My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 712: Face 2 Face: Pay the Mustard Forward

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

We’re bringing US Wet to the beautiful Vogue Theater of Vancouver, BC. It turns out we share a lot with our neighbors to the north, like a love of Shrek impressions, knowing the best places for kissing, and for a limited time, the Grimace Shake. Suggested talking points: Secret Fourth Brother Rennis, Goopastank, The Fourth Dimension is Food, Condiment Roulette, Loose Dogs in the ’Pack Additional music in this episode: "Infinite Peace" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/. World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed and striped into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the scale of the world, I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared.

I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little scared. My whole acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, ah, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Quoi de neuf, Draft Nation? Je suis ton frère, cadet Travis Grosstien, waaf waaf, McElroy. You cannot annex this country. I think it's unfair.

You cannot annex Canada. That TravNation gets Canada. That sucks, man. This is the birthplace of Carly Rae Jepsen and hockey. This is fucking, hi, what's up, Vancouver for one night only. You're all citizens of Griff Nation. Woof, meow, meow, let's fucking go. I'll remember this.

He really will. When it comes tax season. The roads in Trav Nation, they're immaculate. They're incredible. Hi. Maybe the infrastructure won't be there in Vancouver this year. Hi, we're so happy to be back.

I think it's been 10 years since we've been in Vancouver, but we're so happy. And listen, we're sorry for the delay, but we've also only ever done, this is our second show outside of America. That's right. And both of them have been in Vancouver. You know, the, we've actually only been able to function here, I think, because of the

niceness of the Canadian populace. We arrived, for example, late last night on a flight. 9 p.m. It felt late to me because I came from the East Coast. Sorry, I should have said 2100 p.m. Dresh. I was very, the point is I was very tired. So I was coming in.

Wait, why did you wink? I was very tired. I was really tired from the long flight. And I got up to the customs guy. And so we're in line. Travis is like, Paul said, did you write on there that you're here for work? And I said, yeah, of course, because I am.

And Travis said, oh, you're supposed to just put sightseeing. No, that's a different story. Are we putting Travis on blast for fraud on stage right now? But Travis told me that I had a printout from our stage manager, Paul, who said we are allowed to be here for work because we don't matter. Right. Because we're not making enough money or important enough to have to get a visa. That's a different thing than the time I went to the UK and I tried to say I was there for work but that I wasn't getting paid for it and when they found out I wasn't getting

paid for it they said next time just say sightseeing. Because that is what you're doing. So I get out there and the gentleman is like, what are you here for? I'm like, work. And he said, what kind of work? And I said, podcast. I'm like, oh, work. And he said, what kind of work? And I said, um, podcast. I'm doing a podcast. And he said, oh, so you're like the guest? And I, and I, that's cool. That's cool. What he did is in that moment, in that moment, I didn't, my main thing was

I didn't want to have to tell him about my podcast. Right. So I said, yes, yes, I'm the guest. And then he said, oh, who invited you? To which I responded, I don't know why he said we're guests. We're hosting the show. I said the guy said, oh, OK. And I said, yes, that's correct. It is a legal show at the Vogue Theater. It's really happening.

And then I had a little letter on my phone that said it was really happening. And I showed him and he was like, all right, this seems good. Then we're in the car on the freeway, driving to the hotel, me, Travis, and dad. Dad's in the back seat and dad's like, excuse me, can I roll down the window? And the guy is is very kind and he said oh, yeah, of course, Sam

So that rolls down the window the whole way and of course it starts that air pressure thing So the whole car is delightfully shaken by dad and dad is the only one in the car who is Unflat by the noise that's like the fucking Joker in Dark Knight, just like leaning his head out the window, just like soaking up the Vancouver air. He's just a dog chasing a car. Meanwhile, I'm like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

I can't think of anything else. And the driver is just, you could tell, gritting. Gritting is counting the miles until he can drop off. This is true though, of anytime we go, anytime like we're together someplace where we have to do lift or Uber or whatever, and the driver has to listen to some of the most inane, dumbest conversation shit.

And pretend like he's not so confused, or maybe interested, but probably not. But you all like listening to his talk, so maybe they do. Yeah. Strange things happen. But it is- At least you have context for us. Right, exactly. As far as the driving, it's like, what the fuck?

It's a weird life to get a five minute cross section of. What I'm saying is you live in a paradise. I was walking around today and it was so beautiful. The temperature was so perfect, I couldn't feel the air on my skin. It was so- Yeah. I had a fuse.

As far as I know, Vancouver always has perfect weather and I'm excited about that. This one, this 24 hour cross section. This must be indicative. Pristine. Now we are dipping out tomorrow. So we're not like loving it that, but we're not gonna defect.

Well. Please. This is. If you know someone who you're supposed to talk to Well, please, this is... If you know someone who you're supposed to talk to, to defect. I imagine though, I was talking about this backstage for reasons, that there is a pretty strong extradition policy from Canada to America, right? Oh sure, dog. You have to think just that America's like if we need them you'll say oh yeah yeah yeah. Y'all also probably aren't dying to get some Americans moving up in here. Um do y'all think it's funny they call Canada dry Canada dry up here? We were talking about that.

That it should just be called dry and then we start kicking around the idea of US wet. Would you guys be interested in US wet if we started selling it? Never let them touch. Would that just be what they call Canada dry in Canada? Is US wet? Okay. Yeah, as long as we don't have to concoct a new beverage.

I mean, to be fair, it is wet already, so it's kind of a better name. It's extremely not dry. I do like the idea of like oh in Canada we consider that dry. For you Americans that's wet for you but you gotta get pretty wet to be considered wet here. This is an advice show. Thank you. We are going to take some of your questions and turn them alchimelic into wisdom. Here we go with our first question. How can I reduce the frequency in which people talk to me in a Shrek voice? I'm Scottish and sound a bit funny, especially when I say donkey.

Shrek sounds funny too, but sometimes... Thanks for clarifying that. Thank you for acknowledging that Shrek is a humorous character. Okay. Shrek's pretty funny. But sometimes when donkey is enough, I don't want this to stop altogether. Shrek is great, but I also don't want to get Shrek'd in a professional setting. I like how with reducing the overall frequency of getting ogre'd. Yeah. Are you here? Okay. All right. Okay so we talked about it backstage and I think we have a pretty good scientific approach

to to your question. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna just ask you to say donkey as loud as you can and I'm gonna count to three and then you do it for me. Wait, hey, don't be funny guys, okay? No one else do this. Is that okay? Are you down to do that? Okay, great, okay, everyone. Give them an account.

One, two, three. Okay, that's great. Now, that's extremely good. Now here's what I- Can I give you a note? Because that is very much like a Shrek who's maybe been through a hard day. Yes.

And it's just like, Shrek took Donkey to Disney World and it's 6.30 PM at Magic Kingdom. And he's just, you know- It sounds like- It's a broken Shrek. Just a broken Shrek. It sounds like Donkey just brought up the two of them

getting married again. Yeah, Donkey. Donkey, Donkey. Okay, so does anybody else in here think they could sound more like Shrek than that? And if so, please raise your hand individually. If you just- Also, look-

If you think you could sound, okay, just say Donkey real quick. Yes, as Shrek! As Shrek! It's not... hey! Hey, person! It's not who can say donkey the coolest in general. What kind of fucked up spelling bee do you think we're running up here? Okay, so, for posterity, this kind of person asked if they can say it like Shrek.

I'm going to say yes, please do say it like Shrek. I'm going to count to three. One, two, three. That's fucking good. That's really extremely good. Wait, does anyone in this room not know who Shrek is? You must be wicked confused. Does anybody else want to do it?

Just raise your hand. Well, yeah right over here. Just give me a bust me out one. Oh There's two I like that stereo Tooth and throat singing shrug that was wild Let's just do a count of three if you feel the spirit move you and you want to bellow out a donkey I think just do it. This is gonna be audio poison and it's possible It'll seep into the walls of this beautiful theater, but let's do it. This is going to be audio poison and it's possible it'll seep into the walls of this beautiful theater, but let's do it anyway. Three, two, one. Go get it!

Give me another one. We shared something here. Less yelling and more just inhabiting the spirit. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Focus on character. The noise level will come from the volume of people. Yeah, focus on character over volume.

This is what Jacob Collier does at his concerts, just sort of... Okay, one, two, three. Collier! Okay, that's actually really good. It's really quite good. So here's what I'm saying. The next time somebody's like, you sound exactly like Shrek, I want you to say, actually, I was in a room with a thousand people, and I was in like bottom third of Shrek's.

Yeah. If I'm being honest, and thank you for saying that, I wish I sounded more like Shrek. Yeah, for sure. It's stolen valor. If I were dead, I wish. Wait, are you kicking yourself like, God, I could have done it better? Because if you want another pass, you can just bust it out real quick. It's totally your call.

Wait, shhh. Okay, one, two, three. Don't pay him anything. Yeah, so much better. Yeah, that's actually fucked. Okay, so let me go back over the question. Help me make my Shrek impression even better. It is my normal voice, but I still want to sound a lot more like Shrek than I currently

do. So that- Yeah, from Shrekitize me, Captain. Yeah. Could you put me through some sort of immersion therapy where a thousand people shout donkey at me until it makes me better at Shrek? Thank you, McElroy Brothers.

Danny, what job do you have that you're worried about saying donkey in a professional setting too often? It better be barn. Do you work at barn? What you could do is when someone goes, oh, it was likerek or they say it you go What is that? Who's that and make them explain it to you and then at the end you go that sounds really funny I'd love to check that out and then just do that every time it happens. Oh, that's on my list. Yeah What time a lot about him what time is Shrek? Is that Shrek you just did? What time? I've heard a lot about him. What time is Shrek on TV? Is that every week or no?

A new Shrek every week. Are they still doing it? Sounds good. I'll check it out. I'm very excited because it's not Shrek, but. We're gonna have to say that before every segment we do on this show tonight. I wish it was more Shrek content, but since we're here in Vancouver for only the second

time, I thought maybe we would have some special guests. We don't. Okay, to clarify, we don't actually have special guests. It's a segment that I call with special guests. And now here's how this is gonna work. I'm going to tell the brothers who the SNL host was that Saturday Night Live. Did you get that here? Yeah.

You guys have heard of this? Yes. It's an American comedy program. It comes on at four- It's like SCTV but less funny. Yeah. Yeah. It comes on at 4.30 PM here.

Yeah. So I'm going to tell them who the host was and who the musical guest that they're introing is and the boys are going to try to tell me what vibe or what delivery they think the host is. Is that an abstract concept? Yes. Have we workshopped that particular issue?

No, we have not. Here is a good kind of amuse-bose bush For how it is Channing Tatum introducing Gourney fair Now I think I've shown at least one of my brothers this because it was so good. I have not seen this I'm either I couldn't I can tell you anyway. What brother did I show? Oh It was probably Rinus yeah Rinus. Yeah. Rinus McCall, our fourth. This match, I would watch, first of all,

I would watch this fight. If these were two playable characters in Smash, that would be pretty dope. I think Channing Tatum, not gonna say the name right. No way. Okay. I think he's gonna hit us with a Bon Iver. And I think he's going to, I think he's gonna be very excited,

but not really know why. Okay. That's Channing Tatum in a nutshell though, isn't it? Maybe, but. Happy to be there. It's all I got. I think he's gonna come out and be way, way, way over the top with the energy of a Bon Iver introduction.

I think it's going to be- I like the spin you put on it. Full bore, excited, screaming. Okay. Screaming Bon Iver at the top of his arm. Everybody please pay attention to this clip. It's the best thing I've ever seen. Roll tape.

Once again, Bon Iver. Whoa! That was pretty good. Show, Garçon, show me to my table. We've got your Bon Iver ready, sir. Can you show me that again? It's hypnotic, what he did. Once again, Bon Iver.

He like charges up his fucking super move. He's presenting at the Moulin Rouge and he's ready for it. Once again, Bon Iver. Once again, Bon Iver. It's the best. That's it. That's really good. All right.

I've watched that clip on my own on their beat to get pumped up for workouts. That's how much I love that clip. Yeah. Okay, next one, Paul. We've got Dwayne. Why would you put his name like that? Because The Rock is a character he plays, briefly.

Dwayne Johnson. Versus. Introducing George Ezra. People's Eyebrow is going to happen during it. Is that enough of a guess? Sure. Okay. I think he may not be the rock, but I think he's gonna be the rock in this bit

and he's gonna do the People's Eyebrow. He's not gonna be shirtless because a producer had to convince him that that was a bad idea. Okay, very specific. Ladies and gentlemen, very big. And he's gonna bring it small. Like he's got a secret.

George Ezra. Ladies and gentlemen, George Ezra. You know what I mean? I have a George Ezra right here. He's right here. Don't scare him. Okay, let's see the tape. Ladies and gentlemen, George Ezra.

Again, a very slow and deliberate. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah! Do you like my George Ezra? I got him just for you. He can be yours for the right price. He adds a weird syllable break. Yes.

Once again, George Ezra. Yeah. For two generations, my family's been making the greatest stromboli sandwiches in the greater Chicago area. Now we're ready to share them with you, right this way. Also, he's not shirtless, but I can see fucking everything. Yeah.

Leaving very little to the imagination, Rock. Okay. That's kind of, he's giving two people's eyebrows if you look at that face really close. That's it, I don't know. I feel like I should get double points for this one. So far we're nothing for nothing. Damn it. Yeah.

Gwyneth Paltrow introducing Bare Naked Ladies. Okay. Y'all fucking love Gwyneth Paltrow. introducing, Bare-Naked Ladies. Okay. Y'all fucking love Gwyneth Paltrow, holy shit! We got a real goop-tastic crowd here tonight. I got no idea. I'm gonna say, Used to be.

I'm gonna say, screaming at the top of her lungs, projecting forwards with like a dragonborn shout. Oh, I like that. She foos roe does, bare naked ladies. I think it's going to be kind of like a loose funky energy. Like she's throwing a house party and she just put the appetizers out and it's bare naked ladies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Like, oh my gosh. Hey, toquitos. I had some bare naked ladies in the freezer. Bare naked ladies, like we're all having a great time. Okay, let's roll it. Ladies and gentlemen, bare naked ladies. Why? I'm giving that point to Justin.

Right, it's a little bit of a- It's extremely casual. Very casual. She does finger guns for those of you at home who can't see it. Yeah. It's wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, bare naked ladies.

She is embarrassed to be saying the name, right? Yeah, maybe that's what it is. She wishes it was called something else. Like something cool, like Hoopastank. Goopastank. OK, one more. James Franco introduces. Correct. Muse. Correct.

Muse. Uh, shit eating shit. Wait, did you say Muse? Muse. Thank you, okay, good. Gosh. I don't know, Travis. Why would James Franco introduce Muse?

I think Travis would be kind of like, kind of like he's like, kind of bored to be there. Cause this is kind of a James Franco scene. So he's kind of like bored to be there and wishes he was doing anything else. I bet he's laughing. I think he's having fun. I think he's busting up.

Okay, let's roll it. Ladies and gentlemen, Muse. Shhh. I'm actually going to get ribboned a half a point for saying shit eating. Yeah, the shit yeah. There is, I would say, a transformation that takes place right around this mark where he goes from semi-professional actor person to incredibly stoned man at a bar. Yeah, sure Kick ass so Justin wins one half point. Hooray for Justin

America's favorite My fiance is terrified of Canada geese America's favorite. My fiance is terrified of Canada geese. Despite what? Canada geese. Despite, it says here Canada geese. Despite the fact that they have hollow bones, no teeth. And perhaps the most karate choppable necks

in the animal kingdom. Flamingo. Too high. I do, I would. Too high. Too high? I would do a giraffe. Wait, hold on. How tall do you think a flamingo is? I did confuse a flamingo with an ostrich just now in my...

I would do a giraffe because a geese, I would level that thing. I would absolutely flatten a geese. Giraffe could take my full chop, no problem. Oh, so you're talking about karate choppable in resilience, not in like, so tempting. I wouldn't, I would not karate chop a goose, because that is now not a goose anymore.

Okay, let's finish the question, hold on. Okay, so. Then we can talk about which animals we'd murder with our bare hands. No, that we wouldn't murder with our bare hands, Jack. She sincerely believes that at any moment one could and would kill her without mercy. Yes. Yes. They have a bad- oh I'm hearing some light agreement. Yes, they have a bad reputation, but they weigh like ten pounds and have no sharp bits

anywhere. How can I convince her she doesn't need to live in fear of these aggressive but ultimately harmless assholes? That's from Brave Bronta Buster in BC. Are you here? All right. What's it like to be so wrong? That's a weird vibe to channel. I know, but I'm American. I know. But I'm American. I guess. Geese aren't harmless.

I mean, you could say like you could take one. I'm with that vibe. But they're not harmless. No, they're not. They took down that plane that Solly was flying. Yeah, if they hadn't had such a capable pilot at the wheel. When they work together, they can do anything. Can you fucking imagine?

What if some pilot was like, yeah, I can make it to that airport landing strip. No you fucking couldn't. Cause you don't have the head on a swivel that Captain Sully has. He saw the river, he was like, here we go. Talk about an uncarotty choppable neck. His head is so on a swivel you couldn't get it. Can't sneak up on Sully.

Ever since we started calling the Sully thing, the miracle on the Hudson. Yeah. I bet geese have had it out for us in a pretty major way Yeah for sure Because sorry, but that was kind of a rotten day for a lot of us Yeah, to be fair the plane did run into them Yeah, like it ran right into them They're flying in the sky where they belong

Right We're just kind of rolling through and that was kind of a rotten day for some of them like their uncles and stuff. Yeah, sure. And these geese aren't, they will attack you. I got bit by a goose at Kings Island in Ohio once and it was it's an amusement park but that's the only thing I can remember from that day. So there's a sort of psychic damage it does, huh? Is it possible that your fiance is not afraid of the goose in that the goose would damage

them but rather afraid of the damage that they would do to the goose? Not to once again invoke Dwayne the Rock Johnson, but it's like in the movie Rundown where he's like, I don't use guns. And you spend the whole movie like, oh, he must be afraid of guns, but he's afraid of himself using guns. Right. Yeah. And maybe your fiance has killed a goose before. And they're afraid of having to do that again.

That seems unlikely. I can see it though. Like I could fight a goose, but I don't want to have to kill a goose. You don't want to have to, but you would, right? I mean, what's the stakes? The goose has doxed you and is attacking your family. You can't both shout at me. $150.

See, I was putting his family at stake, but I'm gonna go with $150. We're going to start a low ball, high ball situation. Mike Canada or England? What? The queen owns all the geese. Oh, that's a good point, yeah, no. That's also swans. Yeah, I got it, don't worry folks.

That's swans. Okay. Nobody wants geese. No one. She tried to send those to Australia and it didn't take. 150 Canadian or 150 US? Because I'm here to tell you folks, I've discovered there is a significant difference. I asked a gentleman for a coffee and he asked me for so many dollars. I do just want to say that something doesn't have to pose mortal peril to you for you to

be scared of it. You know what I mean? I know a goose isn't going to kill me, but ever since that fateful day at Paramount Kings Island, I am afraid of them. Yeah. I will also say if I was just standing somewhere, you know, maybe I've just finished a game of Ultimate Frisbee with my friends Yeah, I do that as far as you know And a goose starts walking towards me in what one might call a threatening manner way, man

I'm not gonna stand my fucking ground away. I'm not calling that goose's bluff No, it's scary one of us mortality, and it's not the goose. Also, I bet a goose could come up with a sharp bit somewhere. Or a weapon, if it had to. Who in this room, by a show of hands, has been attacked by a Canadian goose? Holy, holy fucking shit fucking shit! Wow! Holy shit!

That's like 10% of the audience! That's like 15,000 people! There is at least a hundred people in this room who are like, fuck, yes. How many of you fought back and killed that goose? No, don't. Don't, you don't need to do that. You don't need to de-duck yourself.

God will judge you in the end Welcome to heaven Sully bad news It's all run by geese Surprise Miracle my ass a couple weeks ago I went out to a bar with a bunch of co-workers to celebrate a special occasion A couple of weeks ago, I went out to a bar with a bunch of coworkers to celebrate a special occasion. At the end of the night, as I was shaking hands

with a coworker to say goodbye, it turned into an arm wrestle. It started as a half-hearted effort, but everyone around us started shouting, go, go, go. It's a good species. We're a cool species, you gotta agree. Maybe you were blocking the door. So we couldn't help but get more into it

even though he's much stronger than me and I knew I had no choice of beating him. Suddenly I heard a pop and everyone stopped and went, oh, and I looked down and I realized I couldn't feel my arm. An ER trip, a broken humerus and a surgery later, so many lovely people have helped and reached out to offer their love and support

and I don't know how I'll ever pay back their kindness. So I need to know, how should I seek revenge on my coworker? As from not so humorous in Vancouver. It occurred to me hearing this out loud, imagine you're the coworker. Yeah. And you've just broken up persons arm by arm wrestling them. Yeah.

And of course, of course you're going to feel terrible at first. Oh, that one's going to age like a fine wine. Because eventually you're going to be somewhere at a party and they're like, yeah, arm wrestle Dave. And you're gonna have to go, I can't. You don't understand. This is a registered weapon. It's like in the rocks movie, the rundown,

how he doesn't use guns. It's not that he can't. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. I just watched it on the plane. You can't get revenge on them. They have already dominated you in an extremely public fashion.

So complete is their victory. Right, right. You had a fun arm wrestling that put you in the hospital. It's over between you two. I would say 99% fun. Yeah, I would say now- That last 1% was that. Probably not as fun. put you in the hospital, it's over between you two. The best- I would say 99% fun. Yeah, I would say now is- That last 1% was that.

Probably not as fun. You need to focus on rebuilding. You need to focus on how you pull your life back together. Because right now, friend, this is your legend. And when people tell people about their workplace, this is what they're going to hear about for a pretty good period of time. I'm going to tell people about it. I don't even work there.

But think about this. Think about the power position you're in, because so rarely do we know when we're at the lowest point of our lives. True. And to know, it will never get lower than that. There's something about rock bottom that's like, yeah, nowhere to go from up but here. Was there not a moment when your body screamed at you to stop? Has to be, right?

Because there's so, our body doesn't want our arm to be broken. I gotta say, I think it is a tremendous show of strength on your part to do what happened. I feel like... Yeah, cuz you didn't lose. It takes... that's yeah... Maybe a rematch. Okay, because the question mark's still in the air. If my arm hadn't broken, I could have won. We gotta what it is. Gotta go lefties. Gotta go lefties. This is what I'm saying. Muscle did its job so fucking good. Yeah. It was bones falling.

Bones let you down. You gotta switch from almond milk back to cow's milk and go in for round two. Yeah. Okay, start working out left arm only. Oh. And then you're gonna go in for a rematch. Bring up this arm. You're gonna have to let it get broken again. That's important.

It gets broken a second time. It's actually, I've heard way easier the second time. Don't worry. And then you say, don't call the ambulance yet. Boom! And here comes the fucking cannon. Now you're with broken arm, a wobbling in the wind to your right.

It's like kind of hurting or whatever. Right? That's not important. But I've seen Rocky. I know what happens. Something like that. Recently, my girlfriend discovered that I sometimes keep my eyes open when we kiss.

And then it says here, to look around, which I do have to say is one of the very top reasons to open one's eyes. Oh, waking up. That's the other one. I thought there was one other one. That's it. Waking up. Those are the two reasons I opened my eyes. But I assumed that she was doing it too. So I had never thought to mention it. How do I regain her trust and that's from with eyes wide open? Are are you are you here? Yes, okay. Hi. Hello Don't worry about never thinking to mention it because that would be a weird thing to mention out of context

Yeah, you're like watching a movie and usually never by the way Sometimes I keep my eyes open when we kiss Anyways, shh Kermit's on screen. Or whatever, I just assume it was a Muppets. But she found out that you do this, right? So she had to have opened them at one point, right? This is a, this is a- Did you ever, did you, question asked,

did you ever go to church? What religion? Is it one of the funny ones? Or? It doesn't matter. The important thing is, if you close your eyes while you're praying, the only way you know if other people aren't is if your eyes are open.

So I feel like if she figured that out, she had to at least peek. And what she should have said was thank you for watching my six. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's a vulnerable position to kiss. Absolutely.

Oh, eyes closed, face to face. Oh, vulnerable. So you're watching to make sure no one's sneaking up on her. And she wasn't doing that for you. No way. If anything, she needs to make that up for you. I only kiss with my back to a wall. Preferably, their backs to a wall too. We're in a very tight alley.

If I see two vending machines with some space between them, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna come smooch there later. That's absolutely very protective. I have a two foot by two foot locking box that I kiss in. It's the only place I feel safe. My wife and I actually kiss at a three quarter turns so we can kind of slice the pie and make sure that, yeah. When I see- We form a T.

We form a T, yeah. When I see a nursing room at the airport, I'm like, absolutely. I hope it's got locks on the doors cause I'm gonna go in there to smooch. Yeah, you should be allowed to do that, right? The saddest thing about sexy spies in love is that they can never truly lose themselves in an incredible kiss. Because if they lose themselves even for a moment, that's when Dredd, that's their enemy.

Well, it's D-R-E-D-D in a sense or something. Yeah, agents of D-R-E-D-D in a sense or something. Yeah, agents of dread. That's what the agents of dread. You know, like Mr. or Mrs. Smith, they can never lose themselves in an incredible kiss. Or else, dread. Or the agents thereof. The bad guys spies. Yeah, we'll get them.

We'll get them. So sexy spies in love can never lose themselves in a kiss. You should hire someone to spot for you. A kissing spotter, I was going to say. And I can't stress this enough, not to watch you kiss. That would be weird to watch out while you kiss. Yeah. It's clear.

Go for it. Yeah. It's like you're in church again, and you need someone to watch for the pastor. Come around the corner so you can smooch. So you hire a smooch guard to watch your six at church. How I'll, okay. I don't want to kind of want to get into it. I you've tipped. You've I heard now,

but listen before you start digging through the rubble, looking for something here, this is absolutely hearsay on my part. I went to many lock-ins and came up with absolute zilch on that front. My friend, except for a hurt belly from all the Jolly Pirate donuts I snuck. So this is a dry well for you. I just recently realized I don't want to talk about kissing with you guys this long. Okay. Okay. Just saying, I didn't know that about myself until we talked about kissing.

Wait, you didn't know that about yourself? I probably got a guest. Just saying I didn't know that about myself until we talked about you didn't know that about yourself I guess yeah Someone had said hey, are you the type of person who wants to talk about kissing with your two brothers for 20 minutes? You would have been like, I don't know man. I'll have to test it. Yeah Give me in a laboratory environment with all the all the parameters controlled. We'll see. Yeah in my current college dorm There are four elevators everybody if you have paper and pencil it'll be easier No, just kidding on several occasions me and one other person have been waiting for an elevator on the ground floor when two elevators arrive

at the same time herein lies the issue do I get in the elevator with the other person and risk appearing creepier over eager or choose to go the other elevator and give the impression that I think there is something wrong with the other person. And this is impossible. I don't think that's the impression you give. There's two elevators and assuming you're not going to the same floor, which you would assume. The most efficient way is you each take your own elevator.

Not really, not really, because that makes it less efficient for the next person to come along. You gotta take a bigger picture, Travis. This is me now in the moment. That is not the way, Travis, you can say that, but that's not the way you actually feel. That's not, we're all having fun here, but there's nothing funny about not caring about your fellow man. You're saying that I should care more about an imaginary person who's coming up with this? As much.

Imaginary person? You're saying you're the last person in your mind who will ever need this elevator. There's only two people. Travis, listen. It's the furthest thing from theoretical. Fucking somebody's coming after you to use the elevator. Get it wrong, T. If you snag the empty one,

then that person is going to wait longer because you had to have an executive ride to shuttle you directly up. But I've gone up. It's going to come right back down. It's not. That elevator's not going to sit there, Justin. It will eventually.

There's other people in the building. It will eventually come back down. But they're right behind you. But it's not going to sit there in the lobby. If they're right behind me, there's three people in this area, Justin. OK, but listen, Travis. No, listen.

If they're not right behind you, there's three people in this area. Okay, but listen Travis, no listen. There's not an, if they're not right, right behind you, it's a huge hotel. Even if there's a big delay between you and the next person, the elevator going up will get there to the person who called it faster if you don't take it to stop it on the way. There is no map. I'm not hitting all the buttons

like a four year old Griffin. I'm just saying, think about the big picture Travis. I am. I think it's way weirder to be like, hey, wanna share this one? That's way weirder than two open doors. It's a super little room. We were at the hotel checking in last night.

I was really tired and there was a, there's two elevators and one goes to the place where the reception is and one goes to the room place and I realized that I was standing at the wrong elevator but I realized it at this exact moment when the doors opened and a single person was standing on the other side of the elevator door looking directly at me at that moment I realized this is the wrong elevator and then I just looked at them and they looked at me and then the doors closed and it was rough honestly they did not enjoy me. Serendipity man that's beautiful.

I do think it's important at this moment to remind my brothers that not everyone hosts a comedy podcast and they're not mining their day-to-day life for funny stories about people. As soon as those doors close, you know what else closed? They're memories of you. That you drifted away. You exist no more to that person. That's a good point.

Then this is another good reason for you to get in the elevator with this other person. It's just so you can exist in their mind a little bit longer, I guess? That's true. You should say that also when one of you gets off the elevator, be like, Never forget me! I'm worried you're the main character. If someone were the one, put my picture on the ofrenda so I don't disappear! Thank you!

Goodbye, Truman! I mean... If you were in an elevator, and it was silent for 30 seconds, and then the person looked at you and said Swear to God that you'll remember me Fucking look me in the eyes and swear it I would Travis Travis Travis you got that right? Hey, my name say it Take a picture my driver's license. What's your room number? I want to call you and ask. If you're not there, I'm going to rob your room.

That's cool. That's a cool play. It's better, it's, no, I have the copyright here. It's rocket, it's rocket money. I was setting up sort of a rocket money thing. Hey, listen up, Buzz Aldrin. You wanna, you wanna go to the moon, but not just pay out the ass to get there. Do you wanna go to the moon for real this time?

Yeah, rocket money is here to help you. And to tell you more, Travis is gonna sort of rap about the fake moon landing for a bit. Yeah, so listen, they were gonna go to the moon. It was all set up. They ran out of gas money. Do you-

Couldn't afford it. Yeah, because they had too many ding-dang subscriptions. They had too many ding-dang subscriptions that they forgot to cancel. Yeah, it was 1969, so this was like milk and- That was it. Medicine. But it was a lot of milk and medicine, sometimes mixed together in a fun cocktail. But you don't always need milk and medicine. But it was a lot of milk and medicine,

sometimes mixed together in a fun cocktail. But you don't always need milk and medicine. If only our brave space boys had used Rocket Money to save by getting those nasty subscriptions taken care of that they don't need anymore. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, helps you lower your bills so you can blast off in outer space

Over 74% of people have subscriptions. They've forgotten about that's sad Yeah, man, you know what I mean? Like I'm sadder for the subscription service. Let them go. Let them go Stop stringing them along they're waiting for you to fire it back up and and see whatever You know whatever you sign up for whatever fleeting passion has now died within you. Yeah, if you look at your bank account, it's really just a trail of dead fleeting passions. But Rocket Money can help you. The commitments you tried to make to yourself.

I was going to get into this. I was going to get into this. Yeah, I was going to get into this. I was going to learn how to do this. Stop living with the financial pain of your failures. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription saving members

up to $740 a year when using all the apps features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use, like milk. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother. I feel like in that ad we got so focused on Rocket Money I didn't get a chance to go in depth of my proof about the fang of the moon landing.

So if you want to find out more you can go to www.TheMoonLandingWasDefinitelyBunkInMyOpinion.gov and that's the website I made using Squarespace. Are you absolutely certain? There's no possible way this is the ad. I don't think it's right. No because it's Squarespace. Hold on. certain? There's no possible way this is the ad. I don't think it's right. Hold on. I'm checking my papers. No, this can't be right, Travis.

This is it, because Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. I guess I am selling a lot of the moon landing with Bunk in my book. A judgment-free, open-minded web space. Yeah, I'm kind of a disruptor when it comes to our understanding of what we're doing. You're kind of a disruptor when it comes to our understanding of... You're kind of a disruptor when it comes to our careers and our continued longevity.

I just realized that this ad break is going to go in the middle of a live show and we were recording the ads during the soundcheck for a live show. It is going to sound like there was no interruption in the live show and that we just started barreling the audience doing ads while they remained completely motionless and silent for five to six minutes. So start a completely personalized website with the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint. Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up. They also have different ways for you for your

customers to check out simple but powerful payment tools and you can upload video content organize your video library all kinds of things go to Squarespace.com for quiet I'm almost done Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to www.squarespace.com My brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right now y'all can go fucking crazy.

In 1979 singer Miki Matsubara cut Stay With Me, a love song that hit big in her home country of Japan. The song has almost half a billion plays on streaming apps. But Miki Matsubara didn't get to enjoy all that renewed interest. She died in 2004. In fact, she had burned all of her music and she literally asked everyone she knew to forget her. I'm Christian Duenas.

I'm Yosuke Kitazawa. On our new podcast Primer, we celebrate unforgettable music from outside the English-speaking world, starting with Japanese City Pop. We'll cover Miki's work and others in conversation with Devendra Banhart, Umi, Dame Funk, and more. Get Primer on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emily Fleming. And I'm Jordan Morris. We're real comedy writers.

And real friends. And real cheapskates. We say why subscribe to expensive streaming services when you can stream tons of insane movies online for free. Yeah, as long as you're fine with 25 randomly inserted super loud car insurance commercials. On our podcast, Free With Ads, we review streaming movies from the darkest corner of the internet's bargain bin. From the good to the weird to the holy, look at Van Damme's big ol' butt.

Free with ads, a free podcast about free movies that's worth the price of admission. Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org or your favorite pod spot. Let's do it. Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh Munch Squad! Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba There's so many interactive elements to this show, man. I know, it's a real 4D experience. This is, it is- The fourth dimension is food.

It is hard to believe that this story is not specific for this show, but I swear the timing just lined up. Canada, you now have access to the Grimace Shake. The Grimace Shake is here. McDonald's brought it to the U.S. It destroyed our country. And now it's coming for you.

You didn't have it, and now you do have it. That must have been so hard for you guys. When we were over here drinking our purple shake and then getting on TikTok like, oh, I'm dying. Oh, no. We love it. You all probably didn't get it. You all were probably like, why do they keep drinking it then?

It's so dangerous. It's going to be nice. Now I have a reason to bring Bebe here because she found out about the Grimace Shake long after I hit it left stores So she was like I want to drink look at that. It's purple I want to drink that and I was like, I don't know if you do even right now knowing the risks. I'm Sweating at the mouth for one of these bad boys sweating at the mouth. That's what they say here in Canada

It really does drive home looking at it how unnatural the color purple is in food. Yeah, yeah, except eggplant. After several reported sightings. Wait, no. This won't stand. No, I want to hear. Twice now. I want to hear the press release from Justin.

After several reported sightings, McDonald's Canada is confirming Grimace has officially arrived in Canada. He walked! I don't know if that makes it sound more like a UFO thing or like a criminal. With his much anticipated entrance, the mysterious purple icon brings the very special special grimace shake to Canadian menus for a limited time only and participating restaurants and folks it starts today In response the United States government has sent seal team six to bring him in Yeah Yeah. Thank you, Paul. It's still cold. Wait, hold on. No, for you, yeah. Go ahead, yeah, enjoy.

Go ahead. Now, hold on. I would like to look at the color of the shake behind us. There's no way you can show the audience the color of the stuff in this without dumping it all over this beautiful stage. They can look at it clinging to the stage. They can look at it clinging to the stage.

They can look at it clinging to the stage. They can look at it clinging to the stage. They can look at it clinging to the stage. They can look at the color of the shake behind us. There's no way you can show the audience the color of the stuff in this without dumping it all over this beautiful stage. Take a look at it clinging to the straw. It's quite faint, the purple hue of this one. Compared to the color of the cup, it's in. Okay, so, rumors of his arrival and what it could mean. What does it mean? What does it mean? Rumors of his arrival and what it could mean

have been flying since our purple pal was first spotted at a Vancouver Canucks game a few weeks ago. Shit. So let's see the viral buildup to this campaign. There's a couple of people that noticed Grimace was there. So this is one of two images I found of Grimace at the game. How did they notice? You can't see the tweet, but I think the person just said,

hey, what's Grimace doing here? There's one other person grabbed him. Yeah. He was sitting there holding hands with George W. Bush The grimace fucking fair weather Canucks fan though, right only goes to the playoff games You gotta be on your grind grimace. Yeah Fuck the Oilers, right? Yeah.

Aunt Juice, I am so proud of you for the risk you just took on this stage, not knowing much about hockey. I know. Hey, listen. The Grimace Shake was first introduced to McDonald's menus across the US last summer in celebration of his birthday, and now it's finally available to Canadians. Okay, so what does that mean? Let's talk about it for a second because we went through this in America and I would like

you all to know sort of what you're heading towards. See it kind of got weird with the Grimish Shake stateside because we, well I'll tell you, it got sort of a reputation for people making videos of them drinking the shake and then passing up passing dying. Fading. Yeah. Dying. So here, when McDonald's acknowledged this happening last year. Yeah. And this is the saddest thing I've ever read in my entire life their acknowledgement of this our fans have Amazing childhood memories of their birthdays at McDonald's that is true And grimaces birthday is all about paying homage to the amazing fun moments

We all share says three Cassan the chief marketing officer at McDonald's and the farthest reacher on officer at McDonald's. And the farthest reacher on earth. Threading an impossible needle. Grimace is the perfect lovable icon to have McDonald's meet our fans at the intersection of nostalgia and culture. So how did that manifest in America? Well, allow me to show you.

I'm also, can I just say, going back real quick, looking at that picture of Grimace, I don't see a lovable icon. I see a celebrity trying to buy drugs without getting recognized. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, he is. He's in sunglasses. It's like fully cloaked like, don't ever recognize me. Let me just say about the whole Grimace shake thing,

is all this business about how it makes you be killed by Grimace when you drink it, really, I feel like overshadows the incredibly real danger that the Grimace Shake poses to me as a lactose intolerant gentleman. Yeah, I don't wanna cover up the real threat. Where is my hashtag, you know? When the Grimace Shake dropped for our... Sorry, I was just imagining that version of like you drink it

and then it just cut to a closed bathroom door and Grimace knocking on it going, you okay? Maybe you okay in there? When the Grimace Shake dropped for our neighbors to the south, the response we got from fans here in Canada was overwhelming, said the CMO. Don't get.

Thanks, Atlas Canada. Inspired by the sheer creativity and passion we saw for the Grimmins. You stinkers! You fucking just saw, right? What we did, our passion and creativity for it was to pervert it beyond recognition. And Canada said, well, it was big in America. Let's give it a whirl.

Why not? Maybe Canadians won't mess it up so bad and Then this is God man. This is what it says. What exactly is grimace anyway? That's in the press release. That's not me editorializing. This would be a crazy place for them to drop some heavy grimace Lord. Yeah What What exactly is grimace anyway, perhaps we'll never know some heavy Grimace lore. Yeah. Well, he's a tumor. What? What exactly is Grimace anyway? Perhaps we'll never know.

But while Grimace remains an enigma, the fan favorite sparks nostalgia and excitement for McDonald's fans of all ages with a signature fuzzy purple look, friendly, playful personality, and of course, love for shakes. Surprise! Hope you didn't have too much FOMO.

I had the funnest B-Day last year. Think my Canadian besties could use a little something sweet. Said Grimace in a handwritten note to the McDonald's Canada communications team. The fuck are you talking? You're making fucking OC about Grimace? Hey, but also Justin, why does he kind of sound like Strongbad when you do that? A little bit. I did my best.

I'm more distressed about the fact that McDonald's, when posing the question, what is Grimace, says perhaps we'll never know I would Prefer if they're like we know yeah but that Knowledge will never be shared. Yeah, we're taking that to our grave Someone knows one person is trusted with the secret surely someone must know yeah Can I tell you guys honestly they keep talking about nostalgia and whatnot?

I grew up with Grimace. We had birthday parties at McDonald's. When I look at Grimace, I feel nothing. Whoa! I'm not saying like I hate him, but I'm just saying it means nothing to me. Grimace conjures nothing. I'm not connected to Grimace in any way. The Hamburglar? I got feelings. I don't-

Thank you. Ronald, I've got feelings. I don't- Grimace has just always been there. Yeah, Trav, he fucking has. But you don't feel anything when you- you don't- sorry, you don't feel anything when you see Grimace. No. If we went backstage right now and Grimace was in the green room, you would be like.

Now that's different. You would feel something. That's different. It's not different. It's Grimace existing in the world. It's not different. It's just if Grimace was. Do you think everybody at that Canucks game

was expecting to see fucking Grimace at a hockey game? If I went backstage and Grimace was in the green room, I would feel something. Yes. But not connected to nostalgia in any way. Yeah, but you feel something. I think I would feel confusion. Yeah.

Yeah. That's not what they need though. Thank you, audience members. Fear. Fear, yes. I only feel something when I see Grimace. Okay, Justin, have you tried it? Yeah, man.

I thought I'd drink more of it, but I don't think I will. I don't wanna. Me either. We did it. And you all know me, I'm a nasty dog. I'm not above anything. It tastes very much like you took a vanilla milkshake

and kind of rubbed some great chewable Tylenol on the inside of the straw. It tastes like a vanilla milkshake and kind of rubbed some great chewable Tylenol on the inside of the straw. It tastes like a vanilla milkshake that you told about berries. Yes. In a fairy tale as it was falling asleep. Their great, great, great, great grandparents were berries. Right, exactly.

And they still try to claim them on college forms. Yeah. Hey listen, that's the story of Grimish Shake. Go out and enjoy yours today. And they still try to claim them on college forums. Yeah. Hey, listen. That's the story of Grimish Shake. Go out and enjoy yours today. Be safe. Be safe. Be smart.

In fact, I think Paul bought one for everybody in the audience. Paul, bring them all. We'll just throw our remaining Grimish Shakes on the people. It's a Gallagher show now. We did that one time. I said Paul, it was when in America, Kentucky Fried Chicken was doing donut sandwiches with fried chicken in the middle.

And Paul bought 100. And we passed them out to some people, but not everyone. Well, I think if I remember, we had a pallet and we stood outside the doors and we gave away maybe five of them. Yeah, nobody wanted them. So we ended up with like 85 donut sandwiches. So we did get hardened instantly.

We didn't buy a thousand Grimace Shakes for you all. I hope that's okay, I'm sorry. We're gonna turn things over to you for a bit. We have asked you to send in questions to us, and we went over them, and we've selected some of them. We're gonna call you down if you wanna give us your name and your pronouns, that would be amazing, and a summary of your question,

and then we'll help you out in front of everyone. Hi, hello. Hey there, hi, Sam, he, him. Hi, Sam. Hi. So here in Canada, some subways across Canada have been discontinuing mustard. I eat at Subway all the time.

Sure. Bragg. We get it. You got that Subway money, Sam. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So, you know, I could start carrying like a mustard bottle in my bag, but that just feels like I'm losing. No. What do I do? I don't want to discount carrying condiment bottles in your bag I do with ketchup already it's

just wait what are you being do it with hot sauce it's not the weirdest thing not yet but I'll get to it so your local subway has discontinued mustard couple of them yeah couple of them yeah are you watching them go out like light bulbs like on a thing or is like, what's happening? We're losing them. No, I've just eaten that like every Subway in the lower mainland. Do you fucking know why? Because it's mustard. Hey guys, this is, this is, guys, I don't know.

In America, if Subway stopped having mustard, the country would stop. People wouldn't go to work. There wouldn't be an economy no more. Cause everyone would be like, where's the mustard? They would just be wandering around increasingly crowded Subways looking for the mustard that certainly is somewhere in the building.

If back in 2020, they had been like, stay inside or we're gonna take mustard away from Subway, shit would have gone pretty differently, I think. We are not sure what the tuna fish is was major national headline news. Yeah. And there were people in this room when we said mustard is being discontinued in Subway,

who were like, what's happening? Is it a cultural difference? I know Canada is one of the largest exporters of mustard seed. Is the condiment not as popular? You never get high on your own fucking supply in there, right Canada? Ship it out. Ship it out to the suckers below the border. Justin, can you tell me about their average rainfall while you're at it? Ha ha ha!

I think it's a cool move to carry your own condiments with you. I think securing maybe little packets is better than a big bottle. But that's just because I keep my mustard in the refrigerator. It's not a joke. It's not everything we say up here has to be funny, you know? Clearly.

You need a carabiner filled with hand sanitizer bottles. But what's that? It's not hand sanitizer, different condiments. Oh, that's cool too. Oh, but you keep hand sanitizer on the same carabiner. Yeah. And that's gonna bring some extra excitement to your life. Oh, a roulette.

Ooh, no looksies. They're all the same color bottle. What's that? They're not clear. These are solid black carbon fiber bottles. Dealers choice. What? Why don't you, why don't you all want mustard?

Here's the thing. I don't like mustard and I'm really upset. It's like to me if they said, we're gonna discontinue napkins. Yeah. That's what that feels like to me. Oh, I should explain. Travis puts napkins on all of his Subway sandwiches.

I need the fiber. He loves them. I'm a messy boy. Carry a mustard with you or, I mean, start to really take a stand at Subway and lock yourself to the front door. It's those two things. One of those two things to make a stand.

Lock yourself to the gate at Subway, make a stand. Everyone in this room, the next time you go to Subway, and if you're like Sam, it's multiple times a week, I guess, bring in your own bottle, unopened, brand new mustard, hand it to the cashier and say, I think you need this more than I do. Yes, pay it forward. This is for Max.

I've been taking free mustard baguettes from you for years. Yeah. What have I done for you? I need everybody to start leaving mustard there, if you could. They say in this press release, yellow mustard has seen declining demand across Canada. As a result, we have decided to discontinue yellow mustard has seen declining demand across Canada. As a result, we have decided

to discontinue yellow mustard bottles. They're, ugh. Hey, hey, y'all have, again, nobody to blame but yourselves. What if, oh, grassroots, you gotta go in and start demanding yellow mustard. Yeah, get someone to film you crying when you don't get your Subway mustard, and then you'll be kind of like Mustard Boy,

and you'll get trending, and Subway will be like, we've gotta put out a response to Mustard Boy. So, I'm sorry about this, by the way. I feel like we didn't take a moment to say that. I'm really sorry about the mustard thing. Yeah, it's all good. It's all good. Okay, good. Does that help? The sympathy is not much, but it's all we have to offer.

Can't put sympathy on a sandwich. Knowing that I'm not losing makes it better. Okay, good. Yeah, congratulations. Glad we could help. Hello. Yeah, I'm Josh. Hi, Josh. He, him. So I had gallstones when I was five.

Bragg. For those who aren't familiar with gallstones, that's fucked up. I think they're probably going to figure that out. Yeah, because I'm up here. So my question is basically, how open should I be with this? Currently, the answer is very... Yeah, you're extraordinarily open right now. There's a lot of people here I don't know. What's the reaction usually like?

And a lot of people you do or you... what would you say the split is between friends of yours and strangers in this room? I... Look around. Look around. Take a third. Make a lot of eye contact. Does anybody know this person? Please square. So what's the reaction usually like when you tell people, hey, I can tell you're wondering this, but are too polite to ask. Hey, see those rocks over there? You know what that reminds me of? The gall stones I had as a five year old.

So it's usually they're interested. Okay. Because it's pretty rare. Are you interested in their stones too? It's important that it goes both ways. Yeah, that's true. You can't just talk about what stones you've had in your body when you're done telling them, you have to say, now what stones have you had?

Yeah, I'll be honest, it's usually pretty one-sided. Yeah. Did you do something wrong? Did I do, so probably in another life. It's conversation. Did you do something wrong? Did I do... So, probably another life. I don't know how you gulped down, so I don't know if you made a mistake or something. So...

Did you drink too much soda? Is that a sin thing? Too many rocks? Yeah. Do to me sins? Was that it? You sinful? You had some calcified sin in your gulps?

You're punished, you're being punished by... You guys got Jesus up here? By Jesus? No. You guys heard of this guy? Oh my God, how exciting. What if they got the Grimace Shake before Jesus? They would have no one to call out for. For mercy.

If only. How does this organically come up ever, Josh? I'm not saying it's not fascinating. It is fascinating. You're steering the conversation in that way a little bit, right? It's usually like a two truths or a lie sort Oh, okay, that's good. That's good. To be fair, if someone was doing two truths and a lie with me, and one of their things was,

I had gallstones when I was five years old, I wouldn't think, oh, that old lie? Yeah, that's way too specific. But I'm gonna use it next time I play that game and I'm gonna win. Yeah. Sometimes it's like someone else has brought up a medical thing and then I one-up Yeah. Um, sometimes it's like someone else has brought up a medical thing and then I one-up them.

Oh, yeah. Oh, cool. That's a common line. So it doesn't sound like you need any coaching on how to be open about it. Well, I don't know. You're not hiding your gallstone light under a bushel. No, this is cool,

because we can actually help with this one. I would say, you're asking how open should you be about that? Less. Less open. Less open. Most of the time when people tell you about a medical issue that maybe they're struggling with, they're not waiting for you to be like, oh yeah?

Whoa, goal stones! And I know what you're thinking, I was an adult when I had them. Ha, just on you, I was five. Have your adult friends ever not told you that they had gallstones just because they didn't want to hear about it? Yeah.

Does that help, Josh? I can't imagine so. No, not really. No, yeah. That's okay, we can't win them all, right folks? Yay! Thank you, Josh. Thanks, Josh.

Have a good one. Hello. Hello, my friend. Hi. Hello.! Thank you Josh. Thanks Josh, have a good one. Hello. Hello my friend. Hi. Hello. My name's Ian. Hi Ian. Protouns are he, him. Yeah, so I work at a high school and recently it became kind of trendy to wear fanny packs.

That's good to hear. Yeah, no, it rules. It's just like a big extra pocket. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That's one of their defining features. Yeah. And most people seem to use it for like their phone

and wallet, but I already have pockets for those. Yeah, sure. So I've been using it to carry my lunch. Yeah. Which is, I think, really great. Sure. You know, I'm on the run a lot. What? Don't say I think, really great. Sure. You know, I'm on the run a lot. And...

What? Don't say I'm on the run. I believe you mean on the go. Now, wait a minute. This could be a Canadian thing. See, in America, that means from the cops. The Mounties. The Mounties.

Thank you, Travis. Go ahead. So, sometimes I don't plan ahead and do all my meal prep and stuff. Sure. And sort of grab whatever is available. To shove in your fanny pack. To shove into my fanny pack,

like a granola bar or a banana or like a Ziploc bag with like four or five uncooked hot dogs. Sure, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. You know, normal lunch stuff. Normal lunch stuff. Like a raccoon. Yeah.

You get it. All right, so you got your two steak in your front bag. What's the problem though? Well, so I may have pulled these out of my fanny pack in front of like a group of influential teens. Yeah. And about six weeks ago, and they won't stop dunking on me.

Yeah. No, fucking shit. I'm a grown up, and if I saw you and you're a friend of mine, I know you, I see you doing this, I'm bringing it up more than my own gallstones. Forever and ever and ever. Did you eat them in front of the children

or did they just see them? I mean, yeah, I did eat them in front of them. No bun? Just straight up? Just straight out of them. That's fucking wild! My intention was to, you know, cook them, but... Hey, they don't give you lunch breaks here? You guys do this in front of the kids?

I realized that they had like a limited lifespan. Yeah, and a fucking fanny pack, you better believe so. Yeah. Hey, do you want to hear a quick impression? This is any of your students talking about you in 20 years. You ready? Wait, wait, wait, was he the fucking guy? Wait, was he the fucking guy that would eat hot dogs out of a fanny pack and everyone's

like, yes, that was him, that was the guy. And it's not going to be one time in 20 years. No. Every kid that went to that school, whether you worked there at the time or not, saw you do this every day. They've crafted your legacy. The employees of their inside out like brain work spaces will frequently reference teacher who ate

warm hot dogs island as a core memory. So here's what you have to do. Here's the action. You need to double down. You need to do this all the time. Yeah. With no shit until these influential teens are like, hey, this is fucking cool.

Absolutely no way. No, you're just further cementing your legend. They'll pass it on to further generations. There'll be schools across town. There'll be schools in Quebec or Montreal or Winnipeg. Where they're like, did you hear about it? That city where there's no rats, that's a thing. What?

Yeah, no rats. Yeah. Alberta. Is that here? Is that Alberta? Is that in Alberta? What did you do? Alberta, no rats in Alberta. No rats in Alberta, great, hey, great work, Alberta. You know, I listened to a podcast about it,

you wanna know the secret? If any rats showed up, they fucking killed them. And then they did that enough times, and you'll never believe this, gang, no more rats. Interesting. Now, independent of your uncooked hot dog, well, cold, hopefully they're precooked. They were like lukewarm at the time. Yeah.

I don't need a body heat measurement here. Independent of that, you need to get super yoked. You don't need to get giant. And one day, imagine an image of you, one hand munching on a lukewarm hot dog, the other hand lifting a car up. Yeah. Those kids ain't gonna talk shit anymore.

No, they are not. No, they are not. And then you arm wrestle with someone, you shatter their bones. Yeah. Those kids ain't gonna talk shit anymore. No, they are not. No, they are not. And then you arm wrestle with someone, you shatter their bones. If it has to be a kid to work, so be it. Does that help? That helps.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I knew it would help. Hello. Hey, how's it going? Hi, I'm Dustin He-Him. Hi, Dustin. Hello. So I'm getting married in October.

Cool. And it's very exciting, but part of the problem is most of our families, both me and my fiancee, they don't live here. They live over in Ontario. So the problem is we met on a Facebook group dedicated to McElroy podcasts. Nice. Yes. So my worry is we have a lot of older relatives.

Yeah. Who ask, how did you meet? Yeah. That is normally how, a lot of people have older relatives. It's true. Because hopefully, that's how the generation works. So go on. So my wonder is, if I explain to an elderly relative

that we met through a Facebook group dedicated to a podcast run by three brothers from West Virginia. Don't do that. Nah, you met at youth group. Well that's exactly it. How do I explain that in a way that won't raise so many more questions?

Yeah, check this out though real quick, just before you do get into it, I do want you to just imagine what if that was every conversation you ever had with any elderly person ever. Or filling out a form for your child's school or the doctor. You're going through customs and someone asks what you do and you tell them you're a guest on your own podcast because you're so tired. Yeah. I figured.

And there's a lot of stuff in your bag that makes you really tired and you don't really want to go through it right now. Dustin. You're kind of in a hurry to get through the place, to get into... Hey, listen, Dustin. I want you to tell everybody about our podcast

and how they can listen to it is what I want you to do I want you to put up a QR code that'll let people download it and see I want you to play it when you walk down the aisle What do you mean? This is a great opportunity for me and you're ignoring it like make it more about us That's your problem You may need to subscribe for them. It is a, there's a few loops that you have to jump through to get. Burn them a CD. They'll love that.

They will love that. If you are going to take the time to do this though, to walk all of your elderly relatives through this, would you please invite my grandpa Dan to your wedding? Okay. Because I would love for him to understand what I do. And if you're gonna just explain it to everybody, I'd love to get him. Okay. Because I would love for him to understand what I do. And if you're gonna just explain it to everybody, I'd love to get him in there.

If I could just piggyback on that, my father-in-law, that would be amazing. He's been to shows. He's seen us do this and this, and then he'll go, are you still... How's that going, that thing with your brothers? Is that still a thing you're doing? Are you, is there gonna be a lot of like fun references

to us in the ceremony itself? Please don't do that. You don't have to do that. I mean, we haven't written our vows yet, so there could be. Okay, good. Don't do that. Oh, cool.

I wouldn't do that. You can't do this till death do us part. Unless. That'll work. That's a good one. That'll hit. Does that help? Yeah. I wouldn't do that. Until death do us part, unless. That'll work. That's a good one. That'll hit. Does that help?

OK, that helps. All right, thank you so much, Dustin. Hey, this has been outrageously fun. Thank you so much. Thank you all so much. It's so good to be back. For having us in your beautiful city. Last time we were here, it was right after a hurricane

had hit. Was anybody at the last show that we did here? That you all sat together. That's cool. Yeah, we're so glad to be back. Thank you to the Vogue for having us. Thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel for all the work they do to get this show up and running. Thank you to our dad, Clint McElroy.

Thank you to the Vogue Feeder, amazing to work with. A lovely feeder. Yeah, it's beautiful. Thank you to Kevin Budnick, who designed this wonderful poster that again you can find at this link, this QR code if you wanna check it out. Thank you to Montane for the use of our theme song,

My Life is Better with You. We, this year is all about 20 fungalore. And we like to take your wishes for fungalore and elevate them here at the end of the show. Normally we just do one, but here in the live show we want to elevate a few. So that will be our way of saying goodbye to you. We'll be doing nine of them.

I wish that all falafel was just a little bit cheaper. I wish gummy bears didn't get hard when you put them on ice cream. I wish meteorologists used my name when naming hurricanes. I wish every movie was like dawn of the planet of the apes. I wish I could get the Kit Kat bar song out of my head. I wish my boss would finally let me put a lava lamp in the break room. I wish my lizard would poop when I told him to. I wish they made eraser sharpeners.

I wish my art students would stop forcing me to draw Master Chief from Halo. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. And this has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your nuts, square on the lips. Because it's true, it's better, it's better with two by one. It's better with you. Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.