My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 723: Face 2 Face: Cuck Cuck Goose

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Live from Detroit it’s our Best Show Ever™! We have emerged bringing with us a live Munch Squad of the world’s coldest wet sandwich, tips on how to sell your Pokemon cards to your doctor, and a completely accidental number of questions about animals. We've learned our lesson about themed live shows, we promise. Suggested talking points: Bird Perverts, Exact Normal Amount of Shark Enthusiasm , No Raw Cheese, Gastro-based Pauses, Justify Snakes, Peak Baby World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for babies, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You cool baby! It's the song. It feels love.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, My Brother, Meant, and Vice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middle-est brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf, Wolf, McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, Media Luminary Griffin, McElroy. Okay, I want to ask you guys a serious question, because this started on the last tour. Did everybody get together and decide to do

the wolf-loft thing when I introduced myself. Because that didn't happen before. No, there was like, I would already been saying Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf-Won-Mackroy. Right. For like five tours, nothing. And then last tour, three different cities. Yes. All of them Wolf-Lift. And then you guys wolf-wuffed. Right. Are you guys

talking about me when I'm not around? Because that's his dream and assumption. Wait, it depends on in what way you're talking about me. It doesn't. We We are used to audiences making certain noises at us when we're up on stage, making our art like cheering, or if doing a special show about a certain sci-fi franchise, absolute silence. I remember it differently.

Yeah. All right. We were talking backstage about how Detroit is like the story of the pianist who plays a show and everyone does a standing ovation, but he walks off sad. And they're like, why are you sad? And he's like, because my teacher was in the bell. and he didn't clap. I don't know that story. What stories are

being fed to you, Griffin? I got that one from church. Really? Yeah, man. They got all kinds of cool stories there, bro. The only thing I remember from that night after that Detroit shows, we went and saw Avengers Endgame. We did. After, which we've never done anything after the show ever.

We patted ourselves on the back for a job well done. and treated ourselves to an 1130 p.m. showing of the longest movie ever made. It was so late. It was so late when we came out, the people from the theater were like, what's your plan? They had already turned the lights off of the marquee, and they locked up. They locked up and left.

They came out behind us and locked the door when the last of us came through. We just needed to not talk to each other for like three hours. And then they said, if you think this is awkward, we heard that a podcast did a show tonight. Yeah. But to make up for that, we decided tonight to do, and I'm very excited to announce

this, the best show we've ever done. That's true. You know, you know, when an artist, like, musician or somebody dies, and then you're like, yeah, but were you there, oh, I'll never forget. That's tonight.

That's tonight. I fucking hope not. What? This is going to be the best one we've ever. You all, so fucking lucky to be here at the show that everyone's going to talk about when Griffin died. Yeah. And then in the future, when they're like, remember that one Detroit live Mbim Bam? People will think, you mean the one where Griffin died?

Yeah. And not the other one of them. Not the one that made them completely change the structure of the way they did live those. No, no, no, the normal one where Griffin beefed it. Where he tried to sleep on the hammond. covering the orchestra pit and just fell straight through. He said Boeing time and then he jumped into orchestra pit to his death.

Independently, three different members of our family that will go unnamed, but it definitely does end it with McElroy. Independently three different ones of us asked, so can we jump on that or, no, we weren't going to, but it would be good to know if we can jump on it or not. Yeah, in case it comes up. In case it comes up. Not everybody who asked was my daughter,

but in fact, none of them were. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it. You want to hear a question? Yeah, please. Hey, could you say like Chilean miners? Because I think that'll be part of the best show ever. Yeah. We have reemerged here in Detroit,

much like our friends of the Chilean miners. Yes. We have Doug back out here. It robs it of its power when you have to... When it's forced, yeah. It's also when Justice says, like our friends with Chilean miners, because I haven't kept up with their political opinions

after it. So I don't know. These are great miners. It's all good stuff. I want to do some bird watching in my neighborhood. How do I make it clear that I'm looking at birds through my binoculars and not peeping into houses? And that's from not a dirty bird in Wixom. I will say your main challenge is that bird watching was invented by perverts.

And that's really hard. Hey, speak on that. Well, okay, we all watched the birds, didn't we? Like, we all see them? Okay. And then some people were like, no, I'm really watching. Okay, hold on. It's like, okay, all right.

That's not what I thought you were going to say because to me, when you're like, what are you doing? You're like, oh, I'm looking at that. There's a seagull. There's a seagull over there. It looks so yummy. Yeah, you get, yeah. You don't say you get it.

I'm actually scooting down. I don't get it at all. I'm saying what I'm trying to get across here, and I feel like we're having a disconnect. What I'm trying to get across is that bird... You want to fuck a bird. Yeah. No, that bird watching was invented to cover,

to hide the actions of pervert. All right, cool. Thank you. Yeah. Not saying all bird watchers are perverts. No. But all perverts are bird watchers. Absolutely.

You should. first of all, put it in your local newsletter. Hey, what's up? It's me. I'm getting into birds now. So if you see me on the scopes, don't get freaks. Oh, see, I thought you were going to say, from the hours of three to five every Saturday,

close them blinds. That's normal to ask your neighbors for sure, yes. Guys, I got a real problem over here. Yeah. Because there's no amount of messaging or awareness. In my head, I was like, well, we should get different colored. Here, Justin, say this. We should get different colored goggles.

For not perverts? For not perverts. Awesome. And then I'm thinking, well, what's the problem? You probably already got there because if I'm a pervert, that's a day one buy for me, right? I'm on, I pre-reserve like several of them just in case, right? When you go to REI and you buy these binoculars, it's the first. fucking clerk there is the last

line of defense. Like, oh, I see you're buying the aquamarine binoculars. Let me take a good look at you. I don't think so, mister. I've got a couple invasive but very important questions. Yes. I'm going to show you some pictures of some birds. I need to know if you can react

appropriately. I'm going to hook you up to this MRI machine real quick and just kind of get a read on how you react to some pornography. Even a shirt that says I'm just bird watching. It's like exactly, that's, yeah. It feels like there's a wink in there that I don't like.

No, it's an implied wink. You've got to have, you've got to make for yourself a little tiny stage in the front of your yard that you can stand on with the binoculars. You absolutely can't do this inside your home through the windows. No. I understand the temptation. Worse than being imperfect at that point, your rear window. And you're like, I'm going to get you all around.

No way. I don't think that's what happens. Just always be looking straight up at the sky. Okay. Because there is a chance of birds will be there. Very low chance nude people will be there. Yeah, sure. Unless they're falling out of an airplane.

Yeah. But what if a really cool bird lands on a totally nude dude? Then what do you do? Hey man, don't flatter yourself. I'm just looking. Look at how red that cardinal on your shoulder. is. Look at the plumage.

I'm flipping out. It also doesn't help, frankly, that there's a burning term of Jizz. And frankly, to Justin's point, that's true. It doesn't sound true. It is true. Just like how George Lucas

loves Jizz music. No, I can't mention Star Wars. I'm so sorry, everyone. That was not a purpose. The fucking first seal breaks backstate. One trumpet rings out. somewhere Christopher Plummer is staring at a stone wheel

and screaming. No, no. Those fools. You fools. My wife is a huge fan of sharks. One of her life goals is to travel to South Africa. Just wait for applause. There was an organic woo for sharks there.

I did appreciate that. Sharks. Well, I think, unless I'm misjudged, I think the woo might have been from. person who thought I was announcing that my wife Sidney enjoys sharks and not really knowing what to do with that in friendship, but not wanting to leave me hanging, decided to throw out a woo. What is Sidney's read on sharks? You know, I think she's a fan.

We watched like one Shark Week thing. It was John Cena. You watched one Shark Week thing and your takeaway was she's a fan. It's like, it's one of the things where I feel like she has the exact normal amount of shark. edge. Exactly. Whatever the normal amount is, that's where Sydney's at. And it's such a narrow range isn't it? Yeah. It's just like, huh. You know what I mean? Like, oh, sharks. That's about

where I am with sharks like, cool. Cool, man. Yeah, cool, man. Sharks. Awesome. Sharp fish. I love it. Anyway, one of her life goals is to travel South Africa. Now, this is the question to ask her. We got on a side of the tangent. And cage dive with great whites. Luckily for her, we are getting to a level of financial

comfort where we can afford such a trip and she was frequently daydreaming about it. However, I deeply fear sharks and deep water and do not want to cage dive with great whites. I have expressed this and my wife has responded with, quote, you'll be fine. And quote, it's not even that dangerous. Brothers, please help me convince my wife

that shark diving just isn't for me. That's from, don't make me shark in Detroit. Can I just say, many things hit me in your reading there Justin can I say excellent oration oh thanks it's so nice to get some positivity you read yes I felt things that I've never

felt before thanks man I felt really good and if it wasn't so dangerous there wouldn't be a fucking cage I mean the cage I mean yeah but like there are things that if I say I'm afraid of spiders and someone says actually spiders are very little they're more afraid of you okay listen there's a point

to be made there. I'm afraid of sharks, normal. They're dangerous. I just don't see why... Sure, I don't know that that's true. I mean, the cage... You don't know that that's true? I think the cage for a great white diving experience is

a great upgrade on the diving package. The lawyers love that. Huge. Wait, so you're saying that there's an offer that they make where you can go diving without the cage or with the cage for an extra $500. Yeah, and you might want to go for the, man, people get so sensitive about shark traps.

I will say this, anybody can dive with Great Whites without a cage. That's free. You just do that, right? Like, that's not, you don't need a guide. It's everyone's ocean. Yeah, just go out there and go for it. What I'm saying is there's like many different genre of shark. Yeah, yeah.

And only like three of them are dangerous to humans. Yeah, yeah. They don't put you in like a cage to dive with nurse sharks. Right. Or they also don't put you in a cage to watch netball. at home. Unless you're into that. I just, I don't know why I get, I don't know why the onus is on us to do this sales pitch.

Because the, you seem very well founded. They're so big and their teeth are so sharp. And so many of them. Right. Why do you have to call in like a manager with a folding chair to, to, to, to, this battle, like, you should just win it by default. It's sharks, man. They're so big and there's a cage and what all.

We are dangerously close to dismantling the entire concept of our podcast. Yeah, that's occurring to me as Justice Day. I don't know, man. Why ask us? Yeah. Oh, wait. No, but like, what are we even fucking doing here? Why are you here?

They should offer a two-week experience where you go somewhere for two weeks, and every day they step you up to a more dangerous fish in a cage. Yes. Because it is wild to go from like, I've never been in a cage around fish ever to Great Whites.

Yeah, yeah. That's a big step up. Hey, this is a great point. You know what would really fuck me up, Travis? Going underwater in a cage. Yeah. No way, man! I also would say, to your point,

deep water, fucking scary as hell. Yeah, man. Scarrier than sharks to me. Yeah. Because there's a lot of pressure down there. You get squished. You know where the biggest thing is? It's in the ocean.

It's called a blue whale, and it's the biggest thing there is. I hope you've got a very good cage. That thing's massive. Yeah, do you know about Pinagio? And ask any scientists, they could be anywhere. Yep. In the ocean at all. There is very few animals that are active apex predators,

that our Lord decided he's going to definitely keep separate from human beings. Sure. Right? I'm not saying there's a lion outside, I mean, Detroit, maybe. But the chance that I'm going to walk out of this feeder, and there's going to be a lion ready to pounce upon me, it's a small chance, but higher than a shark bouncing on me outside this theater. And we've chosen as a species to be like,

I'm actually going to make myself a fun toy for the shark. Like one might give a kitty cat. I also think that you might have this cage that's going to prevent you from getting attacked by a shark, but what if a particularly nasty eel gets in there? Thank you. Then it's just you. your beloved and a nasty eel. Some of them are electric.

I don't know if you've heard. What's that? There's no such thing as electric tigers. It's fucked up. Do you remember the first time they're like in a cartoon? They're like, oh, there's one fish that shocks people. Okay. Anyway, that's been science class.

See in fourth grade. Yes. And if you make a wallet out of it, it fucks up your credit cards. We don't even know, ma'am. We don't get it. So, my dad has some geese living on. his farm back home. Wait, say it one more time. So my dad has some geese on his farm back home, and I never know how to act around them. Most recently, when I was there visiting, I was told,

quote, do not make eye contact with the geese, which naturally made me laugh and I assume was a joke. Immediately after I made eye contact with the geese, and they ran at me and started biting and attacking my feet until I hid in the car. My question is this. How do I act going forward around geese? That's from Doug, Doug, get away from Mary. Are you here? Wait, are you here? Yeah. Hello.

Hi. I'm glad you're still with us. I guess I noticed you're videoing. I wish I had better news for you. But the thing is, if you're not going to listen to the goose expert, I don't know why you would come to us and say, no, but really, what do I do about geese? Because that, you had one rule, and they said, don't you do. do this one thing. I bet when that goose attack, they were like, I could have

sworn I told them. I always make sure to tell people, because it's so serious. I'm sure I'd mention it. To be fair, if someone said to me, Travis, when you go meet these geese for the virtue of deference, don't make eye contact, I'd be like, you got

it. And then my brain would be like, look in their eyes, Travis. It is very fair, though, in your defense, because you're here, they're not, like the... Yeah, fuck geese. Wait, no, don't fuck geese. No, listen. But those necks, listen.

But if you do, do not look at them in the eyes while you do it. No kissing. I bet you would have never even crossed your mind to look a goose in the eye. Oh, talk guarantee. Never, never in a million years until the thoughts in there, the intrusive thought to like sneak a peek and stare him down. I want to see what's up with that geese's soul. It's never been my impulse to look at anything or anyone in their eyes. Tell me about it.

I just did it. Yeah, I hated it. I hated it, Grimmy. I didn't see anything in there. It was weird. Will you guys stop saying that about my eyes? That's both of you in the span of five minutes. Is it true?

We calls them like we see. Do I have an impression? Okay. Listen. Don't look at him. I'm glad I was not in this situation because I like to think that were I some sort of primal kicking instinct would

be enabled in my brain right? That's how you establish dominant. Some sort of like if I see some of them that size and profile I would hope I have some sort of primal kick left over from the ancestor. Is it there?

Okay, looking at goose in the eye has to be bad most of the time. But there must be a circumstance where you look him in the eye and they acknowledge something about you. Okay. Where they bowed to you. Yeah. So rather than not look him in the eye next time, look him in the eye better. Do you think about that?

Like establish like, yeah. You shouldn't have looked me in the eye. Heck that goose. Yeah, you look him dead in the eye and you're like, cuck, cuck, goose. I don't think that goose is. Cuck, cuck, cuss. Didn't you hear Griff? Griffin, I don't think you heard it.

No, I heard it. Say it. Cuck cuck cuck goose. It's very good. No, you didn't mean it. I think you did three cucks. That's not right. I think. I don't think you get it. You need to make your... Because like duck, duck goose.

Like the game, Griff. I get the... I get it. I just... You guys are talking about talking to the goose with human English language. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like so funny. Do they have ears? We don't... The fact that we don't know that means that maybe we should take human... Them understanding human language, English language, English,

language off the table as advice that can be helpful. We should mention, by the way, because it did not occur to us backstage, we are not doing another themed episode about animals secretly. We just happen to have three questions back to back that are about animal interactions. You need to make yourself. You need to look at yourself in the eyes and transform yourself into someone who would cow a goose. They saw you again, they would, whoa.

Now, there's a risk there. Because I think what you want at best is a neutral relationship with the goose. You don't want to be accepted into the flock so strongly that now they're looking to you for guidance. You don't want them to imprint, not to get technical here. But if the goose looks at you, you're like, you're the queen of geese. You're the king of geese. You're the emperor of geese. Whatever term they use, I don't know.

I'm not a fucking goose. How embarrassing it would be if you went to visit your friends geese and they imprinted on you. Oh, my God. Sorry, Daryl. I guess they're my children now. Hey, when you close that car door, how smart and cool and evolved did you feel? I would give him the biggest Shiner like, hmm, looks like I have my car. Did you just lay?

And the goose was like, we should have stayed Velociraptor this. Did you just lay on the horn? Like, I can honk so much. fucking louder than you can. And all the geese began to bow to your jetta. I swear they channeled the wind on the inside of their

giant wheeled cage. I tried pecking at it, but my beak could find no purchase in this hard and colorful stone. We'll follow them home, my liege. Oh, no, wait, we have to fly downwards

or we'll die. Shit. We should really evolve soon. We need longer legs. Speaking of evolution, my doctor collects Pokemon cards and we talked about Pokemon a few times. I recently inherited my brother's old Pokemon card collection.

I'm so sorry. I have to assume they were given it from their brother. Oh, okay. Let's make a joke about it to be safe, huh guys? Hey, if you're listening, if you're watching this, I'm dead. And I know you're wondering, what

I possibly could have left you. My sibling, who I love very much, that's the last thing I'll ever impart to you. It's my Pokemon cards, a thing you don't care about. Is it appropriate? It's okay. Is it appropriate to make an appointment with my doctor just to see if he wants any? Is there a better way to offer my wares? I would not make him pay for any of the less valuable cards if that helps. This is from an Appleton a day keeps the doctor away. Are you here. Hi, hello. Hi, how's it going? Oh, you have a sign. List of my favorite Griffin's Griffin Macroy to my real life brother Griffin. Oh, that's good. Is that who you inherited the Pokemon cards from? Yeah, he's alive. He's alive, everybody. He's alive.

Yes, yes, yes. Because I don't know if you heard, Travis totally made a joke about it. And if that one had gone the other way, we'd be run out of town on a rail. But you know what? By the end of this show, when Griffin's dead, I hope he leaves new his Pokemon cards. Do you realize it? That would have been second strike you're out for Detroit. We would have been done. That's it. No, not allowed back here.

The tenor of the conversation we would have had to have backstage if that one had gone the other way would have really chilled me to the core. I'm a stinker. But for next time, if we're unsure if the loved one died or not, let's just go ahead and not do a joke about it. I don't see the problem, Griffin. Because they didn't die, right? Yeah, man.

So. Yeah, man. Sometimes you just got to roll the hard six on a kick-ass joke. I, um. Quarter mile at a time, baby. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. My adrenaline is racing right now.

Is your Apple Watch giving you notifications? It actually is. I like to make Griffin feel alive for the inevitability of the show. Yeah. I noticed, speaking of evolution, I noticed, that this question kind of evolved from, I should see if my doctor wants any, to by the end, you're opening a trench coat,

like, look at the bulbosaur. See anything you like? Because that's exactly how that conversation would go, of like, I made an appointment to meet with you. Well, I have all these Pokemon cards I wanted to see if you wanted any. Oh, actually, this kicks ass. Yeah, that one's like $10, and this one's...

Wait, what? It's also, after a visit, a doctor has the code for the care that they have provided. So, like, they're going to go back to the records department and be like, so how are we coding this visit? It's like, well, you're not going to believe this one. I don't know. You should go towards the back of the book for this code because I doubt it pops up very much, but they wanted to sell me a charm member.

The sick one, it turned out, was me and I have Pokemon. I can think of better ways, quote, better ways to offer your wares than starting out by making an appointment with your doctor to maybe sell them some of your Pokemon cards. and then paying $850 on the way out of the building. How good is your insurance? And how good are these fucking Pokemon cards? Listen, don't bring Pokemon cards to serious buildings? No, now hold on. No, no, you hold on.

I know what the fuck I'm talking about here, okay? Have you done this before? Don't bring Pokemon cards to serious buildings. Meet at a neutral silly location. Okay, Griffin. Like a neutral milk hotel. Okay. Griffin, I'm going to list some buildings in a town and you tell me rapid fire.

Take me through it, Richard Scarry. Tell me some towns in your, some buildings in your busy town, my man. Okay. Library. Library, if they're doing a special Pokemon themed event, yes. Otherwise, no. Bank. Bank?

Fuck, no, man. That's like the most serious building there is. Dave and Busters Thursday, 2 p.m. It's very slow. Too chaotic. They'll get dirty. Funeral home. No.

Wait, hold on. Dirty funeral or not. Empty funeral home? Yes. Towards the end when you're not getting any good people anymore, it's just like friend of a friend. Yeah, it's like winding down like you show up at 745. Is this still okay? Are they still here and dead?

Okay, sorry. Sorry to cut it so close. Yeah. Christie's auction house. Yes, of course. Yeah. It's fucking super boring. there. I bet having some Pokemon cards to flip through would

help pass the time a little bit. Would it be better to bring the Pokemon cards to an appointment you actually need? Oh, that's a good sort of slide it in towards the end, like as long as I'm here. Yes, I think in that one instance it would be okay. You can't sell Pokemon cards to your doctor. Unless.

I guess unless. If the diagnosis is bad, you got him on the hook, baby. Man, that's going to be a lot of medical bills. You know what would help. Yeah. You got to keep the Pokemon cards on you at all times for the rest of your life is the deal. And then eventually when you get some really bad news, they're like,

that's tough to hear, but would you like to buy some Pokemon cards? Reel them in. Real them in. You got the bait. Hi, everybody. I hope you're enjoying this just clubbanger of a live show episode. I would say it's probably my best, the best one I've ever done. What's that?

Dialing up onto the internet. Oh. I just got into the internet. Let me take a look around. Holy shit. Yeah, it's a lot. Wow. Wow.

Don't look at it all at once. I'm going to be, I'm going to be, I'm going to be Yartsin. Because of how intimidated and overwhelmed I feel by the internet. Only there was some way to get a foothold on this sheer cliff face. I've got some great news for you. Mostly pornography. Yeah, go ahead. It's a lot of.

It's a lot of pornography. But Griffin, the good news is you can carve out your own little space here on the interwebs. That's what we call it. Do not call it that. Well, then I see you're not a real nerd. But here on the internet, you can carve out a Squarespace for yourself. Okay. Tell me more now.

Oh, okay. Well, Squarespace is the all-on-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Say that again? Entrepreneurs. Okay. Don't say that again. Entrepreneur. I'm sorry, I'm giving you a lot of notes I'm realizing during this ad record.

No, it makes me feel like a voiceover professional. Okay, cool. And like, you're just a booth junkie. Give me another take on entrepreneurs, please. Entrepreneur. All right. Entrepreneur. There's one of those is going to be usable.

So what's Squarespace? Oh, yeah. So basically, it allows you to build a website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place. all in your terms. You can personalize your website with their guided design system's square space blueprint, which allows you to choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options. You can also make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. You can even accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple pay ineligible

countries, offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with afterpay and clear pay. And you can even upload video content. So you can have a video library there that showcases all your stuff. So that's pretty cool. And if you want to check it out, you can go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to wwwdubbubbubb-dubbba.

Dot squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, now you take a turn. Now you try an ad and I'll give you notes as we do it. Yeah, let me take a swing at this. Rocket money is not a money thing.

Shit. Griffin. How's it going so far? Not good so far. Rocket money is a money. We can edit around that. Okay, cool, cool. Rocket money is a money thing.

And what they do is they go through all of your subscriptions. Yeah. And they say, holy shit, my man, looks like you're paying for Hulu and ESPN and Apple Plus. I'm pretty sure that's all one thing now. You are tripling. That feels targeted. I'm wasting so much freaking money. And we don't have any shit on any of those.

No, I know, but I did do that. Oh, yeah. And I used Rocket Money and Rocket Money was like, hey, ma'am, you're paying for this whole big Disney bundle. and all the individual ones of my dude. It doesn't say in the ad copy specifically mentioned the Disney bundle that almost certainly

everybody is fucking up but I'll go ahead and say it. You're wasting a bunch of money on subscriptions every month, I bet. We're in the middle of potty training Gus which means we're using a lot of apps on the iPad and it's like if you want Thomas the tank engine

to really go hog wild give us $5 a month and it's like yeah, no fucking problem as long as it gets my son to piss on the potty but then I forget about it and then all of a sudden And Thomas has taken me to the fucking cleaners.

Rocket Money can help me figure out what I'm wasting my money on with subscriptions that I don't use anymore. Rocket Money's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. They have over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

RocketMoney.com slash my brother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother. I'm Jesse Thorne. I just don't want to leave a mess. This week on Bullseye, Dan Aykroyd talks to me about the Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, and his very detailed plans about how he'll spend his afterlife. I think I'm going to roam in a few places. Yes, I'm going to manifest in Rome.

All that and more on the next Bullseye from Maximumfund.org and NPR. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, the JV club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience. One you have no choice but to embrace, because yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varnie is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

And remember, no running in the halls. Jigalalal loo. Jal la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la i want to munch squire I want to munch squire. Welcome to Munch Squad, the podcast, and the podcast, profiling the ladies and grace and brand eating. Today, I am so, I'm so thrilled to welcome the stage an expert in the field who is kind enough to lend us his time.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jake from Roll for Sandwich. Hi, Jake. In case you don't know, as Jake, as Jake gets set up, Jake has a truly, truly amazing TikTok channel in which Jake rolls for the elements of sandwich and then has to eat it. No matter what it is and reviews it, it's incredible. Hi, Jake. Hi, Jake. How's it going, pal?

Hi. Pretty good. Sorry that Justin made you eat a thing that dunked in a toilet. Yeah, and about the cumin. I'm so sorry about the cumin. Honestly, sandwich ball was worse. Really? That's unbelievable, Jake.

I hear that you have prepared for us a special treat here today on the Munch Squad. Special treat, in quotes. All right. What is it, I say, in terror? Oh, man, I'm really, Jake. I don't know, man. Can I tell you the feeling I'm having right now is like when a parent visits a classroom because one of their kids is having like a birthday.

And it's like, oh, awesome. But then they break out a bunch of like health food stuff. Yeah. They're like, oh, I brought tofu cupcakes or whatever. I feel like that's what's about. you the driest cornbread anyone's ever created. It's pretty much exactly the opposite of what you said. Oh, no, it's not super dry.

It sounds like a wet sandwich. I'm wearing my fancy costume, Jake, I can't get sandwich drippings on this. Jake, the one thing you said backstage is that if you made it beforehand, it would have been too wet. Jake, I don't want it. I don't want it. I mean, that's true of anything, because I came like 30 minutes to get here, so. Okay, that's fair.

That's fair. Good point. Let's let Jake assemble. Jake, assemble. Wait, is there a video? I think there's a video. Can we play? Good evening, Detroit. And welcome to Roll for Sandwich, the series where I let fate decide my lunch. Let's go. Tonight out on Roll for Sandwich, we will be sourcing all of our ingredients from fast food restaurants.

Fuck. I'm sure it will be cursed. Let's get things started with our Roll for Bread. Five, Subway Italian Urban Cheese. All right. While the good news is I was able to find a loaf of the time. Maybe good start from Subway that was not stale. The bad news is it's a foot long, which means we're going to have a big weird sandwich.

At least we're splitting it four ways. All right, next up, let's roll for Maine. Two, McDonald's filial fish patties. I don't think I've ever had a filial fish before, so I guess there's a first time for everything. I'm sure I'll get an entirely accurate representation of the sandwich from this experience. All right, we've got our oversized fish sticks sliced in half, and now we're going to lay them out on our sandwich. I am beginning to rethink my life choices. Let's roll for some cheese.

Two, KFC mac and cheese. Oh, my land. Yes. Why not? If there's one thing our full-long sandwich means, it's more carbs. Carbs stuck together with a cheese of big sauce. That was a real concern for Justin Banks. Thanks for that one, Colonel.

Next up, let's roll for roughage. Come on, baby. One, Taco Bell onions and six. Jimmy John's avocado spread. Definitely got some side eye when I asked for a side of onions at Taco Bell. I don't think anyone is going to Taco Bell specifically to have their onions. After giving Mr. James Jonathan about $4 for these two small containers of avocado spread, they better significantly improve this sandwich.

But I... A lot of colors, Jim. Have my doubts. I guess we'll see. in textures, Jay. All right, time to get wild with the wild matchful. 17, Culver's cheese curds. Hey, Rick and finally gets his cheese curds after.

What a guess. Unfortunately, due to the nature of Fish and cheese, the classic compo. They're cold by now. Sorry. And last but not least, it's the D20 sauce roll. Here we go. There's more.

18 Taco Bell Avocado Ranch. This is actually one of my favorite songs. That makes sense to me. I don't want to eat the sandwich. I'm so hungry. Sandwich. is a little bit like putting lipstick on a pig. I didn't realize that.

I don't know how much it's going to help us. I want to eat this sandwich. Let's get our toothpicks in to hold our sandwich together here. Wouldn't want it to accidentally fall apart. And let's take a look at that cross section. Did you eat it first so we know we won't die? I don't want to eat ranch. All right.

Well, this is definitely some kind of sin. The smell sucks. Maybe it'll be good. Boys, let's give it a taste. Damn it, I'm into this. Oh, man. Okay. I really.

Fuck. A lot of onions, you sure? It's like component-wise, we're largely fine, except for, I think, what we're all the most worried about is any kind of yucky ranch in it. I see a few nods out there from,

thank you, okay? Well, obviously, what else would it be? It's the yucky ranch. As someone who helped Jake assemble the, or unpack the components, let me tell you all, I have felt firsthand the temperature

of this fish fillet patty. And it is suboptimal. I've, in my years, worked at a lot of food service places and had to take multiple food handling courses. I believe it's in what we like to call the Danger Zone. Hey, did you guys see the Adventure Zone show, the night after my brother, my brother, me? Yeah, they were all very eager to get off the stage

as quickly as was of us. Yeah. Are you talking about the one where Griffin died? I don't even remember. the sandwich stuff. What are you talking about? That's so infancy. It's been on ice. Wait, wait. What is that? Oh, the world's smallest ice bag. Is that? Okay.

There's more than one. You have your food handler's license, right, Jake? I can't take my mushroom hat off or I look like Aladdin. Wait, where's the cheese curds? Oh, yep. I don't want to eat. Give me them room temperature curds. The curds is the only part I'm looking forward to.

I'm looking forward to not having to use the bathroom. during some of our upcoming drives. Or ever again. The cheese curds are the only thing we didn't roll during the Wild Magic collab, too, so it's kind of full short It's beautiful. It's, I guess, revenge is the word

that's coming to mine. Jake, I can tell how uncomfortable this is for you to assemble things without just jamming your fingers right into it. I do appreciate the amount of delicate touch you're putting on these. Okay, the finish fucking shit.

There's a lot of. of smell coming. I don't know if it's good or bad. That's exactly it. My mind hasn't even crossed the threshold of, you're about to eat this, Griffin. Oh no. It's right now it's at the threshold of

this is about to get way closer to your nose. One of my senses doesn't even know what's heading its way yet. Jake. Yeah, you know what, Griffin, let's break it down by that. Nasal, right? Smell sense, bad. Zero points.

Visual sense. Bad. So tan. unbelievably tan. No tan. All the tans are in it. Even the green is tan. You didn't know there were so many beige foods.

Damn it, man. It's so ranchy, though. The touch is cold all around, so that's not. So there's only one left. They say white people have no culture. I guess this is confirmation. Oh, my God. All right.

So are you recording this, Jake? I am. All right, kick ass. Let me know when it's party party time. Cheers, everyone. Cheers. It's so cold. It's unbelievably cold.

It tastes like a waiter is about to rush over to the table. Like, no, no, no, sir, sir, no, no. Sir, those are decorative, sir? No, that was from the table before. They didn't eat it. I don't want to swallow it. I'm going to finish it.

I don't, no, take it away. I'm an adult. I don't want to spit it out. I don't want to swallow it, but I don't want it in my mouth anymore. Like, here's the thing I'm going to say to you guys, though. The mystery was very scary. And I think, Jake, you can probably, you've probably sent me gone through before where the mystery is the bad part because you don't know what your mouth's about to go through.

But once you understand it, it's like, okay, I can get another bite of this. Wait, your brain figured out what we just ate already in one bite? I get it. There's a second mystery of how will my body react to what I just. in that inner. Oh no, Jake is giving a knowing not. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a hazard of the game. Welcome to the jungle boys.

There is a knowing silence from Jake that I'm not wild about. You guys don't have like a show tomorrow or anything. Do you have a show tomorrow and if it's weird, I think the audience will basically be the same audience that's here right now so at least they'll know.

Hey, Jake, how does this bad boy rank in your like world of sandwiches? Oh yeah. I mean, I've had over 300 now on the show. This is not that bad. That sucks, man. That's tough. Have you ever thought about doing

advice podcast? Because it's so much easier. I noticed that some of you boys didn't finish. Did you fucking think? It's really good though. Jake. Are you going to finish that? Do not, Justin, you are older than him.

Do not let him push you around. Do not let him push you around. Cut goose. Don't say cut, cut, cut, goose. Okay, listen, Jake, thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're not already watching Roll for a Sandwich on TikTok and other formats, what are you doing?

It smells so bad. It smells a lot. I don't want to waste food, though. Yeah, we're not going to throw it away. I'll eat backstage. Don't throw it away. Save it for me. I'll throw it in the microwave.

It'll be palatable. I regret it. I regret it. Eating the whole thing? Yeah, Trav. As you should. Hey, we're going to call some. folks down to the microphone

that we have... Thank you, Jay. One more time for Jake, everybody. It wasn't bad, though. Honestly, that bread, you could put just about any dang thing on that bread. It's all right. I'll get through it. It's going down like a lead fucking balloon. It sucks. It sucks. Yeah. I'm

feeling a weight settle inside me that I can't describe. Those guys are charging down to my stomach and they're about to meet a rowdy band of shrimp and grits. that is not going to enjoy them at all. It is reformed into the sandwich it once.

Stop it. Fucking stop it. Stop. We're all going through the same thing. Just stop talking about. Not all of us ain't the whole thing, Griffin. That's your cross to bear friend. All right, Griffin, who we got? For science.

We're going to get some people that we're going to call down to the microphone. It is here at stage left, house, right, at the very front. I'm a burba, bud. And then we're going to call you down. I'm being sad that I sit it back. There's a part of me that's like, I am pretty hungry. I wouldn't like another. That was what happened.

Paul, don't. Paul, don't. Don't, Paul, don't. So we're going to call some folks down if you want to tell us your name and your pronouns if you'd like and a brief summary of your question. And we will do our best to answer the question. But there may be some gastro-based pauses in there. This is such a beautifully tasteful theater. This is a lovely place.

Hello. Hello, my name is Nicole. My pronouns are they them. Hi, Nicole. What is your question? Do you want some sandwich? You know, I'm good right now. Okay.

So I've worked summer camps for the last 13 years, and I've picked up the hobby of making balloon animals, but I only get to use that hobby, like, once a year. At camp, I bet? At camp, yeah. Earlier today, in fact. Do you have any tips or tricks in how I can use that skill to impress one over the age of 10?

I have an important question. Have you tried? I do make a lot of turtles for my friends and co-workers like prepping for the kids to come, but they don't really care. I just put them near them. Okay, so hold on. You don't prepare them for the... It seems like you ask us like, hey, do you have an advice

on how to seamlessly introduce balloon animal making into my day-to-day conversations with people? By the way, I've been doing it without any sort of context or preamble to my coworkers and friends making them turtles. How do they take it usually when you give them a balloon animal turtle? Well, I work at an art center, so that's not unusual. A bunch of weirdos, right? Yeah.

A bunch of beret wearing. I had a short history of balloon animals that went something like this. I got the balloon animal, and I read the book, and I twisted it around. I made a sword, and then I tried to show other adults in the area. And the response I got was so chilling that I never did it again. because I could tell from the look at my wife's size that she was like, if I react in the wrong way, this could become part of his entire fucking brand.

A core memory, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So I need to be really clear with how I feel about this. You've got so many fucking islands in there already. Right. Sydney can't afford to add balloon animal island. Right. She doesn't need me rattling off balloon animal trivia

at inopportune times, right? So she tells me, like, I'm not impressed by that. I don't, I don't, or like, this can't be the new thing. I think it's actually what she said. This can't be your new thing. That is fair. That's, yeah. Could you make things that are useful out of balloons, like a life hack thing?

Yeah, what can you make? Tool-wise. My go-to are unicorns and snakes, but they're both made with like multiple balloons. Hold on, Nicole. Nicole. I think. Justify snakes. as someone once said to God.

All right, so it has a mouth and then it has a tail that zigzagged and then in a different color it has eyes and a tongue. Okay, that sounds actually... The different color word for me. Yeah, that got there. Why would you not bring the balloons with you? I made them earlier today.

I'm really regretting it now. Okay. I just would love one. Actually, I take that back. Both my kids are here, so too, if you have... Yeah, same color, same... They'll fight.

When in the future they invent time travel and you come back to this moment to rectify your life's greatest mistake. You can bring two long balloons with which to make unicorns, I imagine. Do you want one as long as we're changing time? Yeah, as long as you'd love one too. If you could do like a hat with like a monkey on it. And if this isn't asking too much, if you could form a balloon into the sports almanac for the next 50 years. No problem. That would be so huge.

So huge. But don't make it out of balloons because if it pops, I'm fucked. I'm never going to open Justin's Berg. Can I say as a parent, when my children get a balloon animal they're very excited about, I see it as a ticking time bomb of disappointment. It's like buying a fish.

Yeah, could you, I guess. The balloon animal of animals. Could you make balloon animals out of something more lasting? Like pipe cleaners. That's not going to pop? Yeah. I don't think they call them balloon animals. No, that can't.

Make your co-workers some pipe cleaner turtles and say, I made you guys some balloon animals. Like how origami is often called the balloon animals of paper. I don't think people say that. Give them the pipe cleaners and say, this is like balloon animals, but better. They don't pop. Does that help, Nicole? Yes, thank you very much. You're welcome. Thank you. Don't let them steal your sunshine, Nicole. Hey, I'm Cody, he, him. And also, funny enough, I'm a friend of Jake's and didn't know he would be here tonight. That's so great. Hi, Cody.

Hi, I'm Kelsey. Hi, Dick. Hey, dude. This is fun. They're just, hey. Okay. What was your question? So, our daughter is three, and she is starting preschool this year,

and she is convinced that Sonic and Tales and Link and Zelda are going to be in her preschool class. because she thinks they're her friends. And we're trying to break the news to her that there will just be other toddlers that will probably pee their pants in her class. So how do we- Now, you don't know that Sonic doesn't pee his pants, yeah? He doesn't have pants, though,

so I think it's just an issue. It just gets all over his fur and wherever it's run it. I got to say, guys, it raises another question. If I ever went that fast, I don't think I'd ever want to slow down. Yeah, I think it's, yeah. It's only not to pee. It goes with the wind.

So how do we tell her that there's just going to be other kids there and not her best friends. I mean, are you sure? Have you gotten like a roster and noticed that Sonic and Lincoln's Zelda and Tails weren't on it? I don't know.

And, you know, she might think that maybe if they wear a shirt that has those kids on it, those characters on it. That's a good compromise. You need to start reaching out to the parents of the other kids in the class now to start arranging them. Get them costumes.

Have Sonic show up day one. Have Link show up day two. It's the same kid. Every kid's looking for their end. As parents, we forget sometimes. We don't have to teach them everything. Some things the world will teach them. You know what I mean?

Like, you can share in that. Like, are you kidding me? None of them? And you can even... What are we... What are we paying this place? Dude, that's so... I would have sworn!

That's so... My daycare had Hubert at it. I'm going to call your teacher right now. What's that? They'll be there tomorrow? Okay. Okay. Well, listen, little buddy, if they're not there tomorrow,

you let me know because I'm going to flip shit. Hey, buddy, remember, I'm sorry about that. We don't say that outside in front of Sonic and tails and the whole crew, right? You don't want to hear your curse. If you cuss in front of Sonic, he goes absolutely feral. He just starts pissing everywhere. It breaks the spell that keeps him human and he becomes a feral headjohn.

What was the last Sonic game you played that that is your understanding of stuff? You know how he's chained down, foam at the corner of his mouth. Every time you curse, the chain snap. Every Sonic game starts with a human being at a work office and then someone nearby is like, shit. And then he's like, he turns into Sonic the hedgehog and starts running super.

Not again. The cursing only turns him from Sondon, the hedgehog, into a feral hedgehog. I didn't establish the means by which he goes from feral hedgehog to the hero. So I'm not familiar with the lore, but is that what shadow is? Yes, that's absolutely what shadow is. Shadow is when he goes nuts, starts shitting all over the walls and just tearing through people. I was going to ask if that help it. I know for a fucking fact, we have said nothing helpful to you.

entire time. But thank you for your time. I very much appreciate it. We'll get to tell her that we saw toad at the show. Yeah, there you go. Hello. Hello. I'm Brian. He-him. Hi, Brian. So my grandma recently became a great-grandma because one of my cousins had a baby. Congratulations. And so it's very exciting. And I have another cousin who's currently pregnant, which will be her second great-grandchild. And at a family gathering recently, that I was not there for, sadly, my cousin was showing my grandma the ultrasound photos, and my grandma really did not want to see them. Yeah.

So my question is, my wife and I, if all goes according to plan, could get pregnant soon. Right. So when we inevitably show my grandmother these very touching photos, how do we get her to appreciate them? And not be scared of them. And not be scared of them, or repulsed or wondering why we showed them. to her in the first place. Yes, because it looks like the topographical map of some sort of desert somewhere that has the

vague hint of a face on it somewhere. It looks like one of those, you know, like toys where you press your face against pins. Yes, it looks exactly like that. Yeah. They need to improve dramatically ultrasound technology, so it doesn't look like when people say that Jesus got burnt onto a piece of toast. Yes. Or like if Clayface was pretending to be a baby.

Was your grandma's? just like, talk to me when their skin's not translucent. Like, what is the response exactly like? Did you get details from that? Because to just say, I'm not looking at that lumpy pile of mashed potatoes. That doesn't look like me at all. It seems like it was more of a, like, who wants to see this kind of vibe. Well, like, okay.

For some context, this is on brand for my grandma. She's very petty and passive aggressive in the best possible ways. Right, now the question is shifted. And also, she wasn't proud of me at graduation. When I was in college, my friends bought, we were in New York, and they, from a street vendor, bought a pirated copy of the Bruce Willis film Surrogates. And when they got back, they said, Justin, we're going to watch Surrogates. We bought a pirated copy in New York.

And I said, I don't know if I ever want to watch Surrogates. But if I do, I want it to be the intended experience. The way Bruno meant it. The way Bruno meant it and not a VHS camera recording from the aisle in like an unlit theater in the barren wastelands of Eastern Europe or something, right? So I want to watch the actual surrogates. To me, ultrasound photography is the pirated copy of surrogates. Interesting.

Wait, but Justin, sorry. I want to see the bait, if I may. I want to see the baby pristine I want to see the baby at its peak and this this is not done cooking okay this needs a little more time

like when a friend because like I've been working on some demos and some songs do you I don't I don't go ahead and finish them you know finish it up and then I'll take a listen I think what would be better is just a written note from the doctor maybe just even a paragraph describing what they see in the picture

because otherwise your grandma is awesome. Your grandma's just going to be like, what am I looking at here? Is that the brow line, or what is it? Justin, what did you think of surrogates when you did watch out? I haven't yet. But...

Oh, but there's a lesson there, isn't there? Maybe you'll never see this baby. Maybe she'll never look at the... No, I think she'll probably look at the baby, I bet. Careful. We can't do it again, guys. Yeah. Once a show. Please, just tell your immortal grandma to be nice.

Thank you so much for your time. Also, you could just print out a picture of like a cartoon baby. I'd be like, imagine like this. It's like this. But more like how I look. I had a, I had a, I had a, a Photoshop expert whip up a picture of me and the baby's parents. The people who do dateline said this is what the baby will look like in three months. Did that help?

Absolutely. Thank you. Hello. Hey. Hi. I'm Cheyenne. My pronouns are she they. Hi, Shian.

How's it going? Good. So about a year. year ago, my fiance and I bought a house. And the basement is only like half finished, but it's where like our TV is and that's where we hang out. And the bathroom down there is so scary. It is filled with spiders. The wallpaper is peeling. And I got a clearance sign of Shrek. That's like a little Shrek and it says, King of the Swamp. And I hung it in the bathroom to try and make the vibes a little better.

Hey, we stand a reasonable expectation, Cheyenne. But my fiance hates the sign, wants it gone. My question is, how do I convince her to let me keep that? Can I, Cheyenne, before we get into this, I want to say, the question that you sent us included the word like, spooky bathroom and my brain, because the word spooky has a playful element to it, it was like, we've got kind of a scary bathroom theme, not like, oh no, oh no, we go in this bathroom and never come out. Yeah.

I do think, though, if I was in a scary situation and I was like looking around like, and then I saw a picture of Shrek. Yeah. It'd be a little better. Yeah, it wouldn't brighten it, but not a lot. Not a lot. It wouldn't just brighten it, Cheyant. You've done something so beautiful here.

Which is that if I'm a guest in your house in your basement bathroom, which is, I hope I'm not, why would I be there? That's wild. But if I'm a guest in your house in your basement bathroom and I'm sitting on the toilet

so it's too late for me to stand out because I've recently eaten a very cold and big and stinky sandwich. And I'm looking around and I'm like, oh fuck, that's a lot of spiders. Uh-oh, the walls are full of dirty wallpaper. But wait a minute, there's a picture of Shrek.

Is all of this on theme? Is it all part of one big picture? If you want to go for that, just get like a funny ghost. You know, like one funny ghost that you hang up. There was like, I guess it's a Halloween room. I guess. The ghost does need to be new and pristine decoration. Because an old, like, tattered, dirty in the corner ghost is like,

well, this used to be a thing. Yeah. You could convince your fiancé that, the Shrek sign will go away when all the scary spiders and bad wallpapers goes away. That's the current agreement. Okay.

Sounds pretty foolproof to me. I don't know what else we can sprinkle on top of it. You've actually inspired a new movement of like, oh, I've been asking this person again and again. We need to fix this thing. I'm going to put Shrek in there as blackmail until, hey, mow the lawn. I've asked you eight times.

I will. Well, Shrek's out there now. And if you want, Shrek gone, I need that grass gone. Does that... This one, that helps. Al Upe there at the end. You're so welcome, Cheyenne. Thank you, Cheyenne.

Hello. Hi, pal. I'm Patrick. He, him. Hi, Patrick, what's your question? I think we can all agree that trains are pretty cool. Yes, trains are pretty cool. The backbone of this nation.

Exactly, exactly. I'm a civil engineer. I do a lot of cars stuff. But I've been recently pretending to be a human at work and letting people know bits about my personal life. Some of that is model trains. Okay. What I want to do is put myself in a situation where I can drive a steam engine, but do that

in more than just like a lap at Cedar Point. Okay. So how do I develop the skills? Wait, hold on. Is that easily attainable? Yeah, can I just do that? Is that wrong one on the ladder? Before we litigate.

I'm going to cancel tomorrow's show if I can go drive a steam engine at Cedar Point. Sorry, go ahead. That basically was the question. Yeah, how can you get... Yeah, how can you become a steam engine captain? Well, currently, you're a civil engineer, so as far as I know, you're halfway there. Right. In that you've gone halfway too far.

Chop one of those words off. Yeah, yeah. In the question you asked, how could you increase your odds of this happening? So I have to ask now, like, what would you guess of the odds that you just happen to end up driving a steam engine? There's a scenario where we're at the... park and the guy running the train is having a medical emergency. Okay, now hold on, hold on

not to drive the point home. Justin didn't ask, what scenario can you see yourself drive? He said, right now, you walk out of the theater tonight. Shows done. Patrick is saying, here's a hypothetical that keeps it from being zero. It's somewhere

between meeting a shark outside and meeting a lion outside. Okay, so it's good. I love that. It's not terrible. Patrick, do you know, like, I don't know how one becomes a train engineer. There's probably like 60 of them, maybe? There's not like a ton of train. Especially steam engine engineer.

Not a lot of those running on the rails currently, if I'm not mistaken. A lot of diesel engines. It's got to be, maybe it's Highlander rules where if you behead a train engineer, let's not try that. It might be a hereditaryly passed down. You might need to be adopted by a current steam engineer.

or who leaves it to you and their will. Yeah. They make you as a ritual test, eat a piece of coal and shoot steam out of your ears. Patrick, are you sure you want this life? Are you ready for that? Are you ready to eat coal and shoot steam? They make you eat spicy food and shoot steam out.

Are you ready, Patrick? Is there ever time when you don't need a fog machine, though? No, you have to do it. No, no, you're bullshit. It doesn't sound like you want to increase your odds. Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, I think, A really funny long con would be for you to work for like 20 years to make this dream of driving a steam engine happen. And then when they're finally like, all right, go ahead, little guy.

You've earned your shot. You're like, how the fuck do I do it? Like, you know, like, what do I do? What do I pull this? Nope, okay. I just had the hat and stay here to train for 20 years. I don't know how to do it. How do you do it?

Which one of these buttons goes choochoo? And remind me, do I need to make it hot in that little hole or cold in that little? What are you guys shovel? Is this a prestige thing where you just want to be able to tell people, yeah, I'm a steam engineer. I mean, I'm already married, so I'm not like, you know,

I'm not saying are you going to use it to pick up? So what I'm hearing, Patrick, you've got two items on your bucket list. One of them you've checked off. Right. Well, I'm already married, so the only thing is for me. I want to get married, drive a train, and die with my boots on.

That's my three things. I would say what you need to do is slowly build to Steam Engineer because say you did it tomorrow, now both things on your bucket list are checked off. That's true. You need to build it. You don't want it to be easy.

If it was easy, everyone would do it. You need to start by pulling the engine. People always talk about I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. They never talk about, what now? Well, I did, I did. Did I get? Should I have kids?

I should go back to school. Something, you know? What next? Why join the little things? Patrick, if you want to tell people you're a steam engineer, you could just learn some pretty cool vape tricks. Enough so that you could comfortably put steam engineer slash artist on your resume. Yeah.

I was about to ask if that helped, but I feel like we're actually getting further from God's light at this point. So I would just thank you so much for your time, Patrick. Thank you, Patrick. All right. Folks, thank you so much for your kindness. If you could please be darkened, that would be. You could all make yourself disappear.

It's out of your control, I know, but maybe if you wish hard enough. Yeah, make yourself shady. It says that there's a lot of you and see you as kind of, thank you so much for having it. They're gone. Just us. Now, if also you guys would all just stay in these seeds until tomorrow night when we do the adventure zone. That would be very helpful. That would be so huge.

And if you, it's an honor system. If you don't already have a ticket, we expect you to get on your phones as soon as our lights go off. Buy yourself one for tomorrow night. Come back then and we'll see you guys then. Let's hear it for Jake from Roll for Sandwich. Thank you so much, Jake. Let's hear it for stage manager Paul. Thank you so much, Paul.

Let's hear it for sawbones. Sawbones. Oh, hey, gosh. Let's hear it. Let's hear it for our dad. He discovered we. backstage and his outfit just kind of materialize.

Oh no, actually what happened? I forgot to tell you, I gave him his first ever buttery nipple. Because Sidney had some leftover pre-made buttery nipple shots from Escape to Margaritaville. She got in a habit of just carrying them in her overall pockets.

Like she whips them out like some sort of demented fourth doctor. Like, would you like a buttery nipple? Like, no, I don't. But she gave him a little. one to dad is his first ever. He houses it and he's like, I actually love that. How do you make that? Where do I get more of that? He said. More of the buttery nipples stuff? And now I'm worried he's going to start wondering the streets of Detroit going, where do I find buttery nipples? Like,

what if he's at a restaurant with us and they're like, he's like, do you have Coke Zero? No, buttery nipples? Absolutely, sir. One moment. No problem. We also want to hear it for Rachel and Amanda and Jack and the whole crew here. Thank you so much. We also have a poster here that you can find outside designed by Justin Gray. We signed a whole bunch of them.

Maybe there are some still out there. I don't know. But we'll be back with you again tomorrow. Thank you to Montaigne for the use for a theme song. My Life is better with you. It's a slap. We like to leave you with a final wish. Yes.

For fungalore. We amplify it. That is unnecessary because you hear your wish. But it's still better safe and sorry. And it is necessary so we can end the show. If we could just sort of lift it up with a sort of sound bath. I wish jolly ranchers were easier to get out of the rapper. My name is Justin McRoy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, and me kiss your dad, square on the lips. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.