My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 513: Mother Cruncher

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

In which we make an unprecedented mid-year swap-eroonie, and then do our due diligence to inform the federal government about the change. We THINK we got our message through, but there’s no way to know for sure.Suggested talking points: Beezness, Blender Crimes, The iPod Travis, Juicy Mind Challenges, Naked SnailsSupport Black Lives Matter National here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019For more resources on anti-racism and ways to help fight police brutality, check out: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I am your middlest brother and I have been and will always be Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy and folks will beefed it, didn't we? I will be the first to admit

that we beefed it. And you mean regarding laughter and love? Regarding laughter and love, thank you Travis. Yes, we've gotten some criticism I think over our selection of the motto, of the tagline, whatever you want to call it. And I have actually gathered everybody here today for this press conference to announce my, I can't, I fucking can't believe I'm saying this. My support for 20 Honey Down to Beastness. And this has never happened before in this year and this is the run of the show that we have endorsed to switch Aruni in the middle of the year. Folks, it's fucking June. We're like halfway through this shit. And I'm suggesting to switch Aruni. I'm leaning hard into a switch Aruni. Here's the thing about

laughter and love. It's a good principle. You should fill it. Fill it right up. Love especially. Get that in there. It's so important. Beatles, yes, all about it. But it's a little self-serving, isn't it? Yep. There's something about Down to Beastness that's like a trumpet declaring like let's fucking roll. First, I have two complicating factors. Okay, yes, please. The first is that I hate to rename the tour this late into the year. Well, good news. Yeah, I mean, we've got all the tickets printed, got all the fucking shirts with all the stops on it. Yeah, man. We hired all the sky riders. And we have the one act play about laughter and love that we wrote to perform at all of our tour stops. I hate to rename it this point. Yeah.

For sure. For sure. That's huge. Number two is, do you remember when all the businesses had to shut down and a lot of them are still shut down? That's tonally for me bumping. Well, then you can go ahead, Trap. If I may. You won't. Okay. The businesses, right? No, no, I'm sorry. I will draw a line in the sand here. Those are businesses, Justin. Yeah, those are businesses. Businesses are over there. They're making money or not making money, whatever the case may be. And we love that or we don't. Or we don't or whatever. I'm talking about business and business has to do with both the individual and the hive, right? So right now, we are all individuals, right, doing our own business,

but also working towards a greater goal as the hive. A bigger business. A bigger business. A bigger, a bigger, a bigger, better business. And that's important. I think it's also just about, you know how bees, they go around, they pick up the pollen and they get it all over themselves and that makes them horny or something like that. And then they take it back to the hive and they vibrate so violently and it makes all the pollen go off and then the queen eats it to create, to make honey out of her butt. Right. I think that down to bees, this recommends like a sort of like shedding, like a vibrating and getting off complacency. Yeah. This is fair. This is fair. You know what bees don't do? They don't rest on their laurels.

They can't. They can't. They're too little. You've complicated this because bees, I think at some point it would be beneficial for them to rest on laurels, just so the various pollination things that need to happen. Do you know what I mean? Like resting on laurels, occasionally for them, is probably essential. So they probably need to rest on laurels. Let me put it in another way then about the bees. Here's the thing. The bees, they're mining their own, if I may, bees-ness, right? And if you fuck with them, you're going to get that sting. You're going to get stung. That's absolutely wild, Travis. The thing you said to me that they're mining their own business is absolutely wild.

These monstrous things are flying around, fucking plants and stinging toddlers every single day. It is what they are known for. They're making movies about it. They crave it. They crave interaction with us. They love interfacing with humans so much, they made their jizz taste good. Come on now. It's a trap. They do not mind their business. It is, to just its point, a literal honey pie. Thank you. Well, perhaps then there was a time, do you think there was a time where bees were like, listen, if we poke people with our butts, we die. We all know that. That is scientific fact. And so we have been reluctant to sting people with our butts. But the time has come. We need to start stinging people with our butts.

And listen, we were going to leave them alone if they left us alone, but they did not leave us alone. We don't want to sting people with our butts. We don't want to. Okay. You did not address any of my salient points. And this is classic, classic oratory style from you, Travis, to think that you can get away with this because you have not addressed my chief complaints. They are totally in our business now. Okay. Here's what I'm saying. You're the one who said they went, we went, we take their butt jizz and we eat it. Thank you. We're so far from it. We're so far from it, aren't we? We're so far. What if somebody did that? What if I was making a sandwich and a giant said, okay, great. And peeled up my roof and scraped that sandwich out of

my house to eat it on his bigger sandwich. And this is a sandwich that you have made from your own jizz. Well, listen, we don't need to carry it that far. You nasty, nasty boy. I don't understand why we need to go that far with the metaphor. I'm just saying, I work hard to make a sandwich. You have to work hard if you're going to make a jizz sandwich. Listen, Justin, we don't have to, we don't have to carry the metaphor that far. The metaphor has poisoned this episode so far. This is all I'm saying. Yeah. Shit is, shit is changing right now. Shit is revolutionary. And it's important to get in there. It's important to march, support Black Lives Matter, do whatever you can. And I don't want to be out here with, I'm sorry, my dick in my hand screaming,

but also fill your life with laughter and love. There's just no way. There's just no way. Fight against police brutality, defund the police. And also, while you're at it, here's a cross-stitch that says, fill your life with laughter and love. No fucking thank you. It doesn't feel right. I just want to, I don't understand the way this works, where if we have settled on a theme for the year. Yeah. And we, and two of you say, let's change it. Yes. Is that just it? Is it a majority vote? Or is this like, fuck man. I mean, because it does raise the question. If we have the ability to do this, it does raise the question of 2016. We had a cherry seven weeks there at the tail end where we could have been like, listen, these bridges ain't getting built. No 2016. We're changing

