My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 470: Mama Freddy’s Turbo Spaghetti

Episode Date: July 29, 2019

In today’s episode, we stumble upon a new motto, a new personal mantra to guide us into the new Roarin’ 20s — but, unfortunately, it has a cuss in it. And we’re not sure if we’re allowed to put cusses in this description. We’re gonna go ask iTunes if we can cuss, BRB. Suggested talking points: San Diego Discomfort Con, Two-Step Tip, Edible Tattoos, Dirty Dog Pizza, The Bell Hotel, Beast Food

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother Mean Advice Show, for The Modgernera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I be your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. Yo, good day. Hale and well met. I'm your youngest. Harold. Don't love this. Griffin.

I don't love it. Well, we're high, we're high in the fantasy spirit, because we've just returned from the biggest nerd event of the year, good gentle folk. Folks, the rumors are true. The meek have inherited the earth. Wow, these nerds, they're running the show. Oh, I see. I looked for a solid week for someone to talk to me about sports. Yeah, you remember that poster that was hanging up on like high school walls? It's like, don't get made, if you get made fun of now, don't worry, you'll be Steve Jobs. Oh, I saw hundreds and thousands, hundreds of thousands of Jobs is here. Everyone was a Steve Jobs. Yeah, Jobs is Jobs is everywhere, but not a basketball to drink. Did you guys have any, make any new, you know, big, celeb friends? That's why you

go to Comicon for the connexionase, you know what I mean? Yeah, you brush elbows with arrow. You brush elbows, you brush shoulders with flash. I met Spider-Man, got a photo with Spider-Man. Spider-Man came to our signing. And he said, thank you, it's such an honor to meet you. And I'm like, are you kidding with me right now? After all you've done? You're the web slinger after all your good work. I left, here's how, what's cooler than being at a cool party? Ice cold, leaving a cool party. I left Comicon's most exclusive event to go home and eat a muffin top, a chocolate muffin top and a drink of vitamin water in my hotel room while I played Dragon Quest Builders. That's kind of the most exclusive. The most exclusive party

is the one you leave. It was, I've never seen anything like it before my entire life. There were famous littered, strewn about. I stepped over, I stepped over the corpse of Stephen Amell. He was just there, there's like 30 arrows there. I was pushed, I was playfully pushed into the pool by Tay Diggs. But then I bounced off of Cuba Gooding Jr. who was in the pool to land on the other side without getting wet, so many famouses. And you're over there and you got caught by John Crier and John Crier said you saved him. John Crier was actually, that's not a joke, he was there. Yes, you can tell that when John Crier said the thing about making him to the other side, he meant both literally the pool and figuratively to the other side of fame. To the

other side of fame and now we're all famouses. I would say people won't tell you about red carpets and this is probably not for everyone. I've only been to one red carpet event my entire life. Well, the Margaritaville was a blue carpet, but this is a red carpet. We've only been on one side, yes. You only are there, you could just walk in. So there was a door that you want, this is an internet weekly thing, and it was an honor. Wow, what an honor. Wow, what an honor, H-O-N-O-R. So anyway, we went and you go in and they're like, well, there's the entrance and then over there is where the red carpet is. To go on it, you have to wait in like a line and this line is like, there's some people from the new Spider-Man movie in this line. Giant Friar is in this line.

We were ahead of the Spider-Manzes. The Spider-Manzes was behind us. Not a Spider-Man, but like some cast member from Spider-Man. Legit, I mean, top tier talent that I honestly, earnestly suggested we should let them go in front of us. There's no way that we should be, but you could just go into the party, which is what a lot of people were doing. They were five minutes less of canapes for the cast of Spider-Man because they had to wait for us to finish getting our picture taken. Strange, but true. I did enjoy making good, good friends with David Harbour. Now, we didn't talk and we were only in the same place for like half a second as he got into a car, as we got out of a car, but I felt him

like register like my celebrity musk on the air. I registered his, and I think he was like, there's another like big bearded man here. Sure. Yeah. I saw it, Travis. He was getting in the car and you guys like met eyes and just walked by each other and he tickled you real fast. He tickled you real quick. He and I took a second to bully Tom Hiddleston for being a nerd. It was so fast. It was so fast. Yes, but like that was the only connection we made just real quick. Me and David Harbour bullied Tom Hiddleston and then Dave Harbour had to go, but he did. He kissed me on both cheeks and said, now the power is yours. We were standing outside this party waiting for the person that was supposed to get us into the party and we were

waiting there feeling like we didn't belong. And as we're standing there feeling incredibly uncomfortable and really not of a place where we should be there at all. Tom Hiddleston to TV's Loki walks out of this place. TBS is Loki. TBS is Loki walks out and walked past us and to get to his car. And I asked Griffin, I said, I hope you didn't eat all the free hot dogs that he had because he had that sort of self-satisfied grin on his face that he always had, which I'm assuming is because he ate all the free hot dogs. And he kept patting his tummy and saying yum yum hot dog tummy. Yum yum. And then I did a fun accent where I was like, they got split up buns, they got brioche. They got a new jumping only famous know about.

They got hot dogs too. The sequel to dogs. Yeah, that was fun. Fun time. It wasn't fun. Maybe for Travis it was fun. Maybe you had fun. It was way fun for me. Good. I'm glad you all received energy from it instead of having it depleted from you like a vampire. I expected to be arrested. Like that's where I was at as I was walking around this party. I fully expected a helicopter to swoop in and arrest me. They wouldn't even send an officer. They would just kind of scoop me up with a big claw and then lower like one of those like things that they used to rescue people who have been injured in the desert. Yes, except it's got a trapping claw on it. It would swoop down and grab me. And as I flew away, Darcy Carden would wave to the helicopter and be like,

thank you. Thank you. He ate all the hot dogs. We saw so many guys. This was a wild one. This was a wild week. I hope this doesn't come off as bragging. No, I don't, you know. We did not belong. We did not belong there. We were like the kids in the mix up files. This is basically Frank Wilder. We were hiding in the museum just hoping the security guards did not catch us as we ate from the vending machines to stay alive. Dad added a fun layer of difficulty to it. Yeah, we played hard mode. Dad, we did play hard new game plots because Dad has a tick which makes him legally whenever he sees a famous person, he has to loudly announce their name or a role that they're well known for. And there's fucking Ducky. Yeah, he's four feet away from you.

Now, to our credit, and I think that this is a testament today, did not say there's Ducky, he said, I wonder if he's still bald because he played Lex Luthor. Yeah. Yeah, good. Cool. And then John Ryan turned around and said, yeah, that's great. And then once we got inside the very crowd party, that would just go somewhere. That would just tell what they're off. And we would have to find Dad because he's can't, y'all, he can't party anymore. He can't, he can't party like Ducky do. I will say this. So Dad introduced himself to Brandon Ralph, one of the supermens. And then later in the evening, our friend Sarah Benencaza introduced me to Brandon Ralph. And Brandon Ralph said, oh, that was your dad. And like, remembered our father for you and

there's two places where Travis is known as Max Kid. It's Huntington and Brandon Ralph's house. Yep. Oh yeah, you know, my friend, your dad. And apparently your dad, your dad told me later that Brandon Ralph said to him, like, are you an actor? And dad explained all of his stage work in Huntington, West Virginia. Fuck yeah. Yes. Hell yeah. See, that rules. I wish I had the spiritual confidence of my father. Yeah. But I mean, like, it was, the whole thing was weird. I guess it's, it's all, thank you to everybody who came out to like all our signings and bought our new book, The Adventure Zone around the Rockport Limited and came to all our events and shows. Like, that's, you're the, you are our only, you're like our cool friend that gets us into parties.

Like, I don't know, a bunch of other people know who these guys are because we certainly don't. So we appreciate it. Thank you for making all our lives so strange. It feels increasingly like a dare. They haven't chickened out yet. Let's see. I don't know, maybe we'll invite them to, I don't know, another party with like two John Criers and see if they get the hint this time. Just want to say, this world is bullshit, you know. Oh, the fame? The world of fame? I feel on an apple. I just wanted to get out there and say, like, it was a fine party. The hot dogs were just scrumptious. But this whole world is bullshit. And don't let anybody tell you who you, to be like Fiona Apple said once.

Wow. That's beautiful. But Griffin, what if I want to be like a hobnobbing celebrity? That doesn't, that's then you're bullshit. Oh, no. Ow. When John Crier came over and was like, Hey, I met some of your families. I hear you do a podcast. That sounds really interesting. You know, I used to play and I'm like, bullshit, dude, bullshit. Hey, somebody come get ducky. Brandon Routh is like, Hey, me and your brother are literally going out for hamburgers. Fuck bullshit, bud. I've seen through your lies, Superman. And when Melissa Fumero was like, Oh, it's so nice to meet you. I was like, yeah, it's nice to meet you as well. I'm a huge fan of your super nice.

See, he's bullshit, Justin. Not like us. Cheap and wolves clothing. When I met Ashton, I said, who are you in Lion King? And he said, I wasn't in Lion King. I said, what fucking good are you? I wandered away. And he knew who had the power of that relationship for sure. That was good. That was good. I asked everybody what they thought of Lion King or if they were in it. That's the only people I want to talk to is people who had seen Lion King are performed in the film Lion King. The guy did Moana, the musical guy. He came over and I was like, were you in Lion King? And he's like, Justin, we've been friends for you. It's like, I don't have any friends that didn't work on Lion King. Yeah, that was true. He started

crying. He started crying. It was hurt. Because I was like, I was like, Lion King is the only part of this whole and I pointed to everybody at the party world that isn't bullshit. It's the only legit one. And then Seth Rogen was like, I was in Lion King. And that's when dad started screaming, are you naive in lane? Are you naive in lane? Like, in his face over and over again. And he pushed him over the balcony. I do want to say one other thing about this before we move on to this intolerable section of the podcast. At a separate after party event that was not really a party but was just a bunch of us sitting around at a bar, Griffin did during a particularly heated round of Uno, Hadouken and entire beer onto Lin-Manuel Miranda's pants, which I mentioned

only because it's the exact thing you're worried about happening at these other parties. Like, you're not going to do something worse than that. The worst thing had already happened to you, which you spin kicked an entire beer onto this poor gentleman. It wasn't a Hadouken. It was a closed fist punch into a beer glass because I got excited about a card I had to play. And there it is. There's the truth. And like, we squashed that beef right away. We traded pants. Okay. Okay. Moving on. This is an advice show. It's not just a San Diego Comic-Con recap. A famous. Nothing you just heard was a brag. It killed all of us except Travis. Even I was not bragging. I have been in a cocoon for the last like three days just

recovering from having to talk to so many people. Travis did force himself into a picture with Kristen Bell and came back to us and was doubled over with the exhaustion of the effort. It took all this power. Or maybe Kristen is a Shang Tsung and just got a little bit of that soul. Just got it. Pulled it right in. If so, she's welcome to it. She knows she's given us all so much. Eat my soul, Kristen Bell. Yes. It's an advice show. And we help you, the listener, with your queries. You can send those because I don't think we've mentioned this in a couple of years. You can send those to mbmbam at maximumfund.org. Real queries for advice only please. I'm a pizza delivery driver and every time I deliver to a certain bar in town, they tell me I have to

dance or they aren't going to tip me. I really need the money. So I humored them the first time and now they ask every time and I deliver there twice a week. How do I get them to stop asking me to dance? Is there any way I can get a tip without dancing and that's from Ben Vereen? No. Mine would have made a lot of sense. That would have made a lot of sense. It's from two-stepping in Texas and not Ben Vereen. Yeah. I think this is the wildest and worst bar. This is a bad bar. That's what it says outside. It's a two-step bar. I mean, they probably play it off like they're chill. Like, hey, come on in. Y'all honky-tonk but donk-a-donk and step this way and then this way and that's apparently dancing. Now you do it or else we will suspend

your ability to pay bills this month. This is like one step removed from like the outlaw gang in town firing their pistol at your feet to make you dance. Yeah. It's a lot like- You want this $3? You're going to have to dance. Let me ask you a question. Every time you pull up to this bar, do you knock over all of the motorcycles lined up outside and then you do it as a sort of distraction to save your hiney? This makes sense. I've seen this before. Yes. That makes sense to me. I just don't- Like the next- Listen, you got to pull that band-aid off and then we're like, you got a chance for this tip. You say, no, I don't. I'm an adult and then just- That doesn't sound like the kind of person you want to party with. Yeah. I want to be able to party with. Or

maybe just say like, my boss said I'm not allowed to dance anymore. My doctor said I'm not allowed to dance anymore. I have a condition where I'm not allowed to dance. John Lithgow said I'm not allowed to dance anymore. In town. If you want to leave the town, I can go. Or if you know Kevin Bacon, I could probably make some arrangements. You could wear your cleats inside. Ah, fuck. The cleats. I can't- Oh, I didn't know. Ah, shoot. I just came from my big game. And before you ask, I won the kick. And yeah, I did have a pretty special touchdown dance. I did for- Ah, damn it. Okay, fine. You can see it. Yes, let's go outside. I'll do my special touchdown dance. And then you've made it worse. At that point, it's worse because now you have to come up with a special touchdown

dance outside in your cleats. Maybe you get the first move. You get the upper hand and you say, do you want this pizza? You're going to have to sing for it. Oh, okay. And then when they're like, that's ridiculous. I'm paying for it. Then you're like, yes. Thank you. Now we're on the same page. You take the pizza and give me extra money, please. Just like I gave you extra cheese. You give me extra money. This is obviously untenable, but I am very glad that you mentioned that it is two-step, which is a fairly harmless dance. Because if you hadn't included the genre of dance, my worst fear would be like, yeah, go make it clap out on the floor. And then we'll see. Then we'll see. This is a miserable tip. Fucking tip everyone. Tip everyone 100% of the price of

the meal every time. This is the new rule. It's rough out there. Unless the rules are easy. Now you just have to put exactly what the thing cost for everything that you purchase and every service. You tip 100% perfect. Easy. Easy to remember. Easy to abide by. It's the same number. It's just the same number. And then when the revolution comes, it's all going to work out, baby. Don't worry about it. And listen, this is just a helpful tip for me to you who I've been a delivery driver at different places. Tipping cash because they have to pay for their own gasoline. Yeah, baby. But then once the revolution comes, that cash is just going to be stinky dirty paper. Right. Correct. And then you're going to want to start paying with credit card.

I have a yahoo here. Can I read it? It's from Graham Robux, send it in. Thanks, Graham. See how who answers you. They're anonymous. Chelsea asks, how do I remind myself to eat more kale? I blank. I'll fill it in here. I fucking used to love kale. That's it. What happened? What did happen? I've had situations when I was a kid, I stayed at Granny's house and I had myself a bean lunch and then I got sick in the toilet, a wet sickness. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes. And then I didn't eat beans for like, no joke, six or seven years after that because I thought I was allergic to beans. People would ask me, do you have any allergies? And I would say,

well, yes, I do beans. And they would say, are you positive? And then I would tell them this story that preceded this explanation. Griffin, that's wild. Yeah, that's wild. If you have a bad food time, you don't want to eat that food again. That's what I'm saying. That's not the same as being allergic to a food. No, I know I was wrong. I'm not allergic to beans. Now I've been it up all the fucking all day long. Yeah. Get off my thing, get back onto the question. Okay. So you're thinking that this person ate a kale lunch and had a bathroom. Had a wet sick. Yeah. And that made them like stop eating kale. And then they just went like, oh man, I should eat some kale again. But every time the opportunity for kale arises,

they just forget. They eat something else. Oh, they forget about kale. Well, you can't look at life through the lens of every meal as an opportunity for kale because you will absolutely just wear yourself down to the bone like that. Yeah. You miss a hundred percent of the kales you don't eat. That's what Frinsky said. And that's why he was so fucking yoked all the time. Yeah. Also, regular as shit. A little too regular maybe even. Couldn't make it through a game. Yeah. This person. That was his undoing. I fucking used to love kale. How can I remind myself to eat more kale? Tie some kale around your finger. That's a good one, Traff. Thank you.

That's pretty good. Kale shirt. Can't get into bed wearing that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe like hang some kale from the ceiling, but you have to walk through to get to bed. And then you should have kale barriers on stuff. Yeah. Like if you had a kale rope tied around every toilet that you had to gnaw your way through before you use the bathroom, I love that. Just a big sheet of kale over the bathroom door that you have to eat your way through like you're in Metroid. Yes. Hire a company to kidnap you and bury you in kale and you have to eat your way out. It's good too. If Mark Summers would just put the flag in a big pile of kale and you had to eat your way into the pile to win double dare, I feel like that, that is

something. Welcome to super healthy, super clean double dare. First, you're going to go through this bath and then you're going to eat some kale and get in some jammies and go to bed. And now listen, it's going to get, I put an order. It will get super sloppy just not during the show. Yes. Post show is going to be an unfortunate sloppy situation. Yeah. I double dare after dark. Double dare nights. I wish there was such a thing and bear with me here, fellas, because it's double their nights. A detective story Mark Summers. Yes. Looks like this one got a little too sloppy. He shoots someone in the head. He's like, I'm sending you to space camp. This is going to get kind of cerebral.

