My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 417: DVDs For The People

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

We're settling into the smoky, comfortable embrace of the authorial lifestyle, which means this show's about to get a LOT more distinguished. Smear some of your fanciest cheese on your most exquisite bread, and let's get erudite together. Suggested talking points: Fancy Author Chat, A Twice-Lost Wallet, The Ross Archetype, 10 Straight Hours of Zydeco, The Slowest Imaginable Fast Food, The Hollywood Seal of Approval

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everyone, and welcome to a much more distinguished, my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Salutations. I am your middlest brother. Travis McElroy, now let me sip this tea.

Kind of warmest greetings in regards. I'm Professor Griffin McElroy. Professor. And my voice sounds different, not because I'm sick, but because I'm distinguished and talking to you through a mahogany pipe full of rich and sweet tobacco. We are, of course, a little different, because now we are, how you say, authors. We've been on a book tour, as they say, in the biz. We've gone through the change that happens once you have published. It's called Poverty. Poverty? Because we've been published.

Good. Thank you very much. And now we are, now that you have seen, we are number one New York Times best-selling authors on the paper book list. They make you mention that. And some people will say, yeah, a lot of people would say paperback, but when you're a number one author, they let you say it incorrectly. So you have to forgive Justin for his confusion. Language. We've had nothing to eat for the past 12 days, but fresh baguettes and the lack of vitamins is really starting to get just cappuccinos and fresh baguettes.

Cappuccinos and fresh baguettes. So many cappuccinos. Some people have said, so you're a best-selling author now, I have to tell them, anyone on the list is a best-seller. I am the number one best-selling author of a book my dad mostly wrote. And they leave before my sentence is even finished. I went to college for five years because I got a D in Spanish. Anybody could be a New York Times best-selling author. I mean, fucking literally anybody could just let their dad write most of a book.

Yeah, get a really talented artist to do a lot of pictures. A really talented artist to do the heavy lifting. So nobody notices it's a version of your podcast that you did about that. That they've already heard. That they've already heard in the day. Oh my god. Those baguettes taste the same either way, don't they? I am, it's fine to be on the New York Times best-selling list for paperbacks. That's fine. But I didn't write 15% of this book for the money because when you split it five ways,

there isn't a lot. But the other thing is, I didn't write this book for money. I wrote it for a claim. I want to be on the list of, is there one that's like fanciest books, like our favorite books for this fanciest time? Best-selling book. Yeah, I'll say this about the book. It's got a lot of great jokes, great story, very cool art, some real badass fights. The smell is unremarkable. The smell, there's no sort of leathery notes, no smells of rich tobacco, like this very fine pipe I've been smoking for a while, which again explains the voice. And yeah, I suggested to the publisher that we get some sort of scent spray, some sort of body spray that we could sort of get on the books, but they said it

would be a big soggy mess. Man, I sound fucking terrible, huh? I think you sound great. No, I sound like a fucking human didgeridoo. I wrote 15% of a book that mostly my daddy wrote because I'm hoping it opens some doors for me, specifically the door to the 33 Club at Disney Amps. That's really why I wrote, I spent two years sort of working on this book, just because I want to go to the 33 Club in Disneyland. It is literally the only thing that I want in my life. I have one life, I have two life goals. One, get season three of Pete and Pete out on DVD to get into the 33 Club. My whole thing was that I just wanted to get the New York Times. This is great. We also placed number seven on the USA Today list. And that was where

I really wanted to land was above Dan Brown. And we did that by one spot with a bullet. He was number eight. And so it allowed me to finally say out loud, eat my ass, Dan Brown, huff my shorts, Dan Brown. I did it. Here's a DaVinci code for you. I beat your book. Dan Brown had to accept it. Yeah, you got nothing to do about it. Here's a DaVinci code for you. Up, up, down, down, down, B, A, eat my ass. I beat you. There's nothing you can do about it. Hey, Dan Brown, solve my dick. Hey, solve my dick. Tom Hanks is mine now. Katharine Sadie Jones is mine now. Mine. Hey, Stevie King, we just booked the Outsider. Sure, it's been out for a few months now and a lot of people have bought it already. But hey, so we're going to be fucking insufferable for a little

bit. I promise you that the shine is going to come off the Apple event too late. I will say, I have noticed that there are some books on that bestseller list or it's like weeks on the list, like 48, 72. I don't, I expect to be off it by next week. No, there's no question in my mind. We are off that motherfucker. Bye, next week. No, there is no conceivable reality that the world has not right in itself. Like everywhere, the sound you heard like last Tuesday was a bunch of glasses being pushed up Moses. Like, no, how could they please everyone buy, buy regular books. Yeah. By next week, you'll just hear a loud slide whistle as we slide back down to the bottom and have a go. Oh, thank God. A loud academic sigh of relief. It's great. I got really nervous for

a second when you said that juice because I have done a lot of press since the big announcement where I called our book, the Titanic of books because I thought it was going to stay. But now I realize that can still be true in a way, but just referring to a different sort of Titanic, the real one. Oh, boy, we should get going. I think I've got probably about 45 minutes of voice juice in me. Delicious voice juice. Not gross at all. That's what it says on the label. Let's all take a sip of voice juice and enjoy out, kidding aside. Thank you for buying if you're listening. It's unfucking believable. Like y'all have come out and supported us in the past, but this is obviously new echelon. Can I be honest? This gesture in particular feels like

less a supportive move for us and more of a prank on Earth. It feels like you're trolling Earth, which is great. No complaints here. Here we go. Let's help Earth. On a break from work today, while cycling down a fairly well traveled road, I found a wallet. Brothers, this wallet was stacked. Trying to do the right thing. I picked up the wallet. I found an ID therein and immediately sent the owner a message on Facebook so that I could return the seriously comically overpacked wallet. They really want to reinforce this is a thick wallet. Here's the thing. Upon turning to work, I discovered that I, too, had lost the wallet. Oh my God. No. Come on. Oh no. I traced back over my bike route to no avail. The owner hasn't yet responded to my message, but

brothers, what do I do when he does? Oh my God. Holy fucking shit. That's from a properly panicking in Portland. That's the worst. This is top five. I've never heard about top five. This is the end. That's the worst thing I've ever heard in my entire life. It's the worst imaginable situation. That's the worst thing. There is no way for you to respond when this person responds to you without sounding like you've decided to keep the wallet. There is no way. Um, wow, fuck. All right. Let's, all right. Now we've, we've indulged ourselves in this panic. Sometimes it feels good to sort of be part of the panic, but now let's see if we can't help them dig out. Um, the truth ain't gonna cut it. Truth will not set you free. Truth will put you jail,

actually, this one. Um, so. Because truth will sound like a lie? Yeah. Here's, now you had some time with that wallet and it is important that you start right now. You should have started immediately as soon as you realized that you forgot. Start sort of writing down everything you know about the wallet. I'm talking about get a fucking professional sketch artist in there and you start describing everything about the wallet, color, uh, uh, make material, model, uh, monogram, maybe, contents, cards, uh, library, credit, identification. How stacked was it? How stacked was it? And when you say that, are you talking about money or are you saying like it had like a sexy bod? I'm not entirely sure, but you need to start putting all this together. You have,

I would estimate, it depends on when you sent this in, but I would say about 48 hours to completely recreate this wallet. You're going to have some trouble in the identification department. You have some trouble in the credit card department. This will be the first sort of white hat credit card fraud I've ever heard of in my entire life. But that's the, that's literally, that's it. That is all like you're going to need a forger. You're going to need an architect. You're going to need to inception the fuck out of this situation because you are in way too deep. There's also a possibility that this wallet is, uh, cursed and maybe like once it gets a certain distance away from its permanent location, it just like, Disapparates and returns there. Oh my God. You

know what I mean? Like this wallet can't leave where you found it because that's where that wallet was murdered in a gruesome fashion over 50 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. My wallet, you found my, it's got tickets to the red legs game. It's, I lost that wallet 50 years ago. The Washington Sentinels were, et cetera, et cetera. If you don't share this podcast episode 10 times in the next 10 minutes, then the wallet curse is going to spread to your wallet. Yeah. It happened to my dad. What's in your wallet? A ghost. Yeah. I, oh man, I've been trying to cook up some like, I was going to swoop in with something practical. There's fucking literally nothing you can do. But you know what's so wild about it is that

the person, this person, okay, person one lost the wallet, person two found the wallet, then they lost it. Person one, when they find out about this latest development is going to be very, very frustrated by our question asker here and they'll have literally no cause to ethically speaking. Like they're not worse off than they were before this person tried to do a nice thing. You're just being punished by the universe for trying to help somebody. It's unfathomable. If nothing else, I will actually say that person who lost the wallet originally is better off because at least now they have a question asker can say, when I last saw it, there was still money in it. So you still have hope. Yeah. Did you take a

picture of yourself with the wallet in today's newspaper? Just to let them know that it is doing okay. But maybe your early edition and you stole the wallet money yesterday. Think about it. I'm flipping on this a little bit. I think you messaged them and say like, ah, shit, I lost it too. And if they say, what the fuck, you say, you don't really have a leg to stand on, you are also a wallet loser. So you know how it feels. Like, you know, I feel bad right now because you feel bad because you also lost the wallet. I just did the same thing you did. Maybe there are other people out there who have lost this wallet and we can find each other and like just console each other and maybe form some sort of like sisterhood of the traveling

pants club, you know, friendhood of the lost wallets. Sure. Is that clear? Yeah. How about it? I mean, you broke up very badly in Skype. I don't know if that happened for juice too. Yeah, I did. But I'm just going to, you know what, I'm just going to agree with whatever Travis just said. It's a real roll the dice moment. If I want to do it, whatever you said, Travis, absolutely. It was good. I stand by it. I just said that you broke up in Skype. We're not using Skype right now because it updated all of us to the new version without our consent. And we don't usually like sort of complain about tech stuff on here. We're not, you know, reply all, but that's not really what they do on the show. They just complain about

their Skype calls. Yeah. It is the worst. I don't know if anybody from Microsoft listens to the show. It is the worst I've ever seen an application be tweaked. We literally could not use it. Like we couldn't use it because it wouldn't do the call good. Like it would not only do the call good, it wouldn't do the call. It's the worst. It's fucking so bad. This is for nobody. Maybe we need to do a reply all crossover where we just like, please fix Skype. Please, don't fix Skype. Just go back to destroy it. Original Skype wasn't even that great, but we could at least use it to record our podcast three times a week. Anyway, here's a Yahoo that was sent in by so many people. Thank you. It's by Yahoo Answers user

Donald. He looks so cool. He's wearing like shiny, like reflective sunglasses and just a nice strong face says in the TV show friends. Uh huh. What was the point of Ross? Okay. He was Sue cringe and had stupid hair. Now that seems mean. I wish I hadn't seen the last part of it. He did not have stupid hair. Yeah. I also just like to spies the word cringe and how it's used on the internet, but it brings up a good point. What was the point of Ross? What was Ross's whole point? Like, what was the point of him? Well, he was the every man Griffin. Well, he was the, he was the surrogate. Well, see, we, we look at the Joey, your quintessential, the Joey and the Joey is there. He's charming, but perhaps a little bit. I would say not the sharpest,

you know, sharpest spoon. Yeah, sort of a goof, but with like a lot of sort of raw, just potent sexual energy in, I suppose Ross is a foil to that. Yes. And maybe Joey's sexual energy is at times, uh, terrible. Yeah. And he's a terrible person. He loved to eat sandwiches. And I don't think we ever saw him eat even one sandwich. Well, and with your chandlers, chandlers tend to make the jokes. He would say things that I sometimes think he didn't actually believe. What? Yeah. It's just a cool thing. And then he fell in love with Monica. Um, and Ross never fell in love. So there's another sort of difference between him and the other boys. Now your monikas are very driven. Monica has a lot of drive. Yeah. Uh, very clean. Obviously

organized falls in love with Chandler, which is something that her, I guess, brother Ross never does. Correct. My daughter was actually, I'm not done. Okay. You gotta let try. You gotta let Travis finish just now. You're Phoebe's. They're a bit of a free spirit, Griffin. Can't tie them down. Ross, I would say is the, is not, is the, is not a free spear. Whatever you got is a completely in, uh, captured spirit. Now you're Rachel's. This is where it gets a little tricky. They have great hair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reductionist. Ross tried to love Rachel. Didn't he? Yeah. But she didn't do it back because he was such a goober and he had,

he had the monkey and was very cringe. Now the monkey Marcel, your Marcel's, they are the greatest of us. Yeah. Sure. They are truly the best part played by Crystal, who I recently met. It's true. So what's Ross's fucking deal then? My daughter was born under the Monica sign and it's been a real struggle raising her because she's had a bob since she was, uh, like about 18 months and she's been organizing our home, uh, for, uh, the better part of her life. Uh, and we've had to grow to accept it. You know, that's, that's who she is as a person. That's her sign. Uh, Travis, real quick, can you do Stinky the cat before you wrap up? Because I hear a lot about that character. So there's, this is the only true

redeemable character I would say out of the entire show because here's the thing, friends doesn't super hold up super good in regards to like, uh, gay panic and transphobia and fat phobia and all of those things. But the cat that smells bad classic continues to be, I would say, uh, the greatest, maybe, um, character because you know, you remember all the dream sequences where the, um, the cat with the bad smell would appear and like discuss the day's events with one or more of the friends and be like, so what do you think you learned today? And like that was really where I think the heart of the show rested. And then of course there's the classic episode, I think it was their hundredth episode where the monkey and the smelly cat

battled. Yeah, yeah. Um, and I really think the show sucked after that. Yeah, it sucks. What I'm struggling with is, uh, I believe it was, uh, James Lipton theorized that there were something like eight sort of archetypes that every sort of literary work must fill. And there's, uh, the one who eats a sandwich, which is Joey, uh, the one who loves Monica in this one, it's Chandler, uh, Monica is one of them. Um, fun, flirty, free spirit with the smelly cat song, uh, is obviously Phoebe. And then sort of the cool one, I think is Rachel. Okay, there it is. Yes. There is no dinosaur expert. Like it's, what, he seems completely, he's a skin tag. Cut him off. We need five friends. I read in the TV guide that for the first four seasons, they didn't pay David

Swimmer to be there. Oh, wow. Yeah. He just, he kept showing up and like at first in there, in the, if you watch the first episode, he only has one line. Yeah. And the audience just liked his energy so much that the next episode, they gave him two lines. Yeah. And then the next episode, they give him four lines. And by the end of the series, he had six million lines per episode. Yep. It's originally supposed to be Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, Gunther. And Gunther was supposed to be sixth friend. And his whole thing, he was the one who had all the swords. Yeah. But the audience just hated him. The audience hated him. And they wanted him to be sort of the, a recipient of constant un, unearned scorn from the other six friends.

I hate this show. Ross is half dinosaur. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. He knew a lot about him and everyone wondered why. And it was one of the longest running mysteries in TV history is why Ross knew so much about dinosaurs. And then on the last episode, they, they revealed it's cause he's a, he's half dinosaur the whole time. And you know what, actually I, I don't want to brag, but if you watch true, I knew with that, I knew that was going to be it because you could find little clues like that scene where he comes back to Rachel and he's standing in the door and it's raining, you know, and you can see his tail waving around behind him. Yeah. Or the scene where he cuts Tom Selleck's belly open with his razor sharp talent,

just completely out from, from neck to navel, just really cracks him, cracks him wide open. And then he spits venom on Chandler and Chandler's like, I like this. Could I be anymore blind? Yes. I just hate Ross. So it would be better if Ross didn't. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Just every time I watch it, I'd be like, could you not? What if, okay, I would like to pitch a reboot of friends and you take all the same footage from the original series, but anytime Ross is on screen, you replace it with David Schwimmer now responding like, hey, that's a terrible thing to say. Or like, how do we afford these apartments? That's good. I want to redo it as a Mecca anime. And so they all have sort of different Meccas that

lock together Voltron style. So like Joey's like a tiger who's the left leg. Chandler's like a lion who's the right leg. Phoebe's like an ostrich who's the torso. And well, she knows, sorry, should be smelly cat, which is like torso and head. And then Monica and Rachel. You mean the butt? Well, the butt is part of the torso, Jessica. Keep up. Okay. Yeah. And then Monica and Rachel would be the two arms. And then Ross would come in also as a leg. And he'd be like, can I, hey guys, let me snap in. And they're like, we're good. They only need five of us. We've made the whole robot already, Ross. You have no point. Now sweep up, Ross. Clean up our Mecca leavings. How about another question? How would you guys feel about that?

That's good. I feel bad for dunking on Schwimmer like that. Schwimmer's cool as hell. I have no beef with Schwimmer. Schwimmer is just trying to make his nut. He's great on homecoming from Gimlet Media. How about a question? Yeah, man. I've been looking for the email for 30 seconds. Just give me a grip. Fucking ran my mouth a bunch of blabber. This bunch of blah, blah, blah, trying to find the email. Last time I started, I lost it. I searched for wallet and then I found it again. One of my neighbors stopped by today to say she's having a big birthday party on the weekend. She told me there'll be a lot of guests coming. So they'll probably make a lot of noise from the sheer volume of people from music. Plus, her

guests might park all on the street. She told me that the expected start and end times this party gave me her cell phone number, told me the text if there are any major issues, and then left. Is it weird? She gave me all this information, but didn't invite me to the party or am I weird for thinking it's weird when she was maybe just trying to be considerate? What's the right way to respond to someone knocking on your door to tell you you're not invited to their birthday? That's from potential party crasher in Coquitlam? I don't think this is a thing, right? I've gotten this dropped by a few times in my life where they just let me know, hey, it's going to get loud and rowdy without extending the invitation.

Maybe this is wrongheaded of me, but I don't know that I would be eager to go to this party where I wouldn't know anybody except for or possibly including my neighbor. Yeah, it's basically like this person has just said, hey, Justin, I'm going to have an area of earth that would be poisonous to you in your natural state, and I'm giving you permission to not put your physical mass into this poisonous area. I will also say it is nice of you to attribute this to them being considerate, but really, if this is them saying, please do not call the cops on us. Yeah, sure. The one thing I will say, though, is it will be so nice to get an invite to a next door party. That's what I'm thinking about right now. I think I probably would go. It's right there.

I can go mess up their house, and if I need to poop, I just go back home. This is the great party. Actually, I'm now mad because you could go there. You could eat all their chips, eat all their cool rancoritos, eat all their sea salt and vinegar pringles. Oh, yeah. See what they're watching on TV. What are they watching on TV? Maybe set up a couple webcams in their bedroom, and then you go. Hold on. I misspoke. I misspoke. I said, I meant to say, eat some sweet chili doritos, and then you go back to your house. If you get tired, and here's the wild thing. If you decide you want to do more party later, it sounds like this motherfucker is going to be rocking and rolliging all night long. Just go back over if you want some more party. This is great.

I got this dropped by an old house I lived at here in Austin. It's actually from a neighbor, a couple doors down, maybe even three doors down. It came by just to give us a heads up, like, hey, we have this party every year. It's like a big crawfish boil, and it's all day, and so it's going to get a little bit loud. Just want to give you the heads up. I was very forgiving. I was like, oh, that's totally fine. Thank you for the warning. I appreciate it. I hope everything goes well. Then day of about 400 people, I would say, just estimating based on the number of cars that appeared on the street showed up, and they did the boil. I would say from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. It was just nonstop live zydeco, like nonstop live zydeco. That's a lot of zydeco. Yeah,

with some real fucking 12 foot high Marshall stacks just blasting that zydeco into my teeth, into my fillings, just shattering all the toilets in my house because of how loud and powerful the zydeco was. I remember thinking, I don't think I gave permission for this. Like we're talking about 10 hours of straight zydeco. I feel like maybe it was undersold a little bit. Yeah, I think that if the word, if zydeco is going to play a part, that is such a specific thing that you have been misled if they don't specifically say, yes, zydeco, it's happening. It's beautiful music, beautiful music. Loud 10 hours of it is not my favorite way to enjoy zydeco. I would say loud 10 hours of anything. There's some 90 songs I enjoy very,

very much, but if you played lit my own worst enemy on a loop for 10 hours, I'd probably burn your house down. If you came over and said, hey, we're having a party over, 400 people are going to show up, we're going to play nothing but nonstop billion decibel covers of zydeco style versions of lit my own worst enemy. Lit my own worst enemy as if it was covered by an authentic New Orleans zydeco band. I would say, well, that's clearly not good. I would say I really wish you wouldn't do that. There's nothing I can do about it because I'm not going to fucking call the cops on you, but please, please, please don't. Let's take a quick break. We'll go over to the money zone, get some cash, and then come back to the comedy after that. What do you think?

Follow me. Get in my pocket. My shirt pocket. I'm shrinking you down. This is the power of audio, folks. I'm shrinking you down. Oh, man, I found a toy car in here. I'm going to get inside. Someone's activating the toy car in my wallet. I'm going to drive out of here. You guys have noticed that toy cars, whenever somebody shrinks down in a movie and there's a toy car in it, it's always got working gas and brake pedals. Why the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? Like in Stuart Little, right? This motherfucker climbs into a car and he drives it, a matchbox car, and he drives it. What the fuck? How? Why would it? What sort of like bizarro serial killer toy maker is putting like working gas and brake pedals in his tiny cars

for mice? It's nonsense. Yeah, Justin, thank you for finally finding the one plot hole in Stuart Little, the movie about a talking mouse. Come at me, Josh, or was it in my Shyamalan? I mean, could anybody actually hear the mouse? Oh my god, you're right. Yeah, I'm on some Rugrats shit. We have to go to the money zone. I'm there. This is it. This is it. Today's sponsor is the DVD release on Stuart Little. I'm going to get us into the monies again. Here comes our second transition into the money zone. I'm going to tell you about Bullen Branch. Yes. Okay. Bullen Branch, changing the game every day. You know, Lennon's, you don't. Sorry, I didn't mean to get so aggressive there, but Bullen Branch, it's getting a good night's sleep is easier and more

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Go to bullenbranch.com today for $50 off your first set of sheets. That's B-O-L-L and branch.com promo code mybrother. All one word, bullenbranch.com promo code mybrother. You know what feels good? I lived my entire life not really caring about what I put on my human body because I was, I don't know, I didn't give a shit or I didn't know and I didn't want to put it in the work, whatever the reason. I went through most of my life just putting whatever on my body. Then we started getting advertisements from Stitch Fix and they started sending me boxes of clothes for me to wear. And it is so nice to, almost every time I dress in Stitch Fix clothing, I will get a compliment from somebody. It's like, hey, I love your shirt. Those are cool shoes

or your pants are good. And I'll say thank you. It's Stitch Fix and it's almost become a joke at this point. When we do a show, if we look nice, it's probably all stuff from Stitch Fix that we are all wearing. And it is a wonderful service. We run through our like jacket, yeah, shirt, okay pants. You have ever seen a picture of me and thought that's a nice shirt. That's from Stitch Fix. You give them your sizes, your favorite styles and your budget and the personal stylist will select five brand new clothing items just for you. And then they show up in a box. You try on everything and the stuff that you love, you keep, the stuff that

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they had already knew that she had had the baby and they started delivering clothes that were like sort of post maternity like where it's wild and there it's a wonderful service. So Stitch Fix.com slash my brother is where you can get started right now. If you keep all five items you receive, you'll get 25% off your entire purchase at StitchFix.com slash my brother. I just want to say as we're moving into the summer months, Stitch Fix has sent me a lot of shorts lately and they've all been good. I've never known how to buy shorts for myself. I have rid myself of all cargo shorts I've owned. That's it. They're gone. It's just nice Stitch Fix shorts now. It's the greatest thing anybody's ever done for me. And the greatest thing that anybody's

ever done for Jason is to send this Jumbotron message over our airwaves. The person who sent it is it's Claire is for Jason and Claire says to our Dungeon Master, our best friend and our giant phase spider, Jason, thank you for creating an excellent world for us to run around in and letting us adopt literally every adorable NPC you give us. We love telling these stories with you. Love, claw, cookie, thunder, Brielle and Anders, the Knights of the Armored Pig. I think this isn't real. I think this is like a fiction. I think it's like a fantastical world sort of like. Yeah, I think somebody's like using our podcast like send a message like an alt reality ARG fantastical world. So they're not really knights? They might be. They might be.

That part might be real. But this person being big spider, I mean, how would they even drive a car? I guess at that point. Well, if you designed the car specifically for a spider. Sure. I mean four brake pedals, four gas pedals. There's no denying that, Trav. This next message is for Samboat, aka Healy Boy. I think you just did aka, aka. I think I did, aka, aka, aka. They got away for me because I got distracted. And it's from Ray Ray, aka the shutting roommate. I don't. Maybe that's like Ray Ray's wrestling. Like, oh, it's the shutting roommate. Okay, thank you for being the best friend and fellow Mackle fan. This garbage boy could ask for. It freaks my bean how positive you are 24 seven. And it's helped me survive some of the toughest

times of my life. We won't be roomies anymore after this year. But you'll always be my fourth brother from another mother, my Lin Manuel, you might say. Happy birthday. Well, this one April 21. So we fucked that up. Hopefully you're still a Mackle fan, as you said. Got a message for Josh. One last Jumbotron here is from Jeremy. It says, Hey, sorry, I was such a shitty, middleist brother while we were kids. You were and are an awesome sweet baby brother. Good job putting that master's degree in math to work with that teaching gig. P.S. Thanks for coming all the way to Canterbury just to play in my D&D game. Well, that's very nice. It sounds like you all have a lovely relationship that's evolved over the

years. And it's good to hear. Good to say. Jealous. Jealous. Nice. We're stagnant. Griffin, what do you mean jealous? Well, we're not allowed to evolve since we started the show. So like, we're all kind of Rosses now. Now we are all become Ross. I have a friend who like meets up with his family every year. And all they do is just like sit around in nature and, you know, talk for hours and learn and grow. And it's like, that would ruin this whole thing. We can't have a conversation and we don't record. Yeah, that's all that. I'll just leave it at that. We can't finish. Imagine. Okay. It's the saying of things like we can't finish that is like the proof is in the gross. Some people wouldn't even say that to their brothers. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?

Hi, there. I'm film critic April Wolfe and host of the Maximum Fun podcast, Switchblade Sisters. Do you love genre films? Do you love female filmmakers? Do you love discussions on craft? If your answer is yes, you'll love Switchblade Sisters. Every episode, I invite one female filmmaker on and we talk in depth about their fave genre film and how it influenced their own work. So we're talking horror, action, sci fi, fantasy, bizarro and exploitation cinema. Mothers lock up your sons because the Switchblade Sisters are coming for you available at maximumfun.org or wherever you find your podcasts. All right. Continue what you're saying. I forget what I was fucking saying.

All right. It's no fun if I don't get to interrupt something. Well, then you have to let us start. Okay. I'm sorry. Hey, here's a let's wait for a few more. I'll bring it back in in a few minutes. Let's do a question first. Go ahead, Griff. Okay. Here comes a Yahoo. That was eat my shit. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Pantera cover. Oh, shit. That sounds bad. It's getting tender. It's getting gentle. This is the extreme more than words version of...

Oh, now it's getting kind of patriotic. Mm. This is the much one. I want a munch. I want too much. That was the first rap break that we've had in the middle of the munch cut intro. Yeah. So right. So, oh man, this one's good. Chick-fil-A. I don't know, has actually made it too. Thank you to Adam, by the way, for sending this my way. I don't know that Chick-fil-A has made it to the squad before. Well, they mostly do sort of straightforward God food. It's mainly God's food

and chicken and peas. Six days a week. I normally go check out all the local restaurants to find my munch squad source material on Sundays and they are always closed. So that is an issue. Because they're so lazy. Chick-fil-A is testing meal kits at 150 restaurants. Okay. Okay. So here's what I'm saying to you. Yeah. Here's what I'm saying to you. This is going to happen in the Atlanta. Oh, dudes, it's starting August 27th across the Atlanta area. Oh, sure. We will be there for it. It's a totally new concept for the brand. And yeah, we will be right there. They're launching them at 150 restaurants, which are designed for customers. Okay. They're designed for customers to cook their own meals at home with pre-measured ingredients

available for pickup in the drive-through at the front counter or via the Chick-fil-A One app. What are we doing? What I'm saying to you. Are you fucking with me? What I'm saying to you is you buy the ingredients at Chick-fil-A. You say, honey, let's stay in tonight at cook. And your husband says, okay, honey, I'd love that. Let's go to Chick-fil-A. And you said, no, you dumb shit. I said, let's stay home and cook. No, I heard you. I'm going to cut out all the shopping and just get the ingredients at Chick-fil-A. I'm going to cut out both the options and convenience. Yes. It's the worst of both. Imagine Chick-fil-A you have to cook on your own. Can you even fathom it? Chick-fil-A will be the first in the quick service industry

to offer a full meal kit offering and customer feedback on the test will help the restaurant company decide whether to roll out the concept nationwide. So here's what that feedback looks like. Someone comes to the counter. Yes, sir. Yes. Hello. Excuse me. I got the meal kit from Chick-fil-A. Uh-huh. Yes, sir. What did you think? Well, it was a dumb thing of me to do, but to blame you have fulfilled your end of the bargain. I did a dumb thing if you think about it. I felt depressed in myself and sad about my own self. And that's not really feedback on your product. There you go. I have no complaints about you, but you have made me realize something about myself that I am disappointed in. So thank you. Uh, the test that, so they've got five meal kit recipes.

Uh, nationwide, you can express your interest in trying the kits by filling out an online form. So, um, if you do this, it should have a pop-up that's like, get a hobby. Yeah, what are you? It's something. This is a form that's like, bring these meal kits to my fucking place. This is amazing. Can I tell you the most bonkers thing? I'm looking at these five recipes. None of them are chicken sandwich or chicken nuggets or waffle fries. Yeah, but Travis, you could get that. That would be truly mad. Hi, Chick-fil-A. I'm going to cook, I'm going to out Chick-fil-A, Chick-fil-A at my own home. They're not going to give you the ingredients to do that. You're going to have chicken parmesan,

chicken enchiladas, Dijon chicken, pan-roasted chicken, and chicken flatbread. But he's making your own nugs at home really so much weirder than saying, I'm in the mood for chicken enchiladas. Going to drive over to Chick-fil-A and get the individual ingredients. It's so wild. Blue apron I trust to give me a box of like good ingredients that I know where they came from and they will taste good at the end of it. Chick-fil-A is Chick-fil-A though. That's like, I don't know, we haven't established that level of trust Chick-fil-A. Yeah. The problem is that they can't do the chicken sandwiches because there's a lot of complex sort of things that go into making it. You have to brine the chicken and the

pickle juice. The big thing is that you can't really put a homophobia in a meal prep box. They have to do that kind of onsite by putting it in a bag and then hanging it up in front of an old episode of Friends for like a day and you can't really do that at home. There it is. What the fuck are we even doing as a people, as a civilization? I don't have a good, I don't have a good answer for why Chick-fil-A is doing this. It just, and also can I say one other thing, if you don't have a Chick-fil-A in your area, especially one with a drive-thru, Chick-fil-A drives-throughs are absolutely fucking buck wild. I have not seen the one in Huntington near the Barbiesville Mall not extend out the parking lot and down the street in my

entire life. It is always 15 minutes waiting in line to get this Chick-fil-A. So you're going to go to the Chick-fil-A, you're going to wait 15 minutes in line so you can get the ingredients to make Dijon chicken at home. Who would do this? I'm looking through the FAQs here and none of them are why did you do this? Why did you do it? Hey Chick-fil-A, I got a Q that will perhaps become FA, ASAP. Why? W-H-Y, guys. I got a who that was sent in by Mike Eckert. Thanks, Mike. It's yeah, who answers user. Layla asks, am I a hipster if I watch DVDs? Oh, come on. Oh, God. For movies, I buy DVDs instead of Netflix or buying it online or something. I have a huge closet filled with DVDs. I just prefer a DVD over Netflix or digital. Does that make me a hipster? You can't get the

fucking quality, the fucking, the crackles, the snaps and the pops of the film reel spooling through its mechanisms unless you get the authentic DVD of the movie swingers. You can't get the bonus, you don't get those bonus features of John Favreau being all Favreau like on the Netflix version, you don't get the pops of the reels. You gotta be able to feel it. I went to Alamo Draft House, they did a special screening of Go, the follow-up to swingers that nobody seems to remember, and they had a new print, a lost, long lost print on DVD. Oh, it was like I was seeing it the way that the director intended. They do load faster than Blu-rays. If you have a child in the backseat that needs to watch trolls then and not in two minutes, the DVDs do load faster. So there is,

like, I don't want to be that guy. The DVDs do load faster than the Blu-rays, okay? That I will say. I love being able to display my stuff, right? So when people come in they can be like, oh, you have a lot of John Favreau movies and I'll say yes I do because when I have them on my iTunes people can't see them, you know, and they load faster. I just think that DVDs are a little more is a format of the people. You remember when DVDs first came out and everybody was starting to make their own movies? No. No, yes. You remember when the DVDs first came out everybody started making their own movies? Yes, yes. And that was a really kind of a democratizing format for a lot of people because, hold on, let me start over. You remember when VHS came out

and everybody started making their own movies? No. Okay, well, wait, on that format you could put one in your dad's big VCR and you could shoot your own movie, right? Yeah, and that was the brand of it. I believe it was the Mitsubishi dad's VCR. For me, the DVD was Hollywood's way of saying that's ours, you know what I mean? That's Hollywood's way of saying like not everybody can actually make a movie. We're taking this back because your dad doesn't have a DVD camera and if he does, we'll buy it because that's amazing. Okay, your dad was your dad Steven Spielberg? Are you Joni Spielberg, child of Steven? Yes. With your DVD camera? That's got to cost an arm and a leg. Yeah. So, Joseph, I guess I'm confused as to what your point is. Yeah, but VHS is a format

of the people. This is what I'm saying. VHS is a format of the people. What I like about DVDs is it was Hollywood's way of saying not everybody can do this. I missed Kevin Smith. Not everybody can do this, okay? It's not, you can't just decide you're going to make a movie. Give this back to us. You like that about me. I like the artistic voice. The ship has been righted and the auteurs, the auteurs can take the format back. They take movies back from the common man and they say, actually, this isn't like not everybody can make movies. You can't do that anymore. It's ours. It's ours. Okay, so, Justin, what you like about DVDs is how restrictive and exclusive they are. If I bought a VHS, fucking anybody could have made it. If I get a movie

on VHS, like anybody, anybody could have made that film. If I get a movie on DVD, I know that Hollywood... Hollywood made it. It's got the Hollywood seal. It's got that special bit of Hollywood glamour, that little bit of glitter sprinkled over it. Yeah. Travis, you're very confused I could tell. I want to help you walk you through, Justin. Okay, please, yes. Okay. You can't just make a DVD. Thank you. Okay. Thank you, yes. Yes, thank you. I can't just make a DVD. I can't go out there with my friends and shoot a DVD movie. Do you understand now? Okay, I'm so... It's the disc and nobody knows how to put the thing on the disc. And so, but that makes it better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's better because it ups the level of quality.

Because you know Hollywood has had their fingers all over it if you see a DVD. Oh, okay. If I went out to the store, the movie store, and I bought Lost in Space with Matt LeBlanc in it, on VHS, anybody could have made that. Anybody could have made that. It's a VHS, like Dad's Big VCR would play. Matt LeBlanc could have made it. Matt LeBlanc could have made it, yeah. And if I go to the DVD store for movies, and I get the DVD of Lost in Space, it's just going to be the genuine article. It's going to be the real Lost in Space, and there's no doubt about that. That was the first DVD I ever bought, by the way. Was it? Good pickup. Good pickup. Good sound track on that one, too. Second one,

oh yeah, fucking Apollo 440 crushed it. And then the second one I bought was the Time Machine starring fucking Guy Pearce. Guy Pearce. I had a real fucking, had a real preference back then. And now, and this is what I'm saying with Netflix, we're back to anybody could have made it before. Thank you. Because it could just be like, I turn it on YouTube, and I search for the Time Machine. I'm going to find a bunch of like Minecraft videos, and I'm going to find a bunch of like dumb videos that my gameplay walkthrough. Gameplay walkthrough of, you know, Mario is missing, and it's like, it's not the Time Machine. Okay. If you search YouTube for the Time Machine,

the first result is a single button that you click to watch the actual movie, the Time Machine starring Guy Pearce. It's literally the first thing. And then the next four results are clips from the movie, the Time Machine. The first button is like, oh, you wanted to watch the Time Machine with Guy Pearce. We got you. No problem. There's nobody stopping us from putting this entire movie up here. That's an outlier. That's an outlier. The exception proves the rule. I guess. I just want to touch the movie. When I get, when I want to watch swingers, I want to touch swingers. I don't want to just, it's intimate. I touch it. I put it in the machine. I, you know, real quickly put my finger in and out of the little hole just to

make sure there's no dust or cobwebs in there. And if you don't do that, you're going to get gunk all over your DVD player. And that we all still have a standalone DVD player in our house to be all still definitely use. You, you, you, you finger blast and clean it out. You put it in and then you watch the movie. And then you've had like a little bond with the movie. When I load it up on Netflix, I don't get to finger blast. Yeah. There's nothing to finger blast. Here's the thing. When it comes to your digital movies, your Netflix is your iTunes, your what have use. When the shit hits the fan, right? And the end times come, we won't be able to watch this anymore. Right? But if I hold my DVD up to the light in the right way, spinning

around on your finger real fast, right? Get a laser pointer and like I can play it myself. You know what I mean? And like you just don't get that with digital movies. Yeah. What do we do now? I don't know. We usually wrap up here. I think. Okay. No, I think it means I was like a people. No, I did mean us specifically us. Thank you so much for listening to our show. We love you so much. And we appreciate all your support all, all, all the time. I wanted to mention I am trying to get Pete and Pete season three released on DVD. So if you just tweet, set the Pete's free hashtag, set the Pete's free. Just tweeted it Nickelodeon and just let them know sort of they have acknowledged me because they sent me a gif of little Pete sticking his tongue

out. So they're kind of fucking with me. Did they send you any gifts? No, choosy networks choose gifs. Okay. And so I'm very excited that the campaign is building a head of steam. We got a theme song. We've gotten some tweets from both the Pete's in support. So it's really building a lot of momentum. So hashtag set the Pete's free. Let's do this thing. So couple very important announcements along with the important announcements about set the Pete's free. So podcon it's coming again. Do you hear the blues are calling? It's podcon. Because it's in Seattle. What the fuck? Sure. But it's coming again. And it's January 2019. But we need your help because we are funding it and trying to make sure that we have the funds to be able to make it as good, if not better,

than it was last time. If you weren't able to make it to podcon 1.0, it's maybe my favorite convention thing I've ever been to. I made a lot of great friends there and we did a lot of good shows and it was super fun. And we're really excited to be able to do it again. So please consider donating to the campaign to fund podcon. If you go to bit.ly slash McElroy podcon 2, you'll find it there. We're going to be there. Let's see. Go there and look at all the other amazing shows that we've already got on the list and we're hoping to have even more guests and shows. But we need your help to do that. So McElroy, bit.ly slash McElroy podcon 2. Also, I'm going to be at GenCon this weekend and doing a bunch of super fun events that I'm

really looking forward to, including a Munchkin livestream. I'm doing a Hello from the Magic Tavern show and I'm also doing a panel called Open DMs, where I have me and some other GM and DM people to give advice on how to be a DM and to take questions and give you some pointers on upping your game. So if you want to get those tickets ahead of time so that you can come and hang out with us, it's at McElroyshows.com slash tours. All the events are there. Also there are our upcoming book events. We've got some, I'm doing one in Newport, Kentucky on August 11th. Justin and Dad are doing one in Bybersville, West Virginia on August 11th. And Dad and I are doing one in Lexington, Kentucky on August 18th. Those are also, I believe, ticketed events.

You can find those on McElroyshows.com slash tours. And speaking of tours, we have our Orlando and Atlanta shows coming up. So please send in questions for those. If you have been waiting for the time, this is it. Make sure to include in the subject line, you know, Orlando show or Atlanta show and we'll see you there. I want to thank John Rodrick and the Long Winters for your theme song instead of partying off the album. Putting the days to bed. It's so, so, so good. I want to thank Max Fun for having us on the network. You can go to maxfunfund.org. Check out a lot of great free shows there. Shows like Stop Podcasting Yourself and Bubble and Switchblade Sisters and a lot more at maxfunfund.org. And how about that final? Oh wait, real quick. We mentioned

it, but didn't say, so our graphic novel is out. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can get it at theadventureszonecomic.com or like at Barnes & Noble or like I think at a lot of bookstores now. If you haven't gotten it yet, please consider doing so. Sure. Here's that final Yahoo! was sent in by Natalie Raeber. Thanks Natalie. It's from Yahoo! AnswersUserTide. This is the first episode and maybe 300 episodes where all of the names have loaded. So I think maybe I'll probably die today. I think probably a meteor will crash into my house today or something. But Tide asks, is it true that sweat and pee are like cousins? What? He was just a vacheroy. I'm Travis Vacheroy. I'm Griffin Vacheroy. It's been my brother,

my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. You probably know that Max Fun Packcasters are funny in the talking way, but did you know they also are funny in the writing way? We are very excited to announce that John Hodgman and Paula Poundstone wrote books that have been named as semi-finalists for the 2018 Thurber Prize for American Humor. John Hodgman, celebrated fake internet court presider, is the host of Judge John Hodgman and was recognized for his book Vacationland. Paula Poundstone's book is called The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness,

and you can hear her expound on happiness and many other topics on her new podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. The Thurber Prize is one of the highest awards for humor writing in the United States and we are proud to have both these authors on maximum fun every week. Paula Poundstone and John Hodgman, congratulations.