss? No, we haven't kissed. We've been busy. We had to solve a goddamn word search in the size of a city for you. You twisted fuck.

Somebody send this to Amazing Race. And please let me be on the Amazing Race. Holy shit, I'll do anything. I don't care who you- Can we do a three-man team on the Amazing Race? Is that fair? Is that allowed? Is that in the rules?

We would not make it out of the parking lot. They did one season. Not the worst. Did you guys hear they canceled the Amazing Race because those three guys got killed? Here's the weird thing. They were on their way to set to shoot the first episode. They're probably the worst.

One tried to grab the wheel from the other one and then the third one made a fart noise and they all laughed so hard because they thought it was so fucking funny. And then one of them said boners and that really sent them in stitches and then they drove into a ravine. But they were dead before they even crashed.

That's so weird. Probably from laughing too hard. It was crazy. They were all eating, like they were all sharing a churro and there might have been some like cinnamon dust go down their throats and they choked a death on it. Here's the other thing about it. Their car was littered with bower-aid containers.

Here's the weirdest thing. They let the youngest one drive and he's a dog. That's our hook. We pretend Griffin, sorry, no, that's me. Oh! Ha ha ha ha! I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher.

I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members, what I don't know, podcastiness of Wim Bam Powell. That's an action and sci-fi movie podcast you can find on maximalfone.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. We break it down so it can forever be broken.

Hilarious jokes, plus sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, of course. Yes. This yahoo is sent in by Tom Harriman.

Thank you, Tom. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Oh my God, something's gone wrong. Ruchus. Ruchus Primstein. Ruchus Primstein asks, what is your favorite wizard swear? Ooh!

What is your favorite wizard swear? Um, what, is there any context to the question, Griffin? Of course not. Oh, I think I really like fuck. Oh fuck, my spell fucked up. My fucking wand is broken. Ah, my fucking wand again. Where's my fucking cauldron?

Fucking Snape's right in my ass. Fucking Snape's on my dick, God. Melon's beard, fuck, it's hot in here. Why do I have to wear these fucking robes? Melon's fucking beard. Fucking eat this whole castle. Hey Jimmy, can you fucking stop extinguishing the lights with your fucking smell?

Oh, it sucks. We're in a castle, it's fucking dark. It's drafty as shit. It's dropping shard all the time, come on. Oh, fucking dragon parts. Get your fucking rat out of my bedroom. Zippity zippity, fuckingy doo. Why are wands so fucking thin?

I break them every week. I hate this fucking job. No, I don't want a fucking butterbeer. Can I just get a Miller High Life? Fuck, Jesus Christ. No, the candy's alive. I bought a fucking chocolate frog. I bought a frog in the window.

It's inside me, moving the fuck around. All the pictures fucking move, it's creeping me the fuck out. I just want to go home. I ate a jelly bean and it was period. I'm fucking out of wizard town. I'm a guy now and I work at Sitgo. You have tried seven fucking times to levitate yourself.

Just get a fucking ladder and go up there and get the soda off the shelf. It's Wingardium of fucking Leviosa, all right? How many fucking times do I muggle? Fucker. How do you, what do you fuck me? We don't even have ladders. I hate this fucking castle.

Buy a ladder that costs 15 fucking dollars. Generate one out of pure wishes or whatever the fuck you idiots do. This ladder goes in six direct. I don't, I want up. I don't fuck what I want that. The staircases move. Well, that's poor fucking planning, isn't it?

Isn't it? I could get on a staircase to somewhere and end up fucking somewhere else. What do you mean there's a giant dog upstairs guarding a fucking trap door? I'm just trying to find the bathroom. Hate this place. I don't want to out fucking next to my bed all night long.

The eyes are crazy. I get all over my nightstand. Are you gonna clean this up? He just fucking stares at me. There's a fucking wizarding war going on. I'm gonna go get my fucking GED. This is ridiculous. Quick question.

Nobody mentions this to my fucking parents. When you put me on a train and shit me off here, there's a fucking everyday my life would be under threat. I don't know magic. I'm just trying to light some fucking potions. I don't know magic. How about for the first three years, you give me a gun?

How about? You give me a fucking gun. So I can shoot the bad wizards when they're not looking. How about that? Cause apparently you cannot protect me. Have to be with this fucking school or evil and you don't know it? What's that?

You guys don't play football either? How am I supposed to ball 24-7? On the Quidditch Court, fuck. Oh, everything here wants to kill me. There's like giant plants that want to kill me. And if I fall off my fucking broomstick, I'm dead. And people are fucking cursing me. Okay, great.

In high school I might get bullied. Hate this place. Hate this fucking school. More like dog narts. You know what that was? Nailed it. Oh solid. I have a question here.

I work in the cafe where customers frequently linger 30 to 40 minutes after we've closed. I frequently find myself sweeping and mopping around them while they pointed, I thought that said moping at first Well, but also yes, then also that I find myself sweeping and mopping around them Well, they plainly ignored me and keep chatting My boss does not allow us to directly tell them to leave

What are some good passive-aggressive ways to give them the boot and that's from I just want to fucking go home? P.S. The song closing time is not on our story. That was literally on the tip of my tongue shit Here's what you do Sing closing time do just an acoustic cover right there on the spot acoustic cover clothes You walk right up to you say hey, hey guys Where are the cool parties this weekend and then just keep asking them about cool parties this weekend? Until they decide to leave because that no one has watched on a hulu, huh? Hey, do you guys watch anything on hulu lately? Tell me about what you're watching. What are you watching? Huh? You checked out that?

With that gallivant. That's a good one. Have you guys have you guys seen arrow? Who wants to talk about arrow? Hey, I hear Go up to them and just keep at look you get to introduce it like this Hey guys, we're starting to close up just wondering if you needed anything, right? And then you're gonna ask them if they need anything like once every minute Just keep walking by going you guys still good. Do you need anything? Okay, great. The real answer is just unplug the router Right ten ten p.m. Rolls around unplug the fucking router and they turn into ash and blow out the front door whoosh. There they go

Our at you could say at 1001 put up a sign that says at 1001 I will be loudly reciting some of my favorite bits from the Big Bang Theory in the middle of the room and then 1001 Rolls around you go out the first time and just like hey everybody bezinga. It's great to see it And then Sheldon says then Sheldon's like and oh and here's what you have to know about it Oh, they said they like live to get their room. Have you guys seen the show? Okay, so imagine it's two kind of awkward dudes, right? I like math. I prefer science bezinga bezinga bezinga tea and bezinga to you Are you wearing a flash costume? Yes, I do it every episode if only I could if only I could math love If only my if only love was something I could calculate with my science calculator bezingo

Where did you find the DVD for poorly translated? Big Bang Theory and bezingo is the plural of bezinga Everybody knows that's it. No, I'm sorry. It is a murder of bezinga. I Wish oh god if only if only shawty rhymes wrote that episode shawty rhymes wrote the bomb episode of Big Bang Theory just kidding. They're all bombs. Y'all any yahoo? Yeah, drop the bomb Chas. This yadru was sent in by level 9000 yadru shaman drew Davenport Thank You Druits by yadru answers user blaze who asks My name is

blaze probes I'm 15 and a male I Wanted to know if anyone knew of a better more professional name for blaze Mm-hmm. I've gone through my entire life with people asking me What's wrong with my parents or are your parents pot heads or do you smoke weed? Of course I smoke weed I mean my name is fucking blaze lmao What? Blazes literally don't understand the question. He's looking for a better. He's trying to read my name. He's rebranding

Maybe blaze. I don't know. That's nothing. How about blazee? That's doesn't seem professional though doesn't it seems like you're not gonna take this job very serious Yeah, everything's like you doesn't care so he's 15 And he's looking for a more professional like like nom de plume. I guess I think he's looking for a like a Mutated version of his name kind of like how like Charles can turn into Chuck even though those only have like two goddamn letters in common I'm looking for Bill he could go by blade

Well, I Don't think that's gonna be much better Nobody's gonna ask if your parents smoke weed if your name's blade They might ask if you kill vampires and then like yeah, of course. I killed vampires. My name's blade LMO whatever he said LFO that's right Charles What if he said my name is blazer and then that seems more powerful to me and it's it's like an active verb You know, yeah, and that could mean like he is one who blazes. Oh, but also I'm wearing a professional looking sport jacket

Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying. My name is blazer. This is my dog necktie. I brought him into this job interview I'm 15 years old. What's that? I can't I can't work yet. Yeah shit. What's that? I need to leave. Okay? Thank you very much for your time. No matter what I if I if doing a comedy podcast has taught me anything No matter what your last name is people will find a way to tie it to weed Has a poor look at poor a poor Humphrey Bogart He thought he could make it through life that way, but nope every single time. Hi. I'm Humphrey Bogart Oh, well, make sure you pass it when I'm around or look at those poor doobie brothers No, look at the poor doobie brothers. I can I just say I do not think that's a problem that Humphrey Humphrey Bogart Humphrey

Brogort Humphrey Bogart suffers from I I I well not anymore But can you imagine how bad of a weed-sharer you have to be for people to name the act of not sharing weed after you What Humphrey Bogart was notoriously bad at sharing? Apparently just weed though. Oh, yeah I'll see give me the shirt off his back unless he had some weed in the pocket of his shirt In which case he would keep it on and smoke all of it. Ken. Is there a Opposite of Bogart which means somebody that is constantly giving out free weed and if not, I would like to nominate my old roommate Eric

Wait, so you would say like thank you for Eric King that weed Roll off the tongue really bro. You really Eric to me But that's a good thing. It doesn't I know it's a celebration. I'm saying I'm What if they for okay? Okay, maybe Eric King is you force you force them to No, no, no Eric to me. I got a drug test tomorrow. No Eric Eric would never do that He would just it was always there if you needed it. I'm not saying it sounds the best I'm saying we could definitely find better words for it, but this I mean the shoe fits What about bro guard?

Well, that might get confusing when someone has to I'm sorry. Did you say I was bow guarding it or bro guard again? I Think you could figure that out What do you think? How do you feel you're doing? Hey, thanks everybody for listening to our comedy podcast my brother my brother and me Right now before we do any of our other Let me horseshit We want to remind you that we're gonna be coming to the Pacific Northwest and we want to see you there We're doing a show in Portland. That's sold out

But if you're near Portland, you can come to our show in Seattle, which is just a it's just a short drive away We're making the drive. I don't see why you can't that's in be bit.ly 4-MB in BAM Seattle We're also going to the night after that, which will be August 30th. The 29th on Saturday is Seattle That's actually the Saturday night of packs if prime if you're gonna be around for that You should come to our show and also the night after that August 30th. We're gonna be in Vancouver. That's bit.ly Van Mbm BAM to buy it's our first international show. It's gonna get crazy. We're gonna exchange money We're gonna show our passports. It's gonna be wild

My baby's never left the nation before so it'll be our first time in a foreign land. Hopefully they let her Yeah, the focus group is like y'all got to get out of America and test the International waters out there and I said okay, but it has to be walking distance back to America One thing that I would say is the the seating for the Seattle in Vancouver shows are reserved seating But right now if you act fast you can reserve a box at the Vancouver show How cool would you be if you had like a formal box and listen if you're in a box I'm gonna be playing to the boxes. You don't need to worry about that. You're gonna be my dog pound I want to be I'm gonna be a lot of material just for the boxes a

Lot of three pointers a lot of three We're hats with stuff on top of the hats that only you'll be able to see a lot of deep buckets I want to just take a second to thank nature box one more one more gain Because at nature box you can order hundreds of great tasting healthy snacks Go to nature box comm slash my brother and you'll be able to sign up for a free sampler box of great tasting healthy snacks Also, when I think John Roderick and the long winters for these for a theme song It's a departure off the album putting the days to bed super good album Perfect album for summertime fun if you're going out on a boat on a body of water

You're gonna need this album to go out with you Also, you should take a chance and go listen to all the other amazing podcasts on maximum fun org Including the adventures and where we played Dungeons and Dragons with our dad bunker buddies where me and my buddy Andy talk about surviving the apocalypse in a funny way and saw bones With Justin and Sydney talking about a weird medical history stuff. It's really really good I'm also launching a new show this week with me and my friend Brent who is Brentel floss And we're gonna talk about like internet trends and stuff You can follow it at trends like these on Twitter and look for all the announcements and shit

There are also other shows on maximum fun that we don't do that are really really terrific like the flop house and Judge John Hodgman and so much flop house so good There's also one bad mother there's Jordan Jesse go There's there's so many amazing shows so you can find them all at maximum fun org Listen, if you have noticed that you're feeling a little run down in your game I want you to reach for a powerade the ion for advanced electrolyte system is gonna help you replenish four electrolytes lost in sweat It's formulated with a six percent carbohydrate solution to help provide energy to working muscles and vitamins B3 B6 B12

Powerade try mountain berry blast mountain berry blast drops and powerade zero if you're trying to cut back on your calories Powerade is juice for sports now mountain mountain berry blast drops actually comes and a small eyedropper bottle Don't worry it's over the counter, but you actually put them into your eyes All right, your eyes they give you they give you sight strength and you can the most extreme way to see Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna be able to see through Uh, you're just gonna be able to see through shit and it's gonna it it'll hurt a lot So much you'll be able to see through the bullshit

That's what you'll be able to see through and and also walls and people and stuff make sure to follow us on instagram We're at power in in case you're kind of curious what sorts of pictures a sentient sports drink would post on instagram You can find out don't worry about it. Oh, also We should have warned you that if you have a heart condition or a pregnant or nursing Don't listen to our show ever again from now on for this cycle The stunts are too wet the stunts are a little too wet and god we god damn it We should have said something at the front at the front end of the episode because we just like man. We just like Broke some bones. We just shattered some pelvises with these goddamn comedy stunts

Sorry about all the wet stunts Sorry about the water sports. Here comes the final yahoo chas. Do you got a final yahoo? Yeah, I do this one was sent in by brian root. Thank you brian It's by an anonymous yahoo mystery user who says What is a will smith? I'm just a macaroy. I'm travis macaroy. I'm chas macaroy. This has been my brother my brother me Kiss your dad just go around the lips again

Why would that be any better? It's because it's the new one because we're back, baby Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported. I'm jessie thorn I'm jordan morris the federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Thanks to uncle sam You can get grant programs for veterans postage stamps that'll ensure your mail gets there in a timely fashion fruit for you And your family child care for your children that turns them into super soldiers get a million dollars to open your own lake Useful power tools that are easy on your soft delicate hands your own personal radioactive brick more sexual attention From everyone at the used bookstore grayhound tickets soft gentle kisses from tv's john goodman a real narwhal

Athletic socks filled with stew a valuable pamphlet on millet your father's approval Don't wait right now For all of this and more drop us a line Jordan jessie go 123 itunes street or wherever you download podcasts