My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 520: Genuine Clean Fauciballs

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Look, the title’s challenging, okay? We get it. It’s probably not what you’re thinking it’s about, because we’re talking about athletic balls. Maybe that is what you were thinking about? Are we the problem? Yeah, actually, that sounds about right.Suggested talking points: Happy Birthday Bugs, Peart-a Potty, Cello Wrestling, Basketball Announcement, Real American Hot Dogs, Tender Milkshake, Foot LidsMore resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/Consider becoming a supporter of the MaxFun network: https://maximumfun.org/join

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me at advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis of McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, you waskily wabbit. Happy birthday to you. Hi, everybody. We're celebrating the life

of Bugs Bunny, who's 80 years old today. I mean, he doesn't. So excited to have, he's not on the show, but if he was, I think he'd sound a little something like this. Okay, but he wasn't born, right? So he'll never die. He was born just because he'll never die as many as he was born. Well, let's not be so quick to judge because Mod Flanders died famously of Simpsons. So there is precedent that cartoon characters can pass away and we write about it in our TV guide and we try to solve who shot Mr. Burns and it's very important to us. So Bugs Bunny could get very, very sick Travis with some sort of disease for rabbits. Yes, some kind of carrot related thing. Some sort of thing like that, yes. Like maybe he just, he ate some tainted carrots

and shit himself to death. And he gets to, and he's little, rabbits are little, it wouldn't take much, would it? And you're thinking about it. Now, he's a fragile little guy. We have to protect this 80 year old rabbit, man. You know, I never cared for his antics. I'm just going to put it right out there. If you, of all the kind of cartoon, I would say figureheads. I always found Bugs Bunny's acerbic wit and Jay Perry to be a little bit, a little bit on the mean side. This is now, this is the moment where we can exclusively reveal that Travis was adopted. His birth name was Travis Fudd. And I'm so, I'm glad we could finally put that out into the world. I don't think you have to be cut from that particular bald, impotent cloth

to hate this rabbit. I think dude sucks. You are space jam, fucking Lola Bunny shows up like, Hey everybody, check out how good I am at basketball. And this fucking idiot rabbit's like, I have a bow leaner. It's like, yo, like she didn't come here for you to do that, Bugs. She came here to play basketball with Michael Jordan, which is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If I rolled up to that gym and was like, let me play basketball, show you how good I am, test, check out how good my am at dunking and fucking, you know, Wiley Coyote was like, let me fuck you. I would be like, this is not what I signed up for. Okay, Griffin, to be fair, please don't besmirch Wiley Coyote. He bought you dinner first and he would,

he would ask for consent. He would hold up a little sign that would say, gotta fuck you. He wouldn't say it out loud. He would hold up a sign that said, would it be okay if I fucked you? Can I talk about the stuff that I want to talk about with Bugs Bunny? Is it about how much he sucks? I did my research on Bugs Bunny. All right, up some facts and figures and stats. And I have two things I'd like to share with you about Bugs Bunny. Thank you, the mental floss is always for, for pairing all of human history down to the real tank nugs. Here's one fact that I'd like to discuss. In several psychological studies about false beliefs, scientists have shown people fake advertisements for Disney World featuring Bugs

Bunny, a significant portion of subjects then claimed to remember going to Disney and meeting Bugs, even though Warner Brothers character would never be on display at a Disney theme park. No. Okay. Hey, I want to be the, I want to hang out these people like, yeah, it's fucking salt bugs, buddy. I remember when I was there, it was me in the mouths and bugs all through my best friends just hanging out. How much time do you think there had to be between showing them these fake ads and then asking, I'm like, Hey, look at this ad. Do you remember this? Yes. Yeah, I guess. Do you remember when you saw Bugs Bunny? Oh yeah, I think he was there. Although, yeah, to be fair, to be unfair to science, I guess I should say, to be fair to these people who are in a study,

you showed me a commercial for, for, for Disney World featuring Bugs Bunny. And then they're like, is Bugs Bunny at Disney World? I would probably say, well, it'd be a fucking weird commercial. They're going to have a lawsuit on their hands, huh? Who, who is wasting their time making false Disney World ads? If not, that's weird. I mean, to be fair, there is a lot of weird stuff at Disney now. Sometimes I'm reminded that the Muppets are owned by Disney and that seems interesting and strange. But if someone said, was Bugs Bunny at Disney? I'd be like, I don't know, man. You said you'd give me $100 if I did this study. Is that now? Do I, is it check or cash or what's the deal? My second fact about Bugs is in 1961, Mel Blank, who voiced Bugs Bunny, got into a serious car

accident that led to him in a coma for weeks. Eventually, a doctor tried to get the unresponsive patient to talk by asking him, Bugs Bunny, how are you doing today? Blank responded in Bugs's voice. What's up, Doc? Later, the doctor would say of the incident, it seemed like Bugs Bunny was trying to save his life. Oh God. That's not a good, and that doctor's license to do literally anything that involves helping people medically, touching people, being near people was instantly driving a car. He shouldn't be allowed to do anything. So this, so are you telling this doctor after this moment, like went back to the other other doctors as like Bugs Bunny is, listen, I know that how this is going to sound, but Bugs Bunny is in there and he's trying to help me

save this man's life. Anyways, I'm going to go write a movie called Monkey Bone now, if you'll excuse me. The next morning, he came in all embarrassed, like, guys, I'm sorry, I watched Patch Addams 30 years before it came out and it led me to some questionable decisions. Hate this fucking rabbit. Let's talk about something else. You guys, you know, if Donald Duck was talking shit, Mickey wouldn't trick a hunter into shooting him. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like Mickey Mouse would never be like, huh, it's duck season, fucker. Like he wouldn't do that. Yeah. It's like if Peg like Pete was there and he was terrorizing Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse wouldn't be like, stop Donald to death instead. Yeah. Yeah. We were watching Donald Duck cartoon recently,

a two year old, just out of nowhere and loudly announced, Donald Duck is a grass hole. What? He said, Donald Duck, he's a grass hole. And we, after a little bit of searching and digging, we found out that she had confused him with Donald Trump and was just echoing things that we had said around the house. All right, cool. Donald Duck is a grass hole now. Is that how you started like get your political frustration out as you walk around your house loudly proclaiming that Donald Trump is an asshole? No, my five year old does that. Okay. And then so. Okay, cool. I was going to say that's probably not, that ain't going to move the needle. That ain't going to move the national conversation forward. It's a big, it's a big tid at our house. We like to let all the

little views foam it. All right. This is an advice show and it's specifically an advice show on the Maximum Fun Network, which is more specifically doing its annual pledge drive, the Maximum Fun Drive. Maximumfun.org slash join is the address where you can go right now and support the shows that you love. You listen to bim bam, saw bones, stop podcasting yourself, Jordan, Jesse, go the adventure zone, whatever, switchblade sisters, you name it. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie, all those great shows need your support now. And the cool thing is if you can pledge a few bucks a month, or a lot of bucks a month, whatever works for you, we know there's a weird time for money. So whatever you can do, we really appreciate it. But that money goes directly to the shows you

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bucks a month, you get a ton of bonus content. 10 bucks a month, you get all that stuff in a beautiful pin from the show of your choice. But the real thing is you're supporting things that you love. And with that, not to put too far out of point on it, but we really need you. So if, if you can help out, if you're able to, maximumfund.org forward slash join. More like maximumfund.org. Because that's what you're going to have when you go to this website. Wow. And that's, I'm not going to say it again. I'm not going to say. We didn't used to work so blue, winded. I told you I wouldn't say it again. So what are we, Redbook? Come on.

Can we, can we do a question? At the office, my desk is right next to our single occupant bathroom. Unfortunately, I'm able to hear some of the louder sounds that come out of the bathroom. Oh, baby. However, there's a new guy in the office. Oh, Marmaduke, you've done it again. However, there's a new guy in the office who goes into the bathroom and immediately starts playing drums on his legs. The thing is he's really good. That's funnier than our things that we said. Yeah. It's almost like you should let me get through the questions. I've been looking

for a new drummer to jam with. And would love to ask him to jam sometime. How do I approach the new guy and tell him that I'm impressed with him bathroom drumming and invite him to come jam? That's from shamefully shy in Chicago. Let's, okay. We can assume this person is drumming on his legs when seated. Doing twosies or doing twosies who are comfortable onesie, right? Well, listen, if you're not sitting down to onesie, what are you doing? Yeah, you're wasting perfectly good chillax opportunity. I don't think people are standing at the urinal pulling their pants down to the point where

they have exposed thighs to create that sort of sonorous like slap. Yeah. It's a hand bone. Doing that. So that's important to know. Yeah. I mean, listen, if he's going to get a good drum on, if he's got a hand bone, he needs to like get, get some skin except maybe he's also pulling up his shirt to get like the tummy symbol. All that belly, like a deep, deep bass drum. Yeah. Right. That's the bass drum. So what would simple maybe like the shoulders? You get the fucking hi hat of the like, but then you get that.

Here's the, let's play a game. Hold on. Can we stop? Can we stop? Let's play a game where I slap a part of my body. You guys tell me what you think it is. Okay. Got it. Wait, Justin, I hear it. I hear we have played this game, this exact game before. I'm going to say that's a clavicle. That's like a. No. You think my clavicle would make that like, there's not that much clavicle surface area to make that. It's like loud of a slap. Justin, you want to hear it again? Hold on. Are you shirtless? No.

That's like your flank. It's your flank right around your wrist. Travis, you want to guess again? I'm going to say it's your bicep. That's my foot. Huh? Wonderful. Everybody's always getting on my goners because I don't have a great segment. Like you guys have all these great segments. So maybe now in the middle of the episode, I'll be like, everybody shut up. That was my elbow. If you say that you're going to do this throughout the episode, it will be the first

time that we've ever actually said that and actually followed through on it. Probably won't. We'll be doing this throughout the episode. Probably won't be doing that then. Probably not. All right. Listen, all you got to do is let you got to lure him out with a tasty groove. And that's the thing is if you're within earshot of this guy and you're just like sitting at the coffee maker and while you're sitting in the coffee maker, you just lay out a little does the goosh, does the goosh, does the goosh, does the goosh, does the goosh. He's going to pick up whatever sticks he can find right around you and start

laying down another lick. Maybe give you a little bit of that. And then you're giving him like that does the goosh, does the goosh. And he's going to do that. And then Susan from down the hall, lean thing. I really wish we could have built that chronically. I really like. We were. Travis helped it. Yeah. But the different times. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. That's going to be actually that. You know what? I want to do a backwards segment.

That's your that's your TikTok assignment. Oh, okay. That'll be a good one. I don't think that's all together. Here's here's the problem. Oops. No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? The problem is this, Justin. You're going to start laying down that tasty groove and he's going to get a little embarrassed to maybe walk away and you're going to push it and find out that he is only comfortable much like someone's singing in the shower. He's only comfortable playing drums sitting on the turlet. So you're going to need to get a porta potty into your garage where you jam.

Yeah, for him to be comfortable doing it. Now, if you can figure that out, that's a great gimmick for a band. It's a great fucking gimmick. It's like Frank sort of, but yes. With a guy in it. Would you have, would you cut out arm holes? Oh, cool. In the porta potty? So it's like the porta potty is playing the drums or would you put the drums? I had, I'd pictured the drums in the porta potty, but now that's going to fuck the whole sonic. You know what I mean? Sonically, that's not going to work.

Now, now I'm seeing it and I like your version much better. Yeah, like little arm stick out of the porta potty and they're just ripping. Oh, and let me say, I guess you got to have feet holes for the kick drum, but then an LED face so that it can take on different facial expressions. Like you don't really, really getting into it. You know, it's like, oh, the porta potty is fucking rocking today. And then he's biting his little LED lip or whatever. You've got, you've also got the built in like, when you need publicity,

be like, he's finally stepping out of the porta potty. Uh-huh. You know, it's funny. Actually, Neil Pert used to do this called the porta potty. Not a lot of people don't. He dumb piece of shit. I'm checking with the judges. Hold on. Hey, can I do a Yahoo? Yeah, I love that girl.

So here's a Yahoo that was sent in by, as long as we're talking about jamming on music, here's one sent in by Adrienne Calz, thank you. Adrienne, it's an anonymous Yahoo Answers user who I'm going to call Megan, like Megan, but with an M at the end asks, why do cello players shake their head when they play the cello? Okay. Everybody knows this.

You look at the string quartet, the cello players always like, always kind of grooving. I was watching a, a Rachmaninoff concert last night. Oh, fuck off. Well, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck Maninoff. Okay. That's two.

That's two in a row. And it featured a young woman playing the piano. She was really getting into it. Right. And, and as much as I enjoyed her performance, all I kept thinking was like, how much more interesting it would be if she just looked really bored. If she was like yawning and like checking the time and stuff and playing almost like

she was just like killing time. Right. So like this, these really difficult licks. And I think that maybe that's it is at this point, all cello players are so good at it that they have to act like it's really hard so that it's like, people are impressed because if they like showed how it was like, no, at this point, man, I'm not even thinking about it. I'm trying to remember that recipe from my grandmother's really good banana nut muffins.

Like this is easy. It's possible. It's possible. It could also be that yo-yo mom started doing it and everybody was like, well, if yo-yo's, if, if mom's doing it, I need to have to do this right. Absolutely. There's cellist trends.

Absolutely. Oh, this guy started wearing real jangly bracelets. So now we're all wearing jangly bracelets so that you can hear us like as we go. Like, I would, I would, I would think bowstring composure is like a big. Ooh. Like, there's always like a new shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's continually more sort of devious.

Like a more, like a worse, just worse. Like, you know, like for the environment, worse morally, like more bankrupt. Like if it gets like cow, like baby cow innards, stuff like that, that just gets like worse and worse and worse. This is hair from the Christ. Yeah, we stole it. We stole it from the church.

This is, this is hair from the, we hired Nicholas Cage to steal the hair of Christ. Steal a, steal a fish wolf Christ hair. Yeah. Do you guys know the kind of head shake I'm taught like that kind of like? Yeah, I mentioned it like really going on it. Really hit it. Well, oh yeah, shredding these, shredding these.

I'm ready to tell you Gryffindor truth. Yeah. And I only know this because I'm an ordinary cellist because I saved a cellist's life. And so now their life is mine to do it. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, we know how it works. What a lot of people don't know if you don't play a cello is actually the way a cello works is as you're playing it, it is fighting back the whole time.

And so it's kind of like a, yeah, it's like a wrestling match. So there's a lot of like kind of like throwing it back and forth that has to happen. So that head shake is like the kind of counterbalance to keep the cello from getting away. Because if it were to ever get free, that little, it has that big spike at the bottom. A dangerous. It would use that to kill everyone in the room. To hurt, yeah, at least, yeah. And then there's also the danger that, you know, a lot of the times Yo-Yo Ma,

before he was such an accomplished cellist, he would finish a performance and then people would be like, oh, shit, where did he, where did Yo-Yo Ma just go? And then be like, ah, fuck, he got, he got trapped inside his cello again. And you would look inside, you would look inside the little hole and he would be in there like, ah, fuck, it got me. That's why the concerts go so long. They have to wear, wear out their cello so that they can be put away. So they can be put away or else they will not get back in their boxes.

They don't like it at all. They will kill. And, and they will not stop killing. Once they taste human blood, the cello will never rest until we are all dead. And that's why violinists are weak babies. Because it's like, fight a, fight a real fucking instrument. A double bass is like, all right, fucking, wow. We get it.

You're so strong. You can kick a double bass. That's why, see, the violin is too weak to really hurt human beings all that much. But a double bass is so heavy that it's easy to catch. A cello is right there in the middle. It is easily God's most dangerous creature. And then you get, you see a swing band where they're like fucking spinning that double bass around. It's like, wow.

Big dick energy, anybody. Is that back? It kind of felt like, like it was beaking its head back in. And everyone said that's that back. It's like, guys, are we doing big dick? Are we doing big dick energy? Nope. Not saying that.

Nope. It's just, it is problematic. Okay. I'll see. I'll try, I'll try again in another couple of years. Bye. Here's another question. I just purchased a basketball for my father's birthday.

Unfortunately, he decided he would go out and buy one for himself at the end of the week, two days before I was going to give it to him. The problem is simple. How do I keep him from buying his own basketball while not letting him know what I've done? Because of everything, the store is not accepting returns. I don't want him to buy another thing. What can I do? You got to read the name.

Basketball bungle and benedicate. What kind of relationship, oh man, I have a lot of questions. What kind of relationship do you have with your father? And what kind of relationship does your father have with money and also the sporting good store? And basketball for that matter. And basketball for that matter, that he would say something like, at the end of this week. God is my witness. Everyone, listen, everyone, everyone.

Gather around. Everyone. Shut up and listen. This Friday afternoon, I will be going to Dick's Sporting Goods to purchase one American basketball. Fifty-five birthdays have passed in which I did not have a basketball. Another one will not come and go until I have that rubber bastard under my thumb. That is such a wild thing that I did not even process. That's what they were saying.

I thought they were talking in the past tense. But no, a declaration has been made about basketball purchasing plans in the near future. Your dad is from a different generation. We're going to the store. Used to be an event. People used to gather around and circle the basketballs they were going to buy, or maybe just look at if they couldn't afford it. That used to be a big day out during the Great Depression,

just to go to the dicks and look at the basketballs. Maybe bounce them up and down the aisles, get a sense of their action, you know what I mean? And then dream about the day when you could afford a basketball. Cut out clips of the old Sears robot catalog of some beautiful new basketballs. Why did he look when he announced this? Did he maybe look knowingly at everyone waiting, thinking someone might say no?

Please don't do that, hint, hint, hint. I mean, again, a strange relationship with basketball, if that is the case, I really want to make sure. I'm really going to put a gun to everyone's heads on this whole basketball thing. Well, one of two things has happened. Either your father has never owned a basketball, at which point him deciding two days before his birthday to buy it is is an interesting, why now, father?

Or he has owned a basketball before, routinely used it, and now it is, I don't know, destroyed somehow? He loves basketball enough that both you and him have thought about getting him a basketball, but not so much that he has a basketball at the ready. Can I ask us just a stupid question? Yes? Yeah.

Is Dr. Anthony Fauci on cameo? Because if he is, you could just pay him like a hundred bucks or something to lead to a cameo for your dad. That's like basketball is dangerous or contaminated in some way. Oh, so not as a present? No, I mean, it would be a present. You could have it be like happy birthday, you old son of a gun. And also, don't touch any basketballs.

They're so dangerous, and it's really bad. Unless given to you by a loved one. Unless they have been, unless they're my own special brand of Fauci balls. And then you are going to have to coordinate with Fauci to get him to decorate the basketball. Maybe it's just a big, cool sticker that he puts on it that lets people know this is a genuine, clean Fauci ball. Is it genuine Fauci?

I really hope I'm saying that name right. Yeah, you're doing pretty good. Okay. I don't think he's on cameo though. When your dad says, I'm going to go buy a basketball, I'm saying no. Don't buy a basketball. And he's like, why not? You say, because basketballs are stupid.

Let's make him feel really bad about it. Or you could pay a hundred dollars, beloved Dr. Anthony Fauci to do that for you, Trab. Your idea was just a worse idea, version of my idea. Hey, let me throw this out. 10 minutes before he's about to leave to go to the store, hand him the basketball and say, happy early birthday. Yeah, that's the because that is the play.

You've gotten him two presents then. You've gotten him a basketball and he doesn't have to go anywhere to get it. That would be perhaps if this were, if I were your father, which I'm not, then unless this is BB, then I would be so jies to have just been miraculously saved. Any amount of effort whatsoever, then like that would make my day. If your child just walked into the room right now, Travis,

and just like launched a fucking bullet chest pass right at you, like let's go pops, happy birthday. Oh my God, I'd be so excited. I don't even like basketball. I'd be excited. Let's put it a different way. What if BB walked in and said, here on this memory drive is the rest of the episode already recorded.

You can go fuck off. I'd be so excited. That would be so sick. Yeah, I would love that. Right. If Henry and Charlie and BB had just gone ahead and recorded the rest of the episode for us, a man I'd be watching Avatar the Last Airbender right now.

Cool life that you're living. Can I do another Yahoo? I'd love that Griffin. I love how we're just churning through questions this time. Yeah, we're really blasting off into some new levels. Fine, getting some work done. Emma can't send this in. Thank you, Emma.

It's Yahoo Answers user. They are anonymous also. I'm going to call them Preston Asks. Do people travel to the USA for good American food like hot dogs and burgers? Oh my God. There's got to be some reason they're doing it because it was Broadway, but now it's not that anymore.

And listen, just to be clear, there are good restaurants and good cooks in America. I'm just going to come right out and say it. Wow. What a bold supposition, Travis. But what I like about this question is, there are good restaurants and good cooks everywhere. What this question is asking is,

is America a destination for food for specific American cuisine that you can only get in America? And like that, I do not know that there's an answer to that. If it does happen, I hope they're listening so I can give them the special public service announcement right now. Hello. My name is Justin McRoy.

I host a podcast and several other podcasts. We are proud Americans. You love American food so much here. Thank you for coming here to eat our hot dogs and burgers. Here would be my question to you. How much do you like hot dogs? I mean, do you really love hot dogs? Because this is a weird time for us right now.

We're trying some different things out in terms of vis-a-vis managing some different situations that we have going on right now. And I mean, I hope you really like hot dogs. I mean, you have to really, really, really love hot dogs for this to make any kind of sense for you at all. But the good news is, here's what you do. You fly here.

You land in, probably Atlanta. Hit up that Nathan's hot dogs. Get back on a plane. Right, go right back on a plane. Get the, you gotta, you gotta go. Hey, bring a Justin Sy suitcase with you and leave it unattended near my home. You never know.

That'd be cool. Pretty neat. Smell your boy out. Please don't do that, huh? It's not, but it's not worth it. Come on, let's go. You'll get so sick. Get on my back.

If you come here, you'll get so sick. We're going, let's go. Hey, Gramps, get stamps.com. Grandpa loves stamps, so what you just said, it's like their favorite thing. No, but that's what I'm saying. So they're like their Gramps because they've always used,

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Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Welcome to Munch Quad, it's a podcast within the podcast detailing the latest and greatest in brand eating. Rather than go back into the time machine we've got, I've got a trio of new small Munch Quad stories to share with you. Oh, God.

The first has is not thematically tied to the other two, but I did want to share it with you. This is about bang energy. About what? And what's that? Bang energy. It's an energy drink. OK. They got new flavor. It's a mouthwatering, ultra delicious. This is thanks to Katie, who sent this in. Mouthwatering and ultra delicious radical skedaddle by bang energy.

The name radical tells the story of this new flavor is extraordinary. While the skedaddle will literally make your tongue rattle. After simply skipping radical skedaddle, you'll feel the vibes of beating drums, electric guitars and rock music flowing through your brains and pulsating through your veins. With the new rad scad flavor launch, rock and roll was the goal and cutting edge nutrition was the vision. It's easy as fishing when ambition drives the mission.

Holy shit. Jack Owak, bang energy CEO, who seems to be in my humble and mature opinion. I have no no information about bad parts. It seems to be. Hey, just real quick. Just I want to get a quick poll of the three people on this call. You think.

Do you think bang energy doesn't know what the word skedaddle means? Yeah, I think that that's fair. OK, because they're trying to spin it like it's like rock and roll. Let's not at all. What I get when I I see like maybe a little scamp who's baby skedaddle makes your tongue rattle. OK. Jack also said we don't make we don't make people want our products. Bang energy makes products people want.

Huh, bang. We don't. It's interesting. Bang, bang energy. Anyway, that was one. Maybe that's why I've never heard of bang energy. OK, meat of the future. KFC is 3D bio printing nuggets in Russia.

Huh, just want to share everybody with that. There it's a 3D meat of the future printing thing. The project aims to create the world's first laboratory produced chicken nuggets. They'll be as close as possible in both taste and appearance to the original KFC product while being more environmentally friendly to produce in the ordinary meat. Receiving a final product for testing is already being planned

for the fall of 2020 in Moscow. This uses chicken cells and plant matter to create lab grown. Chicken nuggets. Where do they get the chicken cells? It doesn't harm chickens. Chickens, I think, give them freely. Maybe a pair. They have lots of cells. They have so many cells.

Maybe it's beard shimmings. Bio meat has the same micro elements as the original product while excluding various additives that are used in traditional farming and animal husbandry, creating a cleaner final product. Cell based meat products are also more ethical. The production process does not cause any harm to animals. KFC remains committed to continuous improvement in animal welfare from the farm through all aspects of our supply chain, including raising,

handling, transportation, processing. Beheading is not listed there, but I'm assuming that's taken at face value. Yeah. At KFC, we're closely monitoring all the latest trends and innovations that are doing our best to keep up with the times by introducing advanced technologies to our restaurant networks. So this is a race by KFC to produce a more environmentally friendly chicken nugget

so we can all, you know, thank you to Carolina and BioLife for sending that one in. So we can all enjoy, you know, a safer, more sustainable chicken nugget or working together. And then to do that, a lot of work and energy is going into it just to make it, you know, a little less of an impact on the planet. I think that's cool. I do think they're missing an opportunity if they are 3D printing this stuff to make it in a way cooler shape.

Like, for instance, just one very, very, very long rope, like a long, like a chicken spindle. Don't, I just want to, I think it's great that they're putting all this effort into a more sustainable product, more humane products. We can all eat chicken and, you know, feel a little bit better about it. There's one more story here I want to share from John. Central Florida PDQ locations to offer milkshake on Monday with blended chicken tenders. Woo!

On Monday only, guests can order their chicken tender handspun shake, which contains vanilla ice cream and a whole chicken tender, blended up inside of it. Fucking, in Russia people are racing against the clock to save our bedraggled planet by coming up with plant based, 3D printed chicken tenders. In Florida, they're fucking jamming them into blenders almost as fast as they can produce them. This is why we need sustainable chicken tenders is because PDQ is fucking jamming them into blenders tonight. I I consider myself a pretty with it, dude. Yeah.

Is this the thing people were asking for? I've never heard of this. Like I've never heard of like, oh man, you like that milkshake? Well, you haven't really enjoyed it till you've put a chicken tender in it. Well, Trev, I'm glad you mentioned that PDQ's chief marketing officer said in this article, our guests love our craveable fresh chicken tenders and our delicious hand-spun shakes. This shake combines the amazing flavors in both. Oh boy, you motherfucker.

This reporter who gets bonus points, bonus points to Dave Plotkin for for asking the hard questions is like basically like, is it fucking whack? Because it sounds whack. It sounds absolutely terrible. The quote that they got that that Dave got back was we have heard from our guests that they love our hand-breaded chicken tenders. And they also love our hand-spun milkshakes. So what better combination to celebrate National Chicken Tender Day?

You mother just you can't. It's $3.99. That's a good deal. There's going to be chunks in like, what are you doing? That's the land, bud. Yeah, but is it a spoon thing? Oh, there's another there's another chicken tender on top. Fuck.

Travis, who is this imaginary person that you have that you have breathed life into this into the ether who says, yeah, let me get one of those. I guess it's going to be either a hamburger or the chicken tender milkshake. You know, I'll do the chicken tender milkshake and then gets it back to their table and takes a big bite and is like, hey, there's a chunk in this. No, I'm not I'm not I'm not upset milkshake back. No, I'm talking about just consumability, Griffin. What is what is the method?

Because this would have to be spoon, right? Because a chunk of of chicken ain't going up a straw. This is not a straw drink. I assume it'll be placed at your tomb with you like an Egyptian Pharaoh's cats. The Dave writes the small size of this monstrosity is $3.99. And the regular size is $5.29. Now, Justin, was there a little editorial? Was there editorializing in there?

No, I'm reading from Dave's story. It's on OrlandoWeekly.com. Find it. The small size of this monstrosity is $3.99. And the regular size is $5.29. And there is no large because there is truly no justice in this world. Have we heard from Dave before? I feel like we've heard from Dave before.

It's possible you've heard from Dave before. I do like I wish there was a large because I like the person's like, I'm going to order this and I'm going to commit. Why did you put a biscuit and maybe some like salt and sugar packets or whatever in there too? Just swirl it all up, swirl it all up. Anyway, that's the much squad. Sorry to take up so much of your time with it this week, but I just thought that those those stories were really a really nice pairing.

Almost as nice a pairing as handspun milkshakes and chicken tender. Hey, real quick, can I tell folks at home about the MaxFunDrive? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to speed through this because I don't want to waste too much of your time, folks. Right foot in the door. This is the straight shit. Here's how it works. You go to maximumfun.org forward slash join.

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and maxfunfun.org slash manage. And if you're thinking about doing either one of those we would ask that you go ahead and do it now before you forget and if you're not able to totally cool. That was so easy for me. I didn't have to say or do like anything. And that's just a service I offer. It was pretty rad, pretty righteous and I do like it.

I do appreciate it. Please go to maxfunfun.org slash join. It would be really cool of you. Can I do a yahoo? Yeah, yeah. This one's sent by Adrienne Calz. Thank you, Adrienne. It's from Yahoo! Answers user BritBrit who asks,

what is some advice you wish someone would have given you before starting your own clothing business? Oh, don't open that chest. It's cursed. I don't know how common. I went into Great Grandma Ma's attic to look for clothes. For your business? To sell for your business.

To look for clothes that I could sell is a consignment business. And so you were robbing your grant just to start from the beginning? Oh no, she's super dead. She's real dead. Just know what I've been in the house for a while. And I was like, I know Great Grandma Ma has some old clothes out there that I could sell for consignment. And so I went up there looking for clothes

and I found that old sailor's trunk. And I said, there's probably some cool old sailor clothes in there. And I opened it up and first let me say, there were some cool old sailor clothes in there. But also a scary sailor ghost. And so I had to contend with that for a while. And eventually the only way I could get him to leave me alone is I had to make him a silent partner in the business.

And now he gets 50% of every t-shirt I sell. And that's really draining my profits, frankly. And my overhead is over my head, if you know what I mean. Did you think about putting him back in the trunk and dropping the trunk into the deep start? I tried. He was the ocean, no? I tried, but it showed right back up in my living room.

And then I burned it. And it was right back there. And I gave it to a friend and it was right back there. And the only way I could get him to go away is the 50-50 partnership. Right. And the worst part is sometimes he does show up at the shop and he tries to make like interior decorating decisions.

And he's like, I think that the pants rack would do better over there. And I'm like, fuck Stuart, get out of here. He does have a good point. Listen, I know, but at that point it's like a thing, you know? Like I don't want to give in to him. Because then I'm just going to make him feel entitled to come back and he kind of bosses my employees around and I don't care for it.

I think that I wish somebody would have stopped me before I cut holes in the back all the pants to make little holes that people could poop through so they don't have to pull their pants down in the toilet. But those were a hit for a while. For a while, but then it, I was psyched, Travis, the week that like people started to post about that on TikTok. And they're like, you got to get these butthole pants.

And I was like, yes, I've made it. But then like the following week, nobody came in. I realized I was just sort of like a novelty to them. Like, well, the pants I changed, the pants, well, it was a, I guess they thought it was a joke and like they, but jokes don't stay funny for very long. And then it was like not even like a practical thing that people wanted. So then I put patches on them, but the patches, the patches.

This is regular bad pants. Now there's bad pants with a patch on the back. I wish jokes stayed funny for longer. So we didn't have to do this every week. Can you imagine how nice it would be if we could just say like, no, those other jokes are still funny. Yeah, those are the jokes. Go back and listen to them.

They're still actually pretty funny. They're just a week old jokes. It's still pretty funny. Go back and listen to those again. I bet there are people on earth who still haven't even heard them. That's possible. They're funny to them sharing their laughter. You know what I mean?

What about you, Justin? What's something you wish that someone had told you before you opened your clothing business? That, hold on. We've already done Cursed Pirate Chest and we did butthole cutouts. You can do this. I tried to get the multi-scarf thing going. There's one scarf, but I pre-knitted them together

to get that Johnny Depp Steven Tyler look. I did not appreciate three things. Okay. One, that look would become unfavorable much quicker than anyone could have possibly imagined. Two, people like to mix and match their various scarves to create a new multi-scarf look every day. It's an expression of their own personality.

I should have appreciated that and I didn't. The third thing is crumbs. You know, you have separate scarves. You enjoy a long John Silver's chicken tender meal, three pieces, two pieces. It doesn't matter. You start getting crumbs in there. The scarf is all sit together.

If it's several scarves that have been murdered. That's the ball. Now you've got birds. Now you've got birds. Now you have a bird problem. That's what happened to Brenda Fricker. Everybody knows she had one of my multi-scarves. She ate the chicken.

The pigeons won't leave her alone. You get the fries in there. You get some of those crumblies, you know, where they've just fried the fat, like just to put some batter in there, you know, and the birds love the batter. They batter up and then they will pick you up and fly you away.

I wish somebody also had told me that there already was a store called Lids. Yeah. Because I'm open. I paid all that money for a store at the mall called Lids. And then I made all my shirts that says, like, I'm a happy Lids employee, that I made all the employees wear.

Yeah. And then they, you know, I got a very terse email from the Lids owners of the real Lids. And they said, hey, you got it. You can't do that. And so I said, what else am I supposed to call it? What else am I supposed to call my shoe store? And they're like, you're what?

And I was like, yeah, dummy. They're Lids for your feet. And then Griffin took the war to them. Yeah. He, you'll probably read about in the paper, but Griffin went to the Lids when the store was empty and he threw a Molotov cocktail in there. Except he messed it up and he didn't do it right.

And there was somebody in there. But he didn't do the fire part right either. So it was just a broken block of floor. It was just soda. It was just a bunch of cola. They made him come back and clean it off. It was it. And then they said, you did such a good job cleaning.

Do you want a job here? And now Griffin works at Lids. Yeah. Well, no. He works at Lids in the mornings and then Lids in the evenings. Yeah. Oh, I did change.

I did have to change the name of my store and I did change it to feet lockers because it's like little prisons for your feet. I also decided like you're locking them up, you know. You know what I wish I'd known before I started my clothing business? I wish I'd known that people liked airbrush shirts made to order.

Because I just made a whole bunch of them ahead of time. That said like Debra and Tommy together forever. And it just said that one thing. Like a bunch, like a lot. I made like 600 shirts that just said Debra and Tommy together forever. And it was T. It was the letter T and then the letter two.

And then gather. And then it said F and then the number four. And then ever. And people pointed out that that little like together. And then forever. Forever. Yeah. I didn't even think about that.

And also I don't know anyone named Debbie or Tommy. And I don't even know if they're together. Yeah. You were able to salvage a little bit of that though when you scratch out everything except Debra. And you did put in a sort of crude caricature of Ray Romano. And you did add like eight more A's on the end of Debra. And that's why I made my first million.

Hey gang, hey fam. I would wear the fuck out of that shirt. Picture of a caricature. Fucking Ray Romano. And it just says Debra on top of it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Lock that up. Man, but here I go again.

Fucking lids too. You can't just do that. Isn't it weird how the Calvin peeing on stuff took off but Ray Romano screaming Debra never became like a thing you saw on the back of trucks and like ski news and stuff? Or all the ones of Ray Romano very realistically like photo realistic peeing from the and you see it from the front. So it's like coming at you.

Yeah. Or Ray Romano kneeling down before the cross. Ray Romano peeing on Peter Boyle. I wish that I Ray Romano kneeling at his wife's grave just saying Debra, but in a sad way. Debra period. I wish I wish. Or once what about the ones where there's like a bunch of E's and so a bunch of A's.

So he's just saying Debra. Deeb. I wish before I made my unlicensed Pickle Rick hot pants that I had googled what that character looked like. It has a face. That's number one that I should have accounted for because right now I have a lot of shorts with a lot with pickles with hands and feet and no face.

And I can't convince people that they're this Pickle Rick. They're wild. And also, Justin, you did kind of lay the letters out in the back so that a lot of them went into the butt crack. So when people wear it, it just looks like it says Picic. Yeah, it's not good. That's not great. I really wish somebody would have told me to check the

carning when I did establish Griffin's tank tops so that it didn't look like I was trying to sell Griffin's tank tops because those went over like a real lead balloon. I just wish people had told me how litigious Ray Romano was before I did all this branded content. Yeah. It's really important to him that people think his penis and winger looks a certain way and they don't like it

when you make a sticker of him using it to pee. He also said he wanted to decide when Debra died and how. That wasn't really important to him for the characters. He's like, he had a hole. If they ever get to make another season of Everybody Loves Raymond, most of it's going to be about how Debra dies and how the character of Ray reacts to it. Yeah.

And let me tell you, he let me in on it. It's gruesome. Yeah. It is. That sort of Damocles has been swinging over Patricia Heaton's head for some time now. And it's probably why she turned out the way she did. Well, Ray told me that he was kind of envisioning a spin-off

series in which Ray became a mentalist like Crime Solver and there needed to be something that fueled him into that. And they did involve Debra's gruesome. What if instead the series, he had been the lead suspect and he had to find the person that did it and it was called Everybody Hunts Raymond. It's just all the different government agencies working together to bring down Raymond.

Your police officer, tell us where your brother is. Yeah, it's led by his brother for reasons that are clear and by his stepfather for reasons that are not. Everybody loves Raymond's blood because within it lies the pathogen that will cure the world's ills. Yeah, but bearded outdoorsman Joel has to lead his charge Ray Romano through a zombie-infested wasteland because Ray Romano's blood may be the only hope humanity has

for creating a vaccine to the zombie plague. And then I heard that in the fourth season of Everybody Loves Raymond, it was basically going to be like no one had been pregnant for a long time, but now Ray Romano was pregnant and they were going to call it Children of Ray. And then it just seemed like he was just kind of doing what different like post-apocalyptic things. There was one where it was called Raybox

where it was like raising that box. Don't look in that box. Did you see 28 Rays later? Thank you so much for listening. The Walking Deb. Wait, the Walking Deb. Wait, Travis burst into the door. Wait, the Walking Deb.

The Walking Deb reopened. What about the day after Romano? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We very much appreciate it. One more quick pitch.

The Maxfun drive is- For another Ray Romano show. For another Ray Romano show that I just came up with. That is going to do it for us, but the Maxfun drive will keep on going for a little bit longer. You're running out of time though to support the shows that you love. Maximumfun.org forward slash join is the address to do that.

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Thank you. We know it's not easy, and it really does. Make our lives possible. Thank you to John Roderick and the Long Winters for the Use for a Theme Song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed, an album that makes my life possible,

because I need that rock and roll in my veins. And Gryffindy, do you have a final Yahoo? I do have a final Yahoo. This one was sent in by Emma Cant. Thank you, Emma. It's another anonymous Yahoo Answers user. This one is sent in by Bear, who asks. How was the Golden Girls filmed in front of a live studio audience

if it was filmed in a house? My name is Justin McElroy. And Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. MaximumFun.org.

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