My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 268: Hot Boiled Beans and Bacon

Episode Date: September 7, 2015

Take up your enchanted blade and wooden boxing gloves, and come with us on a dangerous voyage into the untouched corners of the internet. We can't guarantee your safety, but we can guarantee your horror. Suggested talking points: ANTM Talk, Time Travel Backflip, Snugglebug, Probstgate, Boxing Funtime Squad, Food Delivery, 362 Hours, Cursed Sword

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet ass brother, Griffin McElroy. Your ass brother, Griffin McElroy. Cycle 2-2, America's next top model is back. Boys continue to be in the house. Boys are still in

the house. That's still a heavy, still a heavy element of the show. Yeah. Like they still like, it's still in the theme song, Boys in the House, but it's like boys are still in the house. Yeah, three years in. Boys are still in the house. They should shake it up and do like dogs and cats in the house. Yeah. Well, they had one angle that they started to pursue in this cycle of A&T, M2.2, which was. It's not the murderers in the house. It's the XXXI. XXXI, baby. God, I hope everybody who listens to the show watches A&T M and if you don't, then piss off. We don't want you to. Wasting your time. Yeah. They had an angle this season, which was no beauty has no size or some shit like that, where you could just be small because all the models

on past seasons are all like six foot beautiful and now they're like four foot lovely. I don't think they've ever done short and guys. That's like two things. A new combination. It's a new combination. Who's your favorite so far of the crew? Neal, definitely. Neal, definitely. Definitely Neal. I like Mamay. I think she's bringing a good style to it. She seems very professional and I think that's important for this environment. I think Tyra's gonna win this year. What if Tyra just won? What if she was America's next top model? Do you know how fucking desperate she is every year when she announces the winner just like it catches on her tongue? Tyra, Tyra, I should win though. Neal, Justin, do you want to bust out Neal's amazing. Travis, you're not an A&T M fan,

right? So I'm relating this to you. Yes, please. Neal is a deaf gentleman. Beautiful features, beautiful jawline. Beautiful features. He needs to work on it. He's not using his face sex very well and he's got a lot of it. He's got face sex. Face sex. Neal has two methods through which he communicates. One is an interpreter, which is amazing because he's just like there and chilling and like the models are in the house like getting cray and he's just like waiting for Neal to start waving his hands and making sign language so he can do something. But other than that, I bet he's contractually obligated to be like silent. Like there's no way he's allowed to add to the drama of the house. Like he can't sleep around with the models, etc. So that's the one thing. The other

thing is they gave him a phone that has like a text to voice feature. So like every once in a while like this fool will just like quiet the house with his cell phone just like raise it over his head and like blasts asmissives. Yes, on the episode I watched yesterday, one of the ladies was upset because they shaved half of her hair and it caused quite a stir and Neal raises his cell phone aloft and it says, you're all talking about hair, hair, hair. Do I complain about my deafness? No. It's like okay. How did you sit on that for five apps? There's been a lot of meaningless conversation up to this point. How is this the moment to deploy? It is weird having that, the ASL interpreter in the house because it's weird to have somebody not especially beautiful.

He's got a beautiful spirit. I wish they would like cut to him for like the confessionals or he's just like, I couldn't care less. I just don't know. No, you're right. He's not an ugly dude. He's not ugly. But he's walking amongst gods and goddesses. I feel I like totally no one, no human could compete in this environment, but it makes him by comparison look like Gollum. He's hiding in the shadows, waiting for somebody to drop a raw fish so he can skitter out and maybe interpret some sign language. I have in my head already like just mythologized, whatever, turn this gentleman just like as people are running through the house like yelling at each other like you stole my thing or whatever. He's just like quietly eating a sandwich at the kitchen

counter and you just like see him in the background as the camera pans past him. No, he can't be, he can't be, they try to make him stay off cameras as much as possible. So he like hides behind curtains and just watches from his shoes, poking out the bottom. His shoes poking out waiting to interpret some sign language. It's, I mean like, we're having fun. It's kind of awesome that like for a show like this, they like, you know, made the accommodations for this gentleman. It's just like it gives the whole show like this crazy like, I don't like sci-fi like absurdist angle that there's just like a guy who's there also. Just like an all traveler from the normal world, studying what the beautiful

people do. Exactly. It's cycle two point, it's cycle two, two ASL interpreter in the house. The amazing, one of the, the second most amazing moment from last night's episode is that one of the women was talking about the haircut she was getting and they said, they're giving me a cut similar to Tyra's new look and they literally pop a picture of Tyra Banks in case in the last like 30 seconds, since you have seen Tyra Banks on this show, you have forgotten what Ty's new look looks like. Here is a reminder of Tyra Banks' visit. I mean, it definitely, definitely looks like the woman from House of Cards. Definitely looks like Robin Wright, is that right? Formerly, knee, Robin Wright, pen, knee, Robin Wright. Yeah,

used to be 90 more. So that is our contractual obligated seven minutes on America's Next Top Model. This is an advice show as you've almost certainly gathered and we're ready to get into it. So let me pop open the top on this fresh batch of questions. A few weeks ago, a coworker informed me that she had quote, some sort of Sega console in her basement and asked if I would be interested in taking it. I told her that I would be happy to take it off her hands and she promised to bring it in the next day. It has been a few weeks and she seems to have forgotten about it. I want it, but I feel like it'd be rude to pester her for something she said she'd give me for free. Is there a tactful way to bring it up and get my hands on it? That's from seeking a Sega in Saint

Paul whoosh. A lot of variables here. Before we get into this, I did just many variables. I want to ask about those tie overs. There was one woman who part of her tie over is they whiten her teeth and they didn't do that for anybody else. They didn't do that for anybody. Can you imagine being the one person that's like, oh, in addition to your haircut, we're also going to whiten your teeth. Like, cool. Is that a service everybody else is getting? No, just, just you. We're also going to bleach your butthole. If we're going to bleach your butt, is something, oh, is everyone getting? No, it's just you. Just you. This is a special request. You have a special teeth and butthole. Anyway. Anyway. So, okay, I feel like we have to provide several answers to this question. Number

one, if it's a Sega Master System. Fuck it. Oh, fuck it. It's not even worth it. What if it's a Sega CD? Sega CD, Justin. If it's working, then I say go for it. A lot of them, a lot of them, because it has a motor and the spindle, a lot of those are like not functioning very well. So, if it's a, if it's a Sega CD system or God almighty, if it's like a, a, a, a, a Nomad, for example. Oh my God. Yeah. Nomad, that would be amazing. Or one of the like, the CDX, where like the CD and Genesis is all like built in. The 32X, I think it's a, no, no, no, no. The CDX is a different. Oh, that's right. That's right. It's a combine. Why does she just have this in her basement? Well, everybody's got a Sega system in their basement somewhere. My house doesn't even have

a fucking basement and I have a basement with like a Sega Saturn in it. Everyone has an old Sega system somewhere in their house, even if you don't. Oh, I just found mine. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there it is. I would also say a Saturn would not be worth it. Now, if it is a Dreamcast, you move heaven and earth, whatever, pester every day, leave notes, hide under her desk. Hello. Hello, it's me. Did you bring the Dreamcast today? Yeah, you just got to let her know. I don't want to rule in on this though, unless I know, because there's a, there's a ratio of effort to Sega system quality. Here's, okay, but here's the other side of this question asker. If she does remember in like two weeks and you didn't say

anything, I think it compounds and she goes, oh my God, I completely, I'm so sorry. I didn't, but if you walk over and just go like, hey, do you still have that Sega system and like just bring it up? You're saying, you're saying the longer you delay asking about it, the more eagerly she will, she'll be like, if you wait two months, she'll be like, oh my God, I can't believe I wasted two months of your life. Let me go, I'll get you the Dreamcast and then I'll also go out and I'll buy you a copy of Shinmue and a copy of Powerstone and a copy of Sonic Adventure two. What, what if in the interim, since she had this conversation with you, she saw your eyes light up when she mentioned she had a Dreamcast, maybe she's like, what am I missing? Like maybe I need to get deep

into this fantastic system. And now she's like, oh yeah, I'll bring it to you as soon as I finish Blue Stinger. I just need to beat Seaman real quick, but here's the thing. You can't beat Seaman, it just keeps going. Seaman never ends. You can only beat Seaman once you kill him. That's true. And that's not hard. Do you guys remember, can we tell the Seaman story that time we went to the beach and the two of you were, I killed my Seaman once Seaman learned to talk and he was like, hey, dickhead, like, nope. You're a real asshole. Hey, what's up? I'm not much. I'm gonna boil you. Did you bring any babes this time? I asked you to bring babes. Seaman, I, I can't. You have to kill your boss Travis. Whoa, damn. Seaman, no. Kill your parents. You bring me weed.

But so like we went to the beach for vacation and we left the power of e-cables at home for our Dreamcast and we fucking flip shit because our Seaman's were going to die and we made our parents like drive to the store and buy e-cables immediately. Now it's all worth noting that, that like you can definitely, definitely, definitely change the clock on the Dreamcast. So that would not have been an issue. But we are idiot kids. What did we know? That was also the vacation, if I remember correctly, where we first saw Deep Blue Sea. Very momentous. Yeah, it's a very momentous occasion. Then there was that time in Philadelphia where we saw the guy who ran up to us and said, hey, I just hope that the whole family can enjoy her.

Backflips. And it was awesome. It was great. It was awesome. How many times have we told that story? But do you think that man knew like, I'm going to immortalize myself with this desperate act of flipping? Maybe he was like a listener from the future. Oh, shit. Listen, in order to avoid a catastrophic paradox, you must have your whole family watch me do flips. Also, I would appreciate a $5 bill. $5 should get out. Which maybe he gave him. Maybe he was saving our lives. Maybe like 10 feet ahead of us as he was doing the backflip. A sniper shot rang out. It was the only thing like he was coming up with it in the moment. Like,

I do something the whole family can enjoy. And then the first thing that came to his mind is backflip. And he thought, oh, shit. What if the sniper saw him like, oh, no, he's getting in the way. And then he shot and he flips and the bullet misses him because it goes in his head. And then until he walked away, he just looked at little Griffin and said, you're safe now. Great, great, great, great grandfather. You're safe now, Mr. President. What if he knew? Because after he said backflip, he didn't know how to do a backflip. And he did that in that moment. Oh, you did leap. And then you'd spun backwards. Because that's a backflip, Travis. Oh, yeah, yeah, sheesh. I would honestly, if this was me,

I would I would have already like asked about it. Like, yeah, for sure. Maybe say like, there's a casual way, maybe say like, hey, did you ever figure out what kind of Sega console you had? Because I was going to buy a couple of controls for it on eBay. Because I found a good deal on some. How about a Yacht? And then if she says it's a Sega Master System, push her into a well. Yeah, sure. Thanks. I was looking for, I was really psyched to play Alex. No, fuck, I can't even pretend. Community, kid, community, shit, whatever. Do you guys want to? That was Sega Genesis. What? Fuck, whatever. Do you guys want to? I wanted to play Willy Beamish. No, I was Sega CD. Yeah, I actually think you're thinking about

Alex Kidd. Alex Kidd Miracle World. Shit. Yeah. Damn it. How about a Yahoo? Yep. This one was sent in by level 9000. Yeah, drew drew drew. Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yadru. Oh, they're anonymous. Didn't want the word getting out on this one. It's on the Society and Culture Etiquette category. And Solid Snake here asks, how do you play Snuggle Bug at a party? Rules? Pardon? How do you play Snuggle Bug at a party? Rules? What are the rules to the popular party game that is known widely across the world and this beautiful country as Snuggle Bug? Griffin, how do you gotta stop bringing this stuff unless you've done a base amount of research? I mean, I got the wiki out. Let me

break it down for you guys. I'll just answer the question. You get a fairly large group of friends together, at least five people. Oh my God, I'm reading the rules. It says, get a mixture of male and female players, or if you want, it can be single sexed. So basically, fucking any, like, almost in like, you're gonna have two guys, three girls, three, three guys, two girls. And a pizza place. Snuggle with a pizza place. They have managed to be redundant and also exclusionary. So like, if you just don't identify, like, you can't play Snuggle Bug. That's the one thing. If you don't identify with the single gender, like, there is no Snuggle Bug in your future. I'm very sorry. And wiki, how is the authority on this? This is this is the rule book.

Get a bowl or anything similar to that. For example, a hat, a pillowcase, a bucket. So again, fucking anything. Go to a suitable location. If your parents give you permission, you could use your house. Your parents will not give you permission. Mom, dad, I would love to get my snug on. Can I use your room? Can I use your marital bed? Wherever you go, be sure there are places you can hide. Not somewhere like behind a sofa, but a different room. Come on. Bring it. You're not even trying behind the sofa. Fuck. Come on. Get everyone who is playing to one place and get them to stand wherever they want. Nope. Get them to sit. Get them to sit or stand wherever they want. Sit or stand. Okay. Just as long as they're not like fucking. No crouching. Don't be prone. Yeah.

No hovering. Get strips of paper. So each person playing has one on all the strips of paper, except one. Write down, you're not the snuggle bug. Or if you want to save time, just leave it blank. Yes. I know. I really want to put the effort into this. On one of the pieces of paper, you write down, you're the snuggle bug. Got it. On one of the pieces of paper, write down, I'm going to kill you, Devin. Give everyone a strip of paper from the quote unquote bowl. Like, okay, we get it. They can read it, but they don't let anyone know what they have. Ask some people to volunteer to search for the snuggle bug. It shouldn't be too many. About two people searching for every five people playing. This is fucking crazy. And then turn off the lights and everyone should spread out

searching for the snuggle bug who should have gone and hidden. I don't understand. I need you to back up for the last step of the game. I don't understand the search phase of snuggle bug. You go searching for snuggle bugs. Some people go searching for snuggle bug. Also, if you're the snuggle bug, don't mess up the game and volunteer to search for the snuggle bug. It's just really annoying. But that seems like that would be the best way to go because then you just make the other searcher disappear. Right. Turn off the lights and everyone should spread out searching for the snuggle bug who should have gone and hidden. And 11, this is the last instruction. Snuggle if you find the snuggle bug or if they want, they can do anything else. Oh,

shit. Fuck if you find the snuggle bug. Hey, do you guys want to play over the pants stuff bug? It's my new favorite teen game. This rule set is crazy. You draw it and one person's the snuggle bug and then people have to volunteer to search for the snuggle bug. This mission, this is a mission you may not come back from. Why wouldn't you go search for the snuggle bug? If you're going to play snuggle bug, why wouldn't you go search for the snuggle bug? It's a binary. You're either searching for the snuggle bug or not. And then what are you? You're just fucking sitting or standing around. This is apparently, this is crazy. Well, you have to hide somewhere, but like in another room, not behind the couch, dipshit. And then like, I, I guess when you find people and

no only what he's saying, only the snuggle bug needs to hide and only some of the people who are not the snuggle bug volunteer to go search for the snuggle bug. And when you find them, it's just like a big snuggle pile or only the searchers snuggle them. If you find the snuggle bug, you snuggle them. This is the fucking worst. If you're searching for, there are some tips here. If you're searching for the snuggle bug, but are having a hard time, you could team up with another person who's also searching for the snuggle bug. Do a little three-way snuggle. Could my, could my other person be a bloodhound? You gotta, you gotta be careful though. If the two of you find it, it turns into a reservoir of dogs, like who's going to snuggle this bug

and it, and, and you don't trust the other person. There's a lot of backstabbing and underhanded stuff. It does sound like a cutthroat game. It sounds like a bullshit. Where's the, where's the resource trading phase? Wait a minute. This is an excuse, this is an excuse for teens to grope each other. Yes. I just, okay. It's not a game. It's a grope thing. Hey, you know what, teens? Just grope. Just grope teens. What's with all the artifice? Be careful about, I mean protect your heart. Oh no, consensual groping. Yeah, protect your heart, protect your, your treasure and all that, but it's just, this is just, I'm all about coming up with excuses to rub up against your, your friends if both of you are into it, but it's just, this is a bad game. I have, I have a new

game I've invented. Okay. And this is how you play the game. You look at somebody and you say, hey, do you want to snuggle with me? And if they say yes, you snuggle. And if they say no, you say, that's totally cool. I understand. And then you move on to the next player. I, I just feel like in inventing snuggle bug, they invented a reason to consensually fondle each other and didn't stop to think about the collateral damage, which is that I might have to read the rules with snuggle bug someday. Can you imagine if you are the snuggle bug, right? And when it, okay, I'm behind a couch. No, wait, fuck. No, do better. This is the plot of Eyes Wide Shut 2. I have excellent news. Oh boy. WikiHow is apparently chock full of bullshit rules for fake made up games.

Can I interest you gentlemen in the three steps you need to know to play hot boiled beans and bacon? Yes, please. One, send the person to find the object outside. Like you have not set up a vocabulary for any of this shit. Like I don't know what any of that means. What objects, what was chosen will know. He was chosen will be called. Have the rest of the players hide any not, not too large object in the room. Like this group activity hide a big screen TV when they have hidden it. Shout outside. Hot boiled beans bacon. It's hidden, but can be taken. Hot boiled beans and bacon. It's time for the rights, the sacrament to begin. Hot boiled beans and bacon, the purge has begun. When she gets close to the object,

say you're getting hot, or if she's going away from it, say you're getting cold. If she's very cold or very hot, it denotes that he is either very close to the object, very hot, or she is very far from the object, very cold. Holy shit, we did it. If she's extremely far from the object, say she is freezing. When she finds the object, reward her with a small prize, and then there's a picture of a Snickers bar. A fun-sized Snickers bar. Because they're having fun. That would be the only, here's one of the tips. Good prizes are bags of pretzels, little toys, candy, etc. Good things to hide are hats, dolls, shoes, books, etc. Good places to hide are on bushelves under the sofa, in a drawer, etc. If the weather is bad outside, just send the person into another room with a

blindfold on, maybe some earplugs or earmuffs so she can't hear where you're putting the object. Capital S for no reason at the end. That's correct. Like, oh man. Did we just break Justin? No, I'm looking at the community member who wrote this. It looks like he's 11. I need to know his name. His name is Daniel and he's from Belgium. So they don't have hot and cold over there, is what you're telling me. This guy was just like, I'm on some new dope shit. Guys, guys, guys, he's at the playground. Guys, I'm on some next level shit over here. What if you hid the object? What object? Shut the fuck, shut your fucking mouth and let me finish. You hide the object and then when people get far away

from it they're cold but they get close, they're hot. Boiled beans and bacon. I'm really hungry now. Yeah, for hot boiled beans and bacon. No, just in general. So I'm in the bathroom at work and I hear an iPhone camera take a picture in the stall. How should one respond? You're just bragging. You know how to respond. Say no paparazzi, please. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, listen, listen, listen, hey guys, listen. No paparazzi. Hey, pretty good. I did this once because there's some really fun graffiti in a bathroom at one of the places we went on the Midwest tour and I was like, oh, great. I snapped a picture and for some reason you can't like mute that particular function on your phone and so yeah, it definitely sounded like I was either doing a dick or turd picture

and neither of those are things I want. So if you're the picture taker, you have to just say like, I'm taking a graffiti picture snap out loud. This is a graffiti. Please don't misconstrue this camera sound. I am not displaying neither my junk nor my turd. But see, I would respond, that's exactly what a junk snapper would say. So maybe you announce like, I am taking a picture of my dick and then they're like, well, he's definitely not. He wouldn't say it out loud. Well, no, because that's definitely something a dick snapper would say. Here's what you do is you say, you could go and then you ask the person in the stall next to you for their phone number and then you text them the picture you just took. That is the only way to get like actual verifiable

evidence on this. What if you heard like, you haven't read after that, you heard the door open and an aide say, Representative Wiener, it's time. Oh, Justin, really? It's 20, Justin, it's 2015. I heard about this story. Let me try again. Justin, if you heard about this, you're representative of Farve. It's time also. Oh, good, good. Brad Farve has been elected to the House of Representatives. Yeah, sure. Was this last year too? Was last year just not a great year for dicks? Or a great year for dicks? I would have heard you a bad year for dicks. Brad Farve is 100,000 years old and he's probably got a little bit of football related mangling going on down there. He's got a football bit. Listen, he's a great quarterback and he did great things

for the Green Bay Packers, but his dick is just beef jerky down there. Who's that celebrity dick pick you're always trying to get me to look at? Oh, Jeff Probst. I don't try to get anybody to look at a picture of Jeff Probst's dick. I just do it. I do it. He'll mask the file name and they just tell me to pop it open and then there it is. Travis will be at the beach and a bottle will wash up on shore and he'll unfurl a scroll inside and it'll be a JPEG, printed out JPEG, of Probst's member. It's just, it's a great, it's a great, and it's ethically dubious, but it's a great picture of a dick. Cool dick. He's, he looks really happy. Cool pose. Let's break down all the great things. Well lit. Let me open, let me open it up. Well lit. Yes. Fantastic photo quality.

Great. I have to load it up because I don't want to get. I think Ann Gettys took it. His dick is resting on a sunflower. It's a, it's a fun thing to type in. It's a fun thing to search for. So just to go down the line, looking at it now, I'm looking at a censored version, which is fine. He's got a nice necklace on that looks like something around the show. That's fun. He's got the best part of the picture. Again, great hog, but the best part of the picture. Well, okay. The second best part of the picture is his face. He's so happy. He's really very, very legitimately happy. He's fucking gized about it. He's super gized about this whole situation, and that's what makes me feel less bad about it. The look on his face is that he was somewhat,

through some sort of like time, temporal like disturbance, he was present at the, like the invention of the camera as though like he was making, taking a history making dick shot. Like it was the first dick shot he had ever taken. I thought that his face made it appear as though he just discovered he had a dick and he was really proud and excited by it. So the best thing about the picture is he has a farmer's tan around where his cargo shorts always are because this motherfucker's always wearing cargo shorts, always wearing cargo shorts. Even when he's not on the island and he's not adjudicating, this motherfucker's cargo shorts 24 seven. And now it's like a perfect little picture frame for his cool way. Well, think about it. Like cargo shorts are his

work clothes. Yeah. So like, how can you get more cash than that? You can't like dress down when you're not at the office. Like it's just like a baseline of cargo shorts, like shorter cargo shorts. I guess or like they're like faux cargo shorts, but they're made out of sweat pants material. Oh, maybe that's an option. I like that. This picture brings me alive. But again, great. Cool. Top notch way. Great penis. Anyway, I also do want to say that it just reiterate we know it is ethically dicey. We understand that. Just want to say just it's the only one I need. I get no erotic satisfaction out of it. It's a it's a sort of spiritual satisfaction. I like his hot beans and bacon. Oh God, let's go to the money's end.

This week, my brother, my brother, me sponsored by Harry's.com. We've talked about it before. We're big fans. Harry's it's it's razors, but like new and cool in a new cool way, not like the old shitty way, which was what the old shitty way was you had to like go to the store and like find somebody to unlock a case and like hand you like they were nuclear launch codes, like your razor blades and stuff. But with Harry's ship it right to your door and you hear that and you think so I bet it's super expensive like like that wine of the month club I belong to, but it's not. It's very affordable. In fact, you can get a Harry's starter set for just $15, which includes a razor foaming shave gel or shave cream and three razor blades plus free shipping.

Like that's an incredible deal. Yeah, it's a great deal. I'm just furiously searching because now I'm starting to worry because I did a search for Jeff Probstik and I'm worried that this picture that I built a significant part of my life around. Don't say it might be a fakey fake bullshit. And here's the thing. You can go to harrys.com right now and get $5 off the starter set with the code my brother all one word. So that's just for $10. You can get the razor foaming shave gel or shave cream and three razor blades plus free shipping using the code my brother start shaving better today. We got our correspondent Griffin McRoy on a story. In the meantime, Jason Worsitz, I have a message for you from Gina Worsitz table. Dear Jason, happy belated

birthday big brother. I hope this puts the biggest smile on your face while you recover from the traumatic going upstairs injury. Sorry you can't have nice things like bones. I miss you so much since you moved across the country, but can't wait to reunite with you at the mbmbam show in Portland. Love Gina. I hope that happened. I hope that happened too. That would be weird if he was like, wait a minute, she was at that show. She didn't tell me that. She didn't tell me maybe she was waiting for the message to be played. Well, now it has been. And it's a very belated happy birthday to you, Jason. And I hope that you've recovered, Jason. Quick update on this story. Have yet to verify the veracity of the image and

question, but I will say that if you Google search, Jeff Probst's fake nude, you'll get a lot of hits. Griffin, have you checked out Snopes? There's actually a Snopes forum post. They have not confirmed it. There's just a lot of dicks of all sorts. That's a lot of dicks. Adam Lumpy Franklin, I have a message for you from Samantha, and it says, happy 40th birthday to my favorite bacon loving cousin. I hope you and Shelley have convinced our favorite brother to come up and join us for your birthday festivities or at least host the live show in Texas. Enjoy that office birthday cake. Thanks for being awesome. Love your favorite cousin. You know what I like about that? Very direct, very to the point, very positive. I'm a big

fan of that message. I do think in there though, are you saying Griffin's your favorite brother? Okay. What did I do? I think you're their favorite brother. While you were looking at Jeff Probst's possibly fake dick. It's not even Jeff Probst anymore, guys. I have crossed the Rubicon and searching Jeff Probst's fake nude is apparently a fucking AOL keyword to take you into a tunnel of dicks. You've hacked into the mainframe. I feel like Neil Armstrong, like I am stepping foot onto a part of the internet where I am the first voyager. I am the first explorer. I'm the first hit that these dick. You've entered like the Delta Quadrant and you can't come back and it's full of Borg and by Borg, I mean celebrity penises. Guys, there's nothing funnier

than a bad fake naked picture of Jeff where his head is like, there's some shit on here where it looks like he's got like a crazy giraffe neck or something like that and his face is like way, way paler than the rest of his nude body. I have to get, I need to get the fuck out of here. Escape pod, escape pod, go. Get out of there, Griffin. Get off of the silk, get out of the silk chode. Let's, oh god, let's, all right, let's start the money zone. Hi, I'm Julie Sabatier, host of Rendered. It's a show about making meaning and breaking rules. We're answering important questions like, can you build a spacesuit in your living room? I went to my brother's place in Beaverton and he has a swimming pool and I pressurized the

suit and sat down there underwater for about 10 minutes. The thing that I built was supporting my life. That felt really good. What does it sound like when you play a polka record through a styrofoam cup? And what happens when an airport carpet gains a cult following? Oh my goodness, the carpet has an Instagram. Check out Rendered now at MaximumFun.org or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. How about instead of that, Griffin, how about a yahoo? Yeah, sure. This yahoo is sitting by level 9000. Yajurjurjur, Davenport, think you drew it. It's by Yajur answers user Justin Bieber, probably not accurate, who asks. Boxing combinations? Boxing combos I can use that are unique and cool. Do you mean like the old one two? Like the old one two. Yeah, I think

that's the new one two. Yahoo user Bandini says the very basic combo is the one two or jab straight. Doesn't look exciting, but if you can master it, the timing and accuracy. It's also the most effective and dangerous. My favorite though is the three three two or the double hook body and head and straight. Tyson love throwing it and if you have the speed and explosiveness of Tyson's fist and I do, no one would survive it. Survive it? Wait, wait, sorry? No one would survive your crazy punch combo? Oh, I've got these just crazy murder hands. Yeah, and he did and I do. I think my favorite combo is the nut nut butthole. And how does that work Travis? You punch the left nut and then you punch the right nut and while they're hunched over. Why would they? You'd have

to get completely around them. This would be an extremely difficult maneuver to pull off Travis. This is not a beginner move. The precision you would need to isolate each testicle would be impossible. This is why I never fight Stretch Armstrong anymore because he would always go for that combo. Can I say something? If I had to get an unboxing match against Jeff Probst right now, I feel like I actually could pull this off because I feel like I know that territory like so super well. Better than he knows it himself. I could punch that shit in like the Konami code just using his different areas as the inputs. Wouldn't boxing be better if they could do like moves? If they like studied the combos and they could like Hadouken? Oh, that would

be fucking tight if in the if in the Pacquiao Mayweather match like well if anything had happened in that match would have been cool. But if like at one point like Mayweather's just like oh, pretty good fight. Yoga fire. And then spit yoga over here. Man, that would be tight. Oh, it seems oh, it seems the champ has been frozen out and he shouted. Okay, well, well, that's the end of the match. We'll get him back together for you. Yeah, that would be good. Boxing is not my thing. If you guys ever just like watched sat down and for some boxing. Yeah, I hear it's the most beautiful sport. It's not. I think there's a lot of sports more beautiful. The sweet science. Sweet science. That's what I was looking for. The most the most dangerous game.

Now that I would watch, you know, it's a weird thing because almost like with most sporting events, like, you know, sort of what you're going to get, right? Like, at least if you're sitting down to watch something produced by the WWE, you know, you're going to get showmanship, you know, you're going to get some some drama, you know, you get some high flying action. If you're watching a football match, you know, there's going to be some downs, there's going to be passes, and it's going to last around two and a half hours ish. And even if it's like a low scoring thing, it's like, oh my god, the defense, the tension, look at him go. There is there are boxing fights where somebody just punches somebody so hard that it knocks them out. And that's the end. They don't

wake him back up and say, hey, people paying a lot of money for this. You got to finish this. I brought finish it. I bought a 12 pack of a seasonal micro brew. I can't wait to have a great evening with it. Well, all right, bye guys. And they don't refund you for the unused portion of the fight. So they'll pro rate it. They should make you go 12 rounds. Like, if they prop you up like we get burned in the corner, if you can't get up, the guys just go lay on the ground and punch you. Just keep punching him. He doesn't have to. But he could just lay down beside you and stare at the ceiling. Does everybody remember he had to go the whole time? Everybody remember he laid down first, right? Okay. I'm going to nap now too. If he wakes up, you wake me up. I don't want

it to punch me honestly. A knockout should be if the guy counts to 150. That's how he doesn't lose track while there's people throwing numbers at him randomly. What if there was a crew that they could bring in a fun, we'll call them a boxing fun time squad. And if a match lasts 35 seconds, right? In a in a Ronda Rousey fight, for example, which not boxing, but fine. And then she does her thing, gets out there 35 seconds down, matches over. But like, I've got like my crew together, like I worked hard to get my whole squad together. And I'm trying to like hang out and be entertained. What if there's like a fun time squad that could like get out there and like do some improv games for two hours? Maybe you get a clown up there to stand in front of her with a cape. She just

runs at him, then he hides in a barrel. Yeah. What if it was just like if you go down the next in line, like now your trainer has to go out. And if your trainer goes down, now like your hype man has to go out. And now your son. Yeah. And it's just like succession. That way when you're fighting, it's like, I've got to do good in this fight because I do not want my son in the ring with Tyson because that because then if he goes down, then my grand, my grandkids going to go in and he's two months old and he's terrible. He hasn't mastered the one two yet. No, his three is good though. What if after you get knocked out, if it was too early after you get knocked out, like a ring of people just exactly like you like hop into the ring and encircle

the person like in a kung fu movie. So then you have to like, you have to take them all on at once the final challenge. Well, now they have to fight a shadow version of themselves. And like, so that would be good. You knocked out Steven, but now you have to fight yourself, but evil. And like all your moves are equal. After you get knocked out, you transform into a giant pulsating mass with one flashing glowing eye in front and you're shooting lasers and fireballs and stuff. Yeah. He's got to find the challenger has entered his second form. That would be boxing. And here's what they don't tell you. You're supposed to lose that fight. Yeah, you have to. Because then you wake up in like the, you know, in the end and it's like,

Oh, in the boxing in town. You must become Dovahkeen. If you're going to take on Manny Pacquiao, you must become, you must become the hero you're always meant to be. Welcome to your, be still hero. You're in mighty glove village, awake, awaken and take these wooden gloves in the preparations. No, you can't leave the village until you find steel gloves and a mouth guard. Unfortunately, your punching shield was destroyed in the fight. Well, well, Brian, it seemed like the overunder on that match was way off. It was much shorter than we thought it was going to be. Pacquiao just could not hang in there. Now we must go collect the seven crystals of legend and but first you have to find the missing cat for the local old woman before you can leave the

village. Do a little bit of grinding in the haunted forest and just collect the magic sword. And I think now, now Steve, let me stop you right there. You cannot bring a sword into the ring. That is boxing 101. No swords. It would be an amazing bit of intimidation if you like lean in and just as the match starts and say, you should have destroyed my Horcruxes first. Yeah, sure. They would just lay down because they knew they weren't going to get it. I've got the elder wand in my glove. That's also against the rules. What? Hey, brothers, my wife is pregnant and is going to be delivering our daughter in late November. Apparently they don't let women eat or drink in labor and I don't want to have to risk

her having the baby in a fast food drive through on the way to the hospital to get snacks. What are good snacks to bring during labor? Her first suggestion was smuggling in a pizza, a cheese pizza and she doesn't listen to you. So cool. I wish I hadn't done that great goof for you. So this is a genuine, but maybe she'll hear this bit because of course she'll play it for and she'll be like, man, I don't like this podcast, but it's a fucking good Tim Curry. So this is a genuine desire and not a naked Totino's tie in. That's from Brandon in South Carolina. Is that true? They don't let women eat while they're in labor? Yeah. I mean, okay, the question is a little bit muddled. I'm trying to follow the logic.

It says they don't let women eat or drink in labor and he wants to know some good snacks to bring. Like, is he going to just like, covertly, covertly shove a nature's valley into her mouth? Like, what is the baby? He's not looking. Have these. Maybe you got to take these pills. Hey, wait a minute. Those are combos. Get out of here. You know, this is my two cents here. Granted, I've never been in a delivery room, but if the doctor says like, she shouldn't eat, you've probably stick with that. Like, I think I know best that my wife wants to read us. Is this true? Like, is this a thing? Like, it seems like a weird incentive to get labor over quickly to be like, oh, I'm so hungry. Like, and you can totally have a sandwich as soon as you're done.

You want this chili dog? Squeeze that little baby out. Pop that baby out and you can totally have these. I don't know. I think I want to keep this baby in here for a little while longer. Are you sure? Because I've got a, I've got this new, they made a new flavor of Pringles and I've got them. Maybe that's trying to entice the baby out too. Like, oh, shit, I don't know what Pringles are, but I'm into it. I bet they, I just hear a pop. Oh, then I won't stop. Be right there. I think that babies in the womb actually probably do know what Pringles are. So, so great are Pringles that they just, they've, they've heard about it.

I think they're baked into our DNA. Like, I think when we come out and we're crying, it's because we haven't had Pringles for, for as long as we've existed. You know what I mean? And the only way you can shut that up is to jam a couple of Pringles. Plus their commercials contain coded ultrasound messages in Morse code. True. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's weird, but yeah, that's like the, that's the scoop. Now, I think that that's probably something I would guess and I'm not sure, but we took like our birth training classes at like a, I don't know what you'd call it, like a home birth, a birthing center. A coven. A coven. A coven. There, thank you. And like, I think they let them eat on the reg,

but I'm not, I'm not sure since we didn't actually go through with it there. Oh, like at, like the, the, the, at the birth center, if it's not, yeah, like if it's not the hospital, I think they're like, that's a, that's bullshit. Oh, so maybe this is just something the hospital cooked up to save money on like food bills. Or maybe the doctor had to be there for a long time and just didn't want stinky cheese dogs in there the whole time he was trying to do the baby thing. Just give him some soylent. Yeah. It's a, it's a meal in a glass, you know what I mean? Or some Guinness. That's not good either. Maybe mixed soylent into Guinness. I don't think like beer is a great option, but it's like bread. It's like bread in the glass, Johnson.

Well, okay. It's also like baby poison in a glass. Maybe like, what about non-alcoholic Guinness? Does that exist? Yeah, it's called caliber with a K and it is disgusting. It tastes like raisins. Don't take that baby. Take that baby. Enjoy this disgusting caliber. I think if you get hungry, I think if you get hungry or thirsty enough, you'll drink whatever. That's how that, what happened in that 156 hours. The dude like got stuck in the rocks and he was like, fuck, all I got is caliber. Well, I'm going to dump that right out. And I'm going to cut my arm off so I can eat it. Is that what happened in that movie? Yeah, he cuts his arm off and he eats it. So wait, I do have a question because I'm never going to watch that movie. Yeah.

After he, and we all know what happens, right? He cuts his own arm off so he can escape, right? Or did he? Or did he? So like a lot of people aren't sure, I guess. I don't know. It's the Jeff Rose did. I'm saying what I, the man I saw on the Today Show that one time looked vaguely holographic. Okay. But anyway, so like after he cuts his own arm off, like, does he finish climbing or whatever? Like he's already there. Like, don't you think you would just like, well, I'm already here. Might as well finish climbing. No, no. What are you, I mean, what's he get? Does he just leave? Yeah, yeah, he just kind of, that was the whole point of the whole enterprise of him cutting his arm. It's like, his arm off was like, cool, now I can

sit down. This is all I needed. Oh, what a good, what a good sit. Maybe just needed a break. I mean, he's already there. Okay, I'm done with my sit. Time to snap back in. It's probably, I don't know where he was climbing, but what could assume is like a long drive to get there. Like he's going to have to drive back out later. I mean, he had been there for a hundred and it's like 62 hours. I feel like he'd gotten his money's worth. Yeah. You know what, I regret, you know what, I'm going to pop my other arm in there. I'm not ready to go. You're still more fun to be had. As he was climbing, he like reached for the same spot with the arm that he had cut off and it just like swung past, he's like, uh-uh.

Not today. Not this time, you little bitch. Have you guys seen 386 hours? It's this crazy movie where this guy gets his arm stuck, cuts it off, incinerates it, has an arm jar and he's like, ah, you know what? You know what? What you've been listening to is, I think, a 100% authentic recreation of the first meeting with James Franco about this film. Yeah. Like, guaranteed he was pitching this. Like, he should just go back up. He's already there. I have another Yahoo. This one, wow, shit. I promise I didn't plan this, but it's a hat trick. Yeah, true, true, true. Thank you, Drew. It's by Drew Ansar's user. Oh, it's anonymous. Shit. Let's call him the Highlander. The Highlander asks,

does anyone know how to curse a real sword? Details? None. None details. None. A real sword? Yeah. A real edge and metal and what all. Yeah. Yeah. Just your typical real sword. Right quality? Doesn't say, doesn't say. Just like a real, like, curse like a nerf sword? Does he want to curse a nerf sword? I mean, a nerf sword is real, but I think the real in this subject is modifying sword. So like a real, like fighting sword. A real sword. Do you know how to curse a nerf sword? Gosh, a real sword. Had to be real, didn't it? Yeah, that's this. Choose. Can you just take your nerf sword curse and like use it on the sword? Yeah.

Which sword? The real sword. A real sword. Cursing a real sword. Gosh, a real sword. Can I ask, can I interest you in a cursed, wait, what did you want? Real sword. Gosh, a real one. Oh crap. This is great. This is great because I felt like I was kind of running on empty coming into the end of the episode. I was just like looking for something like this. What's the date? It's September 4th when we're recording this. Roughly what time is it? About five. About five. Okay. Who's time zone? Yours. And what kind of sword? Very real. Gosh. A real sword. Is this a curse? Can I ask what's bothering you so much about this?

I mean, do you have experience cursing like a decorative sword? Or like blessing a real sword but not cursing it. Like it seems like you're upset about literally every word in this sentence. What did you want to happen to the real, like I got the real sword, like I see you have a real sword that you brought with you. What did you, like clarify for me what exactly you want to happen? We wanted to curse a curse what? A real sword. Can you, can you, can you, this is a tough thing. Yeah. Can you enchant a real sword? Enchant it with what? Magic. Yeah, but what kind of enchantment are you wanting? Fire. Let's say fire. What? Like fire. Well, a fire enchantment on a real sword is that's no problem at all. You knock that out over the weekend.

Do that. Yeah, I'll do that. But what about, so just take that and like curse the real sword. Yeah, but I know, I know, I know, I know. Think about this way. Think about the sweat equity that you're building. People buy swords and they just put them off on the shelf and they think like, oh, that's going to, that's going to increase in value, but it's not because the sword needs to be honed. You know what I mean? It needs to be used. Or in this case, it needs to be enchanted with dark magics. And if you do that, you're going to be able to resell this for God, I don't know, 50 to 100% profit depends on the curse to and the sword. Yeah. I mean, I would think depending on the kind of sword that you're wanting to curse,

it could be really easy. Yeah. Or it could be really difficult. It depends on the type of sword that you're wanting to put the curse on. What about a scimitar? What kind of a real scimitar? Yeah, that is tough. $100. That wasn't even the question. The question was, the question was, does anyone know how to curse a real sword? Not how much would it cost Justin McRoy to curse my real sword? Wait, what did you want to curse? I'm so mad, you didn't stick the dismount. You flipped in the air for 20 minutes. You didn't stick the landing. A real sword. $200. Why did it increase? You wasted my time, kid. Okay. All right. Are you going to curse this fucking sword for me or not? I will if you keep your voice down. Wait, I also need you to buy

some of these unicorn figures. Wait, is it a fucking sword? Because that I can curse. That's no problem. As long as it is not, gosh, I can't even say it. Yeah. Real? Real? $300. I don't, I'm leaving. I'm leaving this store. This is a bad store run by business, not business-minded people. Well, I have some bad news for you. What's that? It's a Starbucks and you've been dead the whole time. What? Whist. Shyamalan. Why do I have a sword? Do you? Look at your right hand. Holy shit, this is not a real sword at all. That's one of our new sausage and Gouda sandwiches. They're new this week. Can you curse this for me? Yeah, no problem. How much is that? How much is what? Cursing my sandwich. Oh, that comes free with the purchase. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, do it. No problem.

Can you toast it? Yeah, okay. Is it, wait, hold on, stop. Wait, wait, wait, stop. Hold on, wait, wait, hold on, stop. Are you in your mind when you toast something? And this is very important. I should have asked this up front. When you toast something, do you refer to that as cursing it? Yes. Okay. Now, when you say sausage and Gouda sandwich, are you referring to a real sword? No, no, it's a real sandwich. Okay, that's no problem. So when you, in the morning times, you say, hey, I know what I'll have, a little breakfast time treat. I'm gonna curse some waffles. Give them the curse of incineration. Okay. You know what? I will have that on my sword. Thank you. Have what?

Thank you all for listening to my brother and my brother and me. That was our who's on first. We're gonna break that out into a little ca-single, gonna stamp that on the vinyl. We'll have people sign that. We'll sign that for folks. Just come to our shows, bring our cursed sword single, and we'll make sure to, you won't leave unhappy. Can I just say somebody out there, one person, just found their favorite bit of all time. I think, can I say that? I think it was fucking you. I think it was Carl Reiner. Carl Reiner thought that was a real good goof. We want to say thank you to everybody who came out to our live show tour in the Pacific Northwest.

It was amazing and everybody was incredible. And Seattle and Portland and Vancouver, you're all super nice and we really appreciated the warm welcome, except for Vancouver, where it rained a bunch and most people didn't have power. So it wasn't really that warm, but we still appreciate it. And the welcome was warm. I have 20 Canadian dollars with me still. So if anybody wants to swap, put me know. We also want to say we've got another live show coming up in just a few weeks. We're doing a LA podcast this year. Now here's the thing, you might be sitting there going, but I'm not in Los Angeles. Good news. If you go to lapodfast.com and click on live stream, you can watch a live, my brother, my brother, me and the first ever live adventure zone from

anywhere. And it's only $25. But if you use the code zone or brother, either one, you can watch it for $20. You save five bucks and you help support our show. And the whole thing, you can watch all the shows, not just my brother, my brother and me and adventure zone, but stuff you should know is going to be there. Indoor kids is going to be there. And there's a ton of other ones. Speaking of stuff you should know comes on right after us. So if you're going to be at the live show, stick around, watch their show. Indoor kids is doing right before us. That's gonna be a power play. That's gonna be a good set, y'all. It's a huge lineup. So go to lapodfast.com, click on live stream, use the code zone or brother. I want to thank John Roderick in the

long winters for using our theme song instead of partying off the album and putting the days to bed. If you didn't listen to last week's episode because it was live, you should at least listen to like the first minute and a half of it because he played our intro for us and he was super cool. He's a really super great dude. Thank you. Thank you, John. That video is up too. If you look at our Twitter, we retweeted it. Yeah. Yeah. And I've, Jeremy, our friend Jeremy, filmed the whole thing. So I've got the whole Seattle live show on video. I'll be putting that up in chunks pretty soon. Oh, speaking of which, if anybody happened to do that for the Portland show, will you please holler at your boy? Yeah, we talked about that in the

live app in the interstitial. Yeah, we lost. We lost Portland. I've seen a few people on Twitter. It seems like a mixed reaction. A lot of people who are at that show are bummed that the show they went to isn't going to exist ever. But there are a lot of people who like now think of themselves as the recipients of this rare gift that, and it was an okay show. It was a pretty good show. I guess it's the kind of show that you'd be happy to be. What I think we should do is post what we have, maybe not on the feed, maybe just for download, and let people record what they think Travis is saying in any given moment. Oh, everyone can do their own sad lib. Exactly. It's like a sad lib where you're filling in for Travis. You get to be, we're going to call it

the jokes on you. Oh, shit, that's good. I like that. Thank you. So you're going to record a full episode where you're just sitting with Travis, and it's got a dovetail as nicely as possible, and I don't know what you should do with it then. I hope their jokes aren't better than mine. What if we did it as a contest, and then we actually released that episode? Yes, that is an excellent idea. Yes, that's an excellent idea. Speaking of contest, the MBMBAM Game Jam has been extended. I think the new deadline is September 13th. If I'm not mistaken, go to mbmjam.com and check out all the details there. It's not too late. Go do it. Davenport has been tweeting at us. Pictures of him making shit on the original PSX RPG Maker, and then he's been giving me the craziest nostalgia I've

probably ever experienced in my entire life, because I put maybe 150 hours into that game. Oh, RPG Maker, I miss you so. Are we done? I think so. Speaking of Drew Davenport, four in one show. Has that ever happened before? Probably. Amazing. Yeah. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yadru user Sinkaiyivu. Sinkaiyivu asks, Is Dakota Fanning still alive? I'm just Macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. I'm Griffin Macaroy. He's been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

Hi, this is Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host a show about being new moms. Have you ever pretended to be a sleeping rock to make your three-year-old play by yourself? How about scream singing to make yourself think you aren't screaming? You're singing! Really, really loud! Join us every week for more helpful tips on creative parenting. And remember, you don't have to park your toddler in front of the TV to be one bad mother. Subscribe for free on iTunes or go to maximumfun.org.