My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 276: Luda Tells It Best

Episode Date: November 11, 2015

Sorry this one's a bit late, but the first few minutes should shed some light onto the circumstances that kept you waiting. Um ... if you're not into DIGESTIVE BODY HORROR, maybe skip those few minutes, and take our word for it. Suggested talking points: Down in the Dumps, Pennies, Air Games, Interstate Food Beefs, Tumbling Cuckolds, Catchphrases,

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother and me, and my show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm the baby, I almost said middlest, but I'm not. You're not. I'm not the middlest. Copyright infringement. Copyright infringer, copyright burglar,

Griffin McElroy. We're back with another episode of our advice podcast. It's a little late. It's been a kind of, it's been a day, it's been a few days. What happened? It's been a harrowing five days. Okay, so let me give you my story real quick. Saturday morning is the day before my birthday, and oh my God, my baby is puking every hour on the hour. And babies are rad when they puke, because like human beings, adult human beings, if they got puked, you see that look in their eyes like, oh God, oh God, not now. It's happening again, and they look at the pool. It's happening again. They make this run for the bathroom. Babies are just like sitting,

watching little Einstein's chilling, and then they're just puking on your chair, and you and everything, and they don't really see that, like bent out of shape about it. How rough and raw is baby puke? Because they're pretty little. Is it like in the sun in a mask, when I think a baby pukes one time, and it comes out real fast and hard, and Jamie Kennedy is just like wearing it? It's weird because you really have to help babies out. You know, like you hear the thing about, you know, a real friend is somebody who holds your hair back while you puke. For babies, you just like up in them over the tub or something. It's like you're holding their whole

body up so they could just get it all out. And then afterwards, instantly, so cool. Who's got milk? Who wants to chill? I'm so good right now. I just want to step in here and say that if somebody comes in to like my zone while I'm yartzing, that is no friend of mine. My wife got real concerned about me because, spoiler alert, I also had the yarts this past weekend, oh my God, in the worst way, and she like came in to check on me. I'm like, what are you doing? This is, I don't want anybody to share this. It's a private thing. If it were out to me, if I were yirbing real hard, I would want my wife to like go outside,

maybe like go down the block and like pretend like it never happened and she never knew it. And she came back in and I was in a tux like drinking a martini. The next day was my actual birthday and Sydney got this thing and then Charlie evolved to stage two of this disorder in which she just had like tactical nuclear shit. It's just like absolute abominations of poop that we're not constrained by diapers. Do not try to hold these in. It's just like a dump site and I was, there was a moment where Is this story about to get like rippled? Yeah, it's like, it's a little rippled. Sydney ran into the bathroom to puke in that exact moment. Charlie took an omega dump all

over me and I couldn't take her into the bathroom because Sydney was in there puking. So I had to hold my shitty baby close to me as we went down the stairs and then I just climbed into the shower with her so we could wash the excrement off of both of us and it's just like happy birthday to me. This is 35. This is why I can be president now because I've done this. This is why I'm qualified to lead the land. You know, on my birthday, which is the same day, we put a mattress down on our fold out couch and I played oblivion all day while we watched 30 Rock and Parks and Rec on the computer. And Teresa just took a big dump on me. And I made steaks and bacon and chicken sausages for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

It was a good day. I just wanted to interject here before people were worried that all of us had problems. I didn't have no problems. You did great. Friday, I got the worst food poisoning I've ever had in my life and I think I just like took that, put a little envelope and overnighted it to my main girl, Chuck, and made sure that she sort of spread that whole thing around, that whole concept. And Justin, why didn't we record yesterday? Because then it was time for part three when I, when I, I, I ate, like I had a terrible day on my birthday and I was trying to console myself with a few slices of free heated zah from my birthday party the night four. And boy, Hachimachi body did not like that. It woke me up at one

of the mornings like good news. I've been saving all of the things you've consumed today for one last curtain call. Everybody come on out. Gatorade, flat sprite, sausage, pepperoni, onion, pizza. Everybody come out and take your curtain call. Come take your vow. You've earned it, kids. This is your moment to shine by which I mean be ejected into the bathroom at terminal velocity. So yeah, I did that yesterday. That was me yesterday. I just, and we tell all you this, and that's not to yuck you out. We're not like one of those yucky podcasts that like gets off on grossum ups, but we got a lot of tweets yesterday from people who are like, huh, can't help but notice you guys skipping day, day that fallout four comes out. I promise you,

my dudes, it was not that. No, I actually, I peeled myself away from fallout four to record this very episode. You're welcome. Yeah. I couldn't even play fallout four. That's how sick I was. Oh, same as these. I was, I was curled up in bed and I was watching like crazy, crazy, crazy old. We have, we have like, we don't have cable. We have like an antenna. And for some reason, that antenna, one of like 12 channels we get, includes this channel called buzzer, and it's all like super old, super shitty game shows. And they're really bad. I am like watching them, but like, it was just nice to, nice to have them there. Here's how sick I was yesterday. I got to, I had a moment yesterday where this is how sick I was. It's pretty bad while I was laying there

and just like on Netflix, chilling. And I thought, you know what, maybe I should check out Supernatural. Like that's how sick I was. Yeah. Like that was, it was that level. It's really good. Maybe I should dip into Supernatural. I don't know. It's very good. I'm free now. I'm free of this disease. Now I just have a fever and can't eat anything without having Omega shits. Well, better than nothing, better than nothing. I think you're in a pretty good headspace to produce some comedy. I'm, I'm, I think I'm tired of hearing about our gastrointestinal distress, which you know, and I'm tired of hearing about a fucking Chilean miners movie. Yes. I know. We are aware of it. We are aware of it. I know everybody has good intentions. It just

tends to pile up when I get 30 tweets in one day. Like, have you seen this trailer? I don't even want to see a film about that. This is, this is like our state of the union address. We all have really bad diarrhea. And thank you all for your enthusiasm about the 33. We share it in varying degrees, but we don't need minute to minute updates, text message, Amber alerts about the 33. Did y'all hear that ANTM might be coming back? Yes. Okay. That's another, yes. Just want to go ahead and get that one out there. Just get that one out there. I know ANTM might be coming back, but the proof is going to be in the pudding, you guys. And the pudding is USI. Yeah. USI is, USI is my, USI is my pudding. And if he's not involved with the project, let me

say this, let me go down on one. You guys ready for a big old nuclear bomb? Yeah. For real though, fuck Tyra, you can't be like, I think it's time. I think it's time we pull the plug. Oh, is it time we pull the plug after three seasons? Yeah, three seasons. Like it seems like a good time after letting boys in the house for a scant three seasons. Let's pull the plug. Let's gotta take them off life support. Are you sure? Cause they're a baby. They were just born, but yeah, let's go ahead and take them off life support. I guess this newborn, healthy baby, that's like running around and jumping and doing stunts and stuff. Let's go ahead and unplug the machines and stuff from this healthy three year old baby. Good plan, Tyra. You can't be like that.

And then be like, actually, let's see if, uh, let's see if we can get a streaming. No, Tyra, you can't get a streaming. It's not your project anymore. It's USI's project. You've lost all rights because you've lost all rights to the project. You fucked me one too many times, Tyra. Have all your makeup back. They let boys in the house. Imagine if you let boys in the house via the process of adoption, you let boys into your house, your own house. And then after three years, you decided you would kill the boys. That's a crime. Hi. Maybe I'm just in the different America from you all. That's a crime. Yeah, it's not my America. And you certainly can't be like, boys, three years, great years, lots of jumps and stunts. And I like how great

you all modeled and you added a really weird and profound sexual energy to the show, to the house, I mean. But anyway, I have to kill you now. Oh, wait, hold up. What's that? Hold up. What's that? Oh, no, never mind. I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to see if I can get you on streaming. I might kill you in the morning. Those boys ain't going to look at you the same way. Let's do a question. Let's do a question. This is definitely, definitely going off the rails. The other day I was picking up my slider. Can we just not do any fucking food questions? I wouldn't do anything. Didn't even think about you can do it. This one's not about food. Okay, that was not just his mouth. That was a stomach

flange. The other day I was picking up sliders from one of my favorite takeout places. The total was $7.99, which meant that I got a penny back to pay $8 cash for my meal. I stood there for a minute, not knowing if I should keep the penny or throw the tip jar on the counter. I felt like either action was cheap and chintzy, but it's one better than the other. Brothers, help me. What would you do? That's from a penny saved or a penny spurned, which is a pretty good name. I think we can all agree. I think we can all get down on that name. Where are we reading these questions from? Because I don't see them. Travis emailed us a question list. Is that how he does it usually? That's how he usually does it. For the last 275 episodes. Is it Mbem-Bam 276? Is that

really what episode it is? I can't be right. Let's check the logbook. Are we ready to move on? Let me check the ledger. I'm checking the ledger. Oh my god, it's 276. What are we doing? This is why people, I feel like when the magical art of sleight of hand was invented, it was for this very reason. Because neither option is correct, neither option is appropriate. You just got to make that little copper bastard disappear. You put, you do a little noodling over your fingers and then you just sort of wave your hands and it's gone. But in all reality, you've just thrown it very far across the restaurant to a place where you can't hear it hit the ground. This is why I've been banging this drum forever about getting rid of the

fucking penny. The penny has no, you know what I do when somebody gives me a handful of pins? I throw them on the ground. I would have thrown them on the ground outside. It's the one monetary that is such a direct insult. If someone's like, hey, can I have some change and you hand them a penny, you might as well just spit in the palm of their hand. And let's just put this out there and let's just grab the tiger and put him right up on the table. Pennies is just a couple of letters off from penis and I hate saying it. We all hate saying it. We shouldn't have to, I have to say penny. See, there I go again. I have to say pennies all the time. And sometimes I say that and

children laugh at me. Pinnies are the absolute worst. I think what you should do is leave it on the counter and just tell them, listen, this is your cross to bear now. Do the right thing and throw this in the garbage. If one of us did that, we would eventually run out of pennies and we could be done with this stupid currency. I think that it should be a service that they provide, that the cashier provides in the same way that they ask you if you want a receipt. They say, do you want a receipt? And the answer is like, no, never. Why? Why am I going to need a receipt? You're right, Griffin. I think that this is the real problem with the cashier. Why do they hand you back a penny? Well, yeah, they gave you that chore. Well, they do that because

they have to, right? Or else they get fired. Well, no, no, no, there's a till at the end of the day. I have to bounce it out. I'm saying we need to take the dollar. There's a dollar lenience there. We got to take this on in the Japanese style. That one doesn't really fit here, although they don't use the one too frequently there. But you take that penny and when they say, do you want your receipt, you say, of course not. What am I going to use that for? And then they say, and do you want your pennies, sir? And I'll say, or it should just be customary that if I say, hold the pennies and nickels, nothing smaller than a quarter of my man, then they know what's up. Because I'm not going to use anything small. We're all waging war against the penny. What's

so fucking great about the dime? Nothing. I'll tell you what's great about the dime, Griffin. Here we go. 10 of them. Very tiny, very lightweight. I like it. I don't want that. I don't want tiny, lightweight coins. I like it better than the penny. I like it better than the nickel. It's 10 times better than the penny trap. And in many ways, I prefer to the quarter. No fuck off. Now you're being a... It takes up way less space. You're being obtuse. Quarters are great though. You get a quarter, you think, I'm going to do something with that. Maybe you're going to put it in a machine, get a nice gumball for yourself. Good heft. Blueberry gumball. Maybe get yourself a nice little homie out of the machine.

Get yourself a little sticky hand and use that sticky hand to annoy your dad on the drive home. If somebody gives you a quarter, they're basically saying, hey, this is your mad money. Just go crazy with this. Get whatever you want. Hey, you know what? You've earned this. Get yourself a psychedelic jawbreaker. Get two of these bad boys together and get yourself one of them sticky hands from one of the vending machines. And annoy your dad on the way home. Your dad's going to hate that sticky hand. I would say to the question asker, just adopt the policy of being like, I don't need the penny. Just say it. Okay, but he can't be the only person. This person can't be the only person saying this.

We all have to take a stand right now and say, hold the pennies. I'm not even saying that. You have to say pennies. And it's not right. And it's not clean. Hold the one-cent piece. Hold the bit. Now Travis, I have to take Umbridge though. When you say, you say the person should say, I don't need the penny. That's a crazy thing to say out loud because- And then you pop in your monocle. The inversion that would be like, I need the penny. Please, please don't skim on the penny. I don't need the penny, you say loudly so everyone can hear you and then you leave. Yeah, it's like, yeah, he does. But I do need it.

Okay, we're going to need it. We've got to digitize this transaction, don't we? We've got to have some sort of like little terminal that after you give them your money and all little screen pops out and it's like, you want those pennies? So you don't actually have to say the words. You can just like hit yes or no. Yeah, that's an equitable solution. Oh, and then they hand you an envelope and maybe it's got a penny in it. Maybe it doesn't. No one needs to know. It's like Schrodinger's penny. You know what I mean? That's nothing. You need to know if there's a penny in there or not.

You've taken the inconvenience of a penny and then removed its already slight monetary value. And the value of the- the penny has to be exceeded by the value of the envelope, right? Yeah, wildly. Oh, very much so. They're going to go out of business too sweet. It's a profit deal. I get it. Japanese style. Let's get it going. Can I do a yahoo? You're kind of like stepping all over me a little bit. Well, do we- okay. Well, sorry. You know, we do one-on-one.

No, we don't always. Most of the time. This yahoo was sent in by level 9000 Yajurjur. Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew Davenport. It's by Yajur answers user. Joshua Leal putting his whole name out there and I've hacked him. I'm in. I'm into Joshua. Oh, I've got all his files. He's a dirty boy. Living the Josh life. Just kidding. It's mostly JPEGs. It is trip to- Boca Raton.

Boca Raton. Oh, yeah. Found out- found one of his butt in some swimming trucks. Putting this on Tumblr. Thank you, Joshua, for your files. Sorry, we asked for what? Thanks for your files, Josh. Joshua asks- Why are people looking at my butt? It's not a nude butt picture. It's just like some nice trunks. Joshua- My trunks picked a butt Tumblr. I gotta know. Joshua asks-

Can you bring board games such as Monopoly onto an airplane? Huh. Can you bring board games such as Monopoly onto an airplane? I don't think- he doesn't specify and so I don't think he's talking about travel-sized board games. Let's assume not. No, because that would be not funny. Can you bring- excuse me, excuse me. Oh, this is- this is my carry-on. It's the board game Monopoly.

On one condition. Which is? If you are traveling alone. Well, that's- Who wants to get in on this? Come on, folks. I need at least three other players for it to be fun. Row 18, I know you feel me.

I'll let one of you guys be the top hat. Haha. That would be a little bit cumbersome, I think. Also, it would be a race against time. Monopoly's not a great example, I feel like, because no game Monopoly has lasted shorter than like six hours. Yeah. It's good for international flights though.

I think one sweet thing would be is if you get one of the flight attendants into the game. So that you have to ring your buzzer every few minutes and bring it back to your chair. Like, hey, listen, I don't need a warm towel or a fresh coffee. I just need you to go ahead and take your turn. Take your turn. Roll them, roll them bones. Yeah, I guess the ballroom. It's not the ballroom.

It's not the ballroom. Well, wait, what am I doing? This is clue. I'm not supposed to tell you that. You know what game would work really well on the plane? Connect 4. Connect 4 would be great Travis. Yes, great travel game recommendations from my brother, my brother and me.

You heard it here first. It's very vertical. It's vertical. Yeah. It doesn't take up as much room on your tray. Those pieces aren't going damn anywhere, are they? They're going to stay locked as like a little checkish prison, isn't it? Imagine if you were playing like chess and the person in front of you leaned their chair back

and ruined the whole game. Yeah, that's done. That's not going to happen in Connect 4. My recommendation would be the hit game, don't wake daddy, because there's nothing that would bring you more joy than to be on an airplane and frequently exclaiming, hey, don't wake daddy. Everybody keep it down or you're going to wake daddy. Don't wake daddy.

Maybe we could play Grape Escape or Crackers in the Bed. What's crackers in the bed? I think it's the one where you eat crackers in a fake bed. All I remember is the title front. That sounds like a sick game. Knock, knock, knock. Hi, are you the captain of the flight? Yes, I guess I'm the captain.

How can I help you? How did you get in here? That's not important right now. Could you please try to keep the flight turbulence free as you have repeatedly knocked over both the chandelier and the fireplace trap on my copy of 13 Dead End Drive. And we're trying to enjoy a game of 13 Dead End Drive back here and your turbulence is making it nigh impossible.

Me and my nephew are trying to play Stack'em Ups. What is Stack'em Ups? It's like when you go to Target to buy Jenga, but they don't have Jenga, so you buy Stack'em Ups instead. And there's like animal faces on the box. Animal faces on the box, but on the underside of the box there's sex suggestions. Are you playing this with your nephew? Yeah, you're ignoring the sex suggestions.

They didn't have Jenga, okay? Maybe you bring on a copy of Operation and just have like sunglasses so people know, yeah, you're that kind of guy. You can play Operation on a flight, no problem. Added level difficulty, no scope that liver. Reach right in there, pop it out. Doesn't matter how much the plane shakes. Your hands are rock steady.

You can do it staring wistfully out the window. Yeah, you only need to pay attention. That's how good you are at Operation. I'm flying to Hong Kong on Saturday and that flight is 16 hours, which I'm just going to round up to a day. I'm going to have a sky day with the air people and should I bring the game of life on board? I hadn't even considered that as a possibility, but I figure like if I'm going to be on a day on a plane, if it's one of those day planes that they're going to give you like lots of room to

like spread out and do whatever, play board games. Are you doing that air Emirates? Because they give you like a shower and stuff in that one. No, that would be very sick if that's true, but I think I'm just doing like American Airlines or Hong Kong Great Flights. No shower in that one, just a communal bathtub. That's fine too. I can bring my floaties and balance a copy of Risk On or something.

Don't you think it's about time that we stormed into the offices of Milton Bradley and Hasbro and told them, hey, just because you've been making this be asked board game for 100 years, doesn't mean you need to keep making it because it sucks. Are we talking about Monopoly here? I'm talking about game of life sucks. Candyland, not even a fucking game. It sucks. Yeah.

Battleship, that game is horse shit. Bow shit sucks. Very good. Candyland especially. It sucks, it's not a game. Fucking crackers in the bed. No, hey, the hardcore gamers agree, crackers in the bed is better than rips. Yeah, but you have to keep buying crackers.

Yeah, well you gotta get the expansions. Yeah. Well no, they're not expansions, Travis, you understand that, right? I get soda crackers, you gotta get the rips, crackers, the saltines, the saltines expansion. It's rare. You're just describing crackers that you buy at a store. Yeah, at a grocery game store. No, just like a grocery store, like a grocery store.

And you can play with Grape Escape. I guess you could play Grape Escape with real grapes, couldn't you? Once, and then your boards all soggy and sticky and ruined. You could play Mousetrap with real mice. Yeah, sure, you play Operation with a real guy. No way. No, go for it. As long as we're saying dumb shit, cut a man.

Just start cutting on a man. Just say whatever dumb shit you want. Justin knows the Grape Escape theme song, so now that's in the show. Anybody else have anything that they know? Anybody else have any things they know that they just gonna put in our show forever? I just don't want to lose it, you know? Have we tapped the whole board game thing? We've preserved it in digital amber.

Okay, well, scientists in the future. Let me say, does anybody else know any board games that they can just say no need for a joke as we've already proven many times over in the past five minutes? Just board games that you'd like to say out loud. Hero Quest. Yes. Then that's the only one. Let's move on.

All right, here's another question. It comes into us from a listener of our show. If you'd like to send in one, you can send it to mbmbam. At maximumfun.org. Here's the question. God, I feel like shit. Woof. Yeah.

Shake them off. Shake it off. My husband and I are from different parts of the country. Him, Midwest, me, Southeast, and I find some of their food. We're at war. Yeah. I find some of their food nasty. The Midwest?

Excuse me? Some of my in-laws come to see us for a holiday meal, and I'm wondering, am I supposed to make some of their traditional stuff, even though it's gross, or since they're in my house, is this a, you get what you get situation? That's from steamed versus fried in Tennessee. How could you ask this question and not send some like examples?

Concrete examples. Yes? I don't know what you're talking about. Are you talking about like a deep dish za? You talking about that Cincinnati chili? What are you talking about? Never make Cincinnati chili ever. It's an abomination.

Are they talking like maybe like potato salad? Like what is the Midwest have? Maybe it's something like your sweet potato casserole with the multicolored marshmallows on top. I don't have anything against that, mind you, but I can see where that might be off-putting to outsiders. What the fuck? Can I ask a question?

What the fuck is so great about Southeast food? What do you got cracking in Florida? Oranges? Is that all you subsist on? Chocodiles? Chocodiles and oranges? Is that it? Key line pie?

Key line pie? That's not a healthy diet. You've just named three sweet things. I don't know what's in the mid, like can we clarify this for me? What is the Midwest? I think the Midwest is everything that's not New York, California, and Florida.

Okay, got it. Now, what's the Southeast? Just Winston, Texas. Surrounding areas, right? Okay, that can't be right. Texas is like the South-South. Incorrect. I think here's what you have to do.

I think you need to check in with your husband's family. So let's put this in context and say it's like Thanksgiving, right? Talk to your husband or to your in-laws and say, what are like three dishes that if you don't have, will feel like an incomplete Thanksgiving? Yes. I don't think you need to like recreate

their Thanksgiving whole cloth. I think that you just have to say like, you know, maybe like they always have green bean casserole. And if there's no green bean casserole, it just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. Well, in that case, yes. You should have green bean casserole. When my in-laws came in town for Thanksgiving last year

and Rachel and I cooked for them, I was like, welcome to my house. Welcome to Aaron's party. And I did them what I wanted. And then they liked it all very much because I was right. Like the food I like is just right. There is a distinction here, I think, between like, you can get away with, at holiday time,

I think a lot of people can get away with like bad food that they traditionally eat around this time of year. And it is appropriate and OK. I would say if you just make good food that tastes very good, I don't think anybody's going to grouse. Like maybe you do want to throw in a couple of their favorites. Just as like, pay homage and tribute. You don't have to eat them.

But serve them in like a grody plastic cup. Maybe like a dog bowl. Yeah, just no, not that blatant, but like a fucking. A solo cup. Like a men in black two commemorative plastic cup we got from Burger King. Also, listen, there's so like the internet is such a great resource to find a recipe that you like for a dish that they like.

Or you can be like, oh, here's an iteration of it that doesn't sound disgusting to me. So I'll make this version of, you know, potatoes and grottin that they'll like because it's that. But I like it because the ingredients sound good to me. There are things like I'll give you guys an example around every Thanksgiving, not around on everything's giving. Somewhere nearer.

There are Thanksgiving. I forced Sydney to make my mom's sweet potato casserole. Because it's the best. From OK, it is the best. It is amazing, right? OK, let me let me just pump the brakes here for a second, guys. Do you eat this casserole any other day of the year? No.

Well, I mean the following Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Friday and Saturday. It's like dope. You reheated it. It's dope. Well, we'll post the recipe for our mom's sweet potato casserole on the on somewhere on the Facebook maybe. But anyway, we don't eat it any other time of year, right?

Why is that? Do you think? Like, I really like it. I never think. I have to assume it's just like a special occasion. I like I don't have birthday cake on random Wednesdays. I guess. Yeah, but like if you really liked it,

why wouldn't you want it to eat it other times of the year? Well, it's only because if it's the middle of June, or even late June, and someone sees you eating a Christmas ham, right, you'll be you'll be asked to leave the town that you're in. You'll be right. You'll be literally run out of town. That's in the old town charter. Yeah.

No Christmas hams in June. You know, it's a little bit of that special occasion thing. But you know what? Also, I will say this question. Ask her when you get married and like there starts to be that like mixing of like family traditions and stuff. It's all about like, what's our holiday now? Like what's our event going to be?

Not what was it when you were 13? But what is it now that we're forming our own family? You know what I mean? And so this is a great time, especially if you're hosting it for the first time, to maybe try out some new stuff and maybe be like, this is a thing we're going to have every year now. If you like it, if you don't like it,

we never have it again. Because it's very flexible and malleable and we can do whatever we want. That's fine and all. But the first time their in-laws come in town, it's like, where's the creamy ham salad? And you're like, oh, no, no, we're doing our own thing. You'll be asked to leave the town. Because you've disappointed,

you've disappointed your in-laws so desperately. And then you have to move. You got to make that creamy ham salad. Here's a recipe. You got to go out there and you got to get sour cream. The good stuff. No wait, the bad stuff. The cheapest, grotesque sour cream you can find.

I'm talking about 14 ounces of standing water on top of this piece of shit when you open the tub. And then you're going to want to get some ham. Again, this time, actually, you want to splurge a little bit. Mix them all up. Throw in a little bit of leaves. Up to you, which kind, my man. And then put it right there on the table

and serve it with chopsticks in the traditional eating style. Sydney's grandmother makes this thing every Christmas Eve called frozen salad. No. And I hate it if I don't like to eat it with my mouth. But if it wasn't that, but every year, I'm like, hell yeah, there it is. What's up, Yulce? What's up, Yulce?

I feel comforted by its presence. What's up, Yulce? I'm a bitch. Of course I'm going to go and slice it to you. Frozen salad. You cold sum of a bitch. Get in here. Hey, we're done.

Just like a one sentence description of frozen salad. No, no, no, no. I'm actually going to demand that you do not tell us what frozen salad is because you just said the words, let me have a slice of salad and science PSA from your old buddy, Professor Griffin. Salad should not be served in slice form. Frozen salad, you see. Let's go to the money.

I'm just kidding grandma. Gmod Jody, if you're listening, I'm into frozen salad. Gmod Jody, really looking forward to it. Highlight of the holidays. You're going to crush it this time. I feel it. Let's go to that money. Let's go to the money.

It's on his own. Let's go to the money. Oh, I'm going to go to the money. My brother, my brother, me is supported in part by Harry's.com. You guys doing Movember? I mean, I've got a full beard all the time. I've already shaved. It looks bad.

I'm going to face. I'm going to donate to Movember. I did Movember once. And it was the year that I met my, it was actually over Thanksgiving. And it was Thanksgiving. I met my in-laws and my father-in-law has this amazing mustache. And I was afraid that he thought I was like making fun of him with my really bad mustache.

I wasn't. That is a long con to make fun of someone. I grew a mustache for three weeks. I grew a parody mustache. But we were just meeting and like it could have been a power move. I don't know. Anyway, the official partner of the Movember Foundation is Harry's. And they're going to be donating money to help raise awareness for men's health.

Harry's starter set is $15. And it includes a razor foaming shave gel or shave cream and three razor blades plus free shipping. You can go to Harry's.com for the $5 off the starter set with the code my brother all one word. You take that $15, you're going to cut a third off of it for just 10 bucks. You can get the razor, the foaming shave gel and three blades. Start shaving better today.

You are really going to enjoy the Harry's shaving experience. I can guarantee you of that. And men, don't forget to get your prostate checked. While we're at it. While we're at it, get up in there. There's no no it's never too early. Get your walnut checked out. Scope that nut.

You wear underwear every day? Sometimes. Mostly. Miannis understands that. And that's why they're dedicated to creating the world's most comfortable underwear. I want them to sell me on the concept of even wearing the stuff. It's just like double pants.

Yesterday I did not wear underwear. It would have just been an impediment. You wore your long johns with the flap on the butt. Yeah, my supernatural pants. I call it. And a dog ran into the house and tore off the butt part of your supernatural pants. And they are to be didn't steal my roast beef. Straight all weekend making that damn mutt.

You get it out of here. What was this? Tore my best long johns. Don't wear roast beef. Had to put them down. What must that dog? What am I supposed to snack on during my binge sessions of the supernatural? What am I supposed to even wear?

If you need something to wear underneath your best long johns, Miannis has tons of colors and styles. And it's the only place to get matching pairs for men and women. Plus we all know paying for shipping sucks. So Miannis remove that from the equation all orders and to the U.S. and Canada ship for free. Now to sweeten the deal, Miannis is offering you 20% off your first order at Miannis.com at Miannis.com slash my brother. That's Miannis.com slash my brother.

I got a message here. Can I read it? Yes. It's from Sarah, aka chugs. That's C-H chugs. And it's to Derek. And chugs says to Derek. Thanks for being the best friend a girl could ever ask for.

Between doing incredibly sweet things like cooking me gourmet meals while I relax and listen to Mbim Bam and tolerating my insane family, you're pretty much perfect. Here's to having the best summer ever. 2016 I hope. Hootie-hoo, Big D. Hootie-hoo. Hootie-hoo indeed. I feel like the inflection on that is like because of the repetition it's a little more somber and purposeful like hootie-hoo, Big D.

Hootie-hoo. Hootie-hoo. Is that like what Karla said on Top Chef? What? Karla on Top Chef? This is necronizing. Karla on Top Chef had this thing. Kevin, can you say Karla on Top Chef one more time?

Yeah. I'm pretty, just to be clear, pretty sure they're referencing the outcast soon, Hootie-hoo. Oh, it could be what Karla said in Top Chef because she had a system worked out where if she ever got separated from her husband in a grocery store she would just go Hootie-hoo and then he would go Hootie-hoo and they would find each other like that, like married echolocation. I really like that. Food for thought, ponder on it. Think about your own catchphrases that you can use to find your lost husband in a grocery store.

This next message is for the McRoy, or sorry. This next message is for the Brothers McRoy. It is from Lieutenant Randolph and Dr. Claw. Happy birthday to the Three Brothers McRoy. Since this day has so much fanfare, it was also chosen to be our wedding date last year. Like MBMBAM, we had a great sharing of wisdom among friends and family. And like MBMBAM, it was one of the best things in my life. Keep it up, guys, and we'll see Travis in LA.

What? Watch out. You will? Keep your eyes peeled, motherfucker. Yeah, we didn't even talk about, well, I guess we did talk about how it was Justin's shit birthday. And my awesome birthday. Yeah, and I had a great birthday.

I went and did karaoke, and now I'm playing Fallout 4. I ate a bunch of steak. Daddy mailed me a little present. He what? Daddy mailed me a little present just so I didn't feel left out. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's a little hulk toy from the Avengers. It's like a little hulk toy.

And he squeezes legs together and he flexes his big old muscles and he goes, Happy birthday, Griffin. Let's be honest. We live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast on the front lines figuring out what's great. We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branham.

I'm a comedian. I'm Wintern Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist. I'm Oliver Wang, academic and disc junkie. Margaret Woppler. Jay Sweet as John Elise. And we watch, listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love.

Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Pop Rocket. Every Wednesday from MaximumThumb.org. Some classmates of mine recently actually do Yahoo. That's what I was going to say. Sorry. Do you even want to keep doing Yahoo's in the show anymore? Like, do you want to stop doing them?

Well, that is what another part of the flavor that's been chomped so severely. I'm wondering if we need to like move on. That one doesn't bother me. Like, we didn't like, we didn't invent Yahoo's or dumb. Some people are sending us messages and it's like, I didn't program Yahoo answers and get like a grassroots effort to build its user base. Yeah, but like a lot of people are tapping that Yahoo answers. That is, that is true.

Send in by, send in by Zoe Kinski climbing that ladder. Thank you, Zoe. It's by Yahoo answers user. Sorry, something has gone wrong. And we're just going to maybe refresh the page, see if data might populate. We'll see if this string, this text field, no. We're going to call them. Ranold, which is like Ronald, but different.

But more active. Ranold asks, how to convert sexual energy into sporting and athletic prowess. I've read that everyone is really just sexual energy. Correct? Yeah. Just sexual protons and electrons just bounce off each other. Generally, electricity and stuff. I've read that everyone is really just sexual energy.

I have lots of it and a really high sex drive. Wow. And I want to convert the energy so I can use it in my non-sexual physical endeavors. I do realize that when I'm horny, I seem filled with a lot of raging energy. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny. I seem filled with a lot of raging energy, but it's not there when I'm not. How do I control and use my massive sexual energy so I can be a super athlete? Oh, Ranold, you have to be so careful.

You got to be careful, Ranold. If you channel too much sexual energy, like say, onto the basketball court, you are going to be getting personal fouls left and right. Yeah. Against the audience. Extremely, extremely personal fouls. Against the viewers and the referees. Against decency.

Against basketball shorts, manufacturers. No. Okay, I rarely defend Yahoo Answers questions, but I get where I'm a stupid person. No, think about it's pretty common parlance when you hear the boxers that they won't sleep with their wives before the fight or their girlfriends before the fight because they want to save it all for the ring. That always confused.

Save all that dude juice? Right. But just that idea of like, no, not before the fight. Really? Really? What are you going to do in that fight? Yeah. And boy, will he be surprised.

All it takes, that boxing, you just mentioned the beautiful sport, it's a game of, you know, that takes place in those fractions of hundreds of seconds. And you got to like, they catch them off guard and you get that good hook in, and nothing's going to catch you off guard like a fucking raging hog inside of billowy shorts with your name on it. I think the key here is to just, you got to do a little bit of like, like a fantasy projection, the secret mnemonic device kind of thing where if you're, let's say you're on the track at the meet and you got to run a hundred meter dash,

at, you just got to like, keep telling yourself for pretend that at the end of that a hundred meters, that's a big old slice of juicy butt waiting for you. Yeah. That you'll be able to carve. Like if you're getting a touchdown and you got the ball, you just got to pretend like you're running to slam it into a big old slice of juicy butt. Yeah. And you can do that with pretty much anything.

You can slam a basketball into a big juicy butt, you know? Yeah, for sure. It is important when you get that touchdown that you then instantly remind yourself that there is no juicy butt there. Well, no, you might get an excessive celebration. That's my most touchdowns dances that people do is actually just them looking for the butt. Where's the butt? Where is it?

Oh, he's left into the crowd. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's a Lambo leap. I said Lambo leap. My pack was like. More like lamb boner. Yeah, got it.

Looking for butt anywhere you can find it. You actually shouldn't just prowling the crowd. And that's why after most touchdown dances, most sports athletes look so disappointed. And then they have to cut the commercial instantly. Yeah. I, you actually shouldn't break the spell until the game's over. So like after you get a touchdown, you have to try to tell yourself the enemy team is trying to put their ball into your butt, not your own butt, but your butt that you own.

Your metaphorical. Your metaphorical butt, the juicy butt that you own yourself. And you say you got to defend the butt. And then. Oh, but like, so like an offensive lineman to them, the quarterback is the butt. And they have to defend. Oh, got it. We will defend this, but.

And that's why they dump the cold Gatorade on the coach who has the most sexual energy. Oh, yeah. Because they're trying to like kill their bone. Hey, dude, fucking cool it. Okay. Coach, we get it. That's why everybody slaps each other's butts. Yeah.

So I guess you got the butt today. If you're a defender then, and you're rushing in to get a sack, I must be instant gratification because that quarterback looks like a big old butt. You just go diving right into it. Griffin, are you just quoting Denzel Washington speech from her members of Titans? You guys ever see somebody who's really good at curling in their mind? They're using a giant brush to just polish up the juiciest slab of butt they could find. Oh my God, the whole sport takes place on big frozen butt.

It's all in a big butt and they're just polishing up the butt and they're thinking, later on, I'm going to grab a fork and dig into this butt, but not until I get it perfectly polished. Oops, perfect score, 20 points. That's why every NASCAR racer, if you actually, most of the windows are like fully tinted so you can't see inside the car because if you did, you would see hanging from the rear view mirror is like a novelty like plushy butt. And they, the driver.

And that's the carrot. And the drivers get confused. Yeah. And they think, oh God, I'm so close. They'll never get it though. They'll never get that butt. Well, that's, I mean, that's the sad truth. You know what I mean?

Yeah. They never do, they never. Never get that. But it's never worth it. It's so sad that our successful professional athletes never have sex with anybody. In all, in all, in all the times with car racing, they used to have a butt on like a stick that ran around the track that people would just put on the brakes. Now they have a HUD, an electronic HUD AR display to project a butt onto the windshield.

Yeah. Um, you know how like. And all of this is why Wilt Chamberlain was so bad at basketball. Right. Because he had to wear Google Glass with a picture of a butt on it. And he just used it all up. And he used it all up. It's just, you know, the original name of football, what they used to call it, was

tumbling cut golds. I didn't know that. Something I didn't know. Some classmates of mine recently informed me that I overused the phrase, oh geez, whenever I'm surprised by anything. This is really weird to me because I've heard them all say it before until they let me know they're only saying it because they're making fun of me. No, that's a good look.

Since then, everyone I've asked. How do I get new friends? It is something that only I say is, oh geez. An okay catchphrase to have, or should I try to replace it with something else? That's from needing new catchphrase in New York. I'll point out to the listener at home because they will not be privy to this information. The question I asked her has spelled G's two different ways in this email, which makes me think that it's not something they use in written correspondence all that often.

Or it's more of a vocal, vocal thing. Potentially in that last sentence, they could be asking because they've spelled it G-E-E-Z. If it's okay if they change it to oh geez. I think it's, I like it, it's endearing. But then again, I imagine by the time we reach the end of this bit and we've said it two dozen times, I will not find it endearing. I think that you should do your, I think it's okay to have little quirks like this. I think it's okay, especially, you know what I like about it is that it wasn't forced.

It wasn't something you decided, hey, I'm going to start saying this. It's just sort of wormed its way into your, your pattern. You know what the problem is? And your friends took this away from you, your innocence. Because now, like the next year, when you say oh geez, like you'll, you'll click in your head, you know, right? You'll hear it and be like, I'm sorry. Like that's what happened when Justin told me, I say, let me throw this out too much.

He ruined it for me for a solid year. I'm back on it now. Other people will have to, if I wasn't defending our listeners from having to hear, like to hear you say it all the time, if it was just casual conversations in the two of us, I would not have pointed it out. I appreciate it. We put out like professional radio broadcasts. People hear this?

Can I ask you guys a question? I think nobody used catchphrases for like a wicked long time. Did Charlie Sheen sort of kick this whole thing off? Yes, Charlie Sheen started catchphrases. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen, not, I'm not talking about Charlie Sheen on his hit show, Taffman. I'm talking about Charlie Sheen in life when he started saying winning about himself and then

like other people started saying winning and then they stopped pretty quickly. But I think that planted the seeds in everyone's minds of just like, you can just say a word and have that sort of be your whole thing. And then you can put it on, you know, shirts and sell it and make money and stuff like that. And I feel like people didn't do this for like a really long time, maybe back in the 30s they did, right? And it would be like, show even a haircut. Try to figure it out.

Yeah. And people would be like, good one, Charles. Just confused. Charles Sheen, senior. Charles Sheen, senior, senior, senior. Because that was the name of the great, great, great grandfather of that family, not Estevez. You know what I mean, though? Is there anything here?

Is this something? Is this something? I think that it's hard to catch these, right? And like, it's hard to notice them warming their way into your siege patterns because people probably aren't calling you on it. I think that, you know, if this bothers you, if it bothers you that you say, oh geez, feel free to correct it. But I don't think it bothered you because you were saying it and just like living your life.

Well, and here's the problem. Here's where I think the catch is. If you have a catchphrase that's like you burst into a party, right? And you're like, the party's here, right? Nobody cheers and it's awesome, right? That's your catchphrase you're walking in versus what this sounds like with just like a vocal tick where it's like, you know, something happens in your immediate reaction without thinking it's, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, oh geez, right?

Then you're not in control of it. I just hit that point, by the way, where I hate it. Yeah, where I could see where that would be a little bit like disconcerting when you say it and someone's like, you just said it. And you're like, oh, did I? Oh, I didn't even realize I did. That can be off-putting. I had this with Hachimachi for a while.

Yeah, you sure did. Hachimachi, of course, is an expression from the, I'll use the word failed. I guess it had a couple seasons, but John Lovitz's program, The Critic, it was something that The Critic said, Hachimachi. It began as a reference to that hit series in it. At some point it just sort of like got out of control and then people would say, Hachimachi to me and I still think it's a pretty good thing to say, but I definitely think I started leaning on it too much.

Our dear listeners will remember when I, for like maybe two and a half years, like I couldn't go five minutes without just yelling, get that dick. And that was sort of like my personal brand. I'll go ahead and call them what they were, which is brand cuffs. I just want to say I'm very proud and I hope our listeners are proud of me in that I have done really well at following my New Year's resolution of not throwing it off to Luda as much. It's been a long time since I did it, not on purpose.

Yeah. Well, and then there was that one time that we were at a party and Luda was there and you started to tell a story and then he started to tell a story, like in the middle of your story. And you were like, oh no, please Luda, Chris, go ahead. Yeah, good to have you, Luda. Please, Luda, Chris had to be. No, but you tell it better. Yeah, yeah.

You tell it better, Luda. No, you weren't, you were there. Like you were on set with Paul, so you go ahead. No, you do it now, please. I just read it on IMDb. I don't, it wasn't there first hand, please. Second hand story. Luda tells it best.

He does. And he does the voices and like jumps back and forth. Like he's doing an HID, you know. He's like jumping left and right and talking to himself. And his The Rock is spot on. It's better than The Rock. Yeah, so he's more The Rock than The Rock at this point. Head on over to maxfunstore.com where you'll find our new

Luda tells it best t-shirt for sale in all sizes and colors. Should we wrap? Yeah, we should. Yeah. Folks, that's gonna do it for us on this issue of My Brother, My Brother Me, a magazine apparently that we print. Our zine. Our zine.

Thank you so much for joining us. We didn't do our feature on Bernie Sanders and his campaign period. Burning it to the streets. But we will have a lot more fun and frivolity for you next time. So we hope you'll join us again. And we do want to say thanks again to Meundies. You can go to meundies.com slash my brother and to get 20% off your first order of the most

comfortable underwear in the universe. Oh my God. I want to say some quick thank yous to people who have sent us things to the east coast, my brother, my brother, and me post PO box. Kyle sent us a lovely postcard. Sarah sent us a graduation notice. Robert sent us a graduation notice. Got to save the date from Christine Eric.

Sailor Steve sent us a postcard. Adam and Shelley Eves sent us a lovely postcard. Dane and Sean sent us some sheets cards from my YouTube show, Things I Bought at Sheets. Kelsey slash Borf, it's her D&D name, sent us a ghost horse book. Donna sent us some lovely socks and stickers. Remember to get the socks to you guys. They're from the UK, very continental. And Brittany sent me a bunch of crunchy bars, which are Canadian, I think, and have

seafoam wrapped in chocolate. They were very delicious, and I enjoy them very much. So thank you to all of you. And what is that PO box, Justin, in case anybody wants to introduce me? Huntington Woods, Virginia, 25706. Oh, and to ever subscribe that box to Western Horseman magazine, go fuck yourself. It's always full, and I hate you. It's always full of eight issues of it.

And I have to throw it directly into the car box. It's an hourly magazine. Like my brother, my brother, me. It's a weekly magazine, really. Oh, shit. That's amazing. If you would like to send anything to the West Coast box, it is PO box 341769, Los Angeles, California, 9003.

Subscribe his ass to Western Horseman. I would love that. I don't own a PO box for this specific reason. I'm going to actually say, if you're hearing this, hopefully we'll get it out today on Tuesday, please send in questions. And Yahoo's, if you usually do, don't wait, because we have to record another episode sometime in the next 72 hours, because I'm leaving town for like 10 days, and we have to get one in, and I'm really worried that we won't have enough

questions and stuff. So please send in questions. Yahoo's, Drew, Rachel, Zoe, Ira, the Uses, everybody, please. Jacob Locker. Jacob Locker. Come out of retirement. Dust off your brain. Yeah.

He's actually sending some stuff in, I think. I love all my precious children. Anyway, please send in stuff, because we're going to need a lot of it. And if you know any hot shit in Hong Kong, drop us a line, then bam, at maximumfund.org. No racist jokes, though. I asked on Twitter a couple of days ago, like, hey, what's good in Hong Kong? I got a lot of racist jokes.

Not from Muster's or the show, I'm sure, but just, you know, maybe keep that shit in line. Just a reminder, Candle Nights 2015 is coming up December 21st. It's a Monday in Huntington, West Virginia at the Big Sandy Superstore Arena. Tickets are on sale, bit.ly forward slash Candle Nights 2. I'm willing to bet at this point, we haven't gotten the numbers yet, but I'm betting we've sold about 50% of the tickets. That's my guess at this point. We'd love to see you there.

It's our holiday spectacular. Sawbones is going to be there. We're going to be there. It's in our hometown, so that's always fun. Last year, we had a day named after us by the mayor, and we dressed up as ghosts. Who knows what fun and frivolity will happen this year, and we would love it if you were there. Go to bit.ly forward slash Candle Nights 2.

I think if they do it for a maximum amount of work, it's our network. Thanks to them for having us and going to the hold the shows there. They're great. Yes, yes, and thanks to John Rodger. In the long winters for the use of our theme song, I said departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. We haven't done that, have we?

What? No, no. Talked about and thanked John Rodger. I spent a lot of time yesterday actually listening to When I Pretend to Fall. I mean, you know what? What if we leave for like the next few episodes instead of recommending Putting the Days to Bed, which is what our theme song is from? We'd recommend other great long winters albums.

That sounds good to me. Also, just a quick reminder, because we got a couple emails about it this week. If you would like a Jumbotron, if you would like us to talk about you in the Money Zone, wish someone a happy birthday, talk about your website, whatever you would like, go to maximumfund.org forward slash Jumbotron to sign up. But just a word of warning, we're sold out for the next couple months. So if you would like something red and say January, February, March, now is the time to buy it.

So don't wait, or it may be a little while before you actually get to hear your message. This final yahoo was sent in by Aaron Kiz, or Kis or Kis. Thank you, Aaron. It's by Yahoo Answers user Anders who asks, How to get a haircut similar to Joseph Stalin without showing the girl who cuts my hair a picture of Joseph Stalin? I'm Joseph McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy.

He's a fat dick. This has been my brother, my brother, me, Kis or Kis. Dad's grown a lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Jesse Thorne.

I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right? Well, then you've got it coming. Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can learn to get grants for education. Learn to ride a llama.

Print money the old fashioned way. Force your dog to stop being so rambunctious. Make a souffle that sets and stays set. Mount the heads of your enemies on spikes. Grind your own corrective lenses. Using just rock salt and diamonds. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Don't wait.

Right now. Jordan Jesse Go. One, two, three, iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.