My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 562: It Helps to Have a Cube

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

Stop everything, we’ve found this year’s one true summer anthem, from one Charles Entertainment Cheese. It bops. It slaps. It rips. It trips. It has us questioning our very existence.Suggested talking points: Catch Old, Wisdom of the Crowd, Ruminating about Revenants, Munch Squad Trap Edition, Chex Mix CircleSupport AAPI communities and those affected by anti-Asian violence: https://www.gofundme.com/c/act/stop-aapi-hate For resources on anti-racism and fighting police violence: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up you cool, baby? Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. Well, I'm your manless brother Travis a big dog a woof woof McElroy And I Oh That was the sound I make when you shove a pencil in me. Hey everybody Yeah, and it sharpened my pencil, which was weird. Yeah, I got blades in there

So happy summer everybody. Yeah. Oh, I should say by the way before we get started Thank you to everybody who supported us the next fun drive. I know I've said it, but I Cured my bone fleas They're all gone. So everyone could stop asking me about it. I think it is the butt. Yeah. Yeah, they get would you say you get? Maybe a lot of questions about the pill the sharp pill for your butt or Yeah, I'm more than average Whatever the average number is more than that. So we've been doing this show for a while We've known each other for a while and you know what I realized guys you always get to know each other a little bit more

And so I was just thinking maybe we could play like a little like ice breaker. Would you yeah? Like icebreaker games. Yeah icebreaker games. This would be more like mantle breaker at the mantle of the earth We've already done fairly well past the ice and now we're growing into the into the center But I was thinking maybe something like you know What's a food that you think you can eat the most of in one sitting before you got sick of it more than any Other human being on earth No, no, no, no Just like what's a food that you griffin macro and chestnut macroe could start eating in one sitting and you think you could

Consecutively eat it with the longest before you're like another bite You could like in a you mean in like a sort of Joe Joseph's chestnut style sort of but I don't like you're trying to hurt yourself But just like it's the food that for the longest around time. You could be like I'll have one more. Yeah, right I was back against the idea that Joey chestnut Could eat a bunch of hot dogs now like on not on hot dog day. Do you know what I mean? Well, there's no way he got into it originally That's very good a good point Griffin cuz he may have had a big breakfast 50,000 hamburgers

You can't you gotta prepare and a lot of people think Joseph a lot of people think Joseph chestnut the way he does is he trains really really hard to eat hot dogs all day every day All year round but his secret is that he just doesn't eat hot dogs all year so that when hot dog eating day comes around He's so fucking excited for it Do you think the people have ever been out to lunch with Joseph chestnut? They're like So you want to get hot dogs? He's like, yeah, sure and they go to the hot dog counter and he's like I think I'll have two hot dogs and the everyone is like Do you mean 200 do you eat 200 like no, I just I think just you for me today. I think I'll just enjoy two

Hey, mr. Chestnut. It's me hot dog Joe owner of hot dog Joe's. What's wrong with my hot dogs? No, it's nothing. I know I would love to eat a hundred of them dip to water, but right now I just want two of them. Well, I'm sorry. I I can bring you a hundred hot dog. You don't think I can make a hundred Two if that's the problem. I just really only want to two hot dogs today I know, okay. So yeah, is there you want to answer to your question? Yeah I want an answer. What's the food that you think you could eat the most of before you became sick of it in one sitting I make a I make a caramel

cereal snack mix that has like nuts in it and it's got spice and And Like a hardened crunchy caramel exterior and all the pieces and a lot of a good amount of salt too Oh, it's a very well-balanced kind of thing and I feel like I feel like that's the kind of thing where I Just I just keep eating. I mean like I have scientific evidence to prove this is like it's called Saturday I could just keep eating it and I don't think I don't I think I could get a really good clip going And you're not worried about like too much crunch hurting the old jaw Are you talking about a desire to continue to consume or you can be talking about?

physical endurance Required an awareness of the impact of these on my human frame. Well, I don't think that's a different question I don't think that I have a hard time separating the two because Mike a lot of bad food choices traffic You know, it's the worst one time. He ate beans only beans for five years. No, I remember that I remember that We call it the wind waker. Yeah The wind waker was very good. Thank you. That's a good joke see cuz I my first knee jerk was peanut M&M's You know, but after a while start to get locked on there, you know, yeah Yeah, I think veggie straws would be my answer those

