My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 253: Bye-Bye Boy

Episode Date: May 26, 2015

Please, please, someone get us out of this contract. We are in a Hellscape of our own creation, from which we will never receive relief. Anyone. Please. Suggested talking points: On the Blob, Sock Farmer, Dew Time, Larry the Cable Curse, Knuckles Threesome, Accidental Breaking Bad

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar, but not too familiar, but not too not familiar. It's a new craze. And the girls, do you want it to say, hey, I want it? Just say, hey, I want it. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me 2.0. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother,

Travis McElroy. I'm Chas. I've got a bone to pick with you, because I'm a dog, and dogs love bones. Fuck. What were we thinking? What were we thinking? So this is the progress support. We have made a significant investment. For my brother and my brother and me 2.0, we redid the studio. We did a huge media blast. Huge media blast. Huge marketing push. Maybe you saw us in Jurassic World, the trailer. I think the biggest change, the biggest sacrifice between all three of us is that I had to go in and change the Twitter icon for my brother and my brother and

me. That was probably the biggest change that any of us did. Yeah. I mean, I was asleep during my dog body transformation, where I got surgically turned into a dog. So I didn't really feel it, you know? Well, I've had to spend a lot of time cleaning up after Griffin. Does that count as a sacrifice? I mean, I do it out of love. Travis, give us the skinny on just how explosive the growth of my brother and my brother made 2.0 has been. Well, we've seen about a .0000003% increase. So that's like, so that's just one. Yeah, it was one guy. One guy. One guy who was half the show.

He was really into the Powerade stuff at first, and then he was like, okay, I get it. And then we kept doing it. And I was, I was sitting with him while he was listening to it. I should mention he got turned off about halfway through. I should mention I was going over our Powerade contract. I got it here. Hold on. Okay. If you turn to index J, and then code X, B, and then indices 13 through 6, it goes backwards, you'll actually see that they aren't paying us. There is no money.

There's no money. We read through the contract and like the exclusive, we looked at exclusive, you're like, yes, yes, yes. They're like, you don't have to mention the forbidden flavors. And we're like, good, because we wouldn't pedal that to our listeners. Yeah. No long pork flavor. We don't talk about the long pork flavor. Right. But what we didn't do was look over the contract for an index or a codex that mentions restitution. Well, I just, I just like signed a lease on a sports car that's branded with like

Powerade down the side and on the hood. And they're not, no, that's not, you're paying for that. Yeah. They're actually taking money out of our pockets. So why God did we sign on for a three year deal? We have a three year deal with Powerade and they're getting us coming and going. Yeah. So I don't think we can abandon my brother and my brother and me 2.0. We are legally into this. Legally speaking. So welcome to my brother and my brother and me 2.0.

Boys in the house, get it. No, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let's do it right. Powerade presents my brother and my brother and me 2.0. A Powerade experience. A Powerade experience. Feel it ride the lightning. I have to, I have to read this bit they have here. Make sure, make sure to listen to the show on your Barnes and Noble nook to get special

enhanced media cross play features like a catch the chas mini game and also complimentary coupons for Powerade. Just an important question. Yeah. Does Powerade make the nook? Get yourself electrolyte blasted and then maybe dig into crime and punishment. They have a co-sponsorship deal. It's a trans media.

It makes complete sense when you think about it. It does. There's no overlap there so that it can be. All right. Let's just get on with the fucking show. Let's just do the show and maybe focus on our core competencies and just I need some level of distraction. There will be some wet stunts. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm fine with the wet stunts. We're just not getting paid fucking anything for it. This podcast was an important revenue stream for me.

Well done. Worth it? No, because I spent $300,000 on this inflatable obstacle course. Well, no one told you to do that, Justin. Justin bought the Wipeout obstacle course because he said, quote, I want to get really good at the Wipeout obstacle course. And he spent $200,000 on the blob from the movie Heavyweights. Which once again, no one told you to do, Justin. Yeah. Also not worth $200,000.

Well, that's debatable. Maybe six of history. Okay. Let's get on it. My husband has it on the blob? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. All episodes of the podcast will now be recorded on the blob. My husband has a terrible habit of removing his sock. That was me on the block.

Sorry. I jumped on and grip it into the leg. It's full of Power Raid. The worst part is if he's in the leg room, the mosquitoes are terrible. Started with a stagnant leg. I couldn't hear the question because I was flying through the air away from you. It doesn't interrupt me. And don't make any more Wipeout specific references. I won't get them.

My brother has a terrible habit of removing his socks all over the house. The worst part is if he's in the living room, he stuffs them between the couch cushions. Do you do weird things like this to annoy your wives? Oh, that annoy your wives. Not specifically intended to annoy your wives. And what have they done to cope or get you to stop? And that's from Help Brothers. Please tell me how to restore my wedded bliss.

This is from House of Socks in Houston. I don't think I have anything. You know, I'm pretty much, you know, I do this. So this one. Okay. Is this a universal thing? Oh, I do this. I take my socks off everywhere. It is weird how like in your day to day, no matter what you are doing,

getting to that point, you're like, what is with these fucking socks? Yeah. Why am I wearing these bad boys? I got to get these off. I will also often only take one off. And like, it's not like I do that on purpose. Like I'll take one off and they get distracted by something and realize like 45 minutes later, I just have one sock on

and I have no idea what the other one is. I think of it as like being a sock farmer where come the winter seasons. I will have a harvest where I'm sitting in the living room with my wife watching Orphan Black. And I got cold feet. I don't want to go into the bedroom though, where I keep my socks normally.

I wish I had a secret stash. And then lo and behold, secret stashes right there waiting for me. Now they're a little dry. But you know, in the winter, you got to get the preserved stuff. You know what I mean? Maybe you've maybe you've brined them. Yeah, it's sock jerky essentially is what you're making. I think everybody has things like this in their life.

I mean, I know I have my own little quirks. I leave the toilet seat up. I make love to men and women other than my wife. I leave the cabinets open at every turn. I think that they, you know, it's part of the adjustment of living with another person. Yeah, everyone's got fun stuff. I just make love too good, you know?

And my wife's so annoyed. She's like, oh, stop making love so good all the time. Yeah, like I leave glasses of water around the house so much that I'm basically like the little girl from signs. And also I've been siphoning funds out of my wife's retirement account to buy myself crack. And then I smoke all the crack. And then sometimes I like don't do the dishes.

Yeah, it's but you know, that's what that's what marriage. Marriage is like learning to love the fact that your husband is gaslighting you slowly. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you're going insane, but maybe it's like you grow old and insane together. The problem with voicing these concerns are that like if my wife says to me, hey,

fucking with the cabinets, seriously, stop it. Because mom used to get on us. Do you remember that like mom would get on our case about this constantly? Because we would go into the kitchen and leave every cabinet open and then just walk out. So like this has been a recurring problem. And so Sidney will bring this up to me.

And I'll like the danger of that is I'll remember to close cabinets and expect a fucking metal for it. Yeah. Like, hey, check. Hey, did you notice any cabinets today, especially? Do you think you see anything special in the kitchen? You noticed in the kitchen? Did you cook something special for me?

No, I just didn't fuck up as bad as I actually do. Treat please. I do the sock things constantly. God, this is so annoying. I do. But I usually like I put the socks in a place where it could theoretically like if you were a severely disturbed person, could be the place where you put socks.

Like I will drape them over the arm of the couch. Like, oh, no, that was intentional. This is where I meant to put the socks. It's so they were in eyesight. So I would get them later. I would say, oh, yeah, these socks. I do a thing where I take my socks off after I ride the exercise bike, which we keep in the living room,

watch our property brothers while I bike. And I just grind it out and try to drop some LBs. And I got off the bike and I'm like, oh, sweaty socks. Take them off and throw them on the floor. And I know that Rachel is like, I would prefer those not to be there. But in my mind, it's like, I just worked out. Like, I earned this. Do you guys want a yahoo?

Please. This yahoo was sent in by Zoe Kansky. Thank you, Zoe. It's by Yacht. Climb in that ladder. Yeah, I almost said I do almost just like letter rip with a nickname. Well, her kind of thing is climbing that ladder. Climbing that ladder.

Well, but then what if she's on top? Then it's we're being falling off that ladder, falling off. Falling off that ladder, but grabbing back on to it at the last second. But now she's about midway down. Got climber way back top of the ladder about six wrongs. OK, wait, quick, quick aside. I was listening to a clip that somebody had posted on YouTube of my brother, my brother, me because I thought it would be it was just called

my brother, my brother, me extra bit. And I thought maybe it was something funny that I'd done. And I needed to brighten my day a little bit. So I thought, oh, man, that would feel good. And I listened to it. It was just a bit where we were like calling people's names out the end for tweeting about the show. Do you remember when we used to do this?

Yeah. This is like episode 150, if I remember correctly. So over like basically over two years ago. And one of the names I thanked for tweeting about us was Drew Davenport. That dude has been on the bus for so long, much longer than I realized. Yeah. And he didn't. He wasn't he didn't have he wasn't the Drew Davenport back then.

He had to listen. He was he was a Drew Davenport. One of multiple Drew Davenports. So sorry, Zoe Kingsley, climb that ladder. Let me get that Yahoo from you. It's by Yahoo Answers user Benjamin C. Who asks, is Mountain Dew screwing with my head and increasing my sex drive? Hey guys, smiley face.

Okay, so I had my first bottle of Mountain Dew about five days ago. Since then, I've been having like one to two 500 milliliter bottles a day. Just today. What? Just today, my girlfriend said I've been acting weird slash different. I'm only 16, but apparently my sex drive has increased and I've become quote cocky cocky means cheeky saying things that are risky that I usually wouldn't say. I think that's what it means anyway.

Thanks, Marion Webster. I think that's what it means anyway. So do you guys think it's okay to do with the do? I'm English, by the way. So the do only just recently arrived. Man, I love this stuff. But depending on what you guys think, I reckon I'll quit doing the do. What do you think?

Thanks. And then just a book and another smiley face. Okay, one. I love anybody who says cocky. Oh, you probably don't know what that means. Here's what it means. Anyway, that's what I think it means. God, if only there was some way to figure it out for sure.

Griffith, is it possible that this is a Mountain Dew buzz marketing like British thing where they're like, I guess it made me sex too good? I don't know, you guys. You should check it out. I drink like two bottles of it a day. It just got here to England. It's this new thing called Mountain Dew that apparently makes your sex real good. It's amazing to me.

The amazing thing to me is that this shit's just now getting over to the aisles, as I call them. Well, it had to go on the ships. Yeah, and they got lost. There's two reasons why I find this wonderful is, first of all, the fact that they only just arrived, this venerable brand that I wish we had picked up instead of Powerade. Probably the same company owns them anyway.

