My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 534: The Hang-in-There Burger

Episode Date: November 9, 2020

We’ve all been through the wringer these past couple of weeks, but don’t worry! We have a burger, now, that’s gonna fix EVERYTHING. Take a bite, savor its complex flavor profile, and allow its powerful beef juices to do their thing.Suggested talking points: Concessions, Waxy Sex Tongs, Waterbed Secrets, Jacket Half-Theft, What’s the Cups, Chainsaw SurpriseWays to support Black Lives Matter and find anti-racism resources: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatter

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother. My brother mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy. Good evening. Oh, no. Okay. Please be seated. I gotta say thank you to my team, and I want to say thank you to

everyone who worked so hard on this campaign, this effort. It felt like me, Griffin McElroy, the youngest brother, wasn't even one entity because our hearts had merged, as we all know, it was looking good there in the beginning, but things started to change colors, which is confusing to me. I am afraid I am here tonight to concede my presidential bid, and I wanted to say out there, I love my wife and God and my kid, and I just worked so hard, but it off beans. It didn't happen this time around. Mr. McElroy, Travis McElroy of the Travis McElroy Monthly. Yeah. What party were you running with? I didn't hear a lot about your campaign. Party Rock Anthem. The Party Rock Anthem Party, or is it just called Party Rock Anthem?

Have you heard the song? It's not called Party Rock Anthem Party, is it? Your political party was the song? Next question. This is next question. Yeah, you're promised to send every American family. I'm sorry, please introduce yourself. Oh, hi. This is Justin McElroy from Quibi. You said that you were going to send every American family 100,000, and I have it here in my notes. Hold on one second. I'm rubbing two great Wolf Lodge gift cards together. Right. 100,000 smackaroonies, you said. Sure. Yeah, I was surprised that people didn't give me more votes for that, because that's a considerable sum of money, and I listened to the words of my good dear friend, Andrew Yang,

because you know me. I'm fucking deep in the yang gang and the cane train. So those were sort of my guiding lights, and he was like, let's give everybody a basic income. And I was like, let's give everybody 100,000 American dollars. A follow-up question, Travis McElroy's base camp. Were you actually going to ever do that? Next question. I was going to stop war. I was going to not do, I wasn't planning on doing war. Yeah, you said you weren't planning on doing war anymore. Yeah, I didn't want to. I thought about it for a while, and like, I get it. You know, you see Black Hawk Down, Zero Dark Thirty, Avatar, the last airbender by M.I. Schumann,

and you see like all these military flicks, and you're like, fuck yes. Call of duty, another big one for me. And more like Call of Duty. Yeah, you see those, and you're like, fuck yes. But then you think about it, and you're like, it's really just a lot of sort of people hurting. So I wasn't going to, wasn't going to do that one. Apparently, I thought that was another hot ticket item, but um. Hi, Steve Kurnacky here at MSNBC. Hi. I've been moving some of these numbers around, and I have, hold on. Yeah. Okay, yes. This is, if you look up here, where Griffin's opponent, Mr. Peanut,

currently has 50,000 votes, and Griffin had eight. But if you look at these percentages, the rate these ballots are coming in, Griffin, I think there's every chance you are going to pull through with a very viable performance here against Mr. Peanut. And let me tell you, regardless of how this goes, I'm going to take this. Uh-huh, wait. I'm going to take, I'm going to. Sorry. Okay, go say it again. Okay. That was my producer. I'm sorry. I was actually getting some incorrect information. It's actually down to seven now. Oh, he lost a vote.

You lost one vote. You didn't pick up a bunch. You actually lost one. Like I was saying before, you interrupted me, a political guy. So think about that. I was saying, I'm going to take this case to the extreme court, which is the next, which is the one higher up. Here he goes. Now that's the one where you and Mr. Peanut are going to shred against each other, right? Can we get this kind of fuck out of here? Hi, Travis McRoy, different Travis McRoy.

He's a big, I'm going to take this to the extreme court because he's a fucking baby. I'm sorry for cussing. I know I'm on MSNBCC and all the big ones, but he's a baby. Is extreme court the one where all the speeds are settled via foam jousting rods like in American Gladiators? Yes. And then we have to do the wipeout course. Now I made a joke like that and you kicked me out of your press conference. Well, because you phrased it wrong. Sorry, I cursed. I know we're on the MSNBCC.

Yeah, we're on TV. I think that one's not going to win me any rust belt votes. Now, sorry, Travis McRoy, third Travis McRoy. Yeah. Now that you have conceded, would you accept another position in the administration? Well, I didn't quite concede, did I? I didn't say it, did I? Oh, do you concede? Yeah. Oh, a little mystery.

Yeah. So, oh, that makes you very intriguing. Now, now I think you're very attractive because of this mystery you've created. And I'll tell you, I tell you, I didn't, yeah, excuse me, Justin McRoy. I'm interrupting the political guy again. So think about that. Sorry, I am attempting to abstract this bit so it doesn't become so pointed as to become in poor taste on Monday.

Since we have no idea if Monday will ever come at this point. Yeah, at this junction. At this particular junction. Now, I have just Travis McRoy interrupting, Justin McRoy interrupting the political guy. Yeah. Candidate Griffin, do you think that the gargoyles of the gargoyle cartoon fit into the whole of the fighting mutant animals with abs genre, or are they a separate kind of entity?

Well, if you read my policy platform, you would know that I do categorize the gargoyles right alongside the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Samurai Pizza Cats. So. Do you include the biker mice from Mars and the mighty ducks in there, sir? Go to my website, go to my website, which I won't say out loud, because that means Justin won't have to buy another website, but go to my website and you'll see where I stand on Big Bad Beetle Borgs. If you're a trooper.

Cowboys and Mood Mesa. Yes. Excuse me, Justin McRoy is my brother. My name is Travis McRoy. Whoa, I don't know much about pot. What is the rest, Bill? I'm really embarrassed to ask. Right, right.

So there was a long time ago. I'm so glad you asked this question. I'm so fucking glad you asked this. What's your name, old guy? Are you asking me my name? Yeah, what's your name? You who asked the question. It's Travis McRoy.

My brother, Justin McRoy, of course, knows what the rest of the belt is. Yeah. But I didn't know, so I wanted to ask. You won't tell me. This is such a smart little question, old guy. And I'm proud of you for asking it. I'm a lawyer, so please don't talk down to me. Okay, so anyway, back in the day, there was a few states.

That did a lot of blacksmithing. But it rained, didn't it? What states would you say those were, sir? The upper ones. The upper ones. Mr. McRoy, if you could just name some of the states in that rust belt. Oh, sure. I would love to hear kind of where you're at.

I feel pretty certain Michigan. But Michigan is on the border of the country. It's on the border of the country, so what kind of belt could that be? That's not a belt, that's a hat. It's a rust hat. And I guess it doesn't sound as good. If it's a belt, it's got to be in the middle. That's why Florida is called the dick shoe.

And that's great. Bible belt? That makes sense because it's a belt around the pants of our Florida penis. Yep. And that's why California is called the fanny pack. It's right there on the hip. That's where it fits in. And that's why we call the Dakotas and Iowa.

That's the bread bowl. Do you think it's embarrassing? You could eat that right up when you're done with your soups. Yep. Hi, another Macaroy brother here. Which one? Do you think it's embarrassing? What?

Which one? Gillop. Hi, Gillop Macaroy. Do you think it's embarrassing that apparently Charleston, West Virginia, which is just 40 miles from our hometown, is apparently part of the rest of it? And you were not aware of this fact. Do you find that embarrassing?

Wait, just Charleston, though, not Huntington? No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. We didn't make it. You have to have had production at one point. Ah, okay. Well, I did not say it wasn't. So I do concede, and I'm done, but catch me out there on the trail.

You're retreating to your original campaign slogan, which was I did not say it wasn't the Macaroy 2020. Exactly. I don't like the idea of it just being separate towns sprinkled around, because that sounds like rust freckles. Sure. I'm just saying these two fucking guys are up there like, bah, no, you, bah.

And I'm over here like chilling. So I guess where do you want to, where's your loyalties lie? My name is Griffin Macaroy. I approve this message. I unconcede. Come and get it. Oh. Come and get it.

That's the new slogan. Come and get it. You're $100,000. I'm going to take all the healthcare away. All the healthcare is going to go away, but guess what? I'm also going to get rid of all illness. Wow.

Everyone will be invulnerable. Hi, Travis Macaroy, Travis Macaroy Monthly. Go ahead. I've decided to throw my hat in the ring, and now I'm running too. Get on under then. Get on up here. Okay. Thank you.

All right. Excuse me. Hold on. I'm getting on stage. I'm a political guy now, and you can't interrupt me. You can't talk to us political guys like that. And now as a political guy, I'm willing to give every American family $1 million if they can find me.

Yeah, rat race. I've given you all the clues. This guy rules. Now you'll have to find me. Second place, get to Jelly Belly Factory that I do not own. All right. Third place, Big Smooch. Oh, it's, but it's now it's good the momentum's gone, I feel like.

Well, it depends on how much you value a smooch. So right now, I guess, Justin, you're the only person in the room. Vote. Excuse me. My name's Roger Dinkins. I built that stage. You are standing on. It's not rated for two people.

You gotta get on. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. No. It's taking so long. Oh, no. Why did we build the stage so tall?

Oh, God, Almighty Inhibit of Jesus. No. No, Bobby got me. I'm ruined. What a whoopsy, right? Did you guys ever see Kelsey Grammer did one of those? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's mine. That's mine. I don't think he collapsed the stage for bringing Niles Crane up on the business. No, that actually is what happened. He fell off the stage and then he was so angry he smashed this. My new policy platform, I'm going to think I'm going to run with in 2024 or 2022. I could do a Senate one.

Is that one time that Kelsey Grammer fell off the stage? I refuse to let this degrade our great institution of my brother and my brother and me any longer. You guys ever thought about doing a Senate? I thought about doing a Senate. I'm not talking about politics anymore. I think I'd be a good Senator. I have to prove to myself that my brain can process information

that is not about politics currently. Probably not going to. For reference, my friends. Try to flashback as you're listening to this. To Friday, November 6th at 2.51 p.m. Here's how distracted we are by what is happening in this world right now. You are listening to this after Travis and my birthday that we shared. Oh, shit.

We did not make the opener about that. And now it's too late. No, we're still special birthday boys though, right? No, we're not. We talked about politics and we fucked up. All right. Fuck. Yep.

Sorry. And I was turning 29. And I'm 23. Wink. Wink, wink. I'm eight. Hello. Give me all your jelly beans.

Can ice has jelly beans, mister? Okay. Recently, while my roommate was away for the weekend, I executed a crafting endeavor which required me to stick my recently purchased silicone kitchen tongs into a melted bath and body works candle. I washed them afterwards and put them back where they belonged. A few days later, when my roommate was back,

I made some dinner for the two of us using the tongs and the entire meal tasted faintly of this candle. Whoops. Whoops they do. I don't think my roommate noticed, otherwise he would have said something. I'm at a crossroads. Do I tell my roommate about what happened

and replace the brand new tongs? Or do I keep them and continue to have my meals taste like mahogany coconut? That's a safe voice. Hey, I'm paying. What's wrong with you? This fucking rules because I'm imagining this is a sort of performance art where it's like,

hey, has anybody seen my Nutribullet? Has anybody seen my Slaptrop? I really don't want to mess with these onions right now. And you can be like, oh, that, I did dip it in GAC for art. Mm-hmm. Yep. Now you don't have it. I miss it.

I know. And that's an emotion. So technically we did art. Question asker, you've given us very limited information about the project you are working on. All we really know is, and I'm going to use this word with quotation marks around it, it required you to dip your tongs into a candle?

Not doing that wasn't an option. Had to be done. So what were the following steps? Did you put something in the candle you were trying to retrieve or was this like a, you know, when you stick your hands in something? No, they were dipping something into the wax to coat it in wax and they were getting it out with the tongs because they didn't plan ahead.

And I know what that's like. But. I know what that's like. Oh, seems like the project before. I used my silicon, silicone, what? You know, a rubber brush. Which one is it? We don't know.

A rubber basting brush to spread wood glue. It's a great way of spreading wood glue around because it peels right off. But that's the only one I had and I had to spread some butter on. Delicious. Something. And I was a little bit embarrassed

because it was the one that I had used to spread wood glue, but it was fine. Wait, how is it fine? Because here I am. That's not fine, Justin. Here I am. Some of his inside parts are pretty stuck together. Pretty stuck together.

I got a few miles on the odometer. I'm not going to lie, so I'm doing fine. I hope you're listening to this. I made it to 40 probably. Okay. How about that? So your point about being fine is that you're still kicking.

And so... Baby, I'm kicking. I'm punching. I'm doing everything. Age is just a number. It's not going to slow me down. Age isn't just a number. Just to point out,

it's the amount of time you've been on. It's counting something. It is a measurement. It's not just a number. I'm worried just more about like in the future if you have to have like an appendectomy or something like that. And the doctor's like got you open

and it's like, oh, there's that little naughty boy. And they go to pull it out. I was like, oh, fuck, is this thing's glued? Yeah. This thing's glued to his ribs? Where's the appendix? Nobody knows. It's glued to the ribs.

It is now because of just... They pull it out and it kind of sproing back in. Yeah. Do you want a yahoo? I'd love that. Well, what to do with these tongs? Put them in the heat. Throw these tongs away.

You're never going to get this. No, don't throw these tongs away. Save these. These are craft tongs. Art tongs. Yeah, these are your art tongs now. They're art tongs. Put them aside.

Get some new tongs. Give it as a new pair of tongs. It's a present for your roommate with a little ribbon on it. And they'll say, why did you do this? You don't want to know the answer to that question, but just appreciate it. Hey, listen, you can't do what Justin just said because it'll make it sound like you use

the old tongs for a sex thing. That would play kind of... You know, we don't know... They're using candle wax. We don't know that it wasn't a sex thing. This is absolutely true. But if you say to your roommate, I'm sorry, you can't use the tongs anymore.

And I can't tell you why. They're not going to be like, give them in a candle, huh? They'll seem the worst. Yeah. I guess you could like... It's for... You can use them for grill and corn, but it is also a sort of makeshift,

speculum situation. No more food, applique. Yeah. No more. Get new tongs. Those are craft tongs now. Do you guys... I think this is a pretty universal thing.

We had for about an hour and a half, two pairs of scissors. And one was... I don't know how to put this, but like not raw meat scissors. And the other ones was raw meat scissors. But we got those and I was all stoked and I put them in the scissors drawer.

And then the first time that I needed to open a packet of bacon, the raw meat scissors were gone. And I was like, well, non-raw meat scissors, today you will be baptized in pig fat. And I'm so, so sorry. I don't want to brag. I got three pairs of scissors.

I got raw meat scissors. I have normal kitchen scissors. And then I got the sharp boys that are for... Oh, when you need the sharp, and you need that clean, zip. Don't you hate when you see your kids using the sharp boys for crafts? Oh, boy.

And cutting paper. Please don't do that. That's for chicken. No, them's my sharp boys. We got this question sent in by so many people. And it's not the... I think it's weird because it's not usually the kind of question we do.

It's almost a... This is almost a backdoor riddle me piss. So yeah, I know Travis would be excited. It's from a Yahoo Answers user, Riley, who asks, How to fill a waterbed quickly? And then in parentheses, no hose. Oh, okay. Ooh, all right.

The situation. My roommate is currently out of town for the weekend and is visiting, whoa, weird. Isn't that what have the last actual questions started? Yes, I have a pair of tongs that it candle. What can I do? My roommate is visiting her family for her birthday. As a thoughtful gesture, I thought I would get her a used

waterbed for her birthday as she's stated several times. As she wants one. The thing I failed to realize, however, when purchasing the behemoth queen size waterbed is that it doesn't come pre-filled. I am now stuck with a large plastic sack sitting on my living room floor. My roommate is coming back in two days

and I have no idea how I'm gonna get this awful mistake filled before she gets home. How do I mend this terrible soggy situation? Do I explain it to her and live with the shame of my aquatic misery? Or is there another solution? This almost sounds like a mabimbamp question. The answer is obvious.

No hoes, I know. You're going to buy a second waterbed that's full, tape them together, and then jump on the full one so that it fills the empty one. Okay, next question. That's not bad, actually. You take it, but can I ask you a question? Yeah.

About practicality. Uh-huh. What's wrong? Well, Turv. Yeah? Once you've bought, excuse me. Once you've bought a full waterbed. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

To why your, the job is done. No, no. Because the one you bought. If this person knew where to buy full waterbeds, they probably would have done that. The one you bought isn't cool. Well, no, the one that they bought was used, right? And so they got that for a song.

If they got a full waterbed from one of these big box watersbed stores, uh-huh. They could take it to their house. They paid an arm and a leg for it. They really just need the water. So they do the sort of blood transfusion, and then they bring back a wadded up empty garbage bag of a bed,

and they say, I don't want this anymore. And they'll say, what happened to all the water that was in it? And you say. You say evaporated. You say desert bandits. Yep. They fucking got. Can I just say that if I bought?

Mad Max Desert Bandits. Mad Max Desert Bandits came to my house, drank up all my dam waterbeds. It's true. I witnessed them. Yep. I saw it with my own two dry eyes. I just want to say if I bought a used waterbed and it came with used water, that would be probably the worst.

Because I don't know what that water has seen or heard. Well, water, I can't see or hear anything, and I feel like it's- There's microbes in water, they know. Have you played spores? Water does not have a memory, no matter what Frozen 2 told you. Fucking Olaf says it does. So, but it is waterproof.

And that goes both ways, Trav. So that water is not coming out. If you do, you could do the nastiest, jizziest sort of scenario on there. Whoa. And it's not going to, it's not going to get in the waterbed. So waterbed water is fine. Once it's in there, it's fine. That is a good way to store water for the apocalypse,

if you think about it. If you think about it. I'll put it in there. That'll last you a couple of days at least. Yeah. So, I think- That wasn't a joke, that's just a prepper tip for me to you. Yeah, thank you.

Oh, god, what this stuff. I'm just saying, keep rice on hand, but keep it in small bags so that raiders don't know how much rice you got. Those fucking deserts. As they see your big barrel of rice, they're going to know that they need to steal from you. Maybe they're going to see that bed, and their eyes are going to go blue.

They're going to go wild for your bed. Maybe just fill that waterbed with some rice. Oh, two waterbeds, one with water, another one with poison water. And so if the band, I guess you could just have one with poison water, as long as you don't drink. Ah, man. Well, here's another question.

While grocery shopping with my mom I started feeling chilly from the blast of fall AC. I remarked, how jokingly, that I could go to the clothing aisle and wear a jacket for the rest of our shopping trip. She looked at me offended and chided me for this idea, but the more we discussed it, the more I started to think it was a genuinely good solution

to my chattering teeth. Her arguments were, I raised you better. You don't know who else wore it, and it's dishonest. Brothers, when things are safer, would it be acceptable for me to wear a jacket without the intent of purchasing it? Was my mother right to dissuade me? That's from shivering sister in Florida.

God, I gotta think on this. Okay, this is, I like this. You're just springing right into it. And this is like, it's so rare that we, apologies, get a good question. And I really need to think on this. Well, what I like, the reason I'm jumping into it is the mother has presented three counter arguments

that I feel like we can discuss. And right off the bat, let's start with number one. I raised you better. Clearly not. No, you didn't. Clearly not. Proofs in the pudding. Okay.

Second one, someone else could have worn it. Now, I can't deny that, but what are the odds, because it's still hanging up in the store? Well, that doesn't mean anything. I mean, could is the operative word here, and I think this argument has to stand. Someone else could have worn it. But that's true of my jacket hanging in my closet right now.

Exactly. Correct, yes. So we will dismiss it on those grounds. Okay. Finally, it's dishonest. Now, this is the nut, isn't it? I cracked up in this white chocolate M&M, and here's the nut inside.

It's not though. It's not. You're not hiding it. I used to really, really wrestle with this, because we all have those little demons. We all have our dark passengers. Our little just our little imps and pixies riding around inside of our mind training

because do stuff that we don't want to do. And sometimes when I was younger and at the grocery store, and I was peckish or really, really thirsty, that's a big one. And I'm in the checkout aisle, and there's just Diet Mountain Dew right there. So I'm going to crack it open, even though I haven't legally bought it yet.

I would never do that, even though it's probably just fine. But now I feel like that's not a concern of mine, because back when we were going to the grocery store with our child, there's like a fun family activity, we'd roll up into Trader Joe's, and I would just grab me some pumpkin Joe Joe's and just grip them and grip them, baby,

start feeding them whole fistfuls into me and my son's face. Okay, but here's the difference though, Griffin. If you open a drink and start drinking it, you have irreparably used up some of that. If I put a jacket on and then take it off, I used up nothing. I'm saying it's fine. I'm saying it's fucking totally fine.

Do you know how many times I used to exclusively buy my clothes at Target? Through all of college. And that's not a judgment, but it is a fact that I went to Target many, many times, wearing Target clothes. And nobody fucking called the cops on me. Fucking Isaac Mizrahi didn't kick the door in,

like fucking drop it, like it didn't even happen. Those are my sweats. There's a bubble where you can try clothes on, and it's within three feet of the hanging place, which sounds more ghoulish, and with the hangman's hunt. Of the dressing rooms, and other than that, you can't. You can't just take it for a test drive or walk around. Why not, Justin?

Because it's not a fucking library. You can't take a coat out for a spin around the store. That's shoplifting. You're using it for the primary utility that it is intended for. If you're using it to warm your body, you are stealing. Oh, so if I go to Best Buy and I stand in front of one of the TVs and watch a scene from Mr. Deeds, I'm stealing?

Because I'm using the TV for it. You're stealing Mr. Deeds. I don't believe that you can... Because stealing, it has to be some... I'm saying that with something physical, right? It's physical. You're stealing it, and now actually my argument's falling apart. Hold on, I gotta think about this.

Think about it. Yeah, think about it. The Mr. Deeds thing was actually very good. It was really good. Thank you. I'm saying if I pick up the coat, if I pick up the jacket... Yes, it is stealing. If you enjoy Mr. Deeds on a TV that happens to be on a Best Buy,

you're so in the joy that you should be paying Mr. Sandler for. So that's in trap. That's in trap, man. That's what you're saying. Mr. Sandler's films operate on a sort of scarcity commercial scheme where you are spending money to fill the Mr. Deeds gap in your life. And when you do that for free in the technology aisle of your store, then that need no longer exists in Mr. Sandler.

You're robbing, you're fucking robbing him at gunpoint. Okay, here's what I'm saying. I pick up the jacket. Yes. I put it in the cart. That's fine. I pick up the jacket, I put it on my body. That's not okay?

Correct, because that's stealing. That's shopping. No, you know what that is? That's preconceived notions, my friend, and I'm here to break those down. Let me ask you a question, Traff. Uh-huh. If you've worked in the loss prevention field, correct?

Yes, I have. Okay. If you worked at a jacket store and you watched someone put on a jacket and then kind of walk away from where that was, what would you think they were doing? I would think they were stealing, Justin, but I have preconceived notions is what I'm saying. I would look at them and I'd be like,

oh, that person's stealing, but you know what? This is what I learned in loss prevention. I wouldn't do anything until they attempted to leave through the doors with said jacket on. See, that is what I would do accidentally, and I really can't introduce to my life the more possibilities that I will accidentally do a crime, because it is something I think about a good amount and I don't want to open the door to that.

That is my number one fear in life is that I will accidentally murder someone because I watched too many episodes of CSI. God, I would hate doing that. Right? Can you imagine how embarrassed you would be if someone saw, and they were like, hey, did you just kill that guy? And you're like, oh, oh, shit, I did. What is this?

This is arsenic? I thought it was coffee, mate. Shoot. Oh, you're not going to tell anybody, are you? We're going to keep this between us, right? I think this is the official ruling of all three of us on this podcast. It's all good as long as there's no BO, dude. I think that this is a Schrodinger's cat scenario.

It's fine unless you are observed, and then it is wrong. I'm just saying, that's all shoplifting. No. But it's all fine. It's all fine. Oh. It's all fine as long as there's no BO, dude. Nobody thinks they have it.

Just check it. Everybody thinks it's fine in there. Check the jacket. Check yourself. And before you wreck yourself. And it's fine to wear it when you're cold. So there's no BO, dude. That's actually what it says on all the signage in Target.

Yep. Check out these mugs as long as there's no BO, dude. Now, is it a crime to go to the pharmacy section? My fucking old spice pure sport. Rub that in there, and then you come back to the jacket section, and the store clerk's like, what do you do? Nice. No BO, dude.

Take it for a spin, baby. And then you climb into a tent, and you spin the nine target. Okay, Travis. I was about to go to the money zone. I'm not going to let this go. I want to get some quick heads from you. I want to walk the target with you virtually. And you have, are you seriously, whoa, it's like I'm there.

I know. Are you seriously saying that it's not a problem, this coat action? You would not have a problem with you yourself, believe it yourself, doing this. Oh, what, wearing the coat? Yeah. Well, here's the thing, Tristan. Uh-uh. No, stop it.

If I'm cold, what I put on the coat? Yes. Yeah. If I was going to buy it, yeah. Okay, that's absolutely not your way. But that's not saying, trust me, there are many things that I'm not comfortable with myself. But that's what we're discussing. That doesn't make them crimes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying that someone walking up to a table in a restaurant and playing live music in my face should be illegal because I'm not comfortable with it. I missed it. I missed it. Are they buying the jacket or not? They're just using it while they're in the store. Without the intent of purchasing it.

Oh, well, then no. Then fucking, oh, I switched it and flip it. No. Obviously, I feel like I've been whistling dog songs here. Come on. I've just, I've been trying to free myself from my own preconceived notions and misconceptions to say what differences it make if you're cold and you put on the jacket and you put it back. It is obviously wrong and illegal.

But the difference is not that we're not talking about illegality. We're talking about mores. And it's the only thing that's holding us together as a people at this point. Honestly, everything else has failed us. We have to be able to agree on some things. If this show has a theme, you know, if this show is about something, it's about the fact that there have to be things we can agree on. Okay.

Just as a society. This isn't okay. Come on. You know what? It's not okay. That's what your mom should have said. Your mom should have let go of those first three arguments and then just looked at you and said, you know this isn't okay.

You know it's not okay. I mean, You know it's not. Here, I, I'm coming back to the other side though. Fuck. No, but listen, but listen, listen, listen. Okay. Target's gonna be fine.

And I know that Target isn't like, you know, I'll wear a hobby lobby jacket and get my fucking wreak all over that and put it right back on the shirt. Well, I'll dump it in. I'll dump it in the potty and then I'll put it back on the show. Cause I'm fucking, I'm a rude dude. Yeah. Yeah, plenty of to target. I wouldn't target.

It wouldn't be mean to target. It wouldn't, I have no emotions to target. I just have the emotion of cold. And so I would wear it and I would steal it. I would watch a little bit of Mr. Deeds and then I would put it back and I would tell somebody that I did this bad thing, but they can't really do much about it. And then I would leave and guess what? Target's going to be just fine.

Target's going to be fine. The question is not, does it have ramifications? The question is not, what are the long-term effects of doing it graphite? Of course, Target's going to be fine. You wore a jacket for 10 minutes. Of course they're going to be fine. The question, here's the, here's what the real question should be. Not is it evil or good or anything like that, but can we all agree that there's an invisible

boundary saying not to do it? Much like if you walked past a party that was having a buffet, of course there's nothing wrong walking in and going and eating a piece of like a sandwich and leaving. Literally, you wouldn't be arrested for that. But we all know you should not do that because you weren't invited to the party. But it's kind of fucking punk rock to wear this jacket. I'm coming around hoard. I'm like way on the other side now.

Wear jacket. So it's a protest wear. Throw on some fucking board shorts while you're at it and give those a spin. Maybe toss on some. Nothing below the belt. Come on, Griffin. Nothing below the belt. I mean over your pants.

Oh, okay. That's fine. That's a good look. Y'all remember that look where we'd wear sort of shorts over sweatpants and people would look at us and be like, that's a guy going to play basketball later and it's like. I do. Also, as long as we're talking about looks that we miss, I miss the Gutenberg crop top sweatshirt that he, man, can we bring that back?

I used to do a reverse look where I would wear gym shorts under sweatpants, so I wouldn't have to change for gym. Oh, we all did that. Okay, good. That's why I took individual dual sports, so I wouldn't work up that reek. I would do like an evil Steve Gutenberg crop top where it just covered my belly, but like my chest and shoulders were fully exposed. How?

It just, it was more or less just a big shirt belt that wrapped around my belly, but then you could see like my nipples and armpits and everything. And people liked that. People liked that about me. They did. They did. They did. Do what I like about you.

What? Just. You're good at reading ad copy. That's categorically not true. Let's prove it and head on over to the Money Sound. Thank God for the US Postal Service. They're keeping everything, trying to keep everything together. It's tough to go to the post office though physically,

not only with like the, you know, the stuff going around. Some of the unpleasantness happening, but also, you know, you get busy. It's crowded. Yep. And I love to get busy. Time to get busy over at Stamps.com. Mailing is going to be super popular here in the holiday season,

and you can stay ahead of all the crowds. Just use your computer to print official US Postage 24-7-4, any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want to send it. Once your mail is ready, you schedule a pickup or drop it off. It's that simple. You'll save some cash on your shipping, and it's just a great way to utilize this great institution.

So don't spend a minute of your holiday season at the post office this year. Sign up for Stamps.com. Instead, there's no risk with My Promo Code, My Brother. That's right. I said My Promo Code, My Brother. Oh! Private one.

You get a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to Stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and enter My Brother. That's Stamps.com. Enter My Brother.

Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. Wish you guys hate more. Enter My Brother or slash My Brother. They're both the worst to say, right? Enter My Brother more. Enter My Brother is so bad to say. Slash My Brother at least sounds like maybe

My Brother could fight back. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's true. You guys naked or what? Hawthorne's next up on the chopping block. It's actually not next up, Griffin. Next up was Stitch Fix.

And if you say Hawthorne is next up, it makes Justin saying, are you guys naked? Really weird. And it was already really weird, but saying like, yeah, Justin said we're naked. Anyways, here's a premium Taylor personal care frame. Hey, do you guys have your dicks out?

But because I want to talk about toothbrushes. All right. Well, I guess Travis do the other. Okay, so Stitch Fix. Yeah. Listen, look down at your shirt. That's a dumb shirt. Unless you got it from Stitch Fix.

Then it's good. Then it's good shirt. Yeah. So look at those pants. They're okay. But are they Stitch Fix pants? If they are nice. Stitch Fix offers clothing hand selected by expert stylist

for your unique size, style and budget. That budget one is one of my favorites because you can go there and be like, Hey, I would never play pay more than like blank for a t-shirt. And they're like, yeah, you got it, dude. Here's a cool t-shirt for the price you said. And you can try those pieces on at home before you buy. Keep your favorites and send the rest back.

So if you get some cool Stitch Fix pants, and you're like, these Stitch Fix fans are too cool for me. You can send them back and it's free shipping, easy returns and exchanges. And a prepaid return envelope is included. And there's no subscription required. I love Stitch Fix. I am wearing Stitch Fix right now.

Pretty much all the time at this point. It's nice to have grownups that dress me and give me good clothes to wear instead of the dumb, dumb clothes I was wearing. And you can get started today at StitchFix.com slash my brother. And you'll get 25% off my brother. No, you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

But StitchFix.com slash my brother for 25% off when you keep it. If you read that differently, it would be that StitchFix.com slash my brother for 25% off. Anyways, when you keep everything in your fix, StitchFix.com slash my brother. Do you guys have combo home and car insurance? So, today I'm going to talk about Hawthorne. They make bathroom stuff.

They make bathroom stuff that's going to give you a ripe pretty stink. And it's all kinds of stuff. Anything that you have in your bathroom. Look around your bathroom right now. Everybody give me a second? Yep. Oh, mm, nice. Do you have any Hawthorne stuff in there, Trev?

I got this good smelling Hawthorne stuff. Okay, everything else? Let me spray it in my mouth. No. Do not consume Hawthorne. We've been clear about this from the beginning. I was actually a Hawthorne subscriber before they decided to advertise with this. Okay, Greg.

I was into it. You answer some questions about your lifestyle, how you like to live your days here on earth. Live moss. Live moss. And they're going to give you a delicious batch of different bathroom essentials that's going to match your whole vibe. Go ahead.

You say it. And if you don't like your... And if you don't like them, say it together. And if you don't like your products, they'll even retail it. Based on your feedback. Based on your feedback. Take Hawthorne's quiz today and get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to Hawthorne.co and use promo code mybrother to get 10%

off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E.co promo code mybrother. Hawthorne.co promo code mybrother. My brother. I don't think we actually are doing that one. Yeah, we stopped doing that one. Listen, I'm a hotshot Hollywood movie producer. You have until I finish my glass of kombucha to pitch me your idea.

Go. All right. It's called Who Shot Ya? A movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. I'm Ify Whiteaway, the new host of the show, and a certified BBN. BBN. Buff Black Nerd. I'm Alonso Doraldi, an elderly gay and legit film critic who wrote a book on Christmas movies.

I'm Dreha Clark, a loud white lady from Minnesota. Each week we talk about a new movie in theaters and all the important issues going on in the film industry. It's like guess who's coming to dinner meets cruising. And if it helps seal the deal, I can flex my muscles while we record each episode. I'm sorry, this is a podcast. I'm a movie producer. How did you get in here?

Ify, quick. Start flexing. Bicep. Lats. Chess. Who shot ya? Dropping every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah, that, yeah.

Yeah. I want a month's squad. Squad. I want too much. I have never been so certain about the product that you're going to talk about today, as I am right now. You have no idea. Okay.

Fat Burger is an introduced product, and I just, I'm wild about this late breaking story. This is Munch Squad, by the way. It's a podcast within a podcast. Profiling. And it's Twilight. Brand eating. It is in its Twilight. Thank you, Travis.

