My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 529: Throw Me In the Dumpster Behind the Applebees When I Die

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

We’re having trouble getting in the spirit of the most spooky holiday, mostly because of how spooky every other thing in the entire world is right now. Join us as we down a few Red Lobster bevs and battle the skeleton army, because that oughtta do the trick.Suggested talking points: The Spirit of Spirits, Dinner with Dan, Blueberry Stones, Fake Fights, Dougarita, Thistleclaw ManorWays to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatterRegister to vote: https://vote.gov/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy. Chattering bones. I'm Griffin McElroy, and it's, are you guys in the spirit of spirits? What do you mean? Are you guys in it? Are you guys feeling these jack-o-lantern vibes?

Baby, what do they feel like? Don't look right at the full moon or else you'll turn right into a werewolf. Here they come. I don't think that's how that works. The dead are coming and they're gonna fucking kill us. Yeah man, there's fucking skeletons and zombies and they're gonna climb out of their graves and they're gonna beat us down, baby. Griffin, can I stop you real quick? Yeah, please. I don't see what this has to do with War with Grandpa. We're doing a quick delay on talking about War with Grandpa anymore that we have already. We'll get back to it though, right? We'll file that one in with the Star Wars live show

in a folder that is called, the McElroy Brothers continue to forget to not talk about one film or film franchise for a whole episode because some people don't like that. Can I say one thing about War with Grandpa? I want to get back in the spirit of spirits for how we will. I just want to say one thing. We got a friend forwarded us a review. They called an interview like where they offer an interview basically with one of the producers of the film. But I did want to share this one line from this thing. It said it'll be one of the first family films to go into theaters this fall following the pandemic. Imagine my relief that this fall will be following the pandemic instead of right the fuck in the middle of it.

Okay, so anyway, there's a skeleton that has two knives and there's actually, did I say one skeleton because there's many skeletons? I'm trying to get everybody scared. Is this a, okay, I roll perception to see there's any sort of... No, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. But they are coming and they do have knives and I want everyone to get scared because I feel like it's late September and I'm not even feeling the... You're not feeling scared? You're not. Whoa. Well, okay. I feel very, very scared about everything but Halloween. Okay. I have been getting in the mood. Yeah, how are you telling me?

Or as one might say, the booed. Yeah, one might say that. One could say anything. Yeah, I have been drinking that hot apple cider enjoying a pumpkin spice latte under a warm Afghan blankets. Yeah. And I have just been sitting by the fire and reading Chaucer. Chaucer? It's the scariest. So they're reading some Chaucer, his classic tales about Canterbury. And by Chaucer, do you mean chew, sir, like a werewolf chewing on your bones? No. I mean like the guy from Night's Tale.

I love him. I've been going to the park and yelling, somebody chase me and waiting to get chased in the nighttime. Now I've been chased by a werewolf before, Griffin. It's not funny. It's not fun or funny. Well, no, but yours was a real werewolf attack. Mine is for Halloween fun. Justin, how have you been getting scared and really scared? I just put up our inflatables. Oh, fuck yeah. Who we were. Give us the rundown, baby. What are we working with in the McRoy front yard this year? Oh, I don't want to tell you I want to get doxed.

But I did buy. That's fair. That's fair. I did buy a, you know, the little kid Sam from Trick or Treat. Yeah. You know, a little pumpkin head boy. Got a mask of him. Fuck. Yeah. So that has been a lot of fun with the kids. Just kind of keeping them on their fucking toes. Yeah. You want to keep your kids off the iPad? Make them have one eye

always on the lookout for Sam to come up and get snatched. Now, what I've done to get really in the mood is I've been setting up kind of scary like cardboard cutouts around the house. Mostly they're all Robert DeNiro from Orworth Grandpa. There's a couple of speckleys. You can't talk about it anymore. That cannot be a shorthand for comedy. That's fair. I made chocolate pumpkins with peanut butter in them. Not scary.

Why is it going to be scary? You know, I enjoy, I don't like the scary movies. The scariest movies I like to watch at Halloween maybe Hocus Pocus if I'm feeling brave. Hocus Pocus is fucked up. Hocus Pocus is fucked up. That cat suffers a fate worse than death. So does the zombie man.

First five minutes? Little girl dies. First five minutes? Boy, I can turn into a cat? Price of admission. It is the Disney movie, isn't it? Family member, gotta die. Gotta die. I've been struggling even with my costume. And usually I have that ironed out and by fucking April.

But this year it's like what sort of topical like, you know, pun or plain words or funny or reverent thing. Like can you even do for 2020? I do want to make an announcement on all these lines. We had a press release come out two days ago from Yandy. If you don't know Yandy, they have in the past couple years gotten in a little hot water, but with no, they do a sexy fake news costume.

Okay. And a sexy handmaid's tail costume, which was less, that one was tough. Mrs. The Marker bit. Yup, a slow wing and a miss. That one was controversial. But they have announced that they will not, not be making a sexy COVID.

Wow, Yandy. So this, this one's off the table, huh? This one, no sexy COVID. Just straight down the middle COVID. No, no, no COVID in this one. Let me just, I'm just going to say COVID to Kovni. Huh, a representative for the company for Yandy said quote. I don't think there's anything sexy about it.

Yeah, no, there's probably not. Yeah, yeah. I'm still getting a trick or treating. That's all I know. I love them tiny milky ways, you know what I mean? Like. No, you're actually not going to do that. What?

But I, but I love those tiny milky ways, Justin. He has to get them. Where am I supposed to get my tiny milky ways from? If he doesn't get them, Jesse, he turns into a big cartoon wolf. You've seen that. I chased you that one time. You've seen him mask out like the mask and he freaks the fuck out if he doesn't have my tiny milky ways.

