My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 506: The Enchanted Horn of American Heroism

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

Okay, we know we just had a non-standard 500th episode celebration, but as luck would have it, THIS episode also marks 10 years of us in the podcastin’ business. So, yes, Justin sings the song again. (Also, we’ve got new art, courtesy of the very talented Sarah McKay!)Suggested talking points: ZOLO Memories, Feline Sex Den, American Hero Horn, Play Along At Home (Sorry),Teleconference Mirror World, Healing and Growth Squad

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. I am your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. Isn't it rich? There has to be a certain separation.

There's so many songs. There's a lot of songs. Okay. Is this the only song you know? There's lots of songs. I know. But that song doesn't even apply to this. Are we the clowns? No, it's the here we've always been the clowns. It's the 10 year anniversary spectacular that we are not putting extra effort into. Why? Well, one, we did something different for our 500th episode, and you need consistency right now. We can't just throw another really special episode on you out of nowhere, the whiplash. Come on. Secondly, there's just, it's just a hard time right now, okay? Get off our backs. And you know what? Thirdly, we're tired. 10 years of this.

10 years. I mean, we, okay, do the math folks. This is episode 506. In 10 years, we have missed 14 episodes. Not bad. Not bad. Not a bad hit rate. That's 1.4 episodes a year we've missed. Hey, everyone, let's go on a trip back in time to 2010. What were we all doing? Well, we were in theaters. We were watching the King's speech. We were enjoying. I still haven't seen it. We were enjoying Winter's Bone as a nation. No, it didn't read it. It seems like a million year, Winter's Bone. Can you even remember? Toy Story 3? It's like we're, it's like decoding ancient hieroglyphs, isn't it? I'll never forget when Justin called us and said, guys, I know how we can make a quick buck. We'll just start this podcast thing thing,

the money is there. We can do whatever. We'll just phone something in and get that sweet cash. He said, we'll get that sweet cash for inflation, counting for inflation. He knew, like in the context of this conversation, was it counting for inflation? This is going to be a lot of money 10 years from now. Yeah. And also, I just got out of Winter's Bone in the theater, and I drove home listening to Dynamite by Teo Cruz because it's 2010, and that's how we fucking do things this year. I did a double feature, King's Speech and Winter's Bone, and now I'm ready for the yucks. So let's get that comedy money. If we take a look, but I want to keep talking about 2010 for a second, a different world we

live in. I just wanted to mention one of the big things that happened in 2010 is 33 Chilean miners were trapped in a mine, a half mile underground, and then emerged safely from that mine. That's cool. So after two months, so that's 10 years since the Chilean miners thing. And of course, the Xbox Connect came out and changed gaming forever. The good wife with Juliana Margulis. Yeah. Yeah. How about that? How about that? How about them fucking apples? And it's now anamorphed into the good fight on CBS All Access, if you want to check that out. Check that out. But in 20, what a difference 10 years makes. The good wife with Juliana Margulis

going into the second season in 2010, three young boys with dreams in their eyes and their hearts and sweat on their brow put together a podcasting empire 10 years past. Now it's the good fight on CBS All Access. Still a great show, not as much Juliana Margulis. Too true. Couldn't hold on to Juliana. So let's just do a regular show and not make a big deal out of it. Okay. It's been 10 years and I can't wait for 10 more. Can I listen to Silo Greens fuck you or forget you? Which also, damn y'all, can I just 2010 real quick, rolling in the deep by Adele, runaway by Kanye West, just the way you are by Bruno Mars, super bass by Nicki Minaj, dancing on my own by Robin, California Girls by Katy Perry, fucking firework by Katy Perry,

like, hello, one year? Are you sure? Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5? Are you sure in one year you want to do all that? Okay. Call your girlfriend by Robin. Fine. That's cool. Damn. Hey, and let's just take a quick look over at the movies. It's just Avatar. That was the only movie in 2010. Oh, yeah. So was Winter's Bone with it? Like, as you were watching Avatar, it was like buried in it. It was a spinoff. Oh. There was a spinoff. Okay, real though, though, can I just say though, real quick, though, if I could just say real quick, I'm looking at that box office for 2010, right at 8, 9, 10, you got to speak with me Shrek forever after how to train your dragon. Are you okay? Is everybody all right? Holy shit. Yeah.

Anyway, 2010 was a banger of a year. Zolo, never forget it, beats the shit out of our current sort of situation. Yeah, so much better than our year. Yeah, tightrope by Janelle Monae. Come on, let's go back. Take me back. Earlier this week, I was doing some gardening with my sister. It was hard to concentrate because two cats were boisterously making love beyond the hedge. Our cat is, our yard is a cat hotspot, so this is likely not the last time it will happen. I want to spend more time in the garden, but I'm afraid the ambiance will be broken by a couple of cats getting down. What can I do about these feisty felines? That's from yard dweller. I hate doing animal questions. You know, the problem is, I don't know fucking anything about

animals, but a lot of people on internet, defo do. Right. And they definitely want to talk about. I don't think we've ever answered an animal question that like a SWAT team of 30 animal experts didn't fall through the skylight. Like, no, wait, the horse, you can't do that. His feet are actually made of nails or whatever. Justin, you might not know from cats, but I know you know about fucking. Justin does know about, no, no, come on, dude. That's why we all call you the fuck master. So now you're infringing on blank text trademarks. That's great. Okay, that's great. Now we're in hot water. The fuck doctor is here, Justin. He doesn't know anything about cats. Professor fuck. Professor fuck is here and you don't need to know about cats. You just need to know how to

stop people. But it could be like something from fucking. Justin's point could still hold though, because we could be like, well, just chase him off so they don't have sex. And then we will get like 50 tweets from people like, no cats have to have sex or they'll die. And it's like, ah, man. Eventually. Eventually, I guess that's true. Broadly speaking. Yeah. The as a species, maybe we need to focus more on like, what is making your yard conducive? Oh, what is fucking? Yeah, you've turned your your yard into a sort of feline sort of Caligula den. What have you what do you just leave saucers of milk and also what makes cat horny? Well, I mean, I like I said, I think that you could just universally describe things that wouldn't make anything horny, you know, like as you've

already said, saucer milk, comfortable sheets, cats, cats movie makes humans horny. Yeah. What's a human movies? You think a human movie, any movie about humans. So just I guess you have pornographic films running in your yard on like little iPod nanos. That might be part of the problem. Yeah, get rid of those. You say sheets, comfortable sheets. Yeah. In your yard. Well, I know this is just a bit why I was just throwing your assuming that this person has maybe left some comfortable sheets in their yard. No, but maybe there's something replicating comfortable sheets. Like maybe there's some really smooth Ivy, right? And they're like, oh, this is the cat equivalent of sheets. I want a bone on this. I like to get rid of that Ivy. I like the Justin

took umbrage with that. And not with my suggestion that you have iPod nanos showing pornography as if you've set in a bunch of different sort of drive in smut theaters for borrowers and honey, I shrunk the kid situations. Our counter argument, the iPod nanos have to be somewhere. We bought a lot of them. Where are they now? I don't have one. You don't have one. He doesn't have one. So they're somewhere. We kept eating them dimly as a dare. Yep. Just kept munching them. You know, maybe it's just that your yard is a place where cats feel comfortable having. Maybe it's not an arousal thing. They're just like, you know what, I feel like I can really be myself here and really let go. It's like the like the sandals for cats, you know, they go, they feel comfortable

there. It's all inclusive. And they're able to let their hair down and really make love. Really. I mean, this is not, this is for fun sex for these cats, maybe. Yeah. I mean, it could just be a snowball effect where a couple of cats fucked in your yard once and then other cats saw that and they were like, Oh, it's safe to fucking that yard. So I think you do need to, and this may be one of the more irresponsible suggestions I've sort of put out there. But get a lover and you both dress up like kitty cats and go in your neighbor's yard and start boisterously plowing. And but just be like meow. This, this butt is the cats pajamas or say whatever they would say our pajamas. This is as good as our this. Yeah, this is the us meow. So but do it loud and make it seem make it seem

appealing like, Oh, that yard must have better sexual energy in it because I see two enormous bipedal cats. And so like that's a part that's the party I want to be on. Now, how do you do this without your neighbor sing or anyone else sing or God sing God in heaven who sees all you don't want him to see this one? No, not this one. I don't know, maybe a tarp. That's great, Travis. That's great. You know, up on stick. So you have room underneath it so the cats can see from the side. But God looking down from the sky can't see around the tarp. He's afraid of tarps. I have a can't see through him. It's like his lead. Hey, I have a yahoo here. Can I read it? God can't see the tarps. Can't see through tarps. That's funny though. Thank you. I'm sad you said

that at the end. Yeah, because if I wasn't bored of this question by now, I think I would hang out there and play with that. But I'm done pretty good. I'm pretty good done at this point. This is a super cool yahoo that the prospector Merritt Palmer sent in. Thank you. It's an anonymous yahoo answers user. I really wish somebody had stamped their name on this one. So instead, I'm going to call it Susanna Nanna. Susanna Nanna asks, If the founding fathers left behind a magic horn that could summon the legends of American history would now be the time to blow it? Oh man, that's such a hard decision to make, you know? Because you only get to do it once. Yeah, I mean they specifically wrote that. They specifically inscribed that on the magic horn

when they left it behind and buried it beneath the White House. But it goes on. If the founding fathers left behind a magic horn that could be blown in a time of dire need to save America, but it would only work once, thank you Travis. Would now be the time to use it? They would stay till the next new moon. Alright, let's break this down. This continues on. The founding fathers could come back and solve the political problems. Great inventors like Edison and Tesla and Curie and Jonas Salk and such could find a vaccine and a cure for the coronavirus. The inventors and scientists could work out something for saving the environment. It would be cool to see the great composers, musicians and singers again who would bring us great music to inspire us through this

crisis. Andrew's sisters could be back a while just like they were in World War II. John Henry and Paul Bunyan could build us some new infrastructure. What is happening? Well, a blue magic horn brought back all American legends. Let me finish. Okay, no way. I do want to dispute some of these are real human beings and invented fucking vaccines and some of them are Paul Bunyan. This is a good horn. I'm pretty sure. Okay, Marie Curie, I'm kind of sure, but Tesla, I know, wasn't born here. I would not call them American legends. Maybe we know of them here, but it's now like, can we claim Marie Curie? Is that ours? You gotta let me finish this. There's one last part here that is maybe the wildest one of all. It would likely conjure. It would likely

conjure the armies of the past who could restore peace in the Middle East. Oh, I don't think that that's what they've been waiting on over there. I don't think they've been waiting on a bunch of old, tiny soldiers to show up in old, heavy, woolen garb with their muskets and what have you and been like, oh, that was it. That was the piece of the puzzle that's been missing the whole time. Yeah, if there was such a magic horn would now be the time to use it. Well, okay, so I think a couple of things we can kind of maybe poke holes in a little bit. Like, if I think if Edison, Marie Curie, Jonas Salk, Tesla, if they came back now, I think they would have so much science to catch up on. Like, I don't think that, like,

that they would be able to get to it by the next new moon, right? Because they'd come back and be like, whoa, let me see that iPhone. You're like, yeah, but let's work on coronavirus. And they're like, I'm, give me a minute. Is that a TV? What the hell? Right? Like, I don't think coronavirus, we're going to get to that. You know what I mean? Well, they'd have to also jump through some hoops. Edison has fallen, I would say, greatly out of favor. Yeah, he's going to be doing so like his main first thing is going to be just rebuilding the brand. Yeah, he has had it. He has had it. Here's how we go. Fucking Tesla, Marie Curie, they're like, what's up? What's up? People are like, oh, fuck yeah, cool. Come on in.

Edison's like, what's up? Your man Edison's here too. Anybody need anything invented? And they'll be like, yo, tell us about this elephant that you shocked to death partner. And he'd have to be like, oh, fuck, I think I can really whip this thing into, no, you're right. Okay, so listen, it was a different time. You have gone from, you have gone from like, world renowned inventor, father of like the electric light to literal Doctor Who villain. Yes. In a literal episode of Doctor Who, my man. I know it's been rough since you kind of checked out with the dying, but things have not gone well for you in the interim. You should have left a very sympathetic like memoir or something. And can you imagine with Paul Bunyan comes back and you're like,

let's get to work on this infrastructure. How about some kind of universal Wi-Fi event? He's like, what? What are you talking about? I can dig a new grand canyon. Like, no, we need highways. We need restructure bridges. Oh, I don't do that. I've never. In my mind scape, I have thought of a deeper hole we can poo poo and pee in. I don't know. John Henry, we're going to need you to do some kind of light rail system. No, I'm a steel driving man. I don't know anything about that. You have 24 hours to learn all about electromagnets or else we're going to blow the fucking horn again. Okay. Oh, no, you'll send me back to hell. What? All of them are in hell. They're all in hell. Okay. Wow. Even Jonah's salt. All of the polio vaccine. That's a tough break, Jonas. Yeah,

I'm sorry. Hey, you gave it away for free and refused to patent your vaccine, but you're in hell. Yep. You don't know what other stuff he was into. You know what? That's a tough way to counterbalance that, Trav. I mean, not my works. Are you saved? I do get that for a chair. All right, let's put this, let's put this out there right now. The next new moon is going to come April 22nd. So right now, right now, sort of chronologically speaking, is not the best time to blow this horn. No, no, no, no. But April 23rd, we blow this horn, we get the maximum amount of time with these American legends. But here's the problem, Griffin. What if- There's a problem? Yes. Between now and the 22nd is when it's the exact moment we most needed them, right? So it might be quality

over quantity, right? We would only have 10 days with them, but in that 10 days is when we needed them most. Well, I would argue that we should have fucking blown this horn on what, February or March 22nd? Yeah, Griffin. Yeah, duh. But we just found the horn, didn't we? We just found the horn. We were repainting that one bathroom and it was, we peeled off the wallpaper and there was a little door there and we just never looked. We never looked. What do you think the founding fathers, like if John Adams came back now and like fixed the American government, he'd be like, oh, I don't fucking know, man. I don't know. And it's like, oh, okay. And he's like, so I got, what, I got like, what, 27 days left? I'm just gonna go, well, I can't go outside,

huh? Because you guys fucked that up. Sorry. I'm pretty sure that like, their shit aged pretty bad also. Pretty sure by the time Bill writes came out, that most of them were like, oh man, we fucking beefed it pretty bad on that one, huh? The whole foundational shit. I don't think that's gotten better since what? Why didn't we put, we should have put no scrubs into the Constitution. Yeah, damn it. Should have just written no scrubs. I know, right? That's what I said. I said that and you said, but what about him? He's a scrub and I said, no scrubs. Do you have to play a song on the magic horn or is it just, is it sort of like one of those long Ricola horns that you just kind of like emit a deep blow from? And then do they come out of the

horn? Huh? No, I think it just summons that you blow it knock, knock, knock. Hey, you needed us? Like, it would be weird if they sprung fully for, how big is the horn though, I guess, because if the horn is like gigantic and we found it like in, you know, I don't know, a desert or something. That's pretty cool. But if it's just like a handheld number, I don't want to see human beings come out of it. I bet fucking Alexander Hamilton would be pretty psyched about everything though, huh? Yeah, he'd probably enjoy it. He'd probably come out with all this stuff. He'd be like, how's the money stuff? Not good, not good. I'll do what I can, but hold on. First, let me enjoy this moment. I could actually, it would be a little, that would be kind of, I think that would

be difficult because it's like they did a whole musical about me. Yeah. How do people feel about it? They fucking love it. Oh yeah. Can I go see it? You cannot. No, that I cannot. I am so sorry about this, but you cannot do that. Well, soon, right though, before the next new moon, right? This is challenging. I can't wait to see the end when I shoot Aaron Burr right in his fucking head and waste that dude, right? That's how it happened, right? Did I waste him? I sure hope I did, right? God, it's been so long. Real quick, you guys. Yeah, please. Now that everyone's stuck at home, I thought that this would be a really good time. Oh no, he's about to do something bad, isn't he? Hi, everybody. I was just about to give a quiz to my brothers, so I thought it was a good

time for you all to play along at home. Yes. Yes. Yeah, you know what? Actually, I like it now. Oh good. Now, I've tried something new here, rather than one question for both of you. Travis, the format was not broken, pal. You and I have written multiple questions, but so three questions for Justin and three questions for Griffin. Holy Christ, that's got a lot of questions. But only Justin has allowed to answer Justin's questions and only Griffin has allowed to answer Griffin's questions, but everyone at home is welcome to play along on all the questions. So let's begin. Justin. Yeah. Of the original 150, please name the three ghost type Pokemon. This easy shit. Gasly. Uh-huh, that's one.

Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, no. Gasly. Oh, I'm sorry, Justin. Time is up. Griffin, do you want to? Fucking Gasly, Hunter and Gengar. And technically, that one Meroac that was Cubone's mom that was dead as hell at the top of the tower. Now, Griffin, at Disneyland, which animal is given free rain to roam the park at night? What animal? A horse. No, I'm sorry, the answer is feral cats. There's a estimated to be over 200 feral cats that roam the grounds of Disneyland. Well, they should do something about that. Disneyland sucks. Is that why you did this? To give me an opportunity to say,

Disneyland sucks. Oh, really? You're Disney World, man. Only. Yeah, Disneyland is. I gotta guide you to Disneyland. I mean, it's pretty good if you can get past the feral cats. I heard it's not even open. So, Justin. Yeah, I bet they're having a fucking heyday, by the way. 200 feral cats, you mean 2000. The gates are open. Everything's made of feral cats. Justin, currently, Eevee has eight possible evolutions. Please name at least five. Eevee possible. I mean, are you googling? No, I'm not googling, which you'll know because I won't. Eevee, eight seems like so many, right? Yeah, seems like a lot. So, a lot to keep track of. Maybe like, I wanted to say clay fairy for the last one, so I'm going to say clay fairy. No,

God, come on. Eevee, too? They all end in eon. Griffin, how many can you name? Is that one? God, damn it. How many can you name, Griffin? Well, you got Jolteon, Flareon, and Vaporeon from Gen 1, and I think that's when they added Espeon and Umbreon, which was a psychic and dark type. You do have Leafeon and Glaceon, which is ice, and the fairy type one is Sylveon? Damn, that's all eight right there. You guys want me to know? It's eight Pokemon. Are you fucking kidding me? It's eight Pokemon. Griffin, and if you get anywhere close to the number, I would count it as correct. Okay. But how many churros are sold at Disneyland every year?

A billion. Jesus, no, over 2.8 million. That's a lot of churros though, huh? That's quite less. That's a lot of churros. Sorry, I'm just trying to answer these as quickly as possible. I appreciate that. I could sooner answer, by the way, questions about Pokemon than I could about Disneyland. Oh, really? That's the part that no one enjoys. Next week, I'll make them on Disney World. Or don't do it next week. Let's not. Justin, Pikachu's name is a Japanese Onomatopoeia portmanteau for what two words? Pikachu's name is a Japanese Onomatopoeia portmanteau for what two words? I can't have it on. Okay. It is a two, it is a portmanteau

of two onomatopoetical words, I guess. Two onomatopoetical English words? No. Okay, so just, no, no problem. Yeah, let me just dip in my knowledge of Pokemon and Japanese to come up with. Peek, peek. I always thought it was like, peek at you. Okay. So like, you know how he's a dirty perv. Like, he's a dirty perv or he peeks at you. I peek at you. It's actually. Oh, let me get it. Let me, let me, okay. I mean, Chuchu Rocket is about a mouse, so I think Chu is the onomatopoetic noise that a mouse makes. Okay. Which would mean that Pika is the sound that electricity makes. Well, hey, you know what? I'll count it because Chuchu is squeaking and Pika, Pika is sparkle. So Pika Chu is sparkle and squeaking. Okay.

Griffin, one last question. What doesn't he know? Who said that? When Pirates of the Caribbean originally opened at Disneyland, what authentic props were used on loan from UCLA? Guns. Incorrect. The answer is human skeletons. Oh, they shouldn't have done that. No, not at all. That's horribly, like, morally seeking, right? Yeah. They shouldn't have used those. Those were real dead, real deads. And, and hey, just FYI, those were all returned, but there is still, according to the thing I read, one human skull still in use at Pirates of the Caribbean and Disneyland. So guess times they haven't changed that much. So who won? Oh, that would be, well, I guess. Griffin stopped your ass, dude. Well, Griffin at least knew the answers

to your questions. That's true. Oh, well. Hey, we'll get him next time. But thank you, Travis, for that great segment. I think we all had a lot of fun. It was a nice break from humor. Let's take a break and head on over to the Money Zone. I want to tell you about Blue Apron, because I know that neither one of you have ever heard about it before. Get this. Imagine being able to cook food at home, but without having to go anywhere to buy that food first. Mmm. Blue Apron sends you a box full of ingredients. Just random ingredients, you ask? No. Specific ingredients to make specific meals that they also give you instructions on how to cook. It's just that simple. And I know what you're asking. Is it the same three

meals every time? No. Yes. Hamburger, spaghetti. No. No, it's different meals each time. And you can choose what kind of meals you want. And these are chef-designed, delicious, ready-to-cook meals with perfectly portioned ingredients and a lot of flavorful options. And it's also new to your door, starting at as low as $7.49 per serving. And it's flexible. You can skip weeks or cancel any time. Feel good about your food and your environment impact with Blue Apron, the first and only meal kit to partner with how to recycle, which takes the guesswork out of recycling and is committed to transparency and reducing waste. Find comfort in the kitchen with Blue Apron and enjoy delicious home-cooked meal. Check out this week's menu and visit blueapron.com. That's

blueapron.com. Blue Apron. Eat your soul. No, feed your soul. Excuse me. Eat your own soul. Do you think Shang Tsung ever accidentally ate his own soul? He was like, oh crap. Probably when he was young right and first doing it. Yeah. Or he was like, kind of like this and like, no. And maybe, well then, is it still in your tummy then? Well, the soul lives in the tummy. And as you ponder that, also ponder about Stitch Fix, it is a box that is also going to come to your door. And can you build a robot costume out of these boxes? Sure. Nobody's going to stop you from doing that. But there's other clothes too that come in these Stitch Fix boxes. It's a personal styling company that makes getting the

clothes you love effortless. You get sent a box of clothes that is set up for you via the Stitch Fix profile service. You punch in like what kind of stuff you like to wear. And you work with an online stylist who will then send you clothes and whatever you like, you keep and you pay for it. Everything else you just ship back and returns and shipping and exchanges are always easy and free. You just pay a $20 styling fee for each fix that gets sent to you and it's credited towards anything that you keep. So get started today at Stitch Fix.com. Well Griffin, what if I like to wear clothes that are dumb and ugly and uncomfortable? Will they send me some of those? I mean if you ask for it, I don't know. Hey, Stitch Fix, give me dumb poopy clothes. Give

me the duty of stuff you got. They have never sent me poopy clothes ever. They've only sent me good stuff and I really like it. So get started today at Stitch Fix.com slash my brother and you will get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's Stitch Fix.com slash my brother for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. Stitch Fix.com slash my brother. Stitch Fix, wear your soul. Hi, I'm Dave. Hi, I'm Graham. And we're two house DJs who have been trapped inside our drum machine. We love it here and we'd love if you stopped by and visited us every week on Stop Podcasting Yourself here on MaximumFun.org. We're just a couple of dufuses from Canada

and listen to our show or perish. Stop Podcasting Yourself on MaximumFun.org. I got another question from a listener. Every time I video conference with my co-workers, they comment about the mirror on the wall behind me. I like having the mirror there since it makes the room look bigger. But my co-workers comments are starting to get annoying. What should I do to hide that mirror that won't start more conversations about the dang mirror? And that's from the man in the mirror. I have no idea. Oh, yeah. Like, how do you move them? Like, how do you move a mirror? What are you doing with it? Is there in the garbage? You break it? There's nothing to be done. I'm going to have to call in some outside help. You know,

Elizabeth Gilbert's an author, so she's probably just at home. And she's strong. Strong enough to move mirrors. Strong enough to move mirrors. Let me call her. Elizabeth, I haven't called you yet. Okay, let me call her real quick. Blop, blop, blop, blop. Banana. Hi, hi, hi. This is Liz. Liz, hey, it's just Liz Travis and Griffin. Oh, I didn't see your name come up on my ID. That's incredible. Yeah, you should get your phone fixed. It's broken. Yeah, it may be kind of messed up because I think your phone number does only have five numbers in it. Yeah. It just happened to be

walking by the phone. Just a delight to hear you. I have my speed dial, actually, but she's in the 20,000s, so it does take five button presses to get there. Let me text you the question so I don't have to read it again. Yep, yep. Got it? Okay. And Justin, what is that? What would that sound like? Do some prop work. Come on, anchor us. Okay. Hey, Siri. Text Elizabeth Gilbert. Which Elizabeth Gilbert? The only one in my front. Every time I've video conference with my co-workers, they comment about the mirror on the wall behind me. I like having the mirror there since it... No, I like having the mirror there. Delete, delete, delete. Okay, start up. Siri,

text Liz Gilbert. Every time I video conference with my... Oh, it auto-completed. Okay, it auto-completed with the entire rest of the question. Perfect. Okay, so there it is. You should have it. Liz, you're about to get that exact text from hundreds of thousands of our listeners by the just because of the way that Apple's technology works. It's weird. It came through, but it came through as like a go fund me directly to you guys, so I don't know what that is, but yeah. Well, these are trying times, Liz. I really like the sort of cyclical nature of this question being pitched to Liz Gilbert because the last time you were on the show, 400,000 years ago. Many years ago. You dished out some truly helpful and I would say genuinely life-changing advice

about working from home and taking it seriously and putting on clean pants every morning, and here we are now 400,000 years later in the grips of some, let's say, nasty stuff. And your kind of technology has changed. Now we got video conferencing and we got to worry about mirrors and stuff. It's like a beautiful bookend. And yet some things haven't changed. And one of the things that hasn't changed, and I think that I would say you guys would agree with me on this, is that people should be themselves still. So this question asker is saying, how can I hide my mirror, which sounds to me a lot like, how can I hide my light under a bushel? And we don't support that, right? Like we want you to show your mirror.

If I may, and this is going to go against I would say your entire aesthetic, but maybe people shouldn't always 100% be themselves, right? Like there's some thing, you know what I mean? Like maybe hold one percent back isn't the worst. You remember in Elizabeth's novel, Eat, Pray, Love, the one learns the lesson, which is on the back page and the front page is, be yourself within reason. Unless other people are looking. Unless other, yeah. Dance like people that you sort of care about watching are in fact watching you dance. Dance like your coworkers are watching you.

Dance like your coworkers who you've built up a kind of facade personality for are watching today. You've seen them dance. So like keep that in mind as you dance for them. But I have two thoughts on this. One is that I think you should write something on the mirror backwards and just not even make mention of it and then pretend that you can't see it, right? So you could just have very dark satanic messages on the mirror. Or happy ones. Yeah, it could be a happy satanic message. Hey, it's me, Satan. Be safe out there. Wash your hands. What if you put their questions about the mirror on the mirror?

Doug asks, you know, and you just have it be like a whiteboard. Could you paint a small child in prison inside? Really? Can I take it one step further? Because my idea was to like, I think if we combine that and my idea, which is to do that and then cover it with some kind of black lace. Oh, very nice. So if I remove this, no, you guys don't want to see the mirror anymore. Yeah, because you'll trade places with whoever you see in there. And then they're going to, they're going to take over this meeting

and they're going to waste a lot of company time. Could you make some sort of an optical illusion with your camera on your phone or on your laptop or whatever you're using? So when they complain about the mirror, they mention the mirror, you go, okay, you guys, I hear you. I'm going to move it now. But when you go to move it, your reflection doesn't show up in it. Oh, there's got to be somebody. We'll get the top people on that and see if we can't. Hey, let's call David Blaine. Someone get David Blaine on the phone. Let me call him too. I'm not done calling you, David Blaine. But I'm here to help.

Hey, I knew you were going to call. That's the magic trick. Look inside the bottle. That's where the mirror is now. Hey, Liz, if I may call you Liz, let me hit you with this. What if you've crafted a lot of drama? What do you think about the drama of this moment? The next time your employee or your co-workers mention the mirror, without missing a beat, you pick up an ashtray that you have there on your desk and chuck it out the mirror and smash it into a million. After that moment, right? You are someone who is capable of anything.

I don't even respond beyond that. You're right back in that Zoom window, and you're just like, I've got the quarterly reports here now for Dan. That's more terrifying than if your reflection doesn't show. Yeah, I bet there's one thing they're not going to do again, and that's trifle with you. There will be no trifling. They also won't complain about the mirror anymore because it will be difficult. It's gone. I would like to pitch something along the lines of the optical illusion. You made me think of this. What if, before the next meeting,

you cut a hole in the wall, the exact size of the mirror, and then you put the mirror frame up without the mirror in it, and then behind that hole on the other side of the wall, you put a mirror. It looks like it's reflecting. The next time someone mentions the mirror, you say, I've had enough of this, and then you step into the mirror world. The amazing thing that you just did, Travis, is that sentence itself sounded like a mirror reflected in a mirror. I just got lost in there, like, bouncing from it. If you go back and track it, it all makes sense. The diagram is perfect.

Someone has an absolutely banal problem, and Travis decides to build Pepper's ghost behind them. I think this is fun. Listen, we could be in this mess for quite a while. What I love about Travis's solution is you can build on it every week. Maybe the first week you go in and come out, and you're like, oh, that's weird. Everything's in there, but it's backwards. In the second week, maybe you come out with a glowing orb, and you're like, yo, this mirror world is what I want you to build up. I want you to make it as difficult as possible for your co-workers to reconcile your at-home fiction

with your in-the-office fiction once you are headed back to the office. Once you get back to the office, do not mention the mirror world. Do not mention the orb. You'll be like, yo, we saw some wild shit when we were talking to you on Zoom. Are you okay? I have no idea what you're talking about. If you've got a friend among your co-workers, if you could coordinate it with somehow where you could send them a film so that you appear to be walking through the mirror and coming out into their home, and then you're right, even more risking COVID-19, I think, to actually go film that at your house. Now, let's be clear. You're going to be fired because your boss is going to put

together how much time and effort you put into this instead of, I don't know, reports or whatever, right? You're going to lose your job, but you're going to be a legend. Yeah, I think that's good. I don't have never had a job, so I don't know how to do this. Now, that's not true, Elizabeth Gilbert. You do have a job. You're an author, and you just published, well, you did, and I'm assuming you have people for this. Things are tough, but... I got a little printing print. We're all doing it from home now. The paperback copy of City of Girls, which I read and enjoyed. It's a rocking tale of life in New York City. I thought it was very... It painted a lot of beautiful pictures in my mind.

What a great way to describe reading. It's the power of books, as I like to say when I talk about the good things that books do. I made you hallucinate. That's the benefit of publishing out of your own Xerox printer at your house, as you can just douse each page in a sort of hallucinogenic, touchable drug. Yes. I have a question. I know that was like an off-ramp, but I do have a question for you. You're as a creative person, and you've written and thought a lot about creativity, and this is like a complete pivot. I apologize, Tar Listeners, because this would be so jarring for a show as consistent and structured as ours. I tend to think of creativity as putting a bunch

of different garbage in your mind and rearranging it in interesting ways. No, that's podcasting. Hang up. Hang up the phone. I can't with you. Let's go over. I can't. In this world of ours, I mean, I can still watch YouTube, and I'm loving it for sure, but I'm definitely feeling myself a little starved of the outside impulses of the world that feed into the creative engine. Is that something you're struggling with at all? And if people are like, what do you think? Do you have a hot take? Are you saying that in order for you to be inspired, you kind of have to go out in the world and go around in it, but you personally, that that's how it works for you?

I didn't think so before, because I do not like going out there. Well, that's what was surprising me about the question. But I'm forced out there frequently by touring and obligations, right? And apparently, I was drawing more on the outside world than I thought, because I got nothing right now. Right. Well, I guess you have to just do like, it's kind of like the difference between Emily Dickinson's poems and Walt Whitman's poems. You've chosen the exact right people to make this reference with. Go on. So Walt Whitman's poetry is all about going and rolling in the earth and taking it in. And Emily Dickinson never left her bedroom, but she still wrote an incredible

body of work. I think you just have to start looking at the world through the eyes of a 19th century spinster poetess. You probably know way more about this than I do. I know, I think one thing about each of those people, and it is this, wouldn't you say Walt Whitman was, I don't know, happier than Emily Dickinson? Listen, Travis, do you want to be happy or do you want to make great? Was it poems? Poems. It was poems that she made. I think you might, I think you might have been a little bit happier yet. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, I'm actually surprised by the opposite because I am a traveler. And yet I'm finding that I'm quite enjoying my little quarantine time at home. And did you guys Freaky Friday?

Maybe Freaky Friday. Yeah. It could be. I'm not sure because I'm doing different kinds of creativity now. Like I've got, I ordered a bunch of watercolor paper and pens and I'm actually drawing. I've never, haven't done that since I was a kid. That's a good thing to do when you're inside. So do some art, do some art, art, and then make jokes about that, I guess. How you turn that into comedy gold. But that would be art, art, art at that point. Too many arts. Too many love. Hey, can I, can I just congratulate you guys on your 500th episode very recently? Thank you so much. That's incredible. I actually think this is for next week's episode. This is our 10-year anniversary celebration. Believe it or not. This is so incredible. We've been focusing for 10 years.