They're they got enough flavor and salty to be delicious but not so much that I think you're talking volume now, bud Hey, bud, you're talking volume talking. That's you're a mass. Yeah, that's yeah. Yeah What's yours Griffin? I Don't know. Oh boy fucking at this point. It's got to have a lot of protein in it Mm-hmm to keep me going to keep me going and keep me strong That's it. I guess it needs to be a food that is Not gonna fill me up so much but also has lots of protein to sustain the eating motion of it and but also vitamins, I guess and

So I would say I have to say ants on a log. Oh Yeah, man celery peanut butter raisins Just yours is sort of straight over the plate. No fuss. No must ants on the log. No tricks here Yeah, no no judging it up. No judging it up. Don't fucking sprinkle paprika on it or anything like that I want a very basic vanilla ants on a log without no almond butter. No cookie butter

No, no golden raisins. You don't want a star. This is a this was good stuff trap. This is a good idea Yeah, where did you think the comedy would come? I didn't think it would come I just wanted us to get to know each other better. Sometimes it's just heartwarming and nice, you know what I mean, huh? Yeah Sometimes yeah, yeah huh Normally we don't plan on Sort of an anti-comedy comedy. Yeah, not anti-comedy. I wasn't trying to make it sad Oh, I just thought we could get to know each other sure sure sure

But let's maybe balance it out and do a nice comedy bookend by talking about what we do think Joey Chesna's bathroom looks like because it's a funny It's where you always go when you talk about hot dogs the man eats, but like for real There everybody focuses on the goddamn hot dogs. It's the bun that's gonna give him bathroom trouble I was speaking holistically Duh, I was speaking holistically about the whole I'm not talking about eating just the wieners trap You can't do that though griffin you have a kid You know that you cannot talk about hot dogs as a combination food, right? Because nine times out of ten my kid doesn't want the bun. They just want the hot dog

Well, my kid likes the bun. So I you're you're really projecting a lot But what do you do? He's gotta have what like I it fires him big. I'm X screen In there to fill the time to just fucking kick it I have my Xbox in my bath in the bathroom and that would be my own personal Xbox I have a controller that I bring in there and I bring out of there that nobody else should be allowed to Interface with I think he probably also has one of those like you know the chairs that you see in like first class in the airplane Yeah, where they can like recline into a full bed. Oh cool. Yeah It's probably something like that, right?

And it also has like a console and like here's the headphones that hang here and there's a button to call for help Definitely he just walks away. He's got Joey chestnuts got life alert for sure He needs that button in any bathroom. He ever goes it cuz he doesn't know when it's gonna happen. I Bet it's it's in the shower. It's toilets in the shower, right? Do you think that it's got me in the shower cuz otherwise he finishes up and was he have five blue foots It's gotta be in the shower. It could be a car wash situation That's toilet shower refrigerator all in one sort of cube that he just yeah after July 4th July 5th enters the cube July 28th

Yeah, Joey just gets slapped by a bunch of wet soapy nylon straps for a while for two straight weeks Joey I like your beard. Thanks. I grew it in the cube Were you asleep in the cube or were you yes? Yes, it is for a time to explain like somebody comes to the door to get assigned for a package And they're like I got a package here for Joseph's chestnut and his daughter has to be like currently my father's filth And my father will be filth for several days until the cube is that it's grim I don't I I find sir I find it better to think that I don't have a father now because he is in a quantum state above the existing and being

Filth a sort of Lcl primordial soup in there You know how no one's quite sure how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly Here's one thing I could be sure sir the package the Joseph chestnut that that package was sent to will not be the Joseph Emerges from the cube. He is a different father. He's sloughing off his inside and outsides, so In a way honestly, it's the manner and style of Doctor who I do love how every time when Joseph chestnut exits the cube He gets to have a fun like what is this Joseph chestnut dress in you know kind of montage Where he goes through his large closet and picks out a whimsical scarf. Oh man. All right, so it's advice show

Yeah, it's advice My boss has been stressed lately and to lighten the tension during lulls and meetings. I've started asking silly icebreaker questions Oh, what a great idea. Yeah, I Cove with anxiety by using humor, so I didn't consider the consequences Along the way my boss has dubbed me the funny person, which is not something I'm known for anywhere else as a result during meeting Low points. She'll say got anything for us. Oh Oh My god

Brothers, how do I quickly shed this tell-a-joke persona that's been assigned to me without having to directly address the issue That's from persona problems in the Pacific Northwest now We have I know dealt with similar issues where people become like people love to label don't they? Love to put people in the little boxes full of tiki-tak. Oh, we love to organize everything sure Everything in this person the thing they it's like for me I run into this all the time when people in my neighborhood think me as the funny person Yeah, sexy person, right, you know, it happened to me. Yeah sexual powerful man And having me know I told one icebreaker at the beginning of this episode and people are already labeling me the funny one