it to 2016. Yeah. Well, I think it is important to note, we haven't finished the second quarter of the year yet, right? So I think we're still, like, if you're just mathematically, there is still more left, more year left than isn't. So I think we can change it. I think that after we passed the end of June, we would have missed the window. Yeah. And it's going to be too tough for us to come up with a third, even more appropriate slogan. Like, I think that, I think all three of us can get on the same page there. That's fucking unthinkable. The emotional toll that goes into slogan generation is, is, is like not repeatable. We almost didn't survive the first time. I think. And maybe, maybe, man, God willing, we'll get to a point where maybe we can get back

to focusing on laughter and love, right? Maybe that will be a fourth quarter slogan. 2021. Let's try again. 2021 is funny. It is. I will grant you this. The speed at which things seem to be moving. Right. Currently. Yes. Does make the idea that we could sort of encapsulate 12 months of existence on this particular plane. Unthinkable. Unthinkable. Yeah. Unthinkable. The, the, the, the height of hubris, honestly. Yeah. So I was going to suggest monthly, but even that. Even that's weekly. Let's just say this week. Do you know how wild it is to live? If you, do you know how wild it is that there have been several times in the past week to 10 days where I've been talking to someone and been like, Oh, right. There's a global pandemic that's shutting

shit. Like the, that I have to remember about how the planet is sick. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. So I think wild, wild times. Are we doing this? I mean, are we doing this? I'm in, I'm, I'm into it if you guys are, but like, I want to make sure that this is, you can't walk it back. Cause what I don't want is like, I've always felt pretty good about punks of tiny fill style. We make the call. That's the call. Right. And no one else gets to weigh in on it. I don't want people to think that this is a, a sort of, you know, submit ticket and we'll review it to see if we change the year. No, I think that this is perhaps the most special of circumstances. Yeah. One could possibly imagine specials of fucking word for it.

Yeah. We're not going to make a habit out of this, but we, we shit our pants. Yeah. And I don't, we shit our pants. And I don't want to sit in these shitty pants for 12 months. There's no way. Well, I'm, we, we are now so consistent at getting it wrong. Yeah. That I'm starting to think next year we should title it, watch your house burn down as your infant daughter cries. And that way that won't happen to anybody. Like that will guaranteed not happen. Yeah. Right. I think if we, if we do, we could even make it like 2021, I'm not going to win a brand new Kia Sorento over a radio contest. And then I, and then it will happen and I will have one, but I think it is 2020, 2020 honey down to business. So. Yes. Okay.

Well, I'm, I think it's official. Let's call it 2020. I do have a question. We'll call the, we'll call the press. You were going to say president. No, let's do that. Let's dial him up. I, I do want, can we, you can actually call the White House. You can't? I think you could just call the White House. Well, let's do, I have a few complaints. I'd love to register. I thought it's been pretty smooth. I disagree. It's been quite bad. Okay. You can write a letter to the president. That takes forever. No, thanks. No, I, sending gifts. Why would I do that? I don't even like the fella. Come on.

Okay. Comments. The, okay. I have the number to call the White House with comments. Oh boy. I guess I'll call the White House. Can you dial him in on Skype and we'll just let him know we're changing the year. I'll just, I'll just do a speakerphone. That's good. Will they, will you hear all of us or? Well, Justin, you could speak for as the eldest. I'll let you speak for us. I'll speak for you guys. Yeah. You can hear, you'll be able to hear them. And we can do it like a, like a funny Ellen show thing where like we tell you what you have to say. No, I don't think I'll probably do that. That'll be really cool.

Okay. Everybody shut up. Call the president right now. Tell him to eat shit also. Say that if it comes up. Thank you for calling the White House comment line. The office is temporarily closed. Oh. Your comment is important to President Donald J. Trump. If you'd like to send a message to the president, please visit our website at www.whitehouse.gov forward slash contact. Podcast line. Special podcast line. Podcast information. Please visit. Podcast updates. Podcast year slogan changes.

Forward slash coronavirus. Forward slash how? Podcast, podcast, podcast information. Podcast.gov. Leave a message from a podcast. Okay. Well, they just now, how exciting a day was it, do you think, for the Trump administration when they realized they could just close the comment office? Oh, wait, we don't want to listen to what anybody says. No, nobody seems to dig it. We could just close it? Oh, yeah, do that. Hey, should I just tweet at him?

No, no, that's not it. Listen, I'm on the website address that they did tell us to go to on the phone. So I'm just going to let them know, hey, we're changing the slogan to the business one. Also, suck the farts right out of the bottom of my shorts, you fucking dipshit. And I'm going to send that right now. Okay. Oh, it needs a valid phone number. Juice, can I put yours? Oh, do we still have the Google number? Do we still have the little my brother, my brother? I submit it. It's fine. I submit it. I just typed in eight a bunch of time.

So if that is your phone number, I apologize. So should we do the show now? This is the show. Look around you. This is a show. It's strange to be doing this show in the midst of these challenging times, but we hope you all are doing well and keeping safe and staying involved and getting it down to fucking business. Doesn't that feel right? Okay, but here's one question. Is it retroactive or was this year themed, failure after love, and then changed on June 8th? We have to acknowledge the change. There's no way we can sweep that.

We're not trying to gas up. Unless we're going to go back and edit a bunch of podcasts, which we're too lazy to do. Yeah, there's no way. Okay. Now, we have started, let me just say, for future, we have started doing dynamic ads on the adventure zone. What if we started doing dynamic year themes? The themes. That can be fine. Dynamic year themes are smart. Very smart. Sadly, I had to move out of my apartment last month. While moving out, I was carrying a blender to my car when I passed my landlord who said,

wow, you really like that blender, huh? I was confused and just replied, yep. Now, a month later, it's only just occurred to me, this is not my blender. And it's actually my landlord's that he lent to us. Should I give it back? It's been so long and I actually do really like this blender. That's from Blender Burglar in BC. Hachi. Hachi. That's it is. Wow. Wow, that's rough. A mini thoughts. Oh, good. Let's enumerate them for us, middle brother.

First, broad thought, just to address one thing right there in the middle. It's been so long. I do not know if you take something from someone that there's a length of time. I think we might have discussed this before. There's not a length of time that you own it before it is not stolen anymore. No, it's always stolen. Yes. It's always stolen. That said, there does seem to be an implied, like the landlord said, you must really like that blender and not, hey, give me my fucking blender back. Well, I mean, that's that's I feel like, wow, you really like that blender, huh?

Got the job done for 99% of people who heard it. Most people who hear that would have the fucking neuron fire in their brain that would go like, oh, fuck, I stole this. This is a very special edge case where they're like, wow, what a great blender compliment, which does not exist. But can you imagine what went through that landlord's head when you just replied, yep. What's your relationship with your landlord like where you're like, damn, we got a lot of frozen strawberries and some yogurt and some almond milk. Let's make some fucking strawberry smoothies up in this shit. Uh oh, we don't have a blender. It's cool. I know a guy. It's my landlord. I'll just go hit up them up for a blender really quick.

What it is. Yeah. Okay. I want to go back. I need to flash back to the inception of this. Did you think that you would go to your landlord and say, do you have a spare spare blender? And anyone would say, yes, I do have a spare blender. That's wild already. How did that even come up in conversation? Right. Because everybody's got the one blender that they use. Yeah. Did it come with the apartment? Because if so, there are many things that come with the apartment that you can't take with you. So you're saying landlord was like, hey, look, and better yet, this place is furnished and it's just one blender on the counter. It is possible that maybe the landlord just got married. And so they do have a lot of blenders.

Or it could just be that they're looking inverse though, inverse though, your landlord comes down and knocks on your door. Hey, random shop the dark, y'all don't need a blender, do you? Because I got a spare. Now, and I'm just going door to door asking if anyone needs a blender. You say that my man, but I've had a lot of landlords and at least two of them would have done that. Yeah. Like this is I had a landlord that would come by often and just not could be like, do you guys need anything? Because they like to manage a bunch of properties and like people would leave stuff places. And then they'd be like, do you somebody left like a micro do you guys what's your microwave situation like? And it's like, I don't, I don't know if they were weirdly

involved in our whole deal. They came and were like, do you want me to plant tomatoes for you? And I was like, no, they'll die. I'm not going to care for those things. If anyone, if this person needed a blender, if they were kind of a blender person and everybody knows, right, they would, they have to have replaced it by this point. And that then what you're doing, if you try to return it, what you're doing is like, you have two blenders now. This is your problem. It's a victimless crime. Now, I let me say real quick, that it's not a victimless crime. The person, well, the person, by definition, we know Griffin, we in fact know who the victim is that is described in the question.

Let me just say this though, let me get this out there. Knowing landlords and every landlord I've ever had and every landlord that exists on the planet, I bet if you close your eyes and think real hard, you could think of some way, some thing they have done that you can now frame this act as one of justice and frame yourself like the Scarlet Pimpernel, liberating blenders from crooked landlords all across this great nation of ours. Whether it's a disagreement about security deposit or they, you know, yell at you because you're playing rock band too loud, like whatever the fuck it is. I think you could prop, I think you probably could come up with some justification for this. Yes. Now, I do have a solution. If you are just ed up with guilt and you need to return

this blender, but you don't want to do it like face to face or anything that acknowledges your, that you mindfully took this blender, I'm going to give you three words, brave little toaster. You need to like do a job to make it seem like the blender has escaped your house and made it back to the landlord's house, the landlord that they love so much that maybe it's a blender and like a little radio and maybe an electric blanket and a desk lamp and they have made it, they have all made it back to see the landlord master, which by the way, in that show they called the guy master, it's very weird. It's not great. But now the brave little blender has returns and hey, so there's a second brave little toaster movie. There's brave little toaster

is going somewhere. Thank you. It is. But there's another sequel to brave little toaster where the brave little toaster and friends are able to communicate with animals. And now this crosses into a lot of questionable kind of science where I can accept that the toaster and the radio and the lamp and the vacuum and the electric blanket can all talk to each other. But now they can also talk to monkeys and dogs and cats and like mice and rats and stuff. Unhinged screed that you have deviated. It was like you just did a magic trick to me, Travis, because I don't know where fucking flipped. It's hard enough to wrap my mind around the fact that cats and dogs and rats and stuff can communicate. But no, no, no, no, don't don't get me wrong. Your protests against this movie

franchise are well understood. And there's a lot of meat there for us to dig our teeth into. They went to fucking Mars at one point. They flew there on a ceiling fan. Get fucking real, brave little toaster. We're out here trying to do stuff. But also, Travis, ostensibly, this is an advice show. And we were talking about a thing. And you turn it into- Yeah, but we finished that. And I want to talk about brave little toaster. Did we? Okay, interesting. How about a yahoo? Can we have a yahoo? How does the brave little toaster talk to a dog?

Please. Okay, please. With fucking magic. Why is it alive? It shouldn't be alive. All toasters are dead. If the master sees the brave little toaster move, does the brave little toaster die? All toasters are dead. All ceiling fans are dead. All toasters, ceiling fans, electric blankets are dead. Next question. If the brave little toaster dies, is it then just a toaster? Good question. Well, you would think that if it dies, it ceases to make toast, right? Holy shit. Okay.

Because if my body dies, I don't keep making things with my body, right? Listen. Then again, some people do evacuate their bowels after death. So maybe- Let's stop it. So if he dies, you get one last good toast out of his face. If he dies mid-toasting, he goes ahead to finish it up. It does get one more toast.

From radiant heat. Let's put a button on it. Here's what to do to get out of the situation. Nothing. Fucking chill on the smooth tip. You're good. Free toaster. Enjoy. Here's a yahoo that was sent in by Graham Rowe. It was a blender. The toaster was the whole- Fuck, you fucking ruin me, Travis. It's from an anonymous yahoo answers user who I am going to call the brave little toaster who asks how to make iPod.

I've been getting into crafts, and I think we're all into crafts these days, just sort of to keep ourselves busy during this quarantine. And I've been doing hard candy, juice. I know you built a wood bench, which is so fucking off-brand. My brand has gotten pretty fucked up lately. I think all of our brands are fucked up. Travis is still soured out. The brands are toast, but- I was eyeing different kinds of jigsaw blades last night.

It's nice. Fantasizing about owning a wider array. Sawzall will make you feel powerful. Okay, we can't. We can't. We fucking can't. But how do you make an iPod? Because that would be pretty cool if you could just do that. People are going to Apple stores, I guess, and spending a bunch of money on things.

And it would be cool- a cost-saving measure if you could just make an iPod at home. So I'm wondering if we could have- we're all pretty crafty. I don't know how making hard candy is going to be helpful. Well, you can make a candy iPod. I guess you could, huh? Yeah. Justin, are you googling how to make a- Not a functional one. I mean, by the definition.

Well, what's functional? You know, like place music. Oh. That's a good- actually, that's a great metric for iPod. That's a great metric when I'm judging iPod. I like to look at it and see if it can play some of my favorite tunes. That's fair. Okay, that is a good point.

Now, what about like an iPod touch? iPod touch will do a bunch of different things, not just music at that point. What if you got an iPhone and then remove the SIM card? Now you've got an iPod. That's one way of going about it. I will give you that one, Travis. It would have to be a pretty old iPhone. Nope, you can still connect it to Wi-Fi. That's nothing. I want to make a fucking iPod, Traff.

Okay. I want to make an iPod that I can listen to. I want to listen to 21 Pilots, my very favorite band on it. So it's got to be an iPod. Here's the loophole. I've just figured out the loophole. Okay. Does it have to be iPod-sized? Where are you- where the fuck are you going with this?

Well, if I could build like a big box, you could probably go around your house and find like a Walkman that you've got and like an old camera and a bunch of stuff. And if I could make it like two foot by four foot, I could probably like attach all those things in there. This is Travis's iPod. This is my iPod. A lot of people are talking about form factor, the smooth bevel. Fuck that. This is Travis's iPod.

It's got all kinds of technology in there. It weighs 130 pounds. Is it made of cardboard? Yes. Is there a button on it that I drew on it with marker that when you press it, you reach your hand inside and you grab some fruit snacks I hid in there? Also, yes, but your phone can't fucking do that. This is Travis's iPod. I call that Fruit Ninja.

This is a fun bit. Justin, you've been furiously googling something I would love to know what it was. I'm not googling anything. If we could have made an iPod out of the primitive materials and tools and crafts that we as a species have possessed for millennia, we would have done it. We would have done it. We didn't have the things that we needed, the different things that are in it. Do you know what I'm saying right now?

There's a hole for the earplugs that does the click. You're not going to do that. Yeah, but here's the thing, Justin. You're not even going to do the one whole part. Steve Jobs made an iPod by himself. Yes, but I'm not saying he would make the iPod now, but he made the first iPod with stuff around his house. It would be so fucking cherry if Steve Jobs is alive so you could get it and be like,

all right, all right, big man, you think you're so cool. Build another one with just the things in my house. This week on Junkyard Wars, we have to take apart my fucking speaking spell and turn it into a functioning iPod, Steve. I could make an iPod. I think Travis could make an iPod. In what sense would it be an iPod? Well, it would function as an iPod.

Now, here's what I would need. Here are the parts I would need. Some other iPods. This is no, I won't accept that. No, no, no. Listen, hear me out. One to take apart to see how it works. Okay, one to listen to music while I build the other one.

Because I don't want to sit there in silence while I build a new iPod. Yeah, and it is the only way to listen to music. What are you going to do? Have the Band 21 pilots come to your house and rock for you while you build it? What if that's the new iPod? We just take it into the meat space. And what it is is you just have a bunch of bands living in your house, a bunch of musicians. That's good for the global pandemic.

Go ahead, Travis, keep saying this. And then I just yell out loud. I want to hear 3 a.m. and Matchbox 20 comes down and plays the songs 3 a.m. Or I yell like, I want to hear bent and Matchbox 20 comes down and plays bent. What? It sounds like you just kind of want to live with Matchbox 20. And I'm not even sure Matchbox 20 wants to live with Matchbox 20, Trap. Well, okay, fine.

Then it's just Rob Johnson. In that millisecond, you cease to be Travis Mackerel. In that second and a half, you were... I don't even think that's his name. You were Todd Bernsley or something like that. You were not Travis Mackerel in that second. Rob Thomas. What did you say?

I said Rob Johnson. Which I think was a local news anchor. Yeah, WSAZ's Rob Johnson, who once helped us get a kite out of a tree. Thank you, Rob, if you're listening. Rob Johnson does listen sometimes. Rob Johnson did come to a show in Indianapolis once. He has a morning news anchor for WSAZ who once helped us get a kite out of a tree. If you would, please tweet at WSAZ Rob Johnson

and thank him for getting the McElroy Brothers kite out of the tree that one time. It was a badass kite. And then tweet at Rob Thomas and see if he would like to live with me. Yeah, Travis been looking for a roommate. He's been looking to expand the circle a little bit. And he knows Rob Thomas has been locking it the fuck up. And I will name the room that he lives in, the iPod. I'm just looking at Rob Johnson's Twitter feed and make sure everything is fine.

How are we looking? How are we looking, Rob? In 2020, everything's doing good. It's all local news stories. I will say there's a tweet from June 4th where he says, WSAZ and the CW are both having serious technical difficulties right now. Not sure what's happening. Our engineers are working on it.

So I guess Rob has been out of the reporting game for a little bit since he can't get to the bottom of the case of what's happening at the radio of the TV station. He works that. Rob, you get back on your grind, but I do appreciate you getting the kite out of the tree. Dragon, thank you for that. No, I want him to know I appreciate him.

He'll get a kick out of that. Okay. He'll get a big kick out of it. I went actually, as long as we're just telling stories of the impact of living here in Huntington, West Virginia. Were we? Yeah, because I was talking about Al Johnson. And I went into Jolly Pirate Donuts on Saturday

and the owner's son was there at the counter. And he said, my dad loved when you guys talked about his Facebook posting, but my mom thought maybe you were making fun of him. I said, I'm not making fun of him. He put no baby beats the old man on the Facebook page next to a picture of donuts he made. And he continues to put up like dope shit constantly. It's a premium follow if you haven't gotten on board with Jolly Pirate Donuts Facebook page yet. I said, no, don't change a thing.

Please, I'm begging you, but his dad is now a big fan, even though he couldn't tell if we're making fun of him or not. So I want to clarify, no baby beats the old man. And your donuts are so on point. They're so, so good. And if you're in there already, get a euro. They're delicious. Real quick, before we go to the Money Zone, we are going to be donating our ad revenue

for the rest of June to various causes that are supporting Black Lives Matter, fighting against police brutality, supporting Black neighborhoods and Black voices. And we encourage you to do the same. Things are changing in the light of these protests, mostly for the better. And that is extremely encouraging. But, you know, stay active. And so, yeah, this week we are donating our ad revenue to Black Lives Matter National. We'll be tweeting out links.

Obviously, they are at the forefront of this cause and have been for, you know, as long as Black Lives Matter has been around. So, yeah, we'll have links out for you to support them. But the ads you're about to hear are going to go directly to them. So with that said, let's go to the Freakin' Money Zone. I mean, you still got to send letters, don't you? You still got to send packages. You still got to send parcels and boxes and envelopes.

All kinds of things, don't you? What about sacks of stuff? Sacks of stuff. Thank you, Travis. You need to send all this stuff. But what are you going to do? Fan mail. Yeah.

What are you going to do? Go to the post office where there's a bunch of crowds and expose yourself potentially to COVID-19. No, thank you. No. Stamps.com. Listen, I need to send these fan mails, but I don't want to get the COVIDs. That's important.

The fan mails. So Stamps.com is here to help you out. It brings all the services of the US Postal Service right to your home, your office, wherever you're hunkering down right now. You just use your computer and you're going to print out US Postage for any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want to send it, and then you just leave it for your mail carrier or schedule a free package pickup or drop it in a mailbox or whatever.

And also with Stamps.com, you're going to get great discounts, five cents off every first class stamp, and up to 62% off shipping rates. That's so many freaking percent. It's more than half. Anyway, right now our listeners can get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in my brother, all one word, that's Stamps.com, enter my brother.

Stay safe, my friends. When I'm listening to my Rob Thomas beat Rob Thomas solo work, Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana, Rob Thomas and Matrox20 or whatever, I know that not everybody wants to hear the musical stylings of Rob Thomas. Some people, their hearts are hardened. And when that happens, I'm going to put on my headphones. Now I know what you're wondering. Big clunky headphones with wires that get caught on.

No. Well, that's what I wear. I'm nerd dingus. You're a nerd dingus. I'm going to wear cool wireless earbuds. And here's the thing. They're comfortable. And now I know what else you're thinking.

Oh, are you going to spend hundreds of dollars on a piece? Wow. No. Grow up. Hostel. I'm talking about Raycon earbuds. They started about half the price of any other premium wireless earbuds on the market. And they just, they sound just as amazing as other top audio brands.

Their newest model, the Everyday E25 earbuds, offer six hours of playtime, seamless Bluetooth pairing, more bass, and a more compact design that gives you a nice noise isolating fit. And like I said, they're very comfortable. Sometimes with the earbuds, they fall out on my ears. There I said it. They fall out on my ears. They're uncomfortable.

I had, I was, I was wearing the earbuds. I was doing the dishes, fell right out. Fell right out into the dish. I'm on a barf trap. That sucks, man. But now with Raycon, it fits comfortably and it's in there. So. And they cost less.

So if they fall in, you're like, fuck it, fire up the disposal by another one. This is what I'm saying. So now's the time to get the latest and greatest from Raycon. Get 15% off your order at buyraycon.com slash my brother. That's buyrayconraycon.com slash my brother for 15% off Raycon wireless earbuds. Buyraycon.com slash my brother. Everyday statistics show that at least one new website enters the internet. And when that, when you see it and you're like, whoa, another one, where, who is making these?

And maybe it's a website from a furniture maker or a sports team or a athlete, spa, nutritionists, restaurant, artists, architects, whatever, whoever the website is from, you're like, how did they make a website? Because this isn't a website for a website maker. That can be very confusing. But there's a good chance that they're harnessing the power of Squarespace to make their dreams into reality. Squarespace helps you to make a beautiful website that can showcase your work,

sell your products and services, promote your physical or online business. And it's all with beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers. And there's free and secure hosting and nothing to patch or upgrade ever. So if you want to go and get your ideas out there, you don't have to be a web designer to have a great looking website. You just need Squarespace. So go to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code mybrother

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. I'm just real quick, Justin, just checking in. If I am a web designer, can I still use Squarespace? Yeah, I felt like, I honestly felt like that was really hostile towards web design. Yeah, I'm just wondering, like, if I am a web designer, am I still allowed to use it? You really pulled their pants down and showed their ass to everybody. I left when you guys started this to go use it. Okay, I guess I'm just wondering, I guess I'm just wondering,

because I'd like to, I'd still like to use it if I could. And as you know, I went to web designer college and got really good at web designing. And are you just saying that he's a dipshit now, I guess? Yeah, it kind of seemed like you thought my whole web designer degree was like a fart. It doesn't make any sense to me. Do I hear a little puppers barking? Yeah, it's because she's a web designer, too. Tell me about that pupper's toe beads.

Hey, I'm Jared Hill, co-host of the brand new Maximum Fun podcast, Fan Time. And I'm Travelle Anderson. I'm the other more fabulous co-host. And the reason you really should be doing it is, I feel the nausea rising. To be Fan Time is to be a big fan of something, but also have some challenging or anti-feelings toward it. Kind of like Kanye.

We're all fans of Kanye, he's a musical genius, but like, you know, he thinks slavery is a choice. Or like the real Housewives of Atlanta, like I love the drama, but do I want to see black women fighting each other on screen? We're tackling all of those complex and complicated conversations about the people, places, and things that we love. Even though they may not love us back. Fan Time, Maximum Fun, podcast.

Do you have a munchquat or anything like that? I'd love to do that for you, Griffin. Oh, Griffin, do you have a yahoo? Oh, well, now hold on. The scenes. Griffin just asked that. It's not. Yeah, this is the worst trap.

It's like, if Travelle Brown said to Lucy, hey, do you want to play the, are you going to pull the football away? She was like, yeah, I'm going to pull the football away. Do you want to come kick the football? Do you want to come kick this football? All right, never mind. I'll do a yahoo. All right, coward.

Go on. I want a munch. Squad. I want to munch. Squad. Justin has a munchquat to do. Okay, that went in a sort of southern rock direction. I love that fucking Molly Hatch up in here.

Hey, this is a retro munchquat as brands continue to, for some cowardly reason, continue to not announce new products. The one exception is, I do have to point out, in the last literally two weeks, the one exception is June 8th today, checkers and rallies like open the door, a crack to the room of people and said, hey, we're introducing a mother cruncher chicken.

Sorry. Okay, I just like, that's it. It's stupid. Never mind. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's stupid. Never mind.

It's stupid. It's just an indulgent, craveable menu item. And we are. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's stupid. It's more important. There's obviously more important stuff that you just

just fucking forget about. We'll put it. We'll take that. It's stupid. You got it. We just, our fries have been consistently deemed the most craveable war in the media. But it's just stupid.

It's stupid. It's so stupid. I don't even know why I do this. I don't even, sorry. We did checkerize the menu item though. Give it the TLC needed for the perfect crunch and ideal toppings and signature squawks sauce. But the mother cruncher is stupid.

I feel stupid even calling it the mother cruncher. It's like dumb. I'm going to leave. It's got onion rings on there. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going to leave red, red tomato pickles. No, but okay.

So this one is, I enjoyed very much, but it does require a little bit of setup because it is from Canada. Ryan sent us are this way. And booster juice is like a juice chain. Okay. So I'm telling you that now. It's like where you can go in and buy juice

for a smoothie or whatever. Got it? Yeah. Okay. Because the rest of this is so confusing that I need you to have a point. This is your constant. Okay.

The booster juice is a chain that sells juice. Do you understand this constant? Yeah. I'm tying my belt onto that pipe. Like at the end of Twitter. Tie your belt on that pipe. Dale Wishawon, president and CEO of Booster Juice announced the launch of Booster Juice Game Studios

at the Fit and Fun Zone Grand Opening in Toronto. He confirmed the newly formed game studio will feature several new and highly anticipated games. How are they highly anticipated before he announces them? No one knows. They're consisting of mind challenges 2D retro games and an interactive Microsoft kinetic,

not anything, body motion detection games developed by bat.ca game studio. These titles will be made available exclusively at the Toronto Pearson International Airport in the Booster Juice Fit and Fun Zone. Oh, wow. Fuck yeah, dude. I love mind puzzles.

I love. So you're telling me I can go get some like powerful fruit juices and also have a kinetic body experience while I solve a mind puzzle? And you'll have to be in the airport. I don't know if you got that too. I need a ticket to anywhere, baby. I got to get to this fucking Booster Juice.

Hey, Jimmy, where do you want to have your birthday party this year? Oh, at the Booster Juice in the airport. Booster Juice in the airport. The grand opening event launched a new store concept for Booster Juice who transformed a passenger waiting area into a vibrant and interactive destination for commuters. The Fit and Fun Zone was designed to embrace the Booster Juice lifestyle offering nutritious and delicious smoothies.

Freshly squeezed juices, grilled food, grab and go items, an addition to dynamic concept that extends beyond the store to feature interactive large format games. The games are created to offer travelers the opportunity to stay active while on the go. Well, I do have to go to the airport to wait for a flight, but the good news is that I could play some huge interactive games with the Juice Star. So let me get this straight. You're flying from LA to Seattle.

Yes, that's correct. And you want to connect in Toronto. Yes, absolutely. It is imperative. You don't understand. I've made it to level three. I'm really big business. I'm making it to level four on this trip.

They've got a new mind challenge. We are truly, truly excited about the grand opening of our fourth location at the Pearson Airport, said Dale Wishwan. Our team is dedicated to pushing the envelope when it comes to store design. So working with them, working with the GTAA on the concept and Raoul bought on the loose of Booster Juice Game Studios has been fantastic. These games can be enjoyed by individuals of all ages and skill levels. So we hope people enjoy them as much as we do.

Do you think that there's like an employee at that Booster Juice that when they came in and they started like setting up these games that they probably have poured a lot of money into? To design their own games and install it. That there was an employee who was like, I haven't already in 64 that I could bring in. If you guys just want, you know that there are like other games. There are games.

I could bring in games. Do you guys want games? A fucking... At Toronto Pearson, we strive to provide our passengers with excellent food and dining choices. And this all new interactive Booster Juice location in terminal three provides a fun and engaging experience for passengers of all ages. Said Scott Collier, Vice President of Customer and Terminal Services.

We're proud to be the home of the first and only Booster Juice fit and fun zone in the world. The thing that is so fucking wild to me about this. There is no, there is no store at the airport that needs to like broadcast its marketing message more than a 30 foot radius around itself, right? Am I going to go to that Booster Juice or? No, I'll just go get a fucking Coke at the Burger King

because it's actually five steps closer because I'm at the airport and I don't give a shit. So here's some game descriptions. Cool. The motion game immerses players in an intense and cinematic world enabling players to use their body for the hyper realistic dynamic and interactive environment. Booster Juice surf places the cool you in board shorts,

writing, this is fucking like meme guard bullbunch nonsense. Someone is shitposting in the middle of this press release. Booster Juice surf places the cool you, that's in quotes, cool you in board shorts, writing a branded surfboard in the center of a giant wave. Points accumulate as you avoid dolphins and boos while trying to keep your balance. I'm still back on the me and board shorts and you introduced this dolphins trying to get me.

How are you putting the board shorts on me? That's not how like virtual anything works. Juice Bar Jumper is a 2D running style game and closely resembles the recognizable Booster Juice stores. What the fuck? So I'm running inside the wait. Okay, now I'm still back on the dolphins. It says on the rules on the door of every Booster Juice

that you're not allowed to run in there. So this is setting a bad example. This gets so wild, y'all. With incredibly cute illustrations and a suspenseful storyline, a strawberry speedily whists across countertops, earning extra points upon collecting yummy blueberries. As time passes, the difficulty increases. I fucking heard that.

Oh boy. In another 2D game, that same superstar character, a strawberry with a dashing smile, rides a Booster Juice cup like a rocket with fruits firing out instead of flames. He flies through the skies, avoiding evil candy, collecting tasty fruit and racking up the points. Cool.

I'm not making this next part out. Okay. The third game unravels a darker, more riveting plot involving the destiny of the strawberry. Get the fuck out. This is a uniquely styled, intense game with challenges above and below. Above and below me?

It is below like in heaven and hell. I guess it means with challenges above and below where the player has to double tap to slip in between terrifying blenders. In these vibrantly drawn worlds, players must use a variety of skills to survive and gain points. Jesus.

This reads like the person writing it was being told about the existence of video games via telegraph through time travel. Like they were just getting bleeps and bloops of a portal opening and closing. Additional games were also designed to challenge your mind. These puzzles are formulated to make you think as you match fruit and test your reflexes.

Certainly, the gameplay experience is enhanced while sipping one of Booster Juice's delicious smoothies. I like how that certainly is like an afterthought, like, and yeah, you should get the juice too. And the juice helps. I got to get these games. I know E3 is fucking canceled this year. And that's the right call, but I've been hurting for games.

So I do need to get up to the Toronto airport. Yeah, so anyway. Wait, when is this article from? 2016. It may still be there. It's probably still there. I hope it's still there. Can I do another Yahoo?

Yeah, I love that. This one was sent out by Emma Cant. And it's a real noodle scratcher. It's from Renan and his mom and his Yahoo answers user. I'm going to call Davey. He asks, why do people like snails but discriminate slugs when it's the same person?

A snail is just a slug wearing a shell. Without Googling, do the three of us agree with that statement or disagree? Is a snail a slug? With a shell. Now, do you mean literally, like if I pull the shell off of a snail, does it become a slug? Or do you mean like are they closely related? Why do you want to pull a shell off a snail, you fucking weirdo?

I wouldn't, but I'm saying is that what you're saying? You just said you wanted to, you fucking dirty weirdo. I feel like they're different. I feel like snails have little suction cups at the bottom of them and slugs don't. And I think that they're probably very closely related. And I bet if a slug sees a snail, he's like, oh, shit, that looks cool. Wait, that fucking looks nice.

I love that when salt starts pouring down on me. Oh, you think the slug's jealous of the snail? Obviously. I would go the other way because the snail has to drag that shit on its back. Yeah, but when the salt starts flying. You got a little hidey hole. Yeah, but like a smart alec. A slug is like a top down convertible compared to a snail.

Let's ask this question. And nobody's asking this question. We may be the first podcast ever asked this question. Where are these snails getting these fucking shells? I live in Texas. I live in the heart of Texas. We are not close to the ocean. So where are they getting these fucking shells from?

I remember learning that like hermit crabs and stuff. If they get too big, they will get a bigger shell. And then another hermit crab will come along like any kind of crab and take the smaller shell, but it's big for it. You know what I mean? And keep trading up. And they'll all hang out together and like trade up shells. But where'd that fucking biggest shell come from?

Yeah. Or more importantly. But the first shell. Where is the first shell? I live in the middle of Texas, not close to a beach. But there's snails all over my fence. There's gotta be people like going to the store buying a big bag of empty shells.

Of little shells and dumping them all over the place. I do think snails are cool and cute. And I like them. And I do think slugs are the worst. And I'm wondering. I think it might just be because the slug is naked. And it looks like he's trying to be salacious a little bit. Where as a snail.

Not a great name. Slug. Yeah. The name slug is bad. But. It's got ug right in there. It's got ug right in there. And I honestly, the slug, I feel like there's just

more touchable surface on it that I don't want. And a snail is like, I could pick that up. And not. And have it not ruin my day. But the slug fucking no way. Forget about it. Well, maybe that maybe it's the handle then. Because with the snail, you're like,

I know exactly where to grab. If I need to pick that up. If I need to move it. The nature has given it a grip for me to pick up. There was like a potholder for the snail. Hey, where do they get those fucking shells though? Where do they get the shells? Do they make it?

That's the wildest. There's no way that they make that. I wish there was so many to find this information. Snail shells. It's so, it's so hard. It's really frustrating to me. Where do they. Hey, Jeeves.

No, you're not good. Don't curse this. I don't want these snail shells come from. If anyone ever tweets to me about the reality about sales, like if you're sitting at home like, oh, I'm getting so mad. I know this. Don't tell me.

I don't want to know. I want to live in ignorance about this one. Let me have this little bit of magic. All right, please. Is it possible snails are just kind of carrying the same shells across the country? Right. And so like a snail carries a shell to,

you know, Lubbock and then beefs it. And then a snail is like, don't worry, brother. I got it from here. I'll get this shell home. Do you know what I mean? It's sort of a, sort of a shell shipping line. Are they all rentals? Maybe.

What do you mean by that? You rent them at the shell store and then you keep them as long as you want. Okay. And then once they're worn out, you take them back in and get a brand new shell. Justin, that's silly. That's a lease.

That's what you're talking about. They're leased. They've leased the shells. No, that implies that they could own them at a certain rate. No, they're not leased to own. They're just leased. They have to return them every three years to the shell station.

What is the difference between renting and leasing? I actually don't know this. Don't tell me. Yep. Leave that magic for Justin. What's that? Leave the magic for me about leasing and renting. Can you expand a little bit more on snail's store?

Like the idea, and I'm not even wondering about like where they secure a brick and mortar, a little one, because like I imagine they could do it in like a toadstool or some shit that they got. No, it's a bigger shell than they go into. I think it's just the idea of snails having commerce that is I'm struggling with right now, juicer. Do you think it's just snails?

Because I would say turtles probably also need to like shop. No, the turtle, I saw a fucked up picture of an x-ray of a turtle. Folks, there's nothing inside there. That is the weird part. The shell is the turtle. It is wild. It is disappointing to learn that there's not like furniture and stuff in there. We hope you've enjoyed yourself listening to my brother,

my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. Wait, no, wait. This is not what we started. We don't walk it backwards. What are you doing? Wait, we forgot I knew. Never done that.

I want to say thank you to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed, which you should go check out immediately. And other things you should check out immediately are the great podcasts on MaximumFun.org, including Minority Corner. Again, huge thank you to James for allowing us to do a feed drop last week in lieu of one of our regular episodes.

I also want to shout out Fantae, which Jared and Travelle allowed us on Wonderful, another podcast I do to do a feed drop of their most recent episode, which I highly encourage everyone to go listen to because it is illuminating and brilliant and all about sort of what the country is going through right now and has been going through for a very, very long time. So go check that out also. And along those same lines, reminder, we'll be tweeting the links

to Black Lives Matters National, seeing Donate there. And also go to macroemerge.com. We have a couple of news things there, but the one I'm really excited to tell you about is the phantasmal and resplanted pin, as well as the Good Out Here t-shirt. Both of those are Adventure Zone references. That's another podcast we do that hopefully you also know about. And the proceeds from those are going to go to the Trevor Project,

which is another great organization that you should consider donating to. And let's see. We said go check out Maximum Fun Shows. Pre-order the Adventure Zone graphic novel book three. If you haven't yet, TheAdventureZoneComic.com. Shit, that comes out soon, huh? Yeah, like a month. Like a month from now.

We should finish it. Oh, yeah. We should probably start it. I'll start drawing with McCrayons. Okay. Thanks for listening. Church, do you have a final yahoo for us? I do have a final yahoo.

This one was sent in by a bunch of folks. It's from yahoo answers user Gaga, who asks, Can I name my band Radiohead 2? My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips. MaximumFun.org Comedy and Culture.

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