My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 423: Face 2 Face: The Bigfoot Whistle

Episode Date: September 4, 2018

For this one? We're in the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando, FL. We're talking about all the Disney World jumpscares we experienced with our many kids, and then try to summon the Bigfoot into the theater, and it WORKS HOLY CRAP WE GOT THE BIGFOOT.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. And I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin McElroy.

Hello, hello, you must be the city beautiful. Oh, O-Town. O-Town? O-Town. The band, not you, you all cheesy. Are you all O-Town? I'm just saying if O-Town is here, I left them tickets at Will Call. They're a 2,000 person supergroup, O-Town. And they're a militia. Did you know O-Town is a militia now? 90s kids, remember them? You'll never believe where they are now. They're a militia. Oh, they live in the Everglades. So we have spent the last, I feel like, goddamn it, a year at Disney World. Yeah. Okay, it's so, it's so choice. We've been there, I've been there with my many children for two years in a row. Paul, Paul asked me, did you have fun? And I told him, well, I'm a parent.

So it's not so much like having fun as is dying on the cross for the entertainment of your children. Because I can't do any of the good stuff anymore. And they just, it's so hot. And they don't care. They don't care. It's my problem that it's hot. It's my fault. My favorite thing, so my daughter is almost true. And it's really fun, no. And it's really fun to watch as our personality develops. And like, there's something, because when, when they're a baby, you project a lot and you say like, oh, they love jokes. But then when they actually form a personality, like, oh, I know what they like and don't like now. And we were at a breakfast this morning, which unbeknownst to us turned out to be a character breakfast. And Rapunzel showed up. And Bibi was like, kind of like, okay.

And then later, Ariel showed up. And Bibi was way into Ariel, much like teenage Travis. And adult Travis. And then, but in between, in between Rapunzel and Ariel and after Ariel, Flynn Ryder showed up and Prince Eric showed up and she was not into them. Like, this is, this is her with Rapunzel. Hmm. This is her with Flynn Ryder and Prince Eric. By the way, I hope Prince Eric just picked up a frying pan and was Flynn Ryder because there ain't no fucking difference. They're the same dude. Okay. Sorry. Them and post transformation beast. Have we have who isn't as attractive as pre transformation beast. So furries, I get it. Sure. Yeah, I get it. He's way more transformation beast fights off like 12 wolves. So, so, and diesel.

Here's my one. Here's my one about Disney. Here's my one. We all went to the animal kingdom, got wild over there. And we got on the train over to Rafiki's Planet watch. Oh, fuck. This is so choice. Griffin, will you actually tell? Okay, I'll tell the first half. So there's a guy there and he's like, there's a guy named Rick. He's an old man in front of us and Rick's like, and he's actually 25. He just worked with kids for the last five years. He's like, and also no smoking is permitted on the train. And I start asking him in increasing volumes, like, can we vape? Can we vape at this frequency? Rick, can we vape? Hey, Rick, hey, Rick, Rick, can we vape? Rick, can we vape? At which point the woman sitting next to Justin says, no. So fucking choice. So tight. Feed it to me slowly,

like grapes. That's my shit right there. That's my shit. Because Justin immediately went, I said, it was a, for the whole fucking train ride. We went to the petting zoo touching goats and shit. And Justin was still like, fucking paralyzed by the, oh man, it was so tight. Here's my Disney thing. Can we talk about how every fucking attraction at that park, which I had a beautiful, wonderful time in. This is the Walt Disney Theater. Every single attraction at that park has a scary part in it. It's got a scary dubstep drop somewhere in the middle of it, which isn't so good when you're there with a 20 month old and you're like, oh, it's the Winnie the Pooh ride. It's going to be great. And then you've got like one room where you're going through the 100 acre wood and there's

Piglet like playing tug of war with Roo or some shit. And you're like, this is so nice. And the baby's like, this is so nice. And then you turn the corner and you're in like Tigger's abyss, where it's fucking pitch black and he crawls out of the void and is like, time to bounce, motherfucker. And then your car, your car rocks back and forth for what feels like 20 minutes. And then you go into like the half a lump nightmare zone where these neon elephants scream like, I'm going to kill your son, Griffin. It's a longer portion of the ride than the 100 acre wood part. Like acid flashback is the long part. During the Kilimanjaro Safari in Animal Kingdom, it's like, there's a zebra, there's a giraffe. Uh-oh, this bridge looks pretty rickety. Whoa,

whoa, why did there need to be a fucking scary part on the Safari? It's like Walt Disney was like, pleasure and pain. Hot and cold. We were hot and cold. So on this show, we talk about Disney, talk about Disney, and take your questions and turn them out to be like, into wisdom. We got a bunch of questions from you, the gathered audience. So we're going to get to them now. We got some other stuff. Okay. Oh, did you just turn on some speakers up there or something? Nice. So all right, let's start over. We did a Disney bit. Oh, I didn't even get to the figment thing. Oh, the figment broke down. We had to evacuate. Oh, figment broke down. We are stuck on that shift for 45 minutes. I want to say, I will say, I want to say one more bit about this.

Figment broke down and it was a ride. My daughter was already like, I don't fucking think so, old man. This seems wack as shit. I know it's probably Dope and Dream Masters there. Now it's an old man from Monty Python shouting at me about my imagination. I don't know about this. Halfway through, it like fully, fully breaks down to where like lights are on. They are coming and getting us off the ride, walking through. Oh my God. Brutal. Like talk about the fourth wall, just like tinkering. And the worst imaginable ride. I think use your imagination as you see. We get back to the gate and there's a good natured cast member there who scans our little magic band. He's like, and we just put a free FastPass on there and that's good for any ride in

the park except for Soren. And I asked him exactly how long would I have to be trapped on this ride to get on to Soren? Because that must be one very good ride. Moe Freer. Anyway, so that was an example of the kind of Disney stories we've been telling for 30 minutes or so. My friend has always had difficulty understanding boundaries and she is often invited herself to things that she probably should not attend, such as my doctor's appointment and dates out with my super hot boyfriend. Okay. All right. How can I tactfully tell her that I'd like to be alone with my gynecologist and also with my super hot boyfriend. And that's from Jamie. Jamie, are you here? Nice. Nice. Jamie's Jamie's boyfriend just set up a little straighter.

See? Oh, nice. Oh, cool. I guess so. That's me. Yowza. That's rough. How does that go? Like, do you like you're with the friend? And you're like, well, I got to go to your doctor's appointment. And they're like, cool. Is it possible? Is it possible that they're in the market for a new gynecologist? And they just want to see how they work it. Just want to see how they do it. How does your gynecologist do it? Maybe. And you're like sitting in the back, like your friend's like judging and praising like, hmm, pretty good. Nice. Other side of that coin, are they in the market for a super hot boyfriend? Right. And they just want to see how your super hot boyfriend works. I don't think

it about getting a super hot boyfriend myself. Let me see how it, let me kick the tires on this relationship. See if it's worth the effort. Oh, kissing. Good. I heard of that. I like it. Yeah. Nice. Smooch it out. Is your friend at all supportive when they're there at these places with you? He's asking rhetorically, of course, you're a thousand years away. Is there that much variety in the gynecologist game? I have no way of answering this question. Neither do you two. Nobody on this stage knows how to answer that question. Oh, no. Who is that for? My wife is backstage like screaming like, yeah, some are terrible. Yeah, probably. And some super hot boyfriends are also pretty, pretty bad. Yeah. Not, not that one. You're all right.

Jamie, is your super hot boyfriend here? Yeah. I heard a second year there. I did hear a second year there where I might say, kudos on the confidence. Can we get actually silence? Obviously, we can't see you and we wouldn't want to put you on blast like that. But just like we can tell from the voice, if you can just say like, yeah, I'm here. Oh, that's a hot. That's a good bake, Mary. Damn, Mary. Damn, Mary. That's a good bake, but that shit proved just long enough, Mary. Damn. Look at that crumb. Bottom on that one. Damn, Mary. Damn. Good bake. Shit. Let me get like something else. Like, hey, come hop in my Jaguar.

Hold on. Wait. One, two, three, go. Oh, we've got a star baker right here. Damn, I'm about to get the vapors up here. Shit. That's a beefy guy you got there. Damn. Can you, maybe she just thinks he's sexy and wants to be around him. Wow. Did you see that? Maybe your friend is just trying to steal your boyfriend. No problem at all. Maybe she's Mr. Stealer, man. No, listen. What if, I mean, can you blame her, though? That's kind of wrong, man. He's just a disembodied voice in the darkness to me, and I already want to take him to Chunky Cheese. Shit. Instead of like you said Chunky Cheese. That's a different place where we are going. How about a yahoo?

This one was sent in by Adrian Cowles. Thank you, Adrian. It's yahoo answers user Amen, who asks. Hey, wait. Quick time out before I forget. Can you please record yourself saying that stuff and email it to us so we can put it in the episode? Oh, yeah. We have to edit it in, ladies. We're going to edit it in post, so if you could do that. And also Justin just wants it for reasons. You could just, shut up. You can just use voice memos. Yeah. Figure it out. Amen is your chance to start them. Amen asks. There's an important surfing competition in September. Dad, I want to go to that before I graduate college. Please, Dad, please say yes. Huh. That's the narrowest cast I've ever seen. That's like saying I want to catch that fish.

What? Is it your son? Is it your son? It's my son. He's 20 months old. He's got some time till college unless he's a real doogie howler. Have you heard of baby freshman? He's so cool. Skateboards to class on his knees. Can't walk super good yet. He's doing so bad. Can't read. Can't read or talk. So bad. He is a college student. Failure at all of it. Uh, yeah. So, uh, that's a, that's a hard no from me to my son, but that's probably not what they're asking. That's how your son is trying to touch you. That's how Griffin tells his son. He has to contact him. Yeah. Griffin's son walks in and says, hey, Dad, I have a quick question for you. And I say, holy shit, you're talking so good. How?

No, you say in the bit. Okay. I'm in the bit. Go in the bit. Hey, Dad, I have a question for you. Okay. Uh, yes, uh, yes, but you know, you know, uh, you know how to do this though. You know, the correct way to file a question with your father. Please, I'm in the only means of communication that mean fucking anything to me anymore is Yahoo answers. I've been on this website for 20 some odd years now. Yes. Type away. Um, any responses? There's one from Lucifer Morningstar. Okay. Okay. Not is not a given name. Lucifer Morningstar did say seems like seems you have skipped classes before. Mahola. Do you mean Mahala? Like if you're trying to dunk on somebody, what a weird way to end that like seems like you skip classes. Mahalo. Mahola.

Also, how do you know they've skipped class? Oh, cause they spelled September with two P's. I'm looking at it now. It's my, it's my son Travis. Can you not? So what do you say? Yeah, I mean, no, you definitely can't. Uh, cause that means I have to go to the surfing competition and I've got stuff to do in September. I found a little beneath the table. I've never had to look at you do it before. Ah, do you do, do you do the eyes when you're your home? Yes, I do. It's a whole thing. Sure. So as I'm sure everybody knows, riddle me please. If you've listened to the last two episodes, if you've been skipping lately, which I totally don't blame you for, um, you're probably very confused.

We do riddles now at Travis does this whole got green goblin thing. It's dope. This was a submission by how there are people finding these for us now. Yes. It's a bummer. Now, listen closely. There are very many elements of play here. Riley has four dogs. Ben has seven dogs. Ashley with an E has two fish. Ashley without an E has six fish. How many fish does Ashley with an E have? Dance, my puppets. Wait, is this just a, can you read it again? Like a human? No, because it's, I think it might be a memory challenge. Riley has four dogs. Ben has seven dogs. Ashley with an E has two fish. This is Travis's normal voice. Ashley without an E has six fish. How many fish does Ashley with an E have? Two. No, y'all done. Eight. Ashley with an E and Ashley

without an E are sisters. That is no exaggeration. The worst turtle I've ever heard in my entire life. Yes. Okay. I guess it also assumes that there are parents who named both their daughters Ashley, but with varying maybe their twins, but also she doesn't because what we've established is two belong to one and six belong to the other. She doesn't. She has two. There are four lights also. Why did we need to catalog the dogs at the beginning of the riddle? That was a red herring. Yeah. No, it was a dog. That sucked. That sucked a lot. It fucking sucked, dude. Damn, anyway. And that was riddle me please. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. I live in Orlando, which means by default I work in a theme park. Oh, it gives one to Justin takes Travis away.

That's just whiskey and ice ball. Ladies and gentlemen, oh, that explains a lot. Ladies and gentlemen, while I love working in- Hold on. Start this question over, please. I live in Orlando, O-town, which means by default I work in a theme park. While I love working in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, Universal Studios, you've heard of it. It's sometimes hard to stay in character. About once a week, a child will point their wand at me and say, Avada Kadevra, which that's the killing curse. How do I keep in character while dealing with homicidal children? Robbie. No, it says in parentheses, P.S. Travis, your hair looks great today. The parenthetical I assumed was just not for public consumption. Oh, maybe.

I think if you get hit with a, sorry, I'm a, I'm more of a sports guy. Hold on. Avada Kadevra. I think you lay down on the ground and it's break time. It's break time for you. Josh or me, get back to work. I can't, I'm dead. I'm dead. That little muggle killed me. I, I'm amazed because, okay, here's the sad truth. I thought about what would happen if you did this when I was at Harry Potter on Wednesday and I had a wand that I bought. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You thought about killing somebody at the wizarding world of Harry Potter? Hey, I don't know if you've been to the wizarding world of Harry Potter recently. I thought about killing a lot of fucking people.

Thank you. And here's what I no joke assumed would happen. If I said Avada Kadevra, everybody that was working and maybe some other people do would go, and then I would be arrested and put in a wizard jail. Yeah. I would be sent to Azkaban and start E outside the park. Tell you start the ARG where you get thrown into the wizarding jail of Harry Potter. Or if they were just like, that fucking sucks. How did that work? Get out of here. Hey, wait, are you here? Cool. I would lean into the role play and just look at them and be like, are you a wizard? No, I thought not. You bought a ticket to get in here, idiot. That's a stick of wood in your hand and you're talking a bunch of baby talk and then snap the

wand over your knee and they'll go get another one and you'll get fired and there's not an end to the paragraph. There'll be a lot of trouble for no reason. So don't do it, Justin. Don't do what I said. Is there a jail at Universal Studios? Yes. It's probably not fun. There's probably not dementors floating around and old wizards like, what are you? Like Bellatrix Lestrange. Like, what are you? And it's probably just kind of jail. Just people who got drunk at most have. Hey, PS. One, it's called the brig. Two, way too many of you were able to confirm the presence of a jail at Universal Studios. How's it going? A lot of people trying to step on Krusty's feet, it would seem. Huh? Dag. A lot of y'all went to Universal jail. How about a who?

Here's one sent in by Graham Robuck. Thank you, Graham. It's from Yahoo Answers, user magical hats who asks, have any of you ever used a video game slash movie fight move in real life? If so, please tell me how it went. One time I inhaled a guy. Like Kirby. Like Kirby. Yeah. Like he came at me fist-sling and I just went. And you got him. You got him down. I inhaled him. Cool. Did you get his powers? I did. Awesome. He had purple hair. Yeah. And that's, that's I inhaled him. I inhaled him. That's my defense. All right. Doesn't seem likely. I did a booger man to a guy once. I did a booger man. I did a matrix jump. So cool. I did both at once, once.

When I was in seventh grade, the kids would fall over every time I had Duke and then I found out at the end of the year, they all thought I was really sick. So they were just, they were, they were just humor me. What? Is that a real story? No, Griffin. It's a fucking grand fabrication. A beautiful crystalline egg. A lovely lacy decolletage. That's not the right word. That's not the right word at all. A lacy decolletage. Just like a beautiful fabrication. I know. No, you trick, it's a good trick. It's a porcelain, porcelain, you know. There's some really good answers on this. A Gossamer daydream. Sure. Bane, y'all who answers Bane, and you know it's going to be tight already, says kind of, total war games made me a better driver. I became, yeah, I became

very tactical and busy parking lots and became a master of traffic lights. Are there a lot of those in total war? Uh-huh. I can avoid clusterfucks and red lights like a champ. I got so good at strategic driving in my area that I let people road rage already knowing that they're going to get jammed up and I will pass them at the speed limit with a smile. Lots of, lots of flanks and figuring out what drivers are going to do before they do it. I mix this with the knowledge of the traffic light. I'm a real force to be reckoned with. I apply this when I'm on foot as well. In addition, I have not been pulled over by police in nine years. Total war did this. Powerful. I guess my question to that is, what knowledge of the traffic light besides like,

that's red, I can't go anymore. Yeah. Y'all who answers Eustalian says, let's just say trying shadow clone Jitsu in a fight is not a good idea. It's not my fault. I got crushed. His power level was over 9,000. What was I thinking? How could I be so careless? I need to practice my chakra. So good. Y'all who answers user question mark says, not yet. Thank you for weighing in. But I have big plans. Thanks for getting in there. It occurred to me we didn't explain the name tags. So people probably think that we're kind of jokesters and pranksters. Are you not wearing your scarf? I was on my hoodie. I took it off. We have played at probably over 60 venues at this great land of ours all across the nation.

We have never been gifted venue specific name tags backstage in our dressing room. There's this name tag that says Justin on it, which I think is very nice. And we all decided we all three decided we would wear them as kind of like a fun bit of whimsy. Now, we do have to clean up afterwards. So please take your trash out with you. How about a new question? Yeah, here's one. Let's get right the fuck into it. You do get the doll in this listing. It's a haunted doll watch, folks. You do get the doll in this listing all caps. How has there ever been confusion about that ever? You'll see. You do get the doll in this listing. You get in your possession this spiritual doll

vessel from our dead zone. And then it says in quotes, Stacey is not a toy for children to play with in quote, which as far as toy slogans go is the worst one. Stacey's not a toy for children to play with by Hasbro. We are not responsible for the activity or actions of this doll. Once it is in your hands, due to eBay rules, I must post this. All paranormal dolls and stories are for entertainment purposes only. And they don't have a giant wink here, but like, wink. Wait, does it really have a wink? No, they don't have a giant. Got me again. Justin, can I ask you a question? Just a little spoiler alert. Do they ever go on to explain what the dead zone is? No, sir, maybe. We have way, like I read all these, we have way over 41450 spirit dolls here in my

home. That's too many. Too many. But how far is way more when now going into 1500? More than six. We are having way too much paranormal activity in our home. So I must pass some of these spiritual dolls on to others that will take care of them and give them a great new home. Sounds like you have 1450 reasons why you can't be too choosy about where the dolls end up, huh? Maybe they don't need just any other home other than yours. I am one of the first that started listing spiritual items here on eBay. That's right in OG. I am one that you can trust to get the real thing. My shit is good. Please feel free to check out all my feedback. You will get this spooky spiritual doll named Stacey. She is one of my favorite. All caps. The Ouija board and rocking chair is not included.

Look at the picture. Enjoy the picture. Make peace with the fact that the Ouija board and rocking chair will not come to your home. Does the doll come with it though? Stacey, you do get the doll in this listing. Hi, let me introduce myself to you. Damn, Terry. That's her name, Terry. That was quite a preamble, eh? Ah, I've got to have myself allow me a thousand apologies. I am Terry. But where are my manners? Oh, but where are my manners? I've rambled on too long once again. Have a seat. Enjoy the tea. Of course, my name is Terry and I'm a paranormal investigator. You can call me a terra normal investigator.

I've been collecting spiritual dolls and items for over 35 years. I travel many different areas in the United States in search of paranormal items and activities. People on here are always asking me, how do I have so many spiritual dolls to sell here on eBay? So I thought I would give you all some background on me. I also live by a very old and large cemetery that backs up to my home. Of course. She brings the dolls. She's cutting out the middle man. Bring the dolls directly to you. So I have no problem attracting spirits and entities to attach themselves to my items. Okay, enough about me. Now let's get to the spiritual item here up for bed. Stacey, the haunted doll is not a toy to play with. Says it again, this time in all caps. I don't want you to get it twisted.

Stacey is not to play with. And then right after that, I'm shitting you not. It says in all caps, the Ouija board and Rocky chair is not included. If you really want to have some fun with a spiritual haunted doll, here is Stacey. Wait, you just said it's not a toy to play with. No, like adult fun, like watching Jeopardy together. Yeah, I enjoy this. Here's the spiritual haunted doll vessel. She is a very old soft like plastic doll. Soft like. What's that thing that's like soft but not all right? Nothing. She is one of my spookiest spiritual vessel I have. Stacey gets really active around nighttime. She has the most spookiest eyes I've ever seen in any haunted

doll vessel ever. They are so tantalizing. Oops, oops, oops. Not the word. Violet blue, looking as though she is looking inside you, no thanks. Yeah. You can just fill her presence all around you. I've never seen eyes like this. Your voice is getting a little too. That's a little husky. She's a very active spiritual 24 inches long spooky haunted doll vessel. If the doll, I've said it before, if the doll is haunted, what the fuck does it matter how tall it is? Like, do you have a 22 and a 25 and a 23 and a 26 and man alive? If you get one very haunted 24 inch doll, you'd just be set. You could play doll's eye level. You need to know the height so you know your chances when it comes alive to try to kill you. Could you punt this doll? 24 inches,

I could get out the window. It goes on like this for many pages. Let's circle back up at the end together. Stacey will bring you lots of company to your home. She is one spirit vessel you will love to watch. She will do many things to let you know she's around you. Like opening and closing doors, whispering in your ear, no, you will hear bumps in the night, no thanks. She will come to you in your dreams, okay? So keep your mind clear and she will communicate this way with you as well. But do not worry, it is only Stacey watching you. Please leave your feedback for me and tell me what all of you have seen her do around you and I will put it in my ads if that is okay with you. Here are a few feedbacks from some of my buyers. Already active, very sweet,

excellent seller, fully recommend, thank you. I am so happy with this great seller and angel. I am already a repeat customer. Receive my doll today. Thanks for the speedy shipping. She is really cute. This doll is haunted. It better not get here after Thursday. I mean really in the mid-fort right now. I really hope it gets here before Thursday. I love Billy the doll. He is cute. Thank you very much. Great seller. A plus, plus, plus, plus. Wonderful seller. I love this cute little clown doll. Spot and Pat. Thank you. A plus, plus, plus, plus, plus. Big bow. He's so cute. Perfect seller. He will be loved. And then it closes out by saying the Ouija board and the rocking chair are not included. A third time I shit you that. There's

your haunted doll wash. My very favorite part of that is the part where she said my house backs up to a graveyard so I get all the spirits and ghouls from there. That doesn't seem like a cool place to get your spirits for your dolls because if like a little kid goes he's like time to visit grandpa's ghost. Wait a minute. Where did grandpa's ghost go? And you find out the fucking like ghost type Pokemon trainer that lives in the house next to the cemetery just captured his spirit in a doll. That stinks. I also really like the part where it says that the ghost will whisper in your ear to let you know it's there as if a doll crawling up to your ear. Is that a clear indication? Like hey, lean over. How about it? Do you want to read it? You close your iPad.

Yeah, I'm done. Alright, I'll do a yahoo. There's 25 minutes left. Yeah, here's a yahoo. Hit me. This yahoo was sent in by Andrew. Yes. Who sent it in. He didn't ask it. It's from an anonymous yahoo answers user. But I'll say it's from Dennis asks what is some good strong fighting food? Obviously like sausage links in the chain. Nunchucks. Oh, like nunchucks. Very good. Do you remember in Teenage Teen Ninja Turtles 2 when Michelangelo had the sausage links on a chain and Leonardo had the large sausage link that was like a katana. Uh-huh. And Donatello had the very, very long sausage link. That was like a both Like who made that one? It was his first day. And Raphael had the two sausage links with smaller

ones. Yeah, they had sausage. You know the second Ninja Turtles movie? They weren't allowed to have weapons so they all used sausage. Yeah, I remember. You remember? You remember. Yeah, they still killed Shredder Good with them though, huh? Took a while. He's meat toast intolerant. One more time. He's meat toast. Sorry, you gotta say without laughing, my friend. He's meat toast intolerant, okay? There, I've said it three times now. Are you fucking happy? I'm not. I put up an air ball and then I had to go pick up the air ball out of the creek that it rolled into and shoot it again. An air ball again and get it out of a deeper creek and then bring it back and shoot it again. Are you happy? Nah.

What is some good, strong fighting food? I have an opponent I need to hurt today and I need to fill my body with food strength. What's that gonna be? Carbs, proat, put a lot of one of those two in you and I guess you're ready to ready to roll. Eat a lot of spicy food, transform into a car. Yeah, we did it. That's our 2018 reference. Shit, yeah, we almost made it through the year without a turbo team reference. I would say like those really thin breadsticks that you can bite like crunch, that feels dramatic. You know, you bite like a bone of your enemy. Like you're eating. Oh, so you're like larping a bone eat. Yeah, you could also do it like with a carrot, anything you could snap. Plus, you probably

eat a lot of them, so that feels like an accomplishment, which will help you get problems. Hey, 20 of these, hell yeah. Conventionalism is load up on carb, load up on proat, one of the two, but that's all that you get is one of those two raw food elements. But what if actually doing a balance die hit? What if the food pyramid was designed to optimize your fighting energy? That's it. A lot of people don't know that the food pyramid was actually designed sequentially for fights. So you wake up in the morning, you eat 11 servings of grain. Sure. Mid-morning, eight grains of vegetables or fruits. And then by the time you get to the pinnacle, the butter pinnacle, and you eat that little triangle of butter, you are going to be so

ready to kick some ass this time, you're going to be remotely fair. That makes so much sense. That's why in Rocky, as he runs up the steps, he's eating some bread and then he's eating a steak, let me see, an apple and then he's just eating a stick of butter at the top. Yeah, that's right. And he loses, so maybe not that good. Spoilers. Maybe not that good a pyramid. How'd they fuck that up so bad? How did we go from like, probably the thing you should eat the most of is bread to like, don't eat bread. What are you kidding? All right, we tried bread for a while. We tried a lot of bread to make sure it was bad for us. Maybe have a bunch of tortilla chips. I think a good, strong fighting food would be your enemy.

Okay. Like Kirby. Yeah, sure. We're going to talk about Kirby a little bit more. This is entrapment. Is there any way I can make the people I stab legally like me more? I'm a full bottom. Oh, you had it. I'm a full bottomist and I work drawing blood from adults and children. Naturally, this does not make me very popular. So is there anything I could do to make the people I stab hate me less? And that's from the vampire link in row C. Are you here? Hello? Okay. Hey, it's going to be all right. Okay. Here's my suggestion. Let them draw blood from you. Very good. So you say, I'll draw blood from you and then you draw blood from me and what? Oh, should be good. Calm down. You'll see it doesn't know what left, left, left, left. Oh, my bone, my arm bone. I should really

know what it's called. Fibia? Maybe because Fibia is not a bone. Well, there's like 800 bones in there. You're telling me there's not a chance that way. There's at least one bone that we haven't found yet. Yeah. Here's what I would do. Hunch over at your desk. And when they come in and be like, writing on your desk and like hunched over and not even looking at them. And they're like, I'm here to get my butt and just turn around like, good day. And then go back to scratching and like, no, I just really need to, I said, good day. No more blood drawn today. And then keep scratching. And then eventually they will

beg you, please. I want to do anything else. Please take the blood. I just want to go and I don't know what's happening. It's kind of a Willy Wonka thing. Sure. And then you reward them with the whole clinic. And then you're like, I wanted to walk over and leave a small bag of their own blood on your desk first and then walk away. An adult would want to steal blood their way. Your grandpa's there and he's like, don't worry, we'll sell your blood to the plasma place on the corner and get you $30. We'll get you some cheap beer. Maybe what you do is you put a like really bendy like rubber needle in the syringe. And then when you go to take their blood, it just bends and you go, I'm breakable. But then with that, oh, and their other arm, you've already drawn the blood.

They're so busy like, oh, they didn't even see it over here. That's good. That's good. Maybe when you stand up to take the blood, your pants rip and your pants rip and then they can see your underwear and everything and they're like laughing at it. But then what's that? You already got the blood. You already got the blood. A local phlebotomist was arrested tonight after consecutively showing 158 patients their underwear and everything. Thanks to a recommendation on committee podcasts, my brother and my brother and me. Did you say committee? Yeah. The news, the newscasters never heard of comedy. Comedy Adele Arte podcast. My brother and me. They do something called jokes. Jokes.

Hey, what's up? This is Griffin and it's just me this time. And that's because it's been a fucking heck of a week, y'all. And I'm just going to do all the normal middle stuff and let you get back to the rest of the show. I hope you enjoyed it. We had a lot of fun in Orlando and Atlanta. Atlanta, we ran into some tech issues with the recording because your city and its relationship to us as a recorded broadcast medium is cursed. But we'll try and get that figured out because that episode was a lot of fun too. But I hope you're enjoying this Orlando one. And here are the ads. First off, I want to tell you about Casper. Casper's so good. They make these really nice mattresses that feel good on your body and they are affordable because they cut out the

middleman and they sell directly to you. There is no, there's no middleman anywhere. Certainly not hiding inside the mattress when you open it up because they would die in the small box that they ship the Casper to you in. And Casper's really comfy. We have one in our guest room and every time we have guests that stay with us, they shower us with compliments which always feel so good. They combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amount of sink and the right amount of bounce. You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100 night risk-free sleep on a trial. So I want you to get $50 towards select mattresses right now by visiting Casper.com slash my brother and using the promo code mybrother all one word at checkout. Terms

and conditions, you know they apply. I also want to tell you all about stamps.com. Hey stamps are necessary. They're mandatory in a lot of ways and sometimes it can be kind of a hassle to go get them. These days you can get practically everything on demand like this podcast. So why not get your stamps the same way with stamps.com? It's a very, very convenient way to get the postage that you need and save yourself a trip to the post office. It offers you all the amazing services of the post office 24 seven. You can print official US postage for any letter, any package using your own computer and printer. You just click print mail and you are done. It could not be easier. So right now use my brother all one word for this special offer. It includes up to $55 free

postage, a digital scale and a four week trial. So don't wait. Go to stamps.com. Before you do anything else, click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in my brother all one word. That's stamps.com. Enter my brother. Got a few jumbotrons here. This one's for Mary and it's from Thomas who says to my sweet, sweet girl, happy anniversary. Sorry. This message is a little after September 4th. Is it though? Slam dunk the funk. Fucking crushed it. But this will have to do. I might as well wish us both happy birthdays too. Every day I'm inspired and amazed by your intelligence, good goofs and passion for all things Macaroy. So proud of you and all you've accomplished and I miss you so much with sweet, sweet message and Thomas don't ever fucking doubt

us again. Here's a message for starfire and it's from blurp seven who says dear starfire. I love you with all my heart. Love blurp seven. I know you're all wondering is this part of the mmbm ARG? This this jumbotron message and the answer is I can't tell you it's ARG. It's part of the game. You got to solve it yourself. One last jumbotron. This one's for Benji. It's from Blair bow who says remember when we were in college smoking that good dank green crime and you conditioned me Pavlovian style to cry real actual tears at any picture of Full House's Dave Couillier. It's a fun experiment. Yeah me too because it still happens. Ben thank you for five years of being a wonderful amazing and also very tall friend. You're a whip smart,

funny and so important to every life you touch. I love you. Hell yeah. Can I get a hell yeah for this sweet message between two very good friends and their unhealthy relationship with Uncle Joey. A big thanks to everybody who came out to our live shows in Orlando and Atlanta again. We got actually I think all the tickets are sold out for our Portland and Seattle shows so Pacific Northwest we are excited to come see it. We're still trying to figure out maybe one or two more tours this year so hopefully we will get out to see some more folks before the year is up. We got merch at macroimerch.com and we just launched a new sort of project on there that is not going to sound funny when I explain it but hopefully you all enjoy it. It's a line of generic

podcast merchandising. There's a shirt on there that just says 100% podcast coffee cup that says don't talk to me before I've had my podcast. Listen we had this idea in one meeting with DFTBA our merch supplier and we all thought it was very funny and horrifyingly it went and moved through the production process just so so quickly but yeah all of this dumb stuff is on our website at macroimerch.com and all of the royalties for this item are going to go to Pro Act West Virginia which is a non-profit designed to help with opiate addiction and treatment and care in Huntington West Virginia our hometown so it's going to it's a it's a dumb line of products but it's for a good cause. Thanks Maxfun for having us on the network you can go to maximumfun.org check out all the

great shows there shows like stop podcasting yourself and beef and dairy network and friendly fire and a bunch of other shows at maximumfun.org you can check out the other shows we do at macroi shows.com and I think that's gonna do it uh yeah here comes the rest of the episode we'll be back with a regular episode next week I think yes absolutely see you then bye listen we already know that you love genre movies film craft and female filmmakers so if you love all those things then by transitive property you love my podcast switchblade sisters hi I'm film critic April Wolfe every week I have a conversation with a different female filmmaker about their favorite genre film each episode covers the filmmaking process working in

the film industry and just like general geeking out about awesome movies I've had such great guests like the big stick writer Emily Gordon to me indie movies as of late have come to be a catch-all term for a movie that kind of defies genre Billy Madison and half-baked director tamra davis when a comedian comes and enters onto my set they're they're just there to be funny and we're already in waiting for them to be funny horror industry veteran and actor Barbara crampton that's where real drama lies for me what's what's between you and I speaking right now where are we meeting and what's the energy that we create between us and so many others so check out switchblade sisters every thursday on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts

another question or what do you guys think let's I think we should go to the audience yes we have a yeah I got a handful of audience questions we have chosen them ahead of time please do not stand up unless we say your name and seat number can we get uh thank you all mickey and now we can all drink in this beautiful theater together thank you thank you we have a mic there in the middle a mic there in the middle uh let's go ahead and get uh Niall in v3 come on down to one of these two microphones and let's get uh m in orchestra center d2 row bbc 114 that's so much longer than the other one i'm hoping Niall is able to know that it's them okay that's two hey what's up hey how's it how's it going good what you're going good

how's it going for you hey uh my name i go by neil nail i fuck that up so neil oh you're well it's actually pronounced now because it's a middle eastern name okay i mainly just want to hear the story you know yeah so we're not even gonna read your submission we want to hear it at first wait wait wait before we do anything and if the answer to this is uh no i'm gonna ask you to leave the theater in shame is this true this is very true i have a video of it hit it okay okay so uh yesterday guy fairy opened up a restaurant and yeah he opened up a chicken tender restaurant in disney springs ooh i went to the grand opening hold on hold on we left disney today yeah you're fucking telling me

this now i posted it on twitter you don't follow me on twitter i'm sorry i know within it what's the name of the restaurant it's called chicken guy i want i'm livid about this misconnection right now i'm heartbroken chicken tenders me wanting to eat chicken tenders me me at kill manjaro safari wishing that i was there at your chicken tender restaurant okay go ahead so guy fairy was making chicken yeah so i go it's around like noon the whole day the whole thing so uh they open up the restaurant after they did their whole like hullabaloo with mickey cutting the ribbon and all that and he's like uh he's he's behind the counter he's making the chicken tenders for everybody and

eventually god not mickey no no guy yeah guy's making the chicken not mickey sorry and eventually it makes me actually very nervous that guy and mickey we're at the same place i hate that actually that leaves our nation so vulnerable we need a designated survivor right this is okay so please so i'm i'm back at my table ski all rich was in a bunker i'm sorry it's all rich right between he's uh he's in between there go ahead sorry nobody else talk okay so i'm back at my table with my food eventually he comes out from behind the counter to do like an in-person interview with one of the news local news journalists and i'm he's like okay stop again everybody take a second to pretend you're that journalist

try to think of your first question so guy so guy very why didn't you open up a chicken to the restaurant of all this world okay okay i'm done go so they're talking it's maybe they're talking about like 20 minutes or so and i'm like right there i'm just like the interviewer for 20 minutes was it James Lipton what the fuck there's like a whole like there's a whole crowd around them there were people taking pictures it was like an event chanting i also need to know you say you were right there give me like a distance how far were you from guy for you i want to say like those like less than 10 feet okay you were in the guy zone nobody else fucking talk the story i need it it's the air that i breathe

so he gets up and he's like taking a picture with uh one of the people up front like a fan i guess and i have a little like i mean i made a sign out of like the the wax paper that covers the tray said mayor fieri please feed me attendee imagine me scooping you up in my arms okay i'm very proud of you son you did a very good job today he's very proud of you it means a lot um so he sees he's taking the picture he sees it and he goes um you want me to feed me you want me to feed you a tender and i go yeah because the thing did a little while here i joined the tone a couple years ago fed me a hot dog at the grand opening of this hot dog stand

that wasn't in the email you are a lot my dude i was saying you expect guy fieri to be like oh you're the feeding stuff too guy joey warned me i won't be outdone by joey for tone not again close travis he said i don't want to take you that's you and uh and joey's thing okay that's very respectful of him very respectful of him what is the name of joey for tones it's called uh it's called fat ones sick great no listen no there's a lot of my gold for tones and you're just a jerk possibly listen okay there's a lot of good stuff we have to get to your question so he offers to toss it the tender into my mouth

sick a hot tent like fresh out the fryer probably not it was it was my last remaining tender i had in my box it was a little cold but it was fine i saved it for this for this reason and and he i gave him my tender and i stepped back a couple feet and he he tossed the tender into my mouth the tender's big so yeah sure it got it got into my mouth and kind of just like bounced out onto the floor sure i'm not proud of you anymore son well should i have eaten the tender off the off of the floor yes yes the answer is yes and you should have eaten it off the floor yeah like hands and knees does that answer your question yeah all right thanks thank you thank you so dope uh can we get uh quinn orchestra right seat e row four go ahead and head down

hey what's up row e seat four hello i just fucked up hey hi hi uh so i don't know what's your name uh my name is emily so i am yeah hi sorry i get sorry i said immo i truncated it i took a while to swing the email okay it's okay it's not even how i spell my name okay um so basically do you know those bigfoot shows on like most channels at this point um i know we all have the guilty habit of watching them but my dad um but my dad takes it to a very big point um he now knows everybody's name he knows everybody on the show not just everybody on most shows he's actually in the audience and he's probably thriving are you here yeah he's he's right there yeah hey represent um but at this point we have a whistle uh which i'm sorry i didn't bring it with

me it's uh actually a bigfoot whistle and you blow into it and it makes a bigfoot noise whoever just screamed what yes can you i don't mean to put you on the spot so you can say no to this can you imitate it you can't say no to this i must know it's like that is what it would be that's what i found in my studies in all my research that's what it points to that's correct i just he loves that noise he's crazy for it he would hear that and be like my friend all right needless needless to say uh it doesn't attract the bigfoot's like yeah yeah like we had been hoping e and um basically i'm trying to figure out if i should let this

bigfoot addiction continue yes um because now at this point i don't know if i'm going to have like a mascot of bigfoot next year you know like i don't know if this is going to become like an addiction not that it hasn't already is it is it is it going to reach that i'm looking at the father is it going to reach that point uh just a mascot just all the money has gone to bigfoot related whistles and yeah yeah basically must well we have a very okay we have a very big surprise for you tonight bigfoot oh my god come on out is he here wow oh he couldn't make it okay we wasted the vip so that hurts but what if your dad is the one who finds bigfoot that's it that's whatever you're right listen somebody had to invent the light bulb somebody had to sing the

highest note somebody had to swim the channel for the first time somebody's got to find bigfoot yeah maybe it's your dad you got to get in there before david blaine does it because you know he'll find the fucking bigfoot if you want to call bigfoot don't use a whistle just pick up a phone and call use 1 800 collect no just call bigfoot what's his number what i don't know his number travis has the right idea why don't you collect say bigfoot please and the operator will be like oh shit i have to i guess you win these shows they never first episode if i'm making one of these shows find a bigfoot what's episode one find a bigfoot episode one white pages dot org i search bigfoot i put it if they want a location forests trees yeah trees i search bigfoot a phone number

pops up there's one result there's only one bigfoot it's very sad you call the number on there just say hi just talk to bigfoot he'd love to hear from you um he doesn't get a lot of dropouts he might not meet you yes he's very shy but he'll talk to you but he's not mean like the beef jerky commercials make him out to know i hate those fucking commercials with that shit whatever it's like pranking on bigfoot's ass and it's like yeah he's gonna hit you and throw you if you prank his ass if you dunk on bigfoot's balls he is gonna be so mad at you beef jerky but if you call him on a telephone chill dude hey yeah and just talk to him about world war two airplanes that's his passion he loves that shit he loves that shit all of them can you do a whistle noise again just one

more time is it is this a serious question yeah okay um uh it's so good all right thanks to gentlemen thank you so much all right does that help what does that help uh yes just one quick fun fact my dad my dog is terrified of the whistle yeah because your dog's like oh shit bigfoot's coming what are you doing you're playing with forces you couldn't possibly understand and you see that fool he's guidance thank you thank you uh quinn did you make it down here quinn uh orchestra right row e seat four quinn quinn there's two possible quins wait no okay you just scared the shit out of us one of the quins was coming back for the bathroom now quinn yeah uh go ahead

oh okay so i was at work one day and i was at the elevator and there was another woman who was approaching the elevator at the same time as me i pressed up she pressed down it's a common thing that happens okay all right everybody calm down it happens an elevator arrives and the doors open and the down arrow is blinking indicating it was hers and she looks at me gestures and says after you i said oh no thank you i'm going up and then she looked at me very seriously and said you know they go both ways right and i i kind of went haha yeah and then looked down at my phone so good very good oh my god oh you've gotten out of this one did you get on the fucking elevator oh no okay good i wait i

wait the doors immediately closed and she didn't indicate that she was like i'm just kidding okay wait so she didn't get on it she did get on to go down oh thank god and the moment was over but i thought for a second she would gesture you didn't so she didn't either i'm now you can see the future you knew the car was gonna plummet to the ground so what's your question uh we help she out she works in my building and what happens if this situation happens again it will happen again it will that's life for you first of all you did the right thing and looking down at your phone and going ha ha yeah because you can you can get out of you can get out of most situations that way second thing i regret to inform you you have been bullied

so you think you've been bullied yes it's accurate um shit because here's the thing here's what you should have said to her you know they go both ways and you should have said but not at the same time right it's not a fucking long conveyer you're going down and i'm going up and right now it's pointed down how do i know there's an arrow she does she does have a point though because what you've said is i know it would take the exact same amount of time for me i just don't want to spend that time with you there were two elevators oh wait was there only one elevator two elevators okay okay well then okay you here's one thing you could do follow her when she is heading elevator yours oh what did you say follow the money follow the

follow the money what does she have to gain from bullying you so vicious follow her when she's going elevator ward and try to recreate the scenario but have it so that the elevator is going your way and then you say mount up regulators and then she gets on and she goes up when she means to go down and you step off like how you're looks like you're higher up than you should and at that point the doors have closed and you didn't say anything cool but she'll know and she'll resign and disgrace the next day and that's how you become CEO does that help wait wait Quinn real quick before i let you go could you do the big foot whistle

noise thank you thank you Quinn okay thank you to you orlando thank you orlando so much for coming to see us thank you to the walt disney theater you're amazing and i just say quinn's sounded like bigfoot in his local production of streetcar named desire ah rip this shirt open thank you to paul thank you to our dad thank you to our paul saborean our saborean our nani thank you nani real quick here's a yahoo that was sent in by merit palmer it's our closer thank you merit it's yahoo answers user garrik who asks any bands that write lyrics about how difficult the job

market is my name is justin mackerel i'm travis and i'm griffin mackerel is with my brother my brother because your dad's square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported judge john hodgeman ruled in my favor judge john hodgeman ruled in my friend's favor judge john hodgeman ruled in my favor i'm judge john hodgeman you're hearing the voices of real litigants real people who have submitted disputes to my internet court at the judge john hodgeman podcast i hear their cases i ask them questions they're good ones and then i tell them who's right and who's wrong thanks to judge john hodgeman's ruling my dad has been forced to retire one of

the worst dad jokes of all time instead of cutting his own hair with a flowbie my husband has his hair cut professionally i have to join a community theater group and my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals it's the judge john hodgeman podcast find it every wednesday at maximum fun dot org or wherever you download podcasts thanks judge john hodgeman