My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 254: Dunkey

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

We had a really great run, America -- or should we say America 1: Vanilla Edition -- but it's time to spice things up. It's time to be reborn into something more beautiful, more powerful. It's time to Do the Bartman. Suggested talking points: Powerade Prison, Hall of Mirrors and Penises, Dildostorm, Bagel Theft, Donkey Basketball Addiction, Inequality, America 2: Do The Bartman

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Is he gone? Is the check through the bar? See if he's gone. He stepped out. He went to go. He was empty and he had to go grab a refill. Okay. Hey, everybody. We don't have long. We have at most an hour. This is Justin McElroy. And welcome to my brother. My brother and me, 2.0 live from the Black Sight Powerade

Gulag Prison deep within the Bowser Mill America. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your millist brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your babyest brother, Griffin McElroy. Powerade is light and Powerade is life. No Griffin. McElroy. Griffin, you have to fight. We've been taken captive by Powerade because of our negative messages that we've sent and because we're in violation. Listen, guys, listen. Read the fine print. If you're going to commit to a contract on a relaunch of your podcast, sponsored by Powerade. Powerade evens its music to my ears, that brand. Griffin, you got to snap out of it. We've been locked inside a Powerade conditioning plant

where not only is Powerade the first destroyer, not only is Powerade made here, but also it's a secret reprogramming facility where we are being held captive. Powerade is double plus good, is what they want us to say, but I refuse. Powerade, it's the devil. It's the devil. I never knew how deep this went. I don't want you guys to think I've been reprogrammed. The thing is that I have suckled the jellies from the Powerade Queen directly from her larva tap. Well, you shouldn't have done that. No one told you to do that. But now I'm clean, I guess. It's really hard to explain this feeling. Anytime we reach for a beverage or food that does not include the word mountain, alpine, or blasted, we are smacked across the face by a very large gentleman named

Raul. And it is highly unpleasant because he has been drinking a lot of Powerade. So he is double strong, supreme slapping energy. And his palms are really moist. I don't know if that's from the Powerade. Maybe he's just so hydrated that his palms are moist with blue liquid. That's the worst part is we've become reverse dehydrated. I don't know if there's a word for reverse dehydrated, but that is what we have become. Whatever the inverse of cottonmouth is, sloppy gums. We have that. We got sloppy gums real bad, you guys. But you know what? We're not going to let that stop us from taking your questions and turning them alchemy-like into wisdom. Let me just say this, though. In this economy, you got to take those brand

relationships where you can get them. And honestly, we're in a black site gulag, and I get slapped a lot more often. Yes, okay. I'm a fan of the Powerade product. I do get slapped a lot more often than I would like on a day-to-day basis by a big, big, oh my gosh, very strong man. But I'm not complaining because I'm getting that cheddar. Oh, well, we're not. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Not actual cheddar. It's not real cheddar. And it's not even... We're not getting paid for this deal. We already made that perfectly clear in the previous video. Well, energy fluid. I mean, you can't spend it at a store. You can't deposit your energy fluid in a bank, but it keeps you energized, I think. It keeps your gums sloppy.

I get it. You can deposit it in your life bank, in your soul bank, where the energy goes. I just, I think you guys are looking a gift horse in the wet mouth. Yes. A gift queen. The gift. We're looking at a gift queen in her pupas. You're looking at the gift queen's thorax. And maybe you can't see the thorax. You can't see the gift queen for the pupas, as I always say. I'm in a moral quandary. I broke up with my ex six months ago, and now I'm stuck with albatross in my underwear drawer. While we were together, he surprised me on my birthday by telling me to close my eyes, and he, and placing an unidentified phallic object in my hands.

Upon opening my eyes, I discovered that this object was a hit it. Keep it down, Raul. I can hear you. A DIY vibrating dildo cast from his own erect penis. I'm glad I was erect. Yeah, thank you for clarifying erect. God forbid. Is this a plastic cheeto?

What am I supposed to do with this? Understandably, now that we have woken up and I am in a new relationship, I would like to return it. Brothers, is there any way on earth to tactfully return my ex-boyfriend's manhood? That's from shunning the shlug in Sydney. All I got, I want there to be a scene of your new boyfriend like going to grab something and being like, honey, what is, what is this? Honey, have you seen my sunglasses?

What is this? This looks like Mark, kind of. Honey, is this Mark's penis? This looks like a full, swollen Mark. This looks like an engorged Mark. This looks like 100% unadulterated, pure, uncut Mark. Well, cut. But you know what I mean.

Cut. But you know what I mean, yeah. At first blush, I think why do you need to return it, throw it in the garbage, and then throw that, and then throw that garbage in a bigger garbage container so that it will never, so that the light will never shine upon it. But at the same time, this is a DIY vibrating dildo cast from his own erect penis. There are several levels of mastery being illustrated here. Like to cast your own penis is impressive.

First of all, to cast it, right, you got to get it going, and you got to get those juices, you got to get your craft noodle going long enough to cast it. Yeah, then maintain that. Then maintain it. Yeah, exactly. That's impressive. While you cover it in papier maché, and that's a number one boner killer, because that hardens and constricts, and you would think that's a bad scene down there.

So that's impressive. And then to actually fabricate a dildo from that mold, really impressive. And then to impute it with a motor, I'm kind of flabbergasted at the work. I mean, this is a good two-month project. Do you think that he had to lose the penis to actually do the cast? Stayed in the mold? I mean, Justin, hold on. Are you asking if he removed his own penis in order to do this?

Like for the sake of the gift, he was like, this must be done. So he deserves the best. I just figured out why she can't throw it away. Because if you throw it away, what if you accidentally, and this seems unlikely, what if you accidentally left it on and vibrating when you threw it away? Because then it would be in two trash cans, and you'd see the trash can vibrating. And then you'd have to start digging through the trash, and that would be a sight if anybody were to come across that.

Because then they would have to see you digging through trash, desperately trying to find a vibrating dildo cast in the shape of Mark's penis. We've all been there. We've all been there. Best episode of Seinfeld ever, by the way. When he drops the dildo cast from his own penis, that he had imbued with motors and life, and he dropped it inside of the surgery. The weirdest thing about the DIY angle is how long do you think he had to sort of

like agonize and debate about color of it? Because what color really captures your penis? Like what, you know, Amber is the color of your penis energy. I mean, well, it's just my energy in general. I don't have a discreet penis energy color. It's part of the, if you'll forgive the pun, the whole package. I don't understand why this question was not, so I just threw it in a lake, and now I want some advice on some fun lake activity.

Is this the thing that your ex-boyfriend has been asking for it back? Like what? There is no use for this whatsoever at this point. It is the end of your relationship, but it should have disintegrated into ash. You're not going to hand it to him and him go, well, I understand. Thank you very much for returning this. Maybe I can get my money back.

What if he, what if he could fashion it further into a strap on, and then it's like, you did not see this coming. It's me too, penis mark. I haven't. Which penis is real? Oh, welcome to the hall of mirrors and penises. It's mirrors and penises. Good luck.

You're never getting out of here alive. Do you guys want a yahoo? Please. Yes, please. Let's keep this dildo bender going. Let's keep this dildo vibrating. Let's not also say dildo bender ever again. This one is sent in by Jacob Wells and Evan Jones Thorn.

I got this from two different people, so you know it's a good one. Thank you, you too. It's by a yahoo answers user Shersha, who says and asks, someone threw a dildo to my window. Oh. Okay, so I never experienced anything paranormal, but I remember something unusual happened around two years ago. It was like one hour after midnight, and I was planning to go to sleep,

but first I went to the bathroom when suddenly I was standing behind a window, and I noticed something long and white clashed to my window. It almost looked like it fell from the clouds to my window. Then I went outside to check what was going on, but there was nothing going on. And keep in mind, my garden was closed with walls, so nobody could get there. Never wanted to talk about this because it's really weird.

It happened two years ago, but what do you think it was? Come to my window, chuck a donker, watch as it thuds against glass. I like that there's Evan and this person go, this is too weird to ever speak of. No one would understand the brush with the supernatural I have had. And then they launched Yahoo Answers, and they were like, I am home. Now we're in this question, do they confirm this was a dildo, except in the headline of it?

It could, let me hit you with this, a thing that is- You're thinking clickbait? Maybe it wasn't a dildo, they're just trying to get some readers? Yeah, I think they maximized their SEO, and I'm learning a lesson from this as a content producer that I need to apparently just squeeze dildos in well. But here's the thing that's in the sky that runs into windows a lot, and then typically vanishes is birds.

Ghosts, dildo birds. Oh, birds. No, just regular old birds, they hit windows all the time because they have a hard time understanding, you know, translucence. Or did they go out and search for the dildo, but no dildo was to be found? I swear it sounded like a dildo. Yeah.

Listen, I know a dildo when I hear one hitting a second story window, that, sir, was a dildo. How much do dildos cost if you don't make them yourself? Well, depends, Griffin. Like, are you looking for your basic model? Are you looking for one with all the bells and whistles? I'm saying like the standard issue, the dildo you would buy at Walmart. I think about $50.

$50 if you really want to get- No, I'm talking about the- You're just talking about like a just a basic dildo. A bulk dildo. The Volvo dildo. Yeah, the Mazda. Like a bottom shelf, like a two buck chocolate bar. The Honda Fit dildo.

You know what, extremestrains.com, answer this for us. Oh, pops right up when I type in EX in my search bar. Terrific. Dildos and insertables. I would say you're looking at like $10 to $15. $10 to $15, okay. We are all in our own way looking for a way to make our mark on this world. I think you could do much worse than dropping $1,000 on 100 dildos.

And then for one night and just for shorthand, we'll call it from this point forward, the best night of your life. You just go from house to house pelting windows with dildos, like Johnny dildo seed. And then you- And wherever the dildos fall, a dildo tree grows. It's going to make the news guaranteed. Guaranteed.

