My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 464: Face 2 Face: Peace with the Ground-Children

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

We bumped the Grand Ole Opry from the Ryman lineup to present our own twisted, skewed comedy to the fine folks of Nashville, Tennessee. It was a momentous show, if only for the fact that we finally struck an accord with the Sky-Warriors, and put a climactic end to our centuries-long, unbelievably costly battle.

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me and advice over the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. And he has just got to finish this Sudoku. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. Six. It was six. It was six. It was the last one. Hello everyone. Like the Chilean minors, we've re-emerged here in Nashville. We've been slumbering in your sewers since 2017, October 2017 at the Tea Pack, and now we are back here at the beautiful Ryman. What an honor it is to finally put this venue on the map with our twisted brand. With our own sick brand. You know, a lot of great performers have performed on this stage before. The Adventure Zone. If you took the last seven days of like if nothing else, like if history started the last seven days of the Ryman, it will be, oh yeah,

I know that theater. That's where the Adventure Zone and the Wu Tang Clan and my brother, my brother and me played. I know the Ryman, obviously. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And while we've been in town, we've been enjoying a lot of your local culture. We, we're looking for a lunch spot yesterday. We almost went to Kid Rock's Honky Tonk Rock and Roll Steakhouse. And I pitched really hard for Keith Urban's Flapjack Depot. Where the Flapjacks never end, right? We looked a lot at Iron and Wine's High Iron Wine, which sounded disgusting, frankly. It's like, it's, it is blood. It is blood. We, we almost started Toby Keats. I love this taco truck. But I love this empty building, four lease. I love this offer on the four empty buildings. Toby Keats, I loved that bar and

grill. I love this now deflux bar and grill. But I love this future paintball course. But of course, we ended up at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Sorry. It has been, we've had a beautiful time here. A lovely show last night. It was so loud. In much the same way that you were allowed. In fact, you remind me of them. In any way. Have you met them? You would like them. I had a lovely encounter last night with a couple of listeners who came up and were very kind, telling us how much our show had meant to them. It was very sweet and we really appreciated it. Some hugs were exchanged. And then just as we were finishing. And our good hugs too. Not like the lazy hugs that we say for our family. Like the good hugs that we give listeners. Not those

high school reunion hugs. And then I felt a grab on my arm, which is a little forward. But I thought, you know what? I'm Justin McRoy. I've always got time for a listener. So I spun around and there was a middle-aged woman there. And she looked at me and she said, Hey, I saw you at Margaritaville. And then. And then walked away. Walked away. Now, I know. I know. Are you wondering? Was it an angel? Yes, it was an angel. Sent to tell Justin a message. One of Jimmy's little parakeets that he sends out to watch over his followers. And to keep the rumors coming. Right. Anyway, as you certainly guess by now, this is an advice show. Any people who've never heard of us before in the audience. Oh, good. Good. Okay, good. We can get that will save us a lot of time. We can be weird. Okay.

Here's our first question. And we shouldn't be doing this question, because it says a terrible precedent is an advice show. We want advice questions, requests for advice. Do not follow this person's example. They snuck in. We will never include it again. When we weren't looking. But then we read it and we thought we should at least take a crack. The question is this. What if Godzilla was nice? It almost felt like Yahoo Answers had crawled out of our TV screen like the ring and taken over our real Gmail inbox were supposedly real human beings send us digital letters. Here's what I really like about this question. The reason I included it in the question list is they could

have asked what if Godzilla was good, which I feel like is a question that has been answered by movies and TV shows and cartoons and comic books before. But what if Godzilla was nice? Sure. He's not Godzilla was polite. He's not good. He's not bad. He's just nice. When the when the tiger eats up the zebra, I don't think the tiger's not being nice. It's just doing what that's just what Godzilla do is make he does a big stomp on Tokyo. You know, think about this. How many times in your life, walking around, have you maybe stepped on an anthill by accident? Now who's the Godzilla? Yeah, you're all the Godzilla. Yeah. But if you think about it, no one's going to watch that behavior and be like, nice. That was a nice thing to do

that you're dead. You don't know how many times in the like in the movies when Godzilla's looking down Godzilla's thinking, oh, man, I feel terrible about this, but I have to. I'm trying to get to Panera bread. I'm just so hungry. And Travis doesn't know what I eat. I've got all this medicine for the hospital. Oh, no. I'm a lift driver and I got to go pick somebody up. My bones cure diabetes and no one knows. Please drink of my marrow. I'm offering myself up to you. I'm offering you shade. Why are you so mad? It is a tourist attraction to a lot of cities would love that kind of heat. Come come to the only city where Godzilla is. If you just treated it with a little bit of kindness and consideration, it could have been a mutual beneficial partnership. Just make

him a chair big enough that he can stop walking around Godzilla, a big chair, leave big footprint sized holes in your city design. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you or cement over those bad boys. You got swimming pool going. Nice. Who wouldn't love that? What if he was nice? I feel he'd still mess things up. But not on purpose. We try to be nice and we mess things up. Not destroying a metropolitan area, mind you. Yes. But metaphorically speaking. Yeah. I think about this every time I want can to say a China shop or someplace that sells figurines. I immediately put my hands of Ironman back because I don't want to just Godzilla around. Oh my god. But I still might. There's a toy story. A toy story. A toy story. Take Henry to that has a whole big section of like

ceramic like Russian nesting dolls. And every time I walk in that section, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna fuck this up so bad. I don't know why like I don't normally like reflexively crump, but I feel like I'm about to just start crumping. Can I do a Yahoo answer? I love that. This one was sent in by Teresa. Thank you, Teresa. It's Yahoo answers. My wife. My wife. It's from Caleb fax. Yahoo answers user Caleb fax. Caleb fax. Yeah, that sounds like a kid's like somebody you see on a placemat. Hey, I'm Caleb fax. Do you know clouds are made of rain? It's true. Bad facts. I'm Caleb fax. We have mac and cheese and grilled cheese. I'm Caleb fax. Did you know that turtles are just frogs with a big shell on? What are they hiding?

Did you know wolves are just mean dogs? It's me. Caleb fax. It's fax. Caleb fax. We also have grapes. Caleb asks, what should I do if random bread appeared in my bird feeder? Some bread appeared in my bird feeder outside. It might not sound weird, but I live in the forest, so it's creepy AF. None of my family members, so it means someone's walking around my house. What should I do? Update, no. I mean like a giant piece of bread that barely fits in the feeder. Hey y'all, I'm scrolling through all the responses to this question. There's not one that's like, do you mean a small piece of bread, Caleb? So I don't know who the fuck Caleb's talking to with his...

Yeah. Yeah honey, look at this. It's just way too big to have gone in. Did you do it? No. Son? No. Fuck. It's it. First of all, when it's in the forest, the whole forest is a bird feeder. That's a good point. We have systems in place for that. It is obvious to me what has happened here. The birds are now taking care of Caleb. Ground child. You have fed and nurtured us for long enough, ground child. We now shall sustain you. We have taken advantage of your kindness for too long. Sup of this bread, ground child, and let it be known, there is peace between the sky people and the ground children. Our war has ended. Henceforth, let us attack each other no more. Eat no more of the flesh of the chicken.

Let it be known, the sky people and ground children have made peace. No more shall we poop on your cars. No more shall you eat of our brethren. Caleb, spread the word to the other ground children. And make you shall have bread to suck upon. The sky people seek war no more. Sup of this grain, Caleb. We shall teach you the ways of the skies, Caleb. Come be a windmaster with us. Together we shall kill the raccoons. Let us bring down the raccoons, Caleb. Let their jests and japes no more echo through the forest, Caleb. Bring us your sticks and vomit and we will make you a hoe. We have seen the bow and arrow that your sister Katie has. Let us rid ourselves of the raccoons.

Please get rid of the force field in your walls. Open thine abode. Let peace be made. You can live in our houses and we'll live in yours. Teach us of the toilet. We all know birds are just jealous. Place your shame on a toilet like us, Caleb. Another option is that they're hoping that you're going to come out one day and be like, do I put bread in the bird feeder? I guess I do. And they're like, yes, it fucking worked. That's a good idea. Why have I been wasting so much money on bird seed? They really hate these seeds.

My mom has been carrying around a dead butterfly for years, literal years. And it has even moved through two different houses. It's lived on different life plants and insists that it is okay behavior. Now this person didn't reiterate that that was their mom, but I'm assuming it's not the dead butterfly, insisting that it is okay behavior. But how should I handle this? That's from a dead butterfly in Nashville. Are you here? Hello. All right. Sound pretty lively to me. Yowsers. This first hit me as my mom has a butterfly pinned to some cork board, which is some people's thing. And that's cool. That's fine. But it's not because your mother's

putting it on plants and that's the wildest shit ever. Essentially, it has just occurred to me the possibility that the butterfly was on a plant. The plant died and your mom got rid of the plant, but just the other dead thing. That's favoritism is what that is. That is true because lots of people have like butterflies pinned to walls or apparently on plants. But if you started with saying like, Hey, that's a corpse. Maybe they would reconsider because if you did that with, I don't know, any other animal, other thing, oh no, but people do that with deer. Oh, wow. What if God was one of us? Maybe we're the aliens. It's just it what strikes me is when I beef it up, I'm pretty sure I'll turn into bones. What happens to a butterfly after it beefs it? Has it got bones?

Probably not. What were you going to say, Justin? We inherited a lot of decorations from Sydney's grandparents, but a lot of them weren't their decorations. It's like stuff that had been left at their house by their kids and a lot of things in our house. We have no earthly idea where it came from. You don't know the provenance. Yes, exactly. So in our bathroom, there is a cork board with a glass frame thing and there's like 10 butterflies stuck to it and not pinned to it. Not just stuck, they didn't get trapped there and they couldn't escape. Certainly this semantic distinction is worth doing here on stage. But three, not three weeks ago, Charlie was brushing her teeth and she looked at me and she was like, sorry, sorry to brag, my kid brushes her teeth.

Dad had the ear over here and she was brushing her teeth. She said, dad, what's that? And I said, it's a bunch of dead butterflies. And she said, why do we have that? And I had to answer honestly and say, I don't know, honey. It's just always been in the bathroom there. And it was in the bathroom at the old house and we put it in the bathroom box and then the bathroom box came in the new house and then we unloaded the things from that box and hung the dead butterflies on the wall again. So here we are with the dead butterflies on the wall. It's as if we hung it there. There is an implication of saying like, this is what our family believes in. This is what we're into. These dead butterflies, that's where they belong. Around this house, you better stay

caterpillars. Now, Jay, man, that was three weeks ago. Yeah, it's very important. Oh yeah, it's still there. Okay, absolutely. Well, where would I put it? In the trash? Thanks, butterflies. At what point in answering the question to Charlie, did you realize like, well, I can't lie about what this is. She's four and a half. It was actually like, I was pretty tired. Being a parent and lying takes energy. Sure. Telling him the truth is the easy way. Travis, you have five seconds. Come up with a lie. Well, that's fake butterflies. That's a pretty good lie. That's a wild thing to put in your house. Better than some corpses. Whatever. Disagree. Hard disagree. Here is another yahoo. This one, this one was sent in by Michael. Thanks, Michael. It's

an anonymous yahoo answer user who I'm going to call Diane. Okay. With four eyes. Diane. And an umlaut on the A. Who asked? MBM. Is it unacceptable to eat lasagna with your hands at home? At home? At home. Not, not at a restaurant at home. I was eating lasagna with my hands in my aunt's house. So not your family at home, but okay. This is how I eat when I'm in my own house. I never use utensils. But in the restaurant, I do use fork and spoon. For lasagna. Yeah. Okay. Like a, like a arcade claw machine, just like. My aunt saw me and got mad at me and was like, is that how you eat in the restaurant? You should

fork. When technically, I wasn't even in the restaurant and I was in her house. Did I only further infuriate her because I just showed up at her house as an unexpected visitor? Yeah. Much, much like lasagna, this one's got layers. So, wait a little. Is that the end? Did you need more? I love that right there, the very end, you get this like twist of like, so is my aunt mad at me because of the eating with my hands thing or because I broke into her house to eat her leftover lasagna. I threw one of her flower pots through the kitchen window, climbed in and started having a lasagna sandwich, which is what I call it. And also,

she's not my aunt. She's not my aunt. She's my stranger. What's the big deal? You're welcome. I didn't go to your utensils. Yeah. Good point. Now open the safe. The problem is, is if you don't eat with your hands, how do you shuffle the lasagna together and make one big set? And then you have double size lasagna. Yeah. Sure. Sure. That's great. Then you unhint your jaw, slurp it up and you eat it in one bite. You go get the Jenga box out of the closet and use the little shelf to have a stack of them. Yeah. Yes. Hey, what do you use the spoon for? This is a good question. In the consumption process of lasagna, where's the spoon coming to play? I guess I'll be the asshole and point out that your aunt's house

is just a restaurant where the selection is bad and the prices are good. Right. How's the service? Service seems a little surly, honestly, especially if you don't have a reservation. Zero stars on Yelp, Aunt Kathy. I don't have to throw a brick through the Olive Garden door in order to go eat my uncooked fettuccine. I mean, I do, but I don't have to. I'm adding a tag to your house, Aunt Kathy. It says bad for kids because I'm a kid and I love lasagna and you're making this bad for me. You're 35, Derek. Stop coming over and eating my lasagna. Have you seen how I eat lasagna? I'm a kid at heart. Still have joy? Joy in my spirit. Yeah. Watch it, watch it. Tell me you don't get a little laugh out of it. Come on, Aunt Kathy.

It's the worst. I've been running the numbers in my head and I'm happy to report it's the worst food to eat with your hands. There's no world in which that is acceptable to eat with your hands. Soup, yes, of course, but no, actually, you know what? You're fucking wrong. It's not. Because here's the problem. Here's what I've just realized. If you use your fingers to strain, your soup, then you have a meal of broth and fixings. You just separated them out. You just separated them out. The problem with eating lasagna with your hands is lasagna is a tray bake. So either at some point a utensil was used or you grabbed a meatball of fucking noodles and sauce and cheese and shit. You used your fucking five finger exploding heart technique to just like

They can use a utensil in the serving of it. This isn't a religious issue. But then you can't make an argument of like, I didn't want to dirty a utensil. You already did. But you're dirtying a second utensil. I'm on this person's side now. You guys have flipped me. Now I'm mad. Now I'm really steamed. Well, if you're going to use the spatula, just keep using the spatula. It's just a big spoon if you think about it. A big flat spoon. Why don't you use that spoon to keep digging your grave, guys? Because you fucked up. I want to be on this person's side, but I know if they're doing lasagna sandwiches, you know that they're doing tortellini breast knuckles. And that's no good. My husband and I were once at one of our favorite burger joints for

dinner and halfway through our meal, a couple was seated next to us. We could tell it was a first date. Okay. But then we noticed the guy still had a price tag hanging off the armpit of his shirt. My man wanting, wanting to be a good citizen. What would have been the best way to remove the tag for him? Now Shannon B, I don't want to put you on. I'm assuming the B stands for blast, which is what I'm about to put you on. I don't think if I can get ahead of this, removing the tag for him is going to be your best path. Are you here Shannon? All right. All right. National. Can I say very restrained wooing? We normally get like 30 woos when we ask people here. Somebody who wants a taste of the limelight. Laser like focus. I also just realized that the

context of your question is if this exact scenario happens again, right? What do I do? At which point, I don't know, maybe write a book about your life and how you got to this point. What choices you've made? Oh, you got so many options is the good answer. The good news you can tickle check. Tickle check is also great. Tickle check. Tickle armpits, if they laugh say like 2019. We don't tickle check people anymore. 2019. All right. Tickle check is out. What is in is you get a couple lives, hold on, and you go to their table and you start doing a little hibachi cooking preparation on it. And then while you're doing your tricks with the egg and the onion volcano, you just real quick without even they won't even notice. Okay. So I'm going to walk you go ahead and we're going

to head on out to the end of this little one act drama you've created. I'm sorry, officer. I didn't mean to stab him in the thorax. I was trying to surreptitiously remove a tag from his shirt. And then I plunged a knife into his chest and ended his young life. Now open your mouth and catch this shrimp. Good job. Hey, Justin. It's just, I'm just joking. I just, Hey, Justin, I'm just being a little stinker. Okay. That's good. But I want Shannon to have actual advice because Shannon's planning on being this exact scenario again. And so far your suggestions to Shannon have not been strong. Okay. Maybe you say like, Steven, you jerk. And then punch him in the armpit, grab the tag.

So wait, hold on. Let him finish. It's not as bad. And then you say, Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Steven. He knows what he did. And then maybe as you walk by, just lead in a wizard. I got the tag. I got you. Now what? Okay. Now poke holes in that rock solid logic. Pay it forward. I also shop at H&M. I thought of a funny thing you could lean in and whisper. I almost punched you, but I didn't because it's 2019 and I'm human being and you've got a tag on your shirt you should seriously remove. I'm pretty sure trust Travis was being a stinker though. Yeah. Let me check. You didn't even, let me check the clock. Oh yeah. It's joke time. No, no, no, no. You did not let the record show you did not poke your finger into your dimple as you were saying it. So you

were not being a little stinker. You punch him in the armpit. Can, can you just goosh a lot of ketchup onto him? How is this your best idea so far? This is the best one so far. And then when he goes to the bathroom, stab him, right? Is the stab him? Now I'm a stinker. Now I'm a little stinker. No, then you say you have a tag on your, on your armpit. You should get it off. Go around and say you're taking up a collection for the needy and you're taking up a collection of price tags. And do they have any? And then they'll say no. And you say, are you sure? Can you check? Because we feel like you might. I have another one, but Justin's not going to like it again. You slip outside, you pull on a balaclava over your head,

you go back in, finger in your coat pocket, say, listen up, I'm a very specific robber looking for extremely new shirts. And all know which are the new ones. His. Because of the tag. And then the, but that would, that's not good. Cause then you take a shirt off his spot and also you're robbing him. Maybe just start loudly discussing with your, you say husband, I believe, start loudly discussing with your husband at how cool it is when people have armpit tags. Oh yeah, people, when they leave the price tags in their armpit, isn't that the coolest? And okay, now this is going to take some pre-discussion for your husband to buy in it. He pulls a balaclava over his face and he says, let's do this, honey bunny. And then you,

I have a yahoo here and this one was sent in by Emma Cant. Thank you, Emma, crushing it. It's from another anonymous yahoo answers user. This one's from pay bis. And they ask, how do I get a dog without my parents knowing? I want a mini corgi. We already have a dog, so I know how to look after one. I am 14 update Google mini corgi. It's not a breed, but it's bred to be a bit smaller update too. I can also spots signs of diseases and problem. Our oldest cat is 16. I spotted leg problems before anyone else and hit problems. My little brother, for those at home, my little brother just punched me while flossing. And now you fucking know. So those last two things are

qualifications, I guess. The child spotted the cat diseases with the leg and the hit problems. How can we help them get a seat? You spotted a hip problem in a 16 year old cat. You want a medal? Nice work, eagle eye. Yeah, good spot. Oh, maybe. Wait, how many is a mini corgi? Well, this is gonna be adorable, but probably not like, you know. Oh, not small enough to put in your pocket? No, you can't slide this thing into your trapper key for you. I'm gonna send my suggestion. Tell your, go to your parents, say I have a very important thing to tell you, and I want you to respect my decision. This is my adopted son, Robert, and he's very, he's very furry, but he is dressed like a little boy and he's my son.

And I've adopted him and I know I'm young, but this is the right choice for me. I've adopted this small boy. Hey, Justin, I don't think that would work. Hey, Justin, I don't think that that was reasonable. Yeah, but you're not gonna go to fucking prison for it. Worst case scenario in mind is you don't get to keep the dog. Maybe replace the 16 year old cat with the dog and convince your parent that it's still the cat. Yes, because they're not paying close enough attention to notice the leg and hip problem. Maybe you can slide it by him. You know, you know, that's the cat. I don't think it is, but I've never really paid attention to the cat before. Our cat, Mr. Fluffers, died, but was reincarnated in this beautiful dog. That's still our cat. It's just a different show.

It's like you motherfuckers haven't even seen Fluke. It's like you don't even think dogs have a purpose. Shit, I hope you guys have seen Fluke and a dog's purpose. That's 12 people. Shit. Hey, everybody. This is Griffin. Real quick, I want to tell you about our sponsors this week. My mouth is really dry and I don't have a drink in my office. So let's just get through this one together. Please show some, you know, some sympathies for my current struggle that I'm going through vis-à-vis the very dry mouth. I don't need a wet mouth, though, to tell you about Squarespace because it's a mouthwatering experience using Squarespace to make a website.

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and when you're ready to launch your website, use the offer code mybrother, all one word, and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Also, my brother, my brother, and me is brought to you in part by Audible this week. Listening makes us smarter, more connected people. It makes us better partners, parents, and leaders and there's no better place to start listening than Audible. They have so much stuff. Holy shit. If you are a member of Audible, you get a lot of stuff for your membership. You get three titles every month, one audio book plus two Audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else. Members also have unlimited access to more than 100 audio guided fitness and meditation

programs. They offer free and easy audio book exchanges and the credits you get can roll over for a year and you got a library that you keep forever even if you cancel your membership. It's a really, really good way to listen to like pretty much whatever makes sound. So if you've never used it and if you are curious about it, you can start listening with a 30 day Audible trial and you'll get your first audio book plus two Audible originals for free. So visit Audible.com slash brother or text brother to 500500. Thank you everybody who came out to the live show in Nashville and Indianapolis. In Nashville, we played at the Ryman. If you're not familiar, that's where Grand Ole Opry is and that was a pretty wild experience and we were very grateful

to those who came out and to the Ryman for having us. Real quick, the audio during the audience sections gets a little bit dicey. Everything is still like totally listenable, but we get picked up in the audience mics in a way that kind of sounds a little bit weird. So just wanted to give you a heads up about that. And yeah, we are all recovering from the tour. We'll be back next week though with a new episode of Mbim Bam. So we'll talk to you then. Hey Maxfun listeners, have you been listening to Maxfun for a while and you've just been wondering where's the new Flat Earth podcast to keep hearing about? Well, here it is. We give you all the facts on NASA's lies and how we know that the earth is actually flat. Just kidding.

This is Ono Ross and Kerry and we join fringe religious groups. We undergo alternative medical treatments and we hang out with people like 9-11 Truthers, Flat Earthers. We find out why do people believe strange things. We join them and we tell you all about it. We have a lot of fun. We make a lot of friends. Yeah, we do. We joined the Mormons. We joined the Scientologists. We got acupunctured. We got fire cupped. We got ear-candled. We've done it all and we're going to keep doing it all. Why don't you check out Ono Ross and Kerry at Maxfunfun.org. I work at a bank and a new guy just started training in our branch for two months. He also works part-time in the liquor store nearby. Around the time he started training,

I mentioned to him I'd been looking for a bottle of specific Game of Thrones whiskey for a watch party I had been planning. If it was the finale, it sounds like you needed it, right? I mean, just reshoot the last two seasons, right? The other day he came in very excited and told me he got his boss to order the very expensive whiskey for me and I can come in and buy it next week. Now that Game of Thrones is over, I'm not throwing these parties anymore. And I drink so rarely that it isn't worth it to me to buy an $80 bottle of whiskey for myself. How do I tell him I'm not interested anymore? Am I required to purchase this whiskey? Or since he will only be at our branch training for another month, can I just ignore it?

Oh, that's a long time to go. That's from Booseless Banker. Are you here? Holy shit! Was that Tuvian Throat singing? What was that? I heard one high voice going, whoo! And then I heard another voice going, whoo! That was fucking awesome! Yeesh! You could just wait for another Dragon-centric television show to work its way into America's hearts. Listen, that's gotta be the thing. Everyone has to be scrambling to pitch Dragon content. Someone somewhere is saying these words, so he's a buy-the-book cop and she's a dragon. Yes. If we can have fucking Frankenstein cop, I do not see why we can't have Dragon cop.

I have just pitched Dragon cop and I would watch the fuck out of that. So are you gonna drive or am I? Oh right, you're a dragon. Yeah. Time has proven you would watch literally anything. Yes, we're playing Dragon with the devil and I'm already watching that show and loving the hell out of it. Travis? So you haven't seen Fluke or a dog's purpose, but you'll watch Lucifer. On Netflix now, you gotta watch it. I was wrong about Nashville. Griffin and I were talking about how we had a hard time getting to sleep last night

and Travis said, not me. I went home, had some leftovers and went right to sleep. Well, I watched two episodes of Lucifer. It's like, what? That's not going straight to sleep. I can't put it down, Justin. It's so good. La, la, la, la, la. I want a Munch Squad. I want too much. Hello everybody and welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast.

I want to thank whoever brought me this official Dairy Queen Happy Taste Good shirt. I need complete silence before I ask. Are you here? Jesus, calm, holy shit. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I also like how everyone keeps scaring Griffith. That means a lot to me. Munch Squad is a podcast within a podcast that profiles the latest ingridders in quick service dining.

That Justin keeps threatening we'll die soon and then he keeps failing. It's on his last legs. This is a fair lot to work. It has a million last legs. Like a millipede. KFC launches first, exclusive drink with guests. Mountain Dew, I heard Mountain Dew.

Someone says Chick-fil-A and that would be the most fucking focusing. KFC announces it's partnering with Chick-fil-A for Chick-fil-A to make a drink for them. I love that. It's lemonade. You're gonna think I'm having some sort of episode. And I assure you I'm not.

I'm just literally reading a press release released to the press by Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mountain Dew and KFC are partnering to electrify their beverage lineup with sweet lightning. A refreshment lit up with a punch of peach and a touch of honey flavors. It's available exclusively at KFC restaurants nationwide by July 1st.

Dew is fixing up a true to its root soda that will brighten each and every one of your taste buds. Now here's where things get a little weird. Hold on, wait, it didn't get weird that Dew is fixing up just like Paul used to make. Yee-haw on the mountain. How did this come to be? Money, well it's obviously money

and they're owned by the same company. That's another thing, they're owned by the same company. How did this come to be? Meet Sweet, he's the Mountain Dew pitchman who is, do you know the official way you write Mountain Dew by the way? The official legal way of writing Mountain Dew is capital M-T-N-D-E-W as the official name of Mountain Dew.

The Mountain Dew pitchman who is sweet, smooth and lightning fast enough to become a mainstay at KFC where the food is finger looking good. How did it go down? With a glass of, with a glass that's always full of swagger Sweet strolls into Colonel Sanders office with his Southern charm. Holy shit.

And wins him over quicker than a bowl of lightning could strike, fuck you. No, Jocelyn, I'm saying to you, my brother, it's not me, it's Tipsy Pete, the tail spinner, a Colonel and Sweet shook on it. So wait, right now, you're saying that this was- Can I read my fucking fan section? This is, I was about to say,

this is some legit AO3 shit for sure. The Colonel and Sweet shook on it. A green, sweet lightning would not be served in any other restaurant. And one sweet deal was struck. Mountain Dew's sweet lightning is the first exclusive beverage to be offered at KFC. For due, this is only the second time the brand

has partnered with a quick service restaurant. Been around the block, huh? I can dig it. The first being the hugely successful Baja Blast. That's my munchies. I knew you were out there. Baja Blast at Taco Bell, a nearly decade and a half ago,

who had Time Flies when you're measuring it by the amount of time that Baja Blast has been available. Here's a quote from Sweet. Oh, God. No, it's not from Sweet, I wish. Like KFC, MTN DEW is inspired by bold ideas and flavors, making this an authentic relationship from the start. Now, just take a fucking second.

Just take a fucking second about words. Can we take a second about words and how we just use the words an authentic relationship from the start to describe how two brands, one of them a grease peddler and the other one selling like soda meth and how they got together to do peach syrup

and they were like, this is authenticity. We are fucking. This is real. To come together on an exclusive product, Sweet Lightning, is a thrill. And we look forward to delighting our customers with taste buds and pushing the envelope on creativity. You made a peach drink.

You made a peach drink like Da Vinci before us. Sweet Lightning was developed in partnership with the Food and Beverage Innovation experts at KFC and MTN DEW to create the perfect pairing for KFC's original recipe fried chicken. Don't eat it with the crisp stuff. Don't eat it with the hot stuff. This is perfectly prepared

to be a perfect pairing with the original recipe. They've left us hanging this whole time. Original recipe, you know how it's been missing something? The original recipe is a KFC brand staple and the innovation experts for each brand wanted to create a beverage that is as unique as the fried chicken it was created to compliment. At some point somebody went into somebody's boss's office

and the boss said, this needs to be 700 words. I don't care what words are in it, but it does need to reach 700 words. There are no press sites at all that cover this stuff. It's only for Justin, so we gotta give him some runway. What I love about this is they started this story saying, listen, how did this happen? It's not our fault.

Sweet showed up and talked to Colonel Sanders, made it. And then later in their own goddamn press release our innovators here made it happen. So what's the real story KFC and Mountain Dew? Was it sweet and Colonel Sanders or was it your innovators? And I won't rest till I get to the truth. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy, Cub Reporter.

Now, if you think about it, if you boil the sound of practicality, this is an entire press release to announce the fact that around the country, Americans are gonna walk up to a soda fountain, look at the choices and go, sweet, ugh, girl. No, ugh. I'll have Pepsi.

I'll be having a diet Pepsi today. None of that for me. Can I, is there, and this may be asking too much, but is there an image of sweet lightning? Oh. Because like, is this an MC Scat Cat situation where the- I have a picture of sweet that I'm gonna show to our friends here at Nashville.

Oh, Jesus. He does not look like what I thought he's gonna look like. It's a handsome yellow devil. He's the world's most carbonated man. He looks like Satan if Satan were a yellow mustard suit instead of the usual. He looks like Lucifer, basically, you gotta say. Yeah, but if Lucifer were made of piss, yeah.

Hi, I'm Pissifer. No, it's not piss. It's pre-piss. It's Mountain Dew. That is their slogan. It's piss ingredients. Piss of Jesus. This will be piss in a while.

Mountain Dew. Anyway, that's a bunch of squad. Should we do audience questions? Yes. All right, so we picked some audience questions out. You've sent them in in advance and we appreciate it. Thank you, Paul, with some nice refreshing water. Thank you, Paul, for Paul and Storm.

Yes, let's start here. Hi, hello. Hi. What's your name? Co. Hi, Co. I have to walk to class every day. Yes.

Fourth of a mile, and I have asthma, and I have to use an inhaler. Right. And I was wondering, how do I use my inhaler in a way that the other students think I look cool? Yeah. When you, let me ask you this, because this is gonna be very instructive.

When you blow it out, how much cotton are we wearing? Very important. Like, could you do, like, a pirate ship? Like, end on? Only if I blow it out immediately, but I need that medicine. Well, how cool do you want to look? Yeah, you know, go on, Co.

Come on. Come on. Maybe when you finish, just look at somebody and say, it's weed. Or right weed on it. Just write the word weed on it. Just say, bomb. Bomb.

This is my cool portable bomb. How long can you hold it? Like, hit it, and then just keep on waiting. And eventually be like, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen. Their lungs are gonna be so open. I have to hold it for 10 seconds. Could that do 10 minutes?

Like, David Blaine. Hi, I'm gonna do a new magic today. I'm having a hard time breathing. It's a lot of pollen in the air. 10 minutes. Put it on the clock. Wait, please come back. You're way longer in the pool.

Can you, if somebody catches you doing it, can you do, like, an animal house and just pop the whole thing in your mouth? Yeah, I can. It's that small. That's good. Maybe pass it around. But you know what's cool?

Sharing. Yeah. By the way, if you need advice on how to fit things that are about that big in your mouth... Can you spin it around like a fucking cowboy gun? Oh, yeah. A holster. Oh, you could do a whole, like, phew.

And, like, well, 10 seconds still. 10, you will hold it for 10 seconds. But, like, the fastest 10 seconds anyone's ever seen, right? It's a fixed measurement of time. Well, it's a one-dot. And, you know, Einstein believes that if you inhale, then space. It puts you backwards.

All right. One more bonus. Does that help? It does. Thank you. Excellent. Thank you. Let's go right over here to a microphone

I'd like to think of as House Right. What? Hi. Hi. Hello. Charlie. Hi, Charlie. What's your question?

Okay, so last year I was bit by a snake in my backyard while I was taking out the trash. Was it one of the cool snakes or one of the snakes you wicked don't want to get bit by? I mean, it was like a garter snake, but it was, like, four feet long. I think Griffin was asking about the poisonousness. And not necessarily the length.

It was not poison. Okay, good. That's a good start. Unless it was. And you're invincible. Oh, shit. I'm invincible. Unsnakeable.

So do you need help finding and killing this thing or what's up? It's an invention thing. You need to hire us because it's like $5,000 and we've got to handle it. I'll kill any snake you all want. And this goes for everybody. $5,000.

I'll kill any snake. I'll go into a zoo and kill a snake there for $5,000. Well, Charlie, what's your question? Well, I'm afraid of snakes now, but it's been a year and my parents are still saying I have to take out the trash despite the fact that we've seen more snakes in the backyard.

It sucks, but... For the past year, are you still taking out or are you pulling a Saracen the Asylpia Stout and just leaving it and letting it pile up? I've been able to do it, but with, like, extreme caution. Sure, you just chuck it out the back door. Back door up! Have you thought about some kind of leg armor?

All right. That's good. Plate nails, so most problems. I can't add. Is it... Are your parents making you do it because they want you to, like, face your fear because they're just really lazy?

Um... Both? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a chore maybe they hate doing that you could barter with them? That's what I've been trying to consider. Maybe they got bit by a raccoon

while hanging in Christmas lights? Hey, why do you have so many fucking snakes in your backyard now? My house borders, like, a forest, which is near a river, so... My house borders a forest? I have yet not seen high-pore hair nor a scallop one snake.

To be fair, if you saw the hair of a snake, it's probably the end of the world, and that's Quetzalcoatl, yeah. I mean, they say lightning doesn't strike the same leg twice. No, wait. In your universe, a snake would go to bite Charlie and the snake would be like,

ah, been there, taste the Charlie. It is a what... I mean, if you think about it, the story you just told us was not super wild. If you ended the story with, in any way, that's happened three times now. It wouldn't be wild. So if you just run the numbers,

you probably won't get bit again. I'm pretty sure that's how statistics work. Well, unless you do, and if you find us, Charlie, let me let you into a secret that parents won't tell you. And I realized this recently, Justin and I were talking about this earlier.

So I have a two-and-a-half-year-old, and I come to the realization that the number of times I've said like, hey, don't open that door, or hey, it's time to sit down, and my kid just goes, no. And I suddenly have the overwhelming realization I have no power over her. So the next time your parents are like,

take out the trash, just go, no. They'll be upset. Don't get me wrong, they'll be upset. They'll take you away to Nintendo for sure. Or next time they ask you to take out the trash, you say, okay, hold on one second, and you bite them in the leg really hard. Does that help?

Yes. Excellent, there we go. Hello. Hi. Hi, what's your name? Sam. You can bend that mic down and get right up on it. Hello.

Oh, we messed it up. It was a mistake. Oh, no. And that's a welcome to our prank show, My Brother and My Brother and My Brother. Hi. Hi, Sam. Sorry, I messed up the email like four times.

Oh, no, it's fine. What's your question? So a few, like last year, we were gifted some birds for our Christmas gift. I suspect the person didn't want them, but anyways, so they were more a gift from my brother. But he goes to school, so I was interested with the birds and a so-and-so happened to the birds,

and one of them died. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You cannot, I saw like three people in the audience go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You cannot so-and-so modality. I need you to get right up on that mic and say what happened to these birds. I don't know.

You don't know, Sam, you know, you know. Look in your heart. Say what happened to the birds, Sam. So it was only one of the birds. Unburn yourself here at the Ryman. We had two birds. One for me and one for him. Okay, so you each have your own bird,

and you know we're gonna get to the part where one of them died, so maybe we should skip there. I don't even know which one died to be itch. I hate these birds. I did not kill them. I suspect they were old, because when you get a bird from the pet store, you don't know how old it is.

How do you kill the rings? The fact that you felt the need to say, I did not kill it. Relatively sure. Anyway, that's not the point. Hold on. Yeah, I held it under water for a long time, but... And those harsh words...

It needed a bath. And those harsh words can kill a bird. Okay, we haven't gotten to the question yet. So it happened two times. I thought they were old with two birds. No, no, no, no. And I killed two birds. Bye. So with the first bird...

Where are you going to be cage? With the first bird, we replaced it with a bird that looked exactly the same, and didn't tell him. And then it happened again, and we replaced the bird, but I sent my dad to get the other bird, and the bird that he brought back

looked nothing like the other bird. Good job, dad. Like 100% nothing like the other bird. And I was like, well, I guess maybe convince him that he's got it. Molted funny, maybe. And it just looks like that now. Is your brother here?

He is. Okay. He's also... Question answered. He already knew, though. He already knew. I had to come clean, and I had to tell him,

but now he doesn't trust me. Yes! Yes! Yeah, I stabbed the guy trying to get a tag off his shirt, and now he doesn't trust me. I don't trust him. I did it because I thought

he would be very, very sad. My brother is my best friend. I thought he would be very, very sad, and I told him that his bird passed away, and I couldn't get anybody else to do it, and I didn't want to do it, so... Sam, I want you to know, as somebody with a four-year-old daughter

who has, in the past two years, bought seven fish and only had to come up with two names. Thank you. I'm on your side. But your daughter is four, and my brother is 25. I mean, the animals are still dead, Sam.

I don't know what to tell you. They sure are. I mean, there's some point that you're making that I can't connect the dots on, but I think mine's pretty clear that I'm trying to say I'm on your side. Thank you. You do need to get ones that look similar, though,

because... That's a rookie. That's where the second name comes in. Princess Aurora has to be pink. And you can get another pink fish. That's fine. If you get a blue one, though, he's going to know it's not Princess Aurora.

Okay, trust me on this one. That's why we have Belle and daughter of Belle. That's convenient. Yeah, yeah. We all want to leave something behind in this world. That's a legacy. And maybe next time to say, your bird moved.

Bird moved away. I've got a job out of... If your family is going to be so bad at doing the Indiana Jones pedestal switch with these birds, you need to buy so many fucking birds that your brother can't even keep track of how many birds. I was 100% invested in being, like, 60 years old,

and when the other bird died, like, sneaking into his house and, like, replacing the bird. Like, I was in for the long haul. I was going to do that. But then it ended up that my dad dropped the ball, or the bird, and then we just had to get a different bird. Got it.

And you know what? Most of the time, if you drop a bird, it's probably fine. Birds, they fly. They're very resilient. Oh, I dropped the bird, and I dropped it up. But this was a penguin, and also it was a 10-story building,

so that was a mistake in my part. To be fair, the bird owed Sam's dad a lot of money. Yes. Your feet aren't so happy now, are they? The juices are running. Does that help, Sam? I reckon.

Yeah, we're going to see anyone else tonight. It's fair. That's as much as we deserve. Thank you, Sam. Hello. Hey, what's up? Hey, guys. Hey.

Hey, Zach? Zach. Hey. What's your question? I mean, I know what it is, and it's amazing, but I'm excited to hear it from you. So I was at TPAC two years ago,

and I asked you guys how I need to get my dad to not think it's cool for his grandfather name to be Tarzan. Yes. So, so he still wants that to be a thing. Yeah. So I have two nephews, and now my wife is pregnant,

so I think this is a much more pressing matter now. Now we've got skin in the game. Yeah. So please help me. Yeah. This is to be clear. We didn't help you last time. No.

I just want to get the stakes. So since then, you say he wants it to be a thing. Has there been a thing up until now? Okay, and even more, skin in the game is a great segue because he got a tattoo of Tarzan. Oh.

Hey, bad news? It's a thing. Yeah. Your dad is Tarzan now. He made it a thing. Oh, God. Yeah. Yes.

It's over, bud. I need a fucking cigarette. It's over, bud. If I had a month to plan, maybe, I could do this. No. Here, I kind of help you. It's Tarzan, and it's a thing.

Okay, hold on. All right. Let's go through all of our options because maybe we weren't thorough enough last time. I thought we had this fucking squared away, but... Yeah. I thought we made it pretty clear to your dad that he couldn't be Tarzan.

I actually think we were on board with him last time. What was our advice last time? Well, I think it was Griffin that said to have the kids just yell Tarzan a lot in public places and maybe it'll be embarrassing enough to... Well, it's that backfired, huh? Yeah. He just loved it.

He lived it up. He's literally doubled down. Oh, maybe see if you can get the kids to start saying Tarzan. Yeah. Now he's like, oh, they must have a tattoo. Wait, does the tattoo say the word Tarzan on it? No, it's like... Okay, we got options.

We got options. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They say, like, well, my grandpa name is Papa, like a normal one, and this is just a generic... This is just Brandon Frazier. This is a swinging jungle man. My grandpa name is George. Like George of the Jungle?

That's who's on my tattoo. Is your dad's name George? No. Fuck. Damn it. Yeah, something. Is it Brandon Frazier? It's not.

Is your dad Brandon Frazier? Fuck. No. That would have been cool for a lot of reasons. Zach, you're not leaving us many options, pal. I don't know. Do you have any other grandpa's you could use? Do you have any backup grandpa's?

Yeah. This one's done with. This one's cashed. Do you have any new grandpa's? This one's all used up. You know, when you get food from like DoorDash or something like that, you can leave special instructions in there. You can say, like, you have to say that there is grandpa

and they have a normal grandpa name like Jim Jam or something like that. This is your new grandpa. He brings us pizza from the Domino's. Griffin's suggesting a grandpa escort service. And I'm very into it. In the share economy, grandpa's are the next big thing. I'm not using my grandpa all the time, and now you can. Now, warning.

My dad calls himself peeps, so. Yeah. Damn, Zach. I don't know why. You should have gone. If we didn't do it, you probably should have asked a different podcast. You don't go to a second opinion from the same doctor two years later. You know, you get a different, smarter doctor.

Your butt's still weird. I don't know, man. You go ask Mark Maron, or my favorite murderer. Not to fix your dad problems. Hey, so what we can do is. Okay, yes. You give us. Thank you.

So I guess my counter here is when you guys are doing a show in two years at Bridgestone, I'll just ask the same question. Just peeps in the loo. Yeah. This is the new seven up. And for the love of God, next time, Zach, please do bring your dad. Okay, you can lower their lights and bring back up the Justin lights as I think of them. Thank you.

Interesting. Hey, everybody. Hey, everyone. We've had a lot of fun here. But you know what's not fun? Stabbing people in restaurants. Hi, I'm Justin. Now, this has been, you all have been so fun.

Yeah, thank you. What a great fun city. What an amazing, like, fun group of people you all have been. Thank you so much. Also, you also last night at the Adventure Zone did the arena stomp, which I don't think I've heard like anywhere else. I know. Okay, but stop.

It's a lot. It's a lot. This building's so old, please stomp. Thank you. Old and beautiful. I don't fucking believe that we got to play either. I'm inspired. Wow.

The best life changing tree country. Absolutely wild. I want to say a huge thank you to Paul of Paul and Storm. Thank you, Paul. Who ate some of my drunken beef noodle before I could tonight. Neat. Wait, you know what? Paul?

He got in there first, ate four bites, looked at me and said, good news, it's not poisoned. And then left the room. That's a good tour manager right there. Good guy. Good nude. I also want to say thank you to our daddy. Thanks, dad. Thanks to Evan Palmer for the poster designs.

Those are in the lobby. Those are only going to be on sale for this show and tomorrow. Thank you to Sawbones and Schmanners. Woo. There you go. Max, I'm fun. Thank you for having us on the network. And John Rodrick in the long winter.

Thank you. So we're traveling with our families and we got to get out really early tomorrow to head to Indianapolis. So we're not going to be able to hang out after the show. This is fun. This is the first time we've ever gotten a bus because there's like 50 of us now. And I flew into Nashville, but they came up from Appalachia. I came from Cincinnati.

That's basically Appalachia. I literally backstage tonight just learned. There are of course bathrooms on the tour bus. You're not allowed to poop in them. There's a sign on the door that says don't poop here in a bathroom. I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot about that at our live show record tomorrow night in Indianapolis. But thank you so much.

You've been amazing. Every week on my brother and me Griffin asks a Yahoo question at the end of the show that we think about and talk about and then return to next week with some of our answers to it. Griffin have you prepared one of those? Sure. This is one that was sent in also by Emma Cant. Crushing it. Thank you Emma.

It's an anonymous Yahoo Answers user. Their name is Jim Jam and they asks. They asks. They asks. How to get frosted tips like my boy Guy Ferrari. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis Daggeron. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This is my brother and my brother making sure that square on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made featuring actors like Patton Oswalt. So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude's studio during the day and they hunt

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