Yeah. Don't try to get me big milky ways chopped up. I can see right through that shit. They call them fun size, but for Travis, they should call them like necessary, like medicine size. Yeah. I don't think there's anything sexy about COVID. I agree.

I received an email invitation for an event yesterday called dinner at dance. The email was likely not meant for me. As I know, there is someone else in my state who has the exact same email as me, but with the at Yahoo and so at Gmail. You are the superior, Dan, I will say. The invitation contained a Zoom link to the event next week. The only other guest on the invitation is Dan,

and when I assumed to be his spouse, I know the invite wasn't meant for me, but it's hard to make new friends these days. No. And I don't want to pass up an opportunity for human contact. How do I show up at this dinner without making it weird or immediately getting kicked out of the Zoom call? Can't.

Well, hold on. So bring a virtual gift that's from Lonely in Chicago. The event, PS, is from three to eight p.m. So it's a five hour dinner. Good hang. Woof. Cool hang. Cool hang.

Wouldn't do that even if it was sent to me. Hatchy-matchy. Five hours on the phone. Watching the other person chew for at least a half a minute. Do you think Dan would immediately kick them off the Zoom call? There'd have to be some, it wouldn't just be like, boop, boop, boop. No.

Right. Like there would be some stranger who got hacked. Hello. And you'd be like, hey, don't hang up. I'm your dear friend. You couldn't even warm your way in. You say a gift, but you can't be like, oh, don't kick me out. I've got bruschetta.

Just for me. Oh, I've got it. You get to watch me eat all this sloppy bruschetta. Here's what you do. Okay. Oh, my camera is not working. But it is me, your friend. Ask me anything that only Dan would know.

Oh, fuck. Why did I say that? No, I don't know. Fuck, I don't know anything that Dan knows. Now ask me something Dan wouldn't know. I probably know it. Let me prove to you I'm not Dan. Partner, you can't do this.

You can't, partner. Partner, you need to settle on up. You mostly have to tell a partner you can't. Hey, Tex, you can't do this, partner. You can't do this one. There's no way to do this one good. I do a weekly Zoom hangout with my friends here in town. Been doing it since March.

It's a very great event for me. It lights up my life. And also last week during the call, I was like, man, this is too much human contact for me. The idea of entertaining a stranger. A online conference called Hitchhiker is just completely non-viable for any living human being. Could you ask, I have one way it could work.

This is one way it could possibly work. Okay. You forwarded it. You forwarded it to proper Dan. Yahoo, Dan. I think the party's at Dan's. Are they both Dan? What is happening here?

I don't understand what is happening in this question. No, no. Dan is the host of the dinner. It's dinner at Dan's. So Dan sent the invite to question asker. So the only other people on the invite are Dan. Are Dan and Dan's spouse. Okay.

The other person you send it to, the correct you. You're not Dan. The lonely in Chicago at yahoo.com. You send it to them and you're like, hey, I got this. I think it might have been meant for you. I've got some of your mail before. And this is going to sound a little weird, but would you be willing to ask if I could also come along?

There you go. Do you get a plus one? Do you get a plus, do you get a plus me? Because that, because we have the same name. So we're kind of the same person. I was technically, if you want to get like super, and I hate to be this guy, but if you want to get super, I was invited to it instead of you.

So, and I'll be your wingman if you're trying to hook up with Dan. I'm just telling you. Hey, is this a great idea? Let me know if this is a great and profitable idea. Because I mentioned using watch me eat bruschetta as a gift. But would it be cool if there were like entertainers you could hire for your zoom hang to just like do some magic or play like a mariachi band or something like that? While you and your friends played like jack box games or whatever the fuck.

Griffin, you're a very innovative thinker, but there's no way that doesn't exist. We're six months into quarantine. You don't think someone's thought of I will play music or do magic during your zoom call? Not as a surprise. We on this call have had a party with a princess. That's factual. We have mostly for our children.

Let's be clear. Family fun princesses hooked us up with with a delightful princess encounter. Yeah. And by the way. Baby still is like, hey, can we can we call Rapunzel back? And I'm like, oh, I think Rapunzel is pretty busy, buddy. She had such a good time with us. But I do like the idea, though, if it's not an entertainer,

but rather like just a bon vivant. Somebody who like cool, just somebody who's there to keep conversation sparkling. You know what I mean? Just so if there's a lull in it, that you just have them sort of spice it up a little bit. That's French, Michael, Michel. Your trip to Target reminds me of my trip to Monaco. He's not going to make it all about him. Michel is going to make it all about the party guests.

He's making it special for them. He's being fascinated by their tales. Everyone, come listen. Pieter is telling me the most fascinating story. Now tell me, what did they do on family night last evening? Gather round. We're all on the same computer, Michel. I don't know how.

Susan has the most wonderful borat impression. You all must hear this. I've secretly asked. Go ahead, Susan, do it. My wife. I've secretly asked all of you to tell me your heart's darkest desires. I held them on flashcards in front of me.

I'm going to hold up each desire and I will ask you to guess which of our party guests gathered here tonight is the one with the most perverse, perverse urging. Michel, I'd like you to go ahead. You should go ahead tonight. One of you will be murdered. What? It's not my thing. It's not part of this.

I'm just letting warning. One of you is just statistically speaking. One of you is going to be murdered tonight. That's the that's the fucking thing, right? This is the thing. Oh my God, this is a billion dollar business. Zoom call with all your friends and a new friend of yours who they don't know. Okay.

You guys have got to meet my friend, Michel. And Michel gets murdered 10 minutes in and then somewhat the murder is like sneaking around in the back and leaving clues and everything. And you're going to like solve the murder. Oh, that would be cool. If you saw someone get murdered in your Zoom and then you watched the criminal just kind of poke around and bumble around and maybe check out like their Madden Ultimate team on their Xbox. Hey, hey, put that down.

