My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 309: Here Comes Ray Donovan

Episode Date: June 28, 2016

Our RSS news feed is an absolute garbage pile right now, so we spent most of this episode talking about the one shining, brilliant light in the darkness: Ray Donovan. Welcome back, Ray: You're here right when we needed you most. Suggested talking points: RAY DONOVAN'S BACK, Dick's Purge Cafe, Old Timey Hacking, Stolen Stories, HERE COMES RAY, Land Ownership, Old Old Water

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me in the vice show for the Modunera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. We usually come up with topical humor, quote-unquote, for both. The only problem is all the topics, they suck ass.

Yeah, a lot of the topics suck ass this week, just like not a lot of real gut busters, but you know what? You don't come to us for that. I'm of the opinion that things will improve. They statistically almost have to at this point, but we comb the news, scrolled through several pages and try to find some happy headlines to just brighten everybody's day. So good news. Good news. Ray Donovan's coming back for big season four. Big fourth season for Ray Donovan. First of all, thank you. Showtime? Stars? I think that's it. Thanks to Showtime. We're stars for bringing us back. Ray Donovan, the handyman with a heart that fixes those around him just as he's fixing their windows and stuff. Here's what

I know about Ray Donovan. I saw a commercial once and he walked into a hotel room and John Voight was sitting there and John Voight had a gun. Now, Ray Donovan is just there to fix your fucking radiator, Mr. Voight. So maybe calm that shit down for like a second. But you know what? It's back. It's back. June 26th, it premiered last night or Sunday, depending on whether or not you're recording this with us right now or you're listening to it in the future. Here's a fan of Ray Donovan rejoiced. Ray's back. Hey, Ray. Ray's back. A ray of sunshine, they said. Fuck. What kind of relationship, what kind of relationships for Ray Donovan in the fourth season of it? Well, he's got eight kids and they're quite a handful, I bet. And four from his marriage and

four from his wife's previous marriage. How will the two families ever come together? And one is the cyber clone of John Voight and that's the ninth child. Four seasons should have big impacts on all the storylines. And I think it's good news for people who watch Ray Donovan that he's back. And I think I have heard Scuttlebutt through the grapevine that they finally caught up to the books. So now season four, they have actually gotten ahead of the book. So there will be stuff happening that you haven't been able to read about in the Ray Donovan universe before now. So it should be all new. The raw puree. I heard a lot of rumors. Vis-a-vis Lee F. Shriver's dick is in every episode as a contractual obligation. But not attached. What they do is they photoshop it into pictures

in the background. When you look on the mantle and you see family pictures somewhere in there is Lee F. Shriver's dick. But it's another character and they call it Greg Donovan, which it doesn't make any fucking sense. God, I love this show. I'm so glad it's back for a fourth season on Starz. One time we saw Lee F. Shriver in Glengarry Glen Ross and during curtain call, we were in the front row and my dad said, thank you. And Lee F. Shriver pointed at my dad and said, no, thank you. So I'm really excited that Ray Donovan is back for another season. Lee F. Shriver finally getting the respect that he deserves. A Showtime or Starz agent was in that audience, saw that interaction and said, that's the kind of class that I want to give a Ray

Donovan to for four seasons at least. At least four seasons, if not eight. You just can't go wrong if you're a Ray Donovan fan with the news, the only news currently that is good for Ray Donovan. Now, is this going to be the season where he finally fixes his dad's very broken toilet? It's kind of his white, it's kind of his white whale as a handyman, huh? His white porcelain whale. Yeah, who probably fixed it, but probably not the way 2016 is going. Probably try to fix it. It'll blow up and fucking drown. Ray Donovan, please don't die. Please don't die, Ray Donovan, you're all the way. You're the only good thing the world has left, Ray Donovan. I'm literally on my RSS feed right now, just looking for little, whoa, what the fuck, Google, the Google RSS thing

got shut down? Fuck, what the fuck is happening? It's okay, Griffin, Ray Donovan will fix this all. Ray Donovan's back for four seasons, maybe Ray Donovan's fourth season per beer is the global moon landing that we all need to unite as a people and remember. Do you remember when we all used to have differences and problems and we all used to fight about what I can't even remember? But then Ray Donovan not only fixes dad's toilet, but also fixed us all. But fucking, that's the thing, it brings us all together, everybody starts watching it and then Showtime or stars jacks up the subscription fee, leaving the three of us to start an underground Ray Donovan streaming network. You can't stop the fucking signal stars or Showtime. One of those two.

One of you, maybe both. We're getting pretty excited about Ray Donovan. You can have your episodes of Ray Donovan for $100 a piece. I'm stars or Showtime. I'll probably just head to my local watering hole for one of the Ray days, which is where they have everybody over and put Ray Donovan up on a big screen and everybody, because you don't want to be left out when the spoilers start to come in for Ray Donovan, the season four premiere. You can stick around for Ray Donovan trivia night, Ray Donovan karaoke. It's a whole event. I've made a lot of good Ray fans. You know what I mean? It's me and them. We're in this together. And then you get that Chris Harwick hosted after show, Donovan's boys.

And each week they have one of the children on, one of the nine kids on to talk about just what they're going through. My dream is that somewhere, Leo Shriver is listening to this and saying, Oh, it's really nice. Hey, thanks guys. I'm glad I can help. You know, sometimes you question your impact of your art on this world, and it's nice to know that I've made a difference. I don't know where you're getting some of the stuff about me being a handyman, but art is interpretation by definition. So maybe you're talking about a different show, but that's okay. You know, press is press. Yeah. So go watch Ray Donovan. Please, please watch Ray Donovan. Season four. Please watch Ray Donovan. Please watch

Billions. Please watch Billions. Please watch Ray Donovan. Please watch home. You can stop watching Homeland, but watch Billions and Ray Donovan. Who would have the fucking stomach for Homeland right now? Nobody. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's gone. If they shot a new season 24 right now, like Jack Byer will go, I don't even know what to do. I don't know where to start. I got nothing. I got nothing. I was going to go watch Ray Donovan. It'll be him running around for 24 hours just killing everybody. Be cool. Get on the ground. Be cool. I'll kill your family if you don't be cool. Everybody just be cool for two seconds. Just if we can hold out till June 26th, we can all watch Ray Donovan. That's it. The new season of 24 takes place from noon, June 25th

to noon, June 26th. And he's just trying to make it home to watch Ray Donovan. Fucking Ray Donovan street team. Sometimes when we, when we talk about stuff on the show, it turns into a thing where people start like sending us all the like relevant, like every link ever that connects to that thing. Please, please don't do this. Please don't do that with Ray Donovan. I want to keep it pure in my heart. Give me that. Drown me in Donovan. Drown me, bury me in Leia Shriver. I'm, I, I, this is it though, right? This is the only one. This is the only little treasure that we've got now. Yeah. Thank you, Leia. Let's do advice questions. Yeah. Because I really,

I really don't want to be a bummer, but we're recording this Friday morning and some stuff just happened and we're, we're just going to do our best. And by stuff just happened, I mean they announced Ray Donovan season four. Please read a question. I'm fucking dying. There's, unfortunately there's Griffin. I'm looking through the news. There's really nothing else that's, uh, can cheer anybody up or anything worth talking. I want to merge, squad. Oh boy, yes. Right when we needed it. I want to merge, squad. Right there at the top, huh? Well, it's, it's, it's fucking, it is literally breaking news, Travis. The nastiest boy has come

to roost. Yeah, we are, uh, fucking, I refuse, I refuse to give in to this current of, uh, negativity. I refuse. I will, we will continue to be the island that bright island in this river. And right now this bright island is going to talk about the Burger King mac and Cheetos. That's right. That's right. It happened. Burger King. I'm trying really hard with my voice to make this sound positive and not also depressing me. Right. See if you can tell the times when I fault her, they will be plentiful and noticeable. Yeah. I want a munch. Burger King. This is the munch squad. Um, Burger King is adding the, um, mac and Cheetos. Would you call, would you call Burger King a featured player in the munch squad

segment? If it feels like they're, they're really trying some stuff out. They're really seeing what sticks on the old wall. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which is the way that I didn't get to talk about the waparito because they have gone so like also the waparito just like two for that. But let's talk about the Burger King mac and Cheetos. What is that? Okay. Well, these fucking people took mac and cheese bites, which are already an abomination. They're like chunks of mac and cheese. They're fried. You ever look at Mac, you ever look at a big bowl of mac and cheese and think like, I would love to stick my fingers in and on that. It's deep fried mac and cheese shaped like a large Cheeto puff.

And then code. Nothing weird so far. Nothing weird so far. And then, uh, coded with crispy Cheeto flavor. What munch squad is about is bringing you the direct line from these companies, uh, uh, uh, uh, that what they want to get across, you know what I'm saying? Like what, what their message is because I don't care. I know there's a bunch of people on YouTube that'll probably like review this item or whatever. I do not. I, I give not a crap about that. Can I just say real quick, do you remember a time in like the, the mid 2000s when it was all about like maybe people want salads? Yeah, that was weird. We've got like a walnut cranberry feta cheese salad. And now it's like, Hey, trash people.

You know what, instead of those french fries, how about a little bit of yogurt? Oh no. You want to eat a literal trash bag full of macaroni and cheese, huh? Okay. Um, so this is the lead quote in, from the press release about the Burger King mac and Cheetos. And I know they didn't, I know that they did this earlier in the week, but just in context, it's pretty great. Here's the quote. Mac and Cheetos make the previously unthinkable a reality. Like, is that what we needed? Is, did you look at the global climate and say, hmm, I think what I need to do is make the previously unthinkable a reality. We need to give everyone something to blame. Hmm. I see. I'm reading another quote here and it's from Burger King food scientist, Kenneth Bainbridge, who said, Now we are all sons

of bitches. We have become mac and Cheetos destroyer of worlds. So it's pretty exciting news. This is, here's another quote. This is, they don't give these to specific people, by the way, they just say Burger King said, Wait, is it? Here's what the Burger King said. The Burger King said, For anyone who ever wished they could eat more mac and cheese like they do a bag of chips. Mac and Cheetos makes the previously unthinkable a reality. Now with this cheesy treat, everyone can snack on a go with their on route to the beach. Good luck out there. Yeah, Jesus. Or during a summer road trip, plan frequent stops. Hope there's a rest area nearby. You just ate mac and you ate a dookie bullet, my friend. You ate mac and cheese coated in Cheetos.

See you in 15 minutes, mac and Cheetos. I hope everyone needs to collect a lot of brochures for local attractions because that is the opportunity that is about to present itself on our fun summer road trip. Who's like, I just spent six months on the Atkins die, get my beach body right. And I'm going to unspool all of that hard work in the span of one Cheetos bite when they like that for anyone who's ever wondered like or ever wanted to eat mac and cheese like chips. Are they talking about like 42 people tops that have been like super stoned? And they're just like, I enjoy this mac and cheese, but I wish I didn't have to use a spoon. I mean, Travis, a few weeks ago, I probably would agree with your assessment.

But now I'm not so sure. Maybe that's apparently a lot of people would like to eat mac and cheese like chips on the way to the beach, the beach. I need to go in the ocean. I'm fucking coated. Stay there. Stay there, Dylan. You belong to the Merman now. I wish that Burger King's whole line was like, we didn't want to do this. This is not our choice. We didn't want to do this. You have made us make mac and cheetos. Please God, free us from this. Where the Doritos, I've eaten Doritos, Locos, Tacos, and now I feel like I am part of the problem because I did not know when that product was announced. It would be such an enormous destabilizing force in the in the food, food service industry because now you contributed to it because now fucking everybody's

just like, what's it? How about Frito's hot dog? That's nothing. You can't how about a corn dog that's made out of onions. That would actually probably be good. That would be good as fuck. Pepsi soup. So I grab a coffee at the same coffee shop every morning. This morning when the barista took my change out of the register, he looked me dead in the eyes and put my change into the tip jar. What the fuck is going on? It's like the fucking purge every day out there now. I was flustered. Yeah. And my response was to put an extra quarter into the tip jar before taking my coffee. Wow. Yeah, I guess that's one response. I can't say I wouldn't do the same. I'm a little miffed in retrospect, but maybe it's not a big deal. I mean,

I was going to give my changes a tip anyway, so it shouldn't have mattered. Should I have done something different? Am I good? And that's from the great Canadian coin count. And in Canada, they got those dollar coins, those two dollar coins. So that change could have been a significant chunk of money. Right? Looney's and Toonies, and that's a thing. Looney's and Toonies, Looney's and Toonies. I can't. Looney's, Toonies, Toonies, Toonies, Toonies, Toonies, It's just theft. It's corporate theft, but it's not. It's not just theft. It's challenge theft. It's theft that says say something. Say something. You ain't going to say something. I'm the coffee guy. You got to have this shit.

You need this. You need this. And I need this. And they just take your fucking phone. Put it in the tip jar. Sorry, it's in the jar, bud. Going on Craigslist tomorrow. It's in the jar. Don't come back out of the jar. Once it's in the jar, I don't know what to tell you. The phone's in the jar. I'm going to sell your contacts to advertisers, idiot. Here's your cup of mud. You need this. Enjoy this shitty muffin. Show your bad muffin. This muffin's dry as fuck, but that's okay, because it's the purge. Take 10 muffins. Just kick in the fucking display case and start grabbing baked goods, because no rule's just right. Even in Canada. I thought you were cool. I thought you guys were doing okay up there. Yeah, I thought y'all were doing all right.

This is the problem. You should be going to Tim Hortons, because this shit would not happen at Tim Hortons. That's true. A local chain where there's accountability. I agree with you, Traff. This is the problem. You go to those mom and pop shops and they steal your change. I've always said that. I've always said that. Don't trust local business. The best advice we can give you is don't let yourself get stolen from, but that shit has sailed. Is there any recourse? The second advice would be if you do let yourself get stolen from, don't also give them more. Yeah, that's not a good way to go. Does this appease you? Might I return to your coffee establishment tomorrow and phase no judgment? Evil happens when good people stand by and say

nothing. You should have taken all the money out of the tip jar and said, well, it's contaminated now. This is all mine. I'm not counting it. Well, and Justin, super evil happens when good people then help the bad people do more bad stuff by giving them more money. Yeah, for sure. Is it possible that this coffee shop is like a Dicks Last Resort kind of deal where it's like, oh, the baristas are kind of rude to you. That's the whole thing. It's cute. It's different though. It's like Dicks Last Resort, if they took your money and then didn't give you coffee, and then they took your phone and they sold the contacts on Craigslist. Basically, yeah. I would go to that restaurant. Just to mix it up?

Just to mix it up. Some days you just want to feel like you're worthless. Not for all day, but just while you're eating food. You just want someone to treat you like garbage. Have you ever been to Dicks Purge Cafe? It's fucking great. My brother went there and he got killed, but it's fine because it's Dicks Purge Cafe. It's perfect. It's perfect. They got a kiosk at the airport. You can get purged right there. You can get purged right there at this spot. How about a yahoo? How about a yahoo? Huh? Just give me like fucking a minute. Can we just pause the show for a minute so I can just look at a picture of Ray Donovan? Just recharge the old batteries. I got to fill up the meter.

Okay. This one was sent in by Morgan Davy. Thank you, Morgan. It's by Yahoo Answers User Apsadal who says, how was hacking done before the internet existed? Did people make their own internet? Update. I heard computer hacking was being done in the 70s and 80s. I know the war games movie was fiction, but didn't it depict a true-to-life technique? I think hacking has existed since like the dawn of man, but it used to be just like one Gregorian monk would go to another one and like open up the book he'd been copying over and would write like, butt cheeks. Got you again, Gerald idiot. I hacked your book. I cracked your mainframe butt cheeks. I mean, hacking would be a lot different if you showed up to someone's house

and they're like, can I help you? Yeah, I'm here to hack your computer. May I hack your computer, please? I guess. I don't even know what that word means. I'm Ray Donovan, 1970s computer hacker. I'm here to fix your toilet. By the way, I need to get on your computer to learn how to fix your toilet. Hack, hack, hack, hack. I've got all your files by which I mean some numbers that you made your computer add together earlier because that's basically all it can fucking do. It's good. It would be good in the olden days because you'd have abacus hacking, which would be great because it would just, you know, you just scoot a couple beads. Six, seven, nine. Damn it. Who took my eight? Somebody took my eight bead away. This shit used to be on punch cards. That would be fun too.

You just fucking bite into it with your teeth. Hacked it. You're not going to run that program good at all. Who melted all my wax cylinders? Hacked. You go to some hieroglyphic. You fucking put your butt on it. Hacked it. Got you. Got you, Cleopatra. You like that shit? What's it? What historical act does this urn represent? Well, if you read the character smash, you got it. What's all this dust in there? That's my dad's ashes. Fuck, Cleo, I'm so sorry. I goofed up real bad. I was just trying to- It was supposed to be a hack. Do you know what that word means? I was just trying to hack it. Oh no. Oh golly. Has anyone seen the script for loves labors one? Oh, sorry, Shakespeare. I hacked it. I hacked your script. That means I threw it in the creek with

all the swans. The swans ate your script, Shakespeare. That one's on me. Got drunk on me then hacked it. Nobody's ever going to read K2, King Lear 2. Sorry. Everything gets better, King Lear 2. By the way, K2 is a sweet name for that. I hope other people pick that up after the Mighty Ducks movie and Terminator. People got into that for a while, huh? I'll see about that yesterday. Just the one letter and the number. Then it was like, I guess we'll go see that. We could say the whole thing. It's not that hard. It's pretty easy. If this is the hardest episode of this podcast we've ever recorded, I need there to be a better Call Saul style spin-off of Ray Donovan starring John Voight. Maybe he takes three of the kids under his wing and there's two Ray

Donovan shows on the air. That's how fucking bad it's gotten out there. Travis sent a picture of... Oh, cool. Thanks, Trav. Travis sent a high-res JPEG of Ray Donovan. That's something I could just sort of look at whenever it's not even that big. Thanks, Trav. Wait, I fucking skimped on the bytes. What are you paying by the byte? This is a very small picture. It's whatever I can Google, Josh, that I'm doing my best here. Now, this is a big picture of Ray Donovan, but the quality is extremely bad. I think I'd rather have small Ray Donovan with the fucking crispness because this one prominently features the eyes. Yeah. This looks like somebody took a picture with their phone of Ray Donovan.

The first one is like he's looking directly at me. I'd love to get zoomed in on this picture, but I can't because it's so small. Let's see if this one does you better. Please stop sending me pictures of Ray Donovan. I will not. So I just sent you a picture of a man I just found on LinkedIn whose name is also Ray Donovan. Can you even... It's based on his life? Can you even imagine? Maybe it's him. I understand that we're repressed for time here, but if you guys start saying we be bigger, glossier JPEGs, I don't think I'm going to be able to get through this show. I think big big pictures of people named Ray Donovan or people continue to do Ray Donovan.

I can't afford glossy JPEGs of Ray Donovan. Can you read a fucking question about, but like try to fit Ray Donovan into it? Okay. Okay. I'll do my best. It's got to be organic though. I'm just really excited for the fourth season of Ray Donovan to start. So excited. So I recently took a trip to visit my old college roommate Ray Donovan in his new city, New York. I'm almost certain Ray Donovan takes place in Los Angeles. That sounds better. I recently took a trip to visit my old college roommate Ray Donovan in

his new city Los Angeles, City of Angels. His current friend group peppered me with questions about how he was in college asking for additional details or explanation of some of Ray Donovan's stories. A couple of tales about Ray Donovan caught my attention for an interesting reason. They happened to me. My old roommate Ray Donovan has been using events from my life to regale his current friends. Is this something I need to address? Should I let it go and just allow this Gilderoy Lockhart to profit from my experiences? That says, help me brothers. That's from who lives, who dies, who tells your story. How sick was your life in college? Probably pretty good. You should be careful before confronting Ray Donovan.

What did you do? One time I ate an ATV. That's weird because Ray Donovan said he did that. Who's lying here? That's weird because if you tell that story to his friends, like they're going to think you're the liar. That sounds really similar to the story Ray Donovan told us about the time he ate a go-kart. I think you might be full of shit. Wait, did you say you ate a dune buggy? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on. Do you think that this is a scenario in which sometimes you tell a story enough that it starts to feel like your own? This is a psychological thing where you eventually tell it enough that it feels like it's yours. I've heard that said so much and it may be true, but to me that defense always sounded like you're

saying I lied so much. I did so much lying that it's basically the truth now. Rather than being angry, you should feel bad for them when they heard you were coming to visit. Think about the farcical Min 90 Steve Martin movie level of twists and turns and hoops they'd have to jump through to get ready for your visit. Like the trailer starts with like you're coming when and then they have to like take down all the Photoshop pictures of you and John Voight that they put up to try to make it seem like they actually met John Voight when it was you that met John Voight. It's like mixed nuts but with less murder because I don't know if you guys remember in that Christmas time movie they fucking murder a guy mixed nuts. I think if you are visiting this person at most

once a year this is not a problem that affects your life in any way. I think that this is like more of an issue that you need to take stock for future of like your relationship with this friend where you're like hmm how many things have they said to me that we're a lie but like all all this would do if you would confront this is like make you seem like a turd really. I mean this person's trying to build a new life in a new city and they're trying their best man making friends in a new place is hard. Yeah you gotta lie you just gotta lie a lot like if you're gonna you can't make a few friends without breaking a few lie eggs is what they say. Listen I'm not saying it's ideal this is clearly a crutch that this person has fallen back on but like I don't think you're

doing any you're not this is I don't think that this is hurting anyone and I think you like confronting them or going to their new friends and be like hey all those stories were mine would only serve to like vindicate you in some way like unless it's in some way I can't predict hurting their new friend group that your friend is telling these stories I don't think you benefit anything by calling your friend out. Charlie I think you're completely right unless unless unless they were trying to save you from being in the extremely unenviable position of being the person that they told all their college stories about and then you've come to visit like if his every story before your visit been like and then Crazy Rick was like boogity boogity boo and he burnt

down the the the garbage can and he pushed down a hill like all these crazy stories about you when you get there everybody there's gonna be so much pressure yeah everybody's gonna be expecting you to be like so wild and so nutty well and now you could just be like Sancho Ponsage like man I don't know I don't know what stunt this guy's gonna pull next you would roll up just happy to be here for it you'd roll up to LA and they'd be like uh what do you guys want to do should we uh go go carding huh huh huh huh come on eat that go card anybody no I actually I've got a meeting in the morning so I need to turn in and I'm you know I've got Gerd now I've got Gerd so I can't eat any more go cards unfortunately that's kind of just sort of a one-time deal every would be uh every person in

their life is can only eat and digest a single go card so make it count kids don't throw away your shot that's what Hamilton's about and um it would it would be like that one full house episode where Joey was inexplicably a substitute teacher in Michelle's class and Michelle told all her friends about how sick the bullwinkle impressions are gonna be as soon as Joey showed up and then he showed up was like a normal teacher and and it was like all the kids were like man this guy sucks I don't know why you thought you guys be doing some dang bullwinkle yeah you promised like the really fucking hot puppetry and sick bullwinkle impressions the idea that that would have been more cool than showing up and just being a teacher is so baffling to me nowadays in 2016

like that episode would be like guys you're gonna love it my uncle Joey's coming he's gonna teach the class and um he's got a bifurcated tongue you're gonna love this shit it's awesome he looks like fucking reptile from Mortal Kombat you're gonna love this shit show him the bifurcated tongue Joey and he's like mmm it makes it so much better for pleasure and it's like Joey we're 10 Joey we're 10 Joey Joey no Joey we're Joey we're done put on an episode of Ray Donovan and let us take our nap time yeah who could who could take a nap with that fucking peeps on kicks in you know the one yeah the one that's like try how does that go Ray Donovan right it's like a slow pan a slow pan of him driving down the Hollywood Boulevard like pointing at all the babes and dudes yeah well

they're stopping to fix the toilet as everyone goes ooh and lowers their sunglasses that's Ray well you know they changed the theme song for season four so it's like hey now here he comes it's Ray's day it has like a much more I'll freeze as he like jumps up and does kind of a yay pose in LA it can be hard out there for a janitor it's like crashing to his face and he's just like point me to the toilet point me to the toilet I'll fix it right up I hope Ray Donovan never dies Ray Donovan the only good thing going on in the world how did it get so bad it's like 24 7 purge I thought that was a fictional movie here comes Ray

hey fixing it all Ray can you fix my toilet and then this fucking toilet reality Ray Donovan here he comes don't look at the other stuff the other stuff fucking sucks crash zoom point me to the toilet point me to the toilet I hope I never die please don't cancel my show everyone needs this we should start a preemptive kickstarter to make sure that Ray Donovan never gets canceled I don't know what I'm thinking about canceling boom two million dollars stop right there at this point okay for some time so we're gonna privately fund Ray Donovan we're

getting ourselves on the show they don't get the money until we definitely get to be in every shot yeah that's thing one raise fun three new neighbors the McFord brothers like I don't think you'll be able to fix this one right cut to end of episode you fix this one Ray that's it we just need two lines every episode and I'll be happy spoken in unison like a Greek chorus uh what what if show time just cancels it because hope is so so cruel like and they don't want us to have any of that so they just like cancel Ray Donovan preemptively we'll get it streaming on CISO we'll do our own sweeted version of Ray Donovan dibs on Ray Donovan I call Ray Donovan his penis I'm the toilet we're all the toilet today fellas let's go to the money zone

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with expensive blades you know like the it's been a couple of shaves they're not cut as well as they used to i would just power through because they're so darn expensive now you know i do if it's harrys and once the that blade starts to wear down i just pop it off i treat myself to a smooth shave every single time i shave now harrys has a truman starter set it's a great option for new customers and an amazing deal for just 15 you get a razor handle moist dressing shave cream and three of harry's five blade german engineered razors not but it gets better you're not going to pay 15 harrys is going to give our listeners five dollars off your first purchase at harys.com use the promo code my brother all one word that's harys.com make sure you use the code my brother so we

talked about trunk club because i know that you're wearing that shit on the rag i'm actually wearing my jeans from trunk club right now um we've had questions on this show a lot before where people have said like i don't know how to dress i'm an adult who doesn't know how to dress well the good news is that there are people in this world who do know how to dress and they will help you figure it out and suddenly it will all seem so easy to you and those people are trunk club um how it works and i think that this is absolutely genius and that does not sound sincere because i travel as macro i have a really hard time sounding sincere but it really is a genius process where basically you talk with a stylist or you go on and tell them what you need on the website

they send you all the stuff you try on uh the stuff you keep what you like you stand back what you don't and you only pay for what you keep uh so like you're not stuck with a shirt that doesn't fit right or pants that you don't like the look of you only keep what you like um it's a smooth easy process and like i said they have stylists who will help walk you through this shit so you're not feeling like you're on your own going i don't know are these shorts even cool who who knows about socks and ties and stuff well trunk club does so go to trunkclub.com slash my brother you type in your measurements share your likes and dislikes and and your stylist will help get you set up um it's not a subscription service so you won't be stuck paying for the stuff every month

even when you don't need it or can't afford it you just get what you need and then you get out um you get your own like i said shipping is always free and you have 10 days to try on the clothes and send them back so go to trunkclub.com slash my brother and check it out every day my my office window is right next to our mailbox outside every day the mailman comes and he dunks that mail in around 11 a.m. which is the current time while he stares you dead in the eye no and he's always fucking talking he's always on a hands-free bluetooth ear but like i'm not being hyperbolic literally every day all all six days a week that he comes in he dunks that mail he's always talking it's like who are you always talking to are you just constantly on some sort of like

cb radio with the other male male people i want you know they actually do have this i know uh taxi drivers have those like basically group chat lines uh usually with other people who speak their native language if they're not native english speakers and they just kind of like chat all day sounds kind of nice actually when i'm traveling for work though and i like call call rachel i'll talk to her for like maybe 15 maybe 20 minutes about like how our days were and then bounce a fucking mail shift it's gotta be what like eight hours at least and you just constantly eight out what do you have to talk about for eight hours the mail's pretty seven hours of no you hang out no you hang up the mail's pretty good today anyway um i got a person lots of magazines

midway before you read the jump on try when it'd be like mailman's got to take a lunch right yeah wouldn't it be sweet if you're the next house at like the one he was going to do right after his lunch you just see him stop outside get out sandwich like sorry just sit on the lawn and enjoy sandwich i'm just gonna eat this sandwich i'm on break our mail no you can't have your mail our mail read your mail our mail comes at 12 15 p.m every day always got fucking mayonnaise on it i have no idea got some jumbo tron messages here folks the jumbo tron inbox is over full i would say stuff to the gills um so normally we would point you here to to how you how you get jumbo trons on the show but i think we're like full up through january is that right which is which is not thank

you so much for your support but it we say this all the time it really will be a while before you can get a message on on the show now anyway but go buy go buy a jumbo tron on adventure zone yeah saw bones or bunker buddies or can or a dog i don't know still buffering saw bones doesn't offer the jumbo tron service but still buffering does um okay shmanners i do the jumbo tron alone on adventure zone i don't know if you guys ever like listen back to those episodes after i edit them but it's all like almost every jumbo tron is like a player writing a message to their dm or a dm like writing a message to their group of players that's like almost exclusively that's that's pretty sick that's fucking great yeah anyway okay here we go this message is for roger and it's from roger

this is another option for like places to put this energy roger says to roger hey roger it's you roger you're a little drunk which is probably for the best because this will be more fun if you don't remember it i just wanted to say hang in there buddy you're doing your best and you've come very far keep on trucking deuterino also everyone needs to know how amazing your dog pistachio is team stashy remember to floss love drunk you i love this for a lot of reasons um but also anyone who listens to can i pet your dog will know that a legrous dog is also named pistachio i love that there are two pistachios in the world and i assume maybe it's the same dog yeah and it's got some kind of shared ownership thing that i was not aware of i love that this is just like

really inconsequential memento like really low stakes memento right you got to remember your dog fucking rules go patriots there had to be more than a few rogers when this message started who are like wait a minute did i uh oh uh oh uh oh did i hope there's nothing to be oh sashio okay my dog's my dog's name is pecan fucking great cool uh i've got a message here from daniel ford to christine ford dearest wife of nine years i was kindly asked to edit the first version of my anniversary message to you before it was read by the macroys it's probably for the best happy anniversary hint it mentioned her cure poirot um i don't i don't remember i don't remember turning that one down but the only thing i think is that we knew we'd have a hard time saying the

name her cure poirot and so we're that is and if i know one thing is that justin hates her cure poirot with a passion so we probably had to cut it out just that justin didn't get you know didn't boil with a white hot anger actually the weird thing about that is that i mentioned i referenced her cure poirot in the last episode that's very strange right maybe that's why we had to edit it because we only got one free mention the only thing i think twice the agatha christie uh estate would charge us for it the only thing i can think is that that first message was like dear macroys please read this in your her cure poirot voice oh look at my weird balls oh we can't you can't make us say that you can't fucking make i'm not some sort of circus elephant

are you troubled by a lack of a stew yet dick joke filled analysis of bad movies do you experience feelings of laughter and enjoyment when you hear three friends go off on stupid tangents have you or any of your family ever seen a spook specter ghost or totally rad party dude house cat who really only exists as a sound effect if the answer to any of these questions is yes then pick up your podcast listening device of choice and subscribe to the professionals the flop house our award winning and usually only a little drunk staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your bad movie podcast needs the flop house we're ready to make you laugh in public so that other people look at you funny hit it i'm pretty sure we don't have the rights to this song

do you guys want a yahoo yeah that'd be great actually this one's sitting by game recognized game rachel rosen thank you rachel it's by yahoo answers user lord minecraft all right who asks sure it is god notch has a lot of free time now huh uh if a person owns a piece of land do they own it to the center of the earth wow well can you really own land that's a good point yes i do oh okay cool that's a great that's a great question travis yes absolutely you can and jessen and i do oh i should do that yeah it's pretty cool um yeah you know i got a i got a plot and uh the question is if it goes down like do i own the earth gets smaller as you get down closer to the center of it right like if you own like a little cone of it like the surface area is the

biggest area then the inner core but do i own like i don't know what it would be by the time you get down there like maybe a half foot of the inner core of the fucking planet of that white white white hot phosphorus magma magma or whatever the fucks down there do i own that shit is it mine because if not someone could buy the earth under your house and make a little mole house under there and have fucking parties all the time and it's like uh i hate my mole neighbors uh i know i here's the thing what about what about the air above do you own a tube that extends from the center of the earth to the end of the universe Jesus that's like infinite

how big's your plot um infinity expanding square feet it's pretty great it's pretty cool i love every time a plane flies over my house i own it for two seconds i own it and everyone and all the things on board it rules your mind cloud cloud you belong to me son you belong to me from 11 11 to 11 11 and 30 seconds that's right big flaming idiot your mind your mind give me a give me a tan stupid set my dvr to record rate donovan the son son son do you um do you uh uh you know the so you own the part of the earth that is at the inverse of that right yeah bro crust mantle the whole shit i know but like on the other side too right if you imagine as a as a as a like a uh uh uh a not conical yeah no a cylindrical okay tubular a cylindrical tubular

like portion of the earth i mean this is the reason because you own like the the very surface you on the grass you own the dirt you own what's below the dirt so like keep playing it down and you actually own a square of land on the other side of the earth yeah well actually just and what most people don't know is when you buy land you're actually entering into a partnership with the person on the opposite side of the earth that owns that land and so can you can you cut your bushes person living in taiwan please you are making my tubular space of earth look bad and someday i will come visit that other end of my tooth ah beans guys i just checked the map and uh fuck my shit's just like in the middle of the indian ocean i don't have anything over there the merman i gotta take out

some a little bit of the indian ocean so i got whatever fish or whales or just live down there man that sucks i was hoping at least get a little bit australia or maybe the southern tip of africa or madagascar or something fun everybody wants madagascar graphene you know i'm looking at if the movie came out pretty much all of america is just all indian ocean over there so fuck that's a raw that's a raw deal it's not great um do you guys want a yahoo oh we're on one already huh hey hey hey hey hey the president designated stonewall as their first national monument to tell the story of the struggle for lgbt rights that's good right yes good stuff that's good and who's there to cut the ribbon on that monument leah shriver leah shriver wow and he's all god he's

dressed up in full ray donovan cosplay graphene that's just a suit well here's it he's got his toolbox with him so he's holding he's holding the plunger so i think he's carrying a broken toilet on his back which is mostly symbolic because he doesn't really have a toilet on his back in the show but like it always weighs him down you know what i mean you know it's like halloween like you're not going to recognize him uh unless he has it on there here's another question i just love ray donovan so much that's the only thing about it's how much i love ray donovan the show this is a good one this this is this this will be fruitful discussion my girlfriend finds it strange that i prefer to drink directly from the tap rather than take out a glass to get a drink of

water i tell her that sometimes i just want a couple sips of water it's easier to drink right from the tap when when i want rather than taking out a glass and dirty it with my mouth sherry's that i can leave the glass out with the water i don't drink for later but i prefer not to have a dusty room temperature water later on am i the weird one for this thank you that's thirsty for advice in new york city okay there's two different questions question one are you weird for drinking straight from the tap question two are you weird for not wanting a left out glass of water for later answer the question two you are not weird the glass sits out whatever germs and dust or in the air get on it and i don't care what science tells me or someone says that that's not true

i know that there are germs floating around everywhere landing on my water if i don't want to drink it later if i drink water that's been sitting around for like a day i i know like let's not pretend like you can call bullshit science bullshit on that i know i can always tell that's gross stale water no thanks i would say that you're giving into a primal uh uh instinct to drink water from the tap you want to drink running water because it there's a higher likelihood that it will not be full of uh like garbage so you wanting to drink running water is actually your evolutionary instincts trying to preserve you you know bear girl says don't drink that water you gotta drink water that flows because stagnant water will be full of germs and bacteria and

shit and so don't drink it have you ever seen a deer drinking out of an old glass of water no because the deer knows better you know what i do if i drink if i get a glass of water out i'll get it out drink the water i want sometimes i have half full sometimes three quarters full it's my water and then i'll drink as much as i want i try to drink a lot in water so important and then i'll dump out what i don't drink and i'll put the glass back in the cabin it's just water right well what it's just water well here's the thing right what's on that what is what is different what has changed chemically about that well your mouth yeah your fucking my mouth my mouth okay my mouth touch it my wife smooches me so she's obviously not freaked out about that and the other

part is just water what's the harm that's fucking iron clad bro yeah there's no there's solid yeah it's rock solid there's nothing there's no reason i'm sure i can't help a no reason i can't help it feel it you're maybe in your own very small way just moving the needle a little bit closer to purge the purge side of things with this kind of behavior this is not my intent this is not my intent and i should mention if it helps to counterbalance i always am drinking from my uh ray donovan collectible cup set that i got a burger king so if that helps those are self those are self sterilizing what if what if people come to your home do you point out the ones that you've gunked up with your trap because i'm gonna be in your house for a while this fall

and i would like to know i would like to have some sort of roadmap and by the way this is the second episode in a row where i've requested information on how to avoid interacting with things that have been inside of your immediate family's mouth and around the mouth and around the mouth because i think oh man i love you guys to pieces but i'd rather not sure i get that touch that or have that or be oh god or be in or around my mouth uh before we wrap i would like to take a moment of sincerity here because i know that if you're listening to this uh you may be a little bit uh freaked out maybe a little bit down maybe a little bit whatever and we rarely get this earnest on the show but i feel like it's important because i'm not getting this message from a lot

of people and i wanted to make sure that if you're listening to this show then you're getting it from somebody shit's been whacked before shit's sucked before if you look at the the grand span of history shit sucked a lot a lot a lot and then there were good days after it if you think back in your life to uh uh moments that you've had i bet there are moments that you've had in your life that have sucked a lot lot lot worse than whatever's happening in the world sucks right now you have had sucky days before and then after those days you've had good days and i i want you to remember that no matter how crappy and scary and shitty and confusing things might be things have seen that way before they've seen that seen that way before for millennia and afterwards we still

managed to create ray donovan and a bevy of other uh points of light i'm with you i'm with you i'm with you about these wonderful cycles if if ray donovan gets it canceled i'll burn the whole thing down no no no listen if ray donovan gets canceled all bets are off and you can disregard me as a madman but we're in the end times for the moment for the moment and that is all you can be in when you're scared about the world and you're scared about everything going around you look at the moment that you're in right now write this second and remind yourself that that is all you have and right now maybe it's okay you know maybe it's not i don't know maybe you're getting like i don't i don't know like slow steam rolled over like an awesome powers movie or something

but probably not probably things are all right and uh you you will get through this the same as you've gotten it through things before the same as we as a people have gotten through things before shit sucks it won't suck forever even if this moment sucks there's another moment on the way yeah yep now just things you can do just get off twitter if you can't get off twitter don't get on twitter and then and then talk about how the world is ending because that's not helping anything or anybody and there's plenty of people people are already doing that so you don't need that's covered when things are bad and things aren't great being on twitter will do absolutely no good for anybody because it's it's kind of a i'm not saying don't inform yourself or whatever but like it's just an

echo chamber of people all talking about how the apocalypse is coming and that's not that's literally it's psychically damaging and it is negative helpful so like figure out a way to be proactive but it don't twitter's not that way because twitter's the fucking um twitter's just where things don't put any stock in anything you read there's the the fact that somebody says on twitter that the everything shit in the world's falling apart probably means it's not true because it's on fucking twitter that's a good point you you disregard everything else on twitter 24 hours a day please do not give credence to the things that scare you or the things that piss you off it's twitter fucking delete the app and move on with your life but keep following us because we

do have a lot of great content coming your way watch the tags watch the tags mind the tags a lot of ray donovan based stuff a lot of fan fiction we've been writing anyway is ray donovan potentially like a highly super problematic show and just like oh man i hope not hey listen if it was that problematic it would have made it three seasons that's all i'm saying right it's gotta be doing something right so oh wait i'm reading a headline here why oh why is this horrible show going to its fourth season it everybody hates it oh no oh no what have we done ray donovan sets back the equal rights movement 30 years damn it ray donovan how are you i mean it's a powerful show no doubt no doubt the ability to change hearts and minds anyway that's gonna do it for us

chin up motherfuckers um my name is just a macroi oh we're not gonna do the rest of this stuff thanks to john roger well like they're wrap up sir i'm just mentioning that my name's just a macroi and i want you to chin up motherfuckers i have been worried about your branding justin yeah it's back the brand is back um i want to thank john roger in the long winters for the server theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed it's an amazing song and we love it so much and thank you john roger in the long winters we want to say thank you to maximumfund.org for hosting the show go check out all the other amazing shows on there we got a bunch of new ones and lots of good ones that have been around for a while that maybe

you've been waiting for your opportunity to check out this is it go check it out uh treat yourself this week find some way to do something nice for yourself go get a go get a cheap massage or something and you know what yeah you know what you're nice for someone else yeah and it's not a distraction it's not an avoidance you only have the moment make your you can't you can't you probably can't get you probably can't culk up whatever cracks have formed or whatever like you can you can do your part but just like don't you know don't obsess over it just go out there and get rubbed on for an hour or so and you know what if you find yourself like drawn and you want to put something on twitter

maybe rather than putting more negativity out there in the world pick somebody that you like somebody you're a fan of or someone you're a friend of and say like hey i think you're great yeah something as simple as that let's put a little bit more positivity out there in the world because that's what we need more of really and in my opinion positivity breeds positivity and you go out there and you say something nice to someone and you make their day and maybe that's all the power you have is to make one person's day like but that's better than ruining 10 people's day like ray donovan says this hvac unit isn't going to repair itself exactly uh uh let's uh have a final oh max fun connies super quick oh yes it's in september the weekend before labor day

go to maxfuncon.com i believe and you can uh get get tickets to that it's gonna be really fun and we hope that we uh can see you there oh and our boston shows are coming up start sending in your questions for that now put a boston live show in the subject please so we can have those ready for you one definitely super last thing i mean at this time uh i opened up a p o box here in austin justin travis have one and i and i want to have one uh uh so if you want to send send us stuff me or rachel stuff for maybe your rose buddies fan uh that's our bachelor bachelorette podcast you can send stuff to austin uh just send it to p o box six six six three nine austin texas seven eight seven six six again that's p o box six six six three nine austin texas seven eight seven

six six we'll get that put up on macro shows dot com so you guys can find it easy you know what just to like blow through just to like cheer everybody's day up a little bit i know we're running long whatever uh we got some mail i'm just gonna blast through real quick to tell you guys that there's good stuff happening good people out there uh chris is a member of the little debbie family the family that runs little debbie and sent us a box like a giant-ass box of little debbie sack treats because we talked about them on the adventure zone okay maybe something cool cool stuff cool cool stuff so when you said us you meant you because i'm never i'm not going to taste those little debbie so actually what you just did is you purged me a bit and you took some joy out

of my life knowing the alexandra and william are getting married uh and uh later this year and they told us to save the date uh had a uh amy kiddle graduated from uh high school east hamilton we're super proud of her she wanted us to know alex and erin are getting married later this year in washington dc hell yeah that's gonna be fucking great uh uh timothy and mariah sent us uh a postcard with a beautiful picture of horses on it uh we got maria nix and it's a postcard congratulations on 300 episodes it's got a really cool raccoon on it hell yeah just grand love it travis sent me some tax uh some receipts that's not useful but no stuff's happening out there people who's good stuff people have also sent me stuff but i didn't know we were going to do this

so i don't like having a living learning loving yeah thank you to everyone who sent me stuff too but that's the reality you are enjoy your day enjoy your moments enjoy each other very much yeah and uh there's lots of great um my brother my brother me gear topotto go down shut up you just want to all right little retail therapy this final one was sent in by dana s thank you dana it's from yahoo answers user zylon who asks why doesn't the grand canyon have rides my name is jesse macaroy i'm ray donovan i'm ray bonovan this has been my brother my brother and me is ray donovan square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

hi my name is just a macaroy and i'm dr cindy macaroy we host the medical history podcast saubones a tour of all the weird stupid terrible horrifying hilarious ways that we've tried to fix people over the years if you haven't been listening to saubones you've missed out on topics like the seasick proof saloon the woman who gave birth to bunnies the unkillable finneas gauge the true story of typhoid mary polio and you can check out saubones every wednesday by going to itunes or wherever podcasts are sold they don't sell podcasts i told you this or presented offered for free it's free what better selling point could be there being that every wednesday maximum fun dot work or wherever podcasts are offered it's all those