This means I intimate from this knowledge that there has been somebody or a group of people in the aisles that have been just viciously fighting to keep Mountain Dew off their shores. Just just their scenes of them just like dumping it into a harbor. Or just like maybe there's some some politicking, some embargoes, trade embargoes going on just to keep just to keep this neon power juice. Mr. Prime Minister, we will not do that. Do we don't do it and also have a British accent.

The second thing though is it makes sense to me all of a sudden why British people drink so much tea that's not good. Like not they drink not great tea most of the time. And it's just because they haven't like other better beverages just aren't available yet. But they're coming around now and pretty soon it's going to be doing a biscuit love. It's 5.30. It's dew time baby. It's 5.30.

Doing a biscuit love. We have to trickle down here. Well we have to start calling our smallest tablespoons we call them doospoons. Doospoons, yes exactly. Three doospoons of olive oil. And when you put your balls in another person's mouth you're doobagging them, yes. Right wing conservatives will be called doo partiers and that sounds amazing to me. I would join that group.

I would join that group in a heartbeat. I think part of the problem that I'm having answering this question authoritatively which I would love to do is that they did not specify what flavor of Mountain Dew they were drinking and as I'm about to fill you guys in on there are 69 different flavors of Mountain Dew they could be imbibing. 69. Yeah nice they have to stop there they can never make another. Race is the most extreme number gentlemen.

We have to take a new dew. So I'd like to hit you guys with a few flavors and you tell me if they are real or fake. I like to call do or no do. There is no try. That's a good that's a good name. No he's doing a dealer no deal thing. Oh I see okay I gotcha. Yeah yeah uh so here's my first one okay.

Mountain Dew, Johnson City Gold. Don't waste my time. Okay is that real? No. No that's real. It's a flavor variant with a part of a regional dew promotion and it has a distinct it's a distinctive malt flavored soda from the creators of Mountain Dew. Oh my god.

Malt, it would be distinctive. Yeah it would be an unforgettable experience. This is just like all those other malt flavored sodas. Dewitos, Mountain Dew, Dewitos. I'm going to say that's real. What would you think it is? Doritos flavored. Correct.

It is real as tested on college campuses in 2014. Mountain Dew, Frigid Blast. No that's not real. You stumbled over it. I made that one up. Mountain Dew, Thin Ice Freeze. That one yes. I'm going to go real.

Maybe like as a happy feet promotion. Dragon fruit, acai and pomegranate flavored. Of course that's what I want. Mountain Dew, Kryptonite Ice. Yeah. That's real. For sure. That's super real.

There is a lot of flavors of Mountain Dew and they are not as funny to read as I felt they would. No they never are. Is there one that's like Crystal Dew? I feel like somebody sent that to us recently. Yeah and that's the one that tastes like Crystal Bernard Sweat. Then the original tagline for that was It'll Give You Wings. But then fucking Red Bull chomped that flavor. They had to change it to It'll Make You Watch Wings.

It'll make. There's one. Mountain Dew Grape. No. No there was Mountain Dew. Then there's Forensic's Think of Better title later. It is only available in 12 oz cans in certain Japanese vending machines. Bill, will you punch this up later?

Thanks, Tim. Thanks. Maybe like pre-wine juice blast or something? I don't know. I'm thinking maybe like Extreme Mountain Splash. I don't know. You'll think of something. You're a genius.

So this is weird. One of the yahoos I picked out for us to do on this episode was actually a quiz about monster energy flavors. And I'm wondering if I should just jettison that into the archives. No. You should actually probably do it right now. Yeah, you should do it right now. Quiz flip.

Flipping the quiz. I'm going to quiz flip. I have some monster energy flavors based on this yahoos sent in by Chase Greenlee. Thank you, Chase. Asked by yahoos answers user. Invisible. They're gone. They're dead.

But they asked what are all the monster energy flavors. And yahoos answers user also not available. Man, yahoos, you need to get your fucking website right. Reply with a whole bunch of stuff. And I'm just going to hit you with some of them. And you tell me if they're real or not. In a game we like to call do or no do too. This is my guess.

Yeah. Frankenberry, blueberry, fruit broot, yami-mami, kind of chocolate. No. These are beverages that are drank by DJs to help them fucking party harder. How about monster assault? Yeah, I think that's real. Yeah, monster low carb. Yeah, it's real.

Yeah, that one's real. Monster mixed. Real. No, no, not real. That's right, Justin. It's not real. Now, monster mixed with two Xs. Real.

Yeah, that one's on point. How about monster rehab? Real. Yeah, that's a whole chain. They got tea, lemonade, and energy flavor, which I guess now is do, do, lemonade, and energy. It's a, it's a delicious cocktail. Is it supposed to be like, can you ever hang over?

Is that the idea? It's anti-monster. It's, it nullifies the monster already coursing through your veins, poisoning you from within. How about it's basically liquid silver. How about monster hit man? Oh, yes. Yeah, that's another chain of flavors. They're monster shots, three fluid ounces of straight party juice.

Monster hit man. When you only have a short break in between the two records you're playing as a party DJ. Right. There's monster hit man regular who, and if you drink that, you're an idiot. Because you should instead jump on monster hit man lobo and monster hit man sniper. Monster hit man sniper, monster hit man sniper was the name of a product that monster created. And they said, we need a name for this horrible poison shot. And someone said monster hit man sniper.

And they said, you just said three different words that are sound scary. And of course that's what we're going to name it. Happy birthday Robert. This is your present. We're going to go with your bad, bad idea that you came up with at this monster meeting. Monster hit man sniper sounds like the translated Japanese title that Die Hard would have. Yeah. That's what they call it in Japan.