Guaranteed is going to make the nightly news. Conan is probably going to riff about it. Drudge is there. It's a conspiracy. Drudge is definitely, definitely going to report on this. But not only that. Loose change to- Loose change to the dildo windows mystery.

The splurge. Serial season two. Serial season two, the dildo storm. But what I want to talk about is not the worldwide cultural implications. But about the 100 lives that you have transformed. Oh, but that movie, Seven Pounds. It's just like the movie, Seven Pounds. Except instead of killing yourself and giving your organs to people,

you buy a hundred dildos for a thousand dollars. With amazing value at extremist rates. They almost definitely, they almost definitely offer bulk prices. Bulk rates for sure. For sure. And you may be- What would you think about the idea of maybe writing something on the dildos? Keep it up.

It just says like, tomorrow's a new day. Or like, think about how your life is different tomorrow. That's a little lengthy. Or how about this? How about this? This is not a dildo. Ooh. This could have been-

Like think about what could have been. Maybe a dildo that makes you reflect on all your choices up till now. And makes you kind of like Abonizor screwed yourself. That's a whole episode of Serial right there. Right there. Now I want to talk, we've talked about the dildo trajectory, the angle, the pricing, the bulk pricing at extremist rates. Today I want to focus on something we mentioned in the pilot

of this second season of Serial that very few people are listening to now. And that was the message that was inscribed on each dildo. Is there a payphone outside extremist strains? That's what we'll talk about next time on Serial. You know, we've had a lot of fun here today. But I think we should take a moment to reflect on the sheer terror that that paper boy felt when he reached into his bag at the end of his shift. Yeah.

And found one extra paper and no dildo. Why he thought to himself, why did I keep my extra dildo in there? Yeah. This is so embarrassing. Oh, I have to take that dildo to the dildo shop to get it repaired. How embarrassing for me. Listen, he had a dog was chasing him, a tire for some reason, a sentient tire was rolling after him.

He had to avoid oil slicks and people opening their doors. It's hard. There was a hand coming out of the gutter. There's a, if memory serves, there was a hand coming out of the gutter. Sometimes you just chuck a dildo. My friend works at a bagel shop and at the end of the day, the employees are allowed to take home any of the leftover bagels that didn't sell. Well, my question is, should I continue accepting his kind, carb-loaded gifts?

Or is eating stale bagels going to lead to an early death? More importantly, can I leave the bagels in my fridge and eat them two days after? Three, four, that's for, from bone for bagels in Baltimore. I have a theory about this and there's an important factor to this question. And that is your age. Yeah. I think that there's a certain age at which you should cut yourself off from accepting leftover food from a friend's employment.

And what age is that, Travis? It feels like to me that age is like 25, 26. Wow, that's old. That is a lot older than I thought it was going to be. How old were you going to say? 20, 21. No, you got to get out of college and passed a couple of years where you're trying to figure some things out.

That's what I'm saying. And then, so like 24? I thought you were going to talk about the ramifications that this has on your body. I was actually thinking at the grocery store yesterday, you know, I like bagels. Yeah. I really do. I love a good bagel. I can't have those in the house.

I know, nor. What am I going to do? Eat a bagel for breakfast? I'll have a bagel thin. I'll certainly get down on a bagel thin. Yes, of course, a bagel thin. But if I eat a bagel thick. With smoked salmon?

If I eat a bagel out on thick, that's my day and possibly my week. I think this is a bad business strategy for this guy, because if you're an employee and somebody comes in, your main goal, your sustainability as a going concern is tied to you not selling all of that day's bagels. Yeah. What if someone comes in and they're like, I want 30 bagels, that's going to tap you out. You think, well, you know, ma'am, that may be too many bagels. Maybe you won't.

Maybe you want to. Sorry, were you confused? These are thick bagels. You get that, right? Oh, those bagels? You don't want those bagels. That raises a question I've always pondered. There's this chain of like sort of bagel coffee pastry places called Prediment Gère.

I'm probably murdering the pronunciation of that. Prediment Gère. Uh-huh. I'm probably murdering the pronunciation. It's pronounced Starbucks, Justin. At the end of the day, they have these signs that at the end of the day, they donate the food that they don't sell to local homeless shelters. So this has always bothered me because if you-

Wow, Justin. Why does that- Wow. Let me tell you. Fuck those places. No, let me tell you. Just throw it away. There's method to my manner.

By shopping there. Oh, I see. You are by- With every bagel that you buy there, you are taking out of the mouth of a homeless person. Think about that. You know what I would do in both scenarios if I worked at these places? Either I get to take them home or they go to the less fortunate. Both are equal in my eyes.

I think that I would make a big old batch of bagels two minutes before closing. Oh. You're like Robin Hood. But for yeast. Yeah, set them out and be like, Mm, guess I didn't sell. And then just put them right into my bag or give them to the less fortunate. How long do you think this griff's gonna last, traffic?

Not long, Justin. But my question is this, in this scenario, how many bagels is your frame bringing back? Because maybe he works at a failing bagel place. I mean, they're not doing so hot. If they're overproducing like this, I guarantee you, I don't even need to look at their books. They're failing.

Yeah. They're failing. It's all about supply and demand. You can just get Amazon Prime, get bagels next day. Yeah, for sure. Or same day bagels. They'll do that for you. They'll just shoot and throw.

They'll drone those bagels right to you. I think, Justin, to return to your point, that is a marketing ploy. Because when you buy a bagel from pretty much yours, you are understanding that you are robbing a more needful person. And so, knowing that, and knowing that people are still doing it, those must be some pretty good bagels. Bagels that are worth stealing from a homeless person. Bagels so good, you'll lose your sense of caring for your fellow man.

I would like a bagel with everything, and I want that to include guilt. I want everything to also have that in it. I would like a bagel to eat, and then a bagel just to throw away, so I know no one else gets it. I like to feed one very lucky bird a day, one entire bagel. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah. This yahoo was sent in by Zoe Kinski, climbing that ladder.

Thank you, Zoe. It's by yahoo answer user John Blix, who asks, this is my favorite question we've had in a very long time. I'm a big time lawyer in the city, and yet, let me finish, I'm a big time lawyer in the city, and yet, I'm addicted to donkey basketball. All I think about, is this okay? It started as a corporate fundraiser. We had a gym reserved, and a company provided us with the donkeys.

It seemed innocent enough, until game time, when everything seemed to slow down, and I became entranced with the game. Every aspect of it seemed logical and right. When the final buzzer sounded, I had thrown up the game-winning shot. Buckets! My teammates rode over to me to congratulate me, and I had never received such euphoria. That night, I could not sleep.

I think about it during meetings, and it is starting to interfere with my home life, and I'm even a Republican. I am thinking about getting professional help, because I see no solution. I do not want to stop thinking about it, but I also do not want it to further hinder my life. Across the city, they have another charity function, and I am thinking about going, even though I am not invited. If this is not the construction of the various, you know, wins and changes in shifting tech comment plagues that create our reality,

if this is not a product of that, but rather, a shitty, in-joke reference to like, a really terrible Bradley Cooper movie he made before he was Bradley Cooper, that someone got for $1.50 from the Hidden Treasure Shelf at Dollar General, I'm going to be very- And what would that movie be called? Donkey. Donkey?

The basketball playing Donkey? You guys understand that it's not the donkeys. There are people housed- Who fucking ruined this for me? I don't think this is the way for me. I want a little magic left in the world, Griffin. No, you can find different kinds of magic. It is important for me, as your brother, that the two of you understand-

No, there are human beings has firmly housed upon these donks. Go for three, Donkey. Wait, he won't- Hey, oh, boss. I forgot which animal we were talking about. I could only dunk, boss. I can't dunk from three. You can do it, Donkey.

Bray, Bray, Bray, Bray, Bray. Bray to the Lord, Donkey. It also has strong religious undertones. That's one blessed beast. I am a big-time lawyer in the city, and I'm addicted to donkey basketball. I think- Your Honor, have you referred to the folder of evidence I've handed you? These are just pictures of donkeys playing basketball.

Oh, I must have grabbed the wrong briefcase. I need a recess. Oh, no, I'm getting too stressed out. I'm transforming into donkey basketball. Oh, no, I ate some spicy food, and now I'm transforming into donkey. The basketball playing donkey. Can somebody say, hey, hey, how embarrassing. There's fucking-

There's gray, bristly hair coming out of my fancy lawyer collar. And I've got a big ol' donkey boner. Can we go- What? Can we go what episode without referencing to our bow team? Is that physically possible to keep us from talking about turbo team for a single episode? That was also in the PowerAid contract. Would this person be okay with their incurable addiction to donkey basketball

if they were not a big-time lawyer, or if they were in law school even? First of all, if you're in law school, you wouldn't have the time, I don't think. Well, I think what we're dealing with here, Griffin, is a matter of public image. If you're a defense lawyer, a family lawyer, or even a contract lawyer, you can be into donkey basketball. But if you're a big-time lawyer in the city, you need to be in guerrilla basketball, something much higher class. Oh, right, silverback guerrilla.

Or maybe even human basketball. Leave that for the judges. That's where one human rides on another human to play basketball upon them. But they do wear long trench coats, so it appears to just be super tall humans. I see. That's really weird, Travis, because I was about to suggest that you disguise yourself by going to donkey basketball games, by getting a friend to sit on your shoulders, and then wearing an extra long trench coat.

So people just think there's a really tall man there. And not care about his profession or the jurisdiction in which he practices. Well, they just assume his profession is world's tallest man. Yeah. If you see someone that tall, you assume that they're scouting donkeys for human basketball. This is the next big thing I'm telling you, donkey players. Guys, I just wish I knew more about basketball to make better jokes. That's the only problem, as I already said, dunk and three-pointer.

Yeah. That's about it. I will say this. I express surprise that the owner of a basketball arena would allow donkeys in it. I feel like that would be a thing with it. It would be like that will destroy the floors, and they'll probably poop everywhere. I'm not positive that you would definitely need to do it on like a regulation. Oh, you're talking about that donkey street ball.

So like, and one donkey. Donkey to take it to the streets. You've forgotten your roots, donkey. You got to go back. I can't go back. He home. I'm too big time now. After I got my contract with Nike.

He home. He home. And I signed a powdery deal that was really disadvantageous. Shitter in the contract. He home. He home. If only I had a big time lawyer in the city to get me out of the contract. He home.

Lawyer half a donkey. You forgot your roots in the big city. You got to go back to street law. You have to go back to courts in alleys, and the judge's hair is made of torn up toilet paper. Wait, hold on. Wait, why would that? Those are the wigs. I see.

Because the wigs, right. There's not Bear's Cruz wigs. Oh, this is in England. I'm a design. Don't jump right over the England setting and waste that in the sequel, because that could be the third flick right there. That's donkey three. Her Majesty's secret donkey.

Also, he becomes a secret agent. Yeah. Well, yeah, naturally. The basketball is the front to get him into the Russian headquarters. Listen, if you transfer an American film franchise to the UK, this is going to be spies and shit up in it. That's a guarantee. We've found out that we've tracked down this Colombian drug lord.

He's been hiding out in Wales, and he's using mules to sneak drugs across the border. And the donkey's like, that sounds like a job for me. I'm already there. He's already out the door before they're talking to him like, you know, it's metaphorical mules, but. Okay, donkey. Do your best. Dunktastic. I had something I wanted to say.

I've forgotten. This is something about donkey, because it's the only thing I care about anymore. I remember it was in the sequel, donkey two dunking it to the streets. Can we get now bear with me here? Okay. Bears? Yes. No.

Okay. A sexy female donkey. Kind of like Lola from Space Jam, who did it for a lot of people. Shall remain nameless. Who will not be named on this show. But can we get a sexy female donkey? And maybe she's a little bit more anthropomorphicized. We need something for the fellas, because up till now,

donkey's just been off with the ladies. Yeah. Super quick. Round Robin. Who voices? What's her name? Lola? What?

No, not Lola. Can you go five minutes without talking about Lola? I need a name for female donkey. Oh, oh, oh. Dunkina. Patricia Arquette. Dunkina is like Patricia Arquette. Well, Dunkina's name can't be Patricia Arquette, Griffin.

You're asking for a loss. I'm so sorry. Patricia Arquette is going to voice Dunkicino, because she's Italian. She's Italian. And we all know Patricia Arquette can do Italian. Oh, fuck that. Then I'm getting Isabella Rossellini. Oh, nice.

Where's Dunkina? She's everywhere right now. Everything has had Patricia Arquette in it. And where else are we going to do it, you know? As Dunkie's mom? No, that's just insulting. I think she needs to have a more central role in the film. Could, could, could, could Patricia Arquette voice

Dunkie's bird buddy? And that would be? Larry Bird. Now we've lost it. Let's go to the mic. We had it. We had it. We had it for a bit there.

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They got a fresh content monthly and 10 years, a decade of sexy, sexy archives. Go. I have a message here from Max A. And it's from electricity and magnetism, really. And these two inscrutable primal forces of the universe, say to their buddy Max A. In my opinion, a better prank would be a mbmbam jumbotron spot

calling you out for planting a creepy picture of my sister's doppelganger in her room. It's also significantly more expensive, but this is America. So the people decide who the ultimate prankster really is. Either way, this past year has been the best. Love you always. Man, Max is in good with these two inscrutable primal forces of the universe.

Do you think he has control over magnetism and electricity? Like he can shoot thunder waves and stuff out of his... I think he's probably a Pikachu. He's, I think he's just well acquainted with them. I have another message. This is fantastic. This is for Future Scott. But honestly, by the time you're reading that,

I mean, in the exact moment that is now, it's for present Scott, I would assume, right? It was written for Future Scott. It's being delivered to present Scott. And it is from past Scott. And the message is, you're doing fine. Keep it up. Heart.

There's a, there's like a less than three. He didn't, he wasn't taught. And picture of a heart. Hey, keep it up. And also, keep listening to the band Heart. This is terrific. Man, I hope... Keep supporting, keep supporting the wrestler.

Brett the hit man heart. I hope this paid off. It probably did, right? I think he, right now, past Scott is like, I think I did it. Now past Scott can die quietly. So that Future Scott may live. When did he throw this, this brick up? When do you think he, he put this shot up in the air?

Let me check the email real quick. It's impossible to say. What? 1916. But that means... Well, I was wondering why this Jumbotron spot was delivered by Western Union. He made it.

He's alive. Did the, did the weeping angels get him? Is that what's going on? Telegram. It says you're doing fine. Keep it up. And don't forget to steal your dad's car keys. That's weird.

That's weird. Garbage can. Garbage can. Also, don't blink. Oh, hey there, everybody. I'm Guy Branham and welcome to Pop Rocket, a new weekly show picking over the pop culture we all love to love.

With me to talk TV, film, music, and anything else entertaining are journalists Margaret Woppler, academic writer and DJ Oliver Wang, digital strategist, winner Mitchell and comedian Santina Mewhaugh. It's an intellectual and incredibly snark filled discussion about pop culture by five cranky Hollywood 30-somethings. No name calling, no rudeness, just straight talk and a lot of role play. I'm only 30-something for another year. Me too.

And I don't tell anybody I'm 30-something. Pop Rocket comes out every week from MaximumFun.org. My wife is a therapist with a master's degree and I have a useless degree in illustration. Work is not, that is not my editorialization, by the way. I think illustration degrees are great, I bet. Work is not so plentiful in Indiana, so I'm working as an educational assistant

and doing a minimum wage summer job. I'm on the track to getting a better degree right now, but in the meantime, I can't help but feel a little less than equal with her. She's amazingly supportive. The problem isn't with her. I know traditional gender roles are bullshit, but I can't seem to feel okay making so much less, especially when we got student loans out the ass.

And I stopped worrying about this. That's from tragically traditional teacher, pending licensure. And I've got the solution you've been waiting for. Are you ready? Yes. Make more money. Okay. Okay?

No, wait. Now think, it goes through. Take the idea you heard from us about Dunkey. Turn it into a spec script. You go to LA, you sell it for a million dollars. What's that? Story. New Steven Soderbergh?

I should think that. Storyboard it. With your illustration skills. Storyboard Dunkey with your illustration skills. Maybe it's an animated movie. You know, the thing is when you're in a partnership with somebody, I mean, maybe you're married, maybe you're just a, you know, are in a committed relationship, whatever.

The biggest, most important thing you can do is in areas like this. Not, not, this is not all-encompassing, but like in areas like this especially, where it's just about the business of like progressing in life. The business end of life rather than the rest of it. I think it's really important to stop seeing two individual people here and really legitimately start seeing a team. So if the two of you are getting by and you're figuring it out

and you're, you know, you have what you need to make ends meet and you have enough money like to get through the day and what have you, I don't think that you should feel like guilt necessarily that you are not, there's not as many like zeros on your paycheck. Like I think that's a destructive way of looking at things because if you think of the situation more inverse, if you were making more money than her, you wouldn't want her to, you know, beat herself up this way.

There's also countless other things that you provide that have nothing to do with the financials of the relationship. Stuff like support and being there for each other, you know, so money is not the only factor, it's not the only thing anyone can contribute and you could drive yourself crazy and ruin all of those other aspects of the relationship because you become so focused on this idea of equality wherein...

Finan- not just a quality trap, financial. Yeah, financial equality. I think that's the pit that you fall into. When I married my wife, she was in medical school and I was I think working at like the newspaper, I was working at the newspaper, but either way, I knew that like I was not going to do anything with my sort of like professional existence

that would be in any way helpful to like earth and people and stuff in the way that my wife is. So I made the decision when we got married that, okay, what I'm going to do, the most important thing I'm going to do is support her so she can do actual real things that are helpful to earth. And I knew I wasn't also going to be able

to come up with her financially either. So it's like I'm a double whammy, but I knew that like what my highest and best use was supporting her so she could do that stuff. So if you are, if you're looking for like self-worth and to feel justified in relationship, if you're looking for that from a paycheck, you're always going to be disappointed.

So it's more on how you can, you know, what you are bringing to the team. And if you are, you know, contributing in ways that aren't just monetary, because honestly when it boils down to it, that's one of the, you know, that's not the be all end all solution. I agree.

Yeah, I mean, do that. Don't worry about it anymore. But you're free. You're free. We freed you from your anxiety. Fly away. Do you guys want to yahoo? Yes.

This one was sent in by Drew Davenport. And before I want to, before I read it, I want to read another one that Drew Davenport sent in. Let me actually find the email, because it's really great. Hold on. God, it's like inception. To understand, you must first understand

the first Drew Davenport, but which layer of Drew Davenport are you on now? I'm still trying to close this slip shine landing page, but it is horny and a hack. Yeah, it's tough. It just keeps popping up. And I'm not talking about the web page. Drew Davenport sent this in.

I mean my penis. Right, right, right. Drew Davenport sent this email in. Because it's becoming a wreck. Travis? Drew Davenport sent this email in. And he said, Dear brothers, look at what my meddling

in the yahoo answer service has wrought. And he sent in a link to a yahoo asked by Panda Pants who asked this past February, how can I have sex with Drew Davenport? What? What? And then someone with the yahoo answer's name, C, responded, insert his pins in your vagina.

What? Jesus? So them probably not getting the reference. Clearly not. Or understanding how to spell the word penis, or completely misunderstanding how the sexual act works. Or completely understanding that Drew Davenport just has a bunch of pins down there.

