My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 508: Face 2 Face: The Pepsi Proposal

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Hey, this is a weird one! For one thing, it’s a live show, which is a strange thing to listen to. For another thing, it’s a selection of bits from two different performances aboard the JoCo Cruise, so it’s a little patchwork-y and disjointed. We’ll be back with a regular ep next week!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey, this is Griffin real quick wanting to preface this one by saying it's a live show, which is strange to listen to these days from the before times from when we performed on the JoCo crews, which was just going off my own sort of internal calendar about 400 per trillion square million million thousand trillion years ago. So it's actually cut together from a couple

of shows that we did on the JoCo crew. So it's a bit patchwork and a bit weird. And, you know, we edited out a lot of very extremely local boat specific humor. But yes, that is that is the episode this week. We were not able to record a new one. We will be back with a regular episode next week. Until then, enjoy this incredibly strange thing to listen to of our Mabin Bam Goofery aboard the JoCo crews. I run an after school fantasy lark for eight to 12 year olds. And I write the story and play all the major NPCs that the characters kids characters encounter. The problem is that I'm not a very intimidating person. You're gonna need to start over. I missed all of those words. I run an after school fantasy lark for eight to 12 year olds. I don't know why

I almost turned it into a bear naked lady song. I run an after school fantasy lark for eight to 12 year olds and I read the story and I played all of the major roles. Wait, I didn't. The problem is that I am not a very intimidating person. So even when I try to portray an appropriately scary villain, the kids tend to always think, quote, we can take them and mob me. Brothers, how can I strike fear into the hearts of gamer children? That is from Korra. Korra, are you here? All right, Korra. Much better. Nailed it. Got it in one. When I was a gamer child, the thing I think I was most afraid of was having to mow the lawn. Can you dress up as a lawnmower that they would have to use?

Can you dress up as chores? Can you dress up as the idea of reformatting a memory card? Can you dress up as the concept of your dad really thinks you'd be good at baseball? So get out there, tiger. Just whisper in their ear like, I took all your V bucks. When you weren't watching, I took all your V bucks. V bucks is a fortnight money. Gotta hate doing this show with old people. None of them reacted. They loved it. They were scared. V bucks? They were scared that they're fortnight money. That sounds like something that happens at Bucky Jesus. Now, Justin, I hate to stifle your creativity over there, but as you approach to whisper this, they've already thrown a bald-up wad of tinfoil at you, hitting you for 15 points of electricity

damage. Is there a safe way to set kids on fire? Just like, I mean, a safe fire for kids? Yeah. This one was sent in by Adrian Cowles. Thank you, Adrian. It is a woo. Adrian, you're not here, are you? No, that'd be wild. We're in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. That would be fucking bizarre. Uh, so there's an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user I'm gonna call. I have Aquaman asks, how did the first parents know how to take care of their children? Fuck, yeah. Yeah, right? Right? Yeah. It must have been weird the first time that the baby shit in a diaper and you're like, where do we get more diapers? Sorry, we're all parents up here and we know this crowd skews younger. So when the baby is born

and come out, it has a diaper. Yeah. And it's called, it's birth diaper. And you know how just like in movies, right, baby come out, start screaming. Has diaper. Yes. Person with milk glands just start spraying it out like like yeah, like that must have been weird for yeah, like, hey, Doug, I think I'm making food. I don't want to like freak you out. Are we having a weird party? Yeah, I think I'm making food right now. Is that why? Huh? Huh? Huh? Let's put it in little used mouth. Yeah, see if they like other food. And that must have been frustrating. Like, hey, put on baby shark. It's like, what the fuck is baby shark? There is a baby shark over here. Right. Your baby shark on baby. No, honey, he wants to play with the baby sharks. I don't know

what to tell you. Well, I mean, a small me just came out of you. Maybe feed it some of the brontosaurus. Oh, nope. Nope. Now we got to wait till next baby. But this is trial and error. We'll get this right sometime, baby. Baby do bed. We should have done the you milk that's coming. Yes, Travis. At some point that baby that let's successful baby started talking. That must have freaked them the fuck out. What? Oh my God. This weird small you pet is turning into a you. It isn't like right now your hamster when I actually would love a carrot. Whoa. If your hand where's my hamster? It's at school. What? And now our teacher to drive? Where did we get a car? You drive the you teach us to drive a dinosaur. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, obviously. This seems like the type of crowd that would

actually get very angry and send some things on Twitter about how human beings and dinosaurs didn't exist at the same time. So as far as we know, yes, it's a bit and a goof. Let me point towards the documentary Flintstones. Yes. A gripping if dinosaurs and human beings didn't exist at the same time. How do we know about that? Oh, how do we know? How do we know about how do they play their records? Oh, yeah, because yours is a Flintstones. Okay. Yes. Justin, how about another question? Yeah, here it comes. Because we hate juice. We could say a lot of Flintstones things up here. But I think how do they make vitamins? Yes, cereal. How do we still have their cereals? Jurassic Park, it would just they wouldn't look like dinosaurs. They look like big weird

monsters because we didn't see them right with our human eyes now like the super accurate. We're fucking dying up here. Justin, please. We got a haunted doll watch. Oh, fuck, we didn't ask before, but who in the room has no idea who we are? Okay. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Okay. So haunted doll watch is a segment on the show where we find haunted dolls for sale on the electronic bay and see what the story with those are because that's wild. This doll is called Melissa tangible. Holy shit. That's a good name. It's a fucking good name. Yeah. Melissa tangible is what this doll is listed as meet Melissa. Melissa. They don't say it doesn't say to the tune of train. Meet Melissa. Melissa is what she likes to be called. Oh, the tangible doll. She was neither

human nor nonhuman. Okay, that's everything. That's actually all the thing. That's everything. You actually skipped over the first part of that sensory that one more time for me. Meet Melissa. Nope. Though a tangible doll like all dolls. No, there are intangible dolls. Travis do not step to Justin on the electronic bay. Sometimes you get a doll. Sometimes you get a picture of a doll because they're not specific about it being a tangible doll. I would argue that even there it's a problem one could conceive. No, it's not you. I don't think you know the word tangible. Fuck. That is the actual problem. She is a pure evil, tangible, physical doll. As a seller, I'd like my customers to know that my house backs up 600 acres of woods.

On the other side of those woods is a medium sized cemetery. So important things for all of us to know. So I assume your house backs up in like a 300. Incorrect. 600 acre woods and it's a medium sized cemetery. So that's the kind of like oaky tannins you can expect from this. The the terror of this haunted doll is extremely good. I'm sorry to keep revealing my own ass. How big is an acre? Is 600 acres between your house and a cemetery a good distance? Well, many of the people lived in a 100 acre one. So it's six times better than him. Oh shit. And the Winnie the Pooh cemetery was quite large. It was every animal ever. Eor lived in it and that's why he was kind of bummed out. I'm sad. Oh, why? Because no, because of the

spirits. You don't understand. I'd never had a night's rest. Though wailing. This isn't my tail. That's right. Think of the implications. I'm a patchwork monster. It's the telltale tale. Yeah. I, they, the ghost, don't patronize him. The ghosts come a run and when they stop, stop, stop. We got a lot to show you. They loved it. The ghosts come a run and when they hear the spirit box, I do believe that that is why I have so many negative or evil spirits on my property and in my home. This spirit, however, really does not have a name. We agreed on Melissa. She seems to like that, although she is neither female nor male. We have established that she is neither human nor nonhuman. I don't think we need any more

specifics. This spirit, you must be 18 or over to purchase. What? Also, this spirit is for the dark arts only or season investigators. Oh, okay. I'm back in. Okay. Yeah. I, this is, this is my favorite. I bought her at another consignment shop and she was not a haunted doll. However, she is now. Huh? Yeah. Huh. Funny how that works. Yeah. Okay. Jesus Christ. Is this person's house for sale because it sounds like maybe it's a haunted doll factor. Yeah. Quick, quick point for you fire torch findings on eBay. You probably shouldn't buy more dolls. That's maybe where I would start is your house transmogrifies regular dolls into bad evil dolls that are neither human nor nonhuman, but our name Melissa. Hey, why do you think this eBay user bought

the doll carcass in the first place? Well, we have a name for doll carcasses, Trev and their dolls. It's just a regular doll. I do like this backstory though. I'm just a doll lover purchaser and now this one's haunted. So I got to get rid of it. I created a whole eBay account. Yeah. For this one specific one. And according to the listing, the 270 other haunted dolls that they have in their sorry about your luck. Yeah. But what keeps happening? What's the connective tissue? Anyway, that is a haunted watch. Hey, how about another question? I love that. Griff, thank you so much. My boyfriend says, bless you after I cough. This makes me feel very uncomfortable. How can I get him to stop? And

that's from bless you in Boston. My boyfriend says, is the uncomfortable thing that that is not when we do that? Or is it what they're actually saying? Do you think what part is causing the discomfort? Well, can it be both? Because it is both of the things if okay, let's try it out. Oh, bless you. What do you say about? I would say thank you for the blessing. Have you heard the good news? And then I would bow. Bow like, oh, like that. Yes. Let me try alcohol. Okay. Hack them, hack them, hack them. Bless you. And also with you. Nice, nice, religious. Do you want to try? Um, yeah, so, okay.

Bless you. You will never take Jenny from me. Okay, that's that kind of possession thing. That's got three different good options. Yeah, definitely stop. Hold on. Let me do it. I'll do it. Okay. Bless you. I wish you'd stop doing that. Okay, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while now about our relationship. Oh, hold on. You always bring me some popcorn. You always fucking do this. Jerrick, this I want to move back to Portland with my sister. Wow, a new vibe. Okay, what's next? What happens? You know what? You're right. Okay, I think we can make this work. Honest communication. I'm loving it.

Once I get out of here, we can be together. My character's in prison. Well, we'll see about that. Three, two, one, blast off. Oh, no. Wait, what is happening now? I'm in a rocket ship now. So where? Portland, Oregon. Well, here's my brother, Elon Musk. Oh, two. He built a rocket ship for me. Oh, no, it's an old fashioned breakup rocket ship chase. Yeah. And it's a steampunk rocket ship. So you know it's cool. Look guys. And what's that? It's Captain Mal Reynolds. Oh, shit. Anyways, do you want to have sex in front of Captain Mal Reynolds?

I actually Travis, I stopped playing the part like 15 seconds ago. So for me, Trav, that's a firm no. Okay, how about Yahoo? Yeah, here is a Yahoo from the Yahoo Answer Service. This one was sent in by several people, and it's sort of just like a fun sort of linguistics, like origin, like a smart people thing for all the smarts on this here boat. Anybody here? Okay, a lot of people sent this in. It's from Yahoo answers user negotiator who asked. Oh, I like that. What exactly is a gravy train? Oh boy. I assume it is. Don't us Travis. Don't assume. Okay. Know it. From a book you read about this subject. Thank you.

Yesterday. You know how. Yeah. They are trains full of. Yeah. Gasoline. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I see where this is going. You're saying, are you trying to say that maybe, how else does gravy get places? Thank you. Are you saying maybe that cars use gasoline? Like they call gasoline gravy. It's like slang. Yeah. Like gravy is slang for gasoline? Yes. No. No. So somebody has a big gasoline train. Not now. Not now. I'm saying 100 years. Travis is embarrassed and he's trying to walk it back. I've never been embarrassed in my entire life. Okay. Have you heard the jokes I make on this show? I'm saying 100 years ago, everyone said, Oh, yeah, Henry Ford and his car gravy. He loves that shit. We're not talking about,

and that was before cars exist. Right. We don't say they're in the gravy car. They're not driving the gravy Prius and getting great gravy mileage. No, they just say horsepower. They say horsepower, which is a fun another. We're not actually going to talk about smart shit on the stage, Travis. We're talking about the gravy train. People say it. Why? Justin. The weird thing is that the gravy train is good. Yes. That is the surprising thing. Like that has pulled into town. I'm feeling pretty good about this gravy train. It's arrived. That does mean at some point, somebody had something that could be referred to as the gravy train and said, thank God. Yes. It's here. My master

tales are getting extremely cold. Thank goodness, the gravy train has arrived. A butler came in going chugga chugga chugga chugga would master life. Okay, hold on. They don't say the gravy train car. It's a every car in the gravy train is a gravy train. It's a gravy locomotive, a gravy caboose. Everything is gravy, gravy, gravy, gravy, a gravy sleeper car. Yes. Slosh, slosh, slosh. Do you know why it's gravy train? No, but really just shout it out all at once because there is a gravy boat. So we're all just saying that constantly and have no idea what it means. I see someone pointing to someone. Are you pointing at anyone? Are you a train? Sir, I swear to God, if this is a joke, I'm going to be fucking furious. Okay,

everyone be completely silent. I just wanted you to go. Okay, yell it. Yeah, yell about gravy trains. Oh, fuck off. No, not what your parents told you. Unless your parents are gravy train conductors. Keep going. Keep going. I want to hear. So it's the wagon that has all the food in it in like a convoy. Don't you all clap? No, that was like a wagon train. And there was one wagon that had all the gravy, the wet brown one that had all the gravy in it. But here's the thing, that person stood up with confidence and said that made up bullshit. And you all tried to clap like we all knew that too. The next time you fucking joiners, what's better, what they said, or the idea of a train that every time it turns a corner, a little bit of gravy sloshes out every window,

which world would you rather live in? And that's where corn comes from. Hey, how about another Yahoo? Yeah, I love that. Thank you. So this one's presented by Adrian Cowes as well. Thank you, Adrian. It's from Yahoo Answers user blue fox socks. Who asks? I wish hot salad existed. Anyone else? Now hold on. Hey, calm down. Let's all open our minds in the space. Yeah, let's check it out. I'm seeing some very enthusiastic thumbs up from a one to two people audience. You're now on a list of my own creation. I'm sorry. You all also know that like warm spinach salad is a thing. No, that's nothing. It's not hot, though, to be fair.

Yeah, we're talking about a salad that you put in your mouth and go, I do like that they started calling it warm spinach salad because room temperature spinach salad is pretty nasty. Yeah, you know, I, I actually had one of these, I think last night. Did anyone make you? Well, the nice thing about being on cruise ship is you can put it fucking anything on my salad. Nobody's going to say anything to you. So I got a regular salad and the lady looked at me with like pride as I walked away like, dang, Justin really did a good job. Yeah. What a good salad. That's a lot of cookie points. He's so proud of him. And then as soon as I fucking hoved out of you from her eyesight, I handed my bowl to the person behind the camera

is like, can you throw some grits on there, please? Some grits, Travis grits, grits for dressing. Well, it's 2020. I'm changing the game. Grits for dressing. This is from a man who used to put marinara as dressing. That's old news. Hey, juice, the new shit is grits rule of dressing rule of thumb. If you can throw something at a wall and it sticks there, that's not dressing. Hey, Griffin, pasta salad. That's a salad on a dress. That's a salad, not a dressing, but good try. Wow. What do you think of the next peanut butter dressing? No, that's gross. Hey, ooh, juice. What's hot for spring 2020? You'll have to ask the fine chefs here at the New Amsterdam what they plan on putting at the board. They didn't offer grits, Justin. They didn't offer grits. Grits wasn't

on the list of dresses. That was Shea Justine. I love you so much. There is no way that they said ranch, vinaigrette, grits. Here's the food, grits. Here's what you're gonna get for you. Do you want some porridge on there, baby bear? Someone from the dive in outside was like, you want a hot dog on it? We'll blend it up real good. You can sip it in. We'll put the whole thing in the blender. You don't even have to look at it. Hey, how about just a bowl full of grits with one spinach on top? Hawn, now you're like a big man. Prove them wrong. Anything can be a salad. Fuck you. Do you want a big bowl of honey? Here's what you get with grits as a dressing. One, judgment. Two, texture. Three, warmth. Four, it's everything salad isn't. And now they're

together and it fixes both. It's both okay because grits and salad. Hey, listen, if you have Cinecesia, please never eat a grid salad. It sounds like the worst possible sensory experience I can imagine. They had lemonade. I dumped a glass in and someone paid me $3 to eat it. My wife asked me where the lettuce was and I had to look at her honestly and say, I no longer remember if there's lettuce in here. Justin, did you eat a bowl of grits? I might have made a KFC famous bowl sort of sweet at one. Accidentally, I could have sworn I did get some salad stuff on there. Pretty sure about it. You know, it's bad when you're at the salad bar and you

have to point at least four different things to be like, what's that? I'm not that familiar with, can I have the little round ones? Do you mean chickpeas? Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Give me those Pac-Man pellets. Yeah, give me that. Sorry, I messed up in that sense. I'm sorry. I hope everybody's enjoying the show. I sure am. And I have bad news for you, while you have been so distracted, if you will reach up and feel an area of your body that normally grows hair where you'd rather there not be hair, I'll know. There it is. Oh, I don't worry about that. I'm happy to grow hair all over my body as anyone who has seen me at the pool will attest. It's kind of a Rip Van Winkle situation, but sort of like a small one. You don't

have like a full lush white beard, but it's more just like a general growth. Oh, this is just my peach fuzz. I have good news for you, though. There's razors. Oh, Harry's is a company that makes a great shaving experience, quality, durable blades at a fair price like two bucks per blade. And they've cut out the middle person manufacturing blades in their German blade factory, which is a fine thing to do at a German blade factory. If you ask me, a layman, they've been hunting precision blades for a century. You want to try a better shave? Well, you can get one with Harry's and you can redeem a trial set at Harry's dot com slash my brother. You'll get a weighted ergonomic handle for a firm grip, five blade razor with a

lubricating strip and trimmer blade, rich, lathering shave gel with aloe to keep your skin hydrated and a travel blade to keep your razor dry and easy to grab on the go. Go to Harry's dot com. That's h a r r y s dot com slash my brother to start shaving better today. What do you guys think? Which the people who work at Harry's, what do you think is their favorite Wesley Snipes movie? Well, I don't know, travel. What's your joke? Play probably bridges of Madison County. It's played. I don't think Wesley Snipes was in that one. Was he played the bridge? What do you think is their favorite Jessica Alba movie? I think it's honey. And listen, we all shop online a lot and finding promo codes to buy Jessica Alba's complete

movie discography. Is that something? Is there a criterion collection of just Jessica Alba movies of like honey and Fantastic Four and the Alba album? Yes, the Albatross. Do you think she ever got called the Albatross in high school? Anyways, back to the back to the copy. It is an easy to find this. This is in the copy. Oh, yeah. And then talk about Jessica Alba a lot. Here it says some suggestions. Talk about Jessica Alba. Then it says bullet point. Have you ever noticed how Albatross has Alba in it? Maybe that's something. God, it was better the second time, Justin, wasn't it? It was so losing it over here. I will take this ad from you by force. Please. I'm begging you. Okay. So finding promo codes that work is an easy said that said that next

one unless you use honey, the free bound browser extension backed by PayPal that scans the internet for the best promo codes and automatically adds them to your cart. Just download honey to your computer shop like normal, click the apply coupons button and watch the prices drop. It's 100% free unlike the movie honey. I don't know. Maybe it's streaming somewhere. Can you check real quick why I finished this, Justin? Yes, sir. I don't want to have to pay to rent honey. I mean, at that point, I just own it. You know what I mean? Cause like I'll watch it enough. I'm actually like that that would justify buying it. You know what I mean? Cause like $3.99 to watch it once or like $12.99 to watch it whenever I want. It's hard to choose. I've got honey on layaway at my local movie store

that I've been paying off for. I'm nearly out of the woods on that one. You could get it. The juice is running is the problem. It's $4 on YouTube. Move on. Okay. Honey, the website is 100% free to use and installs in just a few seconds. So get honey, the website for free at Join Honey. On a website. Get Honey. The browser extension, not the movie. I just want to make sure people don't think I'm talking about the movie now at joinhoney.com slash brother. That's joinhoney.com slash brother. And that is to use the browser extension honey, not to be in the movie honey. I just want to make sure that's clear because I've talked a lot about both in the last couple of minutes. If you want to be in the movie honey, I'm going to give you a Bitcoin address

that you will send bitcoins to and then they will figure out the rest. They will need a very high-res JPEG of your face in a well-lit environment. Hey, if you enjoy all these great jokes about honey that we've been doing and all the other shows on the MaxFun network have been doing because we coordinated it, it's Honey Week, baby. Guess what? MaxFun's running a survey to help figure out which advertisers are a good fit for our audience. We are still a, you know, primarily an audience-supported endeavor and that'll always be the case, but advertising can be a very helpful source of income, especially right now. And the results of the survey will help us talk to some new advertisers and convince them to give us a shot because Honey's almost certainly going to

pull out after this one. The survey short shouldn't take any more than 10- But Jessica Alba might come in. Might come in, might swoop in there. And it's doing us a big favor. This is a short survey. It shouldn't take any more than 10 minutes and we sure would appreciate it. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash ad survey to fill it out and do it now and you find out which Harry Potter house you belong to also. Yep. You do it. I'm a huffle claw. That is going to do it for this interruption, this brief interruption, this brief honey-centric interruption. Have you guys seen, I've never seen the movie. Let's head back to the show. Video games. Video games. Video games. You like them? Maybe you wish you had more time for them? Maybe you want to know the best ones to play?

Maybe you want to know what happens to Mario when he dies? In that case, you should check out TripleClick. It's a brand new podcast about video games. A podcast about video games, but I don't have time for that. Sure you do. Once a week, kickback as three video game experts give you everything from critical takes on the hottest new releases, to scoops, interviews, and explanations about how video games work, to fascinating and sometimes weird stories about the games we love. TripleClick is hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton, me, Jason Shire, and me, Maddie Myers. You can find TripleClick wherever you get your podcasts and listen at maximumfun.org. Bye. Here's a yahoo that was sent in by Adrian Cowles. Thank you, Adrian. Sometimes if you've never

watched our show or listened to it, if you've watched our, if you've never listened to our show but you watched our short-lived CISO production, you don't exist. If you're one of the many people who've never watched our TV show. Okay, Adrian Cowles sent this in. It is by Blue Fox Sox who asks, do pizza chefs ever hate their creations? What an oddly specific question. Say a pizza chef really hated putting pineapple on pizza. Would they be ashamed of making that pizza if it was ordered? Would they even have pineapple on the menu or would they suck it up? Well, rarely does a, okay, we're talking about like, say, little Caesars. Yeah. The pizza chef at Little Caesars does not own Little Caesars.

Okay, that's fair Travis, but I would argue the pizza chef at Little Caesars hates every pizza that they're sending out. That's the thing is, you bring up the idea of like, I had to put a combination of these that I didn't like. As opposed to just the chef finishing the pizza going, I fucked that up. Yeah, but I'm stuck on Little Caesars, Travis, because in your mindscape, I want to undercover boss a Little Caesars with you, because you imagine there will be at least one of these franchises where you dip into the back room and see somebody like, I'm going to, I'm going to work hard on this and get sweaty and sell it for five dollars. I have to believe that of all the Little Caesars across this great planet of ours,

yeah, in Little Caesars and say America, Canada, Italy, yeah, that there is one chef who's like, another masterpiece. This question does, I'm so glad I went to the cordon blue. This, this, uh, this, uh, why do they name the cordon blue after chicken cordon blue? That's confusing. It's confusing. It's all get out. They teach you to make other things there. Did you know that? Anyway, everything that actually comes out of there is hamburger cordon blue. All the chicken stuff. This question does raise an interesting sort of moral quandary, and that is to say, if a chef gets an order for an immoral pizza and they still like, I'm saying specifically something with perhaps pineapples or cheese and pineapple or Canadian

bacon, which is home. We all know that. Uh, if they get an order for an immoral pizza and they make it, they're complicit, right? They should walk, they should, they carry some of that stain, perhaps literally. What if someone says, uh, just hold the cheese, hold the pepperoni, add sauce and jalapenos and hold the crust. So you're envisioning the chef sort of holding all these things. It was, and it was just a box of sauce and jalapeno. I would love a $5 hot and ready. Just come breathe in my face a little bit. Yeah. What if, what if someone said with extra arsenic with the chef? This is a good start of a riddle, dude. Yeah. Is that murder? Can the cop, the cop would be like, that's a murder you did. And then you'd be like, he asked for arsenic.

Then what? And he stood on a block of ice. Yes. While grocery shopping recently, I gave him the temptation and threw a box of chocolate peanut butter pie Oreos in my cart. What? Can you say those words again? Hey, let the, let the wiki show. I said all those words right on the first try. Good job. But they were all, they were all very confusing ideas. A box of chocolate peanut butter pie Oreos in my cart. Two aisles later, I shed the rest of my dignity and ripped open the packaging. Then anytime I was alone in an aisle, I would pop one in my mouth. I made it to the checkout line. And when the teenage cashier got to the open package of Oreos, they exclaimed, wow, you must have been hungry. Before I could finish paying, they commented that

if a human being said those words to me, I'd melt into a pie bowl. Yeah. Before I could finish paying, they didn't comment that their dad would have never opened snacks in the store. And I must be a cool dad. I am a childless 25 year old man. How do I atone for my voyeuristic Oreo eating behaviors or have I been punished enough? Okay, first of all, it's exhibitionist Oreo eating behaviors. You weren't watching other people eat Oreos. So let's get, although I bet you're just a few keystrokes away on YouTube.com from enjoying that very specific kink. I would argue that the person who commented, my dad would never let me do that. You must be a cool dad. Maybe that moment has nothing to do with you whatsoever. Yeah, I think they were just

wanting to share a little bit about their dad. Is the boat moving the table or are we just leaning hard? Yeah, I'm leaving. I want every inch of this. Maybe the rest of that sentence was, and will you be my dad and watch me eat Oreos? I am confused by a strange part of this question. Of seeing somebody at the store eating Oreos and saying, boy, you must have been hungry, as if Oreos is something you eat to satisfy a powerful hunger. Okay. Did you want them to just start gnawing on some dry fettuccine? Like, what do you want? Did you want them to not specifically target it at you? I'm sorry, I couldn't pick anything, but like... I said, nobody's ever been like, it's dinnertime. I have a hamburger here. I also, ooh, these Oreos

would fill me right up. Hold on, stop, no, wait, we're at the grocery store. They don't have a hamburger here. Let me frame this better. If I was this cashier and somebody came through and had an open thing of Oreos, my response would be, wow, Oreos sure taste good, huh? It would not be, boy, those will fill you right up like food does at a meal. Yeah, but you wouldn't say anything. If you watched someone eat 10 Oreos, you wouldn't assume, I bet they weren't hungry. That's a wild thing to say, though. Because I'm pretty sure in the question it said an empty bag of Oreos. You can have a hunger for lots of things, and sometimes you have a hunger for Oreos. I'm sure they would have loved having a nice sit down meal with some grilled asparagus. Does anybody understand the point

I'm trying to make, or am I... No, listen, I understand what you're saying, but I think what you were ignoring is I am a human being in the world, who exists in society. If I saw anybody eat anything, even if it was asparagus and steak or whatever, I wouldn't say, you must be hungry, because that person's a monster. Yeah. Like walk, okay, tomorrow, everyone on the stream, walk around the Lido Market tomorrow. Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry. Because the answer is always, yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure. And here's a sneak peek. I'm gonna be hungry again in six hours. Catch me then for a new meal called dinner. I'll be there. I think the better, what they should have said is, oh, someone wants to be shoplifting. Someone's doing a bit of tummy

smuggling. So you don't sell these Oreos by weight. Okay, I'll take my business and my Oreos elsewhere. Hi, I don't think I want to buy these Oreos. I tried 10 of them and I don't like them. I thought they were regular, but they taste like peanut butter. They taste too much, there's too much peanut butter and too much chocolate. It's just overall too flavorful. I want my money back. I didn't buy them. My mistake. Goodbye. You'll never see me again. Oh, no, I brought these Oreos from home. I need to don't get freaked out if I run as fast as I can out of the store. It's part of my exercise I do. I left my money in the car. Hey, here's a Yahoo that was sent in by approximately every living human being on the planet.

It's asked by an anonymous Yahoo answers user who I'm going to call Jamvis asks. Jamvis. Jamvis asks, where can I buy horse funeral supplies? Where can I buy horse funeral supplies? Big box store. We did it. America, we did it. There's only three people that have stood up to leave the room. No four. Okay. Bye. Bye. Still a good job. Oh, wow. Catch the rest of it. Wow. Yeah, we usually turn the house lights off so we don't get real time data. But this is good. This is theater of the mind. No, Travis, it is not. This is theater of the watching the analytics as they happen. We can pretend the balcony is ride or die because it's

all full. It's a big to be fair. It's not like the ship was sold out. Hey, so like a big box store, I should explain it. Yeah, anyway, a big box store, but also a big box is like for a horse's coffin. Yeah, it's a really good job. Imagine a horse has died. You didn't care about it personally. How do I get my coworkers to compliment me on my leftovers? One of my coworkers often gets compliments on the leftovers he brings for lunch, like, ooh, that looks good. And that smells nice. Whereas, you know, compliments, compliments, ooh, whereas I get none. I pride myself on being a good cook, and I'd like some validation from my peers. How do I make my famous chili look as delicious as it tastes? Doesn't sound like it's

very famous. This and it doesn't seem about looks. Who is ever like, it's mostly about smell, right? Because no matter how good it looks, if you're like, oh, that's a good looking dish, it smells like shit. Yeah, especially chili. All chili more or less looks the same. You need to huff it to know that looks like a mistake you made by blending ingredients. It's a mistake. Let me huff it. That's good. There's a possibility that your co workers food is so bad that the other co workers are saying that looks great. Oh, it's reaction formation. Yeah, you said the opposite. Yeah, good job. My eyes. He just a little garnish, just a little green, a little bit of green. Receive him. Okay, just a little bit of a garnish on there can relate maybe

some scallions or like fresh scallions from your office box from from your your desk drawer. If you saw someone pull out a container of Tupperware chili and take to it was a small envelope of scallions, that is something you would comment on that person. That person needs you to compliment their chili. It's extremely important. And they just start narrating in the moment like, and I'm just gonna microwave this at three minutes on high. Oh, a little bit of sour cream on there, cut up scallions. Voila. I did it. It doesn't look good. It's chili. Yeah, no one's ever gonna look at your stinky bean soup and say, looks good. There's 1000 recipes for chili. You know what that means? Chili is the food that you cook by, I don't know, it's just what I had. I put it on

a bowl and cooked it for a long time and I was chili, I suppose. No one's ever gonna say, looks good. They're gonna say, looks like you had those ingredients handy. Is it? There's a moment in every chili cooks life where they said, I think this is chili. Yeah, I think I did chili. Is it possible that maybe we could glow up the container that the chili is brought into the building? Maybe it's just a, maybe it's a sightlines thing, right? You carry a bowl of chili into a building. Who the fuck are you? What is that? That's a bowl of chili. Get it out of my sight. A red wagon, full of chili. A radio flyer wagon. Full of chili. Full of chili. How have you protected the radio flyer? Yeah, good question, Justin. How have we protected and captured the smell inside of the

wagon? You stupid idiot. No, I'm just saying, I feel like if you tried to dump a bunch of chili into a wagon, it would fall right out. All right. Open your mind, Justin. I'm asking you to open your mind. It's thick chili. It's thick chili. There's no chili. It's solid chili. It's frozen in a block. There's no chili thick enough to not slip between the cracks in a red rider wagon. Thank you for asking. My chili, what's Griffin's problem to solve? You don't have to help him. It was Griffin's bad idea. You don't have to fix this. But I'm going to start taking it. Griffin, how do you keep the chili in the right? I'm sorry. What if you carry it into the office one handful at a time? Dump it right on your desk. Leave. Dump more. Next handful. This will take all day. You will not be paid for

your work on this day. Oh, maybe if you wrote on the package, Nana's last chili. But then you kept bringing it in every Friday. To a boy where they're like, should we still be eventually someone will call you on it and be like, no, no, no, it's a chili starter. You call yourself a chef. This question comes to us from someone here on your, your team. They, they're, the short version is their mom sends them a lot of things in the mail. So she sends me cutouts from magazines, old bottles, junk mail from my high school. I'm 33 and haven't been back to high schools since 2006. That's true of most people to go back to your high

school. A lot of people don't go back and you're like, you know what, let me try math again. Unless you're dreaming. That does happen. Sometimes it's even things that she found around the house that just made her quote, think of me. And she always puts a little note in the box or letter that says, just look at it and then throw it away. I've asked her to stop sending me what is essentially trash, but she won't. Brothers, how do I keep my mom to stop turning my mailbox into a garbage can? That's from trying to keep it clean. Kelly, Kelly, are you here? Okay. Your mom thinks you're garbage. Your mom, your mom is burning you left and right. I saw this garbage, your thought of you. Go back to high school. It's nice that you do have a permission slip to not

care about something that your parents have sent you is always a real relief. That would be nice dad when he texted me like, Hey, do you remember Jim Johnson? He died. If the rest of that text was and I don't expect you to care about it at all. Your dentist's uncle died, but it's fine. It's fine. Ignore this. But hey, it's chill. Keep doing what you're doing. I realized that you had no personal attachment to it whatsoever. I just needed to use up some minutes I had on my phone. This is a test. And if you've actually been throwing these things away, I regret to inform you you have been failing the test catastrophically. She's going to come to your house and be like, where's the bottle? Oh, just I she may not even say anything. You will just see her looking around.

Know it is for a scrapbook of some sort. I would throw it in the trash the opening it because that way there's no guilt. It's kind of a Schrodinger's trash situation. Maybe it was good. Maybe it was bad. You'll live with the mystery and you won't live with the trash. Unless unless unless unless unless. Oh, is it mine? I said but it and that's nothing. No, unless it is possible. Does your mom ever send you like just $100 bills because they don't do try Justin's thing. I was going to say a check. There was a story that we heard in church literally monthly about someone getting a Bible as a gift for graduation and then throwing it away and they left a hot check for $100 in the Bible. Yeah, like literally monthly we're hearing this story like don't throw the Bibles that your dad

gets you don't throw any Bible it could have a check for $100 in it. What's great about that is that literally the pastor saying normally it's worthless normally. Yes, maybe there's secret money in that might be why you look like a dick. Yeah, I probably look like a real goober at every hotel that I went to that had a Gideon's in the drawer. I mean the Mormons love giving you had a very straightforward national treasure experience. Flip the adventure. Nope. Nope. All that lesson taught you is look in the Bible before you throw it away. Hello, I'd like to be moved hotel rooms please. I have 16 times if possible. Very exacting standards. I'll be honest with you. I've used the Bible up.

Hey, this Bible's empty. This Bible empty next room. Another one of these calls. I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. So this is Munch Squad. It's a podcast within the podcast that profiles the latest and greatest in brand eating juice. You actually just did the Munch Squad with your your wild sound. Hey, welcome to Justin Brand Eats. Prepare your proposal. Pepsidibus diamond engagement ring made with crystal Pepsi. Consumers can enter to win a sustainably made ring via social media. Oh, thank God. Yeah, thank God this one crystal Pepsi ring was sustainably made. That should fix everything. Thank you, Pepsi. You fixed it all. That sweet young girl can retire now.

Put her feet up, go fishing. Yeah, Pepsi fixed everything with its one sustainable crystal Pepsi diamond. For people about to pop the question, Pepsi's introduced an unusual new engagement ring. The beverage company has debuted the Pepsi engagement ring made with one big difference. This diamond is infused with crystal Pepsi. Just hear me out, Trav. How do you infuse a diamond with the oh my god, let me see your ring. It's got if you think if you think I'm not going to detail exactly how this is happening, you're wrong. Okay, let's be let's let him get through it. Yes, this is my great grandma's ring. The brand the brand is asking fans on Twitter to tweet their most creative bold or bizarre, bizarre proposal ideas with the brand social

handle and hashtags, hashtag Pepsi proposal. Okay, so Pepsi worked with a creative agency that I will not name because they don't get the free publicity to create here macroi brothers industry. Oh, no. So according to the brand, the ring was made by boiling down Pepsi's clear beverage to its most basic carbon form, resulting in a powder powder. This powder was then added to the process for creating a lab grown diamond, which requires a small using a small piece of natural diamond that is placed in the carbon under high pressure temperature. Quick, quick aside, they figure out how many diamonds. Because why are we making this fucking podcast? I thought only Superman could make diamonds. We just go make diamonds boys sell them on a

cruise ship, I guess not everything that can be made by man is no longer has value. You'll you'll know Liz and the podcast. Yeah, that's fucking true. So okay, I could have stopped there and it would have been pretty terrible. But I thought wait a minute, you just gave me the hashtag. So let me get up on Twitter and see what we're doing. Let me see what's cooking. So here's some proposal ideas that people sent to the brand Pepsi. Fluffy said up in a hot air balloon at daybreak. Sure, cool. That sounds good. Creative. Julie tweeted this to Pepsi. I would invite you out for a picnic. Pepsi. The brand. I'd spread the tablecloth out on the ground and reach in the picnic basket and pull out a Pepsi and then set the Pepsi engagement ring next to

it and ask the question. April followed up just moments after tweeting directly at Pepsi. I'll love to get engaged to Pepsi. Folks, you're not marrying Pepsi. Wait, hold on, Justin. Aren't they? You're not. I would get Dennis said I would get down all caps. I would get down on my knee and propose very loud so she can hear me with my crystal Pepsi ring. Because she's 300 feet away. As is legally binding. Mikey said, well, I got to find that love. Oh, Mikey. Oh, no. Hey, so Mikey's here tonight. If anyone's who I got to find a love who loves Cherry Pepsi as much as me, winky face. I don't think so, Mikey. Yeah, it's not a cherry. It's not a cherry Pepsi diamond. Yeah. And I don't think that winky. That's a ring pop. Go to the beach with her and hand her while

on one knee a cherry Pepsi with this awesome ring around the straw and say, will you marry me? Hey, like it's so weird that you got the soda wrong, Mikey, that I'm going to move on instantly. Then William burst through the door. Please permanently bring back Pepsi holiday spice as an annual tradition or rename it if Pepsi spice and keep it permanently. And then William departs. How romantic. William jumps out the window. No, that's how he'd propose. Lee, you just I will. Lee, you just tweeted a still image of media. So I don't know. I don't know exactly what the plan is, but it's just a single still image of media waiting for since I was a little child. Omar says, how would I do it? Probably like James Bond,

pull up in an Aston Martin, act like someone or something is in danger, get her into the car and drive to the beach. Then Pepsi responded to that one and said, hashtag sounds cool to us. What the fuck, Pepsi? It sounds cool for the person to drive up pretend like someone's in danger. You know that great scene in every James Bond movie where he pulls up in a car. He's like, Oh, your dog has imagined like this. Griffin is my love. Screech. Someone's going to die. Oh, no, I'll get in the car with you. Anyways, I love Pepsi. Do you forever? Pepsi sounds cool to us. Kim said, I would say as I got down on one knee, you're as beautiful as the sound of opening Pepsi. You're as sweet as the taste of Pepsi. And I like Pepsi.

I want you to know that I have you forever. Will you be mine forever and ever until the end of time? Sure, Kim, that sounds nice. Stephen swoops in. Traditional on one knee in place of particular interests to myself and my SO. Crowds are unnecessary. Photography is required. And then I'd kill both of them. Hey, Stephen, that sucks. Like all of that energy that you just brought to a single tweet really stinks. And I hope that Pepsi throws this ring in the trash as a result. I hope that Pepsi passes that tweet onto the FBI. Yeah, that person should be on a lot. I hope whoever gets proposed to with the Pepsi ring says, do you have Coke? That's going to do it for us here on my brother, my brother and me.

Thank you so much for coming. Let's see, there's some, oh god, this is crass, but I'm Travis. There's merch. Up there, we have the adventure zone graphic novel. We have some cruise inspired pins of our phases where we're in jaunty sailor caps. Yes, we're going to be doing second shot. A lot of different things. Yeah, we're doing a signing. We'll be signing the adventure zone or whatever the hell you want to bring. Yeah, look forward in the schedule because we don't know where it is. I've got a Disney sing along coming up on Thursday. Hey, and thank you to everybody. Thank you for having us. This is the best week. And thank you to Mike and Joyelle for their opening. Oh, yes, they were so good. Thanks also to John Rodgers,

the long winners for the theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed. And I know what you're wondering, isn't John Rodgers on this boat? Why is it in here? He's doing the intro song for another podcast on the other end of the boat. Yeah, it's so embarrassing. Every if you've never heard our show, we have one ending question that Griffin reads and it's a final yahoo. And it's one that we think about and come back in the next episode and kind of discuss ourselves. Yes, a few people sent this one in. Oh, so this is fine. We'll get to talk about it in like an hour. Yeah, sure. A few people sent this one in. It's from yahoo answers user bigfrog who asks who else thought Alvin parentheses Alvin and the chipmunks was an asshole.

My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad's girl on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.