My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 590: Keep Your Grades Up

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Big news, folks, we’ve partnered with Mariah Carey. That’s right, she'll be ​bringing you one segment an episode for the rest of the year! We’ve got bits and goofs that pair perfectly with the hit holiday jam.Suggested talking points: Niftys, Boner Lisa, Touch the Eyeball, Dr Crankenstein’s Monster, Pizza Shaq, Cheeseburger Sleeve, Going up to Santa’s HouseAsian Pacific Environmental Network: https://apen4ej.org/ Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better with you

It's better it's better with you It's better it's better with you Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your middlest brother big dog wolf wolf Travis wolf wolf McElroy wolf wolf and I'm sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy And thank you everybody for coming to our press conference. It's been a while since we please sit down sit down sit down Sit down, please. Yeah you sit down. Hey, why are you clapping? Why are you clapping? Stop it? We have a limited time frame. Yes, please listen. I am so excited to announce

It's been so much work getting to this this point I am so excited to announce that my brother my brother and me series of Non-fungible tokens or in the parlance of the people Nifty's thank you. Thank you. That's what we called them. We have a series these exclusive Jpegs. Yep are I mean glossy glossy and beautiful easily downloadable, but ownable by only by you My favorite is we've got a torsey the torso horse. Oh, great. Yeah, and it's an NFT the the bidding on that will start at ten Thousand dollars. Yeah, I get it's gonna be There's there's shirtless there's shirtless jeans Griffin jpeg which I didn't actually demanded there needed to be stats on it

Like string like a baseball corn like strength still more Pokemon like strength stat How much energy it costs for me to do my like flexing power is that makes all right like fall down? And now I've done one here and that one that one's that one's like nine bucks I've done one here We're what I've done it. So you guys know the Mona Lisa, right? Yes So I took a picture of that when I was at the Louvre. Yeah, and then I photoshopped in An engorged penis instead of the face. Oh, I call it boner Lisa And before you ask, hey, we're not in work of art

But it is kind of a tribute to yeah, thank you Yes a little bit still kept the enigmatic smile. This is a boner with a secret and That one the bidding actually started at $50,000, but it's already been more or less purchased. We're in final talks Tom Hanks wants to buy it and option it and write a script about it. Yeah, kind of I think it's like a DaVinci code spinoff or something Yeah, so that's more or less spoken for at this point So these are really exciting and we're using some of the usual channels to sell these NFTs

Books a million one of them might be crypto site Openplace open to site openplace.gov We're selling these and we're just excited and yes To answer your question three percent of all profits will be Given the charity, so I mean I don't have much. Yeah, that's well We're like one point five to three. Well three point. It's there's a percentage deal. Okay, so thank you so much

We're also doing imp threes, which is what a lot of people are calling MP threes these days. Yeah This episode every word I'm saying right now. It's just like money money when I'm saying the words money money money money money It's actually increasing the value of them of the money Yeah, and of course I'm releasing my own My own follow-up boy cover album. There's just fall in boy and there's like a comma and exclamation point there And that will be available directly through

Check this out Bazinga So I'm gonna NFT that that just that one sort of one and a half second sound bite. Sorry wait. Oh They got another press conference starting here. Oh, so we got a break. Thank you. So yeah, thank you so much for coming And we'll turn everything right now Hello everybody, thank you for thank you for coming today Gosh where to begin yeah Mistakes were made we are I'm a first. Let me begin with an apology. Yeah, we did not consider

our NFT program Before we announced it. Yeah to you the the listening public and for that we are I mean so sorry Really really so and I know what you're thinking But then how did you schedule this press conference? This is going to be a bit of a victory lap press conference because we thought we had done We thought we've figured out, you know, we were gonna brag about how good we did But you know, you know, you make a plan and God laughs apparently

Some of the things we've heard one If I could just run down One Stupid yeah, and like that's that was a big one Number two killing the planet. Yeah, there apparently these things They're not so nifty for old mother earth. Yeah, which is weird. It's just me saying Bazinga and then a thousand trees die Now to be fair Boner Lisa is a lot of gigglebites. It's It's it's about a hundred GBs. It's uncompressed all the way. Yeah, if you

When you're listening to the first part of this About how mad you were. Yeah, we hope you will know we did see her Yeah, we heard we heard you and if you could issue a retraction like thank goodness. They're doing the right thing Yeah, boy, these guys always they say the McElroy's they usually get it right in the end Right, this is probably our quickest turnaround. Yeah, I come from three guys that announced to slay the live shows and cancel them the next day So this is actually a new land speed a new land shame record for us I do want to Tom Hanks if you're listening, I will not be returning the down payment on Boner Lisa that is already spent You know what dudes are real fucking crypto geek. Yeah, well, he loves it because he first got into it

He's like Crips. I love exploring those things and then explain to him But he's had already invested millions of dollars, right and I did want to say to Elon Musk I think you stink, but thank you. Thank you for the seven and a half million dollars for Bazinga I know as you've been putting it in all your tweets. You've been embedding the Bazinga soundbite and all your tweets Which I did not know was possible and it's it is it is funny and I Guess I guess that's all I did again personally on like a personal moral level. I I do think that you

Are shit head belongs in the garbage, but I do I I'm gonna do so much good with that eight and a half million. I forget what I said It's a lot of money though. So thank you and we're sorry What not the Tom Hanks, I'm sorry to Tom Hanks about what that's just cuz I haven't watched Fent yet Oh, yeah, I got I keep getting those texts like what do you think and I'm like, it's next Excellent buddy promise. I've been saying that for a while and then Witcher came out and I was like, oh man I gotta watch Witcher first and he's like I get it I get it

I love Geralt and all of his wacky shenanigans, but then you'll watch fence right and I was like, well It's not really I don't know if it's a holiday appropriate and he was like, oh, I get I get that but like January 2nd And I was like you got it, buddy, and I know I'm not going to I really don't like a cowboy bebop rewatch Well, it's sort of like a real what they should have a name for a rewatch that you do the first time. Yeah But it's it's like that from my desk at work a note from Justin McRoy Re the NFT debacle From the desk of Justin We let you down again and gosh gosh

It's a tough one. I have a door that opens into a common hallway Everyone who goes past can see me and I can overhear any conversations in the hall. I control it all I'm just watching the game controlling I Just heard another co-worker telling someone that there was birthday cake downstairs and they should go as a group to get some However, I don't know whose birthday it is and that co-worker didn't explicitly invite me even though she could see me at my desk I really want free cake, but I'm afraid it's gonna be awkward if I go down to this party Alone and uninvited Brothers, how can I invite myself down for some cake? That's from cake conundrum in, California. I

Think listen, it's go please. Yeah, I feel like this is a non-problem, right? If there's they're all non-problems travel, but we got a podcast. Yeah, we don't put we don't include actual problems If the statement is made there is birthday cake downstairs now what I am assuming here Because there's no other details given that even though it is a separate floor It is the same business that this is not like a different business that you would be That's a different thing But as long as this is like the same business and just a different floor of the office The cake's there for everybody whether you know who that person is or not, right? Like yeah

There there has never been an office birthday cake in which you had to pass a test of like answering Personal questions about the person and chances are there names on the ding-dang thing It's but no, I don't think I don't think this is as risk-free as you're making it out to be Because there's gonna be a lot of people down there And if you're not the type of person that usually socializes and you grab yourself a big honking piece of cake that had the one that actually has Deremi's face on it Then they're not gonna they're not gonna just let that slide Can I can I don't want to be a real fud fuddy-duddy and I know that's a real fud rucker

I occupy the fud rucker sector on this show more times than I prefer but most Birthday cake specifically store-bought birthday cake is not like very good or at least not as not so good that it merits this kind of like What I would call bold sort of social interaction. Oh Now now sounds like somebody has been living away from Kroger for too long You've forgotten the face of your whippy because Kroger Kroger whippy is worth it True Kroger Whip. Hey folks. If you never had a cake Kroger Whippy

It's about you get yourself and do a Kroger right away and get you some whipping not only that Griffin But I know you I've known you for a long time. You've never had a traditional office job So you do not know the joy to try dad. I work to try that. I guess that's true for one I don't know you at all. You're a complete stranger to me but maybe you've just forgotten in the intervening years the joy of having any kind of blip of difference in the day Where like you go into work and you're like, this is a normal day, right? Yeah, and then all it takes is like you could have a surprise piece of cake no matter what the quality

Well, that's different right that feeling of it's not about if the cake is good or not It's that it's different than not cake. That's fair, but I It's I've had so many crumbly ass birthday cakes. Hey, can I just a quick aside? I did tell Henry Like early this year about how Tommy Smurl fired me I'm not doing a very good job during my summer working at try data and to this day. He still Leverages that in any sort of example where he needs to take me down a peg or two Wow, just a lot of like you better come to the blue room and play with me or else I'm gonna call Tommy to have him fire you again. Oh, yeah

Or is this true it is a hundred percent true The first time he did it was kind of sweet because he was like when we go to when we go home for Christmas I'm not I'm gonna yell at Tommy because he fired you and I was like damn that would be one fucking hysterical Yeah, it's too really sweet, but now he's decided like it's good that Tommy fired me You know, I've been I've been reviewing the logs. You were behind on your quotas. Yeah fucking of course. I was dog You went to Bonnaroo. I know No, I mean even when I was at that job. I was still I was buddy the elf making etch-a sketches. I was a fucking idiot anyway

Can we talk to the wizard first act? Yeah, let's approach him. The wizard's got a really wild one for us a real wild ride for us And I would say thank you to the wizard and also thank you to Drew for sending this in How to stop a wedding? Oh We've all seen the movies where a person halts a wedding and progress in order to get the one they truly love In reality stopping a wedding is a much more serious undertaking. It involves It involves a lot of thought and planning and taking an honest look at your motives and intentions If you truly believe the couple shouldn't be together and if you believe you're justified in doing so

We have some suggestions for going about stopping a wedding with logic and legal action Now just real quick check in between me and my brothers here when you got how old were you guys before you had the realization that the If anybody doesn't want them to get married speak now wasn't actually like a normal part of a wedding Like I know that's it doesn't pop up as much when I was a kid I thought that there was a tense moment in every wedding We're just like a quick audience poll anybody and if you like well only two people raise their hands So we're gonna keep going with it. I think everybody cool I mean I get though if I ever heard anybody do it. It's been in like everybody's

There's there's a human in there Let's be honest. It's usually like a friend of the groom who set has a big problem like with silences Yeah, I mean just like it starts to like get too real and he's like yeah Rick sucks Okay We didn't do this at minor Rachel's wedding, but I kind of wish we did because there's something about like Putting your love through that crucible Like making it vulnerable for a second because you do you explode you lift up the armor to show your soft underbelly because you're like if you really do

Want to step to this and to hear apart this infinite love this here's your chance Oh, see I wish I done it just for entrapment. Just like somebody's like, yeah, you know what and I'm like hot trick question We're not gonna not get married, but now you get the fuck out of here You don't get any cake later or they speak their mind and then the efficient is like, okay noted No one gives a shit That was rude sit down Don't make this about you Derek. Let's get into it man part one approaching the couple consider your motivations Why do you want to stop the wedding?

It doesn't say because you're in love with the other person, but maybe we'll get to that point Don't be don't base halting a wedding purely on emotions like jealousy or hatred those can be worked through with communication and therapy Okay, but it's not a bad place to start You know Talk to the family members or other people involved in the wedding to find out if someone else feels similarly Hey grandma. Hey butch's grandma. Hey This feels off, right? Where are you at? Just hot or cold? Yeah

Hey, hey Stacy's dad Sucks, right? Am I right or am I right? Also, uh, when are you gonna divorce your wife so I can date her? Yeah, um, cuz it's Stacy's mom Let's meet with the bride and groom privately to talk It's a fun conversation. That's gonna go great. Hey guys, what's up? We got beer in the fridge, and I don't think you should be in I don't think you should be in love forever And then here's a PowerPoint presentation. I and I really want you to pay attention I worked really hard on this PowerPoint of why can you not actually embrace right now?

I need you guys to sit sort of farther apart from one another In fact, I have two separate presentations yours is going to be over there in my kids room I've set it up and yours is gonna be in here So if you guys could take breaks about 45 minutes, so like go to the bathroom first, right? Cuz I don't want to I don't want to pause them. They're kind of synchronized And so I don't want it to get off This is a long article address your concerns one-on-one This may be a good time to ask questions about how they're feeling about the wedding and what their future looks like in their eyes

Why they believe their significant other is the one for them, etc That kind of discussion could bring up uncertainty That they may have about getting married and you can use it to enable them to think a little more and possibly call off the wedding Wowzers Bowser's that is a That's pretty I would say toxic behavior from you the friend who was concerned about both of them Oh, what's that they snore, huh? Something to think about You know, they're gonna snore all the all the time forever

Think about a have you smelled this guy's football farts have you Football game. Oh, I thought it was like after they played football or a day played football They come back to the locker room and really stink up the joint Convince the couple to wait a year. Come on guys Come on guys listen to my points. It just take a year like it's irresponsible to rush into this You've been dating for 12 years You've waited this long to have sex just one more year a little bit more Another she used to hold off and tell another year would be family events coming up such as grandpa's 80th or the birth of a new baby

You could see if you could maybe double up grandpa's 80th with the wedding so that way people don't have to travel as much Let's gather everyone around grandpa Presently surrounding pressure bodies against let's lay hands on grandpa. Let's lay breath on grandpa Everybody just give the breath of life to grandpa. Right Touches man touches old man's face We're gonna hold this eye open so you can just touch his eyeball How could you even think about getting married in the same year as grandpa's final birthday? Why are we calling it that?

This let me just say that the wiki how art it's always good so far It's just been a couple listening to their friend who looks more and more frantic and the couple's faces look more and more like What the fuck are you talking about and this in this one the the woman in this couple is just piercing daggers right at the man as he Step five suggest a fake wedding Discuss holding a wedding celebration But without the minister in paperwork. No one else has to know it's not legally binding and everyone can still enjoy Themselves what would be the context for that? How is how would that sales pitch?

Hey guys guys guys guys have I got an idea for you? Yes, imagine if you will the cost and inconvenience of a wedding, but without any of the permanent effects That way you guys can just bail whenever you want, right? Isn't that no that's the obvious wait. Oh, you're telling me Okay, that's the opposite. Okay, it gets wilder part two taking other action one call out the lies If you know the thank you, you know the wedding is a fraud What if you succeeded in the poop in the prior step and convincing them to have a proof that this is a phony baloney tech rehearsal wedding Or if there are legal reasons the wedding should not go through his plan

You have at least 28 days to take legal action. Hey, what's up? I'm here to legally stop a wedding. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that sir Well, what when was it scheduled for? Oh, I don't know let me call an ass I Was actually uninvited let me call and double-check I love hey wiki how just throwing out that there's a Legal reason that the wedding should not happen and throwing that in there with I don't know if you two are gonna get along forever That feels like that should be a separate article, right? Yeah it's I have

I'm thinking about something as we talk about this, you know a wedding obviously weddings are kind of out of vogue with A lot of people in which I completely get everybody should do their own thing But we did the wedding thing all three of us here not together. No, no, no, that would have been that'd been weird we did the wedding separately thing and You know the stress of a wedding is like it feels like, you know, this is your you know This is your shot to get it right. You're just gonna get married one time and It's a lot of expense and like you have to come up with opinions about stuff Yeah, I may not necessarily care about and if it doesn't go well, then it's like

devastating right, but what if Every wedding had like a villain, right? I feel like maybe if you have the Phantom of the wedding, you know where it's like your choices then don't just become a reflection of your Personalities in your love, but more like a defensive sort of like Preparing for oh in defiance Yeah, the different ways that the Phantom of the wedding will like try to thwart you that's good and your actions So like it gives a slightly more competitive element where it's like if it goes 80% good

Yeah, that's awesome, right because you've like thwarted The Phantom at a lot of different turns with a lot of their different machinations to try to keep your your marriage from culminating Well, because that's the thing to keep in mind is you and your your partner, right? You've got a lot on your mind that has to go right all the Phantom has to do is make things go wrong And that's a lot easier. So if you get 80% say huge victory now I will also add to this plane Justin another reason I like the introduction of the Phantom is you can then also create whatever the opposite of a safe word is with The Phantom where if too much is going badly you say that word and the Phantom ends the wedding

Yeah, your fault. It's a fantasy. He won the Phantom one and you get a redo you get to do the wedding again You should be able to pick your villain to like oh, yeah Like dead by dawn or dead by here like here comes dr. Bones the skeleton that always comes to try and stop our wedding Here's the problem. Yes, is that you there's no problem dr. Bones? Oh, no It's the praying mantis that's been hunting me ever since I was a child Dr. Bones is a contractor who you are going to have to seek out and hire so it's like in hiring dr. Bones you are Participating in the process that dr. Bones is sworn to disrupt the best man thing you the best man hires

Yes, so you actually don't know who it is Can you imagine how much more thrilling it would be to plan a wedding if when you're talking to the DJ You're like and you promise you're not gonna play our Kelly songs like oh, yeah Yeah, and you're not like no, but you really really really you understand. It's like. Oh, yeah No, I'm a friendly skeleton. My name is dr. Toons. I play the tunes you see. I'm dr. Crankin No, I'm Frankenstein sponsor, but I'm not here for that. I'm in my off-time. I'm a DJ I promise you I know why you would assume that I'm working for the Phantom and that's like completely fair No, no, I'm the DJing mantis. I promise here. I'm going to bite the head off of boredom. That's drama

I mean, that's drama. That's what you want from from any event. I mean, I'm maybe this is good for birthday parties Do you like you have someone working against you? Yeah when you're planning a party? How was the bridal shower? Oh, I was great. It was really good crudité and we defeated that evil sasquatch Oh No, the stinky sasquatch. Yeah, he showed up. He tried to take the cake literally He would be so fucking rad if you're like trying to do a wedding and you think that you've gotten away with it Yeah, you've defeated the Phantom and then a werewolf Like oh fuck now. We got to deal with this

What's that? Oh the Phantom arrived. He's gonna help you fight the werewolf. Oh Enemies to friends. Everybody loves that shit. Let's keep rockin step to involve others. That's great Get their best friends all in a big group to really really forever scar these people sort of emotionally It does say use this as a last resort because it could be pretty traumatic So at least they are sort of looking out and then step three is totally normal follow the money Whoa, if the couple are relying on one or both of their parents to support the wedding You may want to try and stop the money source. So the wedding will be called off. They'll kill their parents

I don't think that's what it is. Oh, yeah, you're right griffin because then they would still inherit it. It would inherit So seduce the parents and yeah, you're going to marry them and then kill them or You inherit the money. You can have dr. Bone's identity steal There you go. Same time. I feel like getting to jump back a second Group of friends to convince them out of it bad group of enemies to just go on and on about what a good idea They think it is that's the way to go right now We're cooking with gas because group of friends could go badly, right? Because then it's like well, we're still getting married and now we also hate all of you, right?

But if they're like, oh, I hate Debbie from work and Debbie's like, I love that you guys are getting married That's so great. Like now it's like, well fuck if Debbie thinks isn't good idea The last section real quick waiting it out step one void the marriage after the wedding You can use an annulment to legally cancel out the marriage as if it never happened not second-hand though as a third party Probably not bad. Hey Pope. It's me Bob. I know it. They didn't fuck Let me see your rings. Oh, you're not married no more You just got annulled if you press the annulment button and eat the rings It's done

To wait for the marriage to fail down the road if the couple are fairly young and it's their first marriage There's a 40% chance the marriage mill in a divorce in divorce. Oh, those are you wait for what to what end to wait for them to split up naturally Yeah, but then so but the reason to stop the marriage would be to stop something bad from happening and then you're like, hey Well, that is right wait for something wait for something bad to happen There's no step here. That's like rob it in their fucking faces Do it as they walk out of the the town hall where they are not sign the annulment papers You be there outside doing a quarterback dance just sort of yelling about how how you called it

Step three and now you're mad cuz you ain't a couple. Well, we're just here to do the Super Bowl shuffle Last step is move on but you can't you won't That should honestly be number one in every wiki how should be just don't Said I think in the during the live shows. Yeah, keep your grades up and move on should be one That should be step one move on step two keep your grades up step three. All right fine. Here you go more more I can I tell you I've read like a lot of You know different how-tos in my life for different hobbies or whatever so few of them in with like no when to pack it Yeah, like you know when you're lit. Maybe it's not for you. I don't know. Hey look over look over at his

How's he doing on his oh, it's way better than yours. Oh, you guys been doing it for the same amount of time, huh? Maybe you just don't have it for you. Yeah, no one to quit one dot org Is anything else Griffin? I mean there's some questions from some people and a lot of people asking very inappropriate questions I would say someone asked is there a good way to stop my own wedding without making this things awkward And I would say it would be a lot easier. Yeah, I think hiring a doctor bones or just asking one of your friends to start this This mission this quest to tear the two of you apart It can't be one of your friends Just side note you're going to have to plan ahead six months before the wedding hire like find somebody

Right is a plant friend and you're going to do a lot to talk about how close you've grown together And how important they are and then they're going to ruin it and then if that doesn't work You have to be ready to jettison that person Right, so I think you can't just pick your best friend to do it Especially if your parents are they're going to be like hey your best friend kind of fuck this all up for you You got to be like, yeah, I don't talk to him anymore. Yeah, and it's because you like paid him That's full proof on a mount Plus your jobs creator

Absolutely, that's the best part in this economy in this economy to keep this going You're a labor shortage. So we don't need more jobs. We need better jobs better pay better Great What's up guys, I know we fucked up but check our check our jobs out. What's that? They're pretty bad $14 is a lot of money. What the fuck's wrong with you $14 is good We need to figure out a way to pronounce Papa John's with and audibly remove the Apostrophe by the way for now. How do you pronounce it different out loud? So if you're only hearing it audibly, you know, which one we're talking about

Well, I mean you turn to John John's the Martian man, right? Papa John's there you go Maybe one option pop or maybe just pop a shacks. I pop a shacks is much better Shaq is much closer to the brand now. I think it should actually just be pizza Shaq by the way Pizza Shaq is really good. I know. Thank you very much Well, that'd be pizza Shaq's Like where do you want to order from pizza Shaq's? Well, which one you could then it maybe it could be pizza's Shaq No, it wouldn't be pizza Shaq's. That's it. That is a wild Yoda-esque way The pizza of Shaq the pizza of Shaq is Shaq is like hot. Yeah, you understand

Gryffindor, you don't get it like Shaq's like Just call it the pizza of Shaq. I don't understand what I'm saying pizzas Possessive Shaq this is the Shaq that pizza owns right at this point It is not Shaq's pizza, right? That means that he has control of this at this point The pizza has such control over Shaq that How about we do you get a question working? Oh, I thought you was asking Shaq if he wanted pizza pizza Shaq and then it was Shaq's catchphrase We're always like, yeah, sure sounds great

Sure, I'll have some pizza. I'd love to We're gonna take a quick break from some corporate sponsors and then we're gonna go with you To the rest of the show. So come on come with us to the money zone Justin Yeah, how have stamps changed your life I love All the different small pictures on them Yeah, I don't know how they get the pictures so small

Yep, and I love that they can help me send packages all over the world I don't love having to go to the post office to like get the stamps and to send the things, you know my god This is what a coincidence Justin Because now I get to tell you about stamps calm where you still get the little pictures and you can still send them But you don't have to go to the post office and you can avoid all the hectic holiday shopping traffic You can save time and money Stamps calm stamps calm lets you compare rates print labels and access exclusive discounts on UPS and USPS services all year long And with stamps calm you can get discounts. You can't find anywhere else like got to get this number

It's very big 40% off of USPS rates, but this number is even bigger Justin 76% off UPS. That's a lot of percent. I know a lot of percent so much percent And you know, it's wild they could have just made it 75 But no they had to push farther They had to take it 1% more if you spend more than a few minutes a week dealing with mail and shipping stamps calm is a Lifesaver so check it out save time and money this holiday season with stamps calm sign up with promo code My brother for a special offer that includes a four-week trial free postage and a digital scale no long-term commitments or contracts Just go to stamps calm click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code my brother all one word. Oh

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Shorts and then on my and then on the shorts. It says biscotti on it. Yeah, I didn't notice that. Yeah It's fucking cool, and it came from stitch. What tiny shoes Listen style isn't one size fits all sometimes the shirts small and the diapers too big and the shoes are too small But it's about what suits your body and right now. This is what I need and I want you guys to fucking respect it Okay, I dig I do. I'm really sorry. It's okay. I'm a I'm a little baby and why not shop at a store that's personalized to your size and style Why how much they try to talk you out of it? I'm talking about stitch fix freestyle. It's a shop built just for you from the ground up

It's a trusted style destination where you can discover and instantly buy curated items based on your style likes and lifestyle Whether you look for a brand you love or you want to try a new one at stitch fix freestyle You can shop a range of over 1,000 brands. I don't even know there are that many brands. It's a lot of brands, you know, I buy big tucking shirts and I love big tucking stuff by the way by stinko jeans That's about is those and I get puma socks from Costco Anyway, yeah, one of those things is true Listen, you can shop a range of over a thousand brands and those brands are gonna be personalized to your style and fit

There's no subscription. They offer free shipping returns and exchanges. Just do it get started today by filling out your style quiz It's stitch fix comm slash my brother at stitch fix comm slash my brother to try stitch fix freestyle stitch fix comm slash my brother This week on tights and fights Austin creed better known as WWE superstar Xavier Woods Unbalancing his many passions. This dude actually wants these ridiculous things. He wants to wear a crown He wants to be a g4. He wants to have a yacht rock band like he wants to DJ at a at a festival one day WWE and g4's Austin creed on tights and fights find it on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts I

Like we did a really good job with that guys. Yeah, no, no We're definitely not gonna hear anything about how we made it sound like stitch fix dress our little brother in a big diaper And tiny shirt and tiny. Okay. That was a joke Stick fix golly We need a way we should just say up front. This is what my daughter does BB will say like I'm gonna tell you something funny And then she'll tell a joke as a way to like prep me to make sure I know that I'm supposed to laugh when she's done talking We should do that more on the show be like hey this thing. I'm about to say it's not real

This is a joke and then tell it because it can get confusing to me. We're set up. I Don't even know this is not a joke. Okay. Thank you I want a month I want to It feels like you don't need us for this if you yeah, yeah I kind of replace you guys with bells and I'm really sorry. That's okay. I get it. Yes. I'll talk about Mariah Carey. Yeah Well good news guys Cuz Mariah is taking the holidays up an octave with the 12 days of McDonald's deals

Huh cool each day from December 13th to December 24th. So yeah you know Got a little bit left all this McDonald's once this holiday season is for you To join Mariah Carey for 12 days of death. That's a sweaty one, isn't it? Because when yeah, it's super sweat all I want for Christmas is you. Oh, yeah, I get it. We'll change half those words And then insert a proposition because we don't have the guts To just abandon it because when an iconic holiday superstar as a fan of the Golden Arches It's only right to begin the season by gifting customers an entire menu full of free

From Mariah's own favorite Anyone like her favorite thing I'm gonna say I'm gonna say a McFlurry, okay Griffin Just the hash browns Classic cheeseburg That's what she told McDonald's to soft big talk don't call Mariah a liar She's not Malaya carry I'm gonna McDonald's a liar. I don't think they spoke to Mariah Carey before they started The Mariah menu will make its debut in the US on December 13th featuring a different free item

Oh With a $1 minimum purchase on the McDonald's app some of my favorite memories with my kids are family trips to McDonald's sure So I'm Mariah Carey and I take my kids to McDonald's all the time and but up above They're loving it and my kids to McDonald's we try we go to McDonald's and I always get a classic cheeseburger This is definitely me Mariah Carey Marie Mariah Carey. I can only use the bathroom at McDonald's The only time I've ever felt truly like a success slash alive is McDonald's when I'm eating a classic cheeseburger Each of us has our go-to order mine is the cheese burger and I get it with extra pickles I'm right here. I love extra pickles cuz damn it. I'm worth it. I know it costs a little bit extra, but fuck it

I'm right here and I love people Fucking reality And the person from he's like hello, I'm Mariah Carey I would like cheeseburger no drink for me today I like a single cheeseburger with extra pickles. I'll wait just put it in my hands I don't need a wrap like a combo meal with fries and it no no what a fucking idiot question No Mariah goes with the holidays like ketchup and fries

Yeah, so we couldn't think of a better partner to help us celebrate the upcoming season Said someone at McDonald's just like McDonald's brings people around the table with their favorite orders Mariah's music connects us all During this time of year. So we're excited to team up to bring even more holly cheer to our fans And hey, I'm gonna flow something you guys cuz this just occurred to me listen We have lots of wonderful fans and they're great, but I don't think we're big enough I think that we could say we've partnered with Mariah Carey and like one episode in each episode She's gonna bring you one segment product that Mariah Carey picked and I don't think we're big enough that it would ever actually get back

To Mariah Carey. Yeah, totally do it and just get away with it Can I make this sort of like vision board announcement if you are a restaurant a Real restaurant, right? Yeah, and you want to get at us with multiple locations. It has to be more than one location It can be a two restaurant sure and you want to do a McElroy family meal. Please get at us It's gonna be buck wild Well, we're weird promise it'll because I tell you this if I get my chance It ain't gonna be a classic cheeseburger It's gonna be like a McFlurry dumped over fries with chopped up pickles on it

It's gonna be like you really eat it and I'm gonna be like yeah dance eat it eat it now high school lunch room dare bullshitting It's gonna get it's gonna be all school pizza the Mariah menu items will be served in fun and festive package if McDonald's I reach out we're we're bringing back the McPizza and you can't stop us Yeah, we worked with Mariah to create a design We know the lambilly and McDonald's fans will love you'll know the bags when you see them Just like you know her famed holiday jingle from the song's first notes Hey Hey, I want you guys to just picture your first second Mariah Carey like sitting over like an like an artist easel and

Like dad like just trying to design this bag and she just can't get it right cuz it's definitely what may it might have also been like a big fancy iPad with like a thing but definitely this is something Mariah Carey definitely directly worked on What using the Wi-Fi at McDonald's using the Wi-Fi at McDonald's Hey, good news guys. I want to talk about Mariah Carey Mariah Carey is released the holiday hits cookie trio wait Just in time for the holidays Mariah's cookies a virtual bakery by iconic superstar Mariah Carey the virtual cookies No, they're real. Yes. They're virtual cookies. You get them by any from any website Install on your computer. I

Hits cookies Holiday hits cookie trio available for the most wonderful time of the year because she wrote holiday hits Yes, so she's got a from her virtual bakery at Mariah's cookies You could get this virtual now. They say that this deal is for the holidays I have to imagine Mariah's cookies is for the holidays, right? You're not in July like god damn I should go for it's a good day. If they're that good. This is this is what's called the soft I can't get over that. They're just called holiday hits It would be like there the holiday hits could be like if these are Pete Townshend's sick riffs McFlurry's

And this is I don't think this is still at McDonald's, right? This is not a McDonald's No, this is a different now This is at Mariah's cookies a real restaurant that is not real. Okay. We something that exists only in Tron Yeah, the this year's release of holiday flavors are the ideal treat to share and enjoy while snuggled up with your loved ones Watch your favorite holiday specials in movies. Enjoy this classic cheeseburger flavored cookie We forgot to leave this is a quote. We forgot to leave cookies out for Santa last block and we're tear and we're terrified We'd wind up on the naughty list says Mariah Carey Wow To know it in particular

You just lived with this shame and guilt for a year So this is where it really goes So we Face-timed him over the summer to ensure we got his top three flavors Santa, please please you gotta forgive us In case you were wondering here. They are the holiday hits cookie trio 2021 available for a limited time only Because it is called the holiday well that could be anything just it includes three special edition flavors Gingerbread cinnamon sugar and chocolate raspberry special edition. You'll never find gingerbread anywhere else It's got a festive box, too

So I'm sorry it was gingerbread cinnamon sugar and what was the third one? Yeah, chocolate raspberry chocolate actually pretty wild. I like that one That's what hey, it's not it's just Santa's favorite. There's no way that you ask Santa's favorite cookie And he's like fucking gingerbread my dude. I love I can't get enough of that wonderful stuff So yeah, these are Mariah's cookies and you think she makes each one. I Don't know if you can get Mariah's cookies. Okay. I can't get them. Can I? Yeah, looks like if you got onto a delivery app, you could probably get some of Mariah's I live in the big city quickly Yeah, if you wouldn't mind ordering those Travis just let me know how they they taste exactly like gingerbread cookies, Justin

And I want you to really order them trap for me for the holidays. Thanks through any delivery service you say Grubhub door-dash post made two breads and seamless. Okay. I I use all order one from each of those So I don't okay Do you guys want real quick if I mentioned a quick Mariah Cara? Oh She just launched her first holiday collection today announcing the news of the commercial share across all carry social accounts It's available at Target Wal-Mart and it's inspired by you'll never guess this her record-breaking classic all I want for Christmas is you It's got animated versions of Mariah and her beloved dog Chacha

Incorporated throughout the collection is personal to carry. You see she has designed products that she and her family love to use and enjoy during the holiday This is a special Joel and Crescent purse I used to carry my cheeseburger I love it It's my favorite cheeseburger sleeves. I don't have to touch it with my hands I'm not sure if you're aware, but this is a quote. I'm not sure if you're aware, but Christmas is kind of my thing What? Putting together this line was so much fun because I added my own festive spin the traditional holiday merchandise I worked on it all year long now. It's finally time to share my collection with you all Merry Christmas

Now hey listen Mariah, I know you didn't work on it all year long or else you didn't work very hard on your cookies and hamburgers Well, I should have to work on the hamburger Justin. That's a reward For a great day of making goods at Walmart her thing just for her she needs that cheeseburger energy to make cool bags The holiday collection of Christmas collectibles Ranges that's the sentence they went with the holiday collection of Christmas collectibles ranges from cozy including blank blankets throw pillows socks And slippers to festive with adorable pet outfits stockings. Oh it all this it's by Mariah This this Chihuahua outfit. Oh, this is what I love it They got a plush Mariah and cha-cha sure to delight any time. Yeah, it's just list

It's all it's all available for you at Target or Walmart. You can pre-order now. That's and I ordered the cookies Okay, but I look forward to having them as a special treat just for me and I bought the dog shirt That's I bought her dog Real quick. Okay, before we wrap up. Can I do one more quick story about Mariah Carey? It is Mariah Carey has launched her own Irish cream brand black iris And just so you know, I'm not cherry-picking guys. This is all This ye I mean these are this year. This all happened. Yeah, she's hustling up fucking around She has to earn money to buy more classic cheeseburgers

Yeah, she can't sit back and let those cheeseburgers just sit there lonely at the McDonald's. She has to eat them Celebrity and this is not a press release. This is a story from food and wine, but so that's not a press release This was a direct email just received from Mariah Carey In 2018 George Clooney was named Forbes highest paid actor not due to any on-screen roles Huh, but instead thanks to the near Billion-dollar sale of his tequila brand Casamigos that shouldn't count just in case anyone's wondering that shouldn't count towards that That doesn't seem fair. That's Ryan Reynolds

Aviation it sold for about 610 million and now Mariah Carey is there Yesterday she turned to Twitter to make a big announcement with limited details Introducing black iris. She tweeted two years in the making truly calls for celebration The picture is just Mariah on a beach with a bottle of her black iris Where else where do you want to cream the corn more than I don't got a Mmm a nice and a glass of Irish cream liquor It comes in original white chocolate and salted caramel all of which are 17% ABV The brand states that these Irish creams are crafted and produced in Ireland in a certified sustainable

Facility with 50% renewable energy. I y'all the other the other 50% though is the dirtiest Energy Whole dinosaur bones just going right in and burning it celebrates exceptional quality with a blend of aged Irish whiskey and superior deli a dairy Finest deli means Corned beef in there. No the superior dairy sourced from Irish farms Black Irish white chocolate uses the finest Belgian chocolate for rich and smooth taste. Okay The name Carey chose black Irish as a playful nod to her black and Irish heritage

Her father was of black and Venezuelan descent and her mother has an Irish background The fact that the liquor itself an Irish cream feels a bit like a chicken-of-the-egg situation as far as which came first The name or the product but the brand states that Carey is quote Is quote a fan of Irish creams love that and points to how well Irish cream pairs with her huge holiday hit Yes, I just want to say by the way Story that the phrase has an Irish background it sounds like something you would put on a resume about like oh, actually I know you're looking for someone Irish. I have an Irish background. So I've worked in Irish before Thank you for asking. I have quote. Here's a quote because you knew it's coming

I have been putting my heart into this project for almost two years. That's it. Hey, can I just say that's the first one of Those of these four that I believe now, but yeah, but we also I mean Mariah, which is it bud Because either I think you've been really focused on your creams or really focus on your dog shirts ladies It can't be both. Anyway, I've been putting my heart into this project for almost two years And I am so excited to finally share this news with you all I wanted to create something that embodies the holidays and gives everyone a reason to celebrate year-round And I really think that we have done that with black Irish. Hey, why are you celebrating today Justin? Well? I'm celebrating because Mariah Carey has her own Irish cream and she deserves it. That's my reason to celebrate

Hey, Mariah. Do these pair well with your cookies with my what wait? What's that? Oh, yeah? Cookies the cookies that they pay me in cheeseburgers before yes My favorite meal to sit down to is a big glass of Irish cream served out of a purse She's with cheeseburger with extra pickles and a big sack of cookies. I drink I in all Santa's favorite flavors I slosh it around in my big purse. I bet it's good. I bet all of I bet all of this is very good Mariah Carey is Like you gotta respect I do so much like if we had one song that was one-tenth like you would never Hear no, we would do this with everybody

Okay, if we had a novelty hit like the fucking chipmunks you wouldn't be able to talk to me in public. Yeah, I'm sure yeah What do we have time for I think we have time to write a hit holiday song Justin, but okay No, wait, they already did that one is Cheese cheese Take me up to Santa's house here. We go. I think it should be like a Like old timey ones where it's like hey, it's snowing outside. Here's a whole fucking song about it Well start look just start that I won't interrupt but like start start it there Like if yeah, I'm putting on my Christmas boots to step. No, that's not what you how you started just now. It's like

Let's go on up to Santa's house. It's snowing in the neighbor. You've jumped in the chorus Yeah, you gotta start with a heart. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm a boozy a little boozy the kids are asleep You know, it's snowing outside and now it's smoking. We're just saying well, it's snowing. Well, it looks like yeah Just like you did it the first time like a snowy day outside sloshy sloppy and wet and Today, it's Christmas Eve and it's special Hey, I in that right Jacob. Yeah That's my friend Jacob Going up to Santa's house

Driving up in my Chevrolet I got snow chains on my tires and I think that that's okay. I Found the perfect gift for st. Nick. It's a real nice fitting pair of slacks and a briefcase So he can go to a job that's different job from the one he has and I'm Jacob and now the wrap I love Christmas that I'm here to say I love getting presents in a major way I am wrapping my open up. I eat some food and everything here is really good fresh stuff Jacob Thanks, I've been training for months. Oh, oh, no, here come the turbo bots. They hate Santa Claus and hate us, too

Hey, our freedom Jacob take this gun There's bullets in the in the red in the box and I think Jacob knows what to do Hey everybody, it's me Mariah Carey. These are the bots that I created I'm so proud of my killer robots. They're gonna destroy every living thing So if I go down, I want you to find my wife and tell her where the money's buried. You promised me Jacob Okay, let's get out there damn this snow is really fucking slushy driving all around and whipping all around We are the turbo bots. We hate Santa Claus That's all I got the turbo bots have got some slushy snow

Trapped inside their gears looks like we are safe at home Cozy for another year, but stay wary cuz the bots will return everybody back. They'll come back worse than ever and that's good It's good. Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast my brother my brother and me and happy holidays candle lights to you and yours We hope you're having a pleasant holiday. Hey speaking of which the video on demand is still up of our candlelight show Yes, please if you didn't get it. It's so fun. It's over two hours great festive holiday entertainment It will be live for another. I don't it's hard for me to do the math It's like a week and a half or so as you listen to this I think so please just go pony up some money for it and help it's a great cause how many house they do so much for

people who are Currently unsheltered in our community and it's a wonderful cause and if you would just go to bit.ly for it slash candle lights 2021 everybody who watched it I can say to a person had a wonderful time And now you could carry yourself amongst their number if you will go and and get that and and watch it We really appreciate it speaking of shows. We're doing a virtual live stream for wonderful to show me and Rachel do on January 7th at 9 30 p.m. Eastern time Same thing as candle lights tickets are five bucks with an option to give more

It's bit.ly slash wonderful abc 2021 and ticket sales for that go to benefit austin batcave Which is a non-profit here in town that offers writing programs for young authors age 6 18 It's a really really cool program and we're happy to be supporting them with a show so buy tickets So the money can go to them Thanks Also, just a heads up to let everybody know we will be taking next week off For the holidays. So we will be back in the new year with new episodes. So, uh, we got a name 2022, don't we?

Yeah, we'll figure that out But there will be no new episodes next week But before the month runs out make sure you go over macro merch.com get that pin of the month Which is steely van from the adventure zone Benefits the asian-pacific environmental network We have the my brother my brother and the man who ruined my for you page sticker And we've got the zoned adventure enamel pin. So go check those out. We've got a bunch of other stuff over there too macro merch.com Uh, you and thanks. Thank you and

And just an an enormous thank you to montane. I don't know what just happened to me just there That was kind of you were a wash with emotion. I guess so. Uh, it's an amazing song. We appreciate it so much Uh, and this final yahoo was sent in by, um, Terran Terrence Howard Whoa, wow huge kid. Yeah, we're getting all the same the one from the original the original war machine Yeah, Terrence Howard sent this one and thank you Terrence. It's asked by yahoo answers user Frederick

Circus Frederick Frederick circus asks Oh, okay. Will you marry me Sheila? That's it. That's all it says. Yeah No, no details given. It's a yahoo answers proposal. I guess it's not that are there any answers Uh, Sheila did respond. She said not yet Oh Oh, I like that

We'll circle back next week to figure out how this all plays out. Yeah I can't believe we're kind of just say real quick before we say our names. I can't believe there's a matrix I'm so fucking stoked get out of here Are we are we're not doing it episode that week? I'm so mad Anyway, I mean we could still talk about it. Just the three of us Yeah, Karros. My name is Justin. I'm your middle. It's my the Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. It's been my brother My brother me kiss your dad square on the lips You

Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported Hey there, I'm ellen weatherford and I'm christian weatherford and we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share On just the zoo of us your new favorite animal review podcast We're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't Rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness ingenuity and aesthetics Guest experts give you their takes informed by actual real life experiences studying and working with very cool animals Like sharks cheetahs and sea turtles It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears

So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count Why sloths move so slow or how a spider sees the world find out with us every wednesday on just the zoo of us Which can now be found in its natural habitat on maximumfun.org Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts