My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 361: Gelsey Krammer

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

Hey kids, it's me, your pal Alan Alda. I saw you getting ready to send that Tweet, and I just wanted to say: Twitter is real-life dangerous. The things you put online are like really fast cars, and so: Responsibility. Thanks again, from me, Alan Alda. Suggested talking points: #MamboNo5, Nipple Shrapnel, The Toe, A Frequency Situation, Fondue Rules, A Giant's Eye, Navy Bean, Friles and Nasier

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me in a vice show for the Modernera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I almost said youngest brother, what? That's incorrect. You want to trade this time? I don't know, it's been three, I think it's one. Let's try it out, Justin take it from the top.

Okay. Hello everybody, my brother, my brother, and me in a vice show. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Griffin McElroy. I'm your youngest. No, fuck god damn. Come on, you gotta sell it. I'm your youngest brother, Travis McElroy. That's right, put that fucking diaper on. This is my brother, my brother, me in a vice show for the Modernera, like I said. I am actually the oldest one, and the rest of it is confusing. But I've been working on a personalized license plate. I was on the can earlier today, and I thought, I'm going to see what I could do, what kind of damage I could do here at the West Virginia WV, because they don't only let you search. Did you say West Virginia WV?

The West Virginia DMV, sorry. They don't only let you search for available plates, they actually generate the plate, so you could see it and visualize it. It's kind of the secret. Once you type it in, you're already through force the way there, because that's the secret. That's how they close the sale. They let you see it, and you're like, well, I can't not do it. Now, they went to all the trouble of generating this image. So the first one I tried, and it was available, and by that point I was fucking hooked, was Mombo N05. Mombo N05. No, in this case, is a shortened version of number. I saw you toot this image, and I thought you had misspelled the bim-bam really bad. But no, it's Mombo number five, like the Lou Bega song.

Yeah, so I was thinking about that, and thinking about how very good of a license plate that would be, and it is a very good license plate. Very funny. If I saw that on a... You get stoked, right? I would get pretty stoked, and I'd roll down my window, and I'd make the Grey Poupon joke, and then I'd ask him, so like, are you just cranking Bega 24-sev? And the answer to that would be yes. Well, hold on. If you saw the license plate, Mombo number five, what percentage of chance do you think would be in your head that it might actually be Lou Bega? Very high. And what are the odds that Lou Bega would be driving behind you, see that license plate, and then be thrown into a rage that you've stolen his identity,

and then he drives you off the road and you die? Five percent. I do want everybody listening to the program right now. Just take a minute for yourself to imagine Lou Bega at the DMV in the state, which he lives, explaining to them what he wants his personalized license plate to be, because there is like a 30% chance that that actually didn't happen, so that's very exciting for me. A lot of good percentages, a lot of good statistical sort of analysis this episode. So after that, I started thinking about like, well, Mombo number five is very funny. What about Scatman? Is Scatman just one that I could just grab? And the downside of that one to me did appear almost immediately. I'm going to draw in a diverse crowd with the Scatman license

plate. Yeah, you're casting two wide nets with that one it feels like. I'm surprised that that one hasn't been snapped up by like a sort of a reverent proctologist. I'm actually willing to bet, and I don't know much about the demographics of either, but I'm willing to bet that the one you might not be referencing might actually be bigger at this point than the one you're actually trying to reference. Travis is saying, and he's dancing around it, but there are more people who are into poop sex and poop play than there are people who are into the song Scatman. Or just in the Scat in general. I don't know. Like I'm saying, I don't know what the Scat fandom looks like. Travis is saying we've hit a point where there are more people into poop play than

there are people into this cool way of making music with, you know, syllables and plosives and stuff. Perhaps. I don't want to. I'm not throwing my hat over the fence on this one. You know what I mean? I'm saying you're not throwing your scat over the fence. Now, I do want to mention that there, that is for the standard license plate. You can get a patriotic background that has two to six characters, and there's also a 9-11 Never Forget background that has two to six characters. Hard, tough to thread that ironic comedy needle that was the problem. Yeah, it is, it is, that couldn't think of a good 9-11 one, except where it said Never Forget. I could get the license plate and say, okay. So that's just kind of like, you got it. No problem. Ten four.

Ten four. That's great. I have, I have, I've been sitting here for the last 10 seconds trying to think the answer to this question. I think you might be able to help me out here as you are an experienced license plate Smith. If you were going to get a license plate that said parrot head, what do you think is the right shortening of parrot to make it read clearly the first time through? Otherwise, I might see PRT head and be like your part head. Yeah, of course, we all are dumb license plate, run them off the road and then you die. You can get, here's what I think I would go with Trev, because I was generally thinking about this, PRRT, H-E-A-D. That's what I thought too. That is what I, that's what I was thinking as well, because I thought

P-R-O-T looks like Prothead, P-A-R-T part. Yeah. Yeah. It has to be P-R-R-T, H-E-D. We're doing emojis on these things now, or what's, can we get a hashtag? Can we get a hashtag? If I could get a hashtag, my momma number five license plate would be off the chain. I would have already gotten it. If I could get a hashtag in there, because that would, that would, uh, man. Jesus Christ, of course, because it stands in for number, I thought you were saying that the license plate would be hashtag momma number five. I am just going to start putting that random wheel up to each other. What are you doing with that license plate? I pulled you over because you were going 200 miles an hour in a school zone. So like, first of all, what the fuck, but also like

hashtag momma number five, what's it mean? Like, oh, I'm trying to get it trending. That's not how, that's not how that works at all. But you're talking about it, aren't you? Well, I just, here's the thing. I don't know if it's, this, this just service isn't like big in West Virginia or something. You can get anything. You can get anything you want. DTF, I could get it now. Because they don't know. They don't know. Because they don't know. Dougie Love, I could get it now. As someone, uh, Fernan on Twitter suggested me iPhone 95, as long as I was like in that period, like I might as well check out the creators of blue. Like, what about our thing of us? It's just like there. I can just get it. RKY MRTN.

Yeah, that's it. That's possible. Hey, I just had a great idea. I'm just a fan. Here's a good idea for like a public service commercial for teens is is it's all these cars and they're driving way too fast in a city and all their license plates say like hashtag momma number five, hashtag, you know, squad goals and stuff like that, a bunch of hashtags, but it's real dangerous and the cars are like crashing and stuff. And then like, who's a respectable person these days? Like, who do people like really look up to? Alan Alda. Alan Alda walks like from the side of the frame after like one of these hashtag cars crashes and says something like Twitter is Twitter, the things you tweet,

Twitter's real life dangerous or something like that. So just like kids know, like, you're really putting a message out there and you need to be smart about it. You're using hashtags fast and loose. You need to be careful because hashtags get away from you and pretty soon your whole tweet is hashtags and you forgot to put an actual message in there. That's another thing Alan Alda, I want him to teach me about. Can you fathom that with a single click, my license plate could just say cool dude? Like, that is just an option. Cool dude. Just like that. Just cool dude. You can't have eight letters. I thought I had to be seven.

No, it's eight characters. Cool dude. I can just say cool dude. I have no joke. I have before seen a license plate said cool dud. Oh, that's so good. I'm pretty sure that's not what they were going for, but that is a word. One problematic thing with the cool dude plate though is that C00L dude looks indistinguishable and I'm not fucking going to prison for the crimes of cool 00L dude. No way. For the elite cool dude. No way. What about king of road? Oh, king of fraud? Is that on there? King of fraud? That's literally what I'm talking about. Yes, that's what I'm wanting. I'm just a big fan of the show and I would like that reference.

I could just get it to say frogger. I could just get frogger on there. I could just get it. Juice, Justin, let me hit you with this. Seinfeld. Hold on. That might be the best one because there's infinite ways to read it and all of them are good. One, is that Jerry Seinfeld in that car? I got to find, oh no, I don't know who that is, but it's not Jerry Seinfeld. Two, I'm also a fan of this television show. Justin, look and see if WVGOVNER is available. WVGOVNER. Yeah, I could just get that. This is his car. Wait a minute. Please get Seinfeld, please. I don't care. I'll send you. I'll literally pay

how much money it costs to get Seinfeld on your license plate. It will be an issue. We'll have to bleep out. We just won't release this episode because people will be able to track you down, I think, pretty easily. But Seinfeld, I think, should be your license plate, Justin. I, man, Seinfeld's very good. Oh, it's a temptation, huh? God, it's really good. The problem is they're all so good that, like, I don't know, I feel like I'll get it and instantly have thought of 30 better ones. But that's a problem for me. Man, I had no idea West Virginia was just fucking wild, wild West in terms of, in terms of license plate, what they'll let you put on it.

Question. When you get a license plate and then get a different one, does the original one go back in circulation or is it, like, retired? Because then, Justin, you could just keep getting different ones. Yeah, like your URL collection you've been building over the years. Yeah, man. Let's do it. Let's ruminate on this. Maybe we set the circle back. I think we should start doing advice. Okay, here's our first question. I got my nipple pierced and then got a job at a grocery store. Any suggestions on how to protect tender body parts when working a physical job? What do I say when co-workers see me wince and look concerned? That's from Bashful in Brooklyn. Can I real quick, I had two closers for this

episode and this one is Jermaine and so I'll just do it now. It was sent in by Seth Carlson and the question was simply, what gauge are Dave Navarro's nipple piercings? I can really sympathize with this one. This one I'm really familiar with. I would love to hear why that's true. Well, in my preteen years, no, probably teenage years, our parents secured for me somehow. It was probably a free permission sent to the radio station because that's how we ended up with a lot of our earthly goods in those days. It was an Anaheim Mighty Ducks shirt and the shirt was nylon with an Anaheim Mighty Ducks patch over the right, sort of where your heart would be, but it's also where my left nipple was.

And the embroidery of that patch caused me basically infinite nipple distress. So I'm like so on board with this one. It's a big, it's a problem. I remember when our parents also bought, our parents just like, I guess they can give a shit about our inannipular health. We went to the beach one time, bought us some cheap ass boogie boards from like wings or something like that. And I fucking buffed my chest and I buffed my torso down to a perfect flat shine. Somebody else could have used me as a boogie board after this. Your belly button was like Kyle X, Y. It was the only thing I know from Kyle X, Y. This was a water sports whetstone, essentially for boys. And it just, it sharpened me down.

And it was, and which is great because you know what the ocean is, but saltwater, get that in your, your flatten nips areas. And it's just a bad vacation in general. You know the funny thing about wings and the bad quality products at America's wings and eagles and all the other beach shops. Now that I'm like a little more established adult, when I go to the beach, sometimes I'm willing to pay a little bit more for a higher quality product and they simply don't exist. There's no place that's marketing itself as like the better upscale wings. Like once you're on the island and you're living on island time, these are all you have. And like it's this weird block in my brain where there's just no reality. I'm gonna allow myself to like

buy a boogie board on Amazon and remember to do, it feels wrong. It's not correct. Yeah. So protection is how pretend you tender body parts when working a physical. So I imagine you're carrying a big crate of, you know, avocados or whatever. And you're using your, everybody knows that you lift from the nipples. And so like the box is just there and pressing up against your, your region. Is it always tender? These are things I don't know about nipple piercings, but is it always tender or does it heal eventually? I don't, I mean, it's tender by nature, right? Not even by nature. It's both for sure. Do you think it would be possible to convince your bosses and maybe your co-workers that it is not

a nipple piercing, but in fact shrapnel from an explosion that doctors advised you was safer to just leave there? It just got me. This, this, this grenade. Oh, I got out of the way. It just got me. It got me like the least an explosion could get you. I just got it. All right. If I'd been just a little bit faster when it got out of the way, but it just barely nicked me right now. I hear you saying, Philip, pick up the fucking boxes anyway, get over it. But let me tell you this other thing is the reason that the grenade got me is because I was being a hero in some way. It's, I don't know. I was vaguely heroine. I was being heroic. I don't want to get into the details. They're almost as painful as this sort of impromptu nipple piercing, but this daily reminder. Yeah,

my heroism. Did you see kindergarten cop because more or less grenade went into kindergarten. I threw it out of the room, but I just, oh, I thought I was clear. Oh gosh. I was just, I was barely out in the door frame just a little bit. It was enough to catch it right there. And apparently nerve right there runs right through my heart. Can't remove it. Can't remove it. Got a special ring put in there. Ring powers my super suit. It's a little bit offset. The ring is my power ring. It's not like iron mints where it's right in the center. Mine's a bit offset. So long story short, can't stock milk. I'm metal. We'll get cold today. Sorry. Sorry. I was a hero though. So I'm going to need workers comp for this one. I want to convince blockbuster. I was

allergic to Windex, so I wouldn't have to do cleaning at the end of the night. Jesus. I'm glad they really let go of a really cherry employee, Justin. I'm glad you're my brother, Justin, and that you're not working against me in some way. With strategy, with stratagems like that, I'm glad you're on my side and not an opponent of some sort. That's got to be a move where you say like, I'm allergic to Windex. And the thought in their brain has to be like, I don't believe that. But also, why would someone go to the trouble of lying about that? I also convinced them for a year. I didn't know how to vacuum because it would get to be 1130. And we would be like time to vacuum. And I would tell them like, I don't know how to vacuum. And no one was going to take

that last half hour to teach you how to vacuum. No one's going to finding Forester you through like vacuuming. So it's just going to be like, well fine, I'll do it again. And I don't know, it was pretty chill. It made for pretty chill evenings for me. I restocked the candy. And let me tell you, that's thirsty work. Especially for candy. Yeah, sure. Do y'all want a yahoo? Yes. This one was also sent in by Seth Carlson. Seth Carlson sent in like 800. And a lot of them are very good. Thank you, Seth. So yeah, who answers user Stephen asks, what is the third choice in tic-tac-toe? The game knots and crosses imaginary made up whole cloth of fabrication. The game knots and crosses is obviously a simple game involving zero and X

or circle or O. The game tic-tac-toe sounds like it ought to have tics, tacks, and toes, not circle and X. What's the third symbol? We've all played this great game. Sure. This game of strategy and you're not playing the, you're not playing the board, right? You're not playing the, you're not playing the hash. You're playing the person on the other side of the hash. But is there an element to tic-tac-toe that we've never considered, which is to say the toe. It's in the rulebook. If you crack it out, if you really find the tic-tac-toe rulebook and crack it up and you'll learn about the toe. And I'm wondering if this is a procedure that we can bring into the game to maybe make it not so shitty. I don't

know that I've won or lost a game of tic-tac-toe in the last decade. And I'm wondering if that's, because there's a sort of essential component missing, which is to say the toe. Is it also possible, Griffin, that maybe what we've lost over time is a hyphen and originally we were supposed to be playing with tiny round candies and severed toes. Now, how did this, how did this get to be the conversation? Because it's like tic-tacs. All right. All right, now I understand. It's entirely possible, Travis. I mean, I don't like the idea of a story where tic-tacs get their name. You know what I mean?

You know? Like, let's just, Travis, take me on one on one right now. We don't need the board. Just fucking mind palace it with me, okay? All right. I put an X in the middle. Well, fuck. It's over. You've already lost. It's done. I put one in the top left corner. I put a circle, top left corner. Okay. Okay. I put an X. I put an X at the, hmm, shit. See, you've countered me. There's no coming back from that. Wait, Griffin, I have an idea for what the toe is. Okay. Let's start over. Start over. Wipe the

board. Wipe the board. Okay. Okay. Can I still start? Yeah. I put an X in the center. I put an O in the center, toe. Now, hold on. Yeah. You're saying the toe is an essential fucking combo breaker fucking cancel. It's a move cancel. The additional lost rule is that once per game, you can deploy that over powerful toe. And it counts for both. Is it one toe per player? Yeah. Each player gets one toe. Okay. Check this out. Round three. I put an X over the center. Fuck. Okay. Yeah. Wait, what is the lost rule? That's why you can't use it too early. It's like everybody just doesn't finish ranking the board and the circle,

the middle square is supposed to be both an X and an O and you just fill in the outside square. Let me hit you with this. Okay. In the case of a draw, both players are killed. Now, okay. So Travis, again, that's the only rule. Let's try this one out, not the cancel one. If there's a draw, we're both going to be killed. Okay. I put an X in the center. Wait, but what happens if I lose? I put an X in the center. You'll be killed and I'll live. I see. Bottom left corner. Okay. I put an X at the middle left. Now, really think hard about what you want to do next here, Trav. I'm one of us. One of us can one of us can walk away from this or middle right middle right. Travis, why would you like if I'm going down, you're coming down

with me, Griffin. I'm X bottom X bottom right. Circle top left. See, why are you doing this? Like, you know, I'm one of us. Justin, are you hearing this shit? A lot of people ask me, Justin, where's a good place to start with Mabin Bam? And I never know what to tell them, but now I'll at least be able to conclusively say not the one where they play audio. But this is what I'm saying, Justin. You're going to play your Griffin. Game's not over. Game's not over. Game's not over. Justin, you're watching this killing game and you're going to walk away from it with no brothers. Do you want no brothers or one brother? Is there something like now, now I like this element of a third party trying to like, trying to like make sure that limit damage.

When my, when my quote unquote brothers have decided to deep six the one of the primary means I used to feed my toddler daughter and keep her in the, the, the shop in most fashions that she enjoys. Like I, right now I'm kind of an unequivocal bottom little Travis. Fuck. Thought I had you. No dude. You don't have shit. I believe top middle is still available. No. Top right. Top middle. I win. It was available. Sorry Travis. That does actually make the game a little bit better. See? Why is this awful game a lot? Why can I not get another C man? And yet everybody knows Tix XO. It drives me up a wall. It's a bad game. It's a bad game if you don't have the toe and that stands for total death of both people playing. Okay. Yes. In the case of a draw,

I'm going to make one more change. Okay. Right now it's played three by three. We played 10 by 10. Your move. Go. Start it out. Okay. I'm going to go with a grid four. Uh-huh. Two. Okay. Damn it. Sunk his metal ship. All right. Next question. I'm moving on. I'm taking the show back from you monsters. I'm going to keep playing throughout the game though. That's fine. See that's fun. If you have to like play over a period of time where no one can see the board, I think that maybe makes it a little more interesting. And one toe. To answer the core question, what is the third choice in Tic Tac Toe? The answer is to live. Brothers. This question got deleted by the way while we were talking.

An excellent service. All right. Brothers, help me. I've been talking to this person for three weeks online thinking she was a different friend of mine. By the time I found out she and my friend weren't in fact the same person, it was too late to go back on it. Should I come clean with this person about my mistake or should I just keep the friendship going like nothing happened? I don't even know her name, but we've been talking like we've known each other for years. That's from cornered in California. And it's also from my plot synopsis of you've got mail to coming to theaters next fall. It's going to be a love story. You'll never forget. It's a lot. This is, hey, it's hard to make friends

to put yourself out there. You may have accidentally discovered a great way to do just that. If I could talk to strangers the way I talk to my friends confidently, I would have more friends. But I'm too nervous to talk to somebody like that. And so I don't have more friends. But you found a way to do it on a sort of circuitous way. I think you just say like, hey, by the way, I'm Tony. People call me Tony the Pony. And I don't actually know who you are, but I feel like we're friends now. So that's great. That's good. Like that's just across the board. Good. Let's take a moment. And I just want to parse this just for a second to talk about my favorite element of this question. You maybe saw like a screen name, thought it was your friend's screen

name, but there was like one letter difference or whatever. But you didn't know that at first. So you're like, Hey, what's up? I need to tell you, I'm moving. Oh, I haven't seen you for whatever the conversation was. And then after three weeks, like you like texted your actual friend in there, like that's not me. The person in this that I'm most curious about is this third party person that like you just like contacted out of the blue and they know they don't know you. Like they didn't think you were their friend. And they were just like, all right. Yeah, I'm game. That's the great thing about this. This tool, though, is that if you deploy it on an unsuspecting party, they are powerless to sort of resist its its thrall. Like it's just, oh, you must,

I guess we're friends. Like let's just roll with it. I guess you've lowered all my defenses. Yeah. I mean, and y'all know my favorite seafood dish is catfish. And that is what that's what you're that's what you're dealing with right now is a catfishing situation. It's a light catfish. Yeah. This is like you said to a stranger, I think you're my friend, Bill, like you basically handed them the rod and reel and hook the hook in your mouth. You don't see that often on the movie or TV show catfish of just like, I think you're my girlfriend. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You said yes. So right. There we go. What is this service you were using by the way where you were online chatting with a person without knowing their identity? My hope and prayer to

good Lord above is AOL instant messenger. That's the only thing I can think. You ended up in a fucking like firefly role playing server and you're like, ah, you sound like my friend Denise. She also likes wash. So you must be her anyway. We might also be like, we might be in a frequency situation where you are instant messaging this person and they're still back in 1995. You've got to be careful. You're got your fucking thumbs going to disappear because it's something that happened back in 95. You've got to be so careful when you're chatting in these online role playing servers because if you're not careful, you're going to frequency yourself and your whole frigging like heads going to disappear because it's something that happened 20 ding dang years ago. You got to

be so careful. Be so careful. But think of the good you could do. You could do good. You could do lots of good. For sure. But you don't know what it is. Here's the thing. You might think you have to do good to do good, but maybe like you have to lie to them to do some good. You know what I mean? And do get them to quit smoking because like that's always good. If you could talk to somebody in 1995, wouldn't it be dope to tell them like, listen, you're going to hear about a movie called Pirates of the Caribbean and it's honestly going to pop off. So when you hear about it, just start talking a big game about how dope it's going to be and no one's going to believe you and you're going to come off sounding like so smart. So that's the message that Justin would send back, just in 1995,

that's sort of the warning that Justin would prioritize. He sends it back in time through his magic microwave. That's the one that he wants to make sure he gets out there. Get ready for this will catch the heat, catch the wave. I'm sorry, Justin. I think that's actually very short-sighted because what I would do is I would say person back in 1995, get ahold of young Travis McRoy. He's very excited about the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, but let him know that 20 years later they're still making them and they're terrible and he should not because in the future, the fact that he saw Pirates of the Caribbean one in theaters nine times is going to be like an albatross around his neck. So tell him not to get excited about Pirates of the Caribbean or

don't discuss it openly on a podcast several times. Yeah, and also just, hey 1995 person, just go ahead and get off the depth train now. Trust me on this one, you're going to want to hop that one off before it reaches a certain station. You need to just get right off that one and then you send message. Who would you all talk to through your magic microwave to send back to 1995? Who would you all want to chat with? Probably dad, just to keep up with the frequency kind of storyline. See, ironically, dad, Coke Sierra is coming. You're going to be so excited about it. It's the only beverage you'll ever drink. Enjoy other beverages now. It's fucking, keep cracking that crystal clearly Canadian because fucking once Coke Sierra comes out,

it's the only one you're ever going to do. That actually is what I would do. I would ask dad to just start hoarding clearly Canadian for me. Dad, buy up all the surge you can find. Get Jasta in bulk. Surge is back, so that would have been a little bit of waste. Jasta though, I would love a nice cold Jasta right now. I think I would, ironically enough, I think I'd chat with Dennis Quaid. Oh, interesting. You talked to 1995 Dennis Quaid? Yeah, and I'd be like, there's a good frequency joke for my podcast. Also, check on Randy, talk to him more. Hey, talk to Randy more. Frequency had that dope Garth Brooks song. When you come back to me again, you remember that one? Money's money. Yeah, that's fine. We're probably have to pay the rights of

somebody after that. After, sorry, no, discussing the movie frequency. You think we're gonna have to pay the rights? How do you think that works? Hey, boy, this first ad is about shaving. Okay. What am I shaving? What is this? It's when your hair, which we can all agree is bad. You want to punish it and send it to sink jail. And the way that you get it there is you use a very sharp blade, which sounds like really dangerous, but it's not because when Harry's makes it, they know they're shit. So that's just been my personal experience. This is not a joke. Recently, I bought what I basically consider a shaving bib. It's got two suction cups on it that suction cup to the mirror, and then it clasps around my neck so that when I trim my beard and shave my... It just all

goes down to the jail in the sink. It all goes to the bib, and then I can throw it in the garbage instead of clogging up my... So you attach your face to your bathroom mirror, you like sort of strap yourself into a shaving harness, kind of like in Pacific Rim. And then I hope and pray there's not an emergency, or I will just brought myself. Because that would be hysterically funny, yeah. I've been sent so many Harry's trial boxes because of all the different ads we've done across our different podcasts. I can essentially Final Fantasy 7 limit break omni slash my face clean off. I could deliver a coup de gras to the final boss of my facial hair with these eight huge, awesome buster swords. Used to have a buster sword. Y'all remember that? Dad got it for me

for Christmas, and I used it to cut open a watermelon. I didn't clean it, and the buster sword got all rusty. That's what you get for not taking care of your weaponry. But Harry's is a great shave at a fair price, and they can send you their trial shave set for free if you go to sign up at harrys.com slash my brother, and you just pay three dollars for shipping. And it comes with a weighted ergonomic razor handle, five precision engineered blades with a lubricating strip and trimmer blade, a rich, lathering shave gel, and a travel blade cover. If you want to get that free trial set, just go to harrys.com slash my brother right now. That's harrys.com slash my brother. Our next sponsor this week is Indochino.

They are making it easy to get a perfectly tailored suit at an incredible price. You choose from hundreds of top quality fabrics and personalize your suit just the way you want it, whether it's for work, a wedding, or other special occasion. Here's how it works. You visit a showroom or you shop online at Indochino.com. You pick your fabric. You choose your customizations. Neon is very big. This is a good question. If you were going to personalize your suits, what would you do? Nice try, Travis. 10 breast pockets, 10 interior pockets, two holsters, and a built-in backpack. I'm ready for the fucking road and whatever it has to throw at me because of my cool suit. But you forgot Griffin Bulletproof lining.

Did I forget it? Oh! What kind of fabric do I want? Tactical. Submit your measurements, and then you place it. John Wick 2 is so good. Yeah, John Wick 2, he went to Indochino. He did. As far as you know. And then he went and he said, Justin, who do you want me to kill? And I said, anybody that's keeping me from getting through these five fucking copy points that are in a sequence? And he was like, are you sure? Because I think that's your, I said, you heard me, John Wick. Yeah. You heard me. He's becoming Batman from Lego Batman. Uh, yeah, slowly. He doesn't talk a lot. It's hard to model an impression on John Wick. And then he was like, I need knives. And then you turn him to Harry's. And Harry's gave

him just the sharpest, uh, ergonomic razor blades that you could use to attack a common in a subway car. And then you place your order and you wait for it to arrive in just a few weeks. That's the Indochino experience. You can cobble the comprehension of the experience together, hopefully throughout my brother's dronings. This week, my listeners, my listeners, it says, and I'm going to keep with that. My listeners, the good eggs out there can get any premium Indochino suit for just $379. That's $379. Not the baffling alternative at Indochino.com while entering my brother at checkout. That's I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O.com. And you enter my brother at checkout. That's 50% off the regular price for a made to measure premium suit. Plus shipping is free. That's

Indochino.com, promo code my brother for any premium suit, just $379 and free shipping. And folks, listen, I'm being serious now. If you're going to get into a blade fight with common in a subway car, you got to go to Harry's. No, don't fight common, Griffin. He's been through enough. I'm not saying you should seek it out. But if you're on a subway car and you realize that you and common have wronged each other and that the Hitman society is not going to take you back in and you're going to, and the blade farts coming at you and there's nothing you can do to stop it, make sure you're going to Harry's and get it. But here's my worry. My worry is that they'll get this new suit. Griffin, they'll put it on like, I feel great. I feel like I could conquer the

world or go stab common like Griffin said. No, I'm not saying go stab common. Jesus Christ, I would never say anything like that. But if you're getting into an honorable blade fight with common in an enclosed space, Justin, do you leave? No, I'm still here. This is all great stuff. I just didn't want to risk throwing you guys off. Also, I just want to say quick thank you to Common for listening. Thank you, Common. Thanks, Common. You're an above average listener. There's your personal message for Lauren and what if he just went by great? Whoa. Oh, I was taking a drink of water. I almost died. Okay. Change his name. I got a big new

announcement to make, everybody. I'm rare now. I'm uncommon. I'm rare. My name is epic. Legendary. You have to say it like that. There's 18 R's in it. It's legendary. Common, are you glowing? Yeah. I am. My name is pre-order bonus. I'm DLC. I've changed my name to Malfurion Stormrage. Fuck yeah. That's an awesome name. Yeah. Did you hear that new Malfurion Stormrage track? It is pretty sick. So this is a personal message and it's for Lauren and Monica and it's from Nat, but Nevernate who says, please keep sending in those Yahoo answers. Griffin needs your help more than I do. Y'all are good friends and the idea of a revenge Jumbotron seems like the perfect candle nights whenever gift. Always remember Obama's sunset amendments. Oh,

and do me a favor and have a great week. That is nice. That is so sweet. I don't know if the revenge is against me or Nat, but Nevernate. Nat, but Nevernate sounds familiar. Have we had a Jumbotron? Let me check. Just the archive. We did 326. It's for Nat, but Nevernate and it's from Laura and Monica. Okay. So kind of a twist. I knew it. I knew it. So this is our ARG. Have you found out the place? Yeah. This is good. I mean, every time you all sort of attack each other like this, we make like $100 or something. So please keep this beef a stew and thank you for the sweet message. Somebody else want to read this other one? Yeah, it's from Libby and it's for Adam Gardner. It says, happiest of happy birthdays. I love you more than the Yule dogs Christmas

special and rainbow sprinkles. Let's eat a sleeve of birthday cake Oreos, play some Twilight Struggle and watch fast five today. You the best. That sounds like such a fucking nice day, honestly. It really does. I'm like jealous. And it's not just because yesterday was my cheat day and I couldn't do that if I wanted to until Saturday, but it still sounds like a really nice day regardless. Watching a video now called Yule Dogs and I'm wondering if this is like something in the earbuds region. Oh, this is just like some nice piano holiday music and two dogs sitting down in front of a Christmas tree. So I'm it's 23 minutes long. So I'm going to sort of, I guess, pop off for a little bit and I'll catch you guys on the next podcast.

I'm Hal Lublin. I'm Danielle Raffer. I am Michael Eagle. And we are the hosts of Tights and Fights, Maximum Fun's newest podcast dedicated to all things wrestling. We'll be talking about Sasha Banks, the women's revolution, Sasha Banks, the brand split and Sasha Banks' wigs. And we'll also be talking about wrestler fashion. Some wrestlers wear too many clothes. Some wrestlers don't wear enough clothes at all. And I'll be doing impressions of all your favorite wrestlers. New episodes, Thursdays on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast. Oh, yeah, dig it. What are the biggest fondue and fondants of having a cheese party? That's from crushing curds in Kirksville. And let me just say, you've come to the right place. Oh, have they?

I'll say the first party. The first one is you don't say the word fun don'ts at any point during the party. Or you will be asked to leave. This is serious business. It's not a time for jokes. There's a lot of hot cheese being flung around and you need to keep your fucking wits about you. This is true. I think the number one thing, and this is so often followed by the wayside, is safety. I think it's the number one, are your sticks long enough? Because you don't want to get like your sweater sleeves in the cheese and then you're flinging the cheese around when you're gesturing telling your story about something that happened in accounts payable. So you want to use long enough skewers, long skewers. Don't punch your whole fist into the cheese.

Don't punch your whole fist in the cheese and then wandering around asking people if they want to bite. It's poor form. But if you do, do make sure you say smack a little and not bite. That does make it slightly less gauche. Here's something that I learned when I received a fondue pot as a gift from me. So be tender. I'm just saying it was from me and Rachel. So be tender. No, this is not that fondue pot. This is my first one. Why didn't you say you got multiple fondue pots? Now I feel like a big asshole. The answer will become clear in a moment. If you find yourself with a fondue pot and don't have special cheese for that, do not assume that you can just throw quote whatever fucking cheese you want in there because that is a pretty, it does solve the problem

of having a fondue pot because if you try to throw sprinkle cheese, sprinkle mozzarella cheese in there, that's pretty much the end of that sort of fondue experience. So you're back to having one. Just the one. I was at zero. I had one and then I threw a bunch of fucking pizza cheese in there and then I was at zero after that and then you brought me back up to one for my tally. God, I'm so glad. You should have told me that story. I would have felt better about the gift. I felt okay about that. While I was buying it for you, I was like, I don't know about this one, but if I had known I was filling a really specific need, affording you a valuable second chance, a second lease on life, I would have felt pretty good about it.

There is a, this is somewhat related because fondue can be chocolate too, basically. And I took my daughter to Golden Corral yesterday for breakfast because it was cheap. Because you were, she did bad in school and you were punishing her. It was cheat day and I thought if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to fucking cheat. Cheat death. If I'm going to cheat, I'm taking my daughter down with me. In that sense, the Golden Corral is essentially the game genie of food. They got all the codes. It's the complete opposite of infinite life. It's the Prima strategy guide. They have a chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral. Even, I should mention, at 9.30 in the

morning, which is like, it seems like a lot. And the, okay. So when you go to the chocolate fountain, there are a few different options for you. You can dunk a strawberry, you can dunk a small rice crispy treat, and you can dunk a marshmallow. But the chocolate they're using is extremely liquidy, right? It's less like liquid chocolate. It's not like it hardens instantly. So if you put it on, if you do the enrobing process and then you put it on your plate full of other vitals, it will turn the entire thing into a chocolatey mess. So really, the only option that Golden Corral has afforded you is to just stand next to the chocolate fountain and dunk in a marshmallow and then just eat it there like some big terrible animal. And that's really the only option you have.

Hold on, Justin, because there's always the option to not. Okay. It's a chocolate fountain. So that actually is not an option, but thank you, Travis, for your participation. Fair enough. It's just, I just think it's, I think it's very dehumanizing is what I would say. Would they let you at Golden Corral just scoop up a bowl of the chocolate fountain just to take back to the table, maybe for the table, an order of chocolate for the table to do? So your thing is they make an amazing feet like a chocolate fountain and you just dump, like dunk a bowl in it and take it back to the table so you can dunk it in chocolate there.

That's not an experience, Travis. What you described is nothing. That's not, that's nothing. That's avarice. It has nothing to do with the magic of a chocolate fountain. Do you think there exists a restaurant where it's just like they are chocolate fountains at every table and it's just like, we know exactly what you want. We know why you came here. You're describing like, myclegula, like you're describing like an opulent experience that like, it sounds like a little much. How about a yahoo? Sure. Sounds good. I have a lot of them and I don't know if all of them will, also all of these pages literally just crash simultaneously because of a shock wave,

plug-in that went sort of sour. I'm curious. It's a very curious thing. Yes, some of them are just gone. Okay, fun. I love this website. Well, see, you were worried about having too many, so they took care of it for you. Yeah, thank you. Here's one, another one from Seth Carlson's, yahooanswersuser, Simon asks, can or is our galaxy just an eye in a giant's face? Has science proved this wrong? Wait, what? What? Can or is our galaxy just an eye in a giant's face? Has science proved this wrong? We never left the galaxy. So the answer to that is of course no. I like whenever someone writes a question and they think, I can't decide which word is the right way to start this sentence. I'm going to leave both in for now and make sure I edit it before I

click publish. No, we don't have to talk about this one. I just wanted to put that out there. People think about it if we're just living in one big spin and eye in a giant's face. Well, here's my question, Griffin. Okay. What would the difference be if we were or we weren't? How would that affect your day-to-day life? If tomorrow, like Neil deGrasse Tyson was like, we're all in a giant's eyeball, would you be like, well, damn it? Yeah. Well, no, I mean, I'm not always thinking about myself, Travis. I would be thinking about the giant, like be fucking a little bit empathetic for once in your life. Do you think that that would make people care more about like global warming and pollution? If it was like, this is probably pretty irritating for like his

day about. Yeah, maybe if the giant introduced himself. I'd be immediately start getting really anxious if the giant ever decided to finally go for Lasik, finally treat himself, you know, because I don't need that. And how about this? Wait, hold on. If there is a giant's eyeball, whenever we get into a space shuttle and fly into space, are we just doing interspace? We're flying deeper into the giant. I'm just saying, wait, I'm not done talking about this, Griffin. Here's another one from, here's one from here. Are we just doing Osmosis Jones? Are we all Osmosis Jones? Is this all just a big meat, Dave? Holy shit. I didn't sign up for this, God. Which might be the name of the giant. Actually, it's pronounced Todd.

Oh, popular misconception. And so he is the giant. Fuck, now I'm accidentally lifting gags from the stupids. Yeah. How's my day going? Don't say accidentally, like you didn't reference the Lloyd in your, in your license plate tweets. That's why I'm sad. Like I did reference the Lloyd from the hit film. Hey, y'all, if you haven't watched the stupids before, don't sleep on it. Do not sleep on this film. It is a grand slam. It's Bug Hall's finest work. And Tom Arnold's. That is actually true. How about this one from Aaron Kies? I've been trying to read for 10 minutes and it's by Yahoo Answers user. They're anonymous, but they asked,

would my nickname Navy Bean help me get in the Navy? Yes. It's a small thing, but details matter. They say put everything on a resume. I got this in high school. I graduated this year. I don't know why I got this name. Just because I eat Navy Bean soup, can I use this to my advantage? Will it help me become a seal? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. You can't say, I don't know why I got this name. And then explain it in one, two, three, four, five, six words because I eat Navy Bean soup. I stepped away from this Yahoo Answers to ask some friends and then came back and finished the question. So it says here you want to be a general? Like you want to start out at a general? Yeah, that's right. Did you take like

JROTC or like, no, do you even know what we do here? I don't know boats and stuff. Because we don't have generals in the Navy. Yeah, what do you think you're doing? Read the name, read the resume. Oh, shit. You're hired, sir. I like this concept, Griffin, in this question. And I would like to extend it to other job opportunities. Okay. How do you mean? Like what nickname, like if you, if you like called yourself like Dr. Goodhands, would that help you get into like the medical profession? You know what I mean? Let me hit you with this. Famous celebrity movie star walks into the, to the, like Army recruiting officer says, here you want to be a general? So I am, I'll do redo the bit we just did. I'll take a different

take of the scene. Yeah, that's right. I want to be a, what is, son, what do you know about being in armies? Have you, do you have any training to be in the armies? And this famous person's like, no. And like, well, what, what do you know? It's his look at my name and it's army hammer from the Facebook movie. Yeah. I think that's hysterical. Oh shit. I laughed when you said you thought it was hysterical. So I'm apparently incredibly susceptible to, to persuasion. All right. So not that Yahoo. How about this one? I forget who was sent in by, because this fucking website crashed because it's a piece of dog shit. Hold on. It's from, yeah, Drew, Drew, Drew Davenport. Yeah. 119,000. This is level. Thank you.

It's by Yadru Answers user fishing for stars. It says, doing a mini play based on an episode of Frasier. In my theater class in high school, the upperclassmen became directors of mini plays that usually have about four to five characters in the play last for seven to 20 minutes. Lower classmen are the people in the play. I wanted to take an episode from a TV series. Sorry, fuck. I didn't read this sentence. I wanted to take an episode from a TV series called Frasier. Do you mean Frasier? And use the transcript for a play I would be directing in the fall. My coffee with Niles is the name of the episode 120 season one episode 24. Of course. Do you think that's

going to be a season finale? Right? It's up there, I think. Do you think I would be allowed to take the transcript and use it while still giving credit to the writer slash show slash act? Based on what you know so far, do you think I could do that? So I think and I'm no legal expert, but I think this is where fair use comes in and you can do it, but you can't use any of the settings. So you got to have the episode like take place on the moon or like in hell, something like that. But then all the dialogue can be exactly the same. So let me let's walk into this play. You hear the boom, boom, boom. Hey baby, I hear the blues of Colin toss salad and ham and cold cereal and change the food. Yep. Hey baby, I hear the blues

of Colin ice cream. And then it starts that the song ends and it starts and here comes um Friles and nature. Friles and nature. Those are the tags you use on Tumblr to find in the they're big in the fandom. Friles says, you know, I'm trying to get coffee with my brother, but where's a good place to do it because we don't live in Seattle. He has to say that. There's going to be some lines that are going to have to be changed. Anything we're like, in almost every line, they're going to have to say like I'm not a psychiatrist on the radio in Seattle. We live in a universe in which the radios never existed. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah. The dad in this one is very congenial. Yes, he has two dogs and oh and Frazier had to

move in with him because the problem's Frazier was or sorry, nature was having. Yeah. And Friles loves his wife very much. Can't stand their housekeeper. Yes. Let's see, they live on the moon or maybe in hell. I do want to stick with that. Here's the thing about my coffee with Friles, though. Yeah. Is that this is a bottle episode. Oh, shit. That is just Friles and nature talking to each other for the entire 22 minutes. Can you Frazier two-hander? Can you imagine the world in which you're like you're in the writer's room on Frazier and somebody has the courage to stand up and say the audacity. This world we've created is too rich. There's too much going on on the periphery. What we have to do is take a laser like focus

on these two people that are basically the same person if you think about it. What are they doing? What's going on in their heads, right? What's going on for them? Yeah, but I think this is going to adapt to the stage really well. And to be honest, in this version of nature, because it does take place in hell, they're pretty much all going to be bottle episodes if you think about it. Every episode is basically the same. And you can see behind their eyes that they know it. And it's like, is this a rerun? No, this is episode six. And it's just like because they're trapped in an endless loop, that's their torment. But they do act it differently every time, even though the dialogues are the same. It's so good. Yeah. Now, one lingering

question is when you do distribute out the program to all of the school kids in the audience, do you credit yourself as Gelsie Kramer? God, that is an unfortunate name. It's a not great name. Yeah, I'll be the first one to admit it. Gelsie Kramer is a tough sort of challenging. It's a challenging thing to go by. That's common's new name. I bet he mispronounced it in a few auditions and then immediately had to follow up with, well, that's my time. But that's how we got the part. People saw how self deprecating could be. Hello, my name is Gelsie Kramer. And oh, okay. You know what? I got another thing. So anyway, I guess I will be playing Spiderman. How is that how you say it? Am I saying it right? Spiderman?

I would love to play the role of Petrid Petra. Petra Parker in Spiderman. But unfortunately, I've said Gelsie Kramer and I don't think we're going to move forward. I'm so terribly embarrassed. There's scrambled eggs all over my face. Stop right there. You're in. Get off this state. Come here, Kramer. Give me a hug. You're in. I'm about to make you a star, Kramer. Why do we talk about Frasier so fucking much? I've seen this show eight times. I don't get it. I don't understand why we talk about Frasier so much. I don't get it. Oh, no, you pulled back the curtain and now we're going to fade away. Too implicit. By all the metrics, this show is supposed to be excellent. I don't understand why we talk about Frasier so much. We're not talking shit. Maybe that's a

better way to sum up our show. It's an advice show where they talk about Frasier way too fucking much. I just don't understand. I mean, I just don't do it. We talk about it constantly. I see nothing Frasier. Do you guys remember when he fell off the stage in that viral video? That's why we talk about it so much. Boy. He seemed to take it very well and he seemed to have a good sense of humor about it. Jesus Christ. Hey, let's stop the podcast. Yeah, this has been our podcast, my brother, my brother and me. Super quick, I'm going to be in Philadelphia doing a Sawbones show. I hope that you will come out and join me for that. It is going to be at the Trocadero Theater and it is July 16th at 2 p.m., so an early show, all ages. Tickets are 22 to 24 bucks and you can get those

at bit.ly forward slash Sawbones Philly. I hope you will come out and see the show because it should be really fun and there's a few tickets available and I would love it if you would hop on those and just come say hey. And shortly thereafter, we will be doing our My Brother, My Brother and Me live show and Adventure Zone live show at San Diego Comic Con. We will see you there. If you're going to be at the show, be sure to send questions in from My Brother, My Brother and Me. Yeah, we're also going to, I believe, Saturday. We're going to be at the first, second booth promoting our upcoming graphic novel. We'll let you know the times and stuff so you can stop by. Yeah, we're excited to be at San Diego Comic Con and see everybody there.

I want to thank John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's a really, really good album and I think you should just go listen to it right now. Don't worry about what the final yahu is, just go get it I also want to thank Max Fun for having us. You can go to maxfunfun.org to check out all the podcasts there. There's great ones like One Bad Mother and Lady to Lady and Stop Podcasting Yourself and Jordan Jesse Go and so many others. We have a bunch of other podcasts that we do and video stuff. You can find all of that at mackleroyshows.com. Oh, speaking of video stuff, this year's E3, I joined Justin and Griffin on a floor tour at E3. We just had some fun goofing

around his brothers. You can find that on the Polygon YouTube channel if you want to check that out. I think that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Here's a final yahu. It was sent by Seth Carlson, crushed it. Thank you, Seth. Yahu answers user Atlas asks, Is Elon Musk basically adult Jimmy Neutron? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. What the f*** is an interview? I mean, I do not know. That was Oscar-winning filmmaker, Aril Morris. I'm Jesse Thorn, host of NPR's Bullseye. Allow me to introduce The Turnaround, a new podcast series produced by

Maximumfun.org and presented with the Columbia Journalism Review. Join me as I sit down with some of our greatest living interviewers to ask them about interviewing and why and how they do what they do. We'll go deep with some of the biggest names in media. People like Larry King, Katie Couric, Audie Cornish will be among friends on The Turnaround. Two episodes a week all summer. Subscribe now and tell somebody.