You have brought this woman so much joy over those 10 years. I can't even tell you how I've taken you all over the world with me. We've gone on extremely long walks together in interesting places. I'm so grateful that you exist. And I also wanted to say I was a little jealous on your 500th episode and your kids were on and you were interviewing your kids about what their favorite episodes were. And I was like, my hand was raised. Can I answer that just to get it out of my system? Sure, please. Please.

It would be the ballad of Titliquid. Thank you. I've looked into it several times. Whenever I need a lift, I go back and just listen to that a little bit because it's so incredibly funny. So thank you for letting me get that off my chest. I'm glad that you could share that at great personal cost to me. What a generous host we are. So City of Girls is out in paperback. There's lots of other books you can buy by Elizabeth Gilbert and you should probably buy them. I mean, I'm glad you clarified because there are lots of other books you could buy, specifically by City of Girls. Actually, I'd rather right now we just focus not on the lots of other books that people could buy.

Oh, okay. Right, right, right. Just these few books. Just City of Girls. Just this little handful. Call your local bookstore, but they can maybe ship it to you. And that's nice and you're supporting two great people, your local bookstore, and Elizabeth Gilbert. There's also a new, really good alternative to Amazon, which is called bookshop.org. And you can just go to bookshop.org and you can buy books from independent bookstores online as easily as

you could do it on Amazon. So if you don't know how to support your local independent bookstore, that's an easy way to do it wherever you are. Excellent. Hey, this is Jeff Bezos. I listen in on all the podcasts while they're making them. I just need you to delete that one part. If you delete that one part for me, I don't like it. I don't want it. And delete that for me, please. Elizabeth Gilbert, this is Jeff Bezos. We're canceling all your books. Jeff, Elizabeth, pleasure to meet you. I'm Jesse Thorne. I heard you guys are doing free ads without anybody paying for them. And I'm going to cut that out too. I listen to all the shows too.

This is what I've always sounded like. Like relaxing on your Casper for mattress, you can buy yourself a book from bookshop. Please don't mention my mattresses unless I pay for it. I'm a very outstanding young man, and I won't stand for it. That's robbing from you, the creator. And I respect you. John Casper, Jesse Thorne. This is me, Jeff Bezos, again. I just wanted to say I'm excited to see you two at our secretive billionaires hunting party. And we'll catch y'all there. All right. Elizabeth Gilbert, thank you. The standing offer to just permanently join the show still stands. Anytime you want to take it. I'll quit anytime to make room for you.

I love you guys. Be safe. You too. We love you too. Okay. Bye. Bye. Yes. Okay. I want to grow. I want to heal. Fix this failing planet. With fast food meals.

Welcome to Munch Squad, Colin. Brands are here for you. A lot of people have been thinking in this crisis, have the brands abandoned me, have my favorite fast food brands abandoned me. And I've been feeling it too because they stopped cranking out hot new menu items for me to discuss. So I felt abandoned. So I started digging and I realized that the brands haven't had time to make great new menu items for me because they're busy fucking doing their part to help heal this incredible crisis that our entire planet finds itself embroiled in. So with a spirit of sort of a well, a good-natured and a pat on the shoulder and maybe a slightly patronizing nod, I want to give you some of the

updates on what our brands are doing to help sort of do their part. Um, Carl's Juniors slash Hardee's are providing and a lot of people do family meals, let you get a big old mess of food for a good price, take home to your family, save you a bunch of hassle, which is great. Carl's Jr. and Hardee's are still charging you money for them. This is still a transaction. They've adjusted their product to meet the current demand. Carl's Jr. and Hardee providing, but they boy howdy, do these brands feel pretty proud of the fact that they froze their food for you. Carl's Jr. and Hardee are providing an easy solution for family meals in an effort to help people focus on taking care of their families

while we take care of the burgers and biscuits. Well, we keep the burgers and biscuits safe. In support of the families across the country that are coming together around middle time, Carl's Jr. and Hardee's are launching the new family bundles menu that includes signature items like charbroil burgers, hand breaded chicken tenders, and made from scratch biscuits, providing everything you love for every one you love bundled up and priced right. I'm talking about little Jeffrey. I'm talking about sweet Susan, your wife. Let's get her filled up with these charbroil broils. We love them. We love you. Pleasey, our broils. It's going to be kicking off Thursday family menu bundle by drive through and pick them

up as Carl's Jr. and Hardee's remain committed to serving their communities and for a reasonable feed and helping everyone to feed their happy. Boston Market, they got a little bit more of a religious focus, quote, huh, with all this. They got their own meal deals, their own frozen meal deals with all that's happening around the world right now. We know that Easter celebrations will be different and smaller this year. It says Boston Market, Chief Executive Officer Eric Wyatt. Our team at Boston Market would like to help with any type of Easter meal you might be planning with numerous convenient options available for pickup, home delivery, or home shipment. The health and safety of both our guests and our team members is our top priority. So we want to do

everything we can to ensure everyone has a safe and healthy holiday this Easter. I appreciate you, Boston Market. Thank you. Zaxby's got their own meal deals, quote, we wanted to create an affordable meal featuring our signature menu items for families during these challenging times, says Zach McLeary, Zaxby's CEO and co-founder. Have you noticed how we never hear from the CEOs, but now that they've frozen a lot of food in big boxes, now they'll come down from their fucking sedans to waltz amongst us cometers. Well, Justin, they did it for our families and our sick cousin. For the communities and the families. Our sick cousin, Dave, and everyone, all of them. Zaxby's is always focused on bringing people together with flavorful comfort food made

with uncompromising quality. I have always said that. Zaxby's, their number one thing is bringing people together. Now, more than ever, we're all family. Just, you know, family that will charge you $20 for a large tray of frozen chicken. Oh, wait, are you guys not doing that in your house? Like when BB comes to eat, I'm like $12. $12, please. This is good. Zaxby's is like, this is all very well and good. What if they don't know our name? An alternative to fast food. Fuck off. Zaxby's serves fresh, prepared at order, hand-breaded chicken fingers with a Z and wings that can be tossed in a variety of nine sauces. The menu also features four salads. I'm not reading the rest of the things they have for sale. Next quote, Zaxby's has been serving up premium chicken

fingers and wings for 30 years. Read a book. We want our guests to know we're here for you now and we're not going anywhere. Quote, we'll weather this storm together and come through it stronger than ever. Zaxby's, they're here forever for you. You can't kill Zaxby's by conventional methods. We are immune. We had it once. We got over it. We're immune now. We have no lungs to infect with Zaxby's. We're all fingers and we don't wash them. At some point. Yeah. Lastly, the one that I do want to especially hold up as I tear down is White Castle because they are actually doing anything that is charitable from April 7th to April 30th. Healthcare workers and EMTs can go through the drive-thru of any White Castle restaurant each day to receive one free

combo meal or breakfast combo. They just have to show their work ID. Fuck yeah. So I want to say, White Castle, that is wonderful. White Castle team members will be delivering crave cases of sliders to hospitals and other healthcare facilities in the regions where White Castle has restaurants. That's good. The alternative would have been insane. We're going to be air-dropping White Castle all over this nation. We put them in a White Castle cannon and blasted them off. On April 6th, White Castle delivered 1200 sliders to four hospitals in the Detroit area. That is very good, although I cannot imagine that the smell of 1200 White Castle sliders has made that situation a lot more appealing. It's about the taste, Justin. You don't

smell these wet squares. They say that. They print that on the napkin. Don't smell our wet squares. Just eat them because they taste good. In the midst of this pandemic, healthcare workers have put it all on the line to serve and take care of us. Now it's our turn to serve them, says Jamie Richardson, vice president at White Castle. I'm hoping the president was extremely, extremely busy because they couldn't come out for this one. Providing free sliders and meals to healthcare workers is a way for us to show our appreciation for everything they're doing right now. So White Castle, a little good nature, funny expense, but good on you for really supporting people. And that's what's going on as our brands are taking care of us. So thank you, brands.

I know we're going to get through this together. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger together. Zaxby says stronger than ever. It's going to be better after even. Zaxby's is like, it's going to be even better after. Zaxby's has been looking for its chance to grow. You know, and sometimes, sometimes that little tree in the forest needs another tree to maybe fall over to get a little more sunlight on that little tree. Zaxby's is hoping some of its big siblings maybe go down in this. So Zaxby's ends up being stronger than ever. Yeah, extremely powerful. Thank you, Zaxby's. Folks, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. And sincerely, I know we got all mushy at 500, so we're not going to do all that again. I will

say, though, 10 years. Come on, you're too good to us. It's really very kind of you to continue to hang in there with us. We know our best years are behind us. We know that you know that. But the fact that you've clung in here even in the twilight years is very meaningful to us. So thank you so much. Yeah, it's, I do not know what we can say that we did not say like what five episodes ago at this point, but it's, I feel like 10 years is a sort of different milestone, at least on our end, chronologically speaking, to it is easier for me to look back at where I was 10 years ago and where I am now. And where I am now is because of you all listening at home. So thank you all so much. Thank you to Elizabeth Gilbert, who is so good, just like

the best, a good person, funny and very talented. And I don't think we mentioned this during her segment, but if you are like struggling with creativity during this time, check out Big Magic. It's another book of hers that she wrote just about being creative. Even if you aren't struggling with creativity, read Big Magic because it's a life changer. So this is a big thing we should talk about too, because with our, with our 10 year anniversary, we decided to do a little bit of rebranding. Well, I'll give you that in a second. Some new designs, new logos, that kind of stuff. And you can check that out. We'll be sharing it and you'll see it on all our new stuff. Big credit to Sarah McKay, who did the redesign and it's just absolutely gorgeous.

And I love it so much. Wild about it. We're going to have some new merch up with that rebranded stuff up on macroemerge.com, including a 10 year commemorative play that made a lot more sense to make three months ago when we started working on it. Sometimes it's January and you come up with a funny joke that does cost money, right? And then it's April and the face of the world has been forever changed, but the plates are still there, huh? That you still made them. There's nothing you could do about it. You don't have to listen. You don't have to buy the plates. We get it. We do have to try this. We have to put them up for sale because the alternative is just us

hoarding plates with our faces on it. They're really, really good. But like, I just like before you like, like, we get it. Okay. Like, we get it. So anyway, check that out. Macroemerge.com. We also have for you, stalwarts, there is a shirt with the old logo on it, protesting the new logo. And I do want to thank, in that spirit, I want to thank Justin Russo, who a friend of ours who 10 years ago made that original logo and he's still alive today. So thank you, Justin, for that, for that shirt. You can support, you can support Justin. We're giving him a, you know, he gets his big wet when you buy one of these protest shirts. So they're there too if you want to. Thank you to John Rodrick and the Long Winters for

the Use of Our Theme Song Into Departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. Fantastic little ditty. And thanks to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. Go to maximumfund.org. Check out all the great shows there. Shows like Stop Podcasting Yourself and Judge John Hodgman and Switchblade Sisters and a whole bunch more. And like Travis and Justin, I think both have said, we have other stuff at macroid.family. Hey, go check out the movie Trolls World Tour featuring your boys. And I think that's it. Yep. So here is a final yahoo that was sent in by a bunch of people. Graham Robach, Adrian Cowles, a bunch of folks sent this one in. Thank you all.

It's from yahoo answers user Mike who asks, Can science make a spider man? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips.