My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 265: The Ballad of Tit Liquid

Episode Date: August 19, 2015

We'll be the first ones to admit that the title of this episode is pretty unpleasing to the senses. But you need to listen to it, because it's also our most franchisable episode to date, and you don't want to get left behind. Suggested talking points: Fiddler on the Ground, Three Badges Deep, Foot Kiss, Pretend Better, Multiverse Spoilers

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother and my brother meeting advice show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your babyist baby brother Griffin McElroy. Start spreading the news. Oh, that's good. That's good.

I'm leaving today. Hi, this is Travis down in the corner of your screen. You've probably noticed Justin sounds a little bit different and he's singing. Well, Justin has made his way to New York City, the Big Apple and the Big Snapple even. The Big Snapple. The stars, they're in his eyes. His dreams are finally coming true and he's decided to pursue his dreams of stardom. Joining the great white way. He wants to be the whitest person on the white way. If anyone can do it. Justin, let me stop you right there. It sounds good. Don't use it all up. Use it all up. I gotta know. Have you prepared a type two? Yeah, I have a monologue. I have a comedic. I'm not asking about your monologues. I want to

know if you've prepared a type two for me. If not, turn on your heels. Do a plie on your heels and get the fuck out of here. I have two contrasting monologues. One is comedic. One is dramatic. I didn't ask you about your monologues. Do you have two? I want to hear you sing two notes. Oh, two notes. A type two. A type two notes. And you bet you only got two, so blow me. Okay. Okay. There. No, that's it. That was perfect. Thank you. Now we can move on to the monologue phase of the audition. Hold on one second before we move on to the monologue phase of the audition. Jeffrey, Steven, get out of here. You're done. You're done. Get out of here.

Your twos were too loose. You got loose twos. You got loose twos. Get the hell out of here. Michael, get them out of here. Michael's service. Get them out. I had to get Michael's service to throw them the hell out of here right on their ear, right onto the great white way, and it's made out of gravel, so it's going to hurt their ears. I think the West Virginia's own Michael's service, our favorite son, our favorite Broadway star who's also the observer. He's here, and he's here to give you some encouragement. Do it for us, Justin. Mark McVeigh, I should mention, is also a Huntington beloved. Yeah, I'm here too. It's me, Mark McVeigh, Justin. Mark McVeigh.

And I'm assistant bath McVeigh. Oh boy, and let me just tell you, you got the tightest two I've experienced ever. You've been working out to get you two that time? Yeah, tight ass two. None of this is right. None of these character voices are correct. All right, Justin, hit me with those monos, my boy. Okay, I have prepared three monologues, a comedic, a dramatic, and a I love it. I love it. I love your voice. I love your style. I love your tight little body. And a classical monologue. So the my dramatic, my dramatic monologue is from the really super duper serious part of 10 things I hate about you. Okay, my comedic monologue is from a sort of a funnier part in 10 things I hate about you. And my classic monologue is of course from

it's from 10 things I hate about you, which is based on Tammy of the Shrews. So I have sort of all the range of perfect, perfect film, perfect trio, perfect triad. I tell you a lot though, I only want to hear your favorite of the three because we've only got an hour. So this is my, this is the scene, of course, when Julia Styles is talking. I love her. I found her. I picked her from the briar patch. I'm adopted on that great white way. I adopted her and I raised her. She was sick. She had two broken arms and legs, four broken limbs total, and I nursed her back to health from my breast. I've prepared just a short selection from one scene when Julia Styles is talking to

as Kat Stratford is talking to Cameron James. Of course, Joseph Gordon Levitt, which I would breastfed him to go on breastfed him to. Okay, I'll just like to jump into the scene from 10 things I hate about you right now. It's a short scene, but hopefully you're going to enjoy it. Spin it up, baby. Okay. Number seven, the way you order at restaurants. Number eight, Justin, can I stop you there? Your stupid hair. Yes, of course. Sorry. I want to tell you 10 things I loved about that. Everything.

That's one. Now, Justin, I got to tell you, you got the perfect look for the part we're casting today, which is of course, Jeff, yeah, on a new musical that we've written together. Me and Travis have written together called Fiddler on the Ground. We had a lot of insurance issues. We did. He was really super high up there. Listen, I'm going to be honest with you, because I feel like honesty is the most important part in a director-actor relationship. We've lost a few Jeffias. They have done Plum Feld write the fuck off that roof right onto the

ground. Why were they on a roof? Why is there a roof in your sequel, Fiddler on the Ground? No, that's what I'm saying. We've adapted. I'm going to be honest, it's note for note word for word exactly the same, except for all references to roofs have been struck from the record, and it's a much more terrestrial production. This is sort of like when they changed Spider-Man, turn off the dark to underwear man, the punching genius. They got rid of all the swinging, and it was just a man in his underwear, in his long underwear, punching people, and he was great at it.

Exactly. Now, Justin, real quick, before we give you the part, and I am right on the edge. Right on the edge. We've got a lot more people to see. I want to ask you the same question I ask every Jeffia in Fiddler on the Roof in those days. Fiddler on the ground. He is on the ground. Fiddler on the ground. Can you shake it? Yeah, my problem is trying not to break it. That's my problem is I could shake it, shake it, but then when I try not to break it. Well, we have had insurance issues, so we do need you to guarantee that you will not break it.

I have to tell you that it's actually very disappointing, Justin, because all of the Jeffias we've had so far have exhibited a proclivity toward breaking it. I do have experience with this sort of Broadway production. I was in, I don't know if you saw, it was a very limited run called Into the Weeds, because the trees kept falling on people. So they got rid of those and it was just a tall grass where people learn things about fairy tales in life. We did a production of Who's Afraid of Virginia? Poppy, because the wolves. We had a really hard time controlling the wolf on stage. I was in a production called Some Things Goes, because we had a lot of problem with some substance abuse and a lot of pregnancies,

and then we had to say, okay, not anything goes. Some Things Goes. Hey, hey, the subtitle, Some Things Go, Hey, Hey, Keep Your Dick in Your Pants. I produced the Spider-Man musical. Travis produced the Spider-Man musical, but the, back in the original days, when it was good, when it was risky, when it was brave, when it was deadly. When it starred the Flying Walensky Brothers. That was a thrilling production, I bet. Who are those people? Listen, I just want to get out of here and I want to say, you got the job, but unfortunately, theater is dead. Theater's dead. No, a theater can't be dead. Just died.

Just died. Well, it died along with the third Spider-Man. We lost another one. Well, we lost 16, but after the third one is when we really had to reign it in. I was in a production called Singing in the Fog, because there's a lot of slipping. Yeah. And a lot of people were falling, and that was. I remember I was there. I was in the third row. I got really great seats for opening night. Couldn't see a thing. Right. I loved it. I loved it, though. It's very conceptual, very sexual. It was the sexiest production since some things go. It was very conceptual. It was conceptual, I would say.

There was also, there was one other I was in. There had a lot of issues with shootings on stage. It was Annie Get Your Nerf Crossbow. Yeah, sure. That was not, that was soundly, critically-drubbed, I would say. And Tom Wopat. Now, I saw one called, it was called Paint Your Wagon, but hey, watch it with the lead-based stuff, partner. Yeah, sure. Because they did have a lot of, there was some. Paint Your Wagon bright yellow, so we can see it coming, so no one gets run over anymore. Right. Okay, so I guess we should start the podcast. This is, as you certainly gathered.

I saw one twice. I saw one, no, hold on, I saw one. And it was just called Juliet, because the catalyst for that whole thing was their romance. Just take that out of the equation and it's just nice play about some family stuff. A lot of parents were complaining about the fan of being too spooky, so I mounted the guy in the sheet in the opera. Under the sheet, though, under the sheet horribly burned. Oh my God, head to dick, just burned all the way up. All right, so are we ready to...

Like a tempura eggplant, just completely burned. That's really bad. Okay. My girlfriend and I are about to embark on a cross-country move, Washington, DC to Seattle. We're excited about the trip, but the prospect of 50 hours in the car is a daunting one. What are some things we can do while we drive to keep ourselves from going totally bonkers? That's from Trapped into Toyota. Now, Travis, I would guess you probably have the most experience of the three of us with super long hauls. Yeah, I mean, real talk, the best thing I can advise is make yourself stop for meals.

Teresa and I got into a bad habit of kind of going, we'll stop the next place we see, are you really hungry? And then pretty soon, we'd miss lunch and it'd be like three o'clock. And that just makes you really crabby and makes you really like... So eat at regular times. And also at a certain point, I'm the type of person who always likes to make good time on a drive, but at a certain point, if you're driving 50 collective hours, schedule in breaks. Like say every two and a half hours, they're going to get out and stretch our legs or something.

Because man, sitting in the car even for like six hours knowing you have like another four or five hours in the day and then another 40 after that, it can get pretty mind-numbing. I kind of love taking trips like in a plane or in a car. Sometimes I'm not driving. Driving is kind of a bomber. Then like the only thing you can do is listen to podcasts and guess what? Dummy already doing that. But if you're not driving, I mean, that is why God made Pokemon. Like that, like I get psyched to get on a plane and like,

aw shit, time to fire up the Game Boy. I say Game Boy there is like sort of a catch-all for all handheld gaming consoles. Have you heard of Pokemon? Because it's going to change you on the road. You think what this person needs is Pokemon. Yeah, it's hard to know where to start. I really like X and Y. No, you got to start old school. You got to start red and blue. Well, that's what I'm saying. I think X and Y did a pretty good job of including maybe the people who haven't played it before. It's a pretty good entry point for being honest.

I mean, you probably don't want to do this every driving though. I mean, I think that that's kind of a crummy move in a two-person long haul. If one person fires up the Game Boy, I think it's kind of crummy. Well, you take turns. You take turns driving and then it's like... You call out what move should I use. Yeah. What do you want me to use? Razor Leaf? No, don't use Razor Leaf. You're finding a Charizard. Idiot. Idiot.

Get out of the car. I'm going alone now. I knew I should have gone alone this whole... Leave the 3DS though. Leave the 3DS. Start to set it on the dashboard. Set it on the dashboard with three badges deep, Debra. Get the hell out of here. I'm assuming if you're going to Seattle, you're basically just driving to see our live show there. That's a good call.

Bit.com, my Ford slash MB&B AM Seattle. For tickets, still plenty of great seats available. Next week. That's in advice. Oh my God. Don't put it like that. Ha ha ha. It's next week. What's up? God, you suck. That's not because I'm not looking forward to it. I think it's going to be off the chain and off the hook.

Maybe enjoyed the scenery as you drive across this great land of ours. You're going to see a lot of stuff. A lot of deserts. Maybe mountains. Maybe Grand Canyon. Or you could miss the Grand Canyon like I did. Or you could stop at every Cracker Barrel you see, even if you're not hungry. Even if you just stopped at Cracker Barrel two hours before and buy a licorice candy in every Cracker Barrel in the United States.

Oh, that's fun. And then maybe get like a book on tape. I recommend the Q Continuum. It was a great one. Our dad made us listen to a couple of times based in the Star Trek universe. Off from the point of view of Q. Dad seemed to get that from every Cracker Barrel we stopped at.

Hey, you know, it's where we haven't listened to in a while. What's Q up to, I wonder? Checking with our old buddy Q. The best thing is you get it from one Cracker Barrel. You can turn it back in at a different Cracker Barrel that you'll stop at two hours later. Dad was essentially a Q Continuum delivery man. He was a Q courier.

Country shipment. There was one in Cincinnati, Ohio, and the people working there were like, why the hell do we have 415 copies of the Q Continuum on your book? And no other Cracker Barrel in the country has any. Well, I'll tell you why. Mack McElroy grabs them.

He had to catch them all. He caught them all. He caught every single one of them. You could spend the entire trip writing an album of parody songs then really like get deep into them and spend so much time on them that you think that they're really good. And then when you get to Seattle,

just play it for the first person you find and look them dead in the eye and just say, is this anything? Is this something? Is this something? Did we make anything? And maybe it won't work out this car trip. And maybe it won't on the next car trip.

But the third car trip, it'll definitely work out. That's how Weird Al Yankovic did it. That song Be Us Ballets, Why in Minnesota? He wrote that on one of his third trip. He was like, wait a minute, I've got it. You really hone it down by the third trip. Do you guys want a Yahoo? That would be great Griffin, thank you.

This Yahoo was sent in by Colin Bailey. Thank you Colin. It's by Yahoo Answers user Dorian G who asks. Now Griffin, are you sure? Because Colin Bailey does not sound like any of the three people we normally get our Yahoo's from. No, I know, I know. I'm very confused and I'm scared.

This is proof. I read all the Yahoo's. It's not laziness. I'm not neglecting everyone. It's just they're that good. Colin Bailey though managed the warmest way in here. Congratulations Colin. It's by Yahoo Answers user Dorian G.

Already said that. A little drunk. Me too. Me too. I'm drinking an awesome east side. Wait, this is why we don't do evening or cry. I'm drinking a giant Omegong Abbey Ale, 8.2%. It's the best they had that they don't read.

You guys are doing great. Yeah. I want whiskey but I couldn't find a liquor store in New York. There aren't any. Yeah, that's why they're- Completely dry city. Clean living. Thanks Bloomberg.

Dorian G asks. Handshakes. Should we just get rid of it? Maybe there is something to shaking hands when you have to make a deal. For me at any rate shaking hands with a stranger is just awkward. I especially hate the idea that you have to give an especially firm handshake. It can be painful. What's your view of handshakes?

Update. Anyone else hate shaking hands with people? We've talked about handshaking like technique a lot. Yeah. So I don't want to get into like how to give a good handshake because I don't want to repeat. But handshakes, should we just get rid of it? No. And I'll tell you why Griffin.

If we're going to do a little counterpoint here, I'll be pro handshake. When you meet a new person, you have a conversation with them. I'm the type of person I always want to go in for the hug. Right? But you never know how the other person's going to react to that. But if we abolish handshakes though then you have to hugging. You're seeing it wrong. Hugging is now the only option.

No Griffin because you throw that hand out there and then they go and hug you. Or they shake your hand. You've made some kind of physical contact. You've established like I enjoy your presence too. And then the next time you see him you hug. But the handshake is like a really great like I like you before you say I love you. It's an RSVP to a future hug. Exactly.

I love myself. Without that everybody's just hugging left and right. First time I met my father-in-law shook his hand firm. Looked him right in the eye. I said save the hug. Next time I flew in, saw me at the airport. Dropped my bag, ran in, jumped into his arms, embraced him for two and a half minutes. And we left the embrace and he looked at me and he's like I'm glad you prepared me.

Glad you warned me about that. I was like yeah man you got a few months to prepare. He's like I needed him. What's really ready for it? I did some CrossFit to get ready for that hug. I was like good. Yeah I noticed the delts for sure. Sure.

Handshakes. Handshakes should we just get rid of it. I like that. You still have your drum set to somebody on Craigslist. And it's like well, bye. There's nothing in between. The void will be filled. By what?

If you abolish handshakes it's going to become like you kick each other's feet. Right? Or like you just rub your shoulder blades together. Something will establish like. You rub your big bald cone shaped heads together. Only applicable to cone heads. Hashtag only applicable to cone heads. Hashtag cone heads only please.

Got to get some new hashtags coming. We got to get that heat build back up. That cone head heat. I like the idea of doing foot stuff. That's a great quote. That's a wonderful poll quote for this episode. No I like it because we don't I don't have any kind of fetish but I like the idea of what's it called and cat's cradle.

The bokeh-bokenons. They touch their feet together. That's nice. That always seemed real nice to me. Yeah. We don't do enough. We don't do enough touching of each other's feet. I'm not saying I want to like kiss them or smell them or

squeeze them together or something like that. I just yeah. Just touch my foot here. You know what the nice thing is about that? When someone shakes your hand and they squeeze too hard there's no visible evidence. Like there's no one watching going hey he squeezed too hard. But if you're swinging your foot people can watch and go oh he was trying to dominate with that. Did you see how hard he swung his foot?

And also it doesn't. Here's the situation. I come up to you Travis we've just met. I go in for the handshake but you see my arm extend out just one degree too much and you think it's a hug and you go in for the hug. Oh shit that's the worst moment of both of our lives. If I come at you foot extended no confusion at all. No confusion at all.

Well but there's awkward hopping. Yeah there's awkward hopping but you're not going to confuse a bokeh-boken on foot touch a foot kiss with a hug. It's just not going to happen. Where does this start? How do you light? How do you become the one small candle in the darkness that ignites the inferno of people touching their feet?

As far as I know- We're going to have to pay Viners. Yeah I don't even think it's Viners. I think I'd write one guest post on BuzzFeed and then like all of a sudden it's a thing. Did you know that people who write shit for BuzzFeed they don't- It doesn't have to be real things. You can breathe things into existence. It is a fusion device that you can just think into and things manifest.

It's a will engine. It's a fucking matter compiler. You just think into it and it manifests in real life. I get a job at BuzzFeed tomorrow. I write a post. Things you'll never believe kiss your feet to other people's feet. Make your feet kiss and then it's the whole craze. Especially when Justin Wong's doing it.

Get a celebrity endorsement you know. You'll never believe how good Kim K and Beyonce touched feet at the premiere of Paul Butler 3. Even Steve Buscemi's touching feet. Yeah even old Buscemi. He said he would never touch feet with another foot. But look at him now. Yeah I just I like it. Then you got that Buscemi bump.

Feels good. I'm a guy that a lot of people try to hug and then there's no confusion now. Come here give me a foot kiss. You think foot kiss that's better than touching feet. Because if you say in a headline Steve Buscemi loves to touch feet. That guy doesn't need that press. He's a hero. He's a good good actor.

He's a good actor that was a it's also when he heard that 9-11 happened. He didn't rush away from the disaster. He got his gear and went down to the site and got busy. Got really heavy all of a sudden. That sounds like a joke. I'm saying yeah especially my appreciation level for fucking national hero Steve. Hero actor Steve Buscemi. And he did not want any press about it.

He didn't make a big deal about it. He just did because it was his duty. Yeah. A lot of people don't know this. You've been pronouncing his name wrong your whole life. It's actually Buscemi. A lot of people don't know some things about Steve Buscemi. That's a follow up to Buscemi Bros.

No. Buscemi. But to Buscemi Bros. And they said no you're still doing it wrong. I'm sorry. There's a brief. There's a there's a coda in there. A TSL coda.

Buscemi. You got a really yeah there you go. Oh like I started to say a word and then halfway through changed it to a different word. Yeah. But Chee-mi. And if you gotta swallow the you. Chee-mi. I did it too hard.

Sorry. I did it too hard. And by the way Steve anytime you want to come on the podcast have your people talk to our people. We don't have to talk about your hero work. We can talk about Tree's Lounge. I don't care. We're here Steve.

We're here. We've always been here. I would say I would say hit us up on Twitter but like there's no way you fucking use Twitter. You're the coolest dude ever. Read this next question. How'd I get my friends to play Dungeons & Dragons with me? I've asked them if they wanted to play D&D before I bought the handbook and dice. They all said yes.

I bought the stuff. When I tried to arrange a session they keep coming up with excuses. That's from Kieran. I think it's obvious. You started D&D podcast with them? No you need to spring it on them. You're gonna need to ambush them with good times. You're saying a full blown to catch a dungeon master?

I'm saying that if you sit there and go let's play some D&D and they're like oh I can't but if you're like I'm gonna throw a five person party rager at my house. But if they walk in their house with a bottle of arbor mist and you say why don't you have a seat? I want to talk to you about some stuff. Have you thought about a name for your halfling cleric? I'm like I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just here to party. You know a lot of people don't know this but the movie The Game

is actually about Sean Penn trying like an elaborate plan to get his brother Michael Douglas to play D&D with him. At the end of the movie there's a deleted scene where he whispers in his ear like you just larped. I just made you larp. You tell things been larping and Michael Douglas is like oh shit if I larped I can definitely play D&D. If I've crossed that threshold.

Right. Roll me up a sheet, brah. Here's a, so I had a lot of friends in Cincinnati who were not necessarily like into the idea at first but then when like I got them into character creation which is for me the most fun part of D&D. Yeah. Like then all they wanted to do was play. You know what I mean?

It's harder now though because they don't have that awesome app that just like makes the shit for you. Yeah I do miss that. I miss that shit like joking aside like that's how you do it. That's how we got going. That's how we got people going. Like it's it's it's that's the hook for D&D. As soon as you get something to make a character that's it.

They'll want to play it. Because they really get invested in that character. Right. They're like oh I put a lot of thought and time into like their name and background and shit. Like I guess maybe you could like make it for them a little bit but leave it open for them to change it. Just be like hey I made this thing because I think it'd be like what you would want to

do. Do you like this? I drew you a guy so you could be that guy if you wanted to be that guy you could be anything. The problem is is it can be really intimidating for first time people because it seems like there's so much shit to learn but really like you say I want to do blank and roll a dice. But like until you actually get them to sit down and do that it seems like really intimidating because of all the chick tracks that tell them it's up the devil.

I don't think that's what's scaring people on me. That's what's scaring people off. I think it's that Tom Hanks movie. It's probably that Tom Hanks movie that shit's fucked up. I'm talking about Captain Phillips. This is the best way to describe D&D to people. You remember pretending as a child well imagine one guy there had the ability to say oh no you don't.

Hey you can't pretend that. Don't pretend that. How dare you roll this dicey. Let me check my pretend book. Oh sorry. No I'm sorry. Ten pretend are better. Can you pretend different?

Can you pretend a different thing? Can you imagine better? There's nothing else to pretend in this room. It's time to move on. Oh no you don't. Not so fast. How could you swim that? You couldn't do that.

I'm going to train Charlie when she's pretending with her friends. Like if one of them swings her foam sword is like I blasted you with my laser my lightsaber. I don't want to train her just be like no you didn't. Let me check the book. Let me check the book real quick. No you didn't. Oh you're negative one in Christmas. You didn't do shit Steve.

You didn't convince me anything. That's not lava. Look at it. It's absolutely not lava. That is definitely carpet. I'll listen if it was lava I'd yeah I'd be right there with you. Yeah absolutely it's not lava though. Pretend something else please.

We can pretend it's hardwood. It's carpet. Like I could stretch. I'm going to meet you half way. I can meet you half way. Let's get a mic. Let's talk about the internet and websites. I hate it and I wish it never existed.

What if it was easier and better and you liked it? Like if all the people on it if I could control and choose each individual person like Mark yeah you can be on the internet. What if you could control like one itty bitty tiny corner of it. That was all yours that only Griffin could live in. Could I that just sounds like a book. But it's a book that other people can look at from all across the world. AOL.

Okay what have we done? Harness the power of keywords. I was trying to get the square space. Okay get there better. Why do I have to be the guy who says the thing? You guys say it. Imagine better. Imagine if you could make a page but not just any page.

A web page that people can see and click on. Do you have a mouse you're trying to break in? Well if we got something to click on for you. It's called Squarespace. It's an all-in-one clicking hub where people can click anywhere on it and it takes them to goods and services and perhaps some entertainment. This page has everything. Click anywhere you want.

Click any click. The Squarespace story. Click it to your mouse don't make no more noise. Squarespace. Click until you've destroyed your mouse with your clicking. Click the click and right out of your mouse. Clicker. Noise making device.

Hey mother clicker. Hey mother clicker. For real though, My Brother My Brother Me is sponsored by Squarespace this week. It's an all-in-one website platform. You can make professionally designed websites regardless of your skill level without any coding. You can start a free trial today with no credit card required at Squarespace.com. Just use the offer code My Brother all one word

and you'll get 10% off your first purchase. Squarespace. Build it. Beautiful. And it is beautiful. Some beautiful sites I've seen from the Squarespace engine. Highly clickable. Highly clickable.

Highly clickable. All the clicks. Now what if you're trying to get a bunch of people to click all at the same time? Three. Two. Nope. Mark. This episode I feel like has been half me yelling at imaginary people.

Those are my favorite episodes. Okay. What if I did want to get a bunch of clicks going at the same time Travis? Well if you want to get a bunch of clicks together let me recommend Basecamp. A lot of times I feel like clicking something and I don't know where to click. I don't know what to click. I just go to Yahoo and just start clicking anything that'll have me. But please.

Well that's a mistake Justin. Any port in the store. Please click on Gray's Anatomy Recap and it's like no. I'm busy. Don't click me right now Justin. I'm busy. I'll tell you what merit I think company you're up to in a bit but I'm busy right now. I have to check my web mail.

Well Basecamp is a service that allows you to coordinate with people wherever they are. That way you can all work towards common objective, common goal. No matter what your role is, no matter what your responsibilities are, it lets you finish the project together easier. Too often in this world you're working with people that are spread out not only throughout the country but even throughout the world. But Basecamp runs on the cloud and has secure servers and you don't have to mess around with anything that's too confusing

because let's face it I don't know how the cloud works. But Basecamp makes it easy so you don't have to worry about it. And because you're a listener to my brother and my brother and me you can try Basecamp absolutely free for two months. And that's plenty of time to get all of your clicks out before you head off to college. So go to basecamp.com or slash my brother. Also if you go to that web address you'll find some

custom art featuring a beloved my brother and my brother and me character and the little guy from Basecamp. It's really, really beautiful and also haunting. I got a message here from Morgan Harpster and it's from Chicago, the city that never sins. For Gibbs. Oh, I like yours better. Chicago says to Morgan Harpster,

I know that this year has been crazy and not always in a good way but not only is the weather getting nicer but you have that great new milk addiction to spend your time on. You're a great friend and a better Mabin Bam fan and I'm sure hearing the brothers talk about you will make your day. Boy, that'd be a sad save affair. It's hot out here and that's three chumps. As you sip on room temperature milk.

Just sip on room temperature milk and you hear three chumps just whisper your name into the darkness. And you feel a shiver of joy for the first time in months. You get a hot rod. Do you guys ever get deep into milk? You ever go for a glass of milk? Maybe you don't have anything else to afraid you have a glass of milk and you remember like, wow, this is good.

No, for me, I get a tall glass of that sweet cow juice and I sip it down cool and then I say, what am I doing? This is going to make me shit my brains out. I open the fridge and look at the milk and think, well, surely I didn't buy that in a reasonable amount of time from now and I always assume milk is bad. God, you think, damn, you should pass Travis. Why couldn't you have enjoyed this sweet milk?

Yes. Why did you forget about milk until this moment? Got a message here from Matt. You know what my favorite thing about milk is? When people call it mood juice and they're trying to be cool. Like you're already talking about milk. You can't be cool. There's nothing cool to say about milk.

Well, round robin it, round robin it, we can find it, start with whoever just feels the spirit move them and we each get one. Another name for milk. Tit liquid. Okay. Wait, can I change it to tit squeezings? Sorry, that is better, but I'm afraid that you submitted tit liquid.

Hi, everybody. I'm tit liquid. Running for Republican primary. My name is tit liquid. Listen, friends, I've got a lot of great hits over the years. You remember if you probably sing to your baby at nine as they go off to sleep. I'm tit liquid.

Do you like clicking on things? Sure, we all do. Hey, I'm tit liquid. You know that RV of yours is looking pretty broken down. Why don't you bring it on in to tit liquid's RV repair? Hey, baby, I'll tell you what. Tit liquid will just sing right in the tailpipe. That thing be good.

It is good. When you want molasses based candies, where do you turn to? Well, you go to your friend, tit liquid. Tit liquid has the best molasses and sassafras and whorehound based candies this side of the Mississippi. Come on down. Sorry about everything. When you need an assassin to take out a low one,

you need absolute confidentiality. Who do you turn to? Well, there's one name in the phone book. If you look under professional assassins, that one name's tit liquid. You don't know me by my sinister calling car, which is I put a little piece of whorehound candy over each of their eyeballs so they can have something to suck on

while they cross the river sticks. It's me, tit liquid. I'll kill your wife. Please remember that if you do ask me, tit liquid, to kill your wife and you change your mind, I am unstoppable and unreachable. I am the Japanese bullet train of assassins. There is no impediment that you can put in front of me

that will keep me from my dark goals. I'm tit liquid. I'm tit liquid. I'll do it for free. Come on. I just need the quiet, the darkness within. Anything to feel of one emotion, no matter how fleeting. Tit liquid.

This world has beat me down. The eternal life that tit liquid has suffered is too much for me to bear without the joy of killing. I just need something to get me through this eternal bleak existence. As the world's only living vampire, I, tit liquid, crave death. But I can only visit it on others

and I cannot experience the sweet release of that myself. So if you want a vampire to kill your wife, or maybe just sexually tempt her in a way that she's become accustomed to from hit series, such as True Blood and Forever Night, then tit liquid is your man. Just be careful. Down on I-95.

Come on, down on I-95. Only problem is when I turn into a mister, fog or any kind of spectral form, I'll be damned if I don't drop all my whore-hound candy right there on the floor, passes right through. I'm tit liquid and I approve this message. Got a message from- Got one more message from Matt.

Good, yeah. It's from Cody and Lee and they say, so I bet you thought you weren't getting any, we weren't gonna get you anything for your birthday. Surprise. We spent 100 George Washington's to get these chuggle heads to tell the literally billions of people listening how awesome you are.

Thanks for introducing us to MBMBAM on that Rushmore trip and enjoy listening to Justin pronounce. Oh, I'm gonna let Justin do it. Capacitance. Nope, one more time. Capacitance. Okay. Do you mean capacitance?

Capacitance. Are you still doing your tit liquid? Okay. My name's tit liquid. If you and your wife have mastered the art of tango and other forbidden dances, why not turn to Capacitance? It's the latest craze from the Middle East and it is just burning up the dance floors here in Alpaca.

Have you guys tried hummus? Hi, it's me, tit liquid. The finest purveyor of hummus design of the Mississippi. It's just some sort of crazy kind of bean gravy. As your tzatziki sauce losses at Zeke, as your turn to meet tit liquid purveyor of fine exotic sauce. I can't make tits nor acid as weird exotic goo, but I'll be damned if I don't like eating it on my food.

Sometimes the way in my weaker moments, I'll dip a hot dog bun right in there just to eat it clean off. I don't care, tit liquid. Can we stop the episode now? Can this be a 40 minute installment about tit liquid? Are your kids having problems with math? Hi, I got a 700 on my SATs just in the math section. Do don't count the English too,

but that's not what this commercial is about. Hey, everybody, it's me, tit liquid. Are you still afraid of dogs? You see what I can do about that? I got two real crazy ones here. Hey, tit liquid. I talked to Deborah, she forgave you. So we're all cool here.

You guys don't have to be awkward around each other anymore. Thanks so much. Try the hummus. Are you a needed professional looking headshots for your toddler performer to make it on the great white way? Well, turn to tit liquid. I'm the world's leading purveyor of children photography, specifically for performers trying to make it on the great white way.

You want the next Matilda? You turn to tit. I'm also an amateur ghost hunter. I will do it for free to maintain my amateur status. I'll tell you what's a bummer, guys. The name of this episode is obviously going to be tit liquid. And people are going to see that and go, I think I'm going to skip this one because they're not going to know.

They're not going to know what we've done. This beloved, beloved character. Right. And then we're going to have tit liquid shirts. Universal spokesman tit liquid. We're going to have tit liquid shirts out there, and people are going to be like, I don't remember that. God, I should probably just stop listening to that show.

We got to title it like tit liquid. No, but really listen to this one. This is an OK one. This is Ben. And I'm Theresa. And we host a show called One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Not a parenting podcast.

Guess what? We both just had babies. Again. Check out the show enjoyed by breeders and ballers alike on iTunes or maximumfun.org. Do you guys want a yahoo? Of course. This yahoo was sent in by Game Recognized Game.

Rachel Sparling. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Nicolina who asks, How to forget a major spoiler? I just waited five years of my life just to know who A is. But no, I had to learn it from Facebook. And just now I saw a spoiler prison break. And I'm just at season two.

A major spoiler. I need to forget it. I am going crazy. Clearly. That is, of course, referencing pretty little liars. And I only know that because I also got that shit spoiler from you on Facebook, which I appreciate it. I'm never going to watch Pretty Little Liars.

But it's nice to possess information in case there's like a pub quiz or something. Pretty little pub quiz. Now, the one thing you have to know about Pretty Little Liars is that there were some spoilers circulating. But they ended up being fake. They were BS. Oh, shit.

Or like half, I know. I know. So it was kind of a hoax. So you can keep telling yourself that and see if you're right. Obviously. Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind. That was a sci-fi movie, a sci-fi thriller. I thought it was more of a romantic comedy myself.

Well, how can you forget? If you see, like you're flipping through Facebook and you see Pretty Little Liars, the A has been Craig this whole time. Ah, no. If you just look at like eight other things really quickly, will it push it out of your shorts? This is what I'm saying. You can't remove it.

So what you have to do is dilute it. You need to just begin consuming information at a voracious, unsustainable rate. Yeah. Pretty Little Liars-centric information. No, because I know you got to get away from that. Get away from that. I'm saying it's far away from that.

Like go pick up a Big John's Bathroom Reader and just start slamming it. Just start cramming it like you're- Almost to a point where like you're not even like taking it in consciously anymore. Like you've got to test on Big John's Bathroom Reader in a half hour and you got to cram it right now. So that later when someone's like,

who is A in Pretty Little Liars and you're just like, Abraham Lincoln had 11 toes and you can't even remember because you have so much static going on. He did have 11 toes, by the way. That's why he was so honest. Is that? Well, those two don't seem related. And I know this is one of those things

that you're lying about. But are you lying about this? No, I am not. Are you sure? I am definitely lying about this. You are the worst. You really have me going. How to forget a major sp-

Like I've heard some- We've all heard some stuff and it's a bummer for me now. We're watching old seasons as a survivor and I feel like I know all the winners. And I don't even know how. It's just, I think I got it through Osmosis. Yeah. There's a lot of that.

I call it cultural Osmosis because there's lots of movies that I've never seen before. But I know exactly what happens in that movie. You know what I mean? Like I only recently watched Terminator 1 for the first time like two months ago. But I knew everything that happened in that movie because it's been referenced in everything

and talked about on everything. What's the, what's the statute of limit? Not to turn the question on its ear, but what's the statute of limitations? Like can I talk about lost now in an open and honest way? Well, according to the internet, it's like 35 seconds. Like Game of Thrones, Gollum died. Get it out there quick publisher.

Get it out there. Get it out there quick. Every second we spend not writing about how Gollum just died on Game of Thrones is we're gonna be last. We're gonna be last. Get it up. Get it out. But seriously, no Game of Thrones spoilers.

I just started. I'm on episode two. Don't say anything. Well Gandalf, you know Gandalf? Yeah, he's my favorite character. Yeah, guess what? What? He's actually a big pile of rocks.

And you know about Zelda? Yeah. She's Gandalf. Oh, twist. Are you enjoying the character of Artax, the horse? Well, sorry, he's gonna sink into the swarm of sadness as a trio looks on. What?

Sorry. What, Jed Stark? Uh-huh. He's actually Ned Stark. He's actually alive. You've been this hearing his name the entire time. This whole time. He's A.

I'd turn on subtitles. He's A? Ned Stark is A. The big reveal of season six of Game of Thrones is Game of Thrones is what ties all other TV shows together. All other mediums together. Hi, my name is Zelda. And this is-

He's my friend, Tit Liquid. This is Tit- Hi, I'm Zelda and this is Bart Simpson. Cowabunga, dude. That's right, Dumbledore. Welcome to my Star Wars. Come on inside. We've got a real elode stitch.

I'm just saying shit. Welcome to the Shining Time Station, bitch. It's on. Was that the OC meets Cross Shining Time Station? I'm Ringo Starr and also George Carlin. No one can decide which of us is more improbable as the conductor of Shining Time Station. And apparently people live inside the jukebox

and we didn't think that'd be scarring for children, but Travis still has nightmares about it. Know what else is in that jukebox? Seventeen candles. The movie. The sequel to 16 candles. Ah, shit. You're right, Traff.

One too many candle-y knows. One to grow on. One to grow on. It's a sequel. All your favorite characters are still in it, though. Hank from Breaking Bad. Welcome in the middle. Welcome in the middle's in there.

Before we end the show, I wanted to share something with you guys real quick. We've been sleep training our daughter, trying to get her to sleep better. And Sydney sent me a link to a book on Amazon while I've been here in New York trying to make it on the Great White Way. And it's called The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall asleep,

A New Way of Getting Children to Sleep. And she said, I ordered it. It looks really good and you should read the reviews. I'm like, yeah, okay. She's like, no, trust me. Read all the reviews. So this is a book about like, you basically read it and it's supposed to like

lull your child to sleep with its tempo and words and everything. And there is one one star review on the book from a Josie who says, in all caps, it's just something like hypnotism and hypnotism is just a deep meditation. That is the title of this review. Be careful.

It's just something like hypnotism. And hypnotism is just a deep meditation, which is linked to evil spirits, which is anti-Christ. Do not put your kids into this Satan's hand. Please exclamation point. That is their review of The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall asleep, A New Way of Getting Children to Fall asleep. So you're saying this book, when you wield it,

you can be like, hippity hoppity, hippity hoppity, watch the rabbit go. Okay, she's asleep. Steal and take drugs. Steal and take drugs. Caught you a barracuda on Nikto's. Steal. Lady and D.

All that shit, but also, steal drugs, bring them back to Daddy. Find out where to get the drugs. Daddy does not know where to get them no longer. Agent Baby, I need you to get these drugs. Activate the Manchurian, baby. Discard me some weed. Folks, we're going to close up shop because

Justin's hotel on the Great White Way was built before electricity and broadband signals, apparently, and I think he's completely gone. Justin, test. Yeah, I'm completely here. Four, niner, niner, niner. Sewer shark. So we're going to shut this shit down.

Thank you for listening. Justin, see, that's a problem, Justin. I don't know what you do here at the back end. I usually get out my 3DS and play Pokemon. Well, I can say that the big announcement, we've talked about it before, when we make sure nobody misses their chance to see us. We're performing at the Los Angeles Podcast Festival.

It's our first time there. We're really excited. We're doing both My Brother, My Brother Me and the Adventure Zone. It'll be the first ever and possibly only Live Adventure Zone, depending on how it goes. And if you would like to watch it, well, it might go bad.

I don't know, but isn't that worth watching? The best thing is, even if you're not going to be in Los Angeles, you can watch it from anywhere in the world. If you go to lapodfest.com and click on Live Streaming, you can, for just $20, if you use the coupon code ZONE or BROTHER, you'll get $5 off. It'll only cost you $20. You can watch the whole weekend,

and I think it's archived for like a month. And there's going to be a lot of amazing shows there. And you get to watch them all for just $20, coupon code ZONE and BROTHER. Not only does it save you $5, but it supports us as well. And we really appreciate it. And we really need it. We need it bad.

We need it bad. We also have some live shows coming up. Next calendar week. We're going to be in Portland on Friday. We're going to be in Seattle on Saturday. We're going to be in Vancouver on Sunday. Now, Portland, listen up. This is not a test.

Portland people, if you're listening to this. On Thursday, do we know the exact time? I'm looking right now. Okay. I think it's noon Pacific Standard Time. Well, look that shit up for sure, because I'm not going to screw over our people here. We're going to open up a few tickets in Portland.

We're actually going to open up a few more tickets in Seattle and Vancouver as well. But Portland has been sold out for months. And if you live there and are bombed, this will be a chance to get a ticket. Now, here's the thing. It is noon on Thursday. We've had some issues before of them going up

a couple of minutes before, a couple of minutes after, we don't have any control of it. So I would say start looking at 11. And this is straight up, I don't want to give anybody false hope. This is like golden ticket level availability. There are not that many. But you will have your chance. It's bit.ly4d slash, God, it's been so long

since we've had tickets. I don't remember the link. I think it's mbm Portland, isn't it? Yeah, the link is bit.ly4d slash mbm Portland. So look that up. Are you sure about the time? Yes. Thursday, noon Pacific.

Noon Pacific. Correct. Go play some tickets. Start checking minutes before. If you live in Seattle or Vancouver, there's still tickets available for you guys. It's bit.ly4d slash mbm Seattle and bit.ly4d slash van mbm BAM. We want to say thank you to everybody who's been sending us

awesome shit through the PO boxes. We got a box of stuff from Stephanie, who got us each like personalized thing. Griffin got you an awesome like Griffin themed t-shirt that you're going to dig. I'll bring that with you live show. Justin, some Margaritaville merchandise. Excellent.

And got me some nail wraps and a nail wrap human door, along with some other really fun stuff that I'll bring and distribute out to everybody. Juice, have we gotten anything in the? Yeah, I wanted to thank Zoe Kinski. He climbed that ladder, sent me some seafoam candy and a horse candy dish, which is just beautiful. And a company called Emeretti sent some coffee syrups

that I've been using to make cocktails. Check out PO Box here in Austin. I feel like I'm missing the wave. You should, man. It's awesome. It's great. You can be the Southern HQ. I like presents.

That way, when presents come for you guys, I can just throw them right in the trash. Or into your mouth, if it's seafoam candy. Delicious candy. If you want to send something to the West Coast HQ, you can send it to PO Box 341769, Los Angeles, California, 90034. Or you can send it to the East Coast HQ, which is Justin.

PO Box 54, Huntington, West Virginia, 2506. Significant value baubles. Only please. If you want a message in the Money Zone, go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. Be aware there's kind of a backup, kind of a queue, as they would say, in the aisles. But go there and get a message on the show.

And go listen to all the other Max Fun shows. There's new Max Fun shows. If you've been listening to the network for a while, go check them out. There's We Got This, starring Hal Lublin and Mark Gagliardi. Travis produces a new podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog? There's a lot of stuff. And if you're a fan of Lin's, Lin-Manuel Miranda,

friend of the show, he's on the first episode of Can I Pet Your Dog, talking about his dog Toby. And it's wonderful. His dog is adorable. The news just dropped that our buddy Lin's doing a new Disney flick. That's crazy. And they're recording the Hamilton album. And Hamilton is basically the greatest show anyway.

He's going places and he's the best dude. But you guys realize we are now going to be one degree away from Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Listen, Lin, if you're listening, it is your job to put earbuds into his head and play with my brother. It's going to be tough. He's a big, strong man.

You are going to have to climb him. Shadow the Colossus style. Guys, guys, I just had the best idea. Okay. We need to do an episode specifically. It'll start out with us like, no, don't take him out. Dwayne, listen, Dwayne, listen.

Listen, this is a genius idea. This is a show, an episode of my brother, my brother, me, a full hour specifically targeted at Dwayne the Rock Johnson and his illustrious career and really getting him like deep into the show. Yeah. Don't panic. Don't panic, Dwayne. This feels uncomfortable.

The point will be we get Lin to plug him in to his cavernous ears while he's sleeping on set, right? Maybe taking a nap. So maybe we come in soft like, Dwayne. Dwayne, wake up. Dwayne, you're fine. Don't take the headphones off, Dwayne. We live inside you now.

Dwayne, we interspaced in you. We got lost because there's a lot. There's a lot to explore, Dwayne. We need you to sneeze, Dwayne. We know you've never sneezed before in your life. We read it on your Wikipedia page. First, do you like ghost jokes? Dwayne, we've made an episode just for you.

This is going to be great. This is going to be probably our best episode since the Totino's episode ever. Thanks to John Rodgers also in the Long Winters views for a theme song. Instead of partying off the album, putting the days to bed. It's a great album. I saw somebody got recommended that album on Spotify. Cue the good work, Spotify. You're doing it good, but don't stream it.

Buy the album. Forget you, Spotify. Buy the album. If you haven't yet, go to our YouTube channel. Just search M-B-M-B-A-M. We have lots of animated shorts and shareable shorts. I'll probably put Titlikwood on there. It's made me very happy, and I'm probably going to turn that into a short.

That's a good IP. Let's shut her down. Yeah, we're done. It's finding out who was sent in by level 9000. Yadru drew a drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yadru. He answers user.

He's anonymous. We're going to call him Dwayne who asks. Why Shrek is green? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad.

Square on the lips. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hey, everyone. This is Griffin. Real quick, I just have a couple things to mention

that we forgot to talk about when we were recording the show this week. First of all, if you are going to be at the Pacific Northwest shows, the Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver shows, please send in your questions now to mbmbamatmaximumfun.org or mbmbamatgmail.com. We definitely need questions for those shows still, so send those emails in and we'll read them on stage. Second thing, a listener named Zach has organized a mbmbam game jam for us

where over the course of two weeks, people are going to be able to make their own games based on bits from the show. It sounds really exciting. It sounds really cool. You can find more information about that at mbmjam.com. So mbmjam. That's a really, really good hyperlink. See you next week.

I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can learn to get grants for education.

Learn to ride a llama. Print money the old fashioned way. Force your dog to stop being so rambunctious. Make a souffle that sets and stays set. Mount the heads of your enemies on spikes. Grind your own corrective lenses. Using just rock salt and diamonds. For all of this and more, drop us a line.

Don't wait. Right now. Jordan Jesse Go. One, two, three, iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.