My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 269: Face 2 Face: Loose Gravy

Episode Date: September 14, 2015

In our first-ever international performance, we give the fine denizens of Vancouver our very best. We also detail the many, many ways that we've screwed up the baseline level stuff you need to know to be in Canada, because we are idiot children.

Hey, you've already been out here, you've already experienced this crowd. I'm very comfortable with the energy of this room. That's why I switched to my Tybee Island shirt. It's island time. Yeah. So that's that's code for I can say fuck now. I feel like this is the this is not only the nicest building we've ever performed in this is the nicest building I've ever been in and I'm I'm like 80% sure that's the first time anybody's ever said a curse word in this building. Yeah, not the last. No, most certainly not the last. This is my brother my brother mean and vice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your mentalist brother Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother given McElroy. Yeah. Just once. I want that to be met with

silence. Yeah. Can we get can I ask you a favor? Yeah, sure. Can you just scoot? Yeah. Can we get more moderate? We're literally so far away from each other. This gigantic beautiful stage. I'll save you. I know this looks weird. Like why are those three guys in the picture you took? Why are they so close to each other? They have a whole stage to their auras have to blend. You know, doesn't do that Fleetwood Mac. Can we can we start the podcast off by just detailing just how many times we've just completely fucked up being in Canada. Just like from literally the word like I made you guys promise us this wouldn't turn into like the Canada. Can you believe it's different? Right. The Canada the Canada chapter of the Big John's bathroom reader. But like holy shit, we have screwed up literally

everything conceivable. The best example I can give is when we cross the border and everyone in the car was amazed that suddenly things were different. Right. It was like holy shit, I can go 100 miles an hour. Yes. Canada rules. We saw a gas station and Travis was like, it's 119. That's crazy. And Justin was like, no, that's not even the good part. Justin said, well, yeah, they would have no reason to use gallons. It's pints. What? And everyone in the car was like, oh, yeah, yeah. It sounds about right. In my defense, the guy at Hertz told me that got to we had we have a theme on our program server occurring guide that we don't know how to find marijuana anymore. And we made it something of a tactical error in performing shows in places where it is cool as a cucumber.

And as easy to get as cucumbers are. Yeah, they just buy it. So we met some folks last night and one of the gifts that we received a couple of times was jazz cigarettes. Yes, cigarettes was weed. Now this is very exciting to us because we're not cool. Very cool. It was very cool. The only thing was we realized we're crossing the Canadian border. That is not cool. And pre pre tension set in like this is the idea of like tomorrow, this will be a problem. Yeah, so we need to smoke all of this tonight. We didn't, we didn't, we got, we got sleepy. But here's the thing, right? We were so like, I wanted you don't say we it was you, you were no leading up to the event. We were all very worried about border crossing. We were like, they would peel back one of the like the floor mats and

just find a weed. Yeah, that we had forgotten about. And then we would go to like Guantanamo Bay. This paranoia didn't just extend to marijuana and marijuana based products. I didn't we have little meat sticks for our baby that I threw away because I knew you couldn't bring meat. That's the level of like, by the way, you guys are missing out on America is we had to get out of there because I was getting pretty real. But we do meet pretty good. And I can't believe you all don't get to sample that. But I was so worried about like, I had all my paperwork. When we get to this border, and I, I am now using that term loosely due to the border, Travis gets out, it says there's seven of us and he hands them the three passports that he had. And he said, only got three here. And Travis

reaches back and hands them the rest of our passports. And then he looks at our passports. And then we drive through. So he did not corroborate the passport. He didn't ask you guys have any alcohol in there. And I was like, I don't think so. No, no, no, it went like this. Do you have any tobacco or alcohol? No, that did not want to check the fact that one of my passports is for a baby. The dude did not even look in like, is that a baby? So when he was like, turn off the engine and step out of the car, we just like, just like everybody else, which, which, which jail do you want to go to American jail or Canadian jail? Please God, put me in the direction of the nearest jail. Could not have been less interesting. Did not like, we could like, I imagine Travis like

leaning back, the man needs four more passports. They got four more from a box of passports. Give me American passports. Give me four, four more a little bit of accent work from our box of passports. Also, we were streaming Carly Rae Jepsen's new album, the motion on the drive in. No, no, listen, no, listen, no, listen, no, listen is yes. Great out of, I agree. Best out of the national treasure Carly Rae Jepsen. Oh yeah, y'all would definitely be into her. Anyway, I got a text message from my old buddy AT&T like, Hey bud, you've charged like $100 of roaming fees because you forgot to buy an international plan. Was it worth it? And my answer was yes, of course, emotion is the greatest album possibly of all time. Let's let's do somebody. Let's listen for

the first time, not listen to our show before. And they're just kind of here on a whim. Sure, raise your hands. Okay, I want to I'm trying to make better. You know, we don't do I realize this why was explain fucking anything. And then we just talk about Carly Rae Jepsen for 30 minutes, like y'all cool. Like I don't we don't do a lot of like, looking at you. You know what I mean? Like, now I'm looking at you. You know, we don't know how many people here didn't have power when they left their house. We'll be your power. Let's be your power. You'll be warm with us. You're safe here. You won't be you may not have power, but you'll be erotically charged. That's my guarantee. That's a Justin McElroy guarantee. Anyway, it's an advice show as you've almost certainly

surmised. And let's get into it. My boyfriend and I pound over here. What's up? Nice. Y'all in the middle are cool too. My boyfriend and I are moving in together today. And I have serious concerns about our breakfast out situation in the future. His usual MO is to order the biggest, most average breakfast they have on the menu. That is a Travis McElroy special and not like a huge burrito. We're omelette or whatever, but just the item that boasts the largest amount of eggs, bacon, hash browns and toasts. How do I explain to my boyfriend now that we've moved to the big city? He should branch out into other delicious breakfast options. That's from very excited in Vancouver. Very excited. Are you here? You're here? Oh, that was the saddest egg man. Are you here?

No, he is here. Can you just raise your hand? It's kind of a you don't want to put your egg, your egg boyfriend on egg man. Can I tell you, you're right and she's wrong. You know what's really hard to fuck up? Eggs, bacon and toast. Yeah, really hard to mess that up. You know what's really easy to mess up? A burrito. Eggs, bacon and toast. Listen. But crepes are great. Listen, that's true, but like breakfast is like one of the most utilitarian meals of the day. Right? It exists. I mean, don't get me wrong. It can be delicious. I've had great ones miss Uber over here somewhere. I know breakfast can be awesome, but mostly it exists so that you're not cranky by 11am. Yeah, right. You could say that about all meals though,

if you think about it. That's true, Griffin. My the reason I celebrate eggs, bacon and toast is that is as a tactical choice. If you don't necessarily know what the day shall hold, it is the best tactical breakfast option you can make. There are many times you will look, who in this room, and I do want to see a show hands on this one, who in this room has looked at a breakfast or brunch menu and seen the French toast and thought, fuck, I'd like to eat some French toast. But then realize that the rest of your day is about that fucking French toast. As soon as you consume, it's like, well, catch you guys at three. And have you ever seen someone finish a breakfast burrito,

like finish it? Not like the kitchen slices it and have to say, and this is the garbage out. Everybody at a table gets excited when somebody else gets the French toast because there's like, I know they're going to have some bites left at the end. Breakfast is crazy. I mean, if it makes you happy, then I think go for it. I think this is this reminds me of the question we got out of the guy that only ordered chicken nuggets at restaurants. And it's like, fucking stand in your truth and chase your bliss. That is true. There's not like a forum where he orders eggs, bacon and toast. And the other restaurants were like, Steven again, again, they don't know the waiter doesn't know. So this is it. Tell them to do it like this. Every time

you go, you know what? I think I'll try the eggs, bacon and toast. Tell me, tell me about the, tell me about these. Is it edged? Oh, but con, continental. Interesting. How wonderful. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah. Uh, about 14 people sent this question and I don't know if they were good. There was some collusion going on. It's by yahoo answers user Janine who asks someone just went, ooh, Janine. Janine asks, what would happen if I hugged and kissed, kissed the Grinch? Y'all interrupted me. Hey, do you guys have the Grinch over here? We should have made sure that before. What would happen if I hugged and kissed,

kissed the Grinch? Do not delete, please. I'm a girl and I simply love the Grinch. How would he react if I hugged and kissed him? Do not delete, please. Is this a pre or post the song? The who's sing the song and he's like, girl, love. What song are you talking? They do. They sing the one that's like, I miss under said you are talking about the Grinch. Not like, is this Grinch post transformation or pre transformation? Not was this question submitted before the Grinch was released. Because yahoo answers was just a twinkle in Mr. Jefferson yahoo's eye back in 19, whatever, whatever. I mean, are you talking about like, I really like the bad boy. I can change him,

Grinch, or do you like the he even carved the roast beast Grinch? You're saying it's like she wants the bad boy. Does he want that bad boy? Ladies love the bad boy Grinch. Am I right fellas? That's good guy Grinch is just getting friend zoned. I just carved the roast beast and all I get is a handshake. I cannot believe she's had this much of a problem with this question being deleted. Yeah, I was deleting this. I'm looking at the related questions and the top three, nope, scratch out five are what would happen if I hugged and kissed the Grinch.

So this person has been on the warpath and some yahoo moderators like not again, no, how many times, no. I think what you just discovered is that Mrs. Grinch is a yahoo moderator. There is a Mrs. Grinch and she is very active on yahoo. No, my husband, no way. His kids are my man. How dare you. He's my husband. I love him. His heart's too big. There's only room for one in here. I'm a big lady. There could be room for three if there was room for one before. No, well Griffin, sorry, but that would argue that there was room for one in his heart before he grew three sizes and I think we all know that there was not for he did not feel love

in the way that we do. I'll be back with you guys in a second because he had Max who loved him sure and he did not care for that. He was very, very into it. But then his heart grew for sure and he gave some roast beef to him. So now his heart is barely big enough for a small dog. Definitely, definitely. I have more in my published work backstage. My roommate carelessly ate my last can of soup. When I texted him about it, he replied with an honest apology and explained that he buys the same kind of soup. You may thought it was his fair enough. I typed the following message in my phone. No worries. However, as I hit send, he sent a second message saying that he would replace my soup for me. My no worries ended up being sent before I received

his second message, but it showed up in our conversation is happening after. So it looks like I said no worries to the idea of him replacing my soup. Oh man. It's the third time I've read this fucking question. Okay. Is there any way I could express him that I still desperately want that can of soup without it sounding like I'm reneging or is the order of operations etched in stone? That's from Supless in Canada's Seattle. This question is a fucking high stakes thrill ride. Are you here? Are you here? Supless? Yeah. I did have a quick question. I can't hear you. So just like raise your hand. You said no worries. Has there been a response from him since then? They haven't, they haven't spoken. Great. You are in the clear. You just need to now post. Well,

some worries. Okay. You need to understand in the, if you had called us when this happened in the moment within the first 10 minutes, there is something that we could have done. Yeah. But you've come to us so late. I cannot imagine a reality where you're like, upon further refresh. This is why we put the emergency hotline number out there, right, which is 911. Oh, fuck. Is it different here? That's not a joke. What's your, what's your guys done? One one. Tight. No. Can I tell you something? Good to know. JIC. Good to know those numbers still work here. Did you guys know that they have green flashing traffic lights here? I've driven through dozens of them. I've stopped at half of them because I don't fucking know.

Everyone's laughing and clapping like, I got it wrong. So now I know what's wrong. Will you just go? The why is it flashing? Why is it flashing? What is that to indicate? You cannot. It's pedestrian control. So they see those green flashing lights are like, yeah. No, he's coming. Wait, the pedestrian? No, the monster, the pedestrian. That's how they signal, get the fuck off the streets. The pedestrian eater is coming. What was the question? Something, something, something soup. Soup. Wait, wait, wait, follow up, quick follow up. What kind of soup? Whoa. Game done changed. This ain't no broth. That's not a soup. That's a meal.

I didn't realize. This is a hardy question. Whoa. Whoa. My, my, my. The plot and the soup. You're going to have to take his soup when he least expects it. When he's while he's eating it. No, he has to turn like, oh, I forgot to get my wine and then the soup's gone. He's sorry. He's having a little wine and soup, homemade soup dish, homemade wine. Can you engineer a trip to the grocery store? And then when you pass the soup, you're like, why don't I have you here? I just wanted to circle back. I feel like there's this weight. What? Can you run up to the mic real quick? Because we're not going to be able to hear you. Oh, shit. No, you're up there. No, this stairs. Oh, okay. Leap. This is how law should have ended.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up? Okay. So, since I sent that email, I ran into him at a friend's house and he said, Hey, when you get back home, I've replaced your soup for you. And I was like, great. Awesome thanks. That's a good dude. Got home on the kitchen table was a can of chili that was on sale. Flag on the play. So he got you broke ass, not soup. Hey, I replaced that soup for you. You get home. This is a cheap meat slurry. I got you. I got you a chair. No, it's desperately not. I thought you were going to say you got

home and there was just a bowl of soup sitting on the gutter there. You live in this person? Yes. Still. Yes. Grimman has some advice that he used to give people a lot. He doesn't, you know. No, it doesn't work here because you the device is just pack your bags and move away. But but but but this motherfucker stole your suit. You can't pack it up. If you move away now, you're just going to have a line of roommates out the door waiting to steal your fucking soup. The words out there are soft. This is what you need to do. You need to swallow this down. You can't swallow it down. The soup is gone and you need to forget about it. Until the opportunity arises and then you are going to ruin his life. Oh shit.

Maybe it's 10 years from now. Maybe like he brings like he's went on a date and went well and he was like, I've got some soup back at the house and they come back and like his day just you're going to steal the deal. You're going to steal the deal with a little Campbell's chunky. And then he gets back. What's that? There's just the note. You open it up and he says, I took your soup. Enjoy your cold, empty life. Good luck having sex without soup. Can't be done. That's that's that's love line every episode. You got soup. You're good to go. Thanks for your soup update. Thank you. Thank you. Superman. Here's a yahoo. Here's a yahoo. It's sitting by Jacob Locker. Thank you Jacob. Coming out of

retirement. Jacob Locker. It's by yahoo answers. She's Tim who asks how to kill time in a cheap and sleazy motel. I'll be stuck in a sleazy motel for about 30 to 45 days. It sucks. Yeah, you know what? Now that I think about that's a long stay. Yeah, it's a long stay. And also a very vague time for 30 to 45 days. Yeah. That could be 50% longer. If you never know how long it's going to take for the police to stop looking for you. There are an unpredictable bunch cops. It sucks. It's noisy almost all the time. And the guests are creepy and grim looking. No on sweet bathroom. Bed bugs? Yes. Bed bugs? Almost certainly. Yeah. I can't afford other options right now. Suggestions?

30 to 45 days got to kill time. The first time Griffin read this question, I thought he was saying like on the matter of a sweet bathroom, the answer is no. On sweet bathrooms? No. Bed bugs. Wait, so bed bugs? Yes. Yes, we can. He shares a bathroom. Yeah. Yep. He's got his own bed bugs. Yes. The other guests. I don't know why he puts that in quotes. Are grim looking. Ghosts. He might be in purgatory. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Everything about this question leads to, but you've always been here. Right. Or he's in the movie identity. Can you spend the 30 to 45 days digging a tunnel into the bathroom? Because that fucking sucks that it's not connected to the place where you sleep. Or maybe just reno the place.

Flip that hotel. Yeah. Yeah. 30 to 45 days. You could get a lot done. Get a lot out of that. Oh, you're coming to stay at our hotel? You're going to want to be in 10. Yeah. Trust me. There's a Zen garden in there. Yeah. They have a koi pond. A marble cabinet. Some built-in bookshelves. It's real nice. Marble countertops. Let's turn this into a- Marble cabinets are not a thing. Marble cabinets is the height of luxury. I'm very disappointed in the two of you that I have to call myself on marble cabinets. That's an omorgue, but not anywhere else. You know what you- Could you start an omorgue business? Could you start an omorgue business? Here's another thing. You got 30 to 45 days. Time to bring back the concept of a hotel detective.

We got a lot of young people here. Some crimes happen at the motel six, but this guy in room four is coming for the crime, and he's monk from that show, Monk. He's seeing the new show. Tony Shalub has seen better days. Tony Shalub and Monk, too. The sequel to Monk. He's in a hotel room. There used to be a literal job that existed as a hotel detective where you just were on call if people lost their keys or like needed to follow somebody. I guess. There also used to be a show called Monk and a show called Rescue Rangers, and both of those are pertinent suggestions. You must understand all these things or nothing else will make sense.

All the best jokes require 30 to 45 seconds of backstory. Just a footnote at the bottom. Hey, true believers. Real quick. This is a reference. Read another question, Jess. I'm feeling like this is going to be a real clubbanger. My husband, Steve, and I got married at the end of July, and of the wedding day, I posted one picture on Instagram. I don't have Facebook. I get it. Okay. And I do. And I'm the bad guy. I get it. Anyway, I know how and I don't have TV. I know. I get it. No, it's fine. I don't blame you. I know how annoyed some people get about having too many pictures of the same thing on Instagram. So I didn't want to post more than that of your wedding. Now that we're about to get our

professional pictures back for the photographer, would it be okay if I posted one or two more selected photos? That's from Jacqueline, fearful of flooding the feed in the frozen north. Jacqueline. Jacqueline. You hear Jacqueline? Jacqueline? I heard two different words come from different points of the audience. Can I? You're the nicest person on the internet. In fact, you're bad news, actually. It's not flattering. You're too nice for the internet. I'm gonna need to revoke your internet card for your own good. Jacqueline, get off the internet. You're soft. Do you know? Can't handle it out here. There's a lot of, I'm sorry, if you've never heard this word, shit on the internet. And it can get really bad. It's rough out there. I'm gonna

need you to stop internet. You just can't internet anymore. Because that's a sad, that's a sad truth is yes, there aren't eight deep people out there who'll be like pictures of your own wedding again. That's the third one I've seen in 10 minutes. Fuck you. Can you? Okay, wait, I have an idea. Can you photoshop your wedding photos to make them possibly about something else? Maybe you have like chili dogs Tuesdays. And it's like, but you're, it's also a wedding photo, but like just secretly about your wedding, but mainly about making a throwback Thursday. I hear those are popular. Did you serve, hold on, this is important. Did you serve chili dogs at your wedding? What are you talking about? I said photoshop. It could be

the equivalent of chili dogs. Could be regular dogs. That's okay. You serve poutine. Don't buy into the stereotype, Jacqueline. Yeah. I want to, side note, I'm very excited to try poutine while I'm here. Yeah, so sad. I got to leave. I got to leave early and I meant to eat poutine. Do you have any early morning poutine dispensaries? Does anyone have some in their pockets? Or their poutine vest? Do you have some poutine? What the fuck? Do you? Are you fucking kidding me? This motherfucker has Fred, no, Fred Rosier. Open it up. Verify. Evan has brought us some poutine. Hold up. No, cancel the podcast. Shut up. Evan, who's in the present for? Oh, perfect. That's the perfect. Travis, what do you

have in front of you? I want to, okay. So what I've got is a bag of ruffles. They have ridges. Put an asterisk next to the episode title. The happiest griffin's ever been followed by the most disappointed. They are poutine flavored ruffles. My favorite thing about this bag is down here in the bottom corner where it says simulated flavor. We want to be straight with y'all. This ain't real poutine. We had to fake it. It's a great gift. Hit them. It's a great gift. This is, oh good. It's our snack demo segment that we do on every episode. The reason I got so excited is the thought of somebody having just loose gravy on them at a comedy show. You want me to... Good. Delicious. I'm not gonna, those two will

bullshit you. I won't bullshit you. I'm the real flavor of scale. Sorry, everybody. I can't do it. It's not very good. I don't like it. I'm into it. I'm way into it. You just don't have a refined palate like me in scraps. Do you have another Yahoo? Yeah, we got it. You tasteless bastard. You even know one of those bad boys? Yeah, dig into it. Great. Cool audio. Gently. This super crunchy installment of the Yahoo segment was sent in by Jacob Locker. Again, thank you, Jacob. It's by, whoo. It's by an anonymous Yahoo. Are you guys dialed in or... What? Oh yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. For sure. It's by an anonymous user. No name. We'll call him Evan asks. You did. Evan asks, how come some ghosts are cool and some are

jerks? I've been in a number of places where the vibe was weird and people always got negative from being around it. Then sometimes I'm in places and it's really positive. And again, it feels weird, but it's supportive. While in the negative experience, you hear and see weird stuff. You get to sleep faster and positive once. But how come some buildings' presence can be negative while others positive? So they walk through the positive one and they're like, I should take up stand-up comedy. Yeah. That's probably why most people take up like stand-up comedy. A ghost. I felt the cold spot. And also, I love you too. Yeah. Why? Okay, is hugely upsetting to me the idea that I don't care if the ghost is positive or negative. They

said you get to sleep faster. Yeah. I do not need to go to sleep with the idea of a ghost. Like, go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I'll be here all night and forever. Find my bones in the basement. But listen, only when you get around to it. No rush. No rush, dude. I know you're busy. Chill out, dude. I'm a new ghost. Seven only on the game for like 20 years. I know you're trying to hit 30 in destiny. Just finish it up, my dude. I'll take over. You go to bed. I'll grind for you. Get you some gold. Bro, your KD spread is a joke. Let me patch this up for you. Why is this person yelling at me on the headset? Does that happen in video games? Yeah, definitely. Listen, I'm confused by the question in so many ways, but they say a number of places the vibe was weird.

There's usually things like the literal building as a ghost. Like the building was murdered in a high passion and has unfinished business. When you tear down a building and it still had stuff to do, like I still had hats to sell. I was going to be an orphanage. Just give me time to collect enough orphans. You know, you put one orphan in a building, you're a weirdo. You put a hundred in a building, it's an orphanage. I don't get it. I guess some people are cool and some are jerks, right? And then they die and become ghosts. You know what? That's the thing. I'm actually more worried about why there would be ghosts who are cool. Like those who are jerks. Yeah, that makes sense to me. I'm angry. I'm dead. I can't do shit. But a ghost is just like, hey, man, you know what are you going to

do? JKL or JKD? JKD, just keep dying. Just keep dying. Like a ghost is like, you know what? I've made peace with my situation. This is me. I'm a hollow bastard. That's a problem, though. You can get too complacent. Yeah, that's why they're stuck. They're too nice. You got to be hungry to get off this coil. You got to put the work in. And I'm getting fucking dark. No, I mean, I'm just saying you want to do ghost crossfit, pain is weakness, leaving the body that you left when you died. How is there not already a crossover show of ghost haunting shows and intervention? And it's like, listen, ghosts, get your shit together. You've been in this house for 500 years. Time to move on. What's your unfinished business? Giving a shit?

What a thrill it is to be back in America. The land of the three and the home of the money that is made of paper and not plastic. That really got that really got to you, huh? Yeah, I've been carrying around 40 Canadian dollars. I think that's why I'm still miffed about it. I've got 40 Canadian, if you're listening to this and you need 40 Canadian dollars and you want to mail me some American dollars, let's work that out. I think that's illegal. Folks, we were planning on putting this episode on hold for a little while, going to save it, leave us a little bit of what we in the industry like to call padding. But then Justin, what happened yesterday? What's up infrastructure? My electricity was out for 12 hours. Power shit the bed. It was my fault because I went

grocery shopping. Yeah, it's guys, it's just every time we put out a new episode over the next, let's say two months, just consider that to be a miracle because now Travis is out of wedding, so he's out of time. It's just, our schedules are just ridiculous. I know you think of us as your friends that live in your ears, but we actually have like... Gnip, Gnop, we got shit to pop. Let's hit some ads. Let's get some money. I want to start things off by talking to you about the underwear that I'm wearing right now. You know it's me undies. You know this. You know this to be true. Meundies.com is committed to making the world's most comfortable under the wear. And guess what? Mission accomplished. Right now, we're offering you 20% off your first order when you go

to meundies.com slash my brother. And if you don't love them, your first pair is free. Let me tell you this. I wear them at every live show. I need that. I need that crutch. It's performance enhancing garment and I need it. What if I don't want to pay like as much as everybody else pays? Do you mean like 20% off like I just said? Yeah. Maybe... I mean you're going to pay a lot more for things that you need to if you don't pay attention in this life, Justin. But I'll go ahead and say it more time. 20% off for first order. Go to meundies.com slash my brother. If you don't love them, your first pair is going to be free. All this commerce has gotten me a little bit of a rumbly in my tumbling, Griffin. Well, I'm not going to solve that for you. You are going

to solve that for yourself. How? By reading the advertisement. We're going to head over to naturebox.com slash my brother. It's listed in this ad copy as a vanity URL because that's how we do. Simply the best. We're so vain. We got a URL for our own use from snacks like peanut butter, nom nom's, or sriracha cashews, or my favorite lemon tea biscuits. Nature boxes have over 100 delicious snacks to choose from that get delivered directly to your doorstep. It's such a treat too because I'm usually hungry when the box gets there. I'm like, oh hell yeah, I was hungry anyway. Yeah. And these don't need a lot of cooking or preparation. Just rip it, grip it, and dip it in your mouth. Dip it in your mouth, but then don't undip it.

Don't undip it. Just leave it. They're going to have new flavors for you to choose from every single month. Full of flavor without any of the junk. If you go over to naturebox.com slash my brother, our vanity URL, you can get a first box of handpicked snacks sent directly to your doorstep. Now they have written here in the ad copy, and this is probably possibly the most beautiful sentence I've ever read. Head to naturebox.com slash my brother to unbox a world of taste and possibility. Yeah, harness the energy of these snacks, this variety of snacks. I got a message for Ann Davis from Eleanor who says, hi mama, I'm pretty tickled to have a mom so cool that I can send her a message via the macaroys. Maybe I'll be home when you're hearing this. Let's go for a

bike ride or get EG's or watch some K-dramas or whatever. It's neat to get to be your daughter, love Eleanor. Is K-dramas, what does that mean? Kevin, Kevin dramas or dramas starring people? Drama centered around people named Kevin. Those are really good. What's your favorite Kevin drama? Right now? Yeah, yeah. Second heaven. Not second Kevin. That's interesting. I would think it would be second. Seventh Kevin. That's my favorite. That's a good family dynamic. Yeah, I love that. Congratulations. Let's check in on this next message is for Kevin and it's from Kevin and those are just fun pet names I just whipped up for Laura who this message is actually for and it's actually from Dave. And Dave says to Laura, happy belated birthday to my favorite sister,

don't tell Jin. You introduced me to Mbem Bam and even took me to Candle Nights. Now you've been featured in a live episode Farm Wisdom and On the Jumbotron, the hat trick, triple double. Love you, miss you, happy birthday. Oh, that's nice. Love, Kevin. Love to hear that, Kevin. Just two Kevin's. Do we owe Laura some money because it sounds like she's contributed a fair amount to this show. No, I think we've given her more than enough in return. That is fair. Folks, listen, we're doing a live show this weekend. I know you're listening to a live show now and you're like, how can I get up on this? If you live in LA, come see us at the LA Podcast Festival or LA Podfest. You probably don't live in LA, statistically speaking.

Statistically speaking, you don't live in LA. Good news. You can go to LAPodfest.com and you can pick up a streaming ticket. That means you can watch my brother and my brother and me live streaming. You can watch, we're also doing Adventure Zone on Sunday. You can watch that streaming. You can also watch all the other shows that are going to be there. Giant Bombcast, Worst Idea of All Time. All the time, yes please. Fuck yeah. So many other good shows. The ticket costs 25 bucks. The streaming ticket costs 25 bucks. We can save you five bucks off that. If you use the coupon code, what is it, brother? Brother. Brother. I gave the wrong coupon code on Adventure Zone. What'd you say? I said adventure. Why? I fucked up because I do that shit alone and I

didn't have you guys fact-checking me. Anyway, use Brother or Zone, whatever, chase your bliss. What else do we want to talk about? Thanks to John Rod... No, we do that in the show. We already thanked John Rodger. Yeah, that's it. I think we might be good. Cool, let's get back to the jokes. We should take questions. From the audience? From the audience. That's a novel idea. Can we bring the house lights up or is that as bright as it gets? Or it's just bright on stage, maybe by... Oh, yeah, there they are. Here, ma'am, right here. So before we could take your question, okay, here are the rules. Now we've never met, is that correct? This is true. I don't know who you are. What is this? Okay, so first things first, no bummers. Keep it short. What else? What are the

other... Just that? Just that? Okay. Honest to God, if you break all the other rules and you don't say a bummer, like I'm cool with our transaction. Thank you very much. Now ma'am, what is your name? I'm Riley. Okay. How's things? Pretty good, pretty good. Yeah. So today's my birthday. Whoa, hold on. Can we all sing happy birthday to Riley? Legally, legally, legally we can't. Legally, we can't, but everybody in the theater can make up their own 10-second-long happy birthday song. I want to hear, I want to hear, we can't record it. So this will just be for everybody here. Ready? The recording will stop now. All right, all right, and the recording will begin now. So Riley, great one Travis. Thanks Griffin. What's your question, Riley?

So now that I'm basically an adult, no 15. Right, okay. I noticed that you all don't have jobs. Right. Correct. But somehow you still make a lot of money. So here's my question. We're making some learnings and doing this. Yeah. I don't want to accidentally get a job. Right. So how do I not get a job like you all? If you just wake up one day like, shit, it's nine o'clock. I got to be somewhere. That's how I got, that's how I got my first job. I walked into the TCBY on 8th Avenue and they're like, hey, can you hold this scoop for a second? I was like, yeah, sure. I get, ah, no. I was great. I actually did get my first few jobs exhaling because my dad was like, you know, they're hiring a blockbuster and literally here's the

thought I put into it. I like blockbuster. When it applied 16 years old, didn't even occur to me that like, well, it sucks. I got to be there all the time. And I'm not making honestly that much money. And I stole a copy of Fight Club and got fired. Fight Club? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Have the best of us. Uh, Rylo, might I suggest making money on the internet? Yeah. Yeah. Real top notch. It's really easy. Here's what you do. One, be Mark Marin. Well, can you do that by saying, uh, and, uh, yeah, it's all the, you know, in this day and age, jobs are what you make them. Oh, no, people. No, I disagree. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, disagree. Let me finish this song. See if you don't go with it. Let him say, hey, dumb thing.

Take the thing. Take the thing you love. Yeah. Just keep doing it. No, but ask someone to pay you for it. Wrong. One and two are good, but three is not good. Just ask someone and they'll go, I mean, I do have money. Yeah. That's how the world works. So, so did that. Does that help? Um, not really, but fair enough. Thank you, Rylo. Who else has a question? Yes. Yes. Rachel. Rachel Sparling has come to all of our shows, so there's one right there. Rachel Sparling. Gay recognized game. Cross, cross the border to do the hat trick. Was it, what can I ask? Can I ask a question? Was it worth it? Was what we're right? The doing all of the travel? Yeah. Sure. Oh, where's the conviction? Okay. What's your question, Rachel? Okay. Uh, I work at a popular grocery store in a

not very large town. You're telling me you don't look up Yahoo answers for a living? You just made our advice to Rylo look stupid. So, when I'm out and about in town on my own time and I run into regular customers that I'm friendly with, how can I politely extricate myself from the conversation because I'm not being paid to be nice to them right then? How do you have, how do you have? Yeah. Can I tell you, can I tell you something? This is, this is literally a thing like I have heard from so many bartenders where like they'll just be like in the neighborhood with their bar is and meet the person that they want tips from. So they're very nice to them. And then it's like, hey, how's it going? Well, they're like walking a dog. And it's tough because you'll

see them again when they come into the store. How do you know the people that come through? Like, I've been working there for a long time and it's like a neighborhood store. And you speak to them? And I speak to them. It's like, Oh, a celery stain. Conversations. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what you can I, hey, how's the gluten intolerance going? That's great, that's that that is less superficial than 90% of the conversations I had. Oh, shit. This is what you do. You use the knowledge you have of their purchases against them until they get uncomfortable and stop talking to you in public. Just when you take a house, the infection clearing up. Hemorrhoids still a thing? Huh? But a lot of laxative last time is that taking care of

it's over. Where are you going? See you at the store. Then won't that just be equally awkward next time I see them at the store? Because you have to do it like not pointedly. You have to do it so like, if you do it, if you do it enough times, no one will come to your lane and you'll just have like the most chill shifts ever. Pop open a can of Bud Light Limerita and just chill. No, I'm sorry. If I'm sorry. No, if I was at a store and I saw one lane where only one person, nobody else in the lane was drinking a Bud Light Limerita, that is I would I would run not walk to be checking out there. The coolest cashier ever. Rachel Spurling, thank you so much. I saw that hand go. Yes, you sir. Yes, stand up. Yes, you've done it. You've done it. You have the

best hand here. Hold it up for me again. Thank you. Yes, perfect. And keep it up. Spread those fingers a little. Oh, yeah. The symmetry, meaty palm. Yes. All right. Yes. Yes. Is that how they make them up here? Would you like the question? Yeah, please. What's your name? To me, you're just two floating hands, buddy. Okay, my name is Brady. Hi, Brady. Hi. My question, I'm a substitute teacher. Okay. So right now I still I'm trying to lock down that permanent. I want to know what do I need to do when I go into these schools to get the attention of my bosses without wearing like Ms. Frizzle sweat shirts like with why is that not an option? Yes, we like number one like thing one. Yeah. I'm going to turn it. Oh, shit. Is there anyone in here who's a principal?

Shit. Yes, shit. That's a tricky needle to thread, Trav. Also, I live two provinces away. And what is that? I don't know what that is. From what I understand, you guys have just like six big fat states. No, let's let Brady teach us now. Yes, substitute for the complete lack of education about Oh, the metric system, traffic lights, just the whole kit and caboodle. Okay, so there's 10 provinces. What did I say six? Yeah. Yeah. But there's probably four. They're like, I live in one of them. Oh, according to probably most of the people in this room. Brady, don't act like that in the teacher's lounge. It's just a Saskatchewan. That's where I live. Okay. I like that one. That's good. Because I was just about to say what a great province that

probably sounds a lot like Sasquatch. Yep. I like it. Cool. I like it too. You know what you could do, Brady? You could pull a stand by me. I think his name on that movie lean on me. It's lean on me. Lock the doors from the inside to keep drug dealers out. And then you tell the principal like, did you see? Did you shut off the fire escape? Did you see what I did? I shut off the fire escape. So I locked on the doors. So the drug dealers can't get in. It wasn't a licensed activity. I'm trying to show them. I saw Buzzfeed listicle the other day. Oh, you just know this is going to be a good story. So Buzzfeed listicle the other day. And it was like these 23 sexy substitute teachers make us wish they were permanent teeth. This is not a fucking goof, by the way. This is

a real listicle, which I thought was fucked up. These guys are just trying to do their job. Can we not? Says the guy who just objectified his substitute teacher's hands for three minutes. He spray keeps gesticulating, though. Here's what you could do, Brady. The next time your class is in session, get all the kids to stand on the desk and be like, my couch, my capping. But you know what? But wait to do it until the principal comes by. So he's like, just stay put. Wait, here he comes. I bet that those movies and TV shows are misleading. And when a principal sees a substitute teacher working real hard, they're like, no, that's exhausting. Yeah, I want to teach your cousin does the shit and then drinks during lunch. So you can maybe try that.

Yeah, maybe give less shits. Yeah. Okay, if that teaching thing doesn't work out, you got all the money you need right there on the end of your wrist. Ladies and gentlemen, Brady, Brady, thank you so much. Wait, I got it. Yes, yes, yes. Come on down. A lot of licensed music, not fair use. Hello. Hi. I'm fancy. Sorry. Fancy. That fancy. Great. And a great introduction to yourself. I'm fancy. Now what's your and what's your name? Fancy. Oh, okay, got it. From episode 196. Oh, sweet. Okay, what's up? Well, unfortunately, Exquisite Fancy Delight never took off.

Oh, sorry. But anyways, my question, and I did send it to you, but just in case. Oops. It got lost in the mail. That's okay. A couple of months ago, friends, and I were out for dinner, and an enormous argument erupted over the habits of men who go to the bathroom. Mm-hmm. Were the worst, by the way. Yes. Especially in a lot of ways were the worst, especially in that specific way. Well, that that was the female's opinion. But among the males, there was a huge argument about whether you unbuckle and undo or whether you just undo and whip out. At, you mean at the urinal? Yes. Not like the sink. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's more clear cut. Yeah. But anyways, now this argument has spread among our friends,

and every party we would go to, there are raging fights, and it started to spill over into the girls because there was a listicle on BuzzFeed. What the fuck? See, it's ruining everything. This one was about where you put, how you put your bra on. The 27 hottest substitute dogs. Do most of them put the bra on by like stringing it between two surfaces and diving through it? Just running through it? Yeah. Well, naturally. Awesome. I assume everybody's doing it. Awesome. My question is, what can I do to distract people when these arguments started? Thank God, thank God that that was the question and not, so what is it? You whip it out? You unbuck? Because where do you take your bra off and you pee?

I would not have answered the question otherwise, because this is like a classy opera house, basically, and I cannot talk about my bathroom stuff. You don't want to bum them out. That would be too easy. If you were just like, how about all this stuff going on in the Middle East? Isis. I'm like, you can't do that. I think they know what Isis is in Canada. Sure. Sure. But I'm saying, don't do that. Well, you did. You did. You did do just that. You could get something better going like cake or pie. That's more divisive. Cake. Raise your hand. Who's cake? Who's pie? It's not even a thing.

You guys not have cake in camera? Yes, they do, but we have completely run face first into the Big John's element. Is this cultural imperialism, by the way, what we're doing up here? I just call it manifest destiny. Different thing, my dude. I don't think so. The reason we're not doing a good job at answering this is that I didn't know that there was a debate about the other thing. But talking about that would be counterproductive, wouldn't it? That would kind of be like your worst nightmare. We would be adding to the problem. Oh, no, this is great. You force the two signs to cross. So it's like, you make the women discuss whether you should unbuckle and undo. You make the dudes discuss how you put on a bra. And then you just

watch the chaos. Yeah. Some fancies just want to watch the world burn. That's all I've always said. Fancy ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Justin, I just, Justin, I want to congratulate you on not doing your Michael Cain impression. I know it's like your favorite thing in the world. No, no problem. I'm glad I could help by not doing it. We get another, I saw that hand in the middle go up first. Yes, you pointed to your CS. Yes, yes, yes, you've got it. No, no, shit. Yes, but now we have to do both of you. Yes. Green shirt. You first. Yeah. You're next. Stay ready. Get ready. Say, say, hey, what's up? Hello. Hey, hi. So I live with

Wait, what's your name? My name's Dean. Dean. What's up? It's a good, it sounds like an Ottoman appeal that I like. All right. What's up? Not much. Cool. Cool. Yeah. Any big plans for the rest of the day? Do you want some ruffles or don't you give away my ruffles? Dean, Dean, Dean hit me. So I live with my twin. We don't look anything alike. And whenever people see us arriving at events together or leaving events together, they assume that we're dating. Shit, that sucks. Oh no. That's very bad. That's the worst it could be. Is your twin so bad? I think what doesn't mean is we're not weird. Dean, that sucks. Dean, I'm sorry, Dean. Dang. Damn, Dean. How about, how about like a shirt that says like, I'm not with stupid?

Because that's also funny. Yeah. It's a good icebreaker. Is your twin here? No. Well, shit, your twin has, you would never date somebody with such bad tasting podcasts. Is this worse than if, no, it's worse than anything, Dean. I thought about it super quick. Could you do staggered entrances? Staggered entrances, but don't talk to each other at all during the event. That's important. What's your twin's name? Hannah. Hannah. Hannah. I don't know why I asked that. You just had to stop. Oh, Hannah. It's still very bad. You're just going to have to stop hanging out. Yeah. You guys had a good run. You got to burn that bridge. I don't hang out with my siblings and it's time for you to nip it in the bud.

Dean, does it help? I'm a hologram. Dean, does it help at all that we haven't said anything helpful, but just like we're giving you some level of commiserate? Like that's, we don't usually do, usually we like try to help out a little bit or at least say something funny, but that's just bad. You do get a power move if they're like, are you two together? And you're like, that's my twin. That person will give you anything. You're hot. Why did you bring your twin to the job interview? I don't know, but it worked. But you owe me now, Vostie. Now I'm the CEO. Thank you, Dean. Thank you, Dean. Yes, the person. Yes, yes, yes. Come on down. Come on down. Keep climbing.

I can't abide silence. Hi. Hello. What's your name? Alisa. Alisa. Which has something to do with my question, actually. Oh, good. Thank you for the preface. So my name is somewhat hard to pronounce. I didn't have any problem with it. I did it perfectly when you read it. How's it spelled? It's spelled like Alisa with one S. Okay. So with a Y or an I? With a Y, A-L-Y-S-A. That's a trap. And my last name is somewhat hard to pronounce. Don't say it on the podcast. That's too much information. It's not the word I just said. I communicate as many of us do through email. Sure. I work in a business where word of mouth is super important. And I meet people who have heard about me through somebody else or

they've gotten an email from me and they think my name is Alisa. And it's really awkward for me to try and fix. So my name is starting to get out there in my business, which is really exciting, but it's not really my name. Yeah. Right. Alisa. What do I do? So we have the last name McElroy. And people have been pronouncing it McElroy my entire life. Or McLory is a really awkward one. For whatever reason, it's very difficult. McElroy. So I've got into the habit when I say my name, which I know people can't spell, I will say McElroy, M-C-E-L-R-O-Y, as soon as I say it. So when you meet people, start training yourself to immediately say, Alisa, as you meet them. Like, hi, I'm Alisa. Say your name right off the bat. Don't give them the opportunity to mispronounce it,

because then it's weird. Yeah. But if they're just like, wow, Alisa's really forward in her introduction. Let me try and ease your pain with this. And this is going to sound cool, but I want you to really dial in with me here. Yeah. Compared to some of the other questions tonight, it sounds like maybe count your blessings, because there's no, listen, I want you to really think about this, because there was that guy who didn't have his soup and he was very sad. And then there was a guy with the just beautiful flawless hands. And I forget what his thing was about. And then Dean's thing was the worst. That's true. That's true. By and large, you're doing okay. Yeah. Maybe try to get more permissive

about it. Just, all right. So you, you prefer Alisa, right? That is my name. That's like the main crux in the whole thing. Okay. You prefer Alisa. Why don't you open yourself up to some other possibilities? Maybe there's a personality for Alisa. Tell people, call me Alisa, call me Alisa, just don't call me late for dinner, and then stare them dead in the fucking eye until they turn. And when you are in control, what's ironic, you're actually 45 minutes late for dinner, and they have fucking nothing. So does that help? Thank you, Alisa. I feel like maybe we've run out of steam a little bit. This has been really, really fun. I thought we came to Canada for this. Give yourselves a hand.

We want to say thank you before anything else to the Chan Center. This is an amazing venue. They've been really, really cool. And also, like, y'all. Yeah. Y'all are pretty old. Y'all got put through the, y'all got put through the ringer yesterday. And the fact that you're here makes us feel very good. The fact that they looked at what we did and looked at this room and said, okay, it's hugely irresponsible, but I'm glad that they did it. We're gonna have to scrub the walls to get our goofs stank off of it. Thanks to Billions, who booked these shows for us. Yep. We wouldn't do these shows if it weren't for them. I want to say thank you to Teresa and Riley and Sidney and Charlie. Sidney, of course, is part of Saw Bones. Thank you to Saw Bones.

That was one of my favorite episodes of Saw Bones ever, and also great that you opened up the show by saying, by the way, a third of you have this horrible, horrible cat disease. Yeah. Without the, like, without them helping us and supporting us, we would not be able to be here and do this. Yes. And thank you to Rachel. Thank you, Rachel. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for my life. Both Rachel McRoy and Rachel Sperling. Yes. Thank you to all Rachel's. Thank you to John Rodgerick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. I don't want to make you all jealous, but he played at our show in Seattle. It was pretty neat. Yeah. And he's here tonight.

No, he's not allowed in Canada. He rocked Canada too hard. Thanks to Maximum Fun. It's a podcast network that we're a very proud part of, and they've got a lot of great shows at Maximum Fun.org. Thank you to Emily Carroll, who did this amazing poster for us. That is available for sale to you. You can take one. Actually, you're getting also a great price because we charged 10 for it in the U.S. And because of your money situation, you can get it for cheap. You get it for cheaper technically. So you got that going for you. Nice. Yeah. Let's talk about currency valuations. What's the yen trading at? Y'all want that final yahoo to shut it down? Griffin, you know what I mean?

This final yahoo was sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know? That's good. It's by yahoo answers user Uday Vier, who asks, which is the biggest planet in the world? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips. One more time before we let y'all go. I want to say thanks again to Meundies, the dedicated to offering the most comfortable underwear. If you go to meundies.com slash my brother, you can get 20% off your first order. Put these on your gins. Put this in your face. It's nature box. You can order hundreds of great tasting snacks. Go to naturebox.com slash my

brother to sign up for a sampler box of great tasting snacks. See ya. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer right? Well then you've got it coming. Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can learn to get grants for education. Learn to ride a llama. Print money the old fashioned way. Force your dog to stop being so rambunctious. Make a souffle that sets and stays set. Mount the heads of your enemies on spikes. Grind your own corrective lenses using just rock salt and diamonds. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Don't wait. Right now.

Jordan Jesse Go. 123 Itunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.