My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 369: Bro's Better, Bro's Best Ch. 122 - 133

Episode Date: August 28, 2017

Two-thirds of the brothers are on vacation this week, so they've prepared you this special trip down memory lane in their absence. We're not sure why the audio quality is so terrible on memory lane? Those cobblestone streets just have awful acoustics, we guess. 0:45 - What do you Think? 2:37 - Slim Goodbody 3:15 - The Debt Ceiling 4:08 - Justin the Dream Master 4:52 - Closing the Dildo Loop 6:54 - Soft Weed Voice 11:20 - Ghost Combos 13:07 - Ostrich Decapitation 14:58 - Ghost Energy Everywhere 19:14 - Blast My Cache 26:16 - Ghost Stories 30:35 - Unk 41:40 - Shitty Iron Man 45:50 - Killed at a Carnival 47:31 - Adult Teen Baby 51:04 - Blowing Loads 54:01 - Garfield is Funny 56:08 - Frosty the Snowman Logistics 59:58 - Clean Extreme Restraints Ad 1:05:01 - Final Yahoo

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? My boss at work has an odd way to say a passing hello, and it's confusing me. Walk by me and say, what do you think? But not asking about anything in particular. This happens a few times every day, and I don't know how to respond. What kind of thing should I say? Should I come up with a standard response, or should I mix it up a little bit? Help me brothers.

That's from confusing some things. There's literally so many ways to respond to this. What do you think? My favorite being, what do you think? Just turn the mirror up to nature and make him go, oh, that doesn't make any sense. Exactly. What can you do? No, I think you've got to randomly pick an adjective that you can give to him as a response, like, oh, pretty wet, or something like that. See, I was going to say a noun, and you could just be like, potatoes. Well, that doesn't make sense, because maybe he's asking, what do you think we're going to have for lunch? Okay. Potatoes. But he would say that, I think. No, like, what do you think? Like, someone to just, like, maybe there's someone that always sees your boss before you that says, like, do you

guys want to go out after work, and then the boss is seeing what you think about it, but you were not part of the A part of the conversation. Okay. And so he dips your head, and then your response to, what should we eat for lunch is potatoes. Potatoes. Well, just mash them, put them in the variables. You don't know. Travis is a boar, so it's good. Grubbs? That works, huh? Grubbs? Uh, Travis is Timon, and I'm Pumba, and we have a comedy podcast. It's called Timon and Pumba. Hey, and not Griffin. And not Griffin, because he's not down with bugs. Hey, maybe that's a good response. What do you think? Hakuna Matata. I love it. Hey, don't you guys think, did you guys ever watch Slim Good Body?

With a picture of it. Wouldn't it be awesome if just once you could see, like, an awesome dookie? Yeah, like, one ripple. You're saying, like, if you could look through Slim Good Body and see a pit, that's one episode, like, a deleted scene somewhere where he's like, eyes are a bunch of corn beef. I'm packing a solid, I'm packing a solid bolus in here. This is going to turn read both at the same time. Here we go. Uh, this Yahoo answer is recently found out what we're not really doing this. It was sent in by Krista Whalen. Thanks, Krista. You know it's good. That's like the Nintendo seal of quality. Uh, it's my Yahoo answers user, Chris, who asks,

what is the hole on the penis called? Travis, do you? I do know. Do you really? I mean, it's the urethra. Nope. Yeah. Nope. It's not. The urethra is the tube that connects the penis hole to the piss bag. Uh-huh. Uh, the hole in the tip of the penis. It's the tip hole. It's called the debt ceiling. Is your penis there? Oh, it's technically called the debt ceiling. That's why they're always talking about raising the debt ceiling. Right. That's why it was such a fuffle. It is and a little racy. That's why it was such a hot button issue. I have had control of my dreams for so long that I'm worried if I go in willy nilly, the dreams are just going to run rough shot over my mind. Yeah, the dream lord will

be like, finally, a weak point. Finally, now experience all the emojis you've been holding back. You've been holding onto these emojis in this bottle. I've been saving them. Experience them all. Have sex with the teeth that fell out of your head because you're naked at school and you forgot your lights at the play. And you forgot how to run quickly and you feel like you're moving through molasses. And also you're flying off a cliff and you're on fire and your parents are there. There's your grandma. And you're trying to punch the dude, but you can't remember how to make a fist. You can't remember how to make a fist in your hands or bones and teeth. And all your stuff will go in a very discreet box. None of those big bright red, this box full of

dildos boxes you normally get. You'll be lucky if you can find it. They will make it look like the rock you hide your key under. They actually have you guys seen Looper? What they do is they travel back in time and they give you that dildo 20 minutes before you ordered it. So you've actually always had that dildo. Only you go, wait a second, but then you go 30 years and it's your dildo. It was your dildo. They close the loop. I closed my dildo loop. Now close your loop. And by loop, I mean butthole. Close it up with this thing. Get in there. Keep on going mid-list. Close your loop. You're orgasming wrong. I'm Dan Akroyd, the brother of just old Joseph Ford love it. And I'm going to close your dildo loop. He grew up into me. He grew up into me in an

alternate future where someone gave him the dildo. Can you believe it? No, neither can I. Neither. I really hope people come to the dildos. In the future dildos are illegal. So we have to put them in this machine and send them back to you and you can save money on them and you got to get rid of them by which I mean put them all the way up your butt until you can't see it anymore. That way future cops can't find it. Griffin, are you suggesting that the reason Dan Akroyd's head is increasing in size is because people are using his head to store contraband future dildos? Is that what you're saying to me right now? And as I assume all of you want a my brother, my brother, and me shout out, just go to maximumfun.org slash dumbbotron. And you too,

could join the podcast. I can't believe that I use the same air in this room to wish those people that said that the stars were each other's love or something to also say that Dan Akroyd's head is full of illegal future dildos. Maybe smoke a little doja and then go in. Oh, hello. Maybe get a little drunk. Maybe get some little peaches and harp and then go in. Yeah, I like that. It's like office space, but instead of getting hip, hip motized, right, you get a little, you get a little dip. You're ganja-tized. Okay. Well, not that. I'll work on it. I'll workshop it. I'll come back. Hip pot ties? Is that any good? Maybe you spend an hour with Man for Man's Earth band, and then you roll in, you say, Hey, what's up with the work? Hey. Where's the paper at? Let me sign it.

I file those reports for you. Hey. These keys are crazy, man. We've never signed Man for Man. I just got something to tell you. That's what it's like. Like you're trapped in a glass box. It makes you talk like a very meek jazz musician. He's afraid of waking the baby. Hey, no, no, no. Oh, look at that computer screen. I think it'll be such a power play to just start being the guy in your office who always talk like that. Just low talk, Greg. And everyone's like, what? Excuse me? What did you say? They would eventually, even if you had put in your two weeks notice, they would ask you to stop coming.

I can't hear you over the laser printer. What the fuck did you say? I can't believe I just sent that email without a subject. Can you believe that? I wish they put a little, I wish they had a little guy in there. You could just call it back. Come on back here, man. I like this guy too. Can I talk like this for the rest of my life? Ah, shit. The printer's broken. What's wrong? Let me take a look at it. Yeah, that's brilliant. Oh, you got a jam. Just call it a jam. We got, we got a little tone abode going on here. I'm going to fix this right up. Oh, got a lot on my shirt. I thought I liked the old shirt. Why don't you just get that screen and just read it out loud to the whole office.

I'll get everybody to the shush on down. Hey, everybody. Philip's going to read this real important email about not eating people's lunch out of the fray. Go ahead. Go ahead, Philip. Go ahead, Philip. As we say in the jazz world, the stage is yours. Come on. Go on. Don't hold back. Anybody want some of this? That's a good cadence, Philip. Anybody want some of this, Jay? Why are y'all grimacing at me? I do want to apologize for bringing my infant son into the office again. Poor little, the baby's here canceled, so poor little grimace had to come along with me. Tuck it out. I did name him after McDonald's. Hey, anybody want up on this spliff, Tannen?

Now, what's that you'd, uh, you prefer not return tomorrow? Well, that is, of course, your choice. I will, I would hate to not live up to my contribution, but I understand sometimes it just don't work out. I ain't the way of the world. I know. Let me sing you this song I wrote about a situation just like this. I know it's a little song just like this about a little old caterpillar just wants to fill up his stores of grain. So he plays his fiddle all winter, and then the chicken comes along and tries to eat his grain. I'll just be gone. You're right. No need to be saucy for it. It's best I go now. Do you have a box I can put on my Kutra mall? Oh, just actually, I just have this pin. So I'm just gonna take, whoa, you're being a little rough, sir. There's no need for that.

I'll find my way to the elevator. No problem at all. I did want to hear the end of Phillip's email. Go ahead, Phillip. Phillip, you don't have to just sit there staring. Why are you all crying? What's everybody crying? Maybe you could forward that to me. I do not own a computer. I will read it at the library. And again, I do want to apologize to everybody for me not wearing pants or underwear into the office today. I don't even believe I work here now that I look back on it. Come to think of it, this is Denny's. So I am sorry about this. This thing I've been typing on has been a place, Matt. I do understand why my employment is being terminated. That is not a picture of my wife and kids. That is eggs. I work in a haunted building. It used to be a hospital which has since been

turned into a retirement home. Many of the employees have encountered weird things like whispering in the ear when they're alone and see reflections in the glass and no one's behind them. Even to the extreme of an employee getting thrown against a wall, which somebody saw. The problem is that I don't believe in any of that stuff, but I want to. How can I convince whatever is haunting my work to prove they exist to me? That's from wanting to believe in Thunder Bay, Ontario. If you say stuff like I'm just one day away from retirement, from hospital work. Yes. If you say I hope no one eats this ghost food I laid out, then that is a pretty sure way to get them. Now specifically, Justin, can you? Because I know that you had a brief ghost hunter face. What kind of food are we talking

about? Okay, well, ghost combos. Is that the ghost of combos or combos? So when you eat combos. Okay, so you get a bowl, you fill it with combos. You eat all the combos in that bowl. Sure. But you got to make sure that you leave the combos there long enough for the energy to soak to make it. Sure, the spectral residue from these combos. How come that's not on the fucking bag of ingredients? What if my kid's allergic to spectral combo residue? Thanks for nothing, General Mills. My kid's dead. The other important thing is you have to eat them as violently as possible to be sure to leave behind the spirit. All right, it's best if they have an unrequited love. They need some sort of unfinished business. One of the combos is maybe going to go to college,

you know, something like that. Man, fuck. How come as many times as I've seen chickens kill on TV, I've never seen a ostrich decapitated with machete. Can you imagine how sweet that would be? I feel like that's a myth buster's waiting to happen. Yeah, here's a myth that would be awesome. Why would that be awesome? Think about how long it's neck is. There is a lot of neck. No, I know. Where would you cut your so many options? Like you could be you could do like a backflip with a sword and and and chop it anywhere and that head's going to come right off. You're saying you say it would look awesome. It's hard. As long as we're doing that, then can we do the cartoon thing where they tie two flamingos together? I want to try. What cartoon thing are you? What

cartoons are you? I do that with flamingos all the time. I think it's in Alice in Wonderland. What avian cartoon snuff films are you watching? And by the way, we haven't properly addressed the fact that Justin wants to cut an ostrich's goddamn head off. I was trying to steer the conversation away from that away from the fact that our brothers is serial killer. It would just be fun. I would I don't want to do it. I'm saying I want to see it on YouTube. They are beautiful regal. They're basically they're basically so they're super swans is what they are. They're mega swans. I think if you are if you are have something with that long of a neck, it is just begging to be decapitated. Do you think that like somewhere like God or the creator of whatever is sitting

around going like I can't believe nobody's decapitated those birds yet. I gave him that was a gimmick. Did you just get a theological whatever supreme being created ostriches obviously made I didn't want to alienate the Venn diagram of people that both don't believe in God but also want to see ostriches killed. Yeah, sure. I didn't want to alienate them. When looking for a new apartment, I asked the realtor if the house I was looking at was haunted. She said she isn't legally allowed to talk about that. Is that code for yes? It makes me nervous because I get the vibe Virginia can be pretty haunted. Sure. So Ohio is for lovers when Virginia is for for lovers who killed each other in a terrible passion. Oh my god. God, I hope that's true. I hope that when you're getting

like your your realtor's license, it's like you can tell him about the bathrooms, talk about the hardwood floors. If they asked about ghosts, legally, you must be embarrassed. Well, legally, I don't think they can talk about if like somebody was murdered in the house, which is the number of ghosts don't just like fucking wander from house to house like oh, it seems like a pretty good place to set up a ghost shop. Check out two and a half bath for how much is that a day? That's going to feel good on my ghost. Oh, it's got like a pool grotto thing. I love the idea that the first week of realtor school is prices and like cleaning the house and decoration. And the second week is ghosts and ghost related questions. Like listen, today we're going to deal with a sensitive topic

of if you are asked about ghosts. Is it possible that they they just actually have a week called smart ass visitors? Yeah. And it's just things that you say to people who are smart asses that come to look at your house. Have you guys ever seen a ghost? Oh man. Wow, just went right for it. Before we spend an hour talking about what Yahoo thinks about ghosts, we should really dig deep and do some spiritual exploration. Are we being real talk? I might still be drunk. Is this real talk? Are we doing real talk ghosts? I don't know Travis. I don't know Travis. Can you make it funny or will it be sad? That would be sad. I want to hear. Oh, now you have to. Sorry. Let me clear mine up. No, because ghosts are real. Go on Travis. I mean, neither. Like,

listen, neither of us. Hey, listen, we're all friends here. Let's all let's all just put our ghosts on the table. You know, I've seen no ghost. I also ain't afraid of no ghost to be okay. But but I do. I do have a certain belief that that not in ghosts, but that like if something really tragic or like really horrific happens in a place that there is like really bad gg there. You know what I mean? Like if you have you, I mean, I'm sure it's all purely like psychological and you're telling yourself that. But like, you know, you've walked into like the Moundsville prison and like the Lincoln State Hospital that we went to in Point Pleasant. Like you walk in and you're like something bad happened here. Like, is that just me? The bad side? No, but I think a

lot of that's aesthetics. Yeah, that's true too. You very, very rarely like walk into a Macy's and you're like, oh, something bad happened here. Gryffin, where are you at? You know, the ghosts I don't like is that I really double don't believe in our ghosts to have repeatable behavior patterns. Oh, the ones that are like, and every night she appears on the stairs. Yeah, she stands in the road. But I had to live on a schedule still. I would fuck that. Yeah, I can float through anything. Yeah, no, I'm going to go be a hedonist. Thanks. Yeah, see, I'm going to go to the Babes Palace. Yeah, I'd haunt you, but I want to just like rub up against money, all the money in this bank. That feeling that you get though,

because you did say you get a feeling when you wander into a place where a murder happened, there have been two trillion people, 60 trillion people that have walked the earth at any given point, well, not at any given point, all the points put together. Everybody, there's not a square foot of this entire planet where somebody hasn't been horribly murdered. You don't know that. I know that for sure. Yeah, think about if you think about all the people who've ever been alive. Law of large numbers. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Now, I also I also have to state that one of my personal heroes is Harry Houdini, who is one of like the biggest debunkers in history. And so I don't believe in ghosts.

I believe in Harry Houdini, but he died. So he can't be all that great. Fair enough, Griffin. Fair enough. I mean, they're probably are we were probably not on on point earlier when we're talking about how ghosts go to live in the dopest situation they can float into. I imagine that ghosts like regular people, like living people, they have different wants and needs and desires. And maybe some ghosts are like Jeffert, and they they, you know, they appreciate the the coziness of a bago. So you're saying like maybe this is like the ghost of Jeffert senior. And he's just like, I feel comfortable here. I like you here. I feel comfortable here. I get I know this way. This is where my arm chair is. I get to watch my son dip. I love it. I've

buried skull in the front yard and I can't go until you find my secret skull stash. Now, why did he not grab it? I'm curious in the in the fiction you stitch together, not fiction. Go on though. Why does Jeffert bury the skull? What is it? Jeffert didn't. Jeffert's dead dad buried his secret skull. Yeah. Jeffert senior, the elder Jeffert. The elder Jeffert, the elder Jeffert buried his secret skull stash in the yard. And it's it's, guys, it's enormous. It's a repository of sweet difficult tobaccos. We're talking about hundreds of dollars worth of skull and he can't leave this earth until Jeffert finds it. So is Jeff so when we're talking, have you guys seen No Country

for Old Men? It's basically this. This is what I'm describing to you is the sequel. Skull Buddies. Skull Hunters. That that would be a pretty good plot for a new City Slickers movie. The Legend of Jeffert Seniors, the elder Jeffert Skull. I'd watch that. Hey, so Yahu answers user Emmy875 and some other shit, I think, 8-7-5-0 said that ghosts can attach themselves to anyone or anything. They could have died on the land or rode nearby and claimed that trailer home. Doesn't that fucking suck? If it was me and I died, like I would I would be like careening towards the 18-wheeler. I would get Google Maps out real quick and just be like,

where am I gonna fucking? Oh, God, damn it. I couldn't like careening off the Hollywood Hills and like fucking chill with Will Smith for the rest of eternity. That's just great. Good twist of fate. It's the person saying that like as they're driving past this place, they died and that's how it happened. That's how it happened. You go to the nearest residence, the nearest hauntable thing. This is why you guys, if you're gonna get murdered, have a conversation with your murderer first. Yeah, yeah. Like maybe try to negotiate the spot. Right. Don't let him kill you like in the middle of like a downtown sketchy place. If you could get like a realtor to go along with the murderer just to like show off a few places

and how it would be good for ghosts. I actually have a living murder will that is a legally binding document. It took a while to set up, but basically it states that if you are going to murder me, you need to take me to within a hauntable distance. There has to be a Starbucks nearby and it has to be Jeff Goldblum's house signature of the head of the Assassin's Guild. Yeah, I got him to sign off on it. He agrees. So it's top down. You know, it's official. Wow. Yeah, good work. Do you guys think Wi-Fi is Wi-Fi important to ghosts? You think like a good strong wife like fat like real fat pipes? I think it becomes hard to distinguish yourself from the Wi-Fi signal. I think that at some point

because it's just like Johnny Mnemonic. That's a good point plugged in. Yeah, if it's yeah, but can you imagine like the problem that old people have like figuring out new technology? Can you imagine being like a ghost in like a thousand years from now and trying to cope with like the new technological developments and you're like, whoa, whoa, what is this back in my day? I just floated in the pipes and carried myself around the Internet. So if I get fucking stuck haunting someplace for a thousand years, I'll be livid. Those local kids should have solved my puzzle by then. Okay, so Justin Griffin, if you die right now, what's your unfinished business that's going to keep you around as a ghost? Because mine is I haven't finished watching Walking Dead yet.

I just gotta clear out my Internet history. Gotta bless my cash. What? Did you hear that? Blast my cash. Please. I try to go incognito, but sometimes I forget. Blast my cash. Set me free. Press control H. It sounds like it's telling us to review his cash. No. Press control H. Check all the boxes and go. Set me free. Blast my cash. Shrink the window down in case some words show up that don't you see. Please. Grandson. I am. I actually need to master the fushigi, but I'm going to need human hands to do it. Someone need a willy host, a sort of whoopee goldberg situation. Oh. Where I can, um, through her hands, master the ancient art of contact juggling.

Can I read the best Yahoo! Answer response I've ever seen on the platform? Yes, please. By all means. Yahoo! Answers user Bill C. responded, oh boy, you don't know you already are a ghost. All of your friends are ghosts, too. No, just kidding with you. However, as you grow and mature, your goals and thoughts will change. Thanks. Thanks, President Obama. Who was that from? President Obama. Bill C. Might be President Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. Hey, this, this shit's dumb, but don't worry. We've all been there. Eventually you'll grow up. You want me such a dumbass. You're going to grow out of this real dumb shit. Oh, God. Didn't you know you're a ghost? All your friends are ghosts. Listen, just playing.

Listen, I need you to know that I'm serious. You can actually tell the moment in that response when the person turns their chair around and strives it. Hey, let's get real talk. Let's get, let's, we've all had a lot of fun today, pretending that everyone you know is dead, but let's talk about how you're going to grow up and change. Let's rap. Let's rap. Listen, your school brought me in. They talked to you guys about the fact that you're a dumbass. Do you guys want to see me play some stunt volleyball and talk to you about drugs? Also, all your friends are dead. Not really. Cause I just sunk this basketball shot, but now let me tell you about how you're all going to grow up and not be so stupid.

Pick any five people. I will stunt basketball against them solo. You are going to love this, but you shouldn't love heroin. Take it from me. I used to do heroin. It's how I got so good at volleyball. Sometimes I'm in a long room or hallway and I will, I will not turn the lights on on one end cause I'm just going to be, uh, walking through and about halfway through, I will regret it cause it's dark and I'll get like so, so pooped, like way pooped out. And then when you say that, do you literally mean so scared that you defecate? Like so scared. No, I mean, like I'm a grown man, but I would pee pants. I, I, I get so scared. You guys ever do that? You're in like a dark hallway or something.

Oh yeah. All the time. Like halfway through, like, oh shit. Oh shit. I know it. I know it's on. Justin, I'm routinely going into warehouses and like old shops and stuff. Yes. I do that. Can I tell you guys the other place I just thought of this way better that you definitely don't want to see a ghost. Yeah. At the bottom of a pool. Oh no. No, no, no. Okay, let me throw it down with your mouth cause the ghost is like gurgle, gurgle, ghost. You're like, no, it's a ghost, a pool. You reach the bottom level of a building, the elevated doors open, ghost, right there in front of the elevator.

Let me get you with this. It's the opening night of a movie, midnight movie and you just wait it in line. You get a big tub of popcorn and you get it and it takes you 20 minutes to get it and you paid $8 for it, right? You know, it's so expensive. And then you take it back to your seat and you got to work your way through the aisle. Excuse me. Excuse me. And then you get back to your seat and you look down and it's not popcorn. It's just a ghost. Oh man. You, then you have to go all the way back and you have to wait in line for 20 minutes because they can't let you skip and you get then you're like, excuse me. You gave me a ghost and then they say, no, I didn't. And you look down and it's, you look down and it's popcorn.

Shivered. Shivered. I am fully shivered at this point. Okay. Imagine this. You've been looking for a new car for three months and you've shopped around. Okay. You've gone through all the different financing options. You weren't sure at first cause you wanted like a two door, but then they started showing you the four doors and you were really happy with one of them. And so it's been months. You got all your financing in order. You picked the right colors. You know the car you want. You buy it as you're driving off the lot. You open the glove compartment ghost. Check this out. Check this spooky story. You wait in line at the Starbucks. You're waiting and waiting and waiting and then you wait and then you wait and then you get to the front and you say, I want a grande

salto carol mocha and a benty skinny salto carol mocha and oatmeal with brown sugar and nuts and pumpkin bread and pumpkin muffin. And then you reach, and then he says, it's gonna be 1978 and you reach in your pocket and to get your wallet. But what's in there is actually a ghost. Oh my God. I just flipped my popcorn over. He just got shattered. But this one, you go to a party cause your friends say that you're going to know a bunch of people there and you get to it and you don't actually know. You don't actually know that many people there and then maybe there's a ghost or something. Imagine this. Okay. So like you've been marinating like this roast in your crockpot for like, let's say like a 20 hour. It's like a real slow roast, right? Oh my God.

And you've been building up cause you're going to have a dinner party that night. Okay. Right. And then you open the crockpot and you didn't put enough liquids in and now the whole thing's dried out. And suddenly the doorbell rings and you open and there's a ghost. And he wants to tell you about Jesus. That was good. That was good. Check this, check this out. All right. Voting day. You vote, go to the polls. You go and you vote and you drive home and you have some dinner and then you wait for the results to come in. And then at the end of the night, you're looking Mitt Romney, 20%, Barack Obama, 20%, 60% landslide win a ghost. Oh God. You elected our first ghost president of the United States of Spooktacular America.

Yeah. Yeah. And you know he's not pro-life. Let them ghosts vote. We give them ghosts the right to vote and they're going to elect a ghost every time. Yeah. Hey, ghost, why can't we see the death certificate? What's a good pet name for an uncle? What's the role or title in other languages? Slangs. Is there a difference whether your uncle is from your dad's side or your mom's side? Include things like when kinders and kids, when kinders and kids mess up the pronunciation and it comes out like my uncle got a fave pet name for your fave uncle. I hate this so much. Do you guys know my favorite pet name for one of our uncles? What? Mark. Dave. Dave. Adult Dave. Like how do you that person grown ass man Mark grown ass doctor Mark Wahlberg. Like

why he's a he's a fuck. Listen, uncle, Uncle Philippe, I've been wanting you and me to get closer so I came up with a pet name for you. You're kind of chunky so I'm going to start calling you my chunkel. You're my chunkel now. Have you ever noticed that you have a body odor problem? From now on you're my stunkel. Stunkel's not bad. You're my funkel. I used to live with a guy named Jacob Dunkel and his very name of which apparently makes Travis laugh. He does. I love Dunkel. I saw Dunkel come out of the argo. Oh yeah? Did he like it? Yesterday I was going to hit the how many Dunkel stars did he give it? He did and he did he did say that you need to respond to his Facebook messages because he said you kind of left him hanging off. Oh man he sent it like four

months ago. I feel I don't call I'm sorry if you're listening if you're if you're listening and you probably are. He keeps up. He told me he listens. Yeah. So now now you have no excuse anyway. He has to like enjoy things and then say that they were a slam dunkle right? Yeah, yeah definitely. But he I can't remember if this actually happened or if we just wanted it to happen like for him to have a sibling that had a child and then he would be Funky Uncle Dunkel or Funky Uncle Dunke or any combination of those three things. Funky, Funky Dunke. Oh god. My uncle Nemo we lovingly call Unk. It makes this sound like a caveman. I like that too. He is a crow magnet. Hey uh did you so who's bringing what for things to give me? Well I'm bringing the pecan sandies

and uh is anybody bringing cranberry? Oh yeah we uh we just signed that to Hey everybody. Unks here. Sorry just stuffed on a duck. Yeah. Just so I could double check in your fiction. Is someone buy a package from Nubisco pecan sandies and thinks that's a sufficient thanksgiving offering? That's how he's set with the Psy. And what's Steve bringing? He's uh he's bringing pecan sand. I think if someone's gonna bring pecan sandies it's gonna be because he does not sound like somebody who is graced with color. He's just gonna pull one out of the back of his van where he just has stacks and stacks of packages of pecan sandies that he bought when the piggly wiggly down the street was going out of business. Just so I'm clear is Unk actually in

Sino man? To be fair Unk is not really related to either my mother or my father. He's more of a friend of the family by which I mean a bear. Okay. This has been the greatest thanksgiving of my life except for when that bear tore my arm off. But god I love my Unk. Excuse me Unk Jr son of Unk. His forearms are just as powerful as the original Unk. Make no mistake his large claws have tore to all our tapestries but we love him very much. But they've also torn down the emotional walls that was keeping my family apart. You know we went three Christmas without speaking till Unk showed up. They say at their strength there's no limits and we finally put that to the test when we used to rebuild our home and by which we made our love. He was strong enough to hold

this family together. You lay off Unk. Every year at Thanksgiving he brings honey and we love him. And it's always he always pushes it forward a little shyly as if to say this is all I could do and god damn it you've done enough. He and his son always talk about how they like to wipe their ass with like really soft paper. I hate it. I hate it. You know what he missed my wedding because he got captured and sent to the zoo. But why was it angry at him? How could I say angry? Hey everybody this is Griffin McRoy your baby brother and thanks for sticking with us as we do a best of episode. Justin and Travis are both on vacation and we figured hey it's been a while since we've done a Bros. Better Bros. best so we are putting one up so that they can enjoy their

beach time and I can enjoy my hurricane. So here's some jumbo tron stuff and some advertisement stuff. First off I want to tell you about Wink that's W-I-N-C. And Wink what they do is they give you access to exceptional wines from all around the world. Just go to trywink.com that's t-r-y-w-i-n-c.com and what you're going to do on that website is you're going to take a brief palette profile quiz and using that data they're going to recommend some wines all customized to your palette which will be shipped directly to your door every month. And because they base the wines that they send you on your taste preferences they'll even introduce you to new rare and custom wines that are not available anywhere else. We've gotten some some wines in here from Trywink that we've been sort of

savoring enjoying with our our dinner meals and it's been real nice. They're very tasty you know beverages and right now Wink is offering listeners 20 bucks off with your first order when you go to trywink.com slash my brother. That's trywink spelled t-r-y-w-i-n-c.com slash my brother to get 20 off your first order now. One more time it's trywink.com slash my brother. Also want to tell you about Harry's. Harry's is all about getting a great shave at a fair price. They are half the price of the leading five blade razor. They're so confident that you're going to love their blades they'll send you their trial shave set for free when you sign up at harrys.com slash my brother. You just pay shipping and what you get in that trial set is a weighted ergonomic razor handle

five precision engineered blades with a lubricating strip and trimmer blade a rich lathering shave gel and a travel blade cover. We all have Harry's razors it's what I use it's my off-court buddy for my shaving needs and it's really great so go get your free trial set at harrys.com slash my brother right now that is harrys.com slash my brother. This one is very exciting it's the name of the wind art deck it's live now on Kickstarter it's a beautiful deck of cards meticulously illustrated by artist Echo Chernick featuring characters from the New York Times bestselling author Patrick Rothfuss bestselling author and friend of the show and former guest Patrick Rothfuss his novel the name of the wind the first in the king killer chronicle series

basically this project features two collections of decks each with two distinct decks that have matching backs but different face cards so you choose your favorite characters from each of the decks and you combine them to customize your deck with your favorites all while having these two complete playable decks of cards the Kickstarter exclusive chandrian collection is only available to Kickstarter backers and features two decks with a blue and black card back and a stunning black tuck box design with blue foil there's also cameo appearances available you can buy a cameo appearance in an original art print created by Echo Chernick and actually become part of the edema ra troop with that's right us the macroi brothers this is very very exciting for me as a

huge huge fan of this novel series i cannot wait to see how it turns out so keep an eye out for when this print becomes unlocked so you can grab your spot in the art print under the open sky before they're all gone the Kickstarter project is seeking $25,000 and it's currently over 1000 percent funded so if you want to get your hands on these cards and the the exclusive edition do not miss out on this awesome project just go to Kickstarter and search for the name of the wind art deck that's how i found it and that's how i am backing it literally right now as i am reading this and okay i got a couple jumbotron spots here the first one is for rob and it's from chelsea who says hey buddy we always have such a great time playing games telling dumb jokes and

making up ridiculously intricate theories about the adventure zone hopefully i've put most of those to bed at this point i wanted it on the official podcast record that you are the best at everything you do so i paid the brothers or brother to tell you brothers he really is the best i believe it uh here's to many more years of good goose uh it's a very sweet message and now it's official it's this every episode goes in the library of congress so it's like government official that rob is the best got another one here for ed and it's from your courgette probably said that wrong sue me who says happy friend anniversary or whatever personal celebration is most relevant right now because of jumbotron timing uh thanks for introducing me to mabimbam and the adventure

zone and bubble baths i hope you enjoy all of those simultaneously i'm so glad that you're a part of my life here is to more delicious concoctions don't know why i said it like that deep and meaningful and unscrupulous fun i appreciate you so much we all appreciate you ed i most of all i've been waiting for the right time to tell you this and it is right now as i do this ad break by myself um thank you to maximum fund for having us on the networking go to maximumfund.org and check out all the great shows there um it's all really really good stuff and it's all for free you're gonna find something you like and guarantee it shows like stop podcasting yourself baby geniuses uh one bad mother lady to lady jordan

jesse go jess john hodgeman so many great shows all at maximumfund.org if you want here uh the rest of the stuff that we do you can go to macroyshows.com and check out all of our podcast and video projects there big thanks to john rogerick in the long winters for these for a theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed um it's a really really great album that you should go pick up hey i uh i mentioned the hurricane earlier and all joking aside if you have the means please consider helping out um rachel and i have gotten a lot of messages we live in austin for people concerned and we're doing just fine um austin did not catch the brunt of this but there are lots of areas down on the coast and houston that really could use some some

help uh if if you if you can help uh so consider supporting an organization like port light uh or the red cross or local food banks in houston and galveston and corpus christy and other coastal areas um there's the greater houston community fund there are tons and tons of ways to get involved uh just go online and find out where where you can put your support and yeah we try to get too serious on the show but it's a serious thing that's happening and please consider helping out if you can um i think that's it for right now i'm gonna let you get back to the rest of the best of episode uh we will be back with another regular episode next week bye are you sad and confused about world politics worried about the upcoming inevitable nuclear war or maybe

a rat is living in your house there's a rat living in my house how do you get rid of a rat from a house why not immerse yourself in a completely fictional imagined podcast for the beef and dairy industries it works for me the beef and dairy network podcast is the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds don't worry it's funnier than it sounds find us at beefanddairynetwork.com or maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcast from oh god there's the rat oh god let's have another death question this is this yahu was sent by jacob blocker so you know it's gonna be good thanks jacob it's about yahu answers user philip who asks how much would it cost to bronze my corpse when i die hmm the first answer

exactly thirty two thousand nine hundred and eighty eight dollars i guess is that including like all the like the fees i like the this idea for so much for me personally let me tell you why okay just in case i ever do something awesome enough to merit a statue built in my honor it's like pre-pro you know what i mean like you they don't have to worry about i would love to build this statue in griffin's honor i would love to he was a very important figure for insert important reason here um but i just don't know that we have the the maintenance fees for right now with this i can say don't even worry about it this is me and maybe i'm standing up maybe i have a piece of pizza in my hand that i also bronzed and i'm giving like a hang 10 sign

with my other hand so kind of a t-shirt and insurance pasty maybe a little maybe a little team and tea uh perhaps maybe i have roller skates on maybe the roller skates aren't bronzed well that's going to create some tricky feet issues anyway first and foremost i am bothered by the limitations of the question i don't understand why i have to wait to be dead to be bronzed are you talking full bronzing are you talking like a partial tremaine oh well i'm just saying like i feel like it would be very protective if i could just go like toes to neck okay you know leave my head out there for all the important shit but just go toes to neck and so then i know i'm bait wait is bronze bullet proof um it depends

on how thick it is because i can tell you this though it is poop and peep proof okay there's gonna be some outlets i'm gonna need some outlets cut okay so basically what we're talking about is like a shitty iron man scenario i am poseable iron iron now fun falling over shit i landed on my dick outlet fuck help me pepper pots help me i peed and pooped in my bronze suit again watch me shoot my beams oh i don't have beams i'm just made of steel fuck me avengers assemble i pooped and peed in here a month ago master yes darvis you smell like fucking piss on metal and i hate it i'm leaving i'm an ai and i hate it i'm deleting myself because of how bad your pee metal smells smells

i like the travis is concerned about it being bulletproof is if anyone would ever want to shoot travis think you have to worry about it being bulletproof because i'm saying a week and a half in you're gonna be like fucking kill me yeah okay just i want to know if you're gonna turn yourself no it's a gun toting criminal that walks in and because there's a man covered in metal surely he's a robot that man doesn't deserve to be mad at me because he's an idiot i am not a robot i'm still a human being i'm just trapped in a metal husk okay and the husk that is become my life because of my people are pre-planning why would anyone want to shoot a man that is locked himself with his dick and butt hole hanging out because he's flat the people can look under

and he can't stop him because he can't move his arms please everyone stop looking at my dick and or about him i think they have a name for someone whose limbs are in case in metal but whose sex organs are exposed and that's a fuck prison that's what you're setting yourself up for travis can you can you admit to us right now that this actually sounds like your dream scenario all that you have to do is have food fed to you and shit where you stand and it's totally totally accepted i don't like that you assumed that i would be bronze standing okay what would what would you what kind of brought what position are we talking we're climbing on a shea's lounge like leopatra okay okay the only person we have gotten iraashly angry at and i have not regretted as

jugglers i still feel like we were pretty much on the money with jugglers uh i want to keep that feud going but literally everything else i i am sorry for anytime we've judged now is that your appalachian affectation on the word juggalos hey man you gotta have as well as a bunch of jugglers around i would marry my first born daughter to a juggalo before i let her date a juggler wow i want to leave it at that wow out of my mind by saying that my my future daughter is going to listen to this and dated juggler to piss me off god damn kids right it's like we work so hard for you to not date anyone who suspends balls in the air that's all i ask that's all i ask is to stay away from wizards and press the digitators and jugglers i don't like anybody who does tricks

i don't think it's so wrong our dad was murdered at a carnival should we have we ever talked about the fact our dad was murdered at a carnival no i don't think so okay well it's although i would like to throw out a special thanks to our our adopted father uh clint macarons literally we adopted him you've done such a great job raising us but the scars of our former dad's carnival murder unsolved carnival murder i feel like it really informs a lot of the stuff we talked about i am amazed that like i'm amazed that we've never talked are you sure it hasn't come up it seems like it would have come up the fact that our dad was killed by a juggler government please give us the yahoo question sure uh this yahoo question is sent by michael

lee thank you michael it's by yahoo answers use your question mark somebody explain what that meant i think it's like the person deleted their account which i love that yahoo answers like treasures their their questions so much that they don't just delete the questions too um question mark asks how do i unpotty train myself i am a teen baby and really want to know how to unpotty train myself night and day so i can be more like a baby again mm-hmm yep it sounds like this guy is looking for a better answer than just poop and pee in your in your pants instead of in this toilet like a big boy does like you did on your big boy birthday um but i don't know what to tell it i don't know what to tell him open your toilet and put scorpions in that is an option to you

yes you're about to use the toilet don't okay trust you think i'm a bit small let's go back to scorpions for a second can you remove the toilet from your house or better yet can you have a friend do it when you least expect it oh this this is the bye-bye hole there used to be a toilet here now i just put things in it i never want to see again like all of my friendships and my dignity hey justin and travis yeah can you explain to me what a teen baby is and it's not apparently it is not a baby sired by a teen which is what i prayed to jesus it did mean so some people have chosen to live their life and i'm trying to be very diplomatic here because i i'm sure there are people who listen to this show who are adult babies but some people

i've chosen to live their lives as babies because that's what makes them happy to live as babies i mean nice work if you can get it i'd like to be a baby too like i think we'd all like to figure out how to put this particular genie back in the box and i do mean bottle if i may even then you may adult baby i get that adults tons of responsibility if it sucks and you want to be a baby and just you take the care of i get it teen baby what's your life really like that's so hard no travis as a teenager that you're like if only i could regress eight years think back to high school high school is a high school middle school especially but high schools at some extent the worst part of your entire life the absolute worst part i feel like the reason that not all teenagers are teen

babies is because they don't know that that's an option and honestly i would say that if you if you are charismatic enough you could probably pull off teen baby and be one of the most popular kids in school he would be like ah big baby what's up i think you're thinking of teen wolf yeah teen wolf couldn't pull back you're right you guys sorry oh could you tell your new school that you're a werewolf they would want to see some some they're gonna need to see hard proof yeah they're gonna need to see the alarm for us tell us too dangerous now the commitment is two days out of every month you you can't go to school mm-hmm you don't want to see me i get super randy and i'm real good at basketball and i surf on top of my friend's van it's too dangerous you don't want to see this

i have a co-worker who has a language issue he seems to think the phrase okay okay he seems god you are 14 years old okay i can do this i can do this he seems to think the phrase blow my load means the same as the phrase blow my top he uses it frequently to describe when he feels angry needless to say we all find this hilarious but i don't want him to hurt his career through the use of this phrase should i ruin this beautiful situation by telling him or keeping a secret until he gets old that's from amused in new orleans is it possible that your co-worker just finds really random shit erotic yeah i swear to god if the boss tells me to finish our report sooner one more time i'm gonna blow my load he just like he just kind of wants the

printer to act up you know he kind of just wants to you know forget his lunch at home if you don't get back in here and make a pot of coffee after you finish it i'm gonna blow my load all over all over the place i don't have anybody like this in my life you understand you understand that this person is a unicorn and this thing doesn't really happen it only happens in american pie movies why the fuck why the fuck would you ruin it by telling them yeah you're you are currently working with a mid 90s snl rob schneider character and you need to just you need to just keep keep that keep that roll rolling you know keep it keep it going i'm i'm also willing to bet that if you even like voice a concern about telling him you will be sworn to by like 30 different people have

been like no you can't Todd you can't tell him this is all i've got Todd my my family life is shit think about this amused in new orleans if some other crankster had come along and fix this before you got to it we would never have heard of it think about that for a second that's true and it wouldn't have brought joy to my life also think about the fact that if you talk to this guy that's gonna be the indigenous book of world records for the shittiest conversation ever because it's gonna go hey Todd that thing you've been saying it means coming and then he he's gonna fall to his knees and he's gonna he's gonna lash himself here's the thing if you tell him if you're the guy who tells him you are immediately responsible for every single time

he has said that and you have not corrected him oh great point jesson because he's gonna sit there and think well i said it to you i've said it to you like when the boss's niece was around and you didn't say shit you just let me cue saying it what's the matter with oh hey by the way it means coming it does mean coming sir if everybody doesn't know yeah why is garfield so funny but not a period but not in any way that his creator can harness why why is everyone else able to make garfield funny but somehow the ability to elude it escapes jim davis daily seven times this motherfucker can't get the funniest strip correct he cannot he is unable to see what he has made and and use it for good it's one of those things where garfield minus garfield is like some

of the funniest shit around but if he had just drawn that strip it it would have been fucking mind-blowingly terrible ultimately the comedy that we find in it is a direct result of jim davis's impotence right this is an ability right exactly if he were more competent as an artist or creator then we wouldn't be but see like okay you look at garfield minus garfield or really any sort of deconstructionist garfield rap that we have done right it if jim davis had the artistic ability to really to to kill his little darlings to to have the sort of foresight that that scalpel that artistic scalpel to cut away the in essentials of his comedy he could be one of the great ones excuse me bill waterson he could be he could be the greatest comic artist of all time but he is

unable he cannot see beyond but in a way in a way though isn't that his legacy this is what i'm saying it's intentional i'm saying that garfield people wouldn't be talking about garfield wouldn't be as relevant as it is today which is to say incredibly relevant sure yeah if it was if it was just like if it was the funniest thing ever if it was mad tv you know wait excuse me that's a whole different rabbit hole i don't want to go down right if it was if it was the funniest thing ever a la mad tv then people wouldn't be talking about it because there would be nothing to say except did you see the latest garfield and people would say yes and said i laughed so hard that i forgot to feed my kids i would hate to be the weird magician that came up with the frosty

stuff and then try to explain to people why i don't know what good excuse like first you have to open like the first line of your explanation has to be well not for sex listen i want to be clear on one thing this should be self evidence this this thing's made out of snow and coal there is no that's a weird sex thing i was lonely and was i open minded yes i was what he has to really explain friendship maybe what he has to explain away is why make this sentient living thing with the heart and soul of a kind human being out of the most like fleeting substance that there is i made this hat that you put on a fart and it turns into a person oh what was i thinking it was a rich my first shot at this was frosty the sort of homunculus i made out of wet sand

right on the edge of the beach right at about like 430 right before hi-tide came in have you ever noticed how from 10 a.m to 4 p.m every single day you just hear a creature screaming a sandy sandy scream in terror that's my bad that's what i'm gonna get it right mark my words just move him up the beach you say that's not a bad idea but then the pelicans can get at him i'll workshop it but but is it even sadder if you think about he puts this hat on he knows like nothing it's his birthday you know by the by the way a top hat not even a sun hat to protect him from the rain whatsoever and and he's just this happy go lucky young man and yet for some reason there's two things he knows he knows how to love and that he will soon be dead he's learning everything else on

his own and yet there is one inherent piece of information in his head oh by the way if it heats up above say about 32 i'm out of here yeah say you're basically saying he's the epitome of tim macaws live like you were dying yes he was specifically created to know only one thing and that he didn't have long to go live like you were melting i told some kids in the neighborhood about how it's gonna die i tried to try to go skydiving but i just kind of fell apart because made of snow can't if if a parachute whipped me back it would probably rip me in half please don't throw my chest bones at a kid i'm gonna see poor man him frosty doesn't have bones i don't think i think he was saying his bones are made of snow and then you turn those into snowballs and he

hits every with it right how is he ambulatory if inside his snow flesh is not a nice skeleton i assume it was like various sacks of water and air it's like squishing and refilling much like an octopus or something along those lines had did you go see frosty yeah i tried to stand next to him the sound of his body moving maybe nothing to do with magic it was just like it was genetics sort of genetically made a half that when you put it on like that was the only response system this is gonna sound weird but could you put your could you put your mouth on my armpit and blow my air sac seems to be plated i want to wave goodbye to you kids watch too late watch out for my venomous prongs i have all i have all those to keep the dogs away all the traffic cop hollard

stop so i inked all over him goodbye i'm nature's greatest monster i want to tell you about our last advertiser extremestraints.com uh it is a it is a diverse retailer all right all right with a variety of goods that seem to have no discernible theme nope it's a general store then you would say it's something of a general store uh here's an attachment you can put on a drill that it seems to be a soft rubber tip perhaps to protect you from drilling things accidentally what happens are you jamming a drill and then you turn it on and you say whoops that's not i didn't mean to drill this this chair how does that how do you get into this predicament in the first place you trip you trip you get excited because you're about to drill something so you

start drilling and then you fall or trip okay i'm looking at one thing here and it looks like have you ever like been carrying a candle around i thought like i just takes up a whole hand and i need two hands to do some things it looks like here they have a belt that you can wear that you can hold the candle on the belt and then you have two free hands i think impressive i think i understand um you know sometimes you're uh at home you just got back from the grocery store and you pull you get out the keel bosses that you bought at the grocery store and you think man i these sure looked bigger at the grocery store and then you get them out and you find them unsatisfyingly small and you think these aren't gonna keep me these are gonna filming up um they have a special

i'll call it a peripheral and it is a pump and you put the keel boss inside it and if you and then all of a sudden your keel boss uh the keel boss that you bought for eating is bigger have have you ever said something you didn't mean to someone and you think ah me and my big mouth when am i gonna learn to keep my what am i gonna learn to keep my big mouth shut well what if i could what if what if you could put a ball in there all the time that you can't take out at all maybe a big maybe you put a whole leather mask in front of your face it looks like a dog and you never and it's very funny because you know it's a great gag gift because everyone's always walking dogs but nobody ever puts the leash on a person you know what else you want extreme restraints

you know what else makes a great gag gift yeah a gag oh good what about goofs and goofs and goofs can this be the rest of the episode please have you ever have you ever been at home and it's real hot so you're obviously you're not wearing any pants or underpants and so you're sitting there and um i don't want to get blue but let's say your privates are out but all of a sudden there's a bunch of wild dogs get in the room and you're afraid that you'll be bitten uh on your privates well there's a special cage that you can put around it to keep wild animals away from the thing that you have down there whatever it may be but i think extreme restraints is looking out for your safety hey it's a safety cage like a shark with shark divers use uh you know how sometimes

when you turn into a werewolf people chain you up in the basement uh-huh well what if only your privates turn into a werewolf have you thought about that underserved uh portion of the population if you're the captain of a pirate ship okay go on i'm following so far how you need something to with which to punish the the the shipmates who act up and we're really uh you can't go to target and buy a cat of nine tails you know what i mean sure yeah go on this is a whip specifically for non-sexual punishment i can't stress this enough imagine this that you're trying to get to work right but you're late and you need to take the carpool lane but you're by yourself and you got no one to carpool with you well then you're reaching the trunk and you inflate yourself a

friend and you call them into your passenger seat carpool buddy that's at extremestraints.com you ever look at really skiing cucumber thought i bet i could juice that extremestraints.com has got you covered head honcho man chronic constipation is a problem that a lot of people run to nowadays maybe you want to buy maybe you don't want to go to the ballgreens and buy a douche and maybe you want to buy a special douche one that can get real deep in there you know chronic diarrhea is a problem it'd be easier to just plug it up nothing nothing nothing coming into everything oh my god you know swings are great for the kids what about adults but don't you miss the fun of of soaring through the air and out of care

in the world while extremestraints as you cover with a fun swing to swing on sure chat griff did you have another question one last one to send us off on yeah i could i could do that for you this finally i hate the wolf but let's do it it was sent in by nolan hitchcock thank you nolan it's by yahoo answers user jessica who asks is it bad to give my six year old baby a little french onion dip just a macaroy i'm gripping macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported mugs shirts stickers patches tanks and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfunstore.com hey you already love the podcasts

so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch maxfunstore.com because if you have to wear a shirt it should be one of ours