My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 312: Face 2 Face: Live from Drowzee City

Episode Date: July 18, 2016

Here's our live show from the Wilbur Theater in beautiful Boston, MA! We talk a lot about Pokemon Go in this episode, which is only appropriate, because one out of the three of us was also playing Pokemon Go basically the whole time we were on stage.

The McElroy Brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? Hi everyone and welcome to my brother, my brother mean advice show for the modern era. Like a Chilean minor is emerging from their holes. We have returned to you Boston.

From their holes. From their mineholes. My name is, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis. I'm your baby brother, Kevin McElroy. So, shh, Boston. Boston. I need to, we need to talk for a second before you start.

Can we get real? Listen, listen Boston, shut up. It's gonna be a few months until we can do a live show again. I don't know if you know this, but my wife is just dating a baby, and Griffin's wife is just dating a baby. It's true. So this might be our last one for a while. For a grip of time.

So that leads me to my question, Boston. Weird thing. Is this gonna be the last one I do for a while? Are you ready to get weird? You need help? Oh yeah. We thought just for this one, we get weird. Because Griffin, what did you think?

You thought something. We took a poll before when everybody was coming in, and we have the results of the poll available now, Griffin. So I've been looking at the data, and I've had my analysts going over the data. And it seems like, just based on sort of the demo, which is what we call demographics in the data analysis industry, that there's a 90 to 92% chance that they horny for this one. All right, we can't, now, and now, we're going to produce actual content, and not just fucking

hype ourselves up. Stripping, because it's content time. By the way, everybody, you're welcome for the hot poke stop lure that I dropped here. I just hit 13. Travis just hit level 13, and we're having a great day. I've been catching a lot of gas, please. A lot of rotata. I got to say, Boston, I don't know if y'all have a city slogan, but if you do, it should

be we have infinite drowsies up in this motherfucker. It's the state bird. Also, as long as we're talking about Boston, so when you come to Boston, what's the one thing you're going to do? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I didn't hear it anywhere.

Okay, this is, this was a poorly conceived bit. Let me give you a hint. Boston Common, everybody's favorite sitcom with the guy from Yes, Dear, that ran for season. Travis made us go to fucking Cheers today. Now, wait, here's the conversation. We're walking there with a dear friend to Cheers, and he's from New York, and he said, well, I mean, you guys want to go to Cheers, you guys must be big fans.

Took a quick poll of the three of us, and none of the three, Travis is insistent that we go to Cheers. Again, I want to make this super clear, has never seen an episode of Cheers. So you know how I think sad lives are funny? You think the existence of Cheers is funny? Sometimes I think really not funny things are funny, and dragging my brother and our friend JD to Cheers was one of those. We lasted all of 30 seconds.

We knew we were... The words 35 minute wait escaped the hostess's mouth. That's too many minutes to wait. I mean, I was horrified before we knew what the wait was when we walked up, and we saw a couple taking a picture in front of the Cheers sign, and they said, one, two, three, Cheers! That's, you can't do that, actually. That's against the law.

What you did there was a crime. That's a crime. It wasn't nice to Ted dance in the stop by, though. Was he in? He agreed to the door. He was in Cheers, then. Okay, so what we do on this show is we take your questions, and we turn them alchemy-like into wisdom.

And special for our live shows is we will do audience questions, but we have a very specific rule. No bummers, that's right. And also keep it short, if you could, and a new facet that we've had to add after a recent show, apolitical, if you don't mind. That would go down real smooth. I believe the microphone is over in that area. We'll bring up house lights when it comes time, so we're not jumping all over each other.

Yeah, it'll be a super casual, live show, live show. Just a real laid-back. Let's do some questions. Wow, the crazy kids. All right, here comes the first question. This is from someone from this area who I think will be here, so after I read the question, please let me know. My mom is completely obsessed with the musician, Sting.

Oh, so it's everyone's mom, Sting. Are you here? Yeah, okay, so everybody's moms are into Sting, cool. Whenever he's going on tour, she buys tickets to his shows multiple times to get better seats, and in just everyday conversation, she'll insert comments like, you know, Sting also does such a... It's cool, your mom has so many conversations about tantric fucking, and double-stuff aureus. The two thing I know about Sting, motherfucker loves double-stuff aureus.

That's a reference everyone can enjoy. She managed to find him on a street corner in New York just based on her knowledge of where he li... What? It's just kind of a one-way... No, no, it'll be two-way later on. It's just based on her knowledge of where he lives and his activity on social media. That's also a criminal crime from the laws.

Sting crime. I'll be watching. I got a... Hold on, I got a wifi here right now. Let me just look up. Yeah, that's a criminal crime from the federal law book. That's... And the question is, should I do something about this?

That's from Tom in Red Hook. Tom, are you here? Hi, Tom. Okay, oh shit. Tom is apparently a Tuvian throats thing, huh? Yeah. How do you feel about Sting? No feelings whatsoever.

No feelings on Sting? I'll be honest. I'll be honest. That's exactly how I feel about Sting. No, no, no, let me take you inside. Tom was about to drop the hammer on Sting and then the flash across his head, wait, Sting could be here. Yeah.

Sting might be here. I need to play it cool. My mom would be so pissed. If I put Sting on blast and Gordon was in the room. What could you possibly do at this point for your mom? What are you going to do? Look at her and go, mom, cool it. And her go, yeah, you know what?

No, you're right. Now that you mention it, I've gone over the top. Yeah, I think tracking down Sting based on his GPS signal that you hacked from the government is you've already... Yeah, I've got it. You need to do immersion therapy with your mom. You need to get Sting to come and hang out with her every minute of every day for the next like two weeks until she looks and goes, I'm fucking sick of Sting.

Yay! Yeah, if Sting could like pick up a dish for once and like wash it and say, no, I take 12 hours to wash a dish. That's the problem. That's the problem actually with his tantric stuff is that like he's been in you for five days and at that point you're just like, I'm tired of Sting. He's been brushing his teeth for 13 hours. I need to get in the bathroom Sting.

He's the only human being who listens to podcasts at half speed. He loves to sing it. He wants to accentuate the goofs. And then large... Okay, great Sting. I'm Mark Marry. Welcome to my podcast. Tom, let me give you some friendly advice to me to you.

Don't make your mom choose between you and Sting. You may not like the way that particular deal breaks for you. Actually, quick quiz. Actually, we can solve this right now. Were you in the police? Probably not. You might have been. I don't know the other fellows who were in there, Franklin.

Yeah, so yeah, you could totally pull one over on us right now. Visa V. The police's members. Do you guys want to yahoo? Wait, wait, wait. Rare exception. No. Was Danny Elfin in the police? Who was the other fool in the police?

What? Stuart Copeland. He wrote the theme song, The Equalizer, which is fucking... Do we have that queued up? No, we don't have that one, but we'll get it for you later. Yeah, I'd like a... Got a hot yahoo here from the Yahoo Answers service. It was sent in by...

Right in high, Zoe Kinski. Thank you, Zoe. It's by Yahoo Answers users. Sorry, something has gone wrong. We'll call them Sting. He spends five days inside of you. He gets bored, he gets on his phone, and he wants to know some stuff on yahoo answers like this.

Did Guy Fieri ever eat a meal in diner, drive-in, or dive that he didn't think was totally awesome? I've been to a few of the restaurants they've been on his show and had the same meals he had on TV. I must tell, most of them really sucked by a wide margin. I know, TV requires him to be super excited with every bite, but come on, man, Guy must... Guy really must be a huge tool bag...

to go into diner after diner and watch these people cook crap food day after day, and then shovel that crap into your hole and act like it's the best thing he ever ate. That takes a certain kind of tool bag. I don't care how much they pay him. There isn't enough money to make me become a totally different person for a living.

This question took a wonderful turn. Hold on. Isn't there Yahoo Answers Question Asker? How much money would take before you ate something and went, this is delicious? Because I guarantee it's way less than you are claiming here, which is no amount. He looks like two Smash Mouths got crushed together

in the Large Hadron Collider. He's never said a word that wasn't screamed through a throat full of chili fries. But what I don't like about Guy Fieri is he seems a little disingenuous. I was actually ready to jump on the, like, fuck guy, like what, a tool bag? Until he started losing me, I was like,

maybe he's doing something for the mom-and-pop industry of America, where he goes in and eats the crap food from these mom-and-pop diners, and he looks at the camera and goes, it was great. Come here. Guy Fieri came to Hillbilly Hot Dogs and hunted much Virginia.

That's right. And he had, yeah, what's up, honey? He had himself a home wrecker, which is a foot-long hot dog that is 18 inches long. It's a weird name for it, if you think about it, and it has lots of stuff on it, and he ate the whole thing, and then he brought it on Jay Leno's show,

which is the perfect venue. He regurgitated it into Jay Leno's mouth like a baby bird. It was fucking insane. The answer to your question of whether or not Guy Fieri has ever had anything he didn't think was totally awesome is, of course, yes, obviously. But what this question poses is that he's an amazing act. No, he's a true fucking professional

who's in there day in, day out eating trash for you to mock him from the sidelines. He eats his cheddar jalapeno popper explosions, and he eats them, and in his brain goes, I've had better, but his face screams, yes, yes, please, God, another. Everyone in Flavortown just had a simultaneous orgasm. My brothers and I ate there with a friend of ours named Lynn,

and it was a delicious meal. It was a delicious meal, and I think he does a hell of a restaurant. His restaurant's real good. His restaurant is in question. As far as food that you eat as a joke goes... Hi, Marks, all around. Can I interest you all in another question?

Yes, please. One of my friends in a... I want a munch! I want too much! Welcome to Munch Squad. How many of you, this is your first time listening to my brother and my brother and me? Hold on, let the applause roll in for Munch Squad.

Team Mac, I got to stand for this one. Can you get me another brusque open? So I can tell everybody about Domino's unveiling a new pizza burger hybrid called the Pizza Burger! Munch Squad, if you don't know, is a bit where I talk about the new food trends. Coming to fast food restaurants, fast casual. It is six episodes old.

It's a classic. Here's the tagline. Here's the tagline. It's upside down. Looks like a burger, tastes like a pizza. Simple enough, easy enough to understand. I would like my food to look... Looks like a garbage can, tastes like 10 tacos.

It's a garbage can full of tacos, you're going to love it. So we have quotes, the thing about Munch Squad is I take the quotes directly from the professionals, the people who should know what this food is like. The first comes to us from S. Murugan, who is the Senior Vice President of Marketing for Domino's Pizza India, where the... Aw man, I can't get one of these bad boys!

Nah, the burger pizza is exclusive. And here's what he says about it. The burger pizza is different from conventional burgers in many ways. I can think of one major way off the top of my head. I want to clarify, in case you get a picture in your head, if you're picturing a pizza flavored burger, you are wrong. If you're picturing a calzone, fucking leave.

Just fucking leave. Picture like an egg and cheese McMuffin, except it's mostly made out of pizza. So the burger pizza is the chain's attempt to break into the... Is the chain's attempt to break into the all day individual consumption market. Which is, of course, what Guy Fieri calls his home. We aim to address the desire...

This is a fucking quote! We aim to address the desire for a burger through a new kind of pizza. Something came out of Travis on that one. It makes no sense! It is available at the more than 1,000 Domino's pizza locations in India. How's it going, India? But unfortunately, for America, burger and pizza lovers, it isn't available stateside.

I think they're assuming a lot by thinking that burger and pizza lovers are going to be a fan of this fucking island of Dr. Moro style. The only way that works is if every time someone went to a restaurant, they ordered both pizza and burger, because they couldn't decide between the two. Right, I know I want pizza. If you find it hard to choose between burgers and pizza... Oh man, that's every day for me.

Yeah, for sure. Domino's has a solution for you. The appropriately, if not so creatively, tiled burger pizza. Does it say that in there? Wait, hold on, is that a quote? That's a quote from the fucking article. We did a shitty job, we get it. The burger pizza hybrid costs an affordable 89 rupees, or $1.33.

Holy shit! How much did your lunch cost, Justin? I'd rather not say. Unlike, this is a direct quote from Dev Amiratesh, President and Chief Business Officer of Domino's Pizza India, as I'm certain you know. Unlike other burgers, the burger pizza is comfort food. No!

Unlike the health food burgers you're all used to. Unlike other burgers, burger pizza is comfort food. Full of pizza goodness. And has been specifically designed for the Indian Ballot. Okay, sure. Anyway, that is the story on burger pizza. You just closed your computer, but do you really want to read a question for us now? Thank you, Jeves.

One second, I got some owls on my screen. Let me swipe them out of the way, and we're going to get this show rolling here. As soon as we deal with these fucking owls. The owls on my screensaver. One of my friends believes in mermaids. At first, I thought it was some sort of inside joke I wasn't getting, but then she almost broke up with her boyfriend when he tried to explain to her that they are fictional. She constantly points to the fake Discovery Channel documentary as proof of her existence.

Good work, Discovery Channel. Oh, it's going to be totally harmless. Fun joke. Fun joke. Cool ratings. Cool job, guys. In college, she took marine biology classes and is even trying to get a job in an aquarium with hopes of someday learning enough to go out and find the mermaids herself.

She has been venting about it to me lately, and I have no idea what to do. Should I let her have her delusions or try to burst her bubble? That's from MIFT with mermaids. I have a two per question. The second part, I'm going to skip to it, is this person who you are talking about here. Thank you. Oh, good. You did great.

We won't make that mistake a ninth time. Yeah, we've fallen into that trap before. We're done with interventions here on my brother, my brother, and me. Just advice. Now, she believes. Now, ask question one. Though, well, I got my answer because they said that she wasn't here. My favorite player in this tale is the boyfriend who, I'm guessing, should know better.

Yeah, for sure. It sounds like this is a pretty defining characteristic of this individual. The boyfriend was probably having a shitty day and said, you know what, I'm going there. You know what? Yeah, I'm done dancing. You know what? Today's the day. Tell me again about mermaids, Debra.

The New York Times recently ran an article. I think the headline was like, yes, there have been aliens. And I didn't read it. But the point of this article, I bet, was that the universe is so infinitely large. So many planets out there that certainly at some point there have been aliens. And I would like to pause at the same point here, which is to say, there have been so many people that at some point, one of them fucked a fish or a dolphin or a whale. There's 12 people like, yes.

You got it. Life finds a way. I'm just saying, it's not my...that would be fucking great. Mermaid Park, just like, I don't understand where they're coming from. You're so busy working out of your good. You really didn't. You really didn't. Well, yeah, I get to think of people who are fucking fish.

Yes, that's on me. People are getting killed by mermaids. I'll sit on this one because I didn't think people were going to fuck fish. I'm just saying it's not my thing, but I'm just saying, I get it. It's probably a thing. I don't want to yuck any yumps, but I'm just saying, sometimes you see those salmon. I actually do want to yuck the salmon. No, no, no, no.

Let me describe the yum first. You see one of those salmon, and they just finished spawning, and they have that dope pearlescent red color, and they look awesome. I'm saying not me, but somebody probably sees that and is like... I actually want to still yuck that. Might I yuck that, please? How much of the Earth's deep oceans is unexplored? All of it?

There's no way of proof to me that somewhere in the Mariana Trench... Okay, these are probably mermaids. A lot of people think that they're going to be human size, but it's a human fucking of fish, right? Yeah. So why wouldn't they be like human top, fish bottom, but on fish scale? Like David the gnome of mermaids. What I'm saying is how deep have we been in the Mariana Trench?

Particularly deep, I'd assume. If this is what's waiting for us down there, we've gone deep enough. Can I also say that I think it is silly of us to assume that it will be half and half, which is not how breeding ever works. You think it's like fish guy, fish guy, feel like 10%, 10%? Yeah, evenly spaced. But if it's more like a calico and kind of splotches everywhere. That's fun too.

That's the fun luck of the draw thing where it's like, I hope I get gills in a dick. I prefer my mer parfait of just like, there's like a belly button scales, pee pee scales, knees scales. So did that help? Wow, we didn't even touch on the shit at all. Should we touch on this? I mean like... No, we good.

Which of these two, Trav? This one, yeah. This one's sent in by level 900. Yeah, Drew. Drew Davenport, thank you, Drew. It's by yeahdrewanswersuseramod who asks, Don't you wish that donkeys only existed in legends? Instead of wishing mythical creatures to be real,

why not exile troublemaking creatures into legends? I follow this question up to this point and then, like boneheaded donkeys wearing dress of humans. What? What? How often is that coming up? Holy, I just unlocked this because I read it earlier and I've just unlocked it.

I think this person saw the movie franchise Shrek the Movies and said, everything in this movie is fantasy bullshit. And they were like, donkeys are real. And they was like, yeah, right. They make super hairy horses that aren't as attractive. Sure. Yeah, right, great. Do you think every time he sees a donkey in a hat,

he's like, no, not again. Do you wish that donkeys only existed in legends? The ideal for me would be if we could, like, exile donkeys to legend. But it would be like tomorrow. So like from this point forward? From this point forward, all donkeys are legend. Donkeys never exist, but donkeys did exist,

but now they're legends. So when I have grandchildren, I can tell them about the donkeys. No, Grandpa Paul. There was never a bone-headed donkey in people's dress. They were small, stupid horses. It's true. I never actually saw one myself. I never saw one.

That's a good question, Travis. Listen, everybody out there. Listen, don't, I need you to pay attention for once. Pay attention for once and engage. If donkeys disappear tomorrow, do you feel like you've appreciated donkeys now? In the arms of the donkey, far away.

I think when you all go home tonight, you'll really think twice about just walking past that donkey on your front lawn. Yeah, how many donkeys have you walked past just today? And they have their little signs that are just hoof prints. Because they're donkeys. And you turn towards them,

and you held up your phone, and you caught a ghastly on their fucking face. Let me tell you about a real-life Pokémon friend of mine. It's called the American Donkey. Oh, Donkey, is it a fun character from the show My Brother? My brother and me that we do. But that is our IP, so you're going to be sued now. See you in jail.

Do you all want another question? Yeah! This one comes to us from Caroline. It says, Dear brothers, I've moved in with my girlfriend and her family, and overall things have been good. I get along with her whole family, but there's one issue.

After years of living with roommates and buying individual food, I'm very defensive over my food. I know it's a shared household, and I do eat some of their food, but I can't... We got to circle back on that one. But I can't help but be a little irked

when the lunch meets I bought Tuesday or gone by Thursday. How can I become less of a food hoarder with my new family? Caroline, Caroline, are you here? Hey, Caroline. Hey. Let me tell you where you lost me. Can you guess?

Do you have the insight? Can you guess where you lost me? Let me hope. It was when you said you did eat their food. I want to eat their things without having my things be eaten. Sincerely, a human representation of the United States of America.

But no... No Tino shade, no pink lemonade. We're just having fun up here, Caroline. I get it. Yeah. I like... I've done that when I moved in with my wife at that time, my girlfriend.

I would buy treats just for me. Yeah. That was going to be my idea. And I will also say in your corner, Tuesday to Thursday, that's a heavy lunch-meat consumption that this household represents. There is a lunch-meat monster in your house.

Do you live with Chad from the Bachelorette? A lot of Chad fans in the fucking crowd tonight. He's a horribly abusive man and we should never applaud him. And he loves lunch-meat. But boy does he love to eat lunch-meat. And that's funny. But he's violent and horrible.

And that's not funny. And that's not funny. But he's lunch-meat like it's Pringles. It's great. There's nothing wrong with having secret food. You just got to have a good place to hide it. That's not good for frozen. It's not good for frozen.

You can't hide your frozen. Going grocery shopping with Travis is like going grocery shopping with an old prospector. You got to get your frozen. You got to get some vitals. You got to get your secret soup. You got to get your greenie-means. And your flapjack makins.

Your flapjack makins and your porkums. Limes for scurvy. For scurvy. For all the prospector scurvy. You got to get your red buddies. Are you talking about apples or tomatoes? Yes. You're round friends.

All the red foods you can handle scares the mountain ghosts away. Did you mean mountain goat? What are you fucking talking about? Are you even a prospector? Are you doing research for a part? Are you Jared Lotto? You have to tell me legally if you're Jared Lotto.

A lot of Lotto heads. We've been growing maybe like a half hour. When should we do audience questions? I know you got it. I got one more yahoo. This one is sent in by So it's sent in by Thank you Zoe.

Yeah, who answers user Joey asks What extreme unreasonable things would you do just for one slice of piping hot Chicago style pizza? It's a weird exchange race. I mean I have an extreme unreasonable thing I do whenever I have one slice

of piping hot Chicago style pizza and that is have diarrhea for three days. I got to play the local crowd. My favorite pizza chain is actually the Canadian Boston Pizza. What situation are you running into where someone is like hey do you want this pizza pizza?

Prove it. How much does it cost to fly to Chicago? That's the furthest you should ever go. Yeah. Because it's literally everywhere. If it's like I would pay four hundred dollars it's like you could pay three hundred and get to O'Hare and Snacks at Za.

If you're in Chicago you shouldn't do anything. Just go get some. Inexplicably need Chicago style pizza you should just have the stuff. Just have some. The first most unreasonable thing you should do

is teach yourself how to make it. Do you think the great Chicago fire was somebody just like I got stuck in me. That's odd. That would have been ill-advised. Odd beans that burn all pizza town down. Where is it?

Oh sorry you guys never lived in Chicago so there's this dope party town called Pizza Town. It's right next to Roscoe Village. It's sick. The streets are literally pizza. It's actually horrible and disgusting. When there's potholes

just grease pools up it's really really horrible. And it's like an ice nine situation. If you touch the pizza you turn into pizza I'd love to. I'd love to. I think we're ready for audience questions

Can we get some house lights please don't line up it's not a TED talk Whoa! Hold on hold on hold on wait this just came in so hot this is breaking news that comes fresh on my phone We've got a haunted doll watch You're taking him back down.

No I was like Justin's a liar. We pranked you, that was a fun- Pranked the haunted house last night, hold on, sorry. This just came in so fucking, I got a notification. This is a hot Haunted Doll. Haunted Doll, gonna go fast. Gonna go fast. He's got an app called Hunter. Haunted Doll, active, don't even sweat it.

Sunshine, Makia. And it says again here on the listing, active. I'm gonna ask my brother Travis, one of the most notable things about this listing of a Haunted Doll on eBay. Travis, why don't you tell me the backdrop that they've chosen for Haunted Doll, Makia? It's like the $100 bills, yeah.

It's just lots of $100 bills, which is so fucking fresh. I want a Haunted Doll who's also a baller. The most balling thing. This is my favorite doll. I call her Sunshine, Makia. She is the spirit of a spunky eight-year-old. She brings a sense of brightness to any room. You will need that after thinking about an eight-year-old dying.

So it's refreshing. It's good that the doll brings that lightness to any room. She laughs and sings. She doesn't. She's a doll. And turns night lights on. That's okay. And off. Well, that's all right.

That's earth-conscious of her. It's very eco-friendly. She wants to bring happiness to a family who doesn't care about their electric bills, presumably. And here's the thing about Sunshine, Makia. She needs help finding the light. And she did get her picture taken in front of several million dollars.

