My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 280: Great Job

Episode Date: December 8, 2015

This week, we very casually, almost off-handedly change the automotive industry forever. We just like, drop this earth-shattering car innovation like, no big deal, free of charge. Suggested talking points: Quantum Candlenights, Extreme Dad Hobbies, Blaze v. Toke, Three Horns, Butt Shots, Buffet Alert

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody. As you can tell from the jingle bell noises, the Griffin has edited into the show. No. That's the word jingle, said over and over again. It's on a monopoetic. Candle lights has possibly begun, or maybe it hasn't. My name is Justin McElroy, and I'm your oldest

brother. I'm Travis McElroy, I'm your middle-est brother. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and Justin, you bring up a great point we are in the phase of candle nights, where the holiday is part of sort of a quantum state, where you're not really sure if it's crack-a-lock. Griffin, that's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, like if you're observing it, it exists, but right now, I don't see it anywhere. I don't see it in my heart or the hearts of my fellow men and women. This is the thing about candle nights that is so important, and a lot of people ask us, when does it start? I don't know. That's the thing, the magical thing is it starts at different times for literally every single human

being. Someday you're just gonna be walking down the street and you'll see like two people very much in love or smell some roasted nuts in the air, and you'll think it has begun this season. Last summer, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy in theater, and I was like, oh, shit, early candle nights for me, and I had to celebrate it for like six months. It was exhausting. Who's with your candle nights as a serious medical condition? If you or someone you love has candle nights for more than four months, you should consult the doctor. I did. I did. Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana. They instilled it inside of me. They birthed the seed from my. What about Rocket Cooper? Yes, him too. The problem with a lot of holidays is like,

is it too early to start doing X, but with candle nights that doesn't exist because it's whatever you feel in your heart is a- Justin, you shouldn't do X to see at holidays. Yes. What? Yes, you should. You should do X to see at holidays. Right. That's true. I should roll Molly every school. They've made it a sweet honeypot of sensory experiences with all those twinkly lights and jingly bells and sweet savory treats. There's a pan-sexual, pan-religious, or is it pan-religious, pan-sexual? That's the order. Whatever it is. It's a pan-religious, pan-sexual, personal pan-holiday, and there are no rules. It is just right. That's the other thing about candle nights. You start celebrating it whatever you want. Is Santa in it? You know he is.

Does it got some menorahs? It does indeed. Does it got that Chevy wine? Last night I went to a Hanukkah party and I got chorned on that Chevy wine. Damn. Here's the thing. Here's the great thing about candle nights is that it is also Hanukkah and Christmas. It absorbs all other holidays into itself. And winter solstice and Kwanzaa. And there's probably others. Speaking of candle nights giving, by the way, we did this thing last year called the MB&BM Angels where people helped out some less fortunate families in the Huntington, West Virginia area where we are all hailing from. I've got the list and I'm going to be spooling that back up today if you want to get into it. Do you guys remember what we did last year? We said, if you helped out, we recorded thank yous to

you. And I think we do that again. Let's just do it. Let's commit to it right now on the show. So if you go to our Facebook group, we'll hammer out the details there and tell you all the particulars. But we're going to save an entire town, save Christmas for the entire city. And who else could say that besides the Grinch? I think Ernest. Ernest does it. Okay, I have a question because I'm not going to watch it. Is Ernest save Christmas the one where he gets the super powers? Well, okay. No, that's Ernest goes to jail and gets the electric powers. I think in Ernest gets stupid, he gets powers. God. I think he gets powers in a lot. Ernest goes to camp and then he cries by a window. Is he like rogue? Does he get new super powers every

installment of his? Guys, I watched a holiday movie the other day called Mixed Nuts starring Steve Martin. Oh boy, that's a little bit of a dark one for the first time. Yeah, I was told it was going to put me in the holiday spirit and it gave me negative holiday spirit points. Why is that? It detracted from my sum total. I don't know. I think it has something to do with the fact that it's all about a suicide hotline. And then at one point in the movie, they just murk Gary Shandling. They just kill Gary Shandling. They no scope Gary Shandling. They do. They no scope, 316 no scope Gary Shandling and then like two people have sex like literally two and a half minutes after they no scope Gary Shandling. And it's like, cool movie coming here Santa Claus.

I'm ready for you now. And they camp Shandling's respawn. So that's, oh God, it just gets gross. They troll the respawn Shandling. Let's do some questions. Yeah, let's help some people. I think we're, I'm ready to get on it. All right, here's our first question. As my dad gets closer and closer to retirement, it's become obvious to his children that he doesn't have any hobbies. What's more is my mom seems to get a bit annoyed with him when he works from home and has free time. Can you guys think of any good hobby ideas for a spreadsheet loving math nerd like my dad? My dad is dull and Durham. Oh, that, oh, that's the inner name. They're not just like stating that they are. My dad's dull. My dad's dull. Additional information if needed, I should say so.

He is an actual, he's an actuarial consultant. Don't know what it is. Can't say it. He played the trumpet in high school. He's cheap. And I don't think he has the patience to build model ships. I like the last, the last one because it's like, I know what you guys are about to say. Let me cut you off before you say it. Before you say model ships, model ships is out. That's right out. Okay. I, what if he loves spreadsheets, right? Statistics. What if he starts statistically, like, quantifying really, like, unimportant things? If he was like, I, if you look at my bar graph, this is how many times that bird landed on our, on our air conditioner. So you want him to go insane? You want this person's dad becoming an

insane dad? Check out my insane dad. Uh, maybe he could use statistics and numbers to find out what the most pleasurable hobby for him would be. And that's his hobby. And then he dies. Like, it's canoes. No, I spent too long cracking the canoe code. He starts by paint my numbers and he's like, well, that would be less satisfying, but it would be good time spent, but there's a lot of cleanup. So I'm wasting minutes there. That's not the most efficient way for me to spend my retirement. So then he might, he might, maybe he'll put a four next to that on his spreadsheet. Yeah. Out of what? A thousand. Oh, he hates me by numbers. Yeah. One of the worst hobbies you could have. Can you just make a hobby out of maybe just following this spreadsheet thread?

Just put every number into a spreadsheet. And just every, every day, like maybe you put in, like a bunch more numbers. Good work today. I did four through 10. Yeah. Well, hopefully you could do more numbers. It doesn't say he's good at it. Okay. That's a good point. He would get better eventually, but yeah, Travis, I guess starting out. Could he use statistics and his actuarial knowledge to be an elderly crime solver? Like murder she wrote, but it'll be like murder she mathed. I don't think there's anything there. Well, you know, when you take, you take crime statistics and then you find like a murderer. Yeah. I don't know how to use Excel, but I'm pretty sure you can't just put like gun and then under that blood splatter and then under that.

Sulfur X. Sulfur. Well, under that, just like Mark and his wife were having trouble. I didn't highlight all of that and you click resolve and it's like, definitely Mark is the killer. I didn't watch it, but isn't this what the show numbers was actually about? Like, isn't this what the plot numbers that you're describing, Travis? Except in my show, it's shot from the perspective of Judd Hirsch. For my show, it's shot from the perspective of the numbers seven, eight, nine. What are they thinking? Thirteen. Well, that's a rough burden to bear. What does he do in his off time when he's not being a number and representing a concrete amount of things?

The trumpet in high school, I think, unless he got so good at trumpet that he was like, well, I've mastered this. Gotta put this down. No need to continue playing trumpet. Kind of how like Louis Armstrong was like, I beat trumpets. I finished it. Anybody have anything else for me to play? Maybe it's maybe you want to get him in like, okay, you've got your model trains, right? You've got your whittling. Maybe you want to get him into something that's so like non sequitur old man hobby. Like, what if he gets really into a bit like being a house DJ? Fuck yeah. This is my, this is my, this is my dad. We're going wakeboarding later. Yeah. Something where it's just like, oh yeah, listen, we don't want, we don't want you to be

sedentary. We want something that'll get you out there. Now you're like an extreme mountain biker. We're taking you to the burn, dad. Hey, dad, we're going to the burn. Did you see my dad's Red Bull stunt reel? It's blowing up on YouTube. Did you hear my dad got to deal with birdhouse? My dad's amazing. He's a skate king. He's king of skate. He's king of skate. This is how cool my dad is that he's, he has things, he has names and titles and I don't even know about him. He's too elite for me. I'm my dad. I need to go to the video game store. I'm going to buy Mark's dad pro skater five. I got cheat codes for Mark's dad pro skater five. I can do a 900 easy.

When they put the spider dad into Mark's dad pro skater five, I was like, ah, it's a little much, but when they had farfetched dad mall in there, uh, that was better. Do you guys want a Yahoo answer? Do you remember when dad Margera, the star of Mark's dad pro skater underground? Of the hit TV show, of the hit TV show, Jack dad. Hey guys, welcome to dad ass. This Yahoo was sent in by level 9,000, Yadru, Druid, Dru Davenport. Thank you, Dru. It's by Yadru Answers user Cassidy. Cassidy asks, what's the difference between toke and blaze? Oh, good. We're in the right place, Cassidy. I told someone I'd like to toke with them sometime, which is crazy. Which is a crazy thing to say. Which is a dark thing to say.

It's a dark thing to say. I told someone I'd like to toke with them sometime, and they said they don't toke, they blaze. Hello, fellow young people. Are y'all toking today? And I never knew there was a difference. So can someone explain it to me? This is definitely two cops trying to bust each other, right? Wait, are you a cop? Yeah, are you? Yes, damn it. Damn it. Not again. Tell for each other's web. We have to get on the same page with us. Okay, to try to answer the question in a concrete way, to me, I feel like toke is the act of one inhalation of marijuana. And I believe that blaze would just be the entire experience of smoking marijuana. Everything is like squares and rectangles. Yeah, like toking is part of blazing, but like blazing includes

buying posters and like having them absolutely blaze life. Every blaze is a toke, but not every toke is a blaze. Some tokes are rips. And some are chunky chiefers. That is true, Travis. Some are chunky chiefers of that sweet green leaf. Didn't even think about that. It was a complicated little vintage. I feel like you can toke alone, but you can only blaze in a group. That's actually a really good indicator, I think, for like an important marijuana distinction. There are some slang terms for smoking marijuana that are going to sound ridiculous if you say them by yourself. If you say like, hey, what are you doing? I'm just getting blazed by yourself? Oh, wow. That's a really big bummer. You're getting blazed. But I feel like you can chill by

yourself. Yeah, just chilling. Netflix and pot. Is that what kids, the kids do? I Netflix and chilled myself. I can't believe I fell for it. I just don't, I don't get why it would be so important to you to draw the distinction to another living, breathing human being. Hey, don't say, no, I don't. How dare you? I don't toke. I blaze. It seems weird to me that you would be the kind of person that only blaze and did not toke. But is toke, does toke in some way like connote that you like don't commit to the blaze life? That you're like, oh, you're just a toker. You just dip your toke in the water. You don't even, you're not going for it. To me, the difference is, and in my mind's eye, the difference is you toke your smoking marijuana.

You blaze, you smoke marijuana, and then as soon as you're done, like throw your arms way open wide and just embrace the entire experience and just announce that you're blazed. That seems to be the difference. I guess you guys are just making me rethink my whole thing because I thought I was living a 420 blaze life, but I just, it feels like maybe that's all a lie. This has been a reverse intervention. You're not doing enough drugs, Groban. Do you think that maybe you misheard them and they say, I don't toke, I laze, and they were talking about eating chips. They just eat, they just enjoy laze potato chips whenever they're urged to smoke weed gets to them. Or were you talking to an old American gladiator who's saying, no, I'm not toke, I'm blaze. That's possible. I could have sworn

you were a turbo. No, I actually am blaze. I'm blaze, but I get that a lot. Yeah. We usually travel together just to make it easier on people. What if there were American gladiators, like they ended in a new season, uh, it launched on April 20th and all of the gladiators were weed slang. They all were like, I'm pot cloud. That's not weed slang. What are you talking about? That's just saying words. I'm breathing this. I'm ready to stop you. Breathe in this pot cloud with me tonight. 430. What? That's just a time. That's what time we were going to do it though. It's where the 420 is one of the great ironies of pot because it requires that people smoke weed and also be punctual. That doesn't seem fair. Why do you have to also worry about that? I was also

about to say that it's a problem if you have like a nine to five job, but it's probably not. That's probably not an issue. I have to leave right now, but it's not five o'clock. It's only 410. I know. Please let me go. I'm going to miss it. There's an answer here that says toke is just a couple small hits, but blazing is smoking a lot. See? I mean, I feel like we got it. What if you start toking, but then you get interrupted by something else and you can't fulfill the blaze requirement? Or what if you start intending to only toke and suddenly realize you've blazed? Oh no. Yeah, that's a bitter pill. I've got a brisk to go to. I didn't mean to blaze. I actually got blazed. Oh no. I can't come to work today,

boss. It happened again. Hey, that's understandable. That's a perfectly valid and wanting to toke, but accidentally getting blazed. I don't think this will affect Blockbuster's business at all. Now I think it'll be fine. Take it from me, the CEO of Blockbuster. Jimmy Blockbuster. I'm a cool laidback CEO. Everything's going great. People will always need videos. VHS is the future. I hope no one's stealing our posters. What do you need? Blade two? Quit joking around. We got it. We should order 18 copies just in case people want to get multiple copies of Blade two. Hey, do you know how you know how you could go to the grocery store and get a box of popcorn for three cents? How about we sell you a fake tub of it for eight dollars?

Please don't steal. Please don't steal. Here's a very large box of Twizzlers. Isn't that the metric by which you always want to do enjoy Twizzlers? Buy the box because that's what we've got for you. Enjoy these waxy strings forever. Enjoy these terrible waxy candy strings forever. It's a punishment you buy for yourself. Buy the box. Apparently. Hey, do you love that snow caps flavor in the movie theater? But I always wonder why you didn't nobody sells those candies anywhere else? Well, good news. Blockbuster. Enjoy these and showgirls. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. No judgment here. Judgment free zone. I'm glad God punished Blockbuster for their hubris. They just got too big.

Got another question here. What is the best way to tell someone they're driving the wrong way on a one way street? Oh, man. This has happened to me three times in the last two months. I tried. What if it's him? How do I? How do I tell everybody that they're driving the wrong way on this? I tried honking loudly flashing my lights and gesturing forcefully. But the first two times they just drove on by going the wrong way and one guy actually flipped me off. I'm not sure what else to do outside of crossing into their lane and forcing them to swerve off the road. I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea. That's Kevin from Kansas. Yeah, Kevmo. I bet that guy who flipped him off felt real stupid like five seconds later. He was like,

fuck you. Oh, God. Oh, I was wrong. Oh, no. It's my bad. I want to strongly, strongly caution you against this idea of trying to run people off the road. I don't understand why when there's a little bit of a traffic confusion, it has to turn into Mad Max like right away. Here in Los Angeles, traffic laws mean nothing and you would be like mean nothing to people and you would be amazed just at how often that kind of like I've seen people like waiting, you know, like it gets stuck in traffic because we're all trying to merge onto one tiny ass road to get over a mountain and like people will like drive up onto a sidewalk because they're like, but I want to go now and they'll just like go up on a sidewalk and then get back in line.

It's they just want to. They want you then. You don't know, officer, you don't understand. I want you now. I need you now, sir. Please. I want to. Why wouldn't you let me do this? Can't you see that? I want it. I want, I want to be there. Why don't you get this? I would like to be there now, please. And I'm back here and can't you see how angry that is making me? I need to turn left out of the right hand lane. I don't think there's a good way of telling people. I mean, once, okay, here's the problem. Once they're out of the range at which you could tell them, like once you realize like, oh, that person's doing this bad thing, I got to do something to warn them. By the time you've had that realization, there aren't any in your rear view. I mean, there's somebody else's problem now.

You've just got to go on with your day because you don't have time to worry about that anymore. You let other things to worry about. You've got a demanding job. You've got kids that have to go to school like you're busy right now. You don't have time. Let me roll this idea up into a little sticky ball and throw it at the two of you and see what happens. Can we get CV radios in every car? I have wanted this technology forever. I've always wanted this. That's an easy fix. Hey, compadre, you're breaking the rules. Let me turn up the dial, Griffin, with this. Please, please, please. You take the concept of emojis and you have pre-programmed like you're going the wrong way

or you're an asshole or like that's not a turn lane. Just buttons that you push and it just like beams a robotic voice into their CV because you're driving. We don't want to institute more distraction. You just press a button and maybe it's an LED display on their dash or it's a voice. You're going the wrong way. You're saying to limit distraction instead of saying, hey buddy, you're driving the wrong way. You want to look down into a virtual keyboard and swipe through until you find the correct emoji and then tap in maybe a few emojis to send their way and then it appears on their screen. Of course, they have to activate the notification in order to view your emojis. Well, maybe we make it more ergonomic than that. Griffin, we put the buttons

around the steering wheel like on the back of the steering wheel so you're hitting it with your fingertips and it becomes just secondary nature. I hate to quibble, but if we're creating technology to make cars safer and we're trying to figure out a scientific technological way to communicate to a driver that he's going the wrong way and on the wrong way, it will always treat. Perhaps the most efficient, elegant solution to that is not have other drivers notice and then try to text them the information. Perhaps their car could tell them that they were doing this terrible thing. Yes, and I think this conversation is probably how we ended up with the car horn because logically, if we keep going down this road for like another couple of hours, the three of us are just going

to agree like, what if you just had one big button on your car that just went, hey, and then that can be sort of a catch-all for you're doing something wrong. What if a turtle in a cloud flew over and fishing lying down and picked you up and turns you back around? The problem with the car horn, though, is that it doesn't, through years, any word used repeatedly is going to become like, I'll use stupid for a while, right? Like, stupid meant bad and then in an Orwellian style, stupid eventually meant good and I think it's probably means bad again. But the important thing is that any word used long enough will start to lose its meaning and change and evolve. The car horn initially did mean like, hey, let's drive a little safer, please, or hey,

please pay attention. But now, through years of misuse, it's like people only honk ironically. Yeah, it can mean anything. It can mean anything. It can mean anything. It can mean like, hey, my team is the best at sports today. It could just be like a proclamation of like, I'm here. I am here. Or what's this button do? Oh, man, it makes a loud noise. That's why you gotta couple it with something. Make it a word and a blow, you know what I mean? So we do the horns and then you have like, almost like semaphore, you have different hand signals. I see what you're saying. So you're saying like, three quick horns means Jeremy, I'm outside. Uh-huh. And also, I want to jump in. It's 2015. Everyone owns a phone and has it within

six inches of them at all time. Please stop honking your horns to pick people up at six o'clock in the morning. What are you doing? It's 2015. Don't honk the horn, you asshole. As long as we're putting people on blast, this one goes out to our dad. Speaking of phones. Hey, dad. Hey, dad, when you decide you get a wild hair and you want to text Travis at 5.30 in the morning, his time, 8.30 in the morning, your time, 7.30 in the morning, girlfriend's time, an acceptable excuse to that is not, is not, I didn't think you'd have your phone near you. Where else would it be? So when he said, I talked about that afterwards. I die without it. I die if I don't know where it is and it's not touching me at all times. I die. Dad. Time for bed. Gotta

carry my phone downstairs to the living room. Where else would it be? What if someone needs me? Yes, they don't. But let me hit you guys with another idea I just had and this one's the real winner. You're not gonna even put that on blast for a second. This one, well, he's, you know. I rolled out the mat and you guys just walked off. I blasted him. I blasted him. I flavor blasted him. He's of a different generation. I'm always happy to hear from our father. Listen, let me hit you guys with this because I'm all about increasing goodwill in the world. You got the one horn now and that one horn, yes, just as you said, could mean anything, but most of the time it means, hey, dipshit. I would like to suggest that all cars come with

three horns and it can be like three different sections in the middle of the steering wheel. And that'll probably be good too because the airbag has to pop out. It gives it like a little natural sort of like space for it to blast out. It's perforated. It's perforated. Yes, Travis. So you still have the, hey, dipshit button, right? But then we could have a more neutral horn or a special occasion horn. And then if that, if you hear that one go off, it just means like, oh, that person's doing their own thing. They're celebrating the winning of, you know, a sports team or something like that. It's not traffic related. It's not non-traffic related. This is just a sound horn, but then you get that third horn.

They just want to make noise. They just want to make noise. I get that because sometimes you're in traffic and you realize that like nobody can move. It's not like somebody's just sitting there, but you want to like express something. You want to be a part of the conversation. Right. So maybe when you drive by and it's like, hit this up if you're voting for gore and then you sound just your sound horn. Cause if you honk your danger horn, then people are going to think you're in danger. Third horn though, third horn is the great job horn. And you do this if somebody does like a dope break and like stops from hitting the car in front of them, which like slammed on their brakes and you'd be like, oh man, that was a close one. Great job.

And you just hit them up with that and they say, oh, thank you. Or somebody does a dope ass parallel park in like a tight, tight spot. Like, oh, great job. Or they pull out of a spot and then they block the car that like rolled up to try to steal the spot that you were clearly waiting on. They block that car when somebody does that. Great job. If I see somebody do a very quick turn on the protected left instead of just like sitting there watching fucking minions and they're built in DVD player. Great job. I would like to request one tiny horn at the bottom. That's the equivalent of a throat clear because that's the one I always need where it's like, oh, the light screen and this person hasn't moved yet. Just a, no, that's the pay attention

horn. What were you saying, Justin? I would like that horn. This like with a great job horn would be really useful for that moment when you're driving and you see someone who is driving the exact same make modeling color. Oh, yeah. And it suddenly becomes the most important thing in the world. Yeah. That person and you have a moment. Is this just, does this just happen to me where it's like, if I see somebody else drive my car, they have to notice this is happening. Doesn't even need to be out of, it doesn't have to be car to car. It can be you see a fucking dope ass little Caesar sign dancer. Great dance. Great dance. Oh, this is great too for when you're on those long car trips and like you and the same red car have been like on the highway,

like just trading places for like four hours. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I love that. We know we're doing this dance. Like we know we in this together. It's an order for when you finally have to part ways. It's like, well, kumasabi, I'll see you on down the loads of highway. Great job. Great job, my friend. And let me just have a time ride with you till we can dance again. Great job. Let me just on a monopote this shit because we're going to have the danger horn, which is still like right. But then the sound, the danger horn sounds like a dorky guy who just got really scared by something. Yeah. And then the sound horn can be like a whoop. And then the great job horn would just be like, great job. Great job. I like it. I like it's on the nose and could never be confused

with any of the other horns because you don't want to honk the great job horn and have someone be like, what? Oh, sorry, that was a great job. Right. Like you don't even want that millisecond of like animosity. You want them to know right away. They're like, great job. I bought a Volkswagen Golf, a new Volkswagen Golf this year, like two days before they're like two days before they were like, we lied. Gotcha. And so they've been trying to figure out a way to settle this that's not going to cost them like 80 billion euros. And Volkswagen, can I suggest being the first ones to the table with this technology, replace my horn with these three horns. And then like, first of all, all will be pardoned. But second of all, like, I don't know, I feel like I'll be the leader of

cars. I'll be the king of cars. Great job. Great job. Great job. Hey, let's go to the money zone. Great job. I bet my brother and me is supported in part by Harry's. Which part? Which part? Which part? The butt. We have a limited edition. Howdy Shaving Set comes with a copper plated razor handle. A couple of five blade cartridges, shaving cream and a cool travel kit to hold everything. Hey, what is this bag that has all your shaving stuff in it? Oh, that's my travel kit. What is this bag of loose shaving cream? It's cool. Yeah, it is. Howdy Shaving Sets are all different price points when they start at $15. You can go to harrys.com right now for a special offer for our listeners.

Harry's will give you $5 off your first order with the code mybrother. Now, don't wait. Economy shipping for the holidays ends on December 18th. That's h-a-r-r-y-s.com. And then enter the code mybrother. Harry's.com. My brother. I got a different sponsor this week. This one sponsored my tummy. And it's Squarespace. I know when I said that, you thought, well, this is probably going to be some sort of edible product. No, it's Squarespace. Although these designs are so delicious, I feel like I'm eating them when I go to a Squarespace website. But it's too many bites. Okay, so Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform. Squarespace sites look professionally designed regardless of your skill level with no coding required. You can start your free trial

site today with no credit card required at squarespace.com. Just use the offer code mybrother, all one word mybrother, to get 10% off your first purchase. Squarespace. Build it, beautiful. Griffin, what would your trial website be? Oh my gosh. Probably some sort of manifesto. Nice. Oh, you hear that and you think it sounds negative. It would be like a positive manifesto. A humanifesto. Yeah, just like, hey, cut it out. We have some personal messages and they have sponsored the part of the show that is my neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack. It's Brent and Jody get a message from Bobby and Chris. They say, congratulations on bringing another tiny human into the world, hoping you and Jody are doing

well and taking it easy. Here's wishing you two more happy times ahead with your new little lady, high fives all around. I hope from Bobby and Chris and it goes to Brent and Jody and thank you for having one normal met, like hopefully like they're not referencing. It's safe for the introduction, but Justin, that's assuming they're talking about a baby. They might be talking about like reaching into some alternate dimension and pulling like a David the Gnome-sized person into our reality and they've captured her in a bell jar. Maybe they're referring to like a toy's potato salad that they all made together and it's like a joke, an in-joke between them. Hopefully it's a human baby. And that's a nice normal message and I'm sorry that I spoiled it with my nonsense.

This one unsponsored the shit Justin said. So these two sponsorships cancel each other out. This message is for Brain Coral and it's from Incin- is it- am I pronouncing that right? Incin. Whatever. Incin, Ellie, and the Fluff Monster. Incin, Ellie, and the Fluff Monster say to Brain Coral- Mornings at 5 AM on Hayflunk. Happy two years, bootle doodle. I appreciate you and our best friendship so much much. I love your big blonde noggin and paddle feet going on movie dates and listening to the brothers together. Thank you for letting me use your body to learn anatomy and keeping me sane with cuddles in the boudoir. Stick with me kid and I will show you the world. Very personal, very very personal message. Do they mean for us to read that out loud?

Oh it says here please don't read this. Oh no it's just this this this sponsorship they paid us money just to read these words. They wanted us to know. Yeah um know about our love please. Congratulations on your two years. I am also celebrating my two-year wedding anniversary today. Nice. With my lovely wife Rachel. Nice. What did you get her? Uh it doesn't matter because Amazon didn't deliver it yet. Nice. Pretty cool job Amazon. Nice. We'll run a little late on that one but there will be a deal. Why were you down to the last moment? I didn't. It was supposed to be your Thursday and they done fucked the bed didn't they? Nice. They done took a dump right in my anniversary bed. Great job. No not great job. I hit the wrong button. Oh damn it this is going

to be the problem with these horns until we get them figured out. Hey everyone we're the Flop House one of the newest additions to the Maximum Fun podcasting network. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington and I'm Elliot Kalen. What is the Flop House? You may very well ask. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. A bad movie podcast isn't that like every fifth podcast on the internet? I'd answer that by saying one we've been doing this show for over seven years long before the entire premise of our show was a cliche and two shut up. Sick burn. I'd say that our show is more of a comedy podcast. A podcast about words that sound like other words. A podcast about me singing long irritating songs like this one. A podcast about pitches for a Ziggy comic book movie or

discussions about sex tarps. Yeah I mean mostly it's a show about three friends just hanging out and talking about ding-dongs. That's mostly used too. Wait what? So if you like any of those things subscribe in iTunes today or visit maximumfun.org to follow the show. The Flop House. I got another question for you. How about Yahoo actually? I just said that. I just said it if you'd listen for a second. This Yahoo was sent in by Rachel Rosen came recognized game Rachel Rosen. Thank you Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user. Oh they're anonymous. Let's call them. Let's see. Anonymous. Anonymous. Sean. Sean. Seanana. Bowser from Seanana. Bowser from Seanana says why do some injections you have to get in the butt? I had to get a penicillin shot earlier

and the nurse said this one needed to go on my behind. I honestly really did not feel like going there. Any place below the belt for me is examined on an absolutely positively need to basis. So I told her I'll take it in the arm. She said you don't want it there trust me I've been doing this 22 years. I didn't have to pull my pants all the way down but still I just didn't like that and really would have preferred elsewhere. I know she was just doing her job but what difference does it make whether it goes in the arm or wherever? One way or another it goes right into that bloodstream isn't that what matters? What okay what what qualifies as a need to basis if it's not a nurse saying I have to give you penicillin? What what greater need is there to show your

butt to a professional? Yeah um well they're arguing that that shot is gonna end up in the blood anyway so you can put it anywhere you put it in between my toes leave you you know you can put it in my you know my crankshaft you can put it wherever you want it's just like why my butt? Um your butt seems like it's pretty far away from you it's like it's a real melting pot yeah it's there who knows what's going on down there half the time and your butt is so far away from you uh that from your head you've said that three times three times down it doesn't make any sense well think about Griffin picture it in the world of like osmosis jones right like if you went to the butt in osmosis jones what would be there and I feel like it would be like the wilderness

I feel like it would be like we have to travel to the butt like they were saying Mordor you know what I mean yeah the butt seems like it's really far away what if in osmosis jones david high pierce who played the pill guy uh-huh was a suppository and that was how he was introduced was there was a long scene where bill Murray had to jam a little david high pierce right into his asshole while DHP just screamed while DHP was like no I'm a mouth pill please no I was on Frasier I got an answer from Sydney uh she is a my wife's supposition and I got an official answer here from her and it says butt blood is the most important blood thanks Sydney for the wow wouldn't have expected that but I said why does shots go in the butt she says there's just

a lot of tissue there muscle and fat and stuff more so than in the deltoid whatever that is sounds like you're just making shit up it's arm cannons yeah like yeast babies I guess what she's saying is because the butts are juicy because he got that yeast because the butt's so juicy cheese pizza cheese a juicy cheese pizza but got that juicy butt Kevin also and she just texted me also doctors like to look at butts but don't tell anyone that is a secret no she broke the hippocratic oath that's what that's the second of the hippocratic oath do no harm and look at butts no it's do no harm and don't tell anyone about our butt secret love love hypocrites oh man um butts are juicy did you guys know by the way I'm uh I'm trying to see more versions

of the christmas carol because there's just the few uh there's so so so many out there and I think people tend to hue to the ones that they're the the the most uh familiar with um did you guys know there is an animated christmas carol from 1997 that features as mr scrooge uh a young tim currie our friend and nearest tim currie and as if that cast couldn't like that cast is already like pretty good uh who is that as the spirit of christ is present why it's whoopie goberg oh man who's together together again yeah and who's snuck in there is marley well it's your friend and mine ed asner that's a really good cast like if I was making a dream if I was making a dream cast uh I would play sonic that would be what if sonic the hedgehog was the ghost of christmas

pass why do you have to inject shots into my sonic the hedgehog I think what if one would be the best dickens story to put sonic the hedgehog inside and I think it would go a little something like this it was the worst of cheese dogs it was the best of cheese dogs all right do I get that right chili dogs my dude listen it's been a long time do you know that that was urkel sorry I just wanted to tell everybody about my other favorite version of christmas carol this one's um a little bit uh of basically the weirdest one that exists and you guys will be like kicking yourself that you didn't know this was like a thing uh because it stars as uh scrooge simon callow not that interesting uh uh michael gambon is in there to go to christmas present into that yeah no problem at all uh and

then we have uh as bell you know young scrooge's love interest is uh kate winslet oh and then who's that bringing up the rear as marley what why uh it's nicholas cage what what what no where is this an animated cage for their animated christmas carol no i've seen this i've seen this it was on it was on netflix i was like time to watch scrooge uh scrooge is on netflix let's watch this one and it's like demented it's demented right like it's my favorite it's mainly about mice and they take a lot of really weird uh licenses with the story also in that version he gets back together with bell and they're both old and they get back together like it's not that it's a happy ending it's not that happy guys she hasn't been waiting for scrooge no in in like six months sprooge is bankrupt

yeah that's how that's how christmas carol ends that's the follow-up that's the placard that comes up that's the title cards like six months later he was in a gutter because he's an old man and he gave away all his money when he needs it the most he needs it the most when this was the time he was saving for and he's giving it all away and it's not like life is easy in like elizabethan or whatever it was victorian london like it's tough and he's just giving it away there's a balance scrooge there's a balance i got a fucking choice when coming out at you hot what is the etiquette when eating at a buffet specifically when standing up and going to replenish your plate of food don't wait for a natural break of the conversation don't wait for the other person to stand up and

get another plate or do i stand up in the middle of them talking almost as if to imply that in three minutes they will still be there but the crab legs might not be oh it's a good question that is a good question i love that there's no like catchy nickname on this one because they wanted to provide as little evidence as they possibly could that would allow people to track them down and find out their true identity based on the subject matter of this question hungry buffet boy in bloxy you know i i encountered like not exactly the same thing but i went to a barcade a bar arcade but it was actually mostly a restaurant and we ordered food it was like a sit-down restaurant but also the walls were lined with arcade games and like they brought us our

tokens and then it's like sorry sorry bud you're talking about a dave on busters no no it was like a japanese restaurant that also had like gauntlet it was awesome it was the best but at what point dave's son and buster's son but what is the appropriate time to be like and i'm done with this adult conversation and i'm gonna go play nba jam now yeah that definitely adds in another the only thing you could do with that situation Travis is just excruciatingly slowly just keep stepping back away from the conversation until they suddenly realize they're shouting and you're playing nba jam no fuck that the better solution is like on doubt and happy when they're like well dinner's over i suggest we move this conversation to the drawing room just do something like that

like well we've eaten in all the pizza we're probably going to eat why don't we continue this thrilling conversation over a round of gauntlet brandy and cigars around the frogger machine who's up for some tapper oh man tapper's so good you guys i'm not gonna fucking tapper with here's the fun thing that i encountered at this restaurant like at no point can all four people get up from the table right because that's a sign that you're done so it's like you have to leave someone down like to pin down the table while you go play like x-men that's a that's a that is a sacrifice they should have some sort of service for that you should be able to hire a seat filler just to hold your position so you can get some four-man smash dv i don't i don't think they were

done with these spring rolls i think they'll be back in a minute wait man you just you play four man smash tv or is it just is it max two i think it's just two um two uh if you actually just put a quarter on the table that means that it's like you've got next on it so you should be fine there um but let's get back to the buffet subject because this is this is also uh very important because i get that sense of constant panic of well i didn't have room on my plate for those uh you know mashed mashed potatoes uh my first go round but there weren't that many left so i need to slam jam this gravy square before it's all gone oh looks like they just brought out fresh gummy bears yeah i have to go now or they're going to be gone gots to roll one that i i uh uh find myself

stuck in a lot it's basically the saddest thing you can do is i'll be at my favorite uh uh chinese buffet and they won't have the coconut shrimp i like and i'm pretty sure they're gonna restock it but like because it's empty so of course that's the next natural step so you do that thing you were like waiting like oh man i hope he brings some more out this is like waiting for some substandard coconut shrimp this this is pretty pitiful i need some kind of flag system at a table because i will load up my plate and then take a bite of one of the things on the plate and realize oh i don't want this anymore oh that's the worst thing it's like can you like you went up thinking it was something with coconut in it you got back it took a bite turn out it was a corn puzzle

and you're not going to eat it so you want to put it but like you do want to go back up to get more right so i need someone to come clear the plate and not ask any questions because i don't want to have to identify that yes i'm wasting this oh yeah no i'm bad i'm a bad bad eater boy and i did not eat this corn puzzle please take it away so i can go get more you know brownie mess or whatever like that's that's where i'm at i feel like i want the people in my life who are most important to me to like know and understand that when i when i begin to have these pangs of hung of food anxiety when i'm talking to them i i'm not engaged in the conversation in the way that they want me to be but it's completely like out of my hands and so when i do

just like stand up in the middle of a conversation um and walk to the other side of the room because they just put out you know it doesn't have to be at a buffet we could be at a party and they just put out little cheesecake bites and those are gonna go fucking fast of course uh oh here comes the wave of food anxiety and like what were you saying about your niece and her sickness i really want to be dialed in but to me you're just saying cheesecake cheesecake cheesecake bites yum yum yum they taste so good they're going they're going everyone's getting them everyone's saying they're from you why can't we just be adults about it say listen i love this story so much but i don't know oh baby baby those creamy bites i will literally my human life on this planet will

literally end baby baby baby though this story about your niece's sickness it is hot stuff i'm down with the sickness but i gotta go get these cheesecakes um well that's the problem right because it would require you to admit like we're being 100 on us it would require you to admit that you're not that interested in stuff other people are saying usually no unless it's gossip or about you like it's just not that interesting unless the thing they're saying is directions to closer secret cheesecake bites there's nothing that they could be saying that would get me more on board than than my sweet sweet food dreams listen we can all agree that when you go to a buffet you are engaging in an activity more so than just going to a restaurant right restaurant

is we can gab whilst others do the work but when you go to a buffet you're doing the work so imagine like if you went mini golfing and you just focused on the conversation and no one took their turn swinging a putter that would be the worst so why can't we agree that we came to this buffet for one purpose and one person only and it's to eat as much as we can and then fall asleep quickly hopefully after we get home so can we all please focus on the task at hand and maybe take a nap in the parking lot while someone holds down the table then we come back for thirties just be cool for two seconds travis you've got it if the only way that people are going to get serious about their food eating at a buffet and doing the fucking job they came there to do is if after you ate at

a buffet uh uh a judge came by your table and critiqued everybody's performance at the buffet like oh marcus three clean plates my good boy and let me see what do you get there it looks like a little soft serve bowl and oh you went ham on those oreos crumblings you went ham on those oreos crumblings on top of that ice cream bowl didn't you oh my god great job i'm so proud of you here's a little styrofoam airplane you got put together yourself now susan let me see it looks like you didn't even finish your first plate you left something your greenie beanies on there and then you made a second plate and it doesn't seem like you put any effort into that at all and i can't help but just like constructive criticism you talked a lot about your your

niece and her sickness and i feel like maybe that detracted some of like your gross eating time that's more of an applebee's conversation this is a golden corral that shit don't that dog won't hunt it's not called golden parlor room it's called a corral which is where pigs eat garbage um so maybe like like knuckle down next time and focus on the task at hand i do have to point out that that that's a trough but you don't just have a loose trough just keep keep horses and stuff well there can be pigs there too show pigs anyway i think i made a good please don't fall asleep on the drive home because you just ate it going crown that's the next logical no you have to time it out justin that's what i was saying because if you get to the car and you're like 15 minutes to get home

nope not gonna make it you nap right there like when you pull your 18 wheeler over by the side of the road because you know that your buzzers have worn off or whatever and you're gonna fall asleep you do that in the golden crown parking lot which is why they provide like sleep masks as you walk out the door yeah and alternately maybe alternately you just have a fourth horn that is a toggle a constant low-level horn emanating from your car that cuticates hey i just ended a buffet please give me a wide berth it says i have a slow mo crash into the girder just like at a little kid's bowling party right um please let me ease into the girder it's also the best time to call a lift ever in case you're way better than like you want to drive you call it there should just be

a special golden corral lift service yeah it's just a it is a button the size of your phone that appears on your phone when it the gps the text you're in a golden corral and it's just the size of your phone so that if you fall asleep if you land on your phone a lift driver will be there to carry you home to slumberland i'm not too drunk to drive i'm too full to live and i mean i need a ride home hey let's wrap this let's let's wrap this show up yeah i think we're i think we've done all we could do here uh this has been my brother my brother meets an advice show for the modern era uh we hope you've had a lot of fun just to remind you a couple quick things uh head over to our facebook group it's the my brother my brother me appreciation group i think it's called

uh and you find some details about how to help some folks i'll get that set up as soon as we're done here uh i haven't actually done it yet we're uh doing a candlelight show speaking of candlelights i hope it's begun for you all but if it hasn't don't worry it'll come don't try to force it you'll hurt yourself uh but if you want to come see our candlelight show uh which is a foolproof way to put yourself in the spirit uh go to bit.ly forward slash candle nights too that's in hunting to west virginia december 21st at eight p.m it's us and sol bones 20 bucks it'll be a hoot and a half we've sold about uh 80 percent of the tickets for that show so if you do want tickets you're gonna want to uh pounce on those stat and it's a

real good time we do it as pg-13 as possible so if you've got family in the area or you know you just want to like carpool down with some friends and do something stupid during your christmas break it's it's a great opportunity to do something stupid also um so we just had some adventure zone which is the Dungeons & Dragons podcast that we do with our dad we had some merch go up it's a really awesome dry erase board uh dry erase board character sheet that was done for us by justin gray um and also a t-shirt that was designed for us by leon rosellar um and the uh posters from our pacific northwest show that were drawn by emily carol they're now up for sale uh on the on uh the max fun store as well there's not a ton of those if memory like it's the leftover ones we did not

sell on the tour and when they're gone they're gone so like they they're not going to print anymore these are just uh what we had left uh they are absolutely beautiful if you haven't seen them go check them out there's also just a ton of other max fun merch on there um the easiest way to find it is go to maxfunstore.com and it will redirect you to there and there's a ton of awesome shift uh a ton of awesome shit i should say and it's a lot of really great ideas for christmas presents and stuff so go check that out i want to thank john rodrick and the long winters for these of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed uh it's a good wintertime album lot of warm tracks there to heat up your chili bones okay uh we also want to say go check out

all the other amazing maximum fun podcasts um we do but all of us do other ones on there and there's also shows that we're not a part of uh they're all incredible go check it out maximumfun.org uh also go check out uh till death do us blart it's the every thanksgiving special that we did with the guys from the worst idea of all time where we watch and review paul blart malt cop 2 we only put out one full episode a year every thanksgiving for the rest of time when we die we will be replaced go check it out till death do us part dot com or you can find it on itunes or at death blart on twitter i want to say a good name for a podcast try to come up with that name everybody it's a fucking the best name thank you uh i want to say happy anniversary of

my wife again happy anniversary that'll be a hundred dollars that'll be a hundred dollars no i take it back all right fair enough uh thank you all so much for for joining us and we hope you are having a festive holiday season if you're not in that uh a candlelight spirit yet a sure fire way get out and do something nice for somebody guarantee it works every time griffin do you have a final yahoo for us absolutely do is send him by zoe kinsky climbing that ladder thank you zoe it's by yahoo answers user sir who asks how does ghost pokemon sex work my name is just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy it's a fair point because they when you made a two ghost pokemon daycare they produce an egg what the fuck this has been my brother my brother make

is your dad square on the lips maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hi i'm brine soffie and i'm erin gibson and we host a throwing shade podcast on throwing shade we look at an issue important to ladies and an issue important to gay people and then we basically make fun of it yeah and just to answer your question no we don't have a marriage pact that if we don't get married by the time we're 30 we're gonna do that no that's true although we have each been divorced three times