My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 514: Kickeo

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

How much money would it cost to get celebrity Dave Bautista to come to your neighbor’s house and absolutely kick it the hell apart? Less than you might think!Suggested talking points: McElroy Masterclass, Cameo Conundrum, Looking a Gift Lawn Mower in the Mouth, Modern Castles, Burgerchip, Haunted Fishin’ HoleSupport the Marsha P. Johnson Institute: https://marshap.org/More resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello and welcome to my brother. My brother made advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet brother, Griffin McElroy. Welcome to McElroy Masterclass. Here in McElroy Masterclass, these three experts will take something that they are the masters of, and we'll be teaching you about it. I, for example,

will be teaching sourdough bread making. Griffin, what will you be teaching? I was going to do sourdough bread making, but I guess I'll switch mine. No, you said it first, and so I think it's only fair. Can I do, wouldn't it be fucking hysterical if it was like sourdough bread eating? That's pretty good. Stop the podcast. I want to get off. I want you to be completely honest with yourself and with our listeners and with us. Are you a master at eating sourdough? That's a good point. Do you know what, where do some of the mastery points in that? One is like selection is huge. Don't cut yourself on the crust. You're going to cut yourself on the

crust, so I think it's mostly a sort of biological, bio-organic sort of toughening of the gums, whether that is through snus and snuff, or whether that is through a sort of DNA alteration, radiation, pills, surgery, gums, surgery to make it tough getting turtle shell put on there. What about pairing? What about pairings? Knowing the exact pairings. What does this sourdough bread go with? What kind of moment? Which ones are aphrodisiacs? Well, that's a fucking trap, Justin, because a true sourdough master, the only thing that pairs well with sourdough is even more sourdough, baby. That is true. Now, Justin, I assume that for this master class, you will be teaching carpentry. I know. I'll do something else. I'll

come up with something. Hold on. Let me think about it. My wallet's pretty organized. Oh, yeah? It's slim as hell. I just got the essentials in there. I got scans of things that I don't need to swipe. Yeah. I have a pretty, no cash, because I'm unmuggable. Cool. Wait, you have scans of things you don't need to swipe. What are you talking about? Like my SAG card, right? Yeah. I'm not going to carry that around with me. I don't need to prove that I have SAG credits at any moment in my life, but I do need the number to be able to pay my dues. So I scan that. Don't carry it around with me on my wallet. Oh, I thought you meant like a photocopy of it in your wallet, and I didn't see how that was better. I mean, that's actually not a bad tip. If you don't

need to swipe it, but you do want it all you at all times, get something thinner, some sort of translucent parchment. We're deep. We're knuckle deep in choir right now, and so like I have not needed my wallet in a long, long time. I put on socks and shoes yesterday to put on to do some yard work, and I realized I realized I had not worn socks in literally three months. And so that was a challenge for me. Justin, I know you've been doing some great wood projects, and you did suggest to us literally before we record that you didn't want to talk about it. Yeah, I just said I didn't. I said before we, I was telling you guys about the bench I just finished, and then I said I didn't want to talk about it on the phone. But I wanted to say,

but son of a bench, that's good. And you took that from Travis, and I'm curious why you're ashamed of this incredible bench. It's not that I'm ashamed. I just want something for me, and I think that should be okay. I don't have to share every aspect of my life. You do. With the people. I can have a little something for me. I don't want to talk about woodwork. First, I've just begun learning the craft, so I don't want to be treated like some sort of expert in it, and say something silly. But also, if I talk about anything on earth enough, I'll accidentally start a podcast about it. And I don't want to do that. Maybe you should start another masterclass, Justin, about baking, because I think you're

serving up a big tasty slice of humble pie right now, my friend. Look at this bench. This is the bench. This is the bench of a master carpenter. This is the bench. This is the kind of bench that Christ would make. It's just a simple. Griffin, I'm sorry. Nowhere in the Bible would say that Jesus was a master carpenter. He might have been very bad at it. He may have been just okay, but he- If he was that great at it, he probably would have stuck with it.

That's what I was saying. Anyway, Justin, what is your class going to be? Because it can't be the thing you said about the wallet, because that's not anything. I guess I eat a lot of beans still, kind of different bean preps. Dang it. We did establish a super precedent that we can just talk about eating stuff good. Shit. Can I go back to that, because I can eat a lot of M&Ms in one sitting. No, Travis. Bean cookery. Listen to this. I got lesson one. You're booting it up.

Hello. I'm sitting behind the table. Is it on fucking floppy disk? Yeah, you have to free load all of them into your Commodore 64 and then run them. Hi, it's me, Justin McRoy. If you get a cup of red lentils and then soak them in two cups of water overnight with some salt and then blend them in a blender and make a dough and then you can make a tortilla out of red lentils. That's all lentil tortillas. It's delicious. Should you, though?

Is it better that way? You never stop to ask, should I do this? I mean, it's better than a lot of different ways you can eat lentils. Sure. That's fair. Okay. Sure. There's many more unpleasant ways to eat lentils. Here is a brief summation of those. Yeah.

Candied. Like sunflowers, just raw, chewing your teeth down the nubs, trying to enjoy it, raw cauliflower, raw lentils. Yes. You do, you did twice there, say, eat sunflowers. Are you talking about the seeds or have you just been just sort of walking up to these bastards in the field and just opening your mouth and running into them? I wouldn't know a plant, the plant that makes lentils if it was my uncle. I would not be able to identify this plant. I know they come in a bag. Fun fact about lentils, the one, here's a like a bonus.

If you click down at the bottom, there's a hidden pixel and if you click on it, you get a bonus lesson. If you read and you don't wash lentils, apparently, like in every bag of lentils, there's usually like a couple of pebbles. Just to keep it fucking fresh and fun. There's usually just like a couple of small pebbles. And people say like, now make sure you wash these thoroughly because there's probably some fucking pebbles in there. As though that is a standard for any other food that we consume that is acceptable. It's like lentils DRM that they put in there to make sure you legally purchased these lentils. How about, how about just don't do that? How about just get them out?

What do you want, Justin? Someone to go through your lentils before they're in the bag and get the pebbles out? Then what would you do? One thing that's part of your responsibility with these lentils is to make sure you get all the pebbles out of it. It doesn't make any sense. I don't want it. Those are the prize, like a little toy in the cereal. No, no, that doesn't track. It doesn't work like that. Should we do questions? Yes. I have a fun new game. Oh, good. Oh, this is good. Is it good? No, it's good. You'll like this. This is actually, the idea was given to me by Moment of Magic pod, which you should check out. Do you mean you stole it from them? No, they tweeted it at me. I thought it was a great idea. I got a couple

of different things here first, and I think Griffin, you might get this. That's a hint. Wait, is this another fucking quiz show? Because you can't just say it's a different game if it's played along with the home. No, this is a different game. This is not. Okay, so this is a quiz show where if you're listening at home and you try to fucking answer this, you have to delete the podcast because you're not allowed to play at home. Listen, there are questions. Then this is a game. What's the difference between this and the home? Hey, Griffin. Hey, Griffin, can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah, yeah, sure. How come every time I bring a game, you just assume it's going to be bad? Good question. That's the first question of the quiz.

Okay, listen, I'm not saying that. You don't even know, hey, Griffin, we're still over here. You haven't even heard what the quiz is based on yet. Okay, but it's a fucking, if Alex Trebek showed up to the set of Jeopardy and was like, what up, everybody? I got a bunch of cool questions for you all in my new game, Quizms. And you feel like, what? Yeah, this game's called Quizms. I'm going to ask you answers and you have to give me the forms of the questions. And people will be like, but that's Jeopardy. You can't just say this is a different, welcome to my new game, Wheel of Letters. Do you mean Wheel of Fortune? It's similar in a lot of ways. Hey, Griffin. Yeah. You haven't even heard what it's about.

Okay, let's hear it. We're going to talk about Cameo, the service Cameo. Okay. Now, let me start off the bat right here. If you don't know what it is, Cameo is a really fun service. This is not a paid advertisement. It's very fun where you go and you pay celebrities different amounts of money to say a birthday wish or something like that. You know, happy anniversary message, something like that. We have a lot of- You're going to get Richard Karn to flip off your principle. Right. We tried to get Richard Karn to do a message for our 500th episode. He said, and I just got a message back and I was like, sorry, don't do paid ads, smiley face emoji.

And I was like, that sucks. But I did also just get a free email from Richard Karn. Nice. Cool. And we will, I will be talking about Richard Karn in this segment. Oh, fantastic, fantastic. We have a lot of friends- He seems nice as hell by the way. We have a lot of friends on Cameo including Matt Doyle to go buy Cameo from Matt Doyle, support some actors and performers during these off work times. So, Lance Bass is on there. I'm going to read his bio and you're going to try to guess the amount to get that Cameo from Lance Bass.

Okay. This is a good game. I've turned around on it. Okay. Now let's start here. Kudos to Lance Bass. Proceed from Lance's Cameos are donated to charity. Cool. Now this is his bio. Insinker, host of At the Daily Popcast. Foodie, filmmaker, OG Sephiroth. Whoa, what? The original Sephiroth was Lance Bass? Yeah, dude. I had to look that up. He did the voice of Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts.

Oh, okay. Well, okay. That's, I mean, that's fucking wild. Not quite as wild as him being, you know, fucking one-winged angel destroyer of worlds. I guess it makes more sense that he did a voice of him. It does make it seem like he originated the concept. I was Sephiroth and they based it off me. Beloved torso stabber, Sephiroth, me. Frosted tip survivor, an animal rescuer, Lance Bass. Can I say, I'm going to say something about Lance Bass before you move on to Lance Bass. Lance Bass in 2002 wanted to join a Russian mission to the ISS, to the International Space Station,

and became certified by both NASA and the Russian space program after several months of cosmonaut training. Cool. Do you want to know the rest of that that I really enjoy? What's that? He, at the last minute, was not able to go, but they calibrated everything for his weight. So they had to put a barrel full of stuff equal to Lance Bass's weight in the shuttle. Okay, fuck this. I don't care about how much it costs to get a cameo from him.

I want to know how much it costs to get the Lance Bass barrel that I can just kind of put in my living room. What's with that fucking barrel? It has nothing to do with anything else in the room. Well, let me tell you, do you want to know how much Lance Bass weighs? The barrel. Can I keep talking about Lance Bass, please? Yeah. Okay. During his cosmonaut training, he had to get a thorough physical, and it was discovered that he had a cardiac arrhythmia that he had to undergo surgery for, and it saved his life. His desire to be, he would not have become discovered had he not gone into cosmonaut training.

Absolutely. Bathly. My main Lance Bass, by the way, if I could just keep talking about Lance Bass for a second. Has retained fucking fluid Russian that he learned as part of his cosmonaut training. Are you kidding me? You know what? Early cosmonaut training saves lives. This is what I'm saying. Yes, yes, absolutely. What an absolute, this guy rules.

But how much money to get him to flip off your principle? Whatever it is, it's too low. I'm going to say 200 dollars. I don't even know if it goes up that high for cameo, but I'm going to say 200 dollars. Justin. For Lance Bass, I'm going to say, I feel like Griffin's in the neighborhood, but I'm going to go with 250 actually. It is 250 on the dot. Every penny.

With every penny. Wait, did you say I got it right or? Did you say 250? It was 250? Yeah, you got it. Okay. I'm a combo. Yeah, I haven't used that one in a while.

Okay, now next, Mark McGrath. Now he had a fun cameo where he broke up with somebody, but wished them well on their finals, on their doctorate, I believe. Wait. He broke up with someone's, a young lady, I believe, entreated him to dump her boyfriend on cameo and Mark McGrath obliged. While kind of throwing shade at her, because he's like in the middle of a very tense time in his life, but Mark McGrath recorded a very lovely message to this person and then dumped them.

Now that might explain, I've pulled two reviews here from Mark's cameos. And this first one is unreal how thoughtful and personal this is. Thank you so much, brother. I got a little teary eyed watching this, not going to lie. You're the real one. He's the real one. You're the real one. Now that probably is some kind of fun turn of phrase, but it could also be like,

you're not an impersonator. You are the real Mark McGrath. This is the Mark McGrath you gave. Do you remember when when Mark McGrath went ballistic on a child because during a paparazzi photo session, the child yelled sugar gay at him. And I think about it all the time. He went fucking, he went, he went fucking ballistic and went to like fight the child, which is bad.

It's like so bad on like every level. But I guess my question is, did he charge him for the cameo? In his life story. In his life story of being the kid that Mark McGrath said he was going to beat his ass up because he said sugar gay. And second, second quick review here. My sister Shelly and her family totally loved this video. Mark went above and beyond with a fantastic performance and an epic Elvis ending.

Mark also print. Ending usage. Yeah. Mark also pronounces Hawaiian like a local. So cool. Cool beans, man. Yeah. Yeah.

I figured the lead singer Sugar Ray has done his time in the islands. No question. No question. And what is an Elvis ending? Got me. I don't know. Didn't do the research. Didn't find out.

No. Ain't a cool sandwich, I bet. Yeah. Justin, you want to do the honors first since you won last round? Yeah. You know what? I'm going to go for Mark McGrath. I think you're going to pay.

It's a premium. I feel like his star is just a little bit higher than Lance Bass weirdly because he's got like a show on Sirius every weekend and he's staying busy, staying the news. I mean, he jacked up his rates after he went a little viral with the breakup. I'm going to, I'm going to set him right at $300. Okay, Griffin. That is fucking poppycock. Griffin, you're pretty far away from the microphone.

I know. It's because I was leaning back because of the fucking ridiculousness of Justin's offer. It's in the, he's not, he doesn't even have cosmonaut training. So like, how can you, it's, I'm going to say if it's anything more than $100, I will eat my shoes. It is $99. I'm giving that to Griffin. Wow.

Griffin, amazing. Thank you. Very close. I'm very impressed. We're all tied up one-in-one. Now for this last, this is a head-to-head competition, this last one. Okay. And this is direct from, once again, I'm going to give credit to atmagicmomentpod.

Here it is. Are you ready? Yes. Richard Karn and Tom Arnold are both on cameo. I'm calling this category, Karnold. Wish you wouldn't. I want you guys to give me who charges more, Richard Karn or Tom Arnold. And for, for the deciding factor, if you can get closest to the price of your choice,

you will win. Now let me also say what I really enjoy because we are nearing Father's Day. Both of these actors, Richard Karn and Tom Arnold, had the hashtag, a gift for all dads. A gift for every dad. A gift for all dads. What dad wouldn't be excited to receive a cameo from either of these actors? A gift for all dads. I mean, I'd be excited for one of them, but if I got the other one,

I'd be fucking pissed and they know which one it is. Oh boy. And that's all I'm going to fucking say. A gift for all dads. A gift for all dads. Tom Arnold is worth more money than Richard Karn, in general. He doesn't know that. Yeah.

I mean, I have a whole rubric that I use to judge judge famous people for how much money that they're worth. And I think Tom Arnold just comes out on top of Richard Rich. Boy, but you know, you know, I'm there for you. But Tom Arnold's got you beaten that category. I mean, I feel like I'm going to have to go Tom Arnold as well. It's not fair. What's the deciding thing?

How much Tom Arnold? How much for Tom Arnold? How much to get a Tom Arnold? I feel like Tom Arnold is going to cost you. Again, I feel like Tom Arnold is going to run you two hundred and twenty five dollars. And I feel like Richard Karn is seventy five dollars. No, you know what? Richard Karn's seventy five dollars.

Tom Arnold, one hundred and fifty. That's that is it. I'm going to say twice as much as Richard Karn, who I bet cost seventy five dollars. I know I entreated him to record a greeting for our show. I do not remember the cost. I didn't pay that close attention to it. And folks, that's privilege.

I'm going to go ahead and just say it. I'll do anything for the show. Now, Griffin. Yeah. I was going to say one fifty also for Tom Arnold, but Justin's swooped. How much for Richard Karn? How much for Richard Karn? Yeah.

You said seventy five for Richard Karn, one fifty for Tom Arnold. That is what I said. That was so fucking good juice. It feels right, doesn't it? It's got a very good mouthfeel. I'm going to say seventy six seventy five for Richard Karn. Seventy six for Richard Karn, one forty nine for Tom Arnold. I'm going to call it a tie because none of that cheap bullshit, Griffin.

What are you saying? Yeah, you can't fucking. OK, that's fucking bullshit. You can't just make up the rules of this incredible game as we go along. Seventy six dollars for Richard Karn, one forty nine for Tom Arnold. OK, then shit. I got to give it to Griffin. Richard Karn, eighty dollars.

Tom Arnold, one twenty five. A gift for all dads. A gift for all dads. This pay for two hundred. You get the combo. This is what I'm saying. I'm talking to each other. Mike and fucking read a scene from Waiting for Godot together.

You get that carnal action. Mike, your dad's going to love this recreation of true West. Starting Richard Karn and Tom Arnold alternating roles in each champion. All right. That was a good game, Travis. You've done it. Thank you. You've cracked.

You fucking cracked the code. I mean, it wasn't your idea, but you fucking executed it beautifully. Thank you very much. All I want to talk about anymore is Lance Bass. I know. Lance is really listening, bud. Please. Hit us up.

Reach out to it. You know, we have a very good track record. Lance, if you would love to come on the show and just talk to be a guest for it, I would love to have you. We have fun. I will go on rather than saying, I think any NSYNC member, except Justin Timberlake. Yeah, I don't want.

We've made it clear. We don't want JT on the show. If we could get JC Shazae. Oh, boy, that would be a life goal. I'm really kidding. We just stay focused for fucking once in our careers. I just want Lance Bass as a guest spur. Okay.

I think that would be fantastic. All right. Let's make it. I'm just saying we could combo it together, chain it together, go Chris Fitzpatrick, then JC Shazae, then Joey Fatone, to Lance Bass. $1,000 will get us four cameos from Lance. And I think that might be enough for us to put together a guest spur segment. We could just get him saying things in response to potential questions

and then weave them together. Edit it together. Oh, that's not bad. Okay. Listen, everyone, stop. Stop. It's time. Oh, wait, speaking of tweeting at people, I want to thank everyone for tweeting at WSAZ's Rob Johnson.

There was a lot of tweets to Rob Johnson. A lot of activity. For getting us, for getting our kite out of the tree. A lot of people tweeted him to thank him. Also, I'm just going to share this very briefly. This is Rob Johnson said that we need to hear real music. Forget Rob Thomas. You need Rob Johnson and share the link to a brief song about Rob Johnson

that I'd love to share with you guys if that's okay. It's just a very brief song about Rob Johnson. Sure. And then I promise we're going to start doing questions. Then the show will begin. Oh, yes. This is by Rob Coleman. It's a song about Rob Johnson commissioned by Allen Brown.

And this is how the song goes. So that's one of my favorite songs about Rob Johnson. That's strong. The ones that I've heard, it's way up there. That has no business being that good. I know it's way better than I expected it to be when I clicked the link. Thank you, WSAZ Rob Johnson. Appreciate it.

Hope you can figure out why you were having some signal trouble on June 4th. Best of luck to you and yours. My wife and I recently moved into our first house and it's pretty great. But our elderly next door neighbor keeps mowing our yard. It started with him just doing our small front yard, which makes sense. Since it would almost be more work to mine the borders of our yards. But recently he's been mowing our backyard as well, and he's not doing a good job. He cuts corners and skips patches that would be tricky for his riding mower to get into.

And worse yet, my wife and I are working from home, so we have no choice but to watch him do the whole thing poorly. Should we ask him to stop or thank him? That's from indecisiveness in Indiana. I did not expect the twist of someone who will go through the effort of mowing your backyard, but does not take pride in a job well done. I did not see that coming. I don't understand.

Just can you not go out there and fucking polish it off? Somebody is mowing your lawn for free. And your complaint is that they're cutting corners. When you could just go out there and knock out those last few corners. Well, but here's okay. Here's the problem, Griffin. What is the problem? There is there is a factor here.

There is an unknown quantity here, which is does neighbor guy think he's doing them a good job service, right? Because if he's like, ah, what a good nice thing to do for my neighbors. And then they see you out there cleaning up after them that. Oh, oh, okay. Okay. I see what you're asked to say. Now it's like, oh, it wasn't good enough for you.

Huh? I see you out there kind of going over some of my work. Right. Right. Okay. All right. That's tricky or fair. But there is also the potential that this is a passive aggressive thing.

I have neighbors. They're very nice. Let me be clear. But I'm saying I could see where if I let my lawn go a little bit, maybe didn't have it mode. Then then they're like, oh, I see that Travis has a modus lawn. What a sloppy young man, this millennial, probably too busy out there partying and raving and eating avocado toast. Sorry.

Did you say avocado? Yeah, they're old. They don't know what an avocado is. They say avocado. This generational gap just keeps getting worse. It's so bad. And so then they come over and they mow my lawn and it's a passive aggressive thing. Right.

Where do they hate grass? You're going to have to do it at night with like one of those push mowers. It doesn't make sounds. Yeah. So that'll be the stealth mower. The stealth mowing situation. Scissors are nice and quiet. Or just rip the shit up so it doesn't grow back.

Why don't people do that? Yeah. Put down some turf. Put down a little bit of astroturf down there. And then also if you want to throw the pigskin around, it's right there ready for you. A bunch of like black plastic. Make it into a slip-inside hole. A hole.

Put some visqueen down. Make a whole backyard slip-inside. Nobody's done that before. Dig a pond. No one thinks about like and this is like think about it for a second. Dig a pond back there. All you need for a pond is the absence of dirt and water.

That's right. And the water's going to come from rain. Yeah. And now you got a swimming hole. You got a big old swimming hole in the backyard. And that's fun because then all the neighborhood youth can come and everyone and neighbors and instead of getting into drugs and you know hard partying or whatever, everybody can just come down to the swimming hole.

Talk about life. You want about living and a little about love? You may be overthinking this. You may be overthinking this a little bit because if I owned a beautiful, powerful John Deere riding mower, I'm assuming it's a deer because if it's not, it's not a machine. Is that if I got done mowing my lawn on my beautiful John Deere riding mower, I imagine my first thought would be like,

I would love to cut a little bit more lawn with this huge beautiful machine. I don't think anybody gets done mowing their lawn in their riding mower and things like that. That has satisfied me. I think they probably think like, oh man, I'm hungry for even more. So they may just be trying to either satisfy this dark passenger or trying to make their purchase of a riding mower and make a little bit more sense. That's what it is.

Yes. I like that. Yeah. I like that. But I do like Griffin that in your mind, this person is like, well, I already bought the mower and my yard is only like 20 square feet. So I need to keep using this somewhere. But I am not invested in the quality of my job because it's not my yard.

Yeah. You could set up some traffic cones that he could like slalom around but like position them in a way that he would make sure that he would get all those nooks and crannies. And then he would have more fun with it too. That would be better for everybody and you get to watch it. Yeah. You could also get your own riding lawn mower and then every time he goes out, be like, oh, shit, he's going, quick, go.

And then you get on your own riding lawn mower and do your own yard and you can do like a race with it. There's lots of cool ways to get to know your neighbor. Get a lance. Get a lance. Yeah. Get a lance bass. Yeah.

No, get a jousting lance bass. Do what? I said, I meant like jousting lance. That would be fun and riding lawn mowers. But I think there's something also great to getting a lance bass to do a carry-on. Ask your neighbor to stop fucking up your grass. Hey, see lance bass, I'm going to say this aggression. Please stop fucking up my grass.

Hey, even from space, I can see you're doing a terrible job mowing the grass. I brought this barrel full of stuff that's going to hold down the grass. So it won't grow up anymore. I found your lack of work ethic heartbreaking and I can't handle that. I've had enough problems. I need you to just stay in your home, please, citizen. Let me mow the lawn mower. This is my side business.

I bought a lawn mower and I've been making some extra scratch. I'm going to build my own rocket. Griffin, you have any Yahoo's saved up this week that you'd like to share with us? I love that, if you do. I could do a quick one. Yeah, sure. What did you like? This Yahoo is sent by lots of folks.

Thanks. It's an anonymous Yahoo answers user who I'm going to named Jim. Wow. Asks. But it's not spelled how it sounds. No, no. It's G-Y-M. Why don't we have castles anymore?

We only have regular basic buildings now. Why did humans stop building castles? Castles are just as good and sturdy as regular buildings except they look better. So why did humans stop building castles? I live in America, BTW, and maybe it's just America that hates castles. I haven't been to other countries. I'm talking out of my ass now, but I would estimate that the castle per square inch ratio of America is lower than a lot of other sort of territories

across this beautiful globe of ours. I think I can understand the question because castles are made out of what? Rocks and stuff to hold the rocks together. That's basically it from what I like. And tapestries. Tapestries, but even though I don't even think they have load-bearing tapestries and castles. I think brass tacks, there are no brass tacks involved. It's just rocks and stuff to hold the rocks together.

I've never walked around inside a castle and been like, hmm, drywall. It's always rocks and stuff to hold the rocks together. And there's lots of fucking rocks. And I imagine lots of ways to get them to stick together. And so I don't understand why the housing crisis- I don't think he stopped building castles because they ran out of materials, Griffin. I don't think anyone thought that was it.

Well, no, it was just like somebody invented drywall. And they're like, oh, cool. This is what it has to be from now on. But I guess drywall and wood and stuff is expensive. But there's a shortage of housing, available housing as a commodity. And I think that we could just start slapping some rocks together and making some pretty fucking cool houses out of it. And it's not just so we could have houses.

We could have fucking cool castle houses in it, too. But why do we need a castle is my thing. If I upset my neighbors, I don't expect them to try to settle it with siege weaponry. I don't expect them to come out with catapults. And I was about to say Batista. What's up, it's me, Batista. I'm going to start kicking your castle. We're going to see what happens.

Your neighbor paid for a cameo. It's my new service, Kikkyo. I go to your house and kick your castle balls down. Yeah, I know, Groot. What of it? Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. It's just no need for the castle. There's no need for, you know, the castles were used, you know,

the a lot of the ruling class would make them like the boss of the fiefdom, right? That they would leave in a castle and then rule over. If my neighbors saw me building a castle, they would probably start to get suspicious. What is this guy going to do? Does this guy have designs on trying to rule over the region? I wrote the new King of Huntington perhaps. Every time I have learned anything about a castle,

basically what I've learned is that the timeline breaks down as castle building is completed and then like the next day somebody comes and by some means will leave out clears everyone out of that castle. And now that castle is theirs. Repeat for about 500 years. So haunted. I fucking made it. That would not fly now.

It wouldn't be like you left your house and then I got in it. I guess that's your squatter's rights, isn't it? There's a lot of complicated issues there, but I think the point remains that like if you walked into a house and someone told you pretty cool house, huh? Hundreds and hundreds of people have been killed here to get the house. Then I would be like, I don't want to be in this house anymore. And yet you walk into a castle or a fortress and it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool place. So like, look at all the rocks, pillars, love it. Look at those sconces. Those are original sconces, thousands dead in mini-seaches. Then I would be like, the ghost, the spectral energy in here is not great. So I'm going to- That is true. When I was buying a house, like our realtor wasn't like,

and you see that, that tiny hole near the floor? Do you know what that's for? Hot oil. That's hot oil. Gaze somebody tries. So that's going to keep them away. And that hole over there, that's for shooting arrows out of. So that's pretty cool, huh?

I rescind the question. It's a bad question, and I think about it. Do you think that there was somebody who built a castle, like after the age of castles was done? And like as they built the castle, they finished and they're like, Todd, no one wants to take this. And they're like, oh man, doesn't somebody want to take my castle? And it's like, no, these things are highly impre-

How do you keep this high in the winter and cold in the summer, Todd? This is highly impractical. Yeah, you need to be in a temperate region for sure. Do you think the person exists, Travis, who would spend a bunch of money building a modern day castle, who would at any point thereafter would admit that it was a mistake? Like fellow cosmonaut Richard Garry, a creator of the Ultima series, built a castle here in Austin, Texas

that has all kinds of incredible winding corridors and secret passages and did a fucking museum with a Tesla coil and a bunch of old archaic technology in it. But you know, he probably gets to a point where he wakes up in the middle of the night and he does have diarrhea and he has to go running and remember which skull goes on which bookshelf to open up the hard, cold stone staircase to the one toilet in the house. But still, even he would not be like, this was, guys, I blew it.

He's probably got to keep a studio apartment. He's probably got to keep up pretenses. Known castle haver, Richard Garry, it probably has to continue telling people how great it is to live in a castle. That's what that's all I'm saying. I would like to have a castle, but I don't know that I would like to live in it. They don't seem comfortable.

They're all made out of rocks. What are you going to fucking do with it? What would I do with it? If I had, I would let people go through it for two hours and charge the money, which is what I think people in Europe do if they own a castle. Yeah. Like that's how they make ends meet, is they have to turn it into like a B&B or something.

Yeah. And meanwhile they live like above a bar downtown and they're having a great time. I'd probably turn into a fucking cool like airsoft course, like an airsoft arena. That's a nice idea. I'm making a magic quest place. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good.

I would probably make mine like LARP, like a Dungeons and Dragons LARP. Like a LARP thing. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good. Rent it out. Maybe make it like a B&B, but fill it with board games and host.

D&D, B&B. A D&D, B&B, yes. That's fucking funny. That's fucking good. That's good. TMT, TMT. That's a good joke for podcasts, but also like good thing for life.

If anybody wants that, you can have it. D&D, B&B. I'm freaking out. Yeah. Because how good these ideas and funny ideas are. Yeah. Listen, we almost don't need this. I feel like at this point.

Well, good news. Because we've got a lot of, we're not a million dollar. What? Good news, Justin. We're not going to keep the money from Money Son this week. Yeah. This week we are donating the ad money from the episode to the Marsha P. Johnson Institute. Marsha P. Johnson was a incredible black trans activist during the Stonewall riots

and the Marsha P. Johnson Institute goes to support and fight for the human rights of black trans people in America. And it's a rat organization. We're going to include a link to where you can support the Marsha P. Johnson Institute in the episode description. So yeah, do that. And we're going to talk about some sponsors that sell products and services. Whoa.

Yeah. That was smooth. Thanks, bud. I love my post office. I'm a first name basis with everybody there. Love to go there. Love it. But right now, you know, if I can avoid going out, if I can avoid going somewhere no matter

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It's just that easy and no human contact required with stamps.com. I'm just at scamps.com. That'd be a good website, too, if anybody's in the market. I have to fucking, you know, you can't save the name. I'm very sure that scamps.com is the best thing. Oh, no. Oh, I guess URL redirects to some truly heinous business, friend. Oh, my God.

Oh, look at the scamps. Oh, God, no. What's the number for FBI? It's just full of scamps. They're doing all kinds of shenanigans. No way, man. That one's got a swing shot. They're fucking doing so a pie out of a windowsill.

Oh, no, he's got one of those sassy grins. Oh, that one just conned a friend into painting the fence for him. Right now, our listeners get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in my brother. That's stamps.com, enter my brother. Well, this is just a big JPEG of bug hauls alpha from the Little Rascals movie.

Hey, Griffin, can I ask you a question? Have you been thinking about learning that language you took in high school again or college? But I think it'll take too much time. I was trying to do pig Latin. I know, but you couldn't even do that. So I think Babylon may be a little bit above your pay grade, but probably not. You should dip into it anyway because learning is fun.

Yes, Babylon can help you relearn that language fast. Babylon is designed to quickly get you speaking your new language within weeks with daily 10 to 15-minute lessons. Listen, we all got 10 to 15 minutes. You got it. Just put all your toilet time together. Yeah, and you've been listening to this podcast for what, 40 minutes? Thank you.

Good point, Travis. Turn off this podcast. Yeah, listen, this says weeks with daily 10 to 15. What about just one day? What if you just did it all in one day? I don't think they want us to say or endorse. Papa Limitless Pill had learned this language. Papa Limitless Pill doing all in one day.

And then do another course the next day. And the next day. I've tried to learn Spanish several times, never quite stuck, but I have really been enjoying going through babble and doing the lessons. They're the most natural and fun to do lessons that I have found for brushing up, but also like just learning new vocabulary and stuff like that. It is a really, really good service. You know what language I learned in high school?

What, Griffin? The language I love. Gross. I called the porky pig. Okay. Because how much? Gross. Gross.

Because of how much? I was mid-coffee sip. I thought I'd earned it after my great personal endorsement. But no. But before you talk about your porking, can I mention that babble has speech recognition technology that helps you to improve your pronunciation and accent? Go ahead and do that. But I want babbles to know I am going to talk more about that immediately after the ad

so that it'll be sort of sandwiched in there. So it's helping you with your accent and your pronunciation too. Right now, babble is offering our listeners three months free with the purchase of a three-month subscription with promo code mybrother, all one word. So go to babble.com and use promo code mybrother, all one word, on your three-month subscription. That's b-a-b-b-e-l.com, promo code mybrother, babble, language for life. So you're probably thinking like porky pig probably because he was porking a whole lot, right?

But it was, no, it was my tech, my technique was I would get down there and just be like a dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-de ehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe80HSfanes (?) absolutely the worst the worst man i this is the first time i've ever been sad that listeners can't tell our voices apart because i'm afraid they'll think i said man i almost didn't say i was so off-brand

all our brands are fucked that's all of us macho man to the top rope the flying elbow the cover we've got a new champion we're here with macho man randy savage after his big win to become the new world champion what are you gonna do now match i'm gonna go listen to the newest episode of the types of fights podcast oh yeah tell us more about this podcast it's the podcast of power too sweet to be sour funky like a monkey woke discussions man and jokes about wrestlers fashion choices myself excluded yeah i can't wait to listen neither can i you can find it thursdays on maximum fun oh yeah dig it here i'm not even gonna waste any time uh

i want to munch i tried to give that a modern edge because folks i'm so happy to report that uh we have a new munch squad we've gone back to them right from the now time as well from like a week ago but still from this era kind of wild actually not sure it's tasteful but you know uh these brands are gonna brand this is their thing that they do um and uh here's the story there's a lot of you sent this in so thank you so much limited edition pringles flavor packs the juicy layers of a wendy's baconator into one crunchy bite huh bacon lovers rejoice i'm gonna um do something real quick i'm gonna enter that phrase in quotes into google and see how many hits that i get and the answer

is 8,760 so they have a lot to be thankful for i think right now uh but in this situation it's that the masters of flavor at pringles which i bet that is not a label that has been applied to them very frequently but the masters of flavor at pringles have done it again this time in partnership with the queen of hamburgers oh boy just titles being thrown around just the yeah the new limited edition pringles baconator packs all the delicious flavors of packs all the delicious layers of flavor found in the fan favorite wendy's baconator into one perfectly delicious bite when it comes to delivering on a mouthwatering delicious hamburger wendy's doesn't cut corners with a half pound of fresh never frozen beef american cheese six strips of crispy applewood smoked bacon this is a chip

why are we wasting our time talking about this catch up and mayonnaise for a wendy's baconator replicating those delicious layers into one single pringles crisp no challenge is too large for pringles i've heard that i have heard that's how they're also working on a world peace right now if no challenge is too large for pringles i would submit that they are maybe wasting their talents creating uh bacon hamburger chips there's some other pressing concerns that i would love for so great friend who's the funnier oh i've been so distracted this whole time because i've been thinking about how the light flow would be if wendy's didn't know about this and pringles was just like wendy's wendy's doesn't fucking cut any corners wendy's brings you the

good burgers we love wendy's so we did a chip on them and when he's like oh thank you i guess we squished out 20 of your hamburgers into every chip we destroyed them like the guy in no country for old men we just went baconator to baconator euthanizing them and squishing them down in the chips to prove our love to you when these police recognize us the pringles brand delivers insanely accurate flavor combinations that are both delicious and convenient said wire senior director of marketing for pringles who seems biased what does that mean convenient it's convenient with such a strong fan base we knew we had to nail that fresh never frozen wendy's flavor perfectly fucking if you could eat a chip and be like well this beef's

never been frozen i can tell luckily our flavor experts were up to the task the pringles baconator crisps are the perfect way to enjoy the savory goodness all in one bite yes travis convenient indulging in a wendy's baconator craving has never been easier just break open a can pop a crisp and experience the wonders straight from your pantry okay yeah it's for people that it's like god it would be tough to get a hamburger right now i'm not sure i can get that together but i do have a craving maybe i'll eat a chip but this is making it sound like it's a future food of like a wendy's baconator and pill for like you would eat one chip and i am stuffed i that's a baconator right there i do not trust pringles to do a slam dunk when it comes to recreating

flavors because in my mind the different flavors of pringles are regular salty and then like maybe i'll give you sour cream and then every other one is just just the same sort of unconscionably zesty sort of uh miasma that i could not diagnose uh gun to my head um here's here's good news each can comes with a code on the seal that can be used to score a free wendy's baconator son of baconator or breakfast baconator with purchase when you order through the wendy's app hey friends it's me if you use this code to get a son of baconator when you could have gotten a free baconator i'm going to have you committed that is for for uh uh intense lack of value recognition that would be a terrible use cut it in half yes cut it in half if it's too much for you

but don't waste the opportunity don't take it up a notch and pile pringles baconator on top of a wendy's baconator whoa my ass no what are you talking about whoa can you imagine why why would you do that or dip the crisps and frosty for a sweet and salty treat now now that sounds good it's yeah now i'm i'm on board that one that made me high whoa i rich instead of making me crave that it made me high that's how much i want that a wendy's quote a wendy's the baconator it's long been an iconic bacon cheeseburger like no other that is a fucking wild sentence we're just going to revisit it one more time and when you're imagining uh the the verbiage in here note the bacon cheeseburger is capitalized so maybe that's its formal name at wendy's the

baconator has long been an iconic bacon cheeseburger like no other with stacked fresh beef which i guess is a descriptor that pleads you to imply quality is that beef stacked yummy yummy i usually lay my shit out on side by side not even on the bun that's wild i didn't even think about that when did you stack this you stacked this yesterday no stacked fresh oven cooked applewood smoked bacon ooh you used the oven on it damn and piping hot cheese what this is not this is not part of it we knew we were going it was going to be a challenge to get all that flavor and goodness into one bite says and i'm so happy to have him back carl laredo yeah wendy's us chief marketing officer and we're excited to work we're excited to work with the flavor experts of cringles to

deliver the taste our fans know and love in a unique way hey guys words still mean shit deliver the taste our fans know and love in a unique way is nothing no i'll tell you what we know what would be a unique way as if the flavor kings at pringles could somehow aerosolize the baconator and i could inhale yes put it in an ivy yes we know our baconator fanatics will be in for quite a treat when they taste how insanely accurate pringles made this delicious crisp this is so accurate you can tell that that's the end of it um that you could tell that these people have been like the that none of these people said any of this because no one has ever called them a crisp in their entire life unless they're a legally meant yeah oh it's no it's actually

reconstituted potato granules and uh the potato lobby made it the potato chip lobby made it so they couldn't call them chips so they were legally uh barred from calling them chips it's a true story i mean out of granules god i wish i could fucking wedge you over skype i wish skype would add some sort of transverse because there was oh look at that i i just got confirmation back on my cameo request from lance bass to come wedgie jelston he should be showing up right now wedgie you to the fucking moon can we do this second question because it'll be very fast uh sure yeah let's do this second i'm i'm anticipating just a real quick in and out revolving door and we give we give them a a harsh talking to and then the door finishes

revolving that's what people come to this show for harsh talkings to hey brothers i work at a job that allows me to drive around my city all day long making frequent stops i keep a small fishing pole and a box of tackle in my car as there are lots of good fishing holes randomly throughout my city anytime i have a spare hour between sessions i will go to the nearest pond or fishing hole and have a few casts recently i found a choice looking pond that i've never seen anybody fishing at seems like a prime spot however it's located in a cemetery stop it there are no signs saying do not fish here but i feel weird about just walking up with my gear and making a cast is this wrong am i being paranoid am i just begging to be cursed please help that's from fishy dilemma

in oklahoma city the city of a thousand fishing holes apparently i've just figured out what i want my epitaph to say i guess and it is do not fish here because apparently we need one of them in every cemetery and foreign people that this cemetery water feature probably does not have game fish in it for you to go digging around in honey i brought home some koi for us to fry up graveyard koi honey my favorite the mysterious ancestors have been transferred into them and that's where the flavor comes from i've never it's the weirdest fucking thing beautiful beautiful big pond and i've never seen anyone fishing at it it's it's such a prime spot too i would also point out question asker if you include the phrase but i feel weird about just walking up with my

gear and making a guess and then follow that up with next sentence is this wrong kind of seems like you might know the answer to that particular question am i just kind of post up on someone's headstone uh with my mill walkie's best that's great cast on in there it's just the the thought that you are begging to be cursed is also like that shouldn't have to be the repercussion here if i am if i am at peppy peps funeral although it's more of a funeral because peppy pep had some really zany requests but i do look like he led a great fun life until i died in that turbo hang glider accident but i do look like i'm not decided to release for and i i just finished singing dancing on the ceiling and i looked to the left and just out of eye shot of this incredible

funeral is you and your waiters fucking doing some fly fishing into the there's no way there's no way that will be acceptable i don't even know what this i don't even know what this next sentence means but me and the entire funeral party will come get you and i don't even know what that means but there's no way we can let that be can you imagine being like the groundskeeper as cemetery and like walking up and seeing somebody fish again upon like i don't even think you get angry so much as you just be like you you can't do that no you can't do that i shouldn't have to tell you not to catch those we don't stock this pond with fish for you to catch these are for the ghosts to catch you know that um folks thank you so much for listening to our show we hope you've

enjoyed yourself we hope you're hanging in there if you're if you're protesting we hope that you're you're trying to stay as safe as as possible if you're not able to or you you feel like you need to do something and participate you can go to blacklivesmatters.carrd.co there's petitions you can sign places to call you can donate even without spending money voting information processors whatever you need um that is a great place to start uh and we would encourage you to do so just as even though it may not be as uh front of mind in the media that you know the the the push still goes on there uh and again check out the uh marsha p johnson institute we got linked to that in the episode description uh hey thanks to john rogerick and the long winters for these for our

theme song instead of parts are off the album putting the days to bed great tunes great track lots of uh positive vibes there man and thank you to maximumfund.org for having us on the network check out all the great shows there like uh tights and fights and uh fan tie and uh all the others maximumfund.org uh you can go to macroymerch.com and check out all the cool macroy merch including a good out here t-shirt and a phantasmal and a resplendent pen uh both of those uh are the proceeds from which will go to the trevor project uh in celebration of prime month so go check those out uh is that it should we uh do the final yes here's a final yahoo is sent by lots of people and it is an anonymous yahoo answers user uh and their name is actually uh cram

cram cram cram you say with is that like cram cram is like a name no it's just cram i misspoke the first time okay it's c r a m m thank you for your honesty i appreciate that cram asks i thought tim alan was dead who am i confusing him with oh my name is just a macaroy i'm gryphon macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported