My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 522: The Open and Honest Heart of a Child’s Eyes

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

In today’s episode, Justin goes on a righteous and important quest to claim the Birdman’s special burrito, but instead ends up claiming nothing but heart-rending shame. It’s a TOUGH LISTEN.Suggested talking points: Big Eyes Watch, Under the Table and Phishing, The Three-Hat Problem, A Recipe for You, Tony Hawk’s Pro Burrito, Nostalgia Per InchFor more ways to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar, but not too familiar, but not too not familiar. It's a new craze. And the girls, do you want to just say, hey, I wanna, just say, hey, I wanna. Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother mean and vice-show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy,

and I just punched a nox. I'm your middle of his brother, trev-e-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve-ve it's McElroy! I'm your sweet, and I'm your sweet baby brother, Grifley. No. What? No, Justin and I were bringing like a high energy thing, and you kind of came in and scary. No, I think he's like the wild man. I was pretty bad. Yeah, let me go at a different point because a lot of people when they say like,

he's the bad boy, like he talks like this, but he could also be a bad boy like, yeah, I'm griffin' because you know that. Can you do that and then do some like sound effects, like some mouth sounds kind of thing? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I'm griffin'

because you know he's up to some shit. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's really weak from the juice. He is a bad boy. That one. Yeah, but I feel like he's a lowercase B, lowercase B bad boy, as opposed to like capital Bs all around

and we're like, I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm over here with fuckin' Nobzilla and the Wolfman. And I'm just a bad boy. You sound like you're like the third host, but also you live in the vents and we can't get rid of you. Don't open that closet.

Oh boy, that's the prize closet. If you want something out of there, you're at risk. I have a confession to make. Almost every episode, I tend to start now by Googling Britney Spears just to see like how she's doing because I feel like she's on a sort of like power groove that no one is, like people aren't clocking it.

It's a quest in the fantastical sense that like people rarely actually go on. She's like every, and this is not a mocking of Britney Spears. She's just on some like very next level shit and is very much like having a personal journey that is completely about her own power and her own shit. So I just like to Google Britney Spears just to see like what is going on right now

over there at that camp. The fucking first headline that pops up from one day ago, Britney Spears makes eye-open discovery after watching Tim Burton's big eyes. I can't. How did that make the news? OK, can I read the quote as to what the eye-opening discovery is?

No, no, no, I've got the story here. I'm on this tip. Don't fucking Google Britney Spears after I already Googled her. If you wanted to make it a thing, you should have given it a segment name. The 38-year-old pop star took to Instagram on Saturday, August 8th in the year of our lord, 2020, to gush about Tim Burton,

her favorite director in the whole world, and his 2014 drama about American painter Margaret Kane. She gives a short synopsis of the film, which stars Amy Adam and Christopher Waltz, a fucking, I mean, by any stretch of the imagination, a minor Tim Burton work that does, I'll admit, have its moments. And here's her quote.

It was very weird the same day I watched this movie. I did a mini photo shoot and look how freaking big my eyes were. The singer wrote alongside the photo shoot pictures. I mean, my eyes have never been that big. It's actually kind of crazy, and they aren't retouched at all. Coincidence, maybe? She said, and this is like, this is powerful, I think.

If the power of what you see and hear can influence your life that much, I mean, literally stay away from bad people and raise your awareness with high-energy people. That's what I learned from this. And watch Big Eyes while you're at it. Thank you. And then it says, hashtag ad, which is weird.

Hashtag ad for the 2014 Sony Pictures film, no, for 2014's Big Eyes. I wish somebody would make a movie called Strong Muscles, Big Wiener, because that would be sick to channel that. So that's Britney Spears just coming in. I would just hope I started recording. I jumped in on the boys.

Normally we talk about what we're gonna talk about at the beginning. I started the recording in just absolute call shot. Like, I hope Britney Spears is on some dope shit. And there she is. Just Britney talking about how good 2014's Big Eyes is. Did you guys see Big Eyes? No.

I guess I did. It's good. It's okay, little flick, that's what I'll say. It's okay. This has been Big Eyes Watch, I guess. You know what, like, Britney Watch is Big Eyes Watch. Yeah, we're watching. Oh, and damn, let's revisit.

Let's do Britney Watch, Scoob Watch. Get her take on Scoob. Hey, can we start doing the show? I feel like we got a lot of gas in the tank. I actually have a, I have- If it's not Riddle Me Piss, then you can- It's not Riddle Me Piss. This is a different thing.

I wanted to say thank you to everybody. We, you know, though we finished the Max Fun Drive, it was very, surprisingly- What do you think, did you just play along at home or- A lot of people were giving, and we weren't expecting all that support. It means the world. So, we always talk about how people support

we like to put back into the show. Feels like play along at home. So, I made a bit of an investment here, and I wasn't sure how this was gonna play out, but I have a special guest here. Hey, everybody, it's me, Dave Matthews. Oh, okay. My friend Travis reached out to me

and asked permission to use some of my songs, and I, and he told me his idea, and I said, only if I can play two little baby. Dave, it's so cool to have you on the show. How have your sort of journey's been going, man? Tell me, any recent pilgrimages? Mostly into my own mind, just- Oh, man, yeah.

Okay, yeah. COVID thing, yeah. But I've been- That's probably- That's probably because- Yeah, that's probably for the best because of your sort of irresponsible sort of treatment of human waste while you are on.

I've got a bad track record with my duty. I still feel bad about that. Say out loud what you did, like the court ordered you to do? Well, it wasn't me, but my tour bus was filled with Dave Matthews shit. Well, not just Dave Matthews, the shit of- The bad shit, yes. If you think about how healthy that band eats,

it's probably just cliff bars though, huh? We get a lot of roughage. And then my tour manager dumped it over the side of a bridge in Chicago, if I remember correctly, and it landed on a boat full of people. Yeah. And I still feel real terrible about that. Yeah, you should feel,

but even if it hadn't landed on a boat full of people, Dave Matthews, you shouldn't make your boat shit over a bridge. Well, in recompense, I haven't pooped in over 20 years. Fantastic. I will say about Dave Matthews though. A lot of celebs have some black marks on their career. I do have to say in the grand skew of things, he made his bus take a shit on a boat.

It's not the worst. No. It's not the worst. So Travis and I have cooked up a little game for you all, and here's the theme song. We fish out each other, wondering what the other is fishing. I remember being fish laying under the table and fishing. Thank you, Dave.

I'll take it from here. So this game is called laying under the table and fishing. And what we've got here, I've got a collection of Dave Matthews lyrics and fish lyrics. Like the band PH. The band fish. And I'm going to read them.

And these different rounds, they can be any combination of Dave Matthews' band lyrics and fish lyrics. And Justin Griffin, I want you to guess which is which. I think we should. I unironically enjoy both of these bands. I do as well. Is that about to be a challenge?

No, I do as well. I do as well. They just have a similar jam feeling. I mean, ants marching slaps ass, and I will seed a few more points to Mr. Matthews. Mr. Mout, Mr. Mout. I'm sorry. I just wanted to jump back in here.

A lot of my music slaps ass, Griffin. It's very good. I'm very proud of it. All right. I'm not proud of everything I've done in my life. Dave, can I talk to Travis? They like when you made your bus take a shit on a bus. Yes, I feel terrible about that.

I've already said I've been blocked up for years because of the guilt. You're kind of turning into a Southern grandpa, Dave Matthews' band. Well, I go back, no one really knows where I'm from. South Africa. Maybe. I don't even know anymore.

I've traveled so much. All right. Sorry, Dave. We're running out of time here, Dave. All right. It feels like it. Boy, it feels like it more and more every episode. Round one.

Caught you just then. Hands were in the cookie jar. How can we share when you sneak up and go? I've no intention of losing my beard. How they design and then we go again. Fish. I'm going to say fish just because Tray and Asasio oft has a beard and I don't think I've ever seen

Dave Matthews. And he loves cookies. Incorrect. There's Dave Matthews from Kit Kat Jam. He did a song called Kit Kat Jam. Kit Kat Jam. Loves those. I love, give me a break.

Whoa, that was weird. You picked up the sentence right where Travis left off. Travis and I have been together so long now. We finish each other's sentences. All right. You've been there for all of Travis' major recent life events, like when he picked up a not great Dave Matthews impression.

Well, I live inside Travis now. This is, it's a being John Malkovich journey we're on. All right. Next Learck, I had to get away. I was losing my interest. Instead of expanding my world, I was just scanning Pinterest. Okay, wait. I want to say Dave Matthews.

That feels too concrete for fish. I'm going to say fish every round and hope that I get some right. Griffin is correct. That is fish. Things people do. Okay, one more round. That's a great name for a song.

Great name for a tune. Woman, please. I'm in your possession. You are my obsession. Let me go down. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Dave Matthews band, Dave Matthews band, Dave Matthews band. If I don't hop on that boat when Justin feels so certain

about it and get dumped on that beautiful band's bus. Hop on the boat, Griffin. Yes, that is correct. Cause Dave Matthews band seven says Justin won. Griffin two. Okay, you ready? Round two. And then one day you find it to your intense delight

that three wrong turns can really make a right. So why not be like me? Be proud of all your crimes. Cause when I screw up once, I do it two more times. That's fish. That is David Matthews man. I'm the David Matthews man. No, it is fish.

Justin's correct. It's two and two that's from fishes blaze on. Next one. I can't stop thinking about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would I want to? I like coffee with toast and jelly, but I'd rather be licking from your back to your belly.

Fucking Dave Matthews. Are you kidding me? I think I'm going to. Oh, oh. It's obviously Dave Matthews. Whoever it is, I'm wearing a wire and I've been waiting for this moment to arrest David Matthews man.

If you look at me. It was me, David Matthews from my song, shake me like a monkey. Okay. If you fucking Dave. That sucks, Dave. If a lyric, here's a hint. There's my secret tip.

If a lyric sends you looking for a hang up button that does not exist, who is this? Hey, Dave. How did you get this number? David Matthews man. Can I ask you a question? Yes, please. Is it one uninterrupted lick?

Yes. Okay. Which axis do you rotate the woman? No. I have a lathe. I'm glad you have a woman laved David Matthews man. I don't use it consensually. No, I know.

But does it go sort of? And concentrically. Okay. Little baby. Fantastic. You got, you're dodging the question. Do you go height wise or do you know what I mean? Like from back to your belly.

It depends on the day. It doesn't, that's a great deal of distance different. If you go from her back and then you go around her like side of her tummy to her belly button, you're traveling, you know, half of the circum, the width circumference of the, but if you go from back and then over her head and down her face or down the,

down the butt is another option, Dave. And I feel like we're talking about a few different sort of tongue experiences. It all depends on how much time I have in my schedule. Are there more? There are more. Okay. Round three.

Currently, I believe it's two and two. Okay. Oh no, three and three. How could it possibly be round three? If you give, you, okay, sorry. If you give, you, you begin to live. If you give, you begin to live. You begin, you get the world.

If you give, you begin to give. You get the world, you get the world. If you give, you begin to live. Dave. That was you, Dave, wasn't it? I'm going to say fish because that feels like a jam sort of way. It was me, Dave Matthew.

I can't, I don't know what that means. Dave Matthew's man kind of breaks sometimes. And you got to, you got to get a little needle and you got to push it in his little reset indentation. And it's either on his back or his belly. It is dimple. Okay. So that was Dave.

Wow, congratulations. Okay, yeah. So it's four to three. Griffin is winning. And that's from the song, you might die trying. Okay. Next one. Legally, you have to tell me how many more fucking questions there are left.

One last one. I'm not all bad, but I'm a faithful sinner. I might get lost, but I'll be home for dinner. Fish. If God don't like me, he can send me to hell. But I love the way you love me, girl. I love the way you move. I need to change the name.

See, it's Dave Matthews, if he says that, if he mentions girl, I feel like fish doesn't fuck like that. Dave Matthews' band is like, get on my lathe, girl. I'm gonna say Dave Matthews' man. Right, it was the Dave Matthews' man. Yes. Griffin wins five to four, but it was a good, good battle. Thank, Dave Matthews, every lyric Dave Matthews writes

is like a very creative pervert. Every song that fish writes is like a Harlequin with gout. If it's a medieval Harlequin or some sort of like jester in a dark carnival, that feels more like fish. I just want to remind everyone that my song Crash is about a man spying on a woman through a window. I love songs about perverts. Stop getting married to it.

I love perverts. I might not be one myself, but I celebrate their whole deal. Thank you so much for having me. Do you guys have any snacks or a bathroom I could use? Okay, goodbye. Thank you, Dave. This is our advice show, obviously. Oh, you're kidding me.

We're 16 minutes in, we're just now laying out. I don't think we can say that fucking anymore. It is. It's a Dave Matthews show where we sometimes tell people what to do. I'm in an air travel related pickle. Next month I'm moving from Japan to the Czech Republic. I'm in the midst of packing things to ship over,

which is expensive as shit. And I got three hats I refused to part with. A couple of bowlers and a wide brim hat. Problem is they don't fit the last box or my suitcase. I can already see what you're about to ask. So how many hats is too many hats to wear on an airplane without getting caught, stopped? How many hats can I wear before I'm too suspicious?

And that's from Mariah. Okay, I can say from experience, I have worn one hat and I've had to remove it so they could pat my hair and tell me I'm a good boy. Yeah, and then they smelled their hand for a long time. Yeah, so one after that. I will just say one hat. And now I think you're asking several questions here,

Mariah, right? Because I don't think, I don't know about the travel laws of either Japan or Czech Republic, but I don't think there's anything illegal about wearing more than one hat onto an airplane. No, I mean, we can't wager a guess at the sort of cultural differences

that would sort of aid us in answering this question. I do think we can say that I can't imagine a society where three hats is great. I wanna hit you guys with a question. Yeah. This is a theoretical question. Okay, is there a place that is less suspicious to put a second hat than on top of the first hat?

Because I'm sitting here thinking about it like, what if you put it here or here or here? I feel like any place you put the second hat is going to be more weird than on top of the first hat. Yeah. Yeah. Is that fair? Could you safety pin the hats together so that one hat goes on top of your head and the other two hang down on either side of your head?

Okay. Okay. So, and you guys call it fashion. Oh, this is fashion. It's fashion. I feel like you could have one on a carabiner on your waist. That's just a great juice. That's like, listen, I don't know what this day is gonna hold.

This hat could get, I don't know, ruined. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I don't know. Blown away by a jet engine. Could get blown away by a jet engine, confiscated by a handsy TSA agent no one knows. But I think having one, I think you could do one in it

on like on your waist, on your belt hook. And for the third, let me suggest a big teddy bear. You put that hat on the teddy bear. That's right. That's actually not bad, Travis. God damn it. Well, well, I mean, it is, you've added, all you've done there is added a tremendous amount

of bulk to your hat. It is one of your carry-ons. Yeah. It now becomes a carry-on. But you can't carry on a hat. You can't be like, I have two carry-ons, my backpack and this hat. I mean, this is my, and that's good for going through security too,

because you're carrying a giant bear wearing a hat. And they'll say, that's adorable. Yeah, his name is Mr. Knotfield with drugs. Okay, wait. We won't test him. Let me ask you guys something. What is the more? Come here, Dr. Uzibelli.

What is more suspicious? Two hats or three hats? Two hats is way more suspicious than three hats. Agreed. Yeah, because once you, here's the thing that's fucked up about what Travis said about it being fashion. Is if I saw somebody with two hats,

I would think it was some sort of like shell game or something terrible is underneath one of the hats. If I see three hats on the person, I'll be like, that must be the style for something. Three hats, you're doing a thing. Right, right? You're doing a thing. Yeah. Now it's an affectation. Two hats, you're being an asshole.

Right. Two hats, two hats. You might have put on a hat for getting your already had a hat on. That's what I'm saying. Two hats, this is my argument. Two hats raises the, and I think this is what we're finally getting

the meat of here. Two hats raises the question of, did they not remember that they had already placed a hat on their hat? Correct. Three, there's just no way. We've kissed plausibility. Goodbye, it's a choice you're making.

And I can get on board with that if it's a choice. You've chosen this. I just remembered the types of hats we are talking about here. And it is two bowlers and a wide-brimmed hat. Oh, easy. So you go bowler, wide-brimmed hat bowler, wide-brimmed hat sandwich,

butter bing butter boom, fashion. That is the way to do it. Yeah. I guess my question is, and please Mariah, do not take this as a personal judgment on you, but there is no way to get through this sentence without it being explicitly that.

Why do you need these hats? Why do you- Because they're cool hats, Griffin. Two bowlers and a wide-brimmed hat feels like when you're, especially when you're doing an uprooting of your life from one sort of region to another. Yeah, clean slate. I think you should clean slate it.

When I moved from Cincinnati to Chicago, I threw so much stuff in the dumpsters right behind the shitty apartment that Travis and I lived in. I threw several swords away. You think I wanted to keep those swords? Yeah, absolutely I did. But I'm starting over. I'm rebooting my life.

But maybe now in your new life, your Czech Republic life, you just have one hat that you're very proud of. What if you wore all three hats? And as you walked into the terminal, you just kept shouting, hats for sale. I've got hats for sale. And then you go through security and then you continue yelling, hats for sale, hats.

And then everyone's like, why is that person wearing so many hats? Oh, obviously, it's because they're for sale. Now, obviously there's a downside here. There is a risk where someone buys your hat and you don't have any more. But that's a chore. I mean, at least you got that going for you now. You can buy another hat when you get there.

Yes, I would make the argument that the rest of me is too pragmatic about it. If you can't wear all three of these hats at the same time, you probably don't need three hats. Thank you. Huh, well, yeah, huh. But what about coordinating with different outfits? Just get rid of the outfits that match the other two hats.

Ah, but they only have three outfits. It's like Harry you never seen, Doug. Just wear the same outfit and the same hat. All right, Doug never wore a bowler. Can we? He would have been chomping fucking Beebe's style if he did that. Can we taskmaster this a little bit and like try and why? I think there's a way to do this without it being weird at all.

Why brim hat goes on the head? There is nowhere else that that is going to go. The brim is far too wide. One bowler, you put some elastic on it and put that around your face. That's your mask. And now we just have one more hat to conceal. And I feel like so far, boys, I've done the lion's share of the work on this. OK, so you can tell me where the other hat goes, where it's not going to be weird.

You're going to say under the shirt and say it's like a tummy. OK, no, you're going to clip two straps onto it, selling it over your shoulders. Now it's like a hat pack. You know, it's kind of like, oh, that's like a cool looking backpack. It looks like just like a bowler. Thanks. It's a hat. It's just a regular hat.

What do you like? Take it off to show them and just like packs of loose gum fall out of it. It's very bad and ineffective. The hat pack. What do you keep in it? What do you keep in it? The hat. It takes my hat from one to another. I do think though, you could do the like neck thing, like hang it like a safari guy from your neck hanging to your back.

And maybe no one would question it. I think you might be able to get away with that, actually. I actually think now that I'm thinking about it, with all the TSA agents here in the United States that I'm encountering, they would be like, are there drugs or a bomb or whatever in that? And I'd be like, no. And they're like, then just keep, please keep moving. Please. A lot of people to get through.

And I don't care about your dumb ass hats. Hey, can I do a Yahoo? Please. I'm so excited for this one. I was sent by the prospector, Mayor Paul Mariah. I'm not saying your hats are dumb. I'm saying all my hats are dumb. No, I'm not saying Mariah's hats are dumb. I'm saying two of them are.

And one of them is good. And that's the one to really invest in. OK. It's this Yahoo is asked by Yahoo! Answers user HangingBat. And I'll be honest with you, boys, I mostly want to talk about this one for the responses. HangingBat asks, poll.

If you were a recipe, what ingredients would I need? Big, open mouth smiley face emoticon. Is this a sexy thing? I mean, it's. You read it like that. It's on Yahoo! Answers. So it's going to be for some people. OK.

If I was a recipe, not what food would I be, but what ingredients. Yeah. So we have 10 responses to this. OK. Ten Yahoo! Answers users have a way then and given their rest, their person. I'm on allrecipes.com.

Looking at these users recipes to make them as human beings as they are known on the earth today. And each one is a slam dunk in a different way, which I've never really seen before. And I would like to just sort of do these are from two days ago, by the way. Merrick got this one hot and fresh out the kitchen. He says everything sweet and a large oven. Tongue sticking out of motocon.

Weasel McWeasel says a healthy dose of no quit with a liberal splash of charm and wit. Now, that's good. But those aren't ingredients that you can buy. I can't go to the store and be like, where is your don't quit? Travis, you can't approach this. I need you to come at this with the open and honest heart of a child's eyes. I mean, I understand that. But I was sitting here thinking about, I don't know, some salt.

Like I was like trying to do it. Travis's recipe is a fucking little pair of glasses he can push up his nose when he's being an asshole. A bit of a snag. Please. Exactly. Thank you. Thank you. This one's a little big man says a heart. And as the song goes, handel me with care. You know, the song from, I guess, the composer,

Handel me with care. Cheese brain does say tequila, mix orange juice or some sprite will be fine. Add loads of ice. That was a screwdriver, I think. But those are ingredients. It's not a screwdriver. If you want to make Travis, you need blood and bones and skin and some goo for the eyeballs.

But what of the soul? I don't know. Oh, God, don't put a soul in there. All right. Elliott, that's rough. Elliott, the corgi says lots of fur, vanilla ice cream and a cozy hoodie, hun. And then lots of lots of fur. Please let me finish. OK, this one got.

This is the only one of these 10 answers. You can give the answers a thumbs up or a thumbs down. This one has two thumbs up and one thumbs down. It's the only one that somebody said. No, lots of fur, vanilla ice cream and a cozy hoodie, hun. And then a dog emoji. And I don't know if the dog is part of it. That's what. OK, read the username.

Elliott, the corgi. Thank you. It's a corgi. Yeah, got the ability to use the computer. And why the hoodie? Now, the hoodie is a good question, because it's weird enough. You're on the Internet. You don't need to draw more attention to yourself by wearing a hoodie. Dogs have nature's hoodie.

And I love I love a corgi, too. But that is and please, corgi, you actually go ahead and tweet at me, corgi lovers. They're not the best smelling breed of dog. They got that coarse hair. They sweat a lot. They're low to the ground. They pick up a lot of detritus. I don't want to continue.

What is the best recycling that? What's the best smelling dog? Uh-huh. Mm hmm. Chocolate lab. Because it smells like chocolate. Is that what is that what you mean? A.B.C.A. me. Graven, I'm sorry. Does it does it smell like chocolate?

Yeah. A.B.C.A. A.B.C.A. me says, egg whites, granulated sugar, cream of tartar, tartar or tartar? Nobody's quite sure. Vanilla extract. So they that's Travis. Yes, thank you. My friend fucking Hal A. Pinho says, high octane, grain alcohol, matches and the ability to run really, really, really fast. Can you handle it?

Nice. Just the idea. So it's like, how fast do you run? Like really, really, really fast. We're going to burn some shit down. Why? Because we're making this Yahoo Answers user in the lab. Here, I'm going to read the ingredients to this one first, and then I'll read the user name.

Just a vat of high fructose corn syrup and a mold that looks like a roach. And that's from Yahoo Answers user. Gummy roach. They didn't make this account to answer this question. They have eight, they have answered 8,634 questions. They have 314,000 points. This is a power user. This person's name I can't read because it's made out of weird characters.

But I think it might say shadow. Shadow says spice, spice and more spice. No, why? Don't ya? Spice is hot as pepper's spice. So hot you can't handle it. I'm talking about Carolina Reaper hot. The world's hottest pepper.

So that's just one ingredient. I guess shadow is just a big pepper. Also shadow, I don't, I don't know how to tell you this, but spice is like a category of food. Like you wouldn't like in a recipe, but like, you know, add eggs and butter and some spice. This username is corrupted in some way. I can't read it. It's just like two blank boxes says passion fruit and Turkish delight. So they're bringing up the rear with the weakest result there.

But yeah. But I do like, I like any of these that I could go, OK, I'm going to make this person. The gummy roach, I could make that. You could make that person. That one with Travis's prize. Right. But if it's like, can't, can't do attitude and a whole bunch and don't quit. Can you handle that?

I'm like, that's not helpful. That's like, if I say how to make a cake and you said lots of sweet and delicious, fuck you. That's nothing. I feel like that could get most people there, though. Yeah. If I said make a cake and they said, what do I need to make it? I say, you just need some delicious in there. They'd be like, I'm on it.

Now, Yahuas, who's your hanging bat responded, updated the question three days ago. It said too hot to handle. Lowell, and I don't know what that's no fucking idea what that's responding to. I'm guessing the Carolina Reaper one, did they win? But anyway, what was the recipe for YouTube boys? Oh, for mine, it would be can do attitude and don't quit and three eggs and some blood. Mine would be probably neutral colored shorts. And then I think you could just kind of improvise the rest of it.

Yeah. Like the neutral colored shorts are so essential to my recipe. Like if you my recipe on all recipes would be like neutral shorts, soup, and then in parentheses, Gryffin, Macaroy, soup. Yeah, because that's what they call it in some regions. Mine would be a mustard seed, faith and a world class hog. Huh. Now, huh. OK.

There's mountains. I was just with which. With which. Exactly. I have faith in my hog. And Travis's was Travis's was eggs and blood and can do attitude because he didn't want to play. OK, do you want to hear mine?

No, no, you did yours. You decided you didn't want to play. And now you I said before that it was blood and bones stay in the dugout because you didn't want to play. And the coach put me and Justin and we're out here fucking swinging, smashing homers. Well, if you want to make a Travis, then you need some tea for tasty and you need some are for ravishing.

The game's already over. He's still running around the. This is for as it's still in the V for virginity. Now I need some I for indecent long ago. Somebody left with the cup. Sex, and he's still going around. And then you need some M for. For Mars, a pun and Mars, a pun.

OK, so we're going to take a quick break. And when we return to you here just after the music, we'll be talking about some beloved sponsors, so get there for that. Square space, it's time, my friends, time for the uprising. You've been doing doing too much in the meat space. And it's time to do it in the square space. You're going to build a website, not just any website, a beautiful website that stands out and changes the world.

It's time to disrupt. It's time to showcase your work, sell products and services of all kinds, promote your physical or online business and more. And and what's that and more, whatever you can dream, you can dream it. You can do it with beautiful, customizable templates created by world-class designers, everything optimized for mobile, right out of the box. Analytics that help you grow in real time, free and secure hosting. And nothing to patch or upgrade ever.

You will not be stopped. You will always be moving forward. You will always be closing by going to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code my brother to save 10 percent of your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace, conquer, conquer it all. You got me ready to like overthrow the fucking economy and government.

Yeah, dude, let's disrupt. Nothing, all the other stuff that has happened until now that has been so bad. Yeah, that wasn't. This was the domino. This was the V for Vendetta. You knocked that shit right over. That's right. Can you imagine a V and V for Vendetta?

I was like, yes, we have to stop all of this, all of this horrible stuff. And also look at the website I created. Got photos of all my travels and some of the pages are past protected. And now Natalie Portman, check this out. Click. Hey, Stitch Fix also. The government tried to shut down my hands to dance, but they can't stop the signal. Wait, isn't that from Serenity?

I love that movie. Great flick. Stitch Fix is here to give us boxes of clothes so we don't go to clothes store and we bring the clothes store to us, except it's not even like that because you have a personal stylist who you give a little profile for and they will figure out what clothes are going to look really good. All these boxes are personalized just for you and your color, styles and budget. And you get you get nice looking clothes and you pay a $20 styling fee for each

fix that is sent your way, which is credited towards anything you keep. And you can schedule it for for any time. You can change your your schedule whenever you want. I haven't been getting them every month, but I don't leave the house anymore. So I've bumped it back to once every two months and it's no big deal. It was a real fucking easy. There's no subscription required. Shipping returns and exchanges are always easy and free.

You only pay for what you keep and you can get started today at stitchfix.com slash my brother and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash my brother for 25% off when you keep everything in your fix one last time, stitchfix.com slash my brother. Hi, I'm Alli Gertz and I'm Julia Prescott and we host Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons adjacent. In its topic, we talk to Simpsons writers, directors, voiceover actors, you name it, about non-Simpsons things that they've done because surprise,

they're all extremely talented. Absolutely. For example, David X Cohen worked on The Simpsons, but then created a little show called Futurama. That's our very first episode. So tune in for stuff like that with Yardley Smith, with Tim Long, with different writers and voice actors. It's going to be so much fun and we are every other week on MaximumFun.org

or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, yeah. I want a munch. I want too much. Oh, welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast that's in a podcast profile in the latest and greatest in brand eating. I am so excited because America has decided to pretend that coronavirus does not exist. And as a result, our fast food chains are beginning to awaken

from their great slumber for new creations, new ideas, fresh thinking. And who does fresh better than Chipotle? Oh, is that where to our core? Is that a real question? I mean, if you would have said like a hardies, I would have given you some some some shit, but I think Chipotle is the middle of the pack. You're thinking fresh. You're thinking Chipotle. They did the fucking Fiona Apple commercial. Yeah. Well, this one is new and Chipotle is launching the Tony Hawk burrito.

Huh? Ah, fresh as hell. Chipotle Mexican Grill on Monday. This one's fucking fresh. The box came out to today. The Chipotle Mexican Girl Monday announces teaming up with skating legend and brand super fan, Tony Hawk. Oh, boy, to offer his go to Chipotle order

exclusively on the Chipotle app and Chipotle. Wait, can I guess? Guess what his go to is? Sure. Yeah. It's just an empty burrito that he later puts a cold hot dog again. Is that it? No, you're very close. Can I do a guess? Yeah, do a fun guess.

It's a big burrito. He sticks four wheels on. They ride starting today. His first 2000 fat. Wait, like a finish, like a finish. What's he do, Griffin? He rides it like a skateboard. Starting today, the wheels are tomatoes.

No, they're wheels. Oh, I feel like I might be able to if I act fast, I might be able to be among the first 2000. And you guys are clearly doing your own thing. Someone just try to get this burrito real quick. The Tony Hawk, the first 2000 fans who ordered the Tony Hawk burrito made with brown rice, black beans, chicken, tomatillo, red, chili, salsa, pink trucks from a skateboard and guacamole

will get access to the Tony Hawk Pro Skater one and two warehouse demo for PlayStation four Xbox one or PC. What a weird coincidence that like that this would call it like his brand super fanship would coincide with like a new Tony Hawk like video game experience. Yeah, it is very weird that. Yeah, you're absolutely right, Travis. This is one of the stranger occurrences we've seen in our time.

Those two have dovetailed magnificently together. Chipotle's so I already said that on August 14th at 11 a.m. P.T. Anderson will direct a new picture straight now at Pacific Time. The launch will culminate in a two hour live stream from Chipotle's Twitch page that they have featuring Tony Hawk, fellow skateboarder, Jagger Eaton, actor, Finn Wolford. Fuck yeah. What a sentient burrito, Mick Jagger.

Jesus Christ of Nazareth, all eating burritos slowly. Still living Elvis Presley, now dead Elvis Costello. That's right, he'll be dead by August 14th. So no, it's just those first three. They're going to be playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater one and two warehouse demo. And they're going to be giving out up to 5,000 free burritos to viewers throughout the stream. Now it says they're going to give out up to 5,000 free burritos.

I do like the reality where they're like, we've given away 4,000 of these bad boys, the next thousand are coming home with us. Hi, it's me, Finn Wolford. Oh, no, not again. Yeah. Anyway, I want 30 burritos delivered to my home. And the cost of that will be, oh, let me stop right there in zero. This first of its kind menu integration gives our fans a chance to eat like the greatest skater of all time.

And get access to the demo for one of the summer's most anticipated video game releases, says Chris Brandt, chief marketing officer, real athletes later need real food. And Chipotle is excited to continue being part of his training routine, whether it's competing at the skate park or in a video game. Hey, this isn't the first time somebody has sold a food item because a celebrity liked it at their at their store, right? Like that's people have been doing that for letting check all of the time of restaurants.

Yeah, but it's this one's Tony Hawk. Oh, it's a burrito. I just want to step in here very briefly. I know that Tony Hawk body, Tony Hawk's body, the body of Anthony Frank Hawk. The Birdman's body and my body have several chemical and physical differences. We can all agree on this, right? This is granted. This is settled law.

Yeah. The man is 52 years old and if I were to make a list of things he felt like doing after pounding a burrito, I can almost guarantee you skateboarding would be extremely low on the list. Tony Hawk has been a Chipotle celebrity card holder. Whatever the fuck that means. It's an exclusive membership tier afforded to famous friends of the brand that grants recipients free meals and catering since 2013.

Holy shit. Did you just hear this? Yeah, I'm hearing it now, baby. Are you hearing this? Are you hearing it now, baby? Tony Hawk has been a Chipotle celebrity card holder and exclusive membership tier afforded to famous friends of the brand that grant recipients free meals and catering since 2013.

Hey, hey, Chipotle. I was just kidding. I love you. Chipotle. Yeah, I take it all back. I was just joking. You're you're great. And I've always, hey, I've always been a fan.

And Justin Griffin have never loved you like I love you. Chipotle burritos are a favorite way to refuel after long skate sessions. Adds me. No, it's Tony Hawk. It's a blast to see the enthusiasm for Chipotle skating and video games continue to grow and inspire a new generation of presumably burrito eaters. Whether you're a veteran TPS player or new to the game, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater one and two TM has something for everyone.

And also the burritos still still the burritos. Chipotle has a master on twenty seven thousand followers on Twitch. Like finales for the Chipotle Challenger series, the brand's marquee eSports tournament that allows amateur gamers to compete against gaming stars and celebrities have been live streamed on Chipotle's Twitch, along with exclusive musical performances. Aye, it's me, Mick Jagger, what an honor it is to what an order it is to be playing on the Chipotle Twitch channel.

Start me up. The first two thousand account holders to order the Tony Hawk burrito on the Chipotle mobile app or at order dot Chipotle dot com. We'll receive a code to the email associated with the account. Allow the recipient to access a demo version of the relaunch of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, TM one, TM and two TM video game. ESRB rated T for team. Cool.

I think they do a cuss in Superman by Goldfinger. So that's why it's not E for everyone. I have I here's the problem. I want to order this to get the code. I don't want to go pick up a burrito. I'm recording a podcast and I really don't want my wife to answer the door. And a man in a mass says, here's Tony Hawk's burrito. Yeah, that's going to be hard for her to parse.

Unless it is the bird man himself. Or a bird man's hand. It's great. Well, enjoy the remastered skateboarding game. Well, my wife is a big fan of Michael Keaton. Yeah, she might enjoy that. Actually, uh, just a joke. No, the movie had him in it.

Yeah, it's just a fun. Yeah, it's just a fun game for the just ones to just a goof. I recently decided to shed my hoarder lifestyle and embrace a more minimalistic approach. It's been going well so far. I threw away all my hands. One problem, though, what do I do with the yearbooks? I have one for each year, K through 12, and I never look at them.

Donating seems weird since it's such a weirdly personal item. My name is usually penned with the inside cover messages from classmates, et cetera. But it also seems wrong to just throw them away. Am I doomed to carry them forever? That's from your book, Yeeter. I mean, you could keep them in your basement in Chicago and then a fateful flood will take care of you. That fateful flood.

Boy, I was traveling around with a huge cardboard box full of keepsakes. And then I had two paper Trader Joe's bags full of things like yearbooks and the like. And that great flood. Oh, the great flood of 2010 done took care of most of them for me. So and it was rough for a while. I still get sad to think about the things that I lost in there. But whenever I move, wicked easy, wicked fast.

That is so I think that the yearbooks fall under the category of like things that you keep because you convince yourself that someday someone else will want to know that thing about you. But like, you know, I think about this now with two kids that hypothetically someday my kids will be in like high school and they're like, I want to see daddy in high school. But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. I'm going to keep them long enough to show them to them.

And then they're like, OK, I don't care. We're all flying around in like jet packs and like hover dogs now. And shit, like, what do I get to shits about the fact that you were in some club in high school? Yeah. And so now it's just like, well, now I've lugged this around like forever. Hey, what if we and I'm just going to throw this out. And I'm going to disrupt the whole yearbook industry. Well, careful, Travis.

Are you thinking about what that would do? Yearbooks. Whoa. That's it. OK. Wow. Yeah. I mentioned they're already doing that. Oh, probably it seems like it's happening already. I would. I would. But if not, TM, TM, TM. Justin's got that cloud tech that's on the next level.

I actually don't have any cloud tech. I'm sorry. No, no, no, Justin. Justin's. Yeah. That's. I heard you. No, no, no. Not Justin. It's Justin and Travis. And Griffin. My brother, my brother and Ma.

Oh, hi, Justin. Here's here. Flood not withstanding. I I a couple of times had to pare down my like collection of keepsakes because I feel like there is a I feel like actually the yearbook is one of the best sort of nostalgia per square inch that you can possibly like keep around. Right. Like if you're going to toss all your other

keepsakes or whatever, I feel like the yearbook is literally a bunch of literal paper, thin, old nostalgia drops. And I kind of the few that survived that fateful flood. I have like enjoyed looking back on like every two years or so. Could you go through and just remove the pages that have nothing to do with you? That's great. And then combine all of them, all your yearbooks into one long

like school book that includes all the years, but only the ones that pertain to you. Because it's like, yeah, like if you're, you know, if you're in 12th grade, do you care about the kids who are in ninth grade? No, no, you don't know them. Cut them out. You can go through all your photos and photo albums, too, and just like tear apart the ones that you're not like really a featured player in.

And then go through all the books you own. Yeah. And if the if the author wasn't nice enough to include you in that book, Gonzos, I'm not saying that maybe you go through your book, you touch each kid's face and you think, does this face spark joy in me? And you burn it out with a cigarette in one by one. It's totally normal. It's just a totally cool thing to do that everyone does. And you mark your name off a big list.

You don't you don't burn each photo twice over the eyes. That would be fucking wild. More than one cigarette burned in the middle of the face and then you move on. Now you will want to try to make sure the kid behind that kid on the other page. You also don't like that is the one thing. I kind of change the subject briefly. Yeah. This is the shit that drives me crazy. Is these brands put out these deals and then they're like,

if you actually try to do it, it's you can't. It's like they don't ever expect you to actually do the dumb thing they said to do, right? So I go to order dot Chipotle dot com or whatever the fuck. And I'm like, let me get that Tony Hawk burrito. And it is not listed anywhere on the page. I know the ingredients of it. I'm wondering if it's like a code where I have to put in the right ingredients. You know what I mean?

And then it'll just didn't you say that they announced it today, but the press release said August 14th. No, that's when it culminates with Finn Wolfhard playing Tony Hawk against Tony. Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'm going to try. I'm going to try if you guys are OK with this, we don't normally do this,

but I'm going to try to call my local Chipotle. OK, but don't put them on speaker. I'm not going to put on speaker phone. I'm just going to call my local Chipotle. OK. And you guys will just share my part of it. OK. So I'm not you won't hear them. Justin's really good on the phone. I wish I was as good as Justin on the phone.

Please don't take me out. OK. So strong and confident boys. It's just there's a voicemail message. If you're calling about the time I caught the burrito, press nine. They're talking about the dining room precautions they've taken. That's good. For people who just can't help but eat inside your play. Yes. Do you like extreme burrito experience?

Yes. Are you like fresh, mostly fresh ingredients? Were you fucking in stranger thing? Do you think you could totally pwn Tony Hawk as a game? Hey, Tony Hawk is doing a Chipotle promotion where if you order a special Tony Hawk burrito, you get a demo of the game. And they said you have to do online after the first 2000 people. So I feel like the clock's kind of ticking on me. And I can't find a way to order the Tony Hawk burrito.

Do you know anything about it? Or do I sound like an absolute lunatic to you right now? Yes, it's Justin. Hey, how's it going? That it's I'm pretty good. Not this. Hold on. Can I.

OK, can I I'm recording our episode of my brother, my brother right now. Can I put you on speaker real quick? OK, great. Hold on one second. OK, what was your what was your name again, please? OK, what was your what was your name again, please? Haley, have you so you have you heard about this Tony Hawk burrito? No, I haven't. OK, this isn't I'm not making this up.

And you knew me from sound. So I'm imagining, you know, I'm not making it up to. No, no, no, no, no, this. Yeah, this is the thing that's happening, but they have not. Corporate has not communicated to you that this is the thing that is going on. Correct. No. OK, so don't you think it's kind of shitty to be like not no, I'm not going to ask you to say something Chipotle is doing is shitty

because like that's your employer and I don't want to mess up your whole situation there. But I'm shitty. What? No, it's the city. You don't have Haley, you don't have to take fucking things in Chipotle for our benefit. It's OK. Haley, stop. Stop it. You're going to get yourself in trouble. I'm not I'm just saying that I just think it's kind of stinks

that Chipotle is doing this and I would like to if you hear and you definitely have not heard anything about a Tony Hawk burrito, is that correct? OK, well, Chipotle, Chipotle, Haley, thank you so much. This is my brother's Travis and Griffin. They're on the line. Hi, sorry. He just called you Chipotle Haley. Well, I mean, she's a Haley. I'm sorry if I get you in trouble with Chipotle.

We can offer you a position to Macri from franchise. If something like that happens or maybe we can try to buy that Chipotle. Oh, oh, oh, Haley, do you know anything about the VIP membership that you can get at Chipotle if you're a celebrity? Tony Hawk has it. And I was just wondering if you had a form somewhere. I don't have it, but I got OK. That's OK. I don't want you to take it to take a bit more of your valuable time.

Thank you so much, Haley. OK, I appreciate you. Have a great day. All right. Have a nice day. Bye. OK, clearly Haley, Haley wasn't telling us everything. No, I mean, yeah, Haley is definitely holding out. We're all agreed on this. I'm sorry, Haley, I hate to be the last, but clearly Haley knows more

than they're telling us. I think Haley was busy either creating or eating or selling one of the last few Tony Hawk burritos. And she also like definitely, definitely has gotten people into the VIP free before. For sure. For sure. Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. For sure. But boy, we really can't do that anymore, huh? Especially you, Justin.

I feel like you cannot call local places anymore. Oh, it's this guy. Yeah. It's this fucking. It's this fucking guy. This fucking. The fucking acapella guy warned me about you. You like to call fucking people on your podcast. OK, well, I feel like I could do it.

My voice is just so bland and ordinary that it's hard to even pick it out. You know what I mean? Justin, are you doing OK? Because when she recognized who you were, I felt from, you know, however many thousand miles away from each other, we are like, I felt your gonads go up in your body. Yeah, as a sort of fight or flight response.

It was not good. It didn't feel good. I felt like I was caught. Yeah, yeah, doing something wrong. And I wasn't actually doing it. No, I just want to know if they heard about the Tony Hawk burrito. Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. For sure, for sure, for sure.

I forget what we were talking about, but I can't talk about anything else. I need to go lie down. Yeah, this is quite a thing. Thank you so much to everybody for listening to our podcast. We love you very much. Thank you to Haley. We'll be checking in with you periodically to make sure. Oh, by the way, Chipotle, obviously, if anything happens to Haley as a result

of her participation in this, we're coming for you and you will not enjoy. This is not an idle threat. We have a certain set of skills. We have a certain set of skills. Hey, you know what? I can actually in this exact situation, I can say with a straight face that I do have a particular set of skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If there's one thing the McGrath brothers are known for, it's weaponizing

our audience to annoy big corporations into letting us do stuff. We've only used that power to create before. I'm kind of curious what it would feel like to destroy. Big news today, Chipotle was destroyed from the inside out by three weirdos. All right. Thanks again, by the way, for supporting us in the Maxfun drive. It really is very kind of you and we couldn't do this without you all. And we it's just very touching every year.

Honestly, I keep I keep waiting for the year when it's zero and everybody was up, but thank God it wasn't this year. There there will come a point, right? Just a lot of averages, there will come a point when people are like, I think we've given it enough. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, well here. Thank you to John Roderick in the long winters for these for a theme song

and departure off the album, putting the days to bed and going long and strong with that jam and keeping it keeping that wax spinning all summer long. Griffin, do you have a final yahoo for us? I do, I do. Thank you to Maxfun Fun, by the way, for having us on that work. Obviously. A few people sent this in. Thank you. It's an anonymous yahoo answers user. I'm going to call Kelly asks in all caps

with many exclamation points and question marks. Does kissing your cat count as a first kiss? Oh, no. It was an accident. It was an accidental kiss. That's what the details say. I'm not going to read it. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximumfun.org Comedy and Culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.