You know as funny actually Travis everything. Yes, except the bad one. Oh, right? That's all yeah funny in quotes There's some funny about Travis you gotta you gotta you gotta okay You gotta make someone else the funny person. You're not gonna change this habit of labeling, but you can start to set up You know Tabitha when she's like when when like Tabitha with a good punchline or even if it's not a good punchline Tabitha says anything you laugh your head off Oh, you got it. Tabitha's got me cracking over here. She's talking about her. You know, I just carried this on bussing up She's talking about her sick. I was watching mass singer last night

Yeah It's a big lie because they won't say who it is And then it's Kermit for some reason let me offer a different possibility Okay, because this it seems like you are doing very little Asking a silly icebreaker and being labeled the funny one seems like the threshold for funny is very low in this office Okay, this feels like you could buy perhaps a children's joke book and Let it do the heavy lifting for you and still continue to be the funny one Which all things considered is better than being like the industrious one

The one who always undertakes projects and finishes them on time, right? You could also find a brand that is so Sort of comprehensive that it overwrites the funny one like if you start if you like dye your hair like either jet black or jet white and then you Start you wear like the clothes of like a haunted like circus ringleader and you're like, I'm them. I'm them. Oh, that's That's Tabitha She's the my chemical romance

Person and well, yeah, or you could do half black and half white and be the big Cruella fan Yeah, oh, that's Tabitha. She saw Cruella and it changed to change your shit You can lean into Disney shit enough to where you become the Disney person. Oh, yeah, that's not hard. That's not hard I've done that. I did that accidentally. I'm just welcome and then I was a Disney was the Disney boy Is what my name but it calls me the incredible they call me the incredible Disney boy the incredible funny sexy Disney boy the incredible hilarious sexual So that's all caps. Yeah Disney boy, did you know that's a lot of Disney bounding and then he stressed around just flexing them perks?

Yeah, it's always Maui What Disney cosplay showcases the pecs also scar if you do it right scar Oh, yeah, and even if you do it wrong, it's still gonna raise a few eyebrows Also a few realizations Yeah, you like awakening I could get them out as Pumbaa still Yeah Really any Lion King characters more about the butt though really any Lion King characters not gonna be wearing me clothes That's true. They're very few. I mean Triton you could do Triton and get the pecs out

Yeah, Triton's all a Gaston Gaston may be a beach Gaston. What other shirtless Disney character Tarzan Tarzan Hercules, there's there's a part of Hercules where his onesie is rid list Disney characters I misspelled all three words. So excited was I to make this. Oh, yeah Wow, that oughta completed way too quick on my Google Bowser's you guys are gonna get some weird You guys aren't gonna believe this but a lot of these pictures. I'm seeing aren't official License to Disney images from the films really are they like from the novels or Yeah, they're from the novelizations of the movies. I guess I don't think this Aladdin's even wearing pants Huh, huh?

What a weird way that wasn't you're uh, you're boolean. That wasn't in your search. I wasn't in the heuristics How strange wait is your safe search off Griffin? You gotta turn it on you gotta turn it on I Rachel doesn't let me turn safe search off. That's for the best It's definitely you could be ruined by five minutes on Google. We shang for Mulan for sure for sure Oh, yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Let's get down to business. Don't mind if I do to defeat these buns Oh, we did it. Damn it. Damn it Wow Hey, I've got a question from the internet a little wisdom from the crowd and it's coming from it wisdom of the crowd Is it good name for this? I got some wisdom of the crowd and it's coming from a new source that

Seems like it could be I Don't know I'm excited about it cuz I didn't realize that there were questions on WikiHow and Emily oh shit What trap I also pulled the wiki how article. Oh for this episode. Yeah How wild is it how to hide from a murderer? No, okay. Well that That's the one I've chosen. Don't you have so many bits. Please please leave me these the crumbs and scraps of How to hide from a murderer on wiki how thank you Emily and wiki how if you're on it's got a little charming little doodles and

Illustrations of how to do things that you probably shouldn't need a guide on how to do it. I Don't know. There's some helpful stuff in how to hide from a murderer Like hiding effectively you got to use your barricades stay quiet turn your phone on silent people This is not get murdered one and one one oh one That's like the opposite from what I learned from home alone. Hmm. Yeah, I guess he made himself known He announced his presence. That's sort of the he gets he goes for like the scream at the bear right style of Thread avoid right punch the shark in the nose

Unless you think of Kevin McAllister as the killer at which point and you do and you should and and Marv or whatever their name sort of didn't do They say choose a hiding place that can be barricaded and then number three is obscure location And then number four is avoid hiding together and the number five is hide in behind or under something So most of these tips so far are hide well And how far down the list is like make the murderer fall in love with you It's it's coming

There is one that says hide in plain sight if necessary, which just means pretend to have already been murdered So if the murderers in your house and sees your body on the floor, and they'll be like did I already murder them? Shit, I forgot. I got so excited with all the murdering. I lost count. How many murders I done shit That really doesn't work if you live alone though does that yeah Run away is on their head to safety plan to fight if you must is about halfway down And that means, you know getting improvised weapon Take their knife and use the knife on them to make them die instead Yeah, here's the problem with that being so low down the list though Griffin. Yeah

If I've just googled this because I need it in the moment right and I've barricaded myself into my hiding spot Mm-hmm, and I don't have the weapon with me They should have put plan to fight if you need to first right then but Yeah numbers the part three of this article is planning ahead and it includes things like have a safe room and Make sure you have important supplies in your safe room like according to this image to baseball bats and a shotgun and no food So that's great. Now. Here's why I wanted to bring the wiki how I Real briefly I will say that I appreciate that plan ahead and forgetting murdered is sort of like normalization of an anxiety disorder Right, which I do enjoy that. Yeah, no because some of us have been doing that since we were five planning ahead for everything

Yeah all the time Now I wanted to bring wiki how cuz I didn't realize this until Emily sent this in at the bottom of every wiki how article there is a community Q&A and There's some good stuff in there The answers are provided by the community the questions are asked by the community and let's just go down I think they are ranked by how helpful they have been found by the community So we can start at the top. Are we allowed to randomly throw snake steak knives at them? If you someone's trying to kill you you can defend yourself

But throwing steak knife seems like a good way to arm your attacker, especially if you are not a skilled knife thrower Okay, I ran randomly certainly implies that right, I mean randomly throwing steak knives No, if you're targeting, yeah, sort of sort of the jellies of the body, right? And I calculatedly throw steak Yeah, that's and we do get into sort of I believe it differs state-to-state on whether or not If you hurt the intruder Then is it okay and that gets us into some weird territory one of the questions is straight up What should I do if I accidentally kill the murderer while fighting which I want to be like

Listen to somebody Put the car before the murder horse a little bit if someone breaks into my house to murder me and my mind jumps to Oh, I hope I don't murder them Now I do like the use of the word though in the question of allowed as though you would start throwing steak knives at the murderer And the murder would be like hey now. Yeah, that's dirty pool So now another question is what if the murderer finds you in your hiding spot and they say fight back and aim for the head Especially the temple neck or eyes with the weapon or the eyes neck and nose with your hands using tightly closed fists Okay, am I supposed to do that or pretend to already be murdered like what the third?

The third option is obviously they find you and then you say oh you got me Okay, now you hide and I'll seek yeah see cuz 50 50 that's gonna work. Yeah, and now my man gets in there I don't know who asked this, but it's me in another dimension asks. What if I need to use the bathroom while hiding? Absolutely, my two concerns when murder breaks in my house is one I I hope I don't murder them instead and two This would be Pretty choice right about now, and I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to do and you could do amnesty. Oh Time out time out amnesty time out time out time out time out

See this is why it helps to have a cube because if you have a cube that's your panic room and your bathroom all Imagine trying to kill Joey Chester in its filth What would you even do you get to open up the container and see just the the the orange liquid floating inside? Immediately it's air so some of Joey's air salon It's too soon You've already I'm here to marry you jet Joey Chester you've already killed me man this new M night movie is really weird Trav are you talking about old the new M night movie old old where people go to old beach and become old in

Catch old this summer with him night Shyamalan's old Starring Joey Chester. I had I had a great real briefly. I My wife said to me did you hear about the new M night movie and I said No, and she briefly told me about it And she said it's supposed to be a return to form for M night I'm like hmm. Okay. She said although I heard that the bill the the visit was supposed to be good So maybe that was his return to form and I said sweetheart. We watched the visit We saw this film and she said well, I guess it probably wasn't a return to form

We did watch the film and not Maintain any of the memories of his form is something new now because he has a new form I just wanted to close this out with one of the last questions is what if I just gave up and let him take me like if He won fair and square at the answer I That's good sportsmanship. I like that if he was a murderer then he'd most likely kill you so I don't recommend this course of action Yeah, but at a certain point also like if I don't have my weapons and I'm laying on the floor and the murder says hey Straight up. I don't think I murdered you yet. Did I and I rolled over like nah

There's nothing I can do now peace Take me you win you did it Congratulations, I was worried I was gonna murder you there for a second, but it looks like that was an unfounded IP first could I please do it so that my family members don't find me in a big sticky mess Let's take a break. Okay. Yeah for sure. We won't work in hard Hey, do you guys ever get home from the store and you're like no Okay, I went to the store to get batteries and you come home and you've got a watermelon and you got some shredded cheese

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Oh God Justin's drowning This is trap as I understand That's not what trap music is at all I want a much I want to much Like maybe more of a James Taylor vibe to the munch squad opening a little less scary Thank you

I've seen my Fucking play in my playground. Okay Come on, okay, I'm gonna go then I have a full story this first juniors from Sonic and it's just like The chicken sandwich wars are Expanding to new fronts. This is what I ever now. They're doing some cyber Cyber chicken sandwich for now. This one's popcorn chicken From Sonic they introduced the new limited-time only popcorn chicken po boy Huh a new sandwich influenced by the bold flavor of Louisiana cuisine

now, I did want to Just the most word salad Jumble of nonsense in this quote announcing this From Scott the Veep a product innovation and development for Sonic Cajun delicacies are known for delicious blends of seasonings that culminate in excitement with everybody Okay, hey good good good food. Yes, that's true of a lot of delicacies Yeah, this delicacy the flavors make people like people are looking for in food is flavor. Okay with a smoky southern style mayo The popcorn chicken po boy spends a sonic staple

The guests know and love with subtle notes of thyme oregano red pepper and paprika Which complement the juicy tenderness in the chicken and bring out a harmony of flavors and a tasty delicate spice level Can I please be done with my quote, please? I can't is that let me go Want to go home and see my kids? That's the end of Scott's quote. That is a that's good. That sounds not right. It looks like a good sandwich It's on a hinge slice roll, but you know, you know how we do it here on the squad We're not just gonna give you a new entry in the chicken sandwich wars because that's honestly It's a little set broasters in on it by the way broaster the popular manufacturer of gas station chicken

Chicken cooking equipment is like we got a chicken sandwich machine for you. I'm not gonna read you that story Chuck E. Cheese. Oh Charles entertainment cheese and munches make believe band have announced their first ever concert tour and if I make a What better time than now Chuck E. Cheese Charles entertainment cheese the number one family entertainment. Sorry Chuck E. Cheese is the restaurant Charles entertainment. She's the mouse. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you the number one family entertainment venue and Chuck E. Cheese isn't even the most the biggest entertainment mouse like no

He's maybe three. He's like a power three. Okay They have announced Chuck E. Cheese and munches make believe band dropped a new album. What summer of fun and The iconic group will be hitting the road for their first ever Concert tour is munches make believe band Chuck E. Cheese's rock-a-fire explosion. I Honestly, I'm a we grew up in like You know, we grew up in a Billy Bob house, right? Like so I don't actually know we've only ever had hydrox I've never had Oreo before that kind of thing It's that kind of thing

I'm trying to figure out how to listen to this this I'm just saying if you all have never seen Billy you put Billy Bob up against the Chuck E. Cheese any day of the week Billy Bob He seems approachable. Yeah seems like a kind of bear you could have a beer with he's a big friendly bear With a with a bird in a can and he plays the but then Chuck E. Cheese scares the shit out of me All the teams are afraid of Five Nights at Freddy's But I just can't do it cuz I'm I grew up in the shadow of this big friendly hillbilly bear and I love him so much He would never hurt me. I trust that boy with my life Now I don't trust that wolf over there stage left or stage right with a puppet. Yeah, not even

Yeah, the wolf with a puppet the wolf who is a puppet himself who also has a puppet hard. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Thank you. No, no, no, no good news everybody. Don't worry. I did manage to secure some tracks From the new Chuck E. Cheese Joint so let's just let's just I'm just gonna let her rip hold on I Come on out. It's such a perfect day Just Of course

See all my friends are coming around I'm so excited Okay, so you get the well right off the bat. Can I acknowledge two things? Yeah, it's labs Rips and trips and bops and fucking hits and it hits. So it kind of feels like this song is about the end of covid Oh, no, it's he doesn't kind of feel like that trap. It is that a hundred percent Chuck Charles entertainment cheeses tacit Acknowledgment of the existence of covid and how glad he is that it is past by the way Fucking Charles if I can speak to you over here for a minute. I saw your ads in fucking like May of 2020

