My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 263: Prank House

Episode Date: August 3, 2015

What do you get when you take one of Hollywood's most beloved pranksters and force him to live with one of Hollywood's most phantasmal pranksters? You get the latest gem in the USA Network roster. Suggested talking points: Back to School, Crying in Court, Jelly Justice Pt. 2, Grocery Strength, 20 Minutes of Slimer Talk

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your minimalist brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby's brother, Griffin Lebowitz. Boy, Griffin, are you using your married name? I'm using my stage name, Griffin Lebowitz. Griffin, Griffin, the experienced Lebowitz.

I like that. You know, guys, I'm getting pretty excited. It's back to school. Time. And how does that affect your day-to-day life, Justin? Finally, I can ship this kid off for eight hours a day and get a little time back to myself. I don't see why you can't. Get a leg up, get an early start. It takes 10,000 hours to become a master of school. Start it now. Start it now. Hi, is your entire school all the sharp edges foamed over? Have you foamed over every sharp edge in your school? The stairs that you have? What is that about? Stairs? I'm going to need a strict no-bullying guarantee from you because my baby can't stand. She's an

amazing child. She cannot stand up to much physical bullying. She can't stand up very well. She can't stand up either. But if she starts getting bullied, she doesn't have the tools to protect herself. I noticed that at 10 a.m., you have her scheduled for a prealgebra. That's crazy because she'll be asleep. Where is her nap zone? Is there a class I can enroll her in where she watches shapes and colors move on an iPad? Do you have any parental incentives for good grades? Like some sort of Pizza Hut program for me? Wait, that doesn't happen for like regular kids in school. Yeah, but I've never been a parent before, Travis. I don't know this stuff. Maybe parents have been getting pizza kickbacks the entire time. That's the only reason I can think of

that parents care about grades. Maybe the whole reason parents have been so uptight about grades since time immemorial is that they've been getting pizza kickbacks. You're suggesting that when kids pull down a tight GPA, their parents reap that sweet pie, that sweet pizza pie as a reward? If the kids get a good GPA, the parents get a PWATF, which is a pizza with all the fixings. Okay, and maybe some tokens if they do real good. Maybe a few tokens for the folks. Is there an adult equivalent to like back to school? Is it first day on the job? This is that. Travis, you have highlighted one of the primary problems with adulthood is the lack of like sort of a cyclical period of renewal. That's what adulthood is lacking. That's why

adulthood is what it is. Bad. Hey, kid, turn it off now. We're getting real. Nobody said like when you're a kid, it is the, okay, being a kid is the time in your life where I think you least need someone to be like, just take a break, my man. You are burning the candle at both ends, Devin. Yeah, this is so what you work from seven to three. And then you have nothing to do at all. Like you can literally have a time when you sit and say, I don't have anything to worry about right now. Like I don't have anything I should be doing. That's crazy. Yeah, that's insane. Do you know how crazy it is? There are humans walking across this earth who like can sit in a chair and not have something they should be doing at that exact instant. And then someone

comes and says, Hey, you look tired. Take three months off. Oh, and by the way, in taking three months off, you are generating another thing for the adults that live with you to be worried about. Like you're creating more stress with them. But seriously, you look beat. Take three months off. It's insane. Do you guys think that the three of us are slowly becoming this, this, this, this weekly podcast that we put out is slowly becoming some sort of digital embodiment of Andy Rooney? Like it's somehow, you know, that movie transcendence where Johnny Depp uploads himself into the matrix or some shit. I didn't see it. I watched a little bit of it on a plane muted. I listened to flop house. They pretty much ran through it for me. Okay. I think that might be,

I think Andy Rooney might be us in the podcast form. Maybe, but maybe it's like not that Andy Rooney, like maybe we're not growing into like contankerous old men like Andy Rooney. Maybe like the older I get, Andy Rooney just starts to make some sense. Right? Like what are all these different fruits the supermarket? Right? Do you remember when yogurt used to just taste like yogurt? Maybe it just tasted like tangy yogurt. I can't go with you guys on this one. I like. You will, Griffin. See, I like exotic fruits. I like exotic yogurt flavors. I had a, I had a fun exotic fruit experience a couple of weeks ago. I bought, I was at the, the Chacha Kroger again, epicenter of all the best anecdotes. And I found a fruit that I didn't

recognize. It was really weird. It had like a spiny outside and like it looked kind of good. Like, I don't know. I'll try anything once. And I got to the cash register and the woman did it obviously like, because who does, she didn't notice what the fruit was called. There was no sticker or anything on it. So she asked me what it was so she could ring it up. And I had no, like, I had no clue. So I'm in this situation where I'm looking like this woman's like, so you're buying it. Yes. You know what it is. I do not know. I don't. Justin, to be fair, I had that point. She's the most in the wrong because she should be like the, the experienced professional working there. You're, you're going on a new flavor experience. She's the one who's supposed

to be in the know. She's paid to work there. Yeah. But like, I, okay, Travis, this poor woman works at Kroger at like one o'clock in the afternoon. Like, I don't expect her to be my exotic flavor sommelier. But don't you feel like you, you look cooler when she's like, do you know what it's called? And you're like, nope, but I'm going to eat it. No, I look like an idiot. You look like an impulsive idiot. Yeah. Because you're also in that moment, you're also admitting, I don't know. I just saw it. And I thought, I mean, you are, this is destiny. I can eat this. You're a weird fruit. Get in my face. Was it a durian? Maybe it was a, no, it was like a, it was like, inside it was like a grape, but on the outside

it had hard sponge. I think you ate like some sort of alien seed that the government put there. And now you're going to have like superpowers. It's going to be like district nine. I would have liked to think that it's, that would have started at this culminated with me. This culminated with me Googling a loose description of the image of the fruit in the hopes that I could figure out what it was called. Spiny, spiny fruit Justin wants to eat. Spiny fruit to eat for inside small spiny fruit. How to eat cash cashier also doesn't know what is sold at Kroger Kroger exotic spike fruit. Dear Jeeves. What is this food? Yes, my favorite search engine, Dear Jeeves. Justin asked a question. They were rambitans, by the way. Okay. Well, I've learned this sense

because they were delicious. Rambitans. And there's your weekly fruit recommendation. This has been fruit records. Stay tuned next week for strawberries. This has been Juicy Justin reminding you to get that seed that you crave. Vitamin C, I mean, in a month I'll be defending myself in quarter of a speeding ticket. Do the three of you have any experience with contesting a ticket? Any advice for a first time defendant? Court hacks? Your pal and shaman. Shaman, thanks. Drew Davenport. Your pal and Drew Davenport. Am I shaman? Justin, didn't you want, I feel like you once told me or read a thing that was like pick a day when you know the cops off duty and then he won't show up and like write down his badge number and it was Travis. I have some hacks

that I read on the internet 10 years ago that I've never tried that may or may not work. That's the first one is figure out when the officer, the arresting officer will have the day off because you're supposed to be able to face your. How do you get that? How do you face your accuser in court? How do you get that information? You call him and say, hey, I'd like to give you a free vacation. You got any time off coming up? This is Disney. This is Walt Disney. This is Craig Disney. You got kids? Nope. Well, shit. It's good. What are the names? It's good for grownups too. We just got a Margaritaville. Get down here. You got to get down here right on the Mystic Mountain. Have you got one? I've heard is that if you go to the like the courthouse and you file a discovery

motion on your case, then you can find out when the last time the speed gun that they used to get you was updated or like checked for and there's like a certain time period in which there's supposed to be checked. And if it hasn't been checked during that time period, then you can get it thrown out. I've heard that too. Have you guys ever contested anything in court? Yes. I got a ticket for an expired inspection wiped a few times because that's how I would know when it was time to actually get my inspection. Oh, yeah. That's a macro is special. I did that to me three years. They towed the car and the dude turned the car and I was like, I'll go get it right now. And he was like, it's been three years, man. I don't know what you want me to do. I'm like, he apologized

to me for towing my car. Griffin, what did you what did you contest in court? So there was after Justin, you gave me the Oldsmobile and thank you. I don't thank you enough for that. Thank you. The Cutlass. Thank you for that. That was a Supreme car. That tight Cutlass era that had no brakes when you gave it to me and I never just repaired that particular malady. I there's a cop that came by and gave me a ticket every day for like two weeks. He just drove by the house and gave me a ticket and like there's a long period of the car wouldn't run. We didn't like have the title for it for some reason. I was in the process of like requesting a new title, but there was so much other paperwork I had to get. There was nothing I could do.

This guy was just going to sit in place and get tickets until I could get the paperwork and I was waiting on the paperwork in this dick cop, which is like roll by every day and give me a ticket in the same spot. And so I stopped paying them until I got all that stuff figured out and knowing that I could like go to court and explain the situation away. And one morning he caught me getting into my car going to school and he was like writing me up a ticket and he was like, you can either come with me to court right now and pay these off or I'm going to take you to jail. And I was like, whoa, damn. Because at that point it was like, maybe almost a grand. I was in college. I didn't have a grand. So I went and I paid half of it and then they said, you have to pay

half of it now and you can contest the rest later. And so I went to jail. I went to, I didn't go to jail. I went to court. I went to court. I was chasing like 500 other dollars in fines. And my secret, here's my little pro tip for you, Drew Davenport. I was a freshman in college, knee high to a frog, cherubic in every way. And I just cried a little bit. Nice. That's what I was going to say. I could test it in noise violation and weft in court. Yeah, I just cried a little bit. I was a sophomore in college. Because like, I had been driving for like a month. I was like, I just don't, I just, it's so fresh. I just like, I don't have that money. Like I don't have anywhere you can get that money.

And it's just like, I want to, I want to take care of this. I do. And then they saw me out. I didn't have to pay it. But that dick caught, am I right? That cop was a... You have to dig me. I'm, I'm, listen, support our troops. But that cop was a dick. That's, that's... Support our street troops. That's some great a shit. I even explained it to him when he like caught me out at times. Like, dude, listen, I, yes, I'll do this. I'll take care of this. I can't take care of this until I get this like one paperback. He said, I don't care, man. I'll take you to the, take you to the pokey.

Really dick. You're going to take me to the pokey? I just remembered that I bought a ticket that I got in college because I couldn't read it. Like I couldn't read what they were charging with. Like it was literally, it was chicken scratch. And I told the clerk, I was like, listen, I can't contest this. I can't tell you if it, like what the deal is because I can't read the ticket. So I don't, I don't know what it's for. I knew what it was for. But I was like, I don't know what it's because it was, I was too far away from the curb. That used to be a big problem for me because I only drove big cars. I drove a Chevy Malibu and then a Colossera. It's hard to park those bad boys.

Here's what I'll say. True to having import. I know you, you are a, you are a mountain of a man, statuesque, uh, very tall. And I don't think anything is sadder than a very big man crying. Am I right? You get that? Full on like shoulders shaking. Oh my God. Cause yeah, you can put a lot of, a lot of like muscle behind that cry and you can, you, you'll be a little hurt down the street. Mine, mine was sort of a pitiful like and that's not the style that you want to go for. You need a full, complete emotional breakdown. Yeah. Just like drop your axe to the ground, let it like create a crevice in the courtroom floor, maybe get babe, your blue ox to start crying alongside of you. And you cry the Colorado river,

cry the Colorado river. Right. The people are like, this isn't a, this isn't a fender. This is a legend. A single, a perfect orb shaped tear falls out of your one Cyclops eyeball. Do you guys want to yahoo? If all else fails to read, just mention our name. Well, there should be an asterisk under after every tip we just gave in the past like 10 minutes that just says only if you're a white, a very white person. Like get like that, that it's, it's, it's important to recognize that the loop holes in the system that we have mentioned here are, are pretty much just applicable to white people because the country is broken. But other than that, go, go, go for it. But I think, I don't know. I think white people is a pretty

big group of people. And it's, oh, you think there are a lot of white people? Go on Griffin. I'm just saying that I'm glad. Well, I'm not, I'm not saying that we've won the numbers game. What I'm saying is that our advice is rarely applicable to, to modest groups of people. And this is a lot of white people. There's a lot of them. You guys want a yahoo, please. Yes. Okay. Yes. It was sent in by level 9000 Cyclops cry or drew down a port. Thank you. Open Weeper, drew down a port. Labbing baby man, Drew Davenport sent this in. Thank you. It's by Yajur answers user Vadid who asks,

which celebrities love watching Pokemon or reading Pokemon fan fiction stories? Please answer. I want a list of celebrities that love watching Pokemon or reading fan fiction stories. Thanks in advance. Now I will admit, I'll confess that I only brought this up and I don't think we're going to get a lot of talking, talking points out of this. But this week, Ronda Rousey, the strongest human being currently living, did an interview on some red carpet where she talked about Pokemon for like five minutes. God, she just keeps getting cooler and cooler. She buys every Pokemon game, all the Pokemon cards, she's got them all, she catches them all. And I think I want to get, we have a lot of listeners at this point, billions basically, I want to try and get some sort of

campaign going to have a Pokemon duel with Ronda Rousey. Oh, can we please make that happen? Okay, here's how a sweet in the pot. Ronda Rousey, if you're listening, Griffin will duel you in Pokemon and then you guys can fight like in a ring. So that way you get Griffin strength, you get your strength, and then we'll do a tiebreaker if it comes to that. Griffin, are you prepared to get beat up by Ronda Rousey? I think I could stand, it's a pretty good chance I don't know, she beat up Turtle real good in the entourage movement. Oh God, I was hoping we could talk about Ronda Rousey without talking about the entourage. You hoped wrong. You can't hope wrong. I will tell you two things. I know of two celebrities off the top of my head

that are Pokemon fans. I know for a fact William Hung was a, you remember William Hung, he had his stars shine brightly but fast. He was an American Idol bad singer. He did She Bangs, remember that guy? Yeah, that guy was in a Pokemon. And Harry Potter, I know, is in a Pokemon. Daniel Radcliffe, he loved Pokemon. He compared, he compared Horcruxes to Pokemon on an interview I saw once. Ernie Hudson. Is that true? Yeah, Ernie Hudson's big, big, big, big Pokemon. Anyway, I just listened, this was all, this is a little self-serving. But I did just want to get that out there if anybody knows Ronda. I'm not even, I'm not even like bragging, like I want to take down Ronda. She would probably beat me in that.

Like she's, she probably knows the best way to fight in any like terms, right? Like if we played Canasta, like she would, she just would know how to be a champion. How did you punch me? How did you find a rule that let you punch me in the head? It says right here, I can't contest it. This is a, this is a deep index. Wow. How about this other Yadru, uh, sent him by Drew Davenport. It's by Yadru Answers, who's her miss, who asks, I need good ideas on a trap to set up on my roommate who is snooping through my four asterisks. I'm going to guess, shit. But. Who's snooping through my butt every time I leave. I don't want. Oh, that's funny. I don't want water traps. I want something that is going to make her think twice about going in my room ever again. So like incendiary

devices or look at how deadly do you want to go? Is this like punitive or like? I have a suggestion that I'd like to suggest if I may be a so bold. Oh my God. I know exactly where it's going. This is a suggestion that you can employ with a under $3, I think, probably two of you buy store brand. How could I not see this coming? What if you, the next time your roommate goes to peruse your belongings in your underwear drawer, they find surprise, surprise, their hand has not been embedded in your delicates, your delicate unmentionables, but in fact has found its way to a jar of jelly. Okay. So now, Justin, wait, I have a very important question here. Yes. Do you remove your unmentionables first before you fill the drawer with jelly? Yeah, there's going to be

flies. That's that's one of many problems. The jelly underneath a particularly tantalizing pair of underwear. Oh my God. One that they definitely try to rifle through. Maybe you put on the jar drugs and money here and you replace the label and then they go to retrieve their treasure and instead find some strawberry preserves. Is it dark? Wait, hold on. You're changing your story. Are we talking preserves or are we talking jelly, sir? It depends on the part of the country and seasonal availability. You have to buy locally grown. Fair enough. Is the thing. Or else she could become allergic. Go to your farmer's market. Ask for the jar that the people would least like to have their hands stuck in. They'll know what you're talking about. What's your best

prank jelly? Can I, Justin, I don't want to be contrarian here because I know how deeply you subscribe to this, this jelly notion. Also, jelly the knobs. Oh my God. You jelly those drawer knobs? Oh, bigger. Okay. Now you're just being redundant then because if you jelly the knobs, they're not going to move. They're not going to go deeper into the drawer unless they're using a handkerchief to hide their fingerprints, in which case they wouldn't even notice the primary jelly for the perfect crime. I always have backup jelly. Let me hit you with this idea though. Without jelly. Because jelly's good. It'll stain your whites and that's, I guess, has a sort of a long lasting prank effect. And I'm into that. I think a more effective deterrent solution

would be honey. You get honey on your hands. That's your whole day. I used to watch Winnie the Pooh and I would have anxiety attacks. Oh, that's his whole day. He's got honey on his face and his hands and he's covered in fur and that's going to complicate things even further. I don't have fur and it takes me a good two to three hours to scrub in to get any honey off my body. But even if it's only a smackerel? A smackerel doesn't matter the amount. I'm saying the effort is going to be the same. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter the amount, Griffin. I think it does. There is one huge flaw with your playing group. Okay. The difference, and I hate to get into the aesthetics of this because it should be self-added. No, get into it. That's why people listen to the

show. If you dip your hand in a jar of honey, human instinct will kick in and say, well, just lick it off. You're fine. If you put your hand in a jar of jelly, it's too, you just can't. You can't lick the jelly off. Like honey, you can lick off. You can't lick the jelly off. You feel like an animal. There's no way. There's no way. That's not a deterrent because they'll lick the honey off. Thanks for the smackerel, and then they'll dig right back into your jar. But then they will get stuck in the hole trying to climb out of your room, and then Piglet will have to push on them, Eeyore will have to push on them. Justin, you're seeing honey as being almost a treat, a prank reward, if you will. We can channel human nature to further the prank. What's that?

You go off to lick the honey off your hands, but it's prank stink honey. It's stink honey. It's JB Custer's stink honey. And you go to lick it off. You get one taste of that in your mouth. Oh, no. This isn't honey at all. Hi, folks. I'm JB Custer. Oh, settle down, butch. That's my dog, butch. Listen, when you're looking for the best in prankables, reach for a jar of JB Custer's stink honey. It's delicious. It tastes great. It tastes great and stinks to high heaven. How does it taste? The smell is such a big factor in taste. How does it smell so bad and taste so damn good? The trick about my stink, the stink honey trick is if you wait like a half hour, it smells good. So it's like invisible ink, disappearing stink. It smells bad and then

if you wait long enough, you just have patience, aerate it out a little bit, then it starts to smell good again. But if you wait too long, it does harden into an unbreakable crust. The other problem with your plan, Griffin, is that honey is poisoned to babies. So if there's a baby going through your jaw, you just killed a baby. So congratulations. But the person knows that the room, unless, do you have a room? Do you have a baby roommate? Do you have a roommate who's using a baby as a front line of defense? Oh, a baby agent. A disarming baby. A baby in the coal mine, if you will. They're sending the baby out first to check for trap jars. How is it living with Ashton Kutcher? It's pretty good. The rent isn't as expensive as you would

think it would be. But I did have to hire a safety baby to just like enter in rooms before I do and to like open any drawer that I need to like access for any reason because you never know. There might be like, I don't know, like a naked man and it's uncomfortable. It's like an uncomfortable situation or you open up the toilet and there's like a human head in there. Or he'll leave his door slightly jarred so you think it's okay to go in and then you'll find him in flagrante with a young Hollywood starlet. How is that a prank? What? He looks up, he looks up from the act of love making and says, gotcha. Because that's what they said. Wait, just to be clear, Ashton Kutcher looks up after his prank and what he says is, gotcha. That's what he says. That's what the name of the

show, gotcha punks. Hey, let's do another question. My wife always chides me in the way I carried groceries from the trunk of the car to the kitchen counter. I take as many bags as I can carry so I can make the fewest number of trips. She calls it the lazy man's load, but I completely disagree. I feel like it's the opposite. It's the strong man's load. Since my arms are weighed down to the max, am I being truly lazy and carrying only one bag at a time as opposed to being truly lazy and carrying only one bag at a time? What say you brothers that's from shooting in Chicago? I'm 100% with the question asker. Yeah, absolutely. I don't have much opportunity for strength training in my life. So I need that. I mean, it's good because it gets the job done quick,

but also I feel like macho man Randy Savage carrying all those bags. There has never been a time when I've come in from the car with bags weighing down my arms, when I haven't looked at my wife and expected like a, whoa, look at how many you're carrying. I want some sort of sensor embedded above the door so that whenever I come in carrying a big old arm of macho man Randy Savage groceries, I want the John Cena theme song to play like just trumpeting me in the room. Look at his arms. Look at the definition. Look at the tone. How could he carry so many bags? Whenever I'm carrying the bags in from the car, I wish that there were like big stair steps in front of me. So I like the judges could judge how many stair steps I get up before I quit and like

the Lithuanian competitors are like, oh, I could only do the three steps like that. What was that? It was a Lithuanian accent Griffin. Read a book. You can't hear accents in books. Audio books. I just love every part of it. I love just being one and done. I love like when someone gets in my way and I'm like, get out of the way because I'm carrying so many bags and like that was rude, but oh, never mind. He's got, he does have a lot of bags. I like the inspirational moment when my arms are completely weighed down and I've got two 12 packs of soda and there's no way I could carry a single bag. And then I realized I am not going to walk all the way back out here to close the trunk. No way on earth am I making another trip? And I just

dig deep digging that well, that 127 hours well and just flex all my muscles available to me and like somehow fling the 12 pack up and let it use its weight to carry the trunk back to its closed position. I'm also gonna be honest. I also really like the moment when you're carrying those 12 packs and one of them like the handle starts to rip a little bit and you're like, oh, this is 24 now. Now the clocks are ticking. I've only got like 30 seconds tops to get inside before all these cans go everywhere. Whenever I see, whenever I see somebody with those new fangled cars or you kick the back bumper and it opens and closes the trunk, I see them get their groceries out and just give it a little a little pint to shut the door. I just look at them. I think you cuckold.

I don't think you're using that word correctly. And I think I'm using it exactly correctly. You cuckold shut it with your hands. I once was pulling this trick, helping my in-laws load some groceries in and my father-in-law is an actual strong person and he was carrying a bunch of groceries. So I thought, well, I'm gonna, you know, I want you to be impressed by the, you know, the spouse that your daughter has hitched her proverbial wagon to. So I'm gonna haul in like a ton of groceries to and I had a 12 pack of diet sun kissed. The strong man's that rich. I had 12, well, it was theirs. Full of protein. It's like his fave to drink and just guzzle down and I picked it up and I held the top of the 12 pack and it like ripped. I had opened as I was

holding it and it was amazing because they have this like very steep driveway and the Kansas sun kiss were just like and falling out and exploding as they hit the ground. And Tommy yells, my strength potion. How could you? How could you? I need that strength potion to lift. And he turned it down before you. No, I can already feel my knees trying to lap so well. My muscles are atrophying. No, I'm all noodley. My strength potion. My diet strength juice. Let's go to the money. So I can buy my own screen. Before we start this nature zone in which we're talking about nature box, Griffin's telling us about the mouse sounds he edited out of our Totino's sponsored episode. Griffin, did you save

those? Tell me somewhere there's an audio file on your computer. Just chain together eating noises. No, I did do that once when the three of us, this is, if you're eating, don't anymore ever again after hearing this, but the three of us all had colds all at the same time. And oh my god. Oh, I edited them all together. And it sounded like one of those like wind tunnels that they create for science to like test out the, you know, strength and pliability of like industrial strength walls. It was a, oh man, what a bad, bad thing. I don't know why I edited that together. I used to have a strong. Fuck, that was an evocative metaphor. Yeah. Nature box offers lots of snack choices, like mini Belgian waffles, strawberry, limited fruit stars and sweet and

salty medley. Last night, you know what I did? I was watching Sharknado three and getting drunk and I had some mini Belgian waffles that I dipped in Nutella. Yeah, I know. Flavor pioneer. Oh, sorry neighbors. Nature box is full of flavor, but it doesn't have any of the junk. Oh, it does if you dunk it in Nutella. Okay, you can add junk to it. No inherent junk. No inherent junk. And you can try your first box of nature. This is our first time talking about nature box. You have to forgive Justin. You can enjoy your first box of nature box snacks on them. If you go to naturebox.com slash my brother. I just polished off a bag of the honey macadamia pretzel pops. Wow, what a satisfying crunch. I'm a big fan of these blueberry figgy bars. Damn,

they're like fig newtons on, but they, if fig newtons got diesel. See, I prefer like the salty or more savory snacks. I like the guacamole, crunch bites and the Asiago and cheddar cheese crisps. Those are my favorite. Those are my jam. I like Parmesan garlic pop pops. Nice. So you've just eaten a bunch of Parmesan garlic pop pops and Asiago cheese crisps and now your beard is full of cheesy dustins. Oh no, not cheesy dustins. What am I going to do about this? What am I going to do? Hire a bunch of birds to peck the dustins out of my beard? No, not in this, not in this economy. I said economy there on purpose. Thanks, Obama. Because Obama. Anyway, I think this beard's got to go and I know the best way to get it off my face and that is harrys.com.

And as luck would have it, my brother and my brother and me is this week supported in part by harrys.com. So the stars really aligned on this one, huh guys? These ads, whatever they say, supported in part by harrys.com. I just find that very confusing because if the inverse were true, that would be a really dependent lifestyle to lead. If my entire support system is an online retailer of shaving products, I go to them for everything. We are supported in whole by harrys.com emotionally, financially. Yeah, there are everything. Harry's razors offer a high quality shave that's better for your face and for your wallet. The starter set is $15. It includes a razor, foaming, shaved gel or shave cream and three razor blades plus

free shipping. That's bonkers. Give me 33.3% repeating off. Okay, I don't know why you're so angry. I need to haggle. It's the only way I can feel. Okay, well, no need to haggle. Just go to harrys.com and you can get $5 off that starter set with the code mybrother, all one word. So $10, you get a razor, foaming, shaved gel or shaved cream and three razor blades and they're really, really good blades. It's an awesome shaving solution and $10 is cheaper than just regular blades that you would buy at the Costco or whatever. And they're great for everybody. Everybody can use them, even babies. Even babies. Baby, you really let your face go. Time to shave You're all scruffy, baby. I got a message for Isaac Beachy from Andre who says,

Isaac, can't decide what I'm more disappointed by. The fact that you'd be willing to blow $100 to have some clever assholes that was made endearingly. Read your incomprehensible message on the fake radio or the fact that I'm dominant to responding kind. Love, Andre. PS, thanks for introducing me to Mbembam. They're funny and stuff. Just so people listening at home, you can call us whatever you want to if you pay us $100. You can call us any name in the book. Just don't call me late for dinner. Good lord. How about this message for Brady and it's from Mike and Mike says, two things. Number one, friendly reminder that you promised Kristen and team some rap lyrics. Your required rhymes were home-free, sweet pee, whoopee, and morning tea. Maybe the

McRoy brothers can help you out here. Try to get this in before your birthday. Number two, happy birthday. Oh, you just missed it. I think that's sweet. I think I did wrap those. I think it sounded to me like I wrapped them. There wasn't the, you know how sometimes in rap between the rhyming words, they just like throw some other words in there to like form complete sentences and coherent thoughts and stuff. That's not my style. I do slam rap. Maybe you can buy them like just like, home-free, sweet pee, whoopee, morning tea. That's pretty good. Is that rap? Oh, you forgot to say my name is Justin and I'm here to say. Okay, okay. My name is Justin and I'm here to say that I love fruity pebbles in a home-free way. There is a flavor called sweet pee, whoopee,

morning tea, but to get the fruity taste, I got a trick, Fred. Is that pretty good? Is that rap? Was that? Nailed it. We're Dave and Graham and we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. We started this podcast back in 2008 before podcasts had to have any kind of concept, so we don't really know how to describe it. It's kind of like going to the barber shop if your barber knew all about the first season of the show, Elf. It's like a 90-minute massage where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person. It's like the monsters of metal tour, only quieter, no music, and just talking. It's like a make-out session, but without the lips touching, they just talk a lot.

Download Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or MaximumFun.org. Uh, do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah. I'm gonna stretch first. Get a good stretch in. Zoe Kinski sent this one in. Thank you, Zoe. It's by Yadru Answers. Climb in that ladder. Climb in that ladder. Sent by Yadru Answers, who's our James, who asks, Ghostbusters question. What happens if one of the Ghostbusters dies and becomes a ghost? Holy shit. Here's a question I always add. What happens if one of the Ghostbusters dies and becomes a ghost? Do the other Ghostbusters suck him up like they do with the other ghosts? Okay, I would say that if they've made an arrangement with a ghost that's literally

named Slimer, that is defined by its sliming, that he can just like chill at their house, yeah, which is like, by the way, by the way, okay, if we're going to say, okay, just give me a second. Yeah. By the way, by the way, by the way, if I'm going into procure the Ghostbusters services, which I'm assuming I'm doing at a premium once they become the toast of New York, if I'm going into procure their services and like I'm talking to Janine, I'm setting up a time for my consultation and estimate, which I'm assuming they'll do for free. And I'm like setting that up and out of the corner of my eye, I spy Slimer, like just jamming hot dogs down his throat. Let's fucking equate that. If you were an exterminator

and like people came in to hire you and there were just like rats hanging out on the floor, that's not a good look. Not just rats hanging on the floor, like a giant rat emitting green goo and eating hot dogs. And you were just like, oh, that's our rat. That's ratty the rat. He's our buddy. Ugh. Like the grossest rat. Was Slimer a pet or like, was he sharing the office space? Like what? I never quite understood because he had to be like the embodiment of a human being who had died. Like that's how ghosts work. But he didn't seem to like speak English or have any human characteristics except that he was just kind of hungry all the time and terrible. And yet he was the ghost that was allowed like free reign of the place. Yeah. Sure. Not like

ghost around. Not like Einstein or like Gandhi, but Slimer. Two things. Number one, Slimer was like on the cover of the Ectocooler box, right? And he was like, right. And the juice was green. Are we to like, I'm thinking about that now. And I wish I'd never let that beverage cross between my lips and slip down my throat. I always assumed it was Slimer blood. Is it Slimer milk? Did someone grasp his teeth firmly? But they're a Ghostbusters themed jelly that was green. Probably at some point. I feel like there was Ecto jelly. They had tangerine and inch turtles fruit pies that were green. Oh, they were pudding pies. They were green in the middle. I guess just ground up turtles in there. I had two points. And I did my first one. And I

forget what the second one was. Okay, Slimer, we can all. Okay, let me ask this as a setup. Slimer was nasty, right? He's the worst ghost. Give me like a headless ballroom dancer or something. Anything. Anything. Okay, so Slimer was nasty. Anything, right? Do you think there was ever a moment when one of the Ghostbusters was using the bathroom and they just saw Slimer's face like peek in expectantly? Like just wait because here's what I'm was there when they were using the bathroom and they had to deal with Slimer watching them waiting to go eat their bathroom. This is what I'm wondering aloud. Why would you wonder that internally? Why would you wonder that in any? Because now everybody has to wonder it. Okay, good. I think maybe this is,

I remembered my second thing. If dogs do it, there's no reality which Slimer does not. Dogs do it. Please do it. Even as the little ghost do it. Everybody's eating bathrooms. You meet a nice girl or guy when you get one of your rare off nights from Ghostbusters and you go up to the room, things are going well. What is that mid-coitus bursting through the like flying through the wall? It's Slimer and he's there to watch you fuck. I remembered my second point. Thank God. Maybe it's like Michonne on The Walking Dead how she carried two zombies around with her and so no zombies would mess with her. Like ghosts would come by. Listen, Slimer's the worst aesthetically and just sort of just sort of having around it gives you a sense of unease and also there's

all the slime that you have to deal with. That's like a full-time job taking care of Slimer. But he's not going to, he's not going to kill you. He's not going to, he's not going to, you know, he's not going to- He's not the Scolari brothers. He's not going to inhabit a wolf and attack you, right? He's just Slimer. He's just going to slime around. So a more malicious spirit, a lesion, comes by and is like, what's up? Time to get spooky. Oh, Slimer, you're already here. Sorry dog. This one's yours. Later. Takes off. Oh, so he's the devil you know. Yes. Is he the devil? Hold on. I'm not saying that Slimer is the devil, but he's definitely of the devil. It's never addressed in, I don't think in any

of the Ghostbusters extended universe, that there are ghosts that are not malicious. Except for Slimer, who's like the one chill ghost. But no, I would say that Slimer is at least 1% malicious because like he eats your food and gets his detritus, leavings all over everything. So he's not exactly like benevolent, but they don't seem to ever bust a ghost and then have someone say, you busted my grandfather. I didn't want that. You turds. There's one in the movies, just a jogger. He's just trying to lose a couple of ghost Elbees and they bust him. Yeah, they do. They do bust him. And it's hard. It's hard. He's working hard out there because when you're a ghost, your metabolism doesn't exist because you don't have a physical body.

Yeah. And in the song, I always got so sick. There's an invisible man sleeping in your bed. Who you going to call? Ghostbusters. Why? It's an invisible man, not a ghost too. He's just napping. He's a sleepy bed. He's not bothering you. He's not messing with your shit. He's taking a fucking nap and you're going to bust him mid nap. Mid nap. You jerk. My dog jumps on me sometimes when I'm sleeping. And bust him setting. Bust that dog. Bust my dog, Ghostbusters. Murdering dogs makes you feel good. I wish we could. I wish you could see that moment when the Ghostbusters are just circling your bed with their proton packs all loaded, ready to blast. And then one of, like, Egon looks at Vancouver and she's like, does this feel wrong to you? I'm having a crisis

of conscience. Like, I'm just going to bust him? Like, why? He's just sleeping. Should we wake him up and see if he's like a jerk or something? Yeah, should we try talking to him? Maybe just explain that like it's not his bed and he's like, oh, sorry, I don't have eyeballs. I'm invisible. Yeah. Hey, by the way, we have back at our house a living fart that emits goo everywhere. Do you think maybe the invisible man could stay with us? Like, it probably wouldn't be that big of an inconvenience. Yeah. So you're suggesting there can only be one Ghostbusters HQ. So fucking Vinkman dies and Simon's like, well, shit, writing's on the wall. Yeah, like, if you want to keep one Ghost mascot, like, wouldn't you upgrade to the invisible man who you don't have to see or think

about? You just know he's there. At most, he's napping in your bed. At worst. Yeah, for sure. And not shitting his green slime all over your lunch. I hope that there's some sorry joke in the new Ghostbusters movie where Slimer like smokes weed or something. Why would that be a thing? It would be funny. That'd be pretty funny. It would be great. I would get that on a t-shirt. Man, I love Slimer. I love Slimer too. I take back every mean thing I said about him. I can't stop thinking about Slimer. It doesn't make sense. Do you think they tried to bust him? And it just, he was too fast. They did, Justin. In the first movie, they bust him. He's their first victim, right? And then they take him back, and then he's just there?

And then he's like driving a bus? What the fuck? You professionally bust Ghosts. And he escaped. He's the stupidest ghost. He's like, he's the least. He's the least of them. He's the most trappable. He's the most trappable. And then he's driving a bus? And Rick Moranis is just like, okay, cool. What the fuck? After your entire city is in the thrall of Vigo and Mood Slime, like, do you really want to leave open any window to the paranormal? Wouldn't you just instantially like, listen, we've had a lot of fun with this Ghost Slimer, but I think we really need to get serious about busting him. But there's not even a scene where they're like playing checkers with Slimer going on a beach vacation with Slimer. He's like catching a frisbee in his mouth. He's

just there. He's just a shitty roommate. Although I do, I do not want to see a scene where everyone's like having fun with Slimer, right? Then they all leave the room and he just turns and looks in the mirror and his eyes like blaze red as blood like drips from his mouth and he just laughs my night. He smokes a big pile of weed. Maybe Slimer is the only one of the Ghost Busters team that knows where to get weed. Well, hold on. Let's not be too hasty. I've got, I've got my, my chronic Vigo ain't going to smoke us out. Gozer ain't going to smoke us out. Slimer, he's not a great roommate. He's a gatekeeper, not the, not the weed haver. You think Oscar is going to get us some weed? He's a baby. He's in school right now. He can't get

us. Well, actually he probably would have the hook up schools today. It would be a really nice callback if they cast the baby that played Oscar as Slimer in the next movie. Don't you think that would be a nice callback? Do you think Slimer will have kids in the next movie? He's been sliming all over town, Justin. You know what I mean? Obviously he got to pay the piper. Where are Cognom Slimer? Where? Where would he put it? On his everything? What happened to Slimer? Didn't you guys used to have a ghost here? This is a scene for the next movie. Okay. What happened to Slimer? Did you guys use to have a ghost to live here? Well, he got too old and he died. That's what happens to ghosts. And then Slimer like peeks up through

the floor just kidding. It's me, Slimer. I can talk now. I sound a lot like Harvey Fiesty. Slimer. What a character. What a great character Slimer is. Do you think he had a room? Or do you think he just like made him float? Like just like and he really doesn't sleep. So what's he doing during the night? Just sit down in the office by himself? He's like the dog in the future. I'm just waiting for them to wake up. Please. I'll see you guys in the morning. I guess anybody want to sit around place some sad, lonely existence for Slimer because he loves them, right? And they love him. Right. At most. At best. Can one of you guys turn the TV on just so I can have something to

watch with you? Some white noise or something to sleep on in PR. My big, my big mushy fingers can't work the remote. So lonely. Slimer so cold. So dead. I was married when I was alive. I had kids. I was, I was the mayor. It's like the Dread Pirate Roberts every night. They're like, good night. Slimer sleep well. I would like to bust you in the morning. Like he's on if he leaves the refrigerator open, one of them might get a wild hair and just bust him. I would like to imagine that they bust him often and then just let him back out to be like, just remember, we could leave you in there anytime. Fly right. Turn it around, right? The Ghostbusters, obviously it's insane that they have a ghost that lives at their house. It's

crazy. It's a debate team. That point has been executed. That point is, what's wrong with Slimer that of all the world that he could haunt, he haunts the building full of people that could kill him. It's like he's got Stockholm syndrome at this point. It's real. It's really what it is. He should haunt anywhere else like where people are exclusively devoted to busting him. On some level, Slimer believes he deserves to be busted. He does. He wants to be busted. It's his fetish. It's his sexual fetish. It's the only way he can feel. He's been a ghost for 453 years, right? In my fair fiction. And the only way that he can feel now is to be busted. 50 shades of clothes to being busted, like dancing on the razor's edge of being busted. Yeah. So that's why he's

being such a shitty roommate. He's not a bad guy, but he needs to antagonize them just enough so that they bust him a little. You maybe could say that busting makes him feel good. Exactly. Maybe he likes the smug sense of superiority he gets every time they drag in a trap full of another ghost. He's like a nore. He's out there. He's got his ear to the ground. He's their confidential informer. He's got his ear to the ground. His ectoplasm ear. And then he's like, I hear there's a ghost down on 53 year main who's jogging. And they're like, we'll get him slimer. And that's how he stays out. He is a traitor to his people. Maybe the reason he can't, like he has to stay with him is no ghost will have him. No, he burned those bridges. No, those bridges are gone.

Maybe it's just because other ghosts would beat the hell out of him. Like he's a, he's not safe there. He can do, he can listen. If you need a prank done, Simon's your guy. Oh, what if it's like, what if it's like animals? Like if you feed like wild animals and they become like, oh, now they'll starve to death because now they're just so used to people like feeding them Cheetos that they don't know how to hunt anymore. Slimer has become like domesticated. He wouldn't survive out in the wild. He doesn't know how to hunt anymore. Like he just, he doesn't have the chops. He couldn't spook anybody. He couldn't spook a fly. Let me hit you two with this idea. Yeah. Ashton Kutcher and Slimer in prank house and they're roommates and they live together

and Slimer comes home from work and Ashton's bedroom doors open. So Slimer goes in. He opens it. Kutcher's making love to a young Hollywood starlet. He looks up and he goes, gotcha. And then Slimer says, oh, did you? And then Ashton Kutcher looks down and it's not a young Hollywood starlet he's making love to. It's a big pile of slime. Roll credits. Roll title screen, directed by Martin Scorsese. It's coming soon. Turner and Hooch too. It's prank house. It's called prank house. The show is called prank house and it's on USA. We've got a character. Look where it's after. See, it's before royal pains. It's before, it's before enduring burn notice. It's enduring burn notice. It's just, if you see psych you have watched too long.

It's in the bottom right corner of burn notice. Prank house is our new series. And every episode is through the Ashton Kutcher fucking. It kind of looks like it's a burned in like you left an image on too long. In the foreground you'll see some, some spy stuff if you look closely. It's on in the background. It's in every TV burn notice. It's on at midnight when it's raining. You turn your TV off and you can see Slammer and Ashton Kutcher. It's called the midnight prank house. So this has been our, our Ghostbusters fancast or my brother or me.

And I hope you had a good time. Thanks again to our sponsors. USA Network. Thanks to nature box. You can order hundreds of great tasting, healthy snacks. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother to sign up for a free sampler box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Yeah. Somebody else say something. We're really excited. We have a huge announcement. We're going to be performing at LA pod fest this year, September. Did you guys look at the rest of the lineup for LA pod fest? Hold on. I know I'm late to the game here. What are we doing here? It's sick. And now here's another exciting thing. Not only were we doing a live, my brother,

my brother and me, we will be doing the first ever and possibly only live adventure zone. If you go to LA pod fest and here's the most exciting part, y'all, I know a lot of people are like, LA, I can't get to LA. I don't live anywhere near LA. Good news. You can watch it live. They're going to be live streaming the whole weekend. And you can do it for just $20. If you go to LApodfest.com and use the coupon code either brother or zone on checkout, you get $5 off and you can watch like all of the shows and you can find links and stuff to that. If you want to just direct route this season, remember, if you go to mbmbam.tuntler.com, the top post there is all about this,

explain as the codes and what all. So we're doing a show and we're doing an adventure zone. We're doing a bim bam. But with that streaming ticket, you can watch all of the shows. So Girl on Guy, the Aisha Tyler podcast, Indoor Kids, Never Not Funny, Thrilling Adventure Hour, Thrilling Adventure Hour, WTF with Mark Maron, like there's, there's, there's so many, the giant bomb cast is doing a show there, which I'm very excited to catch. Like there's so much stuff you should know. Just make sure you use the coupon code either brother or zone. So they know that we sent you and it gives us a couple bucks in our pocket. Yeah, that helps too. We got other live shows too

coming up in Portland, Seattle and Vancouver. Seattle or Portland is sold out, unfortunately. They, the shows are the last weekend in August. If you want tickets, there's still some available. Go to bit.ly slash mbmbam Seattle and bit.ly slash van mbmbam. I also want to say thank you. We've gotten some really awesome stuff in the, in the PO box, at least in the West Coast one. Ricardo sent us some awesome coasters a while ago. I use mine every time I record. I want to say thanks to Noel who sent me a board game that I cannot wait to try out. He said it's one of his favorites and I'm on a huge board game kick right now. So I'm really excited to try it. I want to say thanks to Jill who wrote me a really

long, really lovely, incredibly nice letter and I really appreciate it. And Ryan sent me an awesome t-shirt from his martial arts studio and I am wearing it right now. Is it helping you kick? Is it helping you kick? It is helping me kick. It is helping me headbutt. It is helping me chop. We got a postcard in the East Coast PO box, PO box 54, high into West Virginia, 257.06. Got some sheets coupons from Dana and Sean. Got a postcard from Serbia from Adam and Shelley Franklin. Got, let's see, got another postcard here from Boston and Sailor Steve sent us one. A beautiful save the date from John and Julie Doherty on their upcoming nuptials. Same to Kristi and Eric who got married back in May. So thanks for that. Congratulations on your

graduation to Sarah Pappas who graduated and sent us an announcement of that. Similar congratulations to Robert William Ashley, who's Bachelor of Science degree and then David got married and invited us. Thank you all so much for that and you are all the best. So thank you. If you have something for us, you can send it to PO box 34, 1769, 341769 Los Angeles, California 90034. Or what was the East Coast one again, Juice? I already gave it. I don't want to give it again. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Also, if you would like to have a message in the money zone, you can go to maximumfund.org forward slash jumbotron. But fair warning, at this point, we're backed up a couple months. So

it's better if you just accept that it may be a while before we get to it. But we will get to all of them. We will do all of them. We promise. We're going a little bit long here, but I just want to leave a note here that you should go check out all the other shows on the maximum fund network. There's some new Max Fun shows. There's a show called We Got This with Hal Lublin and Mark Gagliardi. And Travis, you are involved in a new podcast project. Can you tell me about it? Yeah, I'm producer and you will occasionally hear my voice on the show as well. It's called Can I Pet Your Dog with Renee Culvert and Allegra Ringo. And it's for people who love dogs, love talking about dogs or just like love the idea of people who love dogs. And every week we talk about dogs

that we met that week. We talk about dog news. Sometimes we have guests on. On our first episode, we had Lin-Manuel Miranda on to talk about his dog and how they found their dog on a beach in the Dominican Republic, which is insane. And also, you can follow us on Twitter, CIPYD podcast, or just search Can I Pet Your Dog on Facebook and join the Facebook group, because people are constantly sending us and posting pictures of their dogs. And it's like becoming my favorite thing. Yeah, it's like the best. So check it out. I'm gonna burn through the rest of the shit. Justin has a YouTube series called Things I Bought It Sheets. I wore the shirt for Things I Bought It Sheets yesterday and it's very comfortable and the show's very good.

Travis, send me a picture of you wearing that shirt. You still don't believe that I bought it, huh? No, I just want to put you to the show. Oh, I see. Travis has a podcast called Trends Like These That He Does With His Friend, Brent. And you can find that on iTunes and wherever podcasts are. I don't have any other things going on right now. I've got a lot on my plate that's, frankly, none of your business. Watch the Monster Factory videos that Griffin and Justin do on YouTube. They're hilarious. Oh, shit. We gotta do one of those tomorrow, dude. It's been a long time. You can also check out a bunch of My Brother and My Brother In Me videos on YouTube. Just search mbmba.com. We have a whole channel, animated stuff, shareable shorts. Go on iTunes, rate,

review, subscribe to My Brother and My Brother In Me and all the other podcasts you listen to. And also, thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of their theme song. It's a departure off of the album Putting The Days To Bed. His election for Seattle City Council is coming up, so if you live in the 8th District, look him up. Think about it. Think about your options. Finally, Yahoo! Sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know? Thank you, Ira Ray. It's by a Yahoo! Answers user. Dumb blonde. Whoops. Who asks? Is Cowabunga a cuss word? I'm Slimer. I'm Rick Moranis. I am the pile of slime upon which

Ashton Kutcher is dedicating his love. This has been My Brother and My Brother In Me. Kiss your dad. Spread the lips. Hi, I'm Lisa Hannawalt. And I'm Emily Heller. And if you're not listening to our podcast, Baby Geniuses, you're missing out on stuff like Camille Nanjiani solving the Zodiac murders. Guy Branham talking about Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Megan Amram talking about intimidating baristas. Just feel like they're always in character. Like they're always in character as like cool hipster girl. And I just want to break through that barrier.

Plus, every week we explore a new Wikipedia page and talk to a crazy expert in the field of nonsense. Well, any hack can make you not have a boner. I mean, it's about how you do it. Right. And we're the only podcast with regular updates about Martha Stewart's Pony or your money back. We're not going to get them their money back, are we? No, let's keep it. Yeah, listen to our show every other Monday on Maximum Fun. Yay!