There's some crazy shit up in here. Expresso monster hammer. It's just like weird three words. How about Expresso monster and hammer. Yeah, cool. Why not? There's also Italian cafe monster. There's Vienna monster.

Remember that waiter Jean-Luc? And he did that sick kick flip over the table. Hey, how about let me hit you with karate chop my lawn chair now. How about this laser monster sword? Well, yeah, let's just yeah laser monster sword, sure. Again, as long as we get monster in there, the other two words just have to sound radical. Hey, how about jet pack monster monster. So two monsters.

Yeah, but like the second one's not the brand. It's like an actual monster. How about mother of all monsters? That's pretty good too. How about monster monster monster? I'm currently 17 years old and just got out of high school, but not by graduating. That is a cool thing to say. Hey, wow.

Why am I not asking this person for advice? I will be 18 this August when I start looking for a job and save it for a deposit on a place. Once I turn 18, I'm just looking for some advice as far as general how to be an adult advice. And that's from a boy as dry as a popcorn fart in Atlanta. This is crazy. This is a crazy thing you've asked us. We've made a fucking podcast empire out of drip feeding these answers to people. And you want us to just close up shop and have a going of fire sale on adult advice?

You're partying 24 seven. You're the coolest person I've ever met. But how about I ask you how to get her done constantly? Is that a thing that you ask people? I don't think that Larry the K-Gri has ever made it a question. How to get her done? Well, I guess nobody in the audience has ever been brave enough to ask. Sorry, sorry, stop the show.

Stop the show. What do you mean by that? You know, you just get her done. Yeah, you said it. You can't just keep saying it. Well, I mean, I can. It's I'm legally bound to three times a minute. No, this is the thing.

What you guys don't know is if somebody asked that question, Larry the cable guy is able to remove his hat, revert back to the human being he was. And then the person who asked the question has to take over as Larry the cable guy. When they put the hat on, they become Larry the cable guy until they're able to eventually solve the riddle of how to get her done or pass the curse along to the next person. What you just described is a mirror universe version of the plot of Tooth Fairy, which Lawrence the cable gentleman is also in.

Well, that's where they got the idea. For Larry the cable guy said, I got an idea for a movie. It's like this horrible hellscape that I'm trapped in. What if there's a blue collar comedian who was every day, his whole existence was a pain scape from which he never received any relief. And he missed the days when he was a neurosurgeon without an accent. I used to be a patent lawyer in Rhode Island. I had a wife and kids.

I haven't seen them in 12 painful years. And I guess what I'm saying is get her done. Wink, wink, hint, hint, nudge, nudge. Boy, that makes you sure makes you curious, doesn't it? You could be 27th in the line of cableman. A proud tradition of pain. What if at the end of the Santa Claus Tim Allen was just like freed and he's walking out the door of Santa Claus HQ at the North Pole,

and he's like, oh my God, I'm going to get out there and live my life. I'm finally freed this curse. And the last scene after the credits as he's leaving is he stumbles across Larry the cable guy who just stares and is like, get her done. And Tim Allen, as though driven by some other worldly force, asks him, what do you mean get her done? And it's just the cycle begins anew, except this time he's Larry the cable guy. So like the last shot is just Larry the cable guy's face lighting up.

So adult advice. I think there's something in there, right? I think my number one piece of adult advice is to whenever like a new scenario, like how to get health insurance, paying bills, whenever a scenario like that presents itself, like just do it, like learn how to do it, educate yourself on it, rather than like trying to dance around it until eventually at like 25, you have to deal with it.

Because if like at 18, you can really start to wrap your mind around all of the like minutia of like how to day to day deal with like adult life, you'll be so far ahead of the curve. There's stuff I didn't learn how to do till I was like 23 or 24 that I should have been doing so far ahead of that. Is it fucked up to say go back to high school and finish, just finish it? You got so close. You got so close.

Like I mean, I get it. I get it. I get it. It's the worst, but you are so close. Like it breaks my heart that you put in 17 of the 18 years that you got to do to finish it. And if you finish it, like I feel like it's going to be a lot easier for you out there. At the very least, just take like take the test for the GED. Like yeah, you can do it.

It's it's super easy. It's probably super hard. I probably couldn't pass the GED test now. No question about it. I barely passed my driver's test. Yeah, no question. I drive my little sister Riley from school and I sometimes and I ask her like, so what'd you learn today?

And she starts describing things that I feel like my brain is melting. Like trigger mom. Yeah, I remember that. This is good. No, I could not process it anymore. Couldn't handle it. Especially, you know, I definitely couldn't handle it anymore. Why I could not do it.

This person's doing it. I could not handle being in a room for an hour and a half. And also, I have to eat lunch at like 10 30 or some crazy time. And I have to be in a room for an hour and a half listening to a person. And I can't just like, well, I'm an adult. Bye. That power is what guides me through every situation in my life. Even if I'm going to sit and listen to somebody for an hour and a half,

I know I have the power to not learn. To defiantly unlearn things. To unlearn. Go back to school. Go back to school or don't. If you're not going to go back to school, learn a martial art. Because if there's one thing I know, if you're going to wander the world, you'd better be a black belt and something.

Well, I don't think you're talking about. You're not going to be a black belt in trigonometry or social studies, clearly. So maybe it's time to learn like Krav Magar or something, which I don't think has belts, but the point remains. Here's my advice that may be terrible. The Travis McRoy story. The Troy story. Is this there are lots of people that like whenever you hear a story about

someone that's really successful in like the entertainment industry, for example, who says like, well, I didn't go to college and said, I just started working and now I'm where I am now. So my advice is this, either go back to school and focus on doing school or go into your chosen field and work your fucking ass off. Because what you don't get to do is neither like you don't get to not finish schooling and also kick around for four years. I mean, you do.

Lots of people do that. Yes. But very rarely is that the person that you're reading like the Fortune 500, you know, like just waste time. I guess is what Travis is saying. Exactly. You're not going to be in school fine. Like that's not for everybody, but like throw yourself into something.

Yeah. Go travel or go like work really hard at a field and get really good at it. Do something like if you're not going to do the school thing, like don't just don't waste these days. You're young, you're probably strong, very strong and virile. Just don't waste fucking sexy. Sexy. That works for another reason too.

Because when people are like, why didn't you finish school? If your response is, I just I watched SpongeBob a lot. Like no one respects them. And if you're like, you know what, I got out there and started living my life, then everybody's going to be like, oh, okay, that makes sense. I would also say in terms of good adult advice is don't be afraid of how much stuff you don't know about being an adult. Because look around at all the dum-dums that are successfully doing that stuff.

Like all of the dum-dums that know how to get a social security card and pay your taxes. They're silly, silly, silly goofs and they can do it. You can do it. You can do anything if you believe in yourself. You can do anything. You can do anything. But I think you should finish school because you got real close.

Money zone. Let's go to the money zone. I would like to tell you guys about a sponsor that I'm very close to. Okay. And I'm close. I mean about two feet away because it's like in my bedroom right now. One might say you've been sleeping with this sponsor. I've been sleeping with it.

I'm in bed with this sponsor. Here's the thing. And it's not it's not Powerade who does send sexual representatives that it's a friend of his contract that three of us have to take turns making love to. And I hate it. I don't like it. You all hate it. But here's the thing you guys.

My brother, my brother and me sponsored in part by Casper, an online retailer of premium obsessively engineered mattresses for a fraction of the price. Casper, I have a Casper mattress. I'm a big fan of it. Teresa and I, you know, in the past I've always been very picky about my mattresses. I had the same one for far too long. And then when we moved, it was time to get a new mattress. And we tried this out and it it's amazing.

Like I've slept so well since I got it. I usually like toss and turn and I have woken up in the same position every day. You really use it because you I thought initially you're gonna use it as a guest bed. You go like got down with it. Oh, I got down with it. As soon as it got here, we were like, oh, no, this is this is our new jam. This is the coolest thing. It came in a box.

I'm gonna say like about two feet by two feet and then about three feet tall, four feet tall. I mean, despite depending on the size of the mattress you get, of course, but it comes in a completely like compact manageable. It's all rolled up in like a sealed package. And then when you open it up, basically all the air rushes back into it. And it kind of like, you know, in cartoons, when someone pulls the tab on like a raft and it suddenly goes like that's what it does. And it's super fun.

Did you have to like clear the room? Like, oh, no, oh, no. Oh, well, I probably should have better it like it expanded out. The cat ran away. It was great. Did you now you can just put these bad boys right on the floor, right? Like you don't need a box spring or whatever. No, it works on you could put it.

We have a slotted bed, so we don't even have a box spring and it works great with that. You can put it on the floor because it's so supportive. You don't need anything underneath it. And Casper has a risk-free trial and return policy. So you can try sleeping on Casper for a hundred days with free delivery and painless returns. Like that's, that's a ridiculous offer. A hundred days. So over three.

I don't know what they're charging for these mattresses, but I bet it's $50 too much. Well, here's the thing, Justin. My brother, my brother and me listeners can get $50 towards any mattress purchase. If you go to casper.com slash my brother and use the promo code my brother, all one word at checkout, you get $50 off. Now terms and conditions apply, of course. What's that mean? What's that mean?

What's that mean? It means that there are terms and there are conditions and they apply to the situation. God, no. No, God, I just want it scot-free. Well, we all want scot-free mattresses. I don't want terms. Sometimes scot comes with them and that's one of the terms. I'm afraid of conditions.

My friend Scott, he comes with the mattress. So go to casper.com slash my brother and use the promo code my brother and you can get $50. And they have all different sizes and like it's a great product. And there are no terms and conditions. No terms and conditions. No griffin. We have to say. Terms and conditions apply.

No, no, no, we have to say that terms and conditions apply. But don't worry, no terms and conditions to be found here. Tell your thus. They know us. Tell me such a thing. You guys remember Bambinos? We'll waive the terms and those conditiones, my man. I don't know.

I'm going to have to check with my boss upstairs. No conditions, huh? Let me see if I can get you a good deal, vis-a-vis terms and conditions. Yeah, waived. Waved him right now. There will be straight up though. There's going to be some terms and conditions. We're goofing.

We're all having a good time now. But don't try and sneak past those terms and conditions because they'll catch you. Note to future advertisers, if you put the line terms and conditions apply in our copy, we will talk about it for three minutes. We will make sure they know that terms and conditions do in fact apply. I have another message here from a sponsor that paid us to talk about them. And it is Nature Box. Heard?

But they wouldn't have to. No, they wouldn't. I mean, they could pay us in many Belgian waffles at this point. But Nature Box is your online premier source for delicious, healthy snacks. These snacks are all made with zero artificial flavors, colors are sweeteners, zero grams, trans fats, and no high fructose corn syrup. You can get those mini Belgian waffles. You can get some strawberry lemonade fruit stars.