Where you're showing people cleaning tables and you're like we can be clean so mom will be happy to You've been partying nonstop my friend No question no questions on this you've not been separate for anybody you've been partying all year But I also want to acknowledge that this song falls into my favorite sub genre of music Which is songs about other songs When you have a song that's talking about like their favorite song on the radio or like hey DJ turn that music up or like Oh, hey, it's not the greatest song in the world Songs about other songs that are not the song that we're singing is my favorite sub genre of music

And I can't believe checkie cheese just added a new track another hit. I feel like after hearing this I Have an image of how Charles entertainment cheese conducts himself on social media and I'm not saying that he is like Full-blown anti-vaxxer, but I definitely think he's the type to just like be like I'm just asking the questions Oh a hundred percent nothing wrong with this. I'm just asking questions Oh, I just retweeted it to see what you guys thought if you guys were inflamed to discussion Yes, can I just real quick? I'm gonna this fucking album. This is like I thought it would be kind of a goof This song this album is 12 songs long. Hey, there's 12 different tracks on here

I'm gonna read you all the tracks and you guys get to tell me which one you when you're 30 seconds up song of summer We just we just Heard it was extremely good beach party bash dog days this summer Let's be friends. Oh, I dare you not to laugh that sounds like kind of a You know how they like a lot of rap albums have like improv tracks Oh, yeah, sounds like kind of like that, you know, I mean I dare you not to laugh stay positive Which I'm assuming is a cover of the whole steady song Linda helping hand L. Ray guitarista game on

crochet all day Disco dancing dinosaur party fuck Chuck and then the last song is called Chuck E cheese is all about fun by Chuck E cheese damn it Justin we can only pick one. I know fun. What's it? We'll dip in on some of these We'll we'll let you check out pick what you each get to pick one. I'll each listen. I would like to hear crochet all day I think that that's what everyone Recently I've been spending a little more time at home like a lot of people these days Hanging out on my own

Time with fun things is really not that tough But finding that one new passion is proving to be rough. I've done puzzles try juggling coloring magic to Video chat is fun, especially when it's with you Gaming binge watching I even tried croquet Nothing has been quite as fun as my new hobby called crochet All day That is bracing that is okay. The song's not great, but that that's a prize sort of

Shift out there. Yeah, I did not see that guy. I felt like it. Oh, yeah, okay Yeah, oh god, what was the one about making you laugh? I dare you not to laugh I mean, this is a comedy program. Hey Helen want to play a game Do you even have to ask? Of course? I want to play a game. Okay, this game is called I dare you not to laugh and the point of the game is to try to think of funny things to make the other person laugh Hi, it's me Justin McClory. I don't know what Charles is about It has been by his admission a long fucking yeah, yep So and he may not if you're able to keep a straight face without laughing then you win. Oh, this sounds fun

All right, I'll go first. Let's see if you can withstand the silliness I dare you not to laugh. I challenge you not to giggle. Do you think you can be serious? No smiling not even a little I dare you not to chuckle. Oh, hee hee. Ha ha. Look at this funny giraffe I dare you not to laugh. Oh, you'll never get me to laugh Chuckie. I'm complete star What when is the funny shit start Charles? Oh, you didn't hear dark Griffin? He said there was a picture of a funny giraffe. Oh, yeah How about Potipus, we're in a tutu this pickle high-five and a horse an elephant riding a surfboard this bubble be eating s'mores a

Kitty cat getting a haircut this pig taking a bath a monkey doing a cartwheel. I dare you not to laugh Okay, so it seems okay. Yeah There's a few things seems Did cats sometimes need to be groomed so That one was that one was out of that one was out of sight I I applied post-mortem to two's fucking universally like very funny and I won't High-fiving a horse frankly. I don't want I was not expecting that it also didn't fit the mold everything else was an animal doing something And this was something doing something to an animal. Yeah, I like expectations. Yeah, it kind of feels like

It feels like Charles's entire definition of comedy is Okay, something doing something to an animal. Yes Hey, sorry Charles, are you very busy or are you crocheted? Fun Hey, Helen Where are you having fun? I'm having the most fun ever awesome

You get to live another thing This is like Sorry to try to say again. You get to live another day. Yeah, I just I I hate to just really Monopolize the show like this, but I do want to know what dinosaur disco dance party is All about fun I love this That's what it says Yes

Okay So, okay, this rules escape this thing. Yeah, she ain't the same extinction and wrote a novel right achieved Distinction, all right. That's a highlight. I like that one quite a bit. That was a good track It kind of feels like they build a whole album around one single. Yeah. Yeah So he's gonna be Hitting the road They come into to return to our actual story It is a celebration at all US Chucky cheese locations. It begins May 31st. That's today is the crow flies

The new summer fun path. I'm not gonna read their promotion. It doesn't matter Quote we know our guests have miss seeing Chuck E in our stores That's the other thing that's worth noting is like they got rid of all Chucky cheese in all stores because they're like kids But maybe he'll come to his tour He's been hard at work writing music and recording a new album that sure to delight fans of all ages Said someone there We're thrilled that Chuck E and the band are hitting the road to rock fans with our iconic fun tracks and signature sounds at beaches and parks across the country

And we're making it easy and affordable for families to keep the summer fun going with you know at Chucky cheese Here's the schedule June 5th pier 60 Park at Popular Scientology hub Huh showtimes 10 a.m. 1 p.m. 3 p.m. Oh three shows a day. That's it. That's three shows Enjoy your costume. They're performers. It's gonna be a rough one Then they're taking the whole production Giving themselves a nice comfortable week to get on over to Cumberland Park National, Tennessee

With three shows there music city music city They're going to Philly and then Atlanta and then Texas. There's nothing really I need to know which city in Texas Justin because do remember I Dallas Dallas I'll fucking drive that drive for Chuck Yeah, you'll get there for Chuck. So yeah, he is he is officially Chuck E cheese is going on tour along before we are He is getting out there and playing those outdoor venues and having the time of his life. So Really excited about that. It's good stuff

Get out there and see Chuck. I'm sure he'd love to see you. He's been as he is Apparently just telling everybody really cooped up really cooped up ready to fuck But trying a lot of new things it sounds like yeah, he's trying a lot of new things. Yeah, pretty much He said he's open to anything. Yeah He has another song didn't make the album called Called that Dr. Fauci wouldn't let me have my phone break They had to cut that one for very obvious reasons. There's another one called dr. Fauci enemy of fun Dr. Fauci hates pizza is another one that's on the album

Dr. Fauci won't admit he's my dad despite having a lot of paperwork This is still yeah, do you want to do one more question? Maybe I want to help You always see in movies and stuff that putting a ring of salt in the ground is supposed to protect you from ghosts But how high up off the ground can you get before the protection is no longer effective? If I put a big ring of salt down and then fly been a helicopter are the ghosts gonna get me or does the salt produce a sort of Antigo cylinder that extends all the way up to the stratosphere. That's from ruminating about revenants in Richmond And I mean yeah, you're thinking purely Terrestrially like once you get out into space like up and down don't mean anything anymore

So like how can you even know that you're still in this in the circle? So to speak well And I would also say you're only thinking in the up direction You have to think if you put the ring of salt on this side of the planet Mm-hmm on the other side of the planet. Yeah, that's stop a guy like it's a beam Why is it less able to stop ghosts through sediment right right and and More core than it is, you know now Is it maybe just that the ghosts don't like the smell of the salt?

And so it's not even the shape like if you just pour some salt on the ground a ghost comes near it and they're like no I'm trying to watch my sodium and then they leave I don't think it's the circle because this makes no blood pressure thing. Yeah, it's a blood pressure thing or I To I I think it's so stupid. Okay? It's so fucking stupid That in in the in literature and stuff It's like make a ring of salt to protect you from ghosts. Hey, I have things to do How about this? How about I make a ring of salt around this ghost and go live my fuck?

Yeah, oh, that's right. Well, how about he stays there and I put up a sign that's like warning dickhead ghosts Say away. Don't fuck with do not mess with salt avoid if rains if rains run Please trap ghosts again have shit to do find salt in cabinet next to the peanut butter And now the other no on the other side. That's sugar. Don't use sugar. Don't you sugar? They'll just lap it and that will bring ants and also. Hey slugs. Just look out Slugs look out the signs for you to slug. I got slugs. They're good for your garden You don't you don't want to kill don't like slugs. Just trap the ghost if it's a go Spare the slugs. Oh man, what if

