My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 272: Dr. Strings

Episode Date: October 12, 2015

We're so excited to be back in the MBMBaM saddle, but before we get started with the goofs, we want to talk to you about an exciting cosmetic business opportutnity. Tell us, how skilled are you at working that hallway like a runway? Suggested talking points: Beautytainment, Joy Leech, Vape and Bate, Telescope Money, Beatbox School, Piano Dad, Marmadukin'

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey everybody, welcome to my Brother My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. My name is Justin McElroy, and I'm your oldest brother of the show. My name is Travis McElroy, and I'm your middlest brother of the show. And I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy. Boys, it's good to have you here.

I'm excited to have the opportunity to speak to the both of you today. Thank you Griffin, I'm glad we could be here for you. I forgot how we do it. This ain't how we do it. This isn't how we do it. Justin, I have great news for you though, and that is that we don't have to stay in the podcast game anymore because I've discovered a new exciting career opportunity that I think the three of us can spearhead together. I've been working on it for the past 48 hours, and I'm already a multi-dollar heir. And I think that I can grab the two of you and I can bring you up with me up this success ladder. Is it gambling? Because I've been doing that already. No, God, you're not on that fucking

fan duel, are you? We can talk about it later. Yeah, we can. Yeah, we're gonna talk about that shit later, Travis. No, it's not gambling because gambling assumes a risk of failure. This is a 100% guarantee. It's a proven system. It's scientifically proven system. Boys, I'd like to talk to the two of you about joining me in becoming a beauty tainer. Excuse me? Now, what's a beauty tainer? A beauty tainer is, of course, a second-hand retailer of the cosmetic line belonging to one Miss Tyra Banks. She has a new cosmetic line, and it's called Tyra, and she's looking for, and guys, the hard part is going to be getting on board because the audition process is rigorous. But if you can get on board, you can join me

in selling these Tyra Beauty products to your friends, your colleagues. You can have Thai Thai parties at your house, and you will. I already have Thai Thai parties, so it's really encouraging for me that I'm going to be able to sell merch. You're going to get something out of these Thai Thai parties because they're expensive to put on, aren't they? Getting salon people in there to give people that Thai Thai chop and bartenders to make my Thai Thai's. Listen, it's going to be, I almost said risky, but it's not risky. It's guaranteed. I've made $16 in the past 48 hours. Do you know what that translates to? No. I mean, it's pennies on the hour. Pennies on the hour, guys. But do you know how many hours you have in a week? $525,600.

Girl, let me ask you this. So you're already a beauty tainer, so you should be able to answer this question. What sets this product apart from all the rest? It's going to make your whole gut pop. Whoa. It's popping gut. It's popping guts back. Yeah, your gut, it's going to pop, and your face is going to swoop. And that's good. Yeah, that's like a new word. So that's a word that Tyra, every week, Tyra sends you a letter in the mail, and it just has like a new Tyra is a minute. And this week, it's like, make that face swoop. Now, can you give me a spelling, just a quick spell check on that so I can add it to my dictionary? Yeah, my auto correct. SWEWP. It's pretty much phonetically. So it's pronounced

silly. Yeah, you've got it. Like Justin, you sound like a regular beauty tainer yourself. Griffin, what is there any upfront cost to getting on board? That's exactly what I was going to ask. Thank you, Travis. $35,000. $35,000 at very reasonable. One time fee, one time fee, though. And it's like, you know, the title doesn't go away. Once you become a grandmaster chess player, you're always a grandmaster. It's a one time only fee per year, right? Yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. One time. Yeah, you only have to pay it once every calendar year. And if you don't pay it, they actually do come to your house and they take away all your beauty tainer credentials. But I feel really good about myself for the first

time in a long time. And that might just be because I am completely just fucking covered in the stuff. You're using you're high on your own supply. Yeah, well, I've got $35,000 fucking dollars worth of creams and salves. And and there's sparkle. There's a sparkle element to it. And I look fucking incredible. I feel like a million dollars. But it's I feel like actually like, like, I probably have about $600 worth of creams and salves on me at this exact moment. Anyway, I want to talk to the two of you. Maybe we can do it after the podcast, because I sense your hesitance. But I want to I want to turn that I want to turn that hesitance in a fucking president president president has a sense. Prestidigitation, like presidents like the

bills. I want the two of you to become the presidents of America. Oh, I think the tire can help with that. No, I think she can. I think this is the first. There's a lot of power. She's a lot of inspiration. My daughter will say in the speech to her civics class in 10th grade Tyra Banks is an inspiration. She was our nation's first fabulous president. That is true. She was our sixth female president, six female. But but she was the first one that was like really fucking rocking it. Did anybody watch Friday's episode A&M 2.2? I'm a little behind. You're a little behind. Okay. Well, she does a whole music video promoting her line of products. And there's the chorus of it. Can I perform it for you now? Because we have to perform it every

time you hold a party. Please. And by party, I mean, Enclave. That's what she says to call him. Anyway, this song goes, work the hallway like a runway. Work that hallway like a runway. Excuse me, Ms. Banks. Excuse me, Ms. Banks. What do you mean? What do you mean by work that hallway like a runway? Griffin, I guarantee you, let me let me take you behind the curtain to where they were writing this hit, Cinco. Yes, please. I want to reference a runway, but Ms. Banks, like not everybody has access to a runway. Well, can anybody find a hallway? Yes. Okay. So we'll just make it like a hallway is like a runway. What do you mean? Except it's not because it's like enclosed and there's nowhere for people to sit and snap pictures.

And that's why you have to make the hallway like a runway. Come on, Stephen. If you're at a dinner party and you're waiting on the bathroom and then just coming down the hall from the bathroom, you saw the host of the party just working it. You would think it's insane. Yep. Or if you saw like a 16-year-old kid walking down a hallway at school just like working it like they were on a runway, they're going to be shunned. I just want to, I want to just like warm you guys up to the fact that whenever we're together and you see me moving between a narrow chamber between rooms and I'm just fucking on my grind. Griffin won't even acknowledge always anymore. He just, he just calls them, should be runways. Yeah. Enclosed runway cages.

One of my best friends is an incredibly cheerful and positive person, like relentlessly so. I am fairly in with my outlook on life and appreciate her disposition, although at times it can be very overwhelming. How can I tell her to tone down the sunny side without sounding like a total monster overcast in Omaha, bad news is too late. It's like. You already sound like a total monster. Yeah, you've come, you've, his friend, you've come to the wrong place. I think the reason you have a problem figuring out how to say it is because like there is no reason to say, like play that out, like, hey, hey Debbie, don't be so happy. Like that. Yeah, like it doesn't make sense. I mean, think about it. How does it negatively affect you at all? How cool is your life that you're not

just like feeding off of people like that relentlessly? Do you not realize that that's, maybe you don't realize that that's the secret is you have to be a jolly leech hanging off of the, the, the fatty flesh of your, your happy friends. You, you are not harvesting enough. That's the problem. The problem is with you. You were supposed to come at like the little bird and peck the joy from between her teeth, like the rhino. And that's good for both of you, because then she gets her teeth cleaned and you get a little bit of happiness chunks. Do you know that song Rainbow Connection? That song is literally about like a virulent probiscus that you just jam into your happy friends and you, you sustain yourself.

Yeah. You are the pilot fish to her shark of joy. You need to just clean that joy off. If she has an abundance, it's cause you're not getting your, you're not filling your quota of just draining it. But listen, don't change too much because she's also feeding off your sorrow. And that's important. If it wasn't for that, she just, she wouldn't, she would just, you know, be dancing in the street. I think we've basically just described the plot of Inside Out, right? Like that's the, like having a sadness go together. And we've also described like the truth about cats and dogs. There's a, there's a lot. Must love dogs. Must love dogs go to heaven. Airbud one through six. I just don't see why it's important to you to like,

unless, like you, unless, unless she's cheerful at like the exact wrong times. Oh boy. Like a friend like has just like had their car totaled or like a loved one passed away. And she's like, awesome. Great. Totally cool. You guys. You didn't say she's unbalanced. But they said at times overwhelming. Yeah. They just watched, they just watched the harrowing documentary, Dear Zachary. And then it's good one TV program. Classic. Classic. I can also see though in, in like if everybody's like, Oh, do you want to order a pizza? And she just is like, it's the greatest thing where it can, I could see it coming across as very insincere if she's overly cheerful and excited about everything. But that's on you. If a person's being sincere

and you think they're being insincere, that is not a them problem. That is a you problem. But is that a conversation you could have? Or like, if you're that excited about everything, then you're that excited about nothing. Like you have to vary it up and chew this. Absolutely not. Why don't, why not be senselessly joyful? Why not just be completely happy about what we all used to be fucking stoked about pizza. We all used to get that stoked about pizza and she has somehow preserved that. And for you to come around and try to snatch that from her hand is, it's a sin. It's sinful. If you say someone's over like, my friend is really happy and sometimes it could be overwhelming. You sound like Lydia from Betelgeuse. You have, you have to just light

up a little bit. I agree. I agree too. How about a Yahoo? Wait, is that what I don't want to, I don't want to be, oh man, I don't know. I don't want to be like callous or hurt somebody's feelings. No, you are, you are the way you are. It's just like, I understand that this is not a, you're okay. Let me, let me put it to you this way. If this is genuinely a problem for you, the onus is on you to distance yourself from this person, not to try to fucking bring them down. Or just hang out with them at appropriately cheerful times. When you're in a good groove, you got that radiation vibe you're grooving on, you're going to call her up, get out there in the sun, get some mochas and just have a day. And if you find

yourself in a situation where she's like super cheerful about something, try to see it, how she sees it. And maybe like, you know what, there is a lot of good in this situation. You've got, you, people like this are fucking magic. They're real life magic. And you've got to surround yourself with as many of them as you possibly can. Build yourself a flesh barrier with these happy SOBs. You need it. We all need it. How about a Yahoo? Yeah. This Yahoo was sent in by Game Recognized, Game Rachel Sperling. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Oh, they're anonymous. And for good, and for good reason, based on this question, it was posted in Education and Reference, Higher Education, University Plus.

I went to, have you guys started University Plus yet? Oh, no, I wasn't willing to pay the subscription fee. Yeah, you got to pay the subscription fee, but they let you keep your level. I haven't found the other collectibles in there from the original university. Anyway, this anonymous answer, Yahoo ask her, let's call him, BJ asks. Nice. Come on. BJ asks, do, do colleges look at Yahoo Answers? And if they did, I have asked some very personal questions, such as, when I did vape. His test scores are out of this world. Lots of really great extracurricular, what's this?

Wait a minute. When did vape? When he did vape? He's also spelled vape with an at sign instead of an a. Is vape like band on Yahoo? Yes, that way it can't be. It's actually pronounced Votope. How many of that Votope cigarette? If you can be tracked from your human identity back to your Yahoo Answers identity, you are fucked up worse than anybody. That's a good point. All right, let me finish reading the additional details. Personal questions, such as when I did Votope or when I was younger, I asked how to master, I don't have to finish that

word, master Pokemon, Pokemon, bait, master Pokemon bait. I don't have to finish that word. Well, I have asked some questions like that and such. Do colleges look at Yahoo Answers? And if they did, would they not accept me when I'm older, slash not like me, slash not approve me? I mean, if they did, they were just questions. Questions are the keys to your mind's development, though. Whoever has to do that at a college has the worst job in the world. I want the answer to be not like you, but still accept you in the college. Like, yes, you can come here. Oh, God, look at you.

This person you've just described, Travis, who asked the Yahoo diver, like I'm imagining somebody just wearing fucking riot gear, just connected to a fucking like oxygen tank. I guess it's the logical conclusion of if like Drew and Rachel and Zoe Kinski went pro. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, they went fucking white hat. They're on the right side of the lawn now, surfing the deep web for dumb questions. This is my brother, my brother and me civil war. This is the sort of thing that like somebody would invent like an AI program

to do data mining into Yahoo Answers to see if college applicants had ever asked how to masturbate or how to Vitape. And then that program that you create to do that data mining would definitely become sentient and definitely kill humanity because it's seen the darkest, darkest side of us. It's seen that it's lived through the darkest years. I will answer the greatest Yahoo Answers question. How to protect humanity from itself. Yeah, by just by annihilating it.

I think that was Robot Kennedy I just did. I think it definitely was. I loved it. Ask not what you can error. Logical fallacy. I cannot imagine why a caught like can you even imagine being the person like not just the person that's reading, but the person has to connect the identities. Like how would how would you even?

Oh, sorry. This guy I'm actually his Yahoo name loaded. It's actually Steve Jefferson, Huntington, Huntington High School, class of 2016. Okay. So that's his username. So that might actually be. His GPA is on there. His GPA is on here. His essay.

Can I say something? His SAT and his ACT. Wow. He fucked them both up. He did a really bad job on the test. Very substandard. Like really super bad. It's all the stuff that we see in like movies and TV shows where it's like your extracurriculars and all that stuff.

One of does that stuff actually matter? Like I, I didn't like super do a great job applying to colleges and got into the University of Oklahoma because I was a national merit scholar. I never really went through the application process. Is it that in depth where they like like would even care? Like do they even check like your Facebook profile? Do they care that much? Oh, they definitely do.

Just like you got money. You're not dumb. Get in here. Oh no, they definitely do a deep dive. A hundred percent. They are getting deep down in there. You're sure? Oh my God. Yes.

Every single applicant, they do a full blown deep dive. Oops. Looks like you said a racist thing three and a half years ago. You're out. Like listen, there are lots of kids in them colleges. There must be a pretty loose guy where they're like, okay, let me take off 12 of these boxes. No, that's why there's no racist kids in college anywhere.

That explains it. I've been wondering why they have one racist thing in the colleges. Unless you go to RacistU. Yeah, there you're welcome with open arms. Open racist arms. I can't. What if this person's applying? RacistU was actually my safety school.

What if this person is applying to Vape University? Oh, it should have been Vape and Baton University where they always use you out of Vape and Baton. You've shown a lack of proficiency with that process. Yeah, yeah. Or no, no, no. Or because you've got started in the game so young, maybe they might hire you to be like a TA or something like that.

Okay, I think that whether or not a school is going to do this deep of a dive depends on the quality of school you are attending. For instance, example, I live in Huntington and applied to Marshall. And if you live in Huntington and applied to Marshall, they're just like, yeah, cool, come on. Biggest assumed you are already going there. Oh man, do you know Greg? You're in.

Yeah, cool, come on in. But isn't it kind of a self-fulfilling property where if you are the sort of person that is combing Yahoo! answers for data about vaping and baiting, you are probably not looking at a top tier school? Like, is that inaccurate, you think? That's hateful. That's hateful. That's hateful.

That's hateful because you know what that means, Justin? What? This person's got a fucking curious and therefore beautiful mind. They what? Yeah, I'm not worried about the person. Have you seen that movie Beautiful Mind where all he does is vape and bait? And get on Yahoo! answers and make sure he's doing both as good as he possibly can. I also enjoy that this gentleman or lady is worried enough about this to ask Yahoo!

answers, but not so worried about it that they're going to just delete their Yahoo! answers account. Like, oh, I might need some of that information again. It's going to be hard if they don't get into college. They need a place to learn things. My point is my non-hateful point, Justin, is this. I'm not worried about the person who gets on Yahoo! answers to learn how to optimize and streamline their jerking and their smirking,

which is what I call vaping now. I'm not worried about that person. I'm worried about the person who does both for the first time and is like, yeah, this seems about right. And then they are lazy about it and they don't hone their craft. This person has a curious mind, a hungry mind. And that's exactly the kind of person that I want attending my new program at Harvard. Welcome to the club, Steven.

And by club, I mean the school club. It's just a school. They said it's called Vape and Bait. It's, yeah. Tyler went to Yale Business School, took some business classes there. Yeah, and that's exactly why I've decided to follow her into the fucking fungible battlefield. My sister and her husband are a few years younger than my wife and I. We're all in our 20s.

Whenever we're together, they complain about how poor they are at one point or another. In this neck of the woods, it's called poor mouthing. Is that an expression that you say? Is that really a thing? Yeah. Sydney's grandparents used to say it. She's told me it's poor mouthing. It's just like saying you're poor when you're not?

Just saying you're poor. Like just talking about being poor, poor mouthing. Anyway, at the same time, I see them making expensive purchases. A huge telescope to look at the blood moon eclipse. An air rifle with the same caliber as a .22 rifle. Wait, no, you skipped an important part of the puzzle. Okay. Another gift that they got.

The air rifle and they got us really nice gifts for our new baby. But I know for a fact they make a lot more money than we do and don't have any right to complain to us. How do I get them to stop claiming they're poor when I know they're not? That's from actually poor in Atchison, Kansas. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's just sort of a good rule of thumb to pretend in social situations with family and friends. Like money just does not exist.

Yeah, I feel like that was the thing that I was kind of raised. Don't ask someone how much money they make. Don't talk about how much money you have in your bank account. We used to ask mom and dad, are we poor? Because they didn't buy us stuff. Like our spoiled friends, their parents would buy them stuff. And mom and dad would always dodge the question. I'd be like, oh, shit.

I don't know if we're poor or not. And now looking back, I see, of course we weren't poor. We just weren't fucking spoiled. Like they didn't just buy us shit constantly. I worked at one of the many jobs I have worked. Like a dude on like his first day looked me in the face and said, how much do you get paid here? And it was like, oh, go fuck yourself.

Like I don't want to tell you at all. Like what possible good could come from me discussing how much money I make? I just say, I just tell people what tax bracket I'm in. Three, three. I'm in the third one. I'm in the third one. Which one are you? I'm in blue.

I really don't think there's like, okay, the problem with engaging with this issue for you, question asker is like, you cannot, if you try to challenge them on like the telescope or the rifle, you're opening up a discussion that you severely do not want to have. Like the first time you challenge like, maybe you aren't poor. Like that is going to be the rest of your afternoon. Yeah, sure. I needed that telescope for my work.

Well, and also what this is is like, as a scientist. As a moon hunter. This is also like a matter of like everybody's, it's all relative, right? So like, maybe they are poor because they're spending their disposable income on stuff like telescopes and rifles and shit. They're telescope poor, right? I've got all my money. I've got my money in telescope futures.

But like, and so like, if you said they're like, you're not poor, they're like, yeah, like we can't afford to like fly to Hawaii and like, okay, well, that doesn't mean you're poor, but to them, maybe it does. And so it's such a relative term that trying to argue with someone, whether they are poor or not, is like trying to argue with someone, whether they're happy or not. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's so egregiously bad with money that they do not understand the direct correlation between buying telescopes and being poor. Like they've gone over the finances a thousand times. What is this here where 20% of your income is going to telescopes? Oh, but that's like, that's not that is not negotiable. That's in the telescope. See, we budgeted for telescopes. Yeah.

We actually underspent on telescopes. If you can believe that. Every week we saved it. Every week they get an email for mint or some other financial planner, just like, what the what the fuck are you guys doing? Credit with the telly that you have like a hoarding. It's a weird telescope hoarding. Hey, just a quick update.

You spent a little bit more than you did last month on going out to eat and also stop buying so many fucking telescopes. But you save that now. But when when this sister alerts you to the fact that there's an asteroid heading to earth and they revealed that they spent all of their money on an escape pod, you're going to be happy. They're poor. An escape pod from earth made of telescopes.

This is not airtight. It has. We are going to die. There's no propulsion system. And we're all going to die. But we're broke. But we're broke. So whatever.

Yeah, we died. Justin Travis, how much money do you guys have? Right on me right now? Yeah. How are you doing financially? I have 40 Canadian dollars that for the life of me, I cannot fucking up. Bro, I was cleaning out my underwear drawer because I bought a new chest of drawers. So you know how I'm how Chiboy's doing.

You know that that new Drake song? I check out my new chest of drawers. What if Drake only wrote songs that sort of obfuscated how he's doing financially? Like start started started from the bottom and now I'm somewhere. And he just writes a song called Comfortable Lifestyle. It started from the bottom. I'm not on the bottom anymore. I get you know what?

Fuck it. The song is started from the bottom. Now we're here. That can mean anything. I preferred his his follow up song. And now I'm there. Now I'm there. And I'm there.

And you're there. Maybe a little bit higher. Maybe lower. Maybe lower. It's hard to say. It's hard to say. Any given day. Cash flow problems.

You all have cash flow problems. And then he's got that one that's like 1-800 hotline bling. And that's that song's all about how now he's a little bit lower than he was last week. Because he bought so many fucking telescopes. But he loves them because he uses them to look back into Canada. He misses it so much but he can't go back. And he wanted to do that thing.

He wanted to point two telescopes at each other and look down one telescope into the other telescope to see if like you can see. What's going on how telescopes how telescopes work. My sister and her husband Drake telescopes and complain about how poor they are. Should we go to the money zone so we can get some some telescope scratch. Yeah. Absolutely. I don't know why we're so concerned about money.

Because we're all about to be trillionaires. Because of the. We're all about to be millionaires because because we've learned how to work that hallway like it is a runway. We want to advertise our new butainment business with a new website. Where can I turn for something like that. I would think about anything. I'm going to.

Yeah you are a big dumb animal. But I'd recommend going to Squarespace. Squarespace you know I'm you've seen their beautiful commercials. Those are some aesthetically pleasing commercials. I don't know if you guys are getting those in your regions. But I see those commercials and I go damn that's a well-made commercial. Anyway my brother my brother me is brought to you in part by Squarespace. The all-in-one website platform.

Squarespace sites they look professionally designed regardless of your skill level. No coding required. No coding needed. You can start your free trial today. No credit card required. Nothing is required of you. No jacket required. No jacket required.

Actually if you want to make a fan site to the Phil Collins album No Jacket Required. You can do that on Squarespace.com. Yeah and you also don't need to know anything about the album No Jacket Required. Nothing is required of you. Please send me a link to that if you make it. Go to Squarespace.com. Please make a website about No Jacket Required. That is obviously coming from you a place of you never having heard the album.

Knowing nothing about Phil Collins. Knowing nothing about his line of music. But I do need a track by track breakdown with the actual track listings. I want that as my fucking homepage and I want it made in Squarespace. Just go to Squarespace.com. Use the offer code mybrother all one word and you'll get 10% off your first purchase. Squarespace build it beautiful. Underpants.

Oh good. I'm just I'm trying to keep it fresh because we've talked about me on these. We told you that they're the most amazing underpants on the planet. If you want to keep it fresh I recommend putting me undies on. Me undies. It's like a fucking refrigerator crisper drawer for your bits. Me undies. Oh god no.

Oh let's do this. Let's do that. I'll say me undies and then you guys throw in a tagline. You ready? Yeah. Yeah. Me undies. Put your dick in the crisper.

Me undies. They're like hammocks for your ding dong. There we go. So okay well both of those were for men. We need men. Okay let's try one more. Let's try for women minor products. Okay me undies.

Place your vagina in a crisper. Nice. If you go to meundies.com slash mybrother you get 20% off your first order. And listen we talk a lot of bullshit on this show you guys. A lot of bullshit. But it is not bullshit when I say me undies are easily my favorite thing I've ever put on my body. Yesterday I bought a new chest of drawers. Did you guys hear the news?

I heard about that Drake song. I bought a new chest of drawers. And you hear about Nervin's chest of drawers by Drake. Bought a new chest of drawers. I moved all my stuff over. And I very deliberately put my me undies at the top of my collection. Just so like when I open it up. Oh for sure.

I look like fucking. I look like Robert. That's probably what Robert Downey Jr. sounded like. Me undies sent me a new product. What the fuck? Lounge pants made from me undies material. Suck it. I forgot to tell you guys.

Suck it. Why didn't I get that? They sent it to cities. Where are my pants? They sent it to Sydney and I and they are amazing. Imagine if you could just wear underwear to Kroger. Now you can't. Thanks for that me.

I got a personal message here. Did we do the thing? Go to meundies.com slash my brother. Get 20% off your first order if you don't love him. Your first pair is going to be free but you're going to love him. So shut up. I got a message. I got a personal message here.

Is it the one for Jackson Q-Sack? Yeah for the Jack Sack. Is it the one from Jason Yu or is it a different one? Yeah from the JCU for the Jack Sack. We often get personal messages that have in-jokes in them between the two people. I think this one sets the record for like highest number of in-jokes. That was inscrutable. This is fucking.

This is thoughts and read it. This is thoughts spaghetti is what this is. You're today's soft rock. The Ewok wizard on my skateboard. The Spider-Man on my Canada Day. Don't let the Coke take your blue steel and sex appeal. Vee Vee will always be there with polar bears fishnets. Foe afterwards and fire.

Never stop goofing. Keep it going. Now what I really hope is that Jackson listened to that and was like what the fuck Jason. What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Are you having aphasia? Like that doesn't. Can I do another one that's like real like Jack Sack's going to get some like actual information out of?

Yes. Okay. Hey Jack Sack it's your boy Jason you. Thanks for coming with me on that trip to Boulder, Colorado three weekends ago. I had a really good time and I agree with everything that you said about patriotism. Thanks for vibing and keeping it tight. Thanks for vibing and keeping it tight. If you need me I'll hit me on my Moby.

If you need me I'll be hanging out with Moby. And also I love you. I got a message. You're a good friend Jack Sack. Boy Jason's you. A message for Lauren from Seamus. Says hi banana bread. Happy anniversary.

That was very enthusiastic. Let me try. Hi banana bread. Hi banana bread. Hola banana bread. Happy anniversary and birthday to my favorite person in the world. I can't wait to fly cross-country with you to Vancouver to see MBMBM live. Holy shit.

That was in August. That was two calendar months ago. Sorry you did wait in fact to do that. You're the best people we've warned you before. Stop like don't even reference who the president is. I hope you're getting this at a time and we're both still alive. Well good times or not are had by some we're all. Can you believe that did or didn't happen together for not for not forever.

I'm glad I'm glad we were allowed to commune for one hour under the laws of President Bebelborp the robot that controls humanity. You're the best and I love you. P.S. Vancouver is dripping with Tim Horton's locations so you will not go wanting for a cooler. Man that last day we were in Vancouver. Justin you had to leave super early in the morning. But Travis and Teresa and I tried to get in on this fancy restaurant

to get like a fancy brunch. They had like fancy Belgian waffles and I was very excited about it. It's called Medina Vancouverites. I'm sure you've been there and you love it. And it was down pouring and there's such a long line and it was so miserable and they're like fuck it turn the corner. Tim Horton's right there caught us up and it's loving arms. I ate it and I had the strength of 10 men all day.

All day. You've been missing this. If there's one thing I know about owls. They are wise. Two things. They are wise. Yes. They love nightclubs.

They were tiny graduation motorboards and they love nightclubs. They also do the best double takes of old birds of prey. And if you slow it down they actually go International Waters a panel show where U.S. and U.K. comedians battle for pop culture supremacy. Subscribe right now on iTunes or MaximumFun.org. How about a yahoo? You know you want this shit.

Yeah okay fine. This yahoo was sent in by level 9000 Yadrujru and Drew Davenport. Thank you Drew. It's by Yadru answers user Lele who asks. How did you learn how to beatbox? I'm really trying to learn the basic sounds but the only thing I can't do is the n-word snare. Well I don't think I'm doing it right at least.

What are some websites or videos to watch? Justin Travis I put the question to you because I'll tell you beauty tanners there is a performance element to it. I don't think anyone should do the n-word snare. Travis! Inward. Oh god. I don't even know what that sound is.

Justin does this fun thing whenever he's on set with Biz where he just eats spaghetti and while he has that spaghetti in there while he's eating that olive garden to go he does it with the pasta in and around his mouth. It's really fucking incredible. I just made that sound and it made the side of my tongue buzz really weird. That's really weird. I can't unfeel it. Yeah that's music baby.

That's the music leaving your body that's your tongue orgasming with the pleasure of creating. How does anyone learn how to beatbox? Are they beatboxing dojos? If it's anything it's a dojo yes. I'm pretty sure they just sneeze over and over again and think well that sounds good. Wait do that again sneeze. Do that again sneeze. Sneeze wouldn't be an especially creative name.

My beatbox name is Puss Knees. I've told you guys so many times. I'll shut up Drake. Puss Knees? Puss Knees there's an apostrophe. It's like a bosone I think. Yeah I think this is probably one of the many things you can learn to do on YouTube. Things I learned on YouTube.

I fixed my garbage disposal the other day. Just got up the other day. While learning to beatbox? Yeah yeah yeah. I had him going on two different devices. I was like fixing up this hole in the sink. I guarantee with the sheer amount of shit that's on YouTube you could Google. Teach me how to both beatbox and fix my garbage disposal at the same time.

And you would get like 10 hits. Yeah from my expert village. Hi my name is Phillip. Hi that's my village. Hi hi this is Phillip from Expert Village. Watch me do. And we're done. Now Griffin it sounds like you were doing a combination of beatboxing and scatting.

Which one of, hey guys which one of the three of us do you think is the best beatboxer? You're probably me. I think it's Justin hands down. I just imagined in my head when I said that. When I just said that I imagined in my head the image of a yacht tube, yacht tube. No sorry. Have you been to Jotube? Have you been to Jotube yet?

No the image of a YouTube clip began when I said that. Like that was the beginning of this slam dunk bit. Which one of us is the best beatboxer? That is the question that I posed to you. Well I think, I think Justin I've never heard who beatbox before that I can remember. I've never heard any of the three of us beatbox in my life. I bet it's you. Including and not limited to myself.

I've never heard myself beatbox. So this is largely a theoretical discussion. I can do the you know like the bass drum hits you know boom boom boom that kind of thing. But that's more like a heavy hand knocking on a door. I could do the record scratch but I'd have to warm up first. Can I try? Yes. Drop it.

I gotta get my lips really really wet. All right here I go. Griffin are you proud of yourself right now? Right now we can't even tell ads against this hit bit. This on YouTube. On Jotube. Hold on wait let me try again. Wow Kevin that's funny you just you don't have like a Kevin.

Hold on I'm still working on it. You don't remember me but we we used to work together. I never worked in a funeral home. There's something I can give you a slick point. Hold on it's coming. We're the men in black we have a situation and we need your help. And that's the thing I say every time before I beatbox. Griffin are you just watching men in black?

What is that? Anyway that's just one of the many routines I picked up on at school. The Griffin I just gotta say that was excellent. Yeah thank you. Let me just try one okay. Okay cool here we go. No that's just now Justin. So that just sounds like the dinosaur for baby dinosaur from dinosaurs?

Yes that's great. Alright. Okay now I would like to do one here Yeah okay, But I don't have my computer sound hood up Griffin. So if you could edit in some beatboxing here in here. That would be great. Yeah I'm not going to remember.

Okay just I'll make we'll leave a moment of silence here for you to edit it in. Then let's leave another and extra moment of silence just for this episode. Just like in remembrance of it because it. The moment of silence begins now. Okay, because it died out. No, you have to, you gotta be silent.

Okay. The moment of silence. In the arms of the anus of the way through me. Oh, I spit on my pop filter. Fuck. My dad loves playing the piano. It's his absolute favorite thing to do

and he plays all the time. The problem is, he's so god-awful at it. He's been playing. Please fix my bad piano dad, brothers. See, that's all you need to say. Give him new piano hands. Please, please, sweet brothers. Give my pop a new piano hands.

Please fix his bad piano. He's got these stupid piano hands. He's smart piano hands. By anotic dad. He's been playing ever since I can remember and has never improved. My mother agrees. We would say something,

but my dad is really sensitive. He's even asking if he could stop playing because I'm trying to take a nap. Hurts feelings. What the fuck? How can I find a way to get my dad to start playing less often or hint at this without hurting his feelings?

I'm moving on about three years and I don't know if I can last that long. Oh my god. Billy Joel Jr. No. Man. No, that's from bitter daughter in beautiful British Columbia, Canada.

That's amazing. I love the combination of an overly sensitive and really bad at piano dad. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing a great job in there, but it's four in the morning. Do you think you could maybe keep it down a little bit?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Keep on rockin' in the free world. Thank you, man. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It's green, green, green, green, green, green, green. And now, kids gather around the old, the old key box because daddy's got a special surprise.

It's Canon MD. I just figured out how to do Canon MD. Here it goes. Squink-a-dink, dink-dink, dink-a-dink, squink-a-dink, dink-a-dink, dink-a-dink, dink-a-dunk, dink-a-dunk, dink-a-dunk, squink-a-dink, dink-a-dink, dink-a-dink. Hey, dad, did you hire the DJ for my Keen Saniera?

Oh, no need, darling. I'm gonna play all the hits of today on my old, my old finger guitar here. Sing along if you know this one. Play us the song, you're the piano dad. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Don't you like this one?

This is a sound of a penguins. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. I can do cheerleader. Do you kids like cheerleader? Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. This is basically you're being held as an emotional hostage. And you really, I know I've said this before,

your dad has set up quite the honeypot for you here, an emotional, emotional honeypot. You do need to pack your bags in a new way. You definitely, that's the only solution for you. Your dad has constructed the perfect trap because playing piano is, I think it's even like, there's something implicit when you're playing guitar for somebody, that is an act of courage

because while you're playing guitar, you are almost certainly going to be staring the person dead in the face. That is like a cruel thing you're doing to the person because it forces them to react to your show. Piano, I think there's something implicit that where if people don't like it, you don't see it until you turn around.

So it feels like more of a betrayal, I think. But they were almost by definition laughing behind your back. I think it's pretty late in the year now. And I think something we may have all forgotten is that it's 2015. Oh my God, it's been six months since we've said those words.

And here's the plan. One day, while your dad's playing piano, you're going to say, you know, it sounds a little out of tune and he's going to go, what? Really? And he's like, yeah, I don't know if it's the sound that we need to get a piano tuner in here, but here's the thing.

You and the piano tuner in cahoots, the piano tuner comes in and says, oh yeah, this is like dangerously worn wire. If you keep playing this, it could explode or whatever the equivalent of a piano breaking. No, pianos can explode. Definitely. Yeah, for sure. Because they're under a lot of high tension.

Tune them too tight. It tears himself apart. And he says, I can't tune this. And I also can allow you to keep playing it. My creed as a piano tuner doesn't allow me to leave this dangerous object here. We're going to have to take it away. Problem is, as soon as he says that,

Dr. Strings pops in. He's like, I got it. Oh God, damn it, Dr. Strings, not again. Not again. Dr. Strings, I'm trying to, hold on. Dr. Strings, can you come over here? Yeah, sure, what's crack-a-lackin'? Dr. Strings, listen, can you fucking,

can you fucking lock it down for a fucking second, Dr. Strings, and trying to grift my dad? I'd love to, but you know my jam. I follow around other piano tuners and try to give a better rate. Dr. Strings needs to get his be quiet. Oh, it's the old get rid of the piano from the emotionally sensitive dad scam.

I'm into it. Give me a cool $30, and my help is yours. I can't do anything about that, their key box, but I can do something about that, daddy. What are you saying, Dr. Strings? No, just watch me go. Dr. Strings, are you choking the life out of my father? I'm tuning him.

No, you're killing him. Please, you're killing him, stop. I'm your daddy now. You're never gonna be my dad. Please, please. Dr. Strings, don't kill my dad. I should've never let you out of that lamp. Fuck, Dr. Strings.

Who's gonna take this body away? Hate me. I'm going to body. I'm Dr. Body. You got a body here? Oh, the old bad piano sensitive dad called Dr. Strings. I get it, I'm there with you. Another body, Dr. Strings.

Someday I'm gonna get here before you. Hey, why are you here, do you need the piano tune? I'm trying to pick up some extra cash. That was terrifying. Why did Dr. Strings kill? I really enjoyed the Dr. Strings character until he killed that guy's dad. Yeah, yeah, that was rough.

That was a bad break for Dr. Strings. Here's another yop. No, read the next, I really liked the next one and I want Justin to react to it. Okay. I just knocked my roommate's toothbrushes off the sink and into what can only be described as a hellish, hellish garbage can.

That's a good priorities. Oh my God, no, I have to email the brothers. What can I do? No toothbrush cover thing, no nothing. Just virgin bristles. Does anybody use toothbrush covers? Is that a thing? No, God.

Put a little, I gotta put a little helmet on him. It seems like that would be a breeding ground for bacteria anyway. Yeah, absolutely. To make it worse, moments before I ran the vacuum cleaner over his phone charger and basically shredded that thing like a sharp cheddar. Now I find myself in a quandary.

Do I come clean on either of these misdemeanors? The charger is probably necessary to reimburse for some shit. But how about the toothbrush? SOS. That's from Toothbrushless in Tejas. You guys remember that season? I think it was Real World, where somebody was acting a fool

and so they took that person's toothbrush and they scrubbed the toilet with it. And then it's like the only time I've ever seen in a reality show, like a producer came in and was like, hey, straight up. You gotta have to stop. You can't use that toothbrush because it got pretty, it got kind of gnarly.

Can you believe that that actually happened? I don't normally intercede here. In today's reality show market, they would just like film it like, yeah, let's see it. Yeah. Let's see him put that poopy in his mouth. Let's see him get like all kinds of disease. I want to see him get poopy mouth.

They probably ended in some funny sound effects like, well, it's time to brush my teeth. Yeah. Like a fart. Here's what you do. This is a really easy one, okay? Right now you have a problem because you have done too bad things.

That's not good. That's not great. Here's what I- One bad thing is an accident. Two seems definitely malicious intent. Here's what you need to do. You need to get into your house and mess up everything you can.

Over turn the tables, up in the mill. Take the flowers out of the pot. Throw them on the ground. Explode the piano. Explode the piano. And then do you know what you did? Kill his dad. And then you kill his dad.

And then you know what you do? You go and you get Marma Duke and you get Marma Duke in the house. So when he shows up, you're just like, have your hands in your head like, Marma Duke, no, stop. And you get just, it's all the Duke. That's all.

But in all of that, you also just put the toothbrush back and don't tell him. Yeah, you put the toothbrush back. Wait, just some three, can I just three inconsistencies? There's no inconsistencies with the Marma Duke. No, I've got three off the top of my lid. Okay, got it.

Number one. Okay. How did Marma Duke put the toothbrush back? I gave him knocking it off, but for him to put it back- He didn't put it back. That was an insane thing that Travis said. That doesn't make any sense.

Okay. Number two. Okay. How, he ran the vacuum cleaner? He thinks he's people. And I know, I know, I know what he thinks, but like- The roommate was running the vacuum cleaner

and Marma Duke was like, hey, I'll put this cord in there. And then he just stuck the cord up. Okay. Well, now I've got another fucking inconsistency because Marma Duke definitely didn't speak human English. Do you honestly fucking think

that if you get home and to find that Marma Duke has like upended your whole existence, you're going to kill Perot, the like individual clues. It doesn't make any sense. Justin, not right away. Not right away. But it will burn in his brain.

And two years later, he'd be like, hey, do you remember when Marma Duke was in our apartment and like trashed? How did he run the vacuum? Hey. And also at some point, shouldn't we get separate bedrooms? This seems weird to me.

Well, good night. Number four, just wrecking shit wasn't Marma Duke's thing. He thought he was people and he was like a silly boy and he would like sit on the couch like, look at me, I'm a big silly man. He thought he was people, but he wasn't Dennis of fucking menace. He wasn't the Tasmanian devil.

You know what I mean? Would it have been better? Is Beethoven more palatable to you, Griffin? Fuck me, I was thinking of Beethoven. You were thinking of Beethoven that whole time, right? Damn it. Let me try again. Okay.

Okay, so here's what you did. Right now, your problem is you only have two things that are messed up. Uh-huh, and if it's two things it's intentional. Yeah, two things it's intentional, but what you're going to need to do is ruin everything in your house, right? Like flip your TV over.

Oh, and then go get Beethoven. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is that what you wanted? I've been poached. I've been poached. Griffin edited out the first one and now there's just this one and my movement is gone.

You're modest. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm not like Travis is now. I've been job poached. Travis is going to register, Travis is going to register by tomorrow. The Max Fudd story you're going to have and then you get Beethoven t-shirts.

It's going to have Travis' face coming out of it. Travis, bitch. On the front page of the Financial Times. Now Travis, how did you make your billions? Well, it was my uh-oh, Beethoven, what'd you do shirts? So hold on, wait, you made licensed shirts based on the dog movie franchise, Beethoven, and they didn't know, nobody came for it.

I don't know. Ha ha ha ha ha. It was weird. Now I've seen rumors online that your brother Justin was like, these rumors are false and libelous and scandalous. I no longer speak to my brother. We do still do the show now. We do do the show, yes.

But this is it. We just never directly address each other. It's the two of us talking to Griffin. Yeah, it's funny. If you look back over all the episodes, Justin and Travis never actually speak to each other. It's true, Traff. Wait, oh shit.

Ha ha ha ha. Broke it up. Let's end the program. God, nothing would make me happier than that. I'm feeling good. Considering the last episode that the three of us did, we were so fucking down in the dumps, tired after coming back from LA Pop Fests,

this is a 180 degree turn out. Thank you all for being patient with us while we fucking soaked in the hot tub for a while. And sorry we rewarded your patience with that effort with a best of, it's just like. It was, that weekend was fucking insane. There's just no way. I've seen a lot of people tweeting

and asking about it. Like I know the schedule has been off for like the last two months where we've been putting up episodes like Tuesday morning and late Monday night and all that shit. But like. We're getting it back together. No, just.

Yeah, it's not gonna be a regular thing. It just, August and September were crazy. Cause I feel the same way that like, it's really important to me that podcasts be there like when I'm expecting them, right? Like I've got my week sort of like laid out for how far each podcast has to carry me. And I know that's frustrating when a podcast you like

doesn't show up when you expect it to. So we are genuinely sorry. That is the one contract that we have with you. Yeah. And we have, and we have failed you in that regard. So we are, we are very sorry for that. But. This will be up on Wednesday though.

Yes. So my apologies. This one's gonna go up on Thursday, which is not even a day. It's flirty Thursday. It's flirty Thursday. Hey, what's up? TGIF.

Nope. We want to say thanks again to Meundee's. Meundee's are dedicated to offering the most comfortable underwear and I feel they've succeeded. If you go to meundee's.com slash my brother, you'll get 20% off your first order and 100% on your genitals.

I want you all to, this week, if you have a chance, if there's a maximum fun show you haven't listened to, give it a shot. Give it a listen. We actually did an episode of Jordan Jesse Goh last week. That was our Switch episode. And it was so fun. And we talked about grinding down Fred Savage

into dust and baking him into bread. It was a real hootenanny we did with her friend Chuck Bryant. That's a good show for you to go listen to. We also did The Flop House with our dad. Yeah, we did The Flop House. Where we talked about Levercon origins. You might have missed that because it went up on Saturday.

And if you're doing stuff this week, you may have missed it. But yeah, our Flop House episode is up. But all of the shows are really great and we are really, we love being a part of this network. It is a great thing for us to be a part of. I'm excited about the shows that we do, but I'm also like really excited

about being a part of this bigger thing that I really, I think we're all on the same page. Just like really love. So yeah, go listen to the other shows. I would like to say a pretty huge thank you to Jeremy Baker. Jeremy Baker, when I limited that, we had not been to Disneyland yet. He hooked me up with a couple of passes

and Teresa and I went for our anniversary. Yeah, he had some employee passes and Teresa and I spent our two-year wedding anniversary at Disneyland and it was absolutely magical and it was really, really great. And so we wanted to say thank you to Jeremy and we really appreciate the hookup. Thank you so much.

Yeah, thanks, Jeremy. That's real sweet. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. You can find it on iTunes, you can find it on Amazon, you can find it wherever music is sold to really, really.

You should also just treat yourself and go down a rabbit hole, go on YouTube and just search John Rodgerick and watch every, I found this thing he did where he was just playing in someone's living room and they filmed it really nice and he does a version of King of Carrot Flowers. Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's incredible, highly recommended.

Oh, we haven't mentioned in a while, we have the My Brother, My Brother, and Me Facebook group. Go check that out and also follow us on Twitter at mbmbam. It's not mbmbam, the fan page. There's two things, I don't know why, but you want the My Brother, My Brother, and Me, what is it, appreciation group? Is that what it's called?

Yeah, okay, yeah. As long as we're playing stuff, I also do want to plug Justin and I do a series for Polygon called Monster Factory in which we play video games and we make horrible looking mutant beings and the character creators. We're gonna have a new episode up today

where we played Bloodborne and we made a toucan man who hates guns. It's an episode with a really great message. Anyway, you can find that on Polygon's YouTube channel, it'll go up sometime today. I'm also gonna plug then, Can I Pet Your Dog, the podcast I produced on maximumfun.org. We just had an episode with Ann Wheaton.

Oh, shit. Yeah, who many people will know from the internet and such. She was absolutely wonderful, absolutely lovely. Talked a lot about all the dog related charities and stuff that her and her husband will participate in and she was a really great guest and so go check out that episode.

Go check out all the episodes. I think you'll really, really like them. It's a really great show. We've got a final Yahoo here. It's said in by Yadru answers, Druid, Dru Davenport. Fuck, I fucked that up. Anyway, thanks, Drew.

It's by Yadru answers user. Sorry, something has gone wrong. Shonda asks. Shonda Rhyme. Shonda Rhyme asks. Who invented Crash Bandicoot? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy.

I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, my brother, kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Baby girls, do you want to say that I want to?

Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hello, I'm Taco, the elephant magician. We're all high church here, the master of clerical magic. I'm Magnus Bernziedes,

Did you guys like that? Did you, the listener, like that? You were just swept up in a world of high fantasy magic where anything can happen and anything is possible. Hi, I'm Griffin McRoy, Dungeon Master for the Adventure Zone, a new podcast on Maximumfun, in which magic and mystery intertwine

for a very erotically charged role-playing experience. You can catch it every other Thursday here on Maximumfun.org for our iTunes. It's for Dungeons and Dragons, but with family.