Hey, that would be the fucking coolest juice of me and my eight friends, the only eight friends I have watched someone get murdered and then yelled at the screen over and like, stop, don't murder him. No, get out of here. That's your friend, Michel. Hey, get out of there. He was in the middle of a Madden game. But then the murderer would have the flashcards.

Wait, now we're back to the perverse desire thing. No, no, no, no, it's all connected. The murderer now has the flashcards that you gave Michel. So now you have to kill the murderer. Someone has to have the fucking guts to kill this guy. He knows too much. You're risking COVID and you're going to have to murder a human being to protect everyone's

dark secret. So Michel is close to me. Keep him talking. I'm going to kill that guy. Nah, fuck that. Watch this. Beep, boom. I gave him a thumbs down emoji reaction.

That's what I think. I always feel like I have, I always say that I don't have any great ideas for stories. I think it's because I waste them turning him into jokes. If I had said everything I said with a different tone of voice, I could have a hit film on my hands. I don't know. And also, by the way, this is, I understand, similar to the shutter original host, but that there's no flashcards and nobody named Michel.

True. And we're not in it. And we're not in it and we're not profiting from its success. We would be in this as the three murderers. Okay. Yeah. Michel is very powerful and knows many martial arts. So he's able to defend himself.

And I'm willing to be the one that Michel takes out before we can take him out. That would be cool to just watch two guys fight in your zoo call. And one of them die. No. Okay. So here's a, here's a yahoo that was sent in by several people. Thank you. It's asked by Yahoo!

Enters user Robert. And Robert has this question. What would you do if someone offered you blueberries from their wicker basket, but when you looked inside, they were stones instead? Would you be mad? Huh. Well. Seems abstract, an abstract idea, but really close your eyes and.

Okay. I'm imagining it. Okay. Walk me through. Well, you're walking down a rural road. Why does it gotta be rural? Because I don't think people are selling basketfuls. Farmers market asshole.

I doubt like a mobile farmers market where somebody's just like, Hey, you got blueberries here. Well, like they shut off this, or they shut off the ends of the street. There was a farmers market. They bought the blueberries. Now they're walking home from the farmers market. And then they're going to give them to me. Okay.

In my fucking scene, it's a rural countryside. That makes more sense. And you're walking down and let's say, let me face cast this person. Terry Hatcher is walking down the road with a wicker basket full of blueberries. It's not really Terry. Like if you saw Terry Hatcher, you'd be like, Oh fuck. Is that Terry Hatcher? But this is not.

This is not Lois Lane. This is. So it's not Terry Hatcher. Just looks like Terry Hatcher. Looks like her. And she has a shawl that is covering her and she comes up and says. Then how do I know it's Terry Hatcher? It's not.

You don't know. This is a blueberry vendor. That's all that you know, because she walks up to you and says, Buy mine, bloom, berry, buy mine, bloom. That's hard to say. Buy mine, blueberries for they have antioxidants. And then you are like, Fuck yeah, I could use some antioxidants.

My blood is rotten and you look inside of it and it's stones. Then I wouldn't buy them. Yeah. I wouldn't buy the smells. How sincere is she in her belief that they are blueberries? Also, wait, is she escaping in a hot air balloon? No question. Not yet.

Thank you. But that is going to happen at the end. How serious is she about that? Is she like, I got you. Are you punked? Or dead fucking serious. Listen, unless you guys have psychic mind reading abilities, you don't really know firmly how much she believes in her own little game here.

Okay, well then let's play it out. Terry Hatcher, these aren't blueberries. I'm not Terry Hatcher. Wait, I thought you were Terry Hatcher and these were blueberries, but you're not Terry Hatcher in the rocks. What's going on? Am I in vanilla sky? She no longer looks like Terry Hatcher.

Who's she looking like now? Her face morphs into a mask of pain. Terry Hatcher can feel pain. Wait, you're right. I feel like if someone walked up to you guys on the street and said, hey, got some blueberries, a chocolate block full of anti-oxo dance, you guys would, and then you look down and there were stones in the basket, you would do something, but you're really fucking leaving me out.

You're really hanging me out to dry right. I would, if it was me, I would actually probably take one from the basket, convince I was wrong with their stones, and probably attempt to eat one. That's right. That is literally what I would probably do. Justin got his right. I would not be interested because if a human being walked up to me out of nowhere and offered me any kind of food, I would not be interested.

Yeah, that's fair in these times. I mean, it's just a fit, right? If someone's like, hey, take some of this food, I come from a generation where I was told that people put raisins, broliettes, and apples and shit. I'm not going to eat your stone blueberries. I wouldn't even need them to get that far, so while consuming my anxiety, if I see somebody on the street with a wicker basket and they look at me

and they start to raise their hand and get through like, hey, I'm like, gone. I assume that basket's full of snakes. No, it could be full of blueberries for all I care, but having to talk to strangers about their wonderful produce is a little bit more than this guy can handle. But if they were stones, there's a story there. Are they pretty stones? I will give this to Terry Hatcher.

They are perfectly blueberry-sized. Are they blueberry colored? Yeah, that's a good question. No. Huh, so they're just gray? Grayish, yeah. But are they round like blueberries? I'm saying these things are fucking perfect replicas of blueberries.

Or so they're like 3D printed. Yeah. Also, this Terry Hatcher would be fucking jacked because this big basket full of stones would be heavy, I bet. I would actually rather take a rock from someone than food. That's good. Because then I'm lightning their load. You know what I mean?

Oh, that's beautiful. And you can always talk. What if we take a load off, Terry? Take a load free. Take a bloob for free. Does that think about it? It's like we're all keeling around wicker baskets of bloobs. Full blueberry shapes.

Stones. And if everybody would just take one stone from each other, we could all share. Picture 10 people, Griffin. Nine of them are Terry Hatcher and one of them isn't. And the one that's not has a wicker basket full of stones. And the other nine who are Terry Hatcher don't have any stones. Now, imagine how much easier it would be for non-Terry Hatcher

if those other nine people also carried some stones. Carried some of your stones. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that is communism. I'm, I'll be honest, Trav, I've always wondered what that word means. Yeah, that's it. When nine Terry Hatchers help out one non-Terry Hatcher.

Carry their stones. Is there a fruit that is more exciting to think about and see a big glistening basket of wet them than you eat one and you're like, then blueberries. No. Yeah. Well, I would include one I could think of would be all berries. Whoa.

Strawberries? You look at beautiful raspberry babies and they have those the little tiny berries inside. Yes. Little nubbins. Yeah. And you pop one in your mouth like, oh, it's Valker. Yeah.

What's wrong with you? It's not sweet, not delicious. Grass berries is good. Strawberries is good. Blackberries, too much work. And figs. Come on. Figs need to stop.

Do y'all know what figs do? Yeah. Make people feel fancier about their bacon. No. I read this yesterday. Fuck me up because I eat fig newtons. Like I party on fig newtons. I don't know that I've ever eaten a straight up fig

and now I definitely won't because there's wasps that pollinate them on the inside. So these dumb ass wasps, they crawl inside the fig. And then if it's a boy fig, which I didn't know that that was a thing, then the wasp dies inside and their eggs come out. And I guess wasp babies are like, cool. Now, wait a party.

But then sometimes they'll climb inside of the girl fig and they can't pollinate that. And so they just die and the fig turns them into more fig. Ah, so the fig wins. Isn't that fucked up? Wait, are you saying fig newtons is wasps? At some point in the process, you're eating a bit of wasp. And the wasp is the worst animal.

Hmm, huh. This is it. I'm gonna start calling figs wasp coffins. And then we'll see wasp coffin newtons. And then we'll see if anybody eats these things. You know, I actually kind of would rather have a wasp coffin at Newton. Any other fruit jokes? Any other fruit jokes?

Kiwis, kiwis. What's up with kiwis? Kiwis, they're furry. What's that about? They're furry. They might look like a nut. Like a testicle. Oh, Griffin, that's vulgar.

Apples, Granny Smith. No, man. My granny is named Donna. Who's nice. Get him. Yeah. So that could be good. That's something.

Bananas. Oh, bananas are pretty. There's a lot to work with there, isn't there? Why? Kurt Cameron. The shape. Oh, the shape. Kurt Cameron.

But they're just like, what? Like a smile? Oh, it's like a like a pee pee. Your penis looks like a banana. Jesus Christ. Go to a doctor. No, we're all having fun here. My penis does have a stem, though.

Oh God, Griffin, wait at what end? Wait, hold on. What's the one right? It's the end right above the candle. What? You heard it. That was you. I don't think anybody's confused about what's

been happening here. Grapes. I can do a fun thing with grapes where I put them up in my lips and makes it look like I'm a like a buck teeth, like a beaver. But you obviously can't see that at home. I recently moved. Gallard's got a lot of mileage out of watermelon.

Maybe there's some meat left on the bone. Here's the new rule. If you're dangling and I try to hand you a or kind of a hanger or, you know, they give, if I listen, if I hand you a stool and you're dangling and you kick that stool away and say, I got one more bad thing to say, you don't get the stool again. You dangle.

Do you think that there was ever like somebody who went to a Gallagher show? No one listening to this has ever heard of Gallagher. You would, we would have more mileage talking about Frasier. What if Gallagher hit Frasier with a mallet? I recently moved and transferred to a new branch of the company I work for.

Aside from the usual adjustments, it's, aside from the usual adjustments, it's been a surprisingly smooth transition. However, one fellow employee constantly feels the need to throw fake punches accompanied by sound effects at me every time we run into each other. It's a restaurant. This happens 20 to 30 times a day.

Oh boy. I'm fine with the horse play. But after he's finished, he'll stop and look at me directly in the eyes as if he expects me to have a unique reaction every time. I've been doing fake grunts. Oh my God. And I even pretended to wipe blood off my face a few

times, but it's been over a month and I'm running out of steam. Help me daunted and Dayton. Oh boy. Can we just, can we, can we not make it harder than it has to be? Can that be the 2021 slogan? Just stop making it harder.

It's so hard already. It's so hard already on like virtually every level. And there's people who have such a tremendous amount of power and influence and they're using every inch of it to make it bad. They don't need our help to make it better with stuff like this. They, they simply do not.

I don't know. Sounds like a fun little game to me. No. Okay. Here's what you do. I'll solve it for you. If you want, you want, you want it fixed? I'll fix it.

Just one time, lean in and force this person, force this person to punch you in the face. Yeah. Just when they're about to rear back for a big fake punch-o, you lean in real hard and get deck square in the jaw. End of game. Yeah.

End of, end of job for that person, I bet. No, you say I'm not going to press job charges. They don't need to lose their job. You're not going to go to boss jail. No, I'm not pressing job charges. It's fine. Just don't pretend I love the game. No, don't get me wrong.

I love the game. You fucked, you fucked it up. You fucked it up. You're in it. And now the boss, the boss is on our case about it. What if they put it, you did, what if you complained to your boss and there was a sign of the next, it's like, hey, no one in particular, but stop pretending to punch

people. Well, I think I'll tell you the problem. The problem is it's so very physical. What if you pretend to poison each other? All right. All right. Yeah. Or you pretend to lie of old age.

That's cool. And then the game's over. That's cool too, Trav. Badass, like fucking hand in hand on two cots in the break room. Exactly. That's awesome. Here's what you do.

That's awesome. Next time he's taken some fake slings at you, you don't react. You're seeing their stone faced and he's going to kind of pause and like what, what has changed and you're going to point to your completely empty wrist and say, I got this force field generator. And then you walk away.

That's cool. Game, game's over. And then if he's like, what's that? He's like, I can't hear you. Do I am incredibly potent force field. And also I can't breathe through it. This is a venomous thing through it. So I'm, but I am going to have to free me.

I'm going to pass away now and I don't want to do it in front of you because it's embarrassing. I heard you poop yourself right there. I'm going to look like a real boob. So I'm just going to climb in the dumpster so I don't inconvenience anybody. Throw my dead ass body. The dumpster behind the apple bees when I die.

I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Don't go through with a trouble. I know you're referencing the Joe Diffie track prompt me up beside the jukebox when I die. Joe Diffie did die this year and I wonder if there was a moment where his loved ones looked around each other and were like, so we're not, we're not going to. I probably forced a hard conversation with

Willie Nelson's family when they were like, so is this a living will? Do we really have to roll you up and smoke you grandpa? Grandpa, grandpa, I wick and don't want to smoke you grandpa. I love you so much. I love you so much grandpa. I don't want your dust getting all up in my lungs. Anyway, are we just going to be very tired until

the episode after the election? I'm not tired. I'm just, I'm just getting warmed up. I just have a cold sore on my lip. It's making me difficult for me to bring some of my choice characters. You know, Mr. F, the guy who only makes F sounds. I can't even do that character right now

because it's cold sore so bad. Yeah, it sucks. Anyway, you guys do the money zone because my lips hurt. Travis, you like to do this one. I'm not going to take that from you. Yeah, you do. You like them. Okay, here we go.

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But you did it for me. Thank you so much. Just go to joinhoney.com slash brother. And if you're ever checking out somewhere that has a coupon, it'll get it for you. Find it, put it in and you save money. You can get honey for free today if you go to joinhoney.com slash brother, do it.

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Right now, our listeners get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and join and type in my brother all one word. That's stamps.com. Enter my brother all one word.

It's, oh, sorry. Do you want to do one for Blue Apron? I love to eat and there's no better way to eat than food that you made yourself. I, for instance, yes, last week, this previous week, enjoyed a sort of a ground beef with noodles and it sounded better when they put all the additives in there.

I know I'm kind of making it sound like shiftware to eat, but it was Blue Apron and I made it myself. Was it Blue Apron's yummy ground beef noodles? Oh, I love those. That's my favorite, Justin. Did it have some kind of sauce with it or was it just dry beef and dry noodles? Sometimes it's Romanesco.

Love that stuff. Chimichurri can't get enough. That's pretty good. They come with any side, Justin. Did it have a bit of vegetable with it? Oh, there's always a vegetable, which I love. I love that because I like to have a balanced meal. September, this month, I've enjoyed so many delicious recipes.

Turkey burgers, oh my God. I just remember turkey burgers with lemongrass and ginger in them. Are you kidding me? Shut up and you can make it easily with just a few simple kitchen tools. You see pictures right there on the box and a recipe with photos.

So you know exactly what you're doing. If you want to start cooking for yourself more, if you're tired of the carryout options around you and you want to try something different, this is the place to start with Blue Apron. This fall, don't settle for sameness. Change things up with Blue Apron's variety of delicious easy to make recipes.

Check out this week's menu and get $30 off across your first two deliveries when you visit blueapron.com slash my brother. That's blueapron.com slash my brother. Also, blapron.com does still work. All right. Blapron. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

They give you food. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Oh, that was lazy. But you got to cook it yourself. Hello there, ghouls and gals. It is I, April Wolfe. I'm here to take you through the twisty, scary, heart-pounding world of genre cinema

on the exhilarating program known as Switchblade Sisters. The concept is simple. I invite a female filmmaker on each week and we discuss their favorite genre film. Listen in closely to hear past guests like the Babadook director Jennifer Kent, Winter's Bone director Deborah Granik, and so many others every Thursday on MaximumFun.org.

Tune in if you dare. It's actually a very thought-provoking show that deeply explores the craft and philosophy behind the filmmaking process while also examining film through the lens of the female gaze. So I'm like, you should listen. Switchblade Sisters. My song wasn't done.

It was. I want a munch. I want to munch. Watch. Justin, you might need to have a word with your guitarist. He's kind of riffing a little there, stealing a little attention. He's in a different tuning.

He's trying to jaw-focus. He's on that Nick Drake shit. He's in that Nick Drake open D beautiful drop D tuning. So listen, I got a few just brief stories I want to share. Oh, this is nice. Yeah, just some brief stories. Tim Hortons is giving away pumpkins with beverage orders. If you're at Tim Hortons in the U.S.

and you buy pumpkin spice beverage through the Tim Hortons app, when you go and pick it up, they're going to give you a pumpkin. Whether you want one or not. No matter what you do, if you get a pumpkin spice latte, a pumpkin spice ice cap, whatever, they don't care. They're going to put a pumpkin in your car. Wow. If you try to leave it in the restaurant,

they will chase you through the parking lot with a pumpkin saying, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, your pumpkin. They will find you. If you go through the drive-thru and don't stop to get your pumpkin, when you get home, you're going to open the back door and there's the pumpkin. And you're going to throw that pumpkin in the fire, but then later tonight when you go to bed,

you're going to pull back the covers and there's the pumpkin, brand new, whole once again. You're going to make it, you're going to make a wish and the pumpkin's going to rot before your very eyes in a matter of seconds. But be careful what you wish for it because the pumpkin is very literal. Yeah.

