My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 61: Steak'em and Tubes

Episode Date: June 27, 2011

There a lot of important, history-making events going on around this big, blue world of ours, and we'll be entirely damned if we're going to talk about any of them. No, instead we're talking about much more topical things, like if the Matrix is real. Suggested talking points: Steaker's Dozen, Slarshed and Dumpst', Not Like This, Electric Neil, Love and Dentistry, The Cap'n and The Gorilla, Hip-Hop Steamboat, President Haggar

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. A lot of people ask, Justin, why do you keep recording this show? They say nobody, you know, it angers as many people as it helps. Why do you keep recording it? And I keep recording it because every week, we try to come up with some topical thing to talk about to begin our program,

and I get Travis's suggestions. Travis, you should introduce yourself. Oh, hello, I'm Travis McElroy. And Griffin, you're up in this piece too, right? I am all up in this bitch, in it to win it. In it to win it. Travis, why don't you hit everybody with what your big suggestions were for this week? And I don't want any editorializing. I just want you to list the topics that you suggested for our comedy podcast to kick off with. Okay, well, the first was simply debt ceiling.

Debt ceiling, yeah. Who's ready to laugh? Number two, Greece is going into default. Now, if you get some like hand jive, Olivia Newton-John action in there, you I think you could maybe maybe get something going. Travis, I know what all those words isolated what they mean together, though, not quite so sure what a what a default. I thought the third one was the real gem that I really thought we could have mined for comedy, but it was Monte Carlo is coming out starring Selena Gomez.

Oh, you mean the big race? Yeah, the big race, that's news. If we could just talk about the race, like the formula. Oh, no, it's it's a it's a comedy movie for tweens. Yeah, and you're pretty you would say you're pretty excited. Well, Andy McDowell's in it. Oh, shit, that national treasure. She's my number one celebrity crush. Whichever, whichever pulse you have your finger on. Can you stop touching that person that person that you're touching?

It's actually Selena Gomez. I that's right. I know I'm extraordinarily uncomfortable with it. How about like, how did like the fact that like gay dudes and ladies can now get married in New York? That's way better. Damn. Oh, no, but oh, hold on. Wait, because let's balance these two. Let's put these two on the scales of justice because what's more important?

Gay marriage or or go as Assuming who has fully feature film. I really like Selena Gomez. I think she's a rising star. I just want to get married to Tim Gunn, and I don't think that's so wrong. Is it? No, I want to get married to Justin Bieber. Do you guys remember Justin's first date with Tim Gunn? Yeah, they went and saw Monte Carlo with Selena Gomez.

They next the entire time you really made it work. Yeah, the junior men's were mushy, but the sex was neat. I just imagined Tim Gunn's sex face and put me into a state. It put me in a state that I'm not comfortable with. Yeah, New York. New York. Because you're a bigot and you're in a couple of the game. The gay marriage is now now legal there.

So this is our of course, our advice program. We record it for you every week to help you with the little things that pop up in your life. We also talk to each other about the things that are going on in our lives, because it's a helping show. Can I say something real quick about the New York past and the gay marriage? There's nothing in this earth that would make me stop you from talking more about it. There were four Republican senators that voted for it and like, yeah, gay marriage rules. And there was one Republican who was like, listen, this is a vote of conscious and not a vote of

party line. I actually, I remember in my middle school social studies class, I learned that every vote in the Senate is a vote of conscious because if you're asleep, they won't let you govern. They won't let you act as in a political body. And you will allow me to pronounce that word as conscience, then I will pronounce it better. I won't. I absolutely won't. I, you guys are breaking my heart.

Let's take the first question. I love my girlfriend, but she keeps eating off my plate when she has perfectly good food in front of her. She'll order what she wants. And then she looks longingly at what I got until I ask if she wants a bite. How can I put a stop to this without sounding like a selfish jerk, hungry like the wolf? Why are you so hungry? Hey dog, like chill out.

You live in America. Like if you don't get enough food right now at this meal, literally if you scoop your hand through the nearest gutter, you'll come up with like a hot dog or something. At least for her. You'll be fine. I'm totally on his side. Of course. Oh, come on.

That's his food. It's not. That's what relationship is. If a relationship is not at the very least about sharing your food, like that's like the most basic survival level post-apocalyptic like, I found this half eaten Hershey bar. Well, I have a beef jerky. Well, let's have a relationship. Like this is the base relationship, the basest one we can have.

Well, here's, okay. I have a suggestion. Make her order first and then order the exact same thing she gets. Okay. She'll never see that coming. She, does she order a salad? My wife does that a lot. If she orders a salad, you get a salad.

Like this is, it's going to be a long game. I'll get something delicious because I'm overweight and I know what things taste good. It's the one like perk of the gig. And she'll like say, hey, that looks good. It's like, yeah, no shit. I've been at this for a while. This ain't my first time at the steak rodeo. Yeah.

And also, can we stop coming to the steak rodeo? It sounds like old wallpaper. And I hate it here. There's peanut shells on the floor, but they don't serve peanuts. Where do all these peanuts come from? Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am. Can I be reseeded in the non-peanut section? That doesn't exist.

Yeah. I mean, like just sharing the food, it's not a big deal. You know what? Here's what you do. If this is really that important to you. Sit at different tables. What? Yeah.

You, you, uh, when she starts eating off your plate, order another one. I say, hold on. No, we can wait this work. I'll get a second one for you. You've touched this. I don't want it anymore. So you're saying always like order, I will have two of that please. I'll have two of those please.

You know, I'll do that. Okay. This is something that I've started doing. I ordered two meals when I go to a restaurant with the express purpose of intending to take one home and eat it later. You do do that. I don't, how is that weird? Don't make that sound like a thing that you do constantly.

Because you don't. No, no. And if you, if you did it constantly, you would be some sort of glutton, some sort of gluten. No. And not, you're. No, not constantly, but like if I go to a brunch place, I'll get two brunches. Now sometimes the spirit will overtake me and I will eat both of them. I will, I will admit to the last time I went to the chili willies and I was getting,

so they're delicious, Texas red. I did order, carry out. I got two of them with the express purpose of eating one of them the next day is, is that cool? Is it just a restaurant thing? That's not normal, you guys. Why is that not normal? I think that that's, I think that that's planning ahead. And I think that's kind of brilliant.

Well, where does that fucking, where does that fucking stop? Like, can you be like, Hey, let me get seven cups that text that sweet Texas red. Daddy's going to have a chili week. Happy chili week, everybody. He doesn't try to paint out like a bad thing. I think that's an awesome idea. Yeah. Like, is anyone hungry?

I have all the chili. Do you want that? I mean, I have it. Watch out for that guy. He'll come in and order just like a month's worth of chili. That's chili, Steve. When you come in sometimes and you're like, Griff, I don't know where the money, like, I don't know where my money is.

Like my money. Where did all the money go Griffin? And I'll say Travis, it's, do you remember how you ate 14 steaks from Outback Steakhouse last week? You got one in the restaurant and you said, let me get a baker's dozen of steak to go. That's where it all went. To be fair, I said a steaker's dozen.

I was wondering if you could help me out with a friend of mine. I like this guy a lot, but he has to make it known that he's a vegetarian. He usually doesn't mention it around close friends. However, I've been noticing whenever he's communicating to new people, one of the first things that he asks, it says is that he's a vegetarian. I want to tell him he's being a snob, but that nobody cares what he puts in his mouth. Only what comes out.

Like puke. Whenever I bring it up, he lashes out at me and thinks I'm attacking him. Is he really being a snob or am I just overthinking it? Help me, brothers. And that's from Mr. Bixby. I think it depends on how he's saying it. Oh, me? Me?

My eating preferences? I'm a vegetarian. Sit down. Let me tell you about it. No steak for me. Thanks. We're at a car wash. Why would that even be in the equation?

I hope that's free range prawn. What? Um, he's not being a snob. He's probably not being a snob. I don't know that people can be a, I mean, they definitely can be. You can be a snob about anything, but I mean, that's such a big part of a person's life.

If they're a vegetarian or vegan or you know, only eats translucent foods. Yeah, but at the same time. Or I only eat dark fruits. Like I think that that's such a big part of their life that like, yeah, they're going to talk about it. But I don't introduce myself as Travis McRoy Omni-Vor. No, but because that's the norm.

It does say on your business cards though. Well, yes. Let's not play make-believe here. You are not an Omni-Vor, sir. I eat everything. I don't think Omni-Vor is the correct name for that. I can, can we say, um, a part-time herb before maybe? Like a, a practicing carnivore.

I dabble. I dabble in vegetables. You like to check in every once in a while, see what's new on the scene, but you're not, you're not like blogging about them. Yeah, I'm not like super committed. I'm like a, a Christmas and Easter herb before. Right, I could dig it.

I, I'm saying, but that's the norm, right? Like everybody eats everything, right? Except for those three or four people who don't. And I think that those three or four people get to bring it up. They have denied themselves life's greatest pleasure, which is to say bacon. And like, they can do whatever they want. Like they've worked, they earned it.

Yeah, but like who, who gives a shit? Like I don't care. If, if, I mean, maybe it's part of their identity. And it's not a personal, it's not something that should like determine whether or not you want to hang out with the person. So like you're meeting someone for the first time and they're like, Oh, and by the way, I'm a vegetarian. You're like, uh, fuck it.

I'm out. It does. If you're a head of lettuce. Yeah. Who can relax then? What's up, cucumber fingers? Oops, they're gone. Oops. Oops.

Shoot off. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. An important question to you is how long has he been a vegetarian? Because if it's like within the last three months, he's totally being a snob. Maybe he's just telling me he's a vegetarian. So he has some excuse for when he faints later. I'm sorry, I don't get enough vegetables.

Or so people like try to encourage him to eat bacon. And then he's like, what? No, like, okay. Okay. Jerry, why is your, Jerry, why is your blood so, so light? I can, it's like your blood isn't even there. I mean, I think it matters. I think it's a big part of a person.

Because what if like you, what if you, what if you start crushing on a vegetarian and you don't know they're vegetarian though, and you ask them to go to Sizzler? That, well. Love ruined. Relationship, relationship gone. I think if your first date to the Sizzler really, that ship sails.

That ship's already. That's a good restaurant. I have been recently. Have they revamped the menu? No, it's still pretty much the same. It's still pretty much like steaks. And you can get the steaks cooked however you want them. Oh man.

However you want them? Yeah. Sometimes there's potatoes, but you got to, there's like a secret language. It's kind of like ordering it in and out. You got to say, can I get a steakman tubes? And they know that when you say steak. Is that really what, how it is?

Steakman tubes? Uh-huh. You say steakman tubes. And when you say tubes, they know that you mean tube. I need, I need a steakman tubes. I need it slashed and dumps. They look at you and they say that is not, that is not real steak. With a Pepsi.

I need a, I need a steakman tubes. I need a slashed and dumps. Two mega taters and uh. To be fair, that was my favorite sci-fi channel movie. I had two mega taters fully cheesed out. Just sizzle the whole plate if you can. Yeah. Sour cream-o.

Definitely. That's not a good pass for it though. I guess you're right. Not sour cream, like fresh cream. Would that work? Cause that's the reverse psychology. You guys want a yahoo? Yes, please.

You know I do. Um, how about this one? It was sent in by Gabe Gison. Thank you, Gabe. It's by yahoo answers user Pat who asks, Is the matrix real and is it possible? Simple question, argued answer. What?

Is the matrix real and are we biological batteries and is the human body capable of producing enough energy to power an entire world of machines if there were six billion of us? And if so, how would we get out? Self-substantion? Suicide. Or is there someone who could free us?

Red pill. Please take this question seriously. No sarcasm or blatant humor. Thank you. Boy, when you have to say that right in the question, you were just begging for it. No blatant humor. I don't care if you like.

I'm like soups dumb, so if you want to say shit that's like, I'm not going to understand, you're making fun of me. I want to fucking punch this dude, mostly because of this, the phrase simple question, argued answer. Here's the problem Travis, you try to punch this guy and he dodges it in slow motion

and turns into like three or four different guys. I want to meet the people that are arguing about this. Oh, you know they exist, right? Oh, of course. Yeah, because you can't, it's one of those, you can't prove it. You can't, you can't, like anything you could create, you know, to refute it could just be another

a creation of the matrix. You're just another agent, man. Yeah. Like we've all thought about it, right? Look, we've all just sat down. We had that moment. Taken after a look. When we were on a bunch of drugs.

And that deep dark truthful mirror and saw that in that mirror, we were covered in metallic juices and then we transported to the real world. Yeah, you know what? The Griffin, I think we've all had that thought. But you know what? I had it back in nineteen fucking ninety nine

when the movie was released. I'm not still kicking that around in 2011. And thinking like, oh, maybe like it's been 12 years. Maybe not. Like probably that is not the, that is one construction that you could believe in. But I am not subscribing to it. I mean, look, some people go their whole lives

without waking up, you know? Uh-huh. Yeah. Come on, copper top. Some people go their whole, I mean, that's all there is. Like we get, what if we are flesh batteries? But like there's only 10 of us who've made it out to the to the Hallow Halls of Zion. Like what? The rave in the rave underground.

Fucking rubbing my dirty, dirty body on everyone. Like. Lawrence Fishburne spray oil in the crowd. I know 10 person rave is a really shitty rave. DJ Fishburne is on the ones and twos and he's getting wet in Zion. And like you're in here, you're in earth and you're laughing at somebody on Yang who answers.

How's your life? You could be, you could be bumping to the sounds of DJ Fishburne, letting his smooth grooves propel you to a higher plane of funky existence. And here you are. DJ Cowboy Curtis is mixing up the chemical brothers for everybody. Only Cowboy and Curtis with K's.

He's a real talent. He could give another DJ, insert another DJ name here. A runner for his money. Tiesto? He could give Tiesto? Tiesto is an agent. Tiesto is an agent.

So he, this is not count. That would explain so many things. Like you've never listened to Speed Rail and been like, oh, these beats are impossible. Nobody can make these beats unless they're computer problems. Do you think that this guy, like this is the question that starts every conversation he has with new people. Like, hi, nice to meet you.

Oh, you're a vegetarian. That's great. Do you think that the matrix is real? Are you really a vegetarian? Or is that a choice that our computer overlords decided for you? Do they switch a bit of code in there? They switch you to a vegetarian because they knew I would be more sexually attracted to you.

Thanks, overlords. Do you guys ever see like deja vu and you're like, maybe? Maybe. I don't know. I can't explain it. You know who can? Fishburne. Here's what I know that if Fishburne's going to come for somebody,

he's going to come for somebody with an open mind. I want that to be me. If we are in the matrix, which I have over the span of this conversation convinced myself that we are, in fact, in the matrix. Because you can't prove we aren't. Can't prove we aren't. It's kind of like religion. If you doubt it, that's just the devil.

In our case, it's Joe Pantley. Trying to convince you. Joey Pants. Joey Pants. As I call, as I and other members of the Italian community call him, Joey Pants, trying to convince you otherwise. He's the devil. He could be a good devil.

Yeah, he would. Let's make that happen. You know who we, can we? You're welcome, Hollywood. Can we call up the Wokowsky brothers and be like, hey guys, quick keeping us in suspense. Like, is this a documentary or not? Was this shot in location or is it a location in your own imaginations,

your infernal minds? Does anyone have a beat on Keanu? Does anyone have his manager's info to get us around? If you've got his AOL screen name, can you just forward that to me at our Muslim Band account? We'll just get up with him. Because I think he would know. Would he tell us that?

I think we would say, hey Keanu, I tried to shorten his name. Which is his Hawaiian name. Hey Keanu, what do you know? What aren't you telling us? And he's going to look at us with kind of a knowing smile. I'll be like, sorry guys, can't say or else I'll get unplugged and then it'll wink at us and we'll say Keanu. We'll say Keanu, I gotta know, it keeps me up at night.

And he'll say, yes, it's real. And then he'll stand up really rigidly and it'll be like, not like this, and it'll fall every day. Hey, what can I ask you brothers, I just wrote matrix four for you on GratefulFucks. Did you read TMZ today? It was really, there was a crazy story about Keanu dying. Apparently Griffin killed him by making him admit the matrix, it's real. He got him plugged, it was brutal.

It was really brutal. But now we all know, so we're going to start the rebellion. Sacrificial lamb. Griffin wouldn't even do anything with the information. He'd just be like, oh, and then go to Chipotle. He doesn't give a shit. This burrito tastes so much better now that Keanu's dead. I feel so much more alive because I outlived Keanu.

I don't care if I am a battery, this burrito is delish. Delicious. I don't need to know that the computer program tells me it's delicious. I'm just happy to have that in my heart somewhere. There are some extra ones and zeros in this burrito. Except for Conte. Can I have some extra data, please, on my burrito? Let me get like 300 megabits of Chipotle's salsa sauce.

There's only four megabytes left, you better take them. Hey brothers, recently a girl I knew back in middle school asked me on Facebook and invited me to her small birthday gathering. She's having this weekend in which there'll be a bunch of people I haven't seen since we were kids and probably your more accomplished with their lives in me. Should I make up some awesome backstory of what I've been doing all these years? Neil. That's how I imagine he says his name.

Neil. Neil. Neil. Just, just be Neil. Be the best Neil you can be. What if you, what if you show up to the party and people say, what do you do now? And you say, I'm Neil. Like they should get like, hi, look at me.

It's me, Neil. I'm Neil, you know, from. Of Neil fame. My job is to be Neil and I'm always employee of the month. Yeah. My job is to be Neil. Terribly. I've got gone if it's not existent.

There is not a lot of, not a lot of responsibility. Not a lot of upward mobility either. Once you're Neil, you're pretty much just Neil. But also the chances of getting fired are pretty slim. Dear the news. Colleen. Colleen off from Neil this week. Guess it's back to Kevin.

They caught me stealing. The shop was from Neil. I'm stealing from Neil. It's a sexual abuse scandal. My mom caught me in my bedroom watching Baywatch. It's pretty messed up. Uh, Neil, listen, man, you don't know those motherfuckers anything. Hundred and twenty years from now, we're all warm food.

Fuck it. They're no better than you are. You know, we're not 20. I don't know who's going to be at this party. There might be some cyborgs there. Of course, their machinations cannot exist for long. Well, you're assuming that Neil is zero years old. Actually, you're assuming he's like negative 30 years old.

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I don't want to bum Neil out by giving him like, I could tell Neil exactly what he's going to die. I don't think he wants to hear that. I'm a bin bam. That's true. Yeah.

But don't don't lie because that's a there's no way that's not going to turn into a fiasco. Yeah. No, I think the better option is to honestly tell them what you are honestly doing in your life. But with such conviction and dedication, that makes it sound like you're super proud of it. It's all about the perception. I wish he told us what it is he's doing because I can spin anything.

Okay. So say he's living in his mom's basement. I'm saving up for a house. Okay. He's working at Arby's. What? Working at Arby's and working on an expose about the fast food industry. I'm a beef specialist.

That one, I think would get him less tram. I'm an artisanal beef shaper. No matter what job you're doing right now, you can always spin it as research for a role and researching for a role at Arby's employee. I'm in the new Michael Sarah picture and in it, I'm an Arby's employee. So I'm hoping to get the part in the new Michael Sarah. I'm hoping Michael Sarah makes a movie about Arby's employees. It's called Squash the Beef.

And it's coming out in the summer of 2012. It co-stars with Megan Fox. What a talented young lady. Danny Trejo's in it. He's a he's a rugged gentleman. He's a he's all heart though. Scraggly and leathery on the outside, but inside he's like a gooey center. There's like a hard casing for a sensitive heart.

Exactly. I think BU because otherwise you are going to get caught because you are going to be like, oh, I'm I'm I run a gym and someone else is going to be like, I also run a gym with your gym called and you're fucked. He'd be like, oh, I meant J.I. I meant J.I.M. I run him. I run a man named Jim is my job. I'm I'm Jim.

I'm in charge of him. My name is Jim. Let's be honest, Neil, if you're really sharp at thinking on your feet, you'll probably be in a better position than you are right now. Today is not the day to try to reinvent yourself as an upward mobile, upwardly mobile dude. Let's back up though, because something even weirder than your job status is happening. And that is that a girl you knew back in middle school added you on Facebook and invited you

to a birthday party. Hey, Neil, this is Susan. Remember me? You absolutely can't. Like there's no way. But do you want to come chill at my birthday party? I think it's a small gathering. It's only like eight people and you.

Yeah. Oh shit, Neil, you're about to get carried. Oh God, Neil, Neil, get out of there. Neil, come back. You're walking into a carry situation. You got to get out. Is he about to get carried or is he about to get poked? I'm saying someone found him on Facebook.

They were hunting. They were trolling for Poon. Hungry for Neil. For Man Poon. So you think this is like a small birthday party slash eyes wide shut kind of deal? This has to be a sex a sex party. Okay. Gots to be.

No way it's not. It's not? And there's no way it's not. I'm saying it's a hundred percent. Oh, you're saying there's no way this isn't a sex party. Yeah. In fact, Neil just rolled up assuming it is no matter what anyone says because they might be like putting on pretenses at first.

Yeah. And just roll them back. So are we starting this sex party or what? Yeah. If you're jobless or if you work at Arby's, which is pretty much the same thing. Sorry Arby's employees. You got to assert yourself as king of this sex. I am.

I'm a king of this sex party. The way you do that is on the porch, you bring the doorbell to enter into the house for the party is being held. You go ahead and get your dick out and you go ahead. Put your mouth on. I'm a king of this sex party. So when they open the door, like everyone knows like what is up. Who is this?

I think I think I remember him from middle school. I don't remember him being quite so aggressive. I think rolling up with your dick out is good. It's predictable though. I just scoot your balls through the hole of your Levi's. Just scoot those out. Now you can turn this into sort of a hilarious something about Mary's situation and try to dip your balls into it.

But that's not how you become king of the sex party. That's how you go to the emergency room. You don't want to do that. What about manjina and cape? Hold on. What? What? Yeah, if he does manjina and wears a cape.

That's how you don't come to... How is that an active verb, sir? You do a manjina. That's how you become king of prison. Can I ask you guys something? This is a different approach to this. Could all of his problems be corrected if he introduced himself at the party as electric Neil?

Could that like fix pretty much everything? He would have to have some sort of touchdown dance that he could do. Oh, and the best part about that is after a couple years and he's gone through some shit and he's reevaluating his life, he can come back and tell him he's now acoustic Neil. I'm 28. He's 36 and we've been living together for seven months. That's a good lead. I choose to sleep.

Yeah, I like this. This is right into the meat of the question. I can I can piece the other stuff together. I chose choose to sleep naked because I don't like the restrictive feeling of clothes while I sleep. He chooses to sleep in shorts and t-shirts. I disrobe right before crawling into bed at night and then walk directly into the bathroom in the morning.

The problem is I think he is too used to seeing me naked. Our sex life is slightly declined. Seducing him doesn't work like I used to. And I get the overall feeling that he is less excited to see my body. I wonder if sleeping naked has affected this. If this is true and I have exposed myself too much, is there anything I could do or is it all downhill from here? Bear or not to bear?

To bear or not to bear? Great. Now I have to do the show with a boner. No, I don't. I'm just kidding. I don't really have a boner. I'm the only thing. All the blood is in my comedy gland.

I can't think about sex right now. It's in your advice lobe. It's in my hypolulamas. It's in my lisa lobe. I sent lisa lobe a package of my vibe. I can just picture a cardboard box leaking. What is this? Hey, lice.

Hey, lice. So much trouble in a package for you while you're gone. It's leaking blood. What appears to be blood. Is it from Rippin' Macaroy? Yeah, it is. Yeah, it smells like CK1. What a odd package this is.

I think that, yeah, you are right. But the good thing about it is, I think that, yeah, a guy can get conditioned to seeing anybody naked. I think that the good news is, men are fundamentally machines, basically. And you can roll this back up really quick. Oh my god.

If you, tonight, if you put his shirt on when you go to bed tonight and get in bed with him, he'll be like, where'd they go? Where did it happen? I need them. Tracy, wake up. They're gone. He'll wake up the next morning like,

I thought it was a dream. I'm living a nightmare, Tracy. Yeah, it's literally like a day in your back. I never underestimate the power of lingerie because if he's gotten conditioned to seeing you. You fucking gross, Travis. What? No, I'm saying, I'm saying if he's gotten conditioned

and used to seeing her naked initially. You're taking this to a much, this is far too, too personal. This place you're at. Cover your boobies in silk and lace. Like, no, gross. Friend, jump out a little. Wrap your, wrap your butt in candy and stuff.

This is the sense that pimp my girlfriend who I'm tired of seeing naked. This is my brother, my brother, me. Advice, not creepiness, although some creepiness. We're all about cheap and practical solutions and the best that we can do. That means put on a big t-shirt. Put on a big t-shirt, you goof.

Yeah, literally. I mean, it's like, Griffin's right, like overnight. I mean, it'll, it may take, if you've been sleeping naked for a long time, take a week to course correct yourself. Don't let him see you naked at all. Ever again.

Ever, ever again. This is evil. No, like keep it, keep it under wraps for a while. And maybe, ooh, this is good. Do something different up in there. Like lingerie. No.

