My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 517: Pepperoni Prescription

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

In this one, we all take turns being the bad boy! But it’s just for fun — please do not get worried that it’s a permanent thing. It’s one of our skits that we do! None of it is real!Suggested ...talking points: Heel Turn, Garbage Volcano, Pepperoni Thief, TikTok O’ Clock, Granny Kern, Grindin’ (w/ Hank “Tony Hank”  Green), Ice Cream Cocktails, This One’s Skunked

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, folks, it's Jesse, the founder of Maxfun. Since we postponed our annual Maxfun drive in mid-March, we have gotten a lot of questions about if and when we'd be rescheduling it. And honestly, we've been asking ourselves the same thing. Well, now we have an answer for you. The 2020 Maxfun drive will start on July 13th. That's coming up soon.
Starting point is 00:00:21 We decided to have the drive now because it's always brought a lot of joy and excitement to our community and certainly to us. And to be totally honest, it's also the main source of income for some of our hosts. Like pretty much everything right now, this year's drive is gonna be a little different. We'll still be bringing you very special episodes,
Starting point is 00:00:40 fun community activities, premium thank you gifts. But we also know it's a weird time and for some folks, a really difficult one. Some people are in a position to become new or upgrading members, others can't right now. And that is okay. We'll have ways for you to support Maxfun at every level, including some ways that won't cost you anything.
Starting point is 00:01:00 We're also gonna run the drive for four weeks instead of two. We didn't think it was a good time to be rushing anybody and having a longer drive lets us be a little more low key in our drive pitch. It also gives us more time to do fun stuff like the weekly live streams we'll be putting on for charity throughout the drive.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Most importantly, we want the 2020 Maxfun drive to highlight all the ways we support each other and our communities. We also wanna show how grateful we are to you for making all the work that we do possible. Stay safe, we'll see you July 13th for the Maxfun drive. The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar, but not too familiar. But not too not familiar, it's a new place.
Starting point is 00:02:08 And the girls, do you wanna just say hey, I wanna just say hey, I wanna. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy and you can bite my butt. Whoa, hotchie-motchie.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I don't even wanna say my name, cause I don't want people get me confused with the attitude that Travis just brought to the table. That one was Travis, it's not me, I'm Griffin. Guys, I'm sorry real quick. I should have talked with you guys about this off mic before I started, but the director called me, my brother, my brother, me, director
Starting point is 00:02:50 and the executive producers and stuff. And they said that I need to make a heel turn that we've been without kind of conflict for too long. And I've been playing the nice guy for a while now and so I have to do like a heel turn. So just kind of, if you could please. So this has been you as the nice guy? Yeah, this has been me being nice.
Starting point is 00:03:11 And now it's fine, I have to do a heel turn. So if you guys could just like play off it, kind of let me be the villain. But we've never had to, I need to talk to Cameron Crowe, the director of our podcast because like, I don't know, like I've never had to deal with that energy in the show. So I'm not sure how to do that.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Feels hostile. We're a little, I mean, yeah, that's flying. That's the idea, right? I get that, but like, Justin and I don't know how to play with that in the space. Like I love playing in the space, but like that doesn't seem like a fun game. Well, maybe we can like find it.
Starting point is 00:03:41 And I don't know that I, do I have to be mean to you? I don't, or just like mean. I mean, people like the general anger sometimes. Like a nice thing. Okay, well, let's just start, we'll just start. Justin, you do like an intro, just something. Did that, or I did that, or I did that. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:57 I mean, like pick a topic or something. Like, hey, have you ever noticed? Let's do, let's do just a general sort of, well, we did a watch last week. Justin, maybe you can tell us funny story about kids. Yeah, go for it. Okay. Kids do silly, say like kids,
Starting point is 00:04:09 hey, kids did a silly thing today. Oh, this is great actually. I went to, I was driving with Charlie. I don't care. Wow. Wow. I don't know how conducive this is gonna be to calm down. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:04:22 You know what? That was bad. That was, I take, I'm gonna take that note, but I take that note. Let me try again. Okay. Give it to me again. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:30 I was driving with Charlie and we were going to pick up some, we had ordered some baked goods from like a local, from a local bakery called, That's not, that's super not nice. That's actually a funny matter, David. From a local bakery called the Mata. That's fucking good. Local bakery called the Mata.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Okay. I hate it now. I've turned around on it. That's still pretty good for me. She's at the funniest. Awuga. Yeah. I left my air horn, yeah, sorry.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Yeah. I feel like I don't appreciate the fact that Travis sort of nominated himself to be the heel turn. It wasn't me, but listen, I will say, I think this is a very collaborative effort. If one of you wants to make a heel turn and I can stick with being nice, we could try that. All right, Travis, you do a nice thing.
Starting point is 00:05:32 And then Griff, do you want to be like the bad boy? I can try. Do you guys think you could call me donkey dick? Yeah. Like I was thinking that could be his name. What about donkey dick, Dave? No, just that's because I'm Griffin. Oh, okay, got it.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Okay, got it, okay. I just want to say thank you to everybody for listening. Your support during this time has just meant so much to us and like people telling their friends about the show. Hey, donkey dick likes it. Donkey dick likes it too. Okay, well, that's nice. That's the one supportive that I expected was pretty good.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Donkey dick. Yeah, okay. And so I guess from donkey dick and all of us, thank you for supporting my brother and my brother. Love to your family from donkey dick. Okay. Okay. Sorry, donkey dick, is this sincere or?
Starting point is 00:06:26 Yeah, it's fucking, yeah. But it's the way he's saying it and the fact that his name is donkey dick is mean. Oh, okay, cool, cool, cool. Justin, do you want to try saying something nice let donkey dick play out of that energy? Well, there can't be, hold up, hold up, hold up. There can't be two of us bad and mean at the same time.
Starting point is 00:06:41 So let me, hold on, give me a second. Okay, I just put donkey dick in the drawer, Justin. No, Griffin, I mean, Griffin. Wait, I've lost the plot now, am I nice or mean? No, but you get to be. Wait, Griffin, you say something and let Justin, you be the heal, Justin, and you react to it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Okay. Yeah, so I got stung by a big bee yesterday. Shut up and tell jokes. I got stung by- Oh, that's too real. This is the start of the joke. So like, if you would be chill for like a fucking second. Sorry, my bad. No, it's okay, like you didn't know.
Starting point is 00:07:17 The construction of the sentence was such that- Go ahead. It could have just been an anecdote. No, go ahead, it's fine. Okay, so I got stung by a bee, a big bee yesterday right on my fan. Is this still the beginning? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Go for it. So I was playing around in the backyard yesterday playing some baseball with my friends and a big bee came around and stung me. I'm getting pretty worked up for the joke. Stung me right on my fanny. Was that the joke? No, it's still the setup.
Starting point is 00:07:42 I've said that part already. I'm getting amped for it over here. So I was looking for the EpiPen that I need to keep myself alive. And I came inside and I found it- Run it down, go for it. This is the moment right now. I found it in the kitchen drawer and I-
Starting point is 00:07:59 You're ready, drop it. I jabbed it into my butt and I realized it was a regular BIC pen, just a regular BIC pen. And I put a bunch of ink in my butt. So did you die? No, I didn't die, I'm here. Do you recording the show with you now? Do the joke.
Starting point is 00:08:14 That was, sorry, I'm sorry, that was the joke. Say it funnier. Stubbed a stab to fucking BIC pen in my ass cheeks and poop ca- happened. Do another, do four more jokes. Yeah, okay. I'd love to get some ults on that. Could you give us another read?
Starting point is 00:08:35 I would love to hear another read on the punchline, just for safety. Okay, so, but then I looked down and it turned out it wasn't my EpiPen. It was a Charms blow pop. And it went in. Can you do it again, but without the brand name? Yeah, I went in, when I pulled it out,
Starting point is 00:08:58 I realized it wasn't my EpiPen. It was a lollipop with bubble gum. EpiPen's a brand name. It wasn't my allergies. It wasn't my energy life-saving allergies pen. It was a lollipop with bubble gum inside. A little faster. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I'm just gonna comment. Sorry, I'm just a producer, but a real quick note. What if it was an EpiPen? Can you try that? Wait, but he just said I shouldn't do it. No, but I don't say the brand name, but you did for, yeah. Okay, so I stabbed, so, can I get some clicks for the unit?
Starting point is 00:09:31 Yeah, here. So I poked it into my butt, and when I looked down, it was my life-saving allergy dispenser, and I felt better, and my butt didn't hurt anymore. And I went back outside and finished the baseball game with my friends. You are on some next level shit right now. I'm loving this.
Starting point is 00:09:50 See, Travis, I'll be honest, I was nervous about this energy, but I think it's really amped up the show. I think it's a show now. I'm psyched out of my mind. Yeah, I'm psyched out of my mind. Let's fucking tear into it. Let's ride this wave.
Starting point is 00:10:02 I had a kitchen-sized trash can with a latch-closed lid that broke a few years ago. Can you imagine if a friend of yours came up to you and started a story that way, and it's like, this is gonna be a boring story. No friend of mine would tell me a story like this. Okay, but to be fair, Justin, our show, Conceit, is not impress us.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Stop bringing your funniest tale. I'm still in the heel turn phase. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want people to juice it, you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Hook me. I finally replaced it and left the trash can and it's broken lid out with my garbage. When the trash people came,
Starting point is 00:10:37 they left the empty trash bin with my other larger empty trash bins. How do I signal to the trash service people this is part of my trash? You know that they, do you know how long this person probably agonized over trash service people? There's got a bit, what's the best way of saying this?
Starting point is 00:10:56 Trash collector. Trash collector. Well, trash collectors makes it sound like it's not a job. Sanitation workers is it. Sanitation workers are better. Trash man is bad. Trash man is bad. How do I throw away this trash can? Am I doomed to have it sitting next to my big bins forever?
Starting point is 00:11:11 That's from Scrap Stooge in Somerville. I have had this exact. I think we all have. Trash cans aren't immortal. And we have one way, we have one legal ethical way of getting rid of them. And that is in that one way, there is a loophole that renders the whole thing
Starting point is 00:11:32 kind of inert. What I did once when I was moving away from an apartment in Chicago is I I picked up a big cinder block and dropped it on the big plastic trash can until it became smaller pieces that would then fit inside of the second trash can. I see. Let me tell you what.
Starting point is 00:11:52 That's just recycling 101. I'll tell you what you don't do. Cause I've run into this before. You don't put the bigger can or the smaller can inside the bigger can. Cause then you run into the chance that someone opens it and goes, oh, this can is pregnant.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I can't throw anything away in here. Yeah. Cause this trash can is going to have a baby soon. And that's the problem. I solved it by moving and I just left the old trash cans and that's their problem now. I can and the other lesson I learned
Starting point is 00:12:20 is that there's a few things in life that you should spend a little bit more money on. And number one on that list for me is like, there's some things that are disposable and like it doesn't matter. Get like a wonderful trash can if you want to live with you forever. I bought, I cheaped out when I first moved
Starting point is 00:12:36 into our first house and I got, I hated that trash can forever. I could never get rid of it. So next time I get yourself a great trash can of trash can that does everything. Your family, your lover, your security blanket, whatever you need, this trash can. Probably not your love.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Probably not your lover. But I guess that is how trash cans get pregnant. I have, that is true. I have another solution you could try though that I didn't have the guess. Can I just say to your point, can I just say real quick for you to say the solution? Anything.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Get a trash can with good wheels. You need good wheel action. Invest in the wheels, maybe get your own trucks for it. You know what I mean? Really like get down there and lube them up if you need to. When we're born, we should all be assigned a thick granite, unbreakable, sturdy trash can that is our trash can that we use for our life.
Starting point is 00:13:26 And then when we die, we get ashed up into it. And then that's like, it is our literal constant companion into eternity. That's what happens in the giver. Yes. That's basically what the giver is about. Here's one that I think you should try. Get a can of spray paint.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Okay. And spray paint, this is trash on yourself. And that'll remind you to spray paint this is trash on the can. You know that doesn't help though, right, Juice? Right. If I see a trash can that says this is trash on it, I will think, yep, that is where the trash goes.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Fuck, fuck, you're right. I think it would be way more confusing if you had to write on trash cans you didn't want to throw away. This isn't trash because then if I, the sanitation worker come along and see it, I think, well, I guess I leave that one alone? I think every town should have a volcano in it.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Okay. Because I think that there's a, we have a few cans here in Austin. I got a compost bin, got a recycling and I got a little garbage can. And that's all great. But then there's stuff like other trash cans. There's stuff like, you know, electronics.
Starting point is 00:14:38 I don't know if that's great to put in there. Something with like a big battery in it, no thanks. Fucking oil, when you get oil out of the pan, I'm still not quite sure what people are supposed to do with that. We should have volcano. And you can't use it all the time. You obviously have to drive to volcano,
Starting point is 00:14:51 but like, that's where you throw trash can into. That's where you throw your old oil into. That's where you throw your batteries, go right into, right into volcano. Yeah. And it's perfect because it all does, I guess it just goes down in the earth. Like volcano's not gonna overflow
Starting point is 00:15:06 because of something you did. You just make, I think that's truck, the trash truck is outside right now as we're talking. I'm gonna go yell at you. Hold up. Hey, you guys should do a volcano. For garbage cans to go in, and electronics and oil, they're laughing, guys, they're busting the fuck up.
Starting point is 00:15:28 They thought that was really funny. They thought that was fucking hilarious. Do you guys wanna hear Yahoo? But they're not gonna take it seriously? No, they laughed in a serious way. Here's a Yahoo that was sent in by Adrian Cowles. Thank you, Adrian. It's Yahoo Answers User Anonymous,
Starting point is 00:15:42 who I'm gonna call Travis S. No, what? Travis asked this, Travis McRoy asked. Okay, to take all the pepperoni from the pizza? I love pepperoni on my pizza. So while at my neighbor's house, I picked all the pepperonis off and I put it on my slices. I figured, I like it, so why not?
Starting point is 00:16:04 Well, my rude neighbor said, I guess I'll have cheese pizza. What's this guy's problem? You're supposed to please your guest, right? Some people really shouldn't entertain. Whoa. Whoa, that went places. So what's the question?
Starting point is 00:16:18 Is it okay to take the pepperonis off the pizza and put it on my slices? And who's at fault? All of it? Says, I mean, it says all of it, yeah. I picked all the pepperonis. Okay, at a certain point. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:30 And even getting out of the realm of like manners or etiquette or whatever, to overload one slice with all of the pepperonis is obscene. There's no seen amount of pepperonis. You go to eat it and it'll be like, it's piled, it's piled with them discs. That's too much, yeah. And you're gonna get upset, Tommy.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I do love pepperoni though, damn. I think the problem is putting all the pepperonis on either one slice that you're gonna eat or like your half of the pizza. I think you are gonna rearrange them. You slide the pepperonis around so that it's every other slice has double the pepperonis from the adjacent,
Starting point is 00:17:11 let's say one to the left slice gets moved all over to it. And then whenever you're eating the pizza, you just prioritize those pieces. Do you know what I mean? And so maybe you'll get away with it that way. They'll almost certainly eat one of the heavy pepperoni slices, but you're gonna be ahead of the game.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Can I just say how much I enjoy neighbor who if I understood the question correctly, it was their party and says, I guess I'll have cheese pizza. And the other person's like, how rude. He's like, well, hold on. It's like you stabbed him and he said, well, I guess I'll just bleed to death.
Starting point is 00:17:49 And you're like, jerk. I love that those two things are equivalent and Travis is mine. Yeah, I'm not exactly the same, but they're close. Is it, do you, if you are a guest at someone's home and they serve you pizza that they have either purchased or prepared and you do the thing with the napkin
Starting point is 00:18:07 where you blot up all the grease off the pizza. So rude. Is that, that's rude, right? I remember the first time I saw someone do this and I loudly announced that they had ruined pizza forever for everyone. But eventually you got, every once in a while you got to. It's not dirt.
Starting point is 00:18:22 It's not dirt. It's not dirt. It's oil that the pizza sweated out when it got cooked like that. Do you think it's rude if I went to a party and someone's serving pizza and I folded it in half and then folded it in half again.
Starting point is 00:18:36 So I had like one big triangle. And you kept doing that until it disappeared. Yeah. And then you said ta-da. Is that rude? Yeah. Cause some people would, it was an amazing trick.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I've never seen anything like it in my life but there are people who want to eat it. But see, but then here's the thing. The prestige is later they drive home and they go to get their nightgown out of their drawers. They open their drawer. There's the whole pizza sitting there with nary a crease. That's good.
Starting point is 00:19:03 That's the print. Now is it still rude? No, now it's cool. There you go. This is obviously a profoundly bad thing to do. I think that you have maybe a misunderstanding of the sort of host-guest relationship. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:24 If I prepare dinner for you when you come to my house, you need to eat it even if it is nasty, muddy, shitty garbage. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you don't get to complain about it. You're supposed to, you do eat it. I want to make you feel comfortable in my home
Starting point is 00:19:39 but I will not accept any notes or criticism about how I decide to go about doing that. No, hold on. Now I am confused because I thought the question asker went to someone else's home. Yes. Took all the pepperoni off of the pizza and applied it on one slice.
Starting point is 00:19:54 And then the homeowner, the host said, like I saw just the cheese pizza. So, but that is the thing of like, how far does the host need to go to please the guest? If I'm the guest and I'm like, your TV's nicer than mine, I'm going to take it. Fair. Because I want you to be a good host.
Starting point is 00:20:14 And I'm at the guest, and this is my plasma now. You can't take your host's plasma though. No, they need that. They need that to live. Well, no, you put that in the centrifuge and you can just fill it with saline and put that back in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:28 Travis is doctor, so. Yep. No, I needed beer money a couple of times in college and here we are. But okay, what if I was the guest to say, I'm not that hungry, I'm just going to have one slice. But also, and then I throw the rest of the pizza in the garbage because I'm like,
Starting point is 00:20:46 but I don't want you to have any either. And as the guest, I, what I say goes. That's gonna be cool. You could pull out a big stinky dirty old bag of your own pepperoni from like your jacket pocket and like open it up and be like, oh, I was going to load up my slices with this sweet red meat.
Starting point is 00:21:04 God, I love this stuff so much, but oh, smell this bag of pepperoni I brought. That's not good anymore. But fuck, I do need to eat a lot of pepperoni today. My doctor said, oh well, I guess I'll start shuffle, shuffle up and deal. Oh, this smell, this meat. Oh my God, no, if only there was some other way.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Do you want to just take the rest of the pepperoni off the pizza? I mean, it is for medicine, so. I mean, I would hate for you to die. And I will. I guess I'll just have cheese pizza. Let me go rinse off my stinky bag of pepperoni in the sink and see if that, no, it's not helping.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Still smells bad. Announcement, I have a new segment for the show. Oh. I sleep stuck on the clock, but the party don't stop no. This is the TikTok, TikTok, the don't, TikTok, come on, there's something there, come on. TikTok, a clock.
Starting point is 00:22:07 TikTok, a clock. Okay, there we go. This sucks. I know it's there. TikTok, a clock. Weirdly, for no reason that I can discern. Clips of our show have become popular on the social video sharing app TikTok,
Starting point is 00:22:21 which I describe like that because I am 39 years old. I don't know how to find these videos. I have to be shown them. This is the way that other grown-ups can see these is have your sister-in-law Riley show you, and she will show you the TikToks if you wanna see them, but these clips of our show, illegally, but that's fine. And I wanna, here's what I wanted to do.
Starting point is 00:22:47 They take our sound and then they put new video to them and help craft a tapestry. And they have had to make do with what we've already done. Yeah, unintentionally, for not that, for not that, for not that. So what TikTok, a clock is about is we are going to be creating some sounds that they can then repurpose into like a cogent narrative.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Some bespoke TikTok content. The rules are this, one of us will begin, the other two must answer. It can either relate or not relate, but it's just three lines because we gotta keep the TikTok snapping. I think they can only be like eight or nine seconds. Like, I think they can be like a minute.
Starting point is 00:23:32 I've seen some pretty long ones. Are we trying to create a narrative? It's not incumbent on us to create a narrative. Okay, great, great, great. Okay. Justin, you begin, and I'll respond when then Griffin can finish up. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Hey guys, I got a brand new Wendy's life hack for ya. Wait, do you see this? You're gonna lose your mind. I'm sorry, I can't. Has anyone seen my pants? Oh, spaghetti for sale! See, that's a good TikTok. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:24:03 That's a good TikTok. Okay, Griffin, you start one. Okay. It can be like... Hey, everybody, have a hot new makeup tutorial for you because it'll look something like this. Oh, Travis and I should have discussed. Oh yeah, I just assumed you'd go next.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Okay, okay, give it to me again, give it to me again. Hey, everybody, have a hot new makeup tutorial? I think you're just gonna love it. First you eat the sponge, and then... No, hold on, because teens are gonna eat the sponges, Justin. Don't eat the...
Starting point is 00:24:31 And I need a little bit more than that, Justin. Yeah, you're right, Travis, you're right, Travis. So sorry, Griffin, give it to me one more time. Hey, everybody, here comes a hot new makeup tutorial for ya. First, you don't eat the sponge, and then you wait. Anyways, here's some walking dead spoilers. Hahaha! I think we could do one more.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Yeah? Travis, you can kinda start a tapestry. Okay. And then we'll weave it, so it'll be more TikTok-appropriate. Oh, okay. Hey, you guys need to get ready, or we're gonna be late for Derek's birthday party
Starting point is 00:25:11 at Mickey D's. I don't have a strapless dress, so I'm gonna cut up my socks. Spaghetti for sale! Spaghetti strapped dress, you mean? These dogs are barking. Shit, fuck, we talked all over each other. We really fucked that one up, guys.
Starting point is 00:25:24 That's gonna be a good one, though. So any one of those you wanna use, TikTokers, God, I hope you call yourselves that. No. Fuck! I think it's TikTokists. TikTokists? Hahaha.
Starting point is 00:25:35 That's been TikTok O'Clock. How about another question? Yes. Is that the way to go? Yes. I opened my mail to find a birthday card from my Grammy current. Aw.
Starting point is 00:25:48 It was very sweet. She even included a check written out to me for $100. Holy shit. There is one problem, though. I have no idea who Grammy current is, and my birthday is not in April. Huh. Both?
Starting point is 00:26:03 What? Whoa. Both the card and the check have my correct name and address on it. I tried to find Grammy current on Facebook, but had no such luck. What should I do here? Would it be wrong to attempt to cash the check
Starting point is 00:26:19 or do I throw it away? $100 would be really nice in these trying times, but is it the right thing to do to please help vexed in Virginia? Fuck. It is made out to you. I didn't do Z, though. It's got your correct name and address on it,
Starting point is 00:26:34 so the only logical thing, this person knows who you are, even if you don't know who they are. So they have decided to give you $100 knowing who you are and where you live. I think you're good. Oh, but there's a risk here that this is some kind of strange social contract,
Starting point is 00:26:54 kind of catfish, where you accept the $100 and then they roll up and like, hey, I need to stay with you for like a week while my place is renovating. Like, well, you can't like, whoa, you didn't seem to think you didn't know me when you cashed my $100 check. Oh, that's a legitimate concern.
Starting point is 00:27:12 See, I was gonna say there was a worry that maybe Grammy current, like maybe your name is like Dylan Smith or something, and she just like Googled Dylan Smith and somebody had fully, fully doxxed you. And she just wrote a check to the first Dylan Smith she found at Google. I mean, I guess that's possible,
Starting point is 00:27:29 but you know, I'm gonna go more with the weird catfishing thing of just needing a place to stay for a week. It does feel that way, right? Like if you cash it, then they get your like, I don't know what information they would, like how eager you were to cash it, and they can use that to start to build a profile.
Starting point is 00:27:48 Well, this feels a little bit like, if you push this button, I'll give you a million dollars, but someone somewhere will die. And it will be Grammy current. And it'll be Grammy current, cash this check. That's a hundred free dollars, but just you will have to pay for it
Starting point is 00:28:04 in some form or function down the line. And the juice is running. I do need to know more about what the birthday card said, because if there were more per, and it could be something like Dear Vex in Virginia with red hair and the shirt that has an elephant on it. And they are describing the shirt you wear every day that has an elephant on it, I guess,
Starting point is 00:28:26 because this is like Doug, and you wear the same outfit every day. But you have Auburn hair, and you're like, hmm, fuck. Could this be me? Or what if it's that inside? Like from Grammy current, I wish you were my grand kid, because my real grand kid sucks.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Every year, I choose someone at random to send a hundred dollars to, instead of my grand kid who I do not like. Who sucks this year to you. Congratulations. You send a card to the grand kid, it's like, I did it again. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:28:59 I need you to spin this on Beyblades and send pictures of yourself with your Beyblades to my dipshit grandson, Dylan. Here's his Instagram handle, really tear him the fuck up. Throw the Beyblades in the garbage can and make him watch. Love, Grammy Kern. Let's take a break and head on into the Money Zone. So we can buy Beyblades.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Hey, Justin and Griffin. Yep. Do you like to be entertained? Yeah, bud. Yeah, you do. Then I bet you're like Audible. Audible has so much to offer you. You gotta stop gyrating your hips
Starting point is 00:29:48 while you're talking about this Travis, the way you're doing it. We got some free time nowadays as we're spending a lot more time safely indoors and it's time that you were entertained. The hip gyration, Travis, I'm begging you, bud. You can, bud. I'm begging you, bud.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Listen, sit down in a chair if you have to. Oh, I'm doing it in a chair over. Audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment and audio books, Audible Originals, daily news digest and soothing audio experience. You're sweating so much. Like how are you doing that? Like you're making the sweat come out fast.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Yeah, Audible is entertaining. Can I say, okay, listen, all gyrating aside, there's a really, really wonderful. It's my favorite NPR show every Sunday morning. All gyrations are my feed up. There's a wonderful kind of, I guess, series. It's like a podcast series on Audible that is narrated by Stephen Fry
Starting point is 00:30:49 and it's called Victorian Secrets. And it's all about the seedy underbelly of the Victorian era. And it is so good and it's got this amazing sound design and there's actors playing Victorian era people. It is wonderful. And like, Theresa and I could not stop listening to it. And listen, I've been a big fan of audio books forever.
Starting point is 00:31:15 And so I've been an Audible subscriber for as long as I can remember. But there's so much more than audio books. They've got podcasts, news, all kinds of things there. So if you haven't checked out Audible in a while, you have to go. Go to audible.com slash brother or text brother to 500500.
Starting point is 00:31:35 That's audible.com slash brother. Manny's back again and they have the softest dang underwear and other stuff in the whole wide world. They are softer than soft. They are sustainable, these underpants. And they do have fun prints with unicorns, mermaids, cool colors, dots and stripes. All kinds of great stuff.
Starting point is 00:31:59 I'm wearing some right now. These ones have little peace signs on them but they're a bunch of different colors and I love that. They also got a monthly subscription membership service that will send you new pairs right to your house and or apartment or whatever. And you can have just a whole underwear full of, an underwear drawer full of fun.
Starting point is 00:32:20 And you also get some site-wide savings and exclusive sales with this here membership. They also have matching pairs if you have a love or a friend who you wanna maybe step over some boundaries with and you can share the same underwear designs with them. You can get a range of sizes from extra small to 4XL and I cannot vouch for these underwear
Starting point is 00:32:43 and other things enough. You can get 15% off your first order, free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guarantee by going to meundies.com slash my brother, all one word. That's meundies.com slash my brother. Hey, I'm Mallory O'Mara, a weird fiction reader who enjoys whiskey and owns a book weight. And I'm Brea Grant, a science fiction reader
Starting point is 00:33:03 who likes iced tea and reads to escape the world. And we host Reading Glasses, a weekly show that dives into reading suggestions, goals, complaints and the really important questions like what are the best reading snacks? And seriously, Mallory, what is a book weight for? Every week, we talk about reading. It's not a book club.
Starting point is 00:33:20 You're not going to have to listen to us review a book you haven't read. You just have to be excited about books, authors, the bookish community, writing and talking about reading. We can literally talk about reading like all day long. Reading glasses. Every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Glasses.
Starting point is 00:33:35 I thought about doing that. Well, let's see here. I got another question. I recently decided to get good at roller skating after 19 years of clinging to the walls at the rink. One of the things that has helped me so much has been in structural videos online. A lot of these videos take place in the skate park
Starting point is 00:33:54 and show really cool tricks on ramps and balls and stuff. It has inspired me to eventually try and skate at the park. However, when I've gone to check out the skate parks in my area, there are usually a few or many skateboarders there. I'm scared that I'll be made fun of for roller skating there instead of skateboarding. How do I intimidate the skateboarders
Starting point is 00:34:14 and take my rifle place as alpha of the park so I don't get made fun of? That's from Scared of Skaters in Tennessee. You know, can I be honest with you guys? I don't know that we're equipped to answer this question, but when I think of skateboarders and skate parks, you know who I think of? Who, Travis?
Starting point is 00:34:33 Hank Green. Yeah. Oh, he's a lifelong grinder. Yeah, they call him Hank Shredder Green. Hank Shredder Green. I bet if you think on that for 30 seconds while I'm talking about other things, you'll come up with something better.
Starting point is 00:34:46 I'll give you a little breathing room and I'll give Hank on. Grinder Green? That's nothing. That's not it. I'm gonna give him a call. Grinder. Tony Hank.
Starting point is 00:34:59 That was it. We thought it was Tony Hank. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It's ringing. Hello. Shit, it went to voicemail. Hello, no, it's me. God, this is not his novel.
Starting point is 00:35:11 No, it's still part of the voicemail. This is still part of the track. Let me come again. Oh, I fooled you. It was just voicemail the whole time. I knew it. Okay, I'm making it up, I'm trying again. I'll do a speed read dial.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Hi there, brothers. It's me, Hank Green. Hank, were you screaming your calls? You didn't take? Well, you're not in my phone bank, whatever they call that. Oh, the Hank Bank. I think they called the Hank Bank.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Yep, that's right. Hey, I know that I don't wanna distract you because I know that a beautifully foolish endeavor, your new book comes out July 7th, and I'm sure you're geared up to make the rounds on Mori and all the other talk shows. But can I bother you for a second? Yeah, sure, hit me.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Well, we got a listener who is into skating, like roller skating, and they wanna go to a skate park, but they're afraid of getting sort of intimidated by skateboarders. And we know that you're a pretty, you're like a grindy crust punk. Yeah, and we were hoping that you could.
Starting point is 00:36:10 Hank Grinder Green, all the Tony Hank. Okay, I think it's better. Yeah, still. Yeah, and obviously my new book, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, is about skating, of various carvings up, having wheels under your feet. Of all sorts.
Starting point is 00:36:26 It's kind of a spiritual successor to gleaming the cube from what I understand. I don't know what that is. It's a skate movie, okay. Now, Hank, can I ask, within your book, is the foolish endeavor deciding to get good at skating after 19 years of not being good at skating? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Because that for me, it does generally end in broken elbows. I'm not sure. Yes. Why this is the thing. It's back though. It's definitely back, I've seen it. I've seen the youth are roller skating again
Starting point is 00:36:56 and they look very, they look very cool. I will say that. Well, sure. Yeah, of course the youth are. I have become only more brittle and awkward as I have aged. I don't look at my adult body now and think this could take falling down a bunch. Do you guys know that I'm actually a pretty good,
Starting point is 00:37:13 I actually am a fairly good roller blader, but I feel like this is like deeply uncool to be a roller blader right now. I used to play roller hockey in Florida, so I would put wheels on my feet and I would run fast into other boys. And that was like my recreation. I feel like there's,
Starting point is 00:37:31 and maybe Hank, you could inform us of this, but I feel like there's an amount of time where if you don't put wheels on your feet, you should never do it again. There is a wind, I don't know if it's days, weeks, months, years, but I definitely feel like there is a window where one morning you wake up and you think,
Starting point is 00:37:46 if I put wheels on my feet today, I will die. It's like the opposite of the saying about riding a bike. It's like once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget. But if you go more than 36 hours without wheels on your feet, give it up. Yeah, it's short, it ain't long. Is it, you're sitting here thinking like, oh, what is it, like 10 years without wheels on your feet?
Starting point is 00:38:05 And you get, nah, but I'm thinking it's probably about, I would say two months. It's two months. That's so racist. More than that for me. We're getting really close to one of my chief shames here, and I didn't expect this to happen,
Starting point is 00:38:17 but it is that I bought a pair of heelies as an adult man. I think I was probably in my thirties. And I bought a UK Griffin that I lose all credibility in your eyes. You can't just say in your thirties, because with each passing yet, 32 is twice as shameful as 31. So I mean, there are oceans between the years
Starting point is 00:38:37 when we're talking about heelie purges. I would wager that I was early thirties. Even that full hank. Are we talking 33? Because that's Jesus age, Hank. Could have been 33. Okay. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:38:57 It's probably, it may have been 34. No, this is the rest of this. I'm sorry, Hank. I'm sure you wanted to talk about your book and everything, but the rest of this segment is about the thing you just said. Well, no, unfortunately, I need to know why you decided
Starting point is 00:39:07 buying heelies was cruel. I actually have the solution that thank you to Hank Green. This is the play, right? You show up in your roller skates, ready to shred. You have a friend, let's say a Hank Green type show up on the same day wearing heelies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:29 And then you start bullying it as soon as they show up, you're like, hey, get a load of this stuff. Yeah. Hey, fellow skaters, get a load of this guy in the heelies. Can you believe this? No, I will say, you run the risk with that plan, Justin, of then you start doing that and all the skateboarders are like,
Starting point is 00:39:49 hey, bullying's not cool. I think everyone should be allowed to wheel however they want. And then the Hank Green type is welcomed into the skateboarder circle and you're kind of shunned for being a bully. You do it opposite, where I show up in my heelies and then I start bullying you like loudly
Starting point is 00:40:07 when you show up in your roller skates and then all the people at the skate park are like, that's not cool, man. And then I have to like slunk off into the darkness. Well, roll off. Well, I never got that good at it. So I'd probably just walk into the darkness and then you are forever in the good graces
Starting point is 00:40:25 of the skateboarders. Yeah. Hank and John have built a business around DFTBA. Don't forget to bully always. And then he's just riding the company line right now. Another great option, Hank, I know you have some clout in Hollywood. You could just make sure that,
Starting point is 00:40:43 and you're doing this as a favor to this question asker, you could get Greenlit a revival of- That's what they call it when one of Hank's projects is approved. Sorry, industry slang. Sure. Get Greenlit a revival of Disney's Brink starring Eric Von Denton.
Starting point is 00:41:01 And you've got to get Eric Von Denton, who I just Googled. He is currently working at a precious metals asset management firm. So he is out of the business of movie making and has been for a bit. But I bet, I mean, it's just like falling off a log. No, wait, hold on, I'm thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:41:16 If he's been working in precious metals for this long, he probably hasn't had wheels on his feet for- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he's done. You don't know that. I bet he straps wheels on his feet every day. Hank just stays fresh for Brink, too. Can I say some of you, Hank? And this is a little too judgy.
Starting point is 00:41:32 And I want to get your thoughts on it because I feel like we've talked too much. But like, we've been in kind of a weird, I don't know if you heard about the virus and stuff, but it's been like everybody's been kind of quarantined for a while. Can I say, I'm worried that if you have not taken this opportunity to get good at the Heelys,
Starting point is 00:41:51 it probably is not going to happen. Well, here's what happened. Does that feel like fair? Here's what happened is at one day I thought, where are my Heelys? And they weren't in my house anymore. And so this is why you get married. This is the whole reason.
Starting point is 00:42:03 This is the purpose. It's so that your, so the person you love can think, this is something that they are not proud of and I can just make it go away. And I don't know where those Heelys went, but they're, I do no longer own them. They're on me. I'm wearing them right now.
Starting point is 00:42:20 I'm going all around the office. I look cool as heck. I bet you do. I feel like we fixed this. Hank, tell us about your book. I wrote it. Why, like in a sexy way, like that lets people know why they should absolutely get it.
Starting point is 00:42:35 Adventure, it's about adventure. It's about the things that happen when you get famous on the internet. It's also about the platforms that control us and how ridiculously powerful they are and how much of our brains they take up and what they might look like in the future. It's a science fiction adventure story
Starting point is 00:42:53 about young people trying to make their way in the world. Wow, cool. Does it have cool fights? It does have cool fights. The second one has a lot of cool fights actually. It was really fun. Yeah. I didn't like it.
Starting point is 00:43:06 What's the first one called in case we only want to catch up? Yeah. The first cool fight. What did you call the first cool fight? Swords. Swords. The battle of knives.
Starting point is 00:43:13 Lower sword fill. There are giant robots. I think people might be into that and there's mostly punching. And the first one's called an absolutely remarkable thing and it's available cheap on audio if you want to go that route and catch up real quick. Did you read it?
Starting point is 00:43:29 I did not. It's from the perspective of, the story is like a memoir of a 23 year old woman. So it would be weird if I read it. Hank, one last question about your book. Did you come up with some kind of cool futuristic like substitute for money? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:43 What are they called? Creds, Zerts. Cyber chips, Zinni. The problem is that yes. Yeah. Oh, God dang it. That makes it sound bad. Well, no, not bad.
Starting point is 00:43:54 It's just my favorite thing about writing any kind of sci-fi or fantasy is having to at some point sit down and think, what am I going to call money? Because I can't just call it money. Yeah. Well, there's money. There's still regular money, but then there is in the second book,
Starting point is 00:44:09 it's kind of an important plot point that a new currency does get developed and starts to take on some credibility. So you didn't just make up a future currency. You wrote, Travis got it like right to the quick. You wrote the whole book about new cyber money. Right, and I've also, I'm launching the cyber money on YouTube there.
Starting point is 00:44:31 And you can get in on the ground floor. Get yourself some Hank Green. Oh, what a deal fight. I'm leaving. Yes. Thank you, Hank. Thanks, Hank. Thanks for the help.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I can't stay any longer. Grind off, grind off into the sunset. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Oh? Ta, ta, ta, ta, da, ta, ba, ba, ba. Oh, wow. Ta, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I want a month.
Starting point is 00:45:01 Squat. Oh, wow. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, I want to month. Squat. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast with a podcast about the latest and greatest brand eating.
Starting point is 00:45:14 I have some current munch. Don't have to dig back into the nooks and crannies of history, the courtesy of Mark. And here's the headline, folks. The rumors are true. Baskin Robbins and Bud Light Seltzer pairings are the summer drinks you never knew you needed. Ooh!
Starting point is 00:45:35 There was so much information in that sentence that I did not know and it all sucked. 31 flavors and Bud Light Seltzer pairings are the summer drinks you never knew you needed. Whether your idea of the perfect summer refreshment comes in a scoop or a skinny can, no matter which flavor of pervert you are, we've got you covered.
Starting point is 00:45:58 We got an idea that'll take your summer plans up a notch. We've partnered with Bud Light to dream up delectable hard seltzer and Baskin Robbins pairings for you to sip on all summer long. And then this thing, this is where it goes next. Hard seltzers are crisp, refreshingly bubbly beverages that have gained immense popularity, especially since big name brewer Bud Light
Starting point is 00:46:23 entered the game earlier this year. That, yeah, they're so incredibly popular that we're using the second paragraph to tell you what they are. And more than that, it really kind of seems like a flagrant lie to say that they became popular once Bud entered the game. Especially since big name brewer Bud Light
Starting point is 00:46:50 entered the game earlier this year with four flavors, including lemon lime, strawberry, black cherry, and mango. If you've tried all the flavors and are looking for a new way to liven up your seltzer, because who isn't, we've got four tasty ways to do just that. Bud Light seltzer features natural carbonation and quality ingredients like sparkling water, real cane sugar, and natural fruit flavors.
Starting point is 00:47:15 That's right, Bud Light seltzer is the perfect drink for you health nuts out there looking to eat clean. Bud Light seltzer, it's the perfect canvas for an adult ice cream float. Okay, so they've been kind of dancing around, they've been hensing out like the thesis statement of this press release, and there you have it. Put some ice cream in your seltzer.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Hey, we're Baskin Robbins, and we wanna get you fucked up. It says scoop a healthy spoonful of the Baskin Robbins flavor and drop it into your glass or blend the two together for a fruity, frizzing cocktail. Folks, before you heard this press release, if you went to a friend's house and you said, what are you drinking?
Starting point is 00:48:05 And they said, I dumped some Baskin Robbins into a Bud Light seltzer. You would call the police, you would have them put on some sort of watch to make sure that they did not destroy themselves, because this is a desperate person. But now that you've seen this press release, it's a fun summer trend.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Can I say that the most troubling thing about that, if a friend or former friend of mine had done this, is the forethought that it would take to be able to engage in this beverage, because I don't know that you can buy pints of Baskin Robbins. I think you have to go to the store to get it, at which point you would sit there and think,
Starting point is 00:48:46 well, I've got the Bud Seltzer mango in the fridge, so I'm gonna go on a 40-minute round trip to go grab some BR to really complete the picture. Clarify for me, Justin. Are they making these in-house at Baskin Robbins, or are they just, is this a press release saying, like, hey, we thought, hey. One thing you could do, it's a,
Starting point is 00:49:07 one thing you could do when you go home, is get some Bud Light seltzer and dump this ice cream into it. That's fucking wild. Do you think? That's what, no, it's absolute madness, especially considering like, I wanna get fucked up, but I wanna do it really slowly,
Starting point is 00:49:24 because I melted a slurry of ice cream into it, and I want it to be like half butter. It's the ideal drink, delicious, thank you. But this is like, the Seltzer is good, but you know what would bring it home? Some melty milk in it. They don't like, they don't do this with other shit. Baskin Robbins has never put out a press release before
Starting point is 00:49:43 that's like, do you like our Rocky Road ice cream? You should take it home and put Nutella on it. You're welcome, we love you. Baskin Robbins, don't forget. From three days before this press release came out, June 26th, they cool this summer with cotton candy crackle drink recipes from Baskin Robbins. First up, the cotton candy crackle pina colada,
Starting point is 00:50:05 it's gonna start with two and a half ounces of white rum, two ounces of pina colada mix, one four ounce scoop of cotton candy crackle ice cream, a cup of ice, and then you make it in a blender, and then you drink it, because Baskin Robbins is done fucking around. We're done. They know you wanna get fucked up.
Starting point is 00:50:24 This situation that we're all in will not be fixed by ice cream, but maybe if you put some rum in it, maybe that would be enough to create a bomb. We know your kid just had a big softball game, so you're looking to get him a treat, but also your boss has really been riding you at the office. Don't you worry, Baskin Robbins has you covered on
Starting point is 00:50:45 both fronts, friends. TCBY already beat us. We're fucking done. Have a take a fucking sip, babes. It's over. Try Baskin Robbins' toffee crunch with a big heap and a spoonful of cocaine. I think that the last step of this
Starting point is 00:51:04 pina colada, crock and candy crackle pina colada recipe is pour into a hurricane glass and garnish with a colorful straw. Hey, news flash. If you're the sort of person that's gonna mix up a fucking cotton candy cocktail, you are not taking the time to select appropriate glassware.
Starting point is 00:51:25 How about whatever fucking container that will hold it, including my mouth and body? I gotta gram this. Yeah, I gotta gram my defeat. Hey, everybody, the influencer Travis here, I've given up. Everybody, I'm chronicling my descent. Here's the first of you guys in November. Hey, Baskin Robbins got a great recipe
Starting point is 00:51:50 before you pick up our new cotton candy flavored ice cream. Go grab yourself a King Cobra malt liquor from the gas station nearby and oh, what's that? You don't have the ice cream? That's fine still. No bowl, just swish them around in your mouth. It'll be great. It'll be so great.
Starting point is 00:52:08 This one, this one, okay. This one is a cotton candy crackle mermaid float, okay? So this is eight ounces of lemon lime soda chilled. Okay, so eight ounces of Sprite, one ounce of whipped cream vodka. Oh boy. And a half ounce of blue curacao and 2.5 ounce scoop of cotton candy crackle ice cream.
Starting point is 00:52:33 I did not need a measurement on that, thank you. Just a scoop. I have a question. Eight ounces of Sprite and one ounce of vodka, what is that supposed to do for me, a man? I'm a 39 year old man. What do you want me to do with eight ounces of Sprite mixed with an ounce of vodka?
Starting point is 00:52:50 It does kind of make it seem like whoever the watchdog is were who got upset about like Joe Camel seemingly appealing to children are probably like, hey, red flag on this one too, you're making cocktails for kids. This is a cocktail for teens. Sorry, pal. Hey, is your dad out of town this weekend?
Starting point is 00:53:09 Yeah, right, this is the perfect thing. It's blue and has ice cream floating in it. But thank you, Baskin Robbins, for giving us what we need as a nation. There is a Baskin Robbins near me. So, oh, by the way, oh, I did want to mention one thing, one of the last things on here, it talks about how you can go to order.BaskinRobbins.com
Starting point is 00:53:33 to figure out how to get Baskin Robbins delivered to you. And then the next paragraph is, if you want Bud Light Seltzer's delivered directly to your doorstep, visit, and they give the link. So this is quite the little one-act play they've written here for us. This is a person that doesn't need to leave the house anymore because both Bud Light Seltzer and Baskin Robbins
Starting point is 00:53:54 is delivered to their doorstep. They know exactly who they're targeting. Justin, I would posit that what this is is them acknowledging that if you have reached the point where you are ready to mix Bud Light Seltzer and Baskin Robbins, you are not safe to drive anymore. You have reached a point where you have already been drinking and you thought, oh, you know what I want.
Starting point is 00:54:16 You know, it sounds good to me. You've crossed the Bud Light event horizon at that point. No light can escape. Hey, can I do a quick yahoo? Sure. This one's sent by Graham Robach. Thank you. It's from yahoo answers user Josh.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Slightly pertinent to the preceding bit, the little skit we just did. Josh asks, what can I say to sound like I've had beer before? Are there any words or phrases that could make it sound like I have drank beer before? Thanks. Brusky, for sure.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Slightly and brusky is good. Beer me, if you say like beer me. That's not anything because that's like, people say that already about other stuff. I think, you gotta say something, there are terms, okay, things like hops. You can really taste the hops. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Have you ever had Keystone light? I can't, the hops are a little assertive for me. I'm not really. Yeah, but it's like, oh, assertive hops is good, but if you want to be someone who's like into beer, you can be like, hmm, happy birthday to me. This one is really hoppy. This is a very hoppy one you've given me.
Starting point is 00:55:23 That's a Bud Light seltzer. Yeah, you can't, it can't be anything. You raise a good point, Travis. It can't be anything where you get caught with it not being that, right? Yeah, I mean, you gotta look at the ingredient list of whatever you're drinking, make sure hops is in them, is in there.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Is hops in here? That's not good. That's not good either. You can really taste the Rocky Mountain water there. You can, that's what you just announced, like loudly like, mm, malt water and hops, can't believe it. Can't beat it. Oh, you know, it's a malt water, yeast and hops.
Starting point is 00:56:01 You know what's up? That's it, that's the stuff. Here's a power term. Here's a power word that you can use. Oh, it's skunked. Oh, this is skunked. Oh, this is skunked. Oh, this is skunked.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Oh, man. Ah, oh, this is skunked. This fricking, this fricking Smirnoff ice is skunked, baby. Ugh, the hops have gone so bad in this one. Ah, the hops are really skunked in this one. Oh, oh, oh, you skunked out the hops. Oh, the brewer skunked the hops for sure on this one, guys. The brewer skunked the Anthony Hopkins in this one, huh, gang?
Starting point is 00:56:37 The Jim Brewer skunked the Anthony Hopkins. Oh, you can talk about how much you hate wine. Yeah. Oh, that's actually. Yeah, absolutely. This is we may want to come at this with a little bit more lateral thinking, because I feel like there's lots of ways to say things. Like, if I heard someone say things like,
Starting point is 00:57:01 you know, oh, yeah, Richardson's got a good arm this year. I'd be like, that person has had beer before. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just don't. I don't think Jeff Gordon's ever going to reach this plate. You have had. That is someone who has had beer before.
Starting point is 00:57:17 But may I pitch this? You take a sip of the beer and you say, you know, this reminds me of out on the lake with the boys, right? That's that's not bad. That's not bad. Because then it directly says I've had an experience with this beer before. If someone said, have you ever had beer before?
Starting point is 00:57:34 You say, yeah, the taste reminds me of darts with Pawpaw, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, remember, he he snuck me a little sip when I was just eight years old. Get the beer, crack it open, have a huge guzzle. Don't cough or throw up because it's not going to taste good to you. The first you take a huge drink and you just loudly announce, not a single chunk.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Yeah, I like that because that's not a single chunk in this one. Usually Pawpaw's brews. I have to wring out of a cheesecloth, not this one, chunk free. What is this keystone light? Yeah, well, when you finish it, look down in the bottom, look straight through the hole and say, not a winner. And when they're like, what do you mean? Like, oh, you don't know and laugh it off and walk away.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Leave them wondering. Leave them wondering. You also don't have to drink the beer. I'm assuming you don't want to drink the beer, which is noble. You could just crack one open and be like, hmm, I can't wait to drink my 10th beer and then spill it all over the ground. No, before you drink it, just like, hmm, my 10th of the day. Can't believe it today.
Starting point is 00:58:47 I promised myself after I finished my novel, I would have my 10th beer. Just get 12 cans of beer, pour them all down the toilet and then scatter them around your yard. And when your friends show up, be like, can someone help me pick up the 12 empty beer cans? I shouldn't drink any more. Any more.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Hey, yeah, we should. You guys should have partied with me earlier. Everybody was over here. Squiggle, Dumb Fill, everybody. Smart Larry. Smart Larry, we're all getting absolutely schnackered. You guys can drink now if you want. I'll just watch.
Starting point is 00:59:21 Yeah, you guys watch because I'm already pretty schnackered on these beautiful tall boys that I call beer. They were hoppy as hell. They were so fucking hoppy. You should have been here. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, my brother, my brother and me. We hope you've enjoyed yourself.
Starting point is 00:59:38 We we hope that you're hanging in there and doing well. And that's the main thing we wanted to get across is just how much we love you. Yeah, that's the big that's the big thing. Hey, we got a new graphic novel book coming out. We're in a couple next week. Holy shit. Yeah, it's the Adventure Zone Pedals to the Metal
Starting point is 00:59:57 third installment in our adaptation of the Adventure Zone Balance arc. And you have just a little bit more time to preorder that if you want to get it on release day. I just got two big fucking boxes. Chalk full of these. Chalk full of these beauties. Lovely book, lovely book.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Very excited for it to be out there. And not only is the book coming out, which you can preorder at the Adventure Zone, theadventurezonecomic.com. We also have a live event, a virtual live event happening on July 17th at 8 p.m. Eastern time. It's gonna be streaming and free to watch. It's gonna be featuring us, Carrie
Starting point is 01:00:33 and some very special guests. And you can get more info on where to watch and buy exclusive signed copies of the books from the strand at bit.ly slash TasGN live. I don't know if capitalization matters. If it does, TasGN and the L are all capitalized. So bit.ly slash TasGN live. And you can, you know, watch us do some readings.
Starting point is 01:00:58 We're gonna do a Q and A about the book and you can order signed copies. It's gonna be fun as hell. Thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song, It's a Departure, off the album, Putting the Days to Bed, which is just a terrific album, terrific piece of artistic work.
Starting point is 01:01:16 And you should listen to it. I got two more quick announcements. One, supporting roles, the D&D live stream that I'm doing along with some amazing people. We postponed it and we will be doing it on the 11th. So that is what? This Saturday, when you're listening to this, you can follow the at Makroi Family Twitter account
Starting point is 01:01:40 or at Travis Makroi and I will tweet all the links and everything they are seeing chicken out. Also, we got New Merch, a really cool, wonderful poster. It's for the show, wonderful. And it is also wonderful. And I would say an extremely gorgeous 20 Honey Down to Business pin that you just have to check out. You can go to makroimarch.com and check it out there.
Starting point is 01:02:04 And thanks to Maximum Fun for having us on the network. Go to maximumfun.org, check out all the great shows there. And yeah. Thank you so much for listening. Griffin, do you have a final yahoo to show us? Oh, I sure do. This one was also sent in by Adrian Calz. Thank you. Adrian and see yahoo answers. User Bowie asks.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Could mashed potatoes be considered a sauce? My name is Justin Makroi. I'm Travis Makroi. I'm Griffin Makroi. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. Maximum Fun.org. Comedy and Culture.
Starting point is 01:02:47 Artist owned, audience supported. Racketship One, this is Mission Control, come in. This is Racketship One, go ahead. Racketship, what's your status on Max Fun Drive? Shouldn't we have seen it by now? Sorry about that, Mission Control. Turns out I'm the only one who doesn't know how to do it. I'm the only one who doesn't know how to do it.
Starting point is 01:03:07 I'm the only one who doesn't know how to do it. I'm the only one who doesn't know how to do it. I'm the only one who doesn't know how to do it. Mission Control, turns out I miscalculated. Current projected ETA for Max Fun Drive is July 13th. But it looks different. It'll be for four weeks, so it's longer than expected. But all readings point to low key.
Starting point is 01:03:30 Oh, that'll be good. But can you verify that there are still special gifts for new and upgrading monthly members? Verified, sweet gifts for new and upgrading members, plus amazing new episodes and even special weekly live streams for charity. Copy that. Racketship, can you confirm ETA for Max Fun Drive?
Starting point is 01:03:49 90% probability of Max Fun Drive from July 13th to August 7th. Did you say 90%? There were a couple of decimal places, and I might have carried a zero wrong. I'm just gonna pencil in July 13th to August 7th. Mission Control out.

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