I wish there was such a thing as an edible tattoo. Okay. Well, I'm getting comfy. Okay, go on, Wonka. It is kind of Wonka-esque, but like, if you like kale, I can't, if you were to ask me, sit down in front of a Google doc and type out every kind of food that you like. I would get the easy stuff first, pizza, taco, meatballs. But then like, if you asked me to keep going, I like broccoli. Okay. And like a list, a ranking even of my favorite foods, I couldn't do it. And so what if every time you tried something and you were like, Oh my God, what is that? And somebody's like, that is ceviche, my man. I'll be like, get out the pen and then I would tattoo it in my arm. So anytime I got hungry,

I could look down and be like, Ooh, what is that? Oh, that's right. Ceviche. What did ceviche taste like? And then you give it a little. I think you're really close to auto cannibalism, Griffin. No, you don't need it. You don't need it. You don't need it. You don't need it. You lick it. You understand. You understand that you have gone into human evolution and have basically replaced memory, our ability to remember with a fun fruit snack for the whole family. Not a fruit. This is what you're saying. You're trading memory for the ability to eat your own flesh. No, I'm saying you trade off. Now I don't have to keep my favorite foods inside my brain. I keep that on my arm. Now my brain has more room for the 800 Pokemon that exist. And we can get super

concentrated flavor ink, right? And you'll be like, yeah, let me get ceviche, but do it in ceviche flavored ink. And so they would do it and it would be really fucking concentrated. So it lasts a long time, but you will have to get a re-up every like three months or so. Now, how do you? We all assumed flavoring, Griffin. I mean, we all assumed that. That was obvious. How do you determine like how much do you have to like a food for it? Is it like the more you like a food, the bigger the tattoo is? Does every food get a spot? Or is it like? I think it's got to be quick, right? I think every restaurant has to offer the tattoo service. Oh, but that's awkward. They're going to come over and be like, so do you want a tattoo of our world famous fries or not? But you

didn't like the fries. I didn't. The truffle oil wasn't no. So no tattoo for me thing. No, I think the tattoo would be extremely rare. Somebody eats these truffle fries and they go, yummy. And then they just bring out the whole cart and get them going and get it on the arm. It doesn't have to go on the arm, but it does have to go on a lickable body part. Yeah, it can't be the elbow or like the ear lobe. Yeah, your own butt. You can't lick your own butt? I haven't tried. Do it now. No. No, no, no. I can't. I can't eat ass while I podcast, Trout. Fucking eat ass while you podcast. Seems like a t-shirt. You should have a big fucking eagle on it and you're rad thumbs up. Thumbs up. Or it can be like the keep calm and carry on,

which says eat ass and podcast. Big dogs is back with a thrilling new line. Shit. That's our new podcast merch is just going to be big dogs inspired collection. Oh my god. Holy shit. Should we do one more little question? Yeah, I got one here for you. My partner and I are out for dinner at a local pizzeria. This is our second pizza themed question. Listen, sometimes I put together a question list when I'm hungry, okay? We don't need to identify that. Okay, so the place is somewhat trendy and caters to young hip clientele. We've already ordered and we're told it might be a 30 minute wait. The people at the table next to us just left,

leave behind three untouched slices of pepperoni pizza. No. Next question. No. Next question. My partner and I are both quite hungry. It's a busy night. We would almost certainly be seen by other diners if we went for it. Should we grab the pizza before someone comes to clear the table? And that's from Pining for Pizza in Little Rock. And they have decided to solve this immediate problem by sending an email to a weekly podcast and I salute you for that. Now, first and foremost, I want to go ahead and get out of the way. Food waste is a real issue in our country. Thank you. Yes, Travis. Why is it weird to eat that pizza that no one else is going to take on the table? It's not suddenly like if they were still sitting there and they picked like the people

who are at that table picked up one of those three slices, no one else in the restaurant would be like, ew. But if you reach across a two foot gap to grab that piece of pizza, you're a monster. You have to assume. Okay. I want to take the social thing out of it. I always, everyone is always assuming that they're fucking up and everyone also assumes the assumption that everyone makes is that everyone else knows what they're doing. And it's a faulty supposition, but it's one we're constantly making on a subconscious basis. You have to work extremely hard to make people think you don't know what you're doing. If you walk over and you pick up some saw off a table that was abandoned by some other people, everyone will just assume

it was agreed upon beforehand. Like they texted you, they're your cousin. It could be anything. Everyone will just take that aspect out of it. So then we're left with like a hygiene question, right? That I think is more debatable. No, I mean, hygiene is not a question for me. Hygiene is not a question. This is good pizza folks. It's not like they slobbered all over it. Maybe they did, but you got to just sort of play the odds when you're doing stuff like this. Food waste is a problem. Travis, yes. And we are basically, we're all basically already a bunch of just dirty dogs. So just go for it. Go for it. Go eat this. And if somebody gets on you, just like throw them a newspaper and say, we're all, we're all already dirty dogs. So it doesn't,

it really doesn't matter. Are you throwing the newspaper in like a fetch kind of way? It can be a joke like that. Yeah. But I do, they do need to read it and then read it front to back. And I don't know where you live, but you're going to make it to the end of that newspaper and be like, well, damn, we're all dirty dogs. So it doesn't matter if you eat the scraps, does it? Well, I think the only concern would be that you might get asked to leave the restaurant, but I also don't think anyone working at the restaurant would want to do that. Like, they'd have to walk over and say, did you eat the pizza off that table? And you would say, no. And they would say, okay. And then they'd leave you alone because that is as much confrontation

as any human being ever wants. Now, unless they, unless, sorry, I gave you the window. Oh, unless. Justin, you're still there. You got to leave. You can't leave me with unsatisfied unless they, unless they wanted to eat that pizza in the secret back. That is the thing. That is the thing. Juice, when you worked at the OG, or are you? I did. Were you snarfin' down soup salad bread bowl, bread stick, whatever? I got hired. I got hired at the OG as a dishwasher. So yes. And I, I went back to, to walk, to meet the man who would be training me. I watched him pick up a cup of minestrone off a plate and fucking jam it like a shooter. And then, then he asked, what department are you

working in? And I said, I'm a line chef. Yes. Because I couldn't, I couldn't study under this man, even though I celebrate him. Yeah. For that, I couldn't live up to this person. So I lied and said I'd been hired as a chef. Yeah. And that's how I got to be a chef at the Olive Garden. That anecdote I've told. Yes. Probably 30 times. Yes. I've never gotten more than a polite chuckle. But I submit that if I did become a chef in my life, but after that, it would be an extremely good story. Yeah. I'm just saying the value of the story is diminished because I worked there for a month and quit because I was tired of stinking off guard. You smelled so bad. You smelled like fucking Van Helsing. You smelled so much of the garlic. I would like to pitch a new idea.

I recently, while in San Diego, went to a breakfast place and I got some pancakes. And as is always the case, they brought me three huge Flappy Jacks and I only wanted one. And I kept thinking, I should have asked around first to see if anyone around me was thinking of ordering the same pancakes. And I could have just like, I don't know, ride shared these pancakes with people sitting around me and said like, I only want one of these three. Does anybody else just want to go ahead and eat one of the other ones? And then I don't have to feel bad about ordering them. Ah, I'm saying maybe we ride share pancakes from now on. And pizza too, something that comes in easily, dividable, you know, like, let's, let's, hey, when you're here, your family,

let's treat like family and share fucking pancakes and pizza. But just that. Let's take a break from this. Thank God. It's all very good. I love this. But let's take a break to talk about the money. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Who's there? Who's there? I should, I should let you do it. Yeah. Were you calling yourself? Ring, ring, ring, ring. Don't answer it. Ring, ring, ring, ring. It's him again. No, it's him again. Yeah, don't.

Oh, no, this is a, sorry, this is doorbell. They're just ringing it in a pattern that makes it sound like a telephone. Okay, try it again. We'll get it. Yeah, we'll get it this time. Ring, ring, ring, ring. No, thank you. We're good. Thank you. Why don't you look at that app and see the camera and see who it is? I did. And it was you. So you were dismissed. We sent you straight to a voicemail, which is the modern sort of fun, kiki way of saying we didn't enter the door. All right. Well, I guess I'll take this big briefcase full of money and cereal somewhere else. I use the ring. Ring is a magical doorbell that goes in the front of your door.

And no one knows how it works. And no one knows how it works, but it has HD video and two-way audio. You can set motion detection. Someone showed it up in front door. You're not only going to get a notification that they're there, you're going to be able to pop the camera open and see, like, what do you want? Like, what are you doing? Who is that right now? If you're out and about, I've answered my door from across the country before and said, just leave the weed under the map. One thing that I like about it is that if there's, I'll just say shit going down in your neighborhood, there are these like neighborhood safety alerts where you see like, hey, a bunch of people are getting robbed over here. You should like try

to stay cool, try to be cool about it and not tell the cops. No, you can't tell. You should tell the cops. But like, you get those sorts of neighborhood safety alerts. They got a deal for our listeners. If you go to ring.com slash my brother, you can get a special deal on a ring starter kit, which is the video doorbell and motion activated flood like flood lights camera. You can get that starter kit and save like 50 bucks, which is a which is awesome. And if you want to get some more equipment, you can also save more at ring.com slash my brother. I use the thing literally every day. It is the best and it is available for you now at ring.com slash my brother gonna tell you about blue apron now. So here it comes. This is the cooking box. It's

going to have lots of stuff in it and you're going to be confused by it. Why did I just get a big thing of asparagus and meat? Don't freak out. Look at the box. This has blue apron on it. That's how you know that the payload has been delivered. It's not a threat. It's not a threat. This is what I'm going to do to you. It is a box that gives you that those ingredients exclusively meat and asparagus only in the teachers. You got to use up in all kinds of different ways. That's one of my favorite things about blue. It gives you all the ingredients you need. None that you don't. There's never like what they're just a zucchini in here. What do I do with fucking golf ball in here? Zucchini is neither meat nor asparagus. And those are the two things

that are available in every blue apron box and only those two things. Now here's what's going to throw you. They have started offering the beyond burger, which is a plant based patty, right? So you're going to be like, wait, is this the burger or is this the asparagus? And you'll never know. Yeah. Yeah. It's confusing. So anyway, they make cooking a sustainable part of your weekly routine and all their meals are carefully designed and tested by the test kitchen chefs. Boy, I bet that's a good job snacking around on these good burgers and stuff. They use unique specialty ingredients to bring chef quality recipes to your dinner table. We've all used it. I learned how to cook from it. It's really, it's the jam. It's the shit.

Here's some recipes. Cajun shrimp and corn pancakes with sauteed summer vegetables. Don't mind if I yum. Steaks and sauteed vegetables with cheesy mashed potatoes. Can't guarantee that those are asparagus. I'm looking. They're green and long. So maybe, maybe. Anyway, if you want to start making delicious, brag worthy meals at home without that stuff that are like non meat based just to just throwing that out, you know, yellow tomato and zucchini pasta and that kind of griffin just chose to list off two of the like eight different options that both contained meat, but yeah, non meat options. They look badass. You can check out this week's menu and get $60 off when you visit blue apron.com slash my brother. That's blue apron.com slash

my brother blue apron. A better way to cook. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, I'm Graham and we're two house DJs who have been trapped inside our drum machine. We love it here and we'd love if you stopped by and visited us every week on stop podcasting yourself here on maximum fun.org. We're just a couple of doofuses from Canada and listen to our show or perish. Stop podcasting yourself on maximum fun.org. It's a RIN fair version of the Munch Squad theme song. It's a podcast within a podcast. Usually I read press releases before I do them and I'm going to roll the cosmic dice here on this episode of my brother, my brother, me and tell you about Taco Bell revealing spicy

details of its new pop up hotel. Oh my God. Okay. So yeah, so they're getting in the hotels with it's called the bell. Now we've definitely not talked about this before because God, that's weird. Yeah, no, I mean, we may have mentioned it, but we didn't have all these fucking spicy details. Trab the bell. Okay. A Taco Bell hotel and resort opening in Palm Springs in August. It's a limited time experience, but as this press release certainly reminds me all things are limited time. And this is a great application at the time that you have on earth is to go to the Taco Bell hotel, which is called the bell available for a limited time. What is going to make the bell such an incredible experience? Is that what I hear you asking? What are your top

questions about the bell? Are you asking us? Oh yeah, no, it was kind of rhetorical, but I was also curious. What is the food obviously? Yes. Thank you. The food. Yes. Here's what's going to be and there's also an unexpected take on a resort poolside menu. I guess unexpected when you're staying at the Taco Bell hotel means not Taco Bell. So there's the two things you could do there at Taco Bell and not Taco Bell. So you're looking at maybe a toasted cheddar club with hand breaded crispy chicken, jalapeno, bacon, avocado, sharp cheddar. It doesn't matter or an avocado toast data served on local multigrain toast with avocado breakfast radish. So this press release is bold enough to imagine a world where I would be the sort of person that would

go to the Taco Bell hotel and then say, excuse me, is this bread local? Excuse me. Is this local multigrain toast from the region? But it also implies that there is a person who's like, I'm going to go out of my way to stay at the Taco Bell hotel, but I don't like Taco Bell food. It's just that it's just closest to my convention. Think outside the bun, purchase local. So there's going to be a Baja Blast birthday freeze celebrating the 15th anniversary. It's going to be served in the first ever freeze lounge to keep things chill. So I guess this is a very cold lounge, perfect for enjoying the Baja Blast. I would argue we already have those and they're called morgues, but there will be an onsite morgue, perfect for enjoying a Baja Blast.

Here's a quote. I got a quote. All right. It's from Rene Piscotti. He's the executive chef of the Bell. They have one of those? Hell yeah. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Food is the best part of traveling. A lot of effort and homework goes into finding out the best places to eat near where you're staying. What is this accent? I love it. It's Rene Piscotti, but with the bell. We thought of everything for you. Do you mean Taco Bell food? From welcome beverages to room service to build your own breakfast tacos and surprises throughout. Wait, hold on. You can't just say surprises throughout. Surprises without. Many of which feature local ingredients, like our horchata date smoothie. We're curating the ultimate Taco Bell food experience. So the bell

is a hotel that has the bravery to look at the Taco Bell menu and say, well, certainly not that. Certainly you didn't intend on consuming this. Do you guys know what a, I think it's pronounced Hallow Cline is? No. This is when usually in like an underwater cave, like really salty salt water and fresh water like refuse to mix. And so it creates like a visible surface from one water to the other that you can see. And I'm wondering if there's one of these at the front door of the Taco Bell hotel because of how many farts like concentrated condensed like fart air is in there that you literally can see like a visible air surface. Yes. Welcome to the hotel. I do have to warn you, our air is flavor blasted. So you're going to need to wear this special diving mask.

It's, it's local farts, locally sourced farts. These are farm to table farts. The fun, the fun you ask. Well, they've got the fun while the daytime DJs play jams. This is basically some, someone's nephew hooked up Spotify while daytime DJs play jams. Surprise performances will kick off after the sun goes down for guests at the bell. Fans can bring home the same vibes to their own summer plans with curated playlist from feed the beat artists, a Taco Bell program that has helped more than 1600 artists and bands discover new fans. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the stage for the fourth time today, Eddie Money. Eddie's back. Eddie's back. Hey, what's up? Yeah, they asked me to do it again.

And I said, so here I am. I said, do you got any more crunch traps? And they laughed and laughed. Anyway, I've got two tickets of paradise. They didn't answer my question, but I'm assuming they're out. I want to go to this place with a desire that I'm not sure I can quantify with the sort of linguistic tools that we trade in on this show. We very rarely get into sort of poetry or epic narrative at all. And I feel like that's what I would need to sort of communicate the desire with which I really, really, really, really want to go to the bell. Yeah. If I may, Justin, it seems to me to be a bit of a siren song drawing you into the cheesy ocean to crash upon the nacho rocks. Like, you know, it will be your undoing, but you're drawn to it. Let me remind you,

you're going to have to sleep here. Yeah, that is hard. The other thing that I'm struggling with is I've eaten at Taco Bell many times. My reaction physically and mentally after that is always never again. I swear to myself, never again. But now I'm sleeping in a place where they make it. I'm sleeping at the belly of the beast as it were. That's hard for me. That's tough. Can I read a yahoo? Yes, please. Yeah, there's a Taco Bell gift shop, by the way, where you can buy, it's got, I'm looking at right now, a Taco Bell is life tie clip, which imagines a world where you would be someone with a Taco Bell is life tie clip, but also have any use for a tie at any point in your life whatsoever. Well, there's a lot of... I can think of a couple. Okay. CEO of Taco Bell.

Court date. Yeah, bail arrangement. Okay, here is a yahoo. Gosh, these are all kind of food related. Graham Robuck also sent this one in. It's a hungry app. It's from yahoo answers user Ernesto, who asks, which food awakens the beast inside you? Oh, yeah. Which food awakens the beast inside you? Let's get this out of the way. I have, and this will just be a blanket sort of crude humor joke, but I do have irritable bowel syndrome. So you can make an argument that you're describing most foods. More like irritable beast syndrome. That makes it cooler for sure, for sure, for sure. You've got an irritable beast in your system. It feels like it sometimes, certainly, but let's, so let's not go down that route because I feel like the Taco Bell one used up all of our resources.

For me, it's kale. Okay. When I eat kale, I feel like a wild beast. That's also true when I eat sticks of cinnamon or rocks. Here's a, here, this is gonna complicate things maybe a little bit, but are pills food? Do pills count as food? Do they unleash the beast? In a manner of speaking. I see. A beast who's not as anxious as a non-beast is. Compared to, compared to what the non-beast is, I am currently and have been for a while now, beasting the fuck out. So that is true with Travis's anxiety Travis and sad Travis, who is now doing okay. Regular, regular Travis. Yeah. The fucking beast. Oh, a wild man who can focus on homework. Yeah. I can, I can get out of bed. I'm the beast. I care more about the needs of others. I want to hear more about Travis's pull of homework.

That's, that's relevant to your day to day. That's all that work is now. You know, I work from home. It's all homework now. Dang, that's great. That's so good dude. But what food makes you go wild with power and fury and you can like be stronger because of the food? If I eat the right amount of boneless buffalo wings, I feel that way. The problem is I don't know what the right amount is and it changes every time. It's a moving target. Yes. One, one too little and I'm still hungry. One too many and I instantly feel like death. Have you guys tried vegetables? Yeah. Every show we've ever done for the past few years, we request that they put some vegetables backstage and then at the end of every show, we like to take them and float them on the nearest

bottle of water and then shoot a flaming arrow into them and watch as they sail off and then we say maybe next show will definitely eat these vegetables. I mean, I thought it was a bigger tray we would have eaten it. I mean, I tried one of those orange ones that I didn't care for. All the crunchy boys. Yeah, the crunchy orange ones are no good. I got sinus surgery last year and while I was going home from the hospital, they had given me a little drink, a little nutritional drink of boost and I drank one of those and I was like, I feel incredible. But I think it might be because I was still high a little bit from the surgery, but that boost made me feel so good. So I bought like a 12 pack of boost and it didn't, it wasn't that good. You know what I like?

What I enjoy, which gives me my own boost TM is I enjoy a strawberry and walnut salad. It always hits the spot and I find it crisp and refreshing and filling and gives me the energy I need to get out there. So not the beast right now. This is the no, but my beast allows me to finish doing the dishes and maybe stretch a little bit. You know, I tell you what, it does be right. What makes me feel like I'm getting it done and brings out the beast within. Sometimes if I have a really healthy cereal in the house, I'll pour a really small bowl like they do in commercials and I'll kind of like put my leg up on a fit, sort of prop my leg up on a nearby banister like they do in commercials or a big rock and just kind of eat it with my puffy vest

and self-satisfied look on my face. And I really, I like to live in that moment a little bit, this world where I'm just, I'm just having a small bowl of healthy cereal and I'm about to use this energy to hike. I mean, a big bowl of Mama Freddy's Turbo Spaghetti will get there. Most days, if I need, if I have the, like a big event coming up or I'm about to go on book tour or I'm about to have like a Comic-Con Fred Savage encounter, I will just like, I have a little can of Mama Freddy's Turbo Spaghetti with me and I will just, I'll cram it and be ready for the day. I just assumed, I assumed that was a given. Like, I would have said Mama Freddy's Turbo Spaghetti if I had known like that it wasn't just assumed. Like, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I edited out the part

where I, at the beginning of the question, I said, we're all going to say Mama Freddy's Turbo Spaghetti. So let's just pass over that. Is there, is there, this is slightly changing the, the, uh, are there other brands or the inverse? Are there other? Well, there's Mama Freddy's Countdown Spaghetti. That's the only thing that can undo the turbo energy or else you'll die. And then there's Papa Canole's Turbo Raviole, which is, it's basically the same thing. This is kind of the inverse, but like, do you guys at this point in your lives know that of food, perhaps for specific restaurants, that you know 100% if you eat at them, you will be sick. And not like a, if I overindulge, but like 100%, if I darken the door there, I'm going home sick. Do you

have places like that? Places or meals? Fozoles. Fozoles, yeah, it's not great for you. Yes. And Long John Silver's. If you're going to go in there, you're going to leave bad. I thought you said restaurants. That's fair. That's a fair burn on the Long John Silver's brand. But that's the thing is I will say, I love, I love quick service food. Yeah. I can't remember the last one. No one who loves it calls it that. What? Fucking nobody. That's the ultimate, ultimate fake your fake test. But I can't remember the last time I ate fast food hamburger and walked away like, yes, now I'm ready. I really wish I could help make jokes with you guys, but all I can do is sit here and try and think of other members of the canned pasta family. The best I've got is Grandma Tanya's power lasagna.

It's not bad. It's pretty good. It's not, it's not bad. It's so full of protein, but not in the places you would expect this power lasagna. So do we leave for the format of the joke? Do we leave turbo? No, this is power lasagna. This is a different, this one's more about gains. Oh, I see. Turbo lasagna is speed. This one's about gains. There's probably a smart one. Yeah, maybe like Cousin Joni's meditative rigatoni. Yeah. Okay. One's about inner peace and mindfulness. That's one's about focus. Here's one Cousin Jim's good sauce. So close. I almost nailed it. And then for adults who need a little bit of help revving their engine. Uh-huh. We got Papa Pokey's horny gnocchi.

They're little and it comes in a discreet can. It doesn't need a door and a brown paper package. It does not say it says not Papa Pokey's horny gnocchi. Mr. Jim's. Uh-huh. Nice food. Yes, good. Justin, you get this better than the last one. You're moving in the right direction. Thank you. That's very kind. Thank you. Folks, that's going to do it for us this week on My Brother, My Brother Me, a show that we make just for you. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Sorry that things have been a little bit scattershot over these past few couple weeks and the two weeks to come. It's kind of like wild, wild time with like the book and book touring, Comic-Con and vacation

and everything. Yes. Speaking of which, we're hanging in there with us. Speaking of which, next episode will almost certainly be a live show. We have not talked about this, but yeah, there is a, some of the macros are going on vacation after the book tour and all the touring and stuff. And so I doubt that we will have time to record an episode. So yeah, I assume next one will be a live show, but it'll be a funny one. Yeah. You'll like it. Or you won't. You know, like it's a free world. Yes. So thank you to John Rodrick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song It's a Departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed, which is really good. And thanks to Maximo and Fun for having us on the network. Shit, we have the biggest announcement. Oh,

shit. Bean juice is dead. Oh God. Okay. Yeah. Not dead. Well, but bean juice as you know it is dead. We're not spinning it. Fucking debacle. Okay. It is a new era and a fresh face that all our loyal bean heads are going to go wild for it. And it's a better fit for the lifestyle. And it's going to be more relatable to them and their friends and their families. It is not, we did not take a bath on this. We are making so much money that we want to cash in. Okay. Start over. Start over. Start over. Have we got an offer for you? You're going to be so excited about it. Finally, a mug that keeps up with it. Listen, you loved bean juice, but you couldn't take bean juice on the go because that bean juice mug just wouldn't

keep up with your lifestyle. But now with bean juice 2.0, the new latest and greatest version of bean juice, you could take bean juice with you wherever you go. This is a portable mug, not like our first mug, which you felt we were taking with you on the go. This one, can we try a different one? You're like, what if I did? It's just functionally, it's the same mug. Can I take a swing? Let me take a swing at it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, please. You're still drinking a bean juice 1.0 mug. Okay, grandpa or grandma. Don't think so. This one, this is you. Time to sit down with my bean juice mug and pour some of the brown stuff in it. And you lift it up with your old arm. I'm going to put it to my mouth. Hey, what's this cup say?

Bean juice. And while you've read that, while it takes you the time to read that, I did a stunt over a vape shop and got one already. And when I landed, I was holding the 2.0 mug, which you can read much faster. And the 2.0 company, it's a rebirth for bean juice. It's still pronounced the same way, but the company is now spelled B-N-J-C. It's so fresh now. I know you were saying that our stock ticker symbol is B-E-A-N. So that's going to be very confusing for the investors, but they don't know that vowels ain't it? No. You don't care about the investors. It's never been about the money. It's about profits. That's the only thing that is different from what they don't seem to understand on Wall Street when they're like, we're foreclosing,

et cetera, et cetera, unpaid bills, blah, blah, blah. We don't traffic in money. We traffic in lifestyle. And profits. And profits that were supposed to be according to DFTBA. Fucking bulletproof, my man, on mugs. The margins on these things are supposed to be outrageous. People use mugs, they said. That's why Hank and John blowed a bunch of smoke in our face at the same time and said, these mugs are going to make you guys fucking rich. And when they blew the smoke, it formed the word mugs, and then they turned the S into a dollar sign by like, it was so cool. It was cool. It was so cool. And we gave them our life savings to make those mugs, and now they're in Tahiti. And we're left with it. No. Beaches 2.0. It's new, cool for the,

for the cool kids. Wait till you see this new design. You're going to shit. Anything else? Can we wrap it on up? There's a whole bunch of new stuff coming to the merch store too. You can go to McRoyMatch.com. None of it matters. I'm going to be at GenCon. You can check out my Twitter. The banner at the top of my Twitter has all the dates. Dad's going to be there soon. You can go to TravisMcRoy.com, and it's going to be there as well. And I will see you at GenCon. Here's a guy who was sent in by, oh, geez, the hat trick. Graham Robuck. Well done. Thank you, Graham. It's anonymous. No, it's the guy who answers user BearThePolarBear who asks, why is Peter Gabriel's voice nice?

My name is Justin McRoy. Travis McRoy, you caught me drinking on that one. I was taking a sip on that one. Coach Billy's football fuzili. Is that anything? My brother, my brother, me kiss your dad's square on the lips. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Hey, James. Hey, Neke. What are we doing, girl? We are inviting the awesome listeners of Maximum Fun to join us at Minority Corner. Ooh, fun. But you know how we go on Tangent City. We're the joint mayors. We're not going to do that, okay? Stoop's focused. Okay, so Minority Corner is where you can all come and get your pop culture take. Plus, social commentary, news, and TV movie reactions like

Avengers Endgame. No spoilers here. Ooh, snap. Sometimes we dig into the vaults and we review and recap those movies you missed. Can I see you? Halle Berry's kidnapped. I love how she always gives 1,000%. Like Beyonce. Did you see homecoming on Netflix? She was burning it down like the mother of dragons. Have you seen the latest Game of Thrones? So good. Only thing missing? More black people. What'd you think about Mayor Pete? We went to James. We went on the tangent. Yes. I will. Join us every Friday for more Tangents. On Maximum Fun.