My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 595: Gasoline of the Body

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

There’s an awful amount of blood in this episode. Like an astounding amount. Picture it. No, that’s . . . too much blood. Why are you thinking about that much blood?Suggested talking points: Dying in the Applebees, BlartWatch, Who Doesn’t Like Bailamos, Beuiff, Chunky Donut, Bed Bath and the Great BeyondNational Black Women’s Justice Institute: https://www.nbwji.org/Huntington Childrens Museum: https://hcmkids.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby Precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better

It's better it's better It's better it's better Hello everybody and welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show for the Maginera. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy Travis Yeah Yeah, this is Griffin McElroy. This one's great. This one's got Griffin on it. This one does have Griffin in the mix putting a little bit of

sauce on it and Yeah, welcome. Welcome guys. Hey guys. Are you gonna ask me about because I did it different. No, we're not Pointedly, we're not doing well cuz I I was thinking about what's fancy. Thank you for asking I was thinking about what's fancy and I think I was doing too much and that's not fancy And you know, it's fancy like a one-name name, you know, that's cool. Yeah Yeah, yeah, like Shay or Madonna or Kesha. Yes, a lot of people when they think about fancy They think about aristocratic like

A person pairs me my right my my very thin toast, right? Fancy, but my main exposure to fancy people has been at Like a bar, but they're wearing like a business suit. Yeah, and they're like Why don't you get out of here kid? Do you know like that, huh? Yeah, like what this stinky kid in here? Yeah, and but they'll be like the only fancy person in there and yeah, I'll walk up I'll be like to the bartender be like, can I get a Drink and then the guy'll be like

Are you sure about that kid wait, is this the bartender speaking to you or business man at the no It's the business man sitting at the counter and he's got like fucking 20 babes. Oh Wow, well, that's probably why he wants to get away because he needs those stools for his babes Yeah, I I Whenever I walk up for a big table kid, we didn't make a reservation for my birthday We forgot to I was supposed to but then I got too busy being rich. It's my 15th birthday kid I'm so excited to eat here at Applebee's That's my plane

That right I crashed it into the Applebee's Cuz I was so excited for the Jack Daniels burger I'm very hurt, but I'm eating good in the neighborhood My voice box is damaged That's why I sound like this he sucks and he sucks the atmosphere the joy out of the Applebee's room that I'm in Fuck he looks cool. He looks so cool. And does he have one name? Is that related to this in any way? He doesn't have any name. Oh, that's how he forgot it in the crash He forgot it in the crash

He refers to himself as plain cuz I think maybe like that's the only word he can remember because this had got so fucked up in the crash Yeah, um, these 20 babes are all paramedics. Yeah, then they're doing a surgery on me But I can be awake and eat my Jack Daniels burger while they do it. Oh fuck. I see my grandpa Bye kid He's been dead for 10 years in case that wasn't clear in this audio format. I hate this bully this 15-year-old Fancy bully who's dying in the Applebee. How'd he get so rich? I don't know. Is he even rich? Is there actually a plane outside? We don't know we don't know That's the thing. That's how they get you the fancy. Anyway, that's the fancy

I think of and it makes me worried that Maybe this isn't a good year thing because I don't want to turn into that No, no That's scared the ever-living shit out of me. We got a blart watch Oh Now if this is okay, if this is what I think it is This is our segment blart watch where we keep you updated on literally every scrap of information About a possible third pole blart movie. Yeah, sometimes sometimes news only covers big moves

We cover even like the involuntary twitches and this has been this has been a Segment that we've had for years. Yeah, this is just the first The segment has been ongoing for years. We've been doing it the last five years. Yeah This has been an ongoing segment Paul Blart Mall Cop Three everyone literally every single human babies come out of the womb first word like three like everybody's asking about it and Kevin James mr. Kevin did dr. Kevin James did a story at the interview. I guess you'd say that turned into a story was screen-ramp They asked him about it. They're like blart three. What's up? We've heard a lot of buzz. We've heard a lot of buzz most of it created by us

Okay, and here's what he said and and really like read between the lines. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah well We got to work that one out. I would love that. I Don't know what the story is yet, but it was so much fun shooting in Vegas. That was a great time Yeah, there's something there. There's something there right you guys feel that too, right? There's something there There's something there, but I don't know if it's maybe the thing you think it is So much. Well, no listen Trav You've forgotten history

Kevin James got pretty burnt up in the big Sony hack where they revealed all the stuff about so he can't Say outright like we're doing it, baby Because then the hackers will That is and they'll find John Owen will get him and they'll find his fucking like PowerPoint presentation That's yeah having fun with friends Vegas again Gambling risk and love of family question like the big the big bullet points of three and then we're all gonna be spoiled Aren't we so instead my man James comes out and does

little little Cryptical messages for the true fans little ARGs that you really have to dive into right? I think I I Okay, I'm not saying that's not the case But I think that maybe one of the clues of the ARG here that he's laying down is that he's taken on what I like to think of as The Sandler mentality, which is yeah, I'll do a movie if it's in a place. I would also like to take a vacation Yeah, oh duh. Yeah, no no kidding. That's because I mean he throws it right in there when you say hey Kevin James What you know, we're talking about a third Bart and he's like, oh, yeah I loved making Bart too because I got to go to Las Vegas

I had a lot of fun with my buddies, right? And let me say a lot of people can hate on the happy Madison squad and have a lot of justification for doing so They're living their best lives. They've well, they've they've got a they're living their best life to their own capacity for best life I guess yeah, but I mean they could probably be using their time better Right Kevin's reached the point though. We're like he wants to also make Art and shit like he's like I'm I want to have a good time But also like it's it's Oscar season. He needs his punch drunk love is what he needs. Yeah Just you what you've been quiet and I feel like usually when you do that you are googling something

No, I'm just listening to you guys. I did my job. I brought you. Do you know how hard I had to work to get these scoops? Yeah, I tweeted it out. That's just Kevin James is a very religious person. Do you guys know this? Oh, really? It doesn't mean a tracks, right? If you came to me was like Kevin James hardcore atheists like really belligerent about it I'd be like, well really Kevin. Can I tell you something? Here's a quote From a little bit ago. He said I am involved in my faith It becomes a difficult difficult position You have a platform and you don't want to do anything that doesn't glorify God in every way

So I just wanted to say that one time Kevin James was lying on the floor of a Vegas hallway Interior mall and he lied there while actress the young actress Glomp melted ice came into his mouth. Yeah, sure curious diabetes to glorify God Yeah, and he was thinking like this is glorifying God in every way. Well, and everything I'm doing right now This is this is for God. I'm gonna say this knowing that in four days So much can change but it is kind of refreshing to hear Kevin James say that but also not be shitty about it all the time as happens so often with some people

I've heard some things. Oh, no Do you I remember and grown-ups to when mr. James burps and farts and sneezes at the same time and it's like, yeah This actually gives me a lot of hope because we talked in a I believe this past year is still death to a spark about the possibility of having a Paul Blart set in heaven one a place James wants to go to Would glorify God, right? So like we're setting up Like the two biggest it seems like checkpoints for a blart three, right? Now we just need I think some way to get another like maybe get Adam Sandler in there

He reprises his role as little Nikki get the fuck out. Yes. Yes. Yes battle for the fate of humanity That's good. That's good stuff. Anyway, this is advice show I actually just got way too excited about Oh, I could tell by the ball like I said and I felt like I unlocked something like I was doing an escape room Yeah, and I just found like a three-letter word somewhere I'm in the creative process and we like to do that here where there are no stakes and no one listens And also no next step like I said that yeah, I'm not I'm not gonna create like a pitch My my sister's fiance only drinks out of empty mason jars when they visit my parents night

Mm-hmm at first I thought we're just out of glasses Which is weird because we have so many glasses that it's hard to fit them on a cupboard when they're all washed Oh, don't you hate that whenever somebody gets me new mugs at this point? I'm like well something are going to the farm come on and the problem is that we're in for all the mugs I own I've already curated my mug collection to a point where I will they all spark joy I'm so I'm so picky about mugs So pick you know about the Austin City Limits mugs that you guys guys covered those are perfect Yeah, it's got bigger than the stand. I can't have a standard 12 ounce mung. No. No, are you kidding me?

After it happened a few times we decided to hide the jars in a different cabinet to sway him away from them Today he went to get some water and walk back to the living room with you guessed it Amazing jar. Is there something wrong with our glasses? Who is this jar man? Does he know something that we don't that's from novel sipping in Nova Scotia now we grew up in a house where our mom would Routinely clean out jelly jars. Oh, yeah, and they would become the cups Those are the cups for you now. These are what we drink out of these jelly jars, which is I think I I think it says a lot Bad sad things that societies moved away from that because I remember a time where welches if I remember correctly It was was it Garfield themed like inside the all those were the fucking days, baby

And it was like yo you finished this tiny jelly jar. I guess what it's Garfield I'm a Garfield cup now, baby. Enjoy your liquid and now we're all just like using cups. Oh Now I will say there's one aspect of this question that And we I mean, you know, we're all about context on the show and I just cut the context. Yes, I assume That he rooted through the kitchen and found one of the mason jars you hid But it does leave just enough wiggle room for me to wonder did he bring his own mason jar just in case he couldn't find a mason jar That's interesting. Hey, let me say this fuck glasses the glass Fuck glass cups and I will always

Spring for a plastic cup over a glass cup because I don't know who had this idea of Hey, let's take this stuff that gets really really crazy sharp when you do a whoopsie with it Uh-huh put it as close to our mouth and face as we possibly get like you you that's an unnecessary risk, isn't it? I bet there is if I drop a plastic cup worst thing that happens liquid on the floor if I drop a glass Liquid on the floor and also a bunch of invisible knives everywhere cool awesome I bet it was so fucking frustrating for the like scientists that invented like the polycarbonate to make cups out of and they're like We did it. We changed the game. Everyone's gonna be safe now. No more. What okay time for you guys to all start Why aren't they okay? No cuz we did it so everybody can start you're still buying

Glass though. Why is everybody normalize? Plastic glass plastic stem wear normalize it. Yes. Oh my god I've shrekt so many glasses over just like turning my huge terrible body around Like I smashed a glass now It also like to have a five-year-old and now a two-year-old that I smashed something and they just yell like oh no Or what did you do? And it's like I know I also didn't want to do this Don't worry, sweetie. Daddy made a big purple mess and also invisible knives everywhere Have fun. You're gonna stay on that chair and never walk on the ground ever again. It's ridiculous

Get that glass out of here. Anyway, and without fail I will like hands and knees like scour that place to try to pick up all the glass and then two hours later Theresa will come to me and I'm like, hey, did you break a glass? I'm like, yeah, she's like, yeah There was glass everywhere. I'm like where I Think a mason jar is one of those things that is charming it like aesthetically right it is yeah By by definition kind of a cutesy thing to drink out we got me and Rachel got married in Texas

So of course we came home from that wedding with Approximately 600,000 mason jars. Yeah, and we drank out of them for a while, but then eventually we were like This is this is too many of the same type of thing that is made out of glass to have in our home And so we took it out on the street. We threw them on cars that went by Wait, wait, like it's bonding. That's a romantic thing for us to do Hey, can we approach the wizard's throne? Wait, just real quick. I'm betting that this is like his thing You know, I mean, I'm the mason jar guy, you know, that's his that's interesting. I'm a cowboy, baby a dream got a mason jar so don't

Sleep inside probably part of it. It's just like you get used. I'm like I said like I like four cups There's four cups. I like Maybe that's just all he likes. He doesn't it doesn't make him feel good to drink out of other cups Maybe you have like I don't want to be this guy, but like maybe you have bad Oh Does he got big hands and you got little thin cups and makes him feel like a monster because that happens to me sometimes I'm just saying it's possible. You have bad cups. This is true

Maybe he's never used a cup before and he sees your cups and he's like, I bet that's for science I'm gonna use the drinking jars interesting interesting Okay, so this this this little magic spell from the wizard is it is a great way Is he approaching us? Did he bring it to us this time? We approach each other and Ben Oh, that's nice and can't kind of facilitated it. Thank you, Ben It's how to find gifts for people who bug you wait, oh

I guess just did you just cough and mute it because it sounded like you just gasped like a like an actual dinosaur I'm a radio and professional. I don't like to come from the night So I do like how you let us see other build up to it though. Yeah Well, I wasn't that quick on the trigger, but it kind of came out of nowhere. I'm gonna start reading There's some there's so funny There are people in life that no matter how hard you try to be open and think good of bug you for one reason or other Yeah, I wonder what that's like finding gift for these people can be really podcast with them

Because you're headed bugs you that much listen Fine a good for these people can be really really hard because your head is saying find the cheapest nastiest thing out there Well, your heart wants to do the right thing So this I guess is their way of threading that needle although it is I would say it It trends much more toward the nastiest cheapest thing out there side of things So it's not wait. It's not about what the your heart was the right thing. Yeah, you have to be the bigger person So they're annoying, but you're great. So you know something you're gonna give them a bunch of really clever gifts juice This first one's great for you. So I'm just a hot tip

Purchase a large wooden spoon for the troublemaker in your family or workplace that person who is always causing trouble Stirring up a mess and sticking their nose where it isn't wanted this gift says watch it We think you're a pot stirrer for the less obtuse. This present is nicely pointed So what so fucking wicked? This is already can I say the wildest one of these? Yeah, this is off to such a tremendously forceful start. Yeah What if me and Travis spent the whole episode making fun of your dumb cough and then two days later? You shipped us big wooden spoons and you're like get it. You fucking jerks Well, I'll ship you like tiny wooden coffins and be like now who's coffee. Whoa wait that might be

Can I say something though? Fuck I love wooden cookware. Oh my god. Oh, I was gonna say if I got a tiny wooden coffin I'd actually think I was really cool Yeah, oh, yeah, you know, I've got a spoon chila made out of wood It's got a slot on the side where it can rest on your pant on hell. Yeah. Oh I love this guy. That's it, baby Now, let me just say that if I were the receiver of a giant spoon and I wouldn't say I'm obtuse You know compared to I don't know. I'm probably

Slightly above average as far as not being obtuse goes. I think I would open it and be like what the fuck is this? I think someone would have to say because you're always stirring up the pot All right, so you went to a lot of trouble, huh? Like because I know you can't just pick up giant spoons like this Anywhere you go is this cuz why hey, just give me a big box of dirt or something next time man This next one goes I would say in the polar opposite direction Wrap up some personal hygiene products for the person who never bathes or who breathes down your neck Lecivously even though this person knows you're taken those are two profoundly different things. That is yeah

Hey, yeah, I got you this hygiene kit because you stink and hey Marcus I got you this one because you're trying to fuck me and I don't yeah I I would actually argue the person who's trying to fuck you and you give them a bunch of like Bath and shower stuff. Yeah, that seems like make yourself ready Marcus. Yeah Going down on Sunday, dude And can I also just say this kind of makes it seem like how to be a bully because if you're like Oh, you know that guy who really bugs me because of his hygiene issues And I'm gonna call it out in front of everyone at the white elephant party or whatever and be like whoa

in middle school at Come back middle school the most brutal thing you could do to somebody for a good long time was to walk up to them and say Take a bath. Wash yourself. Yeah, and people would do that to each other and the other person would just Crumble they would collapse in on themselves Like a dying star like oh fuck, there's no come back to that you can't be like no, actually you're the one with bad hygiene Anyway, yeah This one's great blasted first. There's no yeah, you can't come back with that because it's like oh you would say that even if You have

impeccable hygiene and then you also can't say like I bade this morning Derek Doesn't work this one is so fucking brutal if I ever got this one I would just leave Give that lazy son-in-law a cooking set and a food processor. It's time. He understood the cooking is for anyone in the household Not just your daughter Holy crap Yeah, now, okay, this is can I just say assuming a lot of things sometimes people share responsibilities and sometimes people split responsibilities and to say it like

This is a wild thing to do right not only that but it's also like hey Derek you lazy fuck Here's $750 in William Sonoma cookware and it's like yeah, I might thank you. Holy shit. This is beautiful This is a no you don't get it. You need to learn to cook. Well, I will now this is awesome. Thank you great Thanks, I feel like my message isn't landing The that one that can never be punctual let them know that they're always being late for everything is annoying by buying them a watch So next time they late you can ask them. What's wrong with the watch? I got you once again Like if somebody got me a watch, I'm like, oh, it's beautiful. Thank you. You're like got them

This next one's not fucking weird at all. So perish the thought of it being weird But give a sexy lingerie set to the prim and proper daughter-in-law who is driving you crazy with her perfectness What got them? Hey Hey Samantha Wait, I've been stuck on the name. Samantha. I feel bad that I feel like we're on a Samantha like try judiff You a judiff

You're so prim and proper Check out this sexy lingerie You know, I was gonna say like maybe it's from the mom in the set But even then there is no scenario in which this isn't like Both curvy and also kind of like have fun having sex with my kid Oh, sorry the the next couple sentences are pretty dope She'll be embarrassed at what possible thoughts are going through your head about her relations with your son But I bet your son will be totally cool with all this

But be forewarned that given even as a joke you may forever be labeled as a dirty old man or woman by everyone present Yeah, that seems like a good trade-off worth it worth it, baby worth the risk No Um, okay. Okay. That's great I what happens though if your son gives you a big thumbs up like thanks guys. Thanks dad. This is gonna give me bad boaters Uh A lot of stuff about in-laws because this next one is give uncaring parents-in-law a large photo of you in a beautiful frame I'm actually so into this

Uh, so they didn't put your picture out with the rest of the family or at least not one large enough to match the others Make it up make up for it with this wonderful in-your-face addition to the family photo collection It's a difficult gift to wriggle out of displaying. Make sure your smile is large I feel like my smile is always large. Are we talking like like a like a like a two by Like what are we talking like a giant, you know, like would go over the mantle Four foot by eight foot kind of deal because I'm way into that like hey, um, I got you this Uh, I and I expect to see you every time I come over and I could come over Anytime there's an amazing illustration here of what looks like a crash test dummy with a wig on holding up a picture frame of

Himself and it's about the size of his torso. So that's a big one. Hey, how come we never use the adjective large to describe somebody's smile A beautiful Large I think you would if you were talking about like the Cheshire cat or some kind of demon That's fair make a whistle and stopwatch kit give this to the bossy person in your life It sends a message to them that you haven't exactly enjoyed their need to tell you what to do and win So really this this article should be titled how to tell the people annoying you that they fucking suck But also you spent money on it. Yeah, but also in like The most annoying way possible like also the most like

Give me a second to let me just explain why this do you get it? I'm sick of your shit. You don't get this but it's like Honestly, like a really good burn and just give me a second to explain it to you Please now I do actually like this because it could be fuel for your frustration fire That you're like I put together this fucking great whistle and stopwatch bit and then this asshole didn't even bother to get the joke Fuck him I Consider music what person consider music a song, you know, they don't they don't much like can turn into an entire cd

By the artist in question after they open it. It's that's a sorry A song, you know, they don't much like can turn into an entire cd by the artist in question If you bury it in the ground And then they get that rose Yeah, I think the their their language here is a bit more passive than they For it to be like it can turn into them with some I don't know the machination the game in the right circumstances Uh, after they open it insist they play it for everyone to hear This is a great christmas showstopper an album or mixy

That touch on your frustration with this person can also have an interesting effect everyone clear your schedules for the next 45 minutes I've made an enrique glasius mixy day and we're all gonna sit here and listen to it because because uh, Dave doesn't like bilamos. Yeah. Hey, wait, he doesn't like bilamos Hey dad put that cd on that. I got you sure son click Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me Like oh man That's right. I have frustration with you Provide a set of I was just gonna say I love rage against the machine. Yeah, sure

Provide a set of knives to someone who backstabbed you What it doesn't have to be real knives plastic toy ones from the dollar store still carry the message perfectly well Yeah, just get this person knives and a spoon and a cookware set and their kitchen is furnished. Well done. You got him You got him wiki how author If I opened okay, you're telling me that me opening a set of like real ass like kitchen knives And opening a dollar store set by a say as a beautiful ornate Yeah, it's a nice is the same message as me opening a set of dollar store plastic like toy knives

And I'd be like, oh, I get it. I'm a backstab. I got it Um, keep your sense of humor throughout this exercise. It's meant to be a lighthearted response Isn't it weird kind of say something if you have a box of knives in a tasteful case Yeah, and you wrap it up and you give it to someone and they open it and they're like, oh Look at this. This is lovely. Thank you so much. So that's that but if you take a single knife and just wrap it Um, sort of like unconsciously in wrapping paper. Yeah, and then give it to the person Then they get all weird about it. It's like, I'm sorry. I couldn't afford a whole set

but like you don't need to be Weird about and if you deliver those knives to them like to their front door anonymously one at a time Like over a long period of time like stab and do a pumpkin or whatever or just like wrapped in a kroger bag or something Yeah, you know and and suddenly you're arrested That sucks Yeah, I'm just trying to send the message that you're a backstabber steven Keep a kids sense of humor It's meant to be a lighthearted response to real challenges that you're facing

Uh, and it may backfire some recipients if that is an outcome you're prepared to face These gift ideas might be for you if not try more constructive means for approaching the nagging mother-in-law The overbearing boss The faithless lover Whoa winding friend Merry chris merry christmas diane. Oh plastic knives. Yeah. Yeah, I know Wait, you got me and john the same present. Yeah, I know Get it. Can I just say a quick question here? I got you a cuckoo clock because I know

I know what you've done to me in my own house And also here's a big spoon john You pot stirrer. I got you the big spoon and heard that little spoon because I know I make I know Ding dong cuckoo cuckoo. Wait, you actually made the bird say cuckoo. Yes. I did a lot of free times Since you've been entertaining my wife and you you recognize that voice that steve goomba. I got him to do it on cameo Oh Worthy can I also just say real big just a little note I love that they say these might backfire. It is unclear to me what the front fire hope is like

What were you hoping wood fire out of things to me? I guess you got me I love this and it's taught me a lesson about not bugging you I guess the last one is just an image I want maybe we can share it on the so she after this episode comes up But I'm gonna send it to you guys in a minute But the title is for those bad folks bad mouthing you while their glass house reveals that one or both of them Are married to someone else paper michet initials painted red either with a craft brooch pin on the back or hanger for a tree Most won't get the scarlet letter reference, but you will that's fucking wild What's even wilder is that that tooltip is accompanied by this image, which I've just sent to you boys on slack

What What this is this is a demon This is a demon with the curve. It looks like a monster from a dragon ball or something Like somebody's like kind of a sloppy one. That's kind of falling down a hole slowly It's like a it looks like somebody was doing like their math homework I'm started doodling on the side of this and like I got real like just got way too into this creature. They were making The the the picture is wild for those folks bad mouthing you while their glass house reveals that one or both of them are married to someone else What is that? What what is that married?

What does that mean one or both of them how to reveal people? You know his insfidelities use this demon this demon will shout in the middle of the city Hey, I heard that john Judith were together john and Judith been sneaky Anyways, here's an ornament for your Christmas tree. It's a scarlet letter. We couldn't find an a though. So it's a d Do it. Do you get it still anyway time to turn you all into stone? That's not part of the thing. That's just for me. That's for me Also, uh, steven said he wants to try to work it out still and that's really how to zap

Zap the folks you hate those with nice things from williamson sonoma Oh, okay. Oh, yeah Justin is podcasting so hard. He's having a nosebleed. So it's time to go to the money zone No, I want to I mean, okay. We can channel that energy Um in the money zone, I guess Yeah, you guys got this. I'll be right back Hey griffin, this isn't for the show, but I was wondering uh, do you know anything? About babble that you could tell me not not like all like off air Oh, shit. Yeah

Uh, yeah, it's like a like dope way to learn a new language Um, because it's just like it's so easy You do these like 15 minute lessons that make it so simple to learn a new language on the go And like they have 14 different languages including spanish, french, italian and german They have german Yeah, uh, yes, and they also it's not just like you they are like say Uh, bueno And then they're like we trust that you said it, right? They have speech recognition technology that helps you improve your pronunciation and accent

Oh, I could really use that. I know Do you have any way that I could like save money on it though? Um, I mean they do Unfortunately not for us, but for our listeners. Yes Because when you purchase a three month babble subscription, you can get an additional three months for free That's six months for the price of three if you go to babble.com and use promo code my brother all one word That's a bbel.com code my brother babble language for life Wait, hold on griffin. Are we not supposed to be using our own promo codes because I do that all the time Am I gonna get in trouble?

I did actually just sign up for something that we have advertised for in the past And punched in my promo code like I heard about this one from a little show from my three favorite guys Huh, it really helps us out when you do that. Yeah, sure. Thanks to everybody who does that. This is yours yours turn juice Okay, uh, well allow me to step in here and tell you all about honey. You shoved some toilet paper reno's or what? What I it's irrelevant Uh, listen, let me tell you about honey I Gotta throw in the flag Justin. No, honey. You keep going

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Real money. Let me put it this way say you wanted to watch the movie honey With your honey while you eat honey. Yeah, honey can help you with that honey can help you with that over 17 million members Over two billion dollars in savings. That's billion With a beam. I actually could not tell because of your Condition this isn't about me. It's about honey. I this is what I really use all the time And it's always such a delight because I I've saved like 20 30 bucks on a purchase before it's wild Uh, and and and you also don't have that lingering like even when honey doesn't have a code for you

You know that you're getting the best deal, right? And that's that's very refreshing If you don't already have honey, you could be missing out on free savings It's literally literally free and installs in just a few seconds and by getting it You'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast Get honey for free at join honey.com slash brother. That's join honey.com slash brother Hi, I'm jessie thorn america's radio sweetheart, and I'm jordan morris boy detective our comedy podcast jordan jessie go just celebrated It's 15th anniversary. It was a couple months ago, but we forgot. Uh, yeah completely our silly show is 15 years old That makes it old enough to get its learners permanent and almost old enough to get the talk

Wow, I hope you got the talk before then a lot of things have changed in 15 years Our show's not one of them. We're never changing and you can't make us Jordan jessie go the same forever at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts Prepare yourself for the greatest pro wrestling podcast spectacular known as tight sad A fact-dropping audio showcase that helps you understand the world of pro wrestling with a lot of love and no toxic masculinity Featuring hosts daniel radford time to kick butt and chew gum and i'm all out of butts lindsey cow I'm a brutal brit and my fists were made to punch and hit and how lovely I was doing the voice over this whole time

Can rest talk about pro wrestling's greatest triumphs and failures and make fun of its weekly absurdities On the perfect wrestling podcast tight sad fights every saturday saturday saturday on maximum fun If that doesn't win us the best advertising on a podcast award like just in playing through the pain I don't know what will you know what I mean like No one else is out here playing hurt Conan O'Brien gets a nosebleed and he takes two weeks off. Yeah, you know what I mean like I think consistently producing a good Quality show is probably the best way to get awards

Okay, griffin. Yeah, but what about stunts? There we go Can we do a stunt right now? I'm gonna freeze myself on a block of eyes and hang over time square for the rest of this episode I could do the I could do we finally have saltines. I could do the saltine challenge if we need a stunt Finally, how long have you been looking for the saltine? I just happened to have saltines now as we're recording and thinking about saltines and stunts came came up That's all I'm saying. Cool. Cool. So I don't bad-ass man I don't need to do the stunt though if you guys think it's kind of like childish

I mean, it's definitely childish, but that doesn't mean you don't need to do it But I'd like you to do it on your own first to see how it goes because if you die I would like it to not be on the phone with me That's not funny. I it doesn't have to be funny Justin. How it'll go What? Like if I do it by myself, then I'll know how it'll go and then I do it here and it's like Whatever, you know what I mean? You don't think David Blaine practices his stunts at home? No, every time he's like, fuck. I hope this works. Let's fuck it up again

I'm gonna put myself in a giant fish bowl. Can you swim? No. No, I can't. Bye um, yeah, like I did uh, I speaking of dares the Arby's has a new diablo dare sandwich. Yeah, right? Yeah, you can get it in like beef Or chicken. Are you saying beef? Beef? They have it in beef And it's like you can get it and it's supposed to be like this is so fucking spicy You do a TikTok of how you eat it. It will kill you. He'll die in real life and I tried it. It's like

A little spicy. It's like it's just a little spicy Cool, man Well, I recorded the audio because I was thinking like all this will be so fun I'll play it on the show and like it'll be great to bring to the show And it's just this audio would be like eating a mildly spicy sandwich. It's like this is a this isn't even podcast worthy And that's saying something Yeah Is this a munch squad? Are we did you know backdoor? Okay. No, it's just just friends talking about

But we don't but it's not a bit. You know what I mean Wait, I mean well on this show we do on this show we do bits Oh, so you prefer me to be like Yeah, that's good Whoa I want a munch No, I'm not gonna go I want a munch squad

Welcome to munch squad is podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating Justin, I want you to know real quick There's some levels of energy that I feel comfortable meeting you at and then there are some that I just can't I can't get to Yeah, I didn't I didn't confront me. It's all good. Okay. It didn't bother me. I'm I'm out here on my own of star sailor You know, I've always said that about you. Yes. I don't need a tether. I'm like the little prince I just grabbed a comet my net and I'm zooming away. You know, it's all right. You can't come well Oh, I didn't mean to tell you I finished that drawing of a sheep you asked me for but I did draw it inside a box So I wouldn't eat your rose. Here you go. That's an NFT. So that is going to cost you about

Our line of NFTs is coming. Yes. It's all little prints. It's all little prints theme Make sure you water the NFTs roots and not their pedals. Thank you very much God guys if you missed a few weeks ago when Richard karn was like I'm fully doing an NFT and then it was like fuck all off and then he's like I've I've thought about this Now is not the right time for me to enter the now is not the moment for my NFT So mcdonald's is going to start serving fan inspired mashups, huh? menu hacks Order by name and build by hand. Do you know what I'm saying to you right now?

What I'm saying to you is you will order the menu hack. Yeah, they will give you the components. Yeah of the hack Then you do it, huh? Then you make this that seems like the opposite of why I go to a place it feels like them trying to limit their liability, right like You order it and they'll give it to you, but they're not gonna hand it to you Like they're not gonna they're gonna hand you the bullets and the pistol But they're not actually gonna load it for I don't want you to feel like it's a hack And also they don't want to do the work

But it's kind of badass, right? It's kind of like korean barbecue. You know um When is mcdonald's gonna install a grill right there in the middle of my car Come into my car make the burger for me while I watch I got two of these to get through this is starting january 31st only in the app Um, I want you guys to guess what these are. The first one is a gimme hash brown mcmuffin Is it mcmuffin or the hash brown? The hash brown, yeah sausage mcmuffin with egg and hash brown Great. Yum. That should already be a thing by the way. That's uh, what is that in tutors parlance? Is that a mountain here? I think that's a mountain here. Um, I only get a ronbie. So I don't know. Um, crunchy double

Yeah, this is a sausage sandwich with bacon on it No, this is the that is the only breakfast offering the rest of these are lunch and dinner offering This is a chicken sandwich with bacon on it. Is this a hamburger with the fried chicken patty on it No, very close. So the crunchy double is a double cheeseburger with six chicken McNuggets and barbecues. Well, those are just going to fall all over the fucking place. Yeah, it should just be one patty Next up is the surf and turf. Now this one. I know there's filet of fish and a hamburger Uh, that is correct travis. That's a well. No, it's incorrect. It's a double Cheeseburger. Okay, whatever. Oh, that's a lot of patties then, huh?

It's a lot of patties but not as much as the land air and sea now this one I also horrifyingly know this is a double cheeseburger with filet of fish and a chicken patty Uh, well, no, it's a big mac with a mick chicken and a filet of fish. You knew what I meant josh travis You said it double that would be the screen menu items if you want to see look at this Fuck yes, yes feed my family for a week. Yes You said those are four you said I thought you said five offerings No, just four. They're beautiful. They're beautiful. You can order them in the app and Oh, dammit

Just in blood too much. Are we in a new season or is there a new doughnut out? Hello boys, what a pleasure it is to be with you. Hi there. Oh, there's blood everywhere here Oh god. Oh, I didn't even consider did you come from inside? Do you come from all I must lick just do you eat blood? I thought you ate doughnuts Is I don't discriminate. They're two doughnuts. Just your name can't doughnut. I love doughnuts aesthetically Oh That which sustains you no longer

Sustains that's horrible. You love doughnuts, but you can't eat them I could oh you can eat them. I don't prefer they make them very sick. Yeah I like I can eat doughnuts, but if I ate blood I would get a big tummy ache. I have a gluten Oh, no, your only weakness That's what makes this story so perfect for me Crispy cream I like that is of art. I'm count doughnut if this is your first time listening If this is their first time listening they already turned it off. Yeah, they're gone Crispy cream offers a free dozen

To red cross blood donors. How sick A dozen doughnuts if I just give away a little bit of blood The american red cross is facing its worst blood shortage in over a decade And crispy cream has announced it will thank everyone who donates blood or platelets January 24th through 31st This includes my favorite donation power red. Do you know about this? delicious

They just take out the blood and put back in the stuff they don't need Since then severe weather has further complicated efforts to rebuild the red cross blood supply Including hundreds of blood drives cancelled due to winter storms Due to the severity of the shortage The red cross continues to limit certain blood product distributions to hospitals depending on current inventories, which seems like Perhaps too much context for a news story about free doughnuts, but I digress It's vital the donors continue to come forward in the days and weeks

And what's happening? Well, Dave skinner the crispy cream Simo Is here to help well grateful for all that the american red cross does for our country And we want to help them. Hopefully a free original glaze doesn't will increase awareness You can't even spring for frosting Dave. Okay. No, you don't get to pick And you can't fight us for it because you're weak from blood loss You will take what you are offered you bloodless baby If I give two pints, can I get sprinkles?

If you give two pints your only doughnut will be the grave We're encouraging. Oh, this is this is my This is the good part We're also encouraging all of our employees who can donate to do so says Dave skinner so In case your employer crispy cream has not offered you enough and as if the labor shortage was not dire enough Now this doughnut store is making its workers give their succulent blood

Do they also get the free doesn't know or is that like this is a fantastic question? I assume every crispy cream employee is at home with hundreds of doughnuts that it will be inedible by the following morning Um, cool. Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with any of that stuff um I like I should go donate blood if they're able to do you don't know Well, go do the right thing. I'm travis Uh, but for real though, I've got so much blood and you know what? I don't have 12 doughnuts now Is it a do you get a baker's dozen or is it just a dozen?

Is it oh, this is an important question. Is this a one-time offer because I have a lot of pints saved up Oh, yeah, and I could like turn in like pepsi points Yes Turn in your your pepsi points my pepsi points a bud my point points I never get cuts or scrapes because of the way that my Incredibly sedentary lifestyle. So I must have I'm I must be like a tick Like so much deeply encorged. So I'm This is this is unfortunate timing in in a way

Because justin just gave blood the last week. Are you able to like show the receipt and get it? Oh guys, hold on. Yes. Hold on. I'm sorry my The sound on my track is gonna be weird for a second. There's a parade outside on the street for justin Uh for giving blood, uh, and it's making they're making a lot of noise. They're chanting justin justin He gave blood. He's a good guy Didn't even do it for donuts or nothing. Well, this is the problem that he now faces If he redeems this offer It with the general sort of like body. He's walking around the earth in right if he goes the krispy kreme

They are going to know two things immediately one this man drove an hour To get these free donuts And two this man gave his blood to get these donuts. What what what how desperately does this man love krispy kreme? There's a cost in gas for your car to drive that far and there's also a cost in body gas Which is blood the the gasoline for your body right But anyway, if you are able to donate, uh, please

Find the drive near you go to redcrossblood.org or 1 800 red cross people need this delicious blood There's something something tells me that might have been a little more effective from justin's is a path Yeah, what a bit more effective. Had it not been in count donut's voice, but Good message. I just like it makes me feel relaxed knowing that there are buildings that hold Free delicious blood. Okay. This is why I'm saying that you might be kind of undermining Like it's fine. It's great. Yeah, do that. I just buy the blood types. I steal the blood types that nobody wants shitty ones

Like the yeah If you have the I still why is your blood so chunky? Oh, it's uh, I love a chunky blood Well, thanks count on it. This is the first sort of, um, I don't know Beneficial service you've ever provided. Maybe who's count donut now. You know who count donut is This is not part of the is this my brother my brother me character because I don't know you never listen to No, why would I listen to my own podcast? It's wild. Yeah Yeah, we're why is it? Where'd all my blood go? Wait, does he drain it from the inside? I had no I had piles of it surrounding me. Oh, what? Yeah, it's

What it's all gone. Didn't you just donate blood? Oh, no, you know what? I didn't even think about this griffin. I did donate blood Thank you for bringing that up by the way. Not a lot not enough people have really Celebrated me for that. Um Uh, I just wish there was a way that I could get free donuts out of it. That that that is what we You should wicked listen to our show sometime Okay. Yeah, I'll check it out. It's pretty funny. Sometimes we do good. We do skits Nice. How about another question? Yeah. Yeah

Yeah I work for a funeral home. My boss expects me to hand out business cards I would love to reach out to families that need us but how on earth Do I do this without looking like capitalist vulture? That's from embalming in the emerald city. That's interesting. That's interesting. Speak on that I guess they can't No, they're not here. Yeah, it's it's it that's not possible I think you have to your only option here is to be a pickpocket that can sort of slip these into peoples No, because that's that's terrifying

If it's terrifying, right? I mean, it's beyond terrifying. That's worse. You have described the worst version of this No, no now that we found bottom. Let's go the worst version Is like you see someone like a little kid playing chess with their people on the park and you go over to the little kid and like People, huh? Just keep us in mind and you hand them a business card. Yeah, that's hand. Sorry. Wait, stop hand the kid up Yeah, that's the worst version. I'm saying that's the worst version Of like you do need to clarify for me if you are handing the card to the child to the child assuming will be the executor of of people's uh,

Miss for he was not gonna do it. He's dead. Yeah people. Yes, but Okay Here's no one's playing with their own elderly father in the park. It's always grandchildren and people Justin When was the last time you and dad sat down at the park to play a round of chess? This is the problem with funeral homes is that they only do that you know If I see a sign for a funeral home, I'm while I'm driving around I'll like avert my eyes because like I don't need it right now. You know what I mean? Like I don't need the anxiety

I don't need the like Existential all that stuff like I just like don't whatever it's bumming me out. I'm not gonna pay attention but If the sign said embalming and fro yo Then I might stop in And start to get a little bit more comfortable work through these like sort of like deeply american Ideas about death and mortality and stuff like that because like oh, that's the oh, I know that place That's where I get fro yo So you can hand people a business card and be like you look like someone who's going to live a long natural life

But also enjoys fro yo, so why don't you hold on to this card? Yeah, it's a punch card And it does have the number That's just okay, but oh Oh, oh, oh, can I take it and add a little spice add a little that's what you do travis That's what you do here. That's why they call you the spice man the spice. Let's look funeral home slash arcade Right and you can turn in tickets. That's to cover the kids. Well, and here's the great thing about it, right funerals Oh, so expensive right big lump sum but over time I'm paying in quarters over like 20 years and then I could cash in those tickets

And it's like oh that that very nice casket. You're gonna need 20 000 tickets for that I'm just I don't think there should be for my idea to be a good one and we all know it is I don't think there can be any connection between the two businesses. It's literally just about knowing Oh, that's the plate. I do know of one funeral home It's the place where I go to play spend a win and get like giant inflatable teddy bears, you know, I mean like yeah There's no connection between the two businesses It's like how sometimes there's a chillies too Inside an airport. No one would go to an airport if there weren't restaurants there

Well, I think they would Because of the main function of an airport But I see what you're saying. Listen. I don't know why what they have against southwest egg rolls. They're already there it's you know Googling and yelping Places to go for a knot bummer thing already kind of sucks Right when it's like, oh, well, we have to go find a

Notary public or whatever was get on yelp to find the right one That sucks having to do that for it's like, oh man peeps peeps paw beefed it. Um, who does good? Hey guys, who does good? Uh death parties is like, oh shit. I don't know. So maybe giving them a business card is Upfront pretty terrible but when peepo Falls down that big hole and does pass away to be able to be like

fuck well At least we got This great recommendation on this business card And we don't have to go around searching for like who does the best dead parties because we know that they've got it on lockdown Now griffin, you've made me think that it might be a branding issue funeral home bummer end game strategist awesome I love that

This is what i'm saying because like I don't want to go. Oh, like if i'm getting up there and it's like I need to Plan this shit out. I don't want to go in a fun funeral But if I can do like the nintendo helpline of dying Fuck yeah, dude. I'm doing that uncle on course. Wow on course One more one more number one more performance on course. I like that Welcome to curtain call in bomb final countdown Welcome to curtain call in bombing in arcade

Oh, yeah, I like that and and you know what we're looking to expand into go karts in the spring Oh, man, this would create a weird dynamic though for kids who aren't that close to their great grandparents Who like do you want them to live a nice long natural life? But do understand that when something does go wrong They will get to go play we'll get to go play ski balls. So great. Happy great. Happy Just checking in how you feel today because I did just get my allowance and I need to know if I should save it Or not question. Can I spend it? Are you gonna be kicking another way? Nothing but the best for you I'm just trying to do some financial planning here

And I do have a $10 bill and I need to know if I should save it for ski ball or is it cool to go ahead? Oh, what did you just cough? Okay, I'm gonna put that right right here What about let me hit you with this funeral home and this one is just like Uh outdoor Like celebration just kick kick my dead ass body down the whole raw And bury me and then DJ Khaled is like, all right, let's fucking let's get it. Let's get it started And also funnel cakes funnel cakes could be there. We all love Griffin. He did a great job Here's here's a rebranding container store

Okay, okay Like in the back room of the container store there is or bedbath and beyond is also already right there Way beyond Bedbath and the great beyond All right. Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself Uh, we are so thrilled to be here with you every week Uh to to share a little time with you or so flattered that you have have made that choice yet again If you enjoyed this week's show, uh, wait, and we almost never mentioned this

But uh, it would be very helpful if you would like rate or review the show or you know Go ahead just tell a friend like hey, I know it seems overwhelming to get on board with the 590 But this isn't it's starting to get good, but it's just starting to get good Uh, hey, thanks to montane for the use of our themes on my life is better with you That's and for everything and for just everything all of all of her incredible artistic contributions to back in Ww2 montane saved me. There's an army of tanks bearing down on me and out of nowhere montane came shredded on a guitar and it sent out powerful sound waves that cut the tanks in two, but also uh

They created peace and we played soccer for a little bit. All right Yeah, it was awesome. Um, there's new merch out on tuesday. You can check that out at macroi merch.com We've got a brand new pen of the month. Uh, it's saw bones number two books Based on a recent episode. I'll let you put all that together And that benefits the national black women's justice institute They research elevate and educate the public about innovative community led solutions to address the criminalization of black women and girls So a great cause And 20 rendezvous pens. We've got two pens one prom style of us and one of the three of us floating on a tandem bike

You know basic stuff. They're available individually or as a pair Those are designed by lucas hespin hide And uh, that's at mooseley based on twitter And we've got an i'm not ashamed of my clown husband sticker designed by jacob bailey At js bailey 817 on twitter and that benefits the huntington children's museum Which is creating child centered spaces that promote exploration and a love for learning through play Uh, I also man if you like gaming I've been doing a lot of fortnite recently on my twitch page twitch.tv slash the travis macaroy

I'm gonna have a fun and surprisingly i'm not terrible at it So come on over and check that out. Uh, and check out our youtube channel where griffin has been doing a Legend of zelda run Speak on that griffin. Oh, that's interesting Speak on that. I've been playing a randomized link to the past game as guy fieri But also I die in a single hit and it's been it's I've been making Slow but steady progress. I'm very proud of you for that. Justin anything you want to promote? Um, no, no, okay empty bowl

No, okay empty bowl is a meditative cereal podcast adjusting. No, I'll put on end of show To mediate about guys about zero. It's very relaxing. Okay griffin bring us. Yeah, it's finally. I who was sent in by roge Thanks, roge. It's from yahoo answers user plippins who asks um do uh This uh, this one was sent in by roge. It's asked by plippin plimpins who asks um Who's

Um quack quack quack, where to how So far so good How that's one of the classic limits how that's one of the big ones That's one of the main question why let's do a why why is it? Hey guys, it's me plimpins. Why is it that? What is the Well, you tried what and that didn't seem to go. Why doesn't he get me there either? Is this all what plimpins wrote? Yeah. Hey guys, this is me plimpins. Um, uh, uh, um, um, uh, um, um

I Don't actually think I'm gonna get there this time guys And I don't know what I don't know what that means Like is this the do we does the show not in I mean is the show continue after the file and stopped Griffin try I'm just gonna throw up land before time. Is that anything? Hey guys, it's me plumpens Do they make? Baby gas drops for big boys like me If I take a lot of baby medicine does it count just as big-boy medicine. Thanks. It's me plumpens. I'm just

I'm Griffin McElroy. It's my brother. My brother made kiss your dad squirrel lips Oh It's better it's better It's better it's better It's better My Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported