My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 428: Big Debbie

Episode Date: October 8, 2018

Travis makes a big purchasing decision for all three of us this episode, and the repercussions for his hastiness will reverberate throughout the land. Today, we put our oats where our mouth is. Which -- wait! That's a great place to put oats. Suggested talking points: We Bought a Horse Zoo, Aw Beans, Cursed Snacks, The Oatmeal Creme Pie Days, The New Horses?, Munch Squad Jr., Future Slingshot Fight, Dead Drops

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother Meena, advice show for the Modular. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother 30 under 30 Griffin McElroy. Listen, I know it's early, it just turned October, it just rolled over in October,

but I know what next year's theme is going to be. Oh Jesus Christ. At what point do we, I haven't collaborated with like even anybody this year, not even one time a little bit. Wait, you've worked with us on several things. That doesn't fucking count anymore. We are the same thing at this point. We haven't reached across the boundaries to other people to create new art in you with the umlaut over art. We haven't collaborated and let's stop fucking kidding ourselves. I collaborated once. With whom? On what? My friend Jerry. On what? Sandwich. You made a sandwich with your friend Jerry. I do actually remember that. Yeah, it was a really

sandwich. It was a good one. You shared a little piece of it. You mailed me a little finger of it and you mailed Justin a finger of it and we had a great meal together. I had a piece of bread with some peanut butter on it and Jerry had a piece of bread with some jelly on it and we kind of high fived in midair with a piece of bread. It was good. It's a friendship sandwich. We called it a Travis and Jerry sandwich and then you can find it at most grocery stores called Uncrustables. But here's the thing. In the past, our themes have been something that we are telling everyone in our audience to do. They are general messages of guidance for the year. I've got something a little different in line for 2019. This is very specific

for my brother and my brother and me and it's going to change our show forever. Are you ready? I guess so. I have plans later today and so I'm not sure I'm in the right space to get my life changed. Okay. Are you ready? Wait, wait, wait. Sidebar with juice. What juice? What are we going to do if it's shitty? The theme? Yeah, what do we do if it's shitty? Because he's talking about it like it's so good. I didn't approve talking about this right now. Like this is breaking my heart right now. I don't know. What am I? Like it's so early. It's so early. Are you ready? Okay. 20 equine teen this year we buy a horse. I love it. Uh-huh. You got to hear the rest of the idea too. Yes. Yes, Anne. Yes, Anne. It has a

cousin named. I love it, but we buy the horse. We buy the horse and we set up a 24 seven webcam on the horse so that people can go and look at the horse whenever they want to. All right. Seven issues. While seven issues. Okay. And yeah, it took me less than seven seconds to generate them. So I'm talking about a more than one issue per sec, but if we have a 24 seven webcam up on the horse, people are going to see how bad we are at taking care of this fucking horse. Are you kidding me? We will keep it somewhere where there are people competent to take care of the horse. We won't. That don't matter. That don't matter. That don't matter. People are going to be watching these feeds for little glimpses of our glory as we walk in. We're like, let's pet

the horse. Let's ride the horse. Let's love the horse. Let's nourish the horse with our love. And then they're not going to see that because I won't and you fucking won't and Justin certainly won't. I might. I might. You won't. You wicked won't. If it's nearby. Number two, horses are very, very wildly profoundly expensive. They say that the day you buy a horse is the happiest day of your life. And that's it. That's all they say. Because it is a happy thing, but it doesn't change the fact that it's profoundly expensive, Travi. I don't. I feel like there's a real, I've gotten smarter. When you're growing up, you think it's funny to joke about everything. Everything is a joke. As I've gotten older, I've learned, especially on this show, not everything's funny

because we've joked about things sometimes and they happen. And sometimes they happen in like, I wanted it to happen so it did Matilda way. And some of them happen in like, we try to make this happen without really thinking about the repercussions of it way. And this seems to be one of those situations where I feel like we could, like someone could just show up with a horse. That's, that's my worry is that the people will say, well, these guys are never going to do this on their own. I'm going to just get them a horse. Oh, I see. You said that's your worry, but that was my hope and outcome. I was hoping that someone would buy a horse. Yeah. I want to buy the horse because I want to own it. I don't want a charity horse

because a charity horse says, I don't, I can't have this. I gotta tell you, Travi, just to get a taste of this, I did just go on Craigslist to search for horses. Uh-huh. In your area or in my area or what's up? In my area. There are some busted ass steeds up on this service, Travi. And I know every horse is a treasure from God's blessings, but oh my God, there are some steeds on here, Travi, that we would not want to be sort of seen with, let alone the legal owners of. There are some. That's what people said about sea biscuit, Griffin. No, Travi. Yeah, sea biscuit is a, is a, is a tall glass of water compared to some of these busted, gilding, gentle for the family steeds. That's what this one says. Appaloo's a gilding gentle for the family.

I'd not, my fucking family, it looks awful. Oh my God. Well, how pretty does your horse need to be then, Griffin? Better than this, at least better than this. This is a good, sort of metric. Here is how incapable we are to own a horse. And I'm going to, I'm going to just, this is a quiz that I don't know the answer to, but I'm going to hit you, Travis. And this is a quarter horse. It's a listing in our, in my region of Huntington, West Virginia. This is a nice two year old grade quarter horse standing 13.3 HH. Uh-huh. And what's that mean? Hands high. Hands high. Okay, fair. I think it's horse, I think it's horse height.

