My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 260: Bro's Better, Bro's Best Ch. 72 - 81

Episode Date: July 13, 2015

With the J-Man living in Island Time, we've gone back to the future - and then past again I guess? - to dig up some of our favorite goofs and pranks from the early years of our show. You better watch out, because Crocoswine's a-coming. 3:20 - Indecent Proposal 5:05 - The First Sad Lib 8:00 - PB&J 10:55 - Greed of the Magi 12:35 - Gooshing from the Johnsons 15:35 - Scrotoshop 19:43 - Everbuddies 22:40 - Firework 26:28 - Crocoswine 28:15 - Frank Lloyd Dirty Boy 43:35 - Buttery Nipples 44:50 - Mindfreak 47:30 - Giamatti Apologies 48:30 - Penis World 52:05 - Fly Me to Heaven Vid Kid 53:43 - Who Gugioned? 57:20 - Metallicas 1:01:13 - Skyrim Sex Pizza 1:02:43 - 90 Pizza Rolls 1:06:29 - Risk/Reward

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey everybody, this is me Griffin McElroy, your youngest brother. This is me Travis McElroy, your middle-est brother. And this is my brother, my brother and me, where we take your advice and we do all kinds of crazy stuff. There's going to be a lot of goofs and a lot of pranks, and Justin's not here

because he's on island time. And this is going to be like one of those episodes where everybody's like trapped in the broom closet and we're like, but remember that time we rode that roller coaster and like then we play a clip from that. It'll be a lot like that except that we won't be talking between the clips and we're not trapped anywhere and Justin is, I don't know, probably having Mark Reid. He's not in the broom closet. He's not even here. It's like we said, man, remember that time Justin was here and we were able to record? Man, I wish we were all in a broom closet together. Folks, listen, in this episode, we're going to bust out some of our favorite pranks and our favorite spoofs. And also some of our least favorite. And this span was

when Sad Libs was created. Oh my god, I haven't gone through my assigned episodes to pull out the classic bits yet. I feel like this is when we really matured as a podcast. When we stopped being polite and started talking about poop for 10 minutes, just being very rude, which is, I get, I have a problem with that tagline now that I think about it because it's like you can be real and still be polite. Like that my sort of my realness is my my politeness. I feel they should have just said like when we stopped being fakey fake bullshit people and started being even more bullshit people, but in an honest way, or when we stopped being bullshit and we started being polite I would watch. I would watch that show. The polite world. Um, excuse me, Steven, did you

eat my peanut butter? Oh, I'm dead. I'm sorry. I thought it was mine. No, that's fine. Could you just pick some more up when you're at the store? Yeah, I totally will. Roll credits. Folks, we're going to bust out some of our favorite goofs and our favorite pranks in this episode, and we hope you enjoy them. What's that? What is the range of of episodes against? I believe 72 to 81. Oh, some really great stuff in there. Oh man, 77. Forget about it. I forget everything we've ever said before, like this mid-May, and that's not a that's not a lie. I'm looking forward to hearing these episodes for the first time. I was really excited to hear Krakoswine in here, completely forgotten about Krakoswine. Yeah, well, spoiler alert, Krakoswine's coming. Uh,

folks, we're going to bust out some of our favorite shoes, some of our favorite pranks, and here they come and we'll talk to you here in just a little bit. I'm sorry, like can we take a step back here? Why is why is like every romantic encounter that this girl has, like Robert Redford in a decent proposal? Why don't we have a proposition like oh excuse me. There is $10,000 in my hotel room upstairs. You have to find it. My business associate Reginald has a briefcase with $100,000. I am propositioning you. What accent is that? Half comic, but guy half, uh, Hitchcock. Okay. It was really, really scary. Maybe that's why the guy is intimidated. Hello. Unmarked, much like myself. No needle of tattoo

has touched my skin. I'm ready to make love to you. Oh, Jesus. I'm so upset. Reginald, open the briefcase. You will see the bills are in your garden currency. They are untraceable. Oh, $100,000 in gold Cougarans. This is Gold Bullion. My associate Reginald will take this Gold Bullion to a deposit box. Oh my God. A brief fleeting love breaking will occur then. Jesus, now I'm just thinking about. Where are you going? I'm thinking about being at a bar and then like excuse me. The Lord of House Harkinen from Dune like floating over. Good evening. The Spice is Life. I have a briefcase of surprise. Oh, Jesus. Derek, actually at the end there, there was some borat there. People seem to like this. Take a chance. So before we take a trip,

I would like to throw out Justin made the mistake of giving me time between the time when we were going to record the episode and the time when we actually did. So I played a game with our listeners and asked them for words that they would like to hear on the show and I ranged those words into a short story that I would like Griffin to read now. Okay. So what I'm looking at is a mad lib that it's a mad lib. Like that's not let's not split hairs. Yes. Sometimes we make bits on the show because I think they'll be funny. And then sometimes we make bits on the show to antagonize each other. For instance, monthly observances. I hate that bit. I think Travis kind of does too. Griffin afflicts it on us every fucking month. This was actually Justin's punishment for not

being ready to record the call when he was supposed to. So now he has to hear this mad lib. I had something really important come up. Was it toddlers and tiaras? Yeah. Inwood lost her foot in a logging accident. I didn't know if she'd be able to perform. This is the epic and moist fable of bumsy-clom hole in the marshmallow debacle. Why am I doing this? Read away. Go stop that. Travis, this is making me hate you and our listeners who sent this shit in. I knew it. One fine and scrumptious day, bumsy was hanging out with his funkalicious friend Batman. They were running late for the big race. The thick freakness. They've been watching the clock when suddenly everything got all timey-wimey,

wibbly-wobbly. So there's the Doctor Who thing. So they leapt onto their pegasus, celestia sprinkles, and sprang into action, only stopping to get a fish taco on the way. Slow down, yelled Batman. This is chafing my turgid front putt and giving me lavishest thoughts. Oh hogwash, yelled Bumsy. Stop being persnickety. This is funkalicious. Incredible side, Batman. But sadly, the whole thing was a boondoggle. Bumsy died. And Batman was left as the only living boy in New York. That was the end of it, and we will never do that to you again. And I promise you that. I wrote a book in second grade called Grant Andrews Kid Cop that reads, uh, that reads better than that thing that you made.

Why didn't you do that to him? Why is it that you were trying to punish me, but Griffin ends up catching the brunt of it? Because it was humiliating. I said words in it, but I would never say funkalicious. You realize that every word I say is like a precious treasure, right? And you just, you just tarnished my streak. Of precious treasures. Take a chance. Gladly. This one, this one's actually old. I've been holding on to this one. I've had this arrow in my quiver for a long time in the cinema by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob. It's by Yahoo Answers user James who asks, how can I make myself into a human peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I like making messes.

