My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 426: The Home of Smooth Daddy

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

Last week, we slept soundly, knowing that we didn't live in a world where our brothers could publicly, viciously dunk on us in public, for the whole world to see, and remember. After the events of the past few days, that sense of security has been eternally shattered. Suggested talking points: Brotherly Betrayal, Of Thrones Game, xX_J0hnY4nk33z_Xx, Larry the ASMR Guy, The Real Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs Machine, Nancy's Necklace, Na'vi Yard Signs, Castaway Bloopers

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis the McElroy. I'm your sweet baby, 30 under 30 boy Griffin McElroy. Uh, disturbing, disturbing brother news. Hey, y'all, you all heard about this story?

That's uh, yeah, so that's, tell me if you've heard this one before. Hey, yes, I heard this story, I heard this one in the news. What voice are you doing? Yeah, it's me, uh, Jeremy Leno. Doesn't sound like Jeremy Leno at all. No, it's me, Jeremy Leno. Yeah, you heard this story, yeah. Paul Gosar is a congressman in Arizona, and um, he is running for reelection against uh, a Mr. Brill, and I believe it's a doctor, a doctor, a doctor, a doctor, if you will, which Dr. Brill sounds like kind of like a, like a mid 90s Sierra, like adventure game, like the, the mind, the mind puzzle island of Dr. Brill, Dr. Brill's prison of puzzles.

I should also say, uh, after I saw what we were about to discuss, I did a quick search on Paul Gosar and he seems to fucking suck. Yeah, he sucks the, sucks the moon right out of the sky. But he, I think we can all agree on this one, he is the victim. I think in this one, he's the victim, because what we have in this one is Dr. David Brill gets six of Charles, I knew about this. Justin is coming in hot. He literally just watched this video. And it's the most savage thing. If you haven't watched it, look up just, just Google Paul Gosar is not working for you long. Uh, and I think it's long version and not like some weird, uh, not like ever long. Yeah, ever long. Um, but anyway, they get six of this fool's siblings to

come in the commercial and say that he's an idiot. We get to dunk on him, six brothers and sisters, six siblings to come on and say, Hey, listen, you know, my brother, he's a dipshit and you really shouldn't vote for him. He sucks the moon, clean out of the sky, take it from me. Then they don't, the good part is the good, good part is they don't reveal who the people are. First, it's just like, uh, for the first person's like a medical worker and then somebody's like, uh, a coach or something. And then somebody's like a private investigator. What's happening? Why is his opinion important? Yeah. And then it's like, and my name is Bill Gosard is like, Oh, shit. It's dunking time. Yeah. So here's what I want you guys to promise me.

Uh-huh. Promise that no matter what a fuck-o I turn into, let's just all promise that we'll never do this to each other. Please. Do you mean specifically this thing? Like specifically that? Specifically a peer in a campaign ad against our brother. For Dr. Brill. For Dr. Brill. See, this, and this is, this is what I'm coming at this from is I'm afraid that Dr. Brill has gotten a rush, a high off of this incredible, go back and watch the ad if you just watch it and then look at his face and his, his wife's face there at the very end. It is fucking decadent.

Their little, their little look. I think that this is the biggest rush this dude's ever gotten. And now all he's going to want to do is pit siblings against siblings in public, in public venues. So do you think he reached out to them or do you think they reached out to him? Cause either way, I really want to hear that phone call. I'm just like, hey, you know how my brother sucks? Do you want me to do a commercial for you? Oh, I don't think that's necessary. No, no, no, we already shot it. We already shot it. Yeah, it does raise the question. Did this guy call, one of two, one of two things happened to, to poor Paul Gosar.

Who sucks? Who sucks shit? Who sucks shit, but is really the victim here on this one. You're going to stop 360 dunked on so hard. You have 360 no scope by six siblings all at the same time. It's one of two things happened. Either Dr. David Brill got a phone call as like, hey, it's me, Dan Gosar. You know my brother? I fucking hate him. You want to let's roll. Let's roll. Let's do this thing. You got the camera. I got the words. Let's do this.

Dr. David Brill hung up the phone. He's like, that was fucking weird. And then immediately his phone rings again. It's like, hey, it's Greg Gosar. Fuck my brother for real though. Let's go. Let's do it. I would like to believe that it went like this. Like Dr. David Brill called Dan Gosar and Dan Gosar said, okay, hold on. Let me conference him. Valerie, I just got the strangest call. You're not going to believe it,

but I got a pring pring. No fucking way. No fucking way. Is it popping off again? For real? Hey, it's Valerie Gosar. My brother's a dipshit. Let's go. Let's melt this fool. Let's melt my brother. I'm just unfat. The other option is, the other option is maybe just like, maybe Wilder is like, pring pring pring pring pring. This is Vicky Gosar's office. Hey, it's Dr. David Brill. We all know your brother sucks shit, but does he suck bad enough where you get on

TV and don't want to get fucked? Oh, definitely. Oh yeah, for sure. And actually, it's weird that you call right now, I'm having lunch with five of my brother's sisters. We all hate this idiot. It's actually our monthly meeting of the ones of us that hate Dr. Gosar. Every Wednesday, we go to Applebee's and we get their $2 cocktails and the little pudding shooters that they have there at the end, and we talk about how big a shithead our brother is and how bad we hate him and want to talk about it on video. It's a shame mom and dad are out of town right now. They fucking hate him.

Oh, they're going to be so sad they missed this opportunity. I wish grandma hadn't passed away because they're dying words were fuck, Paul Gosar. I hate that idiot. Oh my God. I promise you, Justin, I will specifically never do this thing to you. Now, that's not to say that if you end up being a real fuck-o, that I won't like do a web series about it or something, but I will not do a campaign ad in which it is only revealed at the end that I am your brother, but I've been talking shit about you the whole time. I will not do that to you.

Unless? Unless? Unless? Travis and I get a call from Dr. David Brilla. Interesting. It's not outside the realm of possibilities. I hear he's very convincing. Actually, when he made the call, these six siblings loved their brother, and by the end of the call, they were like, yeah, you know what? You're right, Dr. David Brilla. Fuck my brother. Vote David Brilla, I guess, just because he did the raddest thing. The raddest thing I've ever seen. That's how we decide this, the raddest melting. Folks, this is an advice show by brothers

but for everyone, if I may be so bold. And what we do on my brother by brother and me, we've been doing the dang thing since 2010. You know, UID always talks about their history, and I feel like we don't brag enough about how long we've been in the game. But this is- That's because there's so many people who have been at it longer than us. Like if we were the first, or even in the top like 1,000, I think that we could roll on that. This is the 426th time we've done this, and I think that that's worth something. Anything. Okay. If you like the show, this is the time, share it with a friend. Please, we really appreciate it.

Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to you. We don't say that enough up front. Thank you to you. But what do we need from you? Your questions, and then we try to answer them. M-B-M-B-A-M at MaximumFun.org, and let's get into the first one. Right now, it goes a little something. Oh, look at this. Dear brothers, I am currently in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend recently started watching Game of Thrones. Congratulations. Congratulations. We're also very proud. Since I am not there to watch it with him, I frequently ask how far he's come along.

Brothers, I recently discovered that this man started with season four, and then watched season six, one, three, two, five, and seven in that order. Now, he is showing the show to his brother, but instead of even this convoluted mess, he is showing the show to his brother by character storyline. What? I'm talking all of Ned Stark's scenes, followed by all of Rob Stark's scenes, and so on. Oh, and not all the characters. He cuts out the ones he doesn't feel are important, like Joffrey. My question is this. How can I get my boyfriend to stop living in chaos and watch the shows in

the order they were intended? And that's from sincerely watching as God intended in Washington, DC. This is unfathomable. This is unbelievable. Here's the thing. Okay, yes, the watching the seasons all out of order just seems unnecessarily chaotic, but the scene thing seems like so much work. It seems like a lot of work. It seems like he probably read something on Reddit or something like that that was like, this is the true way to experience it. This reminds me, our former boss at Polygon, Chris Grant, close friend, trusted advisor, eats his dinner one meal component at a time. Whenever you go to dinner with him, if he has peas and mashed potatoes and chicken on his plate,

he will eat all the peas before moving on to the next thing. The idea of doing this with any sort of entertainment property, doing this with like the star, this is how I watch the Star Wars movies. It's the only correct way you start with Anakin, keep going. Oops, Luke's in this one. He's in this scene, but don't look at Luke. Don't look at Luke. It's fucking, it's unbelievable. Do you rewatch it with the other character's perspective at that point where it's like, now we're going to watch the scene again because it does have both Rob and Ned in it, but imagine from Rob's perspective, now you have so much more insight. Now sit in that chair and look at it from this direction because that's the way Rob's looking. Don't you know who died?

Don't you know who died in the big fire? If you start with season four, you know who died in the big fight on the lake? And I don't even understand, you know who won the big duel in the sky castle? Like why, do you know what I mean? You know who died? Yeah, who kicked who down a big space hole? It doesn't make any sense. How do we tell this, we need to do advice. This is obviously a wild anecdote. What can we do to like assert ourselves into the situation? The problem I have found, we have this issue when Sydney and I got, first got together, we'd be in her apartment and she'd be like, hey, this TV show is coming on. And I was like, well, I've never seen the show before. And she's like, well, do you just want to watch it? And then I would have to leave. And it would be

a couple of weeks before we'd speak to each other again. And then eventually we would patch things up. But this is a, this is a persistent problem. The problem that you get into is anytime you try to enforce rules on this, or like even your opinions onto something this trivial, you come off sounding petty. Like it seems like a petty thing to argue about with somebody about how they're watching Game of Thrones, even though it's obviously the biggest possible deal. Yeah, this person is the Joker. They've made up their mind. Yes, they know what they're doing. Here's what you can do though, and it's a little sneaky and technically a lie, which is a sin, which you're going to have to ask for forgiveness. But you

take the season one discs, put them in the season four box, the two discs into the six box, the three into the one, the four into the three, the five into the two, the six into the five, and the seven can stay put. At least they're watching this seventh season. Correct. At least by the time they arrive at seven, all the pieces are together and not in any kind of order. They've jammed like, you know, a nubbin of the puzzle piece straight into the flat side of the puzzle piece. But at least by the time they get to seven, they know what they're doing unless you do a little switch Who's the friend that like, oh no, sorry, brother, that your boyfriend is watching this and the brother's like, I'm okay with this system too. Hi, my name is Ted Gosar, and my brother showed

me Game of Thrones out of order, and you should vote for his opponent in this next selection. Anyone else. Anyone else vote for literally anybody else to my monster brother. I got a Yahoo here. It was sent by like everybody ever. Thank you. It's from an anonymous Yahoo answers user. I'm going to call them football. Football asks, why do people keep giving their children names that are already in use? Millions of people have the name John. We do not need anyone else named John. Oh, so what this person suggesting is kind of like MMORPG rules or is like, sorry, there's already a John Plymouth. Sorry. Now you can be John underscore underscore for 20. That's still available. You can be underscore XX underscore Yankees with a Z killer with an A

underscore underscore XX 1999. Oh, no, sorry, that just got taken. Oh, that one got taken too. Shit by family in New York, of course. Shit, man. Wow, I didn't even think about that, I was thinking like we'd have to get sort of unusual with our sort of names like, you know, John. Okay, that one's new. But what yours seem to seem to be suggesting is IRL gamer tags. Yeah, like John one. No, John one's taken. Okay, can we suggest to John and it's three J's. The zero for the H. John is still available. Like, okay. What do you think, honey? Well, my father's name was to John. Yeah, to John like Martian Manhunter. I had a moment that this reminded me of a moment where I had to sign up for the screen

actors Guild this week. So we could be in the trolls movie. And there is this place in there for your legal name and a space for your professional name. And I didn't really understand the differentiation. But because if you're in the in SAG, only one member per name, please, like you can't have the same members. So that's why a lot of times you'll see people throw in like initials or like, I think it's why Michael Keaton changed his name, which was originally Michael Douglas, I believe, and there was already Michael Douglas and screen actors Guild. So he had to change it. And they called me on the phone and they said, you have some inconsistencies here. There are sometimes where for your professional name, you've written Justin Tyler McElroy.

And I did have a definitely had a moment where I was like, if I'm going to reinvent myself as a three name man, this is the moment to do where I'll have to be listed in everything as and Justin Tyler McElroy. Not unlike Jonathan Taylor Thomas, if you will, something like that. But I can you imagine home improvement starring John Thomas? Man of the house starring John Thomas. I'll be home for Christmas with Hollywood heartthrob, John Thomas. Do you think Zachary Ty Bryant initially planned Ty in there? Or do you think he was like, he heard Jonathan Taylor Thomas is like, I want to use my real name. What is it? Ty. I didn't really think through it. There's actually already a Zachary Tyler Bryant. So

how do you feel about Zachary? Zachy B? No, we're not. We don't want Zachy B. Why are there so many fucking Johns? Yeah, but why are there so many Johns? We get it, everybody. I think it's because every time a kid is born, the parent looks at him and goes, you'll be the best, John. Yeah. Up till now, the Johns have only been a prelude to you, John Almighty. You, the ultimate John. Maybe we'll finally get it right with this, John. This, John, we pin our hopes on you, John of the future. Not like John Wilkes Booth. What a shitty John. That John ruined everything. A few days ago, I was at a stoplight and I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, honk if you love Girl Scout cookies. I love me some

gold thin men's. So of course I honked. Yeah. The lady driving the car then proceeded to roll down her window, flip me off and yell, fuck you. She had that bumper sticker. So I don't know why she got so upset that I honked. Was I in the wrong? And that's from Mandy in Ann Arbor. Obviously, Mandy, obviously, that lady had that bumper sticker because she hates Girl Scout cookies and she wants to know who likes them so she can flip them off and tell them, fuck you. I mean, there's an accident at the cookie factory and a big thin man fell on her husband. And now she's been widowed by Girl Scout cookies and so to know who the enemies are. Landed on her husband, Finn Ben. Now. Now he's Finn Ben. He's like flat family. But now he's

Finn Ben. No, he died, guys. It's not a funny joke. But he died. He's very thin. Do you get it? Because he got squished. So now he's thin, like flat Stanley. Did flat Stanley die? Flat Stanley could die. Oh, no. Eventually. Time still came for him, even though he was a very flat boy. Time still remembered how to find flat Stanley. He could mail himself all over the world, but time would still find him and claim him. I don't know. She just forgot she had the bumper sticker, I guess. She had no idea. That can't be it, Justin. What would you shout at this lady? But cookies. Oh, right. Oh, right. Fucking bumper. God, this happens every day. Shit. Oh, this is my brother's car. I don't like, I'm, I can't do gluten. But Doug loves gluten. Can't get enough

of this stuff. Maybe she was reacting to your kill all old ladies bumper sticker. That you put on the front of your car. That you put on the front and back and sides of your car. Maybe that was the one where you have a bumper sticker that says stab all old ladies with their own knitting needles because they deserve it. And maybe that's what she was reacting to. Maybe she was frustrated that you didn't see the bumper sticker right next to the Girl Scout one that says, honk if you know that I'm afraid of car horns. Which I, that one's there as like a public service as a warning. And then you have to weigh like, oh man, I do love me some dosy dose, but I do not want to freak this person. They are driving a car right now.

Do you guys even, I am, I am really, really not the type to ever sort of answer one of these, you know, signs for sign dancer at Little Caesars, honk if you love a $5 hot and ready, honk, honk, honk. I would not honk at that even though I do enjoy a $5 hot and ready pizza from time to time. I don't, I don't feel, that's not what the horn is for. And we've talked a lot about the horns famously. But I don't use mine for any purpose, even, even like voting like this. You know what I mean? So it is kind of on you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I always wonder what people are getting out of that. Like if I honk for thin mints, what does that mean for you? I honk at labor unions when they're striking. I'll honk at that because I love that kind of stuff,

see that supportive. So I did always wonder with people like that, if they're getting a lot of support, do you think there's a moment like midday through where they kind of regret like, I wish but put on my sign like wave peacefully, wave in a calm, quiet manner if you support my call. It's because like I'm tired of getting honked at. It's frankly extremely loud and upsetting. Oh, did you maybe have a bumper sticker on your car that says, flip me off and you'll fuck you if you support labor unions. Oh, that was probably it. So we could be like, bumper sticker that says, what, what, what do you like on your pizza? And I could say like, honk for just plain cheese, please. Turn on your windshield wipers if you like a pineapple on there.

Turn your radio up real loud if you do, if you don't want sausage. Hey, flash the brights if there's a murder in my backseat. Why? Why? I was doing a fun pizza ordering thing and you turned it into something scary. Happy Halloween. Do you think the person, okay, so there was a day when cars were invented and Harry T Ford probably or something and everybody was driving them and getting buck wild in there. And I bet there was like a lot of wrecks and stuff at the beginning. I know a lot of people were getting drilled for two and a half. They're basically big rocking chairs with silly big wheels on them. Yeah, it was wild. I think that whoever was in charge of automobile safety back then,

do you think that on the day someone invented bumper stickers, that person who was in charge of automobile safety was kind of like, well, I wish you hadn't because are you fucking crazy? What are you doing? It's kind of like you should watch. You don't need reading material. You're operating a motor vehicle. Like maybe it's just like the bumper sticker should say, please address the road. We're sharing it together. Yeah. Please just be a little safer. My road's down here and the arrow pointing down. You know? I just feel like it shouldn't be allowed. I feel like it shouldn't be legal. Okay, what about, okay, then let me hit you with this. Audio bumper stickers. Okay. Hands-free, eyes-free bumper stickers. And it's going to be allowed

to get through those thick windows that these cars have these days to protect you from rain and bugs. They're blue tooth. They're blue tooth. They're blue tooth. Oh, okay, so Jackson to your... Jackson, the blue tooth you drive past the car and it's like, co-exist, co-exist, co-exist. I'm pretty sure we have exactly reached the same point that we did at one point talking about horns, which is just like you could like CB radio to each other and be like, hey, fuck you. And like, listen, I think maybe we just need our cars to be able to talk to each other like in the film cars. Yeah, that's what we want. All the cars to be in conversation, applying against us. No, thank you. I'd rather they didn't. You don't know that they'd plot

against, right? I think my car and I get along fine. No, I'm saying that, yeah, but they get peer pressured into it. Oh, that's probably true. You know how cars are. Yeah. That's my favorite scene in cars where Mater gets forced to try weed and all the cool cars. Oh, whatever. I'm not going to watch cars just to see that. It makes it worth it. That sounds like really funny, but I was thinking about I should watch the cars. I'm like, I'm not going to. You can find just a super cut of that scene if you want on YouTube. Just search cars, smoking weed, Mater, layer the cable guy, tries weed for first time, and you'll find it. And well, make sure search long after that. Has layer the cable guy ever done ASMR? I need to Google it. Hold on. I really, I never

liked the let's Google this segment, but for this I am curious. Here it is. Let me, hold on, let me patch it in. Hand me the yawks cable juice. All right. Hey, there everybody. It's me, Larry, the cable man. And I wanted to say, Lord, I apologize. Get her done. This is what it sounds like when I'm doing my good comedy at the haircut place. Snip, snip, snip, snip, Lord, I apologize. Get her done. This is nothing. You're pretty sure? I thought it was something somewhere in there, but I think that it will be looked back on kindly. And we'll look back on it as we journey to the money zone. Let's go.

I need to zip some recruits and I need to recruit some zips. And if you're like me, you need to go to zip recruiter job sites that overwhelm you with tons of wrong resumes. That doesn't help. That's not zip recruiting, but there is a zippier way to recruit. And that's at zip recruiter.com slash my brother. Zip recruiter's powerful matching technology finds the right people for you and actively invites them to apply. It's no wonder that zip recruiter is rated number one by employers in the US. So right now our listeners can try zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter.com slash my brother. That's zip recruiter.com slash my brother. Juicer, you want to do Squarespace? You want me to do it, bud?

But I'd love to. Here's a quick word from Squarespace. What is it? Squarespace or the quick word? No, it's both. It's Squarespace. It's a website, but it's... Okay, this one's tough. Think about it for a second. It's a website. Uh-huh. Where you make other websites. Excuse me? You can make a beautiful one. Damn, that's fucking crazy, though. Can you imagine a sandwich that makes other sandwiches? I just watched Cloudy with a Chance at Meatballs. This is that machine that makes water into food, but for real. And you need to be careful with that Squarespace because it almost ended bad for them.

It's a good fucking flick, though. It's a real good. I like the scene where they convince the little monkey to smoke weed through peer pressure. How cool, yes. How cool to be if that shit was real, though? If you could have a burger party that was so big at the park, you're just playing around, and then there's a huge burger. How fucking tight would that be? Do you ever imagine a boardroom of Tuxedo executives listening to our advertisements for their company? This is what we spent... How much money on? It's for the... Squarespace, you knew what you were paying for, or maybe you didn't, but someone will tell you about it. But what if your principal was

being a real ding-dong and then a huge flapjack came and squished them? Yes. Squarespace, this happens when you buy in bulk. You're not going to get... Not every podcast cheese is going to be a winner. No, they used to be good, but this ad's gone spoiled. Just like the food, the big food that falls down. See, I pictured the executives sitting around the boardroom listening like, we've done it again, and enjoying their big bags of money. Please go enjoy Squarespace. They're not going to like this ad, but if a lot of people go and buy the product because of it, maybe when you go, so you can go get the website technology that's awesome, free and secure hosting is so tight. If you head to squarespace.com

slash mybrother, you get a free trial when you're ready to launch, use the offer code mybrother, and you'll save 10% off the first purchase of a website or domain. The squarespace.com slash mybrother, enter code mybrother. That's awesome because it'll let them know that you did it because of us, but if you can somehow make your website about how this specific cloudy with the chance of meatballs sort of centered ad is the one that got you there, it's going to open a lot of doors for us in the future. A website about one of the best ads anybody's ever made. You can just call it bigburgerparty.com and just have the part of us talk about the big burger falling into the park, or you can call it the flapjack, the flapjack,

yeah, the flapjackscloosh.com. Gotta stop the show to see if burgerparty.com is available. Sorry, kids. Keep podcasting around me. Sure. Here's a jumbo tron. This one's for Will, and it's from cat, Nick and bug who say, happy birthday to our favorite rebel just for kicks. We couldn't think of a better way to celebrate it than sending you this message from the host of our favorite podcast, so here's your sweet, sweet POTG. Regardless of when you hear this, we hope you're having a good day and getting plenty of protein. Love you always. Podcast of the- Is that Play of the Game? Play of the Game? Maybe. Podcast of the Griffin.

Podcast of the Griffin is a fun one. Juice, just checking in on Burger Party? Uh, Burger Party is a miss. BigBurgerParty.com is ours. Yeah, it's way better. It's way better. So you know a good way to get in plenty of- Well, you know a good way to get lots of protein. Come and eat this Big Burger, bud. BigBurgerParty.com. Oh, shit. What about BigBurger.party? Now, bud. Now, bud. Now, bud. I don't believe in sites that aren't.coms. Oh, okay. I feel like those are going to be the first ones that get shut down. Damn, Burger.party is already taken. Fuck this website.

Ah, shit. Somebody please read this next show about Sean. Internet is over, y'all. Let me read it. I got it. Okay. This is a message for Jamie from Ariel. It says, To My BFF, how's your stomach today? I'm nervous about making these few words worth it. I hope I don't waste them talking about being nervous. That would be stupid. Thank you for being a queen. Thank you for never letting me watch The Fault in Our Stars twice in one day again. Thank you for my intro to Mabin Bam. Happy birthday. I really like that. How's your stomach today? Because that is such a,

it's a, it's an applicable question every day. Day to day, I would give you a different answer to that question. And I gotta tell you, y'all, I don't know if you ever tried watching Fault in Our Stars a few times in a row. You pick up on a lot of shit the second or third time. Yeah. Like let's say I watch it and then I watch the second time, but in like half speed. And you see a lot of stuff that the director didn't like really make so obvious the first time around. And I started to think that maybe The Fault actually was the stars. Yeah. So there's like a whole like sort of secret under thread there where you're like,

is it the stars? But then you watch it the third time and I'm pretty convinced it's not up there. Is that the one with Nicholas Cage and the map on the back of the declaration or something? Is that that one? That's the Fault in Our Map. Oh, right, right, right, right. Ah, somebody got lemon juice on this map. Fuck. Dang on it. Ah, fuck. The way it's stated kind of looks like a map. You've ruined it, Doug. Ah, shit. Someone drew a triangle with an eyeball inside it on the Constitution. Dang it. You've ruined another good one. We don't have a lot of paper because it's back at old time. So we're going to keep using it, but don't do it again. Don't doodle shit on the Constitution

there, Jeffrey. Fuck. I'm going to show you something. Something very instructive. Let me see your dollar bill, Nicholas Cage. Ah, okay. Ah, watch this and understand the truth behind it all. And then he sets it on fire. Nicholas Cage is like, I wish you wouldn't do that. That was my dollar bill. Nicholas, Nicholas, I have a thing to show you. It will unveil the secrets of America. It's the Land O'Lakes Butterbox. If you cut the knees out and you move them up here, Nicholas, are you looking? Nicholas, Nicholas, look at the Land O'Lakes Butterbox. If you cut the knees out and you move them up here, it makes them look like yabos. Now, Nicholas, Nicholas, now multiply that by eight. Now turn it upside down. It's boobs. Nicholas, it's in the corner

of the bill. It looks like a tiny spider. It's not on all of them. That spider, Abraham Lincoln. Think about this. Every dollar bill Caesar Augustus used to inhale blow. That's something I read on the Snopes. Yes. I've run out of things, but I'm so lonely and I'm just glad you keep stopping by. Come back. What is it? No, I thought of another one. Listen to this. When Gene Wilder opened the costume jacket that he was to wear in his role as Willy Wonka, go on, are you getting to a point soon? Yes, I promise. When he opened the costume jacket inside, there was a name tag reading, Frank L. Baum. Who's that? Um, it was the Nicholas. Do you really not? No, I Frank L. Nicholas, I'm surprised. It's, um, no. Wait, did I say, God damn it, I've conflated Charlie

at the chocolate factory in Wizard of Oz. God damn it. Okay, I'm really going to go this time. What just happened? What was the last minute and a half of this podcast? What the fuck were you trying to achieve, juicer? Okay, so let me take you inside. Do we have time? Oh boy. Yeah, I think we've got another 15 minutes. I had to explain the last 30 seconds. I had to care. Just the last part. We were all having fun before that, right? Yeah, we were doing the guy. Yeah. Okay, there's the guy. Okay, so. And he was like showing off like fun, like childhood sort of like life hacks, like the Land of Likes Butterbox and the Spider in the Delta. Right, and it was fun. So guy who played the wizard in Wizard of Oz, okay, he gets his, um, jacket for his costume

and inside the costume for the wizard, the actor playing the wizard, inside there, the jacket has a name tag inside, um, Frank Morgan. Frank Morgan's jacket. Inside it. There's just no way this is in the show. Paul Parker panel, we have just 30 seconds to prove to Max on listeners that we know what the F we're talking about when it comes to pop culture. All right, you guys, let's go. Famous Chris's. Walk in. Christopherson, Karen, what's the most iconic lesbian snack? The wings of Hooters. The answer is fried green tomatoes. Margaret, what is the Marvel Cinematic Universe missing? My interest. Winter, name someone who will egot in your lifetime. Ike Baron holds. That's beautiful. Top gear or top

model? Sadly, I have to say top gear. The clear answer is top chef. But top model taught us about smizing. Paul, smart takes on everything catches every Friday on maximum fun. Hey, I have a yahoo for everybody. If you'll allow it, I'll allow it. Okay. Adrian, Kyle sent this one. And thank you, Adrian. It's anonymous. Yeah, who interviews her. I'm gonna call them. Uh, Ty asks, I bought a silver necklace to my friend as a gift. How do I tell her it's real silver without sounding like bragging? Nancy. Yeah, it's a good necklace, Nancy. Do you notice the way it catches the light, Nancy, in a special way? And the heft? The heft of it, Nancy. It doesn't seem to have the sort of atomic weight of iron or steel or brushed copper or

anything like that, Nancy. And how would you describe the color of the necklace? Ah, interesting. Do you think it's, oh, you said silver. Do you think it's maybe possible that that is actually what it's made up out of, Nancy? And then you say, Nancy, look behind you. It's a werewolf. Please provide me your necklace. Oh, I like that. It's like, oh, my eyes deceived me, Nancy. But it would have been interesting that I asked for your necklace in that instance. One moment, Nancy, I have to call the silver necklace store. Oh, you have one less necklace than you did this morning. I wonder where it ended up. A customer came in and purchased it who, oh, who matches my exact physical description. Nancy, are you hearing this? Maybe you need a confederate,

someone who's going to show up and say like, I just need to borrow. Does anyone have a real silver necklace? I just need it for two minutes to save this man's life. Oh, you need a third. Okay. You need another confederate who's staging a heart attack and maybe a confederate pretending to be a doctor. So you're going to need three confederates and then maybe like a crowd of confederates that are all like, he's really dying. So you're going to need 26 people. You're going to need a flash mob, essentially. Yeah. Yes. What if you go to Nancy and you say, Nancy, I should have asked yesterday, do you have an allergy to silver? Oh, that's it. Then Nancy's like, yes, I do. And you're like, that shouldn't be a problem. Normally when people have those sorts of reactions,

they're because nickel has been blended in. Hmm. Interesting. Must be pure silver. You've got there. Oh boy. Someone must have really rolled out the proverbial red carpet for you. Oh, actually, I'm allergic to real silver too. Nobody is. Nancy, that's ridiculous. It's hypoallergenic metals. Okay. Well, then why is my neck burning? Oh, God. Oh, no, I've been swindled. Now I've hoisted on my own facade. Now I am the real fool. You could always like the day after you give the necklace walk up and say like, Nancy, what a nice pure silver necklace you're wearing. Who got you that? Oh, I completely forgot that I'm the one who got you the necklace. This is embarrassing. I have memento. As you know, I have a bad case of memento. It's my face red, much like your neck.

Also, sorry again about that. It's time to sing my favorite song from my favorite Christmas movie, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Here we go. Nancy's necklace and gold. Oh, that's weird that I sang it like that. Hypo Nancy's necklace, you know, just a little goof. It's silver, Nancy. I bought you an expensive necklace, Nancy. I need you to see it, Nancy. See me, Nancy. See me as a man, Nancy, a man with means to buy you a pure silver necklace, Nancy. I can provide for you. I am not the child you knew once, Nancy. I have been working double shifts at the Taco Bell to buy you a pure silver necklace, Nancy. I went away to one semester of college and I've grown, Nancy. Let me care for you as only I can. Nancy, I am but a man, a man who read the cliff notes of Zen and the art of

motorcycle maintenance. And he stands now before you to say that necklace is silver. And my heart is gold. And my heart is gold. Here is another question. It goes a little something like this. This one, maybe we don't need to talk about, but I do want to share it. I saw something strange while driving home from work earlier this week. Due to heavy traffic, I took a route I wouldn't normally take. And while driving through a neighborhood I'm not familiar with, I noticed a blue figure on someone's front lawn. As I got closer, I saw that it was a cutout of a Navi from the movie Avatar, holding a sign that read, home of smooth daddy. Was that real? If so, who could have made it and why? I mean, probably smooth daddy.

Smooth daddy would be the only one using the Navi to tout his own smooth daddy. Hey guys. It might be smooth sun though. Smooth sun might have made it for his smooth daddy. Hey guys. I did not appreciate you giving out my personal home address on our show. We went to the world of Avatar in the animal kingdom of Walt Disney World. And it was fucking packed. Packed, absolutely packed. From a movie that came out fucking 18 years ago, and I'm sorry, the sequel will never be released, ever, ever, ever. Sorry, it will never be released. And the thing you can notice in the crowd is there are a handful of people who are like very excited to be in the world of the Navi here on Pandora, sharing in their culture

and their ritual. Very, very excited. Not like theme park excited, but like over the moon stoked to be in the land of Pandora. They were rock hard. They were rock hard. Yeah. There's a part of this question that I do not understand the context in which that question is being asked, which is you saw a science, like a Navi cut out holding a science at home of smooth daddy. And then you ask, was that real? Was it real? Do you mean? Certainly you don't mean like was that like a thing that existed in the world because you saw it. So do you mean was that actually the home of smooth daddy? That is the only thing you could mean because you know it wasn't a real Navi and you know you really saw the thing. So the only question marks left here is indeed that

the home of smooth daddy. And I have to assume yes. It either is the home of smooth daddy or that sign was placed there only moments before you saw it before the person who lived there was able to remove it. All right. I just did Google to see if I could find a picture of the sign because if this exists in somebody's yard, there's no way that somebody hasn't like taken a pick of it yet. I didn't find it. I did find a cafe press sign that somebody you know designed themselves and put up on cafe press because they needed a copy of their own and it's a sign in as a white sign with big black font that reads never underestimate a smooth fox terrier daddy. Oh boy. Okay. This is somebody who is perhaps the proud you know parent of a smooth fox terrier

and they people have been talking shit about what they can and can't do I guess for a while like what their capabilities are. People have been underestimated this daddy of a smooth fox terrier and they want everybody to know I do have this dog breed on hand at any time so don't stop talking shit. There is a band called the smooth daddy band smooth daddy band.com. Do you think that maybe this is the like if you're looking for rehearsals of the smooth daddy band this is the home where we rehearse to practice our craft. I just hope that this theme continues then and it's also like this is the show of smooth daddy. This is the car of smooth daddy. This is the shirt of smooth daddy and you can buy it for $25.

Hey here's a quick yahoo to you know get us get us home. Yeah thank you is send in by Morgan Davy keep it waving Morgan Davy it's yahoo answers user sorry something's gone wrong gonna give it a quick refresh see if the data will be injected into my rig. No absolutely not this was asked by smooth daddy who asks. On the Tom Hanks movie cast away. What was in the box he never opened. Why didn't he open the stinking box it ruined the whole movie for me. My husband claims it has something to do with the symbolism that he was a company man and trying to do what was right. Well if he opened up the other stupid boxes I'd bother to save that one tell me something that

will make it all better inside. Oh tell me something make it better. Inside the box was Marcellus Wallace's soul. Okay okay I mean that's one too that one too sucks open it up. Oh the gold light pretty cool right. What was it though. Come on tell me something that makes it feel better. It hurts so bad not knowing. The box had angel wings on it. Uh huh. That's what that's the only thing we know and so maybe. But that's why he didn't open it because it's like what if there's an angel inside here or like weird old wings or dusty angel robes there's nothing angel related it's going to be helpful. Yeah like here's my angel brand coconut peeler. Sure and honestly I've let this thing stay closed for so long that angel is definitely dead in that

box. I did not poke holes in it or feed it the food that angels love to eat which I guess is just angel food cake. So this angel's dead as hell and I do not want to open this box because I'm going to see it and feel bad and the stink the stink the rotting stink. The cherubic rotting stink of this little angel. I don't know why I didn't open the box right away I thought maybe it might be cool to have one box that wasn't open and then I put two and two together there's definitely dead old angel here I don't want that. I'm unconscious so I'm going to deliver this. Hey ma'am listen I was on an island for a long time here's a box I'm gonna go why didn't you feed my angel. What the hell dude.

It's possible. Maybe he knew it was a bomb and he's not trying to fuck around with that. This is the one bomb I know this. How many of the boxes empty. It's been a while since I've seen Casaway so there's probably a concrete answer to this but how do you how long do you think that Tom Hanks is character whose name escapes me. How long do you think that he stood there on the porch like huh huh what do you think. Oh exciting a tip. Did you uh hello pretty good right. I bet you thought uh no but I did I did do it. But like don't congratulate me too hard because I did open all the other boxes. I opened all the other ones. I bet you didn't even see this coming. Can I tell you something. I was on an island. I was on an island. I was on

so what do you think pretty cool right. Yeah pretty cool anyway what are you doing. Do you want to chill like I haven't I don't have any plans. I was on an island up until like yesterday everyone I ever knew is dead. So if you want to. I'm free if you just want to like I don't know like play some Sonic. Do people still play Sonic. Yeah is there a new Sonic game because I've been on an island for so many years. Sonic's so radical. I was on an island. Hey do you have a do you have a clearly Canadian. I'm parched over here. We can uh drink some clearly Canadian and watch the Arsenio Hall show. Does that sound good to you a cool hang. Hey did you ever meet my dad or my children. My grunge. Hey I'm looking for my my grandchildren. I guess they're probably

adults by now. I've been on this island for like forever. So I'm looking for my adult grandchildren and their children because everybody else I've ever known is dead. Yeah and are you hiring and maybe do you have a room I could live in because like yeah I've lost my job and my mortgage for sure. I don't know sort of what future times are. I only have two arms and two legs. I don't know sort of in your time lot like how what people have evolved to at this point but I am kind of a throwback human with just the two arms and two legs. Hey could you help me get a bank loan because I was definitely declared dead and it's going to be really hard for me. No okay that's fine. I did just deliver your box. You're welcome. Huffer banks. Can you take me to your cyber dentists

because my teeth got really really goofed up on the island. I have human bone teeth. I don't know if you guys have like mental teeth or what. I just have human bone teeth. Could you program me some food because I am a real human. Can I have a food pill or something. Is there still water. I was worried about y'all using it all before I got back. Do you have any water left. We have water back at the island but it tasted so yucky when you drank it. I figured that's just the way all water was these days. It was like yucky flavor water. I hated it so much. Oh god my teeth stink so bad. What's in that box. Oh it's toothbrush and toothpaste. That would have been cool. I'll wait while you open it. Oh it's a change of socks. Fuck. That would have been nice.

Listen Robert Zemeckis this is money in the bank. Make a $100 special edition cast away where they open up the box. There's a deleted scene where she opens up the box and she's like my hand cream finally got here. Thanks Tom and then Tom walks away. That could be the end of the movie. Make a special edition of Pulp Fiction where they reach in the briefcase and they're like oh yeah gold bars. It's gold bars everyone. What if what if you made it like cast away two and it was just a static shock what static shot of the box and then at the very end she rips it open after waiting an hour and a half and you see her look inside fade to black and then you do cast away three okay dumps it into your hand and it's another sealed box and then cast away four.

Fuck this is good. Yeah right and I have to be clear these are all feature film and then like maybe Tom Hanks like shows up in the bloopers of the credits so you can like seal list them as being in it and you can win another award or whatever. Hey guys it's me Tom. Hope you enjoyed the movie. I know it's mostly a woman very slowly opening up a box but that's art these days. Anyway I'm going to show you some bloopers now. Hope you come back for cast away four this time. She is going to go to the kitchen she's going to get the box cutter out but it's going to take her an hour and a half to find replacement blades for it so it's going to be really exciting. Robert's got some big plans for this one. Anyway here's some bloopers rip.

I opened it too fast start over. I hope this bots. Fuck me. We hope you've enjoyed yourself here at my brother and my brother and me farms. We know that we've enjoyed having you here at the ranch. We always enjoy your visits and everyone feels more special than the last. I want to say thanks to the maximum fun network for having us as a part of their extended podcasting family. We care about you deeply. I want to say briefly that my wife and I wrote a book about medical history called Saw Bones. The book the Saw Bones book. Shit. Oh okay. Big.ly forward slash the Saw Bones book. Please pre-order it. It's really important. It's fantastic. And it's and Griffin read it. It's fantastic. It sounds good. Good book. I also

real quick so I've got a show coming up October 6th during New York Comic Con. It's in like two weeks and it's called Travis and Friends. It's October 6th at 7 30. Listen to this lineup folks. We've got Miles Luna. Lucky Yates. Jamie Cordero. Janet Varney. Ben Blacker. Jean Gray. Quelle Chris. Holly Conrad. Jonathan Colton. The Double Clicks. Brent Black. Samus the Rapper. Courtney Enlo. Pat Rothfuss. Paul and Storm. Amy Dallin. Clint McRoy. And me and Teresa. And we're all going to be doing stuff. Playing music. Making comedy. Making friends. And it's going to be just a whale of a good time. And I would like you to come to it. And you can get tickets to it at bit.ly slash McRoy NYCC. And come to your show that is absolutely overloaded with fun and cool

and great people. I'm super excited about it. And I can't wait to see you there. Bit.ly slash McRoy NYCC. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. You can find that one at stores. And yeah. So thank you, John. Thank you, Long Winters. Do y'all want that final? Yeah, indeed. Yes. Sure. This one is sent in by Daniel Barrero. Thank you, Daniel. Let's see who answers user. Andrew August who asks, why does the smell of laser tag get me horny? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips.

Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Podcasts. Podcasts. Podcasts. They're audio programs that tell smart stories. In innovative ways. Using editing techniques like this. Like this. Like this. But let's face it. All that smart stuff can be exhausting. That's where stop podcasting yourself comes in. It's so stupid. It's just too stupid dinguses. Being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes. Stop podcasting yourself. The stupid show that smart people love. Find it on iTunes. Or Maximumfun.org.