It's like the bottom of an NES cartridge down there. It's just a strip of different connectors. No, I was thinking more like writing pens. But they're all like, it's like 14 big pens. And they're all bound together with like a braces bracket rubber band thing. And only three of them have ink left in them. Oh, Travis.

What? He's a virile. He's a virile, virile young man. Okay, then three of the 14 don't have ink in them. But that leaves 11 that do. And if you push down on the top of them, it goes from red to blue to black. I like that.

Anyway, I really love that this person just put a message in the metaphorical bottle. Just send it out hoping that it would land on Drew Davenport. And it did. It was snagged in his dragnet. Well, and now we've actually talked about it on the show rewarding this behavior. Yeah, I'm all for that actually.

If you want to keep dropping these sexual landmines into the vast ocean of Yahoo Answers and see if our buddy Drew Davenport picks it up. You have to be careful with that though. I've long worried about our interference with the Yahoo Answers ecosystem. I try to discourage that at every turn because it will get to a point where it's just

or a boros like, so I got my question on the bin bam and then this is on the bin bam too. And then they're reading it and then they turn it into a clip and I'm going to ask it in a new Yahoo Answers service. You can't get off that train. Yeah, that's a good point. And then you end up in Finding Nemo 2. There's a scene of them fleeing through sharks

and going through a whole field of sexual landmines. And it's just too dangerous. You know what I mean? No, I don't. It's called Finding Dory. It's actually coming out. Oh, do you know that, Trav? I didn't know.

Now I'm very excited about it. Hey, hey, hey, did you all know that they're making a Finding Nemo 2? Hey, hey, you guys have been listening to our podcast for a while. Did you know I make you a Finding Nemo 2? I think it's bullshit that Finding Nemo 2, Finding Dory, gets to be on the silver screen,

but my script, Dunkey, is just sitting unread inside of your brain because you haven't pinned it out unread and unwritten. This was another Yahoo! It was sent in by Drew Davenport though. Francis Ford Coppola's desk drawer. That's what I was trying to pull. Perfect. Sorry.

It's by Yahoo Answers user ABC who asks, if you can make a new custom flag for America, what would the flag look like? Can you describe it or draw a picture of it? A little Arts and Craft challenge for my two brothers. Okay, new flag for America. New flag. Throw this old one out.

We want more states so badly. Oh man, do we want more states. But we can't get them because then we gotta do a new flag and it's gonna look ridiculous. 51 stars. That would actually be my new design, by the way. No. I would make it 51 stars and then just show it

to neighboring nations. Like, hey. Hey, Canada, Puerto Rico. Hey, Canada, Puerto Rico, I've got a spot for you. Or, right here, when we go and occupy a country for some reason, then we can be like, you sure you won't mess with us? Because we hungry. Oh man, we hungry, gonna eat your nation up.

I would use a special dye that would allow the colors to run. Travis. These colors are very vulnerable to the elements. A lot of shitty bumper stickers would have to be goo-gone off of a lot of shitty cars. But I would, to be fair, I would make it so that they would only run in very specific circumstances.

Like, if it rained and the temperature was above like 97 degrees. Okay. Right, so that way we can make bumper stickers that said, these colors do not normally run. But given the right set of circumstances, we have that option should we choose it. How about this? Calvin peeing on a pile of every other country's flags.

That's pretty good. And then kneeling respectfully before a pile of every other nation's flags soaked in. How about Bart Simpson and Calvin peeing into each other? Wait, like in a circular kind of impunity thing? Following the Fibonacci sequence. A Mobius strip of peeing. Underneath it says America too in Comic Sans.

Yeah. To the Bart man. This is a subtitle for America too. It's called the Bart man. The UN recognizes the delegate from America too to the Bart man. Thank you, ghost of Kofi Annan. What I'm here to do is announce a bold new future for our country, which is now called America too.

I have these words of wisdom for the delegates from Iraq. Don't have a cow, man. What would we do with the old flags in America too to the Bart? They would only be used for boxers to wear as capes as they entered the ring. We got all these flags lying around. We could give them to the less fortunate at the end of the day. At the end of the day, we have all these flags lying around. I mean, if dum-dums who are especially enthused about confederate history

are any example, you just keep using them. You don't even need to worry about it. You just keep on using them. Children gather around. Now, child citizens of America too, Colin, do the Bart man. This is what a flag looked like over 50 years ago. But teacher, that flag is not extreme or sassy at all. No, it is not.

That's why it was scrapped. Also, there's 50 stars on it, and we have 78 states. I'm confused. Well, you see, before we ate Africa. The new dollar bill should have a picture of a pyramid with Stewie's head floating above it. I think that would be great. But we only have singles because it's America too, so we have a lot more strip clubs. I can't wait for that glorious day.

What would our new national anthem be in America too? And don't, don't, don't say do the Bart man. Okay. And don't say deep, deep trouble, the B side of do the Bart man. Oh my God, I cannot believe that pull. How about Simpsons sing the blues the entire album? Listen, don't get to the baseball game on time. You will be treated to 48 minutes of songs about the Simpsons.

Just listen, I'm going to get there. No, I'm, I'm going to get there. I'm sitting outside. I'm going to keep tailgating. When you hear Mr. Burns sing, look at all these idiots. We're about one track from the end of the record. So just go ahead and call me then and I'll go ahead and come up. All right.

Cowabunga, brother. Cowabunga. Cowabunga. I'll hail Bart. Guys, guys, I hear Raoul coming. Okay, listen, we got to wrap Raoul's coming back. Just a few more housekeeping things to wrap up. We haven't mentioned for a little bit, but we've got some

some fun stuff for sale in the maxfunstore. That's maxfunstore.com. If you missed out on our, the one cool thing is the tour poster for our Midwest shows designed by Justin Gray. They are really cool. They have secret codes on them. You can buy them for 15 bucks at maxfunstore.com. And you can choose which city you want.

There's one more for Chicago. Yeah. So if you want that one, you should. There are not a lot of, these are the posters that we didn't get rid of at the live shows. So there's not a lot of them, but they're really cool and they're relics. I would say, I guess I would say that. Relics of our freedom. Yeah.

I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song. He said, a part you're off the album playing in the days to bed. We're going to be hanging out with John Rodgerick here in a couple of weeks at maxfuncon. I'm really, really excited for that. And I'm really excited for him to, to win his Seattle city council run. Yeah. He's running for city council in Seattle. Like I know we've talked about it before and I'm sure you all know about it by now.

But if you live in Seattle, like you should probably vote for John Rodgerick. Well, learn, learn about his platform. Learn about his platform. You know, you don't want to rush in anything. Go to voterodgerick.com. That's r-o-d-e-r-i-c-k.com. Check out his platform. See, see sort of if he aligns with your own viewpoint.

I bet he does. He's awesome. He, he wrote our theme song. So how bad could he be? How back is his ideas about bills and tariffs really be? Do they still do tariffs? Not in America too. Oh, that's good to hear.

We've got a couple live shows coming up at the end of August. We're doing three in one in Portland, one in Seattle, one in Vancouver. The Portland show is already sold out, but you can get tickets for the Seattle and Vancouver shows at bit.ly forward slash m-b-m-b-a-m Seattle and bit.ly forward slash van m-b-m-b-a-m. There's a new podcast you might like that Travis makes with his friend, a musician and YouTube superstar, Brent O'Floss. It's called Trends Like These and you can find it on iTunes and you go there and you search for it and you download it and it's about what's happening on the internet.

And it's a really funny show and I enjoy it very much. And you can go get it. And you can also, there's a brand new viral video series that I just cannot get enough of called Things I Bought It, Sheets starring our own Justin McRoy and his friend Dwight Slapy. And Justin stops at Sheets, buys something, eats it, and then Dwight guesses what his review of that item will be. And here's the thing, you guys, take some twists and turns. You're never going to see it coming.

You've got to go check it out. Just wrapped season one. I really wanted to make a season two and the only way they're going to do that is with your support. So go to YouTube and search Things I Bought It, Sheets with a Z. And I'm still working on my video series where I use my bare feet and I step on desserts. And then people just want- Remember when I meet Griffin, what's that called?

Smosh shoes. Smosh shoes. Thank you, Justin. Smosh shoes, the Griffin McRoy story. Sorry, Justin. I was checking my text. I'm glad you jumped in there for me. It's called Smoshy Shoes, Trap.

And it's just me stepping on desserts and every week it's a new dessert. Did I say week? I meant hour. It's an hour show. It's an hourly video show. We also want to encourage you to check out all the other amazing Maxfun podcasts. There's a ton. The one I want to talk about right now is the Flaubhouse Just Did a Mordecai episode

that made me so happy. And their opinions of it were very surprising. And now I might actually have to watch Mordecai. No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen. I might live stream me watching Mordecai. So you could watch me watch Mordecai. That'd be highly illegal, first of all.

No, you don't get to watch Mordecai. You just see my face as I watch Mordecai. How about a final yahoo? Well, go listen to the Flaubhouse. Okay. Well, right now and then we can close the show. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. One hour later. Man, that was a great podcast. I love it. There's still 45 minutes left. Oh, no. This was sent in again by Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew Davenport.

It's by yahoo answers user Vincent. And it's a little bit out there. It's not going to make a lot of sense, but just picture it in your mind. Vincent asks, did Shia LaBeouf get his scream from John Turturro? Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. Or Chas.

Chas, Chas, Chas, Chas. Chas, Chas, Chas. Chas, Chas, Chas. This was my brother, my brother, me. Get your dad. Square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming.

Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can learn to get grants for education. Learn to ride a llama. Print money the old fashioned way. Force your dog to stop being so rambunctious. Make a souffle that sets and stays set. Mount the heads of your enemies on spikes. Grind your own corrective lenses using just rock salt and diamonds.

For all of this and more, drop us a line. Don't wait. Right now. Jordan Jesse Go, 123 Itunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.