And I want to really do this. The first thing I want to do is get covered in a peanut butter type of mixture and then a jelly type of mixture and have like some giant bread made of smaller bread. And also when I get the peanut butter mixture and just a jelly mixture poured on me, she, I lay on the bread and get it dumped on me or just stand up and have it poured on me. It's your vote. And last but not least, how could I make like a maybe runny, liquidy peanut butter mix and running liquid mix? That guys, that, that was all one sentence. Oh no. Tell me what you guys think and how could I, how I could make a mess with this stuff? And I forgot to say that at the end, after I get the mixtures poured on me, I'm going to get two giant pieces of bread, cover it

with regular PB and J, cover myself up and maybe roll around in it, unleash the ideas and the creativeness. This will be so much fun and feel awesome. I'm right in thinking that there's an underlying and all the while I'm going to be jerking it so right. I'm going to jerk it in this runny liquidy jelly type mixture. Oh, and BT doves. I'm just going to be jerking it. Danny's just one flag away from that trip to Universal Studios. He's made it through the gas fountain, made it through the car wash. Now he's just going to get this one last flag from a giant peanut butter jelly suit. And oh my God, is he masturbating? He's so excited about that Casio keyboard. That Casio keyboard that he has found the flag. He is using the flag as some sort of

jerk it sheath. I'm Mark Summers and I quit television forever because I am yucked. I am retired. I have now have obsessive compulsive disorder. I know because of this child's lewd act, I am leaving the entertainment business. And that completes our Mark Summers origin story. Those flags, those flags are for those are roller skate vouchers, not jerket sheets. Sir. Sir. Sir. Pardon. Good day. You do you win nothing. Hey, Mark, you want to watch? Hey, Mark, I double dare you. I would rather them not have a gift than have the gift of guilt, which is what you're giving them if you get them a present and they didn't get you one. But you always run that risk of like, maybe they didn't think you were going to get them anything.

And so now it's just this like unspoken like, well, we didn't get anything for each other. I don't know. It's so tough because you don't want to make them feel bad. But at the same time, maybe you need to break the cycle. How is it going to make them feel bad if they get a present? How do you feel? Because they didn't get you a present. Fuck that. They'll be so excited to get a present that they'll just be like, ooh, present. It's like a shiny present. Just go to stop over thinking and just go to pure one imports and buy one of those wicker basket balls. Imagine gift to the Magi and the woman's like, I sold my hair to get you this wash chain. He's like, oh, cool. That'll go great with my watch. Oh, man, that was very thoughtful of you.

But listen, I'm going to need a new lady. You're bald. Hey, I'm just looking at my watch. It looks like it's time to get a new girlfriend out of the way, Lex and Luthor. Man, that tradeoff is not very fair, is it? Hey, Vicky, me and Hellraiser split up. Yeah, I got a new chain too. I got a sweet ass watch chain. I said, there's the door, Willie Willie. Thanks for the watch. Oh, man. What a horseshit. Yeah, I sold my watch. What did you do? Oh, you're bald now. That's rough. Yeah, but his watch isn't going to grow back. That's true. Yeah, because he had his watch gland removed. Do you guys want a Yahoo answer? I have one. How did Griffin just say cinnamon? This one was sent in by Justin Rousseau.

Thank you, Justin Rousseau. You're a gentleman and a scholar. It's asked by Yahoo answers user Buck Peters, who asks. Come on now. That's not a good part of a power name. Buck Peters asks. Whatever he wants to. Is it weird to watch porn with nine other dudes with surround sound and order pizza for the event, like the sports? Because that's what's happening at our bachelor pad right now. We started off with four guys. Now the neighbor and his buddies came over and it's nine guys watching porn, drinking beer and eating pizza. If my buddy Seth and his two other buddies come over, that'll bring the tally of this party to 12 dudes. Oh my Jesus. This is a question work,

like mathematically. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Should we invite some girls to balance out a possible sausage fest? A possible sausage fest? You can invite girls from now until the end of linear time. Not one is going to darken the door of that party. So here's the setup. There's no, you use so many question marks in this question where questions marks didn't need to be like, yeah, also you're eating pizza with probable sausage on it. I'm going to go. This is like sausage wood sock. Yeah. You called all the sausage together for nine miles. And there's my sausage on the TV too, wouldn't you imagine? Yeah. Some dude. You know what my biggest problem with this setup is? The surround sound aspect. Yeah. What was that? There's a dick right behind my head. I feel like

there's just a dick on my shoulder. Is there someone gushing behind my head? Philip, are you gushing? Yeah, go. Don't say that. How does this become like a regular, like, it's Thursday, poor night again? Like, what the hell is the matter with? Don't you call it an event? Only not with sports. Looks like that penis is winning against the vagina. He could go all the way. Surround sound. Let's look at it through the eyes of the pizza guy who rolls up and delivers your pizza. Yeah. And he swings up the door and he's just like, I'm going to go. I don't know what this is. There are porn sounds. There are porn sounds coming from every corner of your room. Is this what,

is this like 9.1? Jesus, how many speakers are there? I heard your house gushing from the Johnsons. Like, wait a minute. Wait one goddamn second. Can you please never say the phrase gushing from the Johnsons again? I can, I mean, I can't make any promises, but I'll do what I can. Psychically unpleasant. How, um, that bad, huh? I thought maybe it was a, I don't know, evocative. How about another one from Mr. Justin Russo? He really knocked it out of the park this week. Thank you, Justin Russo. It's by Yahoo Answers user Vic Philadelphia Freedom who asks, this might be too gross. Let me know if it is and we'll do something else. How do you make a scrotum more attractive? I mean, if you leave it as is, it looks like a velcro

tennis ball rolled in pet hair. If you shave it, it looks like an orange that somebody forgotten the fridge for a year. How do you make it look any better? Serious answers only, please. You can make it look like a kitty with a face paint. What's the additional infographic? Additional details. Will you marry me cat? So I don't know. Maybe he's using this as like the worst proposal. Like he was trying to genetically, scientifically come up with the worst proposal ever imaginable. Uh-huh. This is pretty high on the list. This is actually an easy one to answer. What you want to do is go up to, you go up and click layer and then click filter and then click artistic and then click scrotums and then click a despeccle,

devane and uncheck smoothing and you're just going to want to save that. JPEG what file format? If you have a Tiff, you're going to want to check, check in laced hair. Like the pubes are woven into like a, like a, a dick-dicky base. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a really nice look. I'd say what I usually just blur it, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur and then I slap a mosaic filter on it and then I print that and I use it as a sort of a basis for my stained glass work. You know, and we run into this a lot, but you guys are just so much more computers have you than me. I just use paint and just kind of do a spray paint smile on it. Yeah. Yeah, which is fine. That's good, I guess. I have actually been, I'm still using clip art.

I've been looking into flash to like animate, to just make it like, make it look like the left and right gonads are sort of going up and down as if it were walking down like a path, like a rose, a rose covered path. So maybe they're not any more attractive, but they're definitely more active. Yeah. Well, and you can't spell attractive without active, you know? It's true. It's so true. Everybody get fit, just to remind us. You thought about maybe throwing a third ball in there? Giving something they haven't seen before. Just like that classic scene in Total Recall when that girl says, baby, you made me wish I was dead. Hey, you're so tall so much. Oh man, was there, I don't think that there is a,

I don't know, an equal thing for having three balls. Like, maybe we wish I had six fingers. I don't know. Which made me wish I had left after our second date something. Can you have them removed? Can you have them moved? Yeah. You have them moved to a place in your body that's a little more discreet. How about on top? Stop it. Oh no. Is that Gonzo down there? You look ridiculous. Oh, that's so crazy because mine looks like Rolf. Would you just put the balls up there or the whole thing? I don't know. Is it possible to just turn the whole thing upside down? That's what I'm wondering. I don't want to do that. Can we turn it sideways? There's so many options. I don't want to think that it looks quizzical.

I don't want to drink these things anymore. It's like when you were a kid and you cocked your, sorry for the word choice, cocked your baseball hat to the side till people know that you were street. Oh, you got rally balls. Yeah. Come on, Reds. I turned my dick 35 degrees to the left for you. Come on, Gomez. Hit it. Hey guys, I'm an avid believer in the philosophy of waiting as long as possible to wash a pair of jeans for the sake of preserving the color in them. I will often go a few months without washing them. The jeans I wear are usually dark in color so they do not show food and or coffee stains, nor do they noticeably smell from a distance. My main fear of doing this is that those who see

me on a day to day basis and work setting will start to notice that I'm re-wearing my jeans every day for weeks on end or that I am a slob or a hobo. Is this a weird thing to do? Are my fears justified? That's from dirty denim in Detroit. That was my favorite Bruce Springsteen album. Hey, hey, buddy. You're a slob. No, you are. Hey, hey. No, here's when you, when your qualifiers are, they don't noticeably smell from a distance. Yeah. And they're dark so they don't show coffee or food stains. Not that they don't have coffee or food stains. Well, sure. A man's going to spill coffee on his pants. That's, that's gravity. Well, but third is a few months. Is he saying that like, do you think he means he wears them like in a month, three times spread out over

a month or is like every day for a month? I think these are his off court buddies and he's wearing them every day. I mean, if you're going to work in those. Yeah, he's also wearing them on the court. They're off and on court buddies. Yeah, they're just his constant buddies. They're just his constant buddies. Everybody's. They're his everybody's. There are many ways to preserve. Have you worn those everybody's jeans? The new brands? They're nice. They have so many pockets. Your ass looks terrific in those everybody's. They have little inserts for glade plugins that you can just like slide right in there and then the smell isn't noticeable from a distance. They have a Teflon weave. It's pretty nice. It really catches the stink and holds it in. So, man, watch out when you

take it off. There is a visible cloud. You know, I hear people using those instead of security deposit boxes now. Yeah. You just put them in your everybody's. This is where I keep my stink and my boolean in my jeans vault. Why don't you just get instead of expensive jeans, more jeans and get like a wider rotation. Double jeans. Get them double jeans. Have you worn double everybody's? Have you worn those double jeans ever buddies from Gap? It's basically like an airlock system. It costs $300,000. Your dick will suffocate. They are airtight. They keep the last remaining sample of smallpox in there. That's why everybody's. More or less, it's like an iron lung from the waist down. I'm not even sure that we understand the concept of everybody jeans vaults anymore.

Straight up, I'm going to call you guys out. What is the most random weirdest thing that you've ever gotten choked up over? There is a Staples commercial where the dad is at the store and he says, we have to buy all these supplies and they're for the kids and his wife's a teacher and she's like, well, the school doesn't have money this year. And then she sees him at another register later, even though he was upset and he's buying some supplies from the class. I want you to know, I actually just got choked up. Just listening to you tell about the store. I'm getting worked up again. The Staples commercial. Any more? Now that I'm an old man, any Christmas commercial? Literally any Christmas commercial. For me, it's that Zales commercial or no, it's K. K.

Jewelers where they're in the cabin and the girl and the guy are standing there and the lightning strikes. He holds her and he's like, don't worry, I'm here. I'll always be here. And he gives her the thing. I cry because that woman's about to be murdered. She's about to get murdered in a cabin and all of her friends and family will never see her again. I got a call called bullshit because I opened my heart with that Staples commercial revelation and you went for a gag. And I had the call shenanigans on. You want to know what commercials have cried at? No, I want to know. This is an embarrassing deep dark secret. Okay. Katy Perry's firework.

No more questions today, kids. Hold on one second, Travis, because was it because the song played right after you won the season finale of America's Next Top Model? No, wait, you weren't on America's Next Top Model. I was having a particularly rough, sleepy day. I was at the end of like a 100 hour work week, like I often do. And I just was singing at the top of my lungs, but saying I'm a firework. And it was particularly moving. And now I wish I would just have that one to myself. I don't know if it's better if you're joking or not. I can't know. You can never tell me. Actually, no, I need you to tell me this is a joke right now. I need you to tell me you're kidding. No, I like the picture of a single tear rolling down your paint covered face.

And then resting gently in the nestles of your beard. Firework, Travis, don't ever let anybody. That is true. You are a firework. I've long thought when Travis McRoy springs to mind, it's with the trail of sparks behind him, because he's god damn it. He's a firework. You know what the worst part about that is too? Yeah, I do, Travis. I know what the worst part is. I know what the worst part is, Travis. I do. I do know the worst part is the part that it is it. It is the thing that it is the fact that it is that the thing it is the thing it is is the worst thing it is the thing and then you do it. Like you've heard the song, right? You didn't just cry at the idea of it. Like you heard the song. I want you I want you guys to know I'm crying right

now. So I changed it. That's the last thing I got choked up by you guys being mean. I like to baby. I'm a firework. Yeah. How dare you talk to a firework like him like that. Do you guys ever just think about sad things to try and get a good cry out? I never I didn't until about 30 seconds ago. Now I got all the sad things I need last week forever. Crying feels so good, I think it's like it's like it's like jerking it for your eyes. Forcing forcing a cry is like jerking it for your emotions. Well, have you ever heard someone say that anyone ever when you hear someone say it's a tearjerker? You know, they're a big problem in Cape Canaveral. Down in Florida, you'll see them

rolling around. Florida can't Florida makes me so fucking angry the way they treat animals down there. Yeah, they throw alligators and sewers. They throw feral pigs out and pig pig bins. They throw alligators at pigs. They make pig gators. They put birds and slingshots and then throw them at pigs. Crocoswine is the monster I just invented is crocoswine. That's it. I don't have a joke. I just wanted to. He's got the teeth of a gator. There's a pig. He's got tusks and tusks and tusks and back ridges like the crocodile does. And he loves you. And he loves you so much. Give him a kiss. No, don't. He's got so many tusks. Crocoswine, tusks and ridges. Don't let him bite your face. He's got a tail and another tail that's curly or that's the one that grants wishes if you cut it

off. He will give you bacon and boots. I'm going to be honest. I thought crocoswine would be much more intimidating, but he sounds pretty cool. Hang out with him. If it weren't for all the tusks, he'd make a great home pet. If it weren't for all those GD tusks, he's like the giving tree of feral animals. It's to give you bacon and boots with his meat and his skin. And he'll make you sweat penicillin, which is nice. Hey, if you guys checked out my new double crusty double gene everybody vaults made of crocoswine skin. That's a genuine crocoswine. Yeah, they're the ultimate callback pants. Is it okay to bring reading material into a group restroom? Is it okay to bring a Kindle into any restroom, especially a group one? That's from boredom the bathroom.

Oh, that's easy. No and no. Well, there's so many questions here. The first being, what isn't a group restroom? God, I would love a private restroom. This is Jeremy's bathroom. No one can come in here but Jeremy. You got a fingerprint lock to get in. Man, that would be fucking great though, wouldn't it? That would be so good. I would also like to pause it to go true to the name and have an actual group restroom. And I'm just like, everybody goes in at the same time. It's like, let's do this. Well, what are you reading? They have those, Travis. They have those. They're called restrooms. No, I'm saying like get rid of the walls and everything. Oh, you're talking. Okay, you're a kind of open plan. That's the worst thing I've ever done by Frank Lloyd Wright,

you know? This is my bathroom falling off. Frank Lloyd Wright was fucking nasty. I'm making some falling water over here. That was a Frank Lloyd Wright joke. You know, he actually built a house like that that was like based on a desert and there were no walls and nothing separating like the kitchen and bedroom and bathroom. Yeah. Like just wherever you were in the house, you could see every other part of the house and I think that's gross. The toilet was right in the middle of the living room because he was so fucking nasty. Frank Lloyd is a dirty boy. Frank Lloyd wrong. Frank Lloyd dirty boy sounds like a pretty good hip hop name. So like soldier boy, tell him Frank Lloyd dirty boy. It's got a good cadence to it.

I'm not sure it's I don't think there's a big problem with it. I think that if you are carrying a mag like let's say a magazine, if you're carrying a magazine, I think it's okay to have one in the bathroom. I don't think it's okay to be spotted carrying one to the bathroom. Yeah, I think it says too much like, Hey, I'm going to go settle in for a while. I'm getting cozy. If you need me for like the next 20 minutes, you know where I'll be a kindle. Absolutely not because if you drop that between your legs, it electrifies the water and the water might splash up and shock your gooch. That's science. That's scientific desperation of electricity immersed in water splashed on gooch.

The reason I would never use a kindle in the bathroom is because you're paying a lot of money for that and for that service. And then that's always going to be your poop kindle. I like to leave my iPhone four outside of the restroom whenever I use it. You stay right here. I'll be right back. I don't want anybody steal you. Don't yeah, make sure you scream. Do not wander off. I don't know. I think that it's fine to bring material in, but I don't do how much time are you spending in this? I don't do anything in the restroom and let's try and keep this as not gross as possible. When I'm in the restroom, I'm doing restroom stuff and I'm out. I don't bring my Game Boy in there.

I don't bring my Game Boy. I don't have a big John's bathroom buddy or whatever it's called. I just get in there, I get it done, and then I leave and I go do other things. Justin's laughing because Justin fucking posts up, like brings the TV in. Bear cakes the door. Yeah, he's like, I'm watching man versus food. I can't leave middle up. I'm halfway through this through. What am I supposed to do? Man versus food would be an ironic choice because you're always just a losing end of that. God bless it. There should be a show called Seriously Man versus Food. That's just him on the restroom after he just ate 36 chili dogs.

That's the thing they never tell you about man versus food. In the end, the food always escapes, the fight. If I don't bring something into the bathroom, what I'm saying is I really want to focus on what I'm doing. Yeah, you should. Focus on the sin. Yeah. How are you not like buckling down and just getting it out? What kind of dirty boys are you? I like to distract myself from that evil and you guys like to really like. I run my bathroom time like a fucking pit creed. I am in and out. I got a stopwatch going. And I'm out. What happens down there? I don't know what kind of situation you have. It just doesn't happen. You know, you got to make it happen and I can't.

I feel like magazines are the epidurals of the bowel movement process. You need to make sure you're dilated comfortably. Right, exactly. Real quick, we want to take a break and talk about some of the sponsors of this week's episode. Our favorites, your favorites. They're back again. Don't call it a comeback. Kind of a best of advertisements. I mean, I would agree with you Griffin nature box is everybody's favorite snacking alternative. I remember when they put hostess out of business, they put cookies out of business, they put graham crackers out of business, they put sugar cookies brand cookies. Yeah, everybody now is like cookies. What? And that's because nature box snacks is here with zero

artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners, zero grams, trans fat and no high fructose corn syrup. So like cookie brand cookies can keep their fucking corn syrup to themselves. Oh, they would. But that business, as you just said, yeah, is no longer an operation. Now it's just an empty building full of corn syrup and artificial colors. If you go to naturebox.com, you can get some mini Belgium waffles. You can get some strawberry lemonade fruit stars. You get sweet and salty nut medley. And listen, all that's great. But they have a snack that we just got in our box yesterday that is my favorite snack. I'm excited. I'm excited. What is it? The Asiago cheese crisps. I could, I could eat five bags of those in one sitting.

They're incredible. They're like the best. They actually taste like cheese. And not just like processed cheese powder, which don't get me wrong, is incredible. But these taste like cheese. You could put these out at a party and people wouldn't be like, Oh, it's like Cheetos. No, this is like classy ass shit. And it's delicious. And everybody loves it. So if you eat five bags of Asiago cheese crisps, are you, is that okay? Because it's nature box like is this is this food that is actively healing you as it makes you healthier. It's like taking underdog's power pill and you get real buff for about 30 seconds per cheese crisp. Did you know those were Zanny bars? I knew it. He was popping Zanny bars and just like whacking out of his man. I want to watch that. Like, where

are they now? He's dead. He died underdog's dead. Well, it only lived 15 years. Anyways, go to naturebox.com slash my brother. You can get a free trial of snacks. It's it's their favorite snacks. And they're going to become your favorite snacks to trust me, go to naturebox.com slash my brother if you haven't already. So you've eaten 44 bags of Asiago cheese crisps in one after in one wonderful afternoon, one might say the best afternoon you've got some kind of trophy, at least a plaque. Oh, I tell you what else you've gotten a 14 pack. You are ripped your delts and your trellis and your, your svelts, which your svelts is the actually my sort of new name I'm trying to get going for your sphincter. Okay. You got a really svelts sphincter. You got a very muscly, fibrous

svelt. And you're looking so right. You're going to need something to put on that taut, rigid body. Well, I could just put on some terrible, terrible underpants that I bought, like, I don't know, a target that wear out after being on my body for 30 seconds and chafe really bad. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that's what I mean. And then you'll go to your job as a clown at the circus and show my underpants. Yeah, instead, I want you to go to me undies. Oh, okay. And me undies is going to get you underwear. That is the world's most comfortable underwear. Not only the world's most comfortable underwear, the world's most humpable underwear. You are when you wear these. Oh my gosh, you're going to start giving off a pheromone that nobody's

going to understand. It is miles around. Yeah, but we'll come to hump you. You put these on and it'll be like a giant mushroom cloud comes out of your body. As soon as you put these on and then everyone under the effect of that mushroom cloud is going to remember the hit film, the hit Sandra Bullock film love potion number nine. It'll be like that, except without the people of your same gender wanting to kill you for using it. Do you remember that Sandra Bullock film where she was living a week out of order and her husband died during that week? The blind side. I think it was called the blind side. Anyway, me undies is going to get you all sexed up with some sexy, sexy underwear. And it's not just for guys. They just launched the all of me women's collection, which is a

four piece line of undies designed specifically for the female body and all of its inscrutable, insatial, insatial. That's a new one. It's I'm wearing me undies right now and it is allowing me to generate words that have never been spoken before. I love that me undies copy here has indicated that when it came to making guys underpants, like they got it. They got it in one day one. They're like, Oh, two legs, place her balls, cover the butt, got it. And then they're like, should we start working on women's body? It's like, Oh, that's complex. Yeah, we're gonna get our scientists on this. Here's, here's, we've read this a lot now, but this is the first time this is stuck out to me a four piece line of undies. Does that say like bra panties? Those are two,

garter. And then I think it means different styles. So you got boy shorts. You got like bikini. I thought there was like a belly button sack and like knee covers. That was the complex part. They understood bra and underwear. But then they were like, What about me? That can be very sexy. Keep it. Keep me because you can, you can add a little bit of mystique to your nipples. Get 20% off your order today. Go to me undies.com slash one, brother. Make sure you use that slash my brother so they know that we told you to put their underpants on. Me undies, M E undies.com slash my brother. And you'll get them 20% off. They're good. They're really good. I really am wearing them now. Yeah, I wear them. Like when I'm out of me

undies, it's time for laundry. It's, they are the limitless pill of clothes. I have a call to action here. I want, I want them to bam bam nation to listen up. Because that a douche nation reference. It was just sort of a radio generic radio. But yeah, it can be that if you want. Sean Sleeps Naked has a new album out and it's called Voided. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about it, but I want you to go look it up. I want you to go listen to these tunes. It's a Louisville based indie band. Again, name Sean Sleeps Naked. It's their second album is titled Voided. That's Sean. Let's be clear. S H A W N. Yeah. No, there's no S H A U N. Not that bullshit. What about S H O N? Shown? Shown. It's short for Shownies. Hi. I'm

Shownie Bear. This is my new album. Tell us more about this album. Talk about it. Oh, I'd rather talk about Shownie Bear. You got me on a Shownie Bear tilt. It's the second album from Sean Sleeps Naked. It's called Voided. It's available on iTunes. It's on Google Play. Wherever you get your music, you're going to be able to find this album. If you want to hear a track to see if this is this band that you are just hearing about on this podcast, or maybe you know about them before, if you want to know if this album is for you, you can go to Voidedalbum.info, or SeanSleepsNaked.com, and you can go listen to a track off the record. Go check it out. Yeah. You guys have a message for Robin with a why. Why? Because I, Robin, from the mask?

Yeah, nailed it. And it's from Kevin. Kevin says, congrats, Kevin. Like smoking from the mask. Kevin says, congratulations to my lovely and talented girlfriend Robin with a why for graduating from the UBC with your nursing degree. Now, get out there and make me proud by getting a goddamn job and make the brothers macroi proud by getting that cash money. Let's get that hype train going by getting the brothers to give a big get hype on three. One, two, three, get hype. Hey, Beach Baby. How are you doing? Good. That's good to hear. We're recording the podcast right now. We're doing the money sound.

Is your phone waterproof? I'm worried about, they're expensive. Don't worry about my phone. It's waterproof. They give you a special waterproof beach phone. It's not seven. Okay. Get to the beach. Will you just apropos nothing? Will you yell get hype for me? Okay, but yell yell. Yeah. I mean, you're in the middle. I want everyone on the beach to hear it. Get high. I feel like you could have really leaned into it a little bit more. Let's do a quick big my baby's asleep. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. Vacation checkup. How are things going? Well, they're going pretty good. Just getting that D. Carving the waves on a dolphin. Yeah, the dolphin and I are shredding waves. Some other guy tried to snake

our toasty toasty surf. Some other guy on another dolphin that was bigger than mine tried to snake my waves and I was like, not in this lifetime. I take my glasses down like, oh, yeah. Well, it was good checking in with you. How many boat drinks have you had today? How many boat drinks have I had today? I've just been inventing them wholesale. I came up with one that was just old coffee and I'm driving vodka. That sounds just terrible. I call it the 34 year old man. Well, good good checking in. Good talk. Have a good time out there. Stay safe and I love you. I love you too. Have a great show. We already did. Now, Griffin, I've sent you an update on this message. Oh, shit. Okay. Here's the squeak will to that lamp message. Kevin wanted to update this

personal message since Robin has gotten a job now. Here's the updated message. Congratulations to my lovely and talented girlfriend Robin with a wife are graduating from UBC and getting a job already. Now that you'll be making the brothers proud by getting that cash money. And then there's three dollar signs here. I'd like to take this opportunity to quit my job and become a stay at home boyfriend. Also, can you make sure that Griffin reads this? He's our favorite. See, I wish we had read this one before because then we wouldn't have to upset Justin by calling him during beach. Yeah, but now people get to know that like we're not lying. Like Justin's not actually just like sitting at home going, I don't want to record. No, he's he's he's humping them

that surf on a dolphin. Humping that surf humping that surf getting that phone. Let's get back to the episode. Let's get back to the episode. Thank you all for listening. We'll be back to a regular episode next week. I promise I hope to get chance. I'm in my head. I have a tiny bookkeeper with a green visor and one of those one of those receipt machines that just like the receipts fly into the air comically. And I have a running tally of exactly how much money everybody owes me all the time. And I'm not miserly about it. I'm not going to go after those people, but Travis, you owe me $364. I believe that Justin, you and I are totally even nice, which is nice. Yeah, which is nice. But I mean, all of all of my friends like stew

stews me 455. And like, I'm never going to forget about that ever, ever. That's classic stew, though. Yeah, God forbid something happens to stew and you never see that money. Oh, I have already lost a lot of funds, unrecoverable funds. Gaddafi at your 20 spot. Gaddafi, that follow me $12, $12. He was like Griffin, say you a bottle of wine and you're like, no Gaddafi. Griffin, can I get a scarf? It's so chilly in Libya. Give me a $12 scarf. And you're like, well, we were hitting up the bars on dirty six and he was like, oh, man, I left my wallet at home and was like, Gaddafi, I got you. And I did got him. And then you know what happened? He went and got himself killed. Thanks Gaddafi for nothing. Yeah. And all that full drink is buttery and

hippos. Yep. And you know, it's going to be a pricey night. Take a chance. We all think about Chris Angel in the context of my break, but what we rarely think about is that Chris Angel is a real person who has to go. He goes to Whole Foods and he buys kale. Like this is something, this is a real person that does these things. Right. He's not just magicing all the time, or maybe he is. Wouldn't you like to think that he is? Like even at home and no one's around, like all of a sudden the coffee's in the glass and he's like, sigh, mind freaked. My problem with mind freak is that it's unfairly, it's unfairly watchable because it's constantly taunting you with the possibility that you'll see Chris Angel killed before your eyes.

It's like an irresistible ratings bait. I think it's not fair and I think they do have to deliver on it eventually, at least in the amputation. Like today I'm going to set myself ablaze while a man shoots a revolver at me. Like, ah man, clear the tea, bro. Today I'm going to drink lava. Hey, Chris. Chris, Chris, I wouldn't advise that. Maybe you should cancel this one. He, I'm looking at pictures of him right now and I cannot fucking handle his whole style. His whole, yeah. There's a thing on, there's a thing on, okay, if you go to A&E TV right now, there is an ad for the show and the tagline of this, like, I think it's a, maybe a trivia question or an interactive game and it, the question is,

will you save or kill Chris Angel? The game is called Kill Chris Angel. Like, they know what they're doing with this and they, they're playing off a desire to see him die. Hey world, if you see Chris Angel, give him a hug. Just tell him, like, it's okay and it's going to be all right and maybe, you know, he just wants to hang out. Maybe just buy Chris Angel a beer. We could save Chris Angel's life today. I would, I would like to try to reach out to Chris Angel and say, it's not that, there are many people I'd like to watch die on TV, but you, you are the only one that keeps taunting me with the possibility and that's the only reason I'm so hungry for your death. Like, the first season on that show started out as real magic, right? And

now it's just like fucking bear baiting. Like, it's, it's waiting to watch Chris Angel die. Did you see the bear baiting episode? I thought that it was going to gobble him up for sure. All I hope is that Chris Angel, when he, like, does do something like drink lava, I just hope that his last words are like, mind-free. And now the mind that is freaked is my own. Take a chance. You, you and Paul Giamatti live in your own, like, parallel universe together and if you want to make amends with him, you go to his house. I'm tired of using our show as a platform to apologize to Paul Giamatti. You know what, girlfriend, buy a fucking personal add and say

you're sorry to Paul from now on because I'm tired of using mbm as a bully pulpit to apologize for bullying Paul Giamatti. It's done. It's over. Hey guys, can we cut out cyber bullying of Paul Giamatti, please? Can I just say one thing though? Yeah, as long as it's not directly, a direct address to Paul Giamatti. I thought as much. I recently entered into a relationship with this girl. I would like to issue a statement to all Paul Giamatti. And then I said, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. There's a Paul Giamatti in Idaho right now that's like crying. Messers, Giamatti, I apologize for my actions and work. Take a chance.

What if everything was shaped like a penis? What if everything in the world was shaped like a penis? Buildings, buses, cars, shoes, fridges, etc. Would women like that? I have news for this guy. Maybe you haven't looked at his skyline recently. Everything is shaped like a penis. It's a man's world. A penis has a tiny radio antenna coming out of the top of it. So that's yes. Right. I would like to pick up all the vibes. The ladies. I would like to hear this guy's question as if he and his friends often like use the phrase,

you know, everything shaped like a penis. And then he's like, what if everything was shaped like a penis? Literally everything. What if I was reading this question off a penis shaped computer? That's just not the that's not the best viewing experience I feel. Also, how would you give directions to anybody? To turn left at the penis thing. I'll meet you by the cock. I don't know. I don't know which one because everything, your shape. No, no, the veiny one. I think my favorite misconception about this is that women are walking around every day wishing everything was shaped like a penis. Man, I wish I could see some penis shaped things today.

Right. If only this cell phone was shaped like a penis. But this this man wasn't thinking laterally. Laterally. He wasn't thinking about. He wasn't thinking across all the different possibilities. You've got to think about the big picture. We're talking about literature. We're talking about try to read a book, but the pages are in the shapes of dicks. Right. So you get like two words, three words, three words, three words, and then like 10 words. This is the balls. What if this was like a fucking Twilight Zone episode and even the words were shaped like

dick? Travis, this is every, we got to invent a new language where every character was a dick. So you're saying like this book, the book too would be shaped like a penis. That's what I'm saying. It would be like eat, pray, love, hide it when the kids come in the room. So basically what it is is this is a guy who has spent his life, I don't know, killing dicks or something or just like making fun of dicks. And then he wakes up one day and he's shaped like a dick. And everything's shaped like a dick and the books are shaped like dicks and the words are shaped like dicks and like his breakfast is shaped like dicks. And he's just in the middle of town square spinning around the dick shaped town square

screaming dicks. And then a dick shaped ghost comes up and is like, shouldn't it killed all those dicks? What? What are you talking about? Killing dicks? And then it pulls out to vagina shaped scientists saying shut it down. I think that this man's main point is fallacious and that is that women would like it because I think that after a while it wouldn't be like if every letter in the alphabet looked like a dick, then when I got a special woman in the bedroom and showed her my treasure, she'd be like, yep. What if everything was dick shaped except dicks? Yeah. And your dick was shaped like a sitar maybe or another. Sitar's kind of like a dick a little bit. What if it was like you could

choose it? Like, you know, maybe you want it to look like, you know, a clownfish. I don't know, it's up to you. Yeah. Maybe not. Wait, are they not supposed to look like clownfish? I have to go to the doctors. All the doctors now. Dr. Maya, my treasure looks like Nemo and take a chance. I was thinking if I ever get the death sentence, what would be my last meal? I'm wondering what other people would have. I was thinking a double, an extra large double bacon cheeseburger meal super-sized from Burger King. But what to have for dessert? That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Why are you sad? You know what? The irony is that if you have a double bacon super-sized chunder meal from Burger King, that will be your last meal.

It's as good as that anyway. A chunder blender from Burger King. I prefer to go to Outback and get the chunder from Down Under. What did you get at Burger King? A mistake. Yeah. But that's okay. You get one last meal and you can pick from anything and right after that you're going to be killed. What do you want? Some Burger King? Can you give me some Burger King? Can you tip down to BK and give me some twists? The only thing I could think is that that is a play. You're making a play so that the governor feels so bad for everybody. He decides not to kill you because they're already dead inside. Can I get some of those crown-shaped chicken tenders? And the crown so everybody knows I'm and so I can see with my electric throne.

I want to be the king of bed. I used to be the king of murder and now I will be the king of heaven. Oh my god, wheels and the rest of the BK kids club. They're all here. Welcome me in. Fly me to heaven, big kid. Ten man, welcome. You die looking at the picture of the BK kids club like Susan Sarandon. The last face you see is going to be a face of love. Take a chance. I'm sorry. OMG. My tropical fish are eating it. What? I'm so sorry. Someone gizzed into my aquarium and now my fish are feeding on it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't let me finish. Will they get pregnant? And what type of fish can I expect? Will they hatch out like tiny mermaid things? What, what kind of mystery is this? Yeah, let's slew this one out.

You know what, not to get a girl for a birthday party gizzing in her aquarium. Hey, look what I did. Happy birthday. Happy bday Cynthia. Sorry. That beta has human feet. Who gizzed in this? My beta has a human face like seaman. I want to make an open appeal to the gentleman who committed this heinous crime. Why was that your best option? And what was the timeline like where someone gizzed in this aquarium, skedaddled, and she entered the room fast enough to see the fish eating the juice. Fish will eat anything you put into an aquarium instantly. So it had to be like, whoop, done, out, hey, jit, they're eating it. You know, I've passed a mysterious stranger coming out of my room. People say that the American Pie

movies aren't having a detriment on our society, but look, teenagers out there are reenacting these scenes. And I, did you guys see that one? I think it was Banking 3. Oh, the one where, oh, we're stifled. No, well, it's actually, it's, I popular, it's actually Stifler's Cousin. So Stifler's Cousin gives his seed, the gift of his seed, to an aquarium and then fish eat it, and then it creates horrible sea monsters. I am so upset, like physically angry at all of this. Yeah, there's nothing to care about this. Because you're thinking about fish with human arms. No, you know what Griffin? You'll never be able to hang out with it. I'm eight steps back thinking about like the, the prior situation before this girl walked into the room. Was this gentleman

like standing there and he pulled out a chair and stood on top of it? No, no, no, I'm sure this is below the ground. The problem is that maybe you're, you're just assuming that this person started out with the intention of, oh, I'm going to jerk it in this, in this here fish tank. I think that it was an emergency. I think he was short on time. I think he said, gotta, I need to, I need to do this somewhere. So you're saying he just didn't have an exit strategy when it started? His plan was jerk it, and then that was it. That's the end of the plan. It's honestly her fault for hanging that poster of Carla Gugino behind her aquarium. What were you thinking with that Gugino poster? How could you, you can't just put a Gugino up in

your room, put a Carla Gugino poster anywhere. And you, and you put it so close to the aquarium, you were almost begging for human fish monsters. Ew, you nasty. Maybe you need to be more selective of the people and you invite into your house if you had a party and you don't know which one of them came in your aquarium. You know, you have to know. Line up the usual suspects who, who Gugino'd right into my aquarium. Take a chance. This Yahoo was, uh, this Yahoo was sent in by Lisa Holofield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user Matt L who asks, cool band names for metal band? My band has been wanting to do a show for some time now, but we have one small problem. We can't think of a good band name. We are a metal, death metal band,

and our songs are original. Please help. Mercury. Travis says mercury. Justin, do you have any other Greek gods slash planets that you want to drop on? I was actually going for metallic substances. You clever fuck. I know, right? God, that's good. Yeah. It's really juicy. Aluminium. Yeah. It's a really, it's a really juicy vein of comedy. You struck a real nice vein. You know what helps any joke if the person has to have a rudimentary understanding of the chemical table before they laugh at it? Yeah. Which in this day and age, most people do, I would say, breaking bad. Yeah. Everybody knows most of the symbols now. Yeah. And it is not at all called the chemical table. What the fuck is it called?

Periodical table of elements. There it is. You idiot child. Are you sure it's periodical and not periodic? It's periodical. Sometimes it's there. Sometimes it's not. It's a magazine table of magazines. This is a show for stupids. Like, we're made by four and by. Four and by dumbos. Do you guys want to hear some of the responses that Yahu has provided? Yeah, I do. Oui je suis, says Glass Rose. Guilty witnesses. Unfortunate residents. Holy sakes. Whoa, whoa, unfortunate residents. I love this apartment. The roofing is just terrible. There is blood everywhere. How unfortunate. Unfortunate residents. It's great. Our neighbors are very noisy. Holy sins. Flesh deep. Saturnine. Well, flesh deep. He's just combining two things

that don't mean the same thing. Also flesh deep? It's not that deep. Friend? No. But he's saying that like holy sin. Two things together. This is fire. This is great. Rainy sun. Two and a half blank bodies, knives, IDK. Wait, what? Two and a half men? Two and a half men, sure. Two and a half. I think he's saying you should make your death metal band a parody of two and a half men's name. Man, man, man, man, man, man. Two and like two and a half bodies? Humanities experiment. That's okay. It's Me Drew has some really good ones. Oh god, I was hoping that was the name of the band. It's Me Drew. Hey mom, it's Me Drew. Time to rock. Your best bet I think for this particular band is to pick a name that is almost the name of another

metal band so that people will get confused and come see your show. Scuttle of mud. Scuttle of mud. Did you go see Metallica's? It's the plural. Metallico. I went and saw Spain this weekend. They were awesome. I'm gonna go see 411. They're definitely right. That is Justin. That is not even a that is so far from a metal band. Amber is the color of your blood. This one was sent in by Michael Cornely. Thank you, Michael. It's by Yahoo Answers user Jamie who asks, my boyfriend is addicted to Skyrim? Okay, so yesterday my BF got Skyrim, a random game. First off, Jamie, no. It's a fantasy epic from Bethesda. Learn something. And ever since he's been playing it so much, usually if he gets a game he would just play it for one or two hours

and get bored of it, but he's been playing this thing for at least nine hours straight now. The only things he would get up from the computer is to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't even bother to get food and I was scared that he would starve so I ordered him some pizza and then he just ate it by the computer while playing. When I went to bed he was still playing. When I woke up this morning he was still playing. Usually he likes sex at least twice a day, but he won't leave the computer even to have sex. So since I'm always thinking of him I gave him a BJ and the whole time he was still on the computer. I'm so worried. Your boyfriend has the best life. I'm so worried about him. What should I do? He played this video game so hard that you delivered him pizza and

blow chops. What are you talking about? You can never retrieve this relationship. It's over. And while I'm getting a blow chop it's just chanting. What are you doing lady? Have you not been like in a relationship before? That's not how you get anything. Here I got you this pizza. Please be okay. I'm so worried about you. Please I got you these blowjobs. You just have to live. Could I eat an entire bag of pizza rolls without dying? My friend says I'll die or something if I eat an entire bag of pizza rolls. 90 count. But I know that it's complete poppycock. I'm a 15 year old girl who's 125 pounds. Will I die? Doubt it. Get sick? Probably. I have a bigger problem than 15 year old girl using the word

poppycock. Yeah what are you doing? So let me do a little quick math here. 90 pizza roll. It totally matters if it's totinos. Everyone knows that those roll a little bit smaller. Are they super stuffed? Yeah. Are they straight cheesy? Are they pepperoni? Because I don't know that your liver will be able to process all of the fat, the unsaturated fat. What if they triple meat? What if it's double meat? Well triple meat. Triple meat. So if you're looking at pepperoni, which I think is the only sort of... I mean that's the only reasonable thing. In a 15 count bag, you're doing 90. No, no, I'm doing a little math here. In a 15 count bag, you're looking at 7.5 ounces. Okay. Well that's not that many ounces. No, that doesn't seem that bad. Then multiply that

by 8. 6. 6. Yeah, 7.5 times 6. 4 times 6 equals 45 ounces. That's about 16. It's about 12 pounds. Okay, well we're talking about three pounds of pizza rolls, basically. Man, that's gonna be a rough night, huh? What kind of day did you have that you need to drown it in pizza rolls? Pizza in the morning, pizza after school time, pizza never a goddamn game because I ate because that one time I ate 90 pizza rolls. What I like is if... Griffin, could you read me the last sentence again? Will I die? Doubt it. Get sick? Probably. So she knows that it is a bad idea, but she will at least get sick. Well, if, if... Sorry, if you're, if you were asking yourself the question, will this thing kill me? And your answer is doubt it? That means there's a shadow of a doubt in

your mind that yes, in fact, eating nine pounds of pizza. You know what though, Griffin? I would say that man could have safely stayed on the surface of the earth and just stared at the moon for the rest of his life, but he was willing to risk it. I'm saying that... Find out what would happen. Eating... Yeah, Travis is saying this because Travis's daily diet is rated by how much the likelihood that it will kill him. I'm saying bacon and applesauce, maybe three pounds of pizza rolls. It's gonna be that fucking, it's gonna be gluttony from seven. You're gonna die fat on a table and Brad Pitt's gonna be like, oh, gross. I'm so thin and he's so fat. High school, three pounds of pizza rolls. Imagine when you do have to go to the hospital, the doctor's like, we have a patient here,

she's got an overdose of flavor. She's got terminal flavor blasts. She's got that Italian zest. Oh, I hit her right in all the right places. I tell you what's definitely gonna happen is your mom is gonna get pissed. Yeah, because you ate all the fucking pizza rolls. We were saving that from pizza roll night. She just got that as a Sam's Club. She's gotta go all the way back out to the goddamn Sam's. Why the fuck did I even get the Sam's Club membership? I'm gonna just buy you four bags of pizza rolls at the Walmart. Nurse, get me the disaster. This woman ate the Super Bowl. What are the risks of at home circumcision? My girlfriend gets freaked out by my anteater wiener. I am going to police her and get a circumcision, but I don't have health insurance.

I will do it tomorrow after school, but I want to know what the risks are. He says I will be using alcohol and scissors, but that is so dumb that I can't believe it's true. Did he say it's so dumb or did you say it's so dumb? That was my own editorializing. I apologize. Ed note. This guy's fucking out of his mind, dumb. Oh, god. I guess the biggest risk is that he doesn't die from it. Yeah. What are the risks? All of them. All of the risks. This is nothing but risks. The whole thing is a risk. It's a risk. No reward. What are you doing? Don't double down. It was okay. I took a huge risk so that I could have a mangled penis. Yeah. I mean, and here you go, sweetie. I care about you so much. Every night, I'm treating you to a poorly crafted turtle neck sweater,

like a graying at the edges. My poorly sculpted member. The reward is if he does it right, you have a clean and healthy penis tip, no toboggan required. Yeah. That's a great look. It's a great. Yeah. It makes the tip of your penis look like Joe Pesci's head and home alone. Oh, my god. After he gets his head burned by the, oh, man. Yeah, I know. Fuck, I can think of, oh, god, I can think of exactly what you're talking about. Now I can't. Time for you to meet the whip bandit. Oh, it's sticky. Is it sticky bandit? The risks are actually, this may surprise you, no risk. Nothing could possibly go wrong. You have actually, yeah, there is actually no, there are so many risks, you've actually negated the risk. The risks all cancel each other out.

It's like algebra. Algebra is dumb. It's like that scene in the cartoon where somebody like goes flying off a ledge and like bounces past the glass factory and over the tack truck and into like the pillow canal. Like that's, that's what's going to happen. What you've set yourself up with right now is a sleepwalking olive oil situation. Just, just maybe hearing all the way, you're fine. It's like a baby. Basically, it's the baby's day to do your penis. Oh, god. You're going to. Penis day out. You are going to need. Hey, Chris Columbus, you're welcome for all these goddamn residuals. That's why I need you today. Chris Columbus, you make me so sad. You are going to need the sharpest scissors and all of that. And the steeliest will. Yeah. And skill. Well,

because what you really can't do is get halfway through and give up. It just looks like a bankers visor down there. Surgeon's mask. What's going on? It's like a blooming onion down there. You got some hanging chat, it looks like. I got a pest dispenser for penis. I would like to get a follow up on this though. Yeah. I'd like to talk to that kid's dad. It would just be a yahoo answer that just read, Oh, no. Hey, folks, before we let you go, just a little bit of housekeeping. Thanks again to me undies who are dedicated to offering the most comfortable underwear in existence in the universe. If you go to me undies.com slash my brother,

you can get 20% off your first order. And thanks to nature box. Hundreds of great tasting healthy snacks go to nature box.com slash my brother sign up for a free sampler box of snacks. What are you waiting on? Go now, you fools. Fly you fools. Just a reminder, we are doing an all Totino's episode as a bonus midweek update about Totino's. We're very excited about it. If you have Totino's related questions, email us with Totino's in the subject line. What is that email address again, Travis? I think it's mbmbamatmaximumfund.org. That is correct Griffin. A swing and a hit. We also still have tickets on sale for our Pacific Northwest tour. We're going to be in Seattle. We're going to be in Portland too,

but those tickets are sold out. We're going to be in Seattle on the 29th of August and Vancouver on the 30th of August. You can go to bit.ly forward slash mbmbamseattle or bit.ly forward slash vanmbam for those tickets. And we might have another show to announce. Yeah, that's correct. That's coming up soon. So stay tuned for that. It will be on the west side of the country. But let me say this. There's additional news there that even if you're not in the area, you'll still get to watch it. So just stay tuned. It's very exciting. We're going to actually project our podcast. Yeah, we'll basically just be in your brains. You'll need to sleep at the time of the show. We will be in your brain. We'll be in the crystal

meeting place in the stars. That's fair. If you've got a second hop on iTunes, throw us a rating review. If you haven't before, click that subscribe button if you haven't. And if you have, if you've done all of that, tell your friends to do it. If you know people who are lazy and haven't rated and reviewed on iTunes, tell them to do it. Go check out our YouTube channel. Go listen to the other shows on Maximum Fun. There's tons of them. We do other stuff like the Adventure Zone and Saw Bones and Bunker Buddies. But then there's other shows we don't do like Judge John Hodgman, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Throwing Shade, a lot of really, really terrific shows. Go to maximumfun.org and check them out. There's also stuff that we do that's not on the network like trends like

these, a show that Travis does with his buddy Brent and Things I Bought at Sheets, a YouTube program that Justin does where he reviews food with his buddy Dwight. We've got our irons in a lot of fires and there's a lot of fires to go around. So go set yourself on fire. We also want to say thank you to John Roderick in the long winters for letting us use our theme song It's a Departure Off of with the album Putting the Days to Bed. You can find that album on iTunes. You can probably find it on Amazon. You can probably find it at a local record shop. Maybe down at the, you can hear it at the Disco Tech. Is it on Jay-Z's Zoom? That Jay-Z's like Zoom, I forget what it's called, but it's his like,

his answer to Zoom music. It's on his Zoom. If you can find his Zoom, he left it last night at Comic-Con. If you find Jay-Z's Zoom, you can just mail it to us. Or there's an address written on the back and sharp, you can just mail it to Jay-Z. You know on the Zoom, let's talk about the Zoom for a while. Because the Zoom is great because you could share tracks between Zunes. And it wasn't permanent. It was either three days or three plays, whatever came first. But it was a really smart idea, right? Like, hey, here's this album I'm really into. It's called Putting the Days to Bed by the Long Winters. My name is Jay-Z. Would you like to go get a drink with me? Maybe go bowl? And that's how he got started. And that's how I got started in the rap game. Anyway, thanks for listening. We'll

be back next week. We'll be back next week. Don't worry about it. Take a chance. This one was sent in by Lisa Hallefield. Thank you, Lisa. It's by Yahoo Answers user Florex, who asks, did anyone else hated Alan Alda and Mash? I'm Travis Mack. I'm Griffin McElroy. Who's been my brother and my brother in me? Kiss your dad. It's cool. Wear on the lips. Keep your heart. Three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart. Three stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart. Three stacks. These girls are smart. Play your part. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

Hey, everyone. We're The Flop House, one of the newest additions to the Maximum Fun podcasting network. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliott Kalen. What is The Flop House? You may very well ask. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. A bad movie podcast? Isn't that like every fifth podcast on the internet? I'd answer that by saying, one, we've been doing this show for over seven years, long before the entire premise of our show was a cliche. And two, shut up. Sickberg. I'd say that our show is more of a comedy podcast. A podcast about words that sound like other words. A podcast about me singing long irritating songs like this one. A podcast about pitches for a Ziggy comic book movie. Or discussions about

sex tarps. Yeah, I mean, mostly it's a show about three friends just hanging out and talking about ding-dongs. That's mostly used to. Wait, what? So if you like any of those things, subscribe in iTunes today or visit MaximumFun.org to follow the show. The Flop House.