Next story from Joseph requires a little bit of cultural education. Do you know what Kraft Mac and Cheese is called in Canada? No, Kraft Dinner. Thank you, Travis. Pumpkin Spice KD. It's coming to Canada this fall. That's not my acronym. It's theirs.

And one of the more unlikely partnerships of 2020, Kraft Dinner has announced they're unveiling Pumpkin Spice KD. Wait, what's the partnership, Kraft and Pumpkins? Kraft and Pumpkins. Hitting shelves in Canada this October, Pumpkin Spice KD is made with the same classic KD cheese powder Canadians know and love, as well as the addition of fall flavors,

including hints of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and ginger. While some may feel the combination is not something they're interested in trying, others are, as Canadians have already begun signing up to try the new concoction. You have to sign up? Joseph, who sent this in to the Munch Squad tip line, said the cowards are only making a thousand boxes of the stuff.

Someone from the company was on the radio saying they have a wait list of over 10,000 people waiting to try it. So I don't know. People are dying for it. Here's the quote, KD has always been known for one of a kind cheesy taste. And after years of watching Canadians get excited for pumpkin spice season, we felt that it was time to combine these two iconic flavors and create Pumpkin Spice KD.

It was time to cash in. Cash in on the KD. This, this is good. Canadians have always made KD their own way. And not many people would expect KD to be part of the PSL conversation. But that's the whole point. What? Only one.

You heard me. That's the whole point because it's so wild. Only a thousand will be made to move over lattes and muffins. PSKD is the new must try flavor this fall. This is vulgar. Maybe people will buy a box of it and they'll sell it on eBay for a lot of money. And then that song, I've had a million dollars. We wouldn't have to eat craft dinner,

but we would finally be able to eat the craft dinner that is seasoned with pumpkin spice. So this next last story is when a lot of people sit in and I just wanted to do it. So it stopped getting emails about it. Red Lobster and PepsiCo have kicked off a new relationship with the Dugherita, the first Mountain Dew cocktail. Finally.

Why is Red Lobster the one? Why wouldn't Red Lobster be the one? Well Griffin, Red Lobster and Pepsi have been dancing around each other for a while now. And we're all thinking time to just get to it and get to fucking. By which I mean create a Mountain Dew based cocktail that goes with any lobster based dish. I, this says the first, I sorry, I should be clear.

This is the first official Mountain Dew cocktail. See, because I know at least for example, the first time I ever got drunk was on a cocktail I created made of Popov vodka and Mountain Dew Codered. So that might have been the, that was never adopted officially by the company. Halo juice, that's what you called it. Fucking Land Fuel, baby.

You could call it Code Red Square. That's actually not bad. Red Lobster and PepsiCo are teaming to create exciting new ways to enjoy great seafood along the way. I guess you had to bring that yourself to the Red Lobster with the great taste of variety of PepsiCo products. The duo will leverage their iconic food and beverage brands

to create a variety of craveable new menu items. Starting with the Dugurita, the first Mountain Dew cocktail. God help me friends, if you wake up in the morning craving a Dugurita, go back to bed. Try again tomorrow. Want something better. Want better. Dream bigger.

The Dugurita pairs perfectly with Red Lobster's iconic Cheddar Bay business. That's it. City fucking official. Official. My friends. Official. I do friends.

It's a new official. A hors d'oeuvres for dirtbags. It's Dugurita. Hey, I'm Travis McRae, representative for Red Lobster for 2021. This year, we just skipped all the trouble. We soaked the Cheddar Bay biscuits in the Dugurita. You can just pick yourself up.

A soaking wet Cheddar Bay biscuit. Hors the whole thing down. Get the job done right. If I was standing in an infinite warehouse with infinite type writers, man by infinite monkeys, and I stood up front, I gave the prompt, okay you silly guys, what beverage, what liquid, potable liquid on earth,

would you pair with Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay biscuits? Never. Never with somebody like, ooh. I'm thinking the alcohol. So maybe a margarita, but instead of the regular margarita stuff, a Mountain Dew mixed in there. Because that will contrast the notes of Cheddar and Bay in a biscuit.

It's Fartcuterie is what we call it. Made using a top secret recipe. This refreshingly fun content. Can I guess? We'll begin rolling out to select Red Lobster restaurants in September and will be available nationwide by the end of 2020, which sounds more of a threat. The Red Lobster and PepsiCo innovation teams are

quickly working together to leverage iconic PepsiCo brands across the Frito-Lay and Quaker range of products to create tasty menu items. Look forward to Wilfrid Brimley's Quaker Oats squares all fashions. I like how you've dusted the rim. Free Tosmopolitan, that's a Cosmopolitan made with Fritos. If you guys have any others from the Frito-Lay family

of products, please let me know. Free Tosmopolitan, that's a Frito Cosmopolitan. Sorry, you guys are lagging out. I'm not hearing these words. Mark Dorito. What's that? Oh, Mark Dorito. OK, that's fine.

We've actually already done a margarita one. Red Lobster guests will also be able to enjoy a broad range of beverages. A broad range of beverages from PepsiCo, including PepsiCo, Mountain Dew, and stubborn craft soda, as well as bubbly sparkling water, life water, Tropicana, and non-carbonated options like Lemonade and Agua Fresca.

Hey, so you're just saying that you'll still have. So what they've said in this paragraph is that this will not be the only drink. Don't you worry. If you choose to take the coward's way out, you don't have to drink the doogorita. Fucking Red Lobster's the coward. If you're going to introduce a doogorita

into your fucking lineup, make it mandatory. Damn it. Hey, man, if you don't drink the doog, then you don't drink a Red Lobster. There's people out there who don't drink alcohol, there's people out there who don't drink Mountain Dew, and neither of those people are welcome at Red Lobster for the next couple months.

So pull up to the trough, get yourself a drink, and over here, we just got a big pile of Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Tarian, you got to. If you are willingly eating inside of a Red Lobster, currently, you should be forced to drink a doogorita. That should be good. That's good, because it'll kill all the germs in your body. Red Lobster and PepsiCo, we found the vaccine,

but the bad news is it's doogoritas. We can save them, but at what cost? Oh, I'm not sure. Gosh, let me think about it. Red Lobster and PepsiCo both understand how much food and beverages enhance memorable moments from casual gatherings. Do you remember during COVID,

when we went and drank fucking doogoritas and got COVID there? That was so weird. But casually. So it's like, doesn't even count. With both our brands on deck to wow guests, we can't wait to dream up more phenomenal flavor pairings together

to bring in some very special offerings and experiences to the table. Red Lobster and PepsiCo also share a common passion for sustainability. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To create sustainability of everything other than the human race, ostensibly. Aiming to create a more environmentally friendly

experiences for guests. Both companies are partners with the Ocean Conservancy and Trash Free Seas Alliance. Trash Free Seas, Trash Full Red Lobsters. That's my motto. What we do is every time we harvest a mountain dew, we plant two more. Don't worry about it.

Any trash that we find in your oceans, we just bring you straight into the restaurant and find out a way to make it into a margarita. The relationship will leverage the goals of both companies to incorporate more sustainable packaging and distribution techniques of the future. I want my doogorita in a little plastic pouch

like they used to put milk in an elementary school that have to jab with a straw. That's how I want it. Just get big communal cup. Just put, just get rid of the water in the tank with the lobsters in it that you pick which one you want to eat and fill that with doogorita.

And then whatever you can scoop out of there with two hands. And put the lobsters back in. Put the lobsters back in. Because they want to party. Yeah, listen. And also because we can't have water in this building at all or else people are going to be tempted to drink it.

Not a drop. Not a drop. Now let me tell you boys, I'm a simple man and I enjoy the simple pleasures. I've enjoyed shrimp. The red, the endless shrimp is one of life's great joys as far as I'm concerned. I've enjoyed a red lobster before.

First, first restaurant I ever took Charlie to. My first daughter was at the shrimp vortex of endless shrimp. That's true. I attempted to consume 100. I think I made it to 85. It was the worst day of my life. It was not great. But I enjoy a cheddar bay to piss against.

Sure. Uh, or this not the year of our Lord 2020 and perhaps any other time in existence, would I be tempted to attend a feast at Red Lobster and indulge perhaps in a Dugrita? Why are you talking like this? Paired with a cheddar bay biscuit? Because I'm a classic boy who would-

You're a classic classy boy? What the fuck? You were just speaking like an old English bard. Yep. That character went so hard in the paint for so long. That's a classic classy boy. There was a- It's such a thin sliver that people were high listening

like, this must be a reference to something. That's just one of those fancy lads that you see eating at Red Lobster any other time except now. But there had to be a point when you were saying all that stuff, when you were like, man, I've been doing this wild voice for a long time and it doesn't make much sense, but I can't possibly stop now. Can I tell you what's weird Griffin?

Yeah. I didn't notice. You didn't notice? I wasn't so much doing the voices the voice was doing me. Wow. Yeah. Like I just became the classic classy boy. Yeah.

And like, I don't know what to tell you. I feel like the voice did all of us. Can I do- I recently made cheddar bay biscuits at home. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Is that okay?

I did that in- Would you get out? I did that in cooking class in high school. It was- Yeah, they're easy. I ordered- Can I tell you guys something?

Yeah. We were talking about if we weren't in- I don't- The Year of Our Lord 2020? Yeah. I ordered on eBay. I ordered- There's this new smart food popcorn that has Captain Crunchberries in it.

Okay. And I really wanted to try it because Dan, my co-host of my serial podcast, The Empty Bowl, he had tried it, so I wanted to try it because I want to try everything that Dan tried. So I- But I couldn't find it at- Dan jumped off a bridge.

How would you jump off a bridge? I mean, if you needed me to rescue him or something. No, it's a bridge, Dave. Third, I couldn't find him in stores because I don't really go to stores looking for popcorn. So I got some off eBay for three bags. I got some off eBay and they were shipped to my home. And when I opened them, there was-

I just wanted to say there was an envelope, and I uploaded the envelope, and there was a handwritten thank you note inside that said, thank you for buying this popcorn. I hope you find it delicious. And also inside, there were four baseball cards. Oh. Huh.

I just thought that was so nice. I fucking love eBay bonuses. Yeah, just here's one thing I always do is baseball cards. So there's four baseball cards. Okay, love, like Captain. That's awesome. Yeah, I just thought it was a nice little story. I wanted to share a little bright spot.

Yeah, I got some bottle caps and a toy that I found. I bought a toy and it came with bottle caps. And yeah, you can do a lot with those. Turn them into pins or capsy. I like to fling them. You kind of put them between your thumb and your fling them. Can I do a quick yahoo, please? I love that.

Yes, please. It's sent by Emma Cant, thanks Emma. It's yahoo answers user Drishti asks. Hey, guys. Can somebody suggest me names for some grand mansion like Thornhill of Riverdale? Thanks. I'm now realizing that this is the name of a building

or a state from the TV show Riverdale and that there's not a place in the earth called Thornhill of Riverdale. Or is there? Yeah, you don't know that. Could be. Here's the thing that I love about this. At some point, there are some fancy ass houses out there,

you guys, with these fancy ass names. At some point, if you have a mansion called Thornhill, it didn't come with that name. Like somebody built this house and said, my house gets a name now. And I like that. I think we should do that more. I have a name for my house.

Okay. I have a name for my house. I'm not going to dox myself. Well, my house name isn't registered anywhere, Justin. You can't. Okay. So listen, you can name your house. It doesn't ever matter.

You can always name your house. You should name your house right now. You don't live in an address. You live in an estate. Just name your estate. It's just about naming it. You can do whatever you want. All right.

Let's just come up with some good like Riverdale. Feathertail. Are we just going to rhyme things with Riverdale? Because we could do that all day. Heathertail. Okay. Stratford upon Avon.

Leather Whale. Ooh, Thistleclaw. Hey, are we doing warrior cat names? Justin, if you're looking at a list of warrior cat names, you legally have to tell us. Rafe them all. Oh, I'm saying it's another gray stripe of Huntington. I think what you should do, you should have more fun

with it then because you could do an old stuffy name, right? But you could also call it like Party Town, right? Or just like you could just like termite damage. You know, like have a fun name. No. It's got to be a compound word. It does? Okay.

It's got to be a compound word. It's got to be a compound word. Batman. Batman. This is Batman the house. It's pretty moody in there. No theme whatsoever on the outside or the inside. This is my house Batman.

It just has Batman energy, big Batman energy. Just when I see it, I think Batman. I'd say, you know what sucks is a really cool name for a house is Brookstone. But that's already a shop. Take an IKEA. I'm going to be straight with you. I'm having trouble focusing on this question because I was just thinking about Riverdale and how I did used to watch that show.

But then I quit watching it. There was an episode during the story arc where there was a murderer who was murdering people in the town of Riverdale. And like killed a couple people. And Archie got pretty peo'd about that. Oh, they're going to say Archie got killed, which would have been a really brave move. No. But what Archie did, because he didn't like that there were people getting murdered,

is he got a bunch of his friends and they put on red masks and were shirtless in his garage and they filmed themselves. And Archie was basically like, hey, serial killer. If you don't stop, we are going to kill you. And I was like, I think I might be done watching this. That's the wildest thing for a person to ever do. That I don't think I can hang with this show's energy anymore. What is your criteria for watching a show then?

Because that for me is where I am now, for the first time, interested in watching Riverdale. Apparently, it's got real magic in it now. And I don't, that's whatever. Ooh. But the idea, I want, I want to. Just chuck head to your magic. That's exciting. I want a teen boys anti-murder club who goes out.

And if there's people doing killing, we do killing on them first. Well, it sounds like at least they gave a warning and serial killers don't do that. Dexter never did that. And we're clearly shirtless. So you can see that our football bodies could hurt your body killer person. Unless the killer person, I don't know, maybe is more in shape or has more friends than Archie. But that's not possible. Archie has a lot of friends.

Very popular. Jughead alone could take down a murderer too. You didn't finish watching it, but do you think it turned out that Jughead was the murderer? Was the murderer. Yeah, murdering for hamburger money, I assume. I haven't watched the show, but I've read the comics. The podcast is over. Okay.

Thanks for listening to my brother, my brother made it. Wait, I didn't know we could just do that. Yeah, I can do it. I actually have the power. Oh, okay. Next time do it like 15 minutes in. No, we have to do enough comedy to keep this nation afloat. That's a lot of pressure on us.

Yeah. Don't be afraid. Embrace the challenge. Okay. Do you guys want to say anything? I do. I have a couple of things in closing. I have a couple of things.

First, there's going to be some really great new merch out this week over at macroimerch.com. We're bringing back the pin of the month, and this month we're doing a tiger on the table pin of the month designed by Sam Schultz. And the proceeds for that are going to go to benefit the Marsha Pete Johnson Institute, which defends and protects the human rights of black transgender and gender nonconforming people. And the Sylvia Rivera Law Project, which works to guarantee that all people are free to determine their gender identity and expression. Also a macroimerch.com Candle Nights Ornaments by Lynn Doyle,

Candle Nights Wrapping Paper by Justin Gray, a new jump scare pin that is very cute. You can check that out. So cute. We have a book coming out that is all about how to podcast, how to make a podcast that you are proud of called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You. It's available for pre-order now. If you go to the macroipodcastbook.com, you can pre-order in all sorts of forms, including an audiobook.

So go there, macroipodcastbook.com. That's going to come out in January. And one more thing, we're doing some panels, some stuff with New York Comic-Con, all digitally, not in person, because we are responsible. There's a Taz graphic novel first look panel, Thursday the 8th. There's a free podcast Q&A panel, Sunday the 11th. There's a D&D workshop, which is a ticketed event, Sunday the 11th.

And you can get all the information and ticket links and everything at bit.ly slash McElroy's NYCC 2020. And the M, the E, and the NYCC are capitalized. Hey, thanks to John Roderick and the Long Winders for the use for our theme song. It's at a part show off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's very good. And the song is good and the album is good. And thanks to Maximum Fun for having us on the network.

Go to maximumfun.org, check out all the great shows there. Shows like Minority Corner and Story Break and a whole lot more, maximumfun.org. Y'all want that final? Oh, yeah. One more thing, just a little thing. Teresa and I are doing a little watch along kind of podcast thing for Great British Bake Off. We're posting the episodes up on our YouTube channel, the McElroy Family YouTube channel.

It's called Bake On. Is it a video? Well, it's got a static image with audio on it. Okay. Yeah. So you can go and listen on YouTube. It's really cute and funny. Hey, here comes that, man, I was going to read this final,

but then like when you're looking at Yahoo Answers, there's like stories that appear on top, like little news stories. And I don't know, one of them is even better than any final Yahoo I could do, because the headline of this story is Dennis Quaid is over-cancel culture. Okay. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. My name is Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother and me, because your dad's square on the lips.