My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 429: Lactating Las Vegas

Episode Date: October 15, 2018

This one goes places! First, into the mind of our favorite Marvel Defenger, who Travis met, and definitely didn't embarrass us in front of. Also, to the moon! Also, to Broadway! (Please do not tell the Broadway people about our Broadway segment. There's no way we're clearing all these showtunes.) Suggested talking points: Marvel's Defengers, Still Being John Malkovich, Lunar Crank, An Inexplicable Musical Medley, Bad Pizza, Exotic Snaxx, Fancy Slices

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, and if I show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 griffin McElroy. It's time for another favorite part of the favorite show,

Everyone's Beloved Segment. Travis McElroy is touched by the Hollywood Angels. Just letter ripped as I'm just going to sit back and let it wash over me. I'm so excited, boys, because I went to the New York Comic-Con, had a lot of good times, met a lot of cool people, most of them weren't listeners. Hey, did you meet the Doctor Who? Oh, no, Groggy. I did. I met Matt Smith. Step in my time box, wibbly-bibbly. I met the Matt Smith. I can't talk, can I? I thought I'd just come back somebody else, wibbly-bibbly. Do you guys think that random people just show up at the former companion's house and be like,

it's me, the Doctor? Hey, get in my car. My tart has exploded. Get in my Datsun. Quick. I don't have in the back. I'm the Doctor now. Billy Piper has been kidnapped 18 times. Yeah. I don't have any British money. Can you take me out for a nice burger and chips? You know what I love? Fish fingers encustered, and then also steak and vegetables and some Scotch. And maybe some diamonds. I eat diamonds now. I eat diamonds for my two hearts. Oh, my time box shouldn't have needed $1,400, wibbly. Listen, I owe $1,000 on my time box, but I'm going to sell it for a million.

My time box just ran out of gas, and I'm trying to get it to me sisters. To pick up more money. So if you give me a thousand quid, yes, then I will be back with $500,000 quid through time and space. I'm going to go back in time and invest in Apple, ain't I? But I need $1,000 quid from you. I've got the sport betting omenak, and all I need you to do, crikey. Travis, that was not the celebrity angel you were touched by. No, sorry. Day one as I was walking into the building through the, and I'm not going to break you, but talent entrance. Thank you. I walked side by side with one Mr. Mark, the ruffalo-buffalo ruffalo. What's the smell? Describe it everything.

Okay, what do you think he smells like? Old books? Oh, shit. And here's the thing, you know, sometimes you see someone and you're like, I think that's a celebrity. Who is that? I have never more quickly, like, yeah, that's Mark Ruffalo. Like, there was no- Yeah, sure. He looks exactly like- Singular. In fact, Mark Ruffalo. Was he a little, kind of like all celebs or like a little, really? No, he was exactly. Picture what height you think Mark Ruffalo is. Yes.

Do you think that could be part of the fact that I love the ruffalo-buffalo? You know this about me. He kind of is just doing him. A lot of the time. A lot of the time, yes. A lot of times he's not necessarily buried in the character. You're getting some permutation of, it's different sides of the same coin, but it is that original ruffalo-shaped coin. I just had the idea of a century. The mask, the mask two or three starring Mark Ruffalo who puts on the mask and becomes a sort of wild, sort of physical comedy, antics clown man.

I actually think Griffin, if Mark Ruffalo put on the mask, the mask would be like, you win. Oh, I see. Now I'm Mark Ruffalo. The mask would turn into Mark Ruffalo. Yeah. And here's the amazing thing is, I turned to him and I said, I'm a huge fan of the Avengers and the Marvel Universe. And he said, thank you. And I said, I loved all the cliffhangers that can't wait to find out what happens. And he said, well, what do you want to know? And I kind of like jokingly said everything. And he told me everything.

He told you all the secrets? Yeah. And I don't know how much I'm allowed to tell you guys, how much you want to know. I'd love to know a little bit of it though. Okay. Well, of course, heavy spoilers for this point forward. Sure. And these are all real and true, right? Yes, absolutely. What gives? No, absolutely 1,000%. A big majority of the next movie takes place in Stanley's coma, where Stanley is like a character in it.

This is not ripped from the headlines though, right, bud? No. Is he in a coma? I don't know, bud, but you said it so confidently. I got worried. He is a character in it as he's talking with Captain America and the Hulk and stuff. Sure. Just remember that this podcast is a mummy's tomb, just full of curses for every celebrity we name. So Mark Ruffalo also should be on this. There's a lot of stuff in which Thor is looking at Stanley saying,

why did you create his father? And there's a lot of that stuff. Sure, sure, sure. Spiderman becomes a spider, a tiny spider, and he does save a piglet's life. Interesting. That's what Mark Ruffalo told me about. Yeah, is there anything you guys want to know about? Well, I want to know if you felt sort of guilty immediately after this interaction that you approached him and said you were a fan of the Marvel universe?

Because I bet you Mark Ruffalo is just always waiting for somebody to come up to him and ask him about the Fox Catcher averse. Just sort of the extended Fox Catcher canon. I mean, I'm led with the spotlight averse. Yeah, I said, are the kids all right? And he said, the kids are all right. They're fine. Oh, cool, cool.

And I said, I love how the spotlight of the mind goes on eternally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he got that. He thought that was very funny. Yeah. And then I said, he was on the science guy. He was in that one. He was one of the science guys.

And then I said, so what's up with Spiderman and Purpleface guy? Mark Ruff, the science buff. Mark Ruff, the science buff. Okay. Did you ask him how he played? I don't know if you guys remember this. He played Beakman in Beakman's World. Interesting.

Yeah, that was that was Paul's Allume. Jesus Christ. Well, I made a tomato. Did you ask him how pre-production was going on 14 going on 31? Yeah. He said it's going well, but like, he has to go through a lot of prosthetics to look that young again, by which I mean 14. 14 years old, yeah.

This one is actually 30 going on 13. Yeah, where he plays the 30, but he didn't want a child actor to play him because he thought that would be weird. And he was looking for a chance to be transformative like we talked about earlier. So he is playing the 13 year old too. Sure. And he's like, I'm going to go invest in some Apple stocks. Yeah.

Should we do advice now that we're done talking about Mark Ruffalo? You don't want to know anymore about Mark Ruffalo and what he told me about the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the direction they're taking it? It's going to be lies from your own mind. They're going to do Avengers babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's for sure happening. Avengers movies is locked in.

But also Avengers oldies, where it's all of them in a retirement home together. Okay. Yeah. I don't hate it. Avengers teens and they're going like a Riverdale kind of thing. Yeah. And then adults, adults adventure, Avengers. Avengers vampires, they're doing that one.

Yo, have they ever avenged even anything? It's just like aliens are coming. Let's get them. You're not Avengers. You're sort of Davengers. You know what I mean? Yeah, Avengers. That would be a way better name for movie.

They're going to change the name. To Davengers. He did say they're changing it to Davengers. And they're going to do that retroactively and re-release all the movies. For $40. You can watch Davengers. You can get Davengers, but also it's going to be packaged with the Lord of the Rings movies because they're tying that into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Davengers has the incredible Mulk and Geirn guy. Now, why would they change their names Griffin? I don't know, man. I just really want to do advice. I've been like excited to do advice all week. I didn't think we'd get it a lot off the top. Well, I've been excited to talk about Paul's Alume and that went nowhere. That was a real lead balloon on a real Red's Alume.

By the way, that show is huge in Latin America. And you can see pictures of... He's still down there grinding it out in the wig and everything. Because he's huge down there, you've got to see folks get online, see pictures of Paul's Alume doing the Beakman thing still and watching kids in Latin America like flip their shit. Just fucking ripped. Like so ripped.

So ripped. Also, if you've got a me TV affiliate, Sunday's at 8 a.m. They're fucking cranking Beakman's world again. If you want to see Beakman, he's back. He's on at 8 a.m. Anyway, let's help people. This first question says, Justin, I want a great book as a gift for the special doctor or really anybody in my life.

Do you have any suggestions? Well, it's funny. The Sawbones book came out last week. And folks, it's flying off the shelves. You can find a copy. You got to pick this thing up, bit.ly forward slash the Sawbones book. And here's our next. Well, that's so funny, Justin.

The next question says, I'm not in the mood for a book right now. But in six months, I think I would like to read a graphic novel. Oh, well, good news. Theadventurezonecomic.com. You can pre-order a book too. We're never going to make it six months, folks. Theadventurezonecomic.com today. Get a book for now and a book for later.

Well, this is a third question. It says I did in 18 months. I'm in the mood to read a Gryffindor MacRoy's parody book of 700 Some Days Called 701 Fun Days. Well, good news. Pre-order it now at books.dog. Hey, I want a book that's going to pick up my spirits and lift my mood. Folks, there's one you can get.

Right now by Jomney Sun and Lin-Manuel Miranda, and it is called Good Morning, Good Night, Little Pep Talks for me to you. Shouldn't you go pick up this number one bestseller in the self-esteem category? I think you should. That's going to be out October 16th as the crow flies. Make sure you get your copy. I know I did.

Pull a little pep in my step for sure. Absolutely. Side note, what's our cut of every sale of that? Do you guys know? 100%. That's a good deal. I mean, for us, it's a terrible deal for them. For sure.

What's the first real question from the God's Honest Truth real question on this list? My university students, damn. Try again. Oh, no. We didn't even make a four words. Three words in, Daniel. Done it again, Daniel. Shoot.

Damn, back at it again with the white fans. Hey, how come that kid was allowed to cuss that much at school? Yeah, I know, right? He was yelling curse words a lot at school. If Vine was seven seconds, you would have seen the principal be like, excuse me, Phillip. Excuse me. Detention.

Detention. Back at it again with detention. Summer school. Dag, dag gummit, Daniel. Gosh, darn it. H-E double hockey sticks, Daniel. H-E double hockey sticks. Daniel, back at it again with the white fans.

Ah, piss, Daniel. I think that little count counts. Well, that's the first question I'm dying. My university requires students to pick up packages at the bookstore. And thanks to my kind friends and family, I find myself at the bookstore once or twice a week. You know why you're there? Shit, there was like a whole fucking thing built into this one.

Fuck. Yeah. Recently, the woman who is always in all caps here running the bookstore told me, you're in here every day. I assume she was exaggerating to make me self-conscious. It worked. Until a couple of days ago when she told me, matter of factly, this is your second time coming in here today.

Uh-oh. It was not. Is the package lady confusing me for another student, or is she stuck in a time loop? How do I face her next time? That's from Frasland in Fredonia, New York. I really enjoy that the question asker's assumption here is that this woman working at the bookstore was, of course, doing this just to make them self-conscious.

Yeah. And now it's making them think that they do have a twin, or because that can be like, you work at a bookstore, really, any sort of retail gig. You got to make the fun, you know what I mean? And so maybe that means you bring some Sudoku books in with you. And sometimes it means trying to convince people that they do, in fact, have twins, or maybe that you try to convince people that they have been John Malkovich, which just sounds like maybe that is what the game they're trying to pull right now.

And maybe it's not a lot. It might not be a lie. It may not be a game. You may have been John Malkovich. Ugh, it's so important. Okay, listen, when you sit down to read a book or lay down to go to bed or something, take one hair off your head, lick both ends, stick it across the door frame and the door. Yeah.

And that way, if it's gone when you wake back up, you know you've been John Malkovich. So go ahead and balance it on the bridge of your nose. And if it moves, you have the John Malkovich door. I've not seen the film, but the John, they get in there, I guess. You haven't seen the film? No, it seems a little too, I don't know, adult. Is there a point in the John Malkovich being John Malkovich film with John Malkovich goes to the New Zone John Malkovich door?

I think famously, famously, yes, I think that does in fact happen. Yeah, you guys know that you guys have been on SNL where John Malkovich read Twas the Night before Christmas. Yes. And y'all had it all kind of spooky sides. If I was gonna be John Malkovich and I ducked in, I was like, hey, hi, this is John Malkovich. Is this my manager?

Good. That's what you're saved in on my cell phone. Hey, listen, I'm a little fuzzy on timeline. Have I already done that great bit on SNL? Okay, well, I'm gonna leave then. I just wanted to duck in for that. And I just wanted to make sure that it happened? No, I wanted to experience that.

So I would hang out in John Malkovich for, I don't know, I would say at least five days to be able to do that bit on SNL. Sure. Do you ever think about the fact that they just completely missed the opportunity to make a series of movies that were like being John Malkovich, being Samuel L. Jackson? Sure. He ain't like being my Rudolph, I believe.

That's what he is always on the lookout for is a franchise. Spike Jonze loves a franchise. There are so many conversations happening about how Get Out is unofficially a part of being John Malkovich-verse, but that's neither here nor there. What is going on here in this exact situation in Fredonia, New York? I think this person is probably confused. I mean, that would be my best bet that they've just made some sort of non-funny error.

Yeah. Can you have them take a picture of you every time you, quote unquote, you come in so that you can at least know if you do have a doppelganger or a twin separated at birth? It can happen, folks. It has happened. It does happen all the time. It does happen.

I've seen it probably on ABC Family. I think it's on there probably. Every third set of twins get separated at birth. Here's a good, okay, I got a good test. I got a good test. Tell this person the next time that they see, every time they see you in the store for the next week to force feed you a bunch of peanuts. Oh, all right.

Okay, but think about this. If that person balloons up or has an anaphylactic response, then that's your twin because that stuff is like that's genetic. Wait, but hold on, Justin. Nowhere in this question does the question asker say that they are allergic to peanuts. Yeah, but if they're not allergic, it won't work. Yeah. Did you even fucking think of that before you opened your big mouth?

You know what? Look, I'm the asshole here, I guess. Say the next time, tell the person the next time that you, quote unquote, you come in, have them hold her or them in like bookstore jail. Yeah. Arrest them, you're saying. Arrest them in the present section. I see, I see, I see.

Yeah, so have the bookstore worker person hold your twin until you can get there and investigate. For me, that might as well be the cookbook section because good luck getting me out of there once I find my way. Can you check their fingerprints? Have the librarian of the bookstore check their fingerprints to see if it's a match for theirs. You know they got that ink for when they do the stamps in the book. Do people still do that? Probably not because it's not for you to bring this back in two weeks.

Wait, what? Yeah, you're not allowed to keep this. It also could be, you know, a hurricane heist where they know that you're getting your packages delivered there every other day and so they know you're a rich target. They have Mission Impossible 3D printed on a mask of your face and they will go in and they'll get all the packages. That's another, there's so many reasons why you need to install a series of webcams all around this bookstore or library.

No one's quite sure what it is. There are rumors it could be either one. Do you guys want a yahoo? I'd love one, thank you. I got this one sent in by lots of people. It's yahoo answers user Billy who asks, do you think Neil Armstrong filled his space diaper during the moonwalk? Serious answers please.

I'm working on my dissertation related to the moon. Let that first sentence sink in. All right, one more time. I'm working on my dissertation related to the moon. We now know that the moon's weak gravity, it loosens astronauts' battles. Did early astronauts know this or did they find out the hard way? I'm okay, listen. This is a peer-reviewed knowledge source that you can find on Nexus Lexus.

Is this yahoo answer? I need it from my dissertation. So there are many things that I am not. One of them is a gastrointestinal, yeah a tummy doctor. One of them. And to scientists, like in any way really. Scientists I think covers that as well. Sure.

But my no pun intended gut reaction is that this is not true. About space loosening. Yes. The battle? Okay. Because I have been on like roller coasters and rides and stuff that spun me around in such a way that I imagine in a less fun way they do when they're training you to be an astronaut. And it has never made me shit myself.

This is amazing. Okay. What's wrong? Are you telling me Travis that the fact that you have been on a roller coaster uniquely positions you to comment on the effects of space travel on the human body? Is this what you just said not as a joke but as a real thing? Well more than that Justin, I started originally before I thought of the roller coaster thing with no evidence to back it up.

And then the roller coaster thing occurred to me and I was like, wait hold on I'm onto something here. And now I do, yes I do feel very strongly about the fact that I've been on a tilted world and I have not shit my pants. And so I think that probably Neil Armstrong was probably fine. All right. I did just a cursory Google and we will get back to the question because it mirrors discussions a hot subject.

This is our first man watch. But I did find that low gravity, being in low gravity makes it difficult to tell if your bladder is full because the bladder stretch receptor nerves don't feel the weight of the liquid. Astronauts are trained to empty their bladders every two hours because of this. So these are the world's most elite scientists. The world's most bravest explorers, space pioneers risking their lives and just everything to go up into the dangerous endless expanse of outer space to further our scientific pursuits. They are geniuses.

They are brave. They are the best of us. And also they have a little special watch they wear to let them know it's tinkle time every 120 minutes. When they have to go potty, they stop and go right away. Yeah, exactly. It's like teachers. Houston, I've learned the cells have separated up here in zero gravity, furthering the research

into to curing cancer. I think we've finally got it. Oh, time for me to go pee pee in the space potty. I need to go tinkle, tinkle and make yellow, Houston. So give me a bit. It's yellow time. Now, griffin to be fair, not knowing if you have to go to the potty versus like automatically uncontrollable going to the potty is two different things.

Is it possible that this is not actually having a fact that they're just bored? It's like I would imagine trying to use a space toilet is the highlight of space travel. When you're floating up there in the dark, who cares? Like you're looking forward to that next time that you like you're just twiddling your thumbs, hoping that you're going to have to take a dookie any any moment now. Yeah, what else are you doing? We are talking about this. And I think the question asked who was talking about this is such a way of like,

do you think Neil Armstrong might have like lost control of his bow? But I think the opposite is true. We're probably like after five minutes of being on the moon, Neil Armstrong was like, I want to be the first man to shit on the moon. Yeah, he definitely did that or cranked. But there's something that happened up there. Have you ever listened to his arm inside the sleeve of his space suit? He could.

And he didn't know plant the flag. Neil, he's like, oh, I'm doing that in a manner of speaking. You've ever listened to, yeah, y'all ever listened to that tape where he's talking about how he did it? Talking about how he cranked it? No, he's talking about how he's taking one big step for guys. One big step for guys. He says one big, he wants to, but he says one huge leap for boys and he does it.

Have you listened to it? Well, hey, everybody check out my moon cave. I mean, man cave. This is me and my other dudes hang out here and speak. He did declare when he planted the flag, the moon is for boys. I remember him saying that really loudly. But have you ever listened to it? Welcome to the big radical white rock just for boys.

For boys, for boys only. And they said, Neil, you have to come back now. And he said, I'm playing on the moon. You don't have to be alone. You can't boss me around. I'm a boy and I'm on the moon. And the first time a eclipse happened, he went around apologizing. Sorry guys, my boy rock got in the way of the sun.

I apologize. It shouldn't happen. So have you listened to the tape? I mean, I've seen it in like alien movies. Were they brave to describe it to me? Well, if you listen to it, it's on, you know, Library of Congress website, which I'm on all the time. He sounds sheepish a little bit.

He sounds a little, he sounds a little bit. And for lack of a better term, just kind of naughty, like while he's doing it. And I do, and he wouldn't say it, right? Like that was being broadcast to the whole world. The world's eyes were watching the stars, the cosmos. As we took our first, you know, intrepid steps into our destiny in the galaxies beyond, he did have poop on his butt when he said it, probably.

If you listen to the tape, if you really listen to it, and I mean really, really listen to it. And the way that he walks in the video, if you watch it, is the way that Bebe walks when she's got poop in her butt. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Um, do you think it was, like, obviously, he gets out there, he gets out there, he's walking around, steps on the moon.

I'm the first, I'm the first man on the moon, amazing. Do you think it took him a little while before he let Buzz get out? Because he was trying to think of other things he could be the first one to do. I don't know how it, I would want to be the first person to do so many different things on the moon. It would be so irritating to know that I had to let Buzz out. Like, I want Buzz to be like, hey, look at me, I just did, I just did, you know, this, I don't know, the hand drive, you know, from Greece.

Yeah, yeah, sure. I just actually did that like two minutes before you came out. Yeah, this makes so much sense to me, Justin, because if you remember when Buzz Aldrin stepped on the moon, he said, I'm the first second person on the moon. And Neil Armstrong immediately murdered him. Yeah, killed him, killed him dead. Man, I bet, do you think Buzz had a moment where he was like,

I'm not even going to get off? Fuck it. Fuck it. He's the first man on the moon. He saw Neil doing armpit farts on the moon and he was like, man, there's nothing left. Let's go home. It's not clever for me to do.

I'm done. I will say, is this Damien Chazelle? I'm ready for our interview. How's the script come along for first man and Buzz? You're still going to call it that, right? Like you promised first man and Buzz. I have been very excited to go many, many places in my life. And I would say nine times out of 10, you build it up really big

and then you get there and you're like, oh, okay. So how long do you think they were on the moon before they were just like, all right, there's nothing here. Like there's nothing to do. There's no TV or like movies or anything. Like I'm going to get back in and just head on home. You know Neil was hoping there'd be some big worms he could fight. That's half of first man is them like working on all the science

and Ryan Gosling, you know, getting, you know, inventing, helping invent the big rocket ship and like doing the zero G training. And then there's a scene where like he goes and he learns how to master the Katana so he can fight the big worms that he knows, he knows. I know there's going to be big worms. He's like arguing with his wife.

His wife is like, why is it you? Why do you have to go and leave our family behind? He's like, I'm the only one that can kick those big worms asses. I'm the chosen one. I'm the chosen one. Buzz still came out swinging with his Katana just flying around. Buzz, I already got all of them. Don't worry, Neil, I'm here.

Before you came out, I killed all the worms. I was the first man to kill a worm on the moon. I killed all the worms. Neil, you missed it, bud. I got worm blood all over me and it gives me powers. How often do you think during training for Neil and Buzz and probably someone else, that they talk to the head of NASA and they're like,

okay, and so just in case, what do we do if there are moon men? And they're like, there's not Neil, but there's not going to be moon people. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if there are, what do we do? Neil, Buzz. No, no, no, I get it. That's why I get it.

Yeah, probably, but do we like join their society and like integrate every game show I listened to this week has had first man ads on it. And we just absolutely gave them a free promo spot. So you wasted your money. I don't actually think that's true because we actually described a way more badass movie than is almost certainly going to be presented to you

on the silver screen. Yeah. Also, I want to congratulate myself as we are sort of nearing the end of this bit and sort of approaching the precipice of the money zone for not ever saying Lance when describing Neil Armstrong. I've done that pretty much every time I talked about space on podcast before.

Good job. And actually, now that I say that, I'm not sure it's true. Yeah. If we're going to finance our own movie about Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong fighting worms on the moon, we're going to need some money. Let's hear the money. That works.

I would like to play about bowl and branch. They go nuts. Well, here's the thing. And before we've talked about like, oh, they make great sheets and they do. Listen, their sheets are amazing. Not only comfortable, but affordable. I love them.

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because you'll just want to buy more. You're not seeing them. Do not send them back. You will not send them back. You will buy more to get started right now. Our listeners get $50 off your first set of sheets at bowlandbranch.com, promo code mybrother, all one word. So go to bowlandbranch.com for $50 off your first set

of sheet sets, B-O-L-L and branch.com, promo code mybrother, all one word, bowlandbranch.com, promo code mybrother. Yes. How dare you? Yes. I am Stitch Fix. Okay.

No, it's a service and not a person. Yeah, it's a clothing. That's their motto. We're a service, not a person. Stop mixing us up. Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service. What's that mean? Well, you're going to give them your measurements.

You're going to tell them a little bit about your taste. And they're going to send you clothes that they think will look great on you. It won't be a great fit for sort of your own personal style in a big box. You try on the clothes. You keep only the stuff you like. The stuff you don't like.

You send it back in a pre-addressed envelope. The postage is obviously already paid. You just throw it in a bag and ship it back to them if you don't like it. But you're going to like all this stuff. I have used this service for a long time. I love it. All basically all of our garments that we wear

at like live shows or anything or Stitch Fix. And the cool thing is you work with your stylist to give them feedback about the stuff that they send. So if you don't like a particular shirt or too pricey, whatever, they can customize the next box to be a little bit better fit. So get started right now at stitchfix.com slash my brother. And you're going to get an extra 25% off

when you keep all the items in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash my brother to get started today. One more time, stitchfix.com slash my brother. Got a gumbo charm here. This one's for Alex. And it's from Stan who says, Happy birthday or close to it. Thanks for being such a great friend, role model,

and for carrying me in every game of Halo we've ever played. Our whole community is so lucky to have you in our lives. And we are certainly all better for it. Keep on killing it and everything you do. Here's to many more game nights concerts and McRoy live shows. So sweet message, but it's a shame you can't really chip in more for the Halo matches.

So I think each of us are going to give you our top number one sort of Halo tip. And we're going to start with Travis. What's your number one Halo strategy for victory? You got a romance, the aliens. All right, Justin. Stegosaurus gun, baby. Which one's that?

It's the one that looks like a stegosaurus with all the needles coming out of the top. Yeah. Okay. That was a trap. Halo is for Joker's Xbox. It's for Dumb Dumbs and PlayStation's where it's at. I can't believe you guys fell for it.

Jesus Christ. Dang, you did get me. You got me again. I have a message for Chris from Bonnie. Thank you for being my other half for the best 15 years. I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it. And I'd like to renew our lease indefinitely.

Happy anniversary, year. I love you, pants. And wherever life has taken us, when this airs, I'll cover you. That was extremely statement. Yeah. When they said you can't buy love. Yeah, you did need to sing that. You can rent it.

And I'd like to renew our lease indefinitely. That's good. Here we go. Oh, I can rent. Because it's a lot like rent. There's also the matter of you said. I long to discover something as true as the sea. He's off, Mike, so we can guess.

It's fine. We don't have to cover this. We don't have to pay for it because it's off, Mike. It's off, Mike, so it's fine. Oh, now he's going to get a glass of water, it sounds like. OK, he's using the bathroom. OK, now he's changing Cooper's diaper. OK.

Just let him, just let him finish. OK. OK, OK. All right. Travis, you gotta let him, Travis, let him go. I know. You got to let him go. You know how he gets when he's like this.

You have to let him finish. I keep waiting for you guys to move on. I'll just kind of be at the background and then we'll wrap it up just normally. Fuck. I refuse to give him that relief. I'm going to just let him. Oh, look at that.

Are you nowhere? Shoeless Joe. Right, we're out of it. We're done. That's right. Damn Yankees. It's a history of Broadway. Yeah, sure.

It's super good. Hey, wait, in what order? You went from rent to damn Yankees. Thanks for coming, everybody. Now do pippin'. Rivers belong where they can ramble. Eagles belong where they can't fly. Anybody else?

Who is this for? What do you look for in a book? Literally, if on the bag it said, like, this book made me shit my pants, I'd be like, that's, I'm buying this book. Yeah. Like, I think the problem with blurbs a lot of times. I like that we both want to crap ourselves over books.

What's the best way to e-read in the tub? Listen to that noise. I'm reviewing a plastic bag today. How do you find a good book? This is the most fucked up weird shit you've ever dragged your, like, into and handed over. Take my money. I'm Brea Grant.

And I'm Mallory O'Mara. We're reading glasses and we solve all your bookish problems every Thursday on Maximum Fun. We got one more gumbo-tron, right? Just lingering waiting to be read. No, we don't. And it goes a little something like this. We don't.

Justin, this is from all listeners to us. Damn, I loved it. The part with Justin saying, shit, I wish that had gone on for many more hours. Well, thank you so much, dear listener. So appreciated. A lot of fake, a lot of fake questions in this episode. It's kind of a bit of a trend.

So what do you guys want to do now? I want you to read a question. I'm kind of hungry. I've got, oh. Oh, you're kind of hungry? Oh, my God. Well, I don't know if it's going to be a junior or a big boy. What's it going to be?

I want a munch. Squat. Squat. That's a big boy. I want too much. Squat. Junior. Oh, damn it.

Mickey's. We've never featured Mickey's on the show. I don't even know what a Mickey's is. It's a deli. This year, they're creating a spicy, spooky. Cheeto pizza. The popularity of the eerie Halloween food trend. I'm sorry.

No, I don't think, is it? They had the black whopper the one time. The spooky black bun whopper. But that's about it that I know. That was an accident, though. That was an accident. They fucked up. They let some typewriter ribbons fall into the bun maker machine.

It has burned the buns real bad. This is a while. This is a while. Press release here on QSR. This is one sentence. With the popularity of the eerie Halloween food trend, combined with the popularity of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, period. Is this 2009?

What the fuck are you talking? Wait, that's not a complete sentence. Have you guys seen this awesome? Have you seen this Hot Cheetos and Takis video? It's new from 2000 and 2000. It's just 2000, from the year 2000. Here's another sentence. Mickey's deemed it fitting to be the first pizzeria to combine the two.

Period. Next sentence. The result? The spicy, spooky, Cheeto pizza. Why spooky? Don't be fooled by its burnt-like appearance upon first glance. The pizza is actually very tasty. What a press release!

Hey, I know this looks like shit, but I promise we didn't fuck it up. Fucking looks like garbage. The black- Oh my god, I am looking at a JPEG of this. It looks like fucking garbage. The black hue is created by kneading activated charcoal into their fresh homemade dough. But don't worry. That's good, I'll clean your teeth.

This is a press release for a pizza to eat. But don't worry, in terms of flavor, activated charcoal doesn't have much. What? It's got a little bit of charcoal flavor, but not much. Oh my god. Next, two type of cheeses with that possessive apostrophe cheeses are added. Oh my god. Mickey's first pizza to have multiple kinds of cheeses

is in a complete sentence in this press release. The mozzarella provides a creamy, mild taste, while the cheddar gives the pizza a balance of flavor and sharpness. To top it off, flamin' hot Cheetos are baked on top, adding a bit of spice to every bite, while perfectly complimenting the various flavors. This is my favorite line. The spicy, spooky Cheeto pizza only comes in a size large. I know how much it is perfect.

We know half measures. Yeah, you can't dip your toe in this monstrosity. You're going to eat a large and you're going to like it. I will say, we talk about food in Munch Squad a lot that I'm like, but you know what, I'd fucking eat it. I'm looking at this pizza and it looks like a crime scene. I would not eat it with my worst enemy's mouth. Speaking of which, the last sentence of this is,

make sure to come by to get your quote, Instagrammable food post before the line ends. I don't know that we should be, and I know that we are, and the ship is sailing, we're all doomed, right? But like, I don't know that we should be designing foodstuffs for the visual novelty. Like, I'm not sure we want the to be verb of all the food that we're trying to eat, to be, you all have to see what I'm about to put in my body. The word I think you're looking for is,

ogled. I want my dinner to be rubber necked by passers-by. How could you? Come have a chomp of our yucky stunt pizza, is basically what they're saying here. Yeah, the breastly should, it should just be one sentence. Is this anything? Question mark.

My boss loves buying- My boss! My boss loves buying expensive imported snacks from all around the world, and then he ships them to me once a month. It's a new subscription service, and I'm offering it to you. Called Ted Snacks. Ted Snacks, he picks his finest delicacies. He picks them up from all around the world.

Unfortunately for me, he loves to share. The problem is, whenever he goes to share a snack, he asks me to put out my hand, so he can toss me out a portion. He then waits until I take my hand away. What? This is sort of an unwritten ritual, as I've gotten comments like,

oh, so you're just humoring me when I take too little, and, okay, that's enough when I have pulled away too late. Brothers, what the fuck? What is the perfect boss-pleasing snack portion, and dear God, how do I achieve it? That's from Panic a Snack in Toronto. I liked it. So you stick out the hand.

The boss upends a bag of, you know, German crunchums, and starts pouring in your hand, and then doesn't stop until you opt out, until you have decided you have received a fair amount of German crunchums. That's the issue. And sometimes you take too little. The boss thinks you think they're yucky.

You take too much. The boss thinks you're trying to rob them of all their crunchums. I would say that if the boss said to me, okay, that's enough. I would look them dead in the eye and say, no, it's not. It's not enough. I love these things. More.

I bet I love these. And you don't want to deny me, do you? Here's one option. You can have every snack at your desk all the time. And so when your boss is like, hey, you got to try these, they're Australian Pringles. And he just upends the can, right? Starts dumping them into your hand.

You reach into your desk, take out your can of Australian Pringles, and start dumping them onto the boss. And then it's like you've turned into a water feature of reconstituted potato granules. He's dumping them on you. You're dumping them on him. And then will he pull away? Will he be the coward?

I don't know. Ball's in his court. Because you can take them all day long. Maybe that's it. Maybe keep a bunch of gallon-sized ziplock bags at your desk. And when he comes out, you just open it up and hold it out like it's trick-or-treat. You know what I mean?

You're just like, yep, fill her up. I don't like those, but my kids will love them. Yeah. My daughter. I don't have kids, of course, but someday. My girls will love me. It sounds like your boss maybe doesn't like the snacks. The boss just likes feeling powerful.

And has done it, right? Because if the boss did this with some lifesavers' gummies and you take a bunch of them, it's not a big deal. You just run down to the Super America downstairs and grab some more. But these are irreplaceable. These are irreplaceable treasures. That's fine.

I think what you've got to do is one of these times is take all of them. And so they don't take all of their chocobooms, their chocolate chocobooms. And then they, you take all of them. You don't have any more. And then you say, sorry, I took too many. And the boss says, well, shoot,

I don't have any more chocobooms. And then the next time your boss probably won't even give you any more snacks. Oh, and I would say also take them all and then display no remorse or shame. Because if they want to shame you, like, oh, you took all my snacks. And you just say, well, you gave me all your snacks.

Yeah, I thought you were. I thought you wanted, when you came over here, I thought you wanted to give me all your chocobooms. Because I noticed that you did not reserve any for yourself. So I guess. Yeah, I thought you hated them. You didn't want them, I guess. I just had a great idea.

Next time your boss comes to you and offers you a snack, look at them in the eye and repeat this extremely powerful phrase. Does it contain saffron? I'm extremely, extremely allergic to saffron. I recently discovered that and it's made my life a lot harder, but, you know, as long as I'm smart about it, it's not usually a problem.

So I will die if I eat any saffron. So how much saffron do these have in them? Can you swear on my literal life that there's no saffron in these snacks and then you're fine? Yeah. You'll never eat another snack again for as long as you live. Yeah. But listen, y'all, can you imagine though, like, I think.

What if they look good? I think Griffin's right. What if they look like really good snacks? Well, one if they look really good. Yeah, sure. And everyone in the office is just like, hmm, these crunchums. But imagine, I think Griffin is right.

Like, this is a power move, right? But imagine if you did, like, stick the leaning part, because it's like, I don't know, two and a half seconds of, like, Chakram's boring. He's the right amount. And your boss is, like, so ready to, like, shame you one way or the other. But then you nail the amount and it's like, well, fuck.

That is the perfect amount. Shoot. Damn it. The boss, like, and then everyone lifts you up on their shoulders and, like, chance you out of the building. And then your boss dissolves into just Chakram's. The only way to make sure you get the perfect amount is to make your boss be the one that cuts it off.

And I think the way that you can do that is when the boss comes over and says, hey, I've got some Chaka Booms. You want to try some? You say, sure. And you just open your mouth. Yes. Oh, whoa.

Yes. And the boss has to put them right in the mouth. And when he stops, you've had an, I think you've had enough. Oh, always have your hands full. Yeah. And he reaches in your mouth to put a Chaka Boom on your tongue and you chomp down

and he pulls his hand back and kind of giggles, like, in Pretty Woman. Or maybe he puts them in your mouth and you say, too many. He say, too many. And now it's on him. Now he's the fuck up. Now he's the Malkovich. You could also just eat as many, eat too little,

take too little. And he says, uh-oh. Seems like you didn't like them. And you eat them. And you go, scrammy. And then you'll also never get snacks again from them. There's so many things you could do. This is an easy one, Jesus.

This one's really easy. This one's so easy. There's like 15 things you can do. It's so easy. Is there a, do you have a scapegoat in the office that you could make go first and see how many they take? And then just always take- Dial it in.

Yeah. You're testing. I got a Yahoo here. Y'all want it? Yeah. It was sent in by Logan. Thanks, Logan. It's Yahoo Answers user tentacles87 who asks,

if you want an extra cheese slice at a fancy restaurant, what is the least embarrassing way of saying it? You're at a fancy restaurant, like a Bucca de Beppo. And you want, I guess I included this one mostly because I was trying to sort of split the needle, thread the needle. Well, no, I wanted to split it because I'd like to have two needles of knowing

what is a fancy restaurant that does deal in cheese slices, in slices of cheese? You can request an extra one. The only thing I can think of is like on a burger. Like a fancy, like a, yeah. Yeah. Like a dude, like a, like a dude burger made out of like human meat. Yeah.

And that's the only sort of fancy burger I can imagine. I can't, because I can't, listen, I don't want to brag, but I'm an adult. I've ordered a cheese plate before. I don't think a cheese plate has ever come and I've said, could I get more of this, but without paying for it, please? I mean, also, I don't think a cheese plate ever comes with slices of anything.

You may get little chunks, but I don't think you can get, like, I don't think they have like craft singles on a cheese plate, although that would be dope. How thick does a chunk of cheese have to be before it stops being a slice? Anything sli, thicker than a slice? I mean, it's an orientation issue. Okay.

If it's, I'm just not thinking about it. Yeah. Squad, why don't they have craft singles on cheese plates so that you know how fancy the other cheese is? You get the craft singles and you get a baseline cheese. They make you eat that, because whenever I eat a cheese plate, I always pretend like, that one had a, that one was harder to eat because of the pungent flavors.

I guess that means it was good, but I don't know like what makes good, good cheese, right? I noticed there's some weird colors and speckles in this one. Is that, oh, perfectly normal. Yes, of course. I thought you were good. Good and fancy, my very favorite. I ate this one and it was, it stank the inside of my mouth so bad

that I started to cry a little bit. So I guess it's very good. I think the best way that you can know if the cheese is good is if you do have a craft single and now you know, like, all right, that's the bar. Let's see if you can clear it. I noticed that there's some skin left on this boy. Did you mean, okay, that is as intended.

Do I eat that? Do I eat the skin? I see here on the plate, there's a bunch of things that aren't cheese. Right. And I assume some of them are supposed to go with some of the cheese and some of them aren't. If you could stay here and just coach me through this experience together like a doula, that would be amazing.

It's just like, I want to go in the back room with some of these fancy restaurants gang and see if the fucking breadler is the one putting these cheese boats together. I put olives and berries on there. Okay, well now it is one of my stuff to do with that. You know, you never really order soup and get a tray of cut up potatoes and chicken

and stuff and a can of broth. And the chef's like, I don't know, you figured out whatever it tastes like. Good luck. Fine. I'm going to give you a large chungu cheese and three crackers. And it'll be up to you to determine the portion.

There should be six of everything. How are you going to play me like that? That's what they do with Lunchables. Thank you. Run the math. Lunchables are my favorite cheese tray. For sure. How do you ask for extra cheese slice

at a fancy restaurant though without being embarrassed to say it? I think you have to say like the person next to me, they're in the bathroom right now, but they were interested in another, if you can believe it, another cheese slice. This asshole right here wants extra cheese. In slice form, please. Sliced please. She specifically said, excuse me, I'm getting lactose intolerance

tomorrow and I would, I want to live it up tonight. I have super lactose tolerance. And if I don't get a slice of cheese, I could go into shock. I'm going to lose it. My body loves this stuff. My body, it just goes crazy for this stuff. I'm just going to do, I have lactose intolerance and I'm going to do a Nicholas Cage

and leaving Las Vegas thing tonight. So if you could just pile it on, I'm going to Ben and Jerry's after this. I just want to get fucking. I just want to lactate. I'm doing a lactating Las Vegas thing. We found the episode title good. Flow me out. I was worried we weren't going to find the episode title,

but we did here in just the six minutes to midnight. I know you're really crushing. Good work, Juice. Folks, thanks so much for listening to our show. We did our dumb book plugs at the beginning, but if you could go to bit.ly forward slash the solvents book and buy my book. It's out of stock in most places, but if you put it in order on Amazon, as soon as that next printing comes through,

we're going to get you, we're going to get you all taken care of. And that second printing is in the works. So make sure you grab one of those if you can. And I will brag about it for a second and say, it is an absolutely beautiful book, super fun, very well written. And even if you like, you know, someone who has never listened to the podcast before, but you know that they're interested in like weird history or medical stuff

or just like things that are funny and good. Get this book for them, for yourself. It's perfect. And you know, we're heading towards the holidays. Oh, thank you. And you know, like it's a great holiday gift. The Adventure Zone Murder on the Rockport Limited is the other big news this week.

It is available for pre-order at TheAdventureZoneComic.com. You pre-order your copy now. You'd be honestly criminally evil to not do so immediately. It's, we've got the light. We've been working on the script for it for a while and I've started to see art from it. And this book is going to beat ass. It is so fucking good.

I'm so stoked for this one to come out. This is a good one. The Whip Toshi book. You're going to love it. So thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for these for our theme song, It's a Departure, off the album Putting the Days to Bed. Good ol' album.

Good ol' guy. Thanks to Max Fun also for having us on the network. You can go to maxfunfund.org, check out all the great shows there, like Friendly Fire, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Can I Put Your Dog, and so many more at maxfunfund.org. And we have shows at McRoyShows.com.

Anything else, fellas? Also at McRoyShows.com, I think there's still like a few tickets for our November shows in Austin and Denver, if you want to see those. Both My Brother, My Brother Me, and The Adventure Zone. I know for a fact that My Brother, My Brother Me, and Austin and Denver are like almost sold out,

like 2% away from being sold out. And I think like there's still, I don't know, some tickets for The Adventure Zone, but it is also very close to sold out. So if you're in the Austin or Denver area in November, and you want to come to those, we are also working on a candle night show. We don't quite have the date yet,

but that's going to come probably around the third weekend in December. We will let y'all know. Yeah, we'll let you know for sure when we have it. One more thing. Shit. At the Barnes and Noble Tribeca in New York, New York, on October 17th,

Justin, Sidney, and probably Taylor, yes, are going to be doing a signing of The Stall Bones Book. You can see a link to that at McRoyShows.com slash tours as well. Here's that final. It's sent in by Michelle Smith. Thank you, Michelle. It's an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user.

I'm going to call them. Bubsy asks, is lettuce basically crunchy water? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy. Hey, my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad's square on the lips.

Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Welcome. Thank you. These are real podcast listeners, not actors. What do you look for in a podcast?

Reliability is big for me. Power. I'd say comfort. What do you think of this? Oh, my God. I'm going to be a big fan. I'm going to be a big fan. I'm going to be a big fan.

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That can't be safe. I'm upset. Can we go down? Soon. Jordan Jesse Goh. A real podcast.