It's winding down. It's on its final. Some people might point out that there's been a Munch Squad in every episode for the last 60 episodes. Not actually accurate. But that is just because this is the fine, the dying gasps. The death rattle. I'm going to start with a junior, because my real Munch Squad is not, and I'm going to, I got a junior, then a junior junior, and then a full Munch Squad.

Can we call the junior junior a kid's meal? Yeah, I got a kid's meal, a junior, and a full adult. And a big stinky. Let me just get through this, okay? Okay. In a year with, Fat Burger introduces, well, I'll save the name. In a year with unprecedented challenges, there are only several more weeks to hang in there. Hollywood favorite Fat Burger wants to help customers do just that until we ring in a fresh

new year to help get through the remainder of 2020. Fat Burger, known for its delicious grilled to perfection burgers, is launching a limited time menu item. The Hang In There Burger. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The Hang In There Burger is everyone's favorite OG Fat Burger with all the fixings, including chili, onion rings, American cheese, bacon, egg, and topped off with,

and this isn't, quote, the works. Wait, if the works don't include those things you said before, what the fuck are the works? Question A. Maybe it's love. I got no idea. Quote, this year certainly has been challenging for everyone, says Andy Widerhorn, CEO of Fast Brands. Everyone, fulfilling his legal obligation to mention that there is a global pandemic. With the year almost coming to a close, we wanted to create a burger that encourages

our loyal fans to simply hang in there, put a smile on their faces, and remind them that together we will get through this. I like that Fat Burger has accepted that no one is thriving, and the best that we can all hope for is to merely exist. Eat this huge, ridiculous burger and get through it. Thank you for having me. It's me, Donut Dracula. Did Count Donut just climb out of Justin's throat?

Count Donut is here. Not Donut Dracula. That's my dad. Please. I'm Count Donut. Oh, I've got a great news story about the delectable delight. Is it about a donut? Yes, Travis.

It's about a donut. What else would I be here? I don't know, Count Donut. Marks and Spencer is a UK brand, and they have a new, very fun donut. It's a yum yum donut hybrid that they've been given a Christmasy makeover with delicious flaky pastry layers and a sweet Santa's belt topping. Now, if I could describe this, imagine a toasty flaky donut. Oh, I'm making myself.

That's blood. And then on top, there is a red frosting, and then there's a durable brown belt with a gold buckle on it. And it looks just like Santa's tummy, and it's so precious, and it's called Santa's Yum Nut. No. Yes, the tweet says, who wants a bite of Santa's Yum Nut? Hey, Gary, you're fired.

You're fired, Gary. I wanted to remember the name of this, because I saw a lot of people talking about yum nuts. There was a headline that some news outlet wrote that was like, M&S make an accidental M-U-Indo, and everyone's making fun of a month's social media. I don't know how you could possibly accidentally. It's called Santa's Yum Nut. The tweet is, who wants a bite of Santa's Yum Nut?

We all know what's going on here. It's time to talk about the real story, and we've all been waiting for it. It's always a hot topic here. On this program, Starbucks holiday lineup and peppermint mocha arrive November 6th. As we're recording this, that is today, I'm seeing the cup. Is it just have like a big crucifix on it? Oh, let me know about it, Juice. All right, what are we working with?

We're going to get there. We got new, we got some holiday seasonal favorites. We got peppermint mocha, toasted white chocolate mocha, caramel brulee latte, chestnut praline latte, and eggnog latte. So that is amazing. I don't care about any of that shit. What's the cup? Okay, there's new, okay.

This year's theme, carry the merry, is an invitation to enjoy the little moments of brightness around you. Hey, that better be M-A-R-Y merry, like the Virgin Mary. It better be carry a cup full of the Virgin Mary with you. It was about people carrying them out into the world as, quote, messengers of joy. That's how they think of someone who takes a Starbucks cup out of there, is to make them a messenger of joy. That's Jeff Wilkson, who is, I don't have to tell you, creative director for Starbucks.

In a way that message deepened as we got further and further into this year. Go on, Jeff. Fuck yeah. Do tell, like. It's only getting better, Jeff says. We want that to be a beacon for people. A brief moment that they can look forward to. Oh boy.

Does Jeff mean fucking seeing the cups? Jeff also means if I'm interpreting this correctly, the worst it gets out here at, you know, in life, the fucking doper these cups get. If a fucking volcano erupts in the middle of Austin, and everyone gets covered in ash, but I walk out of the Starbucks with a cup, the employees can be like, you brave missionary. Carry the Mary. Carry it. It sucks so bad out there.

People are looking to your cup. Hey, Jeff, how about your message isn't like, hey, everybody, go to Starbucks and then just walk around showing your cup to people. What if your message was stay fucking home? Stay home. Just stay. That's a that's our message. Stay at home.

Say the fuck home. Here's the. Here's a very the Mary in your backyard. If there is a sizable enough portion of the populace that needs the nasty burger and the fun cups to be able to quote, hang in there. The American experiment has failed. We are done. We can start over.

The quicker we say we're done, the quicker we can start over and try something else. Can I do a quick yahoo because I'm really curious about I know you guys have a little bit of law experience and I was hoping you could bust me out some. I know it's after Halloween, so we're a little bit late on it. This one is sent in by Ben Cant. Thank you, Ben. It's yahoo answers user Joe who asks, is scaring people with a chainsaw legal? My brother and I have been scaring people five years with my chainsaw.

And this year of Halloween, we got the cops called on us by a lady, but the cops never showed up. BTW, we were on our property scaring them and we never got too close to them. And a lot of people like us in the chainsaw do its amazing sound. The chainsaw do its amazing sound. That is true. Hold on. I'm incapable of reading this. We never get close to them.

And a lot of people like us in the chainsaw due to its amazing sound. Oh, DO2. Okay, I see what they've done here. Updated three days ago is scaring people with a chainsaw on Halloween legal. So they wanted to really make sure that you- Oh, on Halloween? A little TLDR, yeah. I would argue that that detail is important because if it's like June 9th and you run

at someone with a chainsaw, you're going to jail. I remember there was a, what was it? Trail of Terror? What was it called? There was a thing in Huntington that was haunted on a trail and you would go down it and there would be spooky events that would occur. And sometimes, one of them I remember was it looked like headlights were coming at you through some trees and it's like, oh, and there was be a couple mummies or whatever.

But then at one part, a guy with a chainsaw would jump out of some corn. That was the grand finale. Yeah, he would chase you down the hill. And I remember thinking like, that's an escalation. That you had a couple mummies back there and you had like a ghostly bride. But I'm a kid and you can't jump out at me with a chainsaw. And this is a hill in the woods in the middle of the night? There's no, apparently there was no chain on it.

It just made, it just due to its amazing sound. Yeah. But I didn't know that and it's an, I remember thinking every time I did it like, why am I doing, why am I going down this trail? Because I know death is, I know the specter of death is waiting for me at the end. And that's, And you wait such a, like such a long time. Yeah.

Just like pretty much every haunted house I've ever been to. You wait so long. And the whole time you're in line, you just hear like, So you're like, oh yeah, gotta get to that. Maybe it would be better if before you scared people with a chainsaw, you yelled, there's no chain on it. That way you're still making its amazing sound. Yeah, that's good.

So you can put up a sign in your front yard that says like, Hey, you're about to be scared by a big gentleman with a chainsaw. But don't sweat it because there's no chain on it. And he's not really going to hurt you. And then just for good measure, he steps outside and says, get ready to be scared. I'll be out in five. Oh, no.

But would you let him fly? Sorry. Would you let him fly with a chainsaw? Wasn't that the question? Would you let him fly in an airplane? Just wait. Justin, there's no way that there's no way you got there, right? If you got there for real and this isn't a goof.

I thought the question was, are you allowed to fly on an airplane with a chainsaw? You did not think that. At no point, at no point, were any of those words of this log cutting instrument come up in the question. Justin. Justin. I'm afraid the question was, are you allowed to fly in an airplane?

That was not. I've gotten like six hours of sleep this week. Like, I get it. We're all fucking tuned in, jacked in, fucking plugged in, getting that drip, getting that slow Pennsylvania drip. But my man. Those words were not incorporated.

Not only not in the question, but Griffin and I did not say that. Words not said. Airport. We'll read it again. Let's phonetically, let's read it again. Okay. Let's see if Justin, we can find where Justin went wrong.

My brother and I have been airport pilot, plane, airport, sky clouds, 35 years. Oh, I missed it. I got so excited for a second. I thought vindication was on the horizon. No, sorry. It says scare port. Oh, no.

Isn't every airport air scare port? No. If you think about it. Get in the pain. We're ready to die. So. It's the best game. This has been my brother and my brother and me.

Thanks for hanging in there with us. We hope you're doing okay. You hope we don't need a burger to keep you going. We hope we can be that nasty burger. Hey, just for you. Let us be your nasty burger. And your cove. We'll be your cove.

And your nasty burger. If you do need something, though, macroemerge.com is the place to head to and get something that can talismanically help you ward off the seasonal affected disorder. Like what, Justin? Well, bud, whatever you want. Do you want a void fish pin?

You want a vaccine's bumper sticker? You want a horseshoe crab t-shirt from Sawbones? You want any kind of Sawbones merchandise you get and that I don't have to split the profits of that with my brothers is the way you want to go. Hey, we're bearing the lead here a little bit because coming up on November 21st, we're doing a my brother and my brother and me live show.

What? It's virtual. It's a virtual live show with Sawbones opening. It's our first ever virtual live show. What's it going to be like? We don't fucking know. We have no idea. It's got, I know.

I know what it's going to be like. It's going to be a lot of fun for everyone. Okay. That's what I think. Oh, okay, cool. November 21st, 9 p.m. Eastern time. Tickets are $10. You can get those at liveLVE.theMacroid.family.

And we'll all hang out, you know what I mean? Virtually. Virtually. What city will it be in? Every city. All cities. All cities. We're going to leak arms around the whole planet.

Our how-to podcast book called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You is available for pre-order now. That comes out January 26th. You can get it in hard copy. You can get it in e-book or you can get it in audiobook. Pre-order it now at the macroipodcastbook.com. It's good.

It'll teach you how to make a podcast you're proud of. And we put some jokes in there in case you don't fucking care about podcasts at all. So check it out. The macroipodcastbook.com. Also, you can pre-order the Adventure Zone Crystal Kingdom book. It's book four in our graphic novel series. That comes out July 13th, 2021.

You can pre-order it at theadventurezonecomic.com. Let me also give a plug to my favorite video game podcast, The Besties. Oh, thank you for that. Featuring Justin McRae, Griffin McRae, Russ Fruschdick, and Chris Plant. It's very good. The last episode, they talked about the new consoles coming out.

Well, I guess that was the one before last because we're recording. It's not important. It's very informative. You're going to hear a lot in the upcoming months about these consoles. You're going to be confused about it. So why don't you let your best friends

tell you what the bullshit is and what the real shit is. Well, cut through the bullshit. That's the signature sign-off. The Besties. It's available exclusively on Spotify. Go subscribe down and tell all your friends. Thanks to John Rodger and the Long Winters for these four theme songs.

It's a departure off the album putting the days to bed and a huge ups to Max Fun for having us on the network. Huge ups. Check out a lot of great shows at maximumfun.org. And let's close it up. I have a final Yahoo here. Hit me. Oh, this one was also sent in by Ben Cant.

Thank you, Ben. It was asked by anonymous Yahoo Answers user. Who I'm going to call them Jim Davis. OK. The Garfield guy? Because I think he would ask something like this. If Freddie Mercury was still alive, do you think he can play as Joker?

Yes. My name is Justin McElroy. When Travis did. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother and my brother made. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Just say what I want.