What if a you drop some salt and it kills a slug and then the slugs ghost comes out and he's like, well fuck No, I don't like this at all. Okay. Hey shark tank. I've got a million dollar idea. Okay, okay? Salted belts you can wear them always got a ring of salt with you I'm this love and it's just that your belt is soaked in salt That's good. And if you're eating some flavorless popcorn you take the little guy out and you just a quick swiper across the belt Not too much though. Not too much because eventually ghosts will get through there. You'll wear down your way man Travis This protects this definitely is gonna protect my thorax from ghosts and my legs and feet. I love that But what about my appendages? Yeah, salty the bracelets salt bracelets. Oh

Okay, you're starting to play fast and loose with geometry. Okay, fine a salted suit Assault the whole suit is circular. Is it's a circular? Jerkies it this that raises an interesting question if a ghost comes into my house and tries to murder me and all of my techniques that I learned in this episode Are proving ineffective? if I Run into the kitchen can't find the salt, but I do grab about a bag of Chex mix and I do a circle of that Does the does the latent salt on the Chex mix provide the necessary chemistry to make the ghost go away

Well, here's the good news Griffin I think it does but even if it doesn't it's going to start a conversation it is yeah And if the ghost is also a vampire It's gonna slow that vampire down because if you spill a bag of something in front of a vampire they have to count it Yeah, so they have to stop and count if it's like rice or grain or whatever which I think Chex mix pretty grainy pretty grainy Yeah, it's gonna work. Sure. So that's gonna stop a Joey chestnut and a ghost and vampire Those are my three biggest fears. So yep, I'm afraid a ghost come come haunt me make me do things

I don't want to do afraid of vampire come eat me and my family's blood And I'm afraid Joey chestnut come eat all the hot dogs out of my refrigerator Cuz I'm gonna save those for lunch. Yeah, I need those for the big cookout I'm so glad that we're getting back to our core competencies of talking about ghosts and competitive. Yeah, yeah This really feels like a return to form. How many ghosts do you think you could eat Justin? I don't know. I'm not Pac-Man Thank you so much for for enjoying this podcast assuming you did. Thanks at least for listening, you know I should I should I should rain in my scope. Thanks for listening to this podcast for show

Happy you joined us Do we have yeah, we have a big announcement. Oh, okay. Oh, we have a virtual my brother and my brother me coming up Whoa tickets are on sale now. What and those tickets are at bit.ly slash mb mb am virtual The show is June 25th at 9 p.m. Eastern time Tickets are only $10 and video on the van will be available for two weeks after the show end So even if you are not available on the 25th and 9 p.m. Eastern time You can still watch the show for two weeks afterwards. This my thing says that they're on sale tomorrow Tuesday Well, yeah, but that's when this will come out. Is this Tuesday? This is Tuesday when people hear this Justin

But this day is okay. Got it sound the day they hear the sound so it is show doesn't go out live Justin. You know that, right? So confusing. Okay. Also, we've got new merch over at macro merch calm Our pit of the month is I also won a sword which you might recognize from the my brother my brother me hit TV show Benefiting the Trevor project which provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ plus young people under 25 We've also got you hear that babe. We're legends shirt I believe that's from the adventure zone A well-loved podcast that some really handsome fellows make and a portion of the proceeds from that also go to the Trevor project Speaking of the adventure zone you can pre-order the adventure zone Crystal Kingdom graphic novel ball. What novel ball?

I was just reading I was looking the word available and graphic novel ball became but it's a novel ball now You can pre-order it over at the adventure zone comic calm that comes out July 13th 2021 and as a pre-order gift from for a second our publisher you also get a Kravitz Lenticular laptop sticker you submit your receipts for your pre-order gift at bit.ly slash Taz for pre-order Hey, thanks to Montaigne for these for our theme song. My life is better with you Gonna drop that track cuz gotta be dropping it's that's gonna be the bop of the summer I bet or the fall to me. I want to come when it fully releases probably the summer I bet but it is gonna have some stiff competition from Chuck E cheese and

I don't even know if Montaigne knows about that So we should probably shoot her email real quick and just say yeah You should probably bump this to like 2023 just to be safe. I do a twitch Travis TV slash the Travis McRoy. It's over there if you want to come hang out He's playing Resident Evil 8 right now and I heard he cries and screams at it like a baby because I do not mostly I spent the first play through critiquing evens terrible parenting Yeah, he puts fucking pillows in with a six-month-old and there's toys all over the goddamn floor. Yeah, it's not good stuff Anyway, um, do you want final this final yahoo was I found it myself and it's from yahoo answers user Tam

Asks how did your dad? Fine, how did your dad find his way into your life and how And how did you know How did you know My name is Justin I'm Travis McGriffin McRoy. It's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips Oh Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported