My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 721: Face 2 Face: Cuck Cuck Goose

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Live from Detroit it’s our Best Show Ever™! We have emerged bringing with us a live Munch Squad of the world’s coldest wet sandwich, tips on how to sell your Pokemon cards to your doctor, and a completely accidental number of questions about animals. We've learned our lesson about themed live shows, we promise. Suggested talking points: Bird Perverts, Exact Normal Amount of Shark Enthusiasm , No Raw Cheese, Gastro-based Pauses, Justify Snakes, Peak Baby World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for babies, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby? Into a precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like Life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with two. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My meeting my show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. What's up Trav Nation?

I'm your middle brother Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy. What's up Trav Nation? I'm your sweet baby brother 30 under under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy! Okay, I want to ask you guys a serious question, because this started on the last tour. Did everybody get together and decide to do the Wolf Wolf thing when I introduced myself? Because that didn't happen. Before? No, there was like, I would already been saying,

Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy. For like five tours, nothing. And then last tour, three different cities, all of them wolf wolfed. And then you guys wolf wolfed. Are you guys talking about me when I'm not around? Cause that's his dream and assumption. Wait, it depends on in what way you're talking about me. I'm not around? Because that's his dream and assumption. Wait, it depends on in what way you're talking about me.

It doesn't. We are used to audiences making certain noises at us when we're up on stage making our art like cheering or if doing a special show about a certain sci-fi franchise, absolute silence. I remember it differently. special show about a certain sci-fi franchise absolute silence I Remember it differently I really yeah All right We were talking backstage about how Detroit is like the story of the pianist who plays a show and everyone does a standing ovation

But he walks off sad and they're like, why are you sad? He's like cuz my teacher was in the balcony and he didn't clap. I Don't know that story. What stories are being fed to you, Griffin? I got that one from church. Really? Yeah, man. They got all kinds of cool stories there, bro.

The only thing I remember from that night after that Detroit shows, we went and saw Avengers Endgame. We did! After, which we've never done anything after a show ever. We patted ourselves on the back for a job well done and treated ourselves to an 1130pm showing of the longest movie ever made. It was so late when we came out the people from the theater were like, what's your plan? They had already turned the lights off on the marquee

and they locked up as we were leaving. They came out behind us and locked the door when the last of us came through. We just needed to not talk to each other for like three hours. And then they said, if you think this is awkward, we heard that a podcast did a show tonight. Yeah.

But to make up for that, we decided tonight to do and I'm very excited to announce this, the best show we've ever done. That's true. Now, you know, you know, you know, when an artist, like musician, somebody dies and then you're like, yeah, but were you there? I'll never forget. That's tonight. That's tonight.

I fucking hope not, what? Yeah. This is gonna be the best one we've ever, you all are so fucking lucky to be here at the show that everyone's gonna talk about when Griffin died. Yeah. And then in the future, when they're like,

remember that one Detroit live Mabim Bam People will think you mean the one where Griffin died. Yeah, and not the other one Yeah of them not the one that made them completely change the structure of the way they did live No, no, just no. No the normal one where Griffin beefed it Can he tried to sleep on the hammock covering the orchestra pit and just fell straight through. He said Boeing time and then he jumped into the orchestra pit to his death. Independently three different members of our family that will go unnamed but it definitely does end with McElroy.

Independently three different ones of us asked, so can we jump on that? Or no, we weren't gonna but it would be good to know if we can jump on it or not. Yeah, in case it comes up. In case it comes up. Not everybody who asked was my daughter, but in fact, none of them were actually, now that I'm thinking about it.

You wanna hear a question? Yeah, please. Hey, could you say like Chilean Miners? Cause I think that'll be part of the best show ever. Yeah. We have re-emerged here in Detroit, much like our friends, the Chilean miners. Yes.

We have Doug back out here. It rubs it off its power when you have to. When it's forced. Yeah. It's also when Justin says like our friends, the Chilean miners, cause I haven't kept up with their political opinions after it.

So I don't know if I'm coming up. These are great miners. It's all good stuff. I'm coming up with that. These are great minors. It's all good stuff. I want to do some bird watching in my neighborhood. How do I make it clear that I'm looking at birds through my binoculars and not peeping into houses? And that's from Not A Dirty Bird in Wixom. I will say your main challenge is that

bird watching was invented by perverts. And that's really hard. Hey, speak on that. Well, okay. We all watched the birds, didn't we? Like we all see them. Okay. And then some people were like, no, I'm really watching.

Hold on. It's like, okay. All right. That's not what I thought you were going to say because to me, when you're like, what are you doing? And you're like, oh, I'm looking at that. There's a seagull. There's a seagull over there.

It looks so yummy. Yeah. Yeah. Don't say you get it. I'm actually scooting down. Look at those. I don't get it at all. I'm saying what I'm trying to get across here

and I feel like we're having a disconnect. Yeah. What I'm trying to get across is that birdwatching. You wanna fuck a bird. Yeah. No, that birdwatching was invented to cover, to hide the actions of perverts. All right. Okay.

Cool. Thank you. Not saying all birdwatchers are perverts. No. But they could be. But all perverts are birdwatchers are perverts. No. But they could be. Perverts are birdwatchers. Absolutely. You should, first of all, put it in your local newsletter. Hey, what's up?

It's me. I'm getting into birds now, so if you see me on the scopes, don't get freaking. Oh, see, I thought you were going to say from the hours of three to five every Saturday, close them blinds. That's normal to ask your neighbors, for sure, yes. Guys, I got a real problem over here.

Yeah. Because there's no amount of messaging or awareness. In my head, I was like, well, we should get different colored. Here, Justin, say this well we should get different colored here Justin say this we should get different colored goggles or not perfect or not perverts awesome and then I think it but what's the problem you prior got there cuz if I'm a pervert that's a day one buy for me right I'm on I pre-reserve like several of them just well no okay when you go to REI and you buy these

binoculars, it's the fucking clerk there is the last line of defense. Like, oh, I see you're buying the aquamarine binoculars. Let me take a good look at you. I don't think so, mister. I've got a couple invasive but very important questions. Yes. I'm going to show you some pictures of some birds.

I need to know if you can react appropriately. I I'm gonna hook you up to this MRI machine real quick and just kind of get a read on how you react to some pornography Even a shirt that says I'm just bird watching no it's like exactly that's yeah It feels like there's a wink in there that I don't like No, it's an implied wink You gotta have you gotta make for yourself a little Tiny stage in the front of your yard that you can stand on with the binoculars you Abso fucking lootly can't do this inside your home through the window

No, no, I understand the temptation that's worse than being a perfect at that point your rear window Yeah, like I'm gonna get you all arrested no way I don't know what happens just always be looking straight up at the sky Okay, there is a chance birds will be there very low chance new to people Yeah, sure unless they're falling out of an airplane. Yeah, but what if a really cool bird lands on a totally nude, dude? Then what do you do? Hey man, don't flatter yourself. I'm just looking. Look at how red that cardinal on your shoulder is.

Look at the plumage. I'm flipping out. It also doesn't help, frankly, that there's a burning term of jizz and frankly to Justin's point That's true. It doesn't sound true. It is true Just like how George Lucas loves jizz music No, I can't mention Star Wars. I'm so sorry everyone that was That was not a perfect fucking first seal breaks backstage. One trumpet rings out.

Somewhere Christopher Plummer is staring at a stone wheel and screaming. No, no, no. No! You fools! You fools! My wife is a huge fan of sharks. One of her life goals is to travel to South Africa. Just one for applause.

There was a organic woo for sharks there. We cut a shark. I did appreciate that. Sharks. Well, I think, unless I misjudged, I think the woo might've been from a person who thought I was announcing that my wife Sydney enjoys sharks

and not really knowing what to do with that information, but not wanting to leave me hanging, decided to throw out a woo. Just on YouTube. What is Sydney's read on sharks? You know, I think she's a fan. We got, we watched like one shark week thing. It was John Cena. You watched one shark week thing and your takeaway was she's a fan.

She it's like, I, I, it's one of the things where I feel like she has the exact normal amount of shark edge. Exactly. Whatever the normal amount is, that's where Sydney's at. And it's such a narrow range, isn't it? Yeah. It's just like, huh, you know what I mean? Like, ah, sharks.

That's about where I am with sharks. Like, cool. Cool, man. Yeah. Cool, man. Sharks. Awesome. Sharp, sharp fish.

I love it. Anyway, one of her life goals is to travel to South Africa. Now this is the question asked her. We got on a side tangent. And cage dive with great whites. Luckily for her, we are getting to a level of financial comfort where we can afford such a trip and she is frequently daydreaming about it.

However, I deeply fear sharks and deep water and do not want to cage dive with great whites. I have expressed this and my wife has responded with quote, you'll be fine. And quote, it's not even that dangerous. Brothers, please help me convince my wife that shark diving just isn't for me. That's from Don't Make Me Shark in Detroit.

Can I just say many things hit me in your reading there, Justin. Can I say? Excellent oration. Oh, thanks. It's so nice to get some positivity. You re- yes. I felt things that I've never felt before. Thanks man. I felt really good. And if it wasn't so dangerous, there wouldn't be a fucking cage. I mean, the cage, I mean, yeah, but like. There are things that if I say I'm afraid of spiders

and someone says, actually spiders are very little, they're more afraid of you. Okay, listen, there's a point to be made there. I'm afraid of sharks, normal. Yeah, yeah. They're dangerous. Yeah, I just don't see why.

Sir, I don't know that that's true. I mean, the cage. You don't know that that's true. I mean, the cage. You don't know that that's true? I think the cage for a great white diving experience is a great upgrade on the diving package. The lawyers love that. Huge. But they're.

Wait, so you're saying that there's an offer that they make where you can go diving without the cage or with the cage for an extra $500? Yeah, and you might want to go for the... Man, people get so sensitive about sharks. Anybody can dive with great whites without a cage. That's free. You just do that, right?

Like, that's not... You don't need a guide. It's everyone's ocean. Yeah, just go out there and go for it. What I'm saying is there's like many different genre of shark. Right. And only like three of them are dangerous to humans. Yeah, yeah.

They don't put you in like a cage to dive with nurse sharks. Right, or they also don't put you in a cage to watch Netflix at home. Unless you're into that. I just, I don't know why, I get, I don't know why the onus is on us to do this sales pitch because the, you seem very well founded. They're so big and their teeth are so sharp.

And I don't know- And so many of them. Right. Why do you have to call in like a manager with a folding chair to this battle like you should just win it by default at sharks man they're so big and there's a cage and what all. We are dangerously close to dismantling the entire concept of our podcast. Yeah that's occurring to me as Justin said.

I don't know man why ask us? Yeah. Oh wait. No but like what are we even fucking doing here? Why aren't you here? They should offer a two-week Experience where you go somewhere for two weeks and every day they step you up to a more dangerous fish in a case. Yes Because it is wild to go from like I've never been in a cage around fish ever to great whites. Yeah, yeah.

That's a big step up. Hey, this is a great point. You know what would really fuck me up, Travis? Going underwater in a cage. Yeah. No way, man! I also would have said to your point, deep water, fucking scary as hell.

Yeah, man. Scarier than sharks to me. Yeah, you'll know. Because there's a lot of pressure down there, you get squished. You know where the biggest thing is? It's in the ocean. Yeah. Because there's a lot of pressure down there. You get squished. You know where the biggest thing is? It's in the ocean. Yeah.

It's called a blue whale, and it's the biggest thing there is. I hope you've got a very good cage. That thing's massive. Yeah, you know about Panugio? And ask any scientists, they could be anywhere. Yep. In the ocean.

Yep. At all. There is very few animals that are active apex predators that our Lord decided He's gonna definitely keep separate from human beings sure right. I'm not saying there's a lion outside I mean Detroit maybe but the chance that I'm gonna walk out of this theater Yeah, there's going to be a lion ready to pounce upon me It's a small chance but higher than a shark bouncing on me, it's a small chance, but higher than a shark bouncing on me outside this theater. And we've chosen as a species to be like, I'm actually going to make myself a fun toy

for the shark, like one might give a kitty cat. I also think that you might have this cage that's going to prevent you from getting attacked by a shark, but what if a particularly nasty eel gets in there? Then it's just you, your beloved, and a nasty eel. Some of them are electric. I don't know if you've heard. What's that? There's no such thing as electric tigers.

It's fucked up. Do you remember the first time they're like in a cartoon, they're like, oh, there's one fish that shocks people. Okay. Okay. Anyway, that's been science class. See you in fourth grade. Yes. And if you make a wallet out of it, it fucks up your credit cards.

We don't even know, man. We don't get it. So, my dad has some geese living on his farm back home. Wait, say it one more time. So, my dad has some geese on his farm back home, and I never know how to act around them. Most recently, when I was there visiting I was told quote do not make eye contact with the geese which naturally made me laugh and I assumed was a joke. Immediately after I made eye contact with the geese and they ran at me and started biting and attacking my feet until I hid in the car. My question is this how do I act going forward around geese? That's from

Duck Duck Get Away From me. Are you here? Wait, are you here? Yeah, hello. Hi. I'm glad you're still with us. I guess I noticed you're videoing. I wish I had better news for you, but the thing is, if you're not gonna listen to the goose expert,

I don't know why you would come to us and say, no, but really, what do I do about geese? Cause that you had one rule and they said, don't you do this one thing. I bet when that goose attacked, they were like, I could have sworn I told them. I always make sure to tell people cause it's so serious. I'm sure'd mention it to be fair if someone said to me Travis when you when you go meet these geese For the very show deference don't make eye contact

I bet you got it and then my brain would be like look in their eyes Yeah, it is it is very fair though in your defense because you're here, they're not like the yeah, fuck geese. Wait, no, don't fuck geese. No, listen. But those necks, listen. But do if you do listen, do not look at them in the eyes while you do it. So no kissing. I bet you it would never even crossed your mind to look a goose in the eye. Yeah, never, never in a million years until the thoughts in there, the intrusive thought to like sneak a peek and stare him down. What's the worst that could happen? I want to see what's up with that geese's soul.

It's never been my impulse to look at anything or anyone in their eyes. Tell me about it. I just did it. It was fucked up, wasn't it? I hated it, Gryffind it. I didn't see anything in there It was weird. Would you guys stop saying that about my eyes? That's both of you in the span of five minutes Is it cause them like we see do I have no it's fine. Okay, listen

I said, go look at him. I'm glad I was not in this situation because I like to think that were I some sort of primal kicking instinct would shut and it be enabled in my brain. Right. That's how you establish dominance. Some sort of like, if I see something that size and profile I would hope I have some sort of primal kick left over from the ancestor.

Is it? They're okay. Looking at goose in the eye. Yeah. Has to be bad most of the time. But there must be a circumstance where you look them in the eye and they acknowledge something about you. Okay.

Where they bow to you. Yeah. So rather than not look them in the eye next time, look them in the eye better. I mean. Do you think about that? Like establish like, yeah. Yeah. So rather than not look him in the eye next time, look him in the eye better. I mean. Do you think about that? Like establish like, yeah, you shouldn't have looked me in the eye. Yeah.

Heck that goose. Yeah, you look him dead in the eye and you're like, cut, cut, goose. I don't think that goose is. Cut, cut, cut, goose. Didn't you hear, Griffin? Griffin, I don't think you heard it. No, I heard it, but the thing.

Say it. Cut, cut, cut, goose. It's very Griffin? I don't think you heard it. No, I heard it but the say it cut cut cut goose It's very good. I know you didn't mean I think you did three cucks. That's not right. I think I don't think you get it. You need to make you're like duck duck goose like the game Griff I get the I get it. I just you guys are talking about talking to the goose with human English language Yeah, yeah, and it's human English language. Yeah, yeah. And it's like so funny. Do they have ears? We don't, the fact that we don't know that means that maybe

we should take human, them understanding human language, English language off the table as advice that can be helpful. We should mention by the way, because it did not occur to us backstage, we are not doing another themed episode about animals secretly. We just happen to have three questions back to back that are about animal interactions.

You need to make yourself, you need to look at yourself in the eyes and transform yourself into someone who would cow a goose. If they saw you again, they would, whoa. Now there's a risk there. Because I think what you want at best is a neutral relationship with the goose. You don't want to be accepted into the flock so strongly that now they're looking to you for guidance.

They're following, you don't want them to imprint, not to get technical here. But if the goose looks at you and you're like, you're the queen of geese now, you're the king of geese, you're the emperor of geese, whatever term they use, I don't know, I'm not a fucking goose. How embarrassing it would be if you went to visit your friend's geese and they imprinted on you and you're like, sorry, Darryl, I guess they're my children now. Hey, when you closed that car door, how smart and cool and evolved did you feel? I would give him the biggest shiner,

like, mmm, looks like I have a car. Did you just lay? And the goose was like, we should have stayed velociraptors. Did you just lay on the horn? Like, I can honk so much fucking louder than you can. And all the geese began to bow to your jettah. I swear they channeled the wind on the inside of their giant wheeled cage.

I tried pecking at it, but my beak could find no purchase in this hard and colorful stone. We'll follow them home, my liege. Oh no, wait, we have to fly downwards or we'll die. Shit, we should really evolve soon. We need longer legs. Speaking of evolution, my doctor collects Pokemon cards and we talked about Pokemon a few times I recently inherited my brother's old Pokemon card collection I'm so sorry is it a problem

I have to assume they were giving it from their brother oh okay let's make a joke about it to be safe huh guys hey if you're listening to if you're watching this I'm dead and I know you're wondering what I possibly could have left you, my sibling who I love very much as the last thing I'll ever impart to you. It's my Pokemon cards, a thing you don't care about. Is it appropriate? It's okay.

Is it appropriate to make an appointment with my doctor just to see if he wants any? Is there a better way to offer my wares? I would not make him pay for any of the less valuable cards if that helps. This is from an Appleton, a day keeps the doctor away. Are you here? Hi, hello.

Hi, how's it going? Oh, you have a sign. List of my favorite Griffons, Griffin, Macroy, to my real life brother, Griffin. Oh, that's good. Is that who you inherited the Pokemon cards from? Yeah, he's alive. Yeah!

He's alive! He's alive, everybody, he's alive. Yes, yes, yes. Because I don't know, hey listen, I don't know if you heard, Travis totally made a joke about it, and if that would've gone the other way, we'd be run out of town on a rail.

But you know what, by the end of this show, when Griffin's dead, I hope he leaves me with his Pokemon cards. Do you realize if that would have been second strike, you're out for Detroit. We would have been done. That's it. No more, no, not allowed back here.

The tenor of the conversation we would have had to have backstage if that one had gone the other way would have really chilled me to the core. I'm a stinker. But for next time, if we're unsure if the loved one died or not, let's just go ahead and not do a joke about it. I don't see the problem Griffin. I guess. Because they didn't die, right? Yeah man. So. Yeah man. Sometimes you just gotta roll the hard six on a kick-ass joke. I am.

Quarter mile at a time, baby. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, Griffin Rippon. My adrenaline is racing right now. Is your Apple Watch giving you notifications? It actually is. I like to make Griffin feel alive for the inevitability of this show.

Yeah. I noticed, speaking of evolution, I noticed that this question kind of evolved from, I should see if my doctor wants any, to by the end you're opening a trench coat, like look at the Bulbasaur. I see anything you like. Cause that's exactly how that conversation would go, of like, I made an appointment to meet with you.

Oh, well I have all these Pokemon cards, I wanted to see if you wanted any. Oh, actually this kicks ass. Yeah, that one's like $10 and this one's, wait what? It's also, after a visit, a doctor has to code for the care that they have provided. Yeah.

So like, they're gonna go back to the records department and be like, so how are we coding this visit? It's like, well you're not gonna believe this one, I don't know. You should go towards the back of the book for this code because I doubt it pops up very much, but they wanted to sell me a Charmander. The sick one, it turned out, was me and I have Pokemania.

I can think of better ways, quote, better ways to offer your wares than starting out by making an appointment with your doctor to maybe sell them some of your Pokemon cards and then paying $850 on the way out of the building. How good is your insurance? And how good are these fucking Pokemon cards? Listen, don't bring Pokemon cards to serious buildings.

No, now hold on. No, no, you hold on! I know what the fuck I'm talking about here, okay? Have you done this before? Don't bring Pokemon cards to serious buildings! Meet at a neutral, silly location. Okay, Griffin, I got neutral milk hotel. Okay, Griffin, I'm gonna list some buildings in a town, and you tell me rapid fire. Yeah, take me through Okay, Griffin. I got neutral milk hotel. Okay Griffin I'm gonna list some buildings in a town and you tell me rapid fire take me through it Richard scary

Tell me some Some buildings in your busy town my man. Okay library library if if they're doing a special Pokemon themed event Yes, otherwise, no bank bank The most serious building there is Dave and Buster's Thursday 2 p.m. It's very slow too chaotic They'll get dirty funeral home No active wait hold on during funeral or not If you roll home yes towards the end towards the end when you're not getting any good people anymore It's just like Wind friend of a friend.

Yeah, it's like winding down like, like you show up at 745, is this still okay? Are they still here and dead? Okay, sorry. Sorry to cut it so close. Um, yeah, no. Christie's auction house. Uh, yes, of course. Yeah. It's fucking super boring there. I bet having some Pokemon cards to flip through would help pass the time a little bit Would it be better to bring the Pokemon cards to an appointment you actually need?

Oh, that's a good sort of slide it in towards the end like as long as I'm here Yes, I think in that one instance it would be okay you can't sell Pokemon cards to your doctor Unless it unless I Guess unless if the diagnosis is bad. you got him on the hook, baby. Man, that's gonna be a lot of medical bills. No one would help. Yeah. You gotta keep the Pokemon cards on you at all times for the rest of your life, is the deal.

And then eventually when you get some really bad news, they're like, that's tough to hear, but would you like to buy some Pokemon cards? Reel him in! Reel them in! Reel them in, you got the bait. ["It's Better With You"] Hi everybody, I hope you're enjoying this, just club banger of a live show episode. I would say it's probably my best,

the best one I've ever done. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee up onto the internet. Oh, I just got into the internet. Let me take a look around. Holy shit. Yeah, it's a lot. Wow.

Wow. Don't look at it all at once. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be Yartzin' because of how intimidated and overwhelmed I feel by the internet. Only there was some way to get a foothold on this sheer cliff face. I've got some great news for you, Griffin. Mostly pornography.

Yeah, go ahead. It's a lot of pornography. But Griffin, the good news is, you can carve out your own little space here on the interwebs. That's what we call it. Do not call it, do not call it that. Well, then I see you're not a real nerd.

But here on the internet, you can carve out a Squarespace for yourself. Okay, tell me more now. Oh, okay. Well, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Say that again? Entrepreneurs. Okay, don't say that again.

Entrepreneurs. I'm sorry, I'm giving you a lot of notes I'm realizing during this ad record. No, it makes me feel like a voiceover professional. Okay, cool. And like, you're just a booth junkie. Give me another take, I am. Give me another take on entrepreneurs,'re just a booth junkie. Give me another take, I am. Give me another take on entrepreneurs, please.

Entrepreneur. All right. One of those is gonna be usable. So what's Squarespace? Oh yeah, so basically it allows you to build a website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all in your terms. You can personalize your website

with their guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint, which allows you to choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options. You can also make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. You can even accept credit cards, PayPal and Apple Pay in eligible countries, offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay, and you can even upload video content. So you can have a video library there that showcases all your stuff. So that's pretty cool.

And if you wanna check it out, you can go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, now you take a turn. Now you try an ad and I'll give you notes as we do it.

Yeah, let me take a swing at this. Rocket Money is not a money thing. Shit! Griffin? How's it going so far? Not good so far. Rocket Money is a money thing. We can edit around that.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. Rocket Money is a money thing. And what they do is they go through all of your subscriptions. And they say, holy shit, my man, looks like you're paying for Hulu and ESPN and Apple Plus. Pretty sure that's all one thing now. You are tripling up and wasting so much freaking money.

We don't have any shit on any of those. No, I know, but I did do that. Oh, yeah, okay. And I used Rocket Money and Rocket Money was like, hey, man, you're paying for this whole big Disney bundle and all the individual ones, my dude. It doesn't say in the ad copy specifically mentioned the Disney bundle

that almost certainly everybody is fucking up, but I'll go ahead and say it. You're wasting a bunch of money on subscriptions every month, I bet. We're in the middle of potty training Gus, which means we're using a lot of apps on the iPad, and it's like, if you want Thomas the Tank Engine to really go hog wild, give us $5 a month.

And it's like, yeah, no fucking problem, as long as it gets my son to piss on the potty. But then I forget about it, and then all of a sudden, Thomas is taking me to the fucking cleaners. Rocket Money can help me figure out what I'm wasting my money on with subscriptions that I don't use anymore. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. They have over 5 million users and have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

I'm Jesse Thorne. I just don't want to leave a mess. This week on Bullseye, Dan Aykroyd talks to me about the Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, and his very detailed plans about how he'll spend his afterlife. I think I'm going to roam in a few places, yes. I'm going to manifest and roam.

All that and more on the next Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hello teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience. One you have no choice but to embrace. Because yes, listening is mandatory.

The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. ["I Want to Munch Squad"] ["I Want to Munch Squad"] I wanna munch squad! Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I want to munch squad! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Welcome to the stage, an expert in the field who is kind enough to lend us his time.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jake from Roll for Sandwich. Hi, Jake. As Jake had set up, Jake has a truly, truly amazing TikTok channel in which Jake rolls for the elements of sandwich and then has to eat it, no matter what it is and reviews it. It's incredible. Hi, Jake.

Hi, Jake. How's it going, pal? Hi. Pretty good. Sorry that Justin made you eat a thing that I dunked in a toilet. Yeah. And about the cumin, I'm so sorry about the cumin. Honestly, sandwich ball was worse.

Really? That's unbelievable, Jake. I hear that you have prepared for us a special treat here today on the Munch Squad. Special treat, end quotes. All right, what is it I say in terror? I'm really, Jake, I don't Oh, man. I'm really Jake. I don't know, man.

Can I tell you the feeling I'm having right now is like when a parent visits a classroom because one of their kids is having like a birthday and it's like, oh, awesome. But then they break out a bunch of like health food stuff. Yeah. Like, oh, I brought tofu cupcakes or whatever. I feel like that's what I brought you the driest cornbread anyone's ever created. It's pretty much exactly the opposite of what you said. Oh no, it's not super dry. It sounds like a wet sandwich.

I'm wearing my fancy costume, Jake. I can't get sandwich drippings on this. Jakey, the one thing you said back, Sage, is that if you made it beforehand, it would have been too wet. Jake, I don't want it. I don't want it. I mean, that's true of anything

because I came like 30 minutes to get here. So that, okay, that's fair. That's fair. Good point. Let's let Jake assemble. Jake assemble. Wait, is there a video? I think there's a video.

Can we play the- Good evening, Detroit and welcome to Roll 4 Sandwich, the series where I let fate decide my lunch Let's go tonight on roll for sandwich. We will be sourcing all of our ingredients from fast food restaurants. Fuck sure will be cursed Let's get things started with our roll for bread Five subway Italian urban cheese. All right. Well, the good news is I was able to find a Good start from subway that was not stale. The bad news is it's a foot long which means we're going to have a big weird sandwich.

At least we're splitting it four ways. Alright next up let's roll for Maine. Two McDonald's Filet-O-Fish patties. I don't think I've ever had a Filet-O-Fish before so I guess there's a first time for everything. I'm sure I'll get an entirely accurate representation of the sandwich from this experience. Alright we've got our oversized fish sticks sliced in half and now we're gonna lay them out on our sandwich. I am beginning to rethink my life choices. Let's roll for some cheese. To KFC mac and cheese. Oh my land.

Yes. Why not? If there's one thing our food. No raw cheese today. Carbs stuck together with the cheese. That was a real concern for Justin. Thanks for that one. Colonel. Next up, let's roll for roughage. Come on, baby. One Taco Bell onions and six Jimmy John's avocado spread. Definitely got some side eye when I asked for a side of onions at Taco Bell. I don't think anyone is going to Taco Bell specifically to have their onions.

After giving Mr. James Jonathan about $4 for these two small containers of avocado spread, they better significantly improve this sandwich, but I have my doubts. I guess we'll see. Alright, time to get wild with the wild magical. 17. Culver's Cheese Curds. Hey, Griffin finally gets his cheese curds after. What a get! Unfortunately, due to the nature of how productions like this go, they're cold by now. Sorry. And last but not least, it's the D20 sauce roll. Here we go. There's more. 18, Taco I'm so hungry. This sandwich is a little bit like putting lipstick on a pig. I didn't realize that until this moment. I don't know how much it's going to help us at this point. Let's get our toothpicks in to hold our sandwich together here. Wouldn't want it to accidentally fall apart. And let's take a look at that cross section. Did you eat it first so we know we won't die? I want to eat ranch. All right, well this is definitely some kind of sin

Maybe it'll be good boys. Let's give it a taste oh Man, okay, I really Fuck a lot of onions you sure it's like component wise We're largely fine except for I think what we're all the most worried about is any kind of yucky ranch in it. I see a few nods out there from, thank you, okay. That's your problem?

Well, obviously, what else would it be? It's the yucky ranch. As someone who helped Jake assemble the, or unpack the components, let me tell you all, I have felt firsthand the temperature of this fish filet patty. And it is suboptimal. I've in my years worked at a lot of food service places

and had to take multiple food handling courses. I believe it's in what we like to call the danger zone. Hey, did you guys see the Adventure Zone show the night after the My Brother, My Brother, Me? Yeah, they were all very eager to get off the stage as quickly as possible. Yeah, are you talking about the one where Griffin died? I don't even remember the sandwich stuff.

What are you talking about? That's so offensive. Wait, wait, what is that? Oh, the world's smallest ice bag. Is that okay? There's more than one. You have your food handler's license, right Jake? I can't take my mushroom hat off or I look like Aladdin.

Wait, where's the cheese curds? Oh, yep. I don't want to eat. Give me them room temperature curds. The curds is the only part I'm looking forward to I'm looking forward to not having to use the bathroom during some of our upcoming drives or ever again The cheese curds are the only thing we didn't roll during the wild magic collab too, so it's kind of full circle It's uh, I guess revenge is the word that's coming to mind. Jake, I can tell how uncomfortable this is

for you to assemble things without just jamming your fingers right into it. I do appreciate the amount of delicate touch you're putting on these. Okay, the finished fucking shit, man. There's a lot of smell coming, I don't know if it's good or bad. That's exactly it. My mind hasn't even crossed the threshold of you're about to eat this, Griffin. Oh, no.

It's right now. It's at the threshold of this is about to get way closer to your nose. One of my senses doesn't even know what's heading its way yet. Gee. Yeah, you know what, Griffin? Let's break it down by that. head in its way yet. Jake, yeah, you know what, Griffin, let's break it down by that. Nasal, right, smell sense, bad. Zero points. Visual sense, bad.

So tan, unbelievably tan. So tan. All the tans are in it. Even the green is tan. You didn't know there were so many beige foods. Damn it, man, it's so ranchy though. The touch is cold all around, so that's not... So there's only one left.

They say white people have no culture. I guess this is confirmation. Oh my god. Alright, so are you recording this, Jake? I am, yes. Alright, kick ass, let me know when it's party time. Cheers everyone. Cheers. Jake? I am. All right, kick ass. Let me know when it's party time. Cheers, everyone. Cheers.

Cheers. Bye bye. Bye. It's so cold. It's unbelievably cold. unbelievably cold. I... It... It tastes like a waiter is about to rush over to the table like,

no, no, no, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, no, no, no, no, sir, those are decorative, sir. No, that was from the table before, they didn't eat it. I don't want to swallow it. I'm gonna eat it. I don't want to swallow it. I'm gonna finish it. I don't, no, take it away. I'm an adult. I don't want to spit it out. I don't want to swallow it,

but I don't want it in my mouth anymore. Like, here's the thing I'm gonna say to you guys though. The mystery was very scary. And I think Jake, you can probably use what I said we've gone through before where the mystery is the bad part because you don't know what your mouth's about to go through. Now, once you understand it, it's like, okay.

I can eat another bite of this. Wait, your brain figured out what we just ate already in one bite? I get it. There's a second mystery of how will my body react to what I just ate. Oh, in that interview, oh no, Jake is giving a knowing nod. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a hazard of the game.

Welcome to the jungle, boys. There is a knowing silence from Jake that I'm not wild about. How does that, how does- You guys don't have like a show tomorrow, right? No, no, no. You have a show tomorrow, and if it's weird, I think the audience will basically be the same audience that's here right now, so at least they'll know.

Hey, Jake, how does this bad boy rank in your, like, world of sandwiches? I mean, I've had over 300 now on the show. This is not that bad. That sucks, man! That's tough. Have you ever thought about doing a advice podcast because it's so much easier? I noticed that some of you boys didn't finish. Did you fucking finish it? Yeah!

Woo! It's really good though, Jake. Are you gonna finish that? Do not, Justin, you are older than him. Do not let him push you around. Do not let him push you around. Cup cup goose. Don't say cup cup goose.

Okay listen Jake, thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're not already watching Roll 4 Sandwich on TikTok and other other formats, what are you doing? It smells so bad. It smells a lot. I want to waste food though. Yeah, we're not gonna throw it away. Don't throw it away. Save it for me. I'll throw it in the microwave. It'll be palatable. I regret it. I regret it. Eating the whole thing? Yeah. As you should. Hey, we're gonna call some folks down to the microphone that we have.

Thank you, Jake. Thank you so much, Jake. One more time for Jake, everybody. It wasn't bad, though. Honestly, that bread, you could put just about any dang thing on that bread. It's all right. I'll get through it. It's going down like a lead fucking balloon Inside yeah, I'm feeling a weight Settle inside me that I can't Those guys are are charging down to my stomach and they're about to meet a rowdy band of shrimp and grit

It is reformed into the sandwich it wants to live. Stop it, fucking stop it, stop. We're all going through the same thing. Just stop talking about it. Not all of us ate the whole thing, Griffin. That's your cross the bear friend. All right, Griffin, who we got? For science.

We're gonna get some people that we're gonna call down to the microphone. It is here at stage left, house right, at the very front. I'm a burb-a-budge. And then we're gonna call you down. I'm being sad that I sent it back. There's a part of me that's like, I am pretty hungry. Yeah, man, that was what happened.

Paul, don't, Paul, don't, Paul, don't. Don't, Paul. So we're gonna call some folks down if you wanna tell us your name and your pronouns if you'd like and a brief summary of your question and we will do our best to answer the question, but there may be some gastro-based pauses in there.

This is such a beautifully tasteful theater. It is. This is a lovely place. Hello. Hello, my name is Nicole. My pronouns are they them. Hi, Nicole. What is your question?

Do you want some sandwich? You know I'm good right now. Okay. So I've worked summer camps for the last 13 years and I've picked up the hobby of making balloon animals but I only get to use that hobby like once a year. At camp I bet. At camp, yeah.

Earlier today in fact. Do you have any tips or tricks in how I can use that skill to impress someone over the age of 10? I have an important question. Have you tried? I do make a lot of turtles for my friends and coworkers, like prepping for the kids to come,

but they don't really care. I just put them near them. Okay, so hold on. You don't prepare them for the... It seems like you asked us like, hey, do you have an advice on how to seamlessly introduce balloon animal making into my day to day conversations with people? By the way, I've been doing it without any sort of context or preamble to my co workers

and friends making them turtles. How do they take it usually when you give them a balloon animal turtle? Well, I work at an art center. So that's not unusual. Bunch of weirdos, right? Yeah. Bunch of beret heron. I had a short history of balloon animals that went something like this. I got the balloon animal and I read the book and twisted it around, I made a sword and then I tried to show other adults in the area. And the response I got was so

chilling that I never did it again because I I could tell from the look at my wife's eyes that she was like if I react in the wrong way this could become part of his entire fucking brain core memory yeah yeah exactly so I need to be really clear with how I feel about you've got so many fucking islands in there already right Sydney can't afford to add balloon animal island right she doesn can't afford to add balloon animal island right she doesn't need me rattling off balloon animal trivia and inopportune times right so she told me like I'm not impressed by that I don't

I don't or like this can't be the new thing I think is actually what she said this could be your thing that is fair, yeah. Could you make things that are useful out of balloons? Like a life hack thing? Yeah, what can you make? Tool wise. My go to are unicorns and snakes, but they're both made with like multiple balloons. Nicole, Nicole.

Hold on, Nicole. Just me, just me. Nicole. I think. Justify snakes. As someone once said to God. Alright, so it has a mouth and then it has a tail that zigzags and then in a different color it has eyes and a tongue.

Okay, that sounds actually... The different color worked for me. Yeah, that got there. Why would you not bring the balloons with you? I made them earlier today. I'm really regretting it now. Okay, I just would love one. Actually, I take that back.

Both my kids' hair are two, if you have to love them. Yeah, same color, same shape. They'll fight. Yeah. When in the future they invent time travel and you come back to this moment to rectify your life's greatest mistake, you can bring two long balloons with which to make unicorns. I imagine.

Do you want one as long as we're changing time? Yeah, as long as you're time traveling. I would love one too. If you could do like a hat with like a monkey on it. And if this isn't asking too much, if you could form a balloon into the sports almanac for the next 50 years. No problem. And bring that back.

That would be so huge. So choice. But don't make it out of balloons because if it pops I'm fucked. I'm never gonna open Justin's bird. Can I say as a parent when my children get a balloon animal they're very excited about, I see it as a ticking time bomb of disappointment. It's like buying a fish. Yeah could you... I guess... The balloon animal of animals Could you make balloon animals out of something more lasting is but I like pipe cleaners that's not gonna pop Yeah, I don't think they call them balloon animals

No that kicks ass make your co-workers some pipe cleaner turtles and say I made you guys some balloon animals like like how? Getting started these origami is often called the balloon animals of paper. I don't think people say that. Give them the pipe cleaners and say, this is like balloon animals, but better. They don't pop. Does that help, Nicole? Yes, thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you. Don't let them steal your sunshine, Nicole.

Hey, I'm Cody, he, him, and also funny enough, I'm a friend of Jake's and didn't know he would be here tonight. That's so great. Hi, Cody. Hi. Hi, I'm Kelsey. Hi, Jake. Hey, dude.

This is fun. They're just, hey. Okay. What was your question? I'm Kelsey. Hi, Jake. Hi, Jake. This is fun. They're just, hey. OK. What was your question? So our daughter is three, and she is starting preschool this year. And she is convinced that Sonic and Tails and Link and Zelda

are going to be in her preschool class, because she thinks they're her friends. And we're trying to break the news to her that there will just be other toddlers that will probably pee their pants in her class. So how do we- Now you don't know that Sonic doesn't pee his pants, do you? I don't.

He doesn't have pants though, so I think it's just a natural thing. It just gets all over his fur and wherever he's running. I gotta say guys- It raises another question, does it? If I ever went that fast, I don't think I'd ever want to slow down. Yeah, I think it's- It's only not to pee. It goes with the wind. There's another question. If I ever went that fast, I don't think I'd ever want to slow down. Yeah, I think it's, yeah. Slowly not to pee.

Goes with the wind. So how do we tell her that there's just going to be other kids there and not her best friends? Are you sure? Have you gotten a roster and noticed that Sonic and Lincoln Zelda and Tails weren't on it? I don't know, and you know, she might think that maybe if they wear a shirt that has those kids on it, those characters on it. That's a good compromise. You need to start reaching out to the parents of the other kids in the class now to start arranging that.

Get them costumes! Have Sonic show up day one! Have Link show up day two. It's the same kid. Every kid's looking for their in. As parents we forget sometimes we don't have to teach them everything. Some things the world will teach them. You know what I mean? Like you can share in that. Like are you kidding me? None of them? And you can even, what are we, what are we paying this boy? That's so, I would have sworn. That's so fucked up. My daycare had Qbert at it.

I'm gonna call your teacher right now. What's that? They'll be there tomorrow? Okay. Okay. Well listen little buddy, if they're not there tomorrow, you let me know, cause I'm gonna flip shit on them. Hey buddy, remember, I'm sorry about that.

We don't say that outside in front of Sonic and Tails and the whole crew, right? You don't want to hear your curse. If you cuss in front of Sonic, he goes absolutely feral. It breaks the spell. Just pissing everywhere. It breaks the spell that keeps him human.

And he becomes a feral hedgehog. When was the last Sonic game you played that that is your understanding of Sonic? You know how he's chained down, foam at the corners of his mouth, every time you curse, the chains snap. Every Sonic game starts with a human being at a work office, and then someone nearby is like shit and he's like

Sonic the Hedgehog The cursing only turns him from Sonic the Hedgehog into a feral hedgehog I didn't establish the means by which he goes from feral hedgeedgehog to the hero. So I'm not familiar with the lore, but is that what shadow is? Yes, that's absolutely what shadow is. Shadow is when he goes nuts, starts shitting all over the walls and just tearing through people. I was gonna ask if that helped,

but I know for a fucking fact we have said nothing helpful to you the entire time. But thank you for your time, I very much appreciate it. We'll get to tell her that we saw Toad at the entire time. But thank you for your time, I very much appreciate it. We'll get to tell her that we saw Toad at the show. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

Hello. Hello, I'm Brian, he, him. Hi, Brian. So my grandma recently became a great grandma because one of my cousins had a baby. Congratulations. And... So it's very exciting, and I have another cousin who's currently pregnant which will be her second great-grandchild.

And at a family gathering recently that I was not there for sadly, my cousin was showing my grandma the ultrasound photos and my grandma really did not want to see them. Yeah. So my question is, my wife and I, if all goes according to plan, could get pregnant soon. Right. So when we inevitably show my grandmother these very touching photos, how do we get her to appreciate them?

And not be scared of them. And not be scared of them, or repulsed or wondering why we showed them to her in the first place. Yes, because it looks like the topographical map of some sort of desert somewhere that has the vague hint of a face on it somewhere. It looks like one of those, you know,

like toys where you press your face against pins. Yes, it looks exactly like that. Yeah. They need to improve dramatically ultrasound technology so it doesn't look like when people say that Jesus got burnt onto a piece of toast. Yes. Or like if Clayface was pretending to be a baby. Was your grandma just like, talk to me when their skin's not translucent.

Like, what was the response exactly like? Did you get details from that? Because to just say, I'm not looking at that lumpy pile of mashed potatoes. That doesn't look like me at all. It seems like it was more of a like, who wants to see this kind of vibe. Well, like, okay. I had a personal context. This is on brand for my grandma.

She's very petty and passive aggressive in the best possible ways. All right, now the question is shifted. And also she wasn't proud of me at graduation. When I was in college, my friends bought, we're in New York and they from a street vendor bought a pirated copy of the Bruce Willis film Surrogates. And when they got back, they said,

Justin, we're gonna watch Surrogates. We bought a pirated copy in New York. And I said, Justin, we're gonna watch surrogates. We bought a pirated copy in New York. And I said, I don't know if I ever wanna watch surrogates, but if I do, I want it to be the intended experience. And not- The way Bruno meant it. The way Bruno meant it, and not a VHS camera recording from the aisle in like an unlit theater in, you know, the barren wastelands of Eastern Europe

or something, right? So I wanna watch the actual surrogates. To me, ultrasound photography is the pirated copy of surrogates. Interesting. Wait, but Justin, sorry, important follow up. If I may, I wanna see the baby pristine. I wanna see the baby at its peak.

And this, this is not done cooking. Okay, this needs a little more time. Like when a friend, cause like, I've been working on some demos of some songs. Do you, I don't, I don't. Go ahead and finish them, you know? Finish it up and then I'll take a listen. I think what would be better is just a written note

from the doctor, maybe just even a paragraph describing what they see in the picture Because otherwise your grandma is awesome. Your grandma is just gonna be like what am I looking at here? Is that the brow line or what is it Justin? What did you think of surrogates when you did watch out? I haven't yet, but oh But there's a lesson there isn isn't there? Maybe she'll never see this baby. Maybe she'll never look at the, no, I think she'll probably look at the baby.

I bet. Careful. We can't do it again, guys. Yeah. Once a show. Please, just tell your immortal grandma to be nicer. Thank you so much for your time. Also, you could just print out a picture

of like a cartoon baby. And be like, imagine like this. It's like this, but more like how I look. I had a Photoshop expert whip up a picture of me and the baby's parents. The people who do Dateline said this is what the baby will look like in three months. Did that help? Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. Hello.

Hey. Hi, I'm Cheyenne. My pronouns are she, they, I'm Cheyenne. My pronouns are she, they. Hi Cheyenne, how's it going? Good. So about a year ago, my fiance and I bought a house and the basement is only like half finished,

but it's where like our TV is and that's where we hang out. And the bathroom down there is so scary. It is filled with spiders. The wallpaper is peeling. And I got a clearance sign of Shrek, And the bathroom down there is so scary. It is filled with spiders. The wallpaper is peeling. And I got a clearance sign of Shrek. That's like a little Shrek, and it says, King of the Swamp. And I hung it in the bathroom to try and make

the vibes a little better. Um. Ah! Hey, I, what, we stand reasonable expectations, Cheyenne. But my fiance hates the sign once it gone. My question is how do I convince her to let me keep that? Can I, Cheyenne, before we get into this, I wanna say the question that you sent us included the word like spooky bathroom

and my brain because the word spooky has a playful element to it, it's like we've got kind of a scary bathroom theme, not like, oh no, oh no, we go in this bathroom and never come out. Yeah. I do think though, if I was in a scary situation and I was like looking around like,

what, what, what, what, what, what, and then I saw a picture of Shrek. Yeah. I'd be, it a picture of Shrek. Yeah! It'd be a little better. Yeah, it would brighten it, but not a lot. Not a lot, I mean like. It wouldn't just brighten it, Cheyenne. You've done something so beautiful here,

which is that if I'm a guest in your house, in your basement bathroom, which is, I hope I'm not a, why would I be there? That's wild, but if I'm a guest in your house, in your basement bathroom, and is, I hope I'm not a, why would I be there? That's wild, but if I'm a guest in your house in your basement bathroom and I'm sitting on the toilet so it's too late for me to stand out because I've recently eaten a very cold and big and stinky sandwich.

And I'm looking around and I'm like, oh fuck, that's a lot of spiders. Uh oh, the walls are full of dirty wallpaper. But wait a minute, there's a picture of Shrek. Is all of this on theme? Is it all part of one big picture? If you wanna go for that, just get like a funny ghost. You know, like one funny ghost that you hang up.

There was like, I guess it's a Halloween room. I guess. The ghost does need to be new and pristine decoration because an old like tattered dirty in the, like in the corner ghost is like, well this used to be a thing. Yeah. You could convince your fiance that the Shrek sign

will go away when all the scary spiders and bad wallpapers goes away. That's the current agreement. Okay, sounds pretty foolproof to me. I don't know what else we can sprinkle on top of. all the scary spiders and bad wallpapers goes away. That's the current agreement. Okay. Sounds pretty foolproof to me. I don't know what else we can sprinkle on top of it. Cheyenne, you've actually inspired a new movement of like, oh, I've been asking this person again and again,

we need to fix this thing. I'm gonna put Shrek in there as blackmail until, hey, mow the lawn, I've asked you that eight times. I will. Well, Shrek's out there now. And if you want Shrek gone, I need that grass gone. Does that? This one. That helps.

Alley-oop there at the end. You're so welcome, Cheyenne. Thank you, Cheyenne. Hello. Hi, pal. Hello. I'm Patrick. He, him. Hi, Patrick. What's your'm Patrick. He, him. Hi, Patrick. What's your question? I think we can all agree that trains are pretty cool.

Yes, trains are pretty cool. Yeah, the backbone of this nation. Exactly, exactly. I'm a civil engineer. I do a lot of car stuff. But I've been recently pretending to be a human at work and letting people know bits about my personal life. Some of that is model trains.

Okay. What I want to do is put myself in a situation where I can drive a steam engine, but do that in more than just like a lap at Cedar Point. So how do I develop skills? Wait, is that an offer? Wait, hold on. To become a trainer to you.

Is that easily attainable? Yeah, I just did a practice. Is that wrong one on the ladder? Before we litigate. I'm gonna cancel tomorrow's show if I can go drive a steam engine at Cedar Point. Sorry, go ahead.

That basically was the question. Yeah, how can you get- I didn't think you would ever pick it. Yeah, how can you become a steam engine captain? Well, currently you're a civil engineer, so as far as I know, you're halfway there. Right. In that you've gone halfway too far.

Chop one of those words off. Yeah, yeah. In the question you asked, how could you increase your odds of this happening? So I have to ask now, like, what would you guess are the odds that you just happened to end up driving a steam engine? There's a scenario where we're at the park

and the guy running the train is having a medical emergency. Okay now hold on, hold on, not to drive the point home. Justin didn't ask what scenario can you see yourself drive. He said right now you walk out of the theater tonight, show's done. Patrick is saying here's a hypothetical that keeps it from being zero. It's somewhere between meeting a shark outside and meeting a lion outside. Okay, so it's good. I love that. It's not terrible. Patrick, do you know, like, I don't know how one becomes a train engineer.

There's probably like 60 of them, maybe? There's not like a ton of trains. Especially steam engine engineer. Not a lot of those running on the rails currently, if I'm not mistaken. A lot of diesel engines. It's gotta be, maybe it's Highlander rules where if you behead a train engineer,

let's not try that. It might be hereditarily passed down. You might need to be adopted by a current steam engineer who leaves it to you in their will. Yeah, they make you as a ritual test, eat a piece of coal and shoot steam out of your ears. Patrick, are you sure you want this? Are you ready for that? Are you ready to eat coal and shoots? They make you eat spicy food and shoot steam out. Are you ready, Patrick? Is there ever a time when you don't need a fog machine though? Like, no, you have to

do it. No, no, you're bullshitting sound like you want to increase your odds Patrick Patrick Patrick I think a really funny long con would be For you to work for like 20 years to make this dream of driving a steam engine happen And then when they're fine like alright, go ahead little guy. You've earned your shot. You're like, how the fuck do I do it? Yeah. Like, you have no, like, what do I do? Wait, do I pull this?

Nope, okay. I just had the hat and stayed here the train for 20 years. I don't know how to do it. How do you do it? Which one of these buttons goes choo choo? And remind me, do I need to make it hot in that little hole or cold in that little hole? What do you guys shovel?

Is this a prestige thing where you just wanna be able to tell people, yeah, I'm a steam engineer? I mean, I'm already married, so I'm not like, you know. I'm not saying are you gonna use it to pick up. So what I'm hearing, Patrick, you've got two items on your bucket list. One of them you've checked off.

Right. Well, I'm already married, so the only thing left for me. I wanna get married, drive a train, and die with my boots on. That's my three things. I would say what you need to do is slowly build to Steam Engineer. Because say you did it tomorrow,

now both things on your bucket list are checked off. Yeah. That's true. You need to build, you don't want it to be easy. You don't want it to be too early. If it was easy, everyone would do it. You need to start by pulling the engine. People always talk about, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, they never talk about what now?

Yeah. Well, I did, I did, I did, I did. Should I have kids? I should go back to school Something you know what next join the little things Patrick if you want to tell people you're a steam engineer You could just learn some pretty cool vape tricks Enough so that you could comfortably put steam engineer slash artist on your resume. Yeah.

I was about to ask if that helped, but I feel like we're actually getting further from God's light at this point. So I would just thank you so much for your time, Patrick. Thank you, Patrick. I appreciate you. All right, folks, thank you so much for your kindness. If you could please be darkened, that would be... Yeah, if you could all make yourself disappear.

It's out of your control, I know, but maybe if you wish, heart and soul, buddy. Yeah, make yourself shadier. Bye. It's just that there's a lot of you and seeing you is kind of... Thank you so much for having me. They're gone. It's just us. Now, if also you guys would all just stay in these seats

until tomorrow night when we do the Adventure Zone. That would be very helpful. We'd really appreciate that. And if you, it's an honor system, if you don't already have a ticket, we expect you to get on your phones. As soon as our lights go off, buy yourself one for tomorrow night.

Come back then and we'll see you guys then. Let's hear it for Jake from Roll 4 Sandwich. Thank you so much, Jake. Let's hear it for stage manager, Paul. Thank you so much, Jake. Let's hear it for stage manager Paul. Thank you so much, Paul. Let's hear it for our Sawbones. Sawbones. Oh, hey, gosh.

Let's hear it for our dad. He discovered weed backstage and his outfit just kind of materialized. Oh no, actually what happened, I forgot to tell you, I gave him his first ever buttery nipple. Cause Sydney had some leftover pre-made buttery nipple shots from Escape to Margaritaville. She got in a habit of just carrying them in her overall pockets. Like she whips them out like some sort of demented fourth doctor.

Like, would you like a buttery nipple? Like, no, I don't. But she gave one to dad as his first ever. He houses it and he's like, I actually love that. How do you make that? Where do I get more of that? He said. More of the buttery nipple stuff.

And now I'm worried he's gonna start wandering the streets of Detroit going, where do I find buttery nipple stuff. And now I'm worried he's gonna start wondering the streets of Detroit going, where do I find buttery nipples? Like, what if he's at a restaurant with us and he's like, do you have Coke Zero? No, buttery nipples? Absolutely, sir, one moment. No problem.

We also want to hear it for Rachel and Amanda and Jack and the whole crew here. Thank you so much. We also have a poster here that you can find outside designed by Justin Gray. We signed a whole bunch of them. Maybe there are some still out there. I don't know, but we'll be back with you again tomorrow.

Thank you to Montane for these for a theme song, My Life is Better with You. It's a slap. We'd like to leave you with a final wish. Yes. For Fungalore, we amplify it. That is unnecessary because you hear your wish. But it's still better safe than sorry.

It is necessary so we can end the show. If we could just sort of lift it up with a sort of sound bath. Ah. I wish Jolly Ranchers were easier to get out of the wrapper. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad, square the lips. It's better with you. Oh, it's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you.

It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with you My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,