My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 281: Sisterball of the Dribbling Shorts

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

The metamorphosis has begun. Come all, and bear witness to our rebirth into a new world -- a world full of hoops, dunks and wonder. Come, luxuriate in our basketball fantasies. Suggested talking points: Basketball Fantasies, Bubble Gum Adventures, Fair Use, Tardis Impressions, Griffin McElroy's Slam Dunk Sports Wine, Spurs Dad, Huntington Revitalization Project

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother meeting, advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and guys, Griffin, I'm changing.

What? I feel a spirit of renewal in my heart of hearts that has got me excited. Today's the first day of the rest of my life. Is this like a holiday, like Ebenezer Scrooge, they did it all in one night? Yes, it's kind of like that. Yes, it's kind of like that, except if instead of three ghosts, spooking me good, spooking my bones. Spooking you into good, spooking, turning you good. Just spooking me, just raw dogging me with their spooky spirits. Instead of that happening to me in the nighttime, during the daytime yesterday, I became the world's number one basketball boy. What? What? I went to a college basketball game

in which college-age athletes play basketball against, they do basketball against each other? Uh-huh. And I did, you mean big kids? Yeah, like big, big kids and like, I didn't know I had it in me to love this new thing, or any new thing for that matter, but specifically this new thing. I always thought basketball was the final frontier, and there I was standing there, hooping and hollering. And you enjoyed it? Oh, I loved every second of it. I yelled with every dunk, with every- Funk? With every funk and every achieved rebound. How about every clunk? That's what they miss.

Well, I wasn't cheering for the clunks, no Travis, I- That was a test. I was, every time they missed a shot, I would yell at a referee. Listen, I didn't know what I was doing out there. You were yelling at a college referee, Gryffindor? That seems mean. Are they just like philosophy professors? Yes, they are. Double duty school nurses. But anyway, I am the ultimate Hoops fan in the world. I don't know anything about it. I don't know anything about the sport really,

like they kept getting double bonuses, and I wasn't sure what that was exactly, but you don't need to know the most about it. You just have to have the most passion in your heart for it. And I'm just saying like right now that I'm a bigger basketball fan than basically anybody listening to this podcast. Would you say that you have March Madness? I definitely have. I got December Diarrhea is what I have. December dementia. Yes. As far as you could tell, Gryffindor, did anybody fake the funk on a nasty dunk? Good question. There was only one dunk in the whole game.

But there was a lot of fundamentals, and they did not fake the funk on their funk dementals. Now, Gryffindor, let me ask you this. I want the two of you to just keep asking me questions in order. Travis, it's your turn. Was there a player who made two shots in a row and then the announcer yelled, he's on fire? Oh, sorry. He's heating up. Let me tell you this. Whenever your team scores two buckets and drains two tasty buckets in a row, two 10-piece wing buckets in a row, then everybody in the crowd would stand up and start cheering. And I, pardon me, wondered like, oh, shit, here come that infinite turbo meter.

Here come them fiery nets. But I don't think that they managed to do that in real life now. And then Bill Clinton came out and he was an unlockable character and he played. And he played. I was wearing my basketball shorts because I wasn't sure like what's customary to wear to a game. Well, like you take a mitt to a baseball game in case you want to catch a fly ball. Right. I thought in case they threw a basketball in the crowd and then I caught it and then like technically that's a live ball. So I'm like, what am I center now, point guard? See, I knew, I guess I do know a little bit about the beautiful sport. You're a leftist. I think that's one. When you stand on the left side and

you guard. Griffin, would you like people to directly email you some of their favorite teams and different moves in basketball or some of their favorite players or different favorite basketball moves? I don't really want to muddy the water right now because right now I'm with knowledge. My water is facts. No, I would be facts are fine. I'm not looking. I don't want to know about opinions. I don't want to know any opinions on the names of what players are. I just I want to I want my joy to be sort of I want it to go unperturbed and I want to just explore this new facet of myself, which is why starting next year, I am leaving the podcast. To explore my basketball fantasies in a new podcast I'm launching called basketball fantasies.

It's going to be so confusing because people are going to go to it for fancy basketball tips. It's going to be me. Like, what if you could score a three point dunk? Now, listen, here's how it would work. I just picture Griffin out in like Joshua Tree, just like staring at a basketball, sitting on a bluff and just like thinking about like, what is dunking? Like, what does it mean? What does it mean to dunk? Because it doesn't have to I feel like it's different things to different people. For me, when I for me, when I'm confronted by a friend that I've wronged and I tell the truth, that's a sick dunk right there. When a referee like really calls a foul that no one else saw, did the referee just like dunk? Yeah, you did get dunked on by the ref.

People get very excited about dunks, but really, aren't you just carrying the basketball to the hoop? Wouldn't it be harder to throw it? Yeah, I agree. Good point, Justin. And I'm sorry, but I don't think you should be like if they lift you up, if your team players put you on your shoulders and then you dunk, I don't think that should count. That shouldn't be allowed now. Do you think maybe in 2016, we could do all themed episodes, like every week, do a different theme, just to like mix it up a little bit? Because I would, I'm be honest with you guys right now, I would do anything. I would pay any price to keep talking about basketball for the next 54 minutes. Yeah, this is such an interesting, I believe it's 180.

I'm learning so much. Yeah, we'll get to a point where if I'm not saying like two years ago, I think you hated sports. Yeah, I'm learning so much from myself. Which is weird that you know what I mean? We've all grown. This is like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3, where they just go to basketball games for the whole movie. Yeah, The Traveling Huge Basketball Shorts. Well, Sisterball, Sisterball, Sisterball 3. Sisterball of the Dribbling Shorts. You gotta share the ball. What? Share the ball? That's crazy. You can't travel. I did pick up on that during the game. You cannot travel. You have to dribble and you have to be wearing shorts and you have to be in possession of the Sisterball,

because that's the only way you can score. You can't score without the Sisterball. What is the legal way time before eating neglected household foods? For example, if my significant other purchases cookies and neglects to eat them for two weeks, am I within my rights to go to town on those cookies? I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, is the name of the person who asked the question, but also something that they're admitting. Okay, hold on. Your significant other bought it, right? And then they sat untouched for two weeks? It would seem that way, yes. Was the significant other waiting for a special cookie? Yeah, you can have a cookie. Are they Thanksgiving cookies? Did maybe have a turkey on them?

Oh, this is a good question, because there's different forms of cookie. Was this just like your chewy chocolate chip cookie? Or was this like, I bought a 10 of those Danish cookies for that Christmas party we're going to have in, I guess, three weeks, but they were cheaper now, because it's November 2nd. And like, what? This is madness. This is none of this. I put my cookies in a fucking safety deposit box in a bank. What are you talking about? No. Hey, super quick flash poll. Can I get a thumbs up or thumbs down dance butter cookies? Oh, big thumbs up. Thumbs up, right? They're delicious and grumbly with a cream or a liquid that you can have them with. Oh, definitely. They're a great nog partner. Yes, they are a good friend to eggnog. But

because also you're left with a 10 afterwards and who doesn't love a 10? Yeah, you can put anything in that marbles. Listen, you we need to aim any advice we give on this question to any other person than this person, because this person isn't looking for advice. They are looking for either forgiveness or acceptance. And I'm not willing to give you that because you did not wait. The fact that you did not wait means that it's not that important to you what we think. You bad, bad cookie boy. But most of the time, I just ask them, why can't you just ask them, can I eat some cookies? Yeah, why do you need us to give you cooklymatic permission? I'm sorry, but like, if you're in a relationship in which like you share love,

you're allowed to have a goddamn cookie. Like, I don't know what relationship that would be where you would describe someone as your significant other, but not when it came to cookie sharing, unless they know you as the type of person who sits down to like, watch, you know, seven hours of Parks and Rec and eat an entire sleeve of cookies in one go. That could be what happened. And that's not how love works, Travis, to say like, love, love means never having to say, can I have this? Like, it's this, that's it. What you've just said is madness, because if you buy yourself a hoagie, and then you turn around and Teresa has eaten the entire hoagie, and she can't just shrug her shoulders and be like, marriage. Because she's one of a dick. Because she thinks

she's feeble. But the problem is, because when you're talking about a one off food experience, cookies, that's like, if you sit down and eat an entirely entire family sized bag of Cheetos, A, I'm worried about you, but B, like clearly that was a shared experience. But if I go to the store and I get a single bag of Cheetos and you eat all of them, you're terrible. So she, then you bought a Quiznos party platter, and you're planning on having, I know you six to seven of those little son bitches. That's why you get small ones. Yeah. But unfortunately, uh-oh, when you weren't looking, Teresa Duke snarfed them. Whoops. Now, and you're just cool with that, because it's like, well, marriage, love. I will say that in this specific example,

I'm very cool with it because for once, I'm not the food monster in our house. So yeah, I think I'd be like, thank you for taking some of the heat off of me. I love you very much. She learned it from watching you, though. I think the worst food monster I ever did was when I was a young boy, perhaps 12 years old, and I was rooting in my parents' closet, looking for God knows what. What do you look for in your parents' closet when you're a kid? Forgiveness, something. And what did I find there? But a couple of delicious bubble gum cigars. Yeah, it's a boy. And I found one and I ate it all up. What was the significance of that? Well, it was purchased upon my birth. It was purchased when I was born.

So it was not only a food monster, but old and gross. Yeah, it's like, I just ate, I ate the special bubble gum cigar for my birth. But they were saving for your wedding? Well, this is a good question, Travis, that I have posed to dad over the years. What were you saving that for? I'm glad somebody got to enjoy it, you know? When you ate it, you did not chew it, you ate it, you consumed it? Well, I mean, I swallowed bubble gum, I'm not an animal. I live evil, can evil one day at a time. So yeah, I ate the special bubble gum cigar that bought Celebrate. Could you taste like sort of the warm memories that you were depriving?

It tasted like the Reagan administration. Is that what you're asking? Yes. And how old were you when this bubble gum was consumed like food? 12, 12, 12. Oh, no, way to ham, son. 12 years. This is not... 12 is too old to go on bubble gum adventures. This was old enough that if it had been at Griffin's birth, it would have been gross. Yeah, but here's the other thing about it, it tasted fine. To my memory, it tasted fine. There's not a lot of like love lost, flavor lost. Yeah. When it comes to bubble gum, it's not like, oh, I found an eight-year-old thing of Bazooka Joe,

it's spoiled. Yeah. It's microwave it for two seconds. It's perfect. Yeah. I had another, hey, that's not about bubble gum, but I think we should move on. No, I do want to hear it. Is it as bad as the last one you told? Because if so, I need it, I think. He found a cigar that says congratulations on signing the Declaration of Independence. Yeah. And I broke into the Smithsonian so I could eat it. The National Treasure III. Justin took the Declaration of Independence in the Constitution, and he spread a fine layer of queso cheese in between the two of them, and threw it in the microwave for a minute and a half, and then ate it with a salsa on top.

It was freedom nachos. It was freedom nachos. I mean, it was special. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yeah, please. Wait, no, your bubble gum story. Is it really good? It wasn't about a bubble gum story. It was about a bubble gum book I read when I was a kid. Okay. About a kid who bought baseball cards, but hid the bubble gum, the old, chewy, crumbling pee from Snasty Gum that came with him. And so he left them all in a big lump in a big pile, then it turned into a monster. And that story made me want gum so bad, and I didn't have any.

This was in 1986. For me, it was the episode of While I'm Crazy Kids, where they had an episode contest where they had to chew that big, what were those big bubble gums called? I think it might have been Flavor Double Bubble, like Multi Flavor Double Bubble. And they would have to chew it up and put it on a scale, and whichever team might got the heaviest amount of chewed bubble gum on the scale would win. And I would see that in a bubble gum, that chewed bubble gum looks so delicious. And that's when I realized I'm a broken person, and also that that's my fetish. Do you guys want a yahoo? I used to chew up a bunch and get a big wad,

and then I'd get a new piece and bite it in half and put the wad inside of that piece and close it up so it's like a planet, gum planet, magma. What's the matter with both of you? Welcome to Gum Planet. I can hear our audience collectively retching. Welcome to John Carpenter's Gum Planet. It's a terrifying new vision of gum from John Carpenter, the mastermind behind the fly. That's probably David Cronenberg, and John Carpenter's vampires. I'm pretty sure it's John Carpenter. Do you guys want this yahoo from Level 9000? It's from Level 9000. It's by an anonymous user, but we're going to call him

Melton. Melton asks, would it be a violation of any rules to read questions and answers of yahoo answers on my podcast? Oh no! I figured this would be a quick one. Then we can move on to a real one, but it's an important legal query that I feel like we need to tackle. Somebody says, because the top answer is from, wow, just looking at, oh my god, it's from, oh my god, what could only be safely described as a yahoo answers power user, Oak Latam, who has answered 77,411 questions. He's got, okay, he's got like a full on command center of people. It's like, what do you got for me today? We got another thousand yahoo answers questions. He's got 514,003 points. He's only Level 7. It's like, what the fuck's up with your

experience scale? Cause that's a lot of points and questions to only be Level 7. Is it like Scientology where there's only the seven levels and he's like the king of it? I can't imagine that there is a more active user on this service. So I'm going to take their word for gospel and their word is, as long as you had permission from the authors of the content to use it, it would not be a violation. If you didn't have their permission, remember yahoo has a license to publish it. You don't see their copyright policy. There's no planet on which you're going to reach out to people who are on the yahoo answer service and get into personal contact with them. Is this Spankatron 5000 yahoo answers user? Could I use your question about your fetish

towards Batman? Thank you so much. To whom it may concern. Don't worry about our tone in discussing your home colonoscopy. It will be respectful and scientific and we think that people can really learn from, that's how we pitch it, right? Like we want to take the lesson that you have learned and we want to spread that wisdom to as wide an audience as we can, right? That makes sense. Like we want to take your learnings and we want to signal boost it. I feel like it should be public access. I feel like if you want to write a movie based on a yahoo answer, you should be allowed to do that. You mean public domain? Yes, that's what I meant. Thank you. Yahoo answer is just running an advertiser right now for the ridiculous six. It looks very bad. I saw that on

Netflix and I almost jumped out of my skin. I was so excited. I couldn't believe it. It was actually out. I can finally watch it myself. Guys, are you guys going to watch that? No. Am I going to prison? Yes. For copyright theft? I would like to say at this point, 2.51 p.m. Sunday, December 13, 2015, I have thought for the past five and a half years that Griffin had written every yahoo answer himself as a worker of fiction and I thought that they were all works of fiction. This is my first time hearing anything about that these were real questions and not invented. Whole cloth by Griffin. I had nothing to do with this. This is all on Griffin. Could I get away on parody rules? What if instead of calling it yahoo answers, I called it like

yahoo butsers. That's not very good. Let me try this. Yahoo answers. Let me fit this out there. Fair use. Fair use. A lot of people don't know what that means. It's like if it's a complicated legal idea that you can do pretty much whatever you want. Oh, it's like when you write cash on a check. A thing that I don't know that any human being has ever done outside of movies and TV shows that basically allows anyone to use that check ever. Yeah, I get out of the cash. Yeah, it's like the other day, I saw something through my neighbor's window that I wanted so I fair used into their house and I just took it. That's what fair use is. And then he caught me doing it and so I just fair used him right there and left. What's more powerful? Fair use or

squatters rights? Squatters rights is just fair use of the house so. Oh, okay. I saw that my neighbors were using their popcorn making machine and stand to sell popcorn and the fair was in town and I thought I could make a quick buck so I just borrowed it and took it there and they were pretty mad but when I told them what I used it for they thought it was fine. Yeah. Fair use. I got you. I fair used some black tar heroin yesterday and then I drove a car just like through a hospital. I fair used it really good that day. I parked it and left it. Fair use. Bye. Here's another question. A large package came in the mail yesterday. It's a Christmas present for me, from my wife or someone in her family. She keeps goading me to open it but I'm a baby. I loved when it's a Christmas

received open presents. Now that it sounds like you almost wait long enough. I don't assume you mean Christmas Day. The thing is we're flying to see her family over Christmas and she says it's too heavy. It would make no sense to bring the gift there with us. Yeah. Okay, yes. And also I'm 95% sure I know what it is and I really want to use it now and not when we get back in January. That's in all caps. Jamie, you're eight years old. What should I do? Jamie. Jamie, you are absolutely, you and I are on the same wavelength. Your puckish charm has won us over, Jamie. Oh my God, yes. Because if you're not going to wait until the day of the Christ child's birth, why are we doing any of this?

Then it's just an Amazon shipment. Yeah. Then it's just one of 70 Amazon receipt days that you have throughout the year. It's got to be special. It's got to be Christmas special. If we could just part the kimono for a second, this is a gigantic issue that we have been struggling with in our family for the past five years and has come to a head this year. Yeah. Where we're faced with like, I would say some equally unappealing solutions to the problem. Solution one being like, we give presents to Travis and Griffin. We have them shipped here and just pretend like we think they live here. That's what we've been doing. Yeah. The other one is we ship presents to them and then give them a picture of the

presents and be like, just wait till you see it in person. Oh boy. I can't wait till there's VR. We can all just VR open presents. I mean, one option and then another option is like, we Skype, like video Skype to watch them open it. But I feel like if you're going to go through that much fucking trouble to watch somebody open a present, then like your dad better be home from the war early. You know what I mean? Like if there'd be a giant box that you open and it's like a viral video, like that's the level it needs to be. Justin, you make an excellent point. If your dad is home from the war early and in that giant box that your family shipped you, you should open it before January. Put some holes in there. Something. Give them a juice box. Those viral

videos, by the way, have made it impossible to buy large gifts for anybody who has family in the armed services because it's like, is it, could it be? Is it? It's a basketball hoop. Fuck. It is a deacon. No, that would be tight. Are you kidding? Fuck my dad. Hoop dreams. Hoop fantasies. What better gift could there be for your dad than when he gets home from overseas? You're fucking sick of basketball. Yeah. You're like the king of dunks. And he's like, it's all been worth it. Freedom is in free. Yeah, this is what I've been fighting to defend. But then he's like, tell me. Sweet dunks. But then he's like, tell me about this sick new sport. And then he tells 10 friends, oh, basketball, I will be your chosen one. You're chosen.

I'm glad that my brother, my brother, me has finally been able to get the word out about basketball. Let's part the kimono even more because right now. Let's just take the kimono off. I'm taking the kimono off. And guess what? It's there's nothing under there. It's all my meat. And I want to part the kimono and take it off because we're doing Christmas this year on the 23rd because Travis and Teresa are bouncing on the 24th. I thought we were doing the 22nd because we're going caroling on the 23rd. We're doing it all. We need to be in better contact. Regardless, we're not doing it on the 25th. And in my child mind, I'm going to fully be on Christmas day after Travis is left. And we've already opened all of our presents. You know, your boy

is going to be looking around for that secret extra big present that they everybody held off to give me until the day of the Christ child's birth. It'll be like, oh, it looks like we got one more special Christmas day surprise for you, Griffin. So just to like put that put that seed and bury it deep in your guys minds, I am going to be expecting that second extra wave of presents. It could just be one present, but you know, make it nice. It's it's the Griffin. What if you just got like really super blackout drunk before we open Christmas presents on the 23rd? And then when you passed out, we would re-wrap them for you. And then you could have the whole experience over again on the 25th. I would enjoy that. I love the crinkle of paper.

You know, I've never gotten really drunk on Christmas before. Maybe this is the year. America. I'm going to need your help in the kitchen. I'd rather you didn't get super drunk on Christmas. I mean, I made your help with the bread sauce and a few other things. I got it all got a chart somewhere. I'm going to need your help. I will be drunk, but normal base level drunk. Oh, that's right. We're doing our English. We're taking it to Toffee Town, right? What's up? Taking it straight to Toffee Town, going Christmas lunch, going the whole production. We're doing goose. You're making bread sauce, got season, onion stuffing. Got a, going to do, probably do a Vicky Sponge. Nice. Going to hit a, got some mince. I'm finished up some mincemeat upstairs.

Going to do some tarts maybe. When are you doing this? Will we still be there or will we? Hell no. You'll be gone as hell. And I got Chris's pudding. It's been aging for a couple weeks. It's got a couple more weeks to go, baby. I'm going to make, I'm going to make my favorite British holiday treat, which is a Chimbly crumble. And what I do there, well, I don't want to give away the surprise, but there's, I'll be looking forward to it. Let's just say there's some ashy sweepens. And I'll be making an anatomically correct Doctor Who cake. Oh god. Do you guys remember when this used to be a comedy show? The Sonic screwdriver is exactly where you think. His dick? Yep. Great. I've seen this, I've been watching this, I haven't finished this season,

but I thought he had like, Oh, you're in for a treat. What an excellent season. But I thought you just had like magic sunglasses and not a dick that was also a magic tool that allows him to hack into robots. Well, when his dick comes out, he lowers his sunglasses and he's like, check it. What is that? That's the sound of the TARDIS. When his penis comes out. The sound? Let's all do our TARDIS impressions. Me first. Let's go back in time. The pain. Let me try mine. Oh yeah. Sweet dick. Remember when he like pulls on the levers and he like flips the switch? Oh my god. The control unit of the TARDIS is basically like a Bop It Deluxe, isn't it? I'm just

going to do this out. Ooh, mommy. Fuck me. There is an episode in which the TARDIS turns into a woman and then he continues to use the TARDIS as his ship after that. It's horrifying if you think about it for too long. Riding around in my Susan, solving space crimes, fixing time faults. I'm writing the new theme song. Me and Lin-Manuella are writing the new theme song to Dr. Who and it's a work in progress, but that's where we're at right now. It's pretty good. It's pretty good so far. I thought it was pretty good too. I felt like we should, like if we, I was about to say that we should congratulate Lin, but like if we started like congratulating Lin every time he did something worth congratulating him

for, it would literally be like the entire program. I actually think it's our job to keep him humble. Yeah. And I guess he gave the Pope a piggyback ride this week, so congratulations on doing that. And then apparently it was like so fucking good. And then Pope saw it again. He was like, fuck your show is still that good. I'm going to give you one piggyback ride. He's a saint now. He's a saint now. Congratulations, St. Lin. Should we go to the money zone? Yes. You guys like underpants? Looking at him, having him, feeling him, wearing him, touching him. What are you talking about?

Knowing they exist. Just the very concept, the very idea of underpants. I guess so. Can I, can I, can I get a little personal for a minute? Are you going to part the kimono? God, that's our least favorite phrase I've said three times. Can I put the kimono back on and then take it off again? Travis is going to take off his skin revealing that he's actually being controlled by a tiny little alien in his tummy this whole time. That's wearing a kimono. Oh God. And then we're going to take that off. It's all, it's all kimonos.

I'm going to remove my body to reveal that I've been two kimonos standing on each other's shoulders. Hey, what are you trying to do? You're trying to, trying to get in to see closer is an R rated movie. Get out of here, kimonos. Yeah, kimonos. So underneath my kimono, I'm wearing, I just got a shipment of some miandis and when I put them on my body. Oh God. It is like remembering what is good about clothing. It is like a moment of like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, clothing. It's like awesome and feels great. And this feels like I imagine in like sci-fi movies when they have like, you know, jumpsuits and like

clothing has evolved to a point where it's like, oh no, like it's, it's like constantly being hugged by a wonderful like cloud of awesomeness. That is what miandis is like. And I got a pair with polka dots and it makes me feel like an awesome cartoon character who's wearing the most comfortable underpants. Counter, counter story. I went out to Old Navy, I bought a new flannel shirt and they had a pack of like 80 pairs of boxer briefs for like 12 cents and I bought them and now the fields of my ding dong zone have gone fallow. We had a lot of fun here today. Hi, it's Justin McRoy for miandis. They got a really good underwear. It's like wearing nothing at all, only better than that

because you won't get arrested. It's a sci-fi fantasy cloud that wraps your body in a hug. So go to miandis.com slash my brother right now to get 20% off your first order. Plus, I don't know, it just says plus then it gets cut off. Travis didn't put the whole thing in here. Plus, plus don't buy bad underwear that will just turn your whole pizzone into a blighted wasteland. It's like fallout four under this kimono. Down there. Down there in my kimono zone. My kimono no no zone. I want to tell everybody about clubw.com. Have you ever thought, man, I'd love to be in a club? Well, might as well just clubw. They have wine for sale and they'll sell it to you no problem. No questions asked, no matter what age you are. Clubw, that part's not

true. Now hold on. If you go to clubw.com, you could answer six questions. It's not stuff like what wine do you like because that wouldn't be useful because like this is for everybody, not just people who are deep into wine. So ask yourself like, what kind of berries do you like or how do you take your coffee, that kind of stuff. And it creates a palette profile just for you and recommends men's wines that they think you would like. And then they ship them right to your door and they're perfectly matched to your taste. It's leading the grape to glass wine revolution. What does that mean? I didn't know until I talked to them on the phone. I had to take their word for it. They said they work directly with vineyards to cut out the middleman, which saves you

money. That I could understand. That's when I sort of got back on board and dug it. If you want to try it out, they've got a no risk 100% guarantee that you will love what they send you and it's going to be about a third of what you'd pay at the store. Right now, Club W is offering my brother, my brother, me listeners 50% off your first order when you go to clubw.com slash my brother. That's clubw.com slash my brother and get 50% off your first order. Now, also they come with really fun cards that like give you not only what you could pair it with, but like a recipe of stuff you could pair it with. And my favorite is I got a really great Zinfandel that we just went to town on during game night and it's like, do you want to pair it with something?

Pair it with like chicken tenders and pizza and enjoy it during a football game. I was like, that's so cool. Thank you. Maybe a basketball game. Yeah. Remind me, what's basketball? It's the one with hoops and balls in it, but I can recommend a good pairing for that. And this is another thing that I'm going to be working on next year during my time off from the podcast is I've been developing my own wine and it's called Griffin MacRoy Slam Dunk Sports Wine. And it is something that you can take with you to a game. You may have to sneak it in depending like if it's a child's basketball game, you probably can't bring alcohol into that. But it pairs really nicely like when you taste this wine, the flavor profile that it has just like matches up

with watching men and women like soar through the air with these beautiful orange balls and putting them through, right? Now to be clear though, there are no electrolytes to speak of. No, there are. No, there are definitely extra bonus electrolytes. Oh, so it's a good like rehydrating agent for post sports play. Yes. And there's little tinfoil balls in there, not so little that you'll like accidentally choke on them. Like you, when they touch your mouth, you'll know it. But it kind of like, it also electrifies the flavor of this wine. There's like a sort of catalyst thing that goes on in there. Is that what they mean when they talk about like tannins? Is that just tinfoil balls?

Yes. But anyway, that's sort of my new thing. My original name for Griffin MacRoy Slam Dunk Sports Wine was Michael's Secret Stuff. But apparently they are already working on that for wine that is going to come out alongside Space Jam 2, which is weird because that one isn't going to have Michael in it as far as I know. You know it's going to have Michael in it. Yeah. What am I saying? He's probably going to be in there in the mix somewhere. I just hope they get Wayne Knight back in there. Anyway, Griffin MacRoy Slam Dunk Sports Wine, you can find it on Club W. Definitely. Just look around. If you can't find it, it's your fault. It's user error. You didn't answer the questions, right? You didn't answer the questions, right? There's

a specific, it's almost a cheat code if you want to access this good wine. This next message is for Phil Davis. Thank you, Travis. Thank you. And it's from Rachel and Susanna, and they say, hey, Phil, thought you might be interested in this friendly reminder from the brothers that a birthday is a doodly-doo, a ding-dong doodly-doo, ding-dong-doo. Happy birthday. How do you do? Open present. Cake is two. Happy birthday to the funniest guy we know who always sounds really unfunny when we try to describe him to people. That's savage. Do you feel good about, thanks for jumping on that phonetic grenade, Traff, saying all those

words that you'll never be able to unsay in the middle there, you know, when you did like a Mary Pop and Scat break? Can I tell you guys, I blacked out. Oh, good. I don't know if it was the phonetic combination or what, but I don't remember what I said. I think when I look at the screen, it's just, it's just fuzzy now. I think when you did that like Ned Flanders scob ridge there in the middle, it sort of activated you, Manchurian candidate style. I think it opened, it was the incantation that opened up the black gates to the underdark. Yes. The obsidian wall has began to crumble thanks to Travis's incantations. I'm glad I could help. And a spectral army is marching

through that crevice, all chanting in time, ding dong doodly-doo. Kill Phil Davis. I got another message here and it's from Cody and Leah and it's from Brandon who says ding ding dingy dong ding ding along dong dong dong. No, I'm just kidding. He says human English words like congratulations on your recent engagement. Love and best wishes to you from your friends and family back home in the flooded swamp that is Florida or Flo Rida. Oh, Mommy. Oh, sorry. Ooh. Say it right. Oh, Mommy. Oh, Mommy. Oh, Mommy. Love your twinniest brother, Brandon, or perhaps Twinest, but I think it's Twinest. Your stringiest brother. I love your, your noodly spindly brother, Brandon long arms, Johnson.

Congrats, Cody and Leah. It sounds like you got a good thing going. Stay safe in Florida. You never know what's waiting for you around each corner in Florida. Could be a gator, could be a Florida gator, another basketball sports thing. Are you troubled by a lack of a suit yet dick joke filled analysis of bad movies? Do you experience feelings of laughter and enjoyment when you hear three friends go off on stupid tangents? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, ghost, or totally rad party dude house cat who really only exists as a sound effect? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then pick up your podcast listing device of choice and subscribe to the professionals. The Flop House. Our award-winning and usually

only a little drunk staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your bad movie podcast needs. The Flop House. We're ready to make you laugh in public so that other people look at you funny. Hit it. I'm pretty sure we don't have the rights to this song. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yes. Got a yahoo here. It's sent in by Game Recognized Game Rachel Rosing. Thank you, Rachel. It's by Yahoo Answers user Anton who asks, how do I get my parents out of the house? I'm a sophomore in high school and want to throw a party. My parents are kind of strict, but please give me ideas and advice to get them out of the house so I can have a party. Don't. Are you kidding me? That's how you want to start this off?

When was the last time you watched one of those hilarious teen comedies where the person throwing the party? At the end they were like, man, I'm really glad that happened and nothing priceless was destroyed. How about any house party movie? Yeah. There was, I'm sorry, at the end of every house party movie there wasn't a moment where they learned not to throw a house party. No, because I have not seen them. They made like nine of them. Travis, you just, like, it's just, it's just, we don't have to do any of this. We host a comedy podcast. Right. What was, what was step B after don't have a party? What's the joke? Maybe choose a different activity to have at your house. Like a study session. You tell me the next 10 words and I'll drop out

of this race right now. Convince your friends to have a party at their house. It's not, it doesn't seem like a, a fertile comedy word. No, he crushed it. Hear me out. What you need to do rather than convince your parents to leave their house, convince your parents to have your friends parents over for a game night or a dinner, and then you throw a party at your friend's house, but then you're out. No, you're not allowed, no, you're not allowed to outline any more steps of this until you sell me role playing just as your mom, I'm your dad, you're Travis, and you're trying to get, it's convinced us to invite over your friend's parents for a game night between adults and now go.

You guys never play settlers of Kattan. Hello, my son. Okay, wait, you're a ghost, mom. What? No, I'm your mother. Were you guys saying the other day how you never hang out with friends anymore? No, well, I don't have time because I'm too busy working and taking care of you, you little shit. Oh, dad, you seem so stressed. Have another glass of Gryffindor McRoy sports wine. Oh, I need it. I've got a route for ma spurs. What are you guys doing for tonight? Oh, come on. Just another boring night of staring at each other if you regret your life decisions.

I can't, well, I can't do anything tomorrow night. I got to watch ma spurs dunk. Maybe you can play the game of life and make different life decisions where you don't have kids. This is which laugh to make your father is special spurs dunk treats or else he gets very angry. She's got to mow ma sports wine. Mow it up good for a holiday treat. It's just frozen cauliflower, but chopped up. It's the only thing you eat. It's like a baby. I'm a simple man. All I need is my rough inch and ma sports wine and for ma spurs to get a damn rebound. Come on. I'm going to turn off the TV for just a second. Come on, don't you dare. I paid good money for that TV service.

Okay, can we just take a break for one second? It's a poster of the spurs with cardboard around it. Yeah, but that poster's got a Tivo hooked up to it. It doesn't. I'm cap mom. I'm worried about dad. I'm worried about him too. The year is 1978. And what is Tivo? I don't even think there's the San Antonio yet. We haven't even annexed San Antonio from Mexico, let alone built the Dunkin'ness Sports franchise in history up in there. Dad, look, look, look. This is an intense flavor profile. Oops, we're switching roles. Yes, I'm your dad. Oh God. No, dad. Now I'm the mama. Gotta love me. Wait, I just had an idea for a TV show.

And that's how dinosaurs was created. Shit, Chavis, you know what? You're right. That was way better than anything that we could have come up with. I forgot the question. Some of the parties, right? Toe and a party. How do you get your parents out of the house? How do you recommend to your parents to leave the house so that you can have a ball and ass party up in there? Well, let's rip the kimono open. Let's pull the ripcord. Let's throw the kimono in the garbage. Have any of the three of us ever been to a party in which the parents were not home and they threw it and got caught at the end?

I don't know that I have been. All of my parties have been above board. All the proper paperwork was filed with the city. Okay. See, I did not get my permit to get torrent at my friend's house. And by friend, I mean somebody that like my friend Mark knew and we rolled up to his house. I was like, hey, cool spot. Everybody here is really, really drunk. And I was there for maybe 15 minutes. I got torrent and his parents rolled up like nope. And it was if that was an important night for me because I never broke the rules again after that. And did you learn from Mark or Mark's secondary acquaintance how the parents were convinced to leave the home or had the parents

just left for a minute and they threw like a pop-up party? I honest to God think they went to like Kroger's. Like the parents went to Kroger's and they're like, everybody get over here quick. Because it, I mean, it didn't work. So whatever plan they had fucking sucked. And I felt like I was going to get yelled at, which would have been crazy. It was like Griffin, we expected so much more than you. Like I don't even know your son. How do you know me? How do you know me? In this housing market, don't you think you could find like a foreclosed home? Oh my God. The roundhouse. You're talking about a camp nowhere. A bunch of kids go in on a house

in Huntington. Fuck it. They can buy our child at home. Ten teens who save up their paychecks for what? Like three months? Could buy our ancestral home and have a fucking party hangout spot. Yep. They're going to have to go, whichever one of them can grow a mustache is going to have to be the one who signs the paperwork. Hi, I'm Philip homeowner and I, I'm going to pay cash, please. This is my associate, Greg mortgage. Hi, I'm Mr. Mortgage. Will you accept coupons also? For two houses? For two houses? Yeah, this is a great concept. So teens get together and they take, it's sort of like, like it's also about the housing crisis, right? Like it's sort of like

the big short, but like the, for teens and the teens buy a house. Why couldn't they do that? Like why could, if you had to, like if they can get enough money for a bunch of teens to like go to Spain together, right? Why couldn't they kick in a few Gs to like buy a house that they could all party in all the time? And then they like, okay, okay, here's the movie. They get party house, right? And they all kick in the money and they buy party house and they start having parties there constantly. But you know what happens? What? Like they, some of them start getting sick of it because the other ones leave messes there. And it's like, no, you don't understand. This is party house. We do what we want. And the other is like, we have to take care of party house. Please pay

your portion of the rent on party house. Please pull up out yourself to party house. And then it's just a regular house. You never go grocery shopping. We're running out of groceries at party house. I don't love you anymore. Wait, what? I think, I can't think of a single reason why this wouldn't work. There's no reason. I would love to see a scene in party house where there's like one person who's like, I don't really like the crown molding. And it's like, dude, like, we're just gonna like get really drunk. Oh my God, it's a whole franchise, right? We do the film and the film's gonna be very successful. And then we have a new HGTV show. And it's HGTV teen party house. HGTV, the T stands for teens. Wait, I think the T is just part of TV. I think it's just Tella.

I think it might be home and garden teen videos. Hey, it's me, Martha Stewart, too. I'm coming to all you teens. I'm the young Martha Stewart for teens. Today, we're going to put nachos in your garden. This isn't your mom's garden. Me, Martha Stewart, too. Bear those cheesy little guys up in the ground. Make sure your water room every day. You got to have responsibilities if you want to harvest these nachos. Today, I made this precious pergola, a lot of skateboards. I built a cozy to keep my whip, it said. This isn't your mom's, Martha Stewart. That's Martha Stewart, my mom. I'm Martha Stewart, too,

for teens. And don't forget to get hardwood floors. It's easier to clean up puke, maybe a nice linoleum, but that's not going to have a lot of resale value. Make sure there's lots of pictures of jugs on the wall. Well, no, teens don't necessarily. No, like jugs of water. Mason jugs. Mason jugs? Yeah, like you're Mason jugs. Like Mason, they're like Mason jars are bigger. Yeah. What about Anteens Roadshow? Now, hear me out. That's not an itchy candy product. Can I hit you guys with this? I have a house that I'm having trouble selling. Yes. Could I do a sort of rental by the day, promise no sex stuff or drugs that are too hard? There are teens, nightclubs, Justin. I guarantee that there's a legal loophole that will let you

rent a house to teens. I rent my home to teens. Are you? Why? I'm Justin McRoy. Do you want to find out how I made my millions? Okay, but let's part the kimono just a little bit here again, because what we're describing is Airbnb. I'm going to get one corner of my kimono stuck in the document shredder and just watch as it's disintegrated. Yes. Just take it off. Don't stay in the kimono. It's trapped in the paper shadow. I'm going to step out of the taxi and I'm going to shut a little bit of my kimono in it and it's going to drive off with it. I'm going to sell my kimono to buy you a watch chain for your watch. I want to sell my kimono to buy you a box for your kimono. Oh, no. Yeah. What we're describing is home away or Airbnb, which is the thing that

exists, but it brings you a good question that I guess speaks volumes about my ethics that I've never really thought about this before because we do those a lot. We do lake house weekends here in Austin sometimes and we party the fuck out of those spots, but that's like somebody's digs. That's like somebody's house. What's the age? I bet it's 18, which could be someone who turned 18 in the first week of September of their senior year of high school. Crazy 15-year-old friends that just run wild, play the locus up on these spots, but what I'm saying is are you will ethically speaking, legally, I think you're clear, ethically speaking. Can you bone down in an Airbnb? Um, yeah? My baby was conceived in an Airbnb. Is that true? Yep. So we know we're just-

Thank you, Phillip and Judy, if you're listening. Yeah, that's like what I'm saying. I'm not even talking about a lake house anymore. I'm talking about like somebody's apartment in a city you don't live in and you like roll up there like thanks for a place to lay my weary head and also to definitely bone down to go to the bones in. Thanks for that. Maybe that's the only reason you put a place up on an Airbnb because you dirty. You dirty and you love those thoughts. But how is that different from like a hotel? Well, because a hotel is not like this is Travis's room in the hotel. Would you like to make love in it? But I don't think that I don't think that the main use case for Airbnb is like I'm going to be away

tonight. Somebody can live in my house and I'll get you in the morning. Like I don't think that that's usually what Airbnb the way it works. Do you think it's somewhere in the Airbnb clause there's got to be like a specific section that like where you swear that you didn't put cameras in your house, right? Like I'm gonna rent my Airbnb out and I promise, promise, promise. I don't have super creepy cameras everywhere. I have a policy every time I go to an Airbnb. I check the toilet for cameras. Is there any there? I don't care how long it takes. I wait until they go and buy some and install them. What's the point? That's the point. I'm doing some serious butt work in here. I went to all the trouble to get that tattoo. If nobody sees it, then what's the point?

Why have I been perfectly sculpting my glutes if nobody's got to watch? You know, art in a vacuum is not art. Also, please let a camera in the vacuum for various reasons. Did you hear about that guy that spent two million dollars on the only picture of Justin's tight, tight butt that exists in the world and he's not going to share it with anybody. It's just his. Let's get this, let's get this idea moving. Let's get this, let's sell this your house, Justin, as a camp nowhere hang zone for teens. Now there might be some police run-ins. Well, they would have to be discreet, absolutely. Like we're not gonna hang a sign on the front door that's like Justin McRoy's dope motel for lit teens. Teen getaway. Just a place where teens

should go and relax for once. Just get away from the parents and maybe do some reflecting. Wink. Maybe you just call the place Wink. Oh, that's good. But now we're talking about a teen nightclub and we don't want that. Because we've already done that. We don't want to. Yeah, we've already conquered that market. What if we call it the gym factory too? But it's just J-I-M because it's Jim's house. What if we just open up a place called Pant Stains? And then next door, we open up a dry cleaners. Synergy. And then we open up another teen nightclub next door to that called Synergy, but S-I-N. Oh my God, he can't be stopped. Griffin McRoy's Huntington, West Virginia revitalization project. It's now seeking investors.

Then we put a church next to that on the other side to help you. Like you're just saying like a chain. And then next to that, we put a Popeyes chicken for after church lunch meals. We don't put a church's chicken. Come on, Griffin. And then next to that, we do a church's chicken because that's just like competition. We don't want to monopolize the market. I see. Okay, guys. Next to that, we put a bathroom house. What's that? Well, it's a place you go to use the bathroom, but you have to pay 25 cents each time you do it. And also, we have to remove bathrooms from Jim's, the gym factory and from Synergy and from the church. And next to that, a basketball stadium and we're playing SimCity now. Yeah. Oh, we're going to put a basketball stadium on that, but

that's just for me. And it's going to have a watch tower on top of it so I can watch. Oh no, Godzilla's attacking. Oh no. Well, we better get... No SimCity poll, huh? I ran out. That's all right. And on that disappointing note, it's time to end this episode of My Brother, My Brother Me. We hope you all have had a lot of fun. We know we have some parts. Can I change the name of Huntington? If I'm putting this much work into it, can I call it something else? Yeah. Okay, cool. Bluntington. Nice. Crushed it. James Bluntington. If you want to come see us in Bluntington, we are going to do a show December 21st. It's about 80% sold out. So get on it. Go get your tickets. Go to candleknights.net

and buy tickets to come see us. It's December 21st, 8 p.m., I think it's like 20 bucks. And you can see us and Sawbones. Marital tour, misguided medicine that I do with my wife. Both of those shows at 8 p.m. that address again is candleknights.net or .org if you prefer. We also want to say thanks again to me, Undies, who are dedicated to offering the most comfortable underwear. If you go to meundies.com slash My Brother, you can get 20% off your first order. You should go do that. They're amazing. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. He said a part you're off the album playing in the Dasty Bed. They're getting a lot of tweets from people that are listening to John Rodgerick and John Nathan Colton's Christmas album,

One Christmas at a Time. It's a really good album. Good eye picking that one up. It is like the one in between is my favorite on there. Yeah. You should also go on our Facebook group and check out. We put up the MBNBA and Angels. Justin, tell us all about it. Well, sir, a bunch of us are kicking in to help some people here in West Virginia have slightly better Christmas. A lot of hard time. People fall in hard times, and we and mainly the listeners of My Brother, My Brother, and Me are going to help them out. You can get details on how to do that and how to become My Brother, My Brother, and Me Angel.

Basically, on our Facebook page, My Brother, My Brother, and Me Appreciation Group, the short version is, though, if you can buy a few gifts for somebody in our area and you let us know about it, then we'll record a personal thank you for you. So let's make Christmas happen for some folks. Go to Facebook and search for the My Brother, My Brother, and Me Appreciation Group, and you can find the top post there will be about the Angels program, or you can go to mbmbam.tumblr.com, and it'll be the first post there as well. You should also go check out all the other amazing Maximum Fun shows. There's tons on there, and you're going to find one that you love.

Guys, they just put up a trailer for the Independence Day sequel, so I actually have to go. Can you guys finish the show without me? You think of it as practice for next year when I'm on my basketball voyage? I would love to listen to whatever it is you're saying, but they just dropped a trailer for the new Independence Day movie, so I've got to go watch that. Guys, I hate to jump in. Sorry, I don't want to over talk, but they just put up a trailer for Independence Day. I wasn't paying attention to whatever shit you guys... Guys, I hate to interrupt the two of you while you're talking about whatever you're talking about, but they just put up a trailer for Beaches 2, and I have to leave, and I have to watch the Beaches 2 trailer immediately.

Son of a beach? Son of a son of a beach. Yeah, it's what it's called. So anyway, shares in it, and I just got to go just jerk off to this thing real quick. Super. Did you guys heard about Back to the Future 2? Anyway, that's good news for us. Thanks for listening to our program. Life's a beach. Life's a beach is actually the name of it. Life's a beach. Griffin, you have to read Yahoo answers or I'm going to die. Okay, here's the final Yahoo, and then we can get to the important stuff that we need to do. And it was sent in by Zoe Kinski. Climb that ladder. Thank you, Zoe. It's by Yahoo Answers user number five who asks. Did you lose all respect for Steve Gutenberg as a serious actor when he did Dancing with the Stars?

My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. Go on, watchin' the trailer, finish it. This is from my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad's gruff lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hi, my name's Justin McRoy. And I'm Dr. Sidney McRoy. We host the Medical History Podcast Saw Bones, a tour of all the weird, stupid, terrible, horrifying, hilarious ways that we've tried to fix people over the years. If you haven't been listening to Saw Bones, you've missed out on topics like the seasick proof saloon, the woman who gave birth to bunnies, the unkillable Phineas Gage, the true story of Typhoid Mary, polio, and you can check out

Saw Bones every Wednesday by going to iTunes or wherever podcasts are sold. They don't sell podcasts. I told you this. Or presented. Offered for free. It's free. What better selling point could there be than that? Every Wednesday, Maximumfun.org or wherever podcasts are offered at Saw Bones.