You can get a sweet and salty nut medley. Oh my god, those sound so good. If you go to naturebox.com slash my brother, you can get a free trial box of their favorite snacks. That's naturebox.com slash my brother. Get some free snacks that you can eat in your bed, your new bed, your new Casper bed. I got a message for Breezy B from Better Noah Husband. That sounds like a weird punny name like you better know a husband,

but it actually has the name Noah in there. So I'm very confused. That is very confusing. Happy 12th anniversary, Breezy B. I'm so excited. We're doing new things together like listening to the brothers and raising our daughter, hopefully not at the same time, who by the time you're hearing this is at least one year old. I love you.

Here's to an exciting 12 years. And there's a note here. It says, PS brothers, wifey likes it when you go meta. Oh, okay. What does that mean? I mean, it's like we talk about like the show, but we like part the veil. I'm wearing three headbands. Is that meta?

I got headband holding on my headband. Is that true? Yeah. I've just, I've been looking around the desk picking up headbands and putting them on as I got bored. I've been drinking. That's what happened a lot this episode, huh? Yep. Three times at least.

I've been drinking the same cup of coffee since 7am this morning, and it's really, really, really gross, but I don't feel like going back in the kitchen and pour myself a new cup and throw it in the microwave. Speaking of drinking coffee, I had a realization this morning that some of my classic moments that I remember the most fondly on this program and have not listened to again have been when I've been drunk at live shows. And I had this realization today when I was making my coffee, and I saw that bottle of raspberry liqueur staring back at me.

Uh-oh. Wait a minute. This is where it starts. Hold on. Hold on. Wait a second. You can swallow this stuff any time. Oh, boy.

It is always swallowable. Oh, geez. Right? You don't have to be about to go on stage. The crazy thing about alcohol that you forget sometimes, you can drink it whenever. Yeah, so it's drinking in the noon time, drinking in the noon time, drinking that supper time. When drinking is a liquid, you can drink drinking any time. You can do it whenever.

Yeah. And we've got another message for Kurt. And we've got a message here for Justin. We love you, and this is a safe place. Shambard. Is mine pronounced that correctly? That's the raspberry liqueur. Shambard.

Yeah. Nailed it. Crushed it. This message is for Kurt. It's from Coop, Jeremy, Mike and Mike to our favorite sub, sub, sub librarian. Kurt with a C, excited to spell with a K. Happy birthday and congratulations on finding and catching your true white whale. We hope your marriage to Becky will be a long and heavy one.

Hashtag gone girl. Wait, what? Did you get gone, girl? Are you gone, girl? Do you guys know how exponentially the rate of gone girling has increased since that fucking movie dropped? It didn't happen with the book, because nobody reads books. When that movie dropped, gone girling is like one out of every three marriages.

That's going to be John Key and Yonez's new show to catch a gone girl. Yeah. And I thought not everybody pulls a Ben Affleck. Not everybody can reel it back in. You know what I mean? A lot of folks just get ex-immacuted because they get gone girled successfully. We probably shouldn't delve too deeply into the plot of gone girl, here on where we don't want to spoil the movie gone girl.

Wait, are we going to travel back in time to six months ago when no one had seen gone girl? I mean, I'll spoil the book for people, because like Griffin said, right? But I don't want to spoil a movie. I'm just saying keep your wits about you. And gone girl, the girl in gone girl, it doesn't necessarily refer to a gender. You can gone husband like easy and that's happening too. That's called gone fishing.

Well, no, it's not called gone fishing. Because men love to fish and ignore their wives. It's called bye-bye boy. And a lot of husbands out there are bye-bye boying their wives. And it's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad.

Don't do it. Can we just call it like gone, what's the word? S-O? Like gone, like Sayonara S-O? So long S-O. See a spouse. See a spouse. That's great.

That's all inclusive. Everybody can see a spouse. Some people don't believe in having a state-sponsored relationship. They want to keep it open and peace out partner. Peace out partner. Peace out partner. I'm saying just we need to start including that. Just like de facto in vows like in sickness and in health.

Also, I won't bye-bye boy you at all. I won't bye-bye buddy you. Well, that's for like best friendships. You can bye-bye buddy somebody. It's just called moving. Yeah. I'm a police officer. I'm investigating.

You're missing buddy. Why are you even talking to me right now? He lives in Indianapolis. He moved to Indianapolis. He moved to North Dakota. I don't know why I'm responsible for that. This is Benz. And I'm Teresa.

And we host a show called One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Not a parenting podcast. Guess what? We both just had babies. Again. Check out the show enjoyed by breeders and ballers alike on iTunes or MaximumFun.org.

How about a Yahoo? Okay, that's fine. This Yahoo was sent in by Zoe Kinski. Again, thank you Zoe. It's by Yahoo Answers user Amy Rose who asks, I'm so have a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog. Help. Lol.

It gets kind of annoying crushing on someone who is probably not real. Someone cure me of my crush. Oh God, so much to unpack. Not really. This person's in love with Sonic the Hedgehog. And they're not sure if they're real or not. And can any of us be sure?

They're real in the sense that he's a pop icon, right? Who is like, we've all been in love with him. You know, I would say that there's countless universes in which everything happens. We can't say what is real or what is not real because it's only our perceptions that determine that. So there is definitely a universe in which Sonic the Hedgehog is real

and is just going to town on this woman. Well, statistically everything's happening in some universe at all times. You're saying infinite monkeys on infinite time typewriters with an infinite amount of time will eventually create Hamlet. Somewhere in some alt universe, Sonic is real and making love to this person.

Oh, just going to town on it. Guaranteed. Griffin, at this point, I'm not even comfortable calling it making love. No, because it goes way too fast. So fast. And the motion is not part of it. It is just flesh machines at that point.

At this point, they're just doing what comes naturally. And that's Sonic the Hedgehog having sex with a woman. Hey, it actually happened in the 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog. Anyway, we're getting completely off topic. In your love affair with Sonic the Hedgehog, you could do like the rest of the nation did and just play any Sonic the Hedgehog game from the past 15 years.

Yeah. Play Sonic Free Riders. See if you still have a crush on them. I guarantee you will not. What's the one where Sonic goes to the Olympics? Sonic 3D Blast. Let me introduce Becky. I know you've had a hard time getting over the Sonic the Hedgehog.

Can I introduce you to my friend Crash Bandicoot? Crash, come in here. Hey, what's up? This is my friend Becky. She's been real lonely lately. You look like you've been hurt. I'll leave you two to it. You look like you've been hurt by an echidna.

That's the worst part of having an unfulfilled crush on Sonic is that you know when you're the most vulnerable, Tails is going to be like knocking at your door. Hey, hey, hey. You OK? Hey. I'm so sorry. You know you deserve so much better than that.

Take it from me. Knuckles, what are you doing here? You get away from her. I'm so sorry he was bothering you. Listen, how you doing? Do you want to do it in the Robotnik tonight? Travis. Oh, fuck you.

Best part about Knuckles is he's in the threesomes. Probably. Well, let me read you some of my fiction. That'll prove that that is correct. You just plug Knuckles into your existing relationship. There he is. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. You like that shit. I do. I do like that shit. You can't even pretend like you don't like that shit. No, I do indeed like that shit. I'm not going to try to deny it. I enjoy that shit.

My wife and I moved to do a new apartment last year. Part of our duties slash domain is gardening the backyard. Last year we discovered a plant near our back gate in late summer that turned out to be a random marriage you want to plant. Oh, boy. Neither of us do the pot. It was a tiny plant. And so we just let it flower and figured the Minnesota winner

would take care of what we didn't feel like dealing with. It died. Or so we thought. This year it appears that multiple plants sprouted up that are totally 100% more pot. I feel bad destroying them as many people put in a lot of work to grow this stuff. But I also have no use for it.

And it's kind of illegal. What should we do with this brothers? That's from Missified by Marijuana and Minneapolis. Just wants to pee a box. I'm breaking bad, too. What's the P.O. box number for our Huntington? Fuck that. There is a human being.

We were in Minneapolis a month ago. There was a person presumably at that show who was like, I don't know what I'm going to do with all the pot at my house. We've been asking for years. Years. Please don't send us pot in the mail. Holy shit. Please don't do that.

Hachimachi, please don't. Yipes. Justin as a kid. Do not do that. Oh. You should probably start selling it. Yeah, I mean, that's it, right? Whoa.

In this economy, leaving money on the table, it's going to be, here's what I'll say actually, just let it be because that's just going to be legal countrywide in the next two years. This is a serious question that I need someone to tweet at me after the show and tell me the answer to this. Is there such a thing as like wild marijuana these days? Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. But in like, in the backyard of like a Minnesota apartment complex, it's like, oh yeah, we got, you know, there's some clovers growing here and like some dandelions and some weed, like that's a thing. What do you think things are? But I could expect to find it like a hillside out in the country. In the shire.

Which is like, in the shire. But I'm just, it's weird to me that a random marijuana plant that a bird like pooped out a seed of a marijuana plant in some of its backyards. So many gross misconceptions, just sort of about nature. That's how it works. Birds, they eat the seeds and they poop out the seeds and the seeds grow.

Then you smoke them. You smoke them. Then you smoke the bird poop. If you smoke bird poop, you will get high. Yeah. What would you guys legit, like let's put the, okay, I'm going to open up the joke locker for a second. Take your jokes, put it in the joke locker.

Okay. Close it up. Fully. Now the jokes are the joke locker. If you were in the situation, what would you literally do? Well, I totally get the confusion because I'm sitting here thinking like, one, I would be so worried that someone would find it and just immediately assume I planted it there.

Sure. You know what I mean? Because the kakamemi story of, it's just a random plant, I guess. Like no one's going to believe that, even if it's true. How would it be discovered would be my question? I mean, I don't understand. Well, you're in an apartment complex. There's other people living there.

Oh, by which you mean there's plenty of other people to take the fall. But that could be somebody else's plant. This person's like job to garden in the backyard. Oh, that's true. They're going to be the first suspect. Yeah. But as any good cop knows, it's very rarely the most obvious. Do you think it was the apartment butler?

I think it was the apartment butler Travis. Oh, sorry. I broke into the joke locker. Let me put that back in there. Not really. No, no, not technically speaking. I got that out of the joke shoe box that was under my bed. I think you're right in that destroying this plant is the wrong move.

Because it's a living thing. It's kind. And it's kind. And it wants to help you. So you need to help it. And just like to pot it, very gently move it into a pot, put that pot in another pot, and then take it inside. And then you're going to need to find the right hydroponic system for you.

Because there's lots of differences. You're probably going to have to convert your bedroom. Oh yeah, that's not a bedroom anymore. This is a no bedroom, one bath. And the bedroom, the bedroom, the only thing, the only bed in there is a bed of that sweet, kind Carolina kush. I know, we live in Minneapolis. I know it's, it's a, the strain was brought here by a bird.

This kind strain. A tired bird. This brought this kind strain. This kind, cacky-lacky. This bird who brought it this far and then died to bring us this sweet sticky. He died. And the plant grew, the bird's body nurtured the seed and gave us this kind, kind, cacky-lacky. This is our life now, honey.

This is our life now. We're breaking bad. We are the ones who knock, I think. I didn't watch the whole show and I can't now because we don't have a TV. Because I had to move it out of the room because this is our garden. It got in the way of my weed. I put the plant in front of the TV and I turned the brightness all the way up. I think it's going to happen.

I've been talking to it like the little princess rose. Ha ha ha. Man, that'd be a much different book. You'd be a way better book. Folks, thank you so much for listening to our comedy podcast. My brother, my brother and me, 2.0 boys in the house. Power 8 Presents. Power 8 Presents.

Fuck. Let me just start to hear. Start the whole, start the whole episode of. Thanks. Hey. We didn't, I mean, we just didn't mention Power 8 nearly enough. Hey, you're right. Hey, stream buds.

Hey, stream buds. Thanks so much for listening. Oh, we need a wet stunt. Okay, hold on. Oh God, no. That's what wet stunts sound like. Thanks so much for listening to Power 8 Presents. My brother, my brother and me, 2.0 boys in the house.

A Power 8 Experience. I have an idea for what's done. Okay. I would like everybody to tweet us pictures of them choosing not to drink Power 8. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait. Travis, you've nailed it.

Okay. The only way we're going to be freed from this power present. We have to make this relationship with Power 8 as undesirable to Power 8 as humanly possible. So what I want you to do is use the hashtag wet stunts to tweet pictures that just really, really make Power 8 look unappealing. That's what I need. That's what I need you to do. Do not tweet it.

Power 8 has to be in the picture. You can't just like take a picture of you going like P.U. Stink Faves. And by the way, don't tweet it at me. We know because that's not what we want at all. That's not what we, that's not the kind of attention we want to draw personally. It would be pretty fucking funny though. Yeah. I just don't want to get Power 8, big Power 8 because that's like Coke, right?

Or Pepsi. I don't know. I don't need them on my ass. We're pretty big, but we're not Coca-Cola big. We're not Coca-Cola big. That's going to be a good stunt. I want to thank John Roderick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed.

That's a wonderful album. We're going to be kicking it with John Roderick at Max Funk on here in a few weeks. We're really excited. Johnny R, as I'm sure he'll insist we call him by the weekend's end. Except that we won't call him Max. Well, I'll probably be too nervous to talk to him. Oh yeah. Anyway, thank you John Roderick in the Long Winters.

Also, thanks again to Nature Box where you can order hundreds of great tasting, healthy snacks. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother to sign up for your free trial box of great tasting, healthy snacks. We're also heading to John Roderick's town, which he will soon be the president of. I have an exciting track of it, but he's running for office in the Seattle area, which big fan. But we're doing a Pacific Northwest tour in August. We're going to Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver, August 28th, 29th, 30th, respectively.

The Portland show is already sold out. So unfortunately, you won't be able to see us with that one unless you've already got tickets. But there's still tickets available for Seattle and Vancouver. If you go to bit.ly forward slash mb mb am Seattle and bit.ly forward slash v a n mb mb a m. Tickets for that are selling out and we all it's signed seating. So don't sleep on it. Go get your tickets today and we'll see you in August. Go listen to the other shows at the maximum fun network.

If you haven't already, there's some really, really great shows all free. And if you like this one, you're going to like all the other ones like rendered and lady-to-lady and one bad mother and throwing shade and Jordan Jesse go and judge John Hodgman. We all bones the adventure zone and and bunker buddies. Yes, which are all shows. We do Travis. You have a new show. It's not on max fun, but you want to tell the people about it?

Yeah. So Brent Brent Ophloss, who was my roommate in college and has been one of my best friends for 13 years. He and I launched a new show called Trends Like These. Basically, we talk about what the trending news on the Internet. So for example, last week, we talked about dad bod. We talked about Jaden Smith showing up to prom dressed as Batman. We talked about Simon Peg.

So we just talk about whatever stories are trending on like Twitter and Facebook and all over the Internet. It's on iTunes. It's on Stitcher. It's on everything. You can go to TrendsLikeThese.com and we've got links to all the different ways to listen to the show. It comes out every Thursday and we put out many episodes on Monday to talk about the news that

happened over the weekend. So go check it out and let me know what you think. I've got a new show too. It's called Things I Bought It Sheets. It's on YouTube. Search for Things I Bought It Sheets. It's like the best thing ever. Sheets has a Z at the end.

Things I Bought It Sheets. It's my new food review slash quiz show with my friend Dwight Slappy. It's called Things I Bought It Sheets. And start at the beginning because you don't want to be lost. There's a playlist. Big gulp is on hiatus as you all know. But we're going to be coming back for the fourth season. I think in July is when post production will be wrapping up on that and then we're doing the

premiere at the Cannes Film Festival. So get there. Get there. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah. One last yahoo would be great. Here. How about a final yahoo answer? It was sent in by Holy Shit Zoe Kinski.

Thank you Zoe. Climbing that ladder. Climbing that fucking ladder. It's by yahoo answers user someday. And I say it like that because there is an ellipsis at the end of it. Someday asks, please, please help. I'm desperate. How old was Kristen Stewart when she started filming Zathura?

I'm just a macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. I'm Griffin Macaroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Scrub the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

Artist owned. Listener supported. Hey everybody, I'm Emily. And I'm Lisa. We co-host Baby Geniuses every other Monday on Maximum Fun. We interview comedians, musicians, cartoonists, circus clowns, and experts in the field of... Join us every other Monday.