I think this, I think HH stands for horse height and it's a special, so it's like stone, you know how they say stone across the pond? It's a horse height is just like a new unit for horses heights. Uh, this is easy go, okay, simple to catch in your pocket kind of horse. Okay. Easy going, stands tied. Trav, easy going, stands tied. You can tie it up, it'll just hang out. Picks up all four hooves and has a nice solid WTC. Uh, walk trot canter. Oh, that's good. Okay, I'll give that to you. Yeah, what's up? Been ponied, been ponied on several different occasions.

I think it means it got drunk on ponywine. No silly business to him. Has never offered to buck, bite, kick, or rear. Do they offer? Hi, um, I don't mind if you'd like to buck or bite or kick or rear. Can be stalled or turned out on pasture, does great either way, ready to be started your way. I love it. I can see this guy going in any direction. He's a nice horse to work with and a pleasure to be around asking 700 OBO. Or best offer. $700 is not very much for a horse. Here's what I want to say though, on Craigslist, the listing does say $1. So maybe you're lying. Maybe you're a liar and I can't really trust anything you say about your horse. Now I found a mini horse slash pony nearby

Cincinnati, a real little Sebastian type, and it says here, no kick or bite. So that's okay. $200 offer. I do want it to offer it because sometimes I do. One time, the only time I've ever ridden a horse is on our old youth minister's farm and it was, I was going bareback, no saddle on that bad boy. And it looked back at me and it said, Hey, I'd like to buck you off and hurt your wiener very badly. And I said, I would not like that. Oh, you're doing it. You did it. It's done. It's been done. Thank you. Thank you. Let's learn about Jesus now. The horse said this? No. So yeah, Trav, this is- I'm going to work on it. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to

manifest it with my energy and I'm going to make it happen. Juice, how about that first question? Yes, this is an advice show. My advice to you is probably don't buy a horse unless you like know what you're doing and you don't. You don't. You can learn on the spot. Like you don't start driving after you learn to drive. You can't buy a my first horse at Burner horse and then learn how to not let them die. What if I got a super old horse? Ah, that's he got you there. They're harder and they're more racist. So that's not even the kind of horse vibe you want around your home. You want a young open-minded horse that will offer to bite but not so much that it gets

weird. Yeah, it won't make it seem like it wants to know if you want it to bite you rather than making it clear that it wants to bite you. I would hate to bite you. My boyfriend recently revealed to me that he's allergic to beans and has never eaten them. I don't know what accent that was that you said the word beans with. I always say beans. My boyfriend recently revealed to me he's allergic to beans and has never eaten them. While researching bean free chili recipes he quietly but seriously asked me what do beans taste like? Brothers, I have tried but I don't have the words that I hope in somewhat fear you do. How can I describe what a bean tastes like to someone who's never had them

and that's from Bean Full Thinker in Oregon. I can tell you mouthfeel. What's the mouthfeel of a bean? Mouthfeel of a bean is a little bit like mushed up like sand. A little dirt in there. Gritty. Oh beans. Oh the beans are gritty. Yeah I think the best way I could describe the mouthfeel of a bean is simply to say never as creamy as you want. You expect it to be a certain amount of creaminess but it's not going to get you there. And I always want a little pop to my bean but it more just like. It gives up. It gives up that goes to me. You know how they say small potatoes. I think a bean is kind of like a small soft potato in terms of like a small soft potato I think is very good. Yeah now we are kind of limiting this because I think we're thinking of like your standard

like black bean, red bean, kidney bean kind of deal but this could also be like green beans. You're right Travis. Let's codify this. All beans taste the same. Save for green beans which are beans that you eat inside their house and lima beans which I have been trying to get the Food and Drug Administration to classify as poison for my entire life. They are yucky. I would happily put the Mr. Yuck sticker on all these lima beans. They are the fucking worst. You know lima beans technically are poison if you consume enough of them that contain a chemical that causes your body to create cyanide. Oh yeah it's like apple seeds. It's because they're so fucking gross that your body is like I would actually rather be dead than continue to

eat these yucky yucky lima beans. I do not care how much butter you put on them Derek. They're still lima beans and they're gross. I'm going to go ahead and produce a chemical to hurt my own body. Thank you. Thank you Derek for this. And of course jelly beans which tastes like the opposite of beans. Why haven't they made bean flavored jelly beans? Thank you. I bet you somebody has. You guys are also very limited in that I would suggest to you to get into a bean based diet because you would be shocked at how many different permutations of beans there can be. Like my famous black bean brownies that's going to give you a whole different appreciation for beans when they're using beans as the brownie batter. Another one would be roasting the beans at very

hot temperatures. It turns into something of a crunchy snack. Kind of like pop beans. Kind of like bean chips. Now Justin is this good advice for someone who is definitely allergic to bean chips? A set of my beans. A set of my beans. But our question asker. Okay. Very allergic to beans. A set on my beans. But listen Triumph. A set on my beans. He's sat right on his beans dude. No. I was going to enjoy these beans and I sat on them that government. This is a good question. Is your boyfriend allergic like through skin contact? Can your boyfriend touch beans because then maybe like if he touches enough beans he'll get the feel for the beans and then you guess what they taste like from the field. Yeah. Goosh it up in your hand.

Goosh up a bunch of beans in your hand. Imagine it's your mouth. Yeah. With your teeth. But the teeth are good. That's good. You can't be allergic to beans. What? I don't think you could be allergic to beans. You mean allergic to anything. I faked a Windex allergy when I worked at Blockbuster so I wouldn't have to clean. And I don't think you could be allergic to beans. Wait hold on. So to connect the two things you just said based on the fact that you lied about being allergic to something once you think it is impossible to then be allergic to beans. No it is of course I'm being silly. It's because they're in the same family's peanuts so of course you can be allergic to beans. But thank you for finally clarifying for us when you are and aren't being silly on the

show. I'm just having a lot of fun. If it sounds like I'm having a hoot and a holler just the best darn time of my life then I'm probably joking around just having some fun with the listeners. The listeners and I get it. It's kind of like a private thing. How about a yahoo? Okay. This one is sent in by so many fucking people it's wild. Thank you everybody. It's yahoo answers user Parker who asks are goldfish the snack cursed. On the first day of one of my classes I was sat in the very front row and I had a bag of goldfish open for me to snack on. When reaching for a pencil I nudged the bag and it swept to the crunchy fish across the table and some onto the floor. Three weeks later I purchased another bag of goldfish and while struggling to remove my

sweater I knocked them to the floor after only a handful have been eaten. Suggestions? Huh. I have spilled two bags of goldfish crackers. Uh huh. I'm starting to think these things are all cursed. I'm starting to think that there was a murder somebody fell into the goldfish you know crunch crunch crunchetizer at the goldfish factory and then their angry ghost is going around and making all the bags fucking fall over. They are incredibly spillable like snack. I mean of the snacks they're incredibly spillable because goldfish are one of the very few snacks and really you won't be able to think of any of them I think that aren't like pepperage farm based but they're a bag with a flat bottom oh that's just tempting fate if you think about it

you set that bag up and you're like that's fine it's flat on the bottom but you wouldn't do that with the fucking any other bag you would not set any other bag up and be like hey bag are you cool and expect that bag to be cool the goldfish lure you into this false sense of security like hey we know there's a thousand of us and we're in a bag but it'll be fine just walk away it's fine sometimes they come in a milk carton too and that's just trickery that's just roguish trickery because I'm gonna see that on on the shelf in the pantry and I'm gonna think Dylan left the milk out in the pantry again why doesn't he get where this actually goes and then I'm I'm so busy yelling at Dylan I haven't even realized the mistake that I've made

which is that they're cheesy crackers and not milk. Do you think it's the ghost of goldfish? Interesting every time you crunch one of them a little ghost comes out and either tries to push over its bag but it's there's just one of them so really I think by the laws of physics you have to have eaten half the bag and then you'll have half a bag worth of goldfish ghosts who are then capable of knocking over their their partners who are still remaining still living inside the bag. There was one day many years ago at Pepperidge Farm where a well-meaning chef said hi everyone I've made new cheese crackers and I'd like everyone to enjoy them they're small and I think you're really gonna like them and the guy everybody

at the office hates his name is Billip. Billip tries one and he's like close but I think I like it more if they're shaped like animal they're like huh what kind um a pet like one like a pet that people have that everybody has I wish they were shaped like pets that we have the goldfish pets well why do you want to eat I just don't know I just think I'd like it better if they're shaped like one of my pets and I could eat a bunch of them in front of my goldfish that I have my real animal goldfish why why do we want to attack we we put them in a tiny prison give them dirt and then it's like and also watch me eat crackers of you for your entire life I watched a David Blaine magic trick where he did eat three goldfish and then he did throw them all up and everybody at the

party like Jake Gyllenhaal freaked the fuck out and I saw that and I said I would like to do that but I want to keep them down and I also want to be made out of cheesy crackers stuff because that's my shit my boyfriend and I recently moved to do a house while mowing the lawn my boyfriend was apparently enjoying his time in the sun and decided on a whim to mow the neighbor's front lawn as well hmm we have met our neighbors briefly and shared neighborly conversation but we really don't know each other he didn't say anything to them about mowing their lawn and just thought of it as a nice thing to do I'm worried that our neighbors will be confused at best and worst in terms of this is a passive aggressive comment on their lawn care it was should we okay it doesn't

say that that's Justin's commentary yeah um should we knock on the door explain that we're not weird that's from civil and sincey let me explain my comment what I'm saying is you looked at their lawn and said that's long enough somebody should cut it yeah um I mean it's good that your your your partner uh glib glow from the planet Mars 8 what is he doing what are you doing I'd like to mow two lawns what are you doing the only way I think that you can get away with this is to have your boyfriend knock on their door and request $10 for having mowed their lawn and then they refuse and he goes like well I never or whatever and then he walks away because if someone was just like hey just letting you know I mowed your lawn I would assume some kind of intent that was about

judging me or something but if they said like I did it and now I expect to be paid I'd be like oh I understand this I get what this transaction is I just what would you do if they came home and you were in the yard and their yard mowing their grass with your machine at your height of grass that you like it cut with your dirty machine what if they have special seed what do they have special grass what if they have special hey here's one what if they like to cut their grass that's it what if one of them is glib glow from Mars 8 also and they want to mow at least one lawn this month love that mowing their lawn and you stole that from them that's the thing if it's the last good mow of the year and you've been saving up that last glass of lemonade

your good mowing shorts what if what if they can't mow the lawn because their children got shrunk down asshole you asshole glib glow they're freaking little kids you mowed their little kids you mowed all their little little kids their little little teenage kids they shrunk down accidentally what did you think it was a noel some sort of chipmunk no that was their children how small are the children they they're about chipmunk size we like man it's fine their chip that's they the grass is so tall they have no chance oh no i ran over their Legos i ran over their oatmeal cream pie hey squad you know that scene and hunting i shrunk the kids where they're with the ant and they're surviving out in the backyard and they come across and oatmeal cream pie and all start

having a big snack of it uh-huh yeah well what the fuck was there a whole oatmeal cream pie just sitting out in their backyard who was walking around in their backyard trying to go from point A to point B with their snack on the oatmeal cream pie which was normal size to them a big teenager and then they dropped it and they were like that's just gonna stay right there on the ground it's such a good question they're so good what kind of dirt bag that's fucking fine i love ants and i hate snacks just what am i what am i gonna do pick it up come on come on with these hands with these beautiful manicures no way leave it i'm on my way inside i'm at brewery and i'm a dirt bag i'm gonna leave that exactly where i dropped it

man so who's playing with legos outside you know there were some at least one of those kids had to keep using a laser machine to shrink themselves down and eat big oatmeal cream that's the fucking best like i don't want to get squashed or mowed down and i like obviously got to go to school and i can't be you know one inch high while i'm doing that shit but guys i gotta tell you i do miss the big oatmeal cream pie days do you remember the big oatmeal cream pie times we almost got killed by a scorpion or whatever but the big oatmeal cream pie was the best moment of my life i think i did very much enjoy the huge oatmeal cream pie it's just i don't i don't okay the number one thing that is wild about the oatmeal cream pie is

i dropped an oatmeal cream pie outside i'm just gonna leave it all well then it's the breaks that's why the other thing is wild is that's the first ant that found it the ant they befriend is the first ant to find this fucking thing are you kidding me if i if i leave one chunk of apple which is gross compared to an oatmeal cream pie it's oh god disgusting compare covered covered in ants five seconds later covered in ants you tell me this thing isn't getting wrecked by ants no way i'm leaving this as a plot hole on the imdb page let's fucking trash this flick yeah hey how come in honey we shrunk ourselves where the parents got themselves shrunk down and the parents find them the kids aren't like i'm gonna grow you back but hold up y'all have got to eat one of these oatmeal

cream pies and go down the kitchen and give their their little parents a big oatmeal cream pies like that seems fucked up how come by the third movie the the zelinski's aren't like fucking super rich because like wane could just like make an oatmeal cream pie really big and be like hey everybody in town you can stay normal size but come fucking feast on this oatmeal cream pie i've fixed starvation forever yeah anyway i'd love to eat that oatmeal cream pie they said i want it so i want a big fucking oatmeal cream pie god fuck that makes me so so angry i'll never i'll never get to have that pay yet i'm gonna make a company called big debbie and it only makes big snacks for big boys for big

hi i'm big debbie and i'm ready to blast your big ass hunger my oatmeal cream pie is the size of a whole fucking pie let's do this open up motherfucker these are my these are my jacked zebra cakes full of protein for big boys ah and the fucking the mascot's just a ripped fucking just zebra just jacked muscles come on big boys you want are you gonna eat this star crunch asshole or you want to drink some unsweetened tea it's october mother fuckers have one of our weird pumpkin shaped things with this time it's a whole fucking pumpkin full of protein powder come on coward i'm here to fuck you up did i make protein they've all got fucking protein now oh yeah get slow get slow with me big debbie but

police continue to patronize my granddaughter little debbie i love i care about her and i'm so proud of her small business that she's starting can you imagine being in a business meeting with little debbie that'd be wild so cute i think i go a little something like this i think if you have a business meeting at little debbie co and i fucking i love little debbie i know the family of little debbie is the listener to the show and thank you so much i appreciate you because they've sent us some little debbies before if you have have you have they sent me some little debbies for everyone okay um if you have a business meeting at little debbie do you have to serve little debbies at the business meeting because one yes i will take a meeting at little debbie if those are

the conditions of the uh gathering second there's some times where maybe it's not appropriate maybe it's not appropriate to have a big plate full of zebra uh bars or star crunches or or uh Christmas tree cakes although those are my fucking shit though oh really i love the swiss cake rolls i like the short cake rolls i like my food in a roll form this is a fun universe adjustments invented though where uh you know at the mcdonald's corporate headquarters they're talking about how you know they've seen just more and more of their their profits be wicked away by chipotle and this could be the end of ronald this year and then and then they come in and they do have a you know a bunch of their nasty burgers and chicken nuggets when they say i have to i my i'm worth 30 million

dollars but i guess we do we do have to eat our dirty chicken balls if you have a picnic you can't just get subs that's what i'm saying if you have mcdonald's corporate picnic you can't just like you know what i love this time pizza show absolutely not well okay hold on mcdonald's pizza don't don't tease you with the mcpizza please can we please go to the money zone i'm there already look around you i i have changed the walls in every direction that you're not looking until finally you spin wildly and notice that you've been in the money zone for hours our first sponsor this week is stamps dot com

you can get everything you want on demand podcasts little debbie's that's if you if you work there of course i'm i don't think you can get little debbie's on demand if you work at little debbie justin don't punch me mother fucker not not it comes through pneumatic tubes you you pull a lever and one blast out of a pneumatic tube into your mouth and you take whatever you get you love it because they're all great um except peanut butter bars are not crazy about whoa you can get postage on demand and then mail the little debbie home to your family but that is a violation of company policy and you will be terminated if caught with stamps dot com you could access all the amazing services of the post office except for looking at wanted posters

because they don't do that anymore and i asked you could buy and print official us postage for any letter any package using your own computer and printer and the mail carrier picks it up which seems like a feature until you realize they come to your house every day and it would be wild if they weren't like hello i'll take this it's nice it's nice it's a nice feature but just like mail is nice right now you can use my brother all one word for this special offer it's a code my brother for this special offer it includes up to 55 dollars a free postage a digital scale and a four week trial so don't wait go to stamps dot com before you do anything else click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type my brother that's stamps dot com click the microphone

and then enter my brother boy i just don't ever want to say enter my brother if i could just avoid that exact phrasing it would be great thank you do you think that right now there is like an executive from stands dot com calling little debbie and like hey could you pay for part of this ad that we did because a lot of it was about you and you could just kick in like 20 30 percent that would be great that'd be awesome uh hey i want to tell you about quip quip is great they make a really great toothbrushes i i recently picked one up a couple months ago and have an impression with it and it's so nice i really like traveling with it i think we've talked about this before it's got this like case that you can stick onto your mirror and you can pop it off at any time i thought like

because you could stick it on and pop it off like it wouldn't stick after a while but it's it just keeps sticking and it's amazing but then you can take that case and just like put the toothbrush inside it and it's an easy travel case it's awesome um their sonic vibrations are designed to be gentle enough for sensitive gums uh and quip toothbrushes run for three months on one charge uh also brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just five bucks so you can get the brush that is backed by over 20 000 dental professionals quip starts at just 25 and if you go to get quip dot com slash my brother right now you can get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush that's your first refill pack free at g e t q u i p dot

com slash my brother i have a jumbotron and it's from anna and it's for alex slater sweetest greetings to my best friend ever our traveling shenanigans have evolved from getting lost on our way to see star trek to unforgettable cross country road trips here's to a lifetime of great stories and adventures to come i'm so proud of the beautiful scarlet haired warrior woman you will always be love you that's nice hmm what's wrong griffin i'm just one of a star wars guy i guess i hate uh i hate i love star wars so much with all of the cool lightsabers and um and you're really one of the architects of that world if i'm one of the architects yeah so when they jump you in george says no he says no more star trek okay boy and i said um i said okay dad just

do you want to read the next one uh it would be out it would be my great honor this is a message for claire or v and fiona or janice or janice probably janice it's janice or janice well it's from emily your dm and best friend thank you both so much for playing dnd with me for partying with me in the center of one of the most niche venn diagrams ever and for the incredible friendship we share that's helped me through the past few whacked multi years of my life 2015 may be over oops but i'm so glad that the three of us are still together together enjoying the long long grift i love you now just it i'm okay i understand i understand what happened we've done bad before but i don't think we've done three and a half years bad before i understand what happened now

welcome everyone to the live wrestling spectacular in los angeles so far the world's most boring wrestling podcast has been just drawing the competition isn't there anyone who can save us from this travesty wait could it be it's titan fights the perfect wrestling podcast titan fights is here to save us from the monotony of boring wrestling podcasts with alluring's conversations woke trips through the history of wrestling and joke about the finer points of people wearing spandex what a match and the titan fights podcast will be back every week thursday's on maximum fun dot org or wherever you get podcasts please these hosts families

hey how about a yahoo um sure uh this one was sent in by michelle smith thank you michelle let's see how who answered user andrew it's germane to um what we were talking about earlier andrew asks which do you like better horses or camels um keep in mind while we talk about this that horses are completely over and we need something like a new joke i guess uh andrew says the reason why i like camels more than horses is because if one treats it right one is actually safer around a camel than a horse camels are smarter than horses it is better than horses at perceiving threats the trade-off is that the camel is more powerful animal and it's bigger and harder to mount to ride and likes to mess with and try to eat hair

and it won't be around you if you mistreat it just one time and then the camel will be a dangerous animal to be around but compared to being kicked by a horse it's not that bad of trade-off the camel also has a way more efficient stride okay but also camels are harder to sit on that depends because i bet you could find a groove that perfectly matches your grundle do you know what i mean jelly bean there's a perfect there's a perfect horses are all cookie cutter except for some of these fucking awful awful horses i found on craigslist just these little mutants um but there's probably you know no two camels are the same and so there's probably one out there that like if a tailor perfectly measured my my gujar then it could find a camel

that perfectly matched the dimensions of said gujar like how owan chooses the wizard and harry potter it's exactly like that i want to go to alivander's gujar measuring camel provider outfitter camels and what's wrong juice they sell they sell cigarettes to kids and and horses are beautiful and there's not any comparison they're lucky they have four legs because otherwise people would never mention them in same breath as horses well okay i guess we know where justin stands here's two words for you equine oh here's another word dromedary uh the second one sounds like a fart of words and the equine sounds like a uh a loot player took a unicorn hair and plucked the finest note possible is what equine sounds

like and i think yeah no thanks okay all right asked an answer next question got him we got him uh i have a quick um uh i i've been wanting to develop a segment that's sort of like much squad junior where i don't necessarily do the song and interrupt the show but i just mentioned some headlines some quick headlines and i wanted to mention this quick headline this is so this is this is this is this is this much fun junior oh yeah cool okay so here's there's a new there's a salad chain that's on the cusp of it just blowing up can you make a sound effect to use skateboarding up like i don't know what that sounds like but use skateboarding up for much god junior okay Okay.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Ha ha ha ha. Much more junior. Don't skateboard away, correct. Much more junior. Oh no, you left. Oh, I liked him. I'm back.

Oh yeah, now you have to do it all in that voice. Okay. Now tell me the good news. I just, it's just one thing I want to let you all know. There's an Oklahoma based salad chains blowing up. They got Robert Lee at the helm, CEO, just made a new leadership hire. It's Todd Madlener.

He's gonna be the VP of operations coming over from Red Robin after 20 years. And the name of this chain is Cool Greens. Ha ha ha. And it's one word and it doesn't sound real, but it's Cool Greens. And Todd says, I am very excited about the opportunity with Cool Greens and get back into an underserved segment,

a fast casual dining. The salad segment says Madlener. There are burger and pizza joints every corner while the salad and healthy concepts are underserved in the US. I wonder why Todd Cool Greens gives me a chance to get back into the segment and offer something different to franchisees

looking to diversify their business portfolio or want to join the growing, healthy fast casual segment. And that restaurant again is called Cool Greens. Cool, cool, cool Greens. I just, Cool Greens. There's no way, bud. The only way that Greens become cool as a brand

is if you sold salads that did have tokens for Chuck E. Cheese arcade games scattered. Like that was the time, it was Croutons and some Feta and a little bit of cranberry and tokens that you could use to play arcade games at Dave and BuzzFeed. There's your salad, it's got, we've got Croutons and we've got raisins

and we've got Fresh Prince of Bel-Air trading cards and they're right in there. Shredded right up, we got Baby Spinach. We've got little chunks of fresh Granny Smith apple and little codes for Fortnite skins. Kids, come on into Cool Greens. We know where to buy drugs. Someday historians will look back on this bit

and note how easily we could summon up things that are cool and how hard we stumbled and fought to come up with salad ingredients. I did hear raisins in there, I think. Raisins, or it's a thing, but it's not. We did do raisins, yeah. If the bin is like salad things, there is a list of about a hundred different things.

Yeah, sure. No, don't get me wrong, raisins is not a salad thing but I wouldn't put it in the top 10. We could have had carrots or cucumbers or tomatoes but we weren't with raisins. Survey says, oh, didn't make it on the board. This salad's got scrambled eggs and hot dog slices and cool pictures of Spider-Man.

How about another question though? Yeah, I'd love that. Now I'm looking at all these salads and getting hungry for salad. You know how it goes for people like me. I work at a toy store that sells, that was a weird way of saying toy store. I work at a toy store that sells a variety of objects

including small colorful rocks and gems. The other day, an older man came up to me in the store with a panic look in his eyes. He ran up to me, dropped a giant water cache on the table and said, I have $150. How many rocks can I get? Due to this totaling out to a substantial amount of rocks, I had to grab my manager to help with the transaction

but when I came back, he was gone. If he comes back, what should I do in this situation? Why does he need so many rocks? I'm deeply concerned about this situation, brothers and I really need some clarity. Yeah, that's from ill-fated encounter in Idaho and it is for a slingshot fight. Oh, I was going to say time traveler.

Time traveler does need rocks for the future. We've run out of rocks. We did too many slingshot fights. Noir's needs rocks and we did too many slingshot fights. We ran out, shot them all up and they got out into space and why do you need so many rocks? $150 worth of rocks is probably a lot of rocks, eh? A great deal of rocks.

Maybe not like at a toy store, you could probably get a better sort of rock per dollar at a Home Depot or like the old quarry. Fuck that, at the quarry, you don't even need $150. Just go and take some rocks, bud. But those aren't prestige rocks, Griffin. Those are just dirty rocks. There has to be something about

how prestigious these rocks are. The only thing I can imagine is this old man was at a party and said, I bet you all I have $150 worth of rocks. And they said, no way, Gene. And then he was like, I'll be right back because he was hoisted on his own petar. You're suggesting he's been maybe turned away from every other rock store in the county

and found out that they do have rocks at the toy store. They've blocked him at the quarry. They've blocked him at the Home Depot. And this is it for me. If you can't help me out, nobody can. The way I understand this question is that the old man left without buying the rocks. Is that how you all understand

this question to have happened? Yes. That's terrible. That's a terrible thing. That's so many rocks. This person says, how should I handle this situation in the future? If this old man comes back, you should throw those rocks

at him and say, hey, jerk wad. They don't pay me enough to haul these rocks around the store. I'm not a big buff rock hauling guy. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They might be. Okay. They might be big and jacked and crazy strong.

Like Big Debbie. Oh my God, what if the old man's bet was, I bet that that clerk can carry $150 worth of rocks and gems. Ah, that old bar bet. The oldest one in the book. I bet that person can carry $150 worth of gems and rocks. The only thing I can assume is that this person, this old man, needed these rocks

for some nefarious purpose. Otherwise, when you said, I have to go get my manager, then old man must have thought like, ah, the jig is up and run out of the store. Oh, they probably robbed you. Oh yeah, right. Okay, they robbed you. I need to buy $150 worth of rocks.

Can you run a quick calculation? Oh, you gotta talk to your manager? Yeah, go ahead and head to the back room. I'll wait. Smash, grab, loot, loot, loot, steal, steal, steal, take, take, take, mine, mine, mine. Bye-bye. What do you think old man Gene took, Griffin?

Hundreds of dollars? Why are you suggesting, because he's aged, he stole a bunch of checkers sets, Trav. No, he took the fucking, it's a cold hard cash, bud. I was just gonna say maybe he took some rocks. I didn't realize you were talking about it. He did steal some rocks on the side. He said, you know, now that I've said that,

I know it was a ruse, but I would actually like some cool rocks. I do like rocks. I do, my nephew loves rocks. My nephew loves these things. So this is gonna be a gift for him. The $1,200 is a gift for me, for the drug party I'm having tonight.

Giant fish tank, maybe. Maybe he was like, I gotta buy a giant fish tank. And it was, and then like halfway through, he's like, I travel too much. Who's gonna feed these fish? Anyway, obviously these rocks here, I have other things to do. I don't know why you'd be panicked though,

if you needed to fill up a giant fish tank. Unless the fish were. He had a date coming over and the guy that was coming over loved fish. Okay. And he was like, oh, my tank, it's a big one. Let me just put it, I don't wanna get into cubic footage,

but it's a big tank, so. Or maybe the fish were already in the tank and before he could put the water in there, obviously you gotta put the rocks in. So time is of the essence. Took so long, he's like, well, they're probably dead. They're dead now. They're dead now, I'm gonna go home and start again.

There's no way I'll impress that date now. Unless he likes dead fish. Unless he likes dead beta fish. Does he just like the idea of fish? Does he have to see them swimming around? We'll see. Help me, brothers, I really have to have a Tuesday. What?

Like a number two? It has to poop. Oh, I don't. You got any other ones? No, look, come on, let's do it. This is like Pee Wee Herman, not wanting to get the snakes out of the pet shop. Come on, bud.

All right, let's get the snakes out of the pet shop. But everyone in the office has already seen me walk across the room, go into the bathroom, see the one stall that's occupied, and just walk back to my desk twice. The walls are closing in on me. Do I risk my third hurried walk to the lavatory through the thicket of judgmental glances

for my coworkers? What's the play, Gmail? What, okay, what's your other option other than risking the hurried walk to the lavatory? Yeah, do you want us to look you in the email and say poop your pants? Because we're not gonna do it. It's not gonna happen, not here, friendo.

I mean, you fucked up by not having a dead drop location. I always have a fucking dead drop location. I always do, are you kidding me? I was in the HEB and I had to use the restroom quite badly and I went in the restroom, Sony was in there, I waited two minutes, they were still in there, and so I knew to just walk outside, go to the Thai restaurant next door and blast off in there

and then come back to HEB, get my shopping done. You gotta have a dead drop everywhere. Are you fucking new? You gotta have a dead drop. It also helps if you tie some kind of bell or something to the bathroom door. So that way you can hear someone come in and out and then you can wait the appropriate 45 seconds to a minute,

walk over casually like, might as well check, see if anyone's in here, oh, MD, I could go, I can make a real cash kind of thing. I've had to do this with Rachel, sometimes I'm with one of you two, if we've stayed together in a hotel while we're on tour, this idea of you're in the bathroom, maybe taking a shower, maybe using the bathroom,

and I really have to do it and then I call out, I plead to you, hey, I really, really, I'm so sorry, I know I don't wanna be pushy, but I really need to get up in. I've never, I don't think done that with a stranger, but I'm wondering if maybe that's like, it's a common enough human experience that if a stranger did it to me,

I would blast off as fast as I could, you know? Could you just wander in and out saying stuff like, just like, where are my damn glasses? Gosh, don't it, I really wanna find my glasses. Man, alive, I can't believe it, darn the luck. And you just keep going in and out, and it's like the door's closed, so you can't go in where you think you left the glass.

I am almost positive I left my darn glasses right in the dank of mode, and I just need to get in there and look around, and I bet they're in there. And that's why you keep ducking in and out because you've been looking for your darn glasses. Oh, and now have them in your pocket, so when you finally use the bathroom,

you come out like, found them. But you're gonna be walking different, everybody's gonna know. That's why I think you should just be like, I gotta blast off my ass, and somebody's been in there the whole time, gang, and they'll look at you and be like, I know that feel, partner.

It is pretty universal. If somebody said like, hey, the reason I keep checking the bathroom is because I need to use it, and there's someone in there, I'd be like, yeah. Yeah, partner, I know that feel. We've literally all been there. Yeah, why are you announcing it?

Like, why are you, yeah, that's fine, we're all just people, we get it, we get it. My face when, I also have to blast off my ass but someone's in the stall, shoot. Is that what the problem is? Is that what the problem is? Cause it's like, I was thinking about this on an airplane. They tell you not to pile up,

not to like line up near the door, but you can't call dibsies, and if you stood up and said like, I need to do this, someone else in the plane might also say like, yeah, me too, and I guess we're just gonna have a foot race. All right, because this is how it's gonna shake out. If you announce that you have to use the bathroom, aren't you running the risk of somebody else being like,

well, yeah, me too. Now that you mentioned it. Yeah. I'd love one right now. I love it. When we were on the plane this weekend, like I was sitting next to Teresa, and I went to stand up and she said, oh, they asked people not to congregate around the door,

and I was like, I know, but I'm standing up to establish like, I'm next. Yeah, you can't put your fucking quarter up on the airplane bathroom door. This is a gross way to end the show, maybe. No, I think it's a powerful way. Now, can we talk about like a smart thing for like two seconds?

Science. Munchquat Junior! Oh, there's another one. That's the great thing about Munchquat Junior is you can fit a bunch of them in a given episode. I just wanted to mention this is, again, fall is here. And another sign of the times that I just wanted to point to real quick

is that Dairy Queen has launched their autumnal menu and the fall blizzards are here, folks. New this month, Dairy Queen's snickerdoodle cookie dough blizzard treat, which has, you know, cookies and cinnamon and sugar and vanilla sauce. One that I'm not crazy about that kind of actually frankly bothers me a little bit is the Oreo hot cocoa blizzard treat,

a mix of Oreo cookie pieces and rich cocoa fudge hand blended with creamy vanilla soft serve that's finished with a whipped topping. And I just, it says from the quote from Maria Hockinson who's the executive veep of Marking over there, set over at Berkshire Hathaway, the holding company that owns Dairy Queen. Yum, yum, who's hungry?

From putting a unique twist on a treat that blends hot and cold in our Oreo hot cocoa blizzard treat. But the thing is you didn't, and the thing is that it says hot in there, you didn't. And you didn't and you're lying and it's just really bothers me because there's nothing hot about it.

It's just, it's just, you just lied. And it's really bothers me. That's just cocoa. Yeah, it's just cocoa. There's no intervention there. They've got, intervention's a great word. They actually do have little sheets of plastic separating the hot fudge from the,

it's like little pockets that's protected. They have these insular sort of pockets of hot fudge. And you do need to watch out because that plastic, oh boy, it's a toxic one. My brother is one of the great minds of our time, Dairy Queen. And he's having a lot of fun, but you can have that idea.

It's better than what you posted up, which was lying. It's nothing. It's nothing. You can't call it a hot cocoa treat just for like fun, just to lie? Cause it makes you feel strong. I don't understand. Cause you want to be better than Cold Stone?

I don't fucking get it. It sucks. It makes me really angry. Anyway, Dairy Queen, Berkshire Hathaway. I still love y'all. Pumpkin Pipe Blizzard, you know I'm being for one of those, no question. But that's what's happening for the Fall Wizards.

Folks, thank you so much for enjoying our program. We hope you had a great time. I want to personally- You sound like a normal human. Just so you do. Just how people hope you do. I would like to ask you, this is the last episode, I'm going to get a chance to ask you to do this,

but if you could please pre-order the Sawbones book, at bit.ly ford slash the Sawbones book. I wrote it with my wife, it was really hard and our publisher got sold to another company, right when the book came out. So we're kind of doing this on our own, kind of trying to get people to buy it. So if you would buy it, it would just be the tops.

It would just mean the world to me if you'd go to bit.ly ford slash the Sawbones book and pre-order that book. It comes out tomorrow, October 9th, or go to your bookstore and buy it there. That's great too, if you want to do that. But I just really appreciate it and thank you so much. We also, we have shows coming up in Denver and in Austin.

You can get those tickets at macroshows.com slash tours. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the Use for Our Theme song, it's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed, which is so good. And thank you again, John, for playing us in in Seattle. That was awesome. And for once, I don't have a million things to plug, so.

Awesome. We're good, yeah, we're good. I think we can thank Max Fun for having us, thanks Max Mom Fun for having us on the network. Go to maxomomfun.org, check out all the great shows there, like Story Break or Stop Podcasting Yourself or Switchblade Sisters or whatever on maxomomfun.org. Our shits at macroichows.com.

Do you want to wrap it up? Oh wait, we do have one thing. We've got a new pin. The pin of the month is the great job pin. Oh yeah, it's so good. Available at macroichmerch.com and the macroid part of those proceeds are going to help rebuild Puerto Rico.

So you can go to macroichmerch.com and check out that great job pin. You only have to the end of the month to do it, so don't sleep. Here's the final yahoo is sent in by a few folks. Thank you, everyone. It's from yahoo answers user Alexandra, who asks. What's a better name for a moth?

Timothy or Peter? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's just a macroid. I'm Travis Zachariah. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad's square on the lips. Maximumfun.org.

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