Like a million dollars. So she can afford it. Anyway, that's Haunted Doll Watch. Now we... That's just a little thing. That's for you. Hey, everybody. We want to take a quick break from this live extravaganza

of this physical manifestation of joy and acceptance to tell you about some of our sponsors this week. Yeah. Travis isn't here because we... Dang it, Kevin. We left him in Boston. And also, we called him Kevin. And that's probably why we lost him. We were like, Kevin, you ready to go?

And nobody answered. So we just got on the fucking plane. Well, we know. Travis did not change his name to Kevin. It's still just Travis. What if, for the parents of that movie, did definitely see who was still asleep was like, I can't fucking deal with Kevin.

I'll figure this out later. This fucking pizza monster. Always demanding his own pizzas. I hate this kid. You are... You're getting home alone. The first sponsor this week is Harry's. They have supported us for so long.

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Got a jumbotron here. This message is for Katie. And it's from Edbury, who says, it's almost Valentine's Day. Oh, no. But the Max Fun Calendar says it'll be more like July. Yes. Yes.

When the brothers read this. Uh-huh. We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. So this is either going to be, this is either going to make future Katie's Day or be incredibly awkward for both of us separately. Even if things don't pan out, you definitely deserve a V-Day surprise this summer.

Holy shit. Oh, shit. Please email right this second and let us know which it is because I have to know. I'm actually OK with the sort of Schrodinger's Cat situation. OK. OK. But Schrodinger's relationship.

Yeah, this is really wonderful. And best of luck for your relationship over the past five months, I guess. That's applicable. Best of luck to you two. Yeah. To both of you. Best of luck.

And one, oh, do you want to do this one? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a message for Faye slash mom. And it's from Jake and Max. So maybe she's Faye to one of them and mom to the other. I don't know exactly what the breakdown is. Well, that's revealed in literally the first sentence of the message.

Happy birthday to the best mom and partner from your best. And then try that again, because you did say mess mom. And that's I am mess mom. Welcome to my comic strip. It's very long running and poorly read. Happy birthday to the best mom, not mess mom, and partner from your best family and favorite brothers. May your year be full of geeky wonders and boundless adventure.

Also, stop listening to the adventures and without Jake, the brothers command it. Now your birthday was April 6th, and we're very sorry about that, Faye mom, mess mom. But you have heard this message now. Yeah. So it's a fish. Just remember it on your next birthday, I guess.

Thank you all the folks who came out to Boston. It was seriously like the wildest, wettest crowd like we've probably ever had. It was, yeah, it was wet and wild. It was so good. Thank you, everybody, at the Wilbur Theater for being so great. Thank you to Kelsey who helped us, who managed this show for us. I want to say something real quick.

Just want to remind everybody that we are doing a card game. It is an expansion of the card game monikers. If you don't know monikers, it's a great card game that's basically like an expanded, reimagined version of Shrades is perhaps the best way of explaining it. But we've got an expansion of it. It's 112 cards. Every one of them is a reference to something in one of our podcasts.

But they're not just like in-jokey references. This is something you can play with everybody. Share with the whole family. Seriously, it's like it's my favorite party game right now. Like it has replaced a lot of the other like party games that we used to play. And like every time we go on a trip with our friends, like we bring it and play it every single time. And it's hard to get a lot of times.

A lot of times it's like sold out places because it's really hard to get. I waited for months to get my copy. But you don't have to do that. If you want to get just our collection that we hand wrote every single card in this bad boy, it's $10 to pre-order. And we're only doing pre-orders. Once this is over, that's it.

We got to stress that this time. Like this thing's going to be available for pre-order for a few more weeks. And then after that, it will not be available just to purchase. The only way that we can get it in your hands is if you pre-order it. So please do not sleep and ask us like a month from now how you can get it. And if you don't have the game, that's okay. Like half of the pre-orders have been,

you can pre-order it with the actual game for 35 bucks. And about half the pre-orders have been that. So that's a lot of people getting into monikers and you're going to have so much fun with it. And it's really, really, really, really cool. And we're really proud of it. We worked really hard on it. Also, a portion of the sales are going to go to benefit Grow Huntington,

which is an urban farm that's going to be helping people in addiction recovery. And I'm really excited about the project. They just got their land and they're trying to pay for it. So buying this collection, you're actually going to be helping to do that. The address is McElroyCollection.com. McElroyCollection.com, please. You have 23 days left.

Please don't sleep. Go and pre-order right this second. Thanks to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. Just go to MaximumFun.org and listen to all the podcasts they have on there. They're all fucking fantastic. We have other shows that we do. You can find all those at McElroy shows. You can also find contact info for us there.

Thanks to John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's at a parter off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. And seriously, again, everybody who came to our Boston shows and who was involved in the production of the Boston shows, thank you. It was one of the best weekends of my life. The Mabumbam show was so much fun. The Adventure Zone was like, holy shit, mind-blowingly great. Um, just, just thank you all.

Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Now back to the show. You guys, I'm so excited to introduce to you my new baby, getting curious with Jonathan Van Ness.

This is going to be a really fun look at things that I find curious, whether it's a menstrual cup. It might be the Romanoff family. It might be fracking. It could be Carly Fiorina. I don't even know. Who knows? It's going to be whatever I think is interesting.

I can't wait to bring it to you guys. We're going to be bringing in content experts. I'm going to be learning the things. It's only going to take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time. So I can't wait to see you on our first episode of Getting Curious. Okay, now can we get house lights up?

Sorry. Where the fucking works? Listen, I'm at the whim of the app. Let's see here. Let's go a little bit more. Can we get more house lights? A little bit more. A little bit more.

Yeah, just a little bit more. Now that doesn't help. Wait, wait, hold on, wait. I'm going to say. And in the back of the... Okay, wait, wait, two hands up right here. Yes, you got it. Yes, come on out.

Wait, yes. Yes. Hi. You're doing it. Hello. Hello. Where's the mic? Where's the mic?

Wait, no, no, no. I think... Wait, did they move the microphone? Oh, shit. Wait, wait, where's the mic? Oh, God. Hey, hold on a second. Hold on, wait, we lost the microphone.

I thought we had a floor mic. Hold on one second. Dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun. Okay, but seriously, there's a hamburger for microphones somewhere in the crowd. Which is a... His name is Clint McElroy. It's a fun bit.

Somebody's like, hell yeah, I'm going to get a free mic. That's a weird reaction. Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Sandra. Hi, Sandra. Hello, Sandra. Sandra, what's up? Are you going to have any...

You thinking about it, maybe a bummer tonight? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Can we get a little more Sandra in our ear, please? Crank up a knob that says, Sandra, back there? Do you have a Sandra knob? Can you give me like, 70% more Sandra? Hey, is there any more Sandra you can provide? Waitin' on the Sandra.

Waitin' on the Sandra drop. I can't get any Sandra in my left. Hey. Hey, what's up, brother? That's good. Chathamot, how are you doin'? I'm super drunk, but... All right!

So I actually sent this in but I wanted to like really drive it home Okay, so my friend just said she's pregnant cool And if it's a girl because I know you guys are dads or about to be dads Yeah, and if it's a girl she wants to name her Winslow hyphen Stephanie so like So So either a how do I help this future small person or b when is a good age to tell them to pack up and move away When slow okay When slow I correct me if I'm wrong, but when slow hyphen Stephanie sounds like so many names Stephanie bought a bar called the Winslow

And she's like well people won't know where to come, but I do want my name on it Without giving a last name, what's the last initial? Okay, hmm, that's just nothing for us Winslow Williams if it was hey Travis, what would have been the funny Okay, W. Okay, got it. Um if it had been a boy would they've named them when slow still on the table if it's a boy Okay, I was gonna make a Carl Winslow joke, but the construction of it would have been extremely tedious I will say I recently watched a clip from the hit show family matters and

Rich milkville Johnson delivered quite the performance when challenging some real jerks, and I'm down with it I shot a kid I shot a kid Still the best delivery of any line of movie history Sorry that has nothing to do with what you've asked It's not the best name, but you know what I Don't know what there didn't wasn't an end to that sentence It's not the worst ever doesn't change anything that they only want to name her Winslow so they can call her Winnie

There's so many other shortcuts to that though. I know that's what I told her Just go with her winnie That's what I told her but she said no Winslow's prettier. I'm gonna go with Winnebago hyphen billabong. Why you super don't Winslow okay if Winslow's prettier than Winnie guess what they shouldn't do Name her Winnie correct. Why would they call her Winnie if they think Winslow is prettier? That's a good you caught on does it change anything that her husband hates it. Oh That's not a good arrangement then. Yeah, it seems like something Question the question you want to ask is how do you get her husband to really step up and shut this shit down?

I hope I hope that helped that helped all right. Okay. Who's gonna take Sandra's place No, wait, wait, wait, we got a microphone coming down. Oh, excellent. Thank you Perfect. Okay, please don't wave your hands like that. It's gonna give me a stroke How about yeah, you right in the rain front. Yeah, yeah, you showed your shoulders. You have a question or not Okay, then make your way through you got a long way to go. I'm so sorry. You are anybody caught any good Pokemon in here I Only drowsy What's your name Connor? Hi Connor. How are you? Good pretty good?

still Pay attention Connor. I just said how I was doing two minutes ago So funny story, I just got married yesterday. Holy shit hilarious Are you on your funny moon? Yeah Good one How dare you So my question for you guys is all three of you are very happily married

Congratulations. Thank you. And I wanted to know did you have you know any advice for newlyweds like when you guys kind of made that transition from you know Partners to actually married couple like did anything change? No taxes get pretty cool Here's the one here's the thing I'd say This is the best ever I ever got about being married treat Every treat the whole marriage like it's a 60 40 relationship and both of you treat it that way and you do 60 and let them do 40 Because if you treat it 60 40 both of you you are always trying to take that next step

You're trying always trying to get that one thing to help that person through to let them relax a little bit If you take it 60 40 and both of you do and really commit to it. That's that's 200% Listen if Justin's gonna go to the gentleman, I'm gonna go legitimate The answer is For me that the difference between marriage, I've been married long The difference between a marriage and dating Or or anything you've done before now to you now I would say those I wouldn't say marriage because that

Expanding out widely to like long-term commitment The difference between a long-term commitment is that you got to play it long term And so right now if there's something that comes up you need to address it right away Because what you're doing is you're building a building over time And so you need to go brick by brick build a strong foundation and every moment is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship Because if you're committed to making it last for a long time You need to make it structurally sound and that only comes from being open and honest with each other and saying how you feel in That moment because anything you hold back any frustration you don't share

Sorry, you have Pokemon go open on your fucking phone right now while you're doing this I do it's not a goop. I'm not gonna miss out on some ghastly Listen if you need to wait, I'm done. Sorry. There's a Pokemon in here. Yeah, if you need to catch another drowsy, that's fine Go for it That is going to be funnier or better than the things that have already been said. Okay. Thank you Congratulations Okay I'm sorry, there's so many that's been waving their arms so furiously back there. Yes guy with two hands. Yes. Come on guy with the hands

You've earned it And he's jogging to this is awesome. Hi. Hi. I thank y'all. My name is John Paul from Nashville You were here last night, right? So you all have inspired me to start my own hobby business called haunted computers calm Uh-huh. Oh, yes, and I have a well. Yes, sir. Okay. I'm sorry. I hate to stop you Put your phone. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. You gotta stop catching poke Sorry JP go ahead. Is JP cool. Is that JP is great great football coach Fucking rules

Okay, I'm sorry. So I have a lot of friends who've expressed interest in helping me with this project How do I evaluate their? haunted computer Skills, how do I how do I know who is gonna help me in evaluating haunted computers? Are they good at lying? Now hold on Wait, that's true unless unless unless Go surreal What if computer go okay, okay computers can do a lot of things maybe ghosts I

Think a computer could do a ghost. Yeah, what have you programmed a ghost? Can I ask what qualifies as a haunted computers? It's just one that has like all the porno viruses in it my My practice is that my practice is that it's a Venn diagram if you believe that you don't understand computers And you believe in ghosts then you might have a hundred computer Okay, so you're 85 years old every computer's haunted so what you're saying is you're setting up a very Predatory business and you want to figure out which of your friends are qualified

to do that Yes, I Mean I prefer I assume that you guys might might have a more Intimate connection with what might make a great cyber paranormal specialist. Here's what you need to do Yes, you need to in your interview with them at the very end reveal that you will not be charging customers or paying them And anyone who sticks around is in it for the goof And you keep them, okay? Okay, can I tell you something though? I

Would I would depending on the price I would buy the fuck out of a haunted computer and try to like crack the code of the spirit within Me too Griffin, I would happen. I mean I'm literally talking about like any computer that had like Kazaa on it in 1998 And it's still downloading part of your five Did that help tremendously Can we get a woman or a transition or not by anybody? Yes, no Stripes come on down. You can do it. It's a long road, but you got it Okay, and let's take what actually stripes start making your way over you're next and we're here

Right there with the glasses glasses Come on down and then stripes stripes stripes. You got this next Put your coin I like to My name is honey, I'm here to say I love fruity pebbles in a major way My pebbles your pebbles is the season to be sharing friend happy holidays pal That way you meant when you said we're gonna get wild What's up, so I have an extremely cute dog lives with my parents he's our family dog And whenever me and my sister go home to visit our parents she hogs the dog

She does not let me cuddle with him. She calls them over whenever I'm playing with him She locks her door at night whenever he's sleeping on her bed So what I want to know is we are grown-ass adults. How do we share the dog pocket full of bacon pocket full of bacon? And put in her pockets Matt mailman cologne Dog catcher perfume Do you have a kosher option? Wait you have coat you have dogs that keep

I don't know anything dogs like other than turds And I don't think you should put dog turds in your pocket That's me Man, I mean turkey bacon is the obvious answer. It's just Is it funny See that's what we have to worry about up here that you do out there Show whatever okay You need to show up next time with an identical dog and then swap them around and put them back down and tell her she can have one of

Okay, that's kind of like the wisdom of Solomon, but double and not That's my baby, that's my baby. Well, here's two babies Salman your wife's fuck I'm gonna cut both babies and I fucking get ten babies in here. I'm cutting them all up. No Salman Decidedly on why not again Babies coming out the ears here. You want a baby? I'll get your baby I'll get you three and a half babies from seven different babies Solomon. No bad credit. No credit It doesn't matter. I want to get you setting a half a baby home with you

Listen the price is gonna grow up and the kids are gonna grow up So you need to get in one of these babies not in a baby. I mean get a baby in like get a hey Trauma best do you Have to pee I do great Do you who loves the dog more? That's the real question. I don't want to put you on the spot Who loves the dog more? Yeah Okay If if they were here would they say the same thing though

She's not here. So that's a good point. You know what fuck her You know what seriously if you really care about this dog The important thing is that that dog is being cared and loved for that is wrong. So that's a dog owner The important thing is you get the facelifts. I'm expecting a dynamic rescue where she closes the door You kick that shit in you take that dog out and then I don't know smoke bomb or something you and the dog are never seen again You go live in a wahane ho What was that where they go in Shawshank Redemption? Does that answer the question perfecto thank you. Glad we can help

Stripes Stripes Stripes Hi, hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm Tiffany. What if you've been like it is actually stripes Stripes, that's totally fine. Okay enough for my grandmother Perfect. I feel the heritage So I was wondering so two-thirds of you move a lot. Yes, and I was wondering how are you guys like cool when you move? I've moved eight times in the last eight years. Whoa. How do you make friends? Oh? man, um I Left you have friends like Griffin you have a friend named Pop-Tart, right? That's a horse

I met it. I met a mini-donk once that was named Pop-Tart. Oh for sure And it was I will say this it was fucking legendary. It was a legend I Didn't like I didn't make friends the first time I moved to beautiful Batavia, Ohio Because Travis and I were the only living human beings there sure and everybody else there was like an animatronic like Mannequin and it turns out it was like a real house-of-wack situation Okay, we got out of there with our skin still so some of us think it turned out, okay And then in Chicago basically same situation and then when I moved to Austin

I just had friends there already and built my built my friend group out Having a foundation friend is really important because you can spy on that as long as they're like real Salt of the earth cool people like what happens if I you need to think I'm like I'm from Phoenix And I moved to Portland, Maine You need to take a listen Seriously any Portland, Maine people out here raise your hand up there. Okay, there's like 30 people like okay re okay tonight Tweet can you help me my friend the Mbam-Bam Portland, Maine? That's tag and we're gonna get everybody connected. It's gonna be good. That's a good. That's legit

Hey, listen, it is it is really it's genuinely very very hard And it seems like hopeless when there's when you don't have any friends Literally all it takes is that first step that first friend that first place of like putting yourself out there and like meeting a person Who's also like in our day and age like everybody's moving around all the time and doesn't have like a lot of friends And so everybody's kind there are lots of people in your position that are also looking for people like you to be friends with and start a friend Group so I got one. I brought her So hi What's her name, yeah

Her name Swathi Swathi, what's up? You should also take a lesson You should also take a lesson from five year olds, which is if you ever see five year olds make friends They make friends like this. I want to be your friend now Yeah, because I think as you get older as an adult you get very self-conscious telling people you want to be their friends But if you have a good conversation with someone at a thing Tell them you want to be I wish to help someone would say that to me, you know, I don't move I only got one friend. It's my dear friend Dwight's lab because things. I bought it sheets That's it I have other friends, but he's the only one I do a hit web series with it's it's cool though

Because that's it's a pretty dope web series. It's a good web series I'll also say one last thing download the application Pokemon go on your cell phone Because I was at Starbucks the other day and I was just having my breakfast sandwich I was just you know catching my Nidorans and this dude walked up and he was just like hey doing a good gym battles lately And I was like yeah, and then I nervously look back down at my computer So as long as you don't get a grip and you're gonna be great actually how we're friends You are the best Pokemon goer that there is she's putting you on blasts. What's up stripes? What do you got? Uh, does that help at all? Yeah, let's do one more

We have somebody pointing to somebody else who's pointing at themselves yeah in the back right corner there Yeah, you yeah you you jumping up and down. Yes. Yeah, you won come on down I Sorry, hi. Hello. Hi. What's your name? Brittany, but I'm also known as slick Tracy. I play for Boston Roller Derby And we just won our game so yeah Who'd you beat who'd you beat we beat the harbor horrors, okay? There's actually no way for us to respond to that What is your question I hope it's not how do I roller derby good cuz that's not okay

I'm actually curious since you're all married. I got engaged a few months ago. Thank you Big fans and I'm just curious if you have any advice for wedding planning because it's a daunting task Yeah, don't do it just fucking show up that's 90% of wedding planning is just showing up make it like a make it Like a puzzle room an escape room have someone else play on it Then you got to figure out what's going on or make the wedding like an escape puzzle room Everybody shut up and let me figure out how that would work You would need a hundred rooms That sounds expensive. Yeah, let us finish it will be it will be expensive

You also need to employ 100 discrete puzzle masters and I mean discreet in both senses of the word discreet If you and your betrothed Are not the first two people to escape it was not meant to be then the first two people to escape have to get married high stakes High stakes, you got to make it the first couple has to get married second. I want to get a little married That's it fuck it hadn't I had it like in my grasp and let me ask you a question Yeah, think think in your sphere of people you know in love and trust. Yeah, is there one person that? Presumably it's not any of them. Okay. They're here. Okay, cool. Hey

Think of the whole sphere of people you know in love and trust is there one amongst them who would who would like really? Really get into planning wedding Me yeah, okay, but like some of we were trying to offload. Oh My mom but she's hurrying. I don't want to hear anymore Person shows in person it just became your mom's problem and then do what I do show up to your wedding be like this is beautiful Everybody did a great job. I Didn't help. No, you did a bad job. You also want to make sure Like balance however you want to do that if you feel like you want to take control of it a little bit more

Make sure you tell your betrothed that so that they know where I will tell you one practical tip if you're gonna hire a DJ make sure you pick this the playlist with oh my god 100% I had the wedding DJ at my wedding attempt to close the wedding with first Frank Sinatra's love and marriage You know the theme song to marry with children and Then he tried to I shit you not Tried to wrap the whole shindig up with Garth Brooks is the dance

Holy shit. I just had a nice bow. I apologize to Sydney. Yeah, but it was just the two of us there at that point So it was fine because everyone left at love and marriage Right. I went to a wedding once or somebody played an Elvis Presley medley No dog Nobody wants this if you're playing a medley of any sort Here's something y'all are gonna dance to nine different songs in three minutes No wrong incorrect False

Uh, yeah playing but if they will do play soul man and do a blues brothers thing. That's always a big I used to have to do that the pub family fun center. It was great. It was good. Um, uh, does it how do we do how do we do great? You're invited. Yeah I Think that's gonna do it for us. Thank you all so much boss and you've been so good. It's been so cool Can we kill the house lights? I don't want to look at them while I thank them for their kindness Dismiss them

Um, so like we mentioned, uh, there's gonna be posters Maybe I don't know if they sold out of them. So we don't even know if there's any Fucked up the poster situation last night did not print enough the advent who was here last night for adventure zone Okay, so fucking everybody then We would ask just to throw it out there if you bought a poster last night Leave some maybe unless as you're leaving you still there are some we don't want to take it. Okay I have a flow chart alone. We we sold We we signed all the posters uh backstage before we put them out there

And we were talking backstage and cannot imagine a sadder situation than us walking back to our hotel carrying a bunch of signed posters that nobody bought So, please by them, please. I don't want to go to space that reality on a sincere note We we uh, we we will not be doing a live show for a while and I have to say sincerely The the two crowds at the Wilbur theater here in boston have been the loud seriously the fucking best ever I I promise I'll say this right now hand to god We will come back to boston and this is out there because this has been the best. That's what I will also say is just the people

The people here at the wilbur has all have also been just amazing to work with amazing Thank you so much to kelsey. Thank you to kelsey those are tour manager for this these two shows and has been so amazingly helpful So thank you kelsey. Uh, you're the best. Thank you to rachel my wife and tereza And oh, i'll say my own wife. Thank you very much. Thank you tereza. Thank you to saw bones Featuring city macaroy Thank you to riley and clint for the entrance. Yeah, thank you to riley smile and clint macaroy Another big hand for them. Thank you to billions billions booked these two shows We would not be here without them. John rogerick in the long winter shoes

And mostly thank you Yeah, thank you mostly at all now listen if you never listen my brother my brother me You may not know but every episode griffin leaves us with a single yahoo answer that we think about and talk about And then come back the next week and discuss and griffin. What is it going to be this week? Well, there's always sitting by dana scarborough. Thank you dana and it's by yahoo answers you hear Nope It's by yahoo answers user. Sorry something has gone wrong This one was also sting. What the fuck?

Sting asks again What does david spade mean to you My name is jesson macaroy. I'm travis macaroy. I'm griffin macaroy. It's been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad square on the lips Maximum fun or comedy and culture artist owned Listener supported the three of you into a cave of a big red dragon and is standing over a horde of precious golden rubies And he says what do you do adventures? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good I address the red dragon to say us. We're the hosts of the adventure zone a podcast about family playing

Dungeons and Dragons very good synergy commit to the bit I I I rolled a charm new listeners. It is very effective against all odds Everybody wear the macaroy as we host the adventure zones a podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together It's a comedy podcast We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them Maybe listen to us We come out every other thursday on the maximum fund network you can find us on itunes or on maximumfund.org I think this promo is a critical hit