My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 604: Fluffybutt Acres

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

We’d like to introduce our new (old?) middlest brother, Steve(n) Johnson. He’s super aloof, loves dangerous candy, and is the CEO.Suggested talking points: Professor Gadzooks, Donut Hush Money, Hawk Raisins, Stack of Things, Subwayne and the Sand WitchTransgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby I could have never seen what was coming for me hangs at the skate park hangs by the beach my life It feels It's better it's better It's better it's better

It's better it's better Hello everybody and Welcome to my brother my brother and me an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your middle is brother Steve Johnson. No wait What was that April fools? Oh Great, you got me. It was yeah. It was me Travis the whole time guys, okay? Here, let me try one and what's up you dumb butt holes. It's me griffin April Fool's Day now

Oh, okay griffin that right? I didn't give you the briefing ahead of time But I would like us we're recording this the day before April Fool's Day It will come out after April Fool's Day, of course But we can keep the spirit in our hearts all year long I would like us to try to focus on April Fool's jokes that everyone can smile and chuckle at where there's no There's no but but that's the shit, but that's the shit like that's the like I would never I would never be like What's up fucking ugly numb nuts dirt dirt bag numb nuts assholes shrimp dick Assholes shrimp assholes April Fool's Day. I would never guys. I would listen to me

I would never ever say something like that and that's the joke of it Hey, griffin, can I tell you my problem with that run you just went on wasn't so much the offensive language as I couldn't tell where the Punctuation was in it and what what nouns went with what verbs and whatever Was frantic asshole one Idea or is that sort of one? Incredible private part. Oh It's one amazing private order boros the shrimp dick itself. It's like a shrimp. Oh, yeah It does a lot of stuff. It's a it wears many hats

Justin do you want to try an April Fool's joke? It doesn't matter cuz I didn't mean it cuz I didn't mean anything like yeah But for a second griffin there's a second there where I thought you did mean Mark of a great April Fool's joke. Okay, so Justin. Hey, should we um, should we try to prank dad? Um, I don't know me. He's what would be a good prank on dad. We can tell him. What do we call him? It isn't saying this doctor Yeah, what I like it so far. It's docked Call him and say it's his doctor and like you know that tests that you had done and it's like it doesn't matter with dad because he probably I'm not on board with this so far, but real me in okay. We did it. We have to do it again deeper

Oh, what do you know? Oh, like the test has to go be deeper He had done we're gonna do it again, but like more and harder and deeper so we can make him so then it's not like he's unhealthy Right, we can be like hey, it's me your doctor The results are looking great. We don't want you to fret at all about that But you do need to come in and let us do it deeper just so we can be a hundo I Little deeper if we can take we just need to go do we need to push harder and it's gonna be wider this time Right, it's gonna be a much bigger instrument say that a bigger deeper instrument now

I don't know how to break it to you guys, but our dad's kind of a big nerd Yeah, maybe we could call him a big hate your doctor and we did the test and we've never seen anything like it before You've got the mutant gene my friends. No, he's not gonna believe that now What if we tell him it's one of his hate like hey, it's it's me You know Larry McMurtry yourself, you know something like that. Hey true believer. It's me Stan Lee. Oh, that's good. That's good Yeah, he's not I think my death Yeah, I think my death so that I could live in in anonymity, but I'm ready to give over my Comic fortune to you if you can answer me this one question

What's spider-man's real name and then that also be like and also you need to go back to the doctor because they got to go Deeper they got to go deeper And more and more of it with a wider instrument true believer true excelsior I don't find that he's got a hard right. Yeah, he's got enough going on. Yeah, maybe we could have dad prank Justin Well, I'm here. We're gonna have like dad call Justin like hey, it's your doctor and you know that test we got good deeper But now I think juice will see that one coming only but only Because first off, I'm a very young man who never needs any sort of better. I've never been to the doctor. Yeah. Yeah And but but more than that like I just I'm here

Did you just I can guess calling yourself a virile man a virile young man Or did you become afraid that your wife might overhear you saying that you've never been to the doctor and talking about? I don't need to go to the doctor because I was questioning. I I Can we just talk can we sit jokes out the room first? Because I'm about to get vulnerable with you guys. Okay now you're where you need a test of some sort No, I'm gonna get vulnerable with you guys And I don't know what I was pausing there to think was if

virile Like I've had a vasectomy. That's and I don't know if virile is specifically about your jizzies They're not right. You're saying you're saying you could nut if it weren't for the elective. You've decided not to nut Essentially is what you've that I think is like true virility is Deciding not to the power not to nut. No, I still nut. It's just oh look at this braggered over here Big man we get it Completely clear. Yeah, I mean like what like sand. Oh, no another sign. Yeah, like what kind of a sex me that I have Huh, they must not if you're not if you're out blast some water with every jizzy

Go ahead juice if you're not blasting water with every jizzy. You did not have a sex to me They lied to you. They gave you something else Yeah, yeah, but I don't know can you still be virile if you're it's still in there if it don't work That's what I'm saying. It's in there and it could come out. You've just decided to make it not Hey, it's like, you know, Willy Wonka closed his factory, but it's still popular You know what I mean? He's still a millionaire even though people aren't going in or out I didn't I didn't I didn't even start to think about what's going on with all the little boys in there

They're just kind of in there forever, huh? They get reabsorbed. Oh man. Yeah, well that or it's just your balls are getting bigger and bigger It's both. I mean, that's the thing it gets reabsorbed to create more mass Right. This is a bad conversation. This is a bad conversation that I hate but April Fool's April Fool's we would never we would never talk about just as huge balls huge swollen I can't believe you bought it April Fool's Wow Who would say that?

Who would say that sitting here and talking about how their balls are as Big as the swing of Tiger Woods Come on Come on everyone. Come on April Fool's I recently left my job and as a departing gift My old employer had given me a $100 gift card to a local Canadian coffee slash donut shop I mean, that's a lot. It's Tim Hortons. But that's a lot $100 at Tim Hortons

A lot of Tim Hortons. It's probably Bieber. This is probably from Bieber Um, the only reason that happens is because your boss Your boss was like you need to make a good impression at your new job donuts for everybody I'm giving you a leg up. Here you go. Um, it was sent to me via email The only thing is that it was sent to my work email and I hadn't realized this until now Which is a problem because it has been almost a month since I left that job. Is that money gone now? What do I do? That's from cardless in Canada. Oh boy. Oh That's a toughie. This is something not enough people talk about

Right, but how much how like in a year, right? Retail places have to be like crossing their fingers every time a gift card is bought. It's like, please lose it That's just fucking free money free money Now, wait a minute. Who is who in this example Travis? Who is thinking that because it's not the cashier who's like No, it's like mr. Sears or like, you know, the lady macy's You know, like, oh, it's the people who it's the it's the people who've run professor gatzukes Exactly. Thank you Uh, Jeremy journey's exactly the store

Yeah Okay I want to I want to open a store next to it by the way called destination and people are like, it's not about that Right because I want to help journey. That's good. That's really fucking good. Um Okay, do you think this is canadian? Like canadian money or american like comedian. What's the canadian dollar trading for juice? It's 80 80 To our our dollars. So that's so easy. That's like a really easy conversion I hope they keep it locked right there at that night. Yeah lock it right in and that's easy to do

so I think everybody should just lock it into everything equals one dollar by the way because God that would be so much easier. I'm so confused because they say it's a local canadian coffee Shop, it's like Do you mean it's a local tim whore? Like why would you say local and canadian your friendly neighborhood tim tim? Might be gym whores No, it was like in are they in canada or not? That's all i'm trying to figure out. I think so. Let's just assume it Okay, so 80 dollars

No, but we don't know how much coffee costs. Let's just call it. That's what i'm working on right now I'm working on that for you You're going on how much how this math could not possibly be so important that it would require you I can't I don't think we can here's the thing. It isn't 80 dollars You have to let go of that. We have to figure out what the conversation. Okay, do you understand? Yes, is it worth 30 coffees is what you're saying. That's what i'm that's all i'm saying Yeah, probably not The answer is yes, it is because we have to assume

right That there was enough goodwill built up over the you worked hard enough and did a good enough job that when you left Your boss gave you a hundred dollar gift card All right, just but it's you you got us we got to stop because they're not bringing The question is not can I bring this canadian gift card to america and then have the value of our currency judged against your own Can I mule some doughnuts across? You know international lines in canada a does he is gonna. Can I hoop some 10 bits?

In canada a does he is gonna cost you 899 right okay now I don't know if they do taxes over there or what but let's just assume they actually give you money back It's the way it's let's assume that it's 10 dozen doughnuts. Okay. That's 120 doughnuts on there Now if you think about that If you can contextualize this question now now it's something you can talk about because now you're talking about Somewhere in the bowels of the internet are 120 doughnuts just for you It's like one doughnut a day for a third of a year like that's quite a bit actually more math

Okay, so I am I hating this I am actively mad at the question asker for the amount of math that they have brought to my it's just like to be fair griffin Sorry griffin justin if I may the question asker didn't ask us to do this math justin has voluntarily assigned They did they gave us one number and justin turned into the fucking number muncher over 120 dollar 120 doughnuts Yeah, sure trapped in my email. Here's what okay. Don't do this. Don't do it but Don't reach out to get back in the email. Oh what you're about to know what you could do is go to Whatever the story is let's say tim Hortons

Order the stuff and then when they're like time to pay then you say Well, I had a gift card, but I lost it And then at this point Tim Hortons is I love beds and needles Tim Hortons is let's just say pot committed because the chances are they've already started boxing the doughnuts Right. They've already punched it into the computer Right, but if you walk up to whoever's by the cash register and the first thing you say is There a way to figure out I had this gift card, but I lost it and I have a zero information about it

Wow, nothing's happening here. Nothing's happening here. You the tim Hortons employees would rather Let you watch and look on in horror as they shove doughnut by doughnut into the garbage disposal I wanted to give them to you for free like there's no way that this plan will work I I it is chair. I'm not saying give them to you for free. I'm saying once they're pot committed Now they have to look now they have to get in the computers and figure it out Yeah, we're gonna have to like hack the matrix and figure out where there's no way 1950 where they have like a little tiny box with index cards with each individual customer's name No, they're gonna go to the point doesn't matter. It's also not 1950 where any business cares about any individual experience

Period like yeah, they don't care. They don't care. They would rather pull out a Bucket of dirty mop water and shove all your And then you tweet about it once and they're like, so sorry you had a bad experience Yeah No one care like they don't care how it goes for you They wouldn't even do that. They wouldn't even do the gift card with the tweet. They must be like, oh, that sucks. Sorry We'll figure we love a chance to make this right. Yeah come in and there's they're like, oh good. I'm glad you're here We've got all your mop. Don't know. Can you DM us with more details of the experience?

And you're like, yeah, I dumped them all my donuts in the dirty mop water and you're like, I'm so I hate that for you Oh, that's so bad. What did you do? We hope you didn't color your impression of Tim Horton. It's like, yeah, definitely did a lot I'll be that's so weird that they did that. That's all we do. That is not company policies We actually have signs telling people not to do that. So you can't really blame us This actually sounds like a franchisee issue. So we are going to improve our our training on that front I mean the problem with this is if you reach out to the You can't reach out to the boss. Why not? Okay

Run it through like imagine it to you if an employee or that you like enough to do this gift card, right? Yeah Um, if an employee reached out to you and they're like, hey, I don't want to be like rude or anything But uh, I couldn't I can't access that gift card you got me Because I don't have access to that email address anymore. What can you do? And if they can't they're gonna feel so stupid. Yeah Idiot They're gonna feel so stupid about sending it to your work email That they might end up feeling obligated to get you another hundred dollar gift card like yeah

That is what I would do in that scenario because I would feel like such a guilt because it's a Person, I mean it's a person and you're not gonna feel good about that. There you won't feel good about you are assuming That they would not feel that because you because you would not feel good about that right I'm just saying that that is a solution. It is perhaps the most direct solution. Is it the most? Uh high road solution. No, no, of course not, but I would also argue that within a month The chance that your boss has some kind of receipt for the transaction, right that they could like contact Contact tim hortons customer service. What did you just get a lot?

Just the idea of like calling tim hortons customer service like just hey my boss I fucked up real good. I bought a hundred dollar gift card for the employee. Please help tim hortons I just like that idea and there's a gaping hole in our donation a real There's a real gaper here that we're missing out on and that is the the reason for your departure From the job the the the quality of your departure from the business that you are no longer employed at You don't think the hundred dollar gift card is an implication that it was uh amicable

Mmm, that's a good point. Yeah, I've never been like yeah, get the fuck out But also real quick before you go take this With you. I just want you to know this is this is a hundred dollars of doughnut hush money. Tell no one unless unless The boss knew that you would not be able to access These non-fungible doughnut tokens and so then it's sort of an empty gesture, right? Oh, I'm gonna give you a million bergillian dollars in doughnut money

And it's gonna be waiting for you in your work email and then immediately when you get off the phone They call it and just like get them shut it the fucking shut it down Start the timer I want their email closed before they're off the premises. I think you can I think email them and just get your fucking doughnuts Why don't you why don't you go to tim horton? Just just go to their website and just like talk to him Person to person Just tell us to talk to us. We don't do that anymore. Thank you. We don't contact Website people anymore to say hey, yeah me out human to human

What can you do? What can I do and hey after this you want to see a movie and hang out? Let's become real life buds and they'll feel good for helping you get 120 doughnuts Yeah, and you can say like 10 of those doughnuts are yours my friend That's a finder's fee and they'll say I wouldn't eat that with my worst enemy's dog's mouth I know it's been in the mop water From mop water did they come to mop water's wilts today's to return Do you guys think it's weird? Yes, um that tim hortons doesn't have a possessive apostrophe So the actual name of the actual business is just plural tim horton

Just like mini tim horton's lined up tim's ready to serve you and every one of these is me Eat of my doughnuts Um, so I hope that helped Um, hey, do you want to go talk to the wizard about what they have for you today? I want him to come to us. We're Off to see the wizard the magical wizard of cloud Here he is the wizard who is just like chris so down Remember wow from bridesmaids. Yeah really turned in a great performance chris so down chris He was in the it crowd

Yeah, this one I think you guys are gonna really need for to get through this This april wilts day because it is how to get your little brother to stop bugging you Thank you. I've been I've been wondering about this for 35 years Mmm, and just in for 38 38. Yeah, tori sent this and thank you tori So you could choose your friends, but you can't choose your family a younger brother can be a pain And it's well now hold on I've watched the fast the furious franchise. You can definitely choose your family Well, that's a good point trav. Yeah, it's really a point. Oh, yeah, man. Family ain't just blood No, it's to read the oil

car oil It's oil is the blood of cars a lot of cars and brave fluid, which is the sweat of cars No, it's the jizzies. Okay, drink up drink of this oil for it is my blood And look at that whiter fluid is my spit What what is what body fluid is corroded? It's corona's what interrupted the filming of fast furious thin That's where the coronet came in not the not that Okay, so hey, so here here's how to get your little brother to stop bugging you when he's being a real shithead Okay, step one. Give your brother some attention

Just is that the first one is give just quit just give him what he wants. Well, okay I mean, it would be cool if you guys actually listen and so it's okay. Sorry. You're right Go ahead. I'm giving you attention. It doesn't if I want I need it I'm so getting it. Okay. So set aside sibling time if your brother is always pestering you while you're hanging out with your friends or chilling in your room that then uh Try scheduling a special time to do something with him. Yeah, like once a week record a podcast together There yeah, that should keep him satisfied. Yeah, I don't think I don't think they're talking about that

It's like fun stuff You could plan a specific time each week to do something fun with your brother such as Saturday afternoon when you have free time Ask him like Thursday mornings at like 10 a.m. Oh, you know what Griffin? We have our weekly meeting on Mondays. That's fun Right. That is fun. We do adventures on you know now pretty regularly Yeah, um, that's fun. Yeah, it's it is it is pretty fun. Um, but you could also do Saturday afternoons You could ask me what's fun to do and we could come up with an idea together Um, okay, Griffin Saturday afternoon. What do you want to do?

Probably be a sleep. Okay, but that's not really a group activity. Well, we can take naps Simultaneously separately. I mean they got some suggestions here. You might even begin a weekly tradition such as going bowling or watching a movie together on Friday nights What are you guys up to this Friday night? Do you want to watch a bowling movie like alley cat strike or I wouldn't fucking love watching alley cat strike? Introduce him to friends. Maybe your brother nags you to hang out all the time because he doesn't have friends. Well, I mean this one's not true Clearly, um, maybe he's shy and has a hard time meeting people if he has friends. He'll be less likely to pester you So if your friend has a younger brother about the same age as yours plan to do something together so that they can meet How come you guys never set me up with your friends as brothers? None of my friends is have brothers

Yeah, that's a good point I mean like if you think about it, right think about all my best friends Griffin. Yeah, no brothers there All right. Well, how about this one you guys should be able to do this one set aside a hobby suggest a hobby I mean don't set aside one. That's not what it says. It says suggest a hobby So help your brother No, I'm already obviously doing that help your brother find other interests than bugging you hobbies that your brother can do by himself Will be the best one to suggest. I can't podcast by myself. You all know this you can mod game boys by yourself I already I you can make candy

That habit was too expensive and also I welded my flesh to a copy of pokemon silver Are we still talking about the game boy or about candy? I'm talking about the game boy. Okay, and candy is also very dangerous So again, I would need a non dangerous one or else I'm gonna you could really johnny train yourself with some like hard candy Very nearly dead very nearly dead. Yes. Um, griffin you could get into cosplay Will you just let him do his bit? I'm trying to help one way. He is trying to help me Um, and in fact because I care about griffin justin Um, hey guys teach me a sport

Okay, that's a big ask maybe I remember when you and I tried to learn quick Yeah, that went pretty good. Um, maybe your brother really wants to sorry I'm gonna start just maybe I really want to hang out at the skate park But I don't know how to do any tricks if you spend more time with me Showing me how to practice. I will be more confident in going to the skate park by myself I will likely meet other kids who skate and make friends on my own Now griffin here's the deal. I will make you I do not know how to skateboard or or skate Very well in general

I will watch videos on it and I will learn the theoreticals And then I will stand on the ground and coach you on the board at the skate park That's not what I'm looking for. I want to spend time with you I'll be with you or teach me a sport I don't have enough money for a skateboard or basketball sneakers. So you could help me earn some extra cash Now wait, hold on pay your brother to stop him bugging here. It's basically what this is, right? Yeah, if dad Uh offers to pay us for cleaning the garage As he is wanting to do

Offer to help me do this extra chore, but don't demand any of the money. That would be cool guys. That would be cool like Yeah, I mean, this is the problem is like you're giving your brother what he wants. Yeah Like I need I have other things that I want to do in my life And I don't want to do these if I had time for my brother I would be giving time to my brother. That's not help it. This is not helpful. And just as a small Diversion from this every time when I have to clean my garage I finish and I call our dad and I'm like, hey 20 bucks, please and he's like, what are you talking about?

And I'm like, I clean my garage pay me and he's like, that's not how it works You're 38 now and it's your garage and I'm like you set up an unfair standard, sir Yeah That's that's trying to imbue in you an entrepreneurial spirit But basically he just set up a Pavlovian response that when I do a chore Dad you won't have to pay me So that does actually say here, uh offer a reward or bribe So it says here loan me your iPod or let me pick the television show

What? That we're watching together Well, and I'm doing it You guys never let me you guys never let me watch the stuff. I want to watch. What do you want to watch? Yeah fucking uh Really super violent anime like really really really very very okay done. Yeah, we'll watch no no no guys Don't just agree to it that fast. You have no fucking idea how gnarly this anime is so violent like avatar talking about you or

Because there's fights in those like something a little more intense like perfect blue You want to go back to the like twice classic twice what avatar does you will barf? You'll barf when you see it. I'm talking about vampires like making people I made you that special fan made avatar cut super cut It's just the fight the most and that and Justin added some like red flashes on the screen Yeah, you added your own blood to avatar, which I thought was super cool Protect your space and your belongings. Help your brother understand. Help me understand It's possible. Me doesn't understand why privacy and personal space is a big deal

Begin by talking to me and explaining why it bothers you that I go through your things every night when you guys are asleep in your houses Hold on Hold on. I don't take anything. I just go just go through it. I just go through it just to make sure you guys aren't up to A sniffer to not even a big deal. Yeah So explain to me why that's bad Because I don't know actually Yeah, I don't think there is actually a good reason

Listen if someone's gonna go through my house at night Honestly, but rather it'd be griffin because if griffin's the other I know if somebody else comes in Griffin's gonna be like bark at them and be like this is my territory I go through the stuff. Yeah, or I can tell them where all the best stuff is so that they can get it like Why would you do that? Well, if someone's gonna burglarize your house, don't you want them to just get in do the damn thing and get out? I don't want to have to interface with them Then why did I let you come in my house and go through my stuff griffin if you're not gonna call dibs when a burglar shows up

I'm gonna help the burglar go fast. Yeah, no, I understand that That's my that's the issue. I'm taking doesn't sound like you do Oh boy You know, you could if your brother annoys you and bugs you all the time you could do what I've done Which is spend A long time many decades making yourself have like a weird sense of humor And kind of like what I don't is that funny? I don't get what that is and like you're a little bit weird And maybe give yourself like a weird voice that's maybe hard to listen to for a long time

And then eventually your little brother's like, uh, you know what? You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna go over here. I'm good. I'm gonna move to texas You know something like that. So you're saying that you gave yourself I'm confused what you just said. Yeah, I've lost the oh this whole Travis that you guys know Is a construction because griffin was so annoying when he was like three years old Oh, I kept taking Travis's stuff. I was so fucking cool when I was okay. Well, can you even do your real voice? Oh, let me see Hey, everybody. How's it going? No, it's not that different. It's so cool. It's me. It's me

Stephen Johnson The real it's me the real Stephen Johnson Now you're Stephen Johnson Not Steve Johnson. Okay. I'm Stephen Johnson. I'm over here riding my motorcycle And I'm doing fucking cool ass flips. Yeah, I would bother the shit out of Stephen Johnson would not get a moment All I do is watch r-rated movies and drink Steve Johnson, do you like super violent anime? I'm not up to are you kidding me the more violent the better

I mean once we're people I see you and Johnson hang out for the rest of the episode. I'm done with Travis I'm gonna bug this shit out of him. He knows way more comfortable. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dudes Let me take a sip off this cool bourbon hold on Wait, it's a bourbon like some way it's like temperature cold or is it like I can't believe it's got sunglasses that's square I thought you were cool He's right. He's necking me and I'm loving it. Yeah Uh, take away the temptation if possible. That's essentially what Stephen did do Um, ask your parents for a lock

We travis did locks or I guess Stephen Johnson locked himself away To make it was so dark in there. You know Travis prison. Where have you been steve? Mostly hiding behind travis's eyes watching supernatural Can you imagine being imprisoned and forced to watch supernatural ad nauseam? Oh, we're starting lucifer now great Oh, great my favorite. Great. No, actually lucifer is pretty good. Don't knock at you guys if you ever watched it Tom Ellis delivers No, it's fucking cool as shit. He's the devil guys Oh, that is cool. Yeah, good. You haven't fucking thought about it. He's the fucking devil

That's really bad. That's cool. Yeah, dude Yeah, as opposed to supernatural where it's just a cool older brother hanging out with his little nerdy brother We'll leave him alone Fucking sucks. Yeah, I really related to that. Yeah, can we can we there's a next tip here? That's really oh my god. Is he still talking? Hey You don't have to be rude about it because you're gonna feel actually pretty guilty when I do this next one Uh-huh

Think about the reason your brother me hugs you or bugs you it says bugs you I thought it said hugs you because in the Image it does look like the little boys hugging the man. So I will actually keep it my wrong Interpretation and I want you guys to think about why I hug you to get your stink all over me To pick my wallet Yeah, that's right Yeah, it's both of them talk it out. Talk to me when I try to hug you and you don't want it and you're wearing A badge on your shirt that says ceo on it. Hold on. Wait. I have to read this No, it's a phase you don't want to behave in a way that could damage your future relationship with me

It might not seem like it now, but when you get older, I might just turn into your close friend So this is you and your ceo shirt and you're thinking about the time that I tried to hug you It wait. It's a ceo shirt. Well, sorry. No, can I get can I get an image? Yeah, let me let me do a screen. I know that's not the most conducive to to audio. No, but it's confusing It's a good image. This this seems um This seems worthy of posting on so she after Okay, so okay, imagine a man Okay, imagine

there's a man Who is writing on paper and his brother is reaching from behind him and choking him But it's more of a hug when you say it's more of a hug. Sorry. I walked away for a long time To go get some jerky, but I'm back now. Yeah, whoever that smaller person is is going to kill that bigger Yeah, he's choking that but then there's another man Like so that image is vignetted and then there's another man in front of that image It's the same man from earlier, but he's a man now And he's wearing a shirt like a button-down shirt with a tie

And where you would expect there to be like a name tag at a at a at a retail Store, there's just a tag that says ceo in huge letters and then underneath the ceo It says chief executive officer, which is great because it's like hi. I'm in charge here. Hey, wait, what does ceo mean? Well, let me explain it. Okay real quick. Travis is back here. Um, okay two things Maybe the person's name is ceo. You don't know And I do know because it says chief executive officer that might be a coincidence. Justin. Oh, it's a clarify It's clarifying. I'm a ceo. Well because before he was the chief executive offer He had to have a different thing there

But also you can tell by the eyebrows and forehead wrinkles of the memory person He's Very surprised by what is happening. This person has snuck up on him to do whatever dastardly deed they're planning on this man's neck This was not like a like. Hey, I would like to hug you brother. This was like, whoa. Oh my god. Like, yeah This is a problem. He also looks younger as the ceo than he does in his memory, brother Yeah, he's Benjamin butting. I do want to the rest of this isn't as As as great or useful I think for any of us But the last tip in this article says be a role model to me

I am going I am probably hugging you so much because I want to be like you Even if I'm being mean to you the fact that I'm paying attention to you it all proves that I want to be around you Do the right thing and show him Uh, how to handle difficult situations with grace and then one day I will thank you And then there is a there's a pretty pretty choice jpeg with this one too And I think we can maybe post this one on social too because it makes for a good pairing Um with the other one Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh my god. Oh my god that guy was hiding behind

The vignette in the first one like the memory fade in he was like, yeah, that's right guys This one is the exact same man with a ceo named tag But instead of the memory behind him Now it's a very similar looking man in an ill-fitting shirt And what appears to be a piece of torn-off tin foil that he has written ceo in sharp He's about to talented mr. Ripley his ass I just fuck around with you guys because I want to be a ceo too one day like you guys are uh-huh

I'm not exactly sure what the org chart looks like for our Shit now Justin and I are co CEOs. That is true. That's it. And I just want to be that and griffons are jester Okay, dance for me griffin Okay, that feels actually like a pretty important role in the business that we have created for ourselves You know what now that you say it yeah, right Travis. I'm the funny one and you guys are the business boys. That's fine. I'll wear that badge The see the jester badge the jester we wear the ceo badges Yeah, like a couple of fucking let's uh, let's take a break and I just want to know if you guys feel like you learned anything Yeah, griffin. I'm gonna completely treat you differently now. I'm not

Oh, that's why I like that. I like I might treat you worse. Yeah. Whoa. Why? Well, uh, because like kind of misty my job Yeah, it's been being honest now that we know now that we know what travis could be if it weren't for my incessant hugging worse Yeah, my comparison Let's get the money's up My kids wake up in the morning my kids The only thing these kids want is croissant toast

And the only place that I know where to get it is from imperfect foods So it doesn't matter Uh about all the food waste they're gonna save the saving time on grocery shopping the fact they're gonna send you Beautiful produce that is not quite perfect for store shelves But it's gonna be just ideal for your dinner table. It's fresh and delicious And they deliver it to your home with sustainable groceries that embrace the natural imperfections in food None of that matters Because they have croissant toast and you have to buy it from them or your kids won't love you anymore

Yeah, so that's where I'm at. See go to imperfect foods.com. Yeah, see if they deliver in your area You're gonna get a big box of beautiful produce. You can choose the stuff you get You can let them pick stuff for you. You can tell them what you like and don't like it's all it's all great You can personalize your weekly grocery order with fresh seasonal produce Pantry staples like croissant toast that make your kids love you. They got some really yummy snacks. Oh my gosh Some snacks in there are delicious And they deliver weekly by neighborhood, which is a unique model that produces 25 to 75 percent fewer emissions Than individual trips to the grocery store

Right now imperfect foods is offering our listeners 20 percent off your first four orders When you go to imperfect foods.com and use promo code my brother again 20 percent off your first four orders. That's up to an $80 value At imperfect foods.com offer code when you use promo code my brother I'm not sure if you have to use this business or your kids won't love you is the most ringing endorsement At this point I have to and it doesn't matter If it's the best commercial it's the truth and I am nothing

Okay, if not like charlie sheen before me. I am speaking truth to the wow, I don't wait wait what power want to be What these advertisers who think they control us they paid us just they paid us to say Yeah, they think that they and we're supposed to dance like pummits. No, thank you. No, we have to dance like pummits I said You did it. You most certainly did not my friend. I best I'll I'll compromise and say you said puppets Do the other ad the other one's squarespace Uh, they give you they give they put the power in your hands

to for once Of the internet and so you can make a website That looks beautiful. It can grow your brand or your business and it's going to be beautiful And you can sell products and services or blog or just like whatever the fuck Hey, wait guys guys. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, please. Hold on It was going really good. Squarespace wouldn't want me to say this What if you use squarespace to make a website that help people design websites? Oh, Jesus christ. Can you imagine? So like here's my squarespace website and I'm going to charge you

More than squarespace charges, you know, right to build a website on my website Never gonna see that. Yeah. I'm I'm I'm doing it from in the inside. That's good. That's really a good tip We're not good at business. We're not going to get paid for this not because they'll be mad at us But because they're not going to have any money Yeah, it's yellow build a build a new New better squarespace. I don't know. I know this guy. Yeah Anyway, and they'll try to shut you down. They're like, he's rerouted it through too many carnivores. Yeah, we can't find him So

Yeah, he used too many different ports and aliases. This is great. We should talk about squarespace And their services. Okay, so you can you they got customizable galleries display images and videos in unique ways I'll have that too. They got the storefront uh-huh He's toast is ready. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but after everyone I'm writing what better You got you can pop up on seo and just like crush it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah They've got a hybridized Uh storage

Streaming solutions. Mm-hmm. That's not really on there. So you're gonna try and dammit. I already wrote it down Yeah, see that's and I don't have my my erasers a nub. I can't they got jpeg twos. They got turbo gifs So I want you to go to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial And when you're ready to launch use the offer code my brother to save 10 off your first purchase Of a website or domain, but don't try to make Squarespace like products or they will it just says we'll get your ass. We'll get your ass That's wild I've never seen a threat in the ad copy before

God knows I have I guess all ad copy is a threat of if you don't say these things You will not be paid for the advertisement That's just a sort of like that threat's always looming Hey, were you a reader as a kid like maybe you read a lot of fantasy novels Or horse girl books. We know how it is, but now you're an adult and you miss reading You're so busy and you can't figure out how to get back into books We're reading glasses and we're here to help. Yeah, we'll give you advice to figure out what books you love Or learn to stop reading books. You don't even like we're really big proponents of dumping that book dump that book

But most importantly, we'll help you fall back in love with reading reading glasses every thursday on maximum fun Congratulations, you've won a ticket to attend an exclusive opportunity in a relaxing environment with two lovers Wow, well, this sounds like a sort of proposition of sorts, but really it's an ad for our podcast wonderful It's a show we do here on maximum fun where we talk about things that we like and things that we're into I'm rachel macaroy and you just heard griffin macaroy and we are excited for you to join us as we talk about movies and music and books things like sneezing or The idea of rain Can you get news or information you can use?

Absolutely, you cannot because we're here to talk to you about pumpernickel bread. You can find new episodes on wednesdays So catch catch the wave Ah How about another question? Okay, my father clip macaroy what won't let us get sorry my father Won't let us get chickens despite myself my mother and the rest of our family desperately wanting to raise some We have the funds the space a big yard in the suburbs and the chicken loving attitude There is no reason he should be saying no and yet here we are Brothers what can I do to convince my father to let us own some hens?

That's from clueless as to why we're cluckless in metro detroit. Do I hens or chickens? go on That's that my I have asked my question hens or chicken but okay. That's what I asked a hen is a griffin A hens a chicken griffin now not all hens are chickens Because you know there are p hens to go with peacocks Uh, and so there are different kinds of hens for sure But I think we can infer from the question griffin that they want some chicken hens What about a rooster?

No, you don't want a rooster. No, they're gonna you're gonna wake you up Okay, so you're definitely not getting any chickens for christmas griffin because you don't know anything The rooster's gonna wake you up. You're not seeing rock a doodle. Come on man. There's no hey I understand can I can I take your dad's side? Yes, sorry, but you came to three dads I'm gonna take your dad's side You are living like right now. You're living your best chicken-free life There will come a time when the chickens are pecking at your hand and they didn't like eggs And they hate you and it stinks like

It smells they're so little but the smell they make is Unimaginable and you're gonna be cleaning up dukey from these chickens and you're gonna be like God, I wish I'd listen to my dad because I hate I miss the days before I had to wake up at 6 a.m To feed these stinky vermin and like don't just don't do that like don't do that I have been I've been a kid and I've been a dad and let me tell you from both sides of the scenario every Every not dad person will say in the household. Don't worry. I'll be the one to take care of them But I'm telling you right now If if this decision is enough that one person in the house i.e. your dad is saying no

And that's enough to veto it Then I am going to infer that that is because your dad is the person in the house Who responsibility falls to when no one else does it? Wow He knows himself and he knows that he's not gonna watch and let these chickens just die Yeah, just just go to seed, you know, right while his family ignores them And so your dad is like, you know, the answer is no because I know You fall in love with the chickens. I love the chickens. He won't be able to to take their eggs

Yeah, it's you or the chickens, you know, I can't care for that many beings All at once it's you or the chickens. I think and chickens isn't like a weird high It's not like I like to learn to play guitar. Oh, I ended up not liking guitar Let's put the guitar in the closet. You can't put chickens in the closet You can't put chickens in the closet. They're living beings I mean, they're probably be okay for a little bit, right? I mean depends on how big the closet is like a coop is You know a closet is a coop without an exit

And bedding and food and water That's really that's beautiful. Yeah Um, I think whoever works on chickens most gets to eat the eggs Can we at least agree on that? Yeah, yeah, you earn it Okay, that's all I had to add to the question is like Tell your dad like don't worry. I'll work on the chickens or else. I won't eat eat up the eggs I don't get to eat up the eggs if I don't work on the chicken. So you have nothing to be scared about

Is there a You know like a bag of flour equivalent That you could be like I'm gonna get a test chicken To prove to you that I can be responsible for this chicken And that this chicken will not be I don't know what that is because an egg is on the nose What's more low stakes than a chicken, right? Uh-huh Uh

You could get let's see. What's what's a bird you could get that if all those fails would definitely take care of itself That doesn't exist pigeon birds are famously kind of weak need. Yeah I feel like a pit like vultures, right Oh, that's good. You get a vulture to show your dad. How good you would be at taking care of a chicken Yeah Yeah, I don't think if there's anything wrong with having a vulture at your house And I will say this right now if if my family Started being insistent on chicken and I was like no and they were like what about a hawk? I'm like, hell yeah

Like that's yeah Yeah, that's a bird of prey like you're not gonna love you're not gonna you are not gonna love that Are you telling me that I Travis McRoy? Would not enjoy Having a hawk land on my outstretched arm and gaze upon the neighborhood with me As people walked around like doing their thing or whatever as I in the hawk both. Okay. Yeah, that's a beautiful dream that you have Uh-huh as opposed to the hawk Like eating your balls through your pants because it's a bird of prey and you have you have not I'm wearing a cod piece

Griffin did you not hear me say that the hawk would land on my outstretched arm? You think I'm doing that without a cod piece. Come on. That's hawk raisin 101 Um, did you just refer to your penis as a hawk raisin? What does that even mean now it's my balls my balls are hawk raisin. Okay, um Because they're all dried out from the vasectomy. All right. Let's be cool here and say like here's how you can't convince Your dad to take care of these chickens for you when you get it and don't take good care of it Name it after your dad dad jr. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah This is my this is my chicken bryson. Isn't your dad? Yes

It's a beautiful tribute bryson senior is also a good way to go Like I was gonna say names at jr. But like this is my dad's dad a chicken. That's cool. Yeah, name it after your dad's dad And then it'll be like well, I can't get rid of dad. You know, you know, I bet Okay, this is the like I bet you can foster a chicken Wow, that's cool I bet you could have a fostered chicken that you don't have to be long-term responsible for But you could have the experience of owning a chicken until someone else adopts that chicken And then you go back to a chicken-free household. How boy. Howdy though that

the interview process You will fall in love with this chicken the interview process Required to make sure that this person Is not like a secret man wolf. Do you know what I mean? Like oh, yeah Oh, yeah Hey, yeah, I question one You're not a fox, right? What why would you even? Huh? That's not a no

I'm offended you would even ask see how my tail is twitching in an offended way now. Wait a minute Wait, hold on. Hold on a second. Anyway, I'd like you to meet my wife What did you just Wait, are you a fox married to a wolf? Yes. We're very uh progressive No, what in my example the What wait, hold on in mine Yeah, one of the people was a fox and then you said awoo and I was like, okay, so that's a wolf I mean, what were you thinking that the fox could make that noise if it was no a fox goes

You know that come on. I love that fucking song. Ah, don't get it There's don't get chickens Just if you do take us started valley and a dozen chickens in there virtual chickens I don't know. I don't know that you want a gigapay Head on over to backyard chickens calm and head on over the forums and read some of the horror stories in there You don't want this. You don't want this life. Can you read this? Are you there right now? Yeah, okay, because there's no way you would have pulled that website without actively being On it. I could see charlie or paper asking for chickens and justin has done this research previously

Yeah, I mean just to give you like the top form threat right now is I killed my rooster today It broke me. Wow. So like why did it do that doesn't seem like you should have done that Do you want to know why sort of for its incredible eggs? Today with it. It's a rooster Oh, and why would you kill it to get the eggs? They're not all inside of there. They were stuck not coming out No, they needed they needed they only lay one egg a day, but I needed two and I knew that hey No rooster the eggs are not coming out of this rooster. I'm gonna have to go in there and get them Yeah, so roosters are illegal with this person lives

So where do more chickens come from then? I'm not going to read this story. This is a personal story for some but they have like There's threads on here where people just update This is so sweet. They have threads on here where people just update like here's what's going on with my flock And that the fluffy butt acres has its own eight Fluffy butt acres Has a forum thread

And you can enjoy it all all you need to do is make a little time to read all 8,714 pages pages I thought you were gonna say posts pages There's eight thousand 714 pages of discussion about fluffy butt acres

Is it a real is this a real thing or is this like a uh blaze ball sort of situation? No, I mean that would be actually amazing. Um, but no, it's not that it's just Eight people follow the drama. So like I killed my rooster was like the capper of That's not on fluffy. Okay. I was gonna say roosters are not illegal in fluffy butt acres. Um, but like Geez Are you lost in the sauce a little bit right now bud? Oh my god guys. I gotta I gotta pull Yeah, get out of there trust it I want to be free free

I want to break free What free Hello, welcome to munch squad. It's weird to see munch squad used as a flotation device Yes, I have pulled the lever. Yeah, I've pulled the the the strap and I'm Hurdling towards the surface Um, and hopefully a lifeboat will pass by and scoop me up You're gonna get the munch squad bends if you go a little too fast out of chicken There's not really one the munch squad for both of us jack

The lifeboat to pick me up will be piloted by warren buffett because our first story is about dairy queen adq Is coming with the biggest menu rollout in 20 years. They've got them. It's time for Stack burgers. What? It's time for stack burgers like two patties They're stack burgers because it's like these burgers are like a stack of things What a stack of things is a stack of wait, so yeah There's a usually like bread on the bottom of the stack and then they have like toppings and meat

And cheese and bacon and stuff and then there's usually bread on the top of the stack. Oh Stack vertical a vertical burger Not a horizontal a verte burger Yeah, like it's things are stacked on top of each other like a bun is at the top of the bottom Interesting and then the toppings are between the bun hat That's really interesting because it's so messy when they put all the burger stuff out In a row instead of a column Yeah, and I also I never know in that scenario. Am I supposed to assemble something with this?

Do I eat it piecemeal like where do I start you don't want to be uh You don't want to be some sort of glue right? It's just sort of flaunting right? Way better than a loose pile burger too. I don't care for those loose pile burgers Our hot food menu served at dq grill and chill restaurants Is key to our business goal to become a balanced leader in both food and treat items So what they're saying here is that like, you know how? The only time anyone has ever seen a burger at Dairy Queen is when they're looking at the menu. They're like, oh weird They have burgers here too. I'll have to never try that. Anyway, can I have a butterfinger blizzard?

Now, how dare you besmirch the chicken basket are just as good as the cool treats justin and I know I now listen You know, I fucks with the chicken We know that means innovating and expanding our everyday food offerings and the new signature stacked burgers go beyond Typical cheese burgers that you find at quick Okay, here you go What Troy Bader is saying here and admitting tacitly is like much like the Dairy Queen on 5th avenue You could be waiting there for like 30 minutes Even if you're just trying to get a sierra miss after type window glass, you know, yeah

Takes forever. It's not quick service slow service They got five varieties that are gonna keep fans coming back for more They're created as an everyday offering to defeat burger boredom These signature stacked burger menu comes in five flavor varieties in the us Yeah, they got one pound one third pound doubles and one half pound triples And they got a bun and beef and I mean, I could tell you what the burgers are but honestly, it's just like Who taking a victory lap for making up burgers and not side to side burgers is what it sounds like Instead I want to step over here real quick to memory lane

To remind everybody of the one time when we went on tour and it was Riley's birthday and Riley was with us And we passed by a Dairy Queen. We went there to get Lunch and we're like, we'll get a cake because it's Riley's birthday. So we got a nice cream cake And when you take them right out the freezer, they are boulders. They are solid stone Yeah, and so we had to ask for a knife from the people we had to wait a metal one Like a real a real knife, which was a fun ask to be like, hey, give me like a real ass kitchen knife employee And then we had small slices of cake and had oh Let's say seven eighths of a cake left

And at one point we tried to give it back to the employees to say you can eat that as a gift Not for a refund seven eighths refund We said this is for you and the crew to eat if you guys want it and they looked at us rightfully So like we were monsters. Yeah, we don't want that back. What are you talking about? You know, we have access to any of this stuff whenever we want, right? Like It's not a gift. It's a burden. It was why and then I think we walked around to Like the two other tables of people that were there and said do you want any of this cake? It was one of our lowest moments as a family and had to be her most special birthday ever

We know our fans are looking for cheeseburgers that offer big flavor and premium ingredients They keep them coming back for more So what they're saying is dare queen fans are looking for burgers that they get The signature stack burgers meet that craving. I have one other very quick story to tell you about subway uh brand Uh-oh Subway brand is expanding into consumer goods categories. What like? Yes Okay So they want new and exciting ways for fans

To engage with the brand across multiple retail channels. So I mean Bioworld merchandising is going to make a wide range of apparel and accessories That's wild To me, but I guess I get a t-shirt that says subway on it. You are more than welcome to do so It's the next one that I have a problem with. Um Uh

Zuru is making collectible toys. Huh now. I can only think of one character from the subway history cinematic universe spelled s i in ematic It's only one character It's rigged to one that would be a collectible toy and I don't think you want that heat I don't think you want. No, I don't believe so. I don't think you want the bad man Now I will say this the bad the bad big pant man. No, no, no, no, no

but if you could uh reignite the 90s uh fervor for non-human Characters with abs and do some like different like subway sandwiches anthropomorphicized with abs and like different Oh different sandwich related weapons forget about it. I'm going wild. They call me they call me subway I'm uh, I'm the boss. Oh my god, dude. I'm so into that. Are you kidding me tuna? What kind of uh, what kind of animal? I mean, there's a sub there's a guy submarine that they try. Oh hell Yeah, my dude sub sub and they have like some like salami, you know, nunchucks I'm the sandwich

And that's oh hell. Yeah, dude. It's really good. That's really good. Yeah My name's tomato. I hang out with them. I'm okay. Whoa, that's cool. Yeah foot long fill and I Got a big dick. I'm popular with this I'm popular with the teens for some reason that I can't quite figure out um, uh glam light is a business that is uh, it is promoting they're doing, um a food inspired makeup and accessories And the last one is uh, this is the one that I'm actually even more excited about world tech toys

Is doing a role playing subway restaurant set out where kids can serve their favorite subway sandwiches and serve them to friends God, my kids would fucking go apeshit for that Justin You got me so excited because I thought you're gonna say a subway role playing game Like a subway rpg pen and paper. Fuck that would be out of this world It'd be out of this world. So so keep an eye out for subway Uh products hitting store shelves and keep an eye out for us the McElroy brothers We could be anywhere

Yeah, our 20 rendezvous fancy takes flight tour. It could be anywhere But where it is is in st. Louis, kansas city and minneapolis on april 20th 21st and 22nd now listen We got us and the 23rd is taxed by the way, but who gives a shit about those guys? Fuck that. We got us a prom background photo printed so that we're gonna dress fancy at least I am I don't speak for just I'll have laces on my shoes. Okay. And so if you want to dress fancy and take you some fancy takes flight prom photos at our live shows It's definitely going to be the best we could do

And so we'll see but it'll be there and it'll be fun and it'll be like a whole thing So go check out those dates bit.ly slash macroi tours Should I rent one tuxedo and then ride that thing till the wheels fall off? Yeah, just so that by the end of the year. I am wearing just this rotten these rotten vestments Mm-hmm. Yeah smell would be you guys would make me sit at my own table on stage just because this the scent of this tuxedo would be so Unpalatable that would be amazing Also important to note mask and proof of full vaccination or negative covid tests within 72 hours of event start is required We got a lot more stops over there. Go check it out bit.ly slash macroi tours

Our dad has written a children's book called goldie's guide to grandchilding that comes out may 10th Preorder that at link tree Slash goldie's guide. That's link tr dot ee slash goldie's guide There's some events that we're going to be at too that you can see you can come out and say yeah Uh over at the merch store We got the schmanners poster that I think is super cute I feel like schmanners or if you just like super cute things or if you just like tarisa and i but not specifically schmanners You should check it out. Uh also 10 of all merch sales this month

We'll go to the transgender law center Which employs a variety of community driven strategies to keep transgender and gender non conforming people alive thriving and fighting for Liberation so go check that out macroi merch.com. Thanks to montain for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you Um, it's a it's a party track for the ages and it's gonna get the it's gonna get the groove going at Whatever sort of social event you're at and people are gonna just gonna start grinding Oh, it's also a good way if you if like if you love your friend and you want to tell them But like you're uncomfortable using words like love Just put that on the car and then sit silently staring at them

Until the song's done pointed them every time she says yeah, so they get it like i mean you okay great you get it Okay, cool griffin. What was your final impression this? I mean you could tell me what it but you want I feel like it's better when I do that because I can go fader I'm gonna fuck you up Oh I'm griffin macroi this is where my brother my brother me kissing your dad square on the lips Oh Maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported