My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 273: Smizing Through the Tears

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

We have nothing, now, Tyra. You have taken everything from us. Are you happy? Was this the endgame, the whole time? We will never know happiness again, Tyra. We have nothing. Suggested talking points: ANTM Memorial Clip Show, Profile Palette Cleanser, The Gym Factory, McElroy Family Shakedown, When I Am Coach, Fashion Secrets

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a new place And the girls, do you want it? Just say, hey, I want it Just say, hey, I want it I will remember you

Do-do-do-do Will you remember me? Do-do-do-do Boys in the house Don't let your smiles pass you by Smiles not for the booty to-juh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me in certain number here. Funeral for a friend

I can't Bye-bye, Tai-Tai How could this happen? Did I do this? Did I do this because of in the last episode I made fun of beauty-tainment? It's, listen, if I could take it back- Are you there, dawg? It's me, Griffin If I could take it back, I would take it. I'm gonna do- I've made my decision I'm gonna delete the last episode of the podcast from the internet because I was making jotes

I was making jotes with a T Because that's what I've started to call them That's what Tyra calls them That's what Tyra calls them because she just has to get as much Tyra and stuff as she possibly can I was making jotes at the expense of America's next top model, cycle 2.2 or 22, depends on who you ask Boys in the house Boys in the house, boys still in the house, boys are in X-Triple Gokubu from the house If I may interject, boys

Please interject I didn't- I have not kept up with America's next top model boys in the house Well, it's because you're a piece of shit and you don't care about things that make me and Justin happy You know, this is just a rare opportunity. It's just so real- It's so nice that we have someone here whose fault it is Yeah, I mean- Yeah, it's me that I can blame But let me ask you this

Was it cancelled because of flagging quality? Was- Is the la- Has the last season- You know, Tyra's- Noticably bad No, you stupid piece of shit No, you dumb dumb idiot It flew too close to the sun and it was too close to perfection and God killed it Well, it sounds like Tyra put out a statement on Instagram, on the IG platform

That I'm sure she posted with her opal phone or whatever and she posted it and was like I think cycle 22 is the last one That was her statement and as if it was Tyra's choice If it was Tyra's choice, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine I'm starting to think that there is maybe some external pressure Maybe you saw I wanted to renegotiate his contract And as a power move instead of renegotiating the contract They just bring the whole fucking show down around him

I don't know, maybe Ms. J Maybe Ms. J is tired of doing this Maybe Ms. J wants to become an astronaut or something Maybe Ms. J just wants to focus on travel or something I don't know And they just burn the show down around Ms. J What if? What if? What if? What if? They're gearing up for 3.0

No, stop it Don't even tease me First of all, that would mean- With the CGI Tyra bags No, first of all, that would mean they were skipping 8 seasons To jump directly to season 30 Listen, I'm happy Don't be sad because it's gon' be happy because you loved it

In the first place And it was here and gave us 22 great years of programming But it's- When Tyra was just 7 years old, she started Yeah, Ms. Banks is 29 And that's how she looks Basically, it was the best show ever It was ever on television

I was just hoping we could start- Oh, by the way, it's- My brother, my brother, me, it's a pleasure for the moderator No, we said it It's not where I'm at My oldest brother- Did we introduce ourselves? We didn't introduce ourselves

I don't think so I'm Travis, I'm your middlest brother I don't get a name this week All you need to know about this voice That you're hearing your ears right now Is that it's desperately sad This is not a joke I think about stuff like-

I think about- I think about things because I'm a C30 common A C30 common And once I hit 30, it's like, what's the point? And I've reached this point where like- Cool I see a- I see like a-

I eat like a really good pizza And it's like, that's great But now that pizza is behind me For the rest of my life, I've eaten that pizza That pizza moment has passed And I have that about the thing in my life That meant the absolute most to me The most to you

I was hoping we could start this episode With just some remembrances If we could do that Of some of our favorite moments Griffin, do you think we could kill a few minutes By inserting your remembrance of the freshest moment In all of Top Model history? Just to re-

Oh yeah, we'll cut that in right now And please enjoy This is our clip show Inremembrance of- Inremembrance Of A&TM The boys were in the house And now no one's in the house

No one's in the fucking house For three- You gave us- You gave us three seasons You gave us three seasons They found their footing after 20 fucking seasons This how you do me! It's the clip

I praise you for years This how you do me! The new cycle of America's Next Top Model started Which I was not aware Yeah, it started Fucking Justin, 2.0 They changed the goddamn game Boys in the house

So they're boys in the house? They're girls in the house too But there's also boys in the house And let's just say Things get A little sexy Did you- Sorry, did you hear that?

I put a little too much smoke in that I've missed a month That was a little smoky Yeah I can describe everything that's happened in every season So- or in every episode First episode First episode

They line them all up at the top of staircase And they say guys Go pick a girl from the other side Walk down the staircase Do a pose That's how they introduce all the guys and girls to each other This one super fucking fresh dude Walks to the stairs

Looks at the women Shakes his head No, this will not do Turns around to the dudes Picks a dude, walks down the stairs Kisses him on the mouth Turns to everyone like What's up?

Fucking crowd like Just burns the fucking building down around them Just like starts tearing down stairs Like the dopest thing I've ever seen Fuck It's the fucking dopest moment in reality show history The other dude- The other dude was like straight as an arrow

Like I don't even fucking care That was the freshest and dopest thing I'll ever be a part of It is required watching Also they've changed the theme song So it does the want to be on top A guy's voice comes in and goes Boys in the house And it's my favorite

It's it beats out growing pains It beats out full house It beats out family matters for greatest theme song Still fresh You know he actually retweeted that clip He did thank you God Yeah

It's gone I tried to get him on as a guest But I forgot his first name It was either Corey or Cody I think it was Cody I think it was Coby I think it was Corey I think it was Coby Smulders

He was the freshest dude ever And it and it doesn't matter Because the show's over now I think it was Cody right Corey it was Corey Definitely it was Corey I think it was Corey Roy

Hi Corey Wade I was just kidding I knew your name all the time He's your fucking freshest help You're fucking fresh Couldn't get Corey We did get Katarzyna From Cycle 16 But unfortunately

She didn't Want to Didn't want to Didn't wasn't contacted about it I want to tell you My favorite ANTM moment that I think Sydney and I have probably talked about

More than any other is At one point they were in I would assume Africa If you never watched The girls and sometimes the guys In the later years For three beautiful fucking seasons Yeah

For three perfect seasons They at the second The back half of the season They would take the girls or the guys to an exotic locale And in one cycle It was cycle six if memory serves There was an elephant in this challenge And the girls were supposed to pose with the elephant

And one of the models decided she tried something a little crazy And she stood on an elephant's foot And then The next model saw that shot And then she stood on the elephant's foot as well for her shot And she got called out on it by the other models And her defense was I'm never going to have an opportunity like this again

I just wanted to stand on an elephant's foot for once Yeah Still like it was amazing Like this was a lifelong dream that she was finally Being able to fulfill and the other models were trying to rob her of it Dear mom and dad It's finally happened It's happened

I think my favorite moment was in season I think it was 16 Don't No you don't you haven't earned this I was in dare you I think the second episode someone in the house was murdered And the rest of the season was a who'd done it With detective Tyra I think that was my favorite

That was the that was the aborted ABC series who'd done it And they only did one season that which is also another show TV crime And I cannot delve into this with you That show was a TV crime I agree with you listen I think the who's gonna it had something to do with the broken aquarium I didn't watch it That's literally the first episode you watched a commercial for it once stop top It all blends together I think there were boys in that house too though

I think there have been boys in a lot of houses Griffin Travis right now you're running right now you're running your mouth Like a lot of art I love you dear listeners A lot of you guys when this shit when this horrible news dropped and I was devastated And I got on Twitter just like tearing open my heart and just Scorching it down on the internet And let everybody know just like where I was as a person I was really putting myself out there and I got a lot of people like

Looks like no one's in the house And it's like Do you guys not do not get it Like do you not get the basic human like connection They just have all this We were doing this podcast in the hopes of someday being called on And a guest judge maybe as part of a teach Maybe like those brothers that taught the models the swirl

Remember the swirl What would you want to teach I'm excluding myself from this because I would not qualify What would you two teach the models Travis they had twins named the a swirl twins That taught the women how to swirl That was the whole teach I could do I could teach them

The stanky leg Let's move on to talking about questions that people have Because honestly I can't do this This eulogy that we've been delivering I thought it was going to be like weirdly liberating But no I'm just this is just my life now Is I'm just going to be sad about A&T and forever If you know Tyra Banks

And you want to put this in front of her just to let her know about how her selfishness Or whatever happened has has just completely destroyed two human souls Um, please do that What what what if we take this tragedy we turn it to opportunity We kickstart season 23 We fund it we produce it independent We stream it on like crackle And it's all macaroy funded

Okay I would feel really uncomfortable Yeah I'm not Do you think you'd be too close to the art No like if I had to like evaluate people's bodies and shit No we wouldn't host it We wouldn't host it We're just funded we're the money I'm not going to step on Tyra's intellectual property

Her type E No she would keep doing it We're just giving her the money to keep doing it I don't think the money was the issue Let's move on I can't I can't I can't even do fun goose about it It's the saddest thing that's ever happened Ever

When one changes Come on Do you want me to read it Fucking shit yeah if you don't mind traffic When one changes their avatar or profile picture To support a worthy cause or to mourn a tragic event How long should one wait before changing their profile Back to some meaningless bullshit filled with cats

That's from supportive but don't want it to be my whole thing Can I change is there any sort of twibbin I can put on my profile just to let everybody know How just completely gutted I am about ANTM Yeah why where is that ANTM Memorial Ribbon Twibbin At what point girlfriend would you change it back Never

Never This is the answer I've still got the I still have rainbow avatar on Facebook For when they made all the marriage Great and When they fixed marriage Yeah when they tweaked it And I still have not changed that back

Pretty much I think I'm the last bastion Cause I see everybody I know is change it back Like over it already huh Yeah Well okay I would say if you change it back you're basically a homophobe I mean I think that's fair Well I wouldn't say go that far

It's just like your priorities are maybe not especially good It's like go royals Here's my royals pride here's me in a royals hat And it's like well that's fine and everything But I guess the thing that's like more important to me Is how like a whole like group of people were disenfranchised And then like we sort of like fixed that it came together You know what the problem is

We don't have like a profile picture palette cleanser Like so say you switch your profile picture to like support like anything You know what I mean? You support like gay marriage right Whatever you change it to next People are like oh I guess you care about that more than that cost So what you need is like just a neutral like beach shot Like it's just a urchin that everyone uses

A picture of some pickled ginger Yes something that everybody like when you put it up everyone goes like Oh okay he's gonna transition But he's letting us know he's resetting back to one Yeah And then the next picture is something else Rather than it's not about which one you care about more I uh I think that what you're missing is

If you hang on to one of these causes long enough Eventually it's going to be ironically hysterical Like don't you wish you had sat on your Coney 2012 ribbon Until now because people would think you were just off the chain That's our team at this point Yeah You're loaked for Coney I'm still coming by the way Coney

I'm still coming after you I'm still coming for you I'm still on my eye out Listen New Year's Eve 2012 the ball dropped a lot of people were like All right guys time to move on not me No I was seething three two one Ah fucking I can't even get excited about 2013

I can't get excited about 2013 because they're kind of delaying TM in two years What do I go through there? What if every day you just scooted your profile picture over like one percent And scooted a new picture in one percent And if you did it slow enough people wouldn't notice Yeah People would never see it coming It says I see a picture of it looks like half your face

And it looks like you might be eating like a big piece of deep dish pizza And then like but weirdly to the right like there's a weird jump cut and then it says Coat And I'm not sure like what's going What's going on there? What's going on there? Um you guys want a yahoo? Yeah I guess that's what we do on this dumb shit

We gotta get over this fucking thing This yahoo was sent in by level 9000 Yah true true true That's important thank you true It's by an anonymous yah true user Call him Coney Coney asks We found him Well he wasn't he wasn't missing was he?

Why I have no idea Okay great I just said that two years before I started caring about current events Just so everybody doesn't think we're like total idiots I'm sure Coney's still out there and still sucks There's nothing funny about Coney There is something funny about Coney 2012 That was the craziest name for a campaign ever

Just want to say Okay Yeah Coney's the worst Alright so Coney asks Listen we don't want to make light of Coney But anyway I'm imagining that Coney is on yahoo answers and ask this Teen fun crazy camps? Oh

Does anyone know a camp for teenagers? Where you just go crazy and have insane parties Like a rave kind of party without drugs or alcohol I'm looking for an organization that's weekly Um wait a weekly camp? Yeah Like at last a week or you go every week to party camp I think they're saying every seven days

You roll up to rave camp Uh huh But no drugs and alcohol No drugs and alcohol you're just high on being at camp And you just lose your mind in a dark room I was thinking this person was basically describing the burn Until they got to the part about no drugs or alcohol And then they were definitely definitely not describing the burning man

Like for sure not Um No it sounds like I could go to teen clubs I mean when you were a teen not like as a kid Well yeah I think we've God we've talked at length about the gym factory before haven't we? I believe so If so it's been a while but yeah I used to go

There was a place called the gym factory Which does not sound like a place Where hundreds of like 14 year olds would go to get their first hand job Um But it is where hundreds of 14 year olds went to get their first hand job Because there's a dark room in the back of a sort of gymnastics facility Or you'd go train for gymnastics But then there's a dark stinky back room

Where 14 year olds would go and be in the dark and just get wild on each other No alcohol no drugs but all the hand jobs you can handle You know that show Wild and Crazy Kids That show got its name from the time That fucking um anyone from that show Omar good no was it Omar Gooding And Donnie Jeffcoat Jeffcoat yeah yeah they were in they walked up and Jim I want to say the woman's name was Anita But I'm not sure no you're wrong on that

But they rolled up on the gym factory on a fateful Friday night And the just the stink blast just hit him And Donnie yelled these are some Wild and Crazy Kids and Omar snapped his fingers and pointed at the sky That's it Magic Donnie and then they started just butt freaking on each other because that's what happens Oh my god you go there on Friday night and you have yourself a butt party And um so yeah I mean I used to go there and that was weekly but it wasn't camp like there weren't any pup tints I mean there were if you know

What I'm talking about teen boners Uh for sure teen boners There is a film of course from 1987 called party camp Yeah, uh, if I may be so bold as to read the one sentence descriptor from wikipedia Yeah, please the plot revolved around a teenager who takes a job as a summer camp counselor Only to spend the whole experience partying and creating hijinks It sounds like he does films and then say what movie is that and people are like, uh Meatballs 8000 movies

Heavy weights all of them all movies meatball inception I'm pretty sure you've just described apocalypse now Uh, look this would be a pretty dope camp. I feel like I would really enjoy being at camp light stick It sounds like it would be a pretty sick time If you showed up and you like had watched all of these like meatballs one through 12 And you're like, oh whimsical crazy experiences at camp and you shut up and it was just like, you know

Around about five we'll do dinner and you're like, and then it gets crazy and they're like, no No, we might have like a Cookout maybe roast marshmallows, but everybody's usually in bed by eight and then the counselors get to get no No, we just do why were they advertising as a party camp Travis? Yeah, this is party. You've just because it's owned by donald party and his family It's a family. Oh, shit the the party the uh the the donald j party camp of falconry and early bedtimes Why don't you have this camp a black limo just blasting Uh drum and bass music like rolls up into the middle of camp. They're like, oh my god. It's him

He opens the door of falcons fly out. It's don party That was the falcons fly out And it's just an old bald man. He says, what are you guys still doing up? Donald it's 545. Yeah, I know this is my camp. I set the rules Just kidding She's an arrow into a bullseye clear across camp Fuck yeah, but the bullseye explodes and it was full of DMT to spirit mall And he's like, I guess you're wondering why I'm all I'm here and everybody's like, yeah

And he's like does anybody remember the password to our quick books account? I forgot it And then he played the electric guitar. Oh, I thought that was falcons Falcon playing electric guitar. Oh, fuck. This sounds good for for a lame old man Don party sounds pretty cool. Wouldn't this be exhausting though? Like wouldn't you also need a chill out camp? Like next door like the camp across the lake. That's the few like, oh, they're so chill Like I was about to describe chill out camp

Which would be a camp where you just chill out like sit around a fire relax Make like uh some crafts and shit. No, I Yeah, you're just describing camp. Yeah, like you have some orange juice and some snacks Oh, so wait have every camp I ever been to Has every one been a chill out camp for another cooler party camp next door that I just didn't get the memo on There's always a cooler camp. There's always a cooler camp. You're never at the coolest camp Unless your camp nowhere that place was crazy. Yeah camp. Nowhere was wild Oh man, you guys all hey listeners, you all know that Justin Travis and I were all in the hit film camp nowhere, right?

I was Christopher Lloyd's butt double We get who's any time a podcast mentions it You watched camp nowhere And you went with your parents thinking like this is going to be a fun summer romp And it and it was save for like the six or seven explicit Christopher Lloyd's sex scenes that butt that you saw you're like, I don't want to see Doc Brown's asshole. That wasn't here's a little bit of movie magic. Let me take you bts That was my asshole

They did those extended scenes completely unnecessary and contextless. That was the year that we invented CGI I have fucking fucking weta doing stuff on this asshole Did you also do the love scenes with susan luchi or was that uh, uh, that was that Christopher Lloyd improper? Uh, no, that was actually uh, they they were very much in love during that make of that movie So that was white shots Lloyd close-ups Griffin, right all of the passion that you got From that romance that was real passion and I can't I'm I'm a great butt actor I can't fake that. No that kind of butt chemistry. You can't you can't learn that Stanislavsky said that can't teach that butt chemistry

I have a close friend who is falling headfirst into what is so clearly a pyramid scheme And it's changed him noticeably in the past few weeks. He's always been a classic hippy stoner type But recently he's been dressing like ward cleaver and speaking like a life coach He's also trying to get another friend tonight to come into what he calls dinners with the business And he paid up front what I expect is thousands of dollars to these people without knowing what he was getting into How does my how do my friend and I get him to see that he's being sucked into something shitty? That's from concerned in Connecticut

You got to be careful about this because you know, some people are getting rich somehow And maybe this guy's plugged in somebody's got to be at the top of the pyramid. Yeah Um Also, I feel like you're very casually throwing pyramid scheme in there when I think that this is much more likely a cult Yeah, for sure I got a real culty vibe. I get a real culty. I think it's the um the change of dress the ward cleaver very uh Whatever dealing with like a stepford husband or a stepford single guy The single guys I had a friend that I once thought was getting into like a

a pyramid scheme she was selling a Uh, well, it doesn't matter, but I For like we went to a party at her house where she was selling this stuff and I thought oh man I like this girl a lot. She's getting into a pyramid scheme. I think I'm really worried about her flash forward to like Two years later. She's fucking taking vacations to Mexico and has an army of people working underneath her like She's at the top of the pyramid, you know, somebody gets there. Yeah, somebody's gonna be at the top I mean, I would say in your friend's defense if he's making the transition from hippie stoner type To like dressing well and speaking positively and doing a thing. Maybe just let it play out

Like yeah, it doesn't sound like he had his shit together to begin with Now, let me say this Okay You miss the point where you can do anything for this friend because they're already They are already like Tens of thousands of dollars into oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's he gonna do walk away? You don't use not gonna refund You cannot walk away stoner type friend get thousands of dollars Well, maybe throw away on dinners. Maybe he's been saving up

Um, but anyway that money's gone now and if he leaves now Then tyre is gonna hunt him down. I mean, uh, the whoever is running this pyramid scheme is gonna hunt him down and so Uh, so I I just need the two of you to please buy some fucking makeup for me, please Griffin are you having some problems being an inner beauty tainer? I I am having Problems, but they are not Unsolvable they're called problem tunities

the tyre told us to call him probable prunis close and I The two of you Hold the keys Griffin, where are you? Where are you recording from? I'm in I'm in my house. And then that's that's uh, where I can't leave the key lutions If you will you guys have the key lutions to my probable prunities

Okay, close Um, please I've never asked you to for anything please please God please how much money do you need griffin all the money you have This is a this is a family wide shakedown miss banks

This bank said I'm going to ruin the macaroy family That's why she quit andio because she's she said quote I'm gonna own their asses full time. She does guys. I this is bad This is real real bad. I didn't read anything Because tyre delivered me the contract in a sterling silver briefcase that said tyre on it And she cracked it open And showed it to me and I said tyre. I don't know why you would try and fuck me And so I signed it without reading it and she didn't just fuck me

She fucked my everyone. She fucked everyone in our whole family. I'm so sorry Justin you're your beautiful baby daughter. I'm afraid that her name is not charlie anymore. What is it? It's tooch Your daughter's my niece's name is tooch. It's tyre adopted her Nope, but she does have her griffin signed her away. What like jareth and labrith tyre stole my baby when I wasn't paying attention Yeah, I mean you still have to like take care of her because miss tyre is busy, but And please it's miss tyre. Um, she does not Guys i'm in a lot of trouble. I don't understand why you don't just go to the dinner

Like I'd go to the dinner. It's free. What are they gonna do? They can't make you do anything. It's still america When I go to the dinners tyre makes me eat the silverware Okay, well not this is evolved past you owe her money to she is torturing you Yeah, she's turning you out at this point. She's a bully She is not a bully. She is the ruler. She's the precious queen of america And if I hear you say one more bad word about her travis I'll burn your shit down. Do you still need money? I need el the money you have please She needs it griffin won't really interact with it much griffin's more of a conduit of fun

Um, I'm just kidding. This is this is all been a joke. I'm sure tyre banks is a lovely person. Um Uh It was not a joke I really do need all the money that the two of you have just just venmo it to me I'll send you some I'll send you a couple requests. I don't know how to use venmo. Yeah Can I just like mail you a cashier's check? I had to sign up for it today to help pay for a pizza and I realized that you can request money from people using the app

And so I immediately requested 100 000 american dollars from my friend eric and I told him you know what it's for Uh, what do we do here's the thing if he pays it. I never have to work again a day in my fucking life That's true. It's a one good risk. I know you're listening thinking 100 000. That's not like you don't know I can stretch that shit white out first griffin's an extreme coup honor I'm gonna take 50 g's put it all on black spin that wheel 50 g's on red I'm put 50 g's on red too win-win baby. Oh shit. It hit the green one Oh, oh it bounced out and rolled down the carpet and went outside Eric's gonna get another venmo request another hundred stacks

All right, I'm getting this show back on track Do one of the things that we normally do a yahoo answer. Maybe you got one of those Another thing that we also do a lot of Um, is we go to the money zone Have we earned it? If only we talked about money enough to make a good transition. Oh, well, this is me. This is me venmoing Everybody eliciting their ear dollars I Zip recruiter

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I knew you were gonna say that did you? Yeah, I did. Are you a precog? I'm a precock A hundred plus job sites and six million resumes. That's like that's a really good return Like I I have done hiring for a couple different businesses now and it Is grueling Like to try to find a way to get your job posting in front of the right people and then to kind of sort through and say Well, yeah, but how do I know we got the best applicant? How do we know we got everyone? We possibly could six million resumes. You're getting the best people

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It automatically filters out all the resumes of racist people. That's cool That's a and it puts you into the running to be hired as the fourth macroi brother. That's true They say they post a hundred plus job sites. I'm sitting here thinking about that number for the first time That's a lot. I'm pretty sure there aren't that many like do people need jobs that bad in the world Are there people looking for jobs? They must be getting into some niche stuff, right? Like Arkansas ice cream tasters for you.com stuff like that. Like fun jobs fun jobs dot fart That only qualifies you to work at the funny bone. How many of those are geo cities now? Listen fun jobs dot fart It's it's a fun name, right?

Obviously, we're all laughing and having a great time on this podcast saying the words fun jobs Fart and it is with a z. Thanks for asking. Yeah fun jobs with a z dot fart What kind of jobs are on fun jobs dot fart? Here's the thing though, Charles It it started as a joke, right? And they did like a joke commercial that joke commercial Accidentally ran during the super bowl now everybody's using fun jobs dot fart, but they can't change the name or else people won't be able to find the website anymore Let that be a lesson to you. Is it random slash my brother? That's the that's url for you I know it's not a competitor zipper cruder.com Definitely post a fun jobs dot fart. So

So you're covering all your bases. You're all good now listen Making making up beautiful websites in my brain and sharing them with the world is exhausting and hungry work Well, there's only one thing you can do about that girlfriend. That's go to naturebox.com slash my brother From sacks like peanut butter nom nom or sororary or hot check hash shoes Uh, it says here I can substitute in my favorites if I like the uh favor for me is of course Parmesan garlic pop pops I was enjoying some before we started the recording and it almost tore my family apart because they had auditory flavor taste dream sensation auditory

Can I give you an auditory sample of parmesan garlic pop pop? No you fucking can't no i'm gonna edit it out And you'd only be doing it to me in travis and I hate that don't do that. Don't do it. Don't do that. Don't do that Don't do it. No problem. I said no problem. You're just sitting there with them in your fucking mouth now I can hear how it's changed your tongue shapes God no no From snacks like peanut butter nom nom or sororary cashews. Uh, my favorite is uh, I left that in the show Oh good mini belgian waffles. I like that. Okay, nature box has over 100 delicious snacks to choose from They get delivered directly to your doorstep. They have brand new choices every single month

Nature box is full of flavor, but without any of the junk so head to naturebox.com slash my brother and unbox a world of taste and possibility So that's naturebox.com slash my brother for your first box of a hand-fixed accent directly to your doorstep a world of taste and Possibly it's like ribbon you open you open the box of nature box and you're transported to a world in which Everything tastes like something a world of pure imagination if you will you eat some peanut butter nom nom's and then you see A little goat man and he's doing a dance. He's putting you a lullaby on an ocarina The lion the witch and the pop-up do not follow him. I cannot stress this enough

He is killed before and he will kill again. So listen, you're gonna be confronted With his horny visage every time you eat anything from nature box, but the flavors are great Just remember you take a bite and you swallow it You're gonna see this goat man turn right around do not acknowledge do not go with him Do not he will tell you that unless he knows the secret password that your parents gave you when they sent someone to pick you up Do not go with that goat man I know you're thinking in this fantasy world. I feel like i'm invincible. You're not you're not That is merely the flavor. That's the flavor overwhelming you if you die in the nature box dream fever

You die in real life I got a message for emma. Yeah, the most amazing girlfriend ever blanket ship. That's a mouthful of a name But as from her incredibly handsome and talented loving and modest boyfriend Who does not provide his name here? So i'm going to call him dougie Happy birthday. Emma. Congrats on it's me dougie your boyfriend that you love your boyfriend named dougie Congrats on reaching 21. Teach me how to No, can I finish this fucking please please do you're amazing and beautiful P. S. How cool is it that the macaroids are talking about you? Well, dougie. It's very cool

I feel like maybe we're giving dougie a little bit more attention to emma and I don't think that's what dougie intended So let's turn our our gaze away from dougie. We've had a lot of fun with him today Uh, okay. I'm opening my heart to emma the most amazing girlfriend ever blanket ship uh Doesn't have many details for us to sort of ruminate about emma 21, huh time to sip on some Alcohol or if you don't drink alcohol, that's fine too. Either way Um, I'm gonna see what I can uncover about her on facebook. Oh god. No, that's creepy Yeah, I'll just open up her facebook and see what Jesus. Justin. No, that's no problem. No problem at all

Says right here. She's into fattywap Sorry How about this? I got another message that I'm ready for it and it's for everyone. Oh, shit Let me try this again and give it up. Maybe the proper, uh, uh I don't know broadcast it deserves this message is for you Listener at home. You're listening to this or in your car or on the street Wherever you are this message is for you and it's from ryan hupperts And ryan hupperts wants you the listener at home

He wants to say to you Hey, what's up? And I left the little pods there for you to answer ryan don't say it now because you'll interrupt one of us Um, but I just hope that sort of instinctively you're like not much ryan just chilling or uh eating a hot dog ryan with my dad or um You know back at the back of the gym. It's uh It's chest day or something like that whatever blasted it. Yeah, um, but just like Let ryan know what you're doing. He's worried about you. Um, maybe he wants to take part Maybe he wants to be a part of of what you're doing. Maybe he also wants to eat hot dogs with your dad

Yeah, why don't you just connect with him? I'm sure he's on linkedin. You can email. Yeah, how come you never call ryan? Yeah, right rydog at uh, uh, uh rydog.fart dog.fart Is another place he's contactable um But anyway ryan, uh, I'm recording a podcast with my brothers to answer your question

I'm tracking my fantasy football scores son of a bitch ryan I'm worrying that the first half of our podcast wasn't very funny because we started started on a very honest yet Dower note for about 10 minutes. So that's what I'm doing right now ryan That's what we do though We throw ourselves in the comedy briar patch by being not funny for a long time And then from that we hone it like a diamond or a sword Hi, I'm lisa hannah walt and i'm emily heller and if you're not listening to our podcast baby geniuses You're missing out on stuff like camille nandiani solving the zodiac murders

Who's like would you ever go to a friend and you're like, hey, could you look all these look all these envelopes for me? You'd be like you're a serial killer Definitely i'm leaving right now Guy brandham talking about ruth bader ginsburg. Um, and it was it was just a great moment of lag Oh, no, i'm here boys like i'm on this side of the bench Megan amram talking about intimidating barista's just feel like they're always in character Like they're always in character as like cool hipster girl And I just want to break through that barrier

Plus every week we explore a new wikipedia page and talk to a crazy expert in the field of nonsense Well, any any hack can make you not have a boner. I mean that's it's about how you do it Right and we're the only podcast with regular updates about martha stewart's pony or your money back We're not gonna get them their money back, are we? No, let's keep it. Yeah, listen to our show every other monday on maximum fun. Yay Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah This yahoo was sent in by zoe kansky climbing the ladder. Thank you, zoe. It's by yahoo answers user

Sela cake who asks A good name for a sports drink I have to design a brand new product and it had to be a sports drink. Do you guys have any good name ideas? Thank you so much smiley face me and my partner can't think of a good name I don't know if this is like a school project and they're talking about like their um Like their school partner and economics class or something or if it's just like their light their life partner their love partner

But I do like that. They gave us literally no information to work off except that it is a sports drink Yeah, is it a like flavored drink? Does it have electrolytes in it? Well, you know some kind of protein milk This is how things work in in r&d travis and I've worked on a lot of Rad is what we call it in the business I've worked on a lot of rad and really the name informs the product you name you name the shit And then you decide what the shit's gonna be based on the cool name that you've decided because you sell the name You don't sell the juice Do kids still like irony in names of stuff? No, they're they're they're post-ironic at this point

Oh, shit. Okay. I was gonna say lazy juice Lazy juice. That'd be ironic. Um, that's just what I call alcohol though Has anybody actually listen listen listen. I like that good, but that made me very happy. Thank you Listen, has anybody actually made haterade? Like has anybody made it like he's gonna be taken nobody owns that trademark, right? Like could you buy some actual thing called haterade? I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let you get that in the same way that they wouldn't let me go out and they wouldn't let me trademark like

Joke of cola Because the sound they wouldn't let me go out and they wouldn't let me trademark depsy, which is a difference brown carbonated Sugar water for you to enjoy at home or diet depsy or pie. It would actually be pie at depsy You could probably though get Patrick Dempsey to be your spokesman for depsy. Hi everybody, this is Patrick Dempsey This is gonna get confusing You might want to turn subtitles on folks you're gonna notice this ad is four minutes and 30 seconds long You're gonna need to hang in there. Okay

A lot of this is gonna listen. It's not Pepsi and it's also not Dempsey although it sounds like it No, it's not dim. No, it's not called Dempsey I and I then you have to worry about someone going out and making Dempsey Yeah, or no, they couldn't call it Dempsey. They would have to call it like simpsy or something. I'm johnny dapsey and this is uh The good news is I know we're stressed. We brew it here in Poughkeepsie. Yeah, maybe good news would be like a good name Give me some of that good news like pour me up a glass of good news. Oh, I like that

I Whenever I go to a bar ever again, Justin, that's what I'm gonna say to the bartender. Let me get some of that good news partner So, excuse me, what do you want? Oh, you know, can I get a good news in vodka, please? Um, uh, here's can I give you guys some answers that yeah, who provided? Fuck yes, you can Lisa Provided the best answer which was in all caps and it's pretty good extra sport

Okay, that's real good And then question mark provided a bunch of real stinker roos like frizzin frizzin What? What does that have to do with sport? Is that unless you're like directly marketing to sports in prison? Yeah, no like fr i z z e in not like not like prison Is that what you thought I said was prison? I thought you said prison I did say frizz because it's for prison For for prison for prison. That's actually the next suggestion

Uh, the one after that is cool quick and then there's Quicks and then there's ice sport and then there's bolt beta and then there's whoa hold on hold on hold on Bolt beta it hasn't quite made it out of the research and development phase yet working on thank you for helping us test our fluid Uh, let's talk about power beat Um, give me a glass that power beat you gotta drink it out of a glass because it's fucking artisanal I just won the big sports game and thanks power beat. You gave me jumping energy I want to talk to you guys about aqua leet. What's aqua leet you say? Well, I think it's aqua athlete

Like you know what like aquaman here's a similar vein fresh leet Fresh leet is very good. How about vox? Just it in my employer and it means power in latin. I'm like a hundred percent sure. That's not true. That's not accurate Yeah, pretty sure it does not mean that levitas means lightning in latin again pretty sure. No the pooch there Yeah, incorrect You know what's the whole market that no one's capitalized on power beat Sports drinks served hot Oh, that's a great. That's a great point Travis

Where's your like hot sports drinks? Give me some of that power tea Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe a nice like it's just a boiling hot cup O.T. Because you watch these sportsmen right the sportsmen they play out in the snow sometimes Sometimes it's like raining and it's cold and you don't want something icy and cold when you are icy and cold What about like a hot cocoa kind of hair you drinking a hot toddy? No, it's hot body get on right It's right there. We're gonna lose. I gotta say something though. We're gonna end

A lot of coaching careers early No, no, no, no, no, no, uh, what should we do coach? It's a third and one Putt, uh, definitely putt. Are you sure? We're he's anybody seen coach. He's like he just left We're in field goal range. You think no, no, no, no, no. No, this is what you do. We're gonna do the old Ball dropsy. What's the ball dropsy? Just you'll figure it out. Just get out there. Please god. Don't win this game Another it's another zero zero game in quintuple overtime these coaches seem very nervous The coaches are standing back to back in the center of the field circling protecting one another

They've crafted spears out of the uh down markers. It's their only natural defense Oh, shit And now and now an interview with bill belichick bill. Uh, tell us about the secrets of victory today Because he's been melted down. Okay. What's he a coach? Yeah Fuck yeah Put a sports one right in the bucket. Oops. There's another one looks like I'm deep in the paint three sports jokes How come you never see coach like if I eat cold or hot if I was a coach my game is going well

Like you'd have to find me like I think if especially the scores high, I'll think well, they've got it from here I'm gonna go if any coaches are listening the next time somebody dumps gator. I want you to turn around smack them in the face Yeah, how dare you? No um If I was a coach Yeah, what's so fucking funny about that Travis? You think it's unbelievable. I could coach a team No, it's just more this dreamlike way in which you said it if I was a coach, you know what I'd do when I am coach Griffin coach guys when I am

Coach Hey guys, yeah, coach when I am coach not there yet slow your slow your whistle down Yes, if it's of coordinator when I am coach when I am coach of team Oh When I am sports boss When I am president sports When I'm the points mayor When I'm dr. Touchdown the first thing I'll do oh fuck me. All right when I am coach of team

I would not let that shit fly. Are you kidding me? I need root to be respected Because if I don't have to respect and they're just gonna do their own plays out there That's like they can't they need to do my plays That's why teams only ever win one super bowl because they start practice the next year and every player on that team is thinking I dumped some sticky juice on your head. Yeah, remember that I you don't have nothing on me. I don't respect no sticky coach You're probably still sticky right now, aren't you coach? Let me let me touch you. Oh sticky boy. Who's a sticky boy? There's a power beat residue Oh shit

I've always considered myself a fashionable guy But as I approached my mid 30s, I find myself questioning if I can still rock new fashion trends So you've come to the right place should I pull off a flat brim baseball cap with a brightly colored shirt? Should I hang it all up and just rock the hallway less like a runway and more like a hallway? That's from mid 30s swagger I will now i'm thinking about any team again. So thanks Dude, you know what you do You look to one man That man is jay-z. Okay. Okay. He's transitioned

Yeah from fashionable young cool guy. Yeah to fashionable adult man a fashionable father cool guy suit guy He's not like cool. He's not cool jersey and sneakers guy. He's like fashionable suit and tie guy now That's the transition you get to make it 30 I certainly appreciate jay-z's style and his art and everything about him, but I I get Nervous about I get nervous about my own authenticity when I do anything new with my luck. I went to the gap Are you more of a pit bull man? No, I'm saying I fell into the gap yesterday and um I was with a group of my friends today having brunch And I referenced the juliet lewis commercial where she's dancing with the daft punk robots

And they all looked at me like I was a psychopath That move I feel like everybody knows that commercial, right? I didn't invent it in my mind in a dream state, did I? I didn't pass through the club. Anyway griffin. I love you. I've never heard of this. God. No. Fuck Fuck. Okay. Anyway, uh, I went to the gap yesterday because I had to buy some khakis because I was uh going to a wedding And I saw these brown jeans and they looked tight-legged and I said Get those fucking jeans and I did I did get those fucking jeans and I put them on I thought they looked good and I thought they really uh Encased my meat in a nice way that was pleasing to my eye, but it's new like I don't own tight pants

And I certainly don't own brown jeans that and that small like that modicum of change Was enough to make me worry like my friends are gonna see me like what are you doing wearing these tight brown jeans idiot? That's not that's not your style. You wear things with like those little loops on them that you put hammers in even Then you're not like a guy who uses hammers every that's your that is your look cargo cargo boy There's another man to look to here griffin. That's bruno mars. I can't okay You keep referencing people that like I can't look I can't you know what okay? There's two different kinds of style and I can't have that look pink colored t-shirt, but hear me out There's two kinds of style, right? There is like

A world style. There's like the fashionable trend style and there's personal style, which I think is deeply respected More so in mid 30s than that like trendy style that idea of like, oh, that's a guy who like has figured it all out for himself Yeah, it's just exhaust. It's either exhausting because you have to keep evolving that personal style Because if you don't the other thing happens Which is just like you get himed in to a look and like I don't want to put Justin on blast But Justin you've got a very personal style when I see you I say that's Justin I'm not confused about who it is because at this point like I know your personal style. How would you describe it? um

mostly just like um Cool vacation dad cool vacation dad. Yeah for sure for sure, but I and I don't want to criticize you and I don't want to like I I again keep mine care. There's no I mean I couldn't care less That's also part of your style. Mine is showy hipster cowboy. Showy hipster cowboy is definitely Travis's thing Me I'm just sort of a morphous clothes horse, but what I But it's an inscrutable blob. I might you can't wrap your mind around me

But just what I'm saying is I feel like you're not your look hasn't evolved since you first Okay, and you're okay with that. You're cool with that. Well, I I spend that time It takes x number of seconds to think about how your clothes make you look This is the this is the opening I'm just I'm just quoting the opening of jessie thorns put this on but let me just encapsulate for you It takes x number of seconds to think about how you look if you decide you're not going to think about anymore That's a lot of free thinking seconds that you got to think about how much you miss and him for example That's god. Yeah, see and now I'm looking maybe I should get into fashion

Just to fill my fucking days with anything other than the weeping and gnashing of my own my style My style icon is paul f tompkins because yeah There was a time when that man was podcasting 23 and a half hours out of every day The fact that he wore pants at all is a personal triumph and he single-handedly he walked into the podcasting community and said Hey, we don't law has to dress like dipshits just because we record podcasts and he elevated the game guy looks fresh But he every time I see him he's also a self-described late bloomer Yeah, I'm like you can like look back over his career and he has not always been the trendy motherfucker that he is now Like he at some point in his adult life went you know what I'm gonna choose my look and I'm sticking with it

I just find it really hard to I'm I'm like not to turn this into a pity party, but I'm I'm an overweight gentleman There's a in my in the visage department. There's a lot of work I have to do to get my look right that that is not relate it right now Me spending a lot of money on clothes would be like buying diamond paint for a house where the pipes are falling out the windows Like it doesn't make sense. You are wrong. Yeah, you're so wrong. Trust me on this one. We took you don't get to tell me i'm wrong We took you to that men's jacket store. Yeah, we all tried on jackets and we looked good. We look good We look good. And then you know what you know what didn't happen then after that Travis Um about five minutes in our podcast. I took the jacket off. You know why because because I was sweating

I was sweating everywhere. That's me and I that's what I think every when we went to max fun con and paul Tomkins was there John rodrick was there and John Hodgman was there and you look at these three dudes who are like wearing suits and looking Real good real fly and it was hot as shit I was in a t-shirt and shorts and sweating. No, yeah, you got to risk it for the biscuit That is for sure. Travis says the most essential element of fashion is pleasure is Pain and I agree with you there. Do you remember the uh, uh, Cincinnati live show when I believe his name was coal

coal asked about like having a uniform where he was like black t-shirt jeans every day I the older I get the more I am on board with it. I own so many black t-shirts and jeans It's a good way to go man I wear I wear a white t-shirt with a green sweater vest and khaki shorts every single day of my life And a belt on your head on your underwear on the outside of your pants because I'm so funny. I'm quail man sometimes. No, we got you um This question got pretty real, huh? I just yeah, I mean like anytime I I do think there is an element also to be considered this like

And people say well, you know if you just comb the string like There's a there's a financial aspect of this question too, right? Like there's a financial There's a lot of different aspects of this question But like I think we can't we can't ignore the fact that like when we bought those jackets We took them off in our show because it was 250 fucking degrees up there We were basically performing inside of an easy bake oven But it was it was you felt good when you bought that jacket and you put it on you looked at yourself say Hey, there's a new look and I look good in it. Just go to the gap sometimes

Just go just drink it in fall into the gap and just like take a look around and say I don't know this and this would probably look good on me And they're just trying it on and then buy it at the gap Please support the gap The gap needs you now more than ever. It's important to me that you trust the gap trust them I'm jealous of people who are into fashion. I would like very much

Yes, absolutely y'all are into into that like I feel I would be I think If I was like a little more confident I feel like I would be the sort of person that would get like deep into cool clothes and have like Cool suits and everybody thought hey, you know, you know, I'm jealous of I actually have some friends in town who are like this Did I get like cool shoes? Yeah, those like cool shoes friends like they have different they have these like loud colored kicks And I see those and I say those are fresh. I don't know those I am I I own like three pairs of brown

Slip-on loafers with gel and soles built into them shitbirds I can't I say friend. Look at your shoes friend. Look at my shoes. They are the opposite shoes You know some people I was looking for shoes to wear with jeans Because it's see because I wear tennis shoes with jeans a lot. That looks like shit A lot of people know the secret. I don't know the secret people are wearing shoes with jeans I googled shoes you wear with jeans like to look Good like what shoes you wear with jeans and googled is that are you serious like serious? I went into I went into Macy's and in my effort to try to phrase this question

I actually think I asked the saleswoman Where are like the shoes? that people wear Zeep-zop Zeep-zop Zorp. I am an alien trying to fit in. I I am a human looking for human shoes You know how people wear those things you that humans put upon your feet You know people wear shoes just like regular people are out there wearing shoes Yeah, and they're not just every day wearing the same pair of like

like Slip-on sparrows with no socks. Can I give you the secret? Yeah, what are shoes the secret is not in the shoe, Justin It's in the cut of the leg of the jean and how it fits over. Oh, well, that's that's easy. That's an easy one Uh, my cut of my jean is rolled up because they don't have any they're short enough for my stupid legs next question What else you got? Justin. I'm not gonna listen to this anymore. You're I will not listen to your Justin. Yeah, I'm fucking done with it over okay, okay, there's a difference between being uh self-acceptance And like being down on yourself. I guess that's what I'm saying. I guess I'm an inspiration. I guess that's what I'm saying

Okay, um, I'm proud of you and your strength. Let's end the show now Thanks for listening to my brother my brother me and advice show for the modern era I feel like we held a lot of people today. Well, it's not a lot of time talking about fashion and sports Yeah, we had some fun time in there And uh, sorry that the show started off slow But if it makes you feel any better, we'll love to talk about a ntm ever again because it's gone forever. Bye. Bye It's gonna turn all sunshine out right out of there. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. If only I mean, we did promise to remember you literally at the beginning of the show

Yeah, but we're just not gonna bring it up on the podcast. Okay We would like to say thank you again as nature box, uh where you can order hundreds of great tasting snacks You can go to naturebox.com slash my brother to sign up for a box of great tasting snacks I'd give you some snack advice right now, but I think I've concretely proven myself to be a non-reliable snack narrator at this point Uh, I uh, I wanted to thank john roger in the long winters for these of our theme song It's departure off the album pointing the days to bed good time um good album front to back listen, uh, I want to uh,

Say go listen to all the other shows on max on fun network Shows like jordan jesse go Shows like throwing shade shows like wanban pow. We all do other shows on the network. Hey this week Uh, we've got a new episode of the adventure zone coming out the three of us recorded with our dad And I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the best episode yet. Um, I think so I'm I was getting caught up in the action. Yeah the thrills if you don't have a great new character on the show this week That is true. If you don't listen to the show, um, we're only like 25 episodes in so it's easy to get caught up And it's a show you play dnd if you never played dnd. You don't know anything about dnd. That's fine

I would argue probably most of our listeners don't it's also broken up into chapters So you could start it at the beginning of a certain chapter of the show and listen for there if you want to You will probably miss out on some stuff But like if you want to hop on that's that's and you don't want to go through a big back catalog That's you know, that's way to do it just missed 420. Didn't we fuck It's 520 here. So well you did I got two hours. Oh, yeah, baby Settle on traf let me know how I do Um, so yeah, go to see all your other max fun shows. There's shows like saw bones

It just does there's wife sitting and then it's a show about medical history Um travis uh does uh, can I pet your dog you produce that? I produce it and I talk on it. Yeah, you get up on it. Um, also bunker buddies bunker buddies You got that one. There's a lot of good stuff a lot of good programming on a maximum fun network My youtube food review show things. I bought it sheets is back. Oh my god. You've been on a tear You thank you apps have been like Yeah, thanks there. So that's back you can find that on youtube you can go to actually just go to sheets show.com That's sheets with a z

show.com. It's just a regular food review show where I buy things at the Uh gas station convenience store restaurant Sheets and I review them and that's what happens. This is a regular show I also have a show with my friend Brent O'Flock's where we talk about what's trending on the internet. That's not a name What well his name is Brent, but I mean on the internet. He's known as Brent. It's his nom to internet Um, uh, but check it out. It's called trends like these and I think it's nom.com Right nom.com. Is that a thing? Nom.com. Trends like these.com. Don't check it out. Nom de fart We also want to say thank you to everybody who's sent us stuff in the in the peel boxes

I i'm saving up some stuff to talk about Once we've got like a big bunch of it But if you've got anything you would like to send us you can send it to the west coast is po box 341769 los angeles california 90034 Um, and my po box is just kidding. I'll never open a po box. Sorry thrax heads And the east coast po box is po box 54. Hi. Thank you. Thank you 25706, please don't send perishables. I rarely check it or the thrax

Or the thrax that would also be great if you wouldn't send the thrax. Please don't thrax me, dude Don't thrax my boy. Uh, it's final, uh, yahoo is sent in by level 9000. Yeah, drew drew drew. Davenport. Thank you It's by yahoo answers user edgar. Oh, shit. Edgar only has 1% best answers. That's the lowest rating I've ever seen That means he does this a lot. It means he's answered at least at least 100, right? He's done 280 total answers and exactly 1% of those 2.8 times. He's really got it. Anyway edgar asks In all caps, why on earth does jamie all over ruin an asian salad with fucking pomegranate seeds? That's pushing my ideals jamie

That's a tough question I'm just a macaroy. I can't have a macaroy. I'm dripping a macaroy. My brother, my brother, he gets me mad square on the lips Maximum fun or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported. Hello. I'm taco the elephant magician We're all high church here the master of clerical magic. I'm magnus burnsides the fighter. Did you guys like that? Did you the listener like that? You were just swept up in a world of high fantasy magic where anything can happen and anything is possible Hi, I'm griffin macaroy dungeon master for the adventure zone a new podcast on maximum fun in which magic and mystery intertwine for a very erotically charged role-playing experience

You can catch it every other thursday here on maximumfun.org for our itings. It's for dungeons and dragons, but with family