I mean, like something underneath your, like maybe get something pierced, get some ink. Or maybe don't do anything. So you did something and say, What? You wouldn't believe what's under here now. Like you would just freak out if you could see it,

but you can't see it. Just tattooed Dave Couillet right in my gut. It's so weird in here and you can't see it anymore. And it's so weird and you need to see it. Because then he'll be crazy. Like if you start teasing, now you got to deliver. You know, it can't be like Al Capone's vault

where he hurled, oh, just teasing, teasing, teasing, there's nothing in it. You got to have some, you got to deliver something, even if it's like I hand the tattoo. Or Dave Couillet. Al Capone. Or Al Capone.

Can you get Al Capone like on your torso somewhere in, in it on it somewhere? I was tattoo or like the real Al Capone. Yeah. Like him, like the man. Yeah. Also start referring to your lady business as Al Capone's vault.

Just see how that shakes out. Side note, talking to a dear friend of mine today, his father's a teacher. And one of the students in his class is named D'Al Capone Jones. This is not a joke. That's awesome. This is not a gag I made up.

Fuck, that's good. D'Al Capone Jones. Speaking of Al Capone. You want a yaku? Yeah, I knew. This one was sent by Chuck Jones. Thanks Chuck Jones. It's by Yahoo Answers user Patrick.

That's weird. Two pats. Patrick asks, questions for my dental hygienist? I am going to be getting my teeth cleaned soon by my ridiculously hot dental hygienist. And I want to ask some things. If you were asked these questions, what would your answer be?

And how do you think she will react? One. You want to just ask out, do we want to role play here? Sure, sure. Yeah, you guys can take turns being the super, just bang and dental hygienist. And I'll be the... That sounds like me.

I'll be Patrick. One. Can I have the pair of gloves and the mask you used on me? I was going to do a bit, but I think she would probably just leave the room. Yeah, that was my reaction. Silence. I was buying into the character saying yes to the moment,

and that is what my character would have done. Does the dental hygienist have a button underneath the counter that summons the police? That's what I would be doing. Yeah. She does now. She will after this. Two.

Can I have a pair of new gloves, and what kind of gloves are they? That one's kind of harmless. Yeah, unless you couple it with the first question. Yeah. And then you say, I just need to hide my fingerprints. I can't tell you why.

It's fine. Three. Would you please check in the back to see if you have any pink gloves or mask you could use? What's this guy's hang up? Hug. Four. Four.

Do you have to wear a mask? What? Can you just spit in my mouth while you're cleaning it? Five. Will you surprise me with the profi paste flavor? I don't know what that means. What? Profi.

Profi. This guy doesn't have a crush on his dental hygienist. He has a dentistry fetish. That's what's going on here. And not only that, but like these aren't even like, these are the least direct yet still creepy questions I've ever. Really Travis, because number six, instead of using a mirror to hold back my cheek,

will you use your finger? Yes. Seven. Will you perform an extra intraoral and TMJ exam? Really get in there. Just get deep in there. Is there an, is there, okay, are there more questions? Will you use a toothbrush instead of the polisher?

That's not particularly sexual. Nine. Can I add you on Facebook? Oh, there it is. Dr. Woodruff, can I add you on Facebook? That's, that's the end of it right there. Can I Facebook you? Okay, here's what I would like to pause it.

I think there is an order in which you can ask these questions where you could get to the end of them without the person leaving the room. Is there an order in which you could drop these beats? You got to leave, you got to lead with Facebook, I think. It's like making a mix tape, right? Like you got to, you got to peek it back off, peek it back off. Like I think you need to mix up the really weird ones. Dude, I don't know.

I think once you hit, just use your finger. Get in there with your digits. You could just play that off there. Like I have a mirror allergy. I have an allergy to silver. Reflective surpire. Ew, just get in there with your dig. Hey, hey, when vampires go to the dentist,

how do the doctors see their back teeth? Oh, it's so hard. And I mean, dental care is so important to a vampire for obvious reasons. They've got those teeth forever. Especially with the sugar-filled diet of the American public. I mean, you can't eat a fat person without getting a calorie or a cavity. Probably some calories, too. How do you get a modicum of a boner when you're in a dentist's chair?

How do you focus on anything but the raw, primal fear of somebody getting in your teeth and just clanging around in there with their digits? Like some sort of bad mechanic. Just tune me up. Turn up your grill. I don't think I will ever be too old to not be scared fuckless of the dentist. Like, can't handle it. Well, that's because it's the most terrifying thing.

It's like the most terrifying thing. Someone is putting whirring blades and points into your mouth, and you can't see what they're doing in there. You are fighting instinct at every turn. Maybe that's sexual for some people. Trying to clamp down on their better impulses. All it takes is one Dr. Butterfingers, and he's got a drill through your tongue. Yeah, but that's hot for some people.

They love the danger. They love the excitement. The thrill. What's going to happen to the dentist? I don't know. I might die. I might die. I will get a boner.

That's for sure. I will get arrested because I am going to go full on creepster. Okay, here's the thing that's going to really fuck you guys up. They ask these questions on Yahoo Answers. There is 100% likelihood that this person who asks these things did sit in a dentist chair at some point after this and have an interaction. Like, this happened. Like, this isn't like fun theory.

Like, this fucking creeper. Oh, so he was like planning. He did this. I mean, he did these things that he's saying to us. It's not. He may be apologizing. What would you do? I just did this.

Is that cool? I mean, is it so weird? Did you pull this off of Craigslist Miss Connections? No. Me in a dentist chair, mouth open slightly. Finger chewing on it. Chesty, put your finger right in there. Touch my teeth.

Saw down your blouse, saw your plates out. Put that mirror away, silly. Get your fingers in there. Hey, we don't have to get mirrors in this. Put your fingers in there. Let me kiss your eyelids. In case anybody after is wondering, of all the times to try to like be flirty and pick someone up,

when they're in there digging out your old ass food and tartar buildup with their fingers in your gross ass mouth as you're drooling all over yourself, probably not the best. Is this a piece of Mars bar? Point of order. If you're trying to fuck your dental hygienists, I bet you keep it pretty locked down up there. I bet you're pretty much on point in your mouth area.

That's your showpiece. The only thing that gives me a boner about going to the dentist is at the end of it, I get a free toothbrush. And a prize. Like the value of that is like, oh, I don't take the prize anymore. I love sticky. I mean, I love sticky hands, but it's a conflict of interest

because I'm trying to fuck my dental hygienist. If I can get your number and also that pair of ugly eyeglasses. Yeah, like we settle the bill and I walk out and I turn back and come to the door. I'm like, two things. One, can I get a date? Two, what about those sticky hands? What's up with those? Because I need one to grab things in a far away.

But seriously, though, date. You want to go to Sizzler? I love you. One thing is, do you want to go to Sizzler? The other is, do you have one of those foam planes that I build myself? I love those so much. I love those so much. I will take one or the other.

Choice is yours. There's only one thing that I get aroused by and that's trips to the muddy zone. Okay. Okay, hold up. Time out. Why am I never invited to the money zone? Okay, Travis, tell us about it.

Because you make things up. You lie. You lie. You lie about the thing and the people pay us to say the truth and you lie about the whole thing. You just make it up. Travis, you do it. I'll be your safety net.

And if you, when you fuck up, I'll be there to catch you like your father figure. Yeah, like Lionel Richie, whatever. Now, Cole Richie goes raw. He's there. Oh, God, I can't take the pressure. Do it. No, you do it.

Okay, well, first we want to congratulate Mike on graduating from Stirlingbrook University. That sounds like a wizard school. Go fighting whitefish. Is that a wizard school for wizards? Wizard school. Yes, Mike has graduated. Classic.

Mike graduated with a wizarding degree in computer engineering. Now, a lot of people hear that and they say, what? That's not, and I say, techno magic. Is why I say those people circuit spells. Yeah, techno wizards. It's all about bits and bytes and incantations. Where's he going next?

Oh, he's going to be pursuing his masters at Stirlingbrook once more. And unfortunately, his friends, Matt, Tony, Franco, and Sean have, they've done fucked up and they have requested that I do the jingle this week. Oh, shit. You will also need to combo. That means, that means you've been lumped in. Oh, by the way, Mike's nickname, the cappin.

I like that. I like that, too. I like any nickname that's the, unless it's the situation, but the captain is fine. Listener Jennifer Manziel writes her husband, Todd, a 40, doesn't write him, wishes him a happy 40th birthday on June 29th. So just two days away. Here's what I know about Todd. Rapid fire.

Chef Vancouver, BC. Before time, he was a chef back in caveman days. We have a Boston terrier named Maude. Todd's nickname, gorilla. Turning 40 did cover that. You listen to the captain and the gorilla on 94.3. There, there's your jingle. Um, his hair is like lamb's wool.

Awesome. He plays World of Warcraft. That is the order in which I hope he would relate those facts to me. Were I to meet Todd? Actually, that's how it's listed on his resume. This is a special skills. Hey, I like lamb's wool. Todd, this is a really long business card, but I appreciate you giving it to me.

Can I fill your hair again? So happy birthday to you, Todd. Thank you, Jennifer, for wishing Todd such a happy special day. Sadly, because of the, I'm just going to say, callous misjudgment of Matt, Tony, Franco and Sean, you are going to have a jingle also sung by Travis as he sings about the captain and the gorilla. I told him to get a Casio keyboard pre-programmed with,

with some backing tracks. I do not think he has taken that action. No, let's see what Travis has whipped up. How are we going? How are we going? I, here's what we're going to do, Griffin. We're going to sit here in silence as Travis sings us a song about the captain and gorilla.

So you want, because I can just do it like acapella, like a rock acapella. Yeah, I think you should definitely do that. I can't, like, I won't be able to handle. We are going to see where this goes. Strap in. You guys got to shut up so I can pretend like you're not there. This is what it's like when Travis has sex too. Okay.

Okay, so here's what I've worked up. God damn it. Shh. Captain Mike and the gorilla set their boat towards excitement and they sailed down the river of dreams. They had adventures by the score for about 20 years or more, but then everything ends or so it seems. Now they've grown up and gotten adult jobs.

He's a chef. He's a technical engineer. Is that it? Stop laughing. I'm not laughing. Is that the end of the song? No. He's a technical engineer.

Got that bit. Here comes the bridge. Now Captain Mike and the gorilla have given up adventure. They sold their boat and got a mortgage. Did that rhyme with the clear? Would that have rhymed if we let you sing it all together? Yes, maybe. Jesus will know if you're lying.

And then pretty much the song devolves from there. And then the rest of it was something about learning that the greatest adventure is life. Why didn't you sing that bit, Travis? Do you not know how to song works? Is this like an archaic speech? Well, now I've lost. And then after that point, we basically just sing about a free bird flying.

There's some more guitar noises. And then there's the pretty epic bridge. Yeah. So it's pretty much a lot of that. Say so hard. Say goodbye to yesterday, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then we wrap it up. Learn a life lesson.

Learn a life lesson. Feelings explored. Yeah. So it's pretty much just like that. Like, where were you in the world? Stopped turning. And we all think about how sad we were. Some guitar.

And then it's over. It's the end of the song. It's pretty good. What do you think? Thanks, Alan Jackson. That was a great performance. Oh, hey. Yeah.

And now it's like an Indian outlaw. It's basically just a meditation on that for another minute and a half. I have to do the course a couple more times and have Cherokee chock-taw, that stuff. There's more vaguely racist stuff. It's your basic A, B, C, C, A, A, A, B, C, B, B, B, C, A, D, J, A, C, C, B song pattern. So. Did you see DJ A, C, C, B, B? He was at the show last week and he's amazing.

Oh, fuck. It's amazing. So thank you guys for, I guess, for that. And thank you, Travis. Please never, ever make me do that again. Since splitting up with my girlfriend two years ago, I've been focusing on ruining my business and spending, no, I've been focusing on running my business and spending time with friends.

I'm 23 years old and I have ambitions and goals I would like to achieve. Should I be looking for a relationship? Most of my friends are engaged or just carry on doing me? And I don't think you have much of a choice. Wait for someone to come along undecided in the UK. Oh man. It's like this guy's me like last year when I was 23 and running a business. Well, Griffin, how did you make this choice?

Listen, I've been running my business with just full steam ahead and I don't have time to dock in the port. My business is the steamboat. Griffin's in the steamboat. I'm in the steamboat industry. It's booming and because it's a hip hop steamboat and the speakers are loud. So anyway, hip hops. The stern wheels of steel is what he calls it.

This primary is going to keep on rolling and I don't have time to stop in the port of love. I don't have time to dock there because I'm too busy running my business and there's nothing wrong with that because a steamboat in port gets loved. But that's not what a steamboat's for, is it? For love? No, no, it's nice. It's for traveling down rivers. No, yeah.

Or hosting the most bangin' R&B rapping beats concerts in the eastern United States. Exactly. Listen, undecided in the UK. We all are in the business of spinning plates. We all have different things going on. And sometimes when one plate falls off, the stick that you're spinning it on, the dowel rod that you're spinning it on, and it shatters like your relationship did, it's okay to look at the other plates who are like,

well, I gotta make sure these are really, really spinning. But eventually, you gotta pick that plate back up and put it back on. I've learned anything from ABC family movies and the people that always just devote themselves to their job and don't spend any time with family and friends are always the happiest people. They never look back on their life and regret the choices they've made. I mean, I'm fucking smiles for miles over here. Let's go back to the plate spinning analogy because I felt like it was so on the nose. Like, you're spinning that plate and it falls off and then your chore of a girlfriend comes in

and is like, why are you spinning my plates? And it's like, this is my job. I'm a speed spinner. I'm focusing on this right now. Yeah, but the problem is you don't look back. Like you don't turn 24 and look back on 23. You turn like 68 and you're old and alone and then you're sad. You don't look back on 23, Travis?

I think about how sweet 23 was every time I go to bed in my bed. Really? Now you're 24. You're run down. Like, I'm already like a fifth of the way through my life. Don't think about that. Whoa. Yeah?

I'm going with you in 120 years. You an electric meal. I mean, every year that gets away from me is another year. That I spent alone on this fucking steamboat. This steamboat sucks. I can't sleep on it because it's just parties all the time. What was I thinking? To be fair, we tried to talk you out of it.

Why did I buy this from that shady Cajun businessman? That was the worst idea. I thought it was going to be like Maverick, but it's not like Maverick. It's just shitty hip hop parties all the time and I can't sleep. Fuck it. And I'm so alone. Maverick moves full of lies. I thought Jodie Foster was going to come in here and jump my bone.

So that's not what happened, is it? So it's less focusing on your business and more trying to get Jodie Foster to fall in love with you. By the way, a little misguided as it turns out. A little barked up the wrong tree there. I guess undecided in the UK is what we're saying is you want to buy a steamboat? I know it's cheaper than I thought it. I know a guy who will cut you a deal. Let's do a quick yahoo.

Okay. All right. Sounds good. This one's sitting by Ryan M. Thank you, Ryan. It's by a yahoo answer user BX who asks, Should Obama try to change his image by wearing body armor and showing the world he is ready for action? Obama just does not seem presidential enough and his policy on troop withdrawals are making him look soft.

Here's the thing. Yes. Here's what's up. I think Obama should dress up in full-blown robot armor. And I think he should carry around big gun all the time. And I think, can we get a rapier? Can you carry around a rapier everywhere he goes? And like two flags sort of tucked within his back.

So he looks like some sort of superhero, some sort of patriotic superhero. I think he should wear a costume reminiscent of George Washington. Oh, you're saying like full-blown powdered wig, like. Yeah. Peg leg. Like let's present it up, you know? So we have basically like old timey Obama or like Saibama. Saibama.

Technobomb. Okay, okay. So what about? Technobomb. Sure. Him in a George Washington costume inside of a robotic exoskeleton. Oh, I love it. Like, oh, that couldn't get any weirder than him in an exoskeleton.

It opens up. Oh, shit. He's in George Washington gear. What about instead of body armor, what about under armor? He just shows up, shows up completely flexed out. I'm sports president. And just cut to Obama running up and down the bleachers and he stops and goes, you know, I love Gatorade.

Obama, you gotta run this country. And he's like, I can't, I'm sporting. Back off. I can't run the country. They're like, we need you to sign or veto these policies. And he's like, I can. I gotta catch this football. Sports president.

I can't run the country. I'm running these wind sprints. Here's the thing. Every president has his thing, right? Like everyone has his scene. Like Bill Clinton was the president who loved blowchops, loved getting them. And then there was, to be fair, he ran on that platform. Yeah.

It's like, he's got two times this blow jobs. Me, I do. He ran on that platform, but not as fast as Obama. He's a sports president. He's a sports president. Well, I don't know. That's the thing. I feel like Obama hasn't established himself as a particular.

He doesn't have a goof. He doesn't have a goof. He could be the sword fighting president. That'd be good. But I'm pretty sure that like Aaron Burr, was he a president? No. Sure. Hamilton.

Hamilton. He was a press, right? One of those guys who was like scrappy. One of those, one of those, you know, pugilistic scrappy. Yeah. The ones that are like built like a short tank with a big mustache. Okay. But just picture this, right?

Obama. Okay. So the scene is this. We're inside the Senate. They're trash talking to Obama being like, he's soft. He's soft. Obama kicks down a door. Yeah.

With robots. Sure. I'm buttoned to his navel. Oh, shit. Slices, shit. The Constitution in half. Well, he wouldn't. Stabs a dude.

Okay. Here's a problem. A few things with that that are a problem. Like a hundred things that are problematic with that situation. Okay. I can name one right off the bat. Our president is not Mike Hagar. He isn't Mike Hagar.

He's not wearing a belt around his chest, not trying to rescue the mayor's daughter. That's problem one. That's problem one. Problem two. He's not even remotely built like Mike Hagar, Travis. Look at him. Like he's good.

He's a great, he's a great president and a great leader for our country. But I'm, he's not a strong man. I don't think he doesn't look like he's never struck me as a particularly. He's the cat, he's a cat burglar type. Like he'd sneak in from the skylight. Yeah. And oh, okay. So he could become Obama our wispiest president.

Yeah. I like that. Just like behind a door frame. He sneaks in. Where'd he go? That's his jam. He's just wispy all the time. You never know where he's going to be.

So, and by the way, I just realized this. I do want to apologize. I've now stereotyped Obama as a criminal and good at sports. I'm sorry, America. I did my best. I'm sorry. Sorry, America. So there's got to be other, like what if he, oh, what if he could be like our,

like our most tender president? What if he just like wrote poems? Oh, and he did like fireside chats, but instead of being in a wheelchair, he was like laying on a bearskin rug. You saw that video of that baby crying and he was like, hold on, let me just, do you mind if I see that baby and the baby shut its fucking mouth? Like the moment that his sweet presidential hands, his tender, tender presidential digits like touched it.

You saw that video, right? Because it's, that's what I'm talking about. He's got powers. The thing is, I can't, I think he should be wearing under armor in all these situations. Why? What? Because it's like, it, because if he, he wants to keep that sports door open. And I think just wearing under armor says that I'm going to do some sports later.

Or I just got done doing some sports. Like he gets the sports points without actually having to do any physical. So it's like he carries around a water bottle, like one of those squeezy bottles all the time. Right. Analgene. Like it tells people like, hey, I just did sports. And also I'm too busy to get out of my sportswear. Because I, I gotta run this country.

I gotta make laws and stuff and pass them. I'm going to throw out one last idea here. Oh, you're, okay. Shut, shut it down. Barack Obama, the hipster president. Okay, I like this so much. So he could first off, gotta grow a silly little mustache. Got to drink PBR, pretty much exclusive.

He already does. He does? Yeah, he loves PBR. How do you know that? Because it was in all the press photos, like when he was running for president. Of him slamming a peeper? Yeah. God damn, if I'd known that I would have voted for him twice.

Impossible. Travis, if you have a picture of the president slamming, if you at home have a picture of the president slamming a PBR, I need it in the forums today. Obama PBR images. Yeah. Wait, no, that's Photoshopped. Get out of here, Travis. All of this is real.

Look it up. It didn't give me the pictures I craved, but if you've got one not Photoshopped, I want to see real pictures of our commander in chief slamming PBR. Slamming a PBR. I thought it was a real thing. That's Todd's beer. Give it back. So I want to hear Griffin's last question.

First, some super quick housekeeping stuff. This is the big one, the big one you've been waiting for. If you go to maxfunstore.com right now, you will be able to buy the brand new my brother, my brother, me t-shirt designed by Mr. Justin Russo or Justin Russo, depending on how French I'm feeling. It is an amazing design. I adore it. I could say that because I didn't have anything to do with it.

It comes in cobalt for dudes and turquoise for ladies. We had a lot of people asking for a turquoise girl's shirt. So we settled on turquoise for the ladies, especially cut for them. These are high quality, soft, beautiful shirts. They have a tag you can tear away, so that's super nice. They're alternative apparel, which is President Obama's favorite t-shirt brand, because he doesn't like those lane stream teas. What you need to do is be like Mr. Dr. Muffin, who's my hero and yours.

Gregory, I call him. You wear the shirt and you get on TV. That's key. Does it matter what show they get on? Don't get on Tosh.0 again, because we've covered that market. Also don't get on cops, unless it's you taking out a dude who just committed a crime, like you straight up tackle him and stand up and point at your shirt. Try to sneak into photos or whatever.

Try to get it into cool places. Our buddy Bob Ball has actually made a video series where his MB&B AM t-shirt goes on tours. If we could just start a series of people being that guy who ducks in the back of pictures and points at their MB&B AM shirt, I would like that to become the new meme. Get buried in your shirt. Get buried in it. Buy a lot of them and build a house out of them. Just then it'll be forever.

Our show will live forever. Go buy one of those. maxfunstore.com is the website. Go get one. Go get one for someone you love. What better way to introduce the show to someone to get them a t-shirt and say, you like this now? Also go to the forums.

That's at maxfunfun.org. You can find those and come talk about our show and all the other fine maxfun programs. Last week Griffin made a joke about nomenclature and drinking game. And we got so many emails about rules for an MB&B AM drinking game, which I think that that's a great idea, but we're not going to limit your creativity. So go to the forums and somebody start some line of discussion about drinking game. I have a great mabimbam drinking game and it is while you listen to our show, you drink an adult beverage and when you feel thirsty, you refresh yourself with that beverage.

Every time you feel like taking a drink, you take a drink. Every time, yeah. Every time the spirit compels you to drink your drink, then you drink it like a fucking adult. I mean, that's less of a game. Is it? To live will be a great adventure. Think about it. I learned that from your fucking song, Travis.

So don't tell me that's not true. Yeah, Travis. And also go to bit.ly forward slash MB&B AM tune one and watch the MB&B AM super show. It's absolutely amazing. I want a hundred. Can we commission them to make a hundred of those? Yes. We want to say thank you so much to people talking about our show on Twitter.

Jonah Sky is trying to get people on board Deadpool Sky continuing this theme that I've just started now. I'm seeing a lot of a lot of people listening to us on road trips like Ben Laden and and media fairy fairy. Yeah. Me fairies on the long one. I think that's just great because I also listen to podcasts on podcasts on road trips, not not my own podcast, but other people's.

That would be pretty cool if you listened to your own one. Hey, do you remember when I did this goof? So thank you to everybody who's who's been listening and uh, hey friend, heavy Mono, Nimi, everybody. There's so many. And let's hit our old favorites, Michelle Mittens and also me and Mariko. Oh man. Yeah.

Oh man. Killing it. It fail. Free man, Tim. Everybody. A resilient rabbit. Kevin Wilson. Everybody.

I'm a starter. Just guys. Everybody. Fucking thanks. Thank you. And you're like the fucking best people. Trav man, man. Trevor Woodburn.

The Trisket. The Trisket always. Fucking killing it overseas. As diesel. Great Nanners. Maya Love. Oh, that carry is back in the fold after taking a month off. We're happy to have her.

This isn't. This is a train that keeps on rolling. How about fucking Eric, Patrick and Jemisin, who got a fucking stupid show tattooed on their bodies forever? Yep. Yeah. Corinne tags. What's up?

The Brennell. Brennell, I love you guys so much. I'm fucking angry about it. Dan Archer. Fuck you. Fuck you guys. Fearless gunner. You fucking jerks.

I love you so much. All right. So the Sam Macbazard fans who we will thank you to everybody. Hey, how about Rocky Horror? Magic Whiskey. Mabin Bam Mix Tape Number Two. You fucking jerk. Oh, shit.

You asshole. Thanks for being so fucking cool. Golly, Olly and Jacob Locker and Calisthen and Questions Every Week. You fucking dicks. Lil Sars helping out. Pitch it in. Okay. Dale Sack.

All right. All right. So that's our angry segment about how much we love you. So you fucking love you, man. Our parents used to have that segment pretty frequently, actually. Thank you, guys. Griffin, I'm ready. Thank you so much.

My body is ready, Griffin. Give me the last question. This one was sent in by Cal. Thanks, Cal. I love you, you fucking dick. It's by Yahoo! Answers user Raymond who asks, Does this story sound too cliche?

Male lawyer, plus female cop, plus friction between the two, plus murder, plus mystery? Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me. Kiss your dad. Let's go wear on the lips.

Keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart, three